#dont let depression win
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I have recently realized that with exhaustion comes inexorable rumination. My soul is deeply intertwined in a battle of endurance against the parasitic shadows in my mind. When I run myself thin, it gets nigh impossible to fight the fear, anxiety, and pain of my past as well as an ill-perceived future. The majority of my daily energy is directed into sustaining my sanity against this fleet of inner demons. This leads to many seemingly unending, sleepless nights as my thoughts flush themselves into the deepest depths of its sewage. Leaving me to pray I stay afloat in the rapids... forced to take a single deep breath before inevitably being pulled under... perpetually hoping to resurface before I lose my vision.
So anyway... All this came about when my QP offered to read to me when I could not find rest, and managed to lull me to sleep with her dulcet voice in a matter of minutes. I wanted to express that there is nothing sincere enough for me to stutter from my heart to serve as an accurate reflection my deepest appreciation. How is one supposed to encapsulate that much gratitude into a simple set of wordage?
I suppose the best place for me to start would be a simple "thank you."
I appreciate you, love.
#Their natural affinity for poetry may be rubbing off on me just a tad#im not typically this eloquent#queer platonic relationship#queer platonic#queer#lgbtq#lgbtqia#trans#transgender#transmasc#pride#actually autistic#autistic#borderline personality disorder#bpd#poetry#metaphors galore#anxiety#depression#dont let depression win#its going to be ok#always keep fighting#you got this#you made it another day#thank you note#thank you#sleeping issues#trauma#t4t#appreciation post
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nothing in this world has pissed me off more than this scene. FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFF leave that teenage girl alone!!!!!!! HELLOOOOO. a GROWN WOMAN with KIDS saying this mind you. Never they could NEVER make me like u
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#valkyrie cain#skulduggery pleasant#doodle#spoilers for the second batch of books ig? i need to rant#the way val gets treated post-darquesse makes me so mad i get dizzy. is every1 here stupid. are u#dont let derek landy get to ur head bc the “she should have just given up on magic!!1!!” is such a dumbass bum argument#alright suppose she DOES give up on magic the moment she finds out abt darquesse. book 3? just Immediately the world taken over by remnants#AND if they SOMEHOW avoided that then alright. deathbrought'ed next year. then the next year blasted by world wide chaos. then the next yea#lady u lost a (one) kid to darquesse. no darquesse no val thered be no YOU to be mourning over it#whatever whatever who cares. ME. i CARE A LOT!!!!!!!#im so serious when i say i had to drop the books for fear of a health issue. i was about to pop a blood vessel#Never telling the depressed ptsd war veteran to kill herself like thirty seconds later in this interaction#i need to PUNT that child#diversity win! the nonbinary char is absolutely insufferable!!!!
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i went on a walk and came back 60% more evil
#snap chats#you know that meme of spiderman holding back the bus while a kids walking across the street thats me @ myself right now#STOPPPP STOP BEING SAD STOP THINKING OF SAD THINGS TO DRAW OUUUUUGGGH theyd be SOOOO nice tho..#NOOOOO STOPPPPP its JUST angst for Everyone involved#this is what i mean my dad a fucking LIAR he be like 'go on a walk to feel better :)' father i came back with the intent to harm#with the intent to harm all ten people invested in the arakawa family i have come to be cruel#but NO. NO i said no more. wheres that electric fly swatter i need one of those#i have CUTE and WHOLESOME things on the menu THAT is the OBJECTIVE#my mental health keeps getting worse and it shows im trying to fight it with family fun time#who tf made that graphic of the mate in charge of ghibli movies and he's depressed as all hell im tryna live like that#i might be dying inside but let me make something pretty at LEAST#okokok let me actually start drawin onea them sweet things. the urge to lie down all day is strong but i shant i must be stronger#also dont walk outside it hot as hell out. im built like a lizard though thats perfect for me#but tryna sit in a cold place afterwards No Thanks.#ok my head hurts bye lets see if i come back with anything or the apathy wins
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#personal#i survived my bipolar episode everyone. and ive guided my family to better understanding#it cost me my whole day. i havent had a fucking bipolar depression drop hit me so hard before#it hurt. it hurt badly.#i cried and cried and cried. i thought i was dying again.#the bipolar rage lasted 4 straight hours last night#i coulsnt go to sleep because my heart and body was in fight mode the whole time#i conquered today#and tomorrow will be so much better. i swear on it.#everyone take care.#dont let the voices win. never let them win. life comes back around
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being so brave today (gonna travel a solid 2 hours to go to a 30 minute interview)
#i dont want to. i DESPERATELY dont#but i should bc the pay is crazy and i can't let the depression win!
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Yaoi has poisoned all of your fucking brains !!
#Yakuza HATEblog#i dont want to hear about the new yakuza trailer where kiryu proposed to soemone he wouldnnever do that thats so scary#also they refered to sayama as the cop lady like please show some respect to her she didnt be annoying for you to forget her#ive become homophobic now because i hated seeing a particular post so much like that will never happen you are crazy#like no this isnt how kzmj can win they have never even once considered a future together because kiryus foreplanning ended when he lost#his brother and majima has spent half her life waiting for saejima to come back like they have more important things to worry about#and kiryu is not able to share his kids with anybody he cant simultaneously raise haruka with someone he has to either be a single dad or an#absent dad no in between and sometimes haruka is left parentless in the middle of that mess but its not kiryus problem hes driving cars amd#beating people up .... well he does care sorry for insinuating he doesnt ... he thinks about his kids every day#but i guarantee you he does not think about majima every day i swear it to you he does not care about her that much !!! i have to forever#stress this doesnt mean that he hates majima but it simply means that shes not his priority AND SHE WILL NEVER BE !!! kiryu will never#risk it all just for a suckle on that majiwilly like he doesnt like her that much ... if kiryu didnt even give majima so much as a phonecall#when he was ignoring her the entirety of y3 AFTER tossing her back to the wolves just so he can play house at okinawa.. hes not going to#suddenly realise that he wants to spend the rest of his life with majima hes going to be pondering how miserable he is while beating the#fuck out of people because sorry i didnt actually pay attention to the gaiden stuff is kiryu a hitman now or some sort of mercenary either#way its so hot that hes paralleled by y0 majima because hes so depressed and wants to kill himself and forced to wear a nice suit and do#things he doesnt want to while being kept on a tight leash like hohooho ... have sex with me ...!!!#im going to kill him myself to put him out of his misery if i have to ... just let kiryu run off to america and join the cia im kidding but#wait i just thought of him actually running off and sayama pulling some strings in the force to keep people from looking for him because#shes like a bigshot cop now ... i think she should be able to cradle him gently and keep him like a show cat#a shivering wet penis in the rain and she takes him in and gives him a loving home ... i feel a little embarrassed talking about hetships#but the concept of kiryu just being in her house and living with her is making me laugh like wow ... hes straight now.... like obviously hes#still not going to be like lets get married 🥰 but sayama would want to... i believe that she could forge their documents so kiryu isnt an#illegal immigrant anymore and she gives him an american name so john yakuza can become real ... its like a fake dating au but they really#arent dating theyre just having sex and acting out scenes from a kdrama but eventually kiryu will have to go back because hes so sad#without his kids and he needs to see them one last time to pass away peacefully. sorry i just remembered how much older kiryu was than#sayama like thats a bit funny ... like i still think kiryu should be into older guys or girls but like we cant always have that happen#like how majimas options for getting fucked by creepy old guys are getting lesser year by year because those old geezers keep dying and hes#old now too ... like theyre so old thats fucked. i know ive been saying how kzmj can never win but i do think majima should breastfeed kiryu
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GOD it is so good and amazing to be back on adhd meds (ie adderall)
i have gotten more done this week(end) than i have in a year. i am literally so over the moon about this but i am also physically incapable of staying up to ride this out (also bc i wanna be able to do laundry tomorrow today)
but god. it is SO NICE to be back on top of things and not experiencing the perpetual debuff. it also helps that i got to start it again on my days off from work :)
#like i am so hype yall dont even underSTAND#the 6 weeks i spent mired in the worst depression i been in in awhile/at least a year?#i am tackling all the shit that made it so immobilizing#there are tasks that have felt so sisyphean for months (that werent always like this!) that i am now like.#'hmm. yes. that is a good idea :) i should do that! never mind the amount of steps it involves!!'#like for fucking once in a long ass time jfc finally feeling like a functional. winning. adult.#pls do not let this high die once i go back to work on weds :(
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democracy is going to shit
#vent#politics#yeah this is about the french elections but also just about europe/the west in general#german elections are next year and i am Scared.#can we stop letting fascists win please?#and meanwhile the eu keeps undermining refugee rights#i hate it urgh.#enough of this for today. i dont wanna get depressed thats helping noone
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no one I know or meet seems to sees things the way i do. others either see everything as a competition or a thing they're bad at and/or too embarrassed to try....
i see it as an opportunity to have fun with friends, laugh together and at ourselves, and form good memories. working together, not against each other by making everything competitive. despite being bad at something or looking silly. and in spite of what other people might think about that!
I honestly can't stand trying to hang out with people who want to make everything a competition. I do not want to compete with you or anyone else! that is not fun for me at all. stop it. you don't need to win at something all the time. learn how to relax for once.
I also can't stand people who spend more time thinking about what other people around us might think about them and refuse to do things and miss fun opportunities because of those thoughts. they won't try new things or things they aren't perfect at because they're afraid to look silly or weird or whatever. so they hold back and miss out on things. or refuse to do them at all and miss out on everything. and that make me miss out on them too, because it's not fun or possible to do it alone and defeats the whole purpose!
