#drug abuse mention //
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What do you think would be some bad qualities of Nikolai, personality wise? Or his weaknesses? What makes him tick, what would he wish to change or doesn't realize he's doing it? The man is intelligent and very kind, yes, but nobody's perfect. I would like to hear your opinion on him!
ohhh this is such a fun ask
Generally, NIk has mellowed out as he's gotten older. He's had his wild (and rather violent) days, and seen where it's brought men unluckier than him.
I like to think that Nik's anger can be rather,,,explosive. He's good at compartmentalizing, and he's even better at looking the other way when it comes to more,,,unsavoury aspects of his work. while I think he's mostly worked on (ignoring) his anger issues, I DO think he's the type to hold a grudge like a mf. And when Nik is mad it is scary and it can take a lot to get him to the point where he wants to genuinely lash out. I like to think that Price has probably seen him violently angry once or twice throughout their relationship, and even one time was enough for him.
He can be lowkey controlling, and condescending mainly because he's smart and what sucks is that he knows he's smart. He's the type to give you that slow, sly smile because he's laughing at a joke that you will never be privy too. Even if he's not doing it to be mean, there's always something he's noticed about someone that tickles him lmao
I also tend to see him as having issues with being as empathetic as he feels like he should be. He cares but also not really unless you're in the small group of people he'd die for. he's good at reading emotions, but he'll struggle to relate to them.
I also have a hc that Nik was raised,,,,pretty religious as a kid and it sorta followed him as an adult. I think he still feels plenty of guilt over his lifestyle, and the acts he's committed against other people and the idea of him traumatizing some poor priest in a confessional is something that amuses me. @magicalweirdism and I have gone over it so much, and if you want a more coherent hc about it then pls check them out. This isn't a bad quality of his, but I do think it leads to him having some pretty toxic ideas about masculinity and his own sense of self that he never really gets rid of esp with the kind of environment I believe he was raised in.
Without making this even longer, I DO think that Nik struggles with depression and past drug abuse. Something about being a teenager witnessing the atrocities of war will that to you
Overall, I think NIk is pretty content with who he is. He's not ashamed of his strength and he will never feel guilty for doing what he's had to do to survive. He's had over 40+ years of figuring his shit out
#granted I think nik is 10x more reasonable than price is and that's saying something#the rest of chimera loves their boss but they also know not to piss him off#and nik is much more approachable and friendly than kate or price imo#but he's not....good#he's kind (to a fault) but he's aware of his own faults and owns them#nk is also a bit of a bully LMAOO#he's a funny one too which makes it worse#nikolai cod#sorry for going on a tangent#i got lost in the nik sauce#drug abuse mention
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random but watcha think when people make jokes about ink being a drug addict?? cuz of his whole' vials' thing? (personally, it's really weird)
i've never personally seen this, but i have seen the take that his vials are like prescription drugs .
i think people in this fandom are super disrespectful with topics like this , mental illnesses , disorders , abuse , and what have you . mostly because they're either uneducated or really young .
but anyways, yes i think ink abusing his vials can be explored but i think it's super disrespectful to joke about drug addiction or overdose . especially in this manor .
i think the concept can be neat but yes it's really weird to joke about a thing like that .
#asks#ink sans#addiction mention#drug abuse mention#prescription drugs abuse mention#glagglerambles#utmv#utmv au
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Somehow I, a suicidal closeted Trans woman with a painkiller addiction am the most stable person of my entire family and goddammit I can't wait to see these cunts in hell
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#addiction#addiction mention#tw addiction#addiction tw#drugs tw#drugs#drugs mention#tw drugs#drug abuse#tw drug abuse#drug abuse tw#drug abuse mention
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i'm so horribly down bad for my f/o. I want to help him through his drug abuse and death of his late wife. I want to give him someone to love again. I want him to hold me and protect me and tell me everything will be okay. I know we were made for each other and to help each other, and he means the world to me
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#self ship#self shipping community#selfshipping community#selfship#self shipper#self shipping#self ship community#selfship community#f/o#f/os#drug abuse mention#tw drug abuse mention
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tw for drug abuse
my friend is (self-admittedly btw) addicted to some kind of drug and he keeps asking for money so he can go buy stuff. i can afford to give him money but i dont know if i should. i think he has withdrawals without them but im not sure if im misremembering what he told me or not
former/recovering drug addicts what do u recommend i do pls? hes my bff and he has been for over a decade. i dont want to losehim in any way
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Agoraphobic Barkface is so interesting idk ever since I read it it’s all I can think about. Does their agoraphobia stem from any event in their life? It probably won’t be shown in the story but as a person who has agoraphobic tendencies it’s just like melted into my mind and I need to know about them
I’d like to be able rewrite some of the Super Editions from canon, alongside a few entirely new ones (on characters such as Monarchmask, Sol, maybe Snowtuft, etc) so perhaps we’ll get a Voleface SE someday where I can go into heavier detail ;)
While it’s not shown in Ignite, Voleface’s agoraphobia does in fact stem from some events in his life!
