#down with fdc i say

[eclipse-colony]

"down with fdc?" More like down with specifically YOU!!!

Considering this is basically the same thing a member of fdc said on the post featuring my blog I’m left to assume you looked for and found my blog specifically to say this to me directly. All that does is prove my point that fdc encourages harassment of the people posted and that the censorship rule does nothing to actually protect people’s privacy.

Fdc has no way of fact checking if the people they claim to be faking disorders are and most of its users are so karma happy that they end up looking for systems or people with other disorders and post their content without so much as a look into the person. We aren’t seen as people but instead targets of mockery and a source of validation for the posters.

I made my down with fdc post without having been posted there myself because I have seen the harm and paranoia it causes for people. Many of those that state online their mental health conditions and experiences do so because they are looking for community and support from others who actually have the disorder not those you haven’t lived with it or doctors, that form of emotional and professional support is valuable and needed but sometimes what we need is to talk to someone who has similar life experiences.

Users on fdc like the one that posted me are a prime example of what I see as way the sub is harmful. The person who posted me had stalked and made a whole “saga” posting one blog for several days in a row, their first post had incredibly poor censoring which led to another system searching their url and messaging them to let them know anyone that saw the post could find them easily, they responded which led the fdc op whom was stalking their page to post systems2 carrd which contained their system name and can also be easily found.

I then had my down with fdc post reblogged by system2 which led to the fdc op posting me as well.

My point is the fdc poster had been posting several days in a row on system1 blog and the blogs that interacted with it. How anyone sees this as anything but obsessive I don’t know.

Some fdc posters such as the one that posted me also actively seek out and invade safe spaces for systems so that they can post them to be made fun of.

Another issue with fdc is the fact that they do not take take down requests for posts even if a person was to prove their diagnosis I know this because others have asked on the fdc discord. Fdc mods have also banned and muted people for sharing US government articles stating the actual statistics of DID specifically claiming it to be misinformation.

Another reason I have such a strong dislike for fdc is due to the fact that most people that are posted do suffer from mental disorders. Even if they are right and the person posted is faking (which the posters have no way of proving.) purposefully faking a disorder is a disorder called Munchausen syndrome and those suffering from it still deserve kindness respect and treatment.

I understand this response is long and you probably won’t read or that you’ll just screenshot it and put it on fdc so you can get karma but I hope that you’ll actually process what I’ve said.

-V

[plurapony]

It's time to talk about the how internet fakeclaiming pixielocks have impacted the overall DID community as well as the fakeclaimer community themselves.

So hi, I'm Morgan and I'm a part of an autistic DID system and I also love watching Pixielocks and her content.

With Pixielocks DID content I (and others in the system) finally felt seen. Pixielocks was and still is something our system strives to be, the path of functional multiplicity, cosplay and fashion design, colorful perspective and rainbow surroundings. Being able to look up to someone like that and watch them also talk about the ups and downs of the disorder we also deal with means so so much to us.

And you know what fucking sucks? To lose that sense of comfort, because fakeclaimers want internet saviour points and clout. And I completely understand Pixielocks side too, it's a good business strategy to just steer away and let the negative attention die down. (Side note: I still very much enjoy Pixielocks non DID content) But my point is that those who fakeclaimed Pixielocks DO NOT CARE ABOUT PEOPLE WITH DID. They are the attention whores. They don't care about us one bit.

The internet's obsession with fakeclaiming anything unusual (or dare I say autistic traits) is damaging and disgusting. Places like r/systemcringe and r/FDC will only ever accept those whose DID is pure suffering and whose idea of healing is final fusion - provided they don't have uncommon gender identities, neopronouns, fictives, etc of course.

Oh and a side note - if you're a system who engages fakeclaiming others or in r/FDC or r/systemcringe you're a mean fucking cunt and I hope the validation from people who hate us for existing is worth it.

[wondercourse]

Long aimless rambling anecdote time because the local voidthing is thinking again uh oh.

Honestly whenever someone who does things like post to cringe subreddits say they're doing it because they care about pwCDDs and education and whatever, I just think about the psychoeducation piece of my treatment and the fact that none of it came with this weird fakeclaiming thing. It was never presented as "Here's the information :) If you don't match it exactly it's a moral failing because you make people with DID look bad". Because that's weird. That's a weird and shitty thing to do to a community you claim to care about.

She has also...never made a big deal about the split that caused me to like. Be Wonder. Came with a lot of fictional introjects. Nor did she make a big fuss about the amount of parts that year-long bullshit I went through caused to split off, introjection or no. She does want to make sure we remain open to each other's existences, but she just treats those fictives like any other alter rather than as a reason my DID is somehow Wrong™.

And that aside, because DID Isn't Alters Disorder (remember?), she cares more about the year-long BS and its affects on us. On me as a whole. That includes the parts aspect, of course, but that isn't all it is.

What's crazy is that she shows that she cares for me and that she's pro-recovery by…helping me through my recovery. Making sure I'm informed. Helping me work through my phobia of the inner experience (which extends partially to other parts). Listening to my experiences REGARDLESS of what she thinks may be causing them rather than shaming me for being wrong about what could be causing them.

Before I was in therapy but after being wrong about a lot of things re: my DID that cringe subs eat eat UP, I did think things like FDC and SystemsCringe were helpful. I slingshotted to the other side. I wanted to crack down on any perceived "abnormality" in presentation because I hated myself for having been wrong.

But...I dunno. When you have an experience like moving between—

anti-endo (woefully misinformed) -> anti-endo (syscringe supporter who presented it as a Good Thing) -> not caring anymore and just trying to get through life. get this shit out of my face. -> "oh shit i might have endogenic parts. welp. gotta navigate that now" -> [starts to more concretely register that i went through nearly constant, inescapable, and very high stress for about a year] "...oh"

—you very quickly shift to minding your damn business.

So with all that, when I see people presenting posting people to cringe subreddits as somehow being a net positive for "real" (mostly arbitrary modifier yippee) CDD systems is like...weird. Because that exact kind of thing distorted my perception of myself so deeply that my therapist often has to be the person in real life going "hey, man, how's it going" because I've internalized so much stuff.

In all honesty, people who say that online spaces are the worst places to start when you have DID are right. Because both extremes exist and are extremely prominent, and both really fuck you up.

Cringe subs aren't doing shit for pwCDDs.

Send tumble.

