#dr blockhead

[california-112]

- That's why its left up to the self-made freaks like me and The Conundrum. To remind people. - Remind people of what? - Nature abhors normality, it can't go very long without creating a mutant.

The X-Files | S02E20 'Humbug'

[residentialsinyomakai]

Woagh. Kinda big yokai/oc art dump because slideshows on a certain app feel like NOT working for me

First all the just yokai related stuff!

(Including some of my ocs bc I'm shameless)

Also I separated squid n maddiman stuff bc there's enough to fill a category by itself me thinks

And finally some of my sona and an oc or two ^u^

Cher Cher belongs to/is my friend who isn't on here (*￣∇￣*)

If a few things look weird it's because they're older or taken in different lighting, I was too lazy to retake them all (T∀T)

[musickickztoo]

Wilko Johnson *July 12, 1947

[randomfoggytiger]

"Intriguingly Alluring"

(Dedicated to @x-files4everdd~. Merry Christmas!)

Set during the events of Humbug.

*****

This whole case, from beginning to end, was a circus.  

A little on the nose, so to speak; but it fit: he and Scully, a two person act themselves, caught up in the swirl of reformed showbusiness and love that was deeper than skin deep. His by-some-standards desirable stature loping not far behind her little feet’s tap-tap-tap code along the pavement. Both racing from cemetery to potato hole to jailhouse, captured in a thousand mirrors while the final gag played itself out. 

Staring down the RV park, Mulder was aware that dozens of eyes stared back, aware that the frustration of his reputation rippled and crackled through the crowd. Can’t escape the taint of being spooky even in a professionally strange town, the eye rolls and shoulder shrugs blatantly telegraphed. Yeah, buddy, we’ve heard this before-- a Kidney Kid? Where’d he go? pique rather than the reddening faces and outraged insults of more standard establishments.

Weird was respected, here. Well, no; weird wasn’t respected so much as a neural element: it was un-weird, a place or habit or state of being that categorized the weirdos as those who cared about being weird. Everyone else was just here.   

Scully was talking to Blockhead or Blockhead was talking to Scully; but either way they were both looking Mulder’s direction, her eyebrows scrunched, scrutinizing, and his gestures animated, illustrating. Possibly even annoyed and aggrieved. 

It was chilly for a Florida morning, another unusual-usual thing about this case. There’d be another burial-- three, on top of the one they flew down for; and he knew Scully would mosey back for this one (all of them) by her contemplative expression and relaxed shoulders. She’d liked it here, liked being the bloodhound this case, liked decoding the tricks that ran laps around his mind, liked the people and the memories, liked the place. He’d fly down, too. 

Doctor Blockhead was in the truck and almost situated behind the wheel when Mulder reached the group, an energetic contrast to the slumped over companion in his passenger seat. 

“What’s the matter with your friend?” 

This magician’s verbosity was his greatest trick, Mulder knew; and he prepared for an interesting parting observation. But all magic is best performed with misdirection; and, although Mulder was pleased to see that Scully was also thrown-- that she, too, did not expect the unexpected-- he was more agitated than amazed when the silent Enigma, in general too puzzled by the world to speak, slid a python grin across and down his mouth and replied with feral languor, “Probably something I ate.” 

And the car revved on and pounced smoothly forward, pulling almost too quickly away, as if it were repelled by the very town itself. 

Even the weird and fantastic had its limits. 

*****

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

Tagging @today-in-fic~

[bigblue61]

This week on the edge of a silver dollar are Hazy Sundays, Dr. Feelgood, Res, Ian Dury & The Blockheads, Issac Birituro & The Rail Abandon, TIGRIS, Montparnasse Musique, Gregory Issacs, The Residents, GENN, Ruth Goller, pecq, Genesis, Alabaster DePlume and The Monkees

[floral-triptych]

Hmpf. Such behaviour is clearly unfit for the Genius Society.

kissomg him... feelomg hkm... I wanna kiss shim so bad... the warmtyl...mys kmatkmach...thinking abotj him putting his lips on kine... while I let him domkniate me...

[borrelia]

Sonic Old Man Yaoi/Old Woman Yuri Knockout

TWO pairings with the LEAST votes will be eliminated

Intros to each pairing below

Gerald Robotnik was Eggman's grandfather, introduced in Sonic Adventure 2. He made a false deal with Black Doom to create Shadow the Hedgehog in exchange for the Chaos Emeralds, making them both Shadow's dads. They definitely banged and had some kind of toxic mess of a relationship.

Grimer Wormtongue is a nasty little assistant to Ivo Robotnik in Fleetway Sonic the Comic. He is extremely devoted to his cruel master, which is for sure a sexual thing.

Ebony the Mystic Mog and Pyjamas the Psychic are two characters from Sonic the Comic who appear briefly in a Knuckles story, then become minor recurring characters that take in Super Sonic from the streets. They appear as old friends in their introduction and are implied to live together. If these two aren't married, it's only because Mobius is homophobic.