I’ve always read Barkface as someone who is very externally calm and collected, but on the inside is wracked with anxiety and near-constant worry, trying to alleviate his own sense of fear by offering a helping hand to others… though perhaps that was just my own projection coming into play. But even still, I wanted to dig into that a little deeper when it came to constructing Purrheale Voleface!
His agoraphobia developed properly much later on in his life, after the death of their brother, Shrewclaw, though it definitely had some warnings before it’s eventual drop. He had some difficulties when it came to regulating his anxiety (especially when it came to his family; his parents died very early on in his life), and had a period of time in his life where he would steal and abuse herbs in an attempt to make himself calm. His agoraphobia is also regulated mostly to large crowds; he tends to stay in his den often, regularly avoids Gatherings, and tries not to put himself in or near crowds. Magpietail is also a huge help to him.
Prior to her death, he was also getting help from Purrheale Sagewhisker of the Fenland! They worked on exposure therapy together, alongside systematic desensitization. He’s really struggled in the aftermath of her death, but, well… the Moorswept won’t have to deal with crowds for a while.
#old faces new dawn#ask#warrior cats rewrite#warriors rewrite#nightly-ruse#barkface#ofnd: voleface#drug abuse mention#technically..#agoraphobia
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my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called "dr. mabuse, the gambler" 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯
me: yeah whatever. i don’t feel shit.
5 minutes later: dude, there's this ruthless boss man orchestrating crimes with his henchmen and shit, his manservant is a coke addict, and disguised himself as a fuckable old man!
my buddy pesch grumping: i can't keep up with this anymore - this 200km pace! it's modern cannibalism!
#dr. mabuse is lying to us!#dr. mabuse the gambler#dr. mabuse der spieler (1922)#dr. mabuse#you'll get jacked watching this 4.5 hour film#this is dr. mabuse propaganda#drug abuse mention#my.txt*#my post
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I must be in some kind of lovey dovey mood because first I was like that sibling ibuprofen post was kind of romantic and now I'm sitting here like "blood transfusions are kind of romantic."
#i bit my tongue on the sibling post until now#cause its dumb like that would hurt like a lot#it gets your parents to stop yelling at each other i guess#what do you need blood for? so you can have another man inside you?#shipcest#drug abuse mention#need to write fanfiction as an outlet
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Idk I hate even saying this because I love my family (mainly just my mom, but yk love em’ hate em’) and it’s not even necessarily about me but being in an environment that is visibly hostile to addicts does make me sick when I am someone who has come so close to abusing medication many times and am just generally impulsive around medication. Like fuck
#dog talk#do not take this as hate to my mom because I love her her sweet soul but-#-earlier she and I were talking and she said something along the lines of ‘I couldn’t see any of my kids being addicts’#and I forgot the exact context and she didn’t mean malice by it yk. but it just kind of made me feel very gross#like all of those times I went to grab the pill bottle because I couldn’t take anymore and I never told anyone about and she just says that#idk fuck me#btw I’m okay I just am mentally ill please do not worry about me I am being serious#I’m just venting I guess. Or something yk lmao#substance abuse mention#drug abuse mention
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pls don’t flirt with me i want to be nonchalant so bad but i unfortunately crave connection so intensely that i will give you my entire soul and forgive you over and over until i’ve lost myself completely and feel like i’m drowning
#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd#mentally exhausted#actually bpd#sadgirl#depressing shit#mental health#mental illness#mentally fucked#mentally unstable#disordered eating mention#actually mentally ill#sad thoughts#self h@rm#suic1de#bpd stuff#substance addiction#substance abuse#shitpost#addiction#bpd feels#borderline personality disorder#tw depressing thoughts#girls who do hard drugs#ed culture#eating disoder trigger warning#sadnees#actually borderline
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During a winter outing Nathan and Edgar have an important talk.
