#dont let people forget i exist
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making a conscious effort to put more energy into indulgent personal art pieces - i've felt disconnected from creating Finished digital art recently and i have a hunch i've been too focused on creating products and worrying about my online shop. self-advertisement and maintaining an online presence in order to make money have always stressed me out, even when there's no actual pressure to deliver (ie. my very spotty newsletter that i don't know what to do with). i want to let go of the pressure to make art that is popular with prospective customers, and relearn how to make art that is for me first and foremost.
#🪲#i've been knitting a lot recently which is an inherently slow process#and knitting teaches you how to be patient and work slowly towards a satisfying result of your skills#and it is not - at least to me - a marketable skill or something i intend to ever make money off of#and its a very fulfilling break from doing what ive told myself I Have To Do - promote my etsy#post somewhat frequently#dont let people forget i exist#etc.
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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rip to all of my ocs who have been abandoned to the sands of time (never existed outside of my brain so there's nothing to reference about them except my own fallible memory)
#bambi's rambling#i inevitably end up making a bunch for whatever media catches my interest#and then i forget everything about them and/or never name them#if they're lucky they get drawn once or twice#but tbh a lot of them predate me even getting good enough at art to feel comfortable drawing them#if they're truly lucky they get something written down for them otherwise they inevitably get ship of theseus'd into someone else#honestly though i probably will never talk about most of them just because they're attached to media i'm not that attached to anymore#and they only exist in the version of that media that i made up anyway lol#like orska. an oc for [redacted] who i wrote exactly three sticky notes of info for (and those got thrown out by my family i think)#and who has been through probably a solid hundred different iterations but is still fundamentally a fandom oc#i love her but idk if i'd ever do the work to give her an original story lol she was made for *that one*#she was meant to be a Side Character with an Intriguing Backstory not a main character lol#i mean i could just ramble about her i guess but a) that media has since widely been denounced as cringe and i. dont wanna touch that#and b) the voice in my head that tells me i need to shut up if people dont express interest in something i make will not let me
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yknow what ive seen a lot of "gaster and chara fucking hated each other" headcanons but ive seen very little of the opposite. which to me is kinda sad bc imo its a better, more fun interpretation.
i like to imagine gaster looked at this hurt, traumatized child and saw a bit of himself in them. and so he offered them advice.
yall know the smile theory? that smiling make monsters stronger in a way? that it can stave off death, even if for a short while, etc? that *thats* the significance of it, the reason why its so tied to gaster? that could very well be the reason chara is known for their smile, too.
i nean- theyre a child who was so badly hurt they were practically obsessed with the concept of finality—a state in which they are too powerful to be hurt by anyone. i can see them not smiling almost at all when they first fell (what is there to smile about?) until they hear from gaster that a smile is protection. when you smile, others cant hurt you as bad. a smile is like armor. he smiles to stay safe because he knows all thats out there, all thats capable of harm.
and from then on chara smiles no matter what. they smile and laugh through the wordt moments. because they know now this is their armor. their protection.
i rhink they would admire gaster. his efforts for monsterkind, his advice to them. i think theyd see him as someone trustworthy (in my own personal headcanon, he knew about their and asriels plan. not fully, i mean, but he knew the lengths chara could go to. and the only reason he knew was because he would do the same. chara told him because they saw a kindred spirit)
i like to think gaster is crushed post charas death. i also like to think that, if chara remembers gaster after their "revival", *then* they would have issues. we know nothing about gaster canonically, sure, but in my own headcanon and theory world, the things he does make less and kess sense to chara, align less with their worldview and their beliefs. and only then do they clash with him. because at first he was someone they genuinely loved, someone they admired.
anyway, i think gaster thought of them almost as family. he cared for them deeply, always ready to give advice or comfort or teach them or. really anything. they would sit and talk for hours about the world and their personal philosophies and findings. i want gaster, like the dreemurrs, to be part of the loving world chara never got to experience on the surface rather than yet another enemy. you know?
