#dont smoke kids >:( unless ...

[hinamie]

we may not get forever / but forever is far

[dadfolddilf]

tony collette has instantly become my favourite in the peachyville horror show he is just SO BASTARDLY (and gay)

I wish upon thee many shared cigarettes with hot doctors.

[alstroemerian-dragon]

nothing more platonic than smoking weed on a balcony at 9 pm and blowing the smoke into your homies mouth. trust me im an expert 🌺🔥🌫️

[wheresmyicarus]

cigarette pls

[reorientation]

zyn anon. sorry again for the long ass updates I shall stop unless I get pregnant lmao.

speaking of, have more faith in me 😭 Ive been playing it mostly safe. kinda. I don't have to stop smoking and i dont want to 😒 and all this is mostly reversible unless he gets me pregnant, so I'm a lil more cautious. and im not pregnant i checked a few days ago, not because of a pregnancy scare but just paranoia lol im definitely a dumb whore tho. we've discovered he has a breeding kink. LMAO. lol. im so fucked

anyway so, as it turns out I was right about lacking self control.

he went on a camping trip for a few days, and i was really pent uppp and so was he lol. and when i came over to his place, almost immediately horny brain took over. we just started kissing on the couch, and took it to his room. thankfully his roommates still on holiday. i got so desperate and pathetic, i begged him to fuck me even though no iud yet. he was definitely enthusiastic lol. he only took his pants off enough to take his cock out. he also ripped my panties 😒 he went to grab a condom from the night stand,

he was like "gotta play it safe now aha" and i was like

"no. go bare. 🗿"

he didn't even question it, i was so wet and i felt how easily his cock slid on me before entering.

he only ever went raw a handful of times even before my failed vow of celibacy. since he thought it was dumb for me to get plan B even if he swore he didn't cum at all in me. other than that one time. he'd tell me when he's close, and immediately pull out to finish on me.

but this time it was so primal, being skin to skin and that bare and close was insane. he had a hand on my hip, and he'd basically pull me back down on his cock but fuck lol it just felt so strong. we stopped at one point, i was still all the way on his cock and on top of his lap but no riding. is that cockwarming?

idk but I want to do it again. i felt his dick like. move inside of me during that. all we did was make out but it was way too hot.

anyway, he pushed me on my back and told me he was close, as predicted, I told him to cum in me. he asked if I was sure and not only did i beg him to cum in me.

i told him to get me pregnant 😭

i wasn't thinking properly and I got scared immediately after saying it. i was worried it was gonna put him out of the mood but it did the opposite 😭😭 he asked smth like "oh, you wanna have my kids?" and omfg he kept mumbling about it. telling me to take it all deep, telling me hes gonna get me pregnant.

i came so hard, and only with penetration. it was such a weird feeling, and before i could become rational and tell him its just a prank. pull out. it was over, he came in me while mumbling about knocking me up 😭😭 i was short circuiting lol. and it was different than last time. it felt more shakey, and he kept doing these small thrusts after I think most of his cum was already pressed deep, and then he just settled all in me. he was soft by the time he pulled out, i was way too hazed out ngl

he came a lot. some started to drip down when he pulled out, and i felt him finger it back in me.

he said he didnt nut the whole trip, and was saving his cum for me. he knew id be too horny and impulsive to make good decisions. 😒.

as it turns out, he has a big thing for breeding, but was scared to tell me incase i took it a bad way.

im terrified of having a partner who gets off on the idea of getting me pregnant but I can't stay away.

i complained that id have to wake up so early to run out and get plan B, and buying it will be expensive.

so he told me to just not get it then. and I'm like .. well .. I'm not on any birth control and im full of cum .. like maybe risking it be a bad idea. ironically, like you had once suggested, he suggested I leave it up to chance.

I did take plan B after. twice lol. im still really anxious, but incredibly horny and I didn't know both could exist at once

he's arrogant now too. ill go over after work and when we're about to fuck, ill ask him to wrap it. and he's like "nah, don't feel like it tonight". he also threw out his condoms. but even if i bring my own he doesn't use them 😒

my birthcontrol method was to start riding him when he's about to get close, and pull off before he's about to cum. but he caught on and now just grinds me down on him as he's cumming

i told him about my detrans kink and he leans heavyy in it. or he probably is just an actual straight man. he reminds me daily that he can't believe i ever thought i was a boy. he doesnt even say it in a kinky way like he just means it. lol :/

im pretty much always thinking about it. everytime he finishes in me, im stuck dripping his cum for two days, and im still paranoid that ill be carrying more than just his cum from this blip up lol. and also, you taught me more about post nut clarity right. he told me to risk it maybe half an hour after he came. surely hed have post nut clarity and not actually want a baby, right?its weird to feel fear and horny at the same time.

(Previously)

have more faith in me 😭

-

I told him to cum in me. he asked if I was sure and not only did i beg him to cum in me. i told him to get me pregnant 😭

Oh, I certainly have faith in you, Anon. I know you're going to do just what you're supposed to. 🖤

Come on, sweetheart. Do you really expect to make it out of this without him putting a baby in you? You begged for him to knock you up, took a week's worth of his cum in your unprotected pussy, and then just lay there blissed out and hazy while he made sure every drop ended up inside you.

Sure, you took Plan B afterwards. But now he knows what kind of girl you are, and that you won't stop him from keeping you full of his cum. Sooner or later, you'll be ovulating, and you'll conceive for him.

And that makes you dripping wet, doesn't it? Knowing that your straight boyfriend, who never thought of you as anything except a girl, is doing his damnedest to give you a baby bump. That you already came off T for him, and now you're taking his load in your fertile pussy whenever he tells you to.

When the day of your IUD appointment comes, I hope he just holds you down and fucks his cum into you, instead of letting you go. Clearly, he'd be justified: you can't possibly claim to be a reliable source on what you really want.

You thought you wanted to be a boy, but you eagerly turned back into a girl the minute a straight man got his cock into you. You thought you wanted to be safe, and then you begged for him to knock you up. Hell, you thought Zyns were worth whoring yourself out for, and you don't even like them. Why should he think that not wanting to have his babies is the one way you really know your mind?

[sunny-ssunset]

MASTERLIST AND REQUESTS

Divider by Pinterest

❀ All my storys are here! ❀

REQUESTS! OPEN!

I try not to ignore any requests but tumblr has been deleting some before I could even start the draft so im sorry if your request hasnt came through :(

Disclaimer! If gender is unspecified in the request it will be chosen by me.

❀ What I'll write! ❀

♡Any gender

♡Any characters

♡Headcanons and fics/oneshots

♡Yandere x reader/ Character x Yandere reader

♡Romantic will be aged up and platonic doesnt really matter the age

♡I only write for south park sorry

❀ What i wont write! ❀

♡Character x character im selfish

♡Character x oc again im selfish

♡No poly relationships i dont really know how to portray that sorry

♡Smut i cant take it seriously tbh

♡Adult x child (unless platonic) self explanatory

♡Incest or like weird shit bc im normal

I post every Wednesday :D

Divider by @k1ssyoursister

ONESHOTS!

-Unbearable.

❀Kyle x a Mute! Rebellious! Fem! Reader❀

Kyle helps a girl he's been keeping his eye on, not knowing it will change his perspective of her permanently. (AGED UP)

-Her highness.

❀Princess Kenny x Fem! Knight! Reader❀

Y/n asks Princess Kenny to be her Queen. (AGED UP)

-Y/n's coffee catastrophe!

❀Tweek x Coworker! GN! Reader❀

Y/n's first day on the job!! How hard can it be? (AGED UP)

-How I met your mother

❀Kyle broflovski x Fem! Reader❀

How kyle broflovski met his now wife. (AGED UP)

-I just can't live with out you

❀Kenny mccormick x Fem! Reader❀

He really does love her, don't you think? (AGED UP)

divider by @k1ssyoursister

FANFICS!

