#eck masters

[mysteryofvampires]

Is somebody gonna match my freak (rereading our favourite books again and again and obsessing over the characters)?

[tryingforthedelicatehopeofitall]

I am actually crying after watching that scene for like 15 times straight (gay). Everything in that scene just pulls at my heart strings.

Sipping tea (I am assuming it's tea)!!!! Comfy clothes!!! The way they are so comfortably sharing each other's space!!!

The way Wylan opens up to Jesper and tells him that Ketterdam has never really felt like a home. I haven't read the books yet but from the fics I do know that he has had an abusive childhood and his own house surely could have never felt quite like home either.

The way Wylan tries to be so nonchalant while saying “so of course I came back” and then the way he says with conviction that there's no one better than him!!!! I am so proud of him 🥹

And then the way Jesper is listening to him so intently and then makes that key with the coin he was playing around with in his other hand and the twinkling sounds in the background 🥹

It's so obvious that it's a key but Wylan does not assume and asks Jesper what the key opens. The way Wylan is a bit unsure and then hopeful but still processing the information that yes indeed that key is the key to the kingdom inside Jesper's room that could be their home :"",,,)

And I cannot even process that kiss right now. ...

I am just so emotional right now. Wylan and Jesper and their love means so much to me 💙💜💖🫶🏼

[six-of-crows-hyperfixation]

Master List

Tumblr: six-of-crows-hyperfixation

AO3: Talking-Crow

* * * * *

When Crows Blush (Office AU) 💦

Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul (Soulmates AU; Famous AU; Social Media AU) 💦

Nothing But a Broken Wing (Massage with a happy ending) 💦

Like a Throne (They discuss face-sitting) 🍓

I dreamed we were criminals (Domestic AU) 🌼

So Right (Trans AU) 💦

Bedroom Walls (Collage AU; Ninej POV) 💦

💦 = E rated

🍓 = M rated

🌼 = G rated

[santmat]

Origins of Ekankar & the HU Chant, Also: Vegetarian Ethics, and, Rules For Being Guru: https://medium.com/sant-mat-meditation-and-spirituality/the-hu-chant-the-sufi-origins-of-hu-and-sultan-bahu-a3580c9e571f

“You can not just brush the surface of a culture and pretend that you’ve found an answer. We must turn inward to the deepest of our own roots to find the very best of who we are.” (Ravi Shankar)

[lic-jac]

[dreamtigress]

Seriously, check @jccatstudios genius.

I just went back through Chapter 3 pages to clock exactly when Kaz swipes Van Eck's family crest pin, and I ADORE how sneaky you were with that. Well done.

Someone noticed finally!!! Kaz really saved me from drawing that thing so often. This panel was specifically dedicated to Van Eck's change in design, hand gesturing toward the tie and all haha:

[19burstraat]

Random SOC Trivia I Gathered On My Reread

I'll be using this for fics, but it's fun just to read!

Jesper does not hold alcohol well (though this is according to Kaz, who is not exactly impartial)

Wijnstraat, Nemstraat, Havenstraat, Ammberstraat are all street names if you want em

Van Eck has been involved in trying to clean up the Barrel; pious. (Allegedly pious, I doubt he really is)

1/5 Van Eck (or general Kerch trading?) vessels are lost at sea

Kaz arrested three times at ten, twice at eleven, once at fourteen. Does stints in jail but it does not say prison (ppl assume he's been to Hellgate / another prison but I don't think so. He'd never have shut the fuck up about it if he had; I assume the Stadhall Jail)

Kaz's cane is lead-lined. I wasn't sure if this was canon or fanon

Kaz runs book on prize fights, horses, and chance games. Floor boss at crow club since fifteen-ish. Youngest to run a betting shop and has doubled the profits.

Gambling halls: Treasure Chest, Golden Bend, Weddell's Riverboat, Silver Garter

West Stave brothels: The Blue Iris, The Forge, The Obscura, the Willow Switch, the House of Snow

Van Aakster is the widow mercher who sees Nina to ease his grief

Inej likes orange cakes in white paper

Black Tips tattoo is a hand with first and second fingers cut at the knuckle, Razorgulls is 5 birds in wedge formation

Nina Jesper and Kaz definitely all have the crow and cup; the others don't

Jordie seems to like books

ridderspel and spijker are arcade games

Bilge, clams, and wet stone smell in the Barrel (per Retvenko)

Kaz definitely is partial to dogs; Smeet's hounds and the grey dog the Hertzoon household had, the windup dogs, the metaphors. He loves a dog metaphor sorry ur not real babycakes you'd have loved thematic web weaving posts

Geldspin is the cotton mill in Zierfoort, Firma Allerbest is a cannery. Both in Alys' name

Wylan was 8 when Marya 'died'

the black veil tomb is carved like an ancient cargo ship

3 flying fish on a grave: government. Palm trees and snakes: spices.

Inej's mother braids her hair with orange ribbons (colour of persimmons)

University a series of buildings built around the Boekcanal and joined by Speaker's Bridge (where people debate and/or drink). Boeksplein four libraries built around a central courtyard and the Scholar's Fountain

Shipping container at third harbour is a Liddie hideout; Jam Tart House is an old hotel near the slat that the Razorgulls use

Long scar across Kaz's right knuckle

Violating contracts and interfering with the market can get you hanged in Kerch; same sentences as for murder (this is. Insane)

Haskell holds court with his mates at the Fair Weather Inn every week

Belendt is the second oldest Kerch city and sits on the Droombeld River

Jesper was 7 when Aditi died

Inej has an uncle (who seems to have some sort of ringmaster role) and cousins; Hanzi and Asha

Kaz convinced a locksmith in Klokstraat that he was the son of a wealthy merchant who highly valued his collection of priceless snuffboxes, and that's how he knows what locks the rich are using

Hubrecht Mohren, Master Thief of Pijl, who Kaz doesn't appear to think much of; one of Haskell's old cronies

Martin Van Eck, Wylan's great great grandfather, was a ship's captain, brought back a big shipment of spices from Eames Chin and started the Van Eck fortune

Kaz and Jesper (+ other Dregs boys) taught Inej to fight

Kaz and Jordie are from a town near Lij, as per the 'Johannus Rietveld' exposition, but Lij is seemingly the closest major city/county so it's easier to just say they're from Lij lol

The last time the Council of Tides appeared in public was 25 years prior to CK

Kaz found Filip running a monte game on Kelstraat; he also got the clerks who turned over fake info, the fake attorney, the man who gave them free hot chocolate

The spelling of Zentzbridge lapses to Zentsbridge, not sure which is right or if they're actually separate bridges or if there's a lot of wrong quotes floating around lol

Dryden house symbol is the golden wheat sheaf bound with a blue ribbon; Van Eck is the red laurel but we knew that

Kaz taught himself finance and gambling hall rules

Church of Barter roof is copper and long has turned green

Church of Barter built around the First Forge / The Mortar, which is a flat lump of rock that's supposedly Ghezen's altar

Ghezendaal Hospital is. Idk. a hospital. Just thought ppl might want the name

[wylanspipebomb]

i made a master doc of all of wylan’s anxious habits and thoughts from crooked kingdom. enjoy:

“Wylan tugged at the hem of his sky-blue jacket… and tried to look at ease.”

“All he had to do was… figure out what to do with his hands. Clasp them in front? Too much like a singer at a recital. In back? Too military. He tried just dangling them at his sides, but that didn’t feel right either. Why hadn’t he paid better attention to the way waiters stood?”

“His hands were shaking as he took the bottle from the silver ice bucket…”

“So Wylan took stock of the room’s details - a trick he’d often used to steady himself whenever he arrived someplace new…”

“Wylan knew he couldn’t have prevented his father from double-crossing the crew and kidnapping her. He knew that, but he still felt responsible.”

“��Oysters, miss?’ Wylan asked. His voice sounded too high. ‘Buttered prawns?’ Too low.”

“What am I doing here? He found himself gnawing on his thumb and forced himself to stop.”

…Kaz never yelled the way Wylan’s father did but, Wylan had learned to listen for that low note, that bit of black harmony…”

“...Wylan said, fiddling with a pen on one of the blotters.”