#if you care more about winning or mkre about what other people think about you then i dont really want to be friends tbh lmao#im tired of people like that. that's the only type of people that i ever get a chance to talk to and i never have fun 😭#autistic#actually autistic#neurodivergent#adhd#audhd#lee rambles#dont know if those things have to do with this actually but maybe someone will find this and can relate? idk...#some people are so good at casually enjoying things while not caring what anyone thinks and i wanna be around that energy!#i want to absorb the big fun confident energy. i absord the energy of whoever im with#so i need people who are positive and fun and confident#im tired of being sad and depressed and afraid and whatever other negative energies most people feed me 😭#im a little gremlin that feeds off auras and have a perperual tummy ache becuase they all taste bad#how do i find people who share the same views? everyone i meet and interact with has different views from me#i know its good to experience people with different views from your own and whatever#but it gets so boring and lonely to have no one who views things the same way and can join you! 😭#always having to bend backwards to appease others and never get things “my way” even once sucks#i used to always immediately let others decide everything and do it their way because i was told im selfish if i ask even ONCE#for things to be my way. so i stopped asking at all. until i got too tired and now im always trying. but people whine and cry#until it's their way. or they won't do it at all with me there. so i have to give in anyway!#I JUST WANT SOMEONE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH AS ME SO THINGS GO SMOOTHLY HOW WE BOTH WANT BECAUSE WE MATCH PERFECTLY#WHY IS THAT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME!!!!!!! WHY DOES THIS PERSON NOT EXIST IN THIS WORLD#must be nice to just be able to do things easily and not have to compromise every single thing just to get someone to hang out/be friends
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#and i will FIGHT!!!!!!!#i will fight goddammit#i will claw and snarl and bite if i need to but i will fight#this is not okay and i am not okay just letting it get worse#i need therapy yes i need emotional support yes#i need to find someone i feel okay with talking to about my emotions and whats on my mind i need that i know#i need to work on my house and sell it and then move home and use the money i got to pay off all of my debt i have to do this#i cannot let myself slip into this marsh of depression and lack of motivation#not until ive at least made it just a little bit further#just enough to get out of here and get some help first#please self just work on this for a little bit longer#just a little bit further and I'll be able to just let myself break down#i cant do it now or im going to lose it all#i will fight and i will push and i will make sure i do get what i need#i may not win and i may fall flat on my face but at least i can say I FOUGHT until then#dont give up and keep fighting me#I'll get there eventually. slowly but surely ill get there.
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New Years | Gi-hun x Fem!Reader | S2
Summary: one year after the games you and Gi-hun battle to find the men who recruited both of you and also try to survive.
Warnings: Takes place right at the start of S2 - There is still another full year till they meet with Salesman - Paranoid Gi-hun + Reader - Depression - Survivor guilt - Soft!Gi-hun - Mentions of medication - Starving -
"Really how many will be coming today" You whispered, your eyes checking the cameras of the Love Hotel Gi-hun and You were using as a base and to live.
Currently another couple came to the door, looking for a room only to meet with a closed love hotel.
Your nerves were still high as you keep on checking the camera from the door and the rest, your gun close just in case.
You jumped when you felt a hand on your shoulder, turning around fast you met Gi-hun worried eyes.
"Hey its just me.." He said lowering your gun that was now pointing at him.
"Fuck, announce yourself next time, I could have shoot you" You said tone cold.
Gi-hun made a sound like he was giving you the reason and sat besides you on another chair seeing the cameras.
"How many?" He asked looking to fill up the silence
"Last hour? At least six" You responded "One would think they would be with their families or at least at home, like really, on New years ?" You said closing your eyes for a moment, missing the old simple worries you had in life.
One year ago, Gi-hun managed to track you down back in Seoul after you two won the games.
Maybe you two were in love but also too broken to go on and parted ways. You thought you would never saw him again.
Big was your suprise when he knocked at your door one afternoon and forced you to cut off no less than a tracker from behind your ear.
These fuckers were still in your life even when you had walked out victorious but with lots of scars.
To said you became paranoid after it was to be too simple. You destroyed all your devices and would not leave your aparment. If it wasn't for Gi-hun who took care of you during that time you would have died.
He would bring you food, clothes and even medication after you told him how you have ended needing them after all of what happened.
He never judged you. He was there for you. Even when you acted reclutant at first to help him, to you his idea was nuts, but you also understood him.
The nightmares that would wake any of you. Sometimes you screamed for him and sometimes he did it for you.
The two of you were a mess for a few months, but one thing was clear. You both needed each other.
And so you accepted, moved in with him to his new "home" where he showed you just how real he was about his plan.
Cameras, guns, and the peopel who he was in debt before now worked for him ? It felt like a fever dream, even he admited he would wake up somedays and find this new reality hard to accept or believe. He would ask himself if everything that had happen did truly happen.
"(Y/N)" His voice made you come back. You looked at him, he looked so tired, so done with life but there was also that spark, that need to understand why or how. Maybe it was the only thing that kept him going.
"Im here" You assured him, tough he was not convinced.
"Are you alright? I saw your meds, you are taking more this days..." He was worried not trying to judge you.
"Its just" You paused tears starting to form "I keep seeing them and each day that fucker manages to escape us. Its has been one year and we have no trace of him.
Gi-hun undertood your frustration, he was frustrated too. But he could not let them win and could not let you fall and get worse because he asked you to help him.
"Lets go, I managed to get us some takeout"
"But-"
"I dont think they will try anything today, these fuckers must be working for next years game" Gi-hun said taking your hand and softly guiding you to the couch, in front was a small table were the food was.
"Im not hungry" You told him sitting down besides him.
"You have been eating less and less, you need to eat, you must eat"
"Whats the point? Maybe this is what I deserve to starve myslef...after all"
"It was not your fault (Y/N)" Gi-hun said in a firm tone making you look at him. "All the deaths were never your fault, it was all the fault of them, you and I were victims"
"Then why, why do both of us get the luxury to live ? Why did they let two winners at the end ? Why did they put trackers on us ?"
"Because they are sadistic fuckers who does not care for others and does not sees us as humans. But nothing good will come from you starving yourself.
I need you, and im sorry we got separated when we first got out, I should have never leave you, and im sorry for have asked you to help me again. I was, no Im still lost, I fear everyday one of them will find you or me and just kill us like nothing. I fear everyday that what im doing its for nothing but when I see your suffering I just get streght to go on and end them.
"Gi-hun...how can you be so strong?"
He smiled pulling your hair behind your ear then he got closer his forehead against yours.
"Im not. I never was, remember how I ran from my debts? How I ran from you? I was never strong or brave but you make me less bad, less well useless"
"You were never useless you were lost and then we both were broken...I should have insisted more on you staying by my side"
"Im here now, and nothing will change that" He assured you taking your head between his hands. His eyes soft, full of love and devotion.
"I wont ever run away from you again (Y/N) I can guarnated you that, you are all I have left, the only person who can understand whats going on inside my head. Im in love with you, I was for such a long time, but I always ran because I was scared. But I cant be scared all my life, not when I was so close to lose you.
You started to cry as he softly clean your tears, it was too much. You felt happy but you also felt like you did not deserve any of it.
And Gi-hun must have read your mind because he continued
"You deserve to feel loved and good (Y/N), nothing I repeat, nothing was your fault or will ever be your fault. Do you understand me?"
You nodded slowly then moved to hug him.
"Never leave me again, please never again"
Gi-hun's heart ache by how fragile and vulnerable you were being right now. All these days of acting strong for him...
"Dont cry, we will get over it, I promise you"
Silence filled the room again till the sound of fireworks and cheers started.
That happiness seemed too far away for both of you.
"Gi-hun..."
"Mhm" He said not having stop the hug
"Happy New Year" You finally said with a hint of humor in your voice, one that you had not show in a long time.
Gi-hun could not help but chuckle a it
"Happy New year to you (Y/N).."
"And Gi-hun...I love you too"
~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○
FINAL NOTES: This was kind of a New Years special. Love ya all.
#squid game imagine#squid game imagines#squid game x reader#squid game x y/n#gi hun x reader#gihun x reader
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hi hi hi!!! i saw that you were open to shadow and bone requests and i was wondering if you’d be willing to write a nikolai lantsov imagine? just imagine princess!reader being forced into an arranged marriage with the second son of the king of ravka, and instead of going through with it she runs away. she then stumbles upon a particularly charming privateer who just so manages to win over her heart……
Enchanted
Request: hi hi hi!!! i saw that you were open to shadow and bone requests and i was wondering if you’d be willing to write a nikolai lantsov imagine? just imagine princess!reader being forced into an arranged marriage with the second son of the king of ravka, and instead of going through with it she runs away. she then stumbles upon a particularly charming privateer who just so manages to win over her heart…
and: btw I saw your post about sab season 2 and i would like to request something with nikolai. i dont really have any ideas but i love that blonde boy so anything that you'll write with him is going to make me happy- but if its angst please im begging for a happy ending im already depressed because im reading rules of wolves
and: omg omg omg enchanted x nikolai sounds so perfect 😭 literally written for him
Hi! I absolutely adore these requests, thank you for sending them in. And sorry for the long wait, I’ve been a bit busy. And please bear with me while I try and get the hang of writing for Nikolai, this is only my second time. Also, this request was combined with two others, I hope that’s alright, and sorry for anyone who’s request was altered a little bit to fit this story. I’m happy to accept another request if you don’t like this one. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this!
(Warnings: arranged marriage, swearing, very very brief angst, very vague suggestive content, drinking, let me know if i missed anything)
—
You had nearly begged on your knees when you found out you were to be wed, pleading with your parents’ advisors.
You were no fool. You knew that one day you’d have to marry, and you were prepared to do your duty. A Princess isn’t awarded the luxury of a choice, and you knew any match that was made probably wouldn’t be from a place of love. But you never thought your parents would be prepared to ship you off to a man none of you had ever even laid eyes on, and that’s including the advisors.
A second son, and a rumored bastard at that. It was all happening too fast, and you weren’t having an easy time processing it.
“You can’t send me! We already have an alliance with Ravka, why send me still?”
One of the men had stood, trying to ease you. “You must go, Princess. We may have an alliance, but our forces need to be strengthened. Prince Vasily is already spoken for. Marrying you to Prince Nikolai is the fastest way.”
“I am told he is charming, if it is any consolation,” another man said, though his voice was firmer. “It is time, Princess, for you to do your duty. You will marry.”
You finally relented, your fate beginning to set in. “That’s it, then. When will I be expected to leave?”
There was a moment of silence, and an awkward shuffling of feet as the advisors stood. And then one of the men spoke, sending dread running through you like ice in your veins.
“Your arrival is set for the end of the week. The King and Queen are expecting you.”