[kekisu]

putting it in my dni would be too niche because system discourse isnt in most peoples radar but im just gonna say: any sort of endogenic or protogenic or tulpagenic etc, doesnt exist and youre literally just roleplaying or have identity issues completely separate from having a serious dissociative disorder

idk ive been involving myself in system spaces more recently cause i need resources and community (guess who split recently and is struggling a bit to cope with it!) and its like frustrating to see this very real disorder be boiled down to roleplaying as your favorite blorbos whenever you want and systemhopping bullshit

that being said i need to put this out there i hate fakeclaimers especially when they dont have did/osdd like fdc and syscringe can all kill themselves theres no other way to put it KILL THESE GUYS WITH HAMMERS but this is different cause its Legitimately just going against decades of research and theories for the sake of saying you have bakugou in your head and youre looking for deku so you can sysdate

[fragmented-light-sys]

also i just have to talk about this rn.

"FDC doesnt harass people and thats against subreddit rules!" -people from FDC making excuses instead of addressing the problem.

huh???????

there are countless blogs that have been spammed with death treaths and slurs after being posted on FDC, just because its not allowed on the subreddit doesnt mean they dont come from YOUR subreddit.

"just talk to the mods and we'll take your post down."

what?????

im sorry, those same mods blocked a different blog owner on reddit after they asked you to take their post down because they were getting death threats and slurs in their inbox??? for the sake of being atleast somewhat objective i do have to say that they did take down their post. at first though they just blocked them.

how can you possibly continue making excuses IN FAVOR for the harassment but then continue ignoring the problem at hand. if you were actually doing what all of you say you're doing (which is weeding out fakers from diagnosed people apparently), it would make more sense to actually minimize harassment, even if you don't like people, instead of defending it.

i am willing to have an objective discussion about this but i am unwilling to listen to poor excuses or straw men.

some of you are legit in denial about the harmfulness of your subreddit.

[tempesttz]

unnecessary rant about an

unnecessary (but very odd) debate

i know this is not my usual post but tumblr just suggested me another account (as it does), so i went to check them out. openly endogenic, wonderful. inclusive, check. "if i block you, you're probably not inclusive enough." sure? then i scrolled down a bit more, and... tw: mentions of discourse, nazis, the holocaust, and ai art. i'm also just not very nice, so tw for that too.

".....ai art is still art and arguing otherwise is spreading nazi bullshit regardless of if you personally like it or not...." ....what? at this point i'm thinking okay, op has no clue what a nazi is or something. right? right??? there was a link, so i, an unwitting fool looking for more elaboration on this take, clicked it.

"blocked a long time follower because they were being reactionary. here is your reminder that regardless of your stance on copyright, as soon as you start regurgitating that ai art isn't art, you are spreding the rhetoric authoritarianism. you are being reactionary and conservative. in fact, you are literally spreading nazi shit. read up if you have the spoons for it: link here. the focus should be on mitigating harm to those more directly impacted, not on trying to erase the art now exist.s not on ai arts legitimacy as art." i'm not going to just sit here and say "oh wow weird take, point and laugh guys." that would be weird and frankly no better than places like r/fdc and r/systemscringe. so instead, we're gonna break this down: first off: what is degenerate art? well, let's check their wikipedia link.

"Degenerate art (German: Entartete Kunst) was a term adopted in the 1920s by the Nazi Party in Germany to describe modern art. During the dictatorship of Adolf Hitler, German modernist art, including many works of internationally renowned artists, was removed from state-owned museums and banned in Nazi Germany on the grounds that such art was an "insult to German feeling", un-German, Freemasonic, Jewish, or Communist in nature. Those identified as degenerate artists were subjected to sanctions that included being dismissed from teaching positions, being forbidden to exhibit or to sell their art, and in some cases being forbidden to produce art." okay, so op is claiming that dislike of ai art is comparable to the suppressing and banning of large amounts of art in nazi germany. which is a wild take. but why is it wild? 1. ai generators clearly do not experience much suppression or banning in places considering that they are an active threat to artists. 2. the main issue with ai image generation is that it is stealing from actual artists to create their images and putting people who have trained for years to hone their skills at risk of losing their jobs. this diminishes the amount of artists who will actually pursue a career in that field, thereby reducing the amount of actual artists and directly harming the art community. 3. a lot of people will lie about being ai "artists," attempting to claim the work as actual art. 4. the concept of comparing something like this to the holocaust in general is just... wildly insensitive, frankly. this should be common sense, but there seems to be a distinct lack of it here anyways. 5. people are allowed to have opinions? you can think ai art is a valid form of art. i'll think you're weird, but that's a valid opinion. some people don't think certain genres of music are art. some people don't think certain kinds of art should be considered art. for example, those pendulum paintings that were everywhere, and might still be everywhere. i saw a lot of discourse about those. some people did not consider them to be art, or at least not on par with things like large, dedicated paintings. does that make the people who have that opinion nazis? .....no????? there isn't a moral to this post. it probably shouldn't exist. i just saw this and needed to rant, and decided to make you all my unwitting victims, lol. if you agree with op, then... i don't know, have a nice day? maybe stop conflating something like ai art (which is basically inconsequential unless you are in a community it effects or witnessing a downgrade of media quality due to its usage in production) to the holocaust (one of if not the worst historical event to this day in history)? okay wait, i have a moral! you can dislike things or have an opinion without it having to be taken to the total extreme. for anyone who read through this entire thing, thank you for sticking around! have a cookie. 🍪

[sztansescheadache]

it’s time for my top 36 as of march. keep in mind that this year is super strong (rivalling my beloved 2016 in terms of song quality) and my top 10 has 16 songs in it. they also change placements depending on my mood

1. norway - i got chills the first time i’ve listened to this song and i get them every singe time i push play on it. pure art, so atmospheric, magical, the mixture of rock and folk with gunnhild’s godly vocals and amazing lyrics IN NORWEGIAN i am just beyond in love with this song IT WAS MADE FOR MY TASTE

2. estonia - it was the first song i listened to form the eesti laul line up and i just knew nothing was gonna beat it for me. it’s just so fun, with funny lyrics and a great folk-ish instrumental. crazy party of this year for me

3. the netherlands- gabber core on my esc?????? no way i lived to see this day. i am absolutely in love with this song- the music the visuals and the touching story of this song - instant hit. europapa has infected my brain permanently. joost was right 12 points to the netherlands

