#there is more than one way to talk about lesbian religious trauma and there is more than one narrative around it

[direquail]

One of the many things I find funny and irritating is the slant of a lot of interpretations of Alecto's name (that it's about feminine rage)--on this here wlw internet in the year of our lord 2024, it's easily made to figure as rage against God, or rage against patriarchy, or religious oppression, and therefore an allusion to the idea that she's going to get her vengeance on John for betraying and oppressing her somehow, but like

John is the one who named her Alecto. He's the one who named her that. So, naming her "Alecto" is alluding to the embodiment of John's rage--their rage, since they are joined inseparably (John even explicitly says that when he first perceives her: "You wouldn't stop screaming. You were so scared. You were so goddamn mad").

He says of Alecto to Harrow, "In a very real way, you are [Alecto's] children". At a very surface level, Alecto is (depending on the text or tradition), one of the Furies--famously, in several surviving Greek tragedies, who punish Orestes for the crime of killing his mother. In fact, in Aeschylus' Oresteia, they declare that they are specifically bound to avenge matricide.

So the name "Alecto" alludes to the nature of John's mission and how he sees it.

It also implies that his divine rage, the rage that gives him power, the power that makes him divine, that he either represents or wants to represent, is feminine rage. He was chosen by Earth (which, Furies are sometimes the daughters of Gaia); he is her champion, however he's managed to fuck that up. Once the truth of that comes out, it becomes clear that all of his power comes from her.

And that's why you get statements from Tamsyn Muir like:

“[T]he God of the Locked Tomb IS a man; he IS the Father and the Teacher; it’s an inherently masc role played by someone who has an uneasy relationship himself to playing a Biblical patriarch. John falls back on hierarchies and roles because they’re familiar even when he’s struggling not to. Even he identifies himself as the God who became man and the man who became God. But the divine in the Locked Tomb is essentially feminine on multiple axes – I think Nona will illuminate that a little bit more."

So yes, he plays the role of Emperor and God and Teacher, with all of the things that implies. And I don't think it should be discounted. But he also is (and partly sees himself as) the chosen champion of a goddess, or what is for all intents & purposes for a human like him a goddess. He is her avenger, and while she sleeps, her avatar.

And I don't think we're meant to read him purely as a parasite who's taking advantage of her to gain power for himself, either. Or an oppressive, Kronos-like figure. Especially if you consider Palamedes' theory of the Grand Lysis, even if he was purely motivated by desire for power before (which I really doubt), there are parts of each in the other, now. What was clear and separate before is uncertain and interpenetrated. Is his rage his own, or hers? Is his mission of revenge his, or hers? If he wants power, is that his own selfishness, or her desire to survive?

And does it matter?

[seldarinesorcerer]

I feel like now the queer community is at the point where we should be able to have the conversation that sexuality can be influenced without worrying that cishets are going to use that as a talking point against us. Sometimes sexuality can be influenced by outside environments or even a conscious choice. I've been straight, I've been bisexual, I've been lesbian, I've been aroace, I've been alloace, and now I'm achillean. That was a choice that I made because I discovered calling myself achillean was less stressful and made me feel the best about myself without worrying about how well it realistically fit me in with the community. I understand that for many people, sexuality isn't a choice, but for me, it kind of was. No one gets to define my queerness for me, and I shouldn't have to worry about what the religious and political right wing has to say about it.

For the longest time, I tried to deny that my asexuality had nothing to do with sexual trauma because I didn't want to push the narrative that sexuality can be a choice. I didn't want people to use that against the community as a whole by insinuating that any sexual orientation that isn't heterosexual is unnatural because being queer isn't unnatural.

But my asexuality doesn't feel organic to me. It feels like a result of trauma. But that doesn't mean I'm not asexual. That doesn't mean I should be excluded from using the label or denied access to the community because it defies the "I was born this way" narrative.

Activism around education within the medical field, increasing understanding from doctors around the existence of asexuality would obviously help people who have never experienced sexual attraction from suffering with medical discrimination, but it would also provide options and less judgement for everyone who experiences a decrease in sexual interest, ability, or attraction for any reason.

I understand the reasons behind wanting to create boundaries around an identity. It serves to give queerness a kind of legitimacy. It makes it simpler to explain to people who have never heard the term.

But, to me, these boundaries are becoming their own form of gatekeeping. It's more useful to consider queerness as spectrums of both experience and identity. Applying absolutist statements to define what all queer people are or aren't does more harm than good if helping people understand themselves is a priority in the queer community.

The right has always used the perception of sexuality being a choice or being able to change to justify the claim that queerness is immoral and to deny us our civil rights because of it. I understand the fear of wanting to push back against that narrative.

I also, at the same time, think it's unfair to claim that people whose sexualities have changed over time, either deliberately or as a result of an outside experience, are harmful to the communities under the queer umbrella. We aren't harmful, and we aren't feeding into the conservatives' narratives either. We are queer too and deserve the space to exist and to access the resources we need to understand ourselves and our experiences better.

[happysparklingshadows]

𝚅𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊 𝙿𝚊𝚕𝚖𝚎𝚛 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜 ('𝟿𝟼)

Warnings: little toxic parts, a little bit of 90s internalized homophobia, talk about religious trauma, talk about abusive households, and abuse of alcohol and drugs.

Notes: This is just something for everyone to snack on while I write the 5th chapter of Certain Hunger. Van is so underrated and is so hot!

General headcanons

♡ Van is a Taurus Sun and a Cancer Rising (just a big old teddy bear)

♡ Her favorite color is burnt orange, like a sunset.

♡  Van is a huge dog person. I can see her having a Doberman Pinscher or Rottweiler and also having a small dog. She has trained the big dog to be gentle with the little one but is still a very protective dog to walk around with. She likes to scare men away from her with her big dog and make sure that she and her girlfriend are well-protected. She seems like someone who loves to come home and see her dogs excited to see her home.

Vanessa's Spirit Animal Is a Fox

♡ Van is an Extrovert with no shame. She can talk to almost anyone, even if she doesn't like them at all. She can go to any party and make friends without trying, and sometimes she hates that about herself. People tend to just come to her with problems or things they can't help her for support, even if they just met.

♡  Van's favorite food is Pizza and Cheese bread. She is relatively easy to cook for because she doesn't fuss over anything after being used to eating her mother's burnt food all her childhood. She loves Italian food in particular, as well as easy takeout pizza and bread.

♡ Her Childhood was very rough. Her mom and Dad had an intensely toxic relationship that was filled with booze and generation trauma, which consisted of 5 children, with Van being the third. Screaming fights and breaking glass were an early childhood regular for her, and her being hit for punishments was to be expected. Van always thought this was normal, not all the drinking but the hitting and the shame was just a part of being in a family, but when she grows up, she realizes how fucked up her childhood was. Van was the forgotten middle child who didn't make a fuss at the house but was a class clown at school. She doesn't have a very close relationship with either of her parents or even her siblings because of the age gaps between them. Van is from an Irish Catholic family, and her family went to every mass like a typical family. She knew she was gay early on, but she didn't realize being gay was such a massive sin until she was a teenager, which made her have a lot of religious conflict within her, but she has come to her own sense of religion with her sexuality and view of the world. She believes God still loves her even though she is gay because he made her that way, and she believes the bible has been edited to benefit the people in power.

♡ Van's best friend is Lottie Matthews, and she is very close to Taissa, Natalie, and Laura Lee. She loves to sneak out of her house to hang out with her friends at the mall with the little money she gets from her part-time job. She spends more time with her friends than her family and is closer to them than her family as well. She will sooner tell Lottie a problem than her own mother.

♡ Van has an extremely high sex drive and is always looking for an out to go sneak away to fuck. She doesn't mind being top or bottom, but she really likes to be on top of you, her hands always sneaking into your pants.