-Pretty in Pink!

❀Yandere South park x a Girly! Fem! Reader❀

A cute popular girl vs. highschoolers, Can Y/n win their hearts over? (AGED UP TO 18 AND OVER)

-Chapter 1

-Chapter 3

-Better in Red

-Chapter 4

-Chapter 5

-Yandere headcanons (TW)

-Chapter 6

-Chapter 7

-Bathing Kenny headcanons

-Kyle shopping headcanons

-Chapter 8

-Choose your Soulmate!

Old name: Choose your character

❀Yandere south park x reader❀

Y/n finds themself playing a cute dating sim that includes lots of hot LIs! What could go wrong? GN! AGED UP!

-Tutorial

-Level one

-Level two

-Level Three

-Level four

divider by @k1ssyoursister

HEADCANONS!

❀Smoking 🍃❀

-Smoking 🍃 with Stan, Kyle and Kenny

Smoking zaza with Stan, Kyle and Kenny. (GENDER NEUTRAL AGED UP)

-Smoking 🍃 with Craig, Clyde and Tweek

Smoking zaza with Craig, Clyde and Tweek (GN AGED UP)

-Smoking 🍃 with Damien thorn

Smoking zaza with Damien thorn (GN AGED UP)

❀Honest dating hcs❀

-Honest dating headcanons

What i think dating show accurate Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny would be like. (GENDER NEUTRAL AGED UP)

-Honest dating headcanons Part 2

What i think dating show accurate Craig, Tweak, Jimmy, Tolkien and Clyde would be like (GENDER NEUTRAL AGED UP)

❀Dating headcanons❀

-Damien thorn dating headcanons

How I imagine damien thorn would be in a relationship (GENDER NEUTRAL AGED UP)

-Pip pirrip dating a female misunderstood and sweet reader

Pip pirrip dating a girl that sticks up for him.

(AGED UP)

-Mean! Jock! Stan Marsh x Weird kid! GN! Reader.

Bully! Jock! Stan marsh x Weird kid reader headcanons. GN AGED UP

-Watching a movie with Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Cartman.

How I imagine watching a film with the main 4 (seperate) would go (GN AGED UP)

-Dating Clyde Donovan headcanons

How dating Clyde Donovan would go! (GN AGED UP)

-Dating Kenny Mccormick headcanons

How dating Kenny Mccormick would go! (GN AGED UP)

-Kyle dating a hispanic GN reader

Kyle with a hispanic reader! (AGED UP GN)

❀Super hero hcs❀

-Dating human kite headcanons (GN AGED UP)

-Dating mysterion headcanons (GN AGED UP)

❀Dating a girly female reader (AGED UP)❀

-Kenny dating a girly reader

-Kyle dating a girly reader

-Cartman dating a girly reader

-Stan dating a girly reader

-Stan dating headcanons part 2

-Craig dating a girly reader

-Tweek dating a girly reader

divider by @k1ssyoursister

[yourclumsyguardianangel]

the seven + a few others future headcanons

percy:

becomes a high school teacher

teaches high school marine biology (idk how it is in other schools but when we hit sophomore year we got to choose different bio classes ie: marine bio, ag bio, med bio + regular bio)

also teaches the mythology elective and is the swim team coach

annabeth:

we already know this queen is an architect with obvious inspiration from greek architecture

learns how to make blue food for percy and their kids from sally

has traveled all over the world looking at different architecture

learns the basics of many languages so shes able to communicate with the locals

her and leo team up to build a small school near camp half-blood for year rounders so everyone can learn consistently but dw they get summers off

piper:

love her but shes a nepo baby

she doesnt act like it tho

”are you tristan mcleans daughter?” “who?”

loves her dad to bits but does not like being seen out in public by the paparazzi

marries shel, they dont have kids tho, neither of them want to bring any into the world especially with america’s downfall and the government erasing women and poc rights

is basically leos big sister atp

leo:

him and calypso dont last, maybe a year and a half in they split bc calypso wants to explore the world and leo is very emotionally unstable and calypso has a hard time understanding

they end on good terms but dont ever talk unless its with a group of friends

he goes into a trade to become a mechanic and owns his own shop

starts smoking cigarettes/vaping

his friends dont really approve but they understand he cant quit just yet as hes not in a mental space to do so

goes to therapy with a psychologist whos a demigod that specializes in grieving and war trauma

they all go to therapy but hes the last one to do it

he’s still the ‘happy go lucky’ guy hes always been but as he gets closer w the others they start to see the true sadness in him

piper and him grow a lot closer after jason died and have a big sister little brother relationship

hazel:

my girl stays at camp jupiter

takes nicos place at camp

horse trainer

her and frank also dont work out as a romantic relationship, they felt that the age gap was too much after frank turned 18 and hazel was 15 theyre still friends tho

hazel often visits leo in his shop

as much as leo reminds her of sammy, through therapy she has recognized that theyre separate people and to not push all her past feelings for sammy onto leo

not only does she train horses but she also teaches little kids basic math, science, and history to the younger kids

they all call her ms. hazel

she prefers to teach the really young kids (age 4-7)

wears her hair in different braid styles after BOO

frank:

my friggin HOMIE

i relate to frank a lot personality wise

therefore i think hed be a 4/20 fanatic after BOO

hes not stoned during training or during important camp duties

but otherwise you try talkin to him and you dont really notice until you look and see the far off look and red eyes and he just goes “huh?”

other than that hes a great leader

after he gets his cool new look from mars he takes really good care of his body including consistent exercise and eating really healthily (maybe he has a soft spot for fast food when hes hi)

him joining the military does not make sense to me

he lost his mom to war, and he was in one himself, idk about you but i would not wanna join the military after being the main character in a war

he studies to be a veterinarian for exotic animals

when no one is around he shifts into the animal to find out whats wrong

”dr. zhang prefers to work by himself” “why” “idk but hes always right, if it aint broke dont fix it”

jason:

rip home-slice

nico:

my other homie

my guy does not get taller than 5’8

stays at camp during the summer to train the new and old kids

him and will get a house together

teaches history at the camp school

cat dad (5 cats and counting)

will:

takes nicos last name when they marry bc its cooler

him being a doctor doesnt click w me i more picture him being an EMT

EMTs are hotter anyways

does med training with new apollo kids whenever he gets time

if he’s not busy during working hours he drops by nicos classroom w his fav drink from dutch bros (starbucks is MID) and hangs out with him and his students

[beauisoffline]

haii idk if you're still doing the SWTD headcanon ask thingies but do you perchance have any for Rennick.. begging emoji

i dont think i have a ton for rennick, but i can give u the ones i got!!

he is around 63-64 at the time of swtd

as said in a past post i made for roper hc's, i feel like him and roper knew eachother from childhood, living in the same neighborhood as roper, but rennick is around 6 years older than him.

He served in ww2, though i dunno what theater I'd put him in (pacific or atlanic)

rennick barely checks backgrounds because hes so cheap and needs a good workforce. if you do your job and stay in line, he'll let you work there (unless you bring the cops to his rig...)

rennick was very self conscious as a kid and teenager. when he got the promotion, all the power went to his head and he became an egotistical asshole.

He only tolorates addair. rennick knows how much of a prick addair is, but he gets the job done.

rennick sits outside on good days and drinks/smokes. it time was around when he had just hired finlay, which started their routine of meeting outside/inside his office to talk and drink coffee in the mornings.

speaking of finlay, she once found a photo of 5 year old rennick in his office during one of these talks and may or may not use it as blackmail to get things from time to time.

rennick despises doing taxes since he hates spending money.

