#dysphoria not from how my body looks but from having one at all. u know. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lycandrophile · 1 year ago

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hey, sorry idk if its ok for me to ask for advice here, but im really lost and dont know where else to go.

i might be starting testosterone really soon, (via informed consent) but i keep flipping back and forth on whether or not i'm sure i want it. some days i think, "yes 100% im a man i want T right now" and thinking abt the effects of T makes me euphoric. other days i think, "wait AM i sure tho? what if it turns out i hate it actually" and thinking abt the effects of T on those days makes me anxious and ambivalent.

i think it might be just a fear of change, but i'm not sure, and i'm worried about making a decision i'll regret forever. it doesnt help i keep seeing ppl say things like "you need to be 100% sure you want hrt before u start because going back and forth puts a huge strain on the body" etc, but i dont know if i ever will be 100% sure.

what do you make of this? do i really need to be 100% sure? am i rushing in too fast? or is this just anxiety talking?

i spent years agonizing over if i was really sure that i wanted to start t, and you know what it taught me?

no one is ever 100% sure about anything. it’s an impossible task. that’s just not how people work — you’re always going to find more things to be anxious or unsure about when you think about it because it’s an unknown thing and it’s completely natural to be at least a little unsure of unknown things.

and most of the time, nobody expects you to be 100% sure about big decisions because we all know it’s an unfair expectation. nobody told me i couldn’t go to college because i wasn’t 100% sure where i wanted to go. nobody tells you to never drive anywhere because you’re not 100% sure that the car won’t crash. accepting risk is a part of life. trusting ourselves to make the best decisions we can — and trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever happens next — is an unavoidable part of life.

the only reason we’re held to that impossible standard of 100% certainty when it comes to medically transitioning is because people are transphobic and they want us to second guess ourselves and put off hormones or surgery out of fear. if everyone waited until they were 100% sure, no one would ever transition, and that’s exactly what they want.

i look at it like this: hormones are like any other medication. you take them because you decide they have a good shot at making your life better even though there’s also a chance they might be ineffective, have bad side effects, or even make things worse in the end. we accept that risk every time we take a medication because we weigh the options and decide the good that could come of them is worth that risk. imagine if doctors only offered medical care to people when they were 100% sure it would work and not have any side effects — they would never do anything at all!

i can’t tell you if hrt is right for you. i can’t tell you if the risk is worth it for you. what i can tell you is that, when i was unsure about what to do, there were two things that made me decide it was worth the risk:

the first is that i knew i wanted to give myself a chance. the idea of going on hormones only to get more dysphoria from it sounded terrifying, but the reality was that i was already living with dysphoria! and the idea of just accepting that because i was afraid to try the thing that could make it better was even more terrifying. at the end of the day, i decided it was better to choose the option that could make things better than it was to just spend the rest of my life wondering if it would’ve helped. the worst case scenario in both choices is dysphoria, so i figured, why not pick the option where the best case scenario is euphoria? i know dysphoria is something i can live with because i’ve been doing it for years, so i felt that i could trust myself to be able to deal with that outcome if it came. i knew it was possible that i would regret it and wish i had never started t, but i also knew i would regret it even more if i went my whole life never having given myself a chance at something better than the dysphoria i already live with. i figured, if i have to take a risk, why not take the one that excites me instead of the one i would just be taking out of fear?

the second is that hormones are fucking slow. there can be some changes that happen fast but for the most part, the changes on t take time to happen fully, and if i wanted even more time i knew i could take a lower dose to slow things down further. it’s not like you just wake up one day with a totally different body — it’s a process, and if at any point in that process you realize you don’t like what’s happening, you can stop! you’re completely in control; the second it starts to feel like it’s making something worse instead of better, you can decide to stop taking it. even with the changes that came quickest for me, i had time to assess as they started happening, and it would’ve been as simple as putting down the syringe and never using it again if i decided i didn’t want those changes to continue.

(and the people who say you can’t start and stop because of the strain on your body are exaggerating — i had to start and stop multiple times because i was having allergic reactions to all of the serums we tried, and i was totally fine. that was never even a concern my nurse brought up to me. i’m sure it’s not ideal to do that constantly, but i don’t think it’s a big thing you have to worry about.)

again, i can’t tell you if starting t is the right move for you. all of this is just how i made that decision for myself; i can’t make yours for you. what i can tell you is that you are more than capable of making a thoughtful and informed decision without being 100% sure. certainty is not a requirement.

and frankly, anyone who tells you they were 100% sure when they made that decision is either lying about it because they feel like they should’ve been totally certain, or they were in a position to make the decision so quickly that it didn’t leave time to mull things over and find things to be unsure of.

which leads me to my final point: if you’re thinking about it this hard and trying to be this meticulous about making the right decision, you’re absolutely not rushing into it. whatever decision you make, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

this is your decision, not anyone else’s, and already you have everything you need to make the best decision you possibly can. trust yourself to choose wisely, and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever your choice brings. you got this.

#this ended up much longer than i intended but i have a lot to say about it bc i was in the same place a couple years ago #ask answered #trans men #transmascs #hrt #testosterone

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atticssmellgood · 1 year ago

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I have a request!

I've been feeling super super dysphoric lately and haven't been able to find a fic that just scratches my brain in the right way, and I was wonder if I could request a Spencer Reid x ftm reader where the reader is feeling super dysphoric bc they're pre transition, like no binder level and Spencer helps them feel better with like little words of affirmation shit u know, nothing like super specific you can have creative freedom just definitely words of affirmation

thank you so much!!

To Carry the Weight of a Dead Person with You

Spencer Reid x ftm trans!reader

Summary: Reader feels really dysphoric, Spencer helps

Contains: gender dysphoria, slight mention of misgendering/dead name, hurt/comfort, words of affirmation, slight mention of body parts that could make someone feel dysphoric

A/N: HEY!!! Okay so sorry this took forever to post but I’ve actually been wanting to write this concept for a while, so I’m really glad you requested it! I kinda based this off of my own experiences with gender dysphoria so I hope it still resonates. I hope this makes you feel better🫶🏻 also the title of this is a lyric from “Sweet Cis Teen” by dazey and the scouts

(ALSO LOOK AT HIM HES SO CUTE)

You stand, naked in front of the bathroom mirror, steam from your previous shower fogging up the edges and making the air feel heavy.

It was hard taking a shower when you couldn’t even look down at your own body, and sometimes you succeeded—albeit with a bit of effort. Today was, unfortunately, not one of those days.

Your reflection seemed to beckon you to take a glance when you walked by it and towards the door, it always did. Except today, you listened.

Who knows how long you’ve been standing there, staring at all the parts that just didn’t fit. Your chest that wasn’t flat, your hips that were too wide, your waist that had a curve. None of it felt familiar despite the fact that you’ve lived with this body your entire life.

This week had been especially hard to deal with, the dysphoria practically eating at your insides whenever you had a moment alone with your thoughts. It certainly didn’t help when almost everywhere you went, people just saw you as a woman with short hair and in turn you would get called ma’am by a barista or miss by a stranger trying to catch your attention. You hated it, and yet no matter how hard you tried to ignore them, the thoughts and the comments, you always gave in eventually.

Maybe that’s why you felt stuck, staring at a reflection that you never really recognized as your own. The thoughts began to swarm your mind once more, repeating the one word you hated more than anything.

Girl, girl, girl, girl, gi-

A sudden knock on the bathroom door ripped you away from your trance and a sweet voice spoke to you through the barrier.

“Y/n, you okay in there?” Spencer asked tentatively. He seemed to be a little worried.

You’re quick to respond as you finally turn away from the mirror and crack open the door a bit so your body is hidden behind it but your face is still visible. “Yeah, I’m alright.” You plaster on a smile, one that you hope convinces him of your statement. He looks a little skeptical at first but smiles back.

“Sorry, you were just taking a while and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He leans in and gives you a small peck on the lips “I’ll leave you alone now.” He grins and turns to leave, walking back to the bedroom.

You close the door and lean your forehead against it with a sigh, closing your eyes, water droplets still dripping from your hair and onto your bare shoulders.

—————————

Not too long after Spencer came to check on you, you emerged from the bathroom dressed in a baggy shirt and large sweatpants. Your moment in the bathroom still clung to the back of your mind as you stepped into the shared bedroom, the door creaking slightly.

You leaned up against the doorframe and smiled at the sight before you. Spencer was sitting against the headboard with his glasses on, reading through a novel rather quickly. He seemed so engrossed in the words on the page that he hadn’t even noticed you watching him, admiring how the dim light of the lamp on the bedside table highlighted his features perfectly. It warmed your heart to see him waiting for you to come to bed, despite how tired he probably was from his eventful day at work.

