#doubt I'll sleep but still
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pope-posts · 1 year ago
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Have a good night, lovelies. Spam y'all with posts tomorrow night 😴
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vaguely-concerned · 7 days ago
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my capacity to see a bad fandom take and just blithely say 'okay! I disagree' internally and move on because it's not my responsibility or concern that someone else thinks that has leveled up so tremendously over the years. I haven't quite escaped the pit of misery yet but I think I'm getting there
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gardensnakie · 1 month ago
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How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3
Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.
#my father is upset today too cause I couldn't hang out with him#I talked to a social worker at school a few days ago just for check in and in my opinion I still feel bad even talking to her#it's been a rough week and I'm not sure what to do except deal with it and move on#I like to draw still#I dont want to get tired of it#I mean at least I'm doing productive things like laundry and showering#I'm gonna have spaghetti today that's a good thing#I'll have clean sheets for my bed that's good too#I got presents a day earlier and that's good#I like listing the positives#It kinda gives me ideas for writing#I really wanna eat all these positive things i mean the feeling it gives me in itself#I really love the good things I don't ever want to lose them#I'm actually gonna try to make a doll bunny today#I got dug up old fabrics in my room so I can experiment with something new#I'd list more good things but I'd sound kinda weird doing that in the tags#I should probably journal again but my mind blanks when I try but I'll figure it out#I mean poetry and fanfiction is always an outlet#I gotta practice that more often#There still a ways to go in life so obviously it'll change eventually it always does#And it's only one of many weeks so I can't be too doubtful#It can't always be the worst#Feeling the same feels awful#No matter the emotion it kinda turns numb if you feel it long enough#Days are always changing though since everybody is doing different things everyday all the time#Like most say 'it gets better' eventually#I guess I can wait for a good day#I have no choice sooo I'll let whatever happen#Well technically I can make it happen#I'll feel better when I made myself dinner and cleaned my bed and put away my laundry and put on fuzzy socks and go to sleep
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aaron-is-comatose · 2 months ago
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I saw a 12:34 on the clock just now, that was for you
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lesenbyan · 3 months ago
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The manic calculation of "I'm tired but if I sleep will I lose the mania? If I stay up all night with fatigue overpower it? Can I even go to bed? Do I need to listen to Lemon Drop 10000x?"
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sherlock-is-ace · 3 months ago
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#i doubt i'll be able to sleep now because i am full or rage right now and i want to go murder my father#that said... i am feeling better than last night when i couldn't pinpoint my emotions lol#last night i was worried i wasn't sad/worried enough and thus not normal#tonight i'm planning murder so i know i can still feel shit sjnfjsg#anyways my entire body is boiling hot and my head hurts now so that's not fun but whatever#i wish death upon my father and my uncle can go eat shit too (although I have no proof to justify those feelings lol)#i have no family... none#my aunt and uncle from one side are the shittiest people i have ever met and their son is a monster#my father is the most pathetic little worm on the face of the earth who sometimes manages to conjure up feelings in me#feelings of hate and rage#my uncle on that side is another pathetic little useless man who doesn't really conjure up any feelings in me#my grandma is dying but even when she was alive she had what i can only assume were mental health problems which made her push everyone away#the rest of the grandparents are dead#the only woman in my family who had some amount of kindness and love was my grandma from my stupid ass father's side#and i sadly didn't appreciate her enough while she was living :/#that's it... the only loving kind and understanding people left are my mom and my brother...#it's us three against the fucking world huh?#fuck that's depressing...#anyways...#i'm gonna try to distract myself with other shit until I can't be awake anymore#fingers crossed that happens soon (and that i die in my sleep)#angel talks#personal
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incorrectpizza · 11 months ago
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📓
So, I have a SWR Modern AU that has lived rent free in my head for the past...four years? It's pretty self-indulgent (why the kriff would anyone have a journalism AU if they weren't obsessed with journalism?) and idk if it will ever get written for a large variety of reasons.