[laithraihan]

Would you be comfortable sharing any personal info (age, profession, relationship status, etc...)? Completely understand if you're not but it's always really interesting learning about the lives of ppl I admire. Again, if that's not something you wanna do it's totally understandable! I love your art!!

Ah thank you so much 🫶 and sure I dont mind sharing some stuff but to be very honest Im not an interesting person, so I'm sorry in advance for disappointing you.

So I'm a woman (or something like that) even though I use a male pen name for art, Im 22 years old, 151cm (4'11"), the eldest daughter who has two teenage siblings who are both taller than me and make fun of me for being short. I do not have a profession and I do not go to school due to a disability I will not disclose. Im a lesbian engaged to a butch, we've been together for almost 4 years (our anniversary is in August)

My favorite season is winter because all the bugs are dead and I despise summer because the bugs are alive. Im also really scared of butterflies for some reason. Im scared of winged bugs in general. Ive never seen a cockroach in my life but I'd probably kill myself if I saw one. I really hate bugs. The winters are harsh here but I like walking outside when theres light snow falling at night. Im also a bit obsessed with Christmas lights but I dont celebrate Christmas, I dont follow any religion in general but my family is Muslim so Ive been raised with that. If I could just put Christmas lights in my room all year then I would do that. They look really pretty.

About my ethnicity I think everyone knows Im Algerian already, well Ive only been to Algeria once when I was like 8 years old so I dont really remember anything. All I know is that my uncle would keep telling my dad that I convinced him to stop smoking and that he's eternally grateful for that but I literally cannot remember what I did or said back then so I just pretended I knew what he was talking about. Anyway. Id like to go there again one day. I most likely will go soon in the future so it makes me happy to think about it.

My first language is French and Im somewhat fluent in English but it needs more work. Whenever I speak English I have to think harder about the words that come out of my mouth and I start saying things that dont make sense. But my pronunciation is good so other people just assume Im fluent. Also I understand Derja (Algerian Arabic) when people talk to me out loud but I cant form sentences and respond back so I just answer people in French. I know how to read Arabic script and I understand basic words but again I cant form sentences. As for Japanese I can only read Hiragana and Katakana and a bit of Kanji, and my understanding of the language is worse than Arabic, so I practice by translating Japanese song lyrics, reading news articles and talking with Japanese users online

Honestly I dunno what else to say, I dont really have any special skills or anything like that. Unless you count memorizing all the metro stations in Montreal but thats only because I had to use public transport all the time when I was a kid because my parents never felt like driving me to my appointments. At that point I probably visited every single station because I had to go to many random places. I dont have a drivers license but I prefer walking to places in general even though there are no stores near my neighborhood, but I think it's better for me because I get to walk more. I think I really like the idea of travelling in general but I dont have friends for that, my parents also wouldnt allow me to hang out with friends so it's a bit unfortunate

Oh and lately Ive been enjoying making eggs for some reason, I think Im good at doing that. But I only cook whenever Im hungry and I rarely feel hungry so I dont cook many eggs. I also dont like cleaning dishes so I avoid making huge meals in general. I dont really eat much in the first place but I still like food. I really like going to restaurants too. I just like going outside in general. I like listening to music and talking with people, normal stuff like that. Im running out of things to say so I'll probably just stop there.

[squipdop]

HIYAA !! im here to ask about your camp counsellor max au >:3 who is the camper that grows attached to max? do you have any sketches or a description? also what responsibilities does max have around the camp? does it change frequently or does he have a routine of stuff to do? i love this idea so much and I'm so glad to see that you have some content cooking up for this concept >:]

awaawa!! hii :]

yes!! i dont have much but i do have a few sketches!! her design isnt final yet, ill have to see how i feel about it going forward... and find colors i like LMAO

her name is adeline, her mom signed her up for summer camp (genuinely simply just 'summer camp' camp) because ade was really struggling to find friends and make connections on her own, and her parents thought summer camp would help her learn those skills!! unfortunately lots of new people all at once is. very scary and the plan didnt work. BUT she did latch onto max almost immediately! now she hardly leaves his side and wont join activities unless he does as well. oh boy.

max' duties are a BIT all over the place! lots of busywork, lots of clean up, he 'volunteers' for kitchen duty frequently (he WILL serve these kids edible food or god help him), david wants him to plan his own camp activities real bad but max kinda. dodges this so far. he also often is available for the kids later at night since he sleeps real late. nets him the added bonus of getting to sleep til breakfast and not having to do the wake up round. does he sometimes use his night time privileges to sneak off and smoke at the lake? maybe.

oh! not really a responsibility, but! there are a few times him and gwen set aside for paperwork and all - max is trying to get emancipated from his parents at this point.

ok this is Really Long so!!! thank u for asking 🥺 🥺 im glad u like this concept!!! its been cooking for years and i didnt expect ppl to really,, respond to it LMAO :'0 im very happy <3

[anatrik]

First thoughts TTPD:

What a lana x folklore girlie win this issss!

1.Fortnight is about matty?? HAHAHAHA also why did this make me think of when holt was going running with the ladies when he was in witness protection??? Crying. Fav line has to be they were supposed to take me away but they forgot to come and get me. So sad but also so cool in relation to her cancellation/return. 10/10

2. TTPD- not so hahahaha anymore IS THIS ACTUALLY A FUCKING MATTY HEALY ALBUM??? There was a typewriter at the 1975 show she performed anti-hero at? Unless its somehow about harry? Who else is tattooed on her roster??? Or is this about herself? Kinda feel like modern idiots/who’s going to decode is directed at us lol😂 9/10?

3.My boy only breaks his favourite toys- went in expecting mad woman rage. Pleasantly surprised. king of my heart to queen of sandcastles he destroys….DESTROYED ME. Are you fucking kidding me rn? Im caling it. Best song. Im crying at 7.30 am this is not funny anymore. Also THANK YOU FOR NOT SLANDERING DAD. I knew you wouldnt let us down like that. Also the chorus sounds like long story short😭 oh this is so sad. Once i fix me hes going to miss me? He was my best friend?😭 he runs because he loves me? Stopp😭😭 1000000/10

4.Down bad- ….aaaand we’re back to MATTY AGAIN? He does not deserve this spotlight but why are all the song so goood😭😭😭 is this why artists love to date problematic men? It unlocks some extraordinary potential? Crazy crazy girl😭 also stay down (bad) 🤌🏾 shes done it again 10/10 also for personal reasons i will be believing this is about joe in that Tom/Joe/met gala overlap period when she was photographed going to the gym a lot and that this is about all that yearning please let it be about that plesplesplesplesplesples also down bad waking up in blood staring at the sky…like i lost a twin is giving bigger than the whole sky🥺

5. So long, london- so so long long, lon-don DONE? ok miss girl😭 the hoax parallels😭 dont be undoing the song i was going to play at my weddddding what is wrong with you😭 my only one my smoking gun to two graves one gun youll find someone??? Also reminds me of la la land :/ how much sad did you think I had in me? You wrote hoax so a lot ok leave us alone. crying again. 10000000000000000/10 oh lol its a track 5 ofc it is😂

6. But daddy I love him- she really said if you ever liked, shared or even LOOKED at the ‘vivaa las vegas’ memes you cant come to the wedding and shes so real for it. Lfgggg. Ubothered unhinged uhmazing. Growing up precocious sometimes means you still hold on to that princess/quarterback wattpad fantasy AS IS YOUR RIGHT QUEEN GO THE FUCK OFF���� 100000/10 calling out toxic fandom for the first time and we love to see it🫡 this is suchhhh a happy songggg you deserve ALL the chaos and revelry.