I padded over to my side of the bed and slowly laid down, not wanting to disturb him. My efforts were in vain however, because as soon as he felt the mattress dip under my weight, he was quick to close the book and turn to me.

“Feel better?” He asks quietly, staring at me with a sleepy smile.

I nod and give him a kiss on the cheek before laying down completely. He took that as a sign to say no more and turn off the lamp light, effectively shrouding the room in darkness. You felt his arm wrap around your waist and pull you closer to him so you were cuddling.

He looked at your face for a second and brushed a piece of your hair back gently. “Your new haircut looks amazing…” he complimented, messing with the now short strands and smiling. When you didn’t say anything back his gaze seemed a little worried.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” His voice was soft and his hand was placed gently on your cheek, his thumb rubbing across the apple of it.

“I’m fine sweetheart, really.” You tell him, although it was a lie. Your thoughts still ate at your mind as you lay there in his embrace. Usually they would’ve gone away by now but it seemed as though they were here to stay this time.

His slight frown indicated that he knew you were lying but he didn’t push you any further on the subject. If you wanted to tell him, you would.

Soon enough, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, his steady breathing signifying his slumber.

After watching him for a bit, you turned over so your back was facing him, his arm still wrapped around you. You try to close your eyes and let sleep pull you under but instead you were stuck staring at the wall, unable to quiet your mind.

As time ticked on and your eyes stayed open, you fell deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of self-consciousness and dysphoria. You found yourself hearing those same words, over and over and over again, repeated like a mantra in your head.

Girl, her, (dead name), woman, ma’am

This time, you could feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes but you made an effort to keep them at bay so you didn’t wake Spencer. You didn’t want him to see you crying over something so stupid. But it wasn’t until you looked down that you couldn’t help but let out a small sob.

Spencer’s arm had tightened around you in his sleep, effectively pulling the baggy shirt you wore tighter around your body. It now showed the swell of your chest and the curve of your waist as you laid on your side.

The tears started rolling down your face, then. You clamped a hand over your mouth to muffle the sobs but you couldn’t stop the way your body was shaking. You felt Spencer move a little behind you, stirring from his sleep due to the sobs wracking your body.

“Y/n?” He mumbles groggily from behind. You quickly wipe your eyes in a poor attempt to hide your little breakdown and turn over to face him.

You sniff and attempt a small smile “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” You say, your voice cracking slightly and more tears escaping from your eyes.

Spencer quickly but gently pulls you closer to him and wipes your tears with his free hand. His expression is one of concern and softness.

“What happened?” He asks quietly, looking into your eyes with nothing but love.

“Nothing, nothing, I’m fine really…” more tears streak down your face as you continue to lie.

“No, it’s not,” he says as he moves your hair out of your face again “please talk to me, love. I want to help you.”

You finally let the useless facade fall as you bury your head in his shoulder and let it all out.

He strokes your hair softly as you cry on him, wetting his sleep shirt with your tears and shaking in his arms.

After a short while your tears begin to dry a little and you pull back to look at him. He doesn’t say anything but he keeps you close and waits for you to speak.

“I-…” I take in a shaky breath “Why don’t I fit, Spencer?” You ask quietly, your voice wavering.

“Why can’t I look in the mirror and not hate the way my chest isn’t flat or the way my face is too round?” You ask again. You can feel your eyes getting wet again when you speak. “Why couldn’t I have been a boy?”

He strokes your hair lightly and his eyes widen in understanding.

He pulls you to his chest and kisses your head.

“Sweetheart, listen to me,” he looks down at you with a gentle expression “You are a boy, no matter what body you’re in.” He smiles softly.

“It doesn’t matter if your chest isn’t flat or your face is too round, you’ll always be my handsome, dashing, loving boyfriend,” he kisses your forehead “and I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

You sniffle a little bit “It would be nice if I could at least pass though, I just hate it so much…” a few more tears escape your eyes

“I know, but you know what?” He lifts your chin up gently so you can look in his eyes “I’ll be here to help you through your transition, every step of the way.” He smiles and wipes your tears away once more.

“But I want you to know that you already pass perfectly fine in my eyes.” He chuckles and kisses your lips softly, stroking your cheek.

You feel a little better when he says those words, and you nuzzle your head into his neck, mumbling a small “thank you”

He kisses the top of your head again and you both stay there for a moment, soaking up the warmth and love that was filling your small bedroom as he peppers kisses all over you and plays with your hair.

Spencer is the one to break the silence with a small yawn and a whisper.

“You know, I really meant what I said about your hair,” he mumbles as he twirls a strand around his finger “it makes you look even more handsome than usual….” He smiles and you feel a grin coming to your face too.

“There it is…” he chuckles warmly as he pulls back to look at your face with soft eyes.

“I love you so much, you know that?” He whispers, snuggling to you close once again. You smile even wider as he says that.

“I love you more…”

You end up falling asleep like that, cuddled up in Spencer’s arms as he whispers sweet compliments to you, running his slender fingers through your hair.

You knew that you would still have these days, the ones that caused you to break down with just one look in the mirror, but you felt happy regardless.

Because you knew Spencer would be there to give you those small compliments that made you feel so much better in your own skin.

Every step of the way.

#spencer reid x reader #ftm reader #trans!reader #hurt/comfort #spencer reid #criminal minds #x reader fluff #fluff x reader #dysphoria mention

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busiest-bee · 3 months ago

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I’m scared to post this but if I don’t I’ll beat myself up about it. Fuck it we ball

I’ve been trying to put my emotions into words All day. But then I remembered. Oh right yeah. I can just. Say It.

Anyways Me being a loser (vent? I don’t know) under the cut

(Cool divider made by me using some splatoon assets I got off the wiki btw :•3 )

(This is kinda long. Way longer than I originally wanted. So super sorry about that)

Anyways for a little while now I’ve been considering that I Might be some form of nonhuman/otherkin. Specifically a shapeshifter, but dogs, cats (both big and small), wolves, and bears are things I relate to heavily as well. (Not sure “relate” is the best term for what I feel but ehh I’m having a hard enough time with this as is) The dog, wolf, and cat parts are because of the kind of shapeshifter I..am?? That feels kinda crazy to say (and saying THAT is giving me some serious self doubt. But as they say, Fuck It We Ball).

Edit (8-24-24)- adding in cuz I just remembered: some visual similarities to lizards/reptiles so throw a little bit of That in the mix idk

Anyways yea the type of shapeshifter I’m talking about is actually a species I’ve been Sorta developing over a couple years now, it’s all come about pretty naturally tho. It’s basically just my brain saying “hey I Hate these parts of being a human. Let’s do something else” idk how to word it. So the kind of shapeshifter I am is more so based on what I hate about my irl body. That definitely plays into my gender dysphoria, and vice versa.

The bear part I feel less strong about, but it makes sense I guess. That came around when I had an intense hyperfixation on Splatoon. My favorite character is Mr.Grizz. Who is a bear. That hyperfixation was also the catalyst for me trying tinned fish!! (This is important to me bcuz I’m an Incredibly picky eater. Not fully relevant to the rest of this but Oh Well. I’m already oversharing on the internet in an attempt to come to terms with my identity, why not share a fun fact, Yknow?) Ever since that I’ve also felt very strongly about salmon. My favorite fish (I didn’t have a favorite fish beforehand) is sockeye salmon I LOVE them. They’re beautiful. They’re poetic. I want to eat them. Also my current layout (as of writing this) is splatoon themed. Specifically Salmon Run and golden eggs. I love the way the world of splatoon makes me feel. I want to be completely immersed in it. Golden eggs look so tasty and are so gender I HAVE to eat them.

I don’t know if this is a kin thing or if I’m just thinking too hard about it (that could apply to this entire post but eh) but I also relate (again, maybe not the “correct” term but I’m working with what my brain has so shh) to Chara from Undertale. Idk something about a little kid falling down into a mountain full of monsters, being adopted by said monsters, and giving themself up just to try saving them…their cannonical distaste of humans…something about them as a character really feels so intensely Me. I don’t think I Am Chara, but. Idk. This is all very new to me (admitting that I feel these things at least. I’ve been consuming some kin content for a while now. It’s fun!! Love moodboards and stimboards so much they’re so fun)

And maybe, if anyone has even read this far, u might be asking “bee! Your name is Bee! Your account name is bee themed!! Are u a little honey making freakazoid out to get lost in the pollen sauce?”

