#dont tell my parents that i like my sister better then them
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It's out
I'm not finished but here it is so far
I don’t want a man or anybody I just need a warm body to hold. I don't want love of any kind. I don’t even love my friends its not like a hate them. I just don't love very often. That doesn't mean the people I love are any special. The main person I love is not “the one” whatever that means. If they were, it would be incsest. The only person I truly love constantly is my sister. This is not to say i dont care about humanity or the people in my life i just dont love them. I dont feel anything in my heart for them. Not my parents, not my friends, not the guys that ask me out because i'm pretty. I hate it when anyone says they love me because i can't love them back no matter how badly i want to. The guilt and disgust I feel when I hear the word love aimed at me like a missile that could kill a hundred men or more.
My life is pretty okay right now. Im in my first month of my semester of college and three boys have asked me out and two have asked me to parties. I like to think they asked me out because of my smart and witty comments in class but in reality its because of my face and boobs. I hate collage boys. Well most of them one is pretty alright he is in my biology 101 a first noticed him when I accidentally saw his test score on a pop quiz. I just happened to be looking that way. I was staring day dreaming about my sci fi fantasy world i've been thinking about since I was 5. The main thing that pushed me to try so hard to learn to read was that world. I needed to write it down and publish it one day. Maybe some other bullied kids would find as much comfort in that world as me. Anyways he was one of three people who didn't get a D or below on that test and this girl I didn't know were the only ones who got a decent grade.The third person who got a decent grade was me.I know this because everyone else growed or looked very sad or angry. The girl was so excited she passes she let out a tiny shriek. He got an A+ I got an A.
“Congratulations on your grade, that was a difficult quiz,” was the first thing I ever said to him.
“Thanks, hopefully you didn't do too bad.” I chuckled. I still don't know why I did that.
“I got an A. I figured I would get a B or C,” I said i was surprised i told him that last part.
“Why would you suspect a C you always make amazing comments in class. Sometimes it seems you know more than our professor.”
“You notice what i say in class? I thought no one payed attention to the professor much less me." Wait, I didn't mean to say that out loud.
“Sometimes your comments in class teach me more than Professor Browns,” he chuckled after he said that. His chuckles are like music. I don't love him. Don't get this twisted, this is not a love story. And this is definitely not one of those love stories that says that it's not a love story in the beginning of the movie but by the end they are in love.there was a short pause then he spoke again.
“I forgot to tell you my name, I'm Bayley but my friends call me Bark. I have a feeling we will be friends,” after he said that he grabbed my purple pen and started writing something a the straw rapper from his pesi. “Here is my number. I need more smart friends,” he said smiling and handed me his straw rapper.
“My name is Sophia but I hate my name so call me whatever you like.”
“Well I better get to my next class bye So-” he stopped himself from saying Sophia and just waved and smiled.
I kinda hope I see Bayely again. Something about him
seem different from the other guys who gave me their numbers. I think I might actually message him. I hear a ringing sound from my phone it's a phone call from my sister.
“Hey Sophia, how are you? We haven't talked on the phone in so long. I apologize for that I've been busy with school.” I could not help but smile it makes me happy when my sister calls me. She is the only one who I actually don't mind calling me Sophia.
“Hey Emma, I'm doing pretty well. Speaking of school, another guy gave me his number.”
“Wow, isn't that like the 5th guy or something? Do you think you are gonna go out with him? Is he hot?”
“He is the first guy to give me his number and not ask me out I think he wants to be friends or something. He said he needs more smart friends. It's weird a guy wants to be my friend and doesn't see me as just a hot body.”
“So Sophia, do you think you are going to text him?”
“Yeah probably he has a rare combination of brains and being attractive. He actually made me chuckle I don't know how he did that.”
“Does someone have a crush?” She said that in a sing song voice she is clearly in her romance obsessed high school phase.
“No but if he asked to fuck i might say yes.” I probably shouldn't have said that. It's okay Emma is a senior in highschool. She lost her virginity last summer to her now ex girlfriend.
“College must be wild.”
“It's really not especially compared to high school which is probably for the best.”
“I have to go Sophia, I still have some homework.”
“Okay Emma if you need any help with your homework call me back cause I'm kinda a huge nerd.”
“Okay bye I love you sister”
“Love you too Emma” I mean it's true I love my sister and myself are the only ones I really love in this world.
I begin to type out “hi this is Sophia”. Remembering when Bayley was about to call me Sophia but stopped himself I really liked when he did that. I press send hoping he doesn't ask me out. A few minutes later I hear I ding from my phone. It's Bayley. “Hey this is Bayley. How are you?”
“I am okay just bored I finished my homework ages ago. How are you Bayley?”
“This is a weird question but can I call you?” Bayley texted
I didn't text him back, instead he called me himself.
“Hey Bayley, why did you want to call me?”
“I just want to be closer to you.” Oh fuck he wants me doesn't he?
“I'm sorry Bayley, I don't want to go out with you.”
“I don't want that either I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that I just really need someone to talk to it's getting boring. I hate being alone and I am not on good terms with my family. Oh shit I didn't mean to say the family stuff out loud. I literally just met you. I am just really awkward.”
“It's okay Bayley. I need people to talk to as well my friends from high school were shit I only have my sister and she is 2 years younger than me.”
“How old are you So-” he stopped himself from saying Sophia he remembers I don't like that name how sweet. I still don't love him.
“I'm 19. How about you?”
“I'm 20 I turn 21 in October. I don't know what I'm going to do and who I'm going to hang out with. All I know is I don't want to spend my birthday by myself.”
“What day is your birthday, Bayley?”
“It's October 20th”
“Okay,” I said looking up how many days till then on Google. It's 21 days till then. Woah I can't believe it's September 30th already.
“Do you want to hang out this weekend? There is an orchard right by my house where we can go there.” I asked hopefully he says yes. I really need something to do.
“Yeah that sounds fun. I mean how could it not you are witty and pretty.” I laughed loudly when he said that.
“Shit it's already 7:30. I need to eat dinner.” I feel a little sad to end our phone call.
“Alright bye So” he said it just like he was saying someone's name. I think I like So better than Sophia.
I hang out every weekend till his birthday. Those 21 days were some of the best of my life. I still don't want to date him or anything. However every time we hang out he gets hotter. I really want to fuck him but I don't want to ruin my only friendship I have. So I resit the urge to tell him how handsome he looks every time I see him. The more I see him the happier I feel. Hanging out with him is good for my mental health. I like his jokes. He has called me pretty a couple times so maybe calling him handsome wouldn't be so bad. It's not like it means I want to date him or anything.