4. slovenia - this just so powerful, i love the siren core aesthetic and sound of this song. raivens voice is hypnotising like of a siren, you can’t help but get immersed in it

5. switzerland - it took a while to fully kick in but i absolutely love it now. the genre mix was a little bit confusing at first but now i’m just amazed at this combination of dnb opera pop alternative and rap - and the fact that it actually works together

6. belgium - they’re back to their dark pop era and IM GLAD. the outro had me on my knees, it’ll be so big during the live

7. lithuania - the 20s are lithuanias golden age, they are finally not afraid of sending their own language and they’re doing it with class. luktelk is a banger we deserved, modern, addicting. i hope for a top 10 for lithuania

8. italy - E LA CUMBIA DELLA NOIA💃💃 a true mediterranean banger, with amazing lyrics an overall full package, angelina is super charismatic, she’s a breath of fresh air for italy for sure

9. portugal - it wasn’t even my winner of fdc but i just fell in love with this after seeing that performance. it’s so elegant, calm, the lyrics are truly moving, everything in both the song and the fdc performance is so well thought out. some people will say it’s just another portuguese ballad but i think it stands out with its grace amongst the others

10. greece - it’s pop but an experimental one, mixing reggaeton maybe some hyperpop elements even? zari is greek to its core and while being very ethnic it’s also innovative and fresh. i constantly find myself humming this song. i can see it doing really well or finishing in bottom 5 - everything depends on the staging. but i love it i hope greece won’t be afraid to continue this more experimental route

11. ireland - my alternative heart is so happy to see a song and a performer like this on esc. you either live doomsday blue or hate it - i loved it form the first listen. it’s dark alluring enigmatic angry - an experience overall

12. spain - ever since it won benidorm my brain just randomly goes ZORRA‼️ ZORRA ‼️ZORRA ‼️in the middle of the day. it’s not even a guilty pleasure it’s just pure pleasure. i love how unapologetic this song is, the message of it, pure fun and celebration

13. ukraine - i absolutely love it as i do with almost every ukrainian entry although i have to admit it grew off me a little bit. it’s still a contender for the win in may and i wouldn’t be mad tbh. it’s a well made, powerful entry, ukraine always delivers

14. croatia - same like with the previous one it grew off me a little bit but it’s still a banger. this is croatia’s best shot at getting a top10 result and i wish them all the best. it’s pure fun and craziness

15. serbia - this year lacks ballads sm, so serbia (and portugal) have the chance to stand out bringing a cool down in between the chaos. ramonda is calm and reflective and so beautiful evoking all the right emotions. it feels very intimate even on a huge stage. i love meaning of the lyrics

16. sweden - is it a basic pop song? yes? did it also brought me to my knees with this beat and the staging? also yes. like i’m the biggest sweden hater but omg i just can’t help but bang to this song. it’s addicting. the norwegian twins have a pass from me

17. san marino - the funniest thing of this nf season. this not as good as arcadia but it’s still megara with their original style and a great vibe. if san marino fails to qualify with this then idk really.

18. armenia - ITS SO CUTE. it puts a smile on my face fr. ethnic banger through and through kind reminds me of trenuletul in a way (also there’s this polish party song “prawy do lewego” and idk if it’s just me but they have such similar vibes, i would absolutely go drunk dancing to “jako”)

19. denmark - idk i think i just have to have this one very basic song that i like for some reason. this year it’s sand. it’s really pleasing for some reason. nothing special as i said but i like it

20. georgia - your token ethnic girl pop. and that’s exactly it, it is a good song in this particular genre. and for this exact reason i can’t rank it higher. it’s good enough for me to put it here. still i am hoping for a q firm grorgia like let’s be real they deserve it more than anyone (with latvia ofc)

21. finland - camp. just camp. some people say that you either love or hate it but really i think it’s just fine. it doesn’t throw me off with its weirdness but it doesn’t excite me in any way. it’s just a weird little song in the middle of my ranking. but we’ll see if europe thinks it’s too much or exactly what we need. i can see it nqing

22. latvia - it was their best shot at q (although i still kinda mourn “kur?” it was such a nice song) but idk if they’ll manage to do that. it’s a strong powerful entry, but it can get a little lost in this years mix. dons is an amazing vocalis and if we had juries in the semis i know they would appreciate this song but with current system i’m not so sure

23. france - another ok song. i don’t really like the yelling ballad type but i have to admit this is well made. i’m still hoping for the revamp

24. poland - we had better options but this is also fine. an ok pop song, that’s it

25. australia - it’s extremely dated, it gives 2016. but it kinda started growing on me???? i love the usage of the aboriginal instruments and language it’s something original and i’m here for that.

26. moldova - again it’s fine it’s ok. but it doesn’t stand out much. moldova didn’t have better options (expept tudor bumbac) but it’s a let down compared to previous years

27. uk - i had such high hopes looking at the names involved in this song but ultimately it’s a let down. i’d does nothing for me. it’s well made once again but it leaves with zero emotions. comes and goes. kinda sad that they brought such a big name and yet failed to bring an engaging song

28. austria - this is so cringy. girlie is telling me that we will rave and then pulls out the most 2002 eurodance drop known to humankind?????? i mean it’s a swedish reject and it shows. in a way it is fun but more because it’s funny. idk i don’t hate it i just have a beef with it

29. azerbaijan - i’m very happy to hear the azeri language finally debut on esc. but the song is fine at best and bland at worst.

30. czechia - i know there will be a revamp but i’m judging the current version. this saddens and a lot. aiko has so much potential and this song fails to showcase it. it’s very american pop rock esque but kinda on a budget. i wanted to se aiko on esc but not like this :((

31. malta - a few revamps too many. nothing special really, average girl pop.

32. germany - this sounds like a last place i’m sorry😭😭 they’re asking for to atp. the guy is a good vocalist but this song is stuck in 2014

33. cyprus - this is just lazy. when will the cypriot hod learn that by doing the same thing over and over again they won’t replicate their 2018 succès. that was a one time thing and buying more songs form sweden and giving them to people with vague connections to the county won’t do them any good.