♡ Van's main vice will be alcohol her whole life. She would sneak around small sips of her dad's beer as a child, and when she was a pre-teen, she would steal gulps of vodka hidden in the fridge. She is constantly fighting with herself to not drink crazy like her parents, but she can't help herself from the urges she gets to have when times get tough.

♡ ⚠️Unpopular opinion⚠️ Van does have some toxic masc! Lesbian tendencies. She is the masc, so why does she have to clean? Why does she have to talk so much about her feelings when she can just hold you until the feelings go away? Why does she have to be tender when she can be mean?

♡ ⚠️Unpopular opinion 2⚠️I think young Van is very idealistic in relationships and wants to be with the same person for the rest of her life. She is loyal to the core, especially when it comes to the person to show her tender love for the first time. She will say I love you very quickly, talk about the future without hesitation, and talk about getting married one day. She has the mindset of an average Midwest mascline person about how she wants her life to go. She wants the whole white picket fence with you.

♡ ⚠️Unpopular opinion 3⚠️She has a breeding kink!!

Different AU/Universe

♡ Royalty AU! Spinster Noble is from a very wealthy family who just never got married. She doesn't have any position of power in court, but she has capital power in general. She is the noble who is always with you when you attend court and becomes your mistress.

♡ Delinquent AU! Streetfighter. Van gives me a very aggressive bottled up-angry fighter who picks on people who remind her of her mother or are just dicks. In my mind, she gives off Vi from Arcane season two, a pit fighter who wins every fight they're in. Imagine the cuts and scars on Van's face coming from fighting.

♡ Supernatural AU! Hellhound. I don't know why, but she would be a werewolf. The idea that it's a werewolf on fire is just so Van. Van would be a very cool beast that can set things on fire and claw something in half. She would be a very cool villain on an episode of Supernatural.

♡ Superhero/Marvel AU! Ironman. The snarky, sarcastic humor, the tough guy persona with a soft heart, and the problem with vulnerability. They are the same character. I think Van would 100% use her skills to save herself from a bad situation like Tony Stark did, and I think her being so independent makes her just like Tony.

♡ College AU! Dropped out of college with a business major but returned to college a few years later to wield. She really did try to go to college and apply for the FAFSA and everything, but it just wasn't for her. She went to a few frat parties and applied to too many classes, which made her disillusioned with the whole concept of college. So, she dropped out of school without protest from her family. However, Van reapplied to a community college in her mid-twenties to start a welding program, which she loves very much and thinks she has found her calling.

Pre-crash headcanons

♡ Van was on you since the day she met you. She has known of you for a long time in school but does not know much about you because she was from a different class. She finally met you and got to know you when you both were in detention together, and slowly, you two got into classes together. You became her friend over the years; you became very close in high school. One night, she confesses she has feelings for girls, and you confess you did, too. You both started dating as soon as you said that, and it was sealed with a passionate kiss.

♡  Van fucking loves movie dates and walking around the mall. It's a cheap date when you go to the movies in the early afternoon and then go to the Olive Garden that was in the mall, then she can spend the little money she makes at her fast food job on you. Every week, you watch the movies on Friday after school or work. Van is a huge horror movie fan, but she is a sucker for a good rom-com. You two are fucking killers in a game of Trivia or Charades. The two of you are shameless waters of celebrity drama and talk about it together throughout the week like they were real people in your lives.

♡  Van has her mom's old, beaten-up car, and she uses every excuse to leave the house. She leaves to go to your home all the time, to the point that she is like a roommate. She takes you to State Lines and Makeout Creek. She treats you with princess treatment and Lottie with backseat jester privileges.

♡  Although Van is very clearly out of the closet, she is still hidden in the closet because of the generation she is in. There is too much shame to be out to her family that she isn't even close with, but she talks a lot about having a family with you and getting married even though it's not legal. She says the plan is to graduate and go to college, get an apartment, and become roommates, but in reality, you two will be married. You couldn't be legally married, but you could be married in the eyes of god and your eyes, which really matters.

♡  Van is an Anxious Partner. She isn't worried every time you disagree but has moments of insecurity that you will leave her because of a fight. All she wants is to always be with you, but it becomes a problem at points because she can be smothering or she doesn't get anything done because she thinks about only you when she is away from you.

Wilderness headcanons

♡ Similar to Taissa, over time in the wilderness, Van becomes more open about the fact that you are together. Hers comes somewhat from a place of possessiveness toward you and letting the other know not to mess with you. Van will grow so open to kissing you in public that she doesn't even realize others are around. Van swears to God It that if you two survive, she will tell everyone that you are her wife.

♡ Undoubtedly, there will be a wedding in the woods, with the team members witnessing the union. You would hold wildflowers in both of your hands and wear dresses, as Lottie was the one to officiate the wedding.

♡  Van is fucking you every time you move when you are out in the wilderness. Van's stomach aches from eating nothing but your pussy for months. She often thinks about you two having sex and how she can sneak you away to get her mouth on your mound again. She is obsessed with your musk.

♡  She would imagine having a child with you a lot. Even if she couldn't physically put a child in you, she tried. She knew it was crazy to think about having children at this time, but she couldn't help her human urge to yearn for children in times of fear.

♡  She becomes exceptionally smothering in the woods at times, but it feels protective and safe. You two feel safe as long as you two were in eye shot of each other ever since the near death experiences, as soon as your separated the both of you have panic attacks. You know its toxic when she tells you that you aren't safe without her or that you can't ever leave her side.

[aot-brainrot-my-beloved]

AOT Sexualities Headcanons (Part 1)

Since I have nothing better to do, here are my AOT characters' sexualities headcanons (it's my opinion, pls be nice, homophobes DNI)

Probably gonna do it in parts cause there are so many characters LMAO. Also, go and check out my previous [post] about it for context. So anyways without further ado

Part 1 - The Scouts under the cut

Eren - demiromantic demisexual

Eren doesn't usually fall for people and doesn't think about romance, but when he does, he falls hard. He doesn't care about gender, he just needs to feel a really close connection to someone to feel anything. Also, he's famously oblivious to flirtations towards him, which is a popular inside joke among Scouts.

Mikasa - unlabeled

She’s very much Erensexual and that’s it LMAO But jokes aside, she really doesn't care and doesn't see a reason in labeling herself (not that it's a bad thing, she just feels like no name would ever truly fit her). What matters to her are her feelings for Eren and all her closest friends and that's enough.

Armin - pansexual

He doesn’t mind in general but he has a problem recognizing his feelings as something more than a friendship or admiration. He acts friendly and normal and then BOOM, that one special spark and, out of nowhere he’s an awkward ball of fluff. I feel like he just wants someone to talk to about the ocean and who will make him feel seen and safe <3

Jean - (closeted) bisexual

Marco was totally his bisexual awakening. Even though he knows nobody in the Scout Regiment will judge him, he's still scared to come out and every time someone asks him, he's very defensive about being straight (nobody believes him) (just look at him, very much chaotic bisexual icon 💅)

Sasha - heteroromantic asexual

Probably an unpopular opinion but I really don’t see her being into girls. I feel like the Scouts were initially surprised about it after seeing her being so close with Mikasa, but they are just besties. She’s sex-repulsed but will laugh at Connie’s dirty jokes. She’s a hopeless romantic though. She and Connie are platonic soulmates <3

Connie - aromantic asexual ❤️

He never got the appeal of romance or sex, and when someone was flirting with him, he felt really uncomfortable. His friends (especially Sasha) have helped him understand and come to terms with his feelings. He's also sex-repulsed but that doesn’t stop him from telling dirty jokes to others. He and Sasha are platonic soulmates <3

Marco - gay

I have nothing else to say other than the fact that I could never see him in any other way. The gay vibes are very strong with this one (just look at how he looks at Jean!!!)