My alarm rings at 9 am on October 20th. My first class starts at 10:30. The first thing I do after seeing that it's Bayely’s birthday is I texted him a message that reads “Happy birthday Bayley I've really enjoyed getting to know you. It's really nice to have something to do on the weekends besides homework, job and watching New Girl.” I could help but think Maybe I could do you sometime. Of course I didn't send that. I made him a card already and drew him. I'm not very good. It was the first thing I drew in a year. I was depressed so I stopped drawing a year ago and I just never started up again. I might as well start now. Anyways the card has two paragraphs in it describing how I felt on our adventures with him. We have been hanging out every weekend for the past 3 weeks and we have coffee and do our homework for our biology 101 and help each other.
He's leaned his head on my shoulder a few times it usually stays there for hours. It's like my shoulder is the place his head has been searching for all his life. What am I even saying? I really should be in love when I'm with him I feel happy but not in love. When he puts his head on my shoulder my stomach settles. I feel so relaxed I feel like falling asleep. That's not how I felt when I was in love at age 16. I felt energized and my heart would swell up and fly. I don't feel that way with him. I don't know if this is what people feel for their friends because I don't remember the last time I loved any of my friends at the time. I just feel comfortable, happy and horny when I'm with him. I don't know if this is love. I don't want to date him because that would be a change. I like how it is now. The only change I want is for me to fuck him.
My phone rings. It's 20 minutes till my class. I'm driving there now. My phone is hooked up to the speakers I'm playing She And Him. Zoe Dechanel is so amazing. Sometimes I think I'm in love with her but that's not how it works. She is a celebrity. I don't think I've ever been this excited for biology 101. I really like science but that's not why I'm happy. Augh I'm so fucking horny right now. I'm also nervous because I sorta wrote that fact on the card. I don't remember everything I wrote because if I memorized it I would not give it to him. I'm so afraid I'm going to ruin his birthday with this card. I want him to have the best birthday possibly. If he wants to I plan to take him to his favorite coffee shop this weekend and then my house if he wants. I have so many things to show him at my house. I don't want to ruin what I have with him. I don't really want friends besides the casual ones I see once a month for science club. I just feel overwhelmed with too many friends and too many people. I don't know.
Oh shit I'm in the class he is standing next to me. We both arrived 30 or so minutes early to make sure we could review the notes we took yesterday. He is just standing there with A huge smile on his face. Shit he sees the card.
“Uh happy birthday. I made you a stupid card and I'm not very good at writing or drawing. I mean not when it comes to non science stuff. Well…” I say awkwardly.
“I can't believe you remembered!” He says excitedly opening the card. I want to disappear. This is so embarrassing. I just stand there staring at him. After what feels like hours but can't be more than 5 minutes. He hugs me. I'm still in shock. I feel nothing but fear.
“I love it. You are so pretty don't worry I don't want to date you either. I kept trying to give you hints that I wanted to sleep with you, this is the best way to tell me.” he whispers so quietly I can barely hear him. I've never heard him whisper and it's so hot. My weekend plans are so happening! I look to see if anyone is in the hallway when I see no one I kiss his check them whisper. “I have several birthday surprises planned for you this weekend.” He smiled in the hottest way possible. Not the same smile as when he was waiting for the card. I think he knows one of the surprises is sex he is clueless about the others.
I can't pay attention to the lecture today. I'm just thinking about sex and Bayley’s birthday. I can't stop replaying what just happened in my head. It was perfect. Maybe this wasn't so impossible afterall. I hope he doesn't find a girlfriend. I don't want to be his girlfriend but if he found one we could never talk. most people I talk to I don't want their partner to speak to someone they used to fuck or date. I hope this lasts longer than a few months like all the others. Most people don't want what I want or they do at first then they change their mind and I never speak to them or they call me when they get drunk or lonely. It's annoying.
I snap back into reality when the teacher asks me what is a difference between cells and animal cells.Thank god we were learning about something I already know today.
“Plant cells have cell walls which add an extra layer of protection. Plant cells also have Chloroplasts which play a major role in photosynthesis.”
“Thank you Sophia, see someone was paying attention.”
I quickly glance at Bayley. He is starting. I should probably help him review the slides this weekend. He is not paying attention just like me. The only difference is he is not going into science as a major.
update!!
I started writing a story about a loveless aromantic aplatonic allosexual nonbinary person. They met a guy named Bayely his nickname is Bark. they meet in a collage biology class and they don't fall in love or get into any type of relationship. They after a few months of being friends he develops sexual feelings for the main charter. and they become friends with benefits but the benefits are sex and cuddles. he has never cuddled anyone besides family because all of his romantic partners have just wanted him for his body. their story focusses on their abnormal friendship but its not a queer platonic relationship. eventually the main charter wants a kid and has the awkward conversation of asking Bark to help them explaining that he does not have to have a father role in the kids life if he does not want to. he says yes after a month of thinking it over he says he wants a more uncle like role in this kids life. after a year of sometimes helping out with this kid he wants a more fatherly role in this kids life. a few months later he moves in with the main charter to take care of the one year old. Bark and the main character have separate rooms they are pretty much friends with befits roommates who are raising a kid together. I have not written all of the story yet I only started writing it today I have 692 words so far. I got the idea for this story while daydreaming about what I want. I might call the main charter Soe (pronounced like the word so) as a shortened version of the charters birth name Sophia. Might post somewhere if anyone wants to read it when its finished comment or like this post if this sounds interesting to you
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Am I doing better because I'm back to reading angst and crying?
Or
Am I doing worse because I'm back to reading angst and crying?
Who knows!
Certainly not me.