Hera's a journalist at Phoenix Press, a paper that does a lot of deep-dive, important investigative work on the corrupt government.
Kanan's an ex-con and her best informant. They get coffee every Friday morning, whether he has new intel or not. They are definitely not dating.
Zeb's a good cop in a world of very, very corrupt cops (including Kallus). He's friends with Hera, provides her with tips once in a while.
Sabine becomes the secretary/office assistant at Phoenix Press after her parents kick her out for refusing to take up a military career and instead pursuing art/photography/writing.
Ezra's a street rat who Kanan sends Hera's way because he knows she needs a paper boy who can sneak around and hand-deliver newspapers.
Chopper's a stray cat who's decided Hera's his mom. She rolls with it.
Sabine moves in with Hera shortly after she signed up for the job. Her parents aren't willing to finance her college education if she's not in ROTC, which completely conflicted with Painting II. She takes a few classes on the side while working on office management/chaos control.
Next to move in is Zeb. He crashes on Hera's couch after being kicked out of the police department.
Then Ezra comes into the picture. Hera finds him a bunk bed so he doesn't have to sleep on the streets.
Cue an 11 p.m. call from Officer Kallus at the police station saying there's a very drunk Kanan Jarrus there who says Hera Syndulla will pick him up. Zeb gets kicked off the couch and onto the other bunk.
And that's how the entire Ghost crew ends up living in Hera's apartment, fighting bad government and facism with words rather than war.
(Ezra has a meet-cute crush on Sabine that diminishes the same as canon but is it gone forever? Who knows)
(Oh Ahsoka's the editor of the paper and Bail's the publisher)
(Not many other characters' roles are decided)
(ALSO the sleeping arrangements in the apartment are. So stupid. And it takes until Hera's pregnant with Jacen for Kanan to move into her room and off the couch)
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daz4i · 10 months ago
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how to stop thinking any good thing someone says to you (like compliments or being proud of you or other positive expressions such as these) is a lie just to be polite or bc they're biased and thus can't judge you work and your being objectively bc they love you. asking for a friend
#lovebombing won't work on me i will automatically assume there is an ulterior motive there#i may be off on what it is. but i won't trust it either anyway#(joking btw ik i'm not immune to abuse tactics. that's actually part of why i'm vigilant to all that i think)#(but not only)#i think my main issue is i know in my heart these things can't be right. the bigger the compliment the less i believe it#bc i'm below average and so is anything i create. propping it (and me) up as smth unique feels disingenuous#in my heart i do want this like i wanna be told nice things but they usually make me feel worse lol#bc i still think i'm shit and now i feel like i can't trust that person either.#(still. if someone is mean to me or even just harsh instead. i will cry)#also while this is already very deep and digging into my core the next tags are gonna dig into therapy level deepness lol#i think this is actually why i only want ppl to be sexually attracted to me honestly#smth abt it being like. a physical reaction. makes it easier to believe for me#also smth you can express smth you can do to prove it beyond just saying words#(i will sometimes still doubt it when i have a steady partner of any sort lol like i'll ask if they just indulge me or actually want it)#which is why it's fucking me up sm that i'm getting uglier 🥲 i'm already not great - being trans and fat limits a lot of your options - but#things are getting even worse lol 🥲 who knew that was even possible#all this isn't really a very good base to stop hating yourself. so my self loathing is only getting worse every day#thus making any good word harder to believe. and the cycle continues#. yknow when i started typing this post i did not expect to go on for this long#i am on these sleeping pills that make me lose my filter i'm sorry 😔#vent
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geddy-leesbian · 1 year ago
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partied hard last night. woke up with a chocolate chip melted on my boob
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dykethang · 1 year ago
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everyone in this hospital thinks i am insane for leaving my curtains open at night but like. why wouldn't i. i'm 2 stories up looking over the park and a nice road. i can carwatch. why Wouldn't I
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waterfallofspace · 2 years ago
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Hello. I am here to say that I am still absolutely insanely out of my mind every time I think about or rewatch D/abi's dance scene.
