#eh it’s not worth getting tested

[wilted-wizard]

My roommates made the foolish mistake of mentioning they saw a bird. Little did they know I would proceed to give bird facts for the next hour mwahaha

[rosecreates]

Raven and Astarion are basically just "Charlatan to Charlatan communication" without either realizing it because neither of them are very open about their pasts at first and in the scenario where Astarion enacts his simple plan on Raven he has no idea he is breaking Rule 0: Don't try to con another conman (or conwoman in this case).

Raven knows exactly what he's doing but she just doesn't tell him she knows until later because the game is fun.

Both of them thought this would stay a game but then they both catch feelings lmao. Absolute losers (affectionate).

[dracolizardlars]

jesus fucking christ I think I've heard Cardiacs through every combination of musical medium, music playing device, headphone socket type and headphone this evening. I mean, I haven't gone as far as finding out what it sounds like to listen to them on vinyl record through these headphones but I very much COULD have if I WANTED to (turns out the amp in the living room has the right socket for these things, and the record player runs via that amp, and we have multiple Cardiacs vinyl records). anyway the conclusion is yeah it is the adapter fucking up these headphones so another night I'm gonna have to look into that shit

[waywardsalt]

finally got around to putting together elden ring builds for the post-ph crew, and tested them out briefly, so here are the builds i came up with and all that! (absolutely a very long post, i had fun explaining a lot of my reasoning)

i'm not going to give them exact stats, just some vague idea of what they'd likely lean towards, and i can't say much to what equip load they have. when i tested these builds out i had 72 endurance. this uses exclusively base-game equipment since i don’t have the dlc and wanted to test these out for myself.

i also don’t use many spells or any incantations so the spell and incantation choices are mostly based on wiki descriptions and whether or not i felt it would fit the character.

some context is that this is with the idea that somehow these four get zapped into the lands between as tarnished, and this is the equipment i think they’d use, disregarding what is needed to access most of this stuff.

i also didn't change my tarnished's appearance for these, not that i think i could accurately replicate these four in elden ring's character creator, anyways, so you get to see my tarnished's face with all of these :)

Link:

His armor is: the highwayman hood, the blue cloth vest, exile gauntlets, and Carian knight greaves.

There's practically no green armor in this game, and what is there isn't really armor and isn’t exactly good protection. I wanted a bit of a balance between just cloth, but also some armor, as well as a headpiece somewhat like the usual hero's cap. The highwayman's hood works well enough, honestly, and I think it fits in well with the blue cloth vest; plus, I can see it being helpful in keeping dust and whatnot out of his eyes. Blue works well enough with Link nowadays, and I do think the blue cloth vest actually fits Link well enough- I doubt he'd want to wear something like a plate breastplate, so a vest like this is good.

The exile gauntlets I feel work well, they're simple and slim with some decent coverage, and the Carian knight graves not only look great with the blue cloth vest, but are also something that I believe fits Link, and the tall boots are likely decently practical in the same vein as the hood.

His weapons I chose are: The Carian knight's sword, with the pulley bow as a secondary weapon, and the Carian knight's shield in his offhand, with the academy glintstone staff as a secondary.

He obviously had to be the good standard sword-and-shield combo fighter, but I went ahead and gave him with Carian sword and shield partially because they look decently similar to what weapons he normally uses, but also because I enjoy the idea of him dabbling in magic along with typical damage types. The Carian sword does a good bit of magic damage along with standard, and the shield guards again both of those types, and the sword's unique ash of war (Carian Grandeur) is a good mix between swordfighting and magic, and actually really good to use in-game. I feel like they suit him well.

For his secondaries, I had to give him a bow, and I feel like the pulley bow is just right, especially with it's special feature of having increased range. I could see him being the one tasked with deactivating faraway traps and hunting the animals of the Lands Between for materials, and even just luring enemies with some normal arrows.

The academy glintstone staff is a solid staff (and the one I personally use), and him using magic is a good way to translate his usual versatility, though I only limited him to five spells, those being:

Loretta's greatbow, giving him what is technically now a second bow, and a pretty good spell for luring and doing some decent magic damage,

Magma shot, a good, simple fire damage spell,

Glintstone Icecrag, a good ice spell, especially for causing frostbite buildup,

Great glintstone shard, a very basic but reliable spell, and is good when cast a few times in succession,

and Thops' barrier, for deflecting magic attacks, and though I've heard it's a mediocre spell, I could see Link getting the timing down and getting some good usage out of it. I tried giving him a decent range of spells, which is a little bit easier said then done considering the actual spell variety and wanting to pick spell that I think suit Link, but I think this is a good lineup.

For talismans, assuming that all four of them have all four talisman slots open, Link gets the silver scarab, the graven-mass talisman, the erdtree's favor +2, and the companion jar.

The silver scarab, raising item discovery is... perfect for Link. It only feels right that he gets a talisman that makes him more likely to get items off enemies. It definitely works, too, while testing, I got way more items out of the gatefront ruins group than I'd ever seen before.

The graven-mass talisman boosts sorcery power, which is certainly perfect for boosting Link's versatility and magic power, simple and useful.

The erdtree’s favor +2 is just an all-around great talisman to use for the hp, mp, and stamina boost, and it feels perfect as something for Link to use, especially to increase his effectiveness and endurance in battle.

And then the companion jar, which goes hand-in-hand with him also being a pot user to further his versatility, and it’s very easy to see him doing the Jar-Bairn side quest. My choices here disregard how the items are obtained, but I could absolutely see Link going out of his way to interact with Jarburg.

Link’s standard fighter, with a balance between offense and defense and physical and magical damage with a slight leaning towards magical, and the main archer who aims to do more damage with archery, and uses pots when needed. He’s probably the one ‘leading the charge’ in that he’s suited for most situations, but isn’t necessarily the most effective in all-out combat- he is the most defensively oriented, however. He’s likely in the mid-to-light equip range, and likely mostly levels Strength and Intelligence to keep his damage up, and focuses a lot on keeping his Vigor up for a good chunk of health.

Linebeck:

His armor is: the black knife armor, the gauntlets, and bandit boots.

The black knife armor is the most important part of the set, not just for it being a nice blue, but because it has the unique effect of completely silencing your movement sounds- perfect for steal and getting in a good number of sneak attacks. It’s light, too, and so are the generally standard gauntlets and bandit boots, all put together for a general… blue rogue kind of look? It’s practicality and some looks and all put around the idea that he’s going to be sneaking around and panic-rolling out of the enemy’s way- so his defenses are a bit lacking in favor of mobility. I do think it’s a good look overall.

His weapons are: A bloody antspur rapier with the poison mist ash of war, the redbranch shortbow as a secondary weapon, and the frozen needle in the offhand.

For Linebeck's build, it was either daggers or rapiers, and the extra damage, range, and great designs for the rapier won out- and I think rapiers suit him well. This specific pair of rapiers are oriented around inflicting ailments, with the frozen needle inflicting frostbite, and the antspur rapier- specifically with the poison mist ash of war and blood upgrade- can inflict scarlet rot, bloodloss, and poison with poison mist active. With the blood upgrade, the scarlet rot buildup suffers, but with the speed of rapiers and just how effective scarlet rot can be, it's a decent trade-off for the ability to do four ailments at once. His role in the Radahn fight is to inflict scarlet rot and then run off to snipe him with the redbranch shortbow, which is a simple ranged option, and helps with further ailment inflicting with ailment arrows.

His damage would probably be pretty decent, especially considering inflicting frostbite and his equipped talismans, but he's mostly going to be heading in with everyone and sticking around until proccing an ailment, and then backing off, especially if poison, rot, or frostbite are inflicted. Plus I think dual rapiers look great and it's very easy to see Linebeck using rapiers.

For talismans, he gets the gold scarab, the assassin's crimson dagger, the dagger talisman, and the blessed dew talisman.

The gold scarab boost rune acquisition by 20%. It's perfect. It's one of my favorite talismans. I can't make an Elden Ring build for Linebeck and NOT give him the money-boosting talisman.

The assassin's crimson dagger restores hp upon successful critical hits, and paired with the silencing effect of the black knife armor, is perfect for someone who's more used to sneaking around and taking down enemies from behind- and it's good for topping off your hp.

The dagger talisman boosts critical damage- so then making sneak attacks all the more effective, and even making any critical hits he manages in fights do much more damage.

And then the blessed dew talisman gives you a very minuscule constant hp regen, about 2 hp per second iirc. It’s incredibly slow, but it's hp regen all the same, good for saving flask uses and good for some health regeneration if you back out of the main fight.

Linebeck's got a big focus on stealth and ailments, with just a bit of health regen tossed in with the talismans to help with survivability. his weapons and offhand options are mainly based around ailments, and besides the bow, he tends to use darts and other throwable items, and is often the one to pick off enemies at the edge of a group while the others go in to the handle the main group. With bosses, he's in the front lines until an ailment is inflicted, and will jump back in either if he's really needed, or if ailments are needed again. For longer bosses, or bosses immune to a few ailments, he would probably find moments to jump in and get a bunch of quick hits in, then back out and wait for another opening. Rapiers are pretty good for quick hits considering that I believe you actually get three attacks from a dual-rapier sprint attack. He’d likely have a focus on Dexterity and Arcane, with some Endurance mixed in for that good running and rolling stamina.