34. albania - they just sabotaged themselves with this revamp. it wasn’t a particularly good song before but the english language killed any originality it had left

35. luxembourg - this is just really unfortunate. coming back after 30 years with not even a swedish reject but singing dug up from a swedish dumpster? kinda sad for them but that’s what you get for rejecting your artists ogriginal songs in favour for shwdish bought ones

36. iceland - what i a travel agency advertisement is this? it’s not even about bashar loosing, this song is just bad. the only one this year i can use that word for. luxembourg and albania are whatever but this is just unlistenable for me. hera bjork is an icon already she didn’t need a comeback especially not this one.

thank you for reading for anyone who managed to get this far. i still have many things to say about some songs and nf performances that happened while i was inactive on here. and maybe rant about the STUPID system changes that they want to implement. but i still won’t be watching esc this year. and i won’t be active on here during the esc week (exams) so i just wanted to say that this could’ve been the best esc year ever, with amazing songs visuals hosts etc. but ebu decided to use all that to promote a genocide. so instead of uniting in genocide i hope that the amazing artist of 2024 will unite in humanity and raise their voice against the atrocities that ebu decided to ignore for the sake of money

[eurovision-revisited]

2000 Stockholm - Number 2 - Raquel Alão - "De Ti Serei"

It's hard to say quite how much I love this song, in part because I don't understand the lyrics. I don't have them and my Portuguese comprehension is non-existent. A bigger part, is because I'm speechless with warm, happy feelings as De ti serei (I will be with you/I will be for you) makes my heart soar.

Raquel Alão has featured in my top 26s before with her only other other appearance at the Festival da Canção four years prior to this. She's a soprano, here in the early stages of her operatic career - and with a highly non-operatic song. From her purple onstage waterproofs to the conventionality of the song, you'd never guess that her main career would be performances of early choral works, opera, and a large classical repertoire - a huge distance away from the mainstream rock and pop charts.

In 2000 she's just graduating from her classical singing course at the Escola de Música do Conservatório Nacional - that voice has be sculpted to perfection.

I doubt that this song stretched her talent far, but its instrumentation full of rising yearning and passion hit home every time the central progression repeats. The magic here is not only from Raquel and her voice, but from the song-writing and arrangement. Its guitar introduction lays out the motif of the simple breathe-in rise and breathe-out fall chord sequence that cycles throughout the song. At all points you know where it's going and every time, you're just waiting for it to hit the heights in the middle of the chorus hook, before returning to home base

Raquel and her highly non-Eurovision related musical career may have been tempted back to the Festival da Canção, because this year Portugal is not at Eurovision - they were relegated last year but RTP went ahead and organised a FdC anyway - only eight songs, but songs of high quality - even if this is the only one that had made it into my countdown. There's a distinctly different air to it this year - perhaps down to those wanting to perform at Eurovision being absent.

That this song was put on second and only finished fourth should say something about the quality, and despite its result, I'm off to hold up my lighter/mobile and sway along to this set-closer with a little happy sob.

As this is the last time Raquel will appear, here's a clip of her in her more regular setting. This is Ihr habt nun Traurigkeit, by Brahms sung with Raquel as the solo soprano from 2014

[djretarded]

in honor of pride month. all the fags in fdc. notes under the cut

1.) jack still figuring himself out in all respects so idk where he'll be at in 5 years. his habit to copy the people he sees as cool (and throughout the story that is primarily steven + kodali, especially steven) means it could just be that, but.... jury is out.

2.) idek what to say about steven. overall the consensus is that he's aroace but that's. not necessarily 100% true. tbh they have bigger fish to fry. I can't see him being in a relationship at all nor feeling attraction to anyone. what went down with him and sawyer was one-sided on sawyer's part, even if steven went along with it. that's just bc he cared for sawyer. he/they pronouns btw.

3.) sawyer being bisexual is a little.... eh. I can't really see him being into any dudes, and steven isn't even really a dude like I don't consider them a man. and their situation is so deeply rooted into childhood that it's a personal thing, so that honestly trumps identity.

4.) in a world where raina lived I 100000% believe she and juliet would have dated. like they totally totally would have. they'd have started out as friends but then it would turn romantic ... tee-hee

5.) now I REALLY don't know what to say about lydia. obviously she's into men she's in love with one. I can't see her dating a woman BUT I can see her. idk man she's just a romantic and a flirt I can see her with just about anyone. probably bisexual. and canonically she isn't non-binary but I do like imagining her using she/they pronouns, partially bc I think it fits/she would like it, and also bc then she matches steven....

[aedee3]

Nobody asked for this, but here!

Wonderful Life: Smith and Burrows

I need a friend, oh I need a friend/To make me happy, not so alone.

2. Ocean of Night: Editors

This is your slow dance/And this is your chance to transform/Lost to a moment/The moment you confront the storm.

3. This Heart: Mary Lambert

What are you doing in these chambers? /And why are you sleeping in my ventricles?

4. Explosions: Ellie Goulding

And you've learnt/It's okay to be afraid/But it will never be the same.

5. Shine On You: Empara Mi

I take a braver stance and take a second look and see I'm hooked/On a familiar face/I'm pinned in a displaying case.

6. Flares: The Script

You are not alone, 'cause someone's out there/Sending out flares.

7. All I Wanted: Daughter

Oh, and I wonder why I'm not wanted.

8. My Friend: Hayley Williams

You've seen me from all sides/Still down for the ride.

9. Foreigner’s God: Hozier

Her eyes look sharp and steady/Into the empty parts of me.

10. Say My Name: Olafur Arnalds, Arnor Dan

Prove yourself to me/I'm the girl that you claim.

11. How Could I Have Known: Into the East

Is it only the worse kind of sailors you save?

12. Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up): Florence + The Machine

Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl/Frozen in the headlights/It seems I've made the final sacrifice.

13. King and Lionheart: Of Monsters and Men

But you're a king and I'm a lionheart/And as the world comes to an end/I'll be here to hold your hand.

14. Jackie and Wilson: Hozier

We'll steal her Lexus, be detectives/Ride 'round picking up clues.

15. Escape the Nest: Editors

The nights are longer now than ever before/But now you see the lights from the town.

16. Passenger Seat: Death Cab for Cutie

I roll the window down/And then begin to breathe in/The darkest country road.

17. Line of Fire: Junip

You're backed up against the wall/Step back from the line of fire

18. Yesterday Was Hard on All of Us: Fink

And how do we get out? /How do we move around with all these eyes on us?

19. Thousand Eyes: Of Monsters and Men

I'll be the calm/I will be quiet/Stripped to the bone, I wait.