@ghostsbrokenbyfairytales
nathan laughed at the description. "if i wanted to do a full romance scene i would've swept you off your feet and went straight home to do what i said instead but you've still got a big ouchie so it's best to keep your feet on the ground right now." when edgar squeezed his hand it made him realize something, pausing his laughter to look at their hands. "i'm sorry. i should've asked i uh, i hope this is okay?"
"Mr. Big Strong Firefighter thinks he can carry me all the way back to the flat? I'd almost say prove it, but we both know that's a terrible idea." At the question Edgar looked down at their hands and nodded. "Yeah. Although….it's not very friendship-y of us," he pointed out with a smile. Not that he wanted to let go.
“oh i don’t think i can i know i can and just for that when you’re back to one hundred percent again i will prove it.” nathan grinned confidently knowing he absolutely could if he wanted to. he shrugged slightly but also didn’t let go when edgar said that, instead walking closer to the other. “i mean.. we don’t have to be official to like do.. date.. things. people go on dates and do coupley stuff before becoming official all the time so.. why can’t we?” maybe that was his way of saying he didn’t mind calling all of this a date, it sure felt like one even if they were still waiting on nathan. “sorry, maybe i said too much.”
Edgar scoffed. "Oh, you're so on. As soon as I get the all clear from the clinic, you're carrying me home." He bit his lip as he mulled over what Nathan said. "No, don't apologize. I….I want to do that. I'm…" he let out a sigh. Well, they did promise on talking later. Now was as good of a time as any. He also moved closer so that they were essentially brushing shoulders as they moved. "I just worry about blurring the lines too much. That if there isn't an obvious end goal you…might not want to get better." Swallowing the lump in his throat, Edgar's gaze dropped down to their feet as they continued walking.
he originally wanted to wait to have this conversation but it started slipping out faster than he could stop himself so he nodded along to what edgar was saying. “i understand,” nathan finally said, “i do want to get better though. i don’t… like relying on alcohol to solve my problems.” mostly because he knows it’s created more problems than solving to begin with. “i just, i don’t know, it was easier to quit last time and there wasn’t the looming threat of death before and now i’m like i guess afraid to admit that i’ve started thinking what’s the point..” he admitted with a sigh also looking down at their feet as they walked.
Edgar stayed quiet for a few moments, letting what Nathan said really sink in. The very reason they met was because they were both drinking at the bar, for what surmounted to more or less the same reason. "I ask myself that a lot. I'm scared, bloody terrified even, of what the future will hold. If there even is a future. But," he paused to reorganize his thoughts. "There are so many amazing people I have met in this town. People who have helped me feel more alive than I have in years, ironically enough. So if our time is cut shorter than it would have been anywhere else, well…I want to say that I at least enjoyed it all to its fullest."
nathan smiled softly at edgar. “i’m glad you have those people. i don’t have a lot of people that make me feel that way but…” he paused and squeezed his hand softly, “i guess there’s a few people i can say make me feel that way at least.” he ended up sighing though, taking a sip from his drink again then added. “i dont even know where to start when it comes to quitting at this point.”
"You might not have a lot, but there are still people in your life that care about you. Not just me." Edgar returned the hand squeeze. He took a sip of his own drink, needing the caffeine to help keep his thoughts in order. He offered a sheepish smile as Nathan admitted he didn't know where to start. "So….please don't be mad. I might have been….doing a little bit of research at the library. Most of the books I've found strongly recommend seeking professional help first and foremost. Medical and psychological. But for things we can do now, well, it seems like setting limits for yourself is a good starting place. I also ran into a lot of references to 'triggers' and trying to avoid them."
nathan smiled again and nodded slightly, edgar was right he didn’t need a lot of people in his life to care about him. the few people that already did was enough. his eyebrow raised when he said not to be mad and wondered what he was about say then chuckled as he shook his head. “okay so..” he bit the inside of his cheek now, “what if i don’t know what my triggers are?” well there was one he could think of, seeing edgar in that state the day of the earthquake was definitely a trigger. “or what if one i cant exactly.. help. cause it doesn’t rely on me necessarily..?”