Damien:

His armor is; the sacred crown helm, exile armor, crucible gauntlets, and drake knight greaves.

Picking armor for Damien was a bit of a challenge since he’s still a bit of a work in progress and I usually picture him in generally casual clothes, but I knew I wanted to stick with some red clothing and put together a bit more of a practical sort of outfit. Plus this end result kind of helps me further figure out Damien’s actual design and outfit variations.

I knew I wanted to give him one of the simple footsoldier helmets, and the sacred crown helm won out with the additional detail of the little vine-looking wreath, plus the minor faith boost. It’s a nice little helmet and I think it suits him. The exile armor was considered due to the red cloth around the shoulders, and was properly decided on when I found that the helmet got rid of the cloth covering the bottom half of the face. So it’s a good solid chest piece.

The crucible gauntlets and drake knight greaves work both with color and giving him some more armored extremities, the crucible gauntlets are pretty good heavy armor gauntlets, if the crucible knights themselves are anything to go by, and the drake knight graves seem to have a good bit of practicality with the high boots and armor. It’s all meant to end up somewhere in the medium equip load area, for a balance between defense and speed, and the lighter helmet and chest piece were primarily to even out with the heavier weapons.

The weapons he gets are: the axe of Godrick, the highland axe as a secondary, and the clawmark seal.

The axe of Godrick is a pretty good greataxe with what selection there is, some good damage and a really good ash of war skill with a really good area of effect. It’s fantastic for crowd control when two-handed, and worked pretty well for me when I tested it out without having upgraded it. It’s all in all a great standard axe. The highland axe as a secondary is used partially as a faster one-hand option, and partially for the boost given by its war cry ash of war. The axe of Godrick is almost always what he’d use, but the highland axe is probably better for some specific situations. Damien was always going to end up using axes, and I think these two are pretty good and fitting.

In his other hand is the clawmark seal- scaling with faith and strength and so working well with him relying on strength, and boosting bestial incantations, of which he has one- and he mostly uses support incantations with some minor attack incantations- but he is primarily support, usually backing out of the fight to switch to casting due to usually two-handing the axe of Godrick. He gets six incantations, those being:

Heal, as a very standard heal, mostly just for himself,

Erdtree heal, a heal more intended for group healing,

Golden vow, a group offense and defense buff for a time,

Protection of the erdtree, for increased non-physical defense, which is likely useful for many bosses,

Bestial sling, which is a pretty basic but effective attack incantation, and boosted by the seal he uses, and is probably great in tandem with his axes to break an enemy's poise,

and then Dragonclaw as his final spell, a stronger and closer-up attack spell, likely for individual bosses that are lower on hp.

His offenses are standard and meant to be pretty decent for crowd control and poise-breaking, so his attack spells follow suite, while his support options are based around healing and some basic buffs. I personally do not use buffs or incantations when I play, so I do not know the nuances of a lot of this stuff, but Damien's got a good set of incantations to use.

Damien's set of talismans are the green turtle talisman, the mottled necklace +1, the axe talisman, and the bull-goat's talisman.

The green turtle talisman is a great talisman, simply increasing the speed of stamina regeneration, and it's a fantastic talisman. Very useful with the stamina drained by axe attacks and backing off to cast spells.

The mottled necklace boosts immunity, robustness, and focus, an across-the-board status boost, and I imagine it's useful for being up close with enemies and then staying alive to help with support- even if he doesn't have much in the way of ailment-based support.

The axe talisman is a damage booster, and considering his decent poise, charged attacks are pretty viable for him to be using.

The bull-goat's talisman is standard but very effective in practice (or maybe that's me being used to low poise), as it raises poise, therefore making it harder for you to flinch or be knocked out of an attack. Very helpful with a slower main weapon like the axe of Godrick.

Damien's standard all around, with pretty good damage and likely very helpful with crowd control, usually two-handing the axe for maximum damage and will back off when using incantations. He primarily uses incantations for support, and the offensive incantations are usually saved for bosses or rougher encounters- or sometimes just if he wants to switch things up for fun. He's likely going to focus on Strength and Faith, with some Mind thrown in for most casts.

Bellum:

His armor is: the altered tree sentinel armor, and the malformed dragon gauntlets and greaves.

Chosen partially for the color and because they're all heavy plate armor; meant to emulate a lot of the phantom designs, and for that yellow color, and I wasn't even aware that the malformed dragon gauntlets had a darker color until I was initially putting this together. Heavy armor fits with a desire to survive in battle, plus I think decent mobility in heavy armor suits Bellum; when I tested this out, I was firmly in medium equip load territory, plus it made for a good bit of poise to go with slower weapons. It wasn't too hard to pick out armor for him.

The weapons I felt suit him are: the blasphemous blade, the Marais executioner's sword, with the gravel stone seal as a secondary.

The blasphemous blade was practically necessary, a greatsword with the bonus effect of hp restoration on enemy death, plus the Taker's Flames skill, which also heals hp when it hits an enemy. This is was made me decide on greatswords over colossal weapons, trying to stick a bit with some ideas from the phantoms, plus the hp-leeching effects, plus it’s a pretty good weapon and I think it originally belonging to Rykard also fits pretty well; it’s Bellum’s main weapon unless he switches to the Marais Executioner’s sword for it’s specific skill. That sword is mostly chosen for it’s skill, as well as it’s origins- those bell-bearing hunters are absolute nightmares to deal with- so the two swords are kind of also picked for a sort of intimidation effect. At least the wriggling flesh on the blasphemous blade does the job well enough if someone doesn’t know the origins (which don’t practically matter). He would likely switch to the executioner’s sword for some boss fights, and its skill can be highly damaging to lone enemies- the focus with these two is on heavy damage and hp regen.

The secondary left hand weapon he has is the gravel stone seal, which boost dragon incantations, and so he only uses offense incantations, with a lot of incantations that cover a wide area and some that inflict ailment buildup. Bellum gets five incantations, all attacks (and all maybe emulating the idea that he’s a monster forced to be human in the lands between lol);

Beast claw, a pretty standard but pretty effective ground-level attack,

Unendurable frenzy, a wide range, fiery madness-inflicting incantation that, while only inflicting madness on a select few enemies (and himself) is likely more than useful for crowds and large enemies,

Rotten breath, a dragon communion incantation that is about what it says on the tin, a dragon’s breath attack that inflicts scarlet rot,

Fortissax’s lightning spear, another dragon incantation that summons a pair of lightning spears, with the damage at it’s best up close,

and Aspects of the crucible: tail, a wide-range crucible incantation, and the most fitting of the crucible incantations, I feel.

He has no issue getting up close to bosses, since he can fall back on the honestly insane hp regen he’s afforded by both his main weapon and some of his talismans.

The talismans Bellum gets are; the taker’s cameo, the dragoncrest greatshield talisman, the pearldrake talisman +2, and the godskin swaddling cloth.

The taker’s token has the same passive effect as the blasphemous blade; hp restoration upon enemy death. The fun part is that the taker’s token and the blasphemous blade’s hp regen effects stack with each other.

The dragoncrest greatshield talisman reduces physical damage by 20%, and the pearldrake talisman +2 reduces non-physical damage by about 11%. Covering just about all defenses with these two talismans.

The godskin swaddling cloth allows for additional minor hp restoration upon landing a certain number of melee hits within a short timeframe. This could be harder with greatswords, but with dual greatswords and jumping right into the action, I don’t imagine it’s at all impossible for the talisman’s effect to never trigger. As always, it’s extra effective with a larger number of enemies.

Bellum’s the main damage-dealer with a focus on staying power and lots of hp regen, using the blasphemous blade for regular battles while switching to the executioner’s sword for bosses due to the more aggressive ash of war. His incantations are more often used for crowd control, but are absolutely effect for boss battles, especially when given time to charge them up. He’s all about staying power and straightforward damage-dealing, with some decent poise to back things up despite his checking piece being altered and his lack of a helmet, and all of his incantations are a bit more bestially-inclined. He'd probably focus on Vigor and Strength, with some Faith or Dexterity thrown in for damage-dealing.

Overall, the idea is that the four of them are in the lands between like this, working and running around together, probably fighting over what bosses to go after next and whether or not to head into the catacombs that one of them just spotted. I could see them taking the time to scour the lands between for every little trinket and discussing whether or not to bother with some character's quest. Not too different from actual post-ph stuff, but it's fun to put them in Elden Ring and think on what kinds of equipment to give them and what would suit them.

[yazmarina]

this is FILTHY ok? ok! f!reader is a new wag and still getting used to all the media attention and paparazzi, F1 driver feels kinda guilty. After a particularly hectic outing for dinner, driver sits down to ask if she is really ok with it, she is like "ill get used to it, its worth it for you" and the man is swoon!! hes like "ok, lets get you used to being the center of attention then" with a smirk and its just him pleasing her all night, even photographing her to get used to flashing lights!!

picture you

lando norris x fem!reader

you could only expect so much, having a boyfriend who likes taking pictures

warnings/notes: smut, fingering, semi-nude photography, implied insecurity

a/n: very short, just a little bite-sized drabble to test the waters. lmk what you think!