To which I say:

All jokes aside. I don’t know man. Bees are very me, I am very bees, but I tried looking at bee kin/therian posts and i couldn’t really relate as well as i hoped. Although I might’ve just not scrolled down enough to find something that I really deeply felt in my gut. So just. Think of me like a fancy car (except creature) with a cool bee themed skin or something idk. (To be fair itd make more than enough sense for me to be a..kin?? Therian?? I don’t know. Of a bee. I have so many bee things. One day I will have more)

I’m still unsure of labels, if anything I just prefer the term nonhuman, gets the point across without being too specific, and doesn’t give me any of the bad icky feelings that make me feel like I’m lying no matter what I do or say.

Anyways yeah this was long and dumb and honestly? I’m terrified to post it. Ive been struggling to get my words out all day and I’ve been posting like a madman. But I guess using my social media as an outlet for all my emotions I otherwise wouldn’t really have anywhere to put will do that.

Sorry if none of this made any sense, I’m really trying to not only understand myself, but also to then Describe that understanding to other people. And I’ve never been very good at having people understand me.

If I end up realizing I was wrong I will promptly dig a hole in the ground and let nature overtake me and cover me in moss

(Also just a note: if anyone sees this, Reads this, and decides to like. Reply or reblog with words of encouragement/understanding or really Anything. I might not reply bcuz I have really bad social anxiety, especially on the internet. But trust me when I say that I read everything people say in the tags of reblogs, comments/replies, all of it. It’s all greatly appreciated, it really truly is.)

(Cool ass Mr.Grizz divider made by me with an asset from the Nintendo online app in Wandercrust I think. Though I believe all the pics u can get from that are also on the wiki) (I should make a salmon themed divider holy shit)

#cringe alert‼️‼️#<- obligatory ‘embarrassed by my own feelings’ tag #not art #if I worded things weirdly I’m So Sorry. it’s bcuz I’m a dumbass.#vent #I don’t know if that applies but just in case #this was so fucking hard to write #and somehow even harder to post #anxieties a bitch

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lowkeyrobin · 4 months ago

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Helloo !! Could you write Trevor Spengler x Reader Who Comes Out To Him As Transmasc ?

- 🗡️

yes ofc!!! ; thanks for requesting 🗡 ilysm!! hope u enjoy :) ; also I apologize if any of this is wrong in any way, I'm obv not transmasc but I tried doing some research so HOPEFULLY this is accurate yall... if not I'm so sorry

TREVOR SPENGLER ; coming out

summary ; you come out to trevor

warnings ; language

disclaimers ; I can't fully speak on the difference between transmasc and trans men so I'm sorry if this is inaccurate cause I promise I tried

word count ; 565

masterlist

You were born a girl, but knew you never really were one. You didn't fit into society's standard for girls and women, you were often dismissed to just be a tomboy.

But, you knew deep down throughout your whole childhood that you were just... different.

There was nothing you could use as a resource for your little child mind, not having full access to the internet yet. What would you even look up online? No one in the cartoons was like you, so you just kept it to yourself.

You'd be so much more comfortable in a man's body, especially after starting your period.

"You're growing into a woman. It's nature, it's beautiful"

Yeah, womanhood was not for you. But you couldn't just say that, you couldn't change it.

But, one day after scrolling through TikTok at age fourteen, you'd discovered a trans person on your fyp talking about their experiences as being trans and how they accepted themselves. Sounded a whole lot like you, minus the actual transition part.

You quickly accepted it, knowing what you were deep down. But you kept yourself closeted, not knowing how your parents or peers, or even your boyfriend, would react. You often felt gender dysphoria around certain people or after small little events. You'd do anything to be a boy. To be masculine. To be what you really were.

But now, you were ready to come out of the closet, having gained encouragement from your parents whom you'd told over a year ago. You wanted to go public with it though, having grown tired of being two different people. You hated being a person you weren't around your friends and at school, with Trevor especially. He deserved to know.

So you invited him over, praying to God he'd accept you. You didn't care if you broke up because he didn't find attraction to you anymore, as long as you could stay friends.

You knew he was accepting of queer people, but you didn't know if you were included in that.

You nervously sit down Trevor as you'd been wanting to, for a while now.

You would've rather just texted him about this, but it would've been a dick move to not talk to him in person.

"What's up?" He asks, looking at you slightly concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you reply. "Uh, I have something to tell you"

He squints for a second, trying to read you.

"I'm trans"

"Oh, cool." He smiles. "What name do you want me to use, and what pronouns would you want me to call you?"

"Oh, that went better than expected" You think, eyes slightly widened.

"Uh, he/they I guess, for now, while I figure it all out. And my name now, is Y/n. It's probably gonna change but I'm gonna experiment a bit I guess" You shrug

"Cool" Trevor smiles. "Is there anything else I can do for you? You wanna go to Goodwill and get new clothes? We can go out to eat and celebrate you coming out" He suggests. "I'll pay"

You smile, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks, Trev. But it's fine, I'm gonna wait a minute to come out to everyone else, doesn't feel deserved yet"

He nods, understanding. "Thanks for like, trusting me with this"

You smile. "Thank you for being my boyfriend."

"I wouldn't pass you up in a million years."

#lowkeyrobin #trevor spengler x reader #trevor spengler #x transmasc reader #transmasc!reader #transmasc reader #ghostbusters oneshot #ghostbusters preferences #ghostbusters x reader #finn wolfhard x reader #🗡 anon

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ge · 6 months ago

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can I hear more abt your trans chung myung thoughts please

HEHE ANYTHING FOR YOU MY ANGELS... trans chung myung is like my number one, most well loved & personal, firmest hc evur.. no matter what he is always trans to me idk..he is like the most trans character ive ever seen its sooo real to me.. ive said it once ill say it again, chung myungs lore is literally impact by his transsexualism and im the only one who sees it.. if u get it u get it... a little cw for minor transphobia out of ignorance, not prejudice..⬇️

i always imagined that chung myung knew he was trans since he was very young, like 'beginning to comprehend words and what they mean' young.. he always got angry and aggressive when his sect siblings called him young lady or samae, sajeo, etc, lashing out even at elders to the point hed get in trouble over it... i think pretty quickly everyone figured out if they just 'humoured' him, he'd get over whatever phase he was in and stop being so troublesome, so they did.. at first they began using more masculine terms and honourifics in a 'wink wink nudge' indulgent kind of way but they noticed as he got older, he started inserting himself into more male dominated spaces, even going so far as to bathe and groom himself w the other male disciples

at first it kind of set off red flags for everyone who were still under the impression chung myung was still just going through his little 'phase' but i think chung mun was the first who stepped up and actually ASKED chung myung about it.. he pulls chung myung to the side one day and asks WHY chung myung keeps doing the things he does and chung myung frowns and says because im a boy sahyung..DUH.. chung myung explains the best he can but bc he doesnt really know how to articulate himself on these matters (doesnt know any other trans people or experiences outside of his own and cant put it into words properly) and bc chung mun is cis, chung mun is still a little confused but now he understands chung myung isnt like..joking about this, or going through some sort of phase.. he seemed genuinely put out and upset when implied chung mun didnt understand him so from that day forward chung mun very firmly introduces chung myung to everyone in the sect as their littlest brother and that was pretty much that..

it probably took some people a while to wrap their head around, but because i dont want anyone in mt hua to be transphobic LOL they all understand and accept chung myung as their new baby brother pretty quickly and soon they dont even bat an eye seeing him train topless or bathe w the rest of the guys, doing other guy dominated activities, etc.. when he got older it was just normalized that one of their brothers had boobs..literally nobody gaf theyre REAL trans allies.. mount hua most PROGRESSIVE MARTIAL ARTS SECT

also majorly hc chung myung does not have any bodily dysphoria/morphia and is perfectly fine w the way he looks, especially after he gets older and starts building lots of muscle, so he never undergoes any gender affirming surgeries but he does take wuxia testosterone pills.. cuz i think the idea of wuxia magic hormone pills is hilarious and awesome

ive also put some thought into whether cho sams body would be trans or cis, because either could be interesting.. i feel like if cho sam were cis it would actually invoke body image issues and dysphoria in chung myung, having been thrust into a body so unfamiliar & alien to him than the one he spent the most time living in and caring for.. i dont really think too much in depth about this tho so my thoughts on it are pretty vague.. is cho sam cis or trans? (shrugs) up to you!

ummm *scratches ass* i cant think of anything else to say.. trans chung myung is so awesomesauce and i love projecting my own transmasc wants and desires onto him and into a world that accepts and loves him for who he is.. i have more thoughts about his relationship w tang bo and the world around them and how they view him but those are a little more personal and nuanced so i wont get into all dat.... when rotmhs gets more popular i hope trans chung myung hc blows up cuz its sooo real... something something chung myungs reincarnation into cho sam is a trans allegory

#putting under cut cuz its a little long and 4 content warning... TRANS CHUNG MYUNG FOREVAAAAA

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kodared · 2 years ago

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hi hello!! :)) i have been feeling a bit icky in my body as of late and was wondering if u could do howdy x trans male reader dealing with gender dysphoria? just a comfort thingy if u wouldnt mindd

________

I'd be super happy to make this request for you!! I hope you feel better <3 remember to keep your chin up and remember things will get better!

