#dumb x dumb

[pewpop]

a gift for zolu shippers 🩷

I hope you like it 🩷

i sure as hell don't 🩷

edit: FUCK ME I MISSPELLED CAPTAIN. IT'S BECAUSE IN ITALIAN IT'S CAPITANO AND I DIDN'T CHECK BEFORE POSTING GODDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

edit 2: FIXED IT. i HATE ENGLISH

edit 3: changed it back because it's in character 💪

bonus:

edit 4: this post is a mess

[nerd-izzy-art]

Revelations

[ifr1t]

GO, KURT, GO!!!

original tt under the cut

[lovelyghst]

ghost and his horrible habit of falling asleep on your tummy, using it as a comfy pillow after going down on you for the past hour, maybe two. you keep telling him you need to clean up but he promises he’ll do it for you later, just let him bask in the quiet moment for a few more minutes… until you go to poke him five minutes later and he’s out cold.

it’s your fault for being so damn kindhearted and sweet on him!! scratching the back of his head and neck as you praise him for how good he made you feel, your doughy thighs squishing his temples so soothingly, grounding him back on earth so effortlessly. you’re his favorite safe-space, and your gentle breathing once you’ve finally come down from the high he gave you is simply far too welcoming for him to not be tempted. even if you do manage to wake him up soon, it’s still some of the best sleep in his entire, rugged existence.

[delicatedarknight]

Tim: so why should we select you?

Guy A: I'm rich and handsome

Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?

Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.

Guy A: ex-xcuse me??

Damian: you are excused. Now get out

Tim: and what about you?

Guy b: I can protect him

Damian: protect?? dad??

Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.

Guy b: but he ain't Batman though

Jason: bitch he might be

Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?

Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman

Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce

Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day

Tim: so what makes you special?

Clark: I can cook for him

Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?

Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him

Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.

Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-

Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud

Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece

Clark: uh..soo

Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.

Dick: Definitely

Jason: prepare your vows

Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background

Clark: oh it was Bruce

[collective HUH from batkids]

Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys

[collective even louder HA]

Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating

[collectively yelling WHAT]

Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me

[collective screaming]

[3amfanfiction]

I fully headcannon that Simon Riley is the type to take anything you give him, regardless of the impact to his health.

“Simon, you’re home!”

He had just walked in the door as you take a bite of a cooling cookie. you grab another one and hurry over to give him a hug and kiss, then you hand one of the cookies over to him. “You’ve gotta try these. They’re a cherry cream-cake cookie that my coworker gave me the recipe for. Tell me what you think!”

You wait expectantly for him to try it, bouncing excitedly when he tells you it’s good.

you grin as you stuff the rest of your cookie into your mouth and hurry back to finish your last batch. Simon follows and sits at the kitchen table to visit with you while you finish baking and begin cleaning the kitchen.

Before too long you notice his voice start to go a little hoarse when he answers your questions. as he clears his throat for the third time you ask, “You okay? Do you need something to drink?”

“Nah, I’ll b’ fine” he rasps, standing and coming to give you a kiss on the forehead. “i’ll be back in a bit, lovie.”

Is out the door before you can get your thoughts together enough to question him.

That evening you’re laying in bed when the door opens and in walks Simon.

When he crawls into bed you turn to him and let out a “Simon!’ when you see him covered in hives “what happened to you?”

He tells you he went to A&E since he’s allergic to cherries. His throat was swelling up while he was listening to you tell him about your day and he broke out in hives shortly after he left.

When you grill him, trying to figure out what was going through his mind when he accepted the cookie without saying anything, he just shrugs and pulls you into his chest with an eye roll and a, “it came from you, sweetheart. What was I gonna do? Not eat it?”

Next || Story Repository

[sttoru]

“tsk. has nobody taught you how to eat?” sukuna scoffs, gnawing on a big of piece of meat whilst watching you eat your own meal next to him. the corners of your lips are very messy.

you can’t help it. the food the maids had prepared is too delicious to eat without gusto. you’re alone with sukuna so you don’t mind your table manners all that much. nor does he.

“right back at you, my lord.” you retort in a sassy tone. a hand reaches out to tug at your hair before firmly flicking your forehead. a reminder of your place.

sukuna yanks off a piece of meat from the bone with his sharp fangs. he glances down at you with an amused yet dangerous look, “get too bratty with me ‘n you’ll end up as my dinner next.”

you chuckle. you’re used to his threats by now, knowing he won’t go that far, though you don’t push your luck any further.

the unexpected feeling of a wet tongue sweeping off the sauce from your mouth makes you cringe. you notice how sukuna had formed a mouth on one of his hands and decided to just clean you up that way, “ew. get that away.”

“ew? you should be grateful for that, woman.” sukuna huffs, continuing to eat nonchalantly whilst you’re struggling to fight off his hand from your face. “i can also use somethin’ else to clean up y’r dirty mess.”

the king of curses grins menacingly as the huge tongue on his abdomen rolls out. you shiver at the mental image of that massive thing slobbering all over your face to get the sauce off.

“yeah no.. err, thank you. i’ll just get a napkin.”

[spookys]

are you gonna miss me? mmm maybe a little bit. a little bit? it's very very rude. you know i'm gonna miss you a lot.

[technically-human]

Those souls from Lust grabbed him for a reason

[clouvu]

Father-Son bonding moment ✨

[hitmewithsomebooks]

James who one day has a smudge on his glasses

They’re usually pretty clean, it’s the one thing he keeps up on (to see, yk?)

But he’s talking to Regulus and suddenly Regulus is staring at one of his eyes and James is kind of concerned and confused a little lost in Regulus’s pretty eyes on him

And then Reg just grabs his glasses, cleans them on his robe, and slides them back on his face (positioned perfectly, might I add)

James who begins to purposely get things on his glasses

Dust, food, mud — one time he purposely dumped a bag of flour over his head (and walked around blindly till Regulus grabbed him, cleaned his glasses, and left the rest of the flour).

Just so Reg will look at him, so he can feel his fingertips brush James’s face when he takes hold of the glasses, just so he can see that amused little smirk.

And yes, Regulus catches on. It’s quite obvious, in true James Potter fashion.

But he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t call him out. He just keeps cleaning those glasses. Cuz it makes them both happy.

[ineffable-bullshit]

it is so beyond fucking funny to me that azirphale knew exactly what he was doing when he threatened to never speak to crowley again. because the world could end and yeah he'd be a little torn up, but never talking to aziraphale again?? well you should've said something earlier let me alter the fabric of the universe and stop fucking time so i can still listen to my husband talk about old books.

[lineffability]

you can only know if an angel and a demon are in love by waiting a few millenia because they are weird and that's how it works

[nahpkmp]

Silly silly animation teehee

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

katsuki hides his face in your neck when he gets embarrassed. that’s it send tweet.

[willowcrowned]

if we want the rewards of posting our fic we must submit to the mortifying ordeal of editing the damn thing