“Wylan tugged the strap of his satchel… Wylan tugged on the satchel strap again.

“Wylan was gnawing on his thumbnail.”

“‘Will he?’ Wylan said softly. He used his finger to draw a line across the map of Ketterdam…”

“Wylan pulled on his lip.”

“‘Don’t you think we should be more cautious?’ Wylan asked, his own face buried in the collar of his coat.”

“Wylan tried to make himself relax and unbuttoned the roughspun coat Kaz had obtained for him.”

“‘Come here.’ Warily, Wylan sidled closer.”

“Jesper released a guffaw that had Wylan looking frantically over his shoulder again, afraid of drawing attention.”

“Wylan tugged at a thread unraveling from the sleeve of his coat.”

“Jan Van Eck had done his best to care for his son, and if he’d failed, then the defect lay with Wylan… and everything he said made perfect sense. Wylan could not be trusted with a fortune because he would be too easily swindled. Wylan could not go to university because he’d be the target of mockery.”

“His father’s ire had been unpleasant, but it was his logic that haunted Wylan- that practical, irrefutable voice that spoke in Wylan’s head whenever he thought about attempting something new, or trying to learn to read again. ”

“Wylan felt ridiculously pleased - until he thought about Kaz finding out. Then he felt a little like the first time he’d tried brandy and ended up spewing his dinner all over his own shoes.”

“Wylan waited, nervous.”

“Wylan looked down at the bouquet. It seemed smaller and more straggly than he thought.”

“... on it sat a vase of the wisteria Wylan had seen outside. He inhaled deeply. The smell was comforting.”

“He set the wildflowers down on the desk. Their stems were broken. He’d been clutching them too tightly.”

“Wylan leaned over his shoulder and felt a hopeless, choking panic grip him… he fought for breath. ‘Jesper, please,’ he begged, his voice thin and reedy. ‘Read it to me.’”

“Jesper pulled him into the chair behind the desk and pressed against Wylan’s shoulder blades, urging him forward. ‘Put your head between your knees, focus on the floor. Breathe.’”

“Wylan forced himself to inhale, exhale, to gaze at those charming blue tulips in their white tile boxes.”

“Wylan took a deep, shuddering breath through his nose. He couldn’t fathom what was happening, couldn’t understand the scope of it.”

“So just do one thing at a time. It was a technique one of his tutors had taught him to try and keep him from getting overwhelmed by the page… Wylan had managed to apply it elsewhere”

“One thing at a time. Stand up. He stood up. You’re fine. ‘I’m fine.’”

“‘We’ll be fine here,’ Wylan managed in a voice that sounded too loud and too hearty to his ears.”

“Wylan studied his mother, his thoughts a jangle of misplayed chords.”

“He’d planned to play it beside her grave like some kind of idiot.”

“Wylan didn’t register the walk down the drive…”

“He hated that Jesper was seeing him cry, but there was nothing he could do, not about the tears, not about any of it. He buried his face in his arms, covering his head as if, were he to only will it strongly enough, he could vanish.”

“‘You don’t understand. It was me. I caused this.’”

“Because through all of it, he’d believed that he deserved his father’s contempt…”

“Wylan wanted to be brave, but he was cold and bruised…”

“Wylan had stayed inside for two days, terrified.”

“His second was that his father had sent someone new to kill him. He gripped his paddle.”

“All Wylan wanted to do was stand as close as he possibly could to him and know that he was safe.”

“‘Kaz,’ Wylan said, twisting the tail of his shirt.”

“Wylan nodded, anxiously. ‘I’d like that.’”

“‘I don’t know why I’m so nervous,’ said Wylan.”

“He’d clenched his hands so tightly in his lap his knuckles had become white stars.”

“‘I can’t read.’ His skin went instantly blotchy, but his voice was steady.”

“Jesper could see the anxiety in his face, what it cost him to speak those words. It made him feel like a coward.”

“Wylan fiddled nervously with the buttons on his shirt.”

“‘It felt like I’d choke on the words. I was so afraid he’d sneer at me. Or just laugh.’”

“... in the afternoons he’d spent sitting in the pantry or curled into a window seat behind a curtain, hoping that everyone would forget him…”

“Wylan drew a line on the floor with his finger.”

“Wylan’s heart stuttered. Sound it out, Wylan. A child half your age can read this without trying. He’d thought he was ready for this.”

“Wylan hesitated. ‘You can go if you need to.’”

“This was the nightmare he’d had countless times as a child - standing in public, his deficiencies exposed.”

“Wylan tried to smile, but Jesper could see he was all nerves.”

“‘I feel like an intruder. Like any minute, my father’s going to barge through that door and tell me to get out.’”

‘“I was terrified. I still am.’ He looked down at the keys and played a gentle chord.”

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Kaz and Wylan’s potential to become each other

Wow, you guys were a lot more excited about this than I was expecting! I made a post briefly mentioning this idea and it got way more attention that I was expecting, so as promised here is my explanation and I’ve tagged people who asked for it at the end :)

*WARNING: CONSTANT SPOILERS AHEAD*

Ok so the driving forcing of this comparison is rooted in the similarities of their characters and their backstories. Both of them lost a close family member, were abused by men with power over them, and experienced a form of ‘rebirth’ by nearly drowning in the Ketterdam canals. They also both experience disability; Kaz using a cane for a broken leg that didn’t heal correctly, and Wylan having severe dyslexia that prevented him from learning to read. A key difference that separates them, and arguably is a representation of the difference in the way their experiences have shaped their personalities as well, is that Kaz’s disability is a direct result of his chasing after vengeance, whereas Wylan’s disability was used as an excuse for his father to abuse him for what we as the reader see to be a minimum of eight years. (I’m assuming this because he is 16 in the book and was 8 when his mother ‘died’, which is the point that he describes he father to have “given up on him”)

I’m gonna quickly hop to parallels between Kaz and Pekka Rollins, bare with me I promise it’s relevant, which are quickly established as a key part of the novels. When Inej compares them, Kaz’s reply is “I don’t sell girls, I don’t con helpless kids out of their money” to which she gently responds “look at the floor of the Crow Club, Kaz”. Aside from this being the heartbreaking line that it is, it also does a very good job of highlighting their similarities and a similarity that they share with Jan Van Eck. When they meet the merch at the end of the first book they meet on an island called Vellgeluk, which is described as being popular with smugglers and slavers like those who kidnapped Inej. The other Crows are surprised Van Eck knows about Vellgeluk, but Kaz simply says “maybe he isn’t the upstanding merch he appears to be”. Great subtle foreshadowing for his double cross, and great establishment of the link between these three characters. In fact, Van Eck and Kaz echo each other more than you might think. Just as Kaz states “Greed bows to me, it is my servant and my lever”, Van Eck says “Yes, Chaos will come. And I will be it’s master”. In their first meeting, Van Eck accuses Kaz of murder and gambling with people’s lives, and in return Kaz points out that 1 in 5 of Van Eck’s ships will never return because they will sink or “fall prey to pirates”, so they are both doing the same thing, and that they both have the same motivations for this bloodshed: “profit”.

Now consider how often Wylan echoes Kaz, and therefore whether he echoes his father as well. They both have exceptional memories, Kaz’s being photographic/eidetic and Wylan being able to put words to music in his head to remember pages worth of infomation - this is even emphasised by Kaz being able to count cards when he gambles, saying “he could keep track of the game for up to three decks” and Jesper asking Wylan if he’d be able to apply “that trick to counting cards” to which he replies “probably. But I won’t”. They also both have impressive intellects, which could have placed them far higher up in the world than they’ve found themselves if it weren’t for cruel circumstances - Van Eck even comments on this, saying it angers him that Kaz has so much potential but does nothing with it. Then there’s their tendency to avoid being vulnerable. I think we too often overlook the fact that no-one knows Jan Van Eck hired two men to kill his son, not even Jesper, and that not even Inej knows what happened to Kaz on the Reaper’s Barge. Jesper believes that Wylan left his house as a result of his father’s abuse but that it was still his choice, and Inej has no information beyond “Pekka Rollins killed my brother” and the explanation of the con when Kaz faces off with Rollins in Crooked Kingdom. I genuinely believe that the biggest thing separating them is where they place blame for their situations. Kaz blames Pekka Rollins. Wylan actually blames himself.