I'm trans-Masc myself so i understand the struggles of dysphoria, it's an icky feeling, but things do get better as life goes on <3

Howdy X Trans!Masc Reader

{Comfort!}

Word Count: 1233

__________

You rolled out of bed with a groan as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes, your hands untangling your body from the flurry of blankets you kept on your bed.

As you moved about your house doing your daily routine, your eyes lingered on the binder you kept hanging beside your bed. You knew today was supposed to be your break day, but it couldn't hurt to wear it for a few hours could it?..

You shook your head and continued getting ready for the day. As much as you hated it, your body needed rest from binding. Your aching ribs are a reminder of that..

So with a sigh you got dressed and left your house for the day, grabbing your keys and locking the door as you exited the house. Not like you needed to anyways, you did live in the safest neighborhood around after all.

You walked through your peaceful neighborhood as you pulled out a small list of to-dos for the day, reading over it you saw the first stop was Howdys for your usual groceries. You couldn't help but smile at the prospect of seeing Howdy, you enjoyed being around him.

As you walked to Howdys your mind continued to linger on the thoughts you had earlier in the morning about your binder. Your brain practically assaulted you with thoughts about how you would never be a real man.

..It only hurt worse knowing you had a crush on Howdy, and Howdy was gay himself.

What if he never saw you as a real man? What if no one did and they were just pretending to make you happy?

Before you knew it you reached Howdys, you didn't even notice the tears that had begun to prick at the corners of your eyes.

Looking into his shop you saw him with his back turned as he restocked the shelves… You couldn't bring yourself to go in, you quickly pivoted and turned to go home.

You needed to rest. You theoretically had enough groceries to eat for the next week, and your dysphoria was too bad to be seen by anyone right now.

Especially by Howdy..

As you got home you couldn't help but lean against your door as you broke into soft crying. Normally on days like this, you would be able to push through, today however wasn't seeming like one of those days.

After a few minutes, you pushed yourself off of the door and grabbed a hoodie that you kept hanging near your bedroom door. Slipping into the comforting fabric you felt slightly better now that your chest was a bit more concealed.

You brewed some coffee to settle into your home for the day, if you were going to stay in you had to at least be productive, despite the lingering feeling of dysphoria hanging in the back of your mind.

You quickly settled into the routine of daily chores and taking care of your pets, you took extra time handling your pet corn snake Ruby. The feeling of her scales wrapping around your arm was a welcome consolation to how you felt throughout the day.

After a few minutes of holding her though you heard knocking coming from the front door. You quickly set her carefully back into her terrarium and closed the doors, walking to the front of your house as you called to tell whoever was at your door you were on the way.

As you opened the door, you hadn't expected Howdy to be there holding a few groceries in his arms.

“Y/N!.. I was gettin’ a bit worried after ya�� didn't show for your usual groceries, so I decided to deliver them to ya!..”

You couldn't help but feel yourself getting a bit flustered at the sight of the exact man you didn't want to see today. It wasn't that his company wasn't welcome, you were just anxious and feeling very bad about your appearance.

After a few moments of being stuck in your own head, you finally shook yourself out of your spiraling thoughts to talk to Howdy who was still patiently waiting for your response.

“Yeah… Sorry Howdy, I wasn't feeling my best this morning so I stayed in… Thank you for coming all this way,”

Howdy gave you his usual smile and you swore you could feel yourself practically melting for the man. You took a few of the groceries out of his hands to help him carry them inside.

“It was no trouble really!.. Sorry to hear your not feelin’ well Y/N”

As you set down a few groceries on the counter, Howdy made his way over to you and put one of his hands on your head. If you weren't blushing already you most definitely would be now.

“Hm… Ya’ don't feel like you got a fever… Do ya got a sore throat?..”

You nervously chuckled and pushed Howdys hand away, looking anywhere but at him as you occupied your hands with putting away a few produce items he brought you.

“Haha… No, no I'm not physically sick… It's more like I just don't feel like going out today.. Got a bit of body issues,”

Howdy looked at you with a worried expression, he moved to be beside you as you continued putting your groceries away.

“You can talk to me if ya’ want Y/N… I'm always happy to help ya through whatever your going through,”

You felt your hands freeze and you finally turned to look at Howdy, the anxious part of your brain didn't want to let him in. It wanted to seclude and push him away.

…The rational part however knew Howdy cared about you and how you were feeling.

Before your anxiety could flare up you moved to hug him, his multiple arms providing you with a sense of security as you could feel tears slowly make their way down your face. All the while Howdy just rubbed your back and whispered sweet condolences in your ears.

After a few minutes of crying it out, you were able to speak about what had been bothering you. You told him everything, varying from how you thought no one really saw you as a man, to how you felt about him.

The last part slipped out unexpectedly, but you couldn't find it in yourself to hold it in any longer. You cared and loved Howdy, and you couldn't keep your feelings hidden for long.

Howdy gave you one of his award-winning smiles as he carefully picked you up, and moved over to your living room. Placing you and himself down on the couch as he continued to hold you.

“No matter how you look Y/N you'll always be a man, and no matter what your brain says to you. Your important and special to me Y/N… Never forget that.”

You felt your heart warmed by Howdys sweet words and how he continued to hold you, You supposed spending the day in with Howdy wouldn't hurt…

____________

Hope you enjoyed!! This week ill be working to get more requests out and posted<3

Also thank you so much for 200+ Followers!!!! Means alot to me <3 <3

#howdy pillar #howdy pillar x reader #howdy pillar x you #howdy pillar x y/n #comfort #dysphoria #body dysphoria #anxiety #welcome home #asks #oneshot #oneshots

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wrapnrappp · 1 year ago

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does anyone care?? no! but. heres my hypmic body headcanons👍 possibleeee cw for mentions of weight, eds, gender dysphoria, and self harm

ichiro - pretty strong, but most of his muscle is covered up by chub. you can only really see the muscle in his arms. has broad shoulders. tanned and has some light freckles on his shoulders. also i hc him and the rest of the yamadas as half puerto rican👍 has some stretch marks on his arms but they arent super noticeable. has a few scars from when he worked for stairway to heaven. he was considerably scrawnier at that time, but has gained quite a bit of weight & muscle since then. used to have his ears pierced but the holes have closed up now. has a kind of big crooked nose. hes got a little bit of stubble, leg hair, arm hair, a happy trail nd a little bit of chest hair. tbh now that im describing it hes built pretty similarly to rei... hes not a big fan of how much he looks like him.

jiro - the only skinny yamada family member. verryyy lean, a lot stronger than he looks. tanner than ichiro and has more freckles than him. also has a little bit of acne. doesnt have a lot of body hair cause. hes 17 duh. he just has a little happy trail nd some leg hair. tiny boobs, like u almost dont notice them. so he thankfully doesnt have to bind... god knows hed never remember to take his binder off if he did. also the only yamada family member with a flat ass. dude is built like a rectangle. kuko pierced his nose for him (despite ichiros protests). he pierced his eyebrow aswell but that got infected... had to take it out. has a small scar there now.

saburo - shes pretty chubby, kind of pear shaped. carries most of her weight in her thighs and stomach. also has stretch marks on her thighs, love handles, and stomach. has a rounder face with a slight double chin. they dont go outside nearly as often as their brothers, so theyre noticeably paler. also has vitiligo. she has some INSANE eyebags... stays up too late playing video games or arguing with ppl on reddit & 4chan. not a lot of body hair, just a little bit of leg & arm hair nd a small happy trail. they bleached the underside of their hair themself... did a shitty job so its a little fried but its fine. usually has her nails painted black but chews on her nails whenever the polish chips off. their ears are pierced but they never wear anything other than simple black studs. shes completely fine with her body, she might go on estrogen when shes older but like. thats it.