—
The journey passed far quicker than you had anticipated. A trip like that should have been grueling, yet each moment felt more fleeting than the last. By the time you arrived on Ravkan soil, you would practically be theirs. Upon your arrival, you were escorted to the Great Hall to meet the King and Queen.
“Moi tsar,” you curtsied, keeping your eyes low. “Moi tsaritsa. It is an honor.”
The words tasted sour on your tongue, but you spoke them anyway. The King and Queen were not known to be the kindest of people, and you’d rather spend your time in a foreign country on the good side of the sovereign.
“Princess,” the King greeted as he stood, his eyes racking your body. “You are as beautiful as they say. My son will be pleased. Unfortunately, your arrival has preceded his. He attended a meeting with our generals, and is set to arrive in a few days. The wedding will be in a fortnight. Until then, please enjoy our hospitality. I look forward to this new found alliance between our great countries.”
“As do I,” you said, forcing a smile.
—
As the days passed, you grew more uneasy. The weight of your duties were beginning to drag you down, and you didn’t know if you could bear the burden any longer.
Nikolai had yet to return to court, but with his inevitable arrival looming, it became harder to face each day. You were practically alone in the castle, having yet to make any friends. And you doubted the arrival of a Prince—the subject of scandalous rumors—would do anything to lessen the loneliness and fear you felt every night.
One evening, the pressure became too great.
Despite your duties, and the anger you knew both countries would feel towards you, you fled. It was a rash decision, and a stupid one at that. But it was the only option that could give you your freedom, so you took it.
It led you all the way down to the harbor, which you briskly made your way to with little more than the clothes on your back.
Your window of opportunity was closing, and you took it. In mere hours, someone would notice you were missing from your room. Guards would be sent all throughout the palace, and they’d track you down if you weren’t quick enough. One way or another, you would marry the second Prince of Ravka. You’d be forced to. And although the thought of being alone in an open country you knew next to nothing about terrified you, it was less terrifying than the thought of being trapped in that castle forever.
So you went. Fled, more accurately. All the way to the harbor, in nothing but a dress and cloak, with a bag of coins hidden in your skirts.
As you approached the harbor, the shout of guards could be heard in the distance. “Spread out! She cannot have gone far.”
The Kingsguard.
You felt your chest tighten as you quickened your pace, pulling your hood over your head. You rushed as inconspicuously as you could, clambering to get as far from the palace as possible. Suddenly, you felt a hand on your wrist.
“What’s the rush for, My Lady? You’re going to hurt yourself running in those shoes,” the woman said, her brows furrowing.
You stopped in your tracks to take her in, realizing she was standing next to a much larger man. She had axes sheathed at her waist, and a confused but intrigued grin.
“Please, excuse me—” You stuttered out, trying to pull away.
“There’s no need to be afraid,” the man said, in a tone much gentler than his appearance. “We mean you no harm. What are you running from?”
“I need to get away from here, and fast,” you pleaded, deciding to trust these people who stopped you.
“That wasn’t an answer to our question,” the woman said, easing her grip.
You let out a frustrated sigh, turning to look over your shoulder before turning back. “Please, I’ll pay you whatever you want. Just let me go. I have to get out of here, and quickly.”
The woman shared a glance with the man, and for a minute, you were beginning to think you had been found out. They somehow recognized you, and would know that the castle guards were looking for you. If that was true, the pair didn’t show it, looking back at you.
“We have a ship,” the man finally said, gesturing behind him. “And a captain. A name you’d perhaps recognize. Sturmhond.”
Sturmhond, you thought to yourself. The richest pirate on the True Sea? What was he doing in a port in Ravka? You shook your head, having no time for questions.
“Would he grant me safe passage? I can pay, I have the means. Please, I need to know if this is my only option of getting out of here. I haven’t done anything illegal, I promise. I just need to go.”
The woman laughed, her relaxed disposition beginning to ease you. “Illegal would have been more fun. Don’t worry, Princess. We’ll take you to our captain. You’ll be safe with us.”
Your eyes widened, and you stepped back to retreat, when the man raised his hands in surrender.
“We mean you no harm, Princess. Clearly, you’re in trouble, and we have the means to get you away from the palace.”
“Trust me,” the woman said, offering you her hand. “We have no wish to return to the palace.. I’m sure our captain isn’t too keen, either.”
You looked between the ship and back at the castle uneasily, when you heard another shout coming from the guards marching through the village. You turned towards the man and woman, who you just realized looked very similar. Siblings, perhaps, who had just gotten back from a journey at sea.
“Sturmhond is quite the character, but he’s a good man. You have my word,” the man said.
“Alright,” you said, making your decision as you took the woman’s hand. “I’ll go. Thank you, uh…”
You trailed off, making the man smile. He led you towards a nearby ship, helping you climb your way onto it.
“I’m Tolya, and that’s my sister Tamar. We’re part of Sturmhond’s crew. Come along, he’ll want to meet you.”
They quickly led you aboard a ship, ushering the crew to cast off. The crew looked around with confused faces, but listened anyway. As the ship slowly left the harbor, you were led downstairs to the cabins below.
“Captain,” Tamar called, knocking on the first doorway below deck, before opening the door herself.
“Do you want to tell me why my ship is moving away from the dock?” Sturmhond asked without turning around, shuffling through his cabin as he pulled on his coat.
You cleared your throat. “That would be because of me, I think.”
Sturmhond turned around at the sound of your voice, his eyes widening as he took you in. “I don’t believe it. Good evening, Princess. I do hope you are well. Tamar and Tolya have treated you kindly, I expect?”
You shrunk under his gaze, letting out a nervous chuckle. “Is my title that easy to spot? You’re the second to figure it out, is it something I’m doing?”
“Tamar has a keen eye,” Sturmond shrugged, grinning. “But you’re also wearing an evening gown fit for court, and the jewels around your neck could buy a small country. Those things aren’t exactly subtle, darling. Even with that cloak.”
You nodded, still nervous but relaxing with his calm demeanor. “I was told you could grant me passage away from the palace? I can pay, I don’t expect you to do this out of the kindness of your heart. But seeing as we’ve already left the harbor, I don’t think you have any other option but to take me with you. Unless you intend on throwing me overboard into the bay, although I’ll thank you kindly not to do that.”
“In that dress? You’d sink to the bottom, darling. There’s no need to worry, Princess. You’ll stay dry on deck, that I can assure you,” he chuckled, motioning for you to sit.
“We’ll inform the crew our trip has been extended,” Tamar announced, pulling Tolya behind her to leave the cabin.
You sat in the chair on the other side of Sturmhond’s desk, and he sat across from you. He offered you a kind smile, one that surprised you. You had heard plenty about the infamous privateer. You hadn’t expected him to be this young and handsome. His reputation matched that of an old tycoon, not of what appeared to be an ex soldier. He looked at you with curiosity, motioning for you to speak.
“So, would you like to explain to me why my ship is sailing back out to sea? Not that I’m upset or anything, I was dreading my return to Ravka myself. But as I understand it, you were asked to come to Ravka to strengthen a political alliance—”
“And how would you know about that?” You interrupted, raising a brow.
He smiled, shrugging. “I have my ways. It pays to know lots of things about lots of things. Including which Princesses are being married off to far away royalty.”
“Do you know him?” You asked, your voice a little unstable. “The Prince, I mean. Nikolai. I could hardly find anyone who knew him, and any knowledge of him was limited. I went into this alliance blind, thanks to my parents and advisors.”
Sturmhond’s grin widened as he nodded. “I do know him, yes. We were briefly acquainted some time ago.”
“And?”
“He’s alright,” Sturmhond laughed, leaning back in his seat. “Dashingly handsome. A bit cocky for my taste, perhaps a little spoiled, but what royalty isn’t, right? No offense.”
You smiled, shaking your head. “None taken.”
“I suppose you’re lucky in that you’re set to marry him, and not the Crown Prince. Vasily is—how should I put this—well…”
“A bastard?” You finished, making Sturmhond chuckle, nodding.
“He is, yes. Nikolai is, in another manner of speaking, the same as well. Is that why you’re running? You don’t want to risk your reputation on a second son who may not even be the second son?”
Sturmhond looked at you through curious eyes, although there was a little apprehension in them. A little vulnerability that you didn’t quite know what to make of. You shook your head, inadvertently easing his thoughts.
“It’s just rumors, Sturmhond. Whether there is any truth to them, I don’t know, and I don’t care. History records names, not blood. A true Lantsov or not, it doesn’t matter to me. It’s not Nikolai’s fault who his true parents are, and he shouldn’t have to bear the consequences of their actions. All that matters to my parents is what he means for my country. His reputation doesn’t affect that.”
“And what matters to you?” Sturmhond asked, his eyes softening. “Your secrets are safe with me, and I promise to not throw you overboard for whatever your answers are. Why are you running, Princess?”
You sat in silence for a moment, letting out a heavy sigh. Sturmhond politely waisted for you to start, nodding encouragingly for you to speak.
You fiddled with your hands in your lap nervously. “Nikolai’s blood doesn’t matter to me, truly. All that really matters is that he has a kind heart, and he makes living at Ravkan court for the rest of my life more bearable.”
Sturmhond nodded as he listened intently. You continued.
“From what I hear, he’s a perfectly good man. Compared to my list of options, he was probably the best I could have hoped for.”
“Was? Or is? Do you intend on running forever? Seems like a waste of time in what is already a fleeting existence, Princess,” he said quietly.
“I know,” you nodded, growing frustrated. “I don’t know why I did it. I just thought about being alone at court for the rest of my life, and even the promise of a semi decent Prince wasn’t enough to ease my fears. I just wanted control over my own life for once, you know? My own freedom. It was a rash decision, I admit. But it seems to be working well in my favor so far.”
Sturmhond nodded, standing up from his desk to pour two glasses of whiskey. You downed yours the second he placed it in front of you, deciding it was better to let the second one sit when he refilled your glass.
“And Nikolai? What are his thoughts on the matter?”
You shrugged, fiddling with the glass. “I don’t know. He hasn’t been at court since I arrived. I have yet to meet him. Although, once he hears of me running, I’m sure any first impressions he could have had of me are ruined.”
