#dumb shit lex does

[nubbular]

strange (the song by galaxie 500) makes me Not Okay and im going to talk about it.

this song is really interesting to me, since it seems to be switching between major and minor without changing the key sig., but i havent written it out (yet) so im not quite sure. to me it gives this really powerful feeling of being lost somewhere you dont understand and just wandering, looking for something, but you dont know what it is youre looking for. the singers voice really helps with that since the verses in minor are higher, and it almost sounds like the vocalist is crying, or about to, then it switches down to the lower, major-sounding chorus where the vocals are a lot smoother.

in the context of the scene its used in in lisa frankenstein, this works tremendously well, this is a drug trip, it makes basically no sense to her, the headstone of The Guy is now a moving person, wtf is going on, but then she settles in and the chorus and the instrumental part kick in and its just beautiful

[nubbular]

also go read the book its fucking wild

Carmilla web series will be 10 years old this year 😭😭😭 I still love hollstein so much

[anxi04]

tim meeting lex at a gala when he’s young. he knows lex is a villain but he’s also the only vaguely smart person there and he has a look of disgust every time someone says anything remotely dumb, which tim relates to SO much.

meanwhile lex seeing this kid who is so clearly going to be a supervillain when he grows older and quite honestly this child scares him a little. so he indulges him just enough to be on his good side. lex just about has a heart attack when tim off handedly mentions one of lex’s very secret, only 6 people know about it and 5 of them are hidden away and can’t see their family because of what they know, project.

every time they see each other at a gala there’s just a sense of “oh thank god someone smart is here” and spend half the time politely shit talking the idiots

cut to 17 yo tim drake (never aging again) and he just. shows up in lexs house one day like “give me the blessing to marry kon and i’ll tell you the absolutely groundbreaking gossip i just found out about rebecca” he gets his blessing without lex even questioning it. he knows tim drake is red robin anyway who else would be able to? he is a little disappointed he went the hero route but out of all heroes red robin is closest to becoming a supervillain anyway so it’s fine

lex however does not know any of the other batfams identity. brucie wayne is a fucking idiot who can’t tie his shoes (lex watches him stuff the laces in his shoes once) dick grayson is a Cop(negative), jason todd is dead, stephanie brown is the daughter of a villain and would probably want to be as far away from that life as possible, damian wayne he could buy as robin but there’s no way anyone biologically related to brucie could be even remotely competent, duke thomas seems too normal, and he can find nothing on cass wayne except she seems too sweet. besides tim’s competent enough to hide his identity from his family. especially the wayne family.

[incorrectbatfam]

If the batfam had tiktok what would they post? What would go the most viral?

Dick does duets where he remixes people who have bad takes. His most viewed one is turning Lex Luthor's corporate monologue into a dubstep track with beat drops every time Superman is mentioned. Equally popular is his mashup of Bruce's yawning with a Sam Smith song.

Jason makes cooking videos. The recipes are normal, but the voiceovers like, "today I'm making a realistic animal-themed vegan bento box 'cause I wanna torment my brother." His most popular video is of him shit-talking Batman while making a pot roast, but it gets deleted because he didn't say "unalive."

Tim does behind-the-scenes videos of his photoshoots where he makes it seem like a complex process with dimmed lights and glitter falling from a ceiling fan, then it cuts to a blurry iPhone pic of a pissed-off Jason with sparkly hair chasing him down a dark hallway.

Damian's is a mix of animal videos, art tutorials, Cheese Viking speedruns, and classical covers of anime intros. But his most popular one is recording his family's reaction to him saying the fuck-word for the first time. He also has a series where he asks people how babies are made to see whose response TikTok takes down first.

Duke posts subtle and wholesome pranks, like leaving Tooth Fairy money under the older batkids' pillows or gradually filling Kate's purse with Jolly Ranchers. His most popular series is when he slowly replaced Damian's furniture with increasingly smaller replicas until the 8th day when Damian finally notices.

Steph does a little bit of everything and often takes suggestions (re: dumb dares) from the comments. Her account started with her just sharing her favorite memes, but her most popular video is when she slept in a bathtub full of Mardi Gras necklaces after an audience poll.

Cass normally posts a mix of dance covers and sign language lessons, but occasionally there will be moments from her daily life that she captures at the right time. Her most viral video is at the grocery store when someone accidentally knocks a coconut onto the ground and she follows it as it rolls to the other end of the store.

Harper and Cullen do a lot of backyard science experiments where they take hypotheses from comments and test them out, like if they can cook steak with firecrackers or make a trampoline out of rubber bands. Their biggest project was turning an abandoned pool into a frog sanctuary.

Barbara keeps most of her daily videos private and her public ones are mainly book hauls, song recs, and computer tips. Her most popular video, even making news articles, is a video where she breaks down how planned obsolesce works and calling out big tech companies.

Bruce has a secret account that no one knows about. He doesn't post anything. He just lurks because he wants to be the first like and comment whenever his kids post.

[bubblergoespop]

My Top Vincent Quotes

save me flirty vampire save me (≧∀≦)

“Fuck!”

“When it feels like it’s too much, just squeeze, okay?”

“Because otherwise you’re gonna be doing your best imitation of a Southern-fried steak under this sun. Move it, cowboy.”

“Oh, I know I’m very close. You’re welcome.”

“My entrepreneurial efforts should not be mocked, Vincent.”

“Should I strip down for easier access, doctor?”

“No one can touch you anymore… No one but me.”

“I’ve only ever met a couple of air elementals in my day, and we, uh… we weren’t doing much talking, if you get my drift.”

“Boo!”

“I’ll never get tired of seeing you come down those stairs like that. Like you know exactly what it does to me. Like you own the room. Like you own my heart. Because you do.”

“This is different. Because it’s with you. And not because of what happened to you but because it’s you. Because of what you mean to me. You’re special to me.”