Blockhead Bill is Mighty's dad in Sonic the Comic. He is a very confused old man who convinces his posh "business associate" Society Max to assist him in taking down his nemesis the Crimson Cobra. This involves Max eating a magic mandrake root and becoming a giant dinosaur, which Bill rides around to cause destruction. idk about you but I'd only let someone do that to me if they were my funny little lover.

Mephiles the Dark and Iblis are two halves of the sun/time god Solaris, introduced in Sonic '06. Iblis is kind of just a big fire monster I think but Mephiles orchestrates this whole plot through the course of the game to re-merge with Iblis and form Solaris. Which sounds like some pretty twisted villainous gay devotion to me.

Ixis Naugus and Ian St. John are characters from the Archie Sonic the Hedgehog comics. Naugus is some kind of evil wizard who enlists the help of Geoffrey St. John, Ian's son, with plot things. I can't decipher Archie plots sorry. When Naugus first contacts Geoffrey, he expects him to be his father Ian. From @mischeva: "why are you wanting to talk to geoffrey’s dad? hm naugus? kinda….kinda interesting." Image also provided by mischeva, ty :)

Starline and Eggman were allowed in by popular vote, mostly by Eggman's qualifying age. Dr. Starline is a character from the IDW Sonic the Hedgehog comic. He is a fanboy and devotee of Eggman, restoring Eggman's lost memories and assisting him in his Metal Virus plot. Starline eventually plots to betray Eggman, as he believes himself smarter and more genre-savvy than his idol. He is of course wrong and Eggman beats the shit out of him and kills him to death. Starline is sort of like gen z's Grimer, kind of the tumblr sexyman dark academia Grimer, in that he's younger and prettier than Grimer, but he probably still wants to fuck that old man so bad.

[rainbogen]

So the reason Starlow's with us is because we just so happened to run into her in a museum?

For the record, I don't hate Starlow. Yes, she was a massive jerk in BIS. But the thing is, she did grow out of it. In 2 out of the 3 games she was in she did have moments proving she did care and respect Luigi, even if it was in a rather prickly way.

She's a decent jerk with a heart of gold character, who at least gets to actually show a nicer side (looking at you, Kersti) and has a personality that doesn't begin and end at being an expostion bot (Stuffwell).

Although I do respect the criticism that she overstayed her welcome as a character, being in 3 games and all. And I think they made the right call replacing her with Snoutlet in Brothership, especially since her arc is pretty much complete. There's really not much new that can be done with Starlow as a character.

The lack of handrails on this jet platform is really getting under my skin.

As someone who is on the autism spectrum, Luigi being more interested in doing his own thing glancing at the exhibits instead of listening to the tour guide like the rest of the group is the biggest mood ever.

Wait, did Starlow just confirm neurodivergent Weegee?!?!

It's so funny how the Pi'illo get saved from a living nightmare because of Luigi's need for naps and questionable handling of historical artifacts. (But then again, the blockhead did give him the treasure and allowed them to use the bed, so...)

Don't keep reminding me...

And here's a good Starlow moment. She actually has justifiable reasons for being a jerk for once. (After seeing too many characters be mean for no reason, this is a breath of fresh air.)

Dr. Snoozemore is a very weird character. He's the owner of the island, he's a scientist researching the Pi'illo and their sleep powers, he frequently goes missing for long periods with nobody knowing where he is... They give us all this buildup to him being a villain, only for him to just be an NPC/exposition bot.

Starlow & Toadworth: Peach, you should really stay away from the mysterious portal.

Peach: No. :)

[hottest-stc-senior-citizen]

HOTTEST STC SENIOR CITIZEN TOURNAMENT

ROUND 1

Society Max VS. Chaos

Sister Haggra VS. Lord Sidewinder

Pyjamas VS. Dr. Zachary

Slimy VS. Grimer

Eggman VS. Captain Plunder

Kintobor VS. Ebony

Crimson Cobra VS. Zorabel

Liutenant Furor VS. Blockhead Bill

ROUND 2

Society Max VS. Sister Haggra

Pyjamas VS. Grimer

Eggman VS. Ebony

Crimson Cobra VS. Blockhead Bill

SEMI-FINALS

Ebony VS. Blockhead Bill

Pyjamas VS. Society Max

FINALS

Pyjamas VS. Ebony

[floral-triptych]

I could make your rubber duck animate. Then you could bestow it with a name.

I've been looking for a new test subject regardless, simply let me know if you'd be interested upon your earliest convenience.

I have a few rubber duck related questions for you, Doctor Ratio, on behalf of your fanclub. Feel free to answer or ignore at your leisure.

Do you like ducks as much as rubber ducks? Why rubber ducks, specifically?

Out of all the rubber ducks you have, which little quacker is your favourite? What makes it stand out amongst all the rest? Does it have a name that befits its greatness?

And how would you react if someone hypothetically filled your office up with a few thousand of them as a prank while you at your meeting today? Hypothetically.

Well,

Another question related to the bouncy and floating artificial ducks...

A bit baffling I'm receiving a sudden influx in questions related to this, but I'll humor you since you structured your message quite well.

I appreciate looking at the real animals, but I don't find them as interesting and surprising as their petrol-based counterparts.