“I don’t know about that.”
You raised a brow, coaxing him to continue. “Really? Why is that?”
“From what I hear, Nikolai isn’t really one for court, either,” he started, shrugging. “He runs when he gets the chance, too. Why do you think he’s away from court so often?”
You pondered the thought for a minute. “I don’t know. I always assumed his duties took him elsewhere. He’s not the Crown Prince, so he doesn’t need to remain in the palace. He serves in the First Army, doesn’t he?”
Sturmhond nodded, grinning. “He does. Or, to put it more accurately, he did. I think he just loiters around neighboring countries until his Mother forces him to come home and make an appearance now.”
You chuckled, letting out a deep sigh. “Isn’t that a treat? Coming home for the first time in months, only to find out your bride to be has run away.”
“With a face like that, I doubt he’ll care much about anything once he sees you.”
You felt the heat creep to your cheeks at his words, setting your eyes to your lap to avoid Sturmhond’s heavy gaze. You could practically hear the smirk in his voice as he breathed out a laugh.
“Besides, I’m told the Prince isn’t expected back at court for a few more days. Plenty of time for you to decide whether or not you want me to turn this ship around. Who would I be to deny a Princess?”
You smiled, your voice soft. “And if I don’t want to turn around?”
“Well, you’re paying me. I don’t really care either way, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go,” he said, grinning as he topped your glass off. “But just between you and me, I’d do it for free. Anything for a pretty face like that. Just don’t go telling everyone I said that, I have a reputation to maintain.”
You laughed, nodding. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”
—
You spent the next few days on the ship, feeling more and more at ease the further you made it from Ravkan shores.
At night, you longed for home.
Not for you parents, or any of their advisors. But for your own bed—not on a constantly rocking ship—and the familiar trill of the birds outside your window on dewy mornings. For the library in the East Wing people seemed to forget was even there, and the soup the cooks would make when a chill was in the air. For the gardens midmorning where you could escape to when you wanted to avoid all the guards constantly watching you.
Sturmhond did a good job at keeping you distracted from saddening thoughts, though. It was sweet of him, really. Making sure you had someone with you during the day, taking all his meals with you in the evening.
Your time on the ship was the most relaxed you had been in a long time, actually, which you attributed to him.
Sturmhond had quite the representation amongst high society—or any society, really—and he certainly met your expectations. He was charming, and attractive. Clever and ambitious, like everyone said he was.
You hadn’t expected him to be as attentive as he is, however. He seemed to really enjoy a new guest on the ship, one that could keep up with his banter. He didn’t make you feel like a burden like your parents so often did, actually including you in his daily routine.
Tolya and Tamar were great, too. Kind, and funny. Fiercely loyal and protective, both of their captain and of each other. They were the kind of friends you hoped to make during your time in Ravka.
So far, it was off to a good start.
As the days moved on, you found yourself growing closer to Sturmhond. You tried to stop yourself in the beginning. Despite not wanting it for yourself, you were engaged to Nikolai. Falling for another man wasn’t exactly a good thing for your future
But that damned smile.
His ridiculously attractive smile, and his stupid mop of hair that had only gotten longer from his time at sea. The infuriating way he’d look at you and make you want to shrink away from his gaze, but you could never bring yourself to look away. The obnoxious green emerald ring he wore that could probably buy a small village.
He had charmed you, despite your reservations, and you were practically head over heels. It scared the absolute shit out of you.
Tamar had of course noticed already, confronting you about it one night after dinner. She joined you on deck, sitting next to you on a crate as you watched the stars twinkle in the sky. They were so visible out at sea, away from all the lights and clutter of the cities.
“You’re not hiding anything from me, you know,” she smirked, sneaking your flask away to take a few sips from it.
You feigned innocence, shaking your head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tamar.”
“Come on, darling. Let’s skip the bluffing…you like him. It’s so obvious.”
“Saints, I hope not,” you groaned, scrunching your nose up at the thought of Sturmhond finding out.
Tamar grinned at your embarrassment, chuckling. “Don’t worry. I may not swing that way, but I know the look when I see it. He’s all puppy dog eyes and desperate looks of longing when he sees you. It’s gross, really. I can actually hear his heart skip a beat when he sees you. He likes you, too. I’d stake money on it.”
You swallowed down your excitement, trying to think rationally. “Don’t even joke about that, it’s not funny.”
“I’m serious! You’re a catch, Princess. He may be my captain, but he’d be a fool not to want you.”
“That’s sweet of you to say, but we can stop there,” you nervously chuckled. “We don’t need this going to my head. I’ll do something stupid like staying on this boat forever.”
She grinned, nudging your shoulder with hers. “Would that be so bad?”
—
The next few days, you couldn’t get Tamar’s words out of your head. You went on with your routine with Sturmhond as usual, trying not to put much thought into it.
Your feelings for him were true, that’s for sure.
And when you’d catch him looking at you from across the deck, you’d swear by the look in his eye that he felt something for you, too. What it was, exactly, you didn’t know.
But it was something.
On your last evening before you had to make a decision about where you wanted to go, you skipped dinner. You couldn’t bring yourself to go along with your usual banter with Sturmhond, beginning to feel guilty about just how close and comfortable you’d gotten with him.
You still had a duty to your country and your family, which meant at least a little to you. Plus, it wasn’t fair to make a promise to Prince Nikolai, only to leave him hanging when he returned to Ravka.
You were leaning against the deck railing, watching the way the moonlight bounced over the still waters. So lost in thought, you almost didn’t register Sturmhond’s approaching footsteps.
“A bit chilly for stargazing, isn’t it?” He asked, coming to stand next to you.
You turned to see him, smiling when you noticed he was wearing his signature blue coat. You couldn’t remember a time since you met that he wasn’t dressed to the nines, no matter what time of day it was.
“You know, for a pirate, you don’t really look like one.”
He grinned, gently correcting you. “A privateer, darling, not a pirate. There’s a difference, I assure you.”
“Ah, a privateer. How could I have forgotten?” You chuckled, hugging yourself in an effort to shield your arms from the biting cold. “But seriously. The emerald on your finger is the size of a walnut, and that coat is fit for royalty. I find it hard to believe a privateer does well enough to afford things as nice as those.”
“Maybe I’m just good at my job,” he retorted, that signature smirk on his face.
It was enough to stir butterflies in your stomach, making you turn to look back out at the water. His gaze lingered on you a moment, and you could feel the heat creeping up to your cheeks under the weight of his stare.
“You’re cold,” he observed, breaking the silence.
“I’m fine,” you tried to say, but Sturmhond interrupted you.
“I can practically hear your teeth chattering,” he laughed, shrugging his coat from his shoulders. “Here. Seeing as my coat is fit for royalty, as you say, I think it’ll suit you better.”
“Sturmhond—”
“Princess,” he mirrored, smirking when you relented, letting him place it around your shoulders.
“Thank you,” you said softly.
You turned away from the water to face him, leaning back against the bannister. His eyes flitted up and down your form at his coat wrapped around shoulders, before his eyes met yours. He took a seat on the crate behind him, leaning back and settling into the post next to him. It was quiet a moment before he finally spoke.
“You weren’t in your cabin at dinner. Where have you been?”
You sighed, fiddling with the sleeve of his coat. “Thinking.”
“Thinking? About what?”
“About my future,” you said shakily, shoulders slumping. “Both the imminent one, and the one to follow based on what I decide tonight.”
Sturmhond nodded, seemingly lost in thought. “I’ve been thinking about that, too, if I’m being honest.”
You raised a brow at his words. He’d been thinking about your future? He’d been thinking about you? The thought was both intriguing and terrifying, and you hoped the confusion on your face wasn’t too apparent.
“Well, I…I’m sorry, what?”
“Your future directly impacts me,” he quickly corrected, suddenly steeling his face and meeting your confusion with his usual grin. “Where you go I go, remember? You are paying me, after all.”
You tried to hide your disappointment, forcing a smile. It was a foolish hope to have, that he’d think something more of you. But it wasn’t a hope you were ready to give up.
Not just yet, at least.
He seemed to notice your disappointment, brows furrowing. “Have I upset you?”
“No,” you quickly replied, trying to brush it off with a laugh. “No, it’s not you. I’m just not quite sure what I should do. I know you need an answer, and Ravka needs an answer, but…I don’t have one yet.”
“Why?”
You shook your head, sighing in frustration. “Earlier, I had more than halfway made up my mind. I value my freedom, but I think I value my dignity more. I don’t think I could go anywhere and face anyone, knowing I’ve turned my back on my duties. It may have not been a promise I made for myself personally, but it is a promise I had every intention of keeping.”
“Then what’s stopping you?” He asked, a genuine look of concern on his face.
His eyes softened on you as your face fell, and you turned away from him as you felt heat creep up to your cheeks. You could hear him stand and approach you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.
“Princess?” He asked, only worsening your embarrassment.
He spoke again, finally getting you to acknowledge him. “You’re worrying me, darling. Surely it cannot be that bad.”
“But it is,” you groaned, pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes to stave off the tears you could feel brewing.
“Try me,” he said gently, carefully placing a hand on your arm. “You can tell me the truth. What’s stopping you from returning to Ravka?”
You could feel his touch even through the coat, which struck you like a punch to the gut when you remembered it was, in fact, his coat you were wearing. And to make it worse, that damned grin was on his face as he spoke with such a genuine kindness in his voice that it made you want to cry.
You finally met his eyes, taking a sharp breath. Shit, you thought to yourself. You were really going to admit it. He eagerly awaited your response, which you finally managed to utter.
“You.”
He sucked in a breath, withdrawing his hand. He looked up at the sky for a moment, before taking another breath and turning back to you.
“Me?” He asked.
“You,” you said again, exasperatedly laughing. “You, and your ridiculous clothes, and your infuriating charm, and your kindness and ambition…that damned smile.”
Sturmhond’s cheeks flushed, and he took a step back, although he was grinning like a fool. He couldn’t stop himself if he tried. You didn’t dare speak, waiting for him to say something. After an agonizing moment of silence, he leaned against the bannister, letting out a chuckle.
“What?” You forced yourself to ask, preparing yourself for his answer.
“Saints, Princess…you’ve gone and done it now.”