#to be fair#its probably both#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#mental stability is a lie made up by the government#to make people believe that such things as normal exists#we are all mentally unstable#it just depends on how good you are at suppressing yourself#or yknow having healthy coping mechanisms#whatever those are#i say like i dont have healthy coping mechanisms#lmao vent songs and art who?#but it took me majority of my childhood to learn#yippee for depression#honestly my posts are#10% an actual post#and 100% tags#because tags are the superior communication method#i truely wonder how many people who stumble upon my posts would even read my tags#if you read my tags please let me know#ill decide you're my favourite person#for#atleast a day#sorry my sister has priority#even tho i also hate her#the bitch#fav person yippee#dont tell my parents that i like my sister better then them#its a secret#probably not a well kept secret#but a secret
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every time I hear someone say "oh you have to listen to Dear Evan Hansen it has such good mental health representation" I cry in Next to Normal
#next to normal#and yes this is based on a true story#generally I dont try to juck anyones jum so I of course didn't tell that person what I was thinking at that moment#and if someone found Dear Evan Hansen a useful text in terms of their own mental health journey who am I to discredit that#but this is the internet and I am back on the ntn train#in a way it is my saf autumn musical#and yes I am a survior of the 2017 Tony Awards why were you asking?#no but seriously#it is so interesting how many narrative devices Dear Evan Hansen took from Next to Normal#but turned them into a less complete piece#like Gabe in ntn is a representation of unadressed grief and trauma and the family has to accept that he will never be really gone#and connor is just...idk not fully thought out?#idk I'm rambling#but also#how the love story between Henry and Natalie means something#Natalie sees her parent's relationship and desperately doesn't want that for herself and Henry at the same time also stand for#a piece of normalcy that seems attainable#you don't sit there and think hu why is there this completely separate love story thrown in there?#it mirrors the problems#and dear evan hansen#do I even have to say it#I thnk the thing I resent it most for is that it has a love story#naja#I'm of listening to net to normal some more#sorry I someone who really likes deh stumbles accross this#I feel like espechially musicals can be something that can be so personal#and I don't actually want to contribute to more stuff like#ew why do you like this when theres xyz that is so much better or morally purer or whatever#I guess what I do want to say is: if I had a nickle for everytime they made a musical about mental health where theres a ghost on stage and#the sister of the dead kid falls in love with a funny guy while her family is falling apart
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lately ive been thinking about the contrast going on in Early Lime where hes like "tbh im pretty sure i could have any girl i wanted including mochi i mean i guess if she wanted we could give it a shot one day but i dont really care lol" and then very easily becoming completely unhinged for her the second he gets a tinge of romantic affection
#lime: yeah mochis not a huge deal i mean were friends#af (after affection) lime: *needs to dunk his head in the sink at least once a week trying to snap himself out of thinking about her*#anyway. its been a while since them i miss them#my recent development is taking away limes mochi cuddle time#it makes more sense for the slow burn if he cant cuddle with her whenever he wants#starve him#lime: (why would i like her shes so plain shouldnt i be with like some supermodel or something ??)#lime: (the kind of person everyone wants but cant have??)#also lime when mochi smiles at him: (i want to kiss the shit out of you)#i think there something about limes family where being a goldwood means being expected to be a cut above#where its ingrained they should only be/settle for the best of the best#so lime catching feelings for this (pre-reveal) very normal and plain forgettable girl that no one else seems to give a shit about..#...is a struggle for him#tiramisu thinks its laughable because the goldwoods arent part of the magic community#she thinks its hilarious how they are lowkey obsessed with being successful and top-notch when they literally have no idea whats going on#i dont think the goldwoods are even especially rich#maybe its just one of those (parents being hard on you so you can have a better life than they did) kind of things#but they are known to be a well-connected and beautiful family#any goldwood you meet i the prettiest person youve ever seen#i wonder if they were disappointed or proud of lime when they found out he joined the capitol guard#his sister became a dentist#maybe it was one of those (why would you join the military...youre going to struggle...)#and then he tells them his paycheck and all of a sudden theyre like (we're so proud!!!)#(the capitol guard in general has pretty normal pay but the m-34th gets way more as a specialized unit)
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the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.
I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....
every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....
#talkys#this is what led to me Staying for as long as i did#there would be issues but if I brought them up i wld then be made to feel guilty for feeling that way#but i cant reverse that bc well!! its true like is it really a big deal? life isnt that serious I dont need to get upset...#i get upset at something my parents do and in the end i feel ungrateful and selfish#i really cant tell anymore which is why i Stayed as mentioned above#in the sense of well yeah the way im being treated doesnt make me feel good but why do i need to feel good?#isnt that selfish...isnt that asking too much...isnt that making yourself out to be Better Than...#i really dont know. i get so ready to give up my position on anything because I dont want to be selfish#and because im no better than anyone else#my mom caused some drama on my birthday wrt my sister's family and it led to me not being able to go to the duck#pond on my birthday... which is the only thing i really wanted to do on an otherwise uneventful day#i was meant to feel shame abt it because well we can always go any other day!!! relax!!!#and it is true....!#we can go any other day why did i get upset? its not that serious...nothing is that serious...i feel so guilty + spoiled + selfish#i just felt humiliated for wanting to go in the first place. and for getting upset that we couldnt go. like a toddler.#*not that i actually get Toddler Level upset...but it always Feels like i did...ykwim#i just dont understand......idk if i can Repair this....
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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.
I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃
#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag#trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened#and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents#but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO#they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her#but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers#and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming#(a conversation SHE started btw)#and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back#and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary???#that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you#like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive)#but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but.#if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that#i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions?#and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️'#(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent)#hate it. thanks#apostake#jay rambles#ok to interact#im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged#gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully#they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face#haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc#it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace#my sister's 17 ffs#it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#religion#mormonism
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what's your relationship with Danderella?
she's an annoyance. a cute annoyance that i wish i could touch, but an annoyance nonetheless.
#sk logs#she's older than me actually#my father adopted her before i was born#i guess that makes her my older sister#as odd as that is#i do wish i could touch her#at least once#but its probably better off like this#shes a bit of a distraction#my parents dont mind her#i do a little#but i dont tell them anything like that#shes just a bit of a hassle thats all
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Also another thing that’s fucked up is that my parents told me to not be outwardly angry at school because then someone would call like the equivalent of CPS in Canada, genuinely don’t know what it’s called, and take me away. I being like. 12. thought “yeah no seems legit” or more accurately, “i don’t want to get taken away from my family.”
And then, and then, this other time, when my dad just fucking left, we were talked to by a person from I guess the Canadian equivalent of CPS and I, even though I knew it was wrong at that point, kept my mouth shut. My mom told us to keep our mouths shut. And my sister didn’t, she told them and they did nothing.
Thinking thoughts. Having feelings. Idk.