.

Dating celebrities is not for the weak. That much you knew. With all the media attention, tabloids scrutinizing every aspect of your relationship, curious fans digging into the recesses of your life, one must possess a certain degree of resilience.

But dating an F1 driver? Even the most tenacious of people might buckle under it all.

What was supposed to be a quiet dinner between you and Lando turned into curious eyes and less-than-quiet murmurs around the restaurant. Lando tried to steer your attention away from all the other people and you tried your hardest, you really did, to carry on a normal conversation, but Lando could see you were growing more uncomfortable with each passing minute.

So after your last bite of pasta, Lando rushed the waiter for the bill. So much for your shared creme brulee.

"Hey, are you okay?" Lando asks as the two of you step into his apartment. He flips on the light switch by the door and his whole living room comes into view.

You sigh, tossing your jacket onto the couch before collapsing on the plush upholstery.

"I'm fine," you lie. You busy yourself with the straps of your shoes, avoiding Lando's eyes.

"But you're not," Lando presses, plopping down next to you. "You can tell me if you're not."

"Eh," comes your noncommittal response. "Unless you can make every person turn away when we're out on a date, I'm afraid whatever I say won't matter at all."

Lando huffs, hands wrapping around both of your wrists. He coaxes you to look at him and you see the look of concern in his eyes. His eyebrows are bunched together, and for a moment, you think Lando looks like a scorned puppy.

"Don't be like that," Lando urges gently. "I can make them look away. I'll try."

You chuckle, leaning in briefly to kiss him right on the scar on his nose. Lando scrunches up his face, pulling away as if annoyed by the gesture.

"I just need to get used to all of this," you admit. Your thumbs find Lando's knuckles and you rub along them soothingly.

"I can bear being the center of attention if it means I'd be doing it for you," you add.

Lando's expression softens and you can almost see the twinkle in his eyes. He cradles both sides of your face and pulls you in to kiss you square on the lips, his mouth plush against yours.

"You're dating the Lando Norris, of course, you're gonna be the center of attention," Lando teases, nudging your cheek with his nose. You laugh, fingers threading through the hair near Lando's nape.

"Big talk for someone who begs for cuddles every night," you whisper back as Lando kisses his way down your neck.

His hands grip tightly around your waist as he adjusts the way you lay against the couch, pulling you fully underneath him. Your hair splays out against the throw pillows and your chest is heaving, Lando's teeth lightly grazing the skin over your jugular.

"You can be the center of attention right now," Lando murmurs near your ear, large hands sliding under the hem of your dress. He bunches the silky material up around your waist, exposing your lower half.

You huff as you're left bare from the waist down, Lando pulling back to grab something off the coffee table.

His camera.

Your breath hitches as he squints, angling his eye against the viewfinder. Lando snaps a picture, the flash going off just as you gasp in surprise. He takes another one, his hand coming down to rest against your breast.

"Lando...," you whimper. You hook your legs around his hips, pulling yourself closer, right against his thigh. You start to grind against the rough material of his jeans, your panties doing little to confine the wetness between your legs.

"Naughty," Lando chuckles, pressing a hand down on your abdomen to still your movements. He pulls the material of your underwear away, fingertips immediately pressing against your cunt.

You can't help the moan that escapes you, the cool touch of Lando's fingers a contrast to the warm liquid that's leaking from your hole.

"Smile, honey," Lando encourages, taking another photo. You shiver at the thought of these images of you, tucked away only for you and Lando to see.

"You're a star, baby," Lando continues, circling your entrance once, twice, before plunging two fingers in. You mewl, hips shooting up to meet Lando's hand.

"You're a natural. So good for me, yeah?"

Lando starts to pump in and out of you, curling his fingers periodically against that one spot inside. You stare straight at the lens through your lashes and you can see the grin that spreads on Lando's face from behind the camera. He takes a burst of shots as you play it up for him, biting your lip and grabbing onto your boobs.

"Oh, I wanna see you cum on my fingers, baby," Lando says mischievously. "Wanna take a picture so it lasts longer."

He quickens his pace, the loud squelch of his fingers echoing around the space of Lando's living room. Your eyes roll into the back of your head when you feel Lando angle his fingers deeper, your walls clenching around him.

"Come on, let it go for me, sweetheart," Lando implores, snapping more pictures as you start to unravel.

Your fingernails dig into one of the couch pillows, your other hand reaching down as you shove your fingers beneath your panties, rubbing at your aching clit. You hear Lando grunt at this, zooming in on your hand so artfully outlined in your thin underwear as you frantically work your nub closer to orgasm.

"Filthy," Lando practically spits out. "So fucking filthy, my love."

Your release rips through your entire body and your back arches impossibly high off the couch. You hear the camera shutter go off again but it's faint, overtaken by the loud ringing in your ears as waves of your orgasm wash over you.

You're panting a few moments later once it starts to fade, your vision bleary and Lando barely coming into focus in front of you.

He places the camera back on the coffee table, leaning down to kiss you fervently. He licks into your mouth and you groan, fingers tangling in his hair.

"There's more where that came from," you whisper against Lando's lips.

You can only yelp as Lando flips you over on your stomach.

[aajjks]

Jealousy (m)

synopsis. you love it when he treats you like his slut

warnings. YÄNDËRË, ËXPLÏCÏT CÖNTÉNT, döm tojï, smüt, röügh fückïng, dẽgrädtiön (rëcïëvïng), slüt-shàmïng, pröfänïty, ëxtrëmë pösěssïvënëss, cryïng.

note. hehe. I suck at writing smut, MDNI. SHARE FEEDBACK PLEASE ILY.

Toji is a very jealous man, you should’ve known better.

He’s territorial man, extremely possessive of what is his, he had made that clear the first day you started to date him.

He likes to be blunt, he's a straightforward man.

But yet you wanted to test him, you wanted to test his anger.

So when you were out at dinner a few hours ago, you did not expect to be fucked mercilessly just hours later on his bed.

“You fuckin whore!” He curses at you, pounding into your cunt at a fast pace, you Moan, almost frying from the immense pleasure the movements give you, the pain is barely there anymore.

Oh he makes you feel so good.

It was all worth it, making him jealous was intentional, he’s never rough with you, it frustrates you almost, he’s soft, way too soft, sometimes it gets boring, you like him being gentle, but… you know a man like him Is not like that with everyone.

You know, he treats you special and you love that, you love being his special girl, but damn.

You want him fuck you like he hates your guts.

“Look at you crying like a slut, creamin’ all over me like that.” He’s so filthy with his words right now and you love every second of it. “This is what you wanted right?” Your vision is blurry, your mind is numb, nothing but the feeling of him fucking you so good has you mesmerized but you see the way he clenches his jaw, beads of sweat flow down his forehead, his dark hair sticking onto his face, his orbs are so dark, his eyebrows are furrowed.

Oh he looks so sexy, his teeth nibble on his lower lip.

yes! yes!

You want him to ruin you.

You scream into your mind, too fucked out to physically give him the answer.

“Now your big fuckin mouth is all silent, eh?” He rolls his hips against in such a delicious way you let out a whimper, your eyes roll back to your head at the sensation.

“‘Got me so fuckin angry and jealous, baby.” He confesses, his face is so close to yours, his features are more clear than before, he is so beautiful it makes you want to cry.

Well, you already are.

Toji’s scent is all over your body, all over the large room, you love him so much, you know he loves you so much too.

But it makes you feel so happy as he rants about his jealousy while being so deep inside you.

“Fuckin whore!” He seethes, his mouth attacks your neck, its all teeth and tongue, his wet tongue licks your skin, the feeling is so ticklish that you whine, Toji ignores it and bites the skin hard, sucking marks so he can mark his territory on you.

He’s going so rough on you that you’re sure you see stars right now, your walls flutter around him, your breathing gets older and louder.

Toji curses under his breath, if it is even possible, you feel him getting harder, “f-fuck, quit tightening around me- gonna make me cum..” he groans, his mouth finally detaches from your neck and he kisses your mouth full.

You think you’re going to cum too.

“Nah uh.. sluts don’t get to cum.” He growls into your mouth, you whine as a year escapes your haze filled eyes.

He knows your body so well.

“Shoulda known better than to make me jealous babe, now ‘m gonna make you my own cum dump, jus’like you wanted, right baby?”

Oh shit.

[somereaderinblue]

LMK God Games

Did somebody say LMK x Epic the Musical??? I had to post this after seeing these amazing YT animatics which I highly rec. Anyways, enjoy some LMK Nezha content!

[NEZHA]

Father, general, rarely do I ask for favors

Now I humbly, beseech you to spare some mercy

For a dear friend who’s a prisoner far from home

Sun Wukong.

[LI JING]

Divine intervention, is that what you seek?

To untie apprehensions that were placed on that beast?

You may upset the balance for an ape full of shame

But if he's worth the risk of such loud dissent

Let us make it a test.

Convince each of them that he deserves to be released, and I'll release him.

[NEZHA]

Who's them?

[LI JING]

Nüwa! Lao Tzu!

Guanyin! Ao Guang!