You shook your head, your heart dropping to the pit of your stomach. “What?”
“You’ve managed to outdo me. On my own ship. Quite the feat, I’ll give you that,” he laughed, still grinning.
You narrowed your eyes, still shaking your head. “Sturmhond, I don’t have a fucking clue what you’re saying to me right now. Will you do the honor of enlightening me, or are you going to stand there grinning at me all night?”
“You like my grin,” he mused, making you flush.
He spoke again, saving you from your embarrassment. “And it just so happens that I like yours, too. I like all of you. Very much so indeed, Princess.”
Your heart lurched into your throat at his words, and you had to grab ahold of the bannister behind you to keep yourself steady. He placed his hand over top of yours, his palm warming yours.
“I cannot believe you beat me to the punch. It’s rude to upstage a captain on his own ship. You’re lucky you’re royalty. I’ll allow it just this once.”
You had just now calmed your breathing, beginning to take in the weight of his words, and what it meant for you both. “Sturmhond, I—”
“I have a confession to make,” he suddenly said in a very serious tone, startling you. “I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I must tell you something before either of us share something we can’t take back.”
“Alright…” You said uneasily.
Carefully, he took your hand in his, giving it a squeeze. You let him hold it, waiting for him to speak. Absentmindedly, you comfortingly ran your thumb along the back of his hand, silently reassuring him.
“My name isn’t Sturmhond,” he finally said, the nerves in his voice the worst you had ever heard them.
Trying not to jump to any hasty conclusions, you nodded, squeezing his hand once more. “Alright…if it isn’t Sturmhond, then what is it?”
“Well, technically it is, but it also isn’t. It’s just a nickname—” He rambled, and you placed your other hand on top of his to stop him.
“I gathered that much. What else are you trying to tell me? Go on, you can say it.”
He took a deep breath, his voice soft. “It’s true that people call me Sturmhond, but I’m much better known for my birth name…Nikolai. Nikolai Lantsov.”
The realization struck you like a bolt of lightning. You tried not to flinch in his grasp, but you knew he could feel you stiffen. You cleared your throat, feeling your voice begin to grow hoarse
“Nikolai Lantsov…as in Prince Nikolai Lantsov, second son of the Ravkan throne? Moi tsarevich,” you croaked out, attempting to curtsy.
“Please,” Nikolai said, holding both your hands in his to keep you from bowing. “There is no need for such formalities, darling. If anything, I should be the one bowing to you.”
You stood up straight, shaking your head. “We’re long past that, don’t you think?”
He chuckled, nodding. “I suppose so.”
The reality of your situation began to set in, and you couldn’t stop yourself from chuckling along with him. He smiled at the sound, raising a brow.
“What is it?”
“I suppose my little dilemma is solved then,” you said, shrugging. “I was beginning to spiral, thinking my annoying habit of not being able to contain my feelings had ruined any decision I could have made. But of course—in your usual fashion—you’ve managed to upstage me. As is your right, it is your ship, after all. Well, I suppose there’s no decision to make now. At least, I think there isn’t…right?”
Any nerves you had mustered up were immediately squashed when Nikolai brought his hands up to cup your face, running his thumbs across the tops of your cheeks.
“I wasn’t lying when I said I’d take you wherever you wanted to go. All I can hope now is that you’ll allow me to join you…wherever that is.”
You brought a hand up to rest against his wrist. “Don’t you want to go home? You’re expected back in Ravka any day now.”
“I love my country, but I’m in no hurry to return. You’ve told me multiple times how dreadful court was for you—”
“That doesn’t matter,” you quickly said, squeezing his wrist.
“Of course it does! I cannot ask you to return to a country you’ll be miserable in for the rest of your days for a man you barely know.”
“It’s a good thing you aren’t asking, then,” you reaffirmed, giving him a smile. “I told you. I made a promise, and I intend to keep it. I said that I was afraid I would be all alone at court, and that I was afraid the man I am promised to wouldn’t want a life with me.”
“What a fool he’d have to be to not want that,” Nikolai joked, making your grin widen.
You continued to reassure him, not convinced that he was believing your words.
“You say that you’ll follow me wherever I go. Well, I want to go with you. Wherever that is. And I want you to go home. I may have not known you for long, but I’ve been around you long enough to know that you won’t truly be content if you’re tied to my wishes. And I know you’re too stubborn to admit that, so I’ll tell you my wishes, and I need you to believe me. I wish to be with you. I wish for you to return to wherever feels like home, and I wish for you to take me with you. If that’s Ravka, then Ravka will be home. Court will become much more bearable with you there. And if it begins to become too much, I know a certain privateer that can whisk us away for a few days.”
He was doing it again. Smiling like an idiot. He seemed to be in disbelief at your words, this being one of the very few times in his life that he couldn’t find the right words to say.
“I didn’t mean to trick you, Princess. I should have told you who I was from the beginning.”
You shook your head. “I don’t blame you, Nikolai. If I was given the chance, I wouldn’t have told you who I really was, either. At least, not until I knew I could trust you. I would have done the same as you did. It’s alright.”
“I can’t believe my luck,” he grinned, taking your hand. “How is it that my betrothed managed to stumble upon my ship the very hour I returned to Ravka?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not one to believe in fate, and it sounds impossible.”
“Not impossible…improbable,” he corrected, smirking when you playfully narrowed your eyes up at him.
You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help but smile at your turn of luck. “Are we doing this? Are you going home to Ravka?”
“Are we going home, you mean? I can’t be expected to abandon my betrothed when she turns out to be the single most invigorating person I’ve ever met, now can I?”
“You cannot,” you agreed.
A comfortable moment of silence passed between you both, and you looked down at his hands as you held them in yours. The familiar glint of green on his finger made you chuckle.
“I knew it, by the way,” you added, grinning. “This coat and that ring are far too ridiculous for a privateer. They’re fit for royalty. Fit for a Lantsov.”
“Am I to understand that you’re not interested in a Lantsov emerald for your engagement ring?” He asked, smirking when you quickly shook your head.
You laughed, pulling his hand closer to inspect his ring. “I said nothing of the sort. I was merely observing how ridiculous it is, as well as this coat. But I’m still wearing it, aren’t I? If I’m going to be married to a ridiculous man, I should begin preparing now, shouldn’t I?”
He narrowed his eyes, playfully jutting his chin up at you. “You just like the coat and want to keep it. It’s alright, darling, you can admit it. We can have your own fitted for you, all you have to do is ask.”
Nikolai gripped the hem of your sleeve, tugging you closer by the arm of his coat. You let him pull you, chuckling nervously when he drew you nearer.
“I admit nothing, only that my future husband has a taste I will have to acquire. But I’m sure I’m up for the task. We have all the time in the world now, don’t we?”
“We do,” he smiled, settling his hands around your waist. “Although I’ll have to admit, I don’t think we know each other well enough to become husband and wife.”
You tensed under his hold, and he quickly retracted his statement, shaking his head. He didn’t give you enough time to truly panic, interrupting your train of thought.
“And that’s perfectly fine, darling. Like you said, we have all the time in the world to get to know each other. I think I’d like to take advantage of that starting now. After all, it is our last night on the ship, isn’t it? At least, I assume it is. I expect you’ll want to set a course for Ravka now. Unless you’d rather I get down on one knee, and make a big show of it first. I can do that, if you wish.”
“I certainly wouldn’t stop you,” you chuckled, letting your hands rest on top of his as your tone shifted to a more serious note. “Are we really doing this, Nikolai? Returning to Ravka? Getting married?”
He smiled wider, a twinkle in his eye as he looked down at you. “I’ve wanted you since the moment you stepped foot on my ship, the second I laid eyes on you. And I’ve wanted you more every day since. I’m not one to believe in fate either, but I do think the Saints may have gifted you to me. Who knows what I did to deserve it, but you most definitely won’t find me questioning their will if you’re the result.”
You felt your heart swell at his words. He was right. Of all the ships in the harbor, his was the one you found yourself on. Of all the captains in Ravka, he was the one who took you in. The man you were supposed to marry, and you found yourself falling for him long before you even knew who he truly was. If that isn’t fate, then what is?
“I’ll take all the influence from the Saints I can get when it comes to explaining to your parents why I’ve disappeared right out from under them,” you said with a groan, leaning into him.
Nikolai chuckled, holding you close. “My Mother will forget all about it when she sees my future safely secured with marriage. There is no need to worry, trust me.”
“I may not have to worry about her, but I do need to worry about Tamar,” you said, letting out a pained chuckle. “I think she staked money on our little situation.”
“She most definitely did. I expect Tolya will be paying up when they hear the news. Who should break it to him?”
You grinned, shaking your head. “I think that duty lies with you, as my future husband. If I’m going to have to listen to Tamar’s endless bragging about being right, then you should have to take half the burden in the form of telling Tolya. That’s how marriage works, isn’t it? Half and half. It’s only fair.”
It was his turn to groan now as he pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand, taking yours in the other.
“Alright, I’ll do it, but you have to accompany me. I think your presence will help soften the blow. What do you say, darling? After all…it’s only fair.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, squeezing his hand. “If I must. You’re lucky you’re pretty, Lantsov.”
“Darling, I’m lucky for a lot more than that,” he smiled endearingly, and you couldn’t help but smile back.
— A/N - Hi! This is SO long, I’m so sorry. And I’m so sorry for taking so long to get this out, I’ve been busy and had no time to write. But I finally forced myself to get this done, and now I have more time to write! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this, let me know what you think! Thank you again for the requests :)
#grishaverse imagine#grishaverse x reader#grishaverse imagines#grishaverse#nikolai lantsov x reader#nikolai lantsov imagine#nikolai lantsov x you#nikolai lantsov#shadow and bone#shadow and bone imagine#shadow and bone x reader#six of crows#six of crows imagine
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Hii
I lost my puppy recently, can you please write one where the reader is a bit depressed and Marshall gives her a puppy?
A/N : Hi Anon ! I’m so sorry about you losing your puppy ! I’m sending you tons of love 💕. I wrote a little something and I hope you like it !