#landscaping your mind chapter one#like what the fuck.#what the actual fuck.#i should probably make a tag for this lol#the last post wasnt a vent. i shared an anecdote and connected it to a problem i see#this post is a vent. i’m saying ‘what the fuck’ over and over in my head#somehow it’s very hard to deal with trauma when you’re actively living it. who’d’ve thought#/s#i want to leaveee#and yeah it’s like ‘kris just tell a teacher they legally have to report it’ and?? i don’t have citizenship im a dependent and most likely#they’ll just talk to my parents and decide theyre fine. bc they’re nice a lot of the time#most likely my parents will get angry at me even more for reporting them#and hey! when i told the councillor that my mom hit me in 2021 she made the call to kids help and they said it wasnt big enough#this was… before they hit me more. this year. yippee /s#i just. im so hashtag jonathan sims coded. there’s a way out. there’s a way out but i don’t think i can take it.#there’s a way out but i’m afraid. there’s a way out but this is the only life i’ve ever known. they’re the only parents i’ve ever known.#i love them. i love my sisters. i just… i have to wait for a better out#hey! at least i have an end date for this!#18th birthday babyyyyy#(pls dont be concerned im fine)#vent#child abuse#tw child abuse#cw child abuse
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i know crying is supposed to help with too much emotion (and it does !) but i really wish i didnt get horrible headaches whenever i cry
#wind howls#i did end up having a big cry over my cousins wedding stuffs#i dont usually care abt my cousins weddings because im not usually invited but at least my parents are#and im happy they do ! and if they invited me i probably would go !#but im like. closer to my gay cousin than any of my other cousins#close enough to come out to her at the very least. and the fact that she didnt invite anyone from her family except my sister-#is really hurtful !#(and i will give my sister this. apparently my cousin even seemed reluctant to invite her. i guess she needed a way into our old pictures.)#shes getting married tomorrow. and i am happy for her all the same. but im also really bitter about not even being told of her engagement#she got engaged at a restaurant in front of the twins and then made them swear not to tell anyone. she told my older sister.#and the twins assumed she was going to tell me too. she never did.#im hurt ! im as close to her as the twins are if not even more !#if she really does host a second wedding for her side of the family and i Can go i Will#but right now im still rather hurt. though at least i feel better because i actually did cry about it#im surprised i lasted the whole day. testosterone really makes it harder to cry man i wouldve cried way earlier if this was pre T#anyway i dont wanna think abt it anymore. my head hurty
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One of the hardest things about growing up is navigating adulthood dynamics to my immediate family.
Like Im mending my relationship with my dad, a relationship which is good as dead for my siblings, however while he was actively abusive to my brother, his step son, my brother is still more willing to interact with him than our shared mother, who he has been No Contact with for about 14 years now.
Meanwhile I have an actively positive relationship with my mom while my sister is at the point of sorting retirement homes by rating: lowest to highest.
At the same time i am personally still No Contact with my brother and have a super close relationship with my sister and she is super close with our brother.
And somehow all us siblings are able to manage these boundaries and limits in far healthier ways than our fore generation (my dad going on facebook spiels about being the black sheep of the family, mother not talking to siblings at all and only SM usage being links to external sources) and with more respect for each other’s situations. Like it’s HARD sometimes but i think at this point we know that the hard work is worth it. Im so grateful to be a sister to these two incredible people.
#family dynamics#family dysfunction#break the cycle#i’m nc with my brother until im in a better situation to tackle my ongoing attachment issues#which in therapy i’ve gone back and back and back to my experience of him just Leaving when i was a kid with no explanation#one day i know i can delve into all of that and it won’t sink me so deep i cant break for air#that day isn’t today or any in the foreseeable future#i talk about it a lot with my sister and she understands how even tho it wasnt actively malicious that it was a Core Memory for me#like growing up and learning the Truth doesnt undo the pain that was experienced by a younger more ignorant self#my memories of those years are so so scattered (and im apparently missing a 7 month chunk where we lived in this town after living in FL)#i remember specific abuses because they were Commented On#i remember the adults#two maternal uncles one paternal uncle my paternal grandmother and both parents#laughing at a funny store paternal uncle was regaling#of how upset my sister (6 years old ftr) got when he wouldnt open the peanut butter jar for her so she could make a sandwich#i dont remember him telling her no or her crying#but i remember them lauging about it like it was so funny#and now as an adult i s2g if anyone withheld food from my nieces or ANY child in my vicinity and then mocked their distress#i would probably catch a fucking charge#now my memories of my brother are so few and far removed but the vast majority that i still have are positive#but at a distance positive#like thats a nice story#not thats a nice memory#idk idk#point is we’re trying our best with the shit hand we got dealt and even if i cant talk to him it feels good knowing he has my back#in accepting and respecting my boundaries#my sister’s getting married now tho and my heart is breaking for her#because it’s a Have brother at wedding (preferable!!!! but involves explaining why her dad isnt walking her down the aisle)#to again having her parents present and her father walking her down the aisle and her mother giving the toast#she texted dad that her partner proposed and he sent a THUMBS UP EMOJI
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Proper Scouser
pairing: Max verstappen x alexander-arnold!reader Trent Alexander Arnold x sister!reader
warnings: none, man united
authors note: guys I'm working on whiv I swear 😭 all the other chapters came out during break so I had time. But I already had this mostly finished and after that united loss I had to post it
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y/narnold99
liked by trentarnold66 andyrobertson94 and 308,068 others
y/narnold99 7 reasons to smile 😁
load comments…
user1 I love her
user2 TAKE THAT UNITED
user3 up the reds
user4 UNITED IN THE MUD
user5 the caption… Trent’s sisters lowk class
user6 warra top 4 for Liverpool
user7 keep crying mate
trentarnold66 😁
user8 United fans crying in the comments
virgilvandijk was it entertaining? 😂
y/narnold99 🙏 very
user9 7up
user10 ❤️❤️❤️
user11 tell your brother to defend better
darwin_n9 VAMOS!!!
liked by y/narnold99
user12 Trent’s so fit man
user13 the scouser in our team
user14 ALLEZ ALLEZ ALLEZ
curtisjr 🔥🔥🔥
liked by y/narnold99
user15 I ❤️ y/n
user16 that’s embarrassing mate
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MESSAGES
y/narnold99 has added to their story
TWITTER
MESSAGES
INSTAGRAM
y/narnold99 added to their story
trentarnold66 replied to your story
we win and you’re out celebrating without me???
fake 😒
y/narnold66
you’ll get over it mate
trentarnold66
so…
who is it?
y/narnold99
none of your business
trentarnold66
what
I’m gonna tell Virgil you’re being mean to me
y/narnold99
He’ll be on my side
go back to dating my friends without me knowing
trentarnold66
that was one time!
and she sucked so
you really should be thanking me for revealing that she was a terrible person 🤷♂️
y/narnold99
my dates calling me
bye loser
tell Curtis I said his goal was really good
trentarnold99
don’t call me a loser
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virgilvandijk replied to your story
Do I get to know about mystery man?
y/narnold99
Yeah sure
It’s max
Don’t tell Trent though
virgilvandijk
I won’t haha
Nice kid though
He’s got the Dutch approval
y/narnold99
Thanks virg
Nice win today btw
virgilvandijk
Thank you 🫡
Have a good date y/n
y/narnold99
🫡
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trentarnold66
you told Virgil but not me??!!