7. Fresh out the slammer- god she gets it. Like sure he was great and he is still my biological father and everything but as a decidedly melancholy person myself who has constantly had atleast one close friend in a deep depression I can see how all that heavy lifting can just get heavy at some point especially when youre a partner and their sole lighthouse in wtv storms be out there buffeting their mental health. Its not for everyone and thats so fair and so valid but so sad as well. 10/10 for the honesty.

8. Florida- she really said girlrot summer🫡 this is the lanaest song ever. So lucky one/nothing new coded. This will be the First song I repeat and then so long london. Aaaghhh how i love a self aware melancholic anxious little superstar. 90283749292/10 thank you for giving florence an entire verse whew. Little did you know your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in is soooo going on my body forever

9. Guilty as sin?- honestly just fuck if it means we dont have to hear about how desirable ratty healy is man ffs. IThe only reason he looks so hot is bc hes forbidden. You have to trust me on this. He’s sooo mid JESUS. U cant be writing hozier lyrics about a man that hasn’t met a shower😭 1000000/10 writing. -16392992/10 content. Unrequited love/lust truly is the greatest weapon in a poets arsenal bc where is this energy in the joe songs binch?😭 this is such a teen in love with a 26 yo creep who called me so mature for my age mom you just dont get ittt anthem😂😂

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?- is a warning 😂 im so here for it. Like yes I still hate matty with all my heart and soul but yes I agree fans should not be allowed so much of an opinion on another persons life and yes I should be afraid (I am). She said aight love letter era over I AM WRITING YOU ALL HATE MAIL AND I’M HAND DELIVERING IT. Shes sooo done pretending to be the relatable girl next door when she’s anything but and is now reminding us of it and yes yes yessss girl OWN ITTTTTTTT. I’ve been saying for agesssss that there is a darkness under all that sunshine from where she clawed her way to the top and this is sooo vindicating. 10000000000000/10 favourite song ever. Mad woman wishes she was who’s afraid of little old me. I am unwell. I am in love. This is the Taylor Swift i stan. The marketing genius the calculating business woman the puppet master with narcotics in her songs thats why we sing along🫡 she so can handle a dangerous man

11. I can fix him (no really I can)- you cant.

12. loml- ofc. OFC. Its the saddest song of all time. OFC. Fuck offf ughhhh. 😭😭😭😭😭 its giving happiness. Its giving divorce. i am a child of a broken home now and my parents still love each other and hold so much regret still. What do i do with thissss? Im just a little girl taylorrr! 1002380292011010101/10 soo so gooood.

13. I can do it with a broken heart- first of all track 13. Love it. Second of all the upbeat barbieness of it all. Third of all I FINALLY PLACED IT. Shes in her unrelatable era. She is not your girl next door. You will never understand her life. She is as much a phenomenon as a person and we literally only see as much as she allows us to and honestly if i have to get put in my place theres noooo better way to have it done. Im having such a great time actually. 10 BILLION TRILLION OUT OF 10 you tellll em girl you FUCKING TELL EM.

14. Smallest man who ever lived- not going to speculate on who it is bc they clearly had a serious problem and its not a joke but damn :/ thats so sad :/ hope they get help? Didnt expect this to be what the song was about at all?

15. The alchemy- she said TRAVIS IS MY BOY WITH HER WHOLE CHEST😌 10/10

16. Clara bow- did she just name drop herself ? I was so right about unrelatable era. Also the Subtle nod to olivia/sabrina noted and appreciated. Lucky one/castles crumbling (mature version) fr fr. Solid legacy song.

17. The black dog- shared your secrets with and location is the same whiplash as a red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground with no one around to tweet it🤌🏾 joe songs hit so so different 😭😭😭 1000000000/10

18. imgonnagetyouback- the valiant roar was not so valiant and more of a mew i guess. 7/10

19. The albatross- oh this is the ONE. The album defining song for sureeee. Mad woman on coke. A rose by any other name is a scandal???? Thats my religion right there. Little last great American dynasty twist there at the end! Fuck yea. She does reallly try to warn the men in her life have to give her that. One gazillion/10

20. Clearly god has favourites and they are the ppl called chloe or sam or sophia or marcus😭 ALSO this song is about joe for sure. The internet starlet hasss to be delaney rowe!!!! It HAS TO BE. 10/10

21. How did it end?- shes back for the fans😂 plot twist the breakup is with yall🤌🏾 but yesss say it louder! One gasp and then how did it end. So good. 100/10

22. So high school- lmao aristotle grand theft auto ONLYY taylor swift man😭😂 you know what you want and boy you got her🫡🫡 11/10

23. I hate it here- mother’s having a mental breakdown kids yk the drill🤌🏾 10/10

24. ThanK you aIMiee- what better way to say fuck you to a hater than to thank her for jumpstarting your legacy my god!!! She is insane for this. The capitalisation is a bit petty tho ngl. 8/10

25. I look in peoples windows- once again I thank you for the kindness and respect shown to joe. Never doubted you but thank you nevertheless. 10/10 short as nice to have a friend but it didnt need to be longer.

26. The prophecy- its so sad and humbling to see even a woman at where she is having to beg for love bc that literally is the nature of love. Something humiliating, to have to beg for 🤷‍♀️ cards playing out like fools in a fable cursed like eve got bitten. No one writes like her damn. 10/10

27. Cassandra- very madeline miller on this one. Love love loveee modern takes on tragic greek women. 100/10

28. Peter- ah fuck. This one is going to hurt (it did). 1000000/10 my ribs get the feeling she did😭 all her joe related aches are so bone deeeep ugh. Promises oceans deep but never to keep😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 oh god it hurtsss it hurts it hurtss

29. The bolter- curious child ever reviled except by her father wow.

30. Robin- OMG! I needed this song growing up sooo bad. That way to go tiger felt so so warm like running into a kitchen after a day of being in the mud and u tell ur mum the silly things u did and shes genuinely interested and impressed by your smol victories. A bajillion/10

31. The manuscript- postmortem of every ex ever🤌🏾 love it.

[beauleifu]

HELLO GOOD MORNING 👁〰️👁 HOW ARE YOU?? I literally just woke up HEHDHS MERRY HOLIDAYS FREN

Let’s hope that my request is readable since my brain be mushed💦 Could we get a S/O who’s very flirty and tries to win Mayor’s heart during a mission while he acts oblivious at their attempts to swoon him, he finds them charming for what they do c:

YES CHIMEMORI THIS ASK IS BRILLIANT

oml i never thought i'd be into an idea more, guys guys this was so much fun to write, like PRETENDING TO BE A COUPLE SHIT, anyways, hope you enjoy! Sorry if it's late lmao, hardest part was figuring out what the mission should entail <3 :))

p.s. dont come for me, this is purely fictional and even though I did a tiny bit of research, i know little of dishes served in fancy Chinese restaurants and even less about their signature architecture style, i'm just going off my imagination

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MAYOR X READER

Lego Monkie Kid

Context: You're in love. The problem? You're terrible at it. To make matters worse, the charmer you've fallen for is oblivious to your flirtatious antics (or is he??). Thankfully, all's well that ends well especially when Lady Bone Demon assigns you two together, on a mission. Matchmakers really do play dirty.

CW: None, Mayor doesn't even tolerate foul language (you learned the hard way)

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

"Go."

Those were the last words Lady Bone Demon said to both you and her henchman before vanishing in a cloud of blue smoke.

It never bothered you, the missions she'd send you on.

You're working for her; it's not like you can complain about something you signed up for. Externally, you follow orders to a T, because if you're not useful then she'll be rid of you. And that is simply not an option, because if you're not at her side then you're not at his.

The Mayor.

The idiot who wormed his way into your cold heart of fire and ice.

And you don't even know his real name.