He let out a long exhale, professor brain going into overdrive as he thought over the problem. "Well, have you ever noticed when something particular happens that makes you want to drink? Or that being around particular people or places have that effect on you?" Edgar looked over to Nathan at that last question, brows furrowed. "It sounds like you already have something in mind. If you don't feel comfortable telling me I understand. It's just…harder to help you come up with a plan if I don't know all the details." Still, he shook his head. "But that's okay. You could always try journaling? I find that helps a lot to give myself perspective. Maybe that could help you too?"
he shook his head. “not that i’ve noticed no.” realizing they were still walking he pulled edgar off to a nearby bench to sit down, especially since they were close enough to the video store at this point it didn’t matter. “i mean obviously being at the bar makes me wanna drink but that’s the only thing i can think of place wise.” he may have had a suspicion of people but didn’t want to admit that so moved on. “well.. honestly seeing you that day in that state was… a lot.” nathan admitted in a mumble. he didn’t want edgar to think it was his fault because the stress on top of that day was an added affect. “i feel selfish just saying that because it’s not like you could’ve avoided it, you saved people and yet here i am saying that shit triggered my drinking more god that sounds so fucking rude.” he put his drink down on the bench and put his face into his hands letting out a long shakey sigh. “yeah i guess i can give that a shot or something.”
As they sat down, Edgar kept his gaze on Nathan, expression neutral, open. He wanted the other man to know that no matter what he said he wasn't going to be judged. "Hey," he said gently. Setting down his own cup, Edgar reached to tug away the other's hands, then nudged Nathan's face up and towards him so they could see one another's eyes. "You're not selfish or rude, so don't ever think that. You might be one of the most selfless people I know. You're a firefighter for christ's sake. You help people Nathan. What you're describing, that's trauma. I can only begin to imagine how terrifying it is to see someone you love hurt like I was. I don't regret it, I protected my students like I was supposed to, but I do regret how much it hurt the people that matter to me. If the roles were reversed I can't even tell you how I'd have handled it. Not well, that much I can assure you. So stop beating yourself up over this, please."
He leaned their foreheads together, just taking a few moments to breathe. "Do my injuries still make you want to drink?" Moving back slightly, Edgar guided one of Nathan's hands to the hem of his sweater, indicating for him to put his hand inside. "It's not what you think," he added with a small smile. "I want you to feel my heart beat, and the sweater's kind of in the way. But the point is, I'm alive. I'm okay and I'm breathing." Funny how he had this exact same talk with Kirby only a few weeks prior. "My injuries were bad, and I won't ever fully heal from them, but I'm alive."
when he felt edgar’s hands pulling at his hands nathan hesitated for a moment but gave in quickly, letting him nudge his face to look at him and took another shakey breath. “i know you don’t regret it.” he said with a small chuckle but cracked a smile. “it just scared the shit out of me i guess, knowing that i just confessed to you that i’m in love with you then almost had you ripped away from me that quickly. it felt like the universe was telling me i was some sort of bad luck charm…” first it was mia taking away their son because of his drinking and then the moment he said he’d start working on himself and quit again edgar had gotten hurt.
he shook his head against his forehead, “no they don’t. i guess now i’ve been drinking because it feels.. normal?” though it doesn’t make him act normal. he took a breath, this one less shakey as he slowly felt himself calming down again at his words. “i know you are, i remind myself of that constantly. when i think about it i just tell myself that it could’ve been worse.”
"Well," he said with a small smile. "I guess the Universe, or Fate, or God, or whomever has a pretty bad sense of humor. It's a bit homophobic if you ask me." Edgar hoped the joke would help to lighten some of the mood.
He tilted his head at Nathan's wording. "Normal? How do you mean?" Edgar leaned in once more, this time capturing the other's lips. Pulling back, he gave smile. "Think of that instead of Halloween. I'd argue kisses are preferable."
nathan chuckled. “yeah i guess they do huh?” he was about to answer when edgar kissed him, kissing him back eagerly and sighed contently when he pulled back. “i’m sure as hell gonna try and think about that instead because you’re right, i do prefer that.” he ran a hand through his hair now knowing he had to answer the question. “as for normal i guess i mean like.. i’ve been drinking for so long at this point that it feels like i can’t end my day without a beer or something.” nathan admitted sheepishly. “i know it’s not healthy or normal at all i’ve been through this once before this time just feels harder for some reason.”