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TWITTER
INSTAGRAM
y/narnold99
liked by maxverstappen1 judebellingham and 2,008,987 others
yourusername a proper scouser, he is
tagged: maxverstappen1
load comments…
user17 how… romantic?
user18 YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
user19 I am fully convinced that max has not understood a single word that y/n has ever said
virgilvandijk congratulations 🎉
liked by y/narnold99
user20 just imagine 3-time f1 world champion, max verstappen, navigating the city that is Liverpool
user21 they all live in Manchester anyway so he's probably fine
trentarnold66 WHY DOES THE INTERNET GET TO KNOW BEFORE ME
judebellingham a barca fan 🧐
y/narnold99 why do you know that
judebellingham dw about it
user22 MY PARENTS
landonorris damn how'd he pull you
maxverstappen1 ???
landonorris 👋
user23 I LOVE THEM SO MUCH YOU GUYS DONT GET IT
maxverstappen1 is the caption a compliment
y/narnold99 yes
user24 the way Trent had no idea is actually so funny
trentarnold66 happy for u ig
liked by y/narnold99
maxverstappen ❤️
y/narnold99 ❤️
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Tags: @casperlikej
#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 smau#f1 x female reader#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x female reader#trent alexander imagines#football x reader#football imagine
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hey loves! heres another pazzi fic for you guys because i know you love pazzi fics as much as i do. <3 🏀🌌👩❤️💋👩
“mm.. your not going anywhere. get back here” paige mumbled into azzis shoulder as she tightened her grip on her waist, pulling the girl towards herself.
“paige i have to get up i told you. i havent texted my parents all night, they are gonna think you kidnapped me,” the brunette jokes, giggling slightly. “paige- oh my gosh” the brunette says trying not to laugh, while also being slightly irritated that she cannot get up. she eventually gives into the blondes touch, smiling. “dont worry paigey im right here. not going anywhere.”
the two girls have been friends, teammates, and practically sisters for the past three years. they had both felt feelings for each other ever since they got closer, when paige was a senior in highschool. although they felt this way, they never told anyone except those who were very close to them. family, friends, and teammates were all very supportive but the girls didnt want to tell the media just yet. they liked keeping what they had special, and they didnt want the media to twist anything, their relationship was perfect the way it was.
“you better not,” paige mumbles. her voice is husky and low. “you know i miss you like a bitch when your not visiting right? i need all the azzi time i can get.” she says pulling the girl even closer to herself, earning a giggle from the brunette. “and you better come to Uconn, or else…” paige threatens azzi, jokingly.
“oh yea?” azzi asks smirking to herself. “and what would you do if i didnt commit next year..?” the older blonde gets clearly upset at the idea of being without the brunette and her demeanor quickly changes. before she knows it, azzi is being flipped over onto her back. paige hovers over her, smiling down at her. “take it back..” she taunts azzi.
“wha- paige” she says starting to laugh, “i was just joking i promise its not that serious.” she tries to escape from under paige to lie back down but only gets denied when paige grabs her wrists and pins them above her head. “hmmm” she says leaning into azzis ear. “i didnt like that joke, it wasnt very funny..”
“i-” azzi swallows. “i was just kidding paige..i-i already said that.”
“and i heard you the first time baby..” paige says leaning down to leave a trail of kisses down her jawline. “so i said take it back..” slowly her kisses move down to her neck. azzi throws her head back, allowing paige more access to her neck. paige lets out a low laugh at this, starting to leave little bites and marks all over her neck.
“it.. was just a joke. im not going to take it back” azzi doesnt budge. she doesnt understand why all of a sudden paige got so worked up, but shes not complaining. it was rare paige had her dorm to herself, but tonight was special. azzi loved cuddling, but she was secretly hoping that something different would happen tonight…
paige kept placing kisses and love bites on her neck, driving azzi wild. she took a hand and snuck it just under azzis sweatshirt, placing it just above the waistband of azzis sweats.. well technically paiges sweats. “paige-”
paige immediately stopped and looked up at azzi. “yes baby?” she was concerned about why azzi stopped her. did she want her to stop? maybe she wasn’t in the mood anymore, which would have been totally fine with paige, but that wasnt the case.
“i love you.” is all she said before putting her head back down on the pillow. paige smiled and broke the waistband of azzis sweats with her middle finger and ring finger. “i love you too baby.. just lay back for me”
sorry this is so short loves. congrats if you read all the way through, and any interaction is appreciated <3 please dont be shy to drop reqs in my anon, or message me! of course also dont be shy to be “too specific” i want to make you guys as happy as i can with my writing. tips also appreciated always
#paige buckets#paige bueckers#uconn wbb#azzi fudd#ncaa wbb#uconn huskies#uconn women’s basketball#wbb#p boogers#wcbb#paige bueckers fic#paige smut#paige x azzi#paige bueckers smut#pazzi is real#pazzi fics#pazzi#pazzi crumbs#uconnwbb#uconn wcbb#uconn#wlw smut#wlw post#wlw blog#ncaa women’s basketball#ncaa#wlw#wlw ns/fw#kk arnold#ice brady
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Hello ! Anonymous who asked for the Neteyam x reader.
They dont have to necessarily be ennemies, but maybe more like two people whom has so much in common, eldest of two great clan leaders, with all the pressures that comes with it and to watch over their siblings, take the blame, but for the love of Ewya despite this they can’t see eye to eye.
I hope it helps you ! You can diverge a bit from the scenario if you want
One and the same
Pairing: Neteyam x reader
Summary: you and Neteyam are basically the same person, but for the lives of you can’t get along
Warning: none I don’t think
An: thank you SO much for clarifying that made writing this so much easier. I wasn’t sure if you were going to see it but I’m happy you did. Also I’m so sorry I didn’t see this in my inbox until last night and I wrote this on a time crunch so it is a teeny bit rushed. But I hope you enjoy!!