Ymir - lesbian

She knew she was "different" since she was young, but had to hide it very well. Time spent on Paradis with her friends was the best time in her life because she could finally be her authentic self, without having to deal with homophobia and all the religious trauma, but also because she met the love of her life!

Historia - lesbian

I feel like at first she thought she was straight and then she met Ymir and truly realized something about herself. After that, she was proud of her sexuality, until she became the queen and realized how important her role was. Pregnancy was a hard time for her, especially knowing that Ymir was gone. But to not make it too sad I like to think that her husband was an understanding guy and tried to help as much as he could, while still understanding that he will never be the one and only for her 💔

[butchdykeorpheus]

writing a meta post about taissa turner and taissa/van and taissa/simone that other people have probably talked about more intelligently than i have but i have Yellowjackets Disease (mental illness) (incurable) and i need to exorcise this from my brain. i just spent 15m pacing the room writing this out in my head. i'm obsessed with her. anyway

taissa turner THE lesbian icon i love her SO much and i can't stop thinking about her fractured selves. we already see from s2 previews and the shots of taissa and her out-of-sync reflection that this is only going to become more extreme as s2 goes on but right from early season 1 taissa is constantly at war with herself in a very extreme way and reconciling these two sides of herself is going to be a major part of her arc

s1 flashbacks to taissa's childhood in the 80s show us that she was traumatised from a pretty young age by witnessing her deeply religious grandmother being tormented by horrific visions of the "eyeless man", and i think you can draw a direct line between that and taissa's personality and attitudes in 1996: teenage taissa is a relentless type A personality, unyieldingly ambitious and Always In Control. not only that, but it's notable that she is the most vocally sceptical of all the yellowjackets when it comes to the superstitions and beliefs the other girls (spearheaded by lottie, who quickly seems to be becoming tai's biggest rival at the cabin) are developing about the wilderness. for taissa, there's always a logical explanation. there HAS to be. and she HAS to take the lead and guide the others by example through the entire harrowing experience, to be The Strong One (i'm sure there's also connection there between that and the stereotype of the Strong Black Woman but i'm not in a position to make that point in any eloquent way)

of course, taissa is terrified. and on some level, she too can't help but wonder if there's Something Else Out There With Them. but acknowledging any of that isn't an option for her, except in extreme circumstances (when van is in mortal danger). she especially cannot acknowledge any shred of doubt, of belief, around whatever might be out there in the woods. around what lottie and her burgeoning cult believe in

i think taissa is painfully aware - and deathly afraid - of what her grandmother saw, and that it might be hereditary. taissa knows that her family has a history of mental illness and that on some level she's also vulnerable to that. so: she can't ever acknowledge that something may be happening in the wilderness that she cannot comprehend or understand. taissa needs to believe in facts, logic, what she can see and feel. taissa cannot believe in "bad feelings", spirits, or ghosts. to open herself up to that for even a second would risk inviting in that thing that tormented her grandmother

so she quashes that part of herself aggressively, crushes it down and shoves it into a corner in the back of her brain. her stress, her fear, her doubt. but of course it doesn't work like that. you can't just lock your emotional and mental issues in a box in your mind and expect that to work. in her desperation to stay In Control, she's fractured herself, and that repressed terror and stress has no choice but to manifest in her sleep: sleepwalking, pica, hallucinations

it's so significant that in 2x02 this week we explicitly saw taissa, whilst sleepwalking, following the same eyeless man seen by her grandmother, almost to her death. regardless of whether or not he's an actual supernatural entity (and so far i really like the way yellowjackets maintains that ambiguity, and i hope they keep it that way), he represents taissa's terror of that hereditary "frailty", that it is inevitable, that it will destroy her

we already know that adult taissa also sees the eyeless man, among other hallucinations. adult tai is very much like her teenage self, only worse after years and years of repressing her teenage trauma, to the point where on some level she seems to believe in the same ritualistic practices she actively scoffed at when she was younger (at least enough to commit ritualistic animal sacrifice in her fucking sleep) - again, the fracturing of her self growing increasingly severe. the fact that during her press conference in s1 she sees the eyeless man lurking at the edge of the crowd and barely even skips a beat, that she continues to smile and deliver her political speech as if he isn't there - as if she's used to ignoring his lurking - shows how tenuous her grip on total control is becoming the harder she clings. but this is how taissa has always coped, right from her youth: You Get On With It. we clearly see her dismissive attitude towards mental health support and psychologists when discussing sammy; when simone is (rightfully so!) concerned about sammy's loneliness and stress, taissa doesn't see an issue, or at least doesn't want to acknowledge one. she's been lonely and high strung for a very long time - this is normal for her! and look at taissa. she's doing just fine!!! 🙃

only in her vulnerable moment with shauna, one of the few people in the world who can understand, does she admit that she feels like she's going through the motions of normality: that despite doing everything she'd planned (going to college, dating a lot of beautiful women, becoming a lawyer) as if her stint in the wilderness were only a minor speedbump in the road of her life, sometimes it "still doesn't feel real"

this is also where tai and shauna's conversation about feeling "it" happens, and where van and simone come in. despite how i think some people have interpreted that conversation, taissa clearly really loves simone. "it" is young reckless love, that wild, whirlwind, all-consuming teenage attraction (not even necessarily love - i really do not think shauna felt any deep love for adam - but this isn't a shauna post lol). "it" is the love tai shared with van. what she has with simone is a different, more mature and settled kind of love you feel after years and years of building a comfortable life with someone. it doesn't make her feel "it", the butterflies-in-your-stomach, the excitement. but it provides stability, comfort, and that's not inherently lesser. for taissa, it's definitely "safer". the issue here, and what i think is going to become a key theme of the relationship between adult taissa and adult van, is that taissa's relationships with simone and van speak to different sides of her fractured self

tai's relationship with simone is normalcy and stability - she's the Very Deeply Normal Life that adult taissa is living in the start of season 1, the flourishing career in law and politics, the wife and kid and dog and the picket fence. simone is a well-adjusted, grounding, dependable presence in taissa's life. even now - with their relationship on the rocks and simone needing to prioritise the safety of their young son (which! understandable!! taissa put a severed dog head in their basement!!!) - simone wants taissa to get help so she can be a part of sammy's life, and she's been trying to get through to taissa and convince her to seek help since season 1. it can be easy to see simone's current attitude towards taissa as harsh, and i've seen people compare simone's fear of taissa's issues unfavourably with van's acceptance of taissa's strange sleepwalking behaviour, but a) the stakes are different (again, they have a young son to think of), b) simone presented her ultimatum (seek help and quit politics or i cannot let you near our son) specifically after seeing taissa's mental health deteriorate from the stress of her political ambitions and multiple times encouraging taissa to please i am begging you see a therapist, and c) as far as we know teenage taissa has yet to, like, commit any ritualistic animal murders in her sleep lmao. that said, there's a part of taissa that simone simply Cannot Truly Understand, and taissa clearly doesn't want her to

tai's relationship with van on the other hand represents not only that intense teenage love, but the wilder, more unpredictable side of taissa that's inextricably tied to her teenage trauma. taissa and van have a very real love in spite of the horrific circumstances they've landed in and van can understand that wild, traumatised side of taissa's self in a way that a well-adjusted person like simone never can, because van survived the wilderness too. but that also makes her dangerous for taissa's very delicate psychological balancing act. around van, taissa can't maintain the veneer of normalcy and stability she managed to maintain - van sees right through that bullshit, she was there, taissa can't lie to her. we haven't seen adult van yet so it's not clear exactly what their adult dynamic will be or how exactly van has been impacted by the wilderness in the long term, but teen van, at least, has one foot in lottie's camp: she believes in the "bullshit" taissa refuses to consciously consider and is trying to convince taissa to believe in lottie too, and we already know how that is going to turn out for them. van is providing all the emotional support she can and trying so hard to protect taissa in the wilderness, even willing to tie herself to taissa while they sleep at the risk of injury to keep her safe, but she's also tempting taissa towards the other, unthinkable extreme: accepting that there are things out there in the wilderness that tai can't understand and therefore can't control; submitting herself to lottie's brand of spiritualism. if i have to guess, i think the biggest reason that adult taissa is no longer with adult van is that they'll always have the wilderness, and the actions one or both of them committed as part of lottie's cult, between them, and taissa couldn't cope with that. and i'm assuming adult van is likely still dealing with mental health issues of her own, so taissa can't necessarily lean on van for stability the way she wants to