20. Killer + The Sound: Phoebe Bridgers, Abby Gundersen, and Noah Gundersen

Can the killer in me tame the fire in you?/Is there nothing left to do for us?

21. Fire Drills: Dessa

I think a woman’s worth/I think that she deserves/A better line of work/Than motherfucking vigilance/Don’t give me vigilance.

22. Smoke: Ben Folds with the West Australian Symphony Orchestra

Here's an evening dark with shame/Throw it on the fire/Here's the time I took the blame/Throw it on the fire.

23. People Help the People: Cherry Ghost

I guess the loneliness came knocking/No one needs to be alone, oh singing/People help the people.

24. Hate to be Lame: Lizzy McAlpine and Finneas

It's always in the back of my mind/Maybe my mistakes are the reason/That I made it back to you in time.

25. I Lost a Friend: Finneas

And I'll be fine without him/But all I do is write about him/How the hell did I lose a friend I never had?

26. Lost in the Waves: Kooman and Diamond, Anderson Davis

A boy on his own by the undertow thrown/Far beyond his father's reach/He's caught in a riptide

[pagesofkenna]

ESC23 reactions to the first day rehearsal clips

Norway (Queen of the Kings) I love the costume, but I'm not sure if the choreography is really there. Looks like a similar performance to the Grand Prix, which is definitely cool, lots of power, but seems missing something strong enough to make it memorable after an hour of music

Malta (Dance (Our Own Party)) Looks like a step up from the MESC performance with the same goofy energy (though I don't like the camera effects in the MESC performance and hope they don't repeat them). Honestly, the goofy energy is winning me over, though both the song and performers are a bit too awkward for me to have much hope for

Serbia (Samo Mi Se Spava) Rehearsal clip doesn't show much except for him using the forwards stage which is a HUGE PLUS FOR ME!! Already love him. Looks very much the same as the SzE final performance which was weird and interesting and I loved it but cook do with some extra oomf

Latvia (Aijā) Same performance from Supernova, but it's kind of a cool look that fits the song? idk, I think this one is really growing on me, plus he uses the forward stage which is always a plus, but I don't think it's going to make a lasting impact?

Portugal (Ai Coração) Her dress is cool but everything else is a step down from her FdC performance?? The stage is so boring in comparison? I guess she looks like she's having fun at least lol

Ireland (We Are One) ...eh. A step up from the Eurosong performance but that's not saying much. The stairs are a goofy touch. He uses the forward stage. The glitter costume is weird. idk, I guess I liked the take the MV went with and they can't really recreate that on stage?

Croatia (Mama ŠČ) I'm just really not sold on the dictators in drag shtick, but confession time drag stuff doesn't really do it for me the rest of the time either. It looks like the boxed in stage isn't helping their act, though they're using the forward stage, which will help

Switzerland (Watergun) The choreography is working as an improvement to his PreParty performance, but since before he was just standing there that isn't saying much. I hope his voice can handle moving and singing at the same time. WTF is that costume. At least he's using the forward stage, maybe that will be more common this year (since the main stage is so boxed in)?

Moldova (Soarele Şi Luna) I love the costume direction but... why are there two women dancing when the song is about a man and his bride? Also, mixed feelings on the change from antlers to a horn (I kinda like it, looks more moon-ish, but idk the cultural context). I also find it funny that they were like 'gotta have a guy on stage dancing around with his flute'

Sweden (Tattoo) I'm so uninspired by this performance lmao. Looks exactly the same as her nationals. She'll get extra points for good placement and, idk, maybe actual Europeans are more here for this, but I'm not

[kanjukucompany]

【A3! Translation】 Sumeragi Tenma SR: Pride's Elegance (1/2)

PART 1 / PART 2

(translation under the cut)

To the Real Runway

TV: "♪~♪~"

Taichi: Huh? Ten-chan, what's that you’re watching--.

Taichi: Ah! Is this the Fashion Design Collection!?

Taichi: FDC, for short! The famous annual fashion show!

Tenma: Yeah, this is footage from last year's show.

Taichi: Uwah~! The models and their outfits both look so cool~!

Taichi: Are ya watching it as reference for our next play?

Tenma: Well, of course there's that too...

Tenma: But actually, It's because I'm going to be participating in it this year.

Taichi: EHH!? Seriously!?

Taichi: Ten-chan.... in the FDC....! So awesome...! That's the hottest actor of our time for ya!

Tenma: Hmph, I guess.

Taichi: Ten-chan, walking down the runway under all those lights... Woah~! I'm getting excited too!

Taichi: Hey, Ten-chan, could I watch you model for it?

Tenma: Yeah, sure.

Taichi: Yay~! Okay, I'm gonna do my best to learn from you so I can pull off a cool modeling scene!

Izumi: Alright, that's all for today’s practice.

Masumi: Got it.

Yuki: Good work.

Taichi: Good work, guys!

Tenma: Director, do you have a sec?

Izumi: Tenma-kun, what is it?

Tenma: I mentioned to you the other day that I'm going to be in a fashion show.

Tenma: I'm thinking about practicing my walk after practices, would you mind observing me sometimes?

Izumi: Of course, I don't mind.

Izumi: That said though, I'm not very experienced with model walks, I doubt I could give you any decent advice...

Tenma: No, there's things I wouldn't notice just on my own. I'd be happy if you could just give me your opinion from an audience's perspective.

Izumi: Okay, understood.

Izumi: Please take it easy since you're doing this right after practice, Tenma-kun.

Tenma: Yeah, I understand.

Tenma: When I'm absorbed in something though, time goes by quicker than I realize.

Tenma: I don't wear clothes like that much, so I'm still trying to figure out the best way to show them off.

Izumi: How to show your outfit... If that's your problem, don't you think there's someone more qualified for this than me?

Tenma: ....Oh, you're right. Guess I should ask him.

Yuki: ....Eh, you're gonna be in FDC?

Tenma: You're all too surprised. Is me modeling in FDC really that big of a shock....

Yuki: Quit your mumbling.

Yuki: So what is it? I'm guessing you didn't just say that to tell me you're going.

Tenma: Yeah....I'd like to get a designer's perspective.

Tenma: If I was modeling your clothes, could you give me some advice on how you would want me to go about it?