It intrigues me how they always have different bouncing properties; despite being produced mechanically and with a supposed rigorous quality control.

As for my favorite, I think the little fellow currently partaking in this nice bath with me is the current winner.

It doesn't have a name, because I wouldn't be so silly as to give bame to inanimate objects; but this one bounces back in the air the highest when I press it down under the water.

As for this 'prank', I wouldn't find it very funny. Rather, very much annoying. I like my office neat and tidy.

~Dr Veritas Ratio.

[musickickztoo]

Wilko Johnson

July 12, 1947 – November 21, 2022

[sonic-obscurity-opposition]

underneath the cut is the roster for the now-defunct sonic obscurity opposition. it contains 120 characters, along with a maybe and a probably not list taken directly from my notes when sorting through submissions. it is my hope that anyone who would have been invested in this poll reads them, and perhaps finds some appreciation for them.

PARTICIPANTS:

Saffron Bee (Archie)

Society Max (Fleetway)

Shortfuse the Cybernick (Fleetway)

Blockhead Bill (Fleetway)

Speedy (Tails Adventure)

1999 (Fleetway)

Da Bears (AoStH)

Zonic the Zone Cop (Archie)

Prefect Charyb & Prefect Scylla (Chronicles)

Humpty (AoStH)

Ifyoucan (Underground)

Grimer (Fleetway)

D-Fekt (Boom)

Ari (SatAM)

Hawk (Sonic X)

Johnny (Rush Adventure)

Mello Bee (Archie)

Has Bean (Mean Bean Machine)

Princess Alucion (Sirène)

Eric the Echidna (StH in the Fourth Dimension)

Relic the Pika (Archie)

Captain Oe (Archie)

Demo Duck (Dark Mobius Bean) (Archie)

Melody Prower (Archie)

Teri-Lu (Archie)

Iago the Echidna (Archie)

Brock the Echidna (Archie)

Dr. Quack (Archie)

Bartleby MontClair (Underground)

Pseudo Sonic (Archie)

Amadeus Prower (Archie)

Gae-Na (Archie)

Komi-Ko (Archie)

X Robot (Archie Sonic X)

Meringue the Rabbit (IDW)

Cyrus (Underground)

VerticAL and HorizontAL (Archie)

Mari-Su (Archie)

Wynmacher (Archie)

Rosie Woodchuck (Archie)

Vermin the Rat (Fleetway)

Bog Beasty (Underground)

Chomps (Underground)

Farrell (Underground)

Penelope the Hedgehog (AoStH)

Lucas (AoStH)

Filch (Fleetway)

Harpio (Fleetway)

Leaf (Fleetway)

Mello (Fleetway)

Simpson the Cat (Fleetway)

Old Sonic Clone (Fleetway)

Tufftee (Fleetway)

Lightmare (Fleetway)

Knuckles the Echidna

Cat (SatAM)

Aerial & Athena (Archie)

E-100 Lambda (Archie)

Ichneumon the White Mouse (StH and the Silicon Warriors)

Gaz and Del (Fleetway)

Mom with a Gambling Addiction NPC (Adventure 1)

Lumina Flowlight (Shuffle)

Princess Bee (Archie)

Hershey St. John (Archie)

Echo the Shark (Archie)

Cinos the Anti-Sonic (StH and in Fourth Dimension)

Rob o' the Hedge (Archie)

Juanita the Chameleon (Archie)

Marta the Echidna (Archie)

Liza the Chameleon

Bivalve Clam (Archie)

Duck "Bill" Platypus (Archie)

Griff (SatAM)

Barney the Chameleon (Archie)

Katella (Aosth) - Special request to use this specific image: https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/sonic/images/c/c8/Katellaheart.png/revision/latest?cb=20160407210139

King Peter - (StH in Robotnik's Laboratory)

Colonel Percy Granite (Fleetway)

Hobidon (Sonic X)

Rhygenta (Archie)

Molly (Sonic X)

Ron (IDW)

Arctur the Dragonkin (StH and in Fourth Dimension)

Practice Robot (Fleetway)

Ash Mongoose (Archie)

Walt Wallaby (Archie)

Ebony (Fleetway)

Bimmy the Echidna (Archie)

The Narrator (LEGO Commercial)

Emperor Sleetus (Underground)

Luke Periwinkle (Underground)

Bellok (Underground)

Captain Squeegee (Underground)

Duke of Velcronia (Underground)

Mindy LaTour (Underground)

Lucinda (AoStH)

William Le Duck (AoStH)

Baby T (SatAM)

Dove (SatAM)

Nicholas O'Tyme (SatAM/Archie)

Heavy and Bomb (Knuckles' Chaotix)

Nerbs (Archie)

Lah the Ghost (Unleashed - Night of the Werehog)

Akhlut the Orca (Archie)

Karen (Stone's Ex Boss) (Sonic 2 Pre-quill)

Rava the Destroyer (Sonic 2 Pre-quill)

Nestor the Wise (Chronicles)

Radar the Echidna (Archie)

Kanewisher the Echidna (Archie)

Catweazle (Archie)

Snailbot (Sonic 2)

A.D.A.M. (Archie)

Alexis Acorn (Archie)

Megan Acorn (Archie)

Arthur Mongoose (Archie)

Avery the Bear (Archie)

Aypex (Archie)

Bagbar Beeblebrox (Archie)

Barney (Archie)

Bertha Kintobor (Archie)

Friday the Parrot (StH Adventure Gamebook 5: Theme Park Panic)

MAYBE:

Sonic the Human (Sega Hard Girls)

Thunder the Pasha (Archie) - It's not really a character is it?