ultimately neither of these extremes are entirely healthy for taissa. she can't pretend that nothing is happening and expect to have a totally normal, controlled life, anymore than she can allow herself to fully lose control and embrace lottie's style of cultic practice or be tormented like her grandmother. tl;dr Get This Bich A Therapist but also she'll need to reconcile both sides of herself and accept that there are some things she cannot control if she ever hopes to have the stable life she wants. and based on the trajectory of this show i think taissa's general mental state is going to get far, far worse before it gets better

i know some people are apprehensive about a van/tai/simone love triangle or drama but honestly as long as no one here is vilified i think it could be REALLY interesting. the issue isn't even specifically van or simone - simone truly wants to reach out to taissa and get her help and make their family work, and most likely tai and van could have a stable relationship if both are willing to seek help and talk about their history and what they're struggling with - but rather the way taissa interacts with them and her inability to accept in a healthy way the parts of herself that aren't fully in control

anyway i spent way too long writing this and probably still misspoke or missed something. my point is that if taissa turner has a million fans i am one of them. if taissa turner has ten fans i am one of them. if taissa turner has one fan then i am that one. if -

[haemosexuality]

i am simply a fan of media that is deeply unapologetically sentimental plus has cool as fuck and sometimes terrifying lore

i really wish cartoons werent such a niche interest for ppl who r older because soooo many cartoons are like actual masterpieces but theyre simply not for everyone. it makes me really sad

[sugaryapplepie]

Alright, religious aros, let’s get it

Agadir x Lae’zel

you gave me this idea 👁️w👁️

⚔️⛧ Blasphemous Guardians Headcanons ⛧⚔️

Tags: SFW, WLW, Headcanons, OC x Canon, some Act 1 Lae'zel spoilers (small bit, nothing important) Pairing: Agadir x Lae'zel

Tag List: @khimersflamingdumpster

These two both have religious trauma and it is almost astounding how they managed to help one another cope while having such intense questioning of their own faiths

Lae'zel canonically finds intensity and battle prowess attractive, that would have ben the starting point for any attraction towards Agadir

Lae'zel would insist that her focusing on shielding Agadir in battle was just a tactic since Agadir was the only person aside from Karlach that was a heavy-hitter

But then she'd be wanting to talk tactics more often than not, actually going to seek out Agadir for conversation

Then Lae'zel would begin to bring Agadir his share of food

And then it progressed to sitting with Agadir for parallel play (occasionally talking, but only about the usual things such as tactics or weaponry or sharing past battle stories)

Neither of them feel the type to admit any sort of feelings, the Vibes just change one day

It might be brought up eventually, but in the sense of Lae'zel going "You would tear the horns off one dragon to plunge into another" and if pressed would say she doesn't give compliments, she gives observations

Which we know are rizz lines, but Agadir doesn't and for all we know the aro-aceness could mean that flies right over her head

Either way we know things are serious when Lae'zel consistently spends more time around Agadir, even after the meeting with Queen Vlaakith and the Dream Guardian's reveal

Be so funny if Chandrelle walks over to Agadir, points at Lae'zel, and goes "Do you see that? That is how you appear to the rest of us."

Either Agadir has a realization and helps Lea'zel out or she proceeds to become another variant of the Skinner meme

Or the other option in which Lae'zel's the one to have a realization first and helps Agadir out of their own conditioning

(Both of them should probably stop Chandrelle before she does something insane regarding Queen Vlaakith but that's for later we're focusing on the lesbians ever rn)

[danpuff-ao3]

What a sweet Tea-Tai! Get it? Sweetie pie, but Sweet Tea-Tai? Cuz @teacup-tai? Is oh so sweet? Okay, before everyone boos me offstage: Tai is such a lovely soul! We don't know each other very well, but I see her bright presence from a mile away! She leaves such sweet comments (which I've been the lucky recipient of a time or two!) She's so supportive and beyond kind. Just this colorful, warm, comforting presence that fills me with all the good feels just to be near! I always love to see her name pop up and to see what she has to say, and how she's blessing our fandom any given day! And to honor such a gorgeous soul, I shall rec you a few excellent works of hers!

Breaking wild roses (stings like love's pain)

Hermione/Pansy. Rated: E. Words: 1,389. Stream of consciousness. Poetic angst. Hopeful ending.

l o v e l y

I feel like a scream is stuck inside my chest, creeping up in the deep dark hollow of my throat. It’s a mix of pain and agony. So to keep it down, I open my mouth and fill it with your soft, tender flesh. The bronze skin of your shoulder right against my tongue.

For God is love

Draco/Harry. Rated: M. Words: 3,145. Catholic priests. Sin. Angst. Confession. Religious guilt.

s t u n n i n g (also ouch)

1 John 4:8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

heart me (with your whole body)

Draco/Harry. Rated: E. Words: 9,028. Heartbreak. Unhealthy relationship. Open relationship gone wrong. Dub-con. Unequal power dynamics. Unequal sex drive. Ambiguous/open ending.

OUCH (I love it)

It was a sexy idea, exploring other bodies with Draco, engaging in sex with other people to spice things up. Something inside of him was excited about the prospect, but the nagging fear, the feeling of abandonment that follows each image that pops in his head is throwing him off. 

He would give it a go. See what it was like. He could always say no, right?

Nicotine/Linger

Hermione/Pansy. Rated: E. Words: 26,626. Enemies to friends to lovers. Meet-cute. Soft butch Pansy. Slice of life. Character study.

Pansy has been living a slow Muggle life in Ireland for five years now. Managing her anxiety and trauma with one too many drinks, way more anonymous fucks in loos than strictly advised, wonderful Muggle friends and a job that keeps her hands busy. Life is kinda alright -though a tad bit fucked up- until she stumbles into Hermione Granger in the Muggle Hospital. 

This is a story about childhood enemies trying a tentative friendship far from the chaotic magical world. A tale about falling in love with the cute golden lesbian and the slow, ginger path of reconnecting with things that make you feel whole.

Sacred Geography

Albus/Gellert. Rated: M. Words: 670. Lovers to Enemies.

You’ve lived a life of penance all these years because of him. And with him sitting there, across this stupid Muggle table, staring at you with a mean knowing glint in his eyes, you realise why.

Space Bodies

Draco/Harry. Rated: M. Words: 1,494. Pining. Mentions of suicidal ideation. Mentions of transphobia. Stream of consciousness. Happy ending.

She tastes like a love story.

The Truth Runs Wild

Blaise/Ron. Rated: E. Words: 3,026. Bisexual awakening. Quidditch Player Blaise. Fanboy Ron. One night stand.

HOT HOT HOT

It’s Harry’s fault and his whole ‘gay awakening’ and all the shit he had to hear Harry talk him through, in the name of friendship and supportive brotherhood. But honestly, if Zabini licking his lips can be this sensual, what could he do with a dick in his mouth? Ron flushes, because he cannot be honestly thinking about Blaise Zabini and blowjobs. Like, he’s straight, right. Right?

for an explanation about Mutuals March, or to figure out why i wrote you a thing, please check out this post.

