#and somehow even harder to post

[busiest-bee]

I’m scared to post this but if I don’t I’ll beat myself up about it. Fuck it we ball

I’ve been trying to put my emotions into words All day. But then I remembered. Oh right yeah. I can just. Say It.

Anyways Me being a loser (vent? I don’t know) under the cut

(Cool divider made by me using some splatoon assets I got off the wiki btw :•3 )

(This is kinda long. Way longer than I originally wanted. So super sorry about that)

Anyways for a little while now I’ve been considering that I Might be some form of nonhuman/otherkin. Specifically a shapeshifter, but dogs, cats (both big and small), wolves, and bears are things I relate to heavily as well. (Not sure “relate” is the best term for what I feel but ehh I’m having a hard enough time with this as is) The dog, wolf, and cat parts are because of the kind of shapeshifter I..am?? That feels kinda crazy to say (and saying THAT is giving me some serious self doubt. But as they say, Fuck It We Ball).

Edit (8-24-24)- adding in cuz I just remembered: some visual similarities to lizards/reptiles so throw a little bit of That in the mix idk

Anyways yea the type of shapeshifter I’m talking about is actually a species I’ve been Sorta developing over a couple years now, it’s all come about pretty naturally tho. It’s basically just my brain saying “hey I Hate these parts of being a human. Let’s do something else” idk how to word it. So the kind of shapeshifter I am is more so based on what I hate about my irl body. That definitely plays into my gender dysphoria, and vice versa.

The bear part I feel less strong about, but it makes sense I guess. That came around when I had an intense hyperfixation on Splatoon. My favorite character is Mr.Grizz. Who is a bear. That hyperfixation was also the catalyst for me trying tinned fish!! (This is important to me bcuz I’m an Incredibly picky eater. Not fully relevant to the rest of this but Oh Well. I’m already oversharing on the internet in an attempt to come to terms with my identity, why not share a fun fact, Yknow?) Ever since that I’ve also felt very strongly about salmon. My favorite fish (I didn’t have a favorite fish beforehand) is sockeye salmon I LOVE them. They’re beautiful. They’re poetic. I want to eat them. Also my current layout (as of writing this) is splatoon themed. Specifically Salmon Run and golden eggs. I love the way the world of splatoon makes me feel. I want to be completely immersed in it. Golden eggs look so tasty and are so gender I HAVE to eat them.

I don’t know if this is a kin thing or if I’m just thinking too hard about it (that could apply to this entire post but eh) but I also relate (again, maybe not the “correct” term but I’m working with what my brain has so shh) to Chara from Undertale. Idk something about a little kid falling down into a mountain full of monsters, being adopted by said monsters, and giving themself up just to try saving them…their cannonical distaste of humans…something about them as a character really feels so intensely Me. I don’t think I Am Chara, but. Idk. This is all very new to me (admitting that I feel these things at least. I’ve been consuming some kin content for a while now. It’s fun!! Love moodboards and stimboards so much they’re so fun)

And maybe, if anyone has even read this far, u might be asking “bee! Your name is Bee! Your account name is bee themed!! Are u a little honey making freakazoid out to get lost in the pollen sauce?”

To which I say:

All jokes aside. I don’t know man. Bees are very me, I am very bees, but I tried looking at bee kin/therian posts and i couldn’t really relate as well as i hoped. Although I might’ve just not scrolled down enough to find something that I really deeply felt in my gut. So just. Think of me like a fancy car (except creature) with a cool bee themed skin or something idk. (To be fair itd make more than enough sense for me to be a..kin?? Therian?? I don’t know. Of a bee. I have so many bee things. One day I will have more)

I’m still unsure of labels, if anything I just prefer the term nonhuman, gets the point across without being too specific, and doesn’t give me any of the bad icky feelings that make me feel like I’m lying no matter what I do or say.

Anyways yeah this was long and dumb and honestly? I’m terrified to post it. Ive been struggling to get my words out all day and I’ve been posting like a madman. But I guess using my social media as an outlet for all my emotions I otherwise wouldn’t really have anywhere to put will do that.

Sorry if none of this made any sense, I’m really trying to not only understand myself, but also to then Describe that understanding to other people. And I’ve never been very good at having people understand me.

If I end up realizing I was wrong I will promptly dig a hole in the ground and let nature overtake me and cover me in moss

(Also just a note: if anyone sees this, Reads this, and decides to like. Reply or reblog with words of encouragement/understanding or really Anything. I might not reply bcuz I have really bad social anxiety, especially on the internet. But trust me when I say that I read everything people say in the tags of reblogs, comments/replies, all of it. It’s all greatly appreciated, it really truly is.)

(Cool ass Mr.Grizz divider made by me with an asset from the Nintendo online app in Wandercrust I think. Though I believe all the pics u can get from that are also on the wiki) (I should make a salmon themed divider holy shit)

[hiddencarpet]

It took me like 6 years but i Finally drew this old idea of mine.

"What if Dante and Vergil were born as grubs and changed their forms to human-like only with time?"