[sleepy-shutin]

(system community anon) honestly thank you, you just resonated with a lot of things i’ve felt since i figured out i’ve had DID but didn’t have the words to say or was kind of too scared to tbh. i started accepting my DID in later 2019, and started interacting with the online system community at a distance, and then when the pandemic hit i felt really isolated and stressed so i started seeking more friendships and connections with other systems but never really found them tbh. and honestly my opinion of why this is suddenly such a huge thing is primarily due to DID youtubers, particularly dissociaDID if you were also unfortunate enough to witness that whole situation go down. i think it’s youtube in particular because youtubers are sort of the big fandom (for lack of a better word) for a lot of teenagers rn, and the way the algorithm works on there in combination with clickbait can become a dumpster fire of misinfo very quickly. and then this spreads to system tik tok etc etc. but going further back i do think the release of split also has something to do with all of the sudden hypervisibility because that movie i think marked a huge uproar among DIDOSDD systems (rightfully) so there was more of a push for accurate information and representation, but then it’s kind of like the wrong voices were uplifted for the wrong reasons. and then ofc i think this was all exacerbated by the pandemic. sorry to drop another novel in your inbox lmao but i completely agree honestly. i just wish the system community would realize that anyone trying to spread scientific information about DIDOSDD is completely pro-psych or, like, a fakeclaimer or r/fakedisordercringe user or something like that.

yeah, dissociaDID in particular definitely has a hand in everything, for sure. her newest videos just make me recoil.

shockingly though, people like fragmentedpsyche, multiplicity & me, the entropy system if you remember them, etc, have been pretty good resources on DID. but dissociaDID just got the most popular, with her makeup and clickbait and constant milking of all kinds of drama. i used to be a fan of hers back in the day, actually, before shit hit the fan. still wouldn't recommend her even back then, though. she was always spreading misinformation.

yeah, things like tiktok, split, twitter, the pandemic, confusing teenager feelings, etc, all came together to create the perfect storm of massive amounts of DID misinformation.

and yeah--i'm not an FDC user for correcting misinfo or using clinical sources. FDC is a massive proponent of misinformation on DID, lol. i go there to correct misinformation on DID, and then i get downvoted even when i provide sources, lmao.

but sooo many people are just, like, not receptive at all to corrections on misinformation.

i'm so tired, man 😭

[tempesttz]

you see the thing here is that analogy doesn't work here because pro endos don't tell anti endos to kill themselves frequently (if we do not count the fringe outliers). it's not bigoted. it's a middle school insult at best.

op is likely responding to seeing a lot of fucked up things said about people by saying something rude about that group of people saying fucked up things about people.

if you swapped "anti-endo" for "someone who posts on or engages with r/FDC or r/systemscringe," would you still disagree the OP would still be fine to vent? or would that suddenly be a group Mean Enough To Be Mean To? "these people say really awful things. i think they're a plague on the community and am expressing heavy distaste for them" "BIGOTED!"

can we not water down that word please

As a reminder: Anti-Endos can go fuck themselves, I don't like you and I never will. We will never be friends, you're a fucking plague on the community and I hate you. Fix your fucking hearts. Sincerely, a traumagenic system.

[mhdiaries]

Freak Du Chic Gooliope Jellington Diary

5, April

“Family Night” at Freak du Chic is always a little bittersweet for me. On the one claw it’s a joy to sometimes see three or four generations of a family sitting together and enjoying the show, but on the other I know that it is something I will probably never experience. Of course, I never say anything to any of the other performers because I know it would hurt their feelings. In fact, just tonight I heard Jitterwing say to one of the customers, “Oh, that’s Gooliope. She’s the Ringmaster’s daughter, but every monster on the midway claims her as their own.” When I heard that it made me feel I was being ungrateful for the unlife I have, but when the show closed and everything was quiet and still, I came back to my tent and opened my trunk. There, inside the glass jar that was my first “crib” is a well-worn note. I always expect it to say something different, to mysteriously change and tell me something it didn’t before, but it never does. On one side is typed:

Experiment 816 Batch 8708

And on the other side is:

To Whom It May Concern: A cold, sterile world is no place to raise a little goo. I can give her everything, except a community where the only thing about her that will ever be measured is the size of her heart. I know that you can give her the unlife I cannot.  Sincerely, R.S.

One day maybe I will find R.S., or maybe R.S. will come and find me. Until then then note goes back into the jar, the jar goes back in the trunk, and I will try to go to sleep, for tomorrow everything must be broken down and packed to move. Then it’s on to the next location with my family.

9, April

I have heard that when unlife gets creepy crazy, some monsters threaten to “run away and join the circus.” I think if they knew what unlife in the circus was really like they would threaten to “run away and join a team of dragon dentists” or something equally eventful. I guess I don’t blame them, though; the Freak du Chic really is quite magical when there are daring acts under the big top and the midway is hopping; when the cadence calls of the pitch monsters ring and the deadlicious smells of scarnival treats rill the air. Then there’s the excitement of travel. Moving from town to town, seeing new scenery and constantly meeting new monsters does have an adventurous mystique about it. But... it takes hours and hours of practice to make those daring acts look flawless, and our audiences never see the bumps, bruises and sprains that come before the perfection. Yes, scarnival food is indeed clawesome, but there are only so many fried cheese stuffed pies on a stick you can eat before all you really want is an apple. Traveling can be exciting, if you can actually stay awake long enough to see the scenery between stops. I mean, after we’ve finished packing tents and wagons and rides and concessions, and everything else that makes the Freak du Chic what is is, being able to sleep is a real treat. In fact, I think I’ll treat myself now before we get to the next location and the magic and adventure start all over again.

12, April

Today the show was “dark,” so some of the crew went into the local town to get some supplies. They asked me if I wanted to go, but I said I had homework to catch up on so I couldn’t. When I was just a little goo I loved making those trips into town, but I wasn’t very little for very long, and now that I’m 15 feet 2 inches tall it’s impossible to be inconspicuous. It was scary sweet of them to ask, but I really never feel comfortable away from the scarnival. I guess I don’t mind so much when monsters stare at me during the shows because that’s part of the reason they come to Freak du Chic. Here, I’m a performer; out there I’m an oddity.