[dianaladrislovebot]

random gone headcanons that have popped into my unhinged little brain, part three (pride edition !)

happy pride month ! i think i’ve touched on my lgbtq+ hcs for the characters a couple of times (one was an edit that the official gone instagram liked 🫦 ) but i’ve never gone into excessive detail for my choices so i thought i’d finally do that here !!

sam: pan, he/him. will genuinely just fuck anything that breathes. first kiss was quinn and refuses to admit he actually liked it

caine: bi, sometimes ftm depending on my mood (ain’t no way he didn’t name himself regardless of the hc the dramatic mf), he/him

astrid: ace lesbian, she/her. she grew up religious so she had no idea what was goin on. sam helped her realise that even if she did like sex, it wouldn’t be w him 😭

diana: bi, she/her. i have no notes she just is

quinn: bi, gender fluid, he/they/she. hasn’t made a single sound decision in her life and refuses to start now. also wears fedoras and that is a very bisexual thing to do. had a crush on edilio at one point i feel it in my bones. also caine. also sanjit. just very bisexual. falls in love VERY easily

drake: pan, ftm, he/him. the misogyny is internalised due to both trauma and yk, the patriarchy and i will die on this hill (totally named himself after his grandfather). i also like hcing angry aggressive violent characters as pan bc pansexuals are stereotyped as the bubbly happy person and i don’t like that

lana: bi, she/they. she gives me mean bisexual vibes.

brianna: aroace, nonbinary, they/them. they said nope to EVERYTHING.

jack: trans ftm, het, he/they. i like the idea of a wimpy trans guy getting the power of super strength. it’s refreshing.

albert: ace, he/him. i feel like he cares more about reinventing capitalism than sex

dahra: demisexual, she/her. was torn between elwood and mary the ENTIRE series i’m sure of it

elwood: trans ftm, het, he/him. i can’t explain this he just like,,, is

mary: lesbian, she/her. nothing to say except my sweet little lesbian deserved better

howard: gay, he/him. in love w orc i can feel it

orc: bi, he/him. once again, howard. but also astrid.

anna: mtf trans, lesbian, she/her. i have no basis for this besides thinking it’d be funny if sam decided he needed to date someone and randomly chose the trans fucking lesbian like they’d probably talk about girls together 😭

sanjit is probably vehemently he/him cishet but has very strong bi wife energy. also ironically flirts w EVERYONE bc he is very secure in his sexuality we stan

i think that’s most of the main characters plus some extras i’ve thought about off handedly but i love hearing other peoples hcs so pls god tell me i want to hear them all

[dogstarblues]

Last Song I Listened To:

"You" by Tennyson! it's a sweet little song and i use it for my qpr-in-my-series playlist. "What's the point of that? I could be pressing flowers with you. Savor all this time rather than fret all afternoon. Take me from my thoughts, now would be riper than limes in June." so soft.

Last Book I Read:

The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle is the last book i finished. phenomenal book. absolutely wonderful on a craft level. It pushes the reader to question the role of a black main character in an american horror, pushes the reader to question what constitutes horror is for black americans, and in that push answers your question for you, delicately, carefully. Deserves all the praise it got. Recontextualizes one of the most racist lovecraft stories and shows the character of Black Tom's humanity even as Black Tom tries to leave humanity behind. also. sentence level? so fucking good. down to the sentence it's so good.

I'm currently in the middle of like 15 books but off the top of my head

Witch King by Martha Wells

Dreadgod by Will Wight

To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis

On the Shoulders of Titans by Andrew Rowe

The Future Is Disabled by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha which feels more like a manifesto than anything else so im not really getting as much out of it bc disabled people on tumblr have been talking about the contents of this manifesto since 2015 or earlier

The League of Gentlewomen Witches by India Holton

The Last Sun by K.D. Edwards

Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor

Way of the Hunter by Samer Rabadi

Female Masculinity by Jack Halberstam

Coming up, I'm doing a buddy read soon of The Black Shoals: Offshore Formations of Black and Native Studies by Tiffany Lethabo King with @markeyverse and a buddy read of The Cooking Gene: A Journey of African American Culinary History in the Old South by Michael W. Twitty with @toopunkrockforshul and a book club read of When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb

Last Thing I Watched:

Star Trek: The Next Generation. I simply don't Watch things these days, unless we count youtube, in which I have watched Drawfee's "Driving from Washington to Mexico for Charity" to cope with grief bc omg you do not need your brain for that. it's comforting. and also my roommate is obsessed with Azerbaijani Village Cooking Videos and points out different foods and how like the ones he grew up with they are and how they differ from Georgian and Russian preparation and consumption and he tells me the names of the food and what they taste like. so we watch that almost every night if i dont fall asleep first.

Current Obsession:

my own work tbh. my poetry, my fiction, my paintings. trying to get better. i suppose outside of that. hm. my interest is turning toward gay nuns as of yesterday with a Realization of christian religious trauma being more real than i thought. im looking at "Immodest Acts", "Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence", "Scorched Grace: A Sister Holiday Mystery", and im hoping "Sisters of Sorrow" is gay bc if its not what the fuck are you doing. but i cant delve into them all yet nor buy them yet. and im trying to prioritize my TBR.

i'm also reading eco-justice poetry/nonfiction, afrofuturist, transformative justice, disabled, and solarpunk literature for my solarpunk wip

Tags 8 people:

im tagging yall. no big if you dont wanna do the meme. im gonna go lay down now. sleepy.

@filthburgur @cadencekismet @mysanaf @vorellaraek @markeyverse @pacifistrun @outside-your-window @cassandors

[the-one-where-casey-watches-tv]

Queer Eye episode 1.05 "Camp Rules"

When I first got into TV, I was pretty aggressively against anything considered reality TV. I wanted TV shows to ‘elevate the medium’ and be ‘a different kind of art that people put in their living rooms’. I still want that, as obnoxious as it sounds, but I’ve expanded my horizons and learned that reality TV isn’t necessarily the antithesis to those things. As I rewatch The Newsroom, I’m realizing Aaron Sorkin probably got in my head about that, but I bet he hasn’t seen Queer Eye.

I’m still working my way through this show- the 7 season Netflix series that’s currently available, not the OG Queer Eye for the Straight Guy- but so far, every single episode has gotten me choked up, if not fully crying. There’s no other way to put it, it’s just a really wonderful thing that they’re doing. The genuine love, care, and empathy these five gay guys bring to all these rural southern homes is, as they say, “more than a makeover”.

Jonathan Van Ness and Bobby Camp in "Camp Rules". Image courtesy of IMDb.

In the kinds of reality TV that made me write off reality TV, the heavy-handed manufacturing by producers and editors is blatant, but the Fab 5 (Antoni, Karamo, Jonathan, Tan, and Bobby) have rang genuine and true in every episode. I really see how what they do for these people can have a huge impact. In other messy-life home makeover shows like Hoarders and Clean House, the frustratingly obvious missing piece is what will keep these people from returning to their old ways the second the camera crew packs up and leaves.

Queer Eye meets people where they’re at, and their mission is to give people the tools to be their best selves for themselves. It’s not about looking hot; it’s about putting effort into yourself. It’s not about having a clean house; it’s about having a functional and peaceful space for yourself and your family. And ultimately, it’s about doing the soul searching into why you haven’t been doing that all along.

As a gay girl from the south, it is really just a warm spoonful of honey to watch these guys strut all around Georgia and Missouri and beyond, leaving people better than they found them, spreading love and being loved back. The show doesn’t water down the undeniable conflicting politics between who they are and where they are; it transcends them. There’s an episode where Bobby initially refuses to step into a church, and throughout the show we learn a lot about the religious trauma he experienced- going to church every day until being kicked out of his adoptive parents’ house as a teen. By the end of that episode, Bobby will have worked his magic and transformed the church community center into a beautiful local hub. Later, the Fab 5 help a young Black lesbian in very similar circumstances learn to trust her found family and thrive as who she is.