The Freedom Team (Beta SatAM) - They're a whole team and also unreleased

Mecha Sonic Model No. 29 (Sonic the Fighters) - I think there was a popular youtube video about this character. Maybe Chaomix.

Galaxina (Sonic X) - May be obscure, haven't finished sonic x, but seems like she wouldn't be

Jimmy and Jilly (Fleetway) - two in one and also i'm very tired

Mr. Yuji Naka (ShtH05) - Not a character, only referenced in one voice line.

Evil Duck (SatAM) - Not real

Skull That Says "SEGA" (S3&K EU Ads) - Not really a character? We'll see.

Masado and Miwasco (Up on the Green Hill (Masado and Miwasco version)) - While they have done official work, I can't tell if this song is licensed.

Segata Sanshiro (Sonic R Ad) - Isn't a part of the world, just beats up some kids and holds up a SEGA Saturn

PROBABLY NOT:

Dave the Intern (Boom) - Popular

Tikal the Echidna (Adventure) - Extremely popular and prominent within the source material

Ian Jr. - Popular

Manic the Hedgehog (Underground) - Manic

Elias Acorn (Archie) - I haven't gotten that far in Archie but this guy is literally a king and Sally's brother

Orca - Iconic? Also an animal with no unique characteristics.

The Cow in the Triple Trouble Ad - An animal with no unique characteristics.

Dodon Pa (Team Sonic Racing) - Important Character in TSR

Santa Claus (AoStH) - That's Santa Claus

[floral-triptych]

My name is Ruan Mei. When saying my name, please don't run the syllables together.

You don't have to listen hard to hear the gossip about me coming from the Genius Society — Mad scientist. I'll take it as a compliment.

I am Ruan Mei, number 81 of the Genius Society, one of the developers of the Simulated Universe.

My expertise lies in biology and in unrooting the origin of life itself. Life is... complex, isn't it? Many other organisms seem to have been blessed with such a gift, the gift of life, such as the plants, the animals and insects... and yet, it seems that life is wasted on humans.

We are in no means worthy of the beauty and intricacies of life, and unfortunately most of us find ourselves a state where we do not realize how lucky we are to live. Some of us even wish death upon ourselves... a foolish choice, to waste the gift of life, but I suppose those emotions do have worthy causes sometimes.

Life is far more difficult to create than it is to destroy.

Notes from the moderator:

Mod also runs the @aventurine-official rp account, so the format is her own and is not plagiarized :)

Guidelines:

~ Keep the asks sfw if you please, suggestive is okay!

~ No random links in asks unless they are links to other Tumblr posts (if they are there, please specify what they are)

~ Be kind, please. Any hateful comments related but not limited to racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, ageism and transphobia will not be tolerated here and you may be blocked.

~ I headcanon Ruan Mei as being aroace, but if you would like to offer a ship, I’m fine to discuss it

~ Try to avoid sending DMs to the mod unless you are another mod

~ Anons are more than welcome here! You may have a personalized tag and everything :)

List of current anon signoffs here

Key (if applicable):

" " : for dialogue

* * : for movements

( ) : ooc

Tags:

#in all life does flow 🌸: Art reblogs

#a cup of tea 🍵 : Random thoughts and calm moments

#research case 📁 : Asks from anons and others

#a study of life 🍃 : Interactions with Honkai Star Rail blogs

#by the grace of nous ☁️ : Interactions with other members of the Genius Society

#madam herta 🪻 : Interactions with / mentions of Herta

#blockhead 🗿 : Interactions with / mentions of Dr. Ratio

#beloved sibling 🥀 : Interactions with / mentions of Ruan Lian (a lovely mod's oc!)

Masterlist post of Honkai Star Rail-official blogs linked here

[positivelybeastly]

Hi!! Is me, Stray! After many a trial and error, I now have an RP blog! Just letting you know I'm here and, uh, favorite music genres & favorite song headcanons for Hank?

Welcome to the roleplaying community! There's always a few ups and downs when you're first getting set up, especially if you've only ever set up the one Tumblr for personal use, but there's always room to learn, and I find that people tend to be generally pretty accommodating if you're as polite as you've been on Anon! If you have any questions about roleplay etiquette or the like, feel free to send another ask or just IM me.

As for favourite music genres and song headcanons for Hank, I generally think he's a pretty open minded fellow? There are a good few bands and types of music we know for certain that he enjoys.

Jocko Homo, by Devo.

Dead Man's Party, by Oingo Boingo.

Chopin's Nocturne.