You watched the sully kids from afar as your siblings taught them how to control their breath. You noticed the eldest was having the most trouble, and you felt for him truly. You saw yourself in him, as if you were looking at your reflection in the water. You approached them, “may i help with anything?” You asked Tsereya. She nodded, gesturing to the oldest sully sibling “he needs a little more help” you frowned nodding, noting the frown on his face matching yours. Neteyam is very adept, so you couldn’t imagine how infuriating it was for him to not be able to grasp a task. “Follow me please” Neteyam got up following you as you led him to a more secluded place on the rocks, a place you come often to find peace. You sat crossing your legs and he followed.
the one thing you hated about him was that he was very stubborn, as were you. “Neteyam please i am trying to help you” you pleaded irritated. he sighed “i goi it i just need time” he shook his head. Rolling your eyes, “you wont be able to control your breaths if your heart is fast”. “It will slow just give me a second” he said. You turned your head toward Tsereya and the rest of the sully’s. Tsereya was already watching you she had a hand covering her mouth laughing, Lo’ak stood beside her with a small smile. ‘He’s being stubborn’ you signed to her.
She tilted her head with a smile ‘you are just as, sister’ she signed back. You huffed angrily, as much as you hated it she was right. ‘Eywa please grant me the patience’ you thought. “If you will not let me help you i will go help someone who will” you said standing up, before you could take a step he grabbed your arm, “no i- i just- I’m calm now” he stuttered. You nodded sitting back down in your previous position. You placed your hand on his chest and felt the light ‘thump’‘thump’‘thump’, his heart rate was significantly lower, not as low as it should be but you could work with it. “Better?” He asked sounding sarcastic but you couldn’t tell if it was that or if he’s just nervous. The session carried on extremely slow for the both of you, for some reason being in each other’s presence just ticked you both off.
You’d easily avoided Neteyam around the village even though at some points you were sure he was everywhere just trying to get on your nerves. But somehow you had ended up with him and his brother, your siblings and, roxto way past the reef. So when you got back you’d all been scolded by your parents, and you watched with anger in your eyes at Neteyam taking the fall for his brother. “What the hell did we talk about huh? What happened to behaving?” You overheard Jake scolding his sons “it is my fault sir” Neteyam said, causing your blood to boil. You hated that he did that, taking the fall for his sibling, you hated it. You hated it even more because it’s exactly what you did, you stood taking your parents scolding head on, ears pinned back tail pin straight. You must of all hated how he watched from afar at you taking the scolding, he scoffed shaking his head, braids following with the sway of his head and walked away.
Later that day you found yourself walking down the beach, you hated how much you could see yourself in him. Because if you were an outsider looking in you’d think how stupid it is being the eldest of the great clan leader. How you’d tell yourself to just stop and do what you wanted to, but you couldn’t and neither could he.
The clans annual celebration rolled around very soon, and excitement was in the air. You wore a one piece (almost like a dress) made out of crystals, shells and pearls, the back was out, to show your tattoo’s. You sat with your parents watching your people dance around with gleeful smiles on their faces.
You sat imbetween your parents, ounung and Tsireya with whoever that came to the celebration with. Your mom nudged your arm “you should go dance” she said in a soft voice, your mother wasn’t usually so relaxed but during any celebration she knew that it was a time for fun. You almost let out a laugh at the suggestion “with who mother? No one will want to dance with the Olo’eyktan’s scary eldest daughter” you stated rolling your eyes. Your father let out a booming laugh, catching the attention of you and people of the clan. “I wouldn’t speak so soon daughter” he said with a smile looking ahead, you follow his line of sight only to see the oldest of Jake and Neytiri walking towards you, only then did you notice how quiet the clan got. They knew no one had the guts to approach you, let alone the guy you had yet to get along with long enough for a decent conversation. He greeted your parents with an ‘I see you’ and vice versa, then hit turned to you “y/n” he said. “Neteyam?”
“I would like to ask for your hand in a dance” he said holding out his hand. You tilted your head amused, he was the very first guy to ever try and ask for a dance, let alone in front of your parents. “I accept” you said, much to the surprise of everyone. Except for your parents and Tsireya, you heard her ‘finally’ from across the beach. You placed your hand in his and he led you toward the crowd of dancing na’vi. He then let out a breath, “i am not sure how to dance like your people” he admitted. You laughed “it’s okay forest boy, just follow my lead” you said.
BONUS: your parents pov: “they were so obvious” laughed Tonowari , Ronal smiled “very much so, but they are good for each other. They will be good leaders.” Ronal said.
Jake and neytiri POV: “cant believe he finally did it” Jake said astonished, “he did it the right way” neytiri said proudly.
The siblings: “finally” kiri groaned watching her brother lead you toward the crowd. “They were so obvious Tsireya giggled. “You owe me sully” ao’nung said grinning as he held his hand out, “you couldn’t have waited another week?” lo’ak groaned handing Ao’nung the knife he’d betted.
#s0urw00lf#avatar the way of water#avatar 2009#atwow#atwow x y/n#atwow neteyam#atwow fanfiction#atwow x reader#neteyam x you#neteyam x y/n#neteyam sully x reader#neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan#neteyam sully#neteyam x reader#neteyam
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it feels like everywhere often im trying to grab onto something and shake it tobreak the barrier between me and others, shake it loose and watch it crumble, hit the glass wall between me nd the world until it breaks. i try it with words but often the more sincere i am, people think i joke. if they understand im sincere, they still often dont understand me, the saame way i dont understand them.
they dont understand my life and often its like "getting to know me" is people understand my interests and then just engage with me through them & i like when they do because it makes sense in some way but it feels like they still dont know me, but i also dont know me.
little bits and pieces.
walk in the waiting room and theres no two spots next to each other and my mother asks in which of the two seperate ones i wanna sit and i freeze, i dont move, i cant, i sit next to her, i dont have strangers on both sides. i sway on my feet. a woman gets up next to one of the empty seats, goes to the other across the room, says here u go, u can sit next to each other. smiles at my mother. i think i know the smile. the smile says here, i hope i make the day a bit easier, its hard with a disabled child. i end up pacing up and down the waiting room 10 minutes later anyways. i hate waiting rooms. they say 5 and its never five and i know its never five but then its past five and i want to jump and run and hide, they said its five.