He nodded, biting his lip in thought. "Is it just the one beer every night? Or does one turn into a lot more?" Edgar frowned at Nathan's word use again. "Stop using such negative language Nate. If you keep saying it's not healthy, not normal, of course you're going to struggle. Okay, yes, it's not the…healthiest lifestyle choice. Welcome to your 40s where you start to feel every drink a bit harder and your body feels ready to pop out of place at any time. But focusing on all the negative is only going to make it so much harder to motivate yourself."
“usually the one turns into more unless i’m at home and out of drinks.” nathan blinked in surprise at edgar, he wasn’t expecting him to say all of that and yet it felt oddly comforting. “okay..” he said quietly with a slight laugh, “okay i promise i’ll get better at not being so negative about it.” though he knew that was going to be hard and take some getting used to. “maybe tough love will help, a good smack anytime i refer to it negatively.” nathan joked hoping itd land well.
"Okay," he said slowly. "We have a place to start. Let's work on limiting your nightly drinks. I can't imagine cutting cold turkey will do any good. So let's say," he paused to think. "No more than 3 beers. And I mean beer. If you have something heavier as a night cap, limit that to….2." It wasn't perfect, but surely it was at least manageable.
Edgar smiled, appreciating the attempted joke. "I don't know. I feel like you would like it too much if I hit you. Might cause mixed signals."
nathan nodded. “i think i can do that yeah, seems like a fair trade to start leaning myself off the dependency.” he was going to try and do less than that but it was a good compromise for now until he could rely on it less.
“hey i-“ he had to pause and scratched his chin as he though on it. “actually i’m not sure, you could be right. i do kinda wanna find out now though.”
It was a relief that Nathan was willing to try the suggestion. Edgar knew it wasn't going to be an easy road to sobriety, but he would be there to support the other every step of the way. At the admission he did let out a laugh, however. "Maybe later," he teased. "Let's go back to what I said earlier first. Seeing a professional. Will you at least consider going to the clinic? Or I've heard there are a few therapists in town. You know there's no shame in asking for help."
nathan laughed as well at the tease and nodded, running a hand through his hair then picked up his drink again. “what would the clinic even do for me?” ignoring the mention of therapists. he knew there was no shame but he’d rather avoid that option and use it more as a last resort than anything. “i’d rather go there first but i just don’t know what they’d even do considering supplies and shit or whatever.”
He took a sip of his own drink, hating that Nathan probably had a point. "I know there's medication that can help curb the craving, but you might be right that they might not have it. But also…" Edgar took a deep breath, bracing himself for what might be the hardest part of this talk. "I read that alcohol withdrawal can be pretty severe. It…it might be good to have the clinic keep an eye on you during the process. Especially since this has been going on for years."
“right…” he remembered the withdrawals he went through the first time he quit but that one was more severe on account of quitting alcohol and drugs. “well, how about we wait and see? maybe if i slowly get myself off of it this time the withdrawals won’t be so bad and the clinic might not be needed at all.” nathan just hoped he was able to actually do that.
Edgar nodded in agreement. "But if it gets too bad you'll see them, right? Please?"
nathan chewed on the inside of his cheek realizing it was a nervous habit of his before nodding. “okay. yeah if i can’t do it on my own i’ll see them.”
Letting out a sigh of relief, Edgar gave a small smile. "I'm glad. And maybe try to avoid the bar? At least as best as you can?"
he nodded again. “yeah i guess i can try and avoid there yeah.” that one might be tougher for nathan but he’d try.
"Okay, last one, and then we can keep going. What can I do to help? And please, don't just say 'heal up' or 'be yourself.' I really want to support you Nathan, be there for you." Edgar's eyes searched the other's face, expression pleading.
god dammit anytime edgar used that expression nathan always had a hard time arguing about anything. sighing he shrugged, “i’m gonna be honest i’m not sure.” he finally admitted. “last time i went through this i didn’t really have the support so i don’t actually know what you can do to help.”