Finding purpose 🐶
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/fd0ce4c6b07b5918211fc50d5cc7a8f8/e2bc061a94a09e4f-36/s540x810/0bc06719ea3833e60693b5c880de971828b2b31a.jpg)
« I dont know, » you’d said in that monotone voice of yours. « I just feel like… there’s no purpose. I have no purpose ».
After weeks of beating around the bush, Marshall had finally confronted you, and your answer broke his heart. You were the most vibrant person he had ever met, so full of life and laughter. But in the past few months, he had seen you decaying. Your laugh, once his favorite sound, seemed like a distant memory and he couldn’t tell the last time he’d seen you actually smile, no matter how hard he tried. You had become withdrawn, distant. Sometimes, he would at you and he could see stare into the abyss, as if your mind was miles away. But every time he would ask what’s on your mind, you would shrug it off.
His first instinct was to blame himself. Maybe he’d taken you for granted. It wouldn’t be the first time after all. He was never really good at keeping his longtime girlfriends entertained, his workaholic nature often taking over. But his best efforts to win you over with impromptu date nights and presents seemed to be in vain. Then, he tried asking your friends, but no one seemed to know what was going on. As far as they knew, nothing had happened. You were doing ok at work. Your family was fine. And as far as they knew, you didn’t have beef with anyone. So it was kind of a mystery. But still, the facts were there : you kept on withdrawing, keeping people at a distance. You were once the life of the party, but you barely went out anymore. Even keeping up with your text messages proved to be difficult. Yet, everyone was getting increasingly worried. They could see the dim smiles, the dark circles, the weight fluctuation… They all tried to be subtle about it, not wanting to be insensitive or too harsh. Until Marshall decided enough was enough.
You had ghosted him for three days. No phone, no text. Nothing. When he showed up at your place, he was immediately taken aback by your gaunt face and hollow eyes. You weren’t alright and he was done being subtle about it. You were curled up on the couch, arms wrapped around your knees. You looked up as he let himself in, your eyes dull and tired. « Thank God I have your spare key » he sighed. « Otherwise, I would have called the cops to report you were missing ». You looked down, mumbling an apology. « We gotta talk » he declared in a voice that was a little sharper than he intended. You turned your head back to him, hough your eyes remained dull and distant. « About what? » you asked. He sighed and sat in the chair across you. « About you » he said. « About whatever’s been eating you alive for the past weeks. I’m tired of pretending like everything’s fine. You think I don’t notice ? You think I don’t see how different you’re acting ? »
Your jaw tightened and you looked away. « I’m fine, Marshall » you mumbled, though even you could tell how unconvincing you sounded. « Stop! » he snapped, his frustration evident. « You’re not fine. You’ve barely said more than five words to me in a day for the past three weeks! You don’t sleep. You don’t eat. You don’t smile. And I’m sick and tired of pretending like everything’s ok when it’s clearly not ». His voice was getting louder and louder, his tone sharp and cutthroat. You couldn’t help the tears from welling in your eyes and, for a second, you were pretty sure you were going to lash out at him. But instead, your face crumpled and you let out a shaky breath. « I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Marshall » you whispered, your voice cracking. « I don’t know. I just feel like… There’s no purpose. I have no purpose. Like nothing I do matters. I wake up, and I don’t see the point of getting up. No purpose ».
Your words hit him like a punch to the gut. He stood up and crossed the room in a few quick strides, taking a seat on the couch, right next to you. You tried to turn away but he gently grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. « Listen to me » he said, his voice low but steady. « You do have a purpose. You do matter. You matter to me. I don’t care what’s gong on in that beautiful head of yours, I’m not letting you drown in it. We’ll figure this out together. But you need to let me in and tell me how you’re feeling, babe ». You nodded, letting your tears spill over. « I don’t even know where to start » you quietly sobbed.
He pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly. For the first time in weeks, you allowed yourself to anger in his embrace, instead of pushing him away after a couple of seconds. He held you against his chest, gently stroking your hair as you sobbed, letting out the storm that had been going on inside your mind, that was too much for you to put into words. You stayed like this for what felt like hours, Marshall never letting go of you, whispering sweet words of reassurance. « We just start here, Y/N. You and me. You’re not alone. I’m here. ». Eventually, exhaustion took over and you fell asleep, your head resting against his chest, your breath uneven but steady. But Marshall couldn’t follow suit. Your words kept on echoing in his mind. The way you said you don’t see the point of getting up, that you had no purpose… You had said it with such emptiness, like the thought had been carved into your very soul. He could see the pain, the suffering in your eyes. He could hear it in your voice. And he wished he could take it away, suffer in your place. All he wanted was to make you happy. You were the love of his life, a beautiful soul, and you deserved nothing but happiness. And he couldn’t sleep until he found a way to give it to you. Sadly, words wouldn’t do. He needed something more. Something real, tangible. Something that would bring back the light in your eyes.
And then, like a lightbulb flickering in the darkness, he had an idea.
The next day, your boyfriend found himself standing in the middle of an animal shelter. To say he was feeling out of his element would be the understatement of the year. He’d had a few pets in his day, but he had sworn off them a long time ago, arguing that they required too much work, too much energy. But maybe it was exactly what you needed. Something that would require work and energy, that would give you a reason to get out of bed. The sound of barking and meowing filled the air as he walked past rows pf cages. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking for, but he knew he’d recognize it when he saw it. And he did. There was a small dog waddling inside one of the kennels, its stubbly legs moving unevenly. He had a misshapen ear that flopped to one side, a patchy coat that looked like it has seen better days and a back leg that didn’t quite work right. It wasn’t conventionally cute but it had the kind of charm that he knew would tug at your heart. He’d seen you at the market, picking up bruised apples and misshapen tomatoes, sad that nobody else would want them. He saw you pour your heart not the smallest things, believing they deserved love too. Hell, you had taken him in, of all people. That had to be the ultimate sign you didn’t mind things - or people - being a little broken.
He pointed the dog to the staff member that was with him. « That’s Ralph. This little guy came in a few months ago » she explained. « He’s got some mobility issues and… well, he’s not the first one people ask about but he’s a good one. Loves cuddles and, despite the leg thing, walks, too ». Marshall crouched down, holding his hand out. Ralph sniffed it tentatively, then licked his fingers before flopping over on its side, demanding belly rubs. Marshall laughed and indulged him. He could already picture you with him. « This is the one » he said with a smile.
When he got to your place, Ralph waddled awkwardly behind him, its tiny legs working double-time to keep up. He’d picked up a few essentials - a bed, food, a leash, a couple of toys - but he knew the dog wouldn’t need much to win you over. You were in the living room, curled up on the couch with a blanket around your shoulders. You looked up as Marshall walked in, your eyes tired but curious. « What’s going on? » you asked, your voice soft. Instead of answering, your boyfriend stepped aside, revealing the little dog, who waddled into view, its mismatched body moving with clumsy determination. You let out a gasp, sitting up straight as the dog barked once, a cheerful and awkward sound that definitely matched his appearance. « Marshall…? What…? » you whispered, hands flying to your mouth.
« I heard what you said, » he told you, his voice steady but gentle. « About not having a reason to get up in the morning. And I figured maybe this little guy could help with that. » He gestured to Ralph, who was now sniffing the corner of the coffee table. « He’s not perfect. He’s got a bum leg and kind of a funky look, but… I thought maybe you’d see him the way you see those lopsided peaches at the market. The ones you always say deserve love, even if no one else thinks so. » Tears filled your eyes, spilling over as you slid off the couch to kneel on the floor. The dog trotted over to you, tail wagging furiously, and licked at your hands. You laughed through your tears, scooping the little guy into your lap and cradling him like he was the most precious thing in the world.« He’s perfect, » you whispered, your voice trembling. « Absolutely perfect. » Marshall knelt beside you, watching as you showered your new friend with affection. « He’s yours, » he said. « And he’s gonna need you. You’ll have to help him get around sometimes, maybe even carry him when he’s having a rough day. But I thought… I thought you could take care of each other. »
You looked up at him, eyes filled with gratitude and something else—something that had been missing for too long. Hope. « Thank you, » you said, your voice thick with emotion. « I… I don’t even know what to say. » He gave you a smile and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. « You don’t have to say anything. Just get up tomorrow morning and love him. That’s it ».
#eminem fanfiction#eminem x reader#eminem fluff#marshall mathers imagine#marshall mathers x reader#eminem imagine
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My Hero Academia Masterlist
Izuku Midoriya (Deku)
Coming home covered in blood begging for love
Headcannons
“if you dont love me ill kill myself”
Deku vs Bakugo
Naga Izuku
S/o who is clingy during their period
Punishments
Kidnapped S/o giving up
Jealous S/o leaving hickeys all over him
College Roomate
Siren Izuku w/ Lost at sea S/o
S/o w/ Psychedelic quirk
Poly Uraraka/Deku w/ a S/o who loves to Knit
S/o w/ a Angelic quirk
Not letting anyone else touch his S/o
Poly Nage Deku/Bakugo w/ Harpy S/o
Naga Izuku w/ Crush whos terrified of snakes
S/o who is tired all the time
The Purge + Blind S/o
Poly Uraraka/Deku HC
Nurse S/o
Tough S/o using her quirk to play with kids
S/o who loves his fluffy hair
Bakugo + Izuku with a S/o whos Quirk ends up hurting them
Dating Aizawas daughter
“hows the weather up there?”