Those episodes are so important because this is simply the reality for so many minorities in the south. But just as important as thoroughly acknowledging this is moving forward, learning that what you’ve experienced isn’t all you will experience and the way you’ve been treated isn’t how you will always be treated. If you’re a regular reader, you know I love to talk about religion on TV, and the structure of Queer Eye makes it pretty unavoidable. One of my favorite episodes that I’ve seen so far is one that brings that topic out in the open with nothing but love and acceptance.

In “Camp Rules”, the Fab 5 visit Bobby Camp, a father of six working two jobs with less than two hours unaccounted for in his average 24-hour day. He and his wife are madly in love, but he dropped the ball on their wedding, and their home life hasn’t reached a peaceful place since starting their marriage on the wrong foot. The Fab 5 aren’t afraid to make executive decisions, immediately raiding the closet, bathroom, and kitchen, assessing the situation and throwing things away- but they do it with love, in the best interest of that specific person. When someone needs a kick in the ass, they’ll give them one, but what Camp needs is a break and a fresh start (since we’ve also got Bobby Berk of the Fab 5, I’ll call him Camp).

Tan France and Bobby Camp in "Camp Rules". Image courtesy of The Hot Corn.

The house is a trainwreck- it’s tiny and 8 people live there- but Bobby quickly recognizes a lack of discipline in the children as the culprit. With this in mind, Bobby designs a top to bottom renovation focused on organization, peacefulness, and functionality. He puts floor-to-ceiling shelves in the living room, with lower shelves dedicated to the kids, and the rest being used as adult space. He creates a chore board, with a section for each kid and magnets with chores that can be assigned and moved around when completed. Jonathan chips into the bathroom transformation, building toiletry kits for all six kids that are meant to live in the kids’ rooms, so Camp and his wife can get the most out of the shared space.

Meanwhile, Tan, Jonathan, and Antoni take Camp and his little girls to Target. This is the only time I’ve seen them go to Target so far on the show, another indicator of the way they tailor their experience to who they’re with. While it’s appropriate in other circumstances, it would have been tone deaf here to suggest that Camp ‘treat himself’ and ‘just spend time on himself’ when he doesn’t have the time or money to do so. They buy clothes, hair products, and groceries all in the same place and the Camps learn how they can maintain this new lifestyle in a way that’s affordable and quick.

Karamo, the culture specialist of the group, sits down with Camp and learns about the missteps at his wedding- among other things, their photographer flaked, and they have no pictures from the day. The episode always ends with some kind of event where people can show off their new selves; in this case, Karamo hears how much Camp wants to do something for his wife and organizes a fresh start wedding reception where Camp can surprise his wife and celebrate their love with everyone that they want to share it with.

All of that is so sweet (his wife loves it), but the thing I love most about this episode is a conversation Camp has with Bobby. Camp mentions that he’s not concerned about losing anything in the house except for his dining room table, which is made from the pews of the church he grew up in. Bobby has already begun respectfully honoring this request before he gets the chance to talk to him about it, but when he has some alone time with Camp, he asks him what his thoughts on homosexuality are.

Bobby Berk and Bobby Camp in "Camp Rules". Image courtesy of The Hot Corn.

Camp gives a great answer. He says religion is a personal thing because he got to a point with the church where he “only saw the rules, and none of the love”. He tells Bobby that he has nothing but acceptance for the gays and he’s so grateful for what the Fab 5 are doing for him. Before the crew leaves Camp to his wedding reception, he tells the Fab 5 that he wishes they didn’t have to go, that they are absolutely loved and welcome in his home. They all say they love him too and he cries, they cry, I cry, it’s a very nice moment.

I honestly think what this show is doing is huge. Seeing these people shake hands, truly embrace each other, and then go back into their communities talking about the amazing people they just met has so much power. I really believe that accepting people who are different from you, learning from them, teaching them, and becoming a community in the process, is the way we move forward with love in this world.

[antis-hell]

Answering every question in an ask game because I'm bored and no one can stop me<3

(This game is from a deactivated blog, but you can still find the og post here!)

🦒 Do you have an inner world? If so how big is it?

Yep! It's fuckin massive tbh;-; several islands that we can't really access cus they're too far apart kind of big

🐈‍⬛ If you have an inner world did an alter consciously create it? And is anyone able to change it at will?

Nope;-; the majority of it was forcefully made by our abusers to distress us but some parts are slowly healing and changing from how it was originally, afaik the only alt that can change anything at will is Felix/Ion and that's only in selective parts.

🦝 Who is the most responsible person in your system?

Darky. All the fuckin way💀

🦋 Who fronts the most?

Me lol, I'm always at least in vague co con cus im the host

🦢 Do you mostly communicate externally or internally?

Bit of both tbh! We have chats in sp and discord that we use if amnesia walls are high, but mostly we can talk with people that are nearby when fronting

🦮 Do you have any animal alters?

Yep, we got a bunch, but our more frequent fronters are Mopha, a blue moth. Vulpix a kitsune looking cat thing and Fredbear a small yellow ish bear that kinda just chills with Darky

🦇 Do you have any parts/fragments that aren't fully alters/headmates?

Yep! Polyfrag goes brrrrrr, so we have a bunch of alts we consider parts rather than headmates

🦄 Do you have supernatural beings in your system?

Yep😭 again religious trauma is a bit silly, so we have most major Catholic demons, jesus, a few angels, God, celestial besings from the stars, and so much more;-;

🐖 If you were to be in a relationship would all of your headmates/alters date that person?

Nope! We have alts that are in strictly monogamous relationships in headspace so they wouldn't date the person the body is dating, same also goes for littles/middles and animal alters due to the fact they aren't mentally able to consent to a relationship (+ also any aroace alters that wouldn't want to date them)

🐭 Do most of your alters/headmates have the same or similar style/aesthetic?

Not in the slightest💀 we have fairly different styles which makes clothes shopping absolute hell

🪱 Do your alters/headmates have different sexualities? Do any contradict?

Yep! Most of us are gay men/masc aligned, but we do have a handful of lesbians and aroace ppl chilling up in this head

🐇 Do you know what your head count is?

700 at our last guess, but really, it could be anything😭

🦥 What is something that instantly makes someone switch in?

The taste of blood instantly makes Darky switch in. This is a but awkward when eating steak/meat, but he's pretty good at masking as me, so it's okay in the end

🐴 Do you have child alters/syskids?

Yep! We have a bunch:] Some are allowed on here, but we mostly keep them off social media due to safety concerns

🐆 If you have syskids/child alters do you have more adults/teens or children in your system?

Probably adults tbh😭 we have a LOT of littles, but if we're counting everyone that's not a little/middle as an adult, we dwarf them by a mile

🦔 Does anyone in your system age regress/dream?

Yep! I age regress in stressful episodes afaik only a few others do but I won't name them just for their privacy

🐶 Who has the best memory in your system?

Either Darky or Felix probably- they're the top gatekeepers, so they have access to everything pretty much

🦊 Do any of your alters have their own blogs just for them?