Arguably, although he catalysed the events, if Rollins hadn’t conned Kaz and Jordie they still would have suffered in an almost identical way: they would both contract the Queen’s Lady Plague, they wouldn’t have enough money for both medicine and boarding, and Jordie would die. In that scenario Kaz would have still been left penniless and alone with nowhere to go, but he wouldn’t have had anyone to blame. In fact, he may have died as well because it’s really his drive for vengeance that makes him strive for survival. When he’s on the Reaper’s Barge he wonders if it’s worth trying to survive because there’s nothing waiting for him in the city, but then he realises that the chance of revenge is waiting for him, and that thought drives him to stay alive every day that follows. Without Rollins, Kaz probably would have blamed himself for Jordie’s death, and I’m backing that up with the singular moment when he’s first attacked by parem-high tide makers and has a brief “boy’s fear” that they are ghosts. He thinks, for a split second, that a ghost has come to kill him and what does he say? He says “Jordie had come for vengeance at last”. This is chapter three. We have no idea who Jordie is. With the limited information we had at the time and what we’d just seen happen to Big Bolliger, I assumed it was someone in Kaz’s gang that he had backstabbed and who has died because of what he did. But no. This single line leads me to wholeheartedly believe that Kaz blames Rollins, who realistically was only a small part of his suffering, quite so vividly to emotionally avoid blaming himself.

Wylan blames himself until around chapters 14 to 16 of Crooked Kingdom. His experiences with mental, emotional, and physical abuse have actively convinced him that his so-called ‘inadequacies’ caused a change in his father’s behaviour. But Wylan not being able to read didn’t magically turn Van Eck from a lucky family man into someone willing to try “specialists, tonics, beatings, [and] hypnotism” against his child. The fact is that Van Eck, like many abusers, is masterfully manipulative in everything he does. Wylan describes seeing his parents’ marriage as a happy one, but he also says “the argued all the time, sometimes about me. But I remember them laughing a lot too”. He’s quick to defend their relationship as if it isn’t supposed to be marred by argument and he lays blame on himself by suggesting that he was the root of their unhappiness. He also says that around Alys, Jan Van Eck becomes who he once was around Marya; a kinder, gentler man. I don’t think we’re meant to assume that he’s acting any differently with Alys in private right now, but I do think we’re meant to assume that he would have done down the line if he hadn’t been arrested (and presumably she filed for divorce). In chapter 14 of Crooked Kingdom, Wylan learns that his mother is still alive but that his father had her committed and declared insane so he could use it as grounds for divorce and marry Alys instead. And you know what happens? Wylan blames himself. He says, verbatim, to Jesper: “You don’t understand. It’s my fault”. He explains that Van Eck did this so he could have a “real heir”; because Marya produced a “faulty” child he needed a new woman to give him the child he wanted. That’s a messed up thing to think on so many levels, but Wylan doesn’t blame Van Eck because he is still being conditioned by his abuse. He and Kaz experienced different kinds of abuse, and Kaz wasn’t conditioned to blame anyone but his abuser, so that’s what he does. When Wylan does begin to blame Van Eck, he is immediately taken in by this same idea of revenge. Kaz says “you were angry. I needed you righteous” when explaining why he sent Wylan to St Hilde blind in chapter 16. Wylan was angry with his father before, but he wasn’t actively seeking vengeance. Now that he has a cause, someone other than himself to fight for? He tells Kaz “well, now you have me”.

Both of them have this potential to be fuelled by revenge or self-hatred, and although they go about it in different ways and lean towards different sides of the scale they are both balancing between those two extremes for the entire duology. Their past experiences have, and their future experiences could, tip them further either way but right now they are almost playing with the line.

Thank you so much if you’ve bothered to read this far, sorry for the long post but you did ask for an essay, so there you go. Tagging the people who asked - @kazooyay @mikasimaginairyworld @sunseeking-cyptid @moonlit-aura @alexplutoplanet @gandalfsmallnaturals @livsarthaven @goodomenstrack23 @origami-butterfly @flower-biatch @bookworm010307 @thesunniest @wherela @space-ace-thoughts @sixofbabycrows @antisocial-burrito

Sorry if I missed anyone!!!

[bazkrekkerbrokemyshin]

the crows as pirates

Kaz Brekker - Captain - Dirtyhands all the way, baby. Think of that one Oomen scene. Ruthless captain, but keeps them alive. Soft spot for his crows, but shhhhh. It would be really funny if he had a pegleg, idk. - Despite captains technically only being completely in charge during battle, everyone tends to listen to him. Voted in for his excellent planning/escape skills.

Inej Ghafa - Quartermaster - Still the Wraith. She can find her way onto any ship and steal information. Pays special attention to slave ships. Kaz’s right hand man. Knows the seas well, so she helps with navigation sometimes.

Jesper Fahey - Master Gunner - Knows his way around any firearm, always has his revolvers on him, but typically mans the cannons more often. He’s got an itch to use his guns but they usually don’t get close enough for it to be more effective.

Wylan Van Eck - Former Powder Monkey, turned (Demo) Gunner - Taken by the Dregs from Van Eck’s ship. Now he makes explosives for the gunners and stuff. He's good with maps if someone points out which locations are which, so he helps with navigation sometimes.

Nina Zenik - Sailing Master - People in this role are usually bad at it but she can sense others’ heartbeats so if she knows what to look for, she can track other ships down. If they’re not tracking someone down then Wylan and Inej can help with navigation.

Matthias Helvar - Boatswain - Taken from a Druskelle ship. Forced into helping the Dregs. Extremely reluctant at first, but falls into his role as boatswain nicely at some point.

—

masterlist

[aceinejghafa]

From Six of Crows:

“Some people see a magic trick and say, ‘Impossible!’ They clap their hands, turn over their money, and forget about it ten minutes later. Other people ask how it worked. They go home, get into bed, toss and turn, wondering how it was done. It takes them a good night’s sleep to forget all about it. And then there are the ones who stay awake, running through the trick again and again, looking for that skip in perception, the crack in the illusion that will explain how their eyes got duped; they’re the kind who won’t rest until they’ve mastered that little bit of mystery for themselves. I’m that kind.”

This quote says a lot of things about Kaz, but I’m going to focus on one aspect: Kaz doesn’t believe the magic trick. He can’t say “oh that was cool” and forget about it because he needs to know how. He needs to understand how he was fooled, how the trick works, how it fits into his worldview. He can't rest until he figures it out.

Magic is when something happens that we can’t explain. Kaz needs to find the explanation.

But we also have this quote:

“The harbour wind had lifted [Inej’s] dark hair, and for a moment Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world.”

“A boy again” — this is suggesting that Kaz’s disillusionment with magic is because of everything that happened to him because of Pekka. Pekka fooled Kaz and Jordie; Kaz failed to figure out what was going on. It seemed like magic, but then it wasn’t. Now, Kaz doesn’t believe that there’s magic anymore. Pekka shattered his belief that things could be inexplicable.

But Inej is the exception to this: she makes him feel like there’s still magic in the world. Kaz can’t explain her (or doesn’t want to).

Now, Kaz often seems to function by figuring out what drives people and using that to his advantage.

“It was a guess. Pekka’s pride in the Dime Lions is plenty predictable. Kid probably has a thousand lions to play with and a giant wooden lion to ride around on.” “How did you even know he had a child?” “I figured it out that night at Van Eck’s house. Rollins wouldn't stop flapping his gums about the legacy he was building. I knew he had a country house, liked to leave the city. I’d just figured he had a mistress stashed somewhere. But what he said that night made me think again.” “And that he had a son, not a daughter? That was a guess too?” “An educated one. He named his new gambling hall the Kaelish Prince. Had to be a little red-headed boy. And what kid isn’t fond of sweets?”

Kaz figures out what motivates Pekka — the explanation for Pekka’s behaviour — and uses that to beat him.

He even does that with his own people, like Big Bolliger at the beginning of SoC:

“You’re lazy. I know it. Everyone knows it. So I had to ask myself why my laziest bouncer was getting up early twice a week to walk two extra miles to Cilla’s Fry for breakfast, especially when the eggs are so much better at the Koperoom.”