Siren
Villain Deku trying to supply his vampire s/o with his blood
Darlings whos accidently morbid and creepy
Finding Crush s/o crying cause they were rejected by someone else
Gifting him an actual heart in a jar for Valentines
Yandere Alphabet: B,D,H,M,O
Villain Deku Headcannons
Comforting S/o who is upset over a character design change
Goth Darling who melts at affection
Comforting S/o who feels objectified
Poly Deku & Uraraka Headcannons
S/o who cant kiss directly in fear of eye contact
Darling attracting butterflies to them with their blood
Kidnapped S/o breaking down in relief that they dont have to worry about school anymore
Kidnapped Darling demanding cuddles when coming home
S/o that demands affection
Darling who loves that love lolita fashion but broke
Poly Kirideku
S/o wearing a lolita dress inspired by his hero outfit
Izuku Midoriya vs Peter Parker
S/o likes to be carried by him
S/o escapes only to come back with fast food
S/o saying "Yo! Guess what I found!!" with a arrow in their shoulder
S/o who jokes they're basically a acrow with anxiety cause they love shiny
"Why would you want me? You could have anyone you wanted"
Bakugo Katsuki
Deku vs Bakugo
Shut in S/o
S/o who has low self esteem due to family
S/o whose friends are affectionate
S/o Practicing their Love Confession with Deku
Accidentally hurting S/os feelings
Unknowingly kidnapping Vampire S/o
Liking Naga Bakugos punishments
Poly Nage Deku/Bakugo w/ Harpy S/o
Werewolf Bakugo protecting his mate
S/o whose parents dont let them have more than the minimum
S/o does illegal quirk cage battles
S/o Revealing her Healing quirk
Tall darling with low self esteem
Parents not supporting S/o after Winning tournament
Quiet crush Kabedoning him
S/o who can beat his ass
Bakugo + Izuku with a S/o whos Quirk ends up hurting them
S/o has a ‘villainous’ quirk
Kidnapped darling ignoring him
Naga Bakugo/Hunted down
Darling confessing to him first
Only being soft for his S/o
Villain Darling
S/o who’s the polar opposite of him
Finding his missing kidnapped S/o in his bed
Kidnapped darling loving him back
S/o who spars cause they want to be pinned
Accidently hurting a low self esteem reader
Bat quirked reader
Aizawa Shouta
Depressed S/o
Villain S/o
NS FW HC
The Purge
Vampire
Drider
Vampire S/o
Demon
Demon Aizawa w/ angel s/o
Life Threatening situation
S/o being forced to be a Villain cause their family is that way
Werewolf Aizawa
S/o who relaxes when he plays with their hair
Thicc S/o
S/o who loves cats just as much as him
Making him jealous from giving all your attention to cats
Cuddling HC
Hawks kidnapping Aizawas S/O prt 2 (prt one on Hawks section)
Shinso dating Aizawas child
Cat like S/o
Stalking celerity S/o
S/o with daddy issues
S/o w/ a Bear quirk
Taking care of his new child
Yandere Alphabet: A,B,E,L,W
Student reader turns out to be the UA Traitor
Finding his S/o tangled in his scarf
Headcannons
S/os personality changes around animals
Stalker Headcannons
Finding out crush sleeps with a eraser head plushie
Tall S/o that pulls him into their chest in every hug
Aizawa falling for a MILF S/o
S/o who was rejected at first before Aizawa fell for them
S/o avoiding him cause they think theyre annoying
Todoroki Shoto
Jealous Todoroki
Yandere Crush
Kidnapping Tourist S/o
“You’ve already made me a victim, no need to make me a liar too”
Naga Todoroki
Yakuza Leader S/o attempting to send a hit on his father
S/o who wants to be a Manga artist more than a hero
Sick Darling
S/o whos clingy during their period
Yandere Alphabet: C,E,K,W
Falling for S/o HC
Villain Shoto w/ civilian crush
Villain Shoto w/ Villain crush
Engulfing him in a hug after a battle happy hes ok
S/o doesnt speak the same language
Tsuyu Asui
S/o’s a fan of hers
Hitoshi Shinso
Siren Hitoshi using his voice to make S/o take their swimsuit off
Naga Hitoshi
Shinso dating Aizawas child
How he would treat you
Dabi Todoroki
Headcannons
S/o who’s unfazed by Dabis appearance
Innocent Baby sitter crush
Witch S/o
S/o with healing tears family constantly makes them cry
Freedom HC
Stealing his drugged crush after a dental surgery
socially awkward and anxious s/o
another social anxiety s/o HC
Celebrating S/os Birthday
Commenting he should visit his mother more
Gentle darling S/o
S/os in a loveless quirk marriage
Loner S/o
Fluff HCs
S/o who has a cruel family
S/o whos so scared of dadi they cry anytime he gets near
Kidnapping his S/o
Shigaraki Tomura
HC
Buff s/o who’s actually a softie
someone hurting his darling right infront of him
Younger sister reader
S/o also has skin problems
Affectionate and loving darling
S/o who only allows him to touch them
Yandere Alphabet: A,B,H,I
S/o w/ a quirk similar to his own
Sick darling
Proposing to him
Finding out S/o is his favorite streamer
Peaceful S/o who hates violence
S/o who looking at him with motherly loving eyes
Breaking down and coming to him for comfort
Gentle darling
S/o saying he takes away their emotional pain
naive and trusting darling
“Do I need to remind you what happened last time you acted out? Because I will if you keep pushing me.”
Someone trying to save kidnapped S/o
Kirishima Eijirou
Headcannons
Fluff HC
S/o who acts tough but is actually really soft
Finding his S/o fighting Bakugou
Poly Kirideku
Getting jealous over how you treat your friend
Momo Yaoyorozu
Headcannons
S/o Spoiling her
S/o wants more stuffed animals but already has a bed full of them
Poly Uraraka/Deku
Poly Uraraka/Deku w/ a S/o who loves to Knit
Poly Uraraka/Deku HC
More Poly Deku & Uraraka Headcannons
Tamaki Amajiki
S/o isnt bothered with being kidnapped
S/o whos on their period
Tamaki + Mirio Poly HC
Vampire
S/o also has Anxiety
Kidnapped s/o insisting on a movie night
S/o is something like the mom of 1A
Seeing his darling is stabbed yet calm about it
Coming home to S/o and their collapsed pillow fort
S/o who loves to cook
Gifting him butterfly hairclips
Hearing S/o saying "Do you have Five wilting Cabbage Leaves instead of a Brain?" to another that tried asking them out
Kidnapped S/o who just stands there after breaking out of captivity
Mirio
Tamaki + Mirio Poly HC
Accidentally bumping into Blind darling
S/o who likes cats but hes a dog person
S/o who has a god level quirk but is a dumbass
How his yandere tendencies are affected by losing his quirk
Darling flirting with other people
Bear quirk S/o
S/o missing school cause they got hurt while fighting a villain
S/o whos soft with Eri
Pregnant S/o who doesnt want to keep them
Rival s/o whos mad at him for taking their spot in the Big Three
Wooing a introvert darling
Villain Mirio
S/os boyfriend left her pregnant
Hawks
Equally clingy S/o
S/o with wings
Cottagecore S/o
S/o with a symbiote quirk
Cat Quirk reader
S/o having a depressive episode
Quirkless S/o whos afraid of heights
S/o who loves the petname ‘kitten’
Hawks Bird habits HC
Soft S/o getting pissed and yelling in Spanish
Bathing with him
Finding out his S/o is pregnant
Kidnapped S/o whos chill as long as they have games
S/o whos dependent and clingy feels like he they dont deserve him
Demon
Vampire
Celebrating Halloween
S/o dressing up as him for Halloween
Purge
Villain Hawks
Comforting S/o whose friend started ignoring them suddenly
Falling for a different heros S/o
Hawks kidnapping Aizawas S/o (prt 2 on Aizawas section)
Almost forcing his Vegan S/o to eat meat
Wings HC
Raising a child
Vegan darling HC
Dealing with s/os teacher who doesnt treat them right
Raising a teenage child
Darling who has separation anxiety
Soft S/o whos tall and buff
Feral Headcannons
Shy, Awkward reader
Bat quirk S/o
Miruko & Hawks x reader Headcannons
Preening S/os wings
S/o who has self harm scars on their legs TW
S/os scared of birds
Hero s/o hates the hero commissions
S/o has a affectionate pet bird thats a little shit to keigo
Foreigner that hardly speaks japanese
Shy S/o thats scared of his wings
S/os cat loves hunting/playing with his wings
Yandere alphabet K,P,T
Yandere alphabet A,D,E,L
Hunted down
Overhaul
S/o who has a body pillow of him
Trying to get him on a normal date
Angel
S/o whose power ultimately harms them
Darling ends up pregnant because of him
raising a child
S/o is as much of a clean freak as he is
Yandere Alphabet: A,B,I,K,W
Calling him a crow because of his looks
Escaping with Eri
S/o is a escape artist
Naga Overhaul
Kaminari
S/o scared theyll get zapped if they touch him
S/o who loves affection but is shy about PDA
Using him as a shield against socializing with others
Finding out S/o is Kirishimas sibling
S/o who isnt given gifts often
Werewolf
HC
Yandere Alphabet: A,B,J,W
S/o who loves him just as much
Would denki hurt anyone or punish his S/o
Sero
Darling confessing their love to him
Yandere Alphabet: A,K,S,R,T
Tokoyami
Finding out S/o goes out to feed cats with Aizawa and Shinsou
S/o going out of their way to spend time with them
Cuddling HC
Crush is Bakugos sister
Iida
Finding out S/o wonders out at night
Jealous HC
Koda
S/o who also has a animal quirk
Miruko
Chubby S/o
Miruko & Hawks x reader Headcannons
Nejire
Headcannons
Jirou
Headcannons
Mina Ashido
Headcannons
Inko Midoriya
Headcannons
Introducing deku to their new sibling w/ s/o
Average day with her
Haunted house
Rei Todoroki
Headcannons
Soft and quiet darling
Introducing her new child w/ s/o
Calm S/o yelling for the first time
Aoyama
Protective S/o
S/o likes his french
Deku
NS FW alphabet
Submissive
Naga Izuku
Praise Kink & Sugar Mommy S/o
Aizawa
NS FW HC
Werewolf Aizawa + Breeding
Feral
Incubus
Neko s/o going into heat Ropework
Favorite Position & Breeding kink
Poly Erasermic
Poly Incubus EraserMic w/ S/o
Todoroki
NS FW alphabet
Orgasm control, BDSM
Dabi
NON-CON + Incubus Dabi TW
End of the world + Breeding
Poly Dabi/hawks
Poly Incubus Dabi/Hawks w/ S/o
Shiguraki
Favorite Position
Praise/Body Worship
Tamaki
Sugar Daddy & One thing that would instantly turn them on
Hawks
Cockwarming and creampieing
S/o likes it rough slightly
Breeding/Heat HC
Using his Feathers as a form of bondage
Breeding season
Extra Heat HC
Male S/o First Time & Corruption
Overhaul
Virgin S/o
Kaminari
Using his quirk during sex
Inko Midoriya
Lingerie & Bodyworship
Rei Todoroki
Foreplay Headcannons
#high key couldnt find a suitable gif so heres the most yandere ish#guess how long this took me#YANDEREAFFECTIONS GOLDEN MASTERLIST#last updated 3/5/23#mha#yandere mha#mha x reader#yandere hawks#hawks x y/n#hawks smut#deku x reader#deku smut#yandere smut#yandere deku#bakugo x reader#yandere bakugou#tamaki x y/n#yandere tamaki#tamaki amakiji#tamaki smut#we struggling out here#Last updated 4/24/23
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omg hi if ur inbox is open can u give us a short blurb/your thoughts on or some kind of headcanon list for yan tim drake (romantic) bc ur interpretation of him is so yum🤤 i like how you rlly focus on more darker aspects of his character which i dont see a lot of ppl doing unfortunately bc the way he’s a complete FREAK LMFAO🫣🫣
𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐌 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒…
!!! GN reader, mentally ill Tim, psychotic Tim, just Tim, he’s a problem, manic/depressive episodes, violent tendencies, suicidal tendencies, stalking, kidnapping, obsessive behaviors, gross ways to show affection, slight insinuation of pervy Tim, blood, mutilation, harm to reader mentioned, self-harm, severed body parts, drugging, gaslighting.
