#eat!ng d!sorder

[ptvhellokitty0]

I sure put the eating in eating disorder

[thisshitlivinglife]

I want to reward myself when I reach a certain GW so here is the list:

85 kg: graphic shirt

80 kg: new pyjama

75 kg: an order on temu for 25€

70 kg: a pretty sweater

65 kg: an order on Vinted for 20€

60 kg: new glasses

55 kg: 3 new books

50 kg: dr Martens Jorge

[fairyb0ngwater]

I h@te being f@t I'm not gonna lie

This b!g b0dy

Hurts to live ins!de

I am technically ob3se

And it's not easy

it's not fun

because of the way people look at me

and in reality

I'm just a body floating through space

and I really don't want to hide

but I don't like it at the same time

and that's okay

it's okay to be upset

I just really hope

I don't faint turning

left

2:03 am // d.v.

[maunatia]

HELP LITERALLY ALL I ATE WAS A SALAD YESTERDAY AND 5 CHIPS OF HUMUS AND I GAINED WEIGHT LIKE WHAT THE HECK ???

[nico-dumb-ed]

Omg hi guys I’m back sorry for being gone I was struggling for a while and was in and out of psych wards😅

[fairylunie]

I hate how everyone makes fun of me that I can’t speak properly. Just because I purged so much that my throat is like dead :|

[survivethrive-woundedhealer]

Shane for the th!nspo.

[ptvhellokitty0]

I want my doctor to be concerned when she sees me again

[thisshitlivinglife]

My last weight check was Friday and I was 92 kg back then. I weighted myself this morning and it was 89,7 kg. So surprise there since I only ate an apple yesterday. I have a panini for lunch and I hope I will be able to eat it. As a snack I have an apple and for tonight I had a tv meal but I’m not sure I will eat it, I will see how the day goes.

It’s been a while since I was in the 80s so that’s good I guess. Only depressing it is because I’m so heartbroken.

[fairyb0ngwater]

one day ill eat and feel guilt

and be completely

okay

with that

and ill just

keep eating

hopefully

1:43 // d.v.

[megameatymatt]

Step By Step - Matt Sturniolo

summary: Matt finds out about y/n's ED relapse

WARNINGS: e@t!ng d!sorder, swearing, throwing up, gagging, crying, self-hatred/insecure, feelings of hopelessness, overthinking

If you or anyone you know is dealing with an ED or substance abuse, call or text:  1-800-662-4357.

word count: 766

requested?: nope

A/N: I was feeling sad so all of you must suffer with me. Feedback, interaction, and requests are appreciated! ok bye

Pink: Y/n

Blue: Matt

------------------------------------------------------------

Matt knows you've dealt with an eating disorder in the past. He wasn't there during it, but you've talked to him about it and answered some of his questions. It didn't make you any less perfect in his eyes. To him, all that mattered was you being okay. But you weren't.

Four years later, you feel like you're falling back into it all over again—all the progress you've made, discarded within just a couple weeks.

You stare at yourself in the mirror and wish someone different stared back at you. You pinch at the skin on your thighs, stomach, and arms and wish the fat would disappear.

You sob silently. How can someone hate themselves so much, How couldn't you hate yourself so much, Y/n? Look at you, just look at you! You're lucky matt even stays. Thoughts circle around your head like a halo. Leaving you in nothing but shatters.

You walk to the toilet, shove a finger down your throat, and gag

The cycle begins.

Two weeks later, you walk into your kitchen to find Matt standing there. "Good morning, angel, I'm making pancakes. How many do you want." The thought of putting food in your mouth makes you sick. "Um, Matt, I'm not hungry." Matt frowns. "You love my pancakes, baby, what's the matter?" you shuffle through your brain, thinking of an excuse. "I'm full from last night, Y'know, the pizza." You, Matt, nick, and Chris had had a movie night. The boys ordered pizza and snuggled up on the couch as you all giggled.