Chang’e! Or Me.

What do you say?

[NÜWA]

Great.

[LAO TZU]

Very well.

[GUANYIN]

Agreed.

[AO GUANG]

Hmph.

[CHANG’E]

Groovy!

[NEZHA]

Bring it.

[NÜWA]

You know well I'm a fan of nature’s all

So with so many creatures gone

Has Wukong no heart at all?

[NEZHA]

Their intentions meant him harm

He had companions under his charge

It was a hard choice to make

To live another day and prevail despite the stakes!

[NÜWA]

Fair point, release him.

[LAO TZU]

Trust is not real without care

Why should we offer him a hand?

He turned his back on all his friends.

[NEZHA]

Did you forget they failed to listen?

He was betrayed and then imprisoned

But if you make the right decision 

He can still build a future with those he misses.

[LAO TZU]

Fine, release him.

[GUANYIN]

Though he is strong and mighty, your friend Wukong

Has a callous heart, disregards others for himself.

[NEZHA]

He was busy fighting-

[GUANYIN]

More like busy spiting the deities

It is only fair he faces comeuppance for his crimes.

[NEZHA]

Wait! Please reconsider this….

[AO GUANG]

Really Nezha? These old tricks?

[NEZHA]

Ao Guang!

[AO GUANG]

What kind of so-called warrior just uses his power

Uncaring of those in the crossfire?

He didn’t even spare his brothers

Turned to fodder to sate her

Traded all their lives to demons of bone

Untrustworthy, obtuse, upfront

Pathetic and weak like his son!

[NEZHA]

Hold your tongue now! His son's my friend!

And when were second chances something we can’t spare?

You want redemption? Then set him free

To get back to his homestead for atonement, you’ll all see!

[GUANYIN & AO GUANG]

Very well, release him.

[CHANG’E]

Hey bestie~

So many legends, so many tales

Give me one good reason why yours should prevail!

[NEZHA]

He's got some nice golden vision!

[CHANG’E]

Try harder.

[NEZHA]

He wields a mighty staff!

[CHANG’E]

You can do better than that!

[NEZHA]

He's kind of funny?

[CHANG’E]

Eh…

[NEZHA]

Never once does he stop loving his mate.

[CHANG’E]

Release him!

[NEZHA]

I’ve done your test and passed! Release him.

[LI JING]

You dare to defy me? To not know your place?

No one beats me, no one brings heaven shame!

Power, madness, balance, justice

I must show you right from wrong

To cease this tantrum once and for all!

.

.

.

[GUANYIN]

Is he dead?

.

.

.

.

An entire lifetime unfolds between Nezha’s heartbeats.

Sun Wukong’s life.

As a troublemaker, a warrior, a king……

Then a husband, a father.

How lovely the day had been, the memory as sweet as the peaches and plums they had gorged on.

And then-

“YOU’RE ALONE!”

The words erode him from within like rot through fruit. He’s not alone, he has powers mortals could only dream of having a speck of, he has his father, brothers and duties-

He has Wukong’s friendship. Or well, he had it. 

Nezha blinks and suddenly he sees Xiaotian, MK, Wukong and Macaque’s son, their legacy, the star to their sun and moon, Nezha’s-

“-friend, I couldn’t ask for more!”

Wukong was wrong.

He knows what he’s fighting for now.

.

.

.

.

Through the blinding glow of Li Jing’s attack, a flurry of pink lotus petals explodes in retaliation.

Gritting his teeth, Nezha’s arms trembled under his shield. He takes one step forward, then another, and another-

His shield shatters, he takes two steps back. He barely raises his spear in time to block his father’s next blow. The shaft of his weapon is molten lava in his palms. 

He loses his spear first. Then most of his armor, then his wheels, ah he hasn’t walked in a while, with how shaky his legs are he’s surprised he’s still upright-

Then he’s not. His father’s wrath rumbles in warning. What was one more act of defiance?

And so Nezha, Third Lotus Prince, crawls up those final steps and uses the last of his strength to grab the Pagoda-Wielding General’s fluttering cape.

.

.

.

.

[NEZHA]

Let him go….please

Let him go…..

[idiaandazulstan]

GUYS WAHT IF NOAH MEETS MIKU (random ahh idea i came up w/) Miku was rushed btw i CARE ABOUT NOAH MORE THAN MIKU 👹

Stoopy oneshot!!: (the slanted and orange text is Noah btw, this is my first time at doin oneshots!! Idk)

The Chris McLean building!!(workplace)

Noah was doing the host's orders like normal, getting diabolical sugary coffee for his boss, making sure the interns are NOT slacking off, testing the challenges for the next gen campers(victims), feeding the exotic animals(dangerous), all the hard stuff!!

BUT what the brainiac didn't expect was getting his phone CRACKED just because he accidentally slipped!? AND meeting a rando that emerged from his phone, color pallete looking like cotton candy?!?(Including her whole figure seeming transparent as well, is he going cuckcoo like Izzy now?)

"WHAT THE FUCK WHO ARE YOU?!!" He scrambled to stand up, getting his pen from his pockets to point at the random girl, while she just waved at him like they were friends. "Who does she think she is??"

He calmed down after a few minutes, putting the pen back in his pocket, then looking at his cracked phone on the ground, sighed, "At least it still looks functional..." Noah grabbed his phone, pocketed it, then looked at the girl, "Hey, what's your name. You clearly aren't an employee here."

She smiled and introduced herself bubbly, "My Name is Hatsune Miku! And-" Then started giving information about herself too much, that just drains Noah's social battery. He rolled his eyes, then grabbed her arm leading her to the exit, while Miku just kept on rambling about herself.

Noah then thought to himself while leading her to the doors."Can she just stop her spewing... Though, it's alright i guess, since Owen influenced me to just listen. Plus they kind of both have the same extrovert-ness." His mind drifted to his best friend, wondering if he's probably eating or busy with Izzy and Eva.

The 'shining' exit doors was now in his peripheral vision, so he stopped dragging her, "There. Now shoo, this environment is dangerous." He pushed her to the door, turning around to do his one remaining order from the maniac(Chris McLean).

But she grabbed his arm "Wait!! Can you come to my concert? I promise it'll be worth it!" She rambled to him on why it would 'be worth it' to come to her concert, while he just rolled his eyes(for the nth time) "seems that running her mouth is apart of one of her talents."

_______________________

Tbh that was kinda eh, also might be some spellin mistakes, but like i don't rlly know how to write that well tho, i have this dum SWEET NO DEATH (game by Arcadekitten /i forgor) fanfic on Wattpad called Hypnosis it's a au, u can check it out if ya want!!! 😋 BAAIIIIIIII‼️‼️

[sleepingdeath-light]

cat boy s/o hcs ; laios touden

requested by ; shadowsalone / pj simp anon (08/07/24)

fandom(s) ; dungeon meshi

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; laios touden

outline ; “dungeon meshi eh...?

General dating hcs and smut for Laios and perhaps a catboy!reader? 👀”

note ; first time writing for laios so this may be rather shaky in terms of his characterisation

warning(s) ; none, just fluff!

being a person with nonhuman traits and dating laios touden is basically asking to have your biology and body language intensely studied and meticulously noted down — he’s mindful enough to not make a complete ass of himself and trample over your personal boundaries of course (you are his boyfriend and he does care about and respect you, after all), but sometimes he can’t help himself but bombard you with questions or just stare curiously at any visible feline features you have during the quieter moments of your journey

he has a whole separate notebook dedicated to the little things he finds out about you (dietary preferences and restrictions, body language tells, physical differences between you and a standard tallman like him, etc., etc.) — there are also some more personal notes in there too that are both flattering and adorable, but it’s mostly him making notes about your species while using you as his primary source of research

he thinks all of your non-human traits are absolutely adorable (even the ones that aren’t traditionally ‘cute’, like sharp teeth, cat-like eyes, and claws) and he is by no means afraid of letting you and anyone else in earshot know that

if your cat-like biology also impacts your diet then he and senshi will make sure that every meal you all eat as a group is completely safe for you to consume — it may take them a bit longer to gather and double check the available ingredients to make sure that you can actually ingest them without any side effects (there isn’t as much research done into what monsters are edible for felines as there is for other humanoids, much to his frustration), but it’s more than worth it in his eyes if it means getting to see your eyes light up as you enjoy his cooking and praise him for his efforts

if you’re comfortable with physical touch then you’ll rarely go more than a few hours without laios pulling you into his arms and holding you close: stroking your tail, playing with your hair, scratching behind your ears, squeezing the palms of your hands and watching in awe as your claws extend and retract in response, etc. — and this isn’t just something he does because he wants to cuddle with his boyfriend after a long day of fighting and eating monsters (physical touch may not be his main love language but he’s not completely opposed to it either), he also does it because being affectionate with you also happens to have the effect of completely calming him down and making him feel at ease and safe (yet another potential quirk of your feline side that he enjoys), which is something he hasn’t really felt since setting off on this journey to save his sister

and if you happen to purr like a cat? oh he won’t ever get enough of hearing that sound — and he will 100% try and test out the idea of that sound promoting healing in other creatures (it’s a good thing you love him, huh?)