kuko - pretty strong but not like. SUPER bulky yaknow? like even though hes stronger than ichiro his muscles r much smaller than his. no matter how hard he tries dude just CANNOT bulk up. cursed to be a little chihuahua forever. has like. average size boobs. he doesnt like binding at all and he doesnt mind them, hes pretty much fine with them. i hc him as lightskin blasian + hes outside a lot so on top of that hed also tan a bit. has some freckles across his nose & cheeks and on his shoulders. has some scars from his time with stairway to heaven and just from. kuko being kuko nd getting into fights. in addition to his canon piercings, he also has snakebites, medusa piercing, cheek piercings, bridge piercing, tongue piercing, nipple piercings, andddd a navel piercing. yes he did them all (except for the tongue... knew hed fuck that one up REALL bad if he did it) himself yes he is insane yes they all somehow didnt get infected. dont ask too many questions! paints his nails black and they always end up chipping super fast. has sharp canines.

jyushi - superrrr skinny. almost to the point that its concerning... theyre sickly pale, you can faintly see their veins in their hands. they have freckles but they usually cover them up with makeup so u cant see them. always covers their eyebags with makeup as well. they also have a FUCKTON of self harm scars on their arms and thighs... someone get them a better coping mechanism pls theyre running out of room. having body hair makes them dysphoric so they shave regularly, and since theyve been on estrogen (thanks for helping them get on that hitoya !) they dont need to shave as often now. shaves the tails of their eyebrows too. has anophthalmia, so they have no right eye. theyve been ruthlessly bullied for it, so they always hide it. hitoya and kuko r basically the only people who know theyre partially blind. has a lot of piercings but, unlike kuko, actually got them professionally done‼️ has angel bites, spider bites, left eyebrow piercing, right nostril piercing, anddd a navel piercing. always has their nails done, usually painted either black or dark red. them and kuko paint eachothers nails from time to time. has a long, hooked nose. hands r long 2. theyre like those goofy looking long ass dogs.

hitoya - hes got a dad bod. very soft belly, thats where most of his weight is distributed. has kind of high cheekbones but its not obvious cause of the chub. he used to have big boobs but he got top surgery awhile ago so. rip hitoyas fat tits jakurai will miss u guys🪦🕊️ has stretch marks on his stomach and chest. hes darker skinned and i also feel like hed tan very easily. has a couple of beauty marks and freckles on his body. used to have a couple of ear piercings, but the holes r closed up now. occasionally lets jyushi and kuko paint his nails.. even let jyushi do his makeup once for funziez #bestdadevr . hes a pretty hairy dude, like even before transitioning he never shaved... dude was just ALWAYS meant 2 b a bear ig. hands r calloused.

samatoki - his muscles arent super big or anything, but DAMN is he strong. he pretty much always has been, on top of his yakuza work i feel like hed also lift weights nd shit. hes blasian but VERY lightskinned. like. you almost cannot tell. has light freckles on his shoulders, chest, and across his nose & cheeks. also has quite a few scars cause. yakuza. duh. its honestly surprising he doesnt have ANY canonically. had smaller boobs before he got top surgery, i feel like he wouldve gotten it sometime between tdd breakup and mtc forming. dude got his nipples pierced as SOON as he recovered hed been waiting to get those pierced for so long. also has snakebites and a bridge piercing. sometimes paints his nails... used to let nemu paint them when she was around.

jyuto - weak ass twink!!! has veryyyy little muscle. so hes skinny but hes got a little tummy and his thighs touch when he sits. slight pear shape?? yeah. only has a few stretch marks on his inner thighs. dude is like incapable of growing body or facial hair. has a SLIGHT happy trail nd thats about it. hes half french. oui oui baguette bitch. pretty pale and has more of an olive undertone. has a thin, kind of hooked nose. has little red marks on the sides of his nose where his glasses sit... blind bitch!!! has quite a few beauty marks on his face & body.

rio - dude is HUGE. extremely muscular with veryyy broad shoulders, inverted triangle shape basically. surprisingly not that hairy. hes blasian (half african american specifically) and hes def tanned quite a bit and has a lot of freckles since hes outside all the time. has tons of scars from being in the military. prob has some burn scars on his hands too from cooking, hands are also very calloused. hes got a few stretch marks on his arms and pecs. has bushy eyebrows

sasara - hes been chubby for most of his life, but while he was with samatoki he lost an unhealthy amount of weight. started smoking and didnt eat as much. he was struggling overall man rosho dumping him really fucked him up😭 but its ok after he left mcd & got over rosho (no he didnt.) he gained all the weight back and then some. stopped smoking too. his weights pretty evenly distributed with a little more of it going to his belly. his face is pretty round, he also has a double chin. has stretch marks on his love handles, stomach and arms. hes half columbian and tans VERY easily. has quite a few freckles, and a couple beauty marks. also has some scars from his time with samatoki... he hates taking abt them. has a small snub nose, and has smaller hands.

rosho - average weight with slight muscle in her arms and small boobs #transgender. very sharp facial features, much like samatoki. has thicker eyebrows & higher cheekbones, unlike samatoki. she also has dimples in both cheeks. used to have an eyebrow piercing, lip ring, and a couple ear piercings, but took em out #teachermoment. only kept her earlobe piercings. shes darkskin blasian👍👍 has a couple beauty marks on her body. didnt realize she needed glasses until sasara made her try them on... just thought it was normal for everything to be blurry. well surprise surprise rosho you actually need to wear glasses all the time!!! nearsighted loser. she likes her glasses a lot though, has some fun glasses chains that she switches out from time to time. she def has eyebags... grading papers takes a stupidly long amount of time. cannot get a good nights sleep. realized she was trans a bit after she broke up with sasara, shed been questioning it for a very long time beforehand but never rlly did anything abt it cause. strict parents. she doesnt need to worry about them anymore though sooo shes basically fully transitioned now. she still gets dysphoric abt her height sometimes, but sasara makes her feel a little better about it. tells her he actually prefers tall women and that never fails to cheer her up.

rei - ... i dont have that much to say abt him (cause i dont like him). he kinda just looks like an older harrier ichiro👍 hes a little skinnier than ichiro aswell, nd he has broader shoulders. has a fuckton of scars, if u ask him about them hell make up some bullshit story for funsies. his right eye is actually a glass eye.

ramuda - sorry guys but i dont like twink ramuda... ill always b a fat ramuda truther‼️🔥 shes hourglass shaped, most of her weight is in her thighs, boobs, and ass. his face doesnt look THAT different compared to how he looked when he first popped out the test tube, his cheeks are just a little chubbier and he has a slightttt double chin. like. u barely notice it. has stretch marks on her thighs, stomach, love handles, and boobs. has freckles, not from sun exposure though theyve just always been there. he gets sunburnt SO easily... its that pasty ass clone skin. has some surgical scarring that she does not like to talk about, she gets very defensive if u bring it up. he naturally has perfect skin and grows like. no body hair. at all. has her ears pierced, likes wearing all kinds of different cute earrings. has some slight scarring on her fingers from accidentally stabbing them with needles nd shit #fashiondesignermoment. he generally just has "cute" facial features. dont think too hard about how he ended up with boobs it doesnt have to make sense cause bigender transfem ramuda is REAL!!! the party of words is def not a fan of her appearance cause... obvi, the ramuclones dont look like her anymore... but ramuda doesnt really care. he likes how he looks and hes not letting the party of words take that away from him. he loves painting his nails fun colors and is rarely ever seen without makeup on. has painted dice and gentaros nails on multiple occasions (after A LOT of begging)

gentaro - chubby, she basically always has been. has like NO tits or ass tho... its ok babygirl ramuda and dice still love u ❤️ her face is kind of like?? oval shaped?? ive drawn her before butttt. idk how to describe it. she has a couple beauty marks on her face & body. darker skinned but like. lighter than hitoya. has slight eyebags from staying up late to meet deadlines #authorlifestyle. also has a callous on her right ring finger #authorlifestyle. wishes she could socially & medically transition but... kind of cant since. yaknow. shes pretending to be her brother. ramuda and dice r rlly the only people who know shes trans. has a hooked nose and thicker eyebrows. fingers r kinda long compared to the palm of her hand. her nails r rlly nice, like they NEVER break. has very soft skin.

dice - was very scrawny with a surprising amount of muscle, but now that he has a consistent source of food (ramuda and gentaro) hes gained a bit of weight. like have u seen the way he eats how could he NOT. so now he has a soft tummy nd his thighs touch. has stretch marks on his stomach as well. hes blasian‼️ average size boobs iguess... hates bras with a burning passion, only thing u can get him in is a sports bra. he obvi wouldnt shave, so hes got a decent bit of body hair. i dont think hed want to shave even if he could teebeeeh. has snakebites and nipple piercings, and a couple ear piercings. he did some of them himself, and he got the rest done by random ass people at casinos. has NEVER had a piercing get infected (lucky little bastard..). has a couple scars from getting thrown out of casinos nd shit. its not uncommon to see him with a couple bruises from the night before. has sharper canines... so hes kinda got lil fangs.

