#dont feel so sick anymore either | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

giverofempathy · 2 years ago

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love my new boss we're having fries for lunch and she's watching gilmore girls. icon

#its actually going well im glad i went #salisha speaks #dont feel so sick anymore either #and its good to do something instead of just laying in bed all day

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adustoflove · 3 months ago

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Its only 6 am and things are already not going well

#personal #im trying so hard not to be a huge giant bitch to people either 😔😩 thank you bpd for turning minor inconveniences #into im going to destroy people verbally moments #like actually i didnt fucking make this appointment at 11 pm you dumb fuckinf bitch??? it says ON THE EMAIL YOU RESENT #9:30 AM TO 10 AM....???? WDYM ITS AT 11PM AND THATS A PROBLEM. UHM NOT ITS NIT?????#and i made sure to send her a SCREENSHOT so she knows shes a fucking IDIOT #why does it feel like people will do anything BUT their job . so sick of that around here #😔😭 oct 1st ruined by 6 am . im going back to bed no one wake me up ever again #💀 except i made a hair appt and am supposed to see a movie. like do I wanna do that anymore. how badly is THAT gonna go too #yes I realize im havjng a meltdown like a toddler. but god damn #october CANCELED i dont wanna do it anymore 😭😭😭

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seventh-district · 12 days ago

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#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw negative #cw health issues #‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You #like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want #‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT #if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it #dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache #i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting #food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick #but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault #everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough #for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need #cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either #i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position #my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired #god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain #That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night #the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis #well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify #and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but #there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.

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vergilmayhoard · 20 days ago

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sometimes i hate everyone and my life and sometimes i think it would be better if i just died at this point

#except for my puppy i love him i always will #i would probably let him gnaw on and mess up my dead body anyway #but either way sometimes i feel like people dont actually care for me and that im just a stupid loser #i could never be like them i could never get as much attention and love and praise as them ever #it hurts because they get it from someone i know too and i just dont know what to do #even if me and them dont talk anymore i know its my fault but i could never talk to them again now #i just dont know whats wrong with me and what im doing wrong and i dont know why im so unlovable #i dont know why im not interesting and i dont know why i dont deserve attention am i really that needy #sorry this is impulsive and im probably going to crash out and go through an episode but i think im sick and its making everything worse #i just want to be known and i want to be somebody or something i could go on and on #im not going to do anything i think but at this point i feel like im so close to doing something for attention #i want people to tell them how much they love me and how much they worry about me i want their praise #i have my puppy for that but hes different because he understands i love him so much you dont understand #im so tired of putting in the effort when nobody has interest in me and wants to know me #im so sick and tired of being needy when i have something perfect already right in front of me i feel so guilty #because he is enough he will always be enough my puppy is always going to be enough he deserves so much better #but then i cant bear the thought of him actually going out to find better i want to spend the rest of my life with him #i want to marry him and i want to work on myself so i can feel the type of love he makes me feel consistently #i want to carve his name into my arm and carve my name into his thigh so we are bonded #i want to be with him forever and even in my death i want him to stay with me and be by me #i want to be buried with him and i would want him to dig up my grave and throw me back when im all rotted #i love him so much you dont understand i know this got off topic but i think somethings wrong with me right now

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ghostorbz · 2 months ago

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I'm so fucking sick of people I'm around having everything I ever could've wanted and then having the nerve to cry about how they have nothing. Your parents love you. You have enough money to spend on toys and games and food. You have tons of friends who care about you and hang out with you. You don't spend every waking moment of your life alone. You have everything I've ever wanted and more.

You fucking know I have none of that. Why do you continue to rub it in my face.

#im so sick of this #at this point id rather be at school than home #but then its like #i dont wanna be there either #its like #i dont belong anywhere #wow guys this social anxiety + depression + possible autism combo is getting craaazzyyyyy #I WANT TO KILL MYSELF I CANT DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE I CANT I JUST CANT #WHY CANT I JUST BE HAPPY WHY CANT I BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE #WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL #my fucking head hurts now #i might just #go to sleep. its better than living my miserable life #ill probably delete this later sorry i need to shut the fuck up about my feelings but if i dont say any for long enough ill have a meltdown #vent #shut up hazel

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 3 months ago

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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

#you know it's funny #i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this #on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and #the friend that i lost last year checked my account and #i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me #because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry #bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man #i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot #but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also #i dont fit in that friendship anymore #but im still really greatful #for checking up on me even like this #*most of my life #noticed a typo #idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself #all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday #im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations #trying to convince myself that its oka #it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im #terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi #g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul #i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda #hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not #that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m #friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread #knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb #i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps #anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but #i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much

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8auhaus · 4 months ago

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I’m going to kill myself soon

#own post #can’t really vent this anywhere #and i don’t have much to say about it either #im in a weird place #there is a barrier between me and my friends and my loved ones #and i feel so completely alone #i dont have the energy to be anything but sad anymore #and im just sick of it #the past few years of my life have been so horrible #i dont think i can keep waiting for things to change #i am just so tired #i am happy that things won’t be hard much longer #i think by the end of this month ill have everything in order

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storywestistrash · 4 months ago

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got a sudden jolt of pain from my stomach to my chest but it made my guts not hurt for a moment? win?

#i am shaking though. in fear and terror and horror #i dont want to go to a doctor again just to be told that im fine and this is just a severe anxiety reaction :(#which it definitely is because like. the stomach pain isnt even a pain. im just aware that i have insides #my chest doesnt hurt anymore either. so its like. its literally just me stressing myself sick over??????? fuck if i know what #its happened before like half a year ago i had to go home early once because of how bad i was feeling #god if i end up waking up through the night shaking uncontrollably again i think ill actually lose my mind #