That’s how he realises that Big Bolliger is a traitor. He analyses people and figures out how they work, friend and foe alike. That’s why he wins.

But Kaz doesn’t know how Inej works — if he did, she wouldn’t be magic, would she? Kaz trusts Inej to gather secrets for him, even though he can't control her the way he controls everyone else.

And then we have a quote about Inej:

“But what about the rest of us? What about the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls? We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to wring magic from the ordinary. That was how you survived when you weren’t chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway.”

“To wring magic from the ordinary.” Inej is talking about herself, but that's what she does for Kaz, too — she shows him the magic in the ordinary. She tells him that not everything is ordinary; not everything can be explained; not everything is a magic trick. Sometimes, it’s just magic.

This is why I am obsessed with Kanej. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[swanimagines]

SAIL TO ME | WYLAN VAN ECK

Summary: After you accidentally kiss Wylan, Jesper needs to make you believe that maybe it wasn't as embarrassing as you thought it was.

The meeting room was quiet, as the seven of you were looking over the upcoming plan - Kaz had just told your assignments, your job being fetching some stuff from the market. So now you were hunched over the corner table, writing down notes for your pre-heist shopping trip.

You put the quill away, pouring some sand over the paper and then picked it up, reading it over one last time. You turned around abruptly, not knowing Wylan was right behind you peering over your shoulder - and somehow, your lips met his as soon as you collided with him. You retreated right away of course - well, after a second or two because you were shocked - and caught a glimpse of Wylan’s face turning redder than Nina’s robe before he quickly turned away, and you swallowed, trying to play it off, clearing your throat and waving your shopping list towards Kaz.

“Okay, um… so we’ll go fetch some iron fake coins with Jesper. And a lock. Got it.”

“Fake copper��coins. And not real copper, it’s too expensive, this will be a distraction and not a charity. Didn’t you pay attention?” Kaz retorted with a sigh, and you nodded, muttering a confirmation before making your way to the door before anyone else could say anything.

Jesper had to run for a few steps to catch you, and started to grin at you immediately when he fell into step with you. You endured it for a good five minutes, but when he wouldn’t stop, you groaned, stopping and facing the sharpshooter. “What?”

Jesper laughed. “You kissed the merchling,” he sang.

“No, I did not!” you exclaimed, maybe a little too loudly.

“And got flustered about it.”

“No I didn’t, stop it.”

Jesper shrugged. “Okay, why were you so close, staying still, after you turned?”

“Why does it even matter?” you retorted, then sighed. “We got spooked. Wylan was right behind me, and I didn’t notice him. I turned and Wylan didn’t have time to react, and… in the process our lips may have touched. I’m not sure though, it was over so quickly.”

Jesper snorted, looking at the grey sky for a moment before shifting his eyes at you again. “And you’re saying you didn’t enjoy it?”

“No…” you mumbled, shifting weight between your feet. “Well, a little.”

Jesper raised his eyebrows. “A little?”

You groaned. “Okay! Quite a lot. But I know he doesn’t like me back, it’s stupid to like him.”

Jesper huffed. “Not so sure about that. His behavior changes a lot whenever you’re around.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, he’s shy. Maybe I’m intimidating him,” you replied with a shrug.

Jesper chuckled, shaking his head. “No, I’m pretty sure I recognise lovey-dovey expressions when I see them. I’m the master of romance, after all.”

You rubbed your forehead in frustration, giving in. “Okay, I’ll talk to him. Later. Not now, we have shopping to do.”

“Yes! Finally. Nina owes me,” Jesper cheered and you laid a puzzled look on him, and Jesper grimaced. “Uh, we might have bet on which of us gets the ship sailing.”

You groaned, rolling your eyes. “Charming. I’m flattered, truly.”

Then, you continued walking, quicker this time, and Jesper had to take a few running steps once again. You spent the rest of the shopping trip almost completely silent, letting Jesper ramble about his own love adventures, and now a small flame of hope was igniting your insides. You were nervous to talk to Wylan, but you also were excited for it - maybe it would lead to something you had dreamed about for a while.

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[thegrandefinalestory]

Der Ofen piepste. Das Rohrgemüse war fertig und musste bald raus. Du hast dir angewöhnt, immer auch mehr Gemüse zu machen, genauso wie es deine neue Freundin mag. Anni ist mit ihren 24 zwar um ein großes Eck jünger als du, dafür sorgt sie sich aber sehr um ihre -und damit deine- Gesundheit. Sie achtet auf Ernährung, bringt mehrmals wöchentlich ihren kurvigen Körper im Gym in Form, macht nebenbei noch ihren Master. Beruflich ist sie seit einem halben Jahr in einer Eventagentur zu finden, wo sie „digital content“ produziert. Ein paar Instagramvideos für Veranstaltungen, denkst du dir, und blickst auf die Uhr. Sie ganz so aus, als hätte sie wieder länger zu tun heute. Was für eine Arbeitsbiene, denkst du.

Und zu tun hat sie auch, deine Anni. Doch nicht so, wie du vermutest. Denn während du zuhause das von ihr genauestens aufgetragene Abendessen zubereitest, bekam deine Freundin am Rücksitz des Mercedes ihres Chefs gerade einen Proteinshake verabreicht. Indem der mehr als doppelt so alte Ex-DJ deine Anni tief auf seinen pulsierenden Schwanz drückte, den sie die letzten 15 Minuten hingebungsvoll gelutscht hatte – und er sich nun tief in dem bezaubernden Hals deiner Freundin ergoss.

Während dicke Spermaschübe von deiner Freundin artig geschluckt werden, hast du zuhause keine Ahnung, dass das ein fixer, wenn auch von dir verborgener Bestandteil ihres Jobs war. Und da gab es noch so manche mehr. Denn schon der Abend, an dem sie ihren zukünftigen Chef kennen lernte, endete nach dem Club damit, dass sie mit einer Kommilitonin bei ihm die Afterhour ausklingen ließen, gemeinsam im Whirlpool. Seine Eloquenz, Anziehung und sein Legendenstatus in der Szene führten dazu, dass recht bald beide bis dahin emanzipierten jungen Frauen ihn verführerisch von unten anblickten, als sie gemeinsam Zunge an Zunge seine Eier lutschten, während er ihnen Jobs anbot in seiner Eventfirma.

Er bräuchte affine Expertinnen für Social Media, die seine Events promoten. Und auch für sein Zweitbusiness in Frage kämen. Was das Zweitbusiness war, wussten die beiden Mädchen dann 2 Stunden später, als sie beide ineinander verschlungen seine Sahne aus dem Poloch der anderen herausschlürfte, während ihr Chef mit der Kamera groß draufhielt.

Und so kam deine Anni zu diesem Job, war viel unterwegs auf Events, produzierte viele Ankündigungvideos und Live-Stories, ganz offiziell. Und irgendwann am Abend kam dann immer der Moment, wo ihr Chef auftauchte, ihr die Kamera aus der Hand nahm, sie backstage oder in irgendeine Ecke zog, und sich von ihr seinen großen Schwanz verwöhnen ließ. Und deine Freundin fand Geschmack daran, im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes. Sie fühlte sich begehrt, es hatte den Reiz des Verbotenen, wurde fürstlich entlohnt, sie erlebte Abenteuer und vor allem auch Unmengen an guten, hartem Sex. Wie an dem Abend, als der Chef deine Anni gemeinsam mit zwei Clubbesitzer in deren Büro über der Stage mit Blick auf das Publikum richtig durchnahmen, während der Headliner auf der Bühne stand. Wie er ihr danach nur einen knappen Bikini ließ, der ihre runden Brüste kaum, und die abgefüllte Pussy schon gar nicht bändigen konnte. Und sie nach dem Vierer jede Stunde einem anderen Geschäftspartner vorführte, der die junge Master-Studentin nach Belieben benutzen durfte. Kein Wunder, dass sie immer direkt unter die Dusche hüpfte, wenn sie zu dir heim kam.