"I watched you the whole night, Y/n, I didn't see you take a single slice," he says, flipping a pancake. "In fact i haven't seen you eat much at all lately, You alright?" Eat? How can he suggest such a thing? doesn't he want me to be pretty? i wanna be good enough to wear a bikini. I wanna be good enough to wear skin tight dresses, i wanna be good enough for him.

You shake away these thoughts trying your best to keep your composure. "I'm good, just give me one okay?" you say letting out a sigh. He smiles "Comin' right up princess" He hands you a plate with a pancake, syrup, whipped cream and some strawberries. Matt has already started digging into his own plate.

just a few bites Y/n, just let Matt think you're okay

You pick up your fork and knife with shaky hands, cut yourself a piece and quickly shove it it your mouth. Your body wants to immediately reject it, but you take a few more bites.

As soon as you swallow your first bite, it flies back up your throat. You get up and run to the bathroom. Matt follows you with concern. "Are my pancakes that bad?" he says, running after you. But as he walks into the bathroom. He notices how frail you've become. Tears are running down your eyes, and he finally realizes. You finish puking and flush the toilet and lean against the wall, almost lifelessly.

A few tears escape Matt's eyes. How could he be so stupid? how didn't he put it together? It was so obvious. He could've helped you. Why would you do this?

He runs out of the bathroom to get a glass of cold water, then quickly comes back to hold you. The only thing that could escape from his mouth was "Why"? "Just look at me, Matt, I hate it, I hate my body so fucking much, Matt, you don't even understand," you say, trying your best to yell, tears running down your face.

Matt is completely taken aback "But you're so beautiful, baby, You're hurting yourself. You were doing so good." You sob in Matt's arms, barely able to speak. "I-I'm sorry, Matt. I just wanted to be pretty." Your words felt like a knife in Matt's stomach.

''I tried so hard to fight it, Matt, I didn't want to go down this path again. I promised you I wouldn't. The words spill out like vomit, "But I did it anyway, Matty." You whine, "And it's worse than before. I'm so ashamed Matt. I'm sorry i'm putting you through this" Tears rush you your face, and you're shaking uncontrollably. The knife in Matts stomach only gets pushed deeper and deeper. "I'm sorry i never noticed Y/n, i'm so fucking stupid. The signs were so clear, i could've helped you." He wipes the tears off your cheeks. "But i'm gonna help you now baby." "I can't Matt" "we're gonna do it together okay? Step by step, Y/n. We'll be just fine"

Taglist: @sturnobsessedwh0re

[dy1ngsunfl0wer]

𝖘𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖞 𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖙𝖑𝖊 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔

hey, you can call me m. i'm trying to cope with my life falling apart and losing my only reason to recover. so, like any insane person, i'm relapsing in my eating d!sorder and sēlf-hārm after a few half hearted attempts at recovery. here for inspo, tips, and to give/receive support. i'd love to talk, feel free to dm me ♡

✧☾𖤓

this blog is a backup for @st4rvingsunfl0wer

my blog will contain content related to my struggles and mental illnesses (diagnosed eat!ng d!sorder, depression, anxiety, su!c!dal; suspected bpd). i have no intentions of triggering anyone or promoting my issues; this is just an outlet to help me cope. living like this is absolute hell and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. i will be putting trigger warnings on all posts i may make related to these issues. please block me if you feel i may have a negative impact on you or encourage you to get worse. do not report, all that does is take me away from my safe space and support system. it does not help me get better; it only causes me to get worse.

i wholeheartedly support recovery. although it's not the path for me, i support and encourage others to try to recover. things don't have to be this way, you can get better ♡

my inbox is open to anyone looking for a friend, anyone who needs someone to talk/vent to, all tips or advice, or any random topics you'd like to chat about.