You've resorted to nicknames, to which he doesn't mind (you'll get extra creative behind doors, alone), but you're really dying to know his birthname. Perhaps with a bit more time, he'll open up.

Right now, you're standing in the mirror, as you have been for the past two minutes. Just staring. Nothing wrong with that.

Unless you were making sure you look perfect for . . . someone.

That's hypothetical, of course.

An idiot in denial looks back at you in the reflection, nervous and tense with anticipation of what's to come.

With a huff, you will yourself not to screw this one up and grasp the doorknob to your bedroom. Your spacious, beautiful bedroom, carved from stone and bone and ice long, long ago. The Mayor had given you a tour of the place once, having been eager to relay to you the wonderful history of this underground fortress. A buried landscape of beauty.

Oh dear, you're getting sidetracked.

Focus, (Y/N).

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

"Soooo. I guess Lady Bone Demon put us together, huh? Wonder what she's got in store for us."

Well, that was an awkward start.

Lucky for you, it's dark outside and the lack of light is sufficient enough to hide the embarrassment clear on your face. Your partner keeps on strolling down the abandoned alleyway, hands folded neatly behind his back and that familiar, lazy smile on his face.

"Did she not enclose the details to you?" The Mayor asks, turning to you.

Shrugging, you vault over a few storage crates. "Not really."

As you slow to a walk beside him, the two of you round the corner into a more open sidewalk, exhibiting a nice view of the Megapolis Bank.

Briefly, you hypothesize that this is your destination, when the Mayor clears his throat, a sure sign he's about to elaborate.

"My Lady needs another soul to absorb, and conveniently for us, there lies within Megapolis a demon powerful enough to sustain her for the time being," the Mayor hums, blank white eyes flicking to the sky. He's always on constant alert, and yet he always seems so relaxed and chipper. "We are to retrieve the asset and deliver him for proper sacrifice."

"Sacrifice?"

He flashes you a wry smile. "He is an energy source, my dear. Otherwise, my mistress will surely fail to fulfill her destiny, being as weak as she is."

A frown lights your features. Lady Bone Demon doesn't look weak.

You chalk it up to demons being superb at hiding their true selves. Half the time you can't even dissect the Mayor's intentions, even if it's a simple trip to the men's room and he'd told you he'd be unavailable for a few minutes.

In the end, you smile. "As long as there's a reward for delivering an innocent person to her."

"Reward?" The Mayor repeats, blinking. "That being fulfilling our destiny; to serve her. Were you hoping for something else?"

Oh, there's no reward.

You stare incredulously at your partner, about to backtrack, when he suddenly chuckles in amusement. Your eyes widen (see? See? The Mayor is incredibly hard to read), jaw slackening as you realize.

"You're joking. There is a reward!"

"Perhaps! Would you consider the next few days off prize enough?"

You're grinning, now, tailing alongside the Mayor like a joyful puppy. His eyes are twinkling at your antics. "A few days?? Are you kidding? That goes way beyond my expectations."

It's true. Lady Bone Demon hardly ever rewards you for completing your missions. The most time she's given you off is eight hours, and even then you'd treated those moments like gold, savoring it up until you were summoned once more.

This missions suddenly feels extremely important.

Maybe that's why LBD offered this specific reward; to entice you to go against your morals. Then again, where were your morals when you served someone like her?

"I see you're properly motivated," the Mayor says, eyes fixed on you.

You wink, attempting a flirt. "This'll be a piece of cake. And hey, maybe we can spend our days off together."

He pauses, seeming to actually consider this.

"I wouldn't refuse a game of chess."

"No, I meant- oh, nevermind," you say with a little, awkward laugh. Sighing wistfully, you clear your throat and glance sideways. "So! Are we almost there? Where are we going, anyways? The bank?"

The Mayor falls quiet as the two of you pass a few strangers. "A restaurant," the Mayor answers, when the people turn a corner. He flexes his fingers. "The demon is the owner. An intelligent move on his part, for there is no risk of encountering people like us. Unless, of course, we booked reservations for first-class service."

He's smiling mysteriously, now. You could almost call it mischievous.

You're getting near it now. The details of this mission.

"This must be a very fancy restaurant, then."

"The finest in the city," the Mayor agrees, turning a corner. Then, he stops all together, enticing you to halt as well. "We must dress and act the part if we are to get close to the target. Be polite, don't refuse the wine selection."

You nod, mentally prepping yourself for the mission. Then, your eyes trail up, realizing exactly why your partner had stopped.

The restaurant is huge, glittering, and loud.

Five, gold stars are positioned just beneath the restaurant's trademark name, The Dragon Dynasty. A thick trail of people waiting in line flow out of the building and to the left, vanishing down the sidewalk. A similar line stretching to the right is much smaller, but greeted at the door by two hulking men dressed in tight black suits, wearing sunglasses and deep frowns. The token bodyguards you'd see in everyday action movies.

The breath is stolen from you. Slowly, you glance down at your own attire, feeling suddenly very underdressed and very stupid.

"We can't go in there. Not like this!" You gasp.

Your partner smiles knowingly. "My lady is completely prepared for this, my dear. She was the sole one responsible for booking reservations months in advance, you know."

"I know that. But it's not like she can magically manifest a-"

You cut yourself off.

For some reason, your skin begins to tingle. Eyes wide with shock and awe, you glance down at the Mayor's own attire, watching it shift and transform into something more fit for the occasion. A lovely, handsome black tuxedo with a long tail and a white bow. His undershirt ghosted from light blue to white in mere moments, the black sleeves of his tux slipping upwards to reveal white cuffs.

Your own attire has endured a similar transformation, something that hugs your body flawlessly and washes away any insecurities you'd been nursing regarding the mission.

Fingertips tentatively travel along your new outfit. "Oh my stars."

"How elegant," the Mayor says, slippery-smooth, his white eyes suddenly like a hawk. "My lady has astute taste in fashion."

Your cheeks are on fire, but you manage a smile.

"You as well. Very debonair."

The outfits feel like they're meant for each-other, even somewhat bone-themed to better represent your mistress. Your companion gives you one last once-over before continuing down the sidewalk.

"Shall we?"

Biting your lip, you sidle up next to him, unable to help glancing over his outfit a few times.

"That outfit really brings out your smile, y'know."

He hums a laugh. "Very corny, my dear. I'm sure you'll reap great success if you attempt something similar in front of our target."

You're frowning, now. Try again. "Uh . . . How about, um . . . If I had a flower for every time you made me smile, I'd be walking in my garden forever," you say seriously, daring to look at him.

That line.

It was meant for him. Of course, it's hidden under the assumption it's meant for someone else.

The Mayor's eyebrows lift. "You have yet to meat the target, though."

"Oh. Oh, right. I mean, hypothetically. I dunno. Maybe it would work on someone I've known for awhile? Someone I work with?" You babble, heart rate spiking as you near the restaurant. Which line will you wait in? How are you ever going to get close to the manager? Why does your face feel on fire?

His smile is relaxed once more. "I suppose."

You swallow. Try again?

Lips part to formulate the words for another pick-up line, but the Mayor glance down at you, beating you to it.

"Oh, one final detail I forgot to disclose. My lady made reservations for the two of us as, dare I say, a couple. First class is not often given to single individuals, families, or mere companions."

Ah.

Your heart skips a beat. "A couple?"

"Don't worry, it's a temporary act in order to get close to the manager. We might as well get the full experience," he returns, eyes twinkling. "Won't this be fun?"

Throat running quite dry, you nod. "With you? I can't imagine it being too awful."

He chuckles again, but there's no more time for words.

You've made it to the front.