An Tagen ohne Abendveranstaltungen spielte wieder „digital content“ eine Rolle, aber mit deiner Anni vor der Kamera. Ihr anonymer Onlyfans Account „deine clubslut“ erfreute sich großer Beliebtheit und Umsätze. Du bist natürlich nicht auf der Plattform unterwegs, aber würdest du über ihre Profil stolpern, so sähest du Videoclips von Anni unter DJ Pults mit fremden Schwänzen im Mund, lange ungeschnittene Produktionen mit ihrem Chef, der sie stundenlang im angrenzenden Schlafzimmer der Agentur durchnahm, und auch den best performer: Der Tag, an dem Anni ihren Chef als Gastvortragenden in ihren Master-Lehrgang mitgebracht hat, und er dann nach dem Vortrag deine Freundin und ihre Kursleiterin, die nur wenige Jahre älter war als sie und den Chef auch aus der Party-Szene kannte, mitten im Hörsaal abwechselnd in ihre gespreizten knackigen Ärsche fickte. Allein das Video brachte einen sechsstelligen Betrag ein. Warum war sie dann bei so einem Leben immer noch mit dir zusammen? Ganz einfach – ihr Chef will es so.

Genauso wie er jetzt den Snap deiner Freundin aus dem Auto heraus an seine Followerschaft teilt. Und wie er sich überlegt, ob er seine kleine Studentin hier noch durchficken soll, oder ob er sie jetzt aus dem Auto aussteigen lassen und die paar Meter zur Einfahrt eures Wohnhauses und zu dir gehen soll. Nach kurzem Zögern greift er wortlos erneut nach Annis Kopf. Du kannst warten.

[sissytobitch10seconds]

It's Only Sex

Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows and Shadow and Bone Summary: Kaz has learned a lot about himself since he got into a relationship with five of his closest friends. It seems that the learning isn't quite over because his brain is currently trying to kill him with how hard it's chewing on this specific issue. Even Inej seems to have gotten through her issues to have physical intimacy with their partners, so why can't he? Warnings: Mentions of sex, implied traumatic childhood experiences, and internalized acephobia Word Count: 6,018 Ship(s): Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa/Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck/Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik

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A/N: So not only is this fic based off of the song "It's Only Sex" by Carseat Headrest, but it's also based off my own feelings when I discovered that I was asexual and then later when I realized that I was aromantic. I did stuff because I thought that I needed to do it and not because I actually had a desire for it. It's a bit of projection onto Kaz, but hey! That's what fanfiction is all about, baby. I hope that you all enjoy! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Kaz woke early on Thursday and Tuesdays because that was when his eight AM class was. He didn’t know who had assured him it would be a good idea to schedule something so important that early in the morning when he had to take public transport from his apartment across town, but he was beginning to resent them more and more with each week. He knew that the only reason he hadn’t dropped and rescheduled the class at a more convenient time was because he enjoyed the subject immensely. Nothing had ever made more sense to him in his entire life than numbers and complex mathematics.

The first thing that he was aware of on those fateful days was his phone alarm blaring at him so that he woke up and got ready for the day without too much rushing about.

He grabbed the device and slid his gloveless fingers across the screen until it finally registered what he was trying to do and turned the infernal music off. He then collapsed back down on his bed, one arm over his eyes and the other still clutching his phone as it slipped down into the space between his mattress and nightstand. His leg ached from the walking that he had done on his date with Jesper the night before. It was to be expected, he always had a flare up when he did something that wasn’t quite as kind to his body as it should have been. It didn’t make it any easier to deal with, not when he was already doing something that he was apathetic about at best.

He placed his phoned down on his nightstand and then forced himself into a sitting position. His knee creaked obnoxiously and sent a spike of electric-hot pain up and down his leg to his ankle and hip. He pushed through the pain as he had done so many times before, standing as he limped over to his dresser. He pulled out the clothing that he was going to wear for the day and held it under his arm so that he could get to the bathroom.

The one thing about having to get up around six in the morning two days a week was that he got the bathroom to himself. They had managed to find a place that had enough bedrooms to service them all, but there were only two bathrooms. Three of them shared the ‘master suite’ bathroom and the other three had to make due with the smaller one that also serviced guests. Kaz usually had to go last because Inej and Jesper both had complicated hair routines that they did every morning and night. When he woke up early for his class, though, he was permitted to have a bit more hot water and time to get himself ready.

Stepping into the bathtub was always the most difficult part of his morning routine, even more than exercising the aching of his knee. Despite all of the work that he had been doing with his therapist and on his own, despite the fact that he had years between him and the trauma that had given him the slightly irrational fear, it was still difficult. His partners had tried desperately to find something big enough for all of them that also lacked the bathtub that would hurt Kaz so much, but it was nearly impossible. He had learned to live with it and was getting better as time went on, especially after Inej put the flower stickers along the bottom for extra grip.

Today it seamed easier, somehow. He shed his clothing into the closed top hamper and then stepped into the stream of water before it had fully heated up. The droplets pelted his back and front until he was completely soaked. He could feel the edges of the flowers digging into the soles of his feet and the slickness of the bathtub in between them instead of the ankle-deep water that plagued his unconscious mind with untold nightmares. He focused on the feeling of the shampoo in his hair and the way that the sides were growing out again.

He was going to have to ask Nina to cut it for him when she got back from her classes at the technical college. She told him over and over again that she hated his haircut, but she was also the only person that she would allow to cut his hair. It was one of the more perplexing things about his girlfriend, but also one of the things that he loved most about her. She would tease him until she was blue in the face but she also treasured him like he was something special and precious.

Kaz finished with his shower before any of the others began to worry about the water running too long. It was annoying to have someone come knock on the door of the bathroom every morning when he exceeded his allotted twenty minutes, but he also understood why they did it. He had given them quite the fright right after they had moved in, to the point where he was sure he had added a nightmare into their portfolios. He had had a panic attack and froze in place for nearly an hour. By the time that Jesper had managed to get the door open, Kaz had been shivering like the last leaf during a typhoon and nearly hypothermic because the hot water had run out a long time ago.

Now was a good day. He had made a lot of progress since they had all moved in together as college Freshmen. He was close to graduating now and had medication to help remedy the imbalances that his brain had made for itself. He had partners that loved and respected him, that had waited years just to be able to hold his hand.

Kaz brushed his hair with the comb Nina insisted that he use and then styled it back with a quick swipe of his fingers and some gel.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, the door to the bedroom that Inej and Jesper shared opened to reveal the former of the two. She scrubbed at her eyes with her hand and then smiled as she tilted her head down towards Wraith, the little black cat she had saved before they had moved into the apartment together. “Good morning to both my shadow men,” she said with a bright beam. “May I give you a kiss?”

“Are you asking me or the cat?” Kaz asked, raising a brow at her.

“I was asking you, the cat always wants a kiss,” she laughed.

The sound of tinkling bells and pure, unadulterated joy rushed through his bones like nothing had ever done before. He could get drunk off that sound, and he often had during their early dates together. “You may,” he replied before he stood in the hall stupidly for too much longer.

She cupped the side of his face with her calloused hand and then brought their lips together briefly. It was only after they broke apart that he realized she had tricked him, spinning them around so that she had the access to the bathroom that she wanted every morning.

He allowed it only because he knew that she got up before all of them on normal days for her practice. She may have been going to college for something completely unrelated, but she had never given up her love for aerials. Her parents had instilled the love of adrenaline and acrobatics into her when she was very small and she had carried it with her throughout the rest of her entire life. Kaz loved seeing her after she came back from practice, looking as though she had just run a marathon and as though she couldn’t be happier even if someone handed her a puppy.

He heard the door click behind him and then chose to peak in on Jesper. His boyfriend was meant to be giving him a ride up to the university as he had an extra study session with some of his engineering classmates, but it was unlikely he was going to wake up in time. Kaz would have to settle on taking the bus, even though he hated doing that more than he hated the prospect of going swimming.

When he got to the door of the bedroom, he paused and leaned to the side. In the master, where Nina, Wylan, and Matthias usually slept, he could hear the faint rocking of bedsprings. His entire face flushed when he heard one of Nina’s breathy moans, usually only done around him when something was particularly delectable. He turned on his heal and marched towards the living room as quickly as he could.

