#in accepting and respecting my boundaries

[elfwreck]

There's a lot that white men can do to counter the incel-to-nazi pipeline that the rest of us cannot.

There is ZERO amount of support that a woman can provide for a guy who says "why can't I get laid like all the cool guys in the movies?" Zero support she can provide for "howcome women are all friendly with each other but when I walk into the room, everyone goes quiet?"

Nothing she can say to help him understand why his appearance is considered a potential danger. That info has to come from someone he trusts, someone he respects - and if he's asking "why does this random group of [women/Asians/queer people/etc] not instantly accept me as a friend and ally" - he doesn't trust or respect them well enough to understand their answers.

Because, sorry dude, you are not friend-shaped. You are suspect because so many others who look like you and talk like you and have similar backgrounds to you, were discovered to be bigots just waiting for the right excuse to be public about it.

Are there good white cis het guys? Of course. There are even good Christians.

But I can't spot them from a distance, and I don't have the energy to review every one I encounter to decide if they belong in the "safe" bin. They stay in the "maybe unsafe" bin until proven otherwise, and I sure as hell don't have the time to check them all.

Guys who want to prove they're safe can start by respecting boundaries.

...This means NOT pressuring people who say "no." No, I don't want a date. No, I don't want to take my earbuds out to chat on the bus. No, I don't want to sit next to you at the bar. No, I don't want to dance with you. No, I don't want to share my fries. No, I won't review that report for you. No, we don't have space in the carpool. No, we don't have an extra ticket to the game.

Because we have discovered, over and over, that a whole lot of "I am an ALLY, REALLY!!!!" guys are only an ally until someone tells them they're not wanted in a particular group, or as part of a particular project, or (sigh) in someone's bed.

I don't see cis het white (christian) guys as scum of the earth. But a lot of them think I do, because I don't see them as angels, either. They get upset because they start at "neutral, maybe dangerous" instead of trustworthy and respected.

"Why don't they trust me?" I keep hearing.

"What have you done to make yourself trustworthy?" I ask.

"Done? Why should I have to do anything? I am trustworthy!"

...well, that's the problem. How would anyone know that?

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[tlbodine]

Tips for Talking to Conservative Friends & Family

In the wake of the election, with the holidays around the corner, some of you may be wondering how to deal with friends, family members, coworkers, etc. who voted for Trump and/or who espouse his policies.

This guide is by no means meant to be authoritative and won't work in every circumstance. I accept no responsibility for what happens if you use any scripts and it goes horribly awry. But I did want to share some of my personal experience in this vein, as someone with a great deal of conservative people in my life whom I generally love and respect and would like to maintain a civil relationship with (and, hopefully, bring them back to center if not my side). I've had decent luck with these strategies in the past.

First: Only engage if it is safe to do so.

Do not get into political discussions that might endanger your job, your living situation, your access to care, or your physical and emotional safety. However, do engage if you are able to do so safely and your doing so might help someone in a more vulnerable position. What the fuck is privilege for if not using it to protect people?

Second: Identify your goal.

Do you want to de-escalate a situation so someone can get out of immediate danger? Do you want to establish a boundary? Or do you want to actually attempt to convert someone over to your side? Each goal has different tactics. Be realistic with yourself about what you're going to accomplish. If you do not have a close relationship with the person, you are extremely unlikely to change their mind about anything, and it's frankly not worth the effort. Let someone who is close to them do that work. De-escalate, set a boundary if possible, and gtfo.

But if you do have a close relationship -- if this person generally likes and respects you -- then you might have a shot at challenging their views.

We're going to assume a scenario where you're dealing with people you know and who you can generally count on not to be immediately aggressive. Somebody else will be better-equipped to talk about strategies for dealing with protests and people on the street etc.

De-Escalation & Setting Boundaries

This is your first line of defense against family members acting shitty. If someone tries to start a debate, makes an off-color joke or comment, or is otherwise behaving inappropriately, try:

Let's not talk about this over dinner.

I don't think this is appropriate conversation right now.

That's an awful thing to say.

I don't understand that joke, can you explain why it's funny?

I'm sorry, I won't listen to any more of this (leave the room)

That's not okay.

What you want to do here is make an appeal to correct standards of behavior. You want them to feel ashamed for acting out of line. In order to make this work, it is essential that you:

Remain calm and keep an even, light-but-firm tone of voice. It needs to be clear that you're not joking around, but you also cannot sound upset. (Yes, this is really hard. I'm sorry.) Practice your very best "I'm not angry, just disappointed" tone for maximum effect. If you can manage it, eye contact and a neutral or even slightly concerned or sad expression will make it even better.

Avoid insulting or attacking them. Do not say things like, "Stop being an asshole" or "I can't believe you're acting like this" no matter how much you want to. Do not say "That's racist/sexist/ableist/homophobic." These types of replies, no matter how accurate, will make them defensive, and defensive people shut down and stop listening. If you come off as angry, that gives THEM permission to be angry right back. But if you come off as the normal one, them getting angry makes them look like a dick.