The bodyguards stare down at you for a moment before moving to the side to reveal a small, well-dressed woman drowning in make-up, who stands and approaches the two of you with a dull frown. She's seen this before. Been doing this all night, and probably wants to go home desperately.

"Last name?" The lady says boredly.

You feel the Mayor's arm slide through yours, linking the both of you together. "Bone," he says smoothly.

Bone.

How fitting.

You decide it's better than using a last name from Lady Bone Demon's time, considering she's ancient and has lived long past hundreds of family names. 'Bone' is even in her title. Fitting, indeed.

The woman shifts through her clipboard, eyes narrowing. You hold your breath.

"Mr. and Mx. Bone. You got a meeting with the boss?"

"Correct," the Mayor says.

The lady nods. "Through here, then."

She sidesteps, gesturing through the large golden doors, opening one of them to let the two of you pass. Ignoring the glares and mutters of the people in line, the two of you enter the building, leaving behind the cold outdoors and entering an entirely different world.

It's amazing.

You can't describe it. Not the plants you've never seen before in the corners, not the dazzling chandelier overseeing the luxurious dining tables and bars, the glittering diamonds reflecting off the wine bottles sitting by the hundreds on the wine racks. They stretch up to the ceiling, where Chinese history paints the sky with beautiful colors and people. A band in the corner plays smooth café music, the sound distant yet nostalgic for you. And there's people. So many people, despite how hard it is to get a reservation here. They crowd the place, making it difficult to navigate to first class.

The Mayor gives your arm a gentle squeeze. "Should I be afraid you might fall unconscious?"

"No. Are you trying to seduce me?"

"No," he hums, leading you up the wide, elegant, bifurcated staircase. Your free hand trails along the polished, wooden handrail, wishing your eyes were wider so you could see absolutely everything.

"Well, it's working," you whisper, half to yourself.

Pretend to be a couple. Wear expensive clothes probably worth more than your life. Eat at the fanciest restaurant in the city.

You feel like maybe you should read between the lines.

But all of the sudden, you're too busy reading the menu, eyes wide at the expansive selection.

So. Much. Food.

Your stomach growls in anticipation.

"Do we even have the money for this?" You wonder, breathless.

The Mayor's eyes rove over his own menu before placing it down and lacing his fingers together underneath his chin. Locking eyes with you, he cocks a brow. "Need I remind you my Lady has been planning this for months? She is-"

"Completely prepared, I know," you mumble, ducking behind the menu.

Glaring at the beautifully decorated dinner table, you bite your lip and think. Tonight might be your once chance to woo the Mayor. Is it crazy, though, to try it here? Now?

Heart racing, you lower the menu.

"I've never been on a date with a demon, before."

The Mayor had been observing the portraits lining the walls, but now his white eyes are on you. "A date?"

"Don't worry, this won't send my expectations through the roof," you continue, wearing a casual smile yet you're nervous to the bone. Hiding shaking hands under the sleek tablecloth, you try for a small smile. "Spending time with you meets all of them."

Fingers crossed, you hope this works.

The Mayor nods, eyes trailing to inspect your outfit. "We do what's necessary to fulfill our mistress's desires, I suppose."

No.

NO.

You'd failed! He's too oblivious!

Wishing you could throw hands and let out an exasperated yell, you take a deep, controlled breath. You can still make this WORK. "I mean, it's not everyday I get to spend time with my favorite person."

"Hmm." The Mayor's eyes rove over your features, thoughtful yet cheery at the same time. He suddenly chuckles. "You must be hungry, my dear! We mustn't pick favorites when it comes to food, but I daresay I have yet to turn down a dish of roasted duck. Shall we order while the night is still young?"

God damnit.

This is going to be harder than you thought.

You force a smile. "Uh-huh. Yup. I'll have (dinner dish)."

The two of you make your orders when the waitress walks by, and it still sends tingles down your spine when she addresses you both under the same last name.

When she walks off, you're inclined to notice the other couples sitting at the other tables.

Eyes darting south, you inspect a specific pair.

Their holding hands.

Head snapping up, you lift your hands onto your own table and make a motion for the Mayor to do the same. He eyes you curiously, and you shrug. "The other couples are doing it. We might as well, to look the part. Just for a bit."

"I suppose, if you're sincerely nervous about getting caught," he hums.

In one swift movement, he takes your hands in his.

They're cold.

And yet, it sends a thrill of warmth through your entire body, and you fight hard to suppress a smile. Here you were, trying to flirt with him, and yet getting destroyed by your own plans. Oh, gosh.

He seems to detect the tremble in your fingers. "Eager to get this over with?" He guesses, eyes seeing right through you.

You shake your head quickly. "Nuh-uh. This is amazing."

"You did mention your outfit likely costs more than your life," he murmurs, eyes twinkling with the fact that he doesn't believe this claim. "I advise you try and make the most of it."

"Ha ha. Your hands are cold."

"You don't like it?"

He seems ready to let go, so you give him a squeeze before removing one to pat the top of his hand. "I do like it. Your hands are the best. Big cold grabbers that snatched my soul from my chest the moment I saw you."

"Ha! It's a wonder you're still alive." He flashes you his signature unhinged smile.

Then, woe is you, he lets you go. You're cursing your rotten luck as he leans back in his vanilla soft chair. "You must be wondering how we are to set our plan in motion?"

"A bit, yeah," you say faintly. Really, you're wondering what other ways you can get the Mayor to notice your flirtatious attempts.

"You see, first class seating not only secures us an exquisite meal, but also a chance to discuss business plans with the manager. My Lady was willing to pay an entire chest of coins to set up a private meeting with our target!" The Mayor says, clasping his hands together with a dark look in his eyes. "Isn't that wonderful!"

You bite your lip. "So what are we doing waiting here, then?"

"As you will soon find out, the asset is protected by a constant flow of bodyguards, those of which I trust you to subdue in due time. For now, we have five minutes until the show begins." A glance at his watch, wisps of blue flowing from the metal. Then, eyes full of excitement, he cracks a sincere smile. "I eagerly await your performance, my dear."

Wait a second.

You ball your hands in your fists. "You want me to subdue the bodyguards? Shouldn't I be enticing the target?"

"While it's true that the target prefers either man or woman, I shall do the talking. He has an intricate way of discussing matters that quite irks my Lady, and will no doubt touch a sore spot with you."

"Pfft. You're the only sore spot I have," you say, smiling.

He returns it tenfold as two bodyguards ascend the staircase and station themselves at either side of the eating area. Then, the target himself makes his presence clear. He's a quite large fellow, with spiraling horns and razor sharp claws. Yet his eyes are intelligent and darting everywhere in search of danger.

You catch the Mayor's quick side glance; orders to carry out the mission.

If you leave, the demon is sure to send one of his guards to keep an eye on you. When you two are alone, you are to properly subdue the guard and make the owner suspicious enough to send his other guard for a quick investigation. Bam.

Sure, the bodyguards could crush you, but you'd rather them than a literal demon with claws and fangs.

So you slide off your chair, giving the manager a dashing smile before trailing your fingertips up the Mayor's arm, stopping at his shoulder and squeezing lightly.

"A kiss before I go, darling? I'll only be five minutes."

The Mayor blinks, white eyes wide.

He collects himself quickly, however, and tilts his head just an inch to the side, giving you permission.

You smile, giving his cheek a light peck. You'd go for the real deal, but you sort of want to be a tease right now. It's working, as you catch the Mayor's distracted glance as you head off to who knows where. The bar, maybe. Everyone's left there.

You stop at the doors, straining yourself to hear the conversation at the top level. Unfortunately, you'd picked a place far out of ear reach.

"Fear not, my loyal pawn . . ."

You stiffen, eyes darting down to your outfit.

Someone had spoken.

From the fabric.

