#dont let people forget i exist

[possumnest]

making a conscious effort to put more energy into indulgent personal art pieces - i've felt disconnected from creating Finished digital art recently and i have a hunch i've been too focused on creating products and worrying about my online shop. self-advertisement and maintaining an online presence in order to make money have always stressed me out, even when there's no actual pressure to deliver (ie. my very spotty newsletter that i don't know what to do with). i want to let go of the pressure to make art that is popular with prospective customers, and relearn how to make art that is for me first and foremost.

[fordobsessed]

tried not to talk about this but anyway I was ford for Halloween and part of me was really worried someone would make a stupid b/frd related comment and lo and behold. Someone made a dumbass saving the town joke. The way my heart dropped is unreal. Whole new kind of instant stress response related to this. I can’t block people irl what is this shit. I hate 90% of this fandom sm . there was a lot of people who loved my cosplay though and made perfectly normal comments so I just need to focus on that :) just had one bad moment but it’s nagging on me

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[alyimoss]

yknow what ive seen a lot of "gaster and chara fucking hated each other" headcanons but ive seen very little of the opposite. which to me is kinda sad bc imo its a better, more fun interpretation.

i like to imagine gaster looked at this hurt, traumatized child and saw a bit of himself in them. and so he offered them advice.

yall know the smile theory? that smiling make monsters stronger in a way? that it can stave off death, even if for a short while, etc? that *thats* the significance of it, the reason why its so tied to gaster? that could very well be the reason chara is known for their smile, too.

i nean- theyre a child who was so badly hurt they were practically obsessed with the concept of finality—a state in which they are too powerful to be hurt by anyone. i can see them not smiling almost at all when they first fell (what is there to smile about?) until they hear from gaster that a smile is protection. when you smile, others cant hurt you as bad. a smile is like armor. he smiles to stay safe because he knows all thats out there, all thats capable of harm.

and from then on chara smiles no matter what. they smile and laugh through the wordt moments. because they know now this is their armor. their protection.

i rhink they would admire gaster. his efforts for monsterkind, his advice to them. i think theyd see him as someone trustworthy (in my own personal headcanon, he knew about their and asriels plan. not fully, i mean, but he knew the lengths chara could go to. and the only reason he knew was because he would do the same. chara told him because they saw a kindred spirit)

i like to think gaster is crushed post charas death. i also like to think that, if chara remembers gaster after their "revival", *then* they would have issues. we know nothing about gaster canonically, sure, but in my own headcanon and theory world, the things he does make less and kess sense to chara, align less with their worldview and their beliefs. and only then do they clash with him. because at first he was someone they genuinely loved, someone they admired.

anyway, i think gaster thought of them almost as family. he cared for them deeply, always ready to give advice or comfort or teach them or. really anything. they would sit and talk for hours about the world and their personal philosophies and findings. i want gaster, like the dreemurrs, to be part of the loving world chara never got to experience on the surface rather than yet another enemy. you know?

[killuaisaprincess]

Everyone always whines and cries how everyone ignores G//on

AND IF YOU DARE TO BRING UP KIS TRAMUA THEY ARE LIKE BUT WHAT ABOUT G

What about g KIS FANS ARE ANNOYING THEY SAY

Omg WHAT ABOUT G

MEANWHILE BACK WHEN I WAS ON A BLOCKING SPREE ALL I EVER SEE IS ANALYSIS POSTS ECT ABOUT G G AND HIM AND HIS TRAMUA AND THE BOTH TOGETHER MAYBE BUT KI ALONE MAYBE 1

SO I DO NOT EVEN WANNA HEAR IT

AND LET KI FANS CARE ABOUT KI

JUST LIKE U CARE ABOUT G

Stg these people wanna act like Ki’s life is so easy and CAA wasn’t hard on Ki CUZ WHAT ABOUT G

[redstrewn]

I wonder if vere doesnt get w anyone bc its just too easy to stop caring about others (im projecting)

Edit: no hes probably too passionate for that. He doesnt wanna get w ppl bc he knows he'll be a slave to love probably.

His fatal flaw is wanting power so love would be a weakness

[lavenoon]

🌞✨💫☄

from this ask game

🌞 - i really like your blog! ✨ - i love seeing you on my dash! 💫 - you’re super talented! ☄️ - we don’t talk, but i wish we did! (I think the last emoji is this one - because somehow neither my phone nor my laptop show it correctly)

HI YES sorry for the delay, I've had a Time™ yesterday, but now I'm back and ready to !!! (imagine the butt wiggle of a very excited dog for whom a mere tail wag isn't enough) thank you !!! (Generally, if you have reason to assume I know/ recognize you, I don't mind chatting! I'll just add the disclaimer that right now I won't be the best conversational partner because I keep vanishing to cope with Things Going On In My Life, and any "ghosting" is simply me not having social spoons)

[plasma-packin-peep]

I feel like people generally consider blocking someone on social media to be like a sort of "mean" thing to do. But genuinely I would consider it such a beautiful blessing if every person who didn't like me blocked me right now. Let's not waste either of our times.