Do not laugh. Avoid the urge to chuckle nervously or joke it off. It WILL feel uncomfortable. It WILL be awkward as fuck. That's the point. They are misbehaving by violating a standard of appropriate behavior, and you are setting down a boundary. The awkwardness will fade and, frankly, they'll often start behaving better pretty much immediately.

Follow through on your consequences. If you say, "Dad, if you continue to bring up Trump, I will not call you anymore," you have to stick to it. Holding firm to your boundaries is HARD AS FUCK but if you don't do it then all you do is teach them that they can wear you down. Think of it like training a dog. Consistency is key.

You're not going to change anybody's closely-held beliefs with this strategy, but you WILL make a case for what is allowable around you. If you model this behavior, and encourage and embolden other people you know to do the same, you might be surprised. A lot of times, people's inappropriate behavior is a boundary-testing mechanism -- they tell the racist joke because they want to see if they can get away with it -- and if you shut them down, they often just...stop. Or at least retreat into their little hole to talk to fellow gremlins instead of you.

Challenging Views, Changing Minds

Okay. You actually want to engage them in conversation. You want to challenge their views and help them change their opinion. How do you do that?

Again, it's essential that you remain calm. If you can't have this discussion without getting heated, it's not the time to have the discussion. If they start to get heated, be prepared to de-escalate and walk away: "I cannot continue this conversation with you right now. Let's talk again some other time when we've cooled off."

But if you can keep calm, here is what actually works (sometimes):

Listen to them. No, really. Hear them out.

Help them feel heard by empathizing with them. Repeat back your understanding of what they said and how that must feel.

Remind them that for other people, THEY are feeling xyz emotion, too.

Ask them questions. Instead of telling them they're wrong, ask questions that will lead them to draw that conclusion themselves.

Make appeals to emotion rather than starting with facts and logic. You'll know what kind of emotion to draw on because you've been listening to them and empathizing. Hint: almost always, bigotry (at the personal level) is rooted in fear.

If this is going well, THEN you can start citing some sources, statistics, and facts.

Invite them to share THEIR sources with you.

Thank them for doing such a good job at being calm and discussing this with you, reaffirm your close relationship, and encourage them to come talk to you about this at any time. It's very possible that you are the only person they might feel safe bringing this stuff up to now and you want to keep that channel of communication open.

Very often (not always, or often), conservative-leaning individuals are people who lack the education or knowledge that left-leaning people do. They may be accustomed to being insulted, yelled at, and made to feel stupid. They are conditioned to believe that folks on the left are smug, holier-than-thou, stuck-up assholes. Whatever you can do to poke a hole in that perception will simultaneously make it easier to talk to them AND cause them to question that rhetoric the next time they encounter it.

This tactic won't always work. It probably won't work at all the first conversation. It's something you'll have to chip away at over time. But sometimes, it's worth it.

And if it's not? Well. As they say.

[ranfordgallus]

So...im making a post of the things you can like, do with or about my fancomic 'Krattastrophe', so you don't have to ask me basically

Remember, these are for my boundaries and for you! If you can't respect my boundaries block me and never interact with my stuff

The stuff is down below..

1. Can i make fanart or fan content? (Edits, fan animation, etc)

Thats a stupid fucking question OF COURSE YOU CAN, ill eat that shit up tears in my eyes crawling on the floor whenever i see fanart, love you guys..mwaaaa

2. Can i repost your comics/post it on other social medias?

Of course, all you have to do is credit me (all of my socials have the same name (ranfordgallus) im only in tumblr (obv), instagram, and tiktok, no where else, so if you wanna post it on twitter you can credit my Tumblr or just ranfordgallus in general)

3. Can i make headcanons of the character?

You can, as long as its not fully outright mischaracterizing the characters

Example: you can headcanon what Khriz's gender identity is, he doesn't have a canon gender but he prefers having a masculine identity, so you can make him..non-binary, demi-boy, whatever.. if you wanna make him more fem or "womanly" its a bit controversial for me, it feels like you're not really accepting what he identifies (being more masculine) soooo..

Khriz's race? I mean..he is a clone of Chris so he's technically white, though he doesn't have a race because hes a robot obviously so can change races when he morphs, if you make his human form black, asian, etc then...i guess im not stopping you really

4. Can i make redesigns of the characters for fanart?

I mean...sure i guess, for Khriz in his "human" form he does not have a "canon" appearance because he is a robot clone and his human look is what he imagines he'd look like, you can make him more conventionally attractive or something because he doesn't have..like i said, a canon human design..though, it'll be odd seeing him "attractive" than just scary or unnerving..

5. Can i ship the characters?

..depends, for Chris x Khriz that is a no, Khriz sees him as a brother figure but also a friend, Khriz x Zach? Im killing you, Chris x Zach get out of my office, any ship between Zach that isn't Gourmand you're out, other ships im chill or atleast okay with like...koki x aviva, uhhhh jimmy x his controller, etc...crackships??? IM OUT THE DOOR! Love seeing crackships

Im not a big fan of selfcest, never really had a positive feeling about it, its not...well technically its not a proship but..just not a big fan, so i dont wanna see Chris x Khriz in my feed

6. Are you okay with Oc x Canon?

Literally go ahead, like i care honestly, Chris is aroace in this AU so...idk, Khriz however i mean..he doesn't have a confirmed sexuality but he's a bit like demiromantic in a way so take what you can, except for Zach cuz...yk he's dead n stuff LMAO

8. rule 34?