YAAAAYYYYYYYYY, TIM DRAKE TIME!!!! This is so long overdue. I’ve been meaning to write for him, but… it just hasn’t happened yet. I hope the ideas will start flowing after I get some of this off my chest. I’ve been harboring so many miscellaneous Tim thoughts for a while.
(Y’all. The CW on this just kept getting longer and longer. My bad.)
First thing’s first, Tim is a fucking mess. There’s no way to know for sure which version of him you’re gonna get each day. Maybe he’s going through a manic episode, coming up with batshit crazy schemes and going on about things that don’t make sense. Maybe he’ll then swing into a depressive fit, where he can’t even bring himself to get up from the floor. Maybe he wakes up completely fine after an hour long nap, regretting whatever initial brash decisions he made. Maybe he quickly turns violent at the sound of knocking at his door. Maybe he wants to claw his own arteries out after trying to maintain a normal social interaction.
The possibilities are endless! Which makes him extremely dangerous.
If you’ve caught the eye of Tim Drake… yikes. Good luck. There’s a chance you don’t even know who he is before he inevitably kidnaps you (completely on a whim, no less). Maybe you’re a total stranger he saw on the street once, captivating him and causing him to spiral into a twisted obsession. While I’ll defend Tim against the fandom allegations until my lungs give out, I’ll admit: they’re on to something when it comes to stalker Tim. Bro definitely has pictures of you covering every square inch of his walls. And, yes, it’s to the point where they overlap each other.
Kidnapping can take anywhere between 3 days and 3 years. During that time, he may try to weasel his way into your life in an attempt to win you over... though we all know how well that would go. As I’ve mentioned before, he may be attractive, but he’s such an off-putting person. Just being around him is enough to give you the creeps. And it doesn’t help he’s completely unaware of how weird some behaviors are. Tim... honey… you can’t shamelessly stare at people with a startling grin like that. I know you’re thinking about how much you want to lick your darling-to-be’s neck, but it’s weird.
Whether he attempts to interact with you or not, one thing’s for sure: he’s stealing your shit. Clothes, toothbrushes, half-eaten food, straws, whatever he can get his hands on. Don’t ask what he does with it. You don’t wanna know. Tim is a neeeaaaasty freak, to the point where even he thinks to himself, “what the fuck is wrong with me” after he calms down from a fit.
Oh, speaking of guilt, Tim is filled with that shit. He may swing from various stages of instability, but there are moments where he’s perfectly fine. And those are the moments where he has to grapple with the consequences of his own actions. Those can range from slightly scaring someone to causing irreversible damage. There have been many times where he snapped out of some episode with blood dribbling down hands and chunks of skin under his fingernails. Who did he hurt? Could be someone else, could be himself, could be you. Who knows!!
Let’s actually get into his suicidal tendencies a bit. His arms and legs are covered in scratches and cuts. Now, this could be explained by his vigilante life, but it gets harder to justify when you get to the bite marks at angles that only make sense if they were self-inflicted. Oh, and also the carvings of your name. He does that a lot. It’s like you’re with him everywhere he goes!! And kind of on the same note, he wants you to have him with you as well!! This could come in the form of strips of skin, vials of blood, toes, an eye, an ear, a spleen… just whatever he’s willing to cut off or out of himself in the moment.
His suicidal tendencies are also connected to those moments of guilt I mentioned before. After calming down and realizing what he’s done, he may harm himself as some sort of penance; especially if he’s done something to you. Depending on how far he spirals from his guilt, he may actually enact “an eye for an eye” (perhaps in the most literal sense) to help make up for what he’s done. Who knows, maybe he’ll replace missing pieces of you with his own. Will it work? No idea. Maybe a skin graph or two, but let’s hope you don’t have to find things out in the more extreme cases.
I think it’s important to keep in mind that Tim Drake is just generally fucked-up. “Normal” Tim doesn’t mean “completely well-adjusted” Tim, it just means he’s not acting on some manic or brash decision. Normal Tim would be fine with chaining or drugging you if he’s justified it to himself. As long as he’s not causing active physical harm to you, he probably won’t see anything wrong with whatever he’s doing in the long run. It’s for your own good, okay? Don’t worry, he’s gone through the possibilities and failsafes. Nothing bad will happen to you!
Unfortunately, manic Tim does not go through the possibilities and failsafes. Well, he kind of does, but the logic is far from realistic and runs in total circles. Whereas drugging you has a rational (fucked up, but still rational) reason behind it — to keep you immobile — filling your ear canal with cement takes some mental gymnastics. Manic Tim doesn’t want you to listen to anyone else. Solution? You can’t hear through concrete, right? At that point, you’re at the mercy of his mood swing RNG. Let’s hope he calms down enough to take a step back and really think about this. Hmm… filling someone’s ears with cement… probably not healthy. Wow. Silly Tim! He let himself get carried away, didn’t he? Whoops! There are more logical ways to keep you from listening to anyone else.
That’s where manipulation comes in. I mean, come on. Y’all know who his mentor is, right? Stable Tim is wicked good at manipulation. Huh? He’s acting weird? Well, he didn’t want to say anything, but he was actually thinking the same thing about you. Yeah, you’ve been kind of off lately… is there something wrong? You sure? You know he’s there for you, right? Okay, just making sure. A gaslighting king when he’s in the right headspace for it. Too bad his psychotic aura gives him away; he’d probably be really good at keeping up appearances if he just got medicated or something.
So… yeah. Just some Tim thoughts. What a charmer, amiright? I don’t think this one’s salvageable. No amount of therapy could ever fix whatever Tim’s got going on. Just throw the whole damn guy away. Start over. Your only hope of escaping him is the chance of someone on the outside realizing what’s up. Here’s to hoping Tim gets institutionalized before he does something really bad!!
#❥ CALL INCOMING: DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES?#❥ TW: YANDERE#❥ YANDERE CHARACTER#❥ ROMANTIC YANDERE#❥ YANDERE TIM DRAKE#❥ YANDERE TIM DRAKE X READER#❥ GN READER
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I'm so invested in that damn demonic showdown poll rn,
i dont care if mammon loses to one of his brothers in the final i NEED to take this puppet down and he's losing right now :(
Reasons to vote for Mammon?
• Let him avenge Barbatos and Lucifer!
• He's so fucking kind - as noted by both Levi and MC - even to the point of doing something to help a stranger who was trying to hurt him
• He's MC's best friend and partner in crime and is always on their side, even if that means standing against a pissed off Lucifer, whom he is canonically scared of
• He looks so good during his photoshoots because when he looks at the camera he's imagining he's looking at MC
• He's so good with kids! He's got a little daughter of his own, he stopped a lost kid from crying and helped them find their family, when Luke accidentally gave him a cursed item for his birthday he kept said item and refused to break it despite the fact that it would make him eventually lose a lot of money
• He saved MC when they were getting sexually harassed on the street
• He's good with engineering, mechanics
• He, quite confidently, mixed up the words for "hospitality" and "hospital"
• Insanely ride or die for both MC and Lucifer
• The house gets quiet and depressing when he runs away
• He gets weirded out by people treating him nicely because he rarely gets treated that way
• Talks to crows!!!
• Cries during animal documentaries!!!
• Gets upset because Cinderalla is treated badly by her family!!!
• He cares about MC's consent so much!
• Levi always comes to him when he needs genuine advice or help
• Very good with giving little speaches to reassure the others
• Doesn't know what rent is!!!
• Canonically so pretty
• Said he doesn't care if he has to wear masculine or feminine clothes as long as he looks badass!
• Canonically so pretty while cross dressing!!!
• Avatar of Greed but he constantly puts his loved ones (including his brother and Luke) over things of monetary value
• His first instinct when it comes down to it is to rescue the bank teller not the money
• His self esteem is so bad he needs the win. He literally thinks he's nothing and useless on his own
• Friends with jason voorhees!!!!
• Brings late night snacks to MC and his big brother when they're up working late
• Coos and uses baby voices with cats
• Held MC's dying body while crying/calling their name
• Is a demon who's scared of ghosts!!!!!! Because he once got possessed by the ghost of ADAM FROM THE BIBLE
• Pretty white Demon markings
• Canonically queer icon
• Was the push for me to finally go and get a proper diagnosis therefore - ADHD ICON
• I WILL WRITE THE REST OF THIS FIC AND POST IT
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#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me!#shall we date? obey me!#swd obey me#swd obey me!#shall we date obey me#obey me mammon#om! mammon#obey me! shall we date?#obey me swd#om mammon#obey me! mammon#swd mammon#shall we date mammon#mammon obey me#obey me mammon!#nightbringer obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me! nightbringer#mammon x mc#mc x mammon#mammon x oc#oc x mammon#mammon x reader#reader x mammon#mammon x you#you x mammon#mammon x y/n#y/n x mammon
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