#might be a lil disjointed its like 5 am#i generally think of gaster as someone with a lot of love to give. its not that he cant hate. he just. feels its better to love#and he loves this child as his own. and asriel too ofc. i think those two called him uncle#and hed let them play in his lab (supervised n away from dangerous shit)#and when their parents told them they couldnt do that anymore hed stabd in the open doorway and go#“oh no. the door is wide open. i sure do hope no children go through this wide open door into my lab. gosh that would be horrible”#and theyd giggle and go through and hed cover for them every time#i like to rhink he taught chara piano#i think they talked a lot about humanity. i think he saw the war and therefore chara does t understand how he can be so nice to them#theyre human. doesnt he hate humanity? doesnt he hate what they did to him? to all monsterkind?#and he shakes his head and says those who did those things are no longer alive. it would be wrong to blame a people with no memory of a war#for its existence and its consequences. and even those who started it he barely blames. he knows what fear can do#chara doesnt understand how someone could be sk devoid of anger and of hatred and gaster tries to show them such things sre not necessary#anyway yeah i think they have long and deep conversations. which is kinda funny when you consider#gaster is (at the time) the smartest monster in the underground. authority on all things scientific and having live through years innumerabl#and his conversation partner is like. 10#he respects them nonetheless and its so foreign to them. and they love their conversations even if they dont agree#because they are allowed to state beliefs without being hurt for it#anyway i gotta stop yapping i needa sleep#undertale#chara undertale#gaster undertale#finking#i feel like im forgetting to tag smthn. if i am ig ill lament that in the morning or smthn
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Everyone always whines and cries how everyone ignores G//on
AND IF YOU DARE TO BRING UP KIS TRAMUA THEY ARE LIKE BUT WHAT ABOUT G
What about g KIS FANS ARE ANNOYING THEY SAY
Omg WHAT ABOUT G
MEANWHILE BACK WHEN I WAS ON A BLOCKING SPREE ALL I EVER SEE IS ANALYSIS POSTS ECT ABOUT G G AND HIM AND HIS TRAMUA AND THE BOTH TOGETHER MAYBE BUT KI ALONE MAYBE 1
SO I DO NOT EVEN WANNA HEAR IT
AND LET KI FANS CARE ABOUT KI
JUST LIKE U CARE ABOUT G
Stg these people wanna act like Ki’s life is so easy and CAA wasn’t hard on Ki CUZ WHAT ABOUT G
#personal#DONT CARE HATS OFF#KIDDIE GLOVES OFF#Damm if I could block every kg person and every G Stan in existence I would#CUZ GOD FORBID ANYONE WANNA TALK ABOUT KI#AND I DONT EVEN LIKE HOW MOST PEOPLE TALK ABOUT KI OR KI STANS#DONT LIKE EM EITHER BUT GOD FUCKING DAMM#THESE PEOPLE#vent#stg I am so cut off from fandom I don’t really see this dumb shit anymore#BUT I’m sadly still subjected from it from time to time#AND I CANNOT HOLD IT IN ANYMORE#there are no tags so it won’t be going in anyone’s tags and there are slashes so just let a girl vent#I hate this fandom so I ain’t#TRUST ME I avoid it#I’m a smart person I know better than to interact with shit I hate#I try so hard I forget it exists outside my two people#plus honestly I am too old to care#Idc if kg is popular I hate it and it isn’t canon#idc if people say u should love G and he’s sooooo underrated Ki will always be my fave#AND I WILL PUT KI IN DRESES AND I WILL MAKE HIM SHORT AND I WILL DO#EVERYTHING FANDOM DOESNT CUZ#who are they? I may have 2 followers and a dream but even if they all have 60k#they aren’t Beyoncé theyre just another human the end#Besides do I really care about people’s opinions with 60k tweets I don’t think so lol#and this is from me who is like OBSESSED#but even I know how to touch grass I may be to poor too#but I’ll play games and watch movies#KI WILL ALWAYS BE MY NUMBER 1#but I try and touch grass sometimes
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all the theories/whatever connecting baizhu to pantalone will kill me one day 💀💀💀
#this is a hater post look away if u dont need that in ur life#i hate them so much#yeah anime men look similar but be fr#why on earth some snezhnayan man would be related to baizhu... how...#we have baizhu's story?? there are no lost siblings in there or some other shit like that#even like. if i had to force myself and think about it#it wouldnt add anything to the story#it would be genuinely stupid#not to mention them having kinda similar faces is the worst connection known to man kind#have yall not noticed that genshin siblings have the cute quirk of having same color combo#but different features#this is the exact opposite situation......................#what connect them is having glasses and droopy eyes yall cant be serious#let's not forget how ay*to was compared to baizhu as he was released#i hate it here#keep that fatui guy from baizhu#i dont even care about him. like not even one bit#he wasnt released and he isnt about to be- he doesnt exist in my mind#naturally i dont care if people so happen to like them both#but the theories about them being connected make me wanna set myself on fire#bc there is simply NO WAY they would have a connection... BECAUSE THEY LOOK SIMILAR??#adry.txt
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I wonder if vere doesnt get w anyone bc its just too easy to stop caring about others (im projecting)
Edit: no hes probably too passionate for that. He doesnt wanna get w ppl bc he knows he'll be a slave to love probably.