...uhhh, just wait till i'm 18 dude..(2 YEARS LEFT!!!!) if i turn 18 don't make it weird please, boundaries first

If i see..*gag* some weird fetish art or proship*gags* im gonna need you to stop and leave , get the fuck out you weirdo, fucking dweeb

Theres probably other questions you have that i didn't put so..let me know in the comments!

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

"Can I call you 'Drias?"

"Only one person ever called me that"

"Oh! Gotcha! Too personal. Boundaries, Marcy!"

My babygirl blaming herself and her difficulty reading social cues when she didn't do anything 😭 how was she supposed to know it was "too personal"?? She automatically assumes she did something wrong she assumes she messed up my BABY

[maareyas]

Hey there! Hope I'm not bothering you, but your various Cosium AUs are living in my head tonight. :D I was wondering if you had any little snippets of info you'd like to share? (About any of them. I'm not picky. ^^ I'm more than willing to listen to you ramble if you so desire.) Also, your Phantom Ben design is SUPER cool and I was wondering if I could have permission to draw him?

glad you enjoy them :^] also yeah feel free to draw him and any other of the au designs

As for snippets, you gotta give me a specific au XD I have. so many--too many, one could say. And all of them have some level of ✨Unreleased Lore™️✨ that I don't know which to talk about ahhdh

Here's some snippets for the RuBen au (aka the nickname I've lovingly given Phantom Ben):

The entire cosium family is from Mobius in this au

Ofc the entire story takes place during Forces.

Ben, Kaze, and Darren were separated from their parents when The War™️ started. They still have some contact with Mort and Athena at least.

Benonic is the only who is an "official" Resistance member. Kaze likes to tag along despite Ben telling him to stay where it's safe.

Kaze and Darren take up some of The Avatar/Gadget's roles in the story. I imagine that Gadget himself and his story still exists though.

There was a planned third part to the Ruben saga I ended up never drawing. It would have depicted this au's equivalent of the last Infinite fight. Kaze and Darren would have defeated Ben and destroyed the Phantom Ruby that was encasing his hand.

Ben however ended up in a coma because the ruby's power fried his brain.

A 4th "epilogue" drawing was also planned. This time it was Ben at the hospital with a robotic hand to replace the one the Ruby consumed before. He would have been surrounded by his brothers, Athena, Carrie, and Regina.

Mortesen and Rakar would be off to the side, talking. Rakar was a neurosurgeon in this au and operated on Ben's brain to help it recover and remove any leftover stuff from the Ruby.

Ben has striped scars on his arm from his time as RuBen. He also still has weak reality-warping powers, but using them at all takes a lot of energy and causes a terrible migraine.

[kethabali]

i just remembered how my mom used to say its actually her religious right to treat her children however she wants and if we retaliate we would be completely at fault bc the parent should ALWAYS be treated with utmost respect

[uumumuu]

She's finally giving in to becoming the lap cat I knew she was 😈 all according to plan,,,,,,

[ajacks99]

god one of my favourite things about bg3 is that characters are allowed to change opinions, and I don't mean about story beats e.g. character endings etc, but about relationships - like where Karlach for example is initially all for your PC spending time with someone else, but then later on actually changes to want to be more serious and exclusive and/or recognises that's what she truly wants (depending on interpretation). I actually think its a very refreshing way to look at relationships and more specifically polyamory in RPG games compared to just 'everyone is poly'/'one Single Pairing works as poly'/'everyone is playersexual'. Like its refreshing it isn't just locked in from the get go.

[cold--carnage]

aight fr tho I think they're right because it once again feels unsafe like everywhere all the time

[emi1y]

tours will have you finding out that even the most trusted mutuals have been taylor swift fans all this time. jerry seinfeld voice not that there's anything wrong with that 🫢

[skinnymeanfaggot]

also

[whiskingskin]

Random thought but. I've worked in education for 5 years now, and I love to see gentle parenting and kindness being taught first!!!

You're remembering to tell your kids a solid and resolute "no" when necessary, right?

Right???

[phagodyke]

IN OTHER NEWS I FINISHED TRANSLATION STATE LAST NIGHT the ending had me sobbing not bc it's sad at all but WAAAAA

[lupismaris]

No one gets under your skin and makes you feel sick quite like your siblings, and there's no numbness quite like the feeling of having to put a boundary firmly in place with a wide open door for them to walk through should they see it for one

[areyoudoingthis]

it's so fucked up that people keep telling me that my parents love me and suggesting I shouldn't cut contact with them while I'm trying desperately to process and put into words all the ways in which my parents hurt me throughout my life, all the things i should see as violent instead of normalizing them and excusing them or pretending they don't exist

[catgirlwizard]

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