90% of the time he’s able to keep his head on straight and doesn’t let his monster obsession get the better of him when he’s around you

… the other 10% of the time is another story

he’s rubbed the thin skin of your ears between his fingers while theorising about how much better your hearing must be than his (while he thought you were asleep, of course)

he’s combed his fingers through the soft fur of your tail, gently bending it to-and-fro as he quizzes you about its functionality and sensitivity

he’s woken you up in the middle of the night, his nose pressed gently against yours, so that he can watch your eyes adjust to the light, diligently writing about whatever it is he noticed

he’s walked by your side through floor after floor of the dungeon, showering you with questions about yourself and your kind that range from mortifying to endearing to expected — all asked as bluntly and excitedly as you’ve come to expect from your monster-obsessed s/o

he’s even offered you his hand to bite so that he can observe and experience the difference between your bite force and the marks you leave behind and his own — chilchuk and marcille both immediately spoke up to protest that particular experiment and insisted on you two keeping a sensible distance between yourselves from that point until your next rest

(naturally as soon as you all settled into your camp that night, when everyone else was distracted or already asleep, he brought it up to you again with just as much excitement and fascination as before — if not more)

he just… really finds you interesting, that’s all

[spikezonebby]

this time i do have horny stuff for you. bad month to have the idea in but oh well. I have this strange HC that Cybertronians are really sensitive in certain parts, for example, a Seeker's wing tips, or just any Cybertronian's spark chamber.

So I had this idea. A human builds a device, basically a fucking rose toy but more hidden. Calls the poor test subject Transformer over and asks them to open their chassis, put the device on their spark chamber, and fucking turns it on. Basically its like putting a vibrator on their clit....

Listen Ghosty we don't worry too much about no-nut-november around here. We're around for a good time not a long time. Heads up, this one got away from me.

Sex toys, spark chamber stimulation, and orgasm denial under the cut! Also a little KOBD with Knocks being a menace. Do I also tag pet humans? It's mentioned once. Eh not gonna tag it, it's not worth hunting for if you're into it lol

Now the *spark chamber* being sensitive? Oh that's a fun one. I thought about the spark because duh, spark merging. But the chamber? Kinda makes sense when you think about it because you gotta know when your important internals are being harmed.

The idea of sticking a rose vibrator on one of them though is hilarious lmao imagine if it's someone like Prowl or Shockwave with a huge chassis so they *can't reach it to take it off.*

What are some other Cybertronians with big chassis that wouldn't be able to reach it? Breakdown probably. TFP Predaking? Predaking is hilarious too because he's so HUGE can you imagine him trying to scrape his huge servos over his chamber to knock it off and he keeps missing it?

There's a size element here too because this could be good on *anyone* huge. TFP Megatron with a mischievous pet human that stuck it on him when he was recharging and it's not strong enough to get him off but it is strong enough for him to notice it.

All the time.

For hours on end.

And he's got big servos, he probably can't even pinpoint exactly where it is! Even worse if it's someone who just keeps turning it off and on periodically.

On the note with Breakdown I feel like-- if you follow me for kobd reasons-- Knocks would love torturing poor BD with it. He already thinks the humans have good tastes in horror movies and cars, he can probably appreciate their ingenuity when it comes to sex too. Plus, he seems like the type to think a rose vibrator would be cute. He'd display his sex toys as little art pieces around his room.

So Breakdown definitely gets one stuck on his spark chamber where he can't reach it. Maybe this is Knock Out's way of revving his conjunx up for some rough interfacing that night? On the occasion Knocks does want to get knocked around by BD, he's gotta properly wind him up first so Breaks can just ENTIRELY ruin him.

Or accidentally make BD overload like six times throughout the day. Knocks is having fun anyway.

[carmenized-onions]

Chicago's Kindest | Blurb #02 - Good.

logline; sometimes you just need to hear someone else say it.

[!!!] series history; not a new chapter!! but like, it's fun, and it's better than the nothing you've been getting, eh?

portion; 2k, just over.

pairing; A platonic Rich & Chip fic, for the boys

tasting notes; a pepper of hurt? a bunch of comfort? I'd describe it as fluff, I think.

possible allergies; this blurb is AFTER the next chapter coming out whenever it comes out (Chapter 16). So. Get into that grindset man. there's a fun thing in this hinting at a fun thing to come !! so!! have fun!! You should definitely read the other chapters in the series before this!!

Not a new chapter baby I'm sorry! But I was noodling around this idea, and I think perhaps you may like it. Should blurbs go on the masterlist? Idk.

When you finally tell Richie he's a good dad, it's when both of you least expect it. Mostly because you weren't trying to tell him at all that day. 

It's January. About a week before the Taylor Swift concert. About a week into back to back to back reservations. Richie’s been burning the candle at both ends— He always gets tipped well, so it's not like it's not worth it. He's fucking Richie. He's the go to. He's good with people. ...Right?

Richie might care too much, might write himself in the schedule too much, might cover for wait staff at a moment's notice too much, might do research on guests in his off hours too much, might push himself to be present at every waking moment too much.

He wishes Carmen noticed, he's certain Carmen doesn't. 

He's taking two personal days for the concert. How dare he? He wouldn't do it under normal circumstances, but his sweets takes priority. 

Carmen, his Highness, will certainly notice time-off before anything else. Fucker.

To make up for it, Richie's working a double shift today. And he's made a ten-page pamphlet on all the reservations and details of the guests that'll be coming in while he's gone. He's good. He's Richie. He's a really good manager, a stellar host, fantastic with people. 

Is he a good dad? 

Probably not. Because he scheduled his make-up hours and didn't think to double check his custody hours. Deadbeat. God, fuck you, Carmen. 

It wasn't entirely his fault. Tif asked if he'd want the extra weekend since something about wedding planning came up. And he did, he always does. More time with Eva is good time with Eva.

And usually he's very good at plugging that into his calendar but he got the call at a very busy time on his shift and he just said yes before actually putting it in and then forgot— Who remembers anything that happens in a phone call? She should’ve sent him a summary email—it got away from him, suffice to say. Then Tif texted asking ‘Hey, when are you coming to pick her up?’ and then suddenly he's the bad guy? Deadbeat. Bad dad. Richie Bad News. Fucked accent. Fuck you, David. Fuck executive chefs all together, just write them all off. 

He called around asking any and everyone if they could take Eva off his hands for just a couple hours, but Richie hasn’t really had many connections since his one connection kicked his bucket. The rest of his connections work the same hours as him, at the same fucked establishment as him. 

Well, that’s what he thought, until he complained about this to you over the phone, first thing in the morning, before he’s set to pick up Eva. 

“I could take her.” The words are lovely and jumbled. He can hear you shovelling scrambled eggs into your mouth. “Could just make Lu cover bar, he’s been wanting to test drive alone anyways.”

Excuse Richie, but he’s always been one to look a gift horse in the mouth. It’s a habit. “Isn’t the whole point of test driving to have someone watching you?” He wishes he was eating eggs too, but again, candle’s on fire. He’s choking down a Kashi bar and attempting to be happy about it.

“Meh.” Is all you reply. Meh. “He’s a talented ass chef, he can handle making some fuckin’ cocktails without me over his shoulder.” 

Even still, he’s got to work out all the kinks. “Carmen’s gonna be pissed.” But you both know, while he’ll have a less than stellar day without you, he will have a fucking awful day without Richie. 

“He will live.” There’s a moment of silence, as you finish chewing down your last few bites of breakfast. “…Would you please give me the gift of some long overdue Eva time, Rich?”

And when you put it like that, when you put it like he’s actually the one doing you the favour… Eva is dropped off at your place an hour before he has to clock in. It’s a touch hurtful how excited she is to spend a couple hours with you instead of him. 

“It’s the return of the champ!” But he gets it, as soon as they arrive, and you’re out front on your stoop ready to throw fake punches at Eva like a boxing coach. “They said she’d never be back in the ring folks—” And picking her up. “But here she is, better than ever, ready to face any and every challenger! E-E-Eva!”

Easy for anyone to get excited at the idea of hanging out with you. He wishes he could join in for even a few minutes, but it’s not in the cards— Nor today’s packed schedule. Rich promptly and tiredly runs over everything you need to know for the day, leaning against your doorway as Eva runs around in your apartment. 

“Full of energy today, get ready to be ever so slightly annoyed because she will not stop playing the why game today.” 

“Hm.” You hum, not the least bit annoyed by the idea. “I played that a lot too, I think. It’s simply karma.”

There’s a sigh of a smile on Richie’s face. God he looks burnt out. You won’t prod, though your worried face does plenty on its own. “Can I make you a coffee or somethin’ before you head out, Rich?” 

“No, no, it’s good.” He’s quick to shake his head, straightening up off your door. “I’ll get Copenhagen to make me somethin’, test drive, y’know?”

“A’right.” All you can do is shrug. “I will feed her the normal foods at the normal times, make her take her two naps, and we will be mostly screenless, if we can help it. But I think I fuck with Bluey more than she does, so…”

“I owe you.” 

The reply is off the cuff, “No you don’t, just bring me back a dead plate or somethin’.” 