60s rock! I can see him being a Creedence Clearwater Revival kinda guy.

Acis and Galatea!

The Rolling Stones!

Something you'll often see assumed of Hank is that just because he's a man of the arts, well read, and eloquent, is that he's some kind of music snob, that he only listens to opera, that he only enjoys classical, that he looks down on 'lesser' forms of music. And I honestly just don't believe that would be the case?

Like . . . here's the thing. Hank may talk fancy, but he is still, at best, a middle class farm boy from Illinois. If he has an accent, it's probably closest to a Chicago accent, if he hasn't trained his voice to do something entirely different - he does mention his voice has changed during his feline mutation to a baritone, so it's not out of the question. But he is not (or at least, he should not be) a hoity toity snooty asshole.

This is something even writers often get wrong about him - they assume that he's the smart character, ergo he must be the snooty, elitist character, which is something Ben Percy leans into, but it's not even just him, it's Paul Di Filippo in X-Men Unlimited vol. 2 #8, too. It becomes an asshole trait, and it's just. Not. Accurate.

Hank likes all kinds of music. In fact, I struggle to think of a kind he's outright stated he hates, though he's been around for 60 years, I'm sure someone can correct me. He's a curious fellow! He likes to explore! He'll consume any media, he quotes 1940s Superman comics, he watches Robin Hood movies with Wonder Man, why in god's name would he be a snob?

As for headcanon? I have tons! I often think, hmm, this feels like a song Hank would like, or a song that feels like a Hank song, when I listen to music, because. You know. Big blue guy's p much always on the brain.

I have a Spotify playlist that I occasionally add to, but currently on there is:

Is She Really Going Out With Him? by Joe Jackson - self deprecating, but also kind of a banger.

Carry on by fun - fun is an amazing band, and I definitely feel the lyricism and scale of their music would appeal to Hank.

Rain on Me by Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande - I don't know if Hank would listen to this, but it has his vibe.

Cells by They Might Be Giants - I'm sorry, but have you fucking heard a band that more encapsulates Hank's personality?

Dr. Wanna Do by Caro Emerald - my old Abigail RP partner used to use this as her ringtone for Hank. I think Hank likes some jazz.

Cure for Me by Aurora - again, not one I think Hank would listen to, but again, it feels like Hank to me.

Very Good Advice by Robert Smith - Hank totally digs new wave and the Cure, and literary references mixed in with that vibe? Totally.

Moonshine by Caravan Palace - this song leads into Lone Digger by the same band, which I put on Dark Beast's playlist, representing the continuity between them. It has the right energy.

There Ain't Half Been Some Clever Bastards by Ian Dury and the Blockheads - songs Hank would sing in the middle of the fight if it weren't full of swearing and comics were allowed to do that.

I Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick - he does.

On Melancholy Hill by Gorillaz - this just has exactly the right energy.

I Will Dare by The Replacements - "How smart are you? / How dumb am I? / Don't count any of my advice. / Oh, meet me any place or anywhere or anytime / Now I don't care, meet me tonight / If you will dare, I might dare."

Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift - another one that doesn't feel quite like something Hank would listen to, but I think we can all relate to this song a little bit (does that make me a basic bitch? Maybe), and some of the lyrics are so awfully Hank. "I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror," like, fuck.

Turning Japanese by The Vapors - Iunno, I just think he'd like it. I often think that if I were gonna make an OG X-Factor movie, this is what would start the movie during a fight scene.

I would also like to give @brw a shoutout for their excellent Hank playlist, which introduced me to, among other things, Touch-Tone Telephone, which feels like Hank's theme song.

Oh, also, The Plastic Age by The Buggles. Hank absolutely loves prog-rock, you know he does. Oh, and showtunes! The man just will not stop singing, in the middle of fights or while being filmed for the nightly news, so he totally vibes with some Broadway. I'd also be lying if I said that Dust and Ashes doesn't feel like a New X-Men Grant Morrison Beast vibe all over. And Hank would love it! A musical based on War and Peace? Sign him the fuck up!

[melissamasakari]

Confessions you didn`t notice

Chapter seven. Bright sun

Persistent and loud knocking on the door distracted me from an important engineering problem. Who the fuck is that? The third prototype was ruined! Covering the needlework with a blanket I went to find out what I am needed for this time. Definitely that’s not my red blockhead. He would simply take the door off its hinges and walk in as if this house was his own.

“Here you are! I’ve searched the whole city for you! Why didn't you come to catch gifts from the sky?”

“What should I do there? I have already donated gifts for the city so there are lots and lots there with my logo. It won't be fun to catch two more umbrellas or three more jewelry boxes.”

“You're are overthinking! What about the spirit of competition? And don’t you believe in miracles?”

“It would be a miracle not to get hit in the head with a desk lamp. The broken one.”

“Whatever. Oh, you’re bleeding, kid,” and it’s true, apparently, I pierced my finger somehow.

“Damn it. I’ll treat it now, and it will heal in a couple of days. The main point here is not to catch any infection. That would be just the best thing to catch on that Day of the Bright Sun of yours.”