His fatal flaw is wanting power so love would be a weakness
#lets gooooo selfish monstrosity#redstrewn talks#i can stop caring about things and people SO easily its honestly scary#i was only a little less obsessed w other fandom and characters as i am w touchstarved now. and now? i dont think abt them at all anymore#same w some people. some people i forget exist at all.#my exes? its so scary how once i let go of them i completely let go. like i dont feel anything at all. do i hate them? theres#something to hate w everyone but mostly i just dont CARE#shaking how ppl say the opposite of love is not hate but *indifference.* i am screaming.#vere is a hater thou. maybe he loves TOO much.#tbh maybe vere doesnt get w anyone bc hes scared of being TOO attached#maybe hes scared of being a slave to love bc he will ALWAYS be hungry and NEVER satisfied and he doesnt want to be under#the mercy of something else like that#yeah its probably more of that and not the shit i was projecting onto him lmfao#vere gives me the vibe of someone whos TOO passionate for things#hes fiery like that#hes too passionate he knows not to care abt people or else it will consume him. or something.
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🌞✨💫☄
from this ask game
🌞 - i really like your blog! ✨ - i love seeing you on my dash! 💫 - you’re super talented! ☄️ - we don’t talk, but i wish we did! (I think the last emoji is this one - because somehow neither my phone nor my laptop show it correctly)
HI YES sorry for the delay, I've had a Time™ yesterday, but now I'm back and ready to !!! (imagine the butt wiggle of a very excited dog for whom a mere tail wag isn't enough) thank you !!! (Generally, if you have reason to assume I know/ recognize you, I don't mind chatting! I'll just add the disclaimer that right now I won't be the best conversational partner because I keep vanishing to cope with Things Going On In My Life, and any "ghosting" is simply me not having social spoons)
#answer let luce#anonymous#ask game#theres also the fact that talking to me via discord will yield much more consistent replies than tumblr dms#bc i keep forgetting those exist; i hate their format; and i dont have any of my discord emojis#but hopping in there to feel each other out or outright ask for discord handle is fine#just. yeah. i struggle to reply to people with whom i regularly talk these days. answers will not be quick
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I feel like people generally consider blocking someone on social media to be like a sort of "mean" thing to do. But genuinely I would consider it such a beautiful blessing if every person who didn't like me blocked me right now. Let's not waste either of our times.
#🤝 lets block people and then forget they exist together#genuinely i think pretending to like someone is meaner than ignoring them#and i dont mean that u shouldnt be baseline polite and respectful to others.#if you dont like your coworker you still have to be cool to them when you see them#but thats it#just be chill and that is all
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Been feeling very on top of my shit these last two weeks so of course that's when my mum wants to crack down on my lack of socialising. Ma'am I'm going to uni and focusing on myself right now, let's not get ahead of ourselves
#personal#+Extra#mother i dont have any friends in this city okay? they all live elsewhere but i get along with my classmates and im civil with my flatmates#lets focus on the positives aight? my damn extroverted mum and brother do not understand how i can be a uni student and not spend all my#time drinking and thats exactly why they didnt go to uni had serious relationships at my age while im sat in my room tryna remember to text#people back and to drink enough water at the same time but unfortunately i got limited mental space and never learned how to juggle#shes being very insistent about my lack of social life lately maam with what friends & what funds am i meant to be doing this socialising?#tbf i do kinda forget that other things exist outside of my flat sometimes i spend too much time in my lil box but she doesnt need to know
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!!!! Thank you!!! This is very sweet!!
I am terrible at tagging people so if i forgot you i am so, so sorry and i do in fact love you lots <3 /p
@skylarstarlight @shouldertheskies @i-will-bite @leynaeithnea @deadbaguette @still-mourning-polites @prompted-wordsmith @totallyawesome123 @rowanisawriter
positivity train!
if you see this or are tagged in it, tag a couple of your favorite mutuals/blogs and let them know you appreciate seeing them on your dash!