I know I haven't written him yet, but I absolutely will, and my love for him runs deep. But I just wanted to say that the image of him peering through his hair has been stuck in my head and I am losing it.
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I have included this image of said pose for your convivence. He has no. right. to look so good here. That is all, thank you for your time <3
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astrxealis · 2 years ago
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mobile tumblr's new format what the fuck!
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musical-chick-13 · 24 days ago
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 7 months ago
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I keep thinkin please stop fucking w/ my head but rly I think I'm just doin all I can to make it last
#i know the crash is inevitable. i know this isn't real#don't know what the fuck it is he wants from me now but i know it ain't just this#didn't see him last night but for days now he's just been. so gentle w/ me. sweeter than he's ever been.#barely a week since he admitted he hates me#n now suddenly it's all did you take your meds i'm happy you're eating better don't worry about that baby you need to sleep#he's taken back damn near every nasty thing he's said to me n i know he's just talkin but. i feel better about myself than ever#i feel pretty i feel wanted i feel like i'm a _person_ instead of just....an object a body a toy#he asks before doin anything n doesn't push if i say no#though that might just be cause he's figured out him takin no for an answer is usually enough to get me goin anyway.......#but. he's still so patient.#i'll be playin my phone games for hours n he's just there kissin my neck occasionally remindin me i probably really should try to sleep soon#i don't know what the fuck this is n i'm really scared of when he gets tired of the charade. or decides he's got me in deep enough#is he just buildin me up so he can tear me down or is there an actual plan#i don't know if i'm gonna survive it this time. maybe that's the plan. break me for good n then mold me into whatever he wants#.....if he kept treatin me like this i think i'd just become w/e he asked me to anyway#though i doubt it'd last no matter what i did#it never does the game's rigged i know that i know i know#but FUCK#it's been goin on for days now it never lasts more than one or two#spdrvent
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Find shovels find shovels find shovels
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jungwnies · 20 days ago
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TIKTOK TREND WITH YOUR F1 BOYFRIEND | "suspect...."
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୨ৎ : featuring : max verstappen, lewis hamilton, george russell, carlos sainz, charles leclerc, lando norris, oscar piastri ୨ৎ : synopsis : "suspect..." trend
୨ৎ : genre : humor ୨ৎ : tws : teasing ୨ৎ : word count : 2344
୨ masterlist ৎ
ᡣ𐭩 a/n : race weekend !!
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ʚ・max verstappen
you and max had just finished dinner, comfortably tangled up on the couch, your legs draped over his lap. you were scrolling through tiktok, barely paying attention, until a trend made you grin. a couple was chasing each other, shouting their most embarrassing secrets. you nudged max, holding up your phone.
"this feels very us," you teased.
he glanced at the screen, smirking. "you just wanna air my dirty laundry, huh?"
"and yours is so juicy," you shot back. "come on, let's do it."
outside under the porch light, you hit record. the night air was crisp, but max was already loosening up, stretching like he was about to hit the track. "i'll go first," you announced, and before you could blink, max bolted.
"suspect has lucky race underwear and acts like it's the end of the world if they're missing!" you yelled, chasing after him.
he whipped around, laughing so hard he nearly tripped. "okay, rude! that's classified intel."
you handed him the phone as you jogged ahead. "your turn."
max didn't hesitate. "suspect raids the pantry at 3 a.m. like a gremlin and blames it on 'sleepwalking.'"
"i do sleepwalk!" you gasped, laughing as he sprinted closer.
you grabbed the phone back, turning the camera on him. "suspect sings way too passionately to abba in the shower and denies it when I catch him."
max froze mid-step, glaring playfully. "low blow." then, with a grin, he snatched the phone and chased you down the driveway.