"does he tolerate treatment?" i rock in the dentist chair. i want to scream but i cant. i want to leave but i try hard so i rock harder. we get food at the bakery downstairs. i only like one thing. i wish i liked more. maybe i like more, but not here, not now, my head says no, only this, only this, only this. my mother asks why i act worse than other doctors visits recently. "all new" cold screen on my fingertips.
all walls are white and all hallways are long and all rooms are square in some way and all doors are the same. now theres stickers on the floor of the workshop. one color bathroom, one color lunch room, one color quiet room. there is paintings and there is a glass door and there is things but all i know is they are there when i see them. sometimes my feet just take me to the right place, and im happy. i figured out how the two doors lead to the same place.
its loud. i get up and walk. i want a place to hide. sit between the cars. plastic creaks. i dont want to get yelled at for breaking. i get up and walk. "please go back" inside head. walk more. legs hurt. sit under a bridge. now its safe. im far away. alone. im happy there was the bridge. under it is good. i nearly went above, full of cars. im happy my body went below. because my body doesnt listen. the sun is bright and the air is cold and my hands freeze. i walk "back" but i dont know where that is. a carer rides up to me on his bike "did you get lost?" i take a step back. /punished. yelled at. send home, parents yell. / but he smiles and backs away. people are nice now, here. i tell him my body just walks, and he nods.
my sister gifts me a plushie. i hug it all morning. my sister always gifts me toys. i like them. she smiles and says "i know you!" and i wonder is plushies and lego who i am? Who am i?
thick plastic covered things the way of medical therapy space. praise for my hands work. sometimes im a good kid, when im better than the others. when they shake and my lines are clean. when they jump and i sit still.
i bite my hands but i dont bleed and they say nothing. my mother looks at the marks later. "did you bite again?" i dont understand why she asks. she can see it.
three or four carers. maybe 8 other teens and adults. down syndrome and ID and autism and others. i wander off and sit under the stairs and hit my head. "dont you want to look at this museum with us? Yes? come with me. stand up. grab your bag. come with me" i swear it sounds sweet to me when she says it. ("hey, are you gonna keep an eye on him in the exhibition?)
words are thrown away or maybe stored in a place i forget about them.
my friends often giggle when i hold my glass with both hands. "its cute, like a kid". i feel shaky. i try hard not to spill. i wonder do they understand what they say.
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nepobaby² [pt.2]
elijah hewson x pop singer! reader
description: people hate to see a hot girl killing it, so much so that tmz starts rumours that spread like wildfire.
authors note: heyy this is a random part two to this ! so go enjoy and tell me what you think :))
tmz
liked by inhalerfan1 and others
tmz 🚨 Scandal Alert 🚨 TMZ exclusive: Shocking photos reveal yourusername caught in a steamy affair with a Saltburn's heartthrob Barry Keoghan, despite being in a relationship of over 3 years! 😱💔
Stay tuned as we uncover all the juicy details behind this explosive cheating scandal.
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inhalerfan1 omg what a slut! always knew she was no good for Eli
inhalerfan2 she's so fame hungry going after the most popular irish celeb, watch out paul mescal
ynfan1 nooooo girl nooooo
ynfanupdates
liked by ynfan1 and others
ynfanupdates ehhhh guys did you see all this?? yn and eli were spotted together like a week ago what the hell is going on??
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ynfan1 I refuse to believe this is true, she's not like that
inhalerfan2 oh and you know her so well do you? ynfan1 maybe not but I do know tmz have lied in the past! they have no journalistic integrity
ynfan2 she must of really REALLY enjoyed saltburn
inhalerfan1 I will never listen to her again disgusting behaviour
deuxmoi
liked by inhalerfan1 and others
deuxmoi just hours after the news broke that his girlfriend of 3 years is cheating on him, elijah hewson is the picture of heartbroken at his show and their interviews :(
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inhalerfan1 omg baby, #ynisoverparty
inhalerfan2 this is crazy, how could she do this to him while they're touring !
ynfan1 we don't even know if the rumours are true!! inhalerfan1 evidence is pretty stacked against your girl
inhalerfan3 can't wait for the single Eli era !!
yourusername just posted on their close friends!
this is hell there was 6 other people at that dinner and we got in separate cars home
replies:
bobbyskeetz yeah didn't think you fucked with barry like that
↳ ...... bobbyskeetz too soon? yeah just a bit man
taylorswift they are ruthless! please call me gorgeous, you're not alone in this xx
trumanblack are you in LA right now?
↳ I am yeah why does that matter rn matthew trumanblack just wanted to make sure I booked the flight to the right place. ↳ matttttt I'm gonna cry (even more)
ynfanupdates
liked by ynfan1 and others
ynfanupdates THIS IS NOT THE FACE OF A CHEATER. Also look how in love those two are !!! I dont not believe tmz on bit. ALSO people are being so mean to her. LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
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ynfan1 couldn’t said it better myself
ynfan2 people hate to see a hot girl slay.
tmz
liked by 1975fan1 and others
tmz big brother to the rescue ? looks like the Healy siblings are sticking together through thick and thin. our cameras caught the eldest Healy sibling rushing to the states to support his little sister amidst her massive cheating scandal! 👀
looks like getting cancelled runs in the family huh...
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1975fan1 oh he looks pissed
ynfan1 omg the poor girl she looks in bits 💔
inhalerfan1 consequences of her actions ynfan2 WE DONT EVEN KNOW IF ITS TRUE NONE OF THEM HAVE COME OUT AND SAID ANYTHING inhalerfan1 you are clearly unhinged babe xxx
inhalerfan1 great job playing the victim girl, what about eli x
elijahhewson
liked by yourusername and others
elijahhewson stop making shit up to sell you papers. this is the love of my life who was at a group dinner, leave her be.
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bobbyskeetz ready to go to war for my favourite couple
ryanmcmahon_15 me too !
inhalerfan1 holy shit eli's is off private oh my GOD
inhalerfan2 it’s happening! everyone stay calm
trumanblack fair play mate
denisewelch its all so silly, clearly haven't seen how in love you two are !!
taylorswift glad to see her smiling again <3
ynfan1 I KNEW IT my parents could never .
ynfanupdates hope she's okay people were so mean to her..
yourusername
liked by elijahhewson and others
yourusername please learn to be nicer while I disappear x
comments have been turned off.
ynfanupdates
liked by ynfan1 and others
ynfanupdates it’s officially been a year and a half since we’ve heard anything from or even seen yourusername 🥲 I really respect her taking some time after that crazy barry situation but this is HARD
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ynfan1 noo I’m the same, I do be missing her bops
ynfan2 fr feels like we’ve been put in the worlds longest time out
ynfanupdates especially with that last insta post 😔
yourusername posted to their close friends!
replies:
charli_xcx yessss queen the world is not readyyyy
↳ AHHH thank you C <33
rass75 AOTY pending?