18, April

Today is my birthday and no one acknowledged it. I spent the whole day trying to convince myself that it was okay that no one remembered, but I wasn’t doing a very good job of it. I just kept thinking that somebody would SAY SOMETHING, and when no one did I went back to my tent and threw myself a pity party. It was a good one, too, complete with “no one loves me” and “who needs a stupid 16th birthday anyway?” I was even getting ready to unwrap “if they don’t appreciate me here I’ll just go find someplace where they do” when the FDC emergency siren went off. It didn’t take me long to forget about myself, because that alarm is only sounded when every monster’s help is needed. I ran as fast as I could to the place where we were all supposed to gather in an emergency, but when I got there no one else was around. Then the lights went out and I was like, “What’s going on?” That’s when I noticed candles coming towards me through the darkness. The candles, of course, were on a ginormous birthday cake. As it got closer I could see that Dad and Mom were carrying the cake, and behind them came everyone else, and they began to sing “Happy Birthday.” I was so surprised that I almost started crying. Dad and Mom said, “You didn’t think we forgot your birthday, did you?” I had to admit maybe just a little bit. I got some scary cool presents, too! The scarousel monster gave me a killer pair of shoes with horses for heels and a callope hair comb. The tent monster and seamstress used canvas and sillk to create a beautiful dress and epaulettes just my size. The wagon monster and blacksmith gave me earrings made from wheels. The clowns got me two ginormous jars of my favorite gummy candy. Actually, only one of the jars had candy; the other was a trick jar that shot out spring-loaded bats. Clowns. Finally, Dad and Mom gave me a necklace with an 816 pendant. Then I really did choke up. They are the best parents any goo ever had, and I’m so grateful to be a part of this family. It was the BEAST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.

1, May

Dad has a big map of the wall of his ringmaster’s trailer. He uses different colored pins to show where we’re going, where we’ve been, and even a color for places on his “casket list.” This year he was able to change one of those out for a “place we’re going” pin. The place is Monster High. Dad said he’d always wanted to take the show there, but the schedule could never be worked out. This year one of the towns where we usually play canceled because a giant sinkhole opened up under their scare grounds, so now we’re going to Monster High! Dad says we’ll be there for two weeks, and he thinks that we should make enough money to repair and upgrade a lot of our equipment during the off-season. I really hope that it turns out like he hopes because I know he’s been worried lately, although he would never admit it.

10, May

When it comes to working around here, there really can’t be any dead weight; because if one monster doesn’t do their job it means someone else has to work twice as hard to pick up the slack. That’s never been a problem with our crew. In fact, most of the time whenever someone finishes the work they’re supposed to do, they go and find someone else to help. So when monsters started coming down with the boo flu we all just did what was natural. Even so, we were down to a skeleton crew when we put up the tents this morning. After that they all pretty much crashed. This is the first time we’ll be performing at Monster High and it’s a big show for us, especially since it’s the last one before we take a break for the year. I guess I should be thankful I was born in a lab, because I never get sick and I’ve been able to help take care of everyone. Only... I’m starting to worry that without some help the show might not groan on. So I’ve made up my mind that in the morning I am going to go find some help. The very thought of it makes my entire body feel wobbly, but there are monsters that I love who are counting on me and I will not let my family down. 

[eurosong]

Undo my ESC - 2019, SF1

Hello there, folks, and welcome to the first part of Undo my ESC, where I take a look at the field this year and, for each country, make a feasible change – as small as, for example, minor tinkerings with the staging, or as big as a different song completely winning a national final. It’s all light-hearted and just my opinion, of course. Allons-y... Cyprus: We start off completely in the deep end. I loathe “Fuego”, and this repackaged Fue2.0 is no better and is indeed perhaps worse to me given that I hate desperate attempts to catch lightning in the same jar. I also find Tamta a very unsympathetic character. I don’t know what I’d do to improve this, other than replace the internal selection with a national final with some songs actually in Greek and with local character. Montenegro: Things do not improve... but at least the solution is easier! Montenegro had a decent national final in which literally any other song would have been a better choice. I particularly liked “Nevinost”, and so did the unfortunately out-voted expert jury, so would be tempted to give D mol’s ticket to Tel Aviv to its artist, Ivana Popović, instead. I do find D mol to be sweet kids though, so the other part of me would be sad to rob them of their time in the limelight and would instead have taken the 90s throwback and bizarre random background sound elements out of their song, replaced the score with one that emphasised the traditional musical elements, and kept the lyrics in Montenegrin.

Finland: Three strikes and I am almost out. I really struggle with the new UMK format – I understand the logic behind it, just as I did when it was a thing in the UK in the early 90s, but I think it only really works if an artist has a wide-ranging repertoire. If not, then you end up with 3 samey songs that only appeal to people who like the music styles that artist makes. I’m not an EDM fan and I would have taken the relative flop of Saara Aalto last year as indication to return to a multi-artist UMK. Plenty of artists from previous years who could be worth a spot in one such.

Poland: I was disappointed by the disappearance of Poland’s national final, but I can’t say I was too surprised after a few underperforming years. I have to commend the Polish broadcasters for going for something popular within their own country, without being overly preöccupied as to how it would play outwith their borders. Pali się is one of those entries that I don’t like much but which I respect. My changes would be to remove the pointless English intro and outro, which, if one were not paying attention, one might not notice actually being in English. I’d also try to make the song a little less linear, as the song feels mostly confined to one pace.

Slovenia: Finally, we come to a country where I can change next to nothing. Many people I know were disappointed that “Kaos” was not elected as the Slovenes’ song. Whilst I found it an earworm, I really didn’t like her haughty, “I’m only in EMA to promote my new disc” attitude – and I really preferred the delectable, contemplative and intimate “Sebi.” It’s pure elegance in simplicity, and I wouldn’t need to change a thing.

Czechia: I appreciate the Czechs’ creätive way of bypassing the expenses of a traditional national final – whilst still giving fans a choice – by holding their selection online. Really cute this year was the way they tried to equalise differences in funding by making the candidates’ official video be a low-budget affair filmed in their flats. I liked quite a few songs of their selection, with the eventual winner, “Friend of a friend”, middle of my rankings. I would, of course, opt for my #1 of the NF to win instead, the delightful slice of “Bohemiana del Rey” style that was “True Colours.”

Hungary: Hungary’s A Dal has the cachet to attract a number of returning artists, so it was not surprising that, eventually, it would be won by someone who’d triumphed before – and I’m delighted it was Joci Papái, one of the biggest revelations of the Hungarian NFs for me. Yet, as is often the case with folk coming back to take a second bite of the cherry, the sophomore effort comes short of the first – “Az én apám” is lovely, touching, but lacks the bite and edge that “Origo” had. I might have JP come second and hopefully return for a second victory in 2020/1 with something a bit stronger, and send in his place the soaring but melancholic “Madár, repülj”.