A light, female laugh reaches your ears. "It's your mistress, (Y/N). I am here to assist you in your mission."

Eyes wide and staring at your clothes, you clear your throat and cock your head, hesitation writhing inside of you. "Uh . . . hi. This won't, um, subtract any days off from my break, right?"

"No, don't worry. Now . . ."

A pocket watch materializes on your hip.

You pick it up, admiring the soft bone shell that encompasses the watch, flipping it open to see the interior. But alas, it's not a watch.

It's some sort of spying mechanism.

"Use this to observe and listen to your partner's conversation," LBD whispers in your ear. "It will vanish after tonight."

You nod wordlessly, knowing better than to offer a smart reply or crack a joke. If it were the Mayor, you'd for sure pull something silly, but this is your boss.

Swallowing nervously as LBD's presence fades, you peer at the watch/spyglass, eyes narrowing curiously. Forget about LBD manifesting in your clothes (she did create them, you suppose), the Mayor was currently hosting a false discussion with the manager regarding a potential trade in goods. His tone and demeanor is strangely unhinged when you're not around, intimidating yet cheery, his movements also loud and boisterous. You wonder if it's all an act.

The stuff they discuss just goes in one ear and out the other.

That is, until the manager sends one of his guards down to check on you. The five minute mark.

You're late.

Smiling wickedly, you pocket the watch and recede into the shadows. Time to put your skills to use, yessir.

Of course, you do. Flawlessly.

The bodyguard stood no chance. He has zero warning as you launched yourself onto him, hooking your legs around his neck and bringing him crashing to the floor. Luckily, no was is around to witness the attack, giving you plenty of time to overpower the man with a few quick jabs - and he falls still.

Then, you drag his body into the nearest men's room, grunting with effort.

You do (and can't help but) pause at the many artworks lining the walls, and the beautiful designs that cover the restroom sinks. If only this were a real date, you think wistfully.

Once the man is properly hidden, you take out the watch again.

"Didn't your partner say they'd only be five minutes? It's been twenty," the manager is saying.

"Are you changing the subject, perhaps?"

"No! I'm suspicious."

"Whatever reason to be suspicious, my good man! I'm sure they haven't gotten themself into any trouble. We have wine to enjoy!"

That's your Mayor. Crazy and theatrical as ever.

"Nonetheless." The manager snaps his fingers, grabbing the last bodyguard's attention. In a silent movement, he instructs the hulking man to follow you, sealing his fate.

You listen for a few more moments, biting your lip as you watch the manager play right into the Mayor's hands.

Either from intimidation or something else.

God, he's good.

You're too busy admiring your comrade to notice the danger.

Too late, you hear the restroom door swing open, and suddenly there stands a tall, imposing figure in the doorway. Your escape route is blocked. The bodyguard spares one glance at you, and the occupied bathroom stall next to you, and correctly assumes the worst.

You whip to your feet, stuffing the watch in your pocket where you feel it dissipate into the clothes.

"Uh-" You start, offering a show of hands. "Nice bathroom, huh?"

The bodyguard shuts the door and locks it.

Damnit.

You roll your shoulders, feeling regret at the prospect of damaging your outfit. Keeping your cool, you meet the guy's cold gaze behind his dark sunglasses. "I'm guessing you don't want to talk about it with me."

Silence.

"Good. 'Cause you'll soon be talking about how you got the best sleep of your life-"

You lunge, teeth bared.

The bodyguard is well prepared, though.

One quick movement of his arm is all it takes to stop your plans all together and send to crashing to the floor, wheezing and clutching your stomach.

He stalks towards you, footsteps loud on the chalk white, polished floor.

You wince as his hand raises to crush you, when-

When his eyes glaze over.

Mouth open in a silent, shocked scream, he convulses on the spot, crumbling to the floor in a mess of noiseless gasps and gags. His skin turns sallow and grey, the life draining from his eyes.

You look up.

The Mayor stands over the bodyguard's lifeless body, eyes glowing.

They dim down a bit when they lock with yours, but that unhinged smile never leaves. "What a coincidence to see you, my dear! I see you're having trouble with your part of the mission."

"Thank you," you gasp, scrambling to your feet. "I tried to seduce him with the architecture here- quite pretty, might I say - but he wasn't having it. You wanna take his place?"

"I'd be delighted," he hums cheerily, holding out a hand. "But I do believe we are short on time."

"Right, right. Did you just suck out his soul, by the way?"

As you take his arm and he draws you close, the both of you oblivious to the chaos outside the beautiful restaurant, the Mayor has the dignity to roll his eyes fondly. "I doubt that concerns you, darling, but I suppose it's fruitless to offer a different explanation."

"I think it was so hot," you flirt, grinning stupidly.

He merely blinks, pulling you closer. A word of preparation in your ear and he teleports the both of you to your dinner table, above the madness taking place below.

The manager looks furious.

"There you are! One minute we were just about to sign the papers and the next, you vanish!"

The Mayor simply smiles smugly. "Apologies! I was simply protecting my comrade from danger! I'm sure you understand."

The target's eyes dart from you to the menacing bone demon at your side. Realization crosses his uneasy face. "Where are my guards?" He wonders briefly, glancing down the balcony.

At that moment, the Mayor makes his move.

He locks eyes with you. "Close your eyes, my darling. We'll be leaving, now."

You obey without thought, squeezing your eyes shut.

The world spins out of focus and you feel your feet swept out from under you, but the Mayor keeps a firm hold of you. Even when your feet once again meet solid ground, he won't relinquish his hold, if but a mere relaxation of his grip.

You crack an eye open.

"Well done."

Both eyes flick wide to take in your surroundings. You're back in LBD's underground fortress, the chaos of The Dragon Dynasty but a mere ghost of what it was.

At your side; the Mayor, dressed in his usual attire. Fancy suit gone.

At your feet; the manager, tied up and gagged.

Asleep, mercifully.

Your own beautiful attire has been reduced to what it was before, all traces of LBD's magic gone. Part of you misses feeling so wonderfully luxurious, but you're really just happy to be alive and back home.

Lady Bone Demon herself slowly descends the stone steps, her stony gaze bordering on approval. Crouching, she inspects the demon at her feet. "Excellent," she hisses.

Sharp, cold eyes flick upwards. "You may go."

The Mayor gives a short bow, still smiling, still with his arm around your waist.

It shifts to hook around your arm, gently yet firmly tugging you away. "Enjoy, my Lady."

You remain silent, something you'd learned was appreciated here. Only when the towering doors to LBD's chambers close do you turn to the Mayor with a goofy smile on your face.

"That was awesome!"

He allows himself to relax, smile more casual. "Agreed."

"Let's not do that ever again."

"Never?"

You laugh, feeling light as air as you travel down the large, imposing hallway, adorned with countless side doors and flaring blue torches. You've gotten used to the bones in every corner, with furry rodents scattering into eyes of skulls and through cracks in the walls.

When you calm down, the Mayor stops and leans down, murmuring right in your ear. "You know, I'd like to have that kiss back now."

Your heart jumps.

Eyes wide, you stare up at him, noses inches apart.

"I-I thought you didn't notice . . ."

"You thought I was oblivious?" A softer smile lights his features, white eyes boring into yours. A deep chuckle vibrates in his throat. "Oh, sweet thing. I thought you were adorable tonight."

Cheeks heating up, you swallow dryly. "T-Thanks. I, um . . . thought you were pretty-"

The last part of your sentence is cut off rather sharply.

The Mayor closes the distance between your lips in one swift movement, one hand sliding behind your head to gently coax you forward.

His lips are cold.

Yet so, very soft. You close your eyes, tilting your head ever so slightly. He can surely feel your small smile by now.

After a moment, he leans back, only to kiss your forehead tenderly.