Great. That wasn't much to go on. "Well, is there anything I can do different? Do more of? Less of?"
“not really?” nathan bit his lip now and looked at edgar. “i know spending time with you makes things easier, the urge to drink isn’t as prominent.”
Edgar also bit his lip, thinking back to their conversation earlier. "You…mentioned wanting to do more dating things. Would…would that help? Instead of waiting entirely until you're ready?"
nathan paused to think on it for a moment, almost as if he was having an internal debate with himself. when he was ready he took his free hand to grab edgar’s free one. “i know the idea of doing those things makes me happy and when i’m happy the thought of drinking isn’t really there.” he finally said looking at the other with a smile
He looked into Nathan's eyes, searching, before giving a slow nod. "Okay. Okay, yeah." After a moment Edgar returned the smile. "I'm glad we were able to finally talk. Really talk, you know?"
it felt like forever until edgar said something back and smiled, making nathan let out a small sigh of relief. “me too, i’m.. i’m sorry it took so long.” he said sheepishly.
Edgar shook his head at the apology. "It's okay, really. The fact we're having this conversation at all means the world to me. And I'm proud of you, for even taking this step."
he smiled at the words and leaned over to kiss edgar softly, pulling away to rest his forehead on the others. “thank you for not just giving up on me either..” nathan said quietly.
Edgar returned the kiss, smiling against the other's lips. "I'd never dream of it," he whispered. "Are you ready to keep moving? You're probably freezing."
he chuckled and nodded after pulling away fully now. “the hot coco helped but yes im ready to keep moving. this bench is freezing my ass i did not wear the right pants.” nathan laughed as he stood up, holding his hand out to edgar to help him stand if he needed it, or just to take it and hold, either worked for him.
#drug abuse mention#alcoholism tw#read more for length#honestly we were just trying to do a cute not-date based on meme day answers and these two decided it was the best time to have The Talk#so here ya go#feel free to ask for a tldr#no really you can ask for a tldr#these two had a lot of words#(skipping the date aspect)#musing#ft. nathan
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Funny/tragic idea for Starscream:
Starscream, has no fucking standards for a partner. And I mean that. His standards are literally:
- 75% chance they won’t drug him
- mildly respect a ‘no’
- don’t physically/consistently verbally abuse him
His standards are so low it’s sad. And that’s not even getting into his fucked up idea of consent.
Megatron is horrified. Someone get this baby a proper consent 101 class, and please pick up some standards when you’re passing by the store.
Because Star’s bar of standards is so low, it’s a tripping hazard in hell, and yet he somehow manages to find the mechs who use it to limbo dance with the devil.
Honestly the other few ‘con’s he’s close to who do have standards are just grateful that he ended up with Soundwave, or around them in general, because he is so vulnerable to just about anyone taking advantage and abusing him.
It takes Starscream an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize that his standards are in fact garbage, and that he’s hit the jackpot in partners, being with Soundwave, and in coworkers with Megs, because they have a serious moral code about consent, and will be the first people to throw the book at anyone who dares to violate consent.
It’s funny, but in a dark, tragic way. Because you’d actually think that as a prince, he would have completely unattainable standards, but they’re actually nonexistent.
#maccadam#transformers#tf#g1#megatron#starscream#soundwave#soundstar#soundwave/starscream#soundwave x starscream#relationship#relationships#headcanon#headcanons#my headcanons#my hcs#hcs#consent#mildly suggestive#tw drugging#tw drug mention#tw abuse mention#ut talks#ut’s og trash post
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lolcow users stalked and harassed me yesterday and now i'm thinking about quitting all my hobbies, becoming a neet, detransitioning, and going down the terf pipeline and then dying from a fent overdose at 23
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#transphobia#tw transphobia#transphobia tw#transphobia mention#drugs#tw drugs#drugs tw#drugs mention#drug abuse#tw drug abuse#drug abuse tw#drug abuse mention
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Daisuke to me represents the type of person who you have to bottle up your pain around because they are ill equipped to handle it. He would realistically not know what to do realizing that among the people he idolizes one is this horrendous monster, especially since he is so optimistic to a hazardous level to himself.