jakurai - built VERYYY similarly to jyushi, just has a little more muscle. she used to be a lot stronger, but she just. isnt anymore. is naturally a little darker, and she tans well. has slight eyebags. she has a lot of scars that she hates talking about, so she usually tries to cover up. she also just generally doesnt like showing skin. has a couple beauty marks on her face and body. she has her ears pierced, usually wears cross earrings (shes so christian girl autumn). has a gaunt face with high cheekbones. has to wear reading glasses. has really nice nails, theyre a little long. has a callous on her right ring finger #doctormoment. has NO tits and shes totally fine with it, only ever rlly gets dysphoric about her voice.

hifumi - TWINK. hes got a slight hourglass shape, and is a LOT stronger than he looks. dude can even pick doppo up (with a lot of effort and only for a couple seconds, but still!!). if u look up sleeper build he is the first result. he didnt always look like this though, before he got his job at fragrance he was actually a little chubby. pudgy twink if u will. had pretty soft thighs nd a softer belly, and his cheeks were a little chubbier. after he was hired though, his boss rlly got on him abt his weight. so he started working out A LOTTTT so he wouldnt get fired. he enjoys exercise, but despises how much he has to do it to keep his job. liked his old body more (its ok hell get it back when he quits his job). hes half hawaiian and tans very well, also has some freckles. shaves often bcause of his job, but he also just doesnt like having body hair. hes naturally blonde, but he dyed the green parts to match with doppo (i know what u r.) has a belly button piercing and snakebites; has to take the snakebites out for work. has a few self harm scars on his stomach and left thigh, gets very sensitive if you bring them up (high school.. need i explain more?). generally just has VERY conventionally attractive facial features, wears makeup to enhance them. he loves playing around with makeup, begs doppo to let him do his makeup. also enjoys painting his nails! cant use all the fun colors he wants to though cause... work </3 . if it wasnt for his job hed def grow his hair out, his hair used to be longer but he had to cut it for work. hes actually very good at cutting hair, he cuts doppos and his own hair.

doppo - easily the heaviest member of the main hypmic cast, hes a pretty big dude. hes been chubby for his whole life, which he got bullied for quite a bit. this completely destroyed his self esteem, and he ended up developing some... less than healthy coping mechanisms!! yeah, lets just say that... struggles with self harm and binge eating. both of which got A LOT worse when he went to college. living on his own for the first time was extremely stressful, there was a shitton of homework to keep track of, nd he had to try to navigate a decent social life without hifumi... overall was a very bad time for him. ended up gaining a lot of weight through a combo of binging often due to stress anddd generally not having the time or energy to care that much about what he ate. HES FINE NOW THO!!! hifumis helped him get back to normal eating habits thankfully... doesnt rlly binge anymore he just like. sometimes stress eats if work is particularly bad that day. but hes nowhere NEAR as bad as he used to be. its just very, VERY hard for him to lose weight cause of all the medications (almost all mental illness related) hes on. hes more concerned with just eating healthier anyways, doesnt rlly care if he loses weight. ANYWAYSSS... hes kind of pear shaped. dudes thighs have ALWAYS touched, cannot remember a time where they havent. has very soft arms and an even softer belly... hifumi very much enjoys resting his head on doppos belly. vry comfy. for his size his boobs r pretty average. doesnt bind and hasnt gotten top surgery cause most people just mistake his boobs for moobs, he passes perfectly fine. he still doesnt like them, but hifumi has helped him feel a little better about them. his face is pretty round nd he has a double chin. he is a PASTY motherfucker and cannot tan to save his life. gets the nastiest sunburns ever. has a bunch of freckles everywhere, and has stretch marks in basically every place u can get them. also has a lot of self harm scars all over his arms and thighs. has rlly bad eyesight... has had to wear glasses since elementary school #blindbitchclub. hes been on testosterone for awhile so hes a pretty hairy dude. even if he had the time to shave i dont think hed want to. has stubble nd a bit of body hair. bear doppo is so real guys trust💪 has a tongue piercing and his ears pierced. tongue is also a little too big for his mouth, it randomly pokes out sometimes. has the most INSANE eyebags ever like no matter how much sleep he gets they NEVER go away. hifumi calls him his little raccoon (silly). has very chapped lips, he chews on them a lot (nervous habit). is naturally very warm all the time, so he usually sleeps naked (hifumi DEF doesnt mind). has kinda yellow teeth from hygiene neglect (mental illness.).

this is so long fuck😭 if u read all of this thank u. its kind of obvious which characters i like the most based off of how much i wrote... nd i might add more to this later. idk.

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molsno · 1 year ago

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hey, sorry if this is out of line, but I'm a "theyfab" (pre-everything guy, waiting for top approval, rly sensitive to hormones so worried about t) dating a transfemme. I want her to feel loved and seen by me - she's also early in transition and I want her to know that me loving her as she is DOESNT mean I won't continue to love her as she grows and changes. She's pretty shy and her only trans girl friends are online. Anyway, I want to learn how to NOT be like the tme people you've interacted with. U can ignore this, but if u do have advice I'd love to hear it!

Also, I'm really sorry about the abuse you've endured. It's not fair. It's not acceptable.

hi, I honestly appreciate you asking for advice! that to me shows that you do really care about her and want to be good to her

I think the most important thing is to keep in mind that she's in an incredibly vulnerable and precarious position. it sounds to me like she doesn't have a big support network. it can be very hard to build something like that as a trans woman (especially early in transition) but it's something that's absolutely vital. a big problem that I think a lot of us face is becoming overly dependent on a tme person (or a few of them) which can be completely devastating if that person leaves. I think the best thing you can do to help her is to encourage her to make more friends of her own. ideally, they should NOT just be your friends that you're introducing her to. she needs to have friends and allies completely separate from you. you cannot do everything for her, nor should you be expecting/expected to - that's a fast way to make sure your relationship falls apart. above all - and this is key - is to understand that you don't own her. she's an independent person, and she deserves to have her own life and make her own choices about it

I feel I should also warn you that this is going to be a very tumultuous time for her. she is literally starting to undergo a second puberty, and it will be just as distressing, hormonal, and emotional as the first one. cut her some slack if she seems irritable or upset for seemingly no reason. for me and a lot of other trans women I know, this was one of the most dysphoria-inducing periods of our lives. it very well might be for her too. it's easy to be upset that the hormones aren't working, or that changes aren't happening fast enough, or that you'll be ugly or not feminine enough, etc. she may express doubts like this. offer her reassurance! it will take time for her to see the changes she wants to see, but they'll come. in the mean time, let her know whenever you notice changes in her. maybe you'll notice her skin is softer, or her hair looks more lush, or her face is rounding out, or her hips are getting wider. let her know that you see these things and compliment her. early transition can very well be a source of joy, if she's able to take pleasure in the little changes, and you can absolutely be a part of that process!

I don't know if your relationship involves sex, and I don't want to make any assumptions about how you two engage in it if so. however, this is a common experience I hear about, so I feel like I should tell you this. don't expect her to have sex with you like a cis man. not only can it be dysphoria-inducing to always have to top, her body will possibly not even be capable of that soon due to the effects of estrogen. if that's how you've been having sex up until now, you'll have to really reorient how you two do things. I haven't read it myself, but I've heard the zine "fucking trans women" by mira bellwether contains a lot of good information on this topic. you may find it useful! I think you can read it at this link, but I'm not sure. if any of my followers have a better link, go ahead and put it in the replies!

finally, and this is honestly just a good tip for relationships in general, listen to her. if she's upset about something, take her seriously and don't pass judgment on her. don't immediately jump on the defensive if she's upset about something you've done in particular. try to put yourself in her shoes and see things from her perspective. show her that she can talk to you about anything and you'll be receptive, and you'll be able to have open, honest communication much more often, which will lead to a much stronger and healthier relationship

thank you for sending this, and thank you for your reassurance about my own trauma as well. it really means a lot to me! it really helps me feel more optimistic to know that there are tme people who are willing to listen to us and be better allies to us. I think your girlfriend is very lucky to have you, and I hope you can both be happy together!

before I go, I know I'm not that knowledgeable about your personal situation, but I would say that if you think testosterone would make you happier, you should pursue it! if you can obtain it, there's nothing wrong with taking it for a week or two, seeing how it makes you feel, and then deciding whether or not to keep taking it based on that. either way, I wish you the best!