Darky does! He hasn't posted much on it yet but he's been mumbling about doing book reviews or some shit (like a fuchin old person would do/lh) I half told him to make one cus he needs more friends so go check it out if ya want! @upin-the-dark

Anyway, I had fun doing this:D If you want me to do any specific ask games/want me to do your ask game, send me the link, and I'll check it out!!/gen/nf

-anti💚🗡

[mithliya]

hi miss mena :) you totally don’t have to respond to this if you don’t want to, it’s a lot to dump on a person, but i just had kind of a weird experience and i’m struggling to figure out whether or not i’m crazy lol. & i trust your opinion, so i’d be interested to hear your thoughts/maybe advice. content warning for discussions around sexual trauma.

so i’m an art university student and also a lesbian—i’ve been drawing from nude models in classes since my freshman year (now a junior), and it’s something i more or less have gotten used to. the thing is i’ve never liked drawing men/male bodies, much less having to be eye level with an old guy’s dick for a five hour studio class. i’m always more uncomfortable when i find out there’s gonna be a male model, and my drawings occasionally suffer for it. i’ve never really talked to any of my friends about this because i feel silly for having had these feelings in the first place—especially when everybody else regardless of sexuality seem to have no problem with drawing the opposite sex. i’m capable of drawing men NOT from life just fine, but life drawing is different, and in order to perform in my classes i’ve had to learn to tune out the feelings of discomfort (sometimes repulsion) that can bubble up when there’s a naked man in front of me.

i didn’t even consciously realize i was doing this until today honestly. the model walked in and i was like ugh old man ok whatever lets go. and we got started and he took off his clothes…and he had a catheter inserted in his penis with a bag of pee tied to his thigh.

i was really shocked and extremely uncomfortable, but i wanted to be professional, so i worked through the first round of gesture drawings. i’m not typically that squeamish. i also felt bad because i have nothing against this man personally and it’s obviously not his fault he has to wear a catheter. my prof came around like he normally does to review at the end of the first round and commented that it “seemed like i was running out of time” because some of them weren’t finished (i.e. i only drew most of the frontal ones from the waist up), and that i should go to the extra sessions if i’m having trouble and i need to do xyz. at that point i just nodded at everything he said and excused myself to go to the bathroom. i texted a couple of my friends who agreed something was off about the situation, but i also ran into an acquaintance in the hall who when i told her she was just like “oh i’m glad they’re hiring more models with disabilities.” so then i just felt even worse about it lol again i have nothing against this man i just couldn’t stare at the tube in his penis for another four hours. eventually i decided to just head back to my dorm and pick up my backpack and supplies after class is over, because i didn’t know how to explain this to my prof and i didn’t want to be rude. so i get back to my dorm and as soon as i’m alone….instant bad panic attack. lol.

and here i am now. i feel like an idiot at best and an asshole at worst, like why am i having a panic attack over having to see this guy’s stupid catheter? i feel absurdly violated but i don’t feel like i have any right to—i know what i’m getting into when i go to this class, and this shouldn’t be any different than having to draw any other man. so now i’m feeling everything i was trying to ignore, but i just don’t understand why i feel this way in the first place. i don’t really have any sexual-related trauma that would reasonably cause these feelings of violation and repulsion. my mom and sister are SA survivors/have dealt with post-traumatic stress, so that admittedly weighs on me, but it’s not my trauma to claim. i also dealt with a teacher in high school who used a religious retreat to groom some of my friends (and other girls from previous years), and i was a member of his small group. that’s a long ass story, but basically i think he kind of started to try grooming me but didn’t get that far—not to the point of being overtly sexual, just like oversharing abt his life/sex life, behaving more like a peer than an authority figure, making me feel bad for being uncomfortable around him, and asking me to hug him. but ultimately i was not the main target bc he could tell i got a weird vibe from him, and so i didn’t even know the full extent of what happened to other girls until years later when he got quietly fired from the school. writing it out it sounds maybe kinda worse than it was, but idk. i don’t feel like it makes sense for me to have such a strong negative reaction to the male body like that. do you or ur followers have any idea if it’s normal for some lesbians to feel that way, even if they don’t have trauma? am i overreacting about the catheter thing being weird?? what do i tell my professor now?? what if the model comes back (we sometimes have ppl who model for us repeatedly)???this day has been so awful i can’t wait to sleep lol. thanks if you read all that and double triple quadruple thanks if you have any thoughts, sorry again for such a long ask. much love ❤️

jeez for one i dont blame you bc personally i would not able to draw naked men either itd be very hard for me to get myself to look there long enough to draw it decently so. youve just given me a big reason why i cannot ever do such classes & saved me the trouble in a way.

it sounds to me that ur quite squeamish? which i dont think is somehow ableist. sure, its cool that they gave an opportunity to draw men in such a stage of their life but a lot of people would be squeamish over drawing some naked man to begin with & then a man with a catheter in there? even tougher.

you do not have to have trauma to be strongly repulsed by men's bodies, nor is it overreacting to be shocked by such a thing (honestly i probably wouldve had to go to the bathroom to throw up bc i would find such a thing deeply uncomfortable as well). perhaps you could tell your professor "sorry, i couldn't deal with seeing an object inserted into that man's penis for so long, despite trying my best, i have a phobia relating to it and it caused a panic attack which is why i couldn't do this drawing. im really sorry about that, would it be possible for me to redo a drawing with a different model perhaps?"

beyond that i think perhaps finding a way to get out of ur head when ur drawing such things (cause i doubt this is just gonna happen once and never again in ur class) so that u can just focus on putting the moment on paper instead of thinking about what it is ur seeing? i dunno if that is even good advice honestly, im not an artist the way u are nor have i been in such a situation so take all my advice here w a grain of salt. but pls dont beat urself up about it regardless, i think such a thing wouldve also made me anxious and uncomfortable-- its not that old man's fault, but perhaps your teacher should've given you guys some sort of heads up so people could mentally prepare for such things.

[the-obiwan-for-me]

Hey, I’ve been reading your “She Said The Word” AU religiously (I am sorry that I didn’t comment much on More Than Blood and I wish I had, but let me tell you I was eagerly reading all of it and was so incredibly happy when a new chapter came out) and I LOVE EVERY WORD, but I’m not here to write an entire novel. I’m here to say thank you for Lily Bo in particular. Lily resonates with me so, so much in every stage of her life. Her feelings, her triumphs, her struggles, her chaotic energy and how that affects her life, her trauma, her feelings toward her family, all of that is so relatable to me that it feels like I could have written her. What I wanted to thank you for, specifically, is her relationship with Tiana. It’s not a main focus and it didn’t last for very long, and of course her exact sexuality is not stated, but I am l a lesbian and that little bit of representation with a character that had already given me so much means the absolute world to me.

Maybe this doesn’t make a lot of sense and this whole thing about being grateful for a fanfic character’s love interest is weird, but I like to tell people when they’ve made me happy, and you have made me so much more than “happy” can sufficiently describe, that I sent this to you. Vor entye, ner vod.

Thank you so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Of all the characters I have added to the canon cast of characters in this AU, Lily seems to be the one that truly touches people the deepest. And I love it, and I get it.

It could be so easy to write a boring one sided family who is always 100% perfect together, but that would be so disingenuous and unrealistic. Lily, particularly, suffered trauma that literally NO ONE should suffer through at 13, and you just don't simply bounce back to normal after that. She should have baggage and issues, even if she has doting, loving supportive parents, siblings who want the best for her, and extended family (including many wonderful friends of the family from Jedi to Wrens) who think the world of her.

And as for Lily and Tiana, I'm glad you loved their bright but short little love affair (and I've also been really relieved no one has been mad that it WAS short! I have a lot of thoughts on why I did that but that's neither here nor there). Beyond my trite "no one is really 100% straight in a GFFA because sexuality and gender identity aren't issues in a world with space wizards," I do think representation MATTERS. And I think making it no big deal within the story is important, too. Lily falls for a girl, Korkie loves a man, Tol'ket talks of his first true love being a Twi'lek boy, and Bo all but admits to having been in love with Ursa. But these things are talked about easily. Without judgement or bigotry. Even though Korkie hides his love, it's only because of poor Aled's anxiety of not being worthy of a Kryze than the fact that they are gay.

Essentially, I might write a lot of angst and trauma, but I also write, in a way, a world I wish WE had.

I don't know what is in store for Lily, love wise. But I am so happy her brief little love affair made you happy. She deserves to be happy, and I think Tiana was a big catalyst in helping her start down a path that would get her there. Which just goes to show that not all meaningful relationships have to be deep and long romances like her parents.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on about my girl and her family and my musings about why I write what I write. I never get tired of talking about them.