This makes his relationship with Anya so upsetting because as much as he could confide in her she could never confide in him. That very conscious fact/choice on her part is a constant reminder of her suffering along with the hopeless inability to do anything herself about it that ruins her mental state more.
#a very common tactic of abusers is to surround themselves in unaffiliated groups so their victims feel less secure outing them as abusers#it’s common enough that they know the person may not be believed or will be seen as the aggressor for trying to make problems between peopl#who personally had none with the abuser or use the leverage of those parties not deserving to be burdened with the knowledge as a way to#escape responsibility and while we don’t know how intentional this is on Jimmy’s part I think it was very intentional on Wrong Organs#seeing as Anya only tells Curly and Swansea in secure and secluded locations and obviously doesn’t let Daisuke know#not to mention how easy it is to sway Daisuke in convincing him to drug Swansea whether he realized the severity of the action#but back to the direct relationship Anya would definitely feel a unique pain at seeing Daisuke be so friendly to Jimmy and be none the wise#to why she isn’t#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#nurse anya
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They scowled, frustration at themself, at Gabe, at the whole world, flaring within them. He was right, she didn't like him. His stupid face was both a reminder of what once was and a indication that one of them survived, found a better life. He could smile and have it meet his eyes. He had the freedom to love and be loved back. He wasn't plagued by guilt and shame and hatred of the self, of the world. But, even now, Esther couldn't bring herself to hate him. That was her baby brother. The one she sang to sleep on rough nights in the Westfall household. The one they threw snowballs at and giggled incessantly as they made flower crowns together. The one she fought tooth and nail, sometimes literally, to bring back from this bullshit 'death,' and did it again when the monsters found the way inside their home.
Gabe's words cut deep. The fact that after all this time he still cared about them was...shocking. Esther knew they didn't deserve it, that she was nothing but a shitty, sad excuse for a human being. In the best effort to return the sentiment, to show they still cared, she said "God, you look like a shivering, kicked puppy. Get in before one of those nosy bitches calls animal control." She stepped aside and softly closed the door behind Gabriel.
Esther bit their lip, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, not able to bring herself to look at Gabe. "Do you...want tea or something?" Maybe she should have taken those pills earlier. It would have made this entire interaction easier to get through. There was a lot she wanted to say, but all she could muster up was a "you...look good." Healthy. Happy. Better than they had ever seen him. Yet another reminder that he never needed them. That she had failed yet again for the one person she once allowed herself to love.
He's used to anger, fire, near-feral in her demeanor even just seeing her around town- Esther's not the person they used to be. Neither is G, he reasons- but here, now, as the door comes open and they stand face to face- it's hard not to remember the last time they saw each other- the last time they spoke had been to disown him- Esther didn't have a brother, not anymore, if G was so attached to the idea he was dead. He almost misses it, an old, striped polo he'd worn in his teens swamping his older sibling's frame even now. They're as good as strangers, and as G's fingers cinch against the paper of the gift in his hand- he almost loses his resolve.
He knows they hurt- Nobody does what Esther does now without some kind of ache- and people around Huntsville had a habit of talking- the Westfalls were crazy- G convinced he was dead- Esther a different beast entirely- he can't hold it against them. But stood here, looking in on a home unchanged from when he'd been ousted from it- Old scars split open- he hurts too, all over again.
But Esther's not screaming at him to leave- she looks tired. She looks miserable- and as he tucks the present into his pants pocket instead- he manages to find his voice. "I-" He swallows tightly. "I um. a lot of stuff changed for me, last year, and um, every time I thought about it, I was... sad. That I couldn't tell you about it." he scrapes the porch with the well-worn toe of an old converse. "I know it's been a long time and I know you don't like me. Because you don't believe me, because if you believe me, that means I killed Gabriel. But-" He swallows. "You- you've looked real sad. around town, the past few days and I... I worry about you still. 'cause I know I'm not your brother and I know you don't want me to be but I still um. I still love you. And I don't need you to like me, or- or to be my sibling again I just."
He's rambling. He struggles, for a minute, to reel himself in. "I would like to just. Talk. And- And I think, after a decade we- we deserve at least that, right? I'll do it here, in the cold, on the porch, if I have to." His breathing shudders. "Please don't shut the door in my face again." That one's soft. weak. Hopeful, perhaps.
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And then I wanna be fucked
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