“I love your neck. And that’s not a vampire thing. That’s a Vincent thing.”

“Hold my hand. Please. Yeah, hold it tight. Feel how strong it is. That’s all for you. It’s your strength. It’s yours.”

“Unlike me, the proverbial golden child.”

“Your scent, even through the skin… It’s torture. But the fun kind.”

“The old man.”

“Knowing you has been like switching my life from black and white to technicolor.”

“When I’m around you all I can think is Ohm my god— That one was so dumb”

“You. I’m looking at you.”

“I assume your lupine-inclined S.O. finds it palatable?”

“I can find them.”

“God, your blood practically sings to me, do you know that?”

“I love you. And I will spend eternity at your side if you’d let me.”

“Don’t tell him I said that though. He already threatens to kick my ass every other day. I’d probably deserve it too, but he’s too much of a softy to actually do it.”

“What? I am looking. All right, maybe I’m not looking out at the view. But I’m definitely looking. And loving what I see.”

“All of you is amazing. I mean that. I couldn’t say it if I didn’t. “

“If you really want someone to act like a mother hen, try pulling anything in front of Sam, you can practically hear his blood pressure rising in real time”

“You were my new beginning.”

“My magic is yours, to be whatever help it can. All of me is. Always.”

“I love you. Yes, even when you eat shit. C’mon, you goof.”

“I know your neck’s sweaty. What’s your point?”

“I need your blood. Please.”

“Yeah. It’s still a Vincent thing. I’ll always love kissing your neck, Lovely.”

“Alexis is… being Alexis about it all.”

“Oh I’m not just any idiot, I’m your idiot. There’s a difference.”

“Mine.”

“It’s nothing. You just… you look so cute cuddled up under the sheets like that.”

“Fuck, you smell good.”

“What? I am being good.”

“I’ll fix the drywall… You’re right, I won’t.”

“If the attendant hears it’ll give him something fun to talk about when he gets home.”

-“Even when we’re apart, just thinking of you gets me hard.”

“Have I mentioned that I love when you really lean into your Vampiric strength? Good. Because it’s so fucking hot.“

“You know I’ve always been a tease. Your tease.”

“Yeah you can bite me. Do it.”

“I said mine.”

“Let’s go see what the cowboy’s thinking.”

“Fuck. I wanted you so bad. You’ve been so close. But I knew it’d be worth the wait. And you’re worth every minute of the wait. ”

“Makes sense when your mate’s halfway to being a lumberjack already.”

“Eat shit, asshole. Is that better?”

“Do you like it? [the cutest relieved chuckle in existence] Good. Good I’m glad.”

“I’m not some animal. I’m Vincent Solaire. I’m not just a vampire. I’m more than that. I have to be more than that.”

“Lex.”

[nubbular]

just the entire red route

[suzukiblu]

An excerpt of morally-ambiguous-dad!Lex for @robotogato to hopefully enjoy, haha.

"Clones really don't get soulmarks, though," Kon says in frustration. "It doesn't even make sense that I'd have one."

"Well, I suppose there's the possibility that I just want you so badly that it happened anyway," Lex Luthor muses idly. "A Luthor doesn't generally accept being denied what they want."

"Very fucking funny," Kon mutters, shooting him a glower. "I'm being serious here, asshole."

"Hm," Lex Luthor observes, inspecting him neutrally. "Not even a moment where you let yourself want to believe that, was there."

"Why would I wanna believe that a bastard like you wanted me?" Kon sneers at him.

"Because I am the only person in the multiverse who would burn down reality for you without hesitation," Lex Luthor says like he's talking about the weather or something. Like he's just stating a totally inconsequential fact or reiterating something as obvious as the sky being blue.

Like there's no question there at all.

"I hope you fucking die and I hope it fucking hurts," Kon hisses as the whole world seems to bleed red, just about choking on his fury.

"Well, it will if you don't close your eyes," Lex Luthor says, raising an eyebrow at him. "Quickly, ideally."

"Wh–" Kon is almost stupid enough to ask, and then he realizes and immediately screws his eyes shut, snapping his hands up over his face just in case.

His eye sockets feel like they're on fire.

"Ah, I suppose I live another day," Lex Luthor says. "Rage and anger are notable triggers for the heat vision, if you're still unfamiliar. And apparently arousal as well, although I have very definitely never encountered that version so I can't say if it's more or less potent than rage."

"How do you even know about it, then?" Kon asks, hating that he can't trust himself to look at the bastard without killing him. Lex Luthor could be doing any stupid fucked-up thing right now and he'd have no fucking clue.

"I am a very intelligent person who can afford very good information," Lex Luthor says. "And I am also more intimately familiar with Kryptonian DNA than quite possibly anyone else on this planet, Superman included."

"Superman has Kryptonian DNA," Kon retorts dubiously.

"He does," Lex Luthor agrees. "His special little gift from dumb luck and blind chance. Some of us actually had to put in a bit of effort to get that kind of power, though."

"You don't have that kind of power," Kon says. "You have money and the fucking bullshit fear that you put into people."

"Ah, but I have you now," Lex Luthor counters mildly. "Now don't I."

"You don't," Kon snaps.

"Oh, give it sixteen years or so," Lex Luthor says, making a dismissive gesture as Kon's eyes finally stop burning long enough for him to risk a glare at him. "Your full powerset should be in by then, and I imagine I'll have had a bit of time to change your mind somewhere in there."

"I don't care what whatever custody law bullshit says about it, I'm not gonna stay with you," Kon says tightly. "Sure as shit not for the next sixteen years!"

"Oh?" Lex Luthor asks, raising an eyebrow at him. "Then where exactly are you intending to go long-term? Just planning to stay in a lab for the rest of your life?"

"Why the fuck not?" Kon says in exasperation.

Lex Luthor's eyes narrow.