@h0neysugarfree @blueberrylovv @bequiteanddriveeeeeee @cherri-bomb-bomb @eg0mechan1c @fatrexicisback
#i feel like im forgetting people here lmao#anyways thank you so much for the tag!#just got out of an exam so this was nice to see :))#if i tagged you dont feel pressured to join the reblog chain :))#im just letting you know i appreciate your existence
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#feeling like bad to the point i dont wanna mentally ill post about my fucking f/os lmao#like idk- id feel really damn awkward posting about the one im thinking about rn#like i already feel awkward but still#its like#ugh#i try 2 forget he exists n thankfully thats v v easy as he rarely fronts or anything so its like#ill forget he exists- then remember him n get really sad#n then forget again for a while#rinse n repeat#we havent talked in a while either....but like also we're not going to so its whatever#i wont see most people for a few months anyway#hell he'll probably one of the last#which makes me has lots of feelings#enjoying certain types of media is so difficult to impossible cuz of these stupid f/os n other hoes!!!!#like ooogh- the media w/ them is tained from them (good or bad)#n like i cant do it sorry#just- i need 2 go like lay down on my heating pad and let the cramps take me
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#personal#thi king about claude monet and light and god and inanity. thinking abput that cathederal that drove him mad#but i dont think it was. he was too up himself to take on criticism of his lightwork so he let rouen cathederal be the hammer that#shattered his sanity. because impressions was so well received despite it clearly being a throwaway piece#an intentional snub. but the people loved it nd he wanted to prove to himself it wasnt about the content f the painting but the light itself#so he let it drive him mad instead of painting the cathederal any other way. from any other angle or focused on any of its beautiful detail#just allowed himself to go mad over some lighting criticism with rouen as his muse#thinking about god and light and the sun and cathederal windows and that once guy who painted sun circles#robert deluney(?) is that how you spell it. just kept staring into the sun painting the circles left on his retinas by god itself#i dont have a lot of thoughts i can put into words about it. lots of untranslatable thoughts but#idk i love monets lilly pads thwyre some of my favourite pieces of art to exist but his self destructive obsession with rouen cathederal#something seems both powerfully yearning and insurmountably insane about it all#he tried so hard to touch god in svery angle of light it appears but theres too many. theres too many shapes of god to let some crique of#ones lightplay dominate your work. youll never capture light and gods like that my guy. its a fruitless endeavour#that will only leave you mad and feverish. stuck in limbo of life lived without your active involvement in it in a desperate search for god#forgetting that the parts of god that are in you want to create something new not just show its old stories anew again#hm. monet i would do a lot of shady shit to be able to psychoanalyze one good deep conversation with you about god and art and such#just one
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For all Ive said about nonhumanity being like transness... took me a hot minute to realise the dysphoria im having lmfao. no normal person this side of the galaxy is feeling grossly out of place in their own body because it settled naturally into a head, two arms, and two legs. Im not even thinking about species. This isnt an attempt to be something Im not, its a continuous "my brain isnt aligning with my body". I feel so intensely like Im being forced to appear like this in order to be respected/considered normal/not shunned or feared or otherwise repulsing those around me. god.
i hear my voice monotoned and string-instrument-esque and it sounds so unnatural. i see eyes and nose and mouth and all i can think is, even when i look like what humans would call completely inhuman, how human it is. Sorry. Four limbs and a head and standing upright? So human. Speech in a linear singular voice? So human. ugh. god.
#here's where i decide to let myself settle more naturally or keep forcing myself into a humanoid shape huh#~abyssal murmurs#I dont hate humans just like i dont hate women. But i look at my bodies and... physically all the ways im womanly invoke the#same feelings as looking at my astral bodies and all the ways im human. its so... its dysphoria lmfao its the exact same experience#its the exact same ''i expected to see something different. im not in the right body. theres no shame in my body but this isnt what i am#and i keep forgetting i am stuck in this form'' like. yeah biology does that#i love humans. but the intensely gross and out of control and ''i swear two minutes ago i wasnt this'' and so on feelings are...#Like its not ''humans are gross'' the gross feeling comes like nausea at being in a foreign body that doesnt align with who#you feel and know you are. My physical body?? If it was someone elses Id be attracted to it - actually I have proof of that lmfao -#and Id say theres nothing wrong with it. but its intensely not me in subtle ways. the way it grows fat and where. the roundness of features#the etc etc so-called feminine features. The way my astral body settles into human-like configurations...#ugh. god. coming back from being the almadia Im about ready to never take a fucking human form again - and thats the thing#its dysphoria as in i could be in a Considered Nonhuman Form like i said and still all i can feel and see are things im not even consciousl#thinking of. Ive been annoyed tonight about my understandings of reality coming from The Other Side Of The Galaxy - I am intensely#missing home. And like. theres a whole lot of. shit to deal with in regards to waking up as an incarnation#because you are not you. You are decidedly not you. The more you wake up to You the more you realise youve spent hundreds of thousands of#years vs 20 odd ones this life as something - im so tired man#im a force of change and dysphoria is a bane of my existence because its so tightly knotted into the strings of Cannot Control#its based on ''my own /body/. not my life. my /body/. my selfhood. is not in my control and will always be controlled by#other peoples opinions of it and they will always pilot it into boxes without my consent that i dont agree with because everyone else can#do with my body what they want and i can do nothing''#does every damn trauma and bad event in my life need to be underlined by rape trauma yes apparently so
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Casually breaking out the “ope” and “welp” and “y’all” in the voice chat to constantly remind the online friends that I’m a simple midwesterner instead of the ~far superior~ north easterner or westerner folk who are lacking in such fun and useful words of their own
#sorry for breaking the illusion#maybe try having more fun words#nothing you have beats the power of a well timed#welp I best be heading out#or the classic#ope let me squeeze right past ya there#yall is a word of the people#I can’t believe people who dont use it exist#I hate it here but at least I sound a little more distinct#when I can afford to move I hope to not forget the treasures I have been bestowed#accents#midwestern usa#midwest
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