"suspect still sleeps with a stuffed panda named mr. wuffles—and argues with him like he's real."
you shrieked, lunging for the camera, tackling max to the ground. the two of you collapsed in a heap of laughter, the phone still recording as you tried to catch your breath.
"mr. wuffles doesn't deserve this slander," you mumbled into his shoulder.
max grinned, brushing hair out of your face. "neither do my lucky boxers."
ʚ・lewis hamilton
you and lewis were lounging by the pool under a canopy of string lights, the cool night breeze carrying the soft ripple of water. roscoe was stretched out on a lounge chair, his head resting on a cushion like he owned the place. lewis was reclined next to you, scrolling through his phone, his fingers absently drumming to the beat of the music playing from a nearby speaker.
you were curled up with your phone, scrolling through tiktok when a trend made you snort—a couple chasing each other, shouting out each other’s most embarrassing quirks. you nudged lewis, holding the screen up for him to see.
“this feels like something you’d absolutely crush me at,” you said, laughing.
he glanced over, his lips curving into that playful smile that made your stomach flip. “oh, no doubt. but do you really wanna go there?”
you grinned, hopping off the lounge chair. “game on.”
lewis chuckled, setting his phone down and standing up, stretching like he was warming up for a race. roscoe gave a sleepy glance but didn’t move.
“ladies first,” lewis said, gesturing dramatically.
you hit record, backing away as he smirked. “suspect can’t go two days without FaceTiming roscoe when he’s away, and yes, he gives him motivational speeches.”
lewis burst into laughter, jogging after you. “don’t call me out like that—roscoe’s a star athlete in his own right!” he grabbed the camera and started walking backward. “alright, my turn.”
you crossed your arms, pretending to look unfazed as he started recording. “suspect spends more time perfecting their smoothie recipes than I spend in the gym. and they still taste like fruit soup.”
you gasped, laughing as you chased him across the patio. “they’re healthy! and delicious!”
“sure, chef,” he teased, holding the camera high above your head.
you managed to snatch it back, breathless. “suspect has an alarm on his phone labeled ‘manifest greatness,’ and I caught him chanting along to it last week.”
lewis stopped, doubling over in laughter. “okay, first of all, it works!” he protested, grabbing the camera back. “but suspect won’t admit they cried during a kids movie last weekend.”
“it was Marley & Me! what do you want from me?!” you shrieked, laughing so hard you stumbled.
roscoe finally lifted his head, giving you both a look of mild disapproval before going back to sleep. the two of you collapsed on the pool deck, gasping for air as the camera captured your laughter under the lights.
ʚ・george russell
you and george were out in the garden under the string lights, leaning against the picnic table as the evening settled in. you were scrolling through tiktok when a video of a couple exposing each other’s quirks made you laugh.
“think you could handle this?” you asked, showing george.
he smirked. “you’re playing a dangerous game.”
you hit record and stepped back. “suspect triple-checks his hair in every mirror before leaving the house, even for groceries.”
george laughed, jogging after you. “it’s called standards,” he countered, grabbing the phone. “suspect once demanded a rematch at mini golf because the wind was ‘unfair.’”
“it was!” you protested, chasing him.
snatching the phone back, you grinned. “suspect listens to dramatic orchestra scores like they’re in a movie montage.”
he groaned, laughing. “oh hush! suspect talks in their sleep about ordering pizza and existential philosophy.”
you gasped, collapsing onto the bench in laughter as george sat beside you, flipping the camera toward you both.
“lesson learned?” he teased.
“you’re obsessive,” you said.
“and you’re chaos,” he shot back with a grin.
“and yet, it works,” you replied, leaning into him as he ended the video.
ʚ・carlos sainz
you and carlos had just finished a game of tennis in the backyard, both of you sweating and laughing as you collapsed onto the grass. the sky was fading into a deep blue, the evening still warm. carlos tossed his racket aside, stretching with a satisfied groan, while you grabbed your water bottle.