Kaz moved through the process of making his usual breakfast, what his mind told him he had to eat or he wouldn’t be able to function properly, his thoughts were on something entirely different. His hands moved secondarily to the rest of his thoughts, going through the motions and paces that they made every morning without fail.

He knew that his partners all had different relationships with each other. Inej and Jesper dated more like best friends that happened to kiss sometimes. Nina and Matthias were practically married and half in the grave with the way that they argued but loved each other so deeply. Nina and Inej were girlfriends in every sense of the world, giggling and holding each other like they were precious. Jesper and Wylan teased each other but were also so smitten they acted like they were middle school sweethearts. Inej and Matthias were still dancing around each other and their feelings like they had only just met despite having been dating for months. Matthias and Wylan went out on plenty of dates together and interacted as if they had fallen in love when they were in their senior year of university hundreds of years ago.

They all had a different dynamic with each other and yet there was a fairly strong through line with all of them. They had been able to hold hands, kiss, and cuddle from the get go while Kaz had to work to get to that place.

Kaz knew that wasn’t completely true. Inej had come from a bad relationship with a much older woman thad had groomed her with the promise of money. Heleen Van Houdan had apparently been doing it to a lot of girls, assuring them that she could get them enough money to make them comfortable. She promised them homes, expensive gifts, fame, and even education. She promised it all and then when it came time to deliver, she manipulated them into thinking that they had to service her ‘friends’. She was a pimp in everything but practice since it was only legal in a few very narrow parts of the world.

That experience had damaged Inej significantly since it had happened when she was only fourteen and in the foster care system. She had gone to a lot of therapy and worked on herself to try and get through it, the same way that Kaz was about his haphephobia and hydrophobia. Every member of the polycule assured her that she didn’t have to feel guilty about it when she was having a flashback. They were patient and kind with her as she adjusted to the feeling of having hands on her while still having the ability to say no to them.

He knew that same trust and patience was extended out towards him. He had seen it happen time and time again with each of his partners. Jesper and Nina cuddled like they were going to suffocate if they didn’t have someone wrapped around them at all times, but they still made sure that they didn’t walk too close to Kaz when they were out and about. Wylan wasn’t able to ask because of his own insecurities and trauma, but he would make it clear what he was asking for if he wanted something and couldn’t wait for Kaz to offer it instead. Matthias would just do anything that he was asked to do and nothing more, which meant that touches weren’t given unless they were requested.

His relationship with Inej was the one that was the most understanding, of course. She knew what it was like to feel no longer inside of one’s body when touch was given without consent. Kaz’s situation was far different than hers, there was no way that medical trauma could be comparable to being trafficked as a teenager. Still, she knew what it was like to be consumed with that floaty feeling and removed from one’s body. She had always been there to sit next to Kaz on the bed and talk him down from his panic attacks. He tried to repay her by reminding her that no one was owed anything from her, that she was her own person and if they expected something from her that she didn’t want to give then that was their fault.

She had been patient with him almost to a fault, which had made him fall so far in love with her that he couldn’t quite imagine a life without her. He knew that he would let her go if that’s what she decided would be best for her life, there was no way that he would keep her like a caged animal the way that so many others had. He also knew that her absence would leave a hole in him the way that Jordie’s death had, the same kind of burning and poison slipping through his veins during his every waking moment.

He loved her more than anything and it broke him inside every time he thought about them breaking up because he wasn’t good enough for her. He knew that the other partners would leave something gaping and painful in him as well if they decided to leave, but none of them would be as bad as her. He had talked about that with the others a decent amount but none of their conversations had ever delved into what his mind was circling now.

She had worked so long and so hard on her touch issues. She was able to cuddle against Nina like it was as easy as breathing. She allowed Jesper to come up behind her and kiss her neck while spinning her around on her good days. She could hold Wylan’s hand and play with his curls while they talked about the stars. She could touch parts of Matthias’ body that Kaz had looked at in awe while she helped him with yoga and have him touch parts of her body that were far too intimate while he helped her with workouts. She could even let Kaz pull at her hair while he tried (and often failed) at braiding it.

Kaz was doing better than he had been when they were freshmen and had just moved in together, he really was. Back then he couldn’t even let them stand next to him fully clothed. He had worked long and hard to be able to hold hands when they were both wearing gloves, and then when only the other person was, and finally barehanded. He could tolerate hugs and cuddling for the most part, he had even managed to settle his feelings on kisses.

But one thing had returned to Inej that he wasn’t sure he was ever going to be able to touch. Despite the fact that her trauma had to deal with sex far more than his did, he had never been able to do anything sexual with his partners.

It wasn’t for lack of trying. He had thought about it plenty, even before he had overheard the goings-on of the bedroom while getting ready for his early classes. He knew that when people were in relationships they were supposed to feel attracted to each other’s bodies. He was, to some extent.

He thought that Nina was beautiful, with her long brown hair that curled and bounced around her face almost as if it were a wig and freckles that shone under her forest green eyes. He knew that Jesper was handsome, an angular face always contorted in a smirk and stormy gray eyes that spoke of mischief untold. Wylan was as cute as he had been when they were all eighteen, always wrinkling his nose when he was working or laughing and his deep blue eyes shimmering with joy now that he was away from his father. Matthias was handsome and anyone that couldn't see it was stupid, he was built like a brick house and rugged. Inej was gorgeous the same way that the sea was, deadly and always moving.

He knew that they were beautiful and handsome and anything else that they wanted to describe themselves as. He had seen them at their worst, like when Wylan had given them all food poisoning while trying to make Snickerdoodles. He had also seen them at their best, like when Nina had finally overcome her addiction and made a full recovery from rehab.

Yet, for some reason, he had never wanted to be intimate with them in those ways. He wanted to curl up in their skin and breathe in the beating of their hearts. He wanted to hold them close enough that their atoms would fuse together and they would cease being separate people. He wanted all that and more, but he couldn’t stomach the idea of being physical with them in that sense.

Kaz couldn’t think about it anymore, however, as the buzz of their apartment reached its peak. Both bathrooms were going and Jesper had just finished removing the bonnet from his hair. They were going to finish eating and then head up to the university in the matter of seconds, which meant that there wasn’t time or space for a crisis. He was able to give each of his partners a quick goodbye before he and Jesper had to rush out of the door lest they be late for their respective activities.

---

By the time that he got home late that night, he was tempted to put the whole thing in the back of his mind and never touch it again. He could already hear his partners and therapist telling him that wasn’t a healthy approach to his life and it would only result in him being miserable and unhappy, though. He couldn’t give more than a single shit about what his therapist thought of him since her only job was to help him overcome his phobias, but he did care deeply about what his partners wanted out of him.

So he said hello to them as he always did when he got back from campus and then retired to his room. Wraith was asleep on his bed on the hoodie that he had stolen from Inej the day before, so he was glad to have some company that wasn’t human and wouldn’t ask questions. He sat down heavily in his desk chair and booted up his laptop, plugging it into the charger that he kept at home as opposed to the one hidden in his laptop bag.

He really should have been working on some of the homework that he had gotten assigned that day so that he wouldn’t have to work on it as late the next day or that night, but he had homework of another kind that felt more pressing.

His fingers hovered over the keyboard of his laptop for what felt like an eon but was really only a couple of seconds before he began to type. It was a question that had arisen in his mind when he was in his second class of the day, one that had made his entire body feel like he had plunged back into that ice pool his foster family had used to try and cure him years ago.

It felt easier now that it had been sitting in his mind and he had grown more used to the idea of asking it in the first place. He let out a low breath as he hit enter and let Google take him to the results. He scrolled through the first several ads that he saw, which reminded him to update his ad-blocker so that would stop happening. Wraith yawned by his side and reached her little paw out so that her claws hooked into the material of his jacket. He reached down and placed his bare hand on her side to remind her that he knew she was there while he continued to sift through his findings. He clicked on the first YouTube video that came up and watched a couple seconds of it before he closed the tab and continued looking.

None of the answers that he was receiving were the ones that he wanted.