"Oh," he says like a realization. "Someone's actually made you assume that you belong in a lab, haven't they."

"Yeah, I can't think of a single unrepentant bastard who might've had a hand in me belonging in one of those," Kon bites off darkly. "Real fucking mystery there, huh."

"Hm," Lex Luthor says.

[commissionspartybus]

I (politely) demand more batman stuff, this idea sounds great

S2 ending, they grab a briefcase and set it correctly to go back home. Hand in hand, ready to fix their lives once again and finally avoid the apocalypse.

Out of hundreds of briefcases, they grab the one missing a wire.

Using it should have killed them but stabilization came from Viktor, and not ending up stranded in space time is thanks to Five. Instead they hit the right year, right time, completely wrong universe.

They scare the shit out of the family living in the house they landed in, but otherwise are fine. Grabbing a newspaper - which was frankly ridiculously harder than expected - and realizing that they are in the world of a comic series? Less of a shock, more of a yelling match of whose fault this is.

Three factions emerge: those who want to go to the JL for help, those who rather fix this by themselves, and those who Do Not Fucking Care As Long As Something Is Done.

Diego and Luther belong to the first camp, Five and Viktor in the second. Allison and Klaus firmly in the third. So they do what they do best and split up, because this family cannot agree on a Single Goddamn Thing.

Ben, meanwhile, remembered a little girl on a tricycle who made fun of him and said without a box set he was boring. Ben then woke up again in a body in some mad scientists basement who apparently is trying to make people out of clay and science because some woman apparently was made that way. Ben is having a Shit Fucking Time.

Luther and Diego go off together to do their plan, but argue about who to approach. Viktor, who came with them purely because he happened to be in the same room during this, is displeased. Diego throws a fit and goes to Gotham while Luther, who also throws a fit, goes to Metropolis. Viktor also goes to metropolis because there really is an excellent program there for newfound metas run by some guy named Lex Luthor and he might as well get a head start on the whole powers thing.

Lex actually stops by once or twice and is really nice to Viktor, offers him additional resources and even employment. Hopefully not something he'll have to worry about but it's nice to see actual rich people be kind.

Luther drops Viktor off to these meetings though and remembers lex luthor. Luther goes to the library to double check this lex luthor is The Lex Luthor and discovers The Internent. Luther cannot believe what people are saying about his childhood hero online. Who has the gall to disrespect Superman? This cannot stand. This will not stand. Luther will make people realize how great superman is.

Diego on the other hand has a plan. He was thrown in a asylum before and has no interest in doing that again, which he's sure will happen if he just says the truth. No, he has to impress Batman. Only then will he be considered Sane and Truthful. This has nothing to do with wanting Actual Batman to think he's cool, no way. He needs to become a vigilante in Gotham and Become A Bat.

Five and Allison stick together- well, more like Allison sticks to Five because she'll be damned If it takes another fifty years to get back home. No, anytime he's out of her sight he does dumb shit that always has an apocalypse attached to it. Her morals are also starting to slip and she wants both an enabler and support beam in Five. Road trip to all the notable places in America harboring Magical and Scientific Shit to speed up the process.

Klaus originally joined roadtrip duo but upon a stop he noticed the most gorgeous man who was also the ugliest fucking thing he'd seen all weak. Like two malformed cats having an orgy. It was instantaneous, he Needs to either fuck that guy or find out what his deal is. This is his destiny. This Is Who He Is Meant To Find.

The justice league, meanwhile, have not gone blind to the families antics. Their main concern is the two metas going around and swiping objects of high value and power- the woman with her power to make anyone do as she says and the boys spatial jumps are unnerving. With no idea on their reasoning and the potential of the boy being an unwillingly accomplice (they are, after all, very clearly not related and with the woman's power she could just be using the boy to achieve her own ends through his) it is in their highest priority to finish this through.

Except it Is hard to focus due to extenuating circumstances.

Clark Kent thinks he's dealing with a stalker and is completely unprepared on how to actually. Deal With That. Luthor keeps taunting about how humans will reign superior and shit about legacy - will he have to keep a closer eye on Conner? Will his clone/son/brother/science gone wrong even accept it? Who Fucking Knows.

Bruce's kids keep sending him tiktoks about the newest wannabe vigilante getting his shit rocked near constantly, which isn't distracting enough to quiet the thoughts in his head that the mystery boy stealing artifacts has enough features reminiscent of his grandfather (Thomas Wayne's father) to be suspicious. And that Azrael has gone missing, again.

John Constantine is on the run from the amalgamation of gods regrets personified, and he interested in finding out what it wants with him, personally. Having some murderous church kid tag along with him because "through you (John) will lead me to what God has tasked me to find" doesn't make this shit worse at all, nope.

[foreos]

hatchetfield characters rated on how much they like sonic the hedgehog

- paul matthews: 7/10 i think just based on his age and personality he played like sonic adventure one as a kid and enjoyed it but hasn’t really thought about it since. if he were to play a sonic game again he’d be like “oh i remember this guy! silly :)” he does not like the chaotix.

- emma perkins: 5/10 i can see a young emma being Violently Opposed to sonic and never playing it or engaging with any content. and then at some point ziggs or even paul has her play one of the games with them and she’s like “Oh Wait This Is Fun” but idk if she’d ever consider herself a fan.

- bill woodward: 1/10 he cannot remember sonic’s name. he is completely ambivalent because he doesn’t know what that is. he’d have an appreciation for tails if he knew he existed

- charlotte sweetly: 0/10 he creeps her out. i think there’s so much going on in her life that there is no room for sonic the hedgehog.

- ted spankoffski: 10/10 he also played the games as a kid and still enjoys him though he does not advertise that at all. in college he and jenny did smoke and play the entirety of sonic 06 together. he probably hasn’t really played them since at all since it contrasts with the new everything. he watched sonic underground.