Richie smiles and nods, but there’s a hesitation to it. And whether you notice it, or he even notices it himself, he’s not sure. But as you close the door, you peek it open, noticing something. You surprise the man, when you suddenly reach out and lightly slap his neck. You scratch at scruff that isn’t there, smiling. 

He lined up his beard. Richie listens. Even when he doesn’t want to.

“Good man.”

You close the door with a smile, like you didn’t just blast open his brain. You know what to say even when Richie doesn’t know what he wants to hear. And all he wants to hear is good. Good job. Everyone sees the work you’re putting in. You’re valuable. 

“What the fuck— Richard, no surprises—” “Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, of course surprises—” “It’s gonna make a mess—” “If Chip were here, you wouldn’t have a problem—” “Well she’s not here, isn’t she? She’s at home taking care of your kid—”

“W—Woah-holy-shit—” Syd has to elbow her way between Carmen and Richie— And a pinata— To break up this fight. “Way too personal too fast, straighten it the fuck up, Chef.” 

She rubs her chest with her fist, and Carmen returns it, after a deep breath. A thousand yard stare towards no one, as he apologizes— Well, he never really says it, but when he says, “My fault. I’m hot.” He means sorry. 

“You need… A second?” Sydney gestures over his general form. “Want to take your ten?”

“Five. Smoke break. Thank you, chef.” And he’s off. Double entendre. He’s always off, when you’re off. 

Syd turns back to Richie. She replaces you as union rep, when you’re off. She doesn’t ask questions, she doesn’t refuse Richie and his pinata, she doesn’t say, ‘Good idea, Richie, Fantastic research on the couple at table sixteen, Good job finding out that they met at a chocolate museum in Brussels as teenagers on separate school trips. It was all worth it, and you’re so valuable.’

She just says, “I’m not cleaning it up.”

But no skin off his back, he shrugs. It’s not meant to be a thankless job, but it is. “Fair enough.” And he puts on his brightest smile, grabs a bottle of champagne off of your shelf, and puts on a fucking show. 

When he’s finally finished, Richie does remember to grab you a dead plate. Well, more specifically, he grabbed a dead plate and then Carmy asked if it was for you, and when he said yes, the stupid loverboy fuck made him wait as he made you— And only you, a star worthy dinner. Yuck. 

He ate your original dead plate in the meanwhile. Richie texts you all this, sending terribly unflattering photos of Carmen during the whole cooking process. You laugh, over text, and tell him you’ll leave the door unlocked for him— Despite as bad an idea as he thinks that is, he just texts back a thumbs up. 

And when he finishes the exhausting day finally, and drives over to your place, and opens your door with one hand, tupperware in the other— He grimaces, as he can overhear his wonderful daughter playing the extremely aggravating ‘Why?’ game, with you, in the kitchen.

He quietly closes the door, not wanting to cause too much of a commotion. Neither of you seem to hear him, so he’s able to listen in. 

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why can’t I use the knife?”

Richie watches from the archway, just peeking slightly. You’re cutting carrots as a late night snack for yourselves. Your back is turned to him and Eva’s sitting on the kitchen counter. She’s not really letting the bowl you’re tossing the carrot sticks in get very full— She’s dipping them in ranch and eating them pretty immediately. 

“Because you might get hurt.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve got little hands, and this is a big knife.”

“Why?”

“Because weirdly enough, big knives always seem to be the cheapest at my grocery store— I really don’t get it.”

“Hm.” She kicks her legs in the air, thinking of her next line of questioning. “Why are you watching me tonight?”

Because Richie’s forgetful, a bad dad, a typical deadbeat divorcee with half a brain— 

“Because I love you. Duh.” Well, of course you have to say that. 

“Why?”

“Because you’re a good egg.”

“Why?”

“Because your dad— And mum— Made you into a good egg.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s a good dad.”

Oh. Thank God for Eva asking on his behalf, “Why?”

“Because he’s good.” You say it like it’s so simple, mind still focused on cutting carrots, like you’ve said something as easy as describing the weather. 

“Why?”

“Well— I dunno, that’s like asking—” You put down your knife to pick up what’s left of your current carrot. “This carrot, why is it a carrot?”

“...” Eva can’t help but laugh as she answers, “Because it’s a carrot!” 

“Exactly! It’s a carrot! It just is a carrot! You can’t ask a carrot why it’s a carrot— It’s just a carrot!” You chuckle in return, putting the carrot back down to chop it once more.

You shake your head as you answer, “You can’t ask why Richie’s— Why your dad is good. He just is. He’s good.”

If he were still alone in his car with his Kashi bar wrappers hearing this, he’d probably be crying into your tupperware.

But he’s here, so, can’t.

He takes a step into your kitchen— “Th—”

Immediately, you shriek, stepping in front of Eva as you turn around, knife in hand. No coherent words come out of you, just screaming, thinking you’re about to pay repentance for leaving your door unlocked. 

He almost drops your tupperware, holding it up in what is either defense or an offering. “Not a third time, Christ, please God?!”

At least he knows that in a time of crisis, you can go to bat for his kid. 

At least Richie knows his best actively alive friend thinks he’s a good dad; thinks he’s good.

At least Richie will think of your words instead of any execs first, in his head. 

yippee!!!

one day i'll write romance for this guy, one day. maybe.

anyways. sorry for my absence!! i cannot say it will improve my loves. don't worry, we're still finishing CK, it has just REALLY gotten tossed down the laundry list. No one reads these, but, life updates:

Got a new job! In my industry! I'll be working part-time hours there, so I had to talk to my current job about going part time--- And they let me!! Lowkey was hoping my ass would get fired so I'd have more time for you and more importantly, the next thing i'm gonna write about. Alas. We ball.

NOT a we ball moment, PARENT GOT THE BAD DISEASE!!! (fuck cancer!!!) Send sweet thoughts psychically, but not through actual message or asks or anything because i DO hate talking about it, but yknow. that's taken up obviously: most of my time lately!!

so many parties in october man. having our housewarming party next weekend. yes i know it's weird to be normal in this state but that's sort of how life is. we have to keep going?? crazy .

anyways. Hopefully once I start my new position, I can have a concrete schedule for writing. But until then! I'll probably write you short blurbs whenever inspiration hits, so send in requests man!!

Not to be stupid but requests and just talking about writing instead of the big bad evil in my life will do WONDERS for my mental stabilty!! so come yap in my inbox about CK and make me write about it.

love you!!! bed time for me now jesus chrsit.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Dear becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys ! Please suggest to your dear sister with the fibromyalgia epiphany, to pursue an Ehlers-Danlos diagnosis! Fibro symptoms are often a sign of this also-very-undiagnosed-in-women condition. (Signed, an EDS-sufferer's wife)

Yeah, she also checked that out last year, a lot of people suggested it (some got... weirdly pushy and insistent about it, and should probably examine that urge). But we're confident it's not.

Thing is, both conditions don't have firm diagnostic tests, so in both cases the game you're playing is 'Can we draw a circle around enough symptoms to say it's X condition?' In this way, it's like a physical version of neurodiversity. There's no solid answer to whether a person has autism, ADHD, dyspraxia, more than one, all, none, etc - you just have to see how many symptoms they have before they trip the diagnostic threshold.

And sometimes, you get symptoms (or, in the case of neurodiversity, characteristics) that apply to more than one category. Time-blindness is common to ADHD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, and dyscalculia, and there's growing evidence that temporal perception is atypical in autistic people; Executive dysfunction is common for all five; etc.

EDS and fibro have similar crossover symptoms, but also plenty that don't. Last year we went through every description we could find for every type of EDS we could find, but ultimately, the only EDS symptoms she had were the crossover ones. The ones that were specifically fibro, she has. The ones that were specifically EDS, she doesn't. Plus, there's no equivalent family symptoms in parents or grandparents, plus a whole bunch of other variables that I obviously haven't spelled out in a short Tumblr post but we who have been there for 41 years of her life (well; I'm younger than her, but eh) know about.

So we're confident it's fibro and not EDS. But, it kind of doesn't matter in one sense - there's no actual treatment anyway, so management now becomes Whatever Works. If that means using some techniques common to both conditions, then who cares what the name is? As long as it works.

However, I shall leave this here in case anyone else wants to consider EDS for themselves! It's always worth exploring.

[irisintheafterglow]

hear me out....Hawks hcs with a significant other who has a Chemist/Potion quirk. Like im talking a buncha potion bottles and glasses of little remedies they've made and have yet to test 🙏. Kei would occasionally find her notebook on the counter or table, the notebook being filled with ideas of new mixes or something specifically for healing for Keigo when he comes home injured

Also love your work! Some of the best things I've read have come from your page

good chemistry (pun intended)

cw/tags: fem!reader, established relationship, pet names (my girl, love, baby)

note: YASS YOU ARE COOKING and so is reader!! please excuse any chemistry misrepresentations i got a 2 on the ap chem exam LMAOO. thank you for the love, i hope you enjoy this!!!! been a hot minute since i wrote for keigo and i missed him :))

likes, reblogs, and replies are always appreciated <3

"you've got a visitor."

you startle when your coworker's head peeks into your lab, carefully setting down the beakers of volatilely combustible liquids on the black counter of the bench. she tilts her head to the side, urgently commanding you to check out whatever was making her so concerned. slipping off your gloves and sliding your goggles up on your forehead, you thank her as she opens the door and your jaw hits the floor. talking to an obviously starstruck receptionist was your boyfriend, still in his flight jacket and sunglasses and causing the biggest scene you've witnessed in the office since all might accidentally set off the sprinkler system. golden eyes flick over to you in the doorway and his mouth breaks out into a dazzling smile, one that has your coworker clutching the back of a chair for support.