✧☾𖤓

thanks for stopping by my blog ♡

𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖘 𝖇𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖜

𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖘

𝖍𝖊𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 5'5"/165cm

𝖈𝖜 embarrassingly huge (thanks "recovery")

𝖍𝖜 142lbs/62.3kg (pre ed)

𝖑𝖜 103lbs/46.7kg

𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝖚𝖌𝖜 100lbs/45.3kg

𝖚𝖌𝖜 💀

[st4rvingsunfl0wer]

𝖘𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖞 𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖙𝖑𝖊 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔

hey, you can call me m. i'm trying to cope with my life falling apart and losing my only reason to recover. so, like any insane person, i'm relapsing in my eating d!sorder and sēlf-hārm after a few half hearted attempts at recovery. here for inspo, tips, and to give/receive support. i'd love to talk, feel free to dm me ♡

✧☾𖤓

my blog will contain content related to my struggles and mental illnesses (diagnosed eat!ng d!sorder, depression, anxiety, su!c!dal; suspected bpd). i have no intentions of triggering anyone or promoting my issues; this is just an outlet to help me cope. living like this is absolute hell and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. i will be putting trigger warnings on all posts i may make related to these issues. please block me if you feel i may have a negative impact on you or encourage you to get worse. do not report, all that does is take me away from my safe space and support system. it does not help me get better; it only causes me to get worse.

i wholeheartedly support recovery. although it's not the path for me, i support and encourage others to try to recover. things don't have to be this way, you can get better ♡

my inbox is open to anyone looking for a friend, anyone who needs someone to talk/vent to, all tips or advice, or any random topics you'd like to chat about.

✧☾𖤓

thanks for stopping by my blog ♡

find me on my backup @dy1ngsunfl0wer

✧☾𖤓

𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖘 𝖇𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖜

𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖘

𝖍𝖊𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 5'5"/165cm

𝖈𝖜 embarrassingly huge (thanks "recovery")

𝖍𝖜 142lbs/62.3kg (pre ed)

𝖑𝖜 103lbs/46.7kg

𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝖚𝖌𝖜 100lbs/45.3kg

𝖚𝖌𝖜 💀

[hotpepermintchocolate]

How much do you guys relate to me? Let's go! General trigger warning for anything and everything!

Bisexual Non-binay

Stuffed Animal lover

Cat person

Loves emo fashion but also loves preppy fashion

Plays guitar and piano

Se1f-harms

Writes poems

Artist

So insecure of body that it turns into a eat!ng d!sorder

Daddy issues

Easy to manipulate

Lies for fun

Trust issues

Perfer older men and women even though knowing it's wrong

Energy drink addiction

Insomnia

Loner who hates being alone

Loves friends

(Note: this has NOTHING to do with kris dreamurr.)

[randomrantsandbeingskinny]

it's so sad how people in general but especially women have eat!ng d!sorders becouse of the male gaze

the male gaze is men forcing people to look a certain way so they don't get met with bullying or even v!olence, it is a product of patriarchy, there's no such thing as female gaze since women usually don't bully others in very v!olent ways just becouse they don't fit into their standards

becouse of men always telling women and men how they should look or act, women tend to just give in and fall into an 3d which makes them have a sense of control over themselves(there is so much more but im lazy, sorry girls...), with men it's more complicated imo becouse some want to be more masculine, so they force themselves to excircise and it may cause an 3d if done in an unhealthy way, on the other hand some men want to be perceived as more feminine, more delicate, which is especially visible in the gay community since its all men and there's no being a girl's girl and helping eachother, there is competition and guilt

I unfortunately am a victim of the second one, I want to be light, dainty, cutesy, but also my gender struggles play a big part in it since I want to be vieved as more feminine but effortlessly not in a fem boy way

i have not said everything I wanted to becouse i would need to sit for hours but remember everyone, your story is valid, you are valid, if you are struggling I am sure there is help

i am not gonna force anyone to recover becouse im not a psychiatrist and i dont have the knowledge but i want everyone to know that there is always hope even tho we don't want it

[crys-alis]

My boyfriend only ever eats as much as I eat and it’s driving me crazy this is MY eat!ng d!sorder babe not OURS