[irkimatsu]

Husk can have such a romantic side with someone he truly cares about.

He invites you into his room at the hotel, and as you enter, you can see all the effort he’s put in to make the evening special. He’s dusted off his old suit that he hasn’t worn in years. Jazz music is softly playing from the record player in his room, slow and with prominent saxophone. The lights are turned down low, and the curtains are wide open onto the night sky.

The intended effect is missing when the sky is dark red and starless, but you appreciate what he was going for.

He’s smiling softly as he reaches out his paw. “May I have this dance?”

You accept, taking his paw and allowing him to pull you into his embrace, his paw gently holding your hand as his other arm encircles your waist. He leads you in a slow, swaying dance, his eyes transfixed on your face for every second of it.

This man is so deeply in love. You can see it in his eyes.

He leans in for a kiss, his soft fur tickling your lips as he gently presses into them. He lets go of your hand so he can stroke your hair and your face, his claws grazing your skin. Soon he’s kissing his way over your cheek, down your jawline, to the side of your neck. Every touch from his claws and his teeth reminds you of how badly he could hurt you if he wanted to.

He would never hurt you.

His kisses and touches ebb and flow with the intensity of the music; he’s a talented musician, and tonight, you’re his instrument. He urges soft moans and hums from your mouth with his touches, the sound absolute art to his ears.

“Husk…” you whisper as you lightly stroke him behind his ears. He shudders against you and kisses you more hungrily.

As the music swells in the background, you find yourself lying back on Husk’s mattress, his claws tangled in your hair as he kisses your mouth again. You unbutton his shirt just enough to stroke the thick patch of fur on his chest, and as you tune yourself into the rhythm of the music, you can anticipate the way he’ll be moving against you soon…

[cherrieguroo]

good morning sheilinda nation

[koka-mi]

Oh my gosh whyyyy am I so obsessed with numbers I don't like it at all this is driving me INSANEEEE😭😭IT'S GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AS THE DAYS GO BY AAAA

[macadam]

Throwback to when someone referred to me as the matpat of transformers

[doerot]

Ok and on that while I do think having the Option to switch ryan and kaitlyn in chapter 7 would have made a more interesting game, I do value time with the bestie and dylan/kaitlyn bonding time was the best part of the game imo

[melodiclune]

Dear Nami,

I receive your document amidst great workloads, and yet it brings with it pleasant feels of camaraderie. I would be honoured to join your family. I will refrain from posting my witty quips within the official letter, but they shall be enclosed in the tags.

Thank you for the kind, lovely invitation. I do hope you and the family are well.

[pinkeoni]

Something about Twin Peaks is that nearly every character has infinite rizz. Literally that town is full of rizzlers.

[coquelicoq]

incredibly moved whenever someone tells me that i'm an easy person to be around when they're going through some shit. there's nothing more sacred to me than sitting with someone through death and grief and loss, things that i can't fix or do anything about except be there and let them feel their feelings without having to pretend to be chipper or hopeful or cheeruppable. i can't pretend to feel what i don't feel, which makes me weird and awkward in so many interpersonal situations, but i think it's also what makes people feel comfortable sharing this stuff with me, because they know that i won't judge them and they don't have to perform for me. i feel so lucky when i can provide that for somebody. i wouldn't trade it for anything.

[biomic]

struggling to think of another sentai episode that ends with our heroes in such a dire, hopeless state.

[secret--history]

the whole 'there are not very many Great Causes worth fighting for these days' from Julian scanned as WAY more out of touch than the moon landing thing for me the first time i read tsh

[trevisos]

my biggest goal for my dai replay is to figure out how to have quinn be better friends with/care more about solas so i get more emotional payoff in datv. i think this isn’t a very tall order but it’s an extremely funny problem to have to puzzle out. how do i make the antisocial lesbian care about the overcooked egg man

[approximateknowledge]

that poll made think about mondo emerso again. somehow simultaneously the most generic yet interesting fantasy books young ak had the pleasure to read. like there's some actual interesting stuff going on beneath the surface. (*fammins* dear gog the implications. also elven bio-warfare, don't ask. also just san. one of my oldest fictional crushes... morally gray half-elf with a sick-ass wyvern go brrrr)

but above all the sheer *projection potential* for adhara in the third trilogy especially

im like 80% sure she had like, a direct hand in my egg cracking

why yes the pov character wakes without memory and has to *discover she's a woman*, and then ends up choosing a name for herself, and eventually she meets her creators and they literally deadname her

adhara is like the most trans allegory you can make a protagonist by accident

also yes she does look like that

i will not comment further, you all have eyes

[screamingay]

somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol

[mbat]

okay im so annoyed why am i remembering there being an episode of something most likely animated for kids where someone (a guy?) somehow learns a tactic to make people do whatever they want by like. if they ask someone to do something and that person says no, they then ask "okay, is there a world in which you do do that?" and somehow that makes people do that thing, until someone else calls them out for it because thats weird to do

i could swear its something i watched within the last 3 years but idk if that necessarily means its from that time, but probably