"there's my girl," he murmurs, embracing you with strong, open arms and a chaste peck on your forehead, right under your goggles. you can feel the jealous eyes of the entire staff, but all keigo only pays attention to you. "you look beautiful today, birdie."

"you're saying that because i have goggle marks on my face, kei," you remark, unfazed, and he shrugs in defeat. red feathers sprinkle onto the floor and you make a note to remind him to recall them before he leaves.

"eh, worth a shot. you're unfortunately immune to my charm, now. just means i have to come up with some new lines." you scoff despite your racing heartbeat. with his stupid superhuman senses, he definitely knew exactly what he was doing to you.

"shouldn't you be on patrol?"

"i am, but i wanted to see you and bask in your radiance," he grins boyishly, running his tongue over a sharp tooth. despite every cell in your body wanting to drag him into the nearest supply closet and kiss him until you're breathless, you're still skeptical about the unexpected visit. his voice drops to a low, private octave that sends goosebumps up your arms. "also, i think you left a certain notebook on the kitchen table." your eyebrows blast off into the ceiling, panic overtaking you as you whirl your head toward your lab where you thought your formula book was.

"oh my god, did someone take-"

"no, baby. you're okay," he reassures you and the notebook magically appears from the depths of his jacket pockets. "i'm glad i picked it up before i left this morning," he chuckles. for good measure, you flip through the worn pages to verify that every experiment was, in fact, still there. exhaling a deep sigh of relief, you meet his gentle gaze with a thankful smile. the pages were worth more to you than any sum of money, since it held all the formulas for the antidotes and counteragents you made for keigo when he was injured.

you'd created it after he asked, between colorful strings of expletives, why getting patched up hurt more than the actual injury. being the loving partner you are, you decided to do something about it. your quirk allowed you to visualize all possible outcomes for a chemical reaction depending on the quantities of reactants and lab conditions. it ensured that every experiment you instigated would be successful, as long as you followed the conditions in your head down to the air temperature of the lab. your recordings in the notebook started as a simple antiseptic that didn't have the sting of store-bought bottles, one that could douse a wound without so much as a flinch from the injured patient. now, you were part of an independent company that created first aid products for heroes to use and distribute during rescues. and, it was all thanks to the oversized chicken-man that slept in your bed.

"whatcha workin' on right now?"

"some stronger eyedrops for eraserhead," you reply, taking his gloved hand and guiding him into your lab. he delicately picks up a few beakers, inspecting their color through the bottom of the glass like a kid in a soda shop.

"like the stuff you put in my eyes when-"

"when you got hit by that smoke quirk, mhmm," you hum, milling about in front of the shelf of chemicals. "if i figure this out, it'll also help when your eyes get dry from flying."

"you mean, when you figure this out," he reminds you, turning you to face him and pulling you close by your hips. he leans into your hand when you card your fingers through his wind-mussed hair, melting against your touch. "there's nothing in this world that you can't do."

"you're a really sappy guy, you know that?"

"i know it, as much as i know that you're never getting rid of me."

"you promise?"

"as long as the birds still fly, baby."

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[chaotic-goodsir]

'Stop it, Kal. I can't heal you like this.'

What's left of Kal's corporeal form grumbles loudly, but he leans into Dakkar's side and stops disintegrating quite so fast. His hand clutches the back of Dakkar's shirt for support, nails digging through the fabric. 'Ugh, my head.'

'You need to sit down.' Dakkar says, attempting to guide him over to the slope of the hillside. Kal collapses with all the grace of a rag doll, still half a shifting cloud of fog.

'Why don't you stop playing nanny and just heal me already?'

'I can't when there's only half of you there to heal!'

'Ugh, fine!' The fog pulls itself back into a relatively Kal-like shape. Features re-emerge slowly - the other half of Kal's face, bruised around the jaw; his left shoulder and arm, hanging limp at a painful looking angle. He grits his teeth, and Dakkar winces in sympathy.

'That looks like it hurts.'

'Really?' Kal rolls his eyes, all sarcasm. 'I hadn't noticed.'

'You're a terrible patient.'

'Oh, my apologies, your highness. It's hard to be polite when your arm's hanging out of its socket.'

'Here,' Dakkar moves in front of him, puts one hand on his left wrist and another firmly on his shoulder, ignoring the hiss of protest. 'Hold still. And don't disintegrate again, you'll mess it up.'

A faint, warm glow forms around Dakkar's hands, brightening as he closes his eyes. Carefully, he lets the magic shift the bones of Kal's arm back to where they ought to be. Kal is oddly quiet, for once. When Dakkar opens his eyes again, he's looking at him with a kind of awe. It's quickly hidden behind a satisfied smirk.

'Better?' Dakkar asks.

'No. My head's still killing me. When we get back, I need a drink.'

'A thank you would be nice, for once. And you probably shouldn't drink while you might be concussed.'

'Ways, you're boring, Dak.' Kal tests out his newly-healed arm, flexing his hand a few times, then falls back against the grass. 'Alright, fine. Thank you.'

'Don't mention it.' Dakkar says, sitting down beside him.

'Sorry I get into pointless fights so often. They deserved it, though. Bastards.'

'I think if you're the one who needs healing, they technically won the fight.'

'Eh, depends on your perspective.'

'What did they say?' Dakkar's pretty sure he can guess, but he feels the need to ask anyway. Kal scowls. Tendrils of fog still swirl around him, only just visible in the bright daylight. It's like Radiance, he explained once, but harder to control. Dakkar's never asked if it's draining in the same the way the Magic Ways are.

'Nothing worth talking about. They're too scared of me now to say it again.' he shuts his eyes, grimacing. 'It's too bright out here. My head hurts, did I mention that at all?'

Dakkar laughs. 'We can go inside, if you think you can walk?'

'My dear old dad used to say, 'walking is for people without hereditary curses that let them turn into fog.''

'I thought you never met your dad.'

Kal waves a hand. 'Well, he probably said something like that. How would I know?'

He sits up, and the tendrils swirling around him darken, forming a mist that coils itself around his body. When it settles, there's no one sitting on the hillside - only a shifting cloud of fog where Kal used to be.

Even after years of knowing Kal, watching him do that is still unnerving. Dakkar's not sure about the effects a possible concussion might have, either, but Kal seemed fine, and the fog looks same as it usually does.

He can't think of anything to say, and it's not as if he'd get a reply, so he coughs awkwardly. Somewhere in that cloud, he has the feeling Kal is laughing at his discomfort.

'Okay,' he says eventually. 'I take it that means we're heading home?'

In answer, the fog drifts over, settling around his shoulders like a cloak. As he heads back in the direction of the palace, it follows, dark against the bright white of his uniform.

[sterekunhinged]

LET'S GOOOOO Thank you to everyone who participated and became unhinged with me <3

tumblr fic here! by @cantgetoversterek

Worth Fifty Thousand Words by Definitively_Different_Drivel T | 344 words | tags: crack treated seriously, rated T for language/references to porn

Summary: Stiles gaped after Mrs. Brooks. Derek stood beside him, eyebrow raised. Stiles pulled out his phone, searching frantically. "You're not looking that up." Stiles typed away. "Fuck off, do you really think I can just- ignore that possibility?" Derek grimaced, scraping his fingers through the back of his hair. Stiles sputtered beside him. "Holy shit I found it! Oh my god, this was a bad idea, Derek, why didn't you stop me?"

In which Stiles hears some interesting information about his father's past career aspirations and proceeds to makes literally the worst decisions possible.

It kills me to love you by TalesoftheEnchantedForest E | 5958 words | graphic depictions of violence | tags: canon divergence, a hint of dark!Stiles, Pack Alpha Derek Hale but the pack's not in this fic, Getting Together, A bit of stalking, freak4freak, Cum drinking, brief armpit and feet kink, Jealousy, Marking, Bottom Derek Hale/Top Stiles Stilinski ,fucking on corpses, Breeding Kink, Mating Bond, Angst and Porn, Stiles is 17 at the beginning but it's not explicitly stated

Summary: "How did you know?" Derek asks because he didn't mention the date to anyone, and maybe that was a mistake he shouldn't repeat in the future. "I put a tracker on your phone," Stiles says casually, and yeah, that sounds like him. Stiles and Derek's relationship might not be the healthiest, but it works for them, so does it really matter?