“you know, i think i’ve got you beat this time,” you said, grinning between sips.
“you wish, mi amor,” carlos laughed, shaking his head. “i let you win on purpose. i’m a gentleman.”
“uh-huh, sure, whatever helps you sleep at night,” you teased.
you pulled out your phone, noticing a trend on tiktok—a couple running around, calling out each other’s quirks. you nudged him, showing him the video.
“come on, let’s do it. i bet you’ve got some embarrassing stuff to share,” you said.
“oh, i’m sure you’ve got more embarrassing things than me,” he grinned. “alright, let’s do it. i’m ready.”
you hit record, stepping back with a playful smirk. “suspect uses way too many spices when cooking and ends up burning half the meal every time.”
carlos laughed, raising his hands in defense. “hey, a little smoky flavor never hurt anyone!” he grabbed the phone and pointed it at you. “suspect always loses their keys and blames it on me, even when i’m nowhere near them.”
“because you always steal them!” you shot back, chasing him around the yard.
he stopped, turning to face you. “suspect watches motivational videos, then complains about doing chores two minutes later,” he teased, laughing.
you gasped, nearly dropping the phone. “i’m just… i’m saving my energy for the important stuff!”
carlos smirked, taking the phone back. “suspect can’t make it through a single movie without falling asleep halfway through. i’ve seen it!”
“i’m relaxing, okay?” you said, laughing as you tried to catch up with him.
carlos finally collapsed next to you on the grass, both of you laughing, as he turned the camera toward you both.
“well, that was fun, amor,” he said, grinning.
“you’re a menace,” you teased.
“and you love me for it,” he replied with a wink, before ending the video.
ʚ・charles leclerc
you and charles were in the kitchen, the scent of fresh-baked cookies filling the air as you waited for them to finish baking. with the oven timer ticking down, you two decided to kill time. charles was leaning against the doorframe of the hallway, his dog leo sprawled out on the floor at his feet, looking up at you both with a relaxed expression.
“okay, so what should we do while we wait, mon chéri?” charles asked, his gaze playful. “i’m not just gonna stand here, you know.”
you grinned, glancing around the hallway. “well, we could always play that tiktok game i showed you last week. i bet you’ve got some embarrassing habits i can call out.”
charles raised an eyebrow, glancing at leo, who was lazily licking his paws. “you think i’m embarrassed by anything?”
“oh, definitely,” you teased, pulling out your phone. “you’ve got some quirks.”
“alright, fine,” he grinned, crossing his arms. “let’s do it, but no making fun of me too much, mon amour.” he tells you kissing the top of your head before you both make your way to the hallway. 
you hit record, stepping back with a smirk. “suspect has a very specific routine for his coffee, and gets very upset if it’s made wrong.”
charles laughed, shaking his head. “that’s not a secret, amour. i like my coffee just right, nothing wrong with that.” he grabbed the phone and pointed it at you. “suspect spends way too much time scrolling through food videos but never actually cooks anything.”
“hey!” you protested, laughing. “i get inspiration!”
“ah, i know you too well,” he teased. “suspect also insists on getting up in the middle of the night for snacks, but never remembers what they actually wanted.”
“i don’t even want to hear it,” you shot back. “suspect can’t even make it through a day without getting at least five different snacks. i’ve seen it with my own eyes!”
“hey, i’m a growing boy,” charles grinned. “i need my fuel. you, on the other hand… suspect has to try to make food, but ends up burning everything and then calling me to save you.”
“sure, sure,” you teased. “suspect also has to ask for everyones opinion before making a decision about anything.”
“it’s called being thorough,” he grinned.
“right, thorough,” you laughed. “suspect spends way too long staring at himself in the mirror after a race, making sure everything’s perfect for the cameras.”
charles laughed, shaking his head. “okay, that’s fair. but you talk to leo like he’s a person, and i swear, he knows all your secrets.”
“leo’s my best friend!” you protested, laughing.