#ask #Anonymous

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highoncatfood · 8 months ago

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im going to dump my thoughts on u here cuz i can anyway have u heard of the song Bed of Roses by Mindless Self Indulgence ive been listening to it on loop and i am going to share with u my interpretation of the lyrics cuz it seems im an outlier amongst what people (or atleast whats on the genius page) think it means but my take is so real and true to me

basically Bed of Roses is thought to be a song about being passive in life and letting things pass you by and happen as they do, not caring about making the perfect life, but for me personally it always came off as being about suicidal thoughts and that interpretation not only makes more sense to me but also is far more interesting

'hey its alright my life has never been a bed of roses' is the singer talking about their life, saying how its unlike a bed of roses which are seen as beautiful and also a symbol of love (also searching it up it seems bed of roses is an expression for a carefree easy life) in short theyre saying their life sucks, but thinking of it in the context of it being suicidal its interesting because the 'hey its alright' then sounds like a rationalization, the following line 'this ways better for me' only helps with painting this image. its a person rationalizing their thoughts by going 'hey my life has always sucked, death would just be better for me'

and the line 'i dont care to live the life ive chosen' further adds to this, its explicitly saying they dont care to live their life

then theres the next part, which is pretty similiar to the last but then there is the line 'dont feel sorry for me', they're asking an outside party to not feel bad for their planned demise, and its repetition makes it seem like begging almost. tying this into the earlier verses which can be read as rationalization makes it seem like the singer is a person trying to comfort and placate a close one, by rationalizing that their suicide will be better for them and begging them to not feel sorry

also 'feeling sorrys been my lifes devotion' is a banger line . i have thoughts on what it could be interpreted as but i feel like the connections arent strong enough and the line like speaks for itself i think

i think this part could be about being resistance to change or healing, it could be a negative reaction to this outside party trying to talk them out of it or reason with them, but in the end they still say 'my friend' showing they care and love them. the 'screw you' could perhaps also be read as someone trying to distance themselves from their loved ones in hopes that their death wont be as painful then

i think its interesting how after that the song ends with just a reptition of 'my lifes never been a bed of roses', perhaps im looking too far into it but it could be seen as the 'last stage', of fixating on the worst parts of life as you spiral annnd .

anyway i like this song and i kinda associate this song with seth but 4 different reasons (flower imagery, lifes sucked, not wanting pity, 'feeling sorrys been my life devotion' -> religion with its emphasis on remorse for sins and devotion. etc.)

was not expecting this at all and i dont know this song but! i like this interpretation thank u for sharing honestly i always love to read too much into lyrics and i tend to come up with diff interpretations than wht was most likely the artists intention

for example recently ive been thinking of reuse the cels by car seat headrest as a song abt gender dysphoria and the transition process (when in.reality its abt like. getting back into a relationship with someone which havent worked out in the past or whetevr)

i like to think the narrator is actually talking abt themself 'i should be glad to have you back' the 'you' being their own sense of identity

'i know every frame so many times that ive seen' refering to their own body, reminiscent of how a lot of trans folks experiencing dysphoria who tend to worry abt their self image and the ways their body looks, r constantly thinking abt it and spotting every detail, being forced to look at it everyday, wishing it was something esle/wanting to change it

this chorus and lines to me r abt hrt and like. thinking of times before realizing they were trans, times when maybe they were oblivious and not yet so worried abt their body and/or identity and wanting to not have to worry again and be happy with themself, hoping tht hrt will help with that. but at the same time the fear and anxiety that comes with not knowing if medically transitioning will guarantee being freed from all the insecurity and pain caused by the dysphoric feelings. asking urself what if it doesnt satisfy. wht if going through all that trouble, all those changes, spending all that time and money doesnt even bring the result ur hoping for. is it worth it? u dont have to do all of that. wht if all it does is drain u of energy and hope and actually make u into something further from wht ur goal was (symbolized by fading colors on reused animation cels [idk much abt that but also u could interpret it as like real body cells i guess] like.... the repeating process of replacing hormones, going through constant physical changes and stuff) so generally like. indecision and thinking too far ahead/overthinking i guess. does any of that make sense im jst saying whtever comes to mind at this point i gave up on trying to keep this cohesive

'doesnt it seem an awful waste' and 'will i lose you again' can be the narrator again referring to themself, thinking that the person they were pre-transition will fade away. that they couldve lived a completely different life, that all they do is bring 'that girl or boy they couldve been' to an end. replacing them with the desired version of themself, but not sure if thats still even the same person they used to be

and. i think it should be obvious but this is all based on how i myself deal with and think of my identity as a trans person. i feel like i should clarify that this isnt me saying that this is the experience of every trans person, each of us is different etc etc

um anyway yeah thanks for the ask wiki i might listen to the song u talked abt at some point <3

#asks #car seat headrest #living while starving #lyric analysis #trans #csh #gadanie

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newtthetranswriter · 9 months ago

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PLEASE WRITE THIS WHEN U HAVE TIME. I know your requests are closed, but I wanted to request this because my memory is very bad & I forget a lot of my ideas.

transfem reader w toji fushiguro (or gojo if you’d rather write him) who has gender dysphoria about her body? maybe she does everything she can to appeal to the stereotypically feminine view—makeup, hair, heels—but when she sees the women that flirt w her boyfriend, she can’t help but feel inferior. maybe her body’s too rectangular or her chest is too small.

I can’t seem to find any fics like this, and I really like your blog 🙏🙏 again, please write this when your requests are open.

Word count: 1932

Pairing Satoru Gojo x Trans!Fem!Reader

Warnings: Self doubt, mentions of transphobia (internalized and old fashioned views), ooc gojo?

A/n: Hello Thank you so much for requesting. I know you said I could wait to write it until I opened requests again, but I just felt inspired by this so I hope you enjoy it. Also I went with Gojo mainly because I'm not the biggest toji fan. I am trans masculine so I’m not 100% sure if I captured the feelings trans fem people feel so if there are any mistakes please let me know. Anyways enjoy and remember to Hydrate or Diedrate.

Dating Satoru was a dream come true. I mean seriously never would I have thought such a high ranking member of Jujutsu society would even look my way let alone The Satoru Gojo. But I guess I got lucky, and even though Satoru is one of the most loving people I have ever met, I can’t help but to doubt myself.

Afterall life as a transgender person is hard enough as it is but add the strict and stuff beliefs of the older generation of Jujutsu sorcerers and you have a breeding ground for self doubt. Everytime Satoru and I are in public or have to interact with one of the other clans, my mind is flooded with terrible thoughts. ‘How can Satoru stand to be seen with me, there are so many more beautiful women out there.’ or ‘He’d be better off with a cis woman who is truly beautiful.’ It’s hard to quiet these thoughts when I’ve heard these comments from the higher ups in passing and sometimes I believe them.

And today of all days, the thoughts are more precisdent as me and Satoru are out on one of the few dates we get with his busy schedule. I had spent hours before trying to look as beautiful as possible to make this date perfect, I had Shoko help me pick a nice outfit and the perfect pair of heels. I spent most of the day perfecting the perfect hairstyle and make-up look for the night. Eventually with major words of encouragement from Shoko and Satoru himself I was ready, I even started the night feeling confident that I looked amazing.

But alas all good feelings come to an end. Once we were at the restaurant, I couldn’t help but notice all the beautiful women staring at Satoru and I mean I can’t blame them but it just caused the thoughts to surface again. Noticing my slight shift in mood Satoru turned to me, “Hey is everything okay?” He asked as he placed his arm around my waist. Not wanting to worry him I just smiled and nodded at him. “Okay… but you know if there’s something bothering you let me know, Ok?” He said, I could tell he was skeptical but he dropped the topic when the hostess asked us to follow her to the table.

Once seated we talked briefly about how his students were doing and how curses were becoming more annoying as of late before dropping the topic of work and just talking about tv and plans for the next couple weeks. “And I was thinking that we could go check out the new mall that opened up recently, I saw some beautiful dresses I thought you might like and would love to get you a few,” Satoru explained as he looked at the menu in front of him.

“That sounds lovely.” I responded and was planning on continuing the conversation when a waitress approached the table.

Looking at the young woman, I couldn’t help but notice how she was the picture of feminine beauty. Curvy in all the right places, perfect hair and subtle but gorgeous make-up. “Hello I’m Ally, I’ll be your server tonight, can I get you any drinks?” Hearing her speak for some reason made my heart hurt, knowing I would likely never sound as young and girlish as her.

I noticed Satoru looked at me and I quickly wiped the look of doubt off my face before he could say anything. I guess it worked because he turned his attention back to the woman, and quickly ordered us some wine and an appetizer we had agreed on. The waitress wrote the order down before excusing herself to take care of the order. Once she had walked away Satoru turned back to me. “Are you absolutely positive nothing is wrong?” He asked as he placed his hand over mine on the table. Once again not wanting to sour the mood of the evening, I nodded and said I was fine and turned the topic back to the previous conversation.