Trading Ties by Definitively_Different_Drivel E | 4181 words | tags: Porn With Plot, Kidnapped Stiles Stilinski, Magical Stiles Stilinski, BAMF Stiles Stilinski, Morally Ambiguous Stiles Stilinski, Accidental Knotting, Manipulative Stiles Stilinski, Dubious Consent, Kanima Venom (Teen Wolf), also acts like viagra because fuck it it's smut, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, spell for instant lube/prep, Topping from the Bottom, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Bondage

Summary: "You're awake." Hazel eyes bore into him as he cursed his luck. Stiles frowned, heaving his head up to rest against the back of the chair. He must be getting sloppy. "So," he eyed the man, took in the classic posture and subtle nostril flaring that lay beneath all that leather and gratuitous muscle. He cracked out a brittle laugh, playing the victim. "big bad wolf thought he could waltz in and steal the weakest link, eh?" The man eyeing him scoffed. "Bullshit. You're the linchpin." In which Laura and Derek return after Scott's pack is well established and they're stupid enough to kidnap Stiles as a test. Little do they realize that the guy they thought was the cowardly human strategist is actually a terrifying magical enigma. He's also disturbingly horny, which may be the key to avoiding Derek's impending demise.

Wolf Kissed by Gia279 E | 69,565 words | 38 chapters | tags: Mates, Mates by Choice, Werewolf Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski Gets Bitten, Original Characters - Freeform, Scarification, Stiles Stilinski-centric, animal consumption, werewolf violence, Werewolf Culture, Gore, Violence, Biting, Full Shift Werewolves, Alternate Universe, Pack Dynamics, Hunters, BAMF Stiles Stilinski, Torture, scars are important in werewolf culture, Explicit Sexual Content, Serious Injuries

Summary: Stiles has been smothered under the weight of running his dead mother's tavern for years. When the wolves return from the mountain, when Derek Hale strolls into his tavern and offers him a way out, he leaps at the chance. His abrupt departure fractures his town and turns everyone against his new pack. He's determined to set things to rights after he discovers that the Argents have twisted his choice to leave into something more sinister.

Bring Your Hunger by lanalua M | 2110 words | tags: Magical Stiles Stilinski, BAMF Stiles Stilinski, Getting Together, Nemeton Stiles Stilnski

Summary: Derek was used to tragedy. Used to waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was tired. This, he decided to enjoy.

[ron456]

Rating the Broadway BMC soundtrack based on how fun it is to/ if you can do the macarena dance to it (literally no one asked for this 😭)

I made this cuz' me and my cast mates at my school will frequently do the macarena dance to songs while in the wings/or backstage (sometimes even while ON stage) . I've never been in a production of Be More Chill but I'm just judging based off experience and cuz I tested them 😭 (Yes, I did the macarena to all of these. My back hurts now but it was worth it for science). (Also, it's generally more fun to macarena to fast songs when your joking around backstage so yeah. That affected my rating too.) (Idk I was bored and sad and this came to mind so enjoy, I guess)

Jeremy’s Theme

2/10 there’s a little bit of macarena ability in the middle but eh, not really

More Than Survive

9/10 pretty good. Very fast macarena but fun. And it’s honestly fun to do it during the slower parts like the Christine part. And Michael’s Bob Marley part works pretty well with it. Jeremy’s slow part near the end does not work for it 😭. But regardless, it’s pretty good

I Love Play Rehearsal

4/10 some parts have a steady beat enough to do it but there’s a lot of tempo changes and pauses so you can’t do it that consistently. The parts that you could macarena to, though, were fun, so yeah.

More Than Survive Reprise

6/10 Honestly I was surprised by this one. It worked more than I thought it would 😭. Pretty steady 4/4 time signature (I think, idk Im not a professional). Some pauses, but if you keep macarena-ing, it pretty much works.

SQUIP Song

 4/10 Fast to slow to fast macarena. I guess the original macarena is pretty slow anyways but I’m so used to doing it fast backstage, that I can’t imagine it would be the first dance to come to my head if the SQUIP song was on.

Two-Player Game

5/10 Ehh, I had high expectations for this one but it was kinda boring to do the macarena to 😭. But, I mean, it has a generally steady beat except for that slow part at the end. So yeah, it works but it’s not that entertaining

The SQUIP Enters

0/10 I mean, obviously. It’s not even a song 😭. Just dialogue and frantic noise.

Be More Chill Part 1

3/10 Went from okay, to “no, this sucks”, and then it was pretty fun to macarena during the first part of “I saw it in the window…” but then it got bad again. So generally…not good.

Do you wanna ride?

6/10 Not too bad. Definitely not fun in the beginning cuz it’s too slow. But once it picks up, it works pretty well. The hip shimmy at the end of each macarena “set” (idk man 😭) goes well with this song actually. Made me giggle.

Be More Chill Part 2

5/10 Absolutely not in the beginning. But once things pick up, it’s alright. Kind of a snooze fest to do the macarena to cuz it’s kinda slow but it’s alright. Hurt me not to shimmy my shoulders during “You Wi-i-i-i-i-i-iL”.

Sync Up

6/10 Honestly, sorta fun 😭. Beat is pretty consistent and high energy. Also, it makes me realize that the songs with the “More Than Survive” like, motif, work pretty well for a fun, fast macarena 😭. Nothing too crazy but yeah. It’s good. (Side Note: I’m getting only slightly burned out by macarena-ing at this point)

Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into

6/10  Generally consistent except for the end. It’s fun. Again, nothing too crazy. Though, I would wanna see a version of this song where the ensemble is doing the macarena after I’ve tried it 😭.

The SQUIP Stalks

1.5/10 Very slow Macarena in the beginning. And then the rest you just…can’t. Like at all.

Upgrade 

4/10 Okay, I love this song so much but no 😭. Doesn’t work that much. I mean, you can at some parts but it’s not that enjoyable, I’d say. Other parts, you can’t do it at all or it has to be really, really slow. 

Loser Geek Whatever

6.8/10 Okay, this one, surprisingly, brought up my energy after macarena-ing to all these other damn songs. Like, it’s too slow at some parts but when it picks up, it’s lowkey kinda funny to do it and I could 100% imagine me and my castmates doing a dramatic macarena to this (There’s something about the sadder songs that are just more fun to do the macarena to idk).

Halloween

8.5/10 (I’m not gonna count the slow instrumental part in the beginning of this one cuz, like, it just transitions into, like, a whole completely different song so that doesn’t seem fair to include it.) Really fun. Could imagine myself macarena-ing on stage if I had the opportunity to. Especially during the dance break. I’m not surprised one of the big group dance number song works for this( when I did Beauty and the Beast, we would macarena so much as a joke during  “Be Our Guest”, that our director let Lumiere do it during the improv parts. This reminded me of that 😭😭).

Do You Wanna Hang

0.5/10 I sighed at the beginning of this one. Idk, I guess technically yeah you could, but it wouldn’t be consistent or fun. Especially considering the subject matter. Couldn’t imagine my castmates macarena-ing to this at all. It’s getting slightly higher than “The SQUIP Enters” cuz it’s an actual song but that is the only reason.

Michael in the Bathroom

(I did the Two Rivers one cuz I like that one better and I’m pretty sure the BPM is the same so yeah. idk. The rest are all broadway again.)

 10/10 Okay, wow. Next time I have a depressive episode, I am doing the macarena to “Michael in the Bathroom”. Like, oh my gosh, this was (weirdly) so f*cking fun 😭. Especially during the “Knock, knock..” part and the “I’m just Michael who’s a loner..” part. The slow parts aren’t too hard to do if you have good rhythm but yeah. As I said before, the sadder songs are really fun to macarena to. I could imagine me and my castmates doing the macarena to this. This song was weirdly cathartic to do this to. Was so fun I did it twice. 10/10. Would recommend it.

Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into (Reprise)

4/10 Again, I love this song but eh, not really. You sorta can, but it’s slow and you’d probably stop it after only a couple seconds. I could imagine me and my castmates doing the macarena to it, but, like I said, it wouldn’t last long without people getting bored.

The Smartphone Hour

5.5/10 Again, I had higher hopes for this one but it was just alright. Worked pretty well after the “Here we go!” part and was fun to do fast in the beginning, but there’s a fair amount of tempo changes or interruptions or pauses so you get tired/ bored easily. At least for me. I really love this song but ehhh… not for doing the macarena to. Idk. I’m losing my mind at this point.

The Pants Song

5/10 Too slow in the beginning to macarena😭And then when it picks up it feels a little too fast. Slightly overwhelming. Lowkey gave me anxiety to keep up. Idk

Pitiful Children

4/10 At the beginning I was like “oooo this works!” but then I got bored and also got a back cramp while doing it 😭😭. Idk. It’s alright. It’s repetitive, which I guess is how it should be for the macarena but, for me, the most fun part of doing the backstage macarena is having to adjust to the tempo just a little at times but not too much where it’s annoying or basically impossible. Hard to keep the energy up after a bit. This bored me eventually.

The Play

2.7/10 There is so much chaos going on during this 😭 Like, it’s fifty different reprises at once, I swear. Christine’s part is pretty fun and goofy to do it to, but everything else is mostly dialogue. I wanted to give it more points cuz Christine is in it but that didn’t seem fair so yeah.

Voices in My Head

5.8/10 I mean, ya know, it works for a majority of this song. Even some parts where Jeremy and Christine are talking. Gets a little too slow at one part. And then it’s way too fast to do the macarena at the end😭. So yeahhh. It’s a trip idk.