↳ heheh idk ! genre change pending tho …
taylorswift cannot wait to hear what you're working on !
↳ and what if you hopped on a track?
yourusername
liked by elijahhewson and others
yourusername is there anyone out there?
come spend some time with me within the echoes of solitude, there might be some familiar faces x
// this is me trying / the lakes / mad woman / my tears ricochet / mirrorball / slut! (feat. Taylor Swift) / let the light in (feat. Elijah Hewson) / both sides now (feat. Joni Mitchell) / coney island (feat. Matty Healy) //
out in TWO weeks !
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jackantonoff lets fuckin GO
trumanblack so moody, almost emo?
yourusername coming for your gig big bro x
gabriette woooo they are not ready !
charlixcx AHHHH so buzzed (for all the sadness)
ynfan2 ah a sad album?? yourusername im sorry to confirm its not very pop 💔 ynfan2 so heartbroken ! but can't wait to hear it all, welcome back <3
elijahhewson so proud of you beautiful
ynfan1 OMG SHE'S BACK
ynfan2 oh no she looks so sad :(( slut! is gonna break me
ynfanupdates okay queen is back to dominate a new genre !
vogue
liked by yourusername and others
vogue our next edition unveils an exclusive interview with our beloved pop sensation! emerging from a year of solitude, she opens up about her toughest career moment yet and her newfound carefree spirit, crediting the unwavering support of friends, family, and the love of her life! don't miss out on the latest scoop - grab your copy and dive into her inspiring journey!
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yourusername ahhhhh thanks for having me !!!
ynfan1 oh she slayss
ynfan2 bless her, the part where she talks about how nervous she is about not releasing a new pop album broke my heart
ynfan1 fr she doesn't get how much we love her ! yourusername AWH you guys !!!!
inhalerfan1 the love of her life .... her and eli are the cutest
yourusername
liked by trumanblack and others
yourusername HI again ! soooo I felt a tinnie bit bad that I'm abandoning my roots, espically so close to summer sooo....
espresso a certified bop* is out now xxxx
*certification is from my boyfriend so possible bias there ..
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ynfan1 holy shit I LOVE YOU
ynfan2 eli is so in love im OBSESSED
charlixcx so hot omfg
bobbyskeetz man is whipped
yourusername isnt it that sweet?! bobbyskeetz i guess so 🙄 elijahhewson espresso
finished
hehehe this is so dramatic and for WHAt?! but I love and had so much fun making it. ENJOY <33
ALSO requests are open aswell so it me up xx
#inhaler band#elijah hewson imagine#inhaler dublin#elijah hewson fanfic#elijah hewson x reader#elijah hewson#fake instagram#fake insta post
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those mlp infection aus on tiktok have been alright but heres my idea to consider:
the main characters of the au are the cmc. theyre not the lone survivors, and heres why: the infection almost entirely affects adults. this is just like a book i read in 5th grade, thats where im stealing this from.
Applebloom is the self appointed leader, shes best at foraging for food and growing it as well as building re-enforcements for the shelter (which is the clubhouse. it's higher up so they dont have to worry about most infected ponies reaching them.)
Scootaloo is the defender of the base as well as the group in general. shes the one who handles the weapons and is first to sacrifice herself for her friends to get to safety. She says its because he doesnt want to hold them back due to her disability, they tell her she doesnt have to think like that. but its hard not to.
Sweetie Belle is... not all there. sometimes she forgets the apocalypse has happened and that most of her loved ones are dead. Scootaloo and Applebloom take turns sleeping during the night to make sure someone is always lookout. that, and they can't risk Sweetie Belle unknowingly walking into the dark trying to get home.
Partially inspired by one of the best animes ive ever seen: School Live, Scootaloo and Applebloom sometimes, when Sweetie is having an episode, pretend everything is normal. Is the most they can do for their friend, who is clearly so traumatized that her brain blocks out the reality of their situation. Sometimes, Applebloom wishes that could happen to her.
When the infection started, it slowly took over the elderly first. Granny Smith got sick, fast. Big Mac and Applejack took care of her, but only a few days later she would turn into some kid of monstrous creature. Big Mac did the unspeakable act of putting her out of her misery.
Sweetie Bell was sent to go live with Rarity while her mother was sick. Her father began to feel ill too, and didn't want her to get herself and her friends at school sick as well. She could hear over the phone the conversations her sister and father had. How mom was getting worse, how dad was getting worse. How they stopped calling altogether.
A couple days into the widespread sickness, Scootaloo's aunts took a trip to the store to stock up on groceries just incase a quarantine was issued. They were gone for hours. They were gone for days. They never came back. Eventually, Scootaloo traveled outside of her home by herself, and could never return.
Once Big Mac and Applejack started showing signs of illness, Applejack spoke to cousins in other places wondering if they would be able to let Applebloom stay with them a while. But just like everyone in Ponyville, they were experiencing the same issue. At one point, Fluttershy agreed to watch Applebloom until AJ and Big Mac started to feel better.
After hearing that Fluttershy graciously took in Applebloom, Rarity sent Sweetie Belle off to her the moment she started to cough. She didn't want Sweetie to see her like that. She didn't want her to get sick either, and in fact, she probably transported it from their parents house and into Rarity's. That made Rarity angry. Her last words to Sweetie were about how upset she was that she'd brought the illness to her.
Scootaloo went to Fluttershy herself. She couldn't find Rainbow Dash, so she settled for the next best pony. She was shocked to see her friends had been there themselves the past few days. Scootaloo only managed to stay a few hours, because during the night the crusaders awoke to a crash in another room. Upon investigation they saw Fluttershy hunched over a broken glass. There was blood on the floor.
They went to comfort her, but she wasn't herself any longer. When she turned to face them it already looked like she'd been ravened by the infection. She was so hungry. Why couldn't the jar just open? She was so... hungry. Before she could even stand back up, the crusaders grabbed their things and fled to the only place they knew they'd be safe. The clubhouse.
#my little pony#mlp#mlpfim#mlp infection au#applebloom#scootaloo#sweetie belle#cutie mark crusaders#infection au#apocalypse au#ive made myself giddy thinking about this. i need to draw up some concept designs.
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