- henry hidgens 0/10 he doesn’t trust sonic.

- melissa: 11/10 she loves sonic and you can interpret that however you want

- john mcnamara: 0/10 i cannot imagine this man with a game controller in his hands.

- tom houston: -10000/10 he is a technophobe and sonic frustrates him. he finds the characters annoying and tim keeps having to beat the levels for him and he doesn’t know why sonic is looking at him like that at the end of every level.

- becky barnes: 8/10 she just thinks he’s the silliest guy. i think becky would like sonic and the black knight and get a kick out of the gimmicky motion controls. i like to picture becky having stupid fun it brings me joy.

- lex foster: 0/10 no time for that also that’s kind of dumb also also where are his clothes.

- ethan green: current 1/10, potential 10/10, ethan has never touched a sonic game in his life but i think if he did he’d be hooked.

- hannah foster: 5/10 she has never touched a sonic game and isn’t really a video game person but she has nothing against the guy.

- frank pricely: 9/10 i think frank watched SatAM as a kid and the franchise is special to him even if he doesn’t really engage. probably drew pictures of sonic and tails as a kid.

- linda monroe: 1/10 it’s beneath her. linda probably doesn’t like video game and i think she’d find everyone really fucking annoying. river likes sonic though :)

- sherman young: 1000/10 but he’s not fun about it. if you like something he doesn’t then you’re fucking stupid. why does sonic have a sword. why is sonic in a car. i don’t know sherman. he refuses to play a lot of the games and is very much a purist about a lot of shit. he hates silver the hedgehog sooooo much.

- zoey chambers: 0/10 would shame sonic likers.

- miss holloway: 5/10 sonic is too nineties for her eighties but some of the kids she’s worked with liked it and she has nothing against the guy.

- duke keane: 8/10 i think like becky he would enjoy stupid fun.

- ziggs: 10/10 i think ziggs is a sonic fan. and i’m not saying that just because they’re a furry i think they’d genuinely like it. they are not good at most of the games though, they usually can’t make it past the typical sonic late game difficulty boost. ziggs hasn’t read the comics but they might have watched some of the cartoons, you know?

- rose: 6/10 i think she would have a lot of fun if she played the games but it’s never gonna be something she gets super into. sonic games do tend to have fantastic soundtracks so maybe she’d eat that shit up.

- daniel (stopwatch): 100/10 he really likes sonic. sonic is his kind of guy. i think daniel is a big shadow fan.

- sophia (spitfire): 5/10 she has nothing against the guy but she doesn’t know who blaze is or why daniel keeps bringing it up.

- pete spankoffski: 12/10 he inherited ted’s old games and LOVED them. he doesn’t really engage with the non game media but i think he’s played like most of the games.

- stephanie lauter: 2/10 what’s this nerd shit? weird :/. i think she’d like it if she tried it.

- richie lipschitz: 10000/10 he loves sonic. he loveeeeeees sonic. he has read the comics he has seen the shows he can name all the characters. richie knows the lore. richie used to have a crush on sally acorn. richie can go on the worlds longest rant about sonic forces okay it just never ends. he thinks shadow is The Coolest Guy and he embraces the franchise wholeheartedly.

- ruth fleming: 1000/10 she likes sonic a lot. she knows so much about all the games and she loves going so so so fast. i think she also read the comics and watched the cartoons and i think her and richie argue about it like all the time. she does have a thing for rouge the bat AND shadow and i think she has a little plushie chao keychain on her backpack.

- grace chasity: -10000000000000/10 she HATES sonic she hates him so much. he fills her with so much rage she fucking hates his ass. number one sonic hater.

BONUS:

- wiggly: 0/10 this game is hard to play with tentacles

- blinky: 5/10 he doesn’t really care but watching the hedgehog go zoom is fun

- tinky: 10/10 he loves this shit he wants sonic to go FASTER

- nibbly: 0/10 he doesn’t care he eated his controller

- pokey: -10/10 he thinks sonic is an attention whore and only he gets to do that

- webby: 100000/10 webby would like sonic do you see the vision do you see it. i think webby eats that shit up.

[theglidingbat]

Ok but Krypton!lives au but clark isn't some jerk alien prince, he is a brat no doubt but he's also just so oblivious to everything. Have some of my headcanons for this:

•I imagine it starting with kal el dropping down on Kansas farm [grown up and shit] being found by the Kents as they patch him up and take him down on the guest room, he wakes up freaks out a bit speaking in kryptonian and just floating around the house being overly careful of everything, ma and pa kent are confused and so is Kal, he tries to communicate with them and they finally find a common ground and after a month clark finally learns the human language.

•zod has managed to exile kal from his home planet, suffice to say kal el is currently heartbroken and looking for help

•Kal just saw some random pair of glasses and thought they were so cool so now he just wears them whenever he's in casual clothes but is in no way trying to hide his identity, people are just that dumb.

•Does not get social cues at all and will unwillingly say the wrong thing at the wrong time, he's just a happy little guy who wants to explore this strange planet and then go home

•he particularly likes rock music despite his personality, he finds hardcore metal music soothing

•he once tried to eat Batman's ears, in his defence they looked edible to him,

•Diana loves to fill in kal with false information about the human race, kal is not stupid enough to belive them but follows them anyways just because he thinks it would be funny

•Bruce has a very subtle crush on him and kal notices this immediately, he's confused as to why Bruce pretends to hate him

•The whole league [escpically bruce] is overprotective of him, lex Luthor doesn't stand a fucking chance

•Kal el has no filter and will call you out with a bright innocent smile and float away moving on with his day

•Kal lives in the watchtower only visiting earth for league business, he rarely works alone

•he floats near the Zeta tubes almost everyday hoping to see bruce and when he's not there he's disappointed

• he refuses to walk, he thinks he's done enough walking for a life time and bruce has to tug on kal's cape to make sure he isn't floating above his seat

•he is way more capable of communicating his emotions in kryptonian then in English, he will switch to kryptonian when he's ranting or angry

•Diana and Barry are the ones who suggest he make a civilian identity, and thus is born reporter clark kent.