“An injury like that is quite unusual for you.” Sam looked around at the blanket-covered mess on the dining table. “What are you making?”

“Secret device for neutralizing blockheads. Do not touch! It bites as you’ve seen.”

“Okay,” my beloved friend pulled her hand back and made a funny face. “You didn’t come to the feast, so WE were worried. Cap sent me to check on you and, if possible, bring you with me back.”

“Whose princess am I supposed to be this time? And they even gave me a guard of honor. I'm impressed!”

“I have no idea. You have more and more heart pillows here. Who showed off this time? Gust, Dr. Xu, Albert or someone else?”

“Nobody. I bought it myself. I got used to sleeping on them on my lonely cold nights. What is the dress code?”

“Any, even oil stains on the face would do. But it’s going to be a group photo there. So take the blue uniform and let's go out. They are waiting for us. Wait. No. Not a uniform. Blue shirt, cargo jeans and sneakers.” Sam pointed to hangers one by one.

“I obey your orders, comrade escort! Should I send gifts for friends by mail? But they are over-sized,” I muttered from behind the screen.

“Oh, so you are prepared. Can't wait to see.”

“Certainly. Practical, useful or something for the soul. Children will get toys, certainly. Adults...well, you'll see soon.” I left my shelter and looked into the mirror. “Well, how do I look?”

“Intimidating! Just fit for a ‘wanted’ poster.”

“Fine by me.”

There was a typical celebratory chaos in the Central Plaza. Cheerful townspeople showed off their prizes to each other. The airship flew majestically over the waterfall, having completed its mission. That’s nice - I missed the whole dull part. Now Gale will begin another solemn speech and will herd people onto the platform under the tree. And Sam took me to a bench near the school.

“Captain Arlo, on your orders, the dangerous recluse has been delivered! She did not resist the arrest. Please take this circumstance into account when passing your sentence.”

“At ease, soldier! I promise to file a report on additional days off!”

“Well, I'll catch you later, you cunning cat!” I pretended to have my hands tied behind my back and trying to kick Sam in the knee.

“And this is an insult to the authorities,” Remy added with a sly smile, coming to my other side.

“So exceeding official powers for personal gain does not offend your authorities enough? I'll file a complaint! To your boss directly.”

“Don't kick up the heels” Their so-called boss muttered through his teeth. He threw his arm over my shoulder and pulled me against him by the neck. His palm was now resting on my breast. Mmm, his familiar scent. I'm starting to melt again just fro, that! Wait, what did just happen? “Your lady love,” I nodded towards the church robes flashing through the crowd, “doesn’t mind that you're groping dangerous criminals in front of everyone?” I said in exactly the same conspiratorial whisper.

His reaction exceeded all of later my expectations. Arlo immediately blushed deeply. He hiccuped nervously and abruptly let me go, straightening up, to the roar of laughter from the rest of the team. Worth it! I might regret this later, but not just now. Nora giving away a vibe of a jealous wife, pouted like a huge duck and ran away as I was watching her attentively. Hm. Friendship with her is l definitely out of the question now. I hope she will not stand beside me this time for a group photo.

“You promised not to tell anyone!” It seems that Arlo was seriously insulted and angry.

“Don’t you think it’s already too late to care? The whole city is talking about it. I was the only one who was silent. The statute of limitations should have expired three times already,” I retorted without raising my voice. So are they dating or not? If so, then why am I here? So cruel. Why do you, red blockhead, still insist on giving me false hopes?!

“Stop it immediately! Or I’ll lock you both in a cage, you dumb redheads!”

“Let’s go,” Remy added, “everyone else has already taken they places, they’re just waiting for us.”

“Civil Corps! Do you need a special invitation?” Our good mayor yelled.

Oh, what nice gangster faces we made for the photo! I'll hang this picture on the wall. I can almost see the steam coming out of Arlo's ears. Nora took off her hat and crumpled it in her hands, looking at the floor. Sam, standing behind me, put her elbows on my shoulders, almost like her boss had done before, but much less intimately. Remy, as always, smiled cheerfully, but for some reason it looked very scary today. Django...yes, he is sad. Apparently this friendship is over. Well, okay. I'll survive. The mayor tried to put his arm around my waist. And pet a little just below. WHAT?! Is this a harassment already? I'll kill you, nasty old pervert!.. I couldn’t wait to wriggle free from him!

I was brought in specifically for this photo, wasn’t I? So that Gale has somewhere to put his hand. Old fart, I'll kick a shit out of you! But why it is me who are feeling SO ashamed now? In order not to do something terrible, I decided to flee.

“Hey, guys! Your accusations are void, so I’ll go about my business. Bye-bye,” I made a teasing gesture with a hand and walked towards the Western Gate.

“Stand down! Nobody’s let you go!” Wow, what a statement! I wish I could hear this in a different situation.

“Ha. Try to catch me! Your princess is in another castle!” The gaze Nora gave me definitely deserved a separate photo. That’s a pity I don't have camera though.

“Fuck it!” The unlucky dragon swore. He abruptly gave out several commands and rushed to catch up. I wonder if I have a chance of sneaking away? At least he won't see me bursting into tears.