“and he knows you better than you know yourself,” charles teased.
“oh, don’t even!” you laughed. you lunged for the phone, laughing, but charles held it just out of reach.
“oh no, i’m not done with you yet,” you teased, but charles just grinned, lowering the camera as leo wagged his tail.
“well, that was fun,” charles said, still grinning as he scratched leo behind the ears.
“you’re impossible,” you teased, nudging him.
“and you love me for it, mon chéri,” he replied with a wink, turning off the camera.
ʚ・lando norris
you and lando had just finished messing around on his sim, and now you were sitting on the floor of the hallway, sharing a bowl of popcorn. the soft glow of the hallway light made the moment feel cozy, but lando, being lando, was already up to something.
“have you seen this?” he asked, holding up his phone to show you a tiktok of people calling out their partners' embarrassing habits. his grin was wide, already plotting.
“don’t even think about it,” you warned, narrowing your eyes.
“too late,” he said, opening the app and hitting record. “alright, suspect loves to smack talk during karting, but can’t stop spinning out when things get competitive.”
“you’re so full of it!” you laughed, grabbing the phone. “suspect sets five alarms every morning and still manages to be late.”
lando gasped, clutching his chest dramatically. “i’m just not a morning person, alright?”
“and yet, you have no problem staying up all night playing video games,” you shot back, aiming the phone at him again.
“because i’m a gamer,” he grinned, grabbing the phone back. “suspect refuses to admit they’re bad at fifa, even though i’ve beaten you like, ten times in a row.”
“that’s because you cheat! i swear your controller’s rigged!”
“sure, blame the controller,” he teased, flipping the camera to you. “suspect also eats all the snacks during a movie and then pretends they don’t know where they went.”
you gasped. “i get hungry! and you don’t even share your chips properly.”
“because you take the big ones,” lando said, shaking his head. “suspect also hides my hoodies and claims they don’t know where they are.”
you smirked. “they just mysteriously end up in my closet. weird, huh?”
“you’re unbelievable,” he laughed, setting the phone down as you both leaned back against the wall.
“you love it,” you teased, nudging his shoulder.
“yeah,” he said, grinning at you. “i do.”
ʚ・oscar piastri
you and oscar were out on the back deck, the sun dipping below the horizon as the brownies you’d baked earlier cooled inside. the soft hum of cicadas filled the air, and oscar was stretched out on a lounge chair, tossing a tennis ball up and catching it lazily.
“so, how long until we can eat them?” he asked, tilting his head toward the kitchen window.
“not long,” you replied, scrolling through your phone. then, a tiktok caught your attention—a couple roasting each other’s quirks. you grinned, holding it up to oscar. “wanna try this?”
he sat up, catching the ball one last time. “you’re really inviting chaos, huh? alright, let’s go.”
you hit record and pointed the phone at him. “suspect leaves half-finished cups of tea everywhere and then wonders why we have no clean mugs.”
“because tea gets cold too quick!” oscar said, snatching the phone. “suspect insists they’re an expert at driving but screams every time i take a corner a bit fast.”
“because you drive like it’s the grand prix!” you laughed, taking the phone back. “suspect uses ‘just one more episode’ as an excuse to stay up until 3 a.m.”
“it’s called commitment,” oscar said, smirking as he grabbed the phone again. “suspect pretends to like my playlist but skips my songs when they think i’m not looking.”
“they’re all acoustic covers of 2000s pop songs, oscar!” you protested.
“and they’re brilliant,” he said, aiming the phone at you. “suspect also googles the plot of movies halfway through because they’re too impatient to wait and see what happens.”
“okay, but at least i don’t fake losing at card games to make you feel better,” you shot back, smirking.
oscar gasped dramatically. “i would never!”
you both burst into laughter, leaning against the counter as the timer beeped in the background.
“guess i win,” oscar said smugly, reaching for the phone.
“in your dreams,” you teased, bumping his shoulder.
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