After we got our drinks and we ordered our entrees, I couldn’t help but notice that our waitress was checking in on us more than what is normally expected. She would stop by the table every time she walked by to check if the wine was to our liking or if we needed anything while we waited for the main course. I quickly picked up on how she would get slightly closer to Satoru’s side of the table each time, it was also clear that Satoru hadn’t noticed the subtle comments being directed at him. I couldn’t help but think that he was saying anything about it because he liked being hit on by a cis woman. Maybe he secretly hates the fact that I'm trans and just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. Eventually the thoughts got the best of me and tears started to well up in my eyes and it was taking everything out of me not to burst into sobs.

Once the waitress left again saying she would check on our food, Satoru turned to look at me, and I could see his eyes widen exponentially even through his dark sunglasses. “Hey, it’s ok. What’s wrong and don’t say nothing, something is clearly bothering you.” He said gently but sternly as he squeezed my hand and pulled his sunglasses off so I could make unobstructed eye contact.

Not having the strength to hold it in any longer I let out a few of my thoughts, maybe a little too loud for the setting but I couldn’t hold it in. “Why are you with me Satoru? You could have anyone, so why me?” It took the white haired male a second to process what was said but before he could speak, I continued. “I’m not beautiful like every woman here, I’m not curvy in all the right spots, my make up looks like a middle schooler did it, so why do you stay with me, when you could have a real woman?” I hated saying it but it was true in my mind, or at least I believed it. I wasn’t thin with big boobs and a big butt, I’m just flat. My figure is the opposite of curvy, I have broad shoulders and the flattest chest. I can’t grasp how someone so handsome can sit across from someone like me and say that I’m beautiful when so many better people are around.

After my mini outburst it was almost silent in our area of the restaurant. Satoru just looked at me stunned, he knew I suffered from dysphoria but he thought he had done a good job helping me feel better. The six-eyes user looked down at the table before speaking. “I know you have trouble believing me when I say this but you are the most beautiful person I have ever met. I don’t care if you aren’t curvy or if you struggle with make-up sometimes, No matter what you are beautiful to me.” As he said this he stood from the table and whipped the tears that had escaped my eyes from my face. While he was focused on me I noticed our waitress coming back this time with our food in hand. Seeing me look in that direction Satoru waved over the woman. “Can you have those put in togo boxes for us? My partner and I are done here.” I looked up at him shocked, but before I could protest he spoke again. “And before that can you please have your supervisor come speak with me?” Now I’m extremely confused.

“Satoru, what are you doing? I thought we were going to eat here?” I asked, confused, as I watched a nervous looking man approach. Satoru just stood up straight, put his sunglasses on and turned to the man who I’m now guessing is the supervisor.

“You must be the supervisor. I would like to file a complaint about the waitress who served me and my lovely partner here.” Satoru spoke in his formal tone he reserved for the higher ups, it was clear he was upset but he sounded so calm. “I was just trying to enjoy one of the rare occasions when I can pamper my Love, and your waitress spent most of the night hitting on me. Now I tried to be understanding and let it slide, but after numerous comments that clearly made my partner upset, I have decided that we will be taking our food to go and we will not be returning to this establishment.” While I didn’t expect that, I wasn’t expecting the look of concern that washed over the man’s face at my boyfriend's comment. “I will also be pulling all support from this restaurant that is provided by the Gojo estate.” With that final comment Satoru turned to me and offered his hand for me to take, as I stood up, the waitress from before brought our food now in to-go boxes and handed it to Satoru.

With food in hand we started to exit the restaurant, but before we could reach the door, the supervisor ran after us calling for Satoru. “Mr. Gojo please reconsider, I’ll fire this woman. Flirting with customers is against restaurant policy. Please do not pull the funding.” At first It seemed that he was actually upset about what the woman did but with the last sentence it was clear he was actually more worried about the money the Gojo clan apparently provided the business.

“No, I will be pulling the funding. You clearly care more about the money then how your employees are treating your top investors.” Satoru said not even looking at the man. With that we left and went home.

Once we were home and finished with our food, we laid down in our large bed and just cuddled with each other. Breaking the silence I asked a question I had been thinking about since we left. “Why did you do that?” I felt him looking at me clearly confused by the sudden question. “I mean tell that guy you were pulling the funding from the restaurant, I didn’t know the Gojo clan had investments in such things.” I was confused.

I felt Satoru chuckle as I laid on his chest before he spoke. “First, The Gojo clan has investments in a lot you don’t know about. Secondly I told him that because I meant it.” I lifted my head to look at him. As if reading my mind he continued, “I’m not going to support a business that only cares about the money and only has a problem with staff being disrespectful when their funds are threatened.” I nodded and was about to say something before he stopped me. “Plus I could tell you were uncomfortable the entire time and were just holding back for my sake. I want you to know that if there is ever a problem I will deal with it.”

“Thank you Satoru.” I said laying my head back on his chest. I decided it was probably time to go to sleep when I let out a small yawn.

As I drifted off, I heard Satoru speak one last time. “I love you, Y/n, don’t ever forget it. And I mean it when I say you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, I could never wish for more.” With that he placed a kiss to the top of my head and we both fell asleep enjoying each other's embrace.

#x reader #jjk x reader #jujustsu kaisen x reader #x transfem reader #x trans reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojo x trans reader #satoru gojo x reader

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sexisdisgusting · 10 months ago

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ALSO SORRY FOR SO MANY ASKS DJHDFJHDJHD

but do you or any other radblr lesbian girlies have advice for dealing with a "conventionally attractive" body aka an oversexualized body? big ass, big tits, small waist. I hate how i was groomed into believing that coping with sex was okay. i hate how i tried "being more feminine". like i can never get that money back and i can never take back the times ive let those men use me. it sucks. what sucks even more was that ofc it was other women, the handmaidens, who were the main ones to perpetuate that agenda. Because if men were like "yeah its okay to wanna be raped again <3 and getting with men to play out past trauma" then everyone would know their intentions. but no, it was seeing all the women be like "omg this helped me a lot <333 !! and im so much more happy now!!". showing off their age regression stuff. god i hate it. Without those women, there wouldnt have been anything to begin with. I wish more women saw through that BS.

also, to cope with gender dysphoria (like actual gender dysphoria) all ive been doing is just objectifying myself. since my body is very "feminine". its the fucking Porn Artist stereotype. I hate it. I feel like a walking object. I feel like its why I wanted to be a boy, like i wish I had no tits and no ass. because then i wouldnt be sexualized. Buying clothes to "hide" my body doesnt help because then i feel bulky/stuffy and overwhelmed. I hate how i use my body for social validation since because my face is deformed, its all I basically have.

lol im kinda glad though that I struggle with this in a way.... because it made me detrans. Especially seeing as i didnt even feel accepted as trans since I was a transmed. And then seeing these "omg trans healthcare saves lives, tho!!" people go about supporting literal AGPs truly peaked me. When my one ex friend group all trooned out at once, all the men being AGP anime / porn obsessed freaks who previously made fun of my trauma and victim mentality (despite me literally being marginalized) .... now theyre all pretending to be oppressed despite being white men from upper middle class families. Like damn, I AM NOT being in that community then. If that gets accepted? Yet me and my gender dysphoria diagnosis at a young age wasnt? Then nah. Its all nonsense.

i wish lesbian spaces werent taken over bc all this shit be isolating. Like im so sick of sex and porn and all that, i want LOVE goddamnit. Love and friendship. I am so burnt out, dude.

HIIIII MY LOVE, thank you so much for your ask

ugh i can feel first hand how tired you are with this shit in your wording, and i can relate, its really fucking draining

reading about your journey was really interesting, thank you for sharing it with me, im so happy you feel im a safe space for you because thats what i aspire to be <3

ALSO u dont have to apologize for sending a lot of asks, i love it

i feel for you, mootina

its hard to truly love your body and accept it as yours especially when you see pornsick idiots fetishize it

i read recently about the concept of body neutrality, and its where instead of praising, or hating your body, you simply thank it for doing all it does for you, i think perhaps looking into that will help you feel more in tune with yourself, and your body

also, of course this goes without saying, but feminist literature can help you, and also researching the female anatomy

in my struggles with my body, learning more about the capabilities of it helped me a lot with how i felt regarding it, and made it easier to tune out the fuckery of whatever anyone else has to say about it

i love you so much, ill leave the floor open for anyone else who has advice for you

thank you again for entrusting me with this <3

#asks #group questions

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