[friendofhayley]

Friendofhayley's Top Books of 2022 Pt. 4 Non-Fiction

This Book Rec is on Non-Fiction books. It includes 4 books. Let’s go!!

Becoming by Michelle Obama | Memoir

This memoir follows Michelle from childhood until 2018. Her voice, her sweet family members, and the tidbits of secrets of what happened behind the White House's closed doors were the highlights of the book. Also, her strength, while the media tried to tear her to pieces for being a strong black woman in power, was really amazing to read. So many parts of the book must have hurt to write and relive, but I'm so glad I was able to glimpse all of these moments

"It was one thing to get yourself out of a stuck place, I realized. It was another thing entirely to try and get the place itself unstuck."

Untamed by Glennon Doyle | Memoir, Self-Help

I've never read Doyle's earlier works, but they were apparently about how to strengthen your marriage. And then before this book, she came out as a lesbian and divorced her husband -- talk about a career move. This book really feels like a homage to stop giving fucks for anyone other than yourself and those you love. It made me laugh and think about my life, and also cheer whenever she talked about her current partner. Definitely recommend to lesbians or those who want to learn how to put themselves before anything else. (Or anyone with religious trauma).

"And my way of life is to dare to imagine the truest, most beautiful life, family, and world—and to then conjure up the courage to make real what I have imagined."

Them: Adventures With Extremists by Jon Ronson | Non-Fiction

Jon Ronson, a Jewish journalist, hangs out and observes different extremists from different cultures and countries in a pre-9/11 world, and interviews their "enemies". This book might not be for everyone, but I think everyone should try to read it. Before social media, there were already bubbles of different groups getting terrified of "them" and dehumanizing the other until they are the boogeyman. The reason I read this book was that my parents are extremists (who would make some people in this book cringe) and I just wished I could know why they see the world that way. It's kind of funny that Leftist and Alt-Right people both believe the government don't care about us and that corporations are controlling things in a scary way. The only difference is the foundation of the Alt-Right argument is based on racism and intolerance. It makes you think.

“Young people are seeing this big task before them,” explained Ali, “trying to combat economic global corporatization. And a lot of them have read David Icke and thought, ‘Hey! He’s on our side. I’m looking for answers and he seems to have them.’ And we’ve made them feel stupid, like they’ve done something bad by getting sucked in.” Ali paused. “And now they’re saying to us, ‘Don’t tell me I’m stupid!’ What we should have said to them was, ‘You’re not stupid. We understand why you thought he was OK.’ But we didn’t. And now they think we think they’re stupid.”

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde | Essays, Speeches

This is a collection of essays and speeches by Audre Lorde ranging from topics of black feminism, black power, lesbian life, eroticism in real life, and more. It was incredible to read speeches in which she called out people there on their biases and bigotry. This collection should (and in some parts is) be considered a classic.

"That we not hide behind the mockeries of separations that have been imposed upon us and which so often we accept as our own. For instance, “I can’t possibly teach Black women’s writing — their experience is so different from mine.” Yet how many years have you spent teaching Plato and Shakespeare and Proust? Or another, “She’s a white woman and what could she possibly have to say to me?” Or, “She’s a lesbian, what would my husband say, or my chairman?” Or again, “This woman writes of her sons and I have no children.” And all the other endless ways in which we rob ourselves of ourselves and each other."

[hislittleraincloud]

No hate at all but please tell me what's up with your deep hatred for Jenna. What did she say about Miller's girl that was so bad??

"Deep hatred"? I wouldn't say it's deep hatred. I've always said it was/is a love/hate. I can't truly hate something/someone who brought me back into writing. (So if she out there readin' (LOL), I don't hate you, Mama...you just annoy the crap out of me sometimes.)

Regarding Miller's Girl, that post I clipped of her talking about it annoys me, since she says she'd never read any character like Cairo before. You know, Cairo being a brilliant, ahead-of-everyone-around-her teen writer with a bigger vocabulary than her peers who lives in a big haunted mansion and who hates crowds.

Nah, she never read any character like that before.

I get it, she isn't about to compare the two roles because press promo for MG could never. But some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth is vapid as all Hell, like talking as if college/education prospects are a million miles behind her ("I really wanted to go, I tried for a minute!" both Elle and Jenna acting like Jenna's 50 years old and the capability to go to college just eludes her...she was 20 when she gave that interview 💀). I have very low level of respect for those who don't think they can go get an education while they're living the celebrity life; if Emma Watson could do it, so can she, if she really wants to. But she doesn't, so 🤷🏽‍♂️

The bar goes even lower when I read how strongly of a Jesus Beater she is from her book. The indoctrination is thick with this one, but that's how it typically is with the religious Mexicans (I know, because I have them in my family) and you have to be sharp to escape the cultural programming. My 81yo father broke away 70 years ago after discovering science, and after thinking for himself (and after witnessing the priests going after the Pretty Choir Boys in his church). I could talk a long time about this aspect, but it's a touchy subject for me and one that involves lots of fucking [religious] trauma, none of which has anything to do with my parents/family (just girls who were so frighteningly indoctrinated that common sense was non-existent in their brains, and it upended my life for the worse each time). However, she was 18 and still relatively insulated when she published that book. So maybe time will tell. Doubtful, given how ingrained it is w/her fam, but one never knows, esp. in Hollyweird. Something in her changed though, I've noticed, from 18 to now. 😕 Now that I've kind of sort of 'caught up' some on her as an actress, because prior to me hearing of her casting for Wednesday, I didn't know who she was. I still didn't know after I watched the show in January '23 (I was convinced to, by the friend I have who is now missing). And when I found out she was that chick from the Babysitter 2, I was all, "No way, I thought she was the worst!" I kept hoping her character would get dispatched 💀🤣. I had to see if I was missing something, since her fanbase is a really weird soup of young lesbians and old cishet guys sharing half-naked AI pics of her using her 15-year-old face on Facebook. It fascinates me that those are her biggest, drooliest fans. I like "weird" shit, and this is def weird shit to me.)

I will give her this: She did admit that her accent work is bad. But when Elle Fanning said it wouldn't be if she had a dialogue coach, she didn't have much of a response. I have much more respect for the Fannings. Hell, I just watched Elle in Benjamin Button again (I love that movie). That...was a child star. He accent was on point, she was adorable in it as Young Daisy 🥰🤩. But anyway.

No deep hatred. Deep annoyance. Disney has been annoying me since before its broad integration into regular households, so it makes sense. I don't care for Disney, celebrity, or religious culture, all things she's deeply steeped in, and yes, it's very irritating to have a muse that's the complete opposite of what you stand for.

But inspiration does not have a type. She's a cunning shapeshifter, and she can still sit on your shoulder some moreso than others, ha and whisper sweet nothings in your ear until you've got no choice but to write them down. I suppose I was conditioned in a way to be able to keep separate the actor from the role, so if you ask me, "Hey, are you attracted to her?" the answer would be, "No, I'm attracted to her characters." Except for that stupid bitch in X. God what a dumbass. And not in a mere sexual sense, but in more of a self-identification, since I was always (and still am, apparently) the outcast.

I've also always been a huge fan of Ricci's Wednesday, so of course I'd be interested in this iteration. I might have been interested to see any young actress try to tackle Wednesday. We just happened to get her. I'm too curious/too invested in this shit now that I want to see what she's going to do in S2.

And why do I feel like that movie with Percy is also going to be, like Miller's Girl, a flop? If she really wants to stretch her acting, she needs a period piece of some sort. Get her out of her human form and into something completely alien to her, force her to act. Even if it meant a 'soft'/unserious 'period piece' like say...Pirates.

Does that make sense? If not, remember what day it is, kids...Happy 4/20🌿