•He still visits the Kents here and then bringing them souvenirs from space

•Does not understand when someone is flirting with him but will bring bruce random animals he finds in the wild as gifts because "I heard from Jason you like adopting tiny lonely beings"

•he's still pretty good at hiding his identity somehow and at this point as learned all social cues and slang thanks to lois

•yet he still decides to fuck with the league, he gives batman forehead kisses, he once called green lantern a thot ["does that not mean thoughtful?"] And will very knowingly insult anyone who even looks at his loved ones the wrong way

•while bruce is more open of his protectiveness [and possessiveness] of clark, Clark himself is more subtle and quiet about it, but not forgetting he's still technically a spoiled prince of Krypton cannot share. He snatches bruce and gets pouty whenever bruce is talking or flirting with anybody else

•it takes them five years to get together but it finally happenes and they start dating

•the kryptonians finally find clark and force him to go with them but clark now refuses even if his exile is over.

•unfortunately he really can't leave his planet behind and has to leave [he and bruce have a long sad conversation and clark breaks down]

•A month later bruce is handling another team meeting when Clark finally comes back

•he offically leaves Krypton to his older cousin Kara and moves in with bruce

•his favourite movies are the James bond movies

•The batfam all adore him

•Basically I want a Au of sweet innocent clark that's oblivious to innuendos and shit while bruce suffers in silence and the evolves into clark being a little shit who pretends he doesn't know what he's doing when pulls bruce close and whispers in his ear about smth knowing damm well he's doing things to Bruce.

Also-

Diana: Batman if your done fighting with your boyfriend, we need to leave

Batman: wha- kal is NOT my boyfriend!

Kal: (has only be in earth for a year) I'm not?

Batman: I-

Kal: Am I not your friend?

Batman: no kal I never said-

Kal: am I not a boy?

*jla snickering in the back*

[steddieas-shegoes]

the freak and the hair and lex

it's time for the weekly fic rec, where i give the top 3 (to me) fics by some of my favorite authors. please always check out their masterlists/works because these authors may have stuff you love even more than what i put here! as always, check tags before reading and leave kudos and comments and reblog whenever possible to support writers!

this week is @thefreakandthehair and let me tell ya, this was one of the hardest weeks to narrow it down to my top 3. i have gone back and forth on lex's works for three days trying to narrow it down (and also realized at some point i missed a few posts so i'm about to do a binge read oops). lex is so talented and does so many things for the fandom, so everyone go celebrate her gifts to us!

lex's tumblr | lex's ao3

rounding third, sliding home Rated E | wip/big bang fic The much anticipated big bang fic is in progress and it's SO GOOD. I don't even like baseball, but Lex is proof that I can and will like any situation these boys are in. Massage therapist Eddie!!! Hello!!! I don't have to go into detail to let you know how that's going. Favorite part: Honestly, since it's a wip, I don't wanna give one yet. But I will say that the overall premise of a massage therapist being able to do what trainers and doctors couldn't makes something really happy in my brain.

ice is made to melt (so is my heart) Rated M | 1,507 words It's hockey. I sniff out hockey fics like a hunting dog. I mean it's literally just hockey fan Eddie and I'm eating it up like I've been starving for years. Favorite part because these are possibly word for word things I have screamed at my television at the Bruins whomst I love with my entire heart but would beat with a hockey stick if given the chance: "Are your blades dipped in fucking butter?” “The puck goes in the net!” "You can't shoot for shit, just like you can't grow a decent mustache, huh?" “Your job is to use your big ass body to stop the teensy tiny puck from getting around you and that’s a Hell of a lot easier if you stay in the fucking crease!” 

Livin' On A Prayer  Rated E | 17,915 words It's the classic idiots in love but don't realize it even though they basically have been boyfriends the entire time trope and I cannot get enough. It's like a slow-fast burn in the sense that they're dumb, but this is still short enough to binge in one relatively quick go. Favorite part which is kinda a spoiler so: “And I know myself well enough to know that I would die before letting anything happen to you, especially after nearly losing you once already, so I felt like being here was safest. And I— I don’t mean the same way that I love the kids or Robin or really anyone else. I’d die for them too but that’s— that’s not my point. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I know this is one sided or whatever but I just, I’ve been wanting to tell you just to get it out of me because carrying this around alone for months and months has been wrecking me… I think I’m in love with you.”

[nubbular]

kind of want to do audios of the spirit animals books both to practice voicework and just bc its fun so rb if you'd want that ig

[dumbistsmartass]

saying something about every hatchetfield production

spoilers, some nonsense, zero consistency with what I talk about, hurriedly written text, and back Cinderella’s Castle, QUICKLY, the kickstarter ends on May 4th. Also I mostly won’t be talking about the message to take away from all of them because I plan to make that another post.

TGWDLM: the catalyst of it all, it set up many fan favorite characters. Also my personal interpretation is that the musical we watch is actually happening in canon and is being put on by Pokky/Paul. Also how much of someone’s personality remain after infection?

Black Friday: it does pretty good as our first (true) intro to the LiBs it works very well. We get more General Macnmara who quickly becomes one of my favs. It also adds a lot of my other favs to the Hatchetverse, Hanna, Lex, Ethan, and Tom

NPMD: probably my favorite of the mainline musicals. I really hate Dirty Girl tho. The musical version of Hatchet Town is better than the OST version. The characters all have really good chemistry. I love Grace as a warning about the consequences of using religion as a fear tactic, when she sinned and wasn’t instantly punished for it she decided to take matters into her own hands and became a bloodthirsty maniac. The fact we got so close to a good ending if Max hadn’t fallen is darkly funny.