[nerdie-faerie]

Been feeling very on top of my shit these last two weeks so of course that's when my mum wants to crack down on my lack of socialising. Ma'am I'm going to uni and focusing on myself right now, let's not get ahead of ourselves

[the20thcenturykid]

Huh, I just realised I've passed my oral native language final high school exam (matura) by talking about gender fluidity and how sticking to completely binary form is outdated. All that during time I didn't know much about LGBTQ+ community, not knowing I'm aro/ace and of "I don't care" gender and I based my reasoning on the hard sci-fi book (what was actually topic of my exam "how author portraits their time period in their piece" and yes I explained quite nicely why I used sci-fi book as "author's present time") where gender and sex is just the way you portrait yourself since most of people are practically digitalised and you choose your physical avatar you live in and some people have more than one so... You can look however you like basically, so for that manner new pronoun is used for them as basic one.

And I didn't knew this book were quite interesting piece of gender ambiguous umbrella in my country for some time.

You know, in my language (Polish) we use pronounces even in first person talk usually by changing last part of some words for feminine -am and masculine -em (I'm not going to explain it better, I'm ass in grammar) and there's no real alternative aside from pronoun for 'it', which in my language could mean child or object so... Also plural pronouns are gendered to.

There are some initiatives to use 'it' form or create new pronouns for gender ambiguous community but it's tough case since it's basically making quite big change in whole language where our society is still way behind many countries and while portrayed from outside as way more homophobic than it is in case of transphobia... Well, let's say trans people don't have easy and gender ambiguous are usually just treated as 'tomboys' or 'femboys'. (Yes, it's changing and is way better in bigger cities but we are in middle ages still). So pronouns are being created and... While it's individual thing for every person which to use, for me most of them don't seem natural to the language (like -ix one because letter 'x' is basically not existent in polish language and some even change it to '(i)ks' when writing english word in polish sentence) and here I came back to my exam because pronouns that I found the most fitting were... From that book I used as base to my oral essay (created on spot mind you, I had like 15min to prepare after I've got a theme). The thing is they seems interestingly natural and work very well with our grammar. They're based on -um pronoun and next to -om one seems the most fitting to the language itself. They even named after author's surname so it's 'dukatyw' or 'dukaizm'. Of course, I didn't knew that those 7 years ago.

I'm not here trying to push any agenda or great statement - I just found it funny than my 19-yr old ass completely outside of LGBTQ+ community when heard theme was "let's make 15+min lecture about gender and sex fluidity" based on book I've readed like a year earlier which burned my brain and twisted it to the other side and I decided to love it.

The book is "Perfekcyjna Niedoskonałość" (Perfect Imperfection) by Jacek Dukaj and was never translated to any other language and honestly I think it's almost impossible to do so to English without loosing most of it's "flavour". That pronouns thing is just a part of writing and shown universe, tho while subject on ones identity and purpose is main theme of it, the gender is just it - the part.

Time fluctuations, tech bending time and space and some social and interspecies tensions are quite big part of it too but that's other story.

[budugaapologist]

what if i just put my ffxiv hot takes in the tags.

[blackvahana]

For all Ive said about nonhumanity being like transness... took me a hot minute to realise the dysphoria im having lmfao. no normal person this side of the galaxy is feeling grossly out of place in their own body because it settled naturally into a head, two arms, and two legs. Im not even thinking about species. This isnt an attempt to be something Im not, its a continuous "my brain isnt aligning with my body". I feel so intensely like Im being forced to appear like this in order to be respected/considered normal/not shunned or feared or otherwise repulsing those around me. god.

i hear my voice monotoned and string-instrument-esque and it sounds so unnatural. i see eyes and nose and mouth and all i can think is, even when i look like what humans would call completely inhuman, how human it is. Sorry. Four limbs and a head and standing upright? So human. Speech in a linear singular voice? So human. ugh. god.

[alligaytorswamp]

all the theories/whatever connecting baizhu to pantalone will kill me one day 💀💀💀

[thatgayunoriginalbastard]

Casually breaking out the “ope” and “welp” and “y’all” in the voice chat to constantly remind the online friends that I’m a simple midwesterner instead of the ~far superior~ north easterner or westerner folk who are lacking in such fun and useful words of their own

[corvid-ghost]

If only companies/people weren't terrible, I could talk about all of the silly thoughts in my brain. Because I had to go and get attached to certain medias that have since been revealed to be shit people :/