You bite your lip, trying to calm your heart.

"I eagerly await the next few days," the Mayor mumbles, white eyes half-lidded as they fix on you, inspecting your features fondly. The hand behind your head goes to brush your cheek, touch feather-light. "We don't have to play chess."

God, you love him.

Struggling against a laugh, you meet his warm gaze. "You'd better hope not."

[fastofthekillones]

21

I'm just going to pin this post and use it to find weird tags that I have inexplicably written on something, mostly for my own gratification, but if any of you wonderful weirdos wanna look, feel free

[carmenpeach]

hm okay something thats been on my mind for like over a year now. sometime last year? or maybe closer to almost 2 years(!?) i started taking antipsychotics cause i just couldnt stand the paranoia anymore it had been ruining my life and i just could not function as a person and i was sick of the daily panic attacks. but like i thought "if i dont like how this makes me feel, i can stop and just go back to being crazy" and obviously i wasnt enjoying it- mostly it made me feel really numb to enjoyment and i found that my special interests were just becoming background noise for me at most and it was really hard like i didnt wanna draw or even play games it was like "wake up go to work come home smoke weed go to bed repeat"

and it was like my stuffed animals quit feeling like sentient and started to feel like just objects and it made me feel sick. like my toys had always been alive in a way and then suddenly they werent, but thats definitly not the reason i was so distressed being sane, since i know that special objects are bound to over the years not feel like friends etc etc <- mentally ill whatever. it was like there was a sudden wash of clarity over me and i hated it.

like it was like i was split in two in a way, and this is the part thats hard to explain unless you personally know the feeling. a lot of schizophrenic people have this feeling of like another person/ self residing in the back of the head or spine. and it gives this sense of paranoia, of being over your shoulders or under your skin just beneath you. and until a few years ago i didnt know this was something other people felt sometimes, and it was terrifying just feeling this entity of sorts possessing me in a way. i had felt it ever since i was a kid (maybe 9? for sure became a hard issue by the time i was 12 though so you know. early schizophrenia if not life long) but i never mentioned it to anyone for a variety of reasons, primarily because there was this feeling that if i outwardly acknowledged it, then it would know that i knew about it, and it would get me. whether that was killing me, torturing me, pulling me into another dimension, or taking over my body. and after 2 decades it just became part of my every day life, this thing within me that would always look for an opportunity to torment me in some unknown but inhumane way. and it was just this all consuming feeling, even feeling its thoughts inside my head, and not being sure where i ended and it began, and i accepted it as just a part of me for better or for worse.

and so starting antipychotics, they did their job and i felt "normal" and i was sleeping regularily for the first time in my life (would lay awake for hours and hours ever sinde like idk 3rd grade. 5 hours a night max usually and then that was plagued by nightmares. and of course the constant hallucinations and delusions in the meantime made sleep even harder) and i even felt less of that endless anger inside of me. and i hated it. it was like after being on it for idk maybe 2 weeks or a month or something i just suddenly in the day felt this clarity wash over me and just like that, the spine creature was gone. it was quiet upstairs. and ive felt hollow ever since. i quit the medication not long after but ive felt the same. its like it got mad at me and left to teach me a lesson for trying to toy with it. and ive been a half human ever since. its spacious in my body and in my mind, used to holding two people and now its just one. and ive spent so much time trying to induce epiosdes and just hoping(?) it comes back, but it hasnt.

its like im being forced to live as a human when im not. "being human" is this like aspect ive always struggled with, like im not gonna go into it but ive been forced to live as a non human my whole life, and every time i start to feel that feeling of "maybe i could be a person" something fucking outlandish happens and kicks me back down. i feel like a cartoon character the way everything is such a "yeah this sort of shit would happen to me" moments all the time. and like in a weird way, i always had this "evidence" i was a non human, with this otherworldly thing living inside of me and it was me.

for a long time i thought of it as the "original" me before all the events in my life forced me to create a new version of myself, and that it hated me. like i was one person ripped in two, and the part you have now (carmen) is the "active" "half" but its only half of a full person. but the other half certainly wasnt a person either. ive had many theories of what it is/ was, but knew i would never know, all i knew was that i could never acknowledge it. and its funny cause knowing that "its just schizophrenia" doesnt ease that feeling. its hard to explain. but what im getting at is that ive spent the last two years learning to navigate myself as only a fraction of what i was before.

its interesting cause i wouldnt say the insanity is gone, every now and then paranoia rears its head and certain topics that would make me have an episode will still freak me out. but i can walk past mirrors now (mirrors were always a 100% episode inducing thing) and i still sleep regularily and ive been eating stable too. but its still with this feeling of hollowness. im used to there being two people inside my body and now its just one, and its too spacious and its almost like i get lost in there. only one set of thoughts in my head, only one person looking through my eyes, only one person controlling my arms. i always felt like an alien and thought i always would. and i found great joy in embracing my schizophrenia rather than hiding it as some terrible secret. and it was the best thing i ever did for myself, was finally being open about my psychosis. ive made so many meaningful connections to other psychotic people, and im so happy ive met ppl that helped me understand myself and that im not the only one that feels this, and also that ive helped other people realize their own psychosis too.

i thought i could play pretend at being a normal person and go back to myself if i didnt like it, but i ended up staying this way. i know its not impossible for that feeling to come back maybe, but my god its horrifying to lose it the way i did. it feels only the more recent months ive started to adapt to being the only me in my body, and to feel like i could maybe be human too. yeah it was scary, but on the other hand now its kind of lonely in a really weird way, and not something i thought was possible either, i can still feel the impression where it was even as it fills in with my own shape now.

[phayz]

my town has a charity+an annual fundraiser walk because our local hospitals send away so many people who ultimately attempt or complete a suicide upon leaving (usually having gone to the hospital to EXPLICITLY say "i am going to kill myself"...they just dont admit suicidal people its not like a thing here. unless its against your will in which case theyll admit you. willingness is seen as a reason not to admit here.). everyone i know has either experienced it or lost someone to suicide in this exact manner. its hopeless.

dude im sorry thats crazy but yeah its fucking insane how little hospitals care when it comes to mental health crises, and i totally agree on the willingness part. i live in a country where you can legally get medical assisted suicide because they would literally rather help you kill yourself than help you not want to kill yourself 😭 when i was a teenager in the psych ward i hated it so much i eventually just started lying about how i was feeling to get out quicker. and ive been to many different hospitals over many years for many different mental health issues and its always the same shit treatment. either they dont take you seriously because youre not really suicidal if you dont have a real plan, or they take seven hours to triage you and make you wait in the waiting room that whole time. as a patient in crisis. and when they do admit you they just put you on a cot in the hall. these are all things that have happened to me! and literally today when i went to the psych unit here she basically said that smoking weed was making me depressed. and she went to see if i could get back a psychiatrist appointment i cancelled yesterday in a delirious self-sabotage, which should have been a 2 minute call with the receptionist, but she left for over an hour with no update until we went to go track her down. like are you kidding me? what if i had extreme paranoia or something? youre really not going to give your psych patients an update on whats going on? i could have just left the building!😭 and since im already seeing a psychiatrist all they recommended me was Group Therapy DBT. honestly what a joke

[madohomurat]

gonna be honest i cant ever in good conscious support the widespread usage of marijuana UNLESS people stop dancing around the fact that the smoke harms your lungs. theres people that genuinely think that smoking weed doesnt hurt your lungs. they think its a cigarette only thing. wish i was joking. unfortunately your lungs dont just decide the smoke is fine because it came from weed leaf instead of literally anything else.

though i guess this is a problem for the kids 40 years from now when they hear about their parents developing lung cancer despite "never smoking*"

*they dont consider smoke from weed to be smoke for some reason