Hatchetfield Apeman: I don’t know how to feel about this one, it’s an interesting story but I think shouldn’t have been the first nightmare time story as it set a bad precedent for a lot of people.

Watcher World: I FUCKING LOVE WATCHER WORLD. The horror buildup of “what the fuck is happening here?” was genuinely amazing. The idea of a paranormal amusement part made for the amusement of an elder god id so cool. I feel uncomfortable saying the work “Sniglet”

Forever and always: one of my favs, the mystery of the two Emma’s is amazing, and the twist of which Emma Paul chose is amazing. It does make me wonder tho, is Emma a robot in every timeline? Also im just gonna assume that Tinky is connected to this one.

Time Bastered: another of my favs, the way it connects with FaA and the very clever time travel writing were highlights. The Ted is The Homeless Guy twist is really clever, and the ending is tragic

Jane’s a Car: holy shit my opinions on this one is so mixed. I love the bonding of Becky, Tom, and Tim is so wholesome. I REALLY hate that scene. Also is Jane turned into a car in every universe?

The Witch in the Web: our true into too Webby. Massive lore dumbs sort of weighted it down for me but it was still good.

Honey Queen: god I love this one. The fact that the LiBs aren’t mentioned until the very end was a really good choice. Both Zoey and Linda going to any length to win was some great tension.

Perky’s Buds: I went into this one expecting it to be kinda mid, and I was right but it was on the high end of mid. Ziggy being NB and played by a real NB actor is great! The bird hive mind is genuinely kinda unnerving despite how cute they are. I personally think they should have died, then content on the rooftop with the fire would have been such a good ending, but the police showing up to arrest them packs less of a punch.

Abstinence Camp: again, one of my favs, I fucking love this one and it also has the best Nightmare Timr song. It’s a fun way of exploring the “if you have sex in a horror movie you die” trope. Grace once again gets some sort of power and abuses it.

Daddy: I have mixed feelings, it’s a genuinely interesting plot but it get pretty uncomfortable. The song at the start made me think it would be a more empathetic take on Sherman Young but it definitely fucking wasn’t.

Killer Track: what is there to say? Killer track is actually so fucking amazing, if you will watch anything from this list watch this. I’m saying nothing else

Yellow Jacket: not at all what I was expecting, but it was great! From what I heard I was sort of expecting a high school drama with Pokky doing his bullshit in the background, but I loved this too. Also the ending hurt me.

Workin’ Boys: Pokky strikes again, but I’m not sure why TBH. Motherfucker just decided to fuck with his one most loyal subject and for what?

[wrightingdungeon]

Hi Smoke I just saw you take requests, does that mean you would be willing to contribute to my Halex agenda?

I don't actually know if I can send a link but I have a favorite fanart as exhibit A: https://www.tumblr.com/sunshinecovey/753258969064210432?source=share

Exhibit B: The fic situation on AO3 is abyssmal. They are always background, always breaking up for one of them to have their gay awakening, and there is soo little actually featuring the two of them in a healthy relationship. Which is all fine on its own but the contrarian in me wants good Halex to exist just because it's so weirdly rare

Exhibit C: Consider. Barbie/Ken (from the show) They're both on the same wavelength of dumb so they get each other when no one else does, and Haley is slightly smarter and translates shit for him. And Haley is high maintenance but Alex will HAPPILY be her maintenance man because he worships her.

Like I feel like he would be the kind of boyfriend to sit and take pictures for her Instagram and he WANTS to because he loves her and its her hobby, and it doesn't hurt that she's gorgeous. And he loves sitting for her fashion shows after she buys new clothes.

I rest my case! (This is such a long ask oh my god sorry lmao)

(Two writers floating down the Halex River) "Don't tell me we are about to go over a waterfall?", "Yep", "Does it have a healthy relationship and mutual understanding at the bottom?", "Most likely.", "Fuck yeah."

Warning it's one am, forgive the sleepy brain, i go honk shoe now

Exhibit A:

Haley sighed dreamily as she watched Alex pull his barbell up into another curl. She had given up on her job and lost track of what rep he was on a while ago, her attention completely absorbed by the way his muscles moved.

Her eyes and mind were transfixed on Alex's pecs and traps, watching as they tensed when he raised the bar to his chest and stretched as he lowered it, resting it on his hips as he took a breath.

She bit her lip gently, watching the sweat roll down his skin, his chest rising and falling deeply but rhythmically. The sight was almost hypnotic, each movement drawing her deeper.

“Earth to Haley.” Haley blinked and looked up from his chest, Alex’s voice pulling her out of her gawking. “What's my count?” Alex asked, somewhat out of breath as he rested the barbell again, his smile tired yet teasing, knowing she wasn't paying attention.

“Yes,” Haley said, laughing softly as Alex rolled his eyes and continued his reps.

“What ya focusing on there, Sunflower?” Alex groaned as he asked, smirking as he held the bar close to his chest.

“Your boobs,” Haley admitted happily, bouncing on his bed slightly, her smirk mirroring his, her eyes once more drawn to his pectorals as they bulged over the bar.

Alex chuckled, shaking his head. “You're something else, you know that?”

Haley just grinned wider, her eyes never leaving his muscles. "It's hard when you're… just… so… distracting~.”

Exhibit B:

Alex groaned, burying his face into his hands. “It's not working, Haley…” He shook his head and looked up at Haley, who just smiled sweetly at him.

“Lex, baby. It's working, you just think it's not,” she said gently, cupping his face and rubbing his cheek and ear with her thumb.

“It's not!” Alex whined, leaning into her touch. His eyes fell onto the paper in front of him. “I wrote waist, like you said, but you said it's wrong.”

“No, I said you were close.” Haley scoffed and playfully dropped his head. “You spelled waist correctly, but we are talking about waste,” she explained, trying her hardest not to coo at Alex as he looked at her, mouth open, confused.