This wasn’t the first time that Kaz had considered if he was asexual or not. He knew that he didn’t look at people or have the same fantasies as everyone in his high school class had. He never tried to sneak a look at the other boys as they changed nor did he think that he was clever to pretend to walk into the wrong locker room. He thought that those things were deplorable and senseless, not just because they were a violation of a human right to privacy but because there was no point. Why would someone desire the body of a person that they had never met before, especially when there was so much else going on.

After he found Inej, the woman that he marveled at when they were sitting on the roof of their apartment building, he had reconsidered again. She was beautiful and he wanted to hold her or be intimate with her in any way that he could. He had never desired her carnally nor had he wished that she would speed up her recovery process like a couple of his previous therapists had implied. He didn’t want her to do anything to him that she wasn’t comfortable with, and he was alright with just about anything that she might want. He couldn’t think of Inej overstepping his boundaries or forcing him into something that he wouldn’t enjoy, after all.

It was different when he thought about the others. He knew that Jesper and Nina struggled the most with his touch issues because they felt the most loved when they were being kissed and held. They cared enough about him to work through the barrier, but it was there nonetheless.

Kaz snapped his laptop shut and let out a huff. If he was going to work through his feelings then he had to do it with the others. He had five partners for a reason, and that was because they all brought a different perspective about the world with them. He knew that they would be able to help him with the problem that he was facing.

The door to the apartment had just swung shut by the time that he and Wraith got to the edge of the hallway. Nina and Inej were lounging on the couch with the former’s hand in the latter’s hair while they watched a shitty b-movie again. Jesper was in the kitchen baking something for his da, who was allegedly coming to visit them that weekend. Wylan was sitting at the table with his headphones on so that his reader could tell him what his textbook said without disturbing the rest of the apartment. Matthias and Trassel had returned from their evening run, having apparently missed the one that they usually took in the morning, because they were standing in the doorway.

“Kaz, strawberry or blueberry?” Jesper asked, holding two bags of colored frosting up with each ask.

“Both, that way he can choose which one he can tolerate more,” he replied out of instinct. Jesper had improved in his baking skills over the years with near-constant practice, but when they had first met each other in high school he had managed to curdle chocolate chip cookies despite the recipe not calling for milk. It was still fun to tease him, especially since Kaz knew that he would get a portion of the sweet set on his desk when it was finished.

The return back to something familiar and comfortable was enough to make him feel more sure of himself. What he was bringing up was something that they had talked about in one sense or another, but he was always worried that whenever he spoke about his issues that it would end up being the final straw for his partners.

Wylan was the first person to notice that something was wrong. Jesper had simply scoffed and gone back to the furious decorating that he was doing behind their kitchen counter. “Is something wrong, Kaz?” he asked, his fingers already tapping at the counter and fiddling with the edge of his headphones. Jesper may have been the one in their duo to have the boundless energy whenever he wasn’t literally unconscious, but Wylan could still give him a run for his money when he was nervous.

“I was actually wondering if you would all be willing to have a discussion with me about something rather serious,” he said. Slowly, he limped over to the seat on the other side of Wylan were he sat down heavily. He hadn’t meant to leave his cane back in his room, after all the classes that he had today there was no doubt that he would need it to get around even if the distance was small. Wraith followed after him until she heard the clicking of her favorite person, which caused her to turn and run after Inej.

“I will come and join the conversation when I have changed,” Matthias said. His accent was heavy as he tried to regain his breath from the run outside. He sparkled with the endorphins that were no doubt rushing through his body from the exercise as well. He waved after his partners as he unclipped Trassel’s leash and let the mutt dart into the kitchen for snacks.

Nina made a startled noise as Inej pulled away from her and dug into the couch next to her for the remote. The smaller of the two girls shut off what they had been watching and turned to Kaz with the midnight dark eyes that made him feel breathless every time they were turned towards him. “What did you want to talk to us about, Kaz?” she asked kindly.

He opened his mouth and then none of the words that had been brewing in his mind were able to come to his lips. He snapped his mouth shut almost painfully and flared his nose as he tried to get his thoughts in order. They only ever did this when he was with his partners, so he was grateful that the others had the patience they did.

Eventually the jumble of panicked thoughts in his head gave way so that they were wrapped around each other in a nice, presentable package. He opened his mouth to speak and they had disintegrated by the time he pushed them from his lips, resulting in him saying, “I don’t want to have sex with any of you.”

Wylan blinked at him a few times and then placed one of his delicate musicians hands in front of his mouth. It did very little to hide the fact that he was smiling, based on the fact that his eyes were bright and sparkling 

Inej had sat up on the couch so that she was perched along the back, her head resting where the picture had hung until last week when Trassel decided it just had to come down. Wraith was purring happily in her lap and they looked as though they were communing with each other about what they were going to say. She was the first to actually speak, too. “You don’t have to have sex with anyone if you don’t want to.”

“Right, of course,” Nina immediately nodded. “We’ve never expected anything other than honesty from you, Kaz.”

“That is not true,” he said, just to be petulant. He knew that his partners wanted him to be earnest with them, to show them his heart and lay his feelings out on the table so that they could take his hand and help him wade through the shit storm that was life. He knew that they didn’t expect him to fall into place the way that other people might if they had pursued him romantically. He wasn’t expected to show up to every meal or to say sweet things or to hold them whenever they desired it.

“You know what she meant, don’t be a brat,” Jesper said. He set down the tray of cookies that he had finished decorating and then washed his hands. He walked around the counter so that he could sit down at the little dining room table and participate better in the conversation. “Sex is literally the most overwhelming form of touch that there is. We know how much you struggle with your haphephobia and PTSD, we would never assume that you wanted to have sex with us.”

Jesper was always so kind to Kaz. He could be snotty and mean when he wanted to, Kaz had seem him absolutely everserate the sorority girls when they got too bitchy, but he had never turned that kind of tongue on him. It was nice to know that passion and love was reserved for him, even if he didn’t always feel as though he deserved it. “It’s not that,” he sighed.

“Do you think that you could explain it to us more so that we could better help you?” Wylan asked. He was chewing on the wrong end of his pen and smearing blue ink all over his mouth.

Matthias walked back down the hall, wet from the shower and wearing nothing but his white track tanktop and a pair of gym shorts. He plucked the pen from Wylan’s hands and set it down on the table as he took the last remaining chair. It was rare that they were all back at the same time to eat dinner together and when they did, they ate it on the ground around their coffee table so that Inej could be reminded of what a family felt like in her culture.

Kaz ran a hand through his hair and then dropped it down onto the table. “I’m not sure there is a better way to describe it. I don’t get repulsed when I think about being sexual with any of you, but I’m also not desiring it the same way that I was with touch.”

“I thought that you were repulsed by the idea of touching us,” Nina commented. There was no judgment in her voice, just a statement of what she thought was fact. It was something that had caused their friendship to struggle in the beginning, before Kaz had realized that she stated her opinion and facts plainly without trying to obfuscate them. He appreciated her ability to lay everything out on the table the way that she did, it made it easier to talk with her.

He shook his head before he began to speak, “I got anxious when you touched me because of what happened when my brother and I got sick. Whenever someone brushed against me, especially skin-to-skin, it felt like I had been put back in that isolation ward. I could smell, taste, and feel everything that I experienced back then. I wanted to touch you, though. When I wasn’t having a flashback I could feel what it would be to do something like hold your hand or hug you. I wanted it but I had a panic attack every time I got it. Sex doesn’t feel the same, I don’t even understand the point of it.”

Jesper and Nina, the two partners in their polycule that could be argued as the most sexual, glanced at each other. Jesper was the first to answer, fidgeting under the table, “I think it’s just fun. The rush of pleasure that you get when you orgasm is nice and it’s another way to be intimate with someone.”

“I think another way to be intimate is a good way to describe it. I don’t feel sexually attracted to Inej or Nina but I love them very much, just as much as I love you boys. I don’t want to kiss them and I don’t really want to see them naked but I don’t mind when they’re loving the same boy as I am. I’m not disgusted by their bodies… I guess it’s more like apathy,” Wylan explained.