Now here is the opportunity to check if I have surpassed my personal trainer. And where should I go? At home they will quickly catch me. So, lets go to the left. Rushing past the Papa Bear's home, I headed towards the Bassanio Plateau. Elevator. A great opportunity to get lost in the forest there. All that was left was to climb up the hill. I should hide my hair – it’s too noticeable against the fresh grass. Why didn’t I think to grab a cap? Okay, I’ll hide it with my shirt and turn up the collar. Out of breath, I finally made it to the elevator. I was lucky that it was downstairs. Breathing heavily, I poked at the controls and pulled the lever. Now you can only get here through the Wasteland. Or from a cave on Amber island. By the way, that’s a great plan. I can go down there through the ventilation and return home by nightfall. Surely by this time the supposed siege on my ‘castle’ will be broken. No matter what I am guilty of... It is unlikely that such seriousness is due to the disclosure of his unclassified great secret. Well, they are dating. So what? Here in this small town near everyone is somebody’s significant other, a relative or an ex. What does he want from me now? And why does this very thought make me cry and want to throw sharp objects? I already decided that we are friends. True, after today’s prank it’s no longer a fact.

Oh, the hatch into the caves is not pressed tightly. I can rest there. And I won’t even reveal where I'm hiding with noise. Great. The coolest thing is to climb a tree, but, my height does not allow me to do this quickly. I made my way inside, found a shelter behind some half-broken boxes and sat down in the shadows, clasping my knees with my hands. If something happens, I can even clearly see the stairs to the hatch from here.

I have no idea for how long I sat there in the twilight. For some reason I felt very painful and disgusting. The guys are probably worried. Seeing the stopped lift they should have realized that I had been here. Maybe even Higgins was called in for repairs. What if Arlo went through the Wasteland? What if he got hurt there, it will be my fault! Wiping away my tears with my sleeve I nearly already decided to follow the planned course, but then the roller rails of the hatch began to move with a nasty squeal. I hid back, covering my ears with my palms.

“Well, she definitely passed here, Cap. There's traces in the dust, do you see?”

“The question is where to look next. And what if she needs our help?” Sam and Arlo walked briskly down the stairs and along the wall opposite of my hiding place.

“She herself can help just anyone. You know that.”

“I’m still worried.”

“Why were you so angry? It’s true, Nora’s crush is not a secret for a long time already. And everyone already knows for sure that you mercilessly blow off any girl who dares to bring you a heart knot. Why should Nora be an exception?”

“Oh, leave me be, little thorn. Better take a closer look.”

“I see something. Let's go ahead. Little fella seemed to have rushed into the haunted cave direction through this corridor.” Sam walked past my hiding place, pushing Arlo’s back with her palms and guiding him into a long passage. “Come on, move.”

Then she turned around and winked, supposedly into empty space. In response, I made a closed-mouth gesture. So I have an accomplice, cool! Let them go. It's definitely safe there. And I’ll have time to get out and at least wash myself clean. Wait! Sam DID say that he blew Nora off TOO?! At that time, she already realized that I could hear everything, so this is a hint for me! And what should I do now? First, get out and make my way home to hide the handicraft I have started. In case of unexpected guests, that is.

Great, it's even not dark yet. I can rush through the Eastern gate and up the hill, for example. Most likely, they will come to my house a little bit later. I hope that Sam will effectively hide my trail giving the redhead some extra loops so I can restore some peace of the mind.

To my incredible surprise, there was no ambush near the house. And I didn’t even meet anyone on my way home from the waterfall across the field. Climbing into the window through the hole in the stable I found myself in my kitchen. I listened. I looked out. Silence. Just in case, I blocked the front door with a bedside table and went into the shower. Even if they hear any noise, they will at least not break in right away. Oh...that's right, I almost forgot. I grabbed the blanket from the dining table, threw everything into it, rolled it up in a knot and stuffed it under the bed. Looking in the closet, I took out some sportswear and finally went to the bathroom.

I barely had time to change clothes when I heard the clatter of hooves from behind the fence. Remy? The rest could have came on foot. Judging by the fading sounds, he is now galloping towards Amber island. Did he guess everything too, or I’m delusional? Well, what a show is going on! I’m hiding in my own house from those who swore to guard and protect me here, from my best friends and from the guy I’m in love with. They were so unlucky with me. I myself didn’t notice how I dozed off, sitting behind the screen near my closet. I was awakened by a knock on the kitchen window. Three long, two short. And repeat. Okay, that’s Sam. I carefully peeked out.

“There is no tail. Let me in. I know you're here.”

“Then climb through the window. The door is blocked. Then we’ll tell everyone that there was a rummage here,” following my instructions, Sam successfully climbed inside.

“Where did the chase go?”

“They rush around the field and around the pond. Don't worry, it's good for them. Why did you run off?”

“I won’t tell you, definitely not now. I haven’t really gotten my head around it yet.”

“As you wish. Are you okay now?”

“I doubt it. I told you it was a bad idea to drag me to a party. I was just sitting here and was not bothering anyone. Why did you need to drag me in?”