“You just… used the same word…” He said slowly, now rubbing his face in frustration.

Haley giggled softly, shaking her head as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “No, I didn’t, Alex.” She kissed his shoulder softly.

“Is this like there, their, and they're?” Alex asked, staring into space like he had been told he was being shipped to war.

Haley chuckled at his dramatic expression and nodded. “Yep, exactly like that. They sound the same but have different meanings and spellings. You’ll get it, I know it.”

Alex sighed, still looking doubtful. “I don’t know, Sunflower…”

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself, Alex,” Haley said softly, squeezing his thigh. “You’re making progress, and that’s what matters.”

Alex smiled weakly, the frustration slowly melting away. “Thanks, baby. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Haley smiled back, her eyes twinkling. “You’d manage. But, come on, let’s go over it one more time, okay.”

“Fiiiine…” Alex groaned yet smiled as he picked up his pen again.

Exhibit C:

Alex leaned back against the couch, his hands resting in his lap, as he watched Emily talking with her hands as she talked about parrots, having just got one herself. He was trying his best to follow along, but Emily's excitement and technical jargon quickly left him confused.

“Did you know that parrots can have vocabularies of over 1,000 words?” Emily exclaimed, her eyes bright with passion. “They use complex social cues to communicate in ways remarkably similar to humans.”

Alex nodded, even though he was already lost. “Uh, wow, that’s… cool.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Haley stifling a smile. She leaned in closer to him as she translated. “They are super smart and can learn a lot of words. They understand things kinda like we do.”

Emily didn’t miss a beat and continued with her descriptions of parrots. “They mimic sounds with amazing accuracy and even understand the context of certain words. For example, they can ask for specific foods and recognize their owners by voice.”

Alex, struggling to keep up, looked at Haley again. “So, wait, they talk to each other like… us?”

Haley giggled as she responded. “Kinda, It’s like we have a feathered little genius living with us.”

Alex chuckled, looking back to Emilly. “So, if I taught your parrot ‘Go long!’ would it get that I want to play gridball?”

Emily chuckled, shaking her head. “Not really. They would probably just mimic you.”

Alex laughed, his confusion turning into amusement. “That’s still pretty amazing.”

Haley’s eyes twinkled as she subtly translated more of Emily’s complex info dump. Alex felt more engaged, his questions becoming more curious and genuine.

Emily left them for a moment to go fetch some of the enrichment toys she had bought. In the moment of quiet Alex turned to Haley, his gratitude evident.

“Thanks for making her easier to understand,” he whispered, leaning closer.

“Anytime, Lex.” Haley smiled leaning in with him, kissing him softly.

[they-call-me-nagi]

Part 1 of…

I can’t help but think about omega Ghost who doesn’t purr or trill for anyone, he can’t recall a point in time where he ever did either thing…

But then he runs into Soap.

It started with Ghost enjoying Soap’s company, which is an odd thing because Ghost keeps alphas at an arms length. Even the 141 because he refuses to show what he perceives would make him appear weak since he had to fight his way to being one of the most dangerous soldiers in the SAS and being taken seriously for it.

He relishes making alpha recruits cry who try to pull those stunts alphas use to assume authority over omegas. It’s always some new pup who tries him as soon as they find out “The Ghost” is an omega. Because what would help bolster any alphas reputation higher, right?

And lord help you if you tried Ghost during heat. He’d rip someone to shreds who’d even dare enter his space. There’s no “alpha help me” from this man. Just raw territorialism.

When Price said the 141 was getting a new member, Ghost was prepared for the shit storm of some newby.

So imagine Ghost’s surprise when the alpha extends a hand to shake and say, “I’m glad to be working with you, LT!”

“LT,” he thought as he was shaking this alpha with a silly Mohawk’s hand, “Nope… nope. I’m just tolerating the nickname.”

Ghost was ready for him to try to step in and scent him or do any other stupid thing.

But the alpha just stood

there bright eyed with a goofy grin.

Ghost grunted and nodded, “Sergeant…”before he turned and let Gaz show Soap around.

When Ghost got to his room, he stared at his hand, thinking about the new alpha before clenching his fist and pushing this new sergeant from his mind. Just an alpha with half a brain.

~~

“Good morning, LT!” Soap greeted with that same silly grin as Ghost took his seat at the table for breakfast.

Ghost nodded. Again, he expected the alpha to do something stupid and again, this alpha treated Ghost like he was any other person.

No, he didn’t treat Ghost like any other person treated him. This alpha had shown nothing but respect. Either he’s really smart or he’s broken. In either case, Ghost was willing to tolerate his presence.

~~

Their first solo mission filled him with dread, because he figured Soap would try to carry things for him or undermine him.

Yes, he was insubordinate, but that’s more or less because he was questioning the strategy. It had nothing to do with his designation because the silly blue eyed alpha would even question Price.

The man was either brave or stupid, but usually his questions made them consider if there were any holes in a plan. That and he has an odd relationship with blowing things up.

Eventually, banter became a regular part of their routine. They worked so well together because Soap was competent and could keep up with Ghost, even if he has yet to beat Ghost in a sparring match. He was determined though, worked out harder, ran for longer, did what it took to be as good.

“No, Johnny, you shouldn’t strive to be as good. You should strive to be better,” Ghost said once as he helped Soap off the floor after Ghost tossed him there for the 10th time that day.

“Aye, sir,��� Soap managed, looking pretty bright eyed for a man who gets his ass kicked ten times a day on his mission to beat his LT just once.

Not a single match did Soap ever grumble about designation.

No, he focused on how to be best Ghost because he admired Ghost as a person.

Then one day it happened. They were on their way back from a mission as a team. It was a good mission and they were in high spirits on the helo.

The two relaxed to where they made physical contact, thighs brushing. He was smirking under his mask until he felt a small rumble. Ghost cleared his throat as they all paused to look at him.