Kaz had known that from the beginning, which was one of the reasons he wanted to come out and talk to his partners about his feelings. They had already discovered what a queerplatonic relationship was when Wylan had a breakdown over the fact that he felt something stronger than friendship but different than romance for their girls. The relationship that those three had altogether was different and unique, something that Kaz couldn’t hope to understand underneath what he saw but possibly applicable to what he was feeling now. 

“I don’t feel repulsed by your bodies or attracted to them. I’m hardly even neutral about them, it’s like they only exist as a way to give you all forms so that I can see the parts about you that I love. I know objectively that you are all beautiful but I also think that a large part of that comes from the way that you carry yourselves and the history that we’ve made with one another,” Kaz explained.

“That’s sweet, Kaz,” Inej whispered. He knew that she was the person in their polycule that had struggled the most with her body since it had been made to  betray her so often when she was growing up under Heleen’s hold. She had to work every day to see her body as something that could help her make her goals and help her have experiences instead of something that could be desired and wanted by strangers.

“I don’t think that you have to want sex to love us,” Matthias said. “I want sex the same way that I want to eat. It feels like a need that my body has, but other people don’t have that need as often. I suppose that since it’s not something we need to survive not everyone has it either.”

It made sense when he put it like that. Kaz had never really understood sexual attraction and the way that their fellow college-goers fell over themselves to make out with people that were basically strangers. He sat back and thought about it for a moment, in which time Jesper went back to the kitchen so he could fuss with his cookies to have something to do.

Eventually, he looked over the people that he adored and asked, “Does that make me asexual?”

Nina laughed, “Labels are for us to define ourselves by so that we feel as though we can describe ourselves. If you want to call yourself asexual then you can, no one is going to stop you. But if you don’t want to and still don’t want to have sex with us then that’s fine. Like Matthias said, it’s a need that some of us need to fulfill in different ways because it’s intimate and fun. We’re poly for a reason, love.”

Something inside of him that he hadn’t realized had dislodged itself settled back where it belonged. He didn’t have to label himself anything that didn’t feel right and there was no rush for him to figure out if it did. His partners would be there for him no matter what he ended up deciding because they were good people and he had surrounded himself with them for a reason.

[witchcraftandgeekness]

TVD X Six of Crows crossover almost nobody asked for

Kaz Brekker

(i tried to make vampire!Kaz aesthetic. The problem is, it looks like simple Kaz aesthetic)

In 20's his brother was killed by his sire but Kaz was turned. This traumatic event lead to Kaz's touch aversion, which made feeding much harder for him. Nowadays he gladly uses blood bags.

Kaz lead the gang called the Dregs in Amsterdam for years. He also formed his supernatural crew, the Crows. When the Original Hybrid contacted him, promising a big reward for kidnapping the doppelganger, Brekker couldn't resist the oportunity.

(i have no intention of erasing Kaz's disability, his leg was injured before his transition therefore he is still limping and uses cane)

Inej Ghafa

Inej Ghafa, the vampire of Nepali origin, who was turned by Kaz, which saved her from Tante Heleen, the witch known for making magically-induced contracts. She is called the Wraith for her ability to move soundlessly, even for vampire hearing. Inej had mastered her control and doesn't feed on humans (unless they really, really deserve that).

(i wanted to make her muslim but it somehow didn't work. Ravkan Saints are clear allusion on Russian saints, which are from Orthodox Christianity. Also I gave her Nepali origin because of Amita Suman)

Jesper Fahey

Jesper is a part of Dregs and the Crows. He was born in Australia (Novyi Zem is mentioned to be based on Australian colonies and i love Australia way too much), and went to college in Netherlands. Unfortunatally for him, things went wrong and he ended up working on Kaz because of his sharpshooter skills and secret magical abilities.

(i imagine Colm to be Irish who imigrated in Australia while Aditi is Indigenous Australian and a witch, zowa as their coven called themselves)

Wylan van Eck Hendriks

The only human in their gang, Wylan balances this by being a demolitions expert, and having impressive knowledge of alchemy and chemistry. He is proficient in music and graffiti art as well (because I said so). Later it was revealed that Wylan knew about supernatural from his father, who was the part of Amsterdam's Counsel of supernatural awareness (which wasn't an obstacle when Van Eck needed some magical help for his own profit). Like Kaz, Wylan was born in Netherlands.

Nina Zenik

Nina comes from Russia and more specifically, Grisha – that's how the coven that consists of witches from different Slavic bloodlines call themselves. For many centuries years the coven has been lead by heretic called the Darkling, who was searching for young witches with the proper heritage and recruting them in the coven. Nina was one of them. Until she met Matthias.

When she ended up in Amsterdam and Matthias – in the jail of local coven, she joined Kaz and worked on him ever since.

Later her magic experienced harsh shift, making her magical source rotate around death instead of nature and life. Among other newfound abilities, she now can see those on the Other Side.

Matthias Helvar

Matthias was born in Swedish werewolf pack that had long-term war with the Grisha coven. The youth go through an initiation by killing their first witch. Something went wrong with Matthias' first kill.

He became an outcast by falling in love with one of Grisha, Nina Zenik. He promised to protect her in life and death and proceeded to fullfil his promise. Even from the Other side.

I got hyped up by this AU and can do nothing about it.

[dangraccoon]

The Bad Batch Head Canons - Nicknames

The Bad Batch x You

Hunter

Platonic, You: this man won’t generally refer to you with much other than your name. He may call you “verd’ika” (private/little soldier) from time to time

Platonic, Him: you call him “sergeant” or “boss”, he tells you not to. This goes on continually, but Hunter doesn’t mind

Romantic, You: he tried a couple different nicknames for you but “sarad” or “sarad’ika” (flower or little flower) is what stuck best

Romantic, Him: if you call this man “hun” he won’t know if it’s a shortened version of Hunter or Honey and honestly he couldn’t be bothered to care; he loves it so much either way. Use his formal title and he absolutely will fuck you asap

Tech

Platonic, You: if you’re only friends, Tech probably won’t have a nickname for you, though he may pick up another batcher’s nickname for you if he thinks you enjoy it

Platonic, Him: if you’re the type to throw around nicknames, he’ll likely be confused but ultimately accepting of nicknames like “bud/buddy”

Romantic, You: this man for sure calls you “darling” and will occasionally use the mando’a “cyar’ika”

Romantic, Him: you are the only person in the universe that can call him “Techie” and he will adore it. If you refer to him as your “boyfriend”/“husband” or as “my man” he will melt immediately. If you call him “lover” he will go absolutely feral for for you

Wrecker

Platonic, You: if you are smaller than Wrecker, he will point it out. He’ll usually call you “little one”, even if you’re not that much smaller than him or a version of your name that’s shortened

Platonic, Him: as a counter to his, you call him “Big Guy” or something similar. It’s definitely giving Pike & Grog vibes

Romantic, You: when he gets feelings for you, he starts to use your actual name more often. He likes the sound of it.

Romantic, Him: you call him “babe” or “baby” and he will fall for you all over again, use his actual name or shorten it to Wreck he will be trying to get into your pants

Echo

Platonic, You: to be completely honest, I think Echo would just call you by your first name, or title if you outrank him

Platonic, Him: Echo already has a short name so he’ll definitely be confused if you start calling him “Eck” but he really likes it when you call him “hun”

Romantic, You: he definitely calls you “dear” in public situations and “sir/ma’am” in private ones

Romantic, Him: this man will respond to just about anything. Like those videos of dogs who will respond to the tone of their owner saying sit instead of the actual word, if you called him “newspaper” his attention would be on you.

Crosshair

Platonic, You: you cannot tell me this man doesn’t call you “babydoll” or “kitten”. That’s not my headcanon, I’m taking it as fact.

Platonic, Him: you like to call him “Crossy” to tick him off. It usually works. If you really want to get under his skin, call him “Hairy” but I cannot guarantee that you’ll see another sunrise

Romantic, You: He’s fond of calling you “darling”, but he’ll also drop the occasional “sugar” if he’s feeling frisky, or “fucker” if he’s had enough of your teasing

Romantic, Him: you can call this man anything you want and he will come running. He seems to prefer “sweetheart” over anything else though. Also he definitely has some kind of authority kink so anything in the realm of “sir/master/daddy” will immediately get you into the bedroom