Belarus: Life is too short to do some things, and whilst I try to listen to pretty much every national final song, one of the things life is too short for is intensively following the Belarusian national finals with their hundred-odd auditions. I saw a few, though, and they were a rum lot. Musically, Aura’s touching “Čaravala” was probably the best of those I heard – but was also strangely won over by the unpretentious, fun ode to tubers that was “Potato, aka Buľba” and depending on my mood, I might give it the nod either.

Serbia: Beovizija had a great lineüp yet again, and there were a number of songs I would have been happy to have gotten the win, including the eventual winner, but also those of Saška Janks, Extra Nena and Ivana Vladović. The latter’s beautiful “Moja bol”, with strings to die for, was my favourite on the night, but in retrospect, I’m not sure I’d replace the equally stunning “Kruna.” I’d be tempted to send it in its acoustic version though, where Nevena’s lovely voice stands out even better.

Belgium: Ô, Belgium. I adored “City Lights”, and so my expectations were really high. This is nice enough, but a bit beige, and doesn’t quite deliver, especially the way the enjoyably tense verses lead to an anticlimactically limp chorus. I’d change that with something that actually feels like a pay off to the verses and the Walloons would have a better shot of shining again.

Georgia: I have to say that, once again, I find myself being one of the few people I know who has some love for Georgia. Whilst it wasn’t truly my cup of tea, I appreciated and enjoyed Iriao’s song last year on some level, and the same is true of Oto’s – he has a powerful voice and it’s a strong, if rather unsettling song. I think, though, that I prefer the darkly ethereal Sevdisperi zgva, which sounds like what I imagine would result if Björk were tasked to write a Bond tune.

Australia: After a few years of rumours, Oz finally jumped on the national final train, and, credit where it is due, it was one of the most intriguing national finals of the year. It was as if SBS had decided to atone for its aggressively MOR pop picks of previous years by actually showcasing some musical diversity. Unlike a lot of folk, I don’t dislike “Zero gravity” – it has a meaningful lyrical background and some quirky charm. But there’s no question about whether I would replace it and with what. I still get chills every time I listen to “2000 and Whatever” – the sheer, irrepressible burst of positive energy and the power of its “kulila miranyi” still give me goosebumps. Damn straight one of the best song of the entire year.

Iceland: Given the amount of hype Hatari have received – and how fans flooded videos of its competitors with comments about how they shouldn’t “fuck up” by picking them instead – I may be one of the very few who would change the result there. Yet, I almost definitely would, even though I typically like lesser-heard genres at Eurovision and like the heavier, industrial musical style. And yet, I find this quite trying. It seems like a very knowing, art school student pastiche and I’m not here for their “above the contest” feel or the BDSM gimmickry. I’d be tempted to replace this with the low-key but lovely “Hvað ef ég get ekki elskað”, or to at least pare back the OTT disdainful irony.

Estonia: It feels almost like another era when I was a firm exponent of the idea of Eesti being Beesti. Three years of immense disappointments will quench that type of fire. Whilst leaving behind the stunning Spirit Animal in 2017 and opting for a generic poperatic vocal exercise in 2018 were excruciating, this might be the biggest let down yet – a land of so many talented musicians having to rely on an Avicii pastiche sang with no small difficulty by a reedy-voiced Swede. I found Eesti Laul very slim pickings this year, and found the other two frontrunners to be rather bland too – even the delightful Sandra Nurmsalu came with a tune that, whilst pleasant, sounded less nomadic epic and more toilet tissue commercial backing track. I would have gone for Kadiah’s delicate “Believe” as my pick instead.

Portugal: FdC was once again one of the best national finals, and the one for whose result I was perhaps most anxious. There were a few songs I really liked, like “Pugna”, “Mais brilhante...” and “Inércia”, but when the dust settled, there was only one song I wanted to see winning – “Telemóveis,” of course, which I was delighted to see prevail. I have some real worries about the bizarre staging distracting from the message and emotional power of the song, though. There’s so much going on, and it might be enough to push people from being entranced to being weirded out. I’d get rid of the spoons, sort out the clothes and try to make things impressive without being so extra.

Greece: I actually really like Greece this year, even if I’m still pissed off at what they did to “Don’t forget the sun” in their dubiously axed national final last year. Her voice is beautiful, the music is uplifting and anthemic, the æsthetic is curious and a bit culty, but at least memorable. The one thing I don’t like? The lyrics, which sound like a bunch of motivational Instagram quote clichés loosely knitted together. Sing something actually meaningful, preferably in Greek.

San Marino: Lord, I’m not going to start because if I do, I shan’t stop. All I’ll say is that San Marino’s “troll nation” status is wearing thin for me. Unbelievably, hundreds of talented people came out in numbers last year willing to represent them, and yet they went with a song written supposedly in 5 minutes but probably in half that. I’d have invited Sara de Blue back instead to make up for the bizarre fiasco that was last year’s 1in360. And the automatic qualifiers:

France: If France’s national delegation aren’t rethinking their voting system after this year, then they ought to be. It’s the opposite of Sweden, where the juries really have the power and the televote is scattered – all you need is a frenzied following to overturn a low jury placement. I liked a great number of Destination Eurovision’s selection this year. I would have taken pretty much ány single one of them over the snivelling, bombastic, self-aggrandising drivel that is Roi. With regards to what to send in its place, I’m torn between the powerful “Là haut”; the adorably, quintessentially French “Allez leur dire”; or the energetic, indefatigable earworm that was “On cherche encore”.

Israel: Boy howdy, Israel sure want to do their level best to avoid fluking a 1979 and winning on home ground, eh? I heard there were many big names who sent songs in, though I’m unsure if any of them would have helped to make the stormy Kobi seem more sympathetic. I think I would have opted to let Ketreyah perform for the hosts instead.

Spain: After a great national final last year, I was really disappointed with the subpar quality of the so-called eurotemazos which were anything but. Miki’s song was the best of a bad lot and at least he didn’t have the hideously negative attitude some of the other people, who seemed surprised and aghast that the winner of a contest related to Eurovision could end up performing there. I’d try to give Miki a song that matched his energy with at least a bit more lyrical depth.

Join me in some days when I evaluate what I would change with SF2!