#but thats just disregarding my own boundaries and trauma in exchange for catering to the comforts of himself and the family | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lupismaris · 2 years ago

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No one gets under your skin and makes you feel sick quite like your siblings, and there's no numbness quite like the feeling of having to put a boundary firmly in place with a wide open door for them to walk through should they see it for one

#ive not always been a good older sibling to my brother and i know that. ive owned up for it and apologized and made myself open.#so that we can mend what fractured relationship we have should he choose.#but he fixates on my refusal to play nicely with family that has not done right by me for the whole of my life and bases #the entirety of our potential relationship and the memory of out mother on that on the fact i wont play nice with her kin #because they have not ever fully accepted me save for my uncles which is a new thing. and ive made my boundaries about this clear #and he pushes and pushes and says if we come together as a family it'll ease his grieving and we'll all heal together #but thats just disregarding my own boundaries and trauma in exchange for catering to the comforts of himself and the family #ive given up fighting him on that #but i asked him simply that if he needs me or wants to tell me something to just call me pr text me directly it can be short n sweet #but not to go to our parents. its insulting. ive always answered his calls. even when we fight pr have a failed mediation i always answer #and he immediately made it about how my boundaries are unacceptable so why should he bother #i give up. i know i was arrogant at 26. i know i was. i was probably cruel too. but i had made myself a doormat at the same time.#all i told him was he never bothered to talk to me as my brother or ask my about our mother without the lens of her kin #it was always about them never just about her. it was never about us as siblings just about our aunts and uncles and grandparents #he never crossed the road and came to me and said can we talk about ma and I reminded him of that. never a conversation just #him playing court jester/therapist and ignoring boundaries over and over. and even then i always answered the phone #so i told him he can pivot and change the subject all he wants. but the point of this was that if he needs me i answer.#and should he need me i will answer. but if he continues this behavior of backhanded communication #ill know he doesnt respect me and doesnt see me as his sibling because ive asked him plainly to speak to me #im fuckin tired. you try with people and they just... bait you.#the fact he looked at me and said our relatives are all he has left of ma and im his sibling will never not feel like a salted wound tbh

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