“Just had a cough. That’s all.”

He shot Price a glare when the captain gave him that dumb smile he does when he’s proud of something.

Whatever just happened it didn’t mean anything. They were all just happy.

But then it happened again when they held hands a bit longer when Ghost helped Soap off the mats.

He cleared his throat and said, “Alright. That’s enough for today, sergeant.”

“But we’ve only gone 5 rounds! Don’t tell me you’re tired LT.”

“Yep! That’s it. I’m just knackered,” Ghost tried to keep the crack in his voice under wraps.

He grabbed his towel and headed out from the gym.

“Will you quit grinning like that,” Ghost snapped at Price and now Gaz on his way out.

When he took off his mask and noted the flush on his cheeks he threw it on the floor and growled. Then decided maybe he was getting sick.

The infirmary confirmed he was not, in fact sick, but the doctor was smart enough not to mention that perhaps the lieutenant might have a bit of a crush. The doctor wanted to not need a doctor himself and just let Ghost be in denial.

~~

The two were coming back from a rough solo mission. It was a success but mentally and physically exhausting. Ghost nodded off leaning against Soap’s shoulder.

Something about the contact released some stress Ghost was holding onto. It was nice.

“Purring for me, LT?” Soap asked with a yawn wrapping an arm around Ghost who unwittingly curled into Soap.

Ghost shot upright, looking away, “No. I don’t purr, Johnny.”

“Yeah, I noticed that,” Soap leaned his head back. He didn’t seem upset the sudden loss of contact but he didn’t seem smug either…

As embarrassed as he was about the incident, Ghost doesn’t back down or run away so they continued business as usual… except now for some reason he was making off with Soap’s clothes…

He was walking back to his room with a shirt he swiped from Soap’s laundry.

“Whatcha got there, lad?” He ran into Price in the hall.

“I don’t know what you mean…” Ghost tucked the shirt behind his back, “Will you stop grinning at me like a fool?”

“It’s okay to like someone, Simon,” Price said, “Off the record of course.”

“‘Like someone?’ What is this? Primary school?” Ghost hated the way his voice rose in pitch just then. He growled and stomped off to his room… still clutching Soap’s shirt.

“‘Like someone…’ the old man is going senile…”

-End Part 1-

Original Threadfic can be found here:

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[touchstoneaf]

I'm reading summaries and transcripts, and once in a while forcing myself to watch episodes of anything after season 3 of Smallville (solely so that I can rewrite them in a way that's much more coherent (and CLexy, but that goes w/o saying))... and my GOD, they are so dumb sometimes. Poor Michael. having to convincingly say shit like "your girlfriend was possessed by the ghost of a witch" with a straight face! (Side note what the actual fuck is the plot in this season? Season 4 is insane and I don't even want to talk about it.) Yes the show has always been a little goofy and has some storylines that are questionable... but they are really pushing it now.

Also one of the main strengths of the show is the chemistry between Michael and Tom, and yet they have full episodes where they don't even interact, and it's just like, *what* are you doing?! And then to top it off, each summary just gets more and more ridiculous and complicated as the seasons goes on, and I'm just like oh thank god I have simplified it in fanfiction! They are no damn witches (because let me not even get started on how witches are portrayed in most TV shows!), there are no spirits floating around trying to possess people (just because you have Kryptonite around does not mean you get to hand-wave literally anything at all. Why in the hell would a Kryptonite nodule or some dust cause ghosts to exist? It affects *living cells* with *radiation*. I don't even understand why they would make a decision like that. They really must have been desperate for stories already, and we're not even halfway through the show yet).

I'm not going to even get started on my main gripes with the show that have existed from the beginning, like turning Superman into a self-serving, abusive, selfish liar who lies, or the fact that their main "villain" was created out of victim-blaming and abuse and then everybody's just gleefully happy for Lex be treated like shit for no fucking reason whatsoever, while his Literally Evil father is turned into some kind of pseudo "good" guy. Cuz yeah, abusers should be redeemable. but their victims should end up alone and tortured and treated like shit by everybody around them. That totally makes sense. I won't get started, I really won't, because I will be here all day. Or the fact that nobody seems to have figured out that Clark is a meta at the very least, when he does all kinds of weird shit all the time. These people are smart. Chloe and Lex especially are not fucking stupid by any stretch. It just simply would not have taken them four or more years to realize that he could easily one of the mutants in town. Nobody would be shocked in the slightest; but they play it like they're just too stupid to figure it out, and it's terrible because Clark is the worst liar in the universe.

Also, somebody who's not yet Superman is not going to be fighting beings like Doomsday when they're still like 20. It's just not going to happen. I'm not even getting started on creepy stuff like how they're totally sexualizing someone who's playing a minor because she is their eye candy on the show. Lana and Kristin deserved better! The female lead who basically existed to further the two guys' storylines for like three seasons finally gets her own story... but it's about being possessed by an ancient witch or some shit? They are actually sexualizing her near death experience, like some kind of creepy PG snuff film (who actually made the decision of trying to make Lana being slowly suffocated a weird sexy vibe?! So fucking problematic I don't even know where to start). And then the male lead's other love interest is summarily killed by their cardboard cutout villain of the week with his lack of character development, simply so that she can't get in the way of Supes' future storyline, because she was literally created only to be a roadblock to his future goals, masquerading as something to keep him from actually being lonely to death. All she did wrong was to wish she could free of stigma about Mental Health... then shortly afterward, when she was essentially killed about it, he turns around and is fine again because he gets a football scholarship. What the fuck?! (Yes, I'm looking at you, Pariah).

I can't even with this show sometimes. I'm so glad I quit when I did. I tend to forget how insane and Incredibly questionable a lot of it is until I have to watch something of it in order to rewrite it. But I guess that's why there's fanfic in the first place!