“You’ll find out when our pepper-breather will finish blowing of steam and will cool down. You should have seen Higgins in his pajamas at the elevator! He yelled, he swore and he absolutely demanded a double price for urgency.”

“What a moron. There were only three buttons that had to be pressed on the panel down the side. How long did he fumble?”

“About two hours exactly. Then he just pried open the plug with a knife and connected the wires directly.”

“Was he at least electrocuted? Now I have to repair this crap nearly from scratch all over again after this.”

“Certainly. Phyllis also have had some extracurricular work. Sooo nasty. Let's dismantle your barricades, okay?”

“Your boss won’t destroy my door later, will he? After his kicks I merely have time to repair the gates.”

“If we don’t sort it out ourselves, he’ll take it out along with the furniture. And, perhaps, with walls, if he understands that I found you a long time ago and now hiding you from him.”

“Won’t you get punished for this?” We carefully lifted the bedside table and dragged it to its place.

“I’ll get away with a couple of extra shifts. Trivial matter.”

“But can you not drag me out of the house?”

“Certainly. Let me get out and run around for show. Then we'll turn on the light. And pretend that this is my first time here. It's already dark enough that I won't be noticed ahead of time.”

Sam left. After some time, the sound of hooves became clearly audible. - from the kitchen side. There are more than two horses. Are those some kind of glitches or else? One of the riders dismounted. His steps were heavy and nonrhythmic. Remington. And the other is Sam. I can hardly hear her steps at all. Oh, here came the wide brusque steps. Predictably, the door was thrown open with a powerful kick. It’s good that I managed to open the lock and didn’t come close.

“Alive,” Arlo breathed and rushed forward. He abruptly grabbed me like a doll and pressed me onto himself, burying his beard on the top of my head.

“You keep squeezing me like this, and this will change pretty soon,” I squeaked in response. He relaxed a little, but did not release me from the hug. What's wrong with him? He stroke my back. And since this is already a pretty long physical contact, now I will either blush, or burst into tears, or suffocate. Or maybe all at once. Well, at least I'll die happy.

“Hmm. We're all ready, Cap.”

“I'll be back soon. Close the door. From the outside,” wow, his heartbeat is at extreme rate. Now I can even feel it with my cheek. And my blood is pounding in my ears so terribly. I just wanna bury my face in his chest. Maybe forever. Should I probably say something?

“Sorry for causing so much trouble. I don't know what came over me.”

“It's okay. The main thing is that you are safe. I don’t even want to know how you got here before us.”

“Agreed. And what do they have ready?”

“You'll see now. Let's go.”

Arlo took me by the hand and led me out into the yard. We walked around the house and found ourselves near the stables. I was not mistaken, there were more than two horses here. But Teddy isn't here. This white one is Spacer. Brown mare in dapples is Arrow. And for some reason, some balloons were tied to the saddle of a cream-colored young filly.

“Surprise!” All three shouted in unison.

“Come and greet her.” Sam lightly pushed me in the back. The redhead released my hand with obvious reluctance.

“What?” I was surprised to recognize the very same filly for which I had been saving money since last fall. I asked McDonald not to sell her to anyone. “Guys, have you all gone crazy? I planned to go buy her next week!”

“Now there is no need. So what will you say?”

“I say – welcome home, Shifter. I hope you’ll like it here as much as I do,” the horse trustingly poked her wet nose into my neck. That looks like a start of a new friendship. I would really like that

Spacer whinnied and tried to bite my ear. That's a nasty horsemeat sausage!

“What kind of tricks are there?! Calm down! If you behave like this, we’ll miss the land run!” The mischievous horse stiffened and calmed down. What a commanding voice Arlo used. I'm so impressed.

“Admit it, whose idea it was?”

“You won’t believe it, but it’s yours. I just remembered and organized everything. The rest of us supported. And besides, if you’ll decide to join Corps, you won’t be able to do this without a horse. And the territory will soon get larger so we will probably have to expand our staff.”

“I love you guys!” I extended my arms invitingly for a group hug. “Thank you all so very, very much!”

[klinefelterrible]

Tl;dr I wan to write a fanfic in a language that sounds as a redneck joke

I, uh

Okay so maybe you must know that I am from southern Poland and some of us there use a dialect that is called śląski (from the historical geographic area called Śląsk where I live) and well I am not a native in that but I learned it fast from my coworkers and friends and, uh, I use it a lot while talking to my wife who is beginning to love it and she tries it on her own and it’s adorable.

But anyway; some of you know that I write drarry fanfics and I just had an epiphany that I might write a drarry smut porn fanfic in this dialect and I know most of you won’t get it but I will provide a translation below. But here’s a promotion of drarry, silesian (śląski) and whatever else.

[Picture ID: one-sided conversation on whatsapp. „I’m thinking about writing a porn fanfic in silesian” „Harry stick it into my arse I ain’t even ask” „Draco you’re a jerk” „You are a jerk and a non-silesian, you damned wimp from gryphon-house” „y’ain’t no better you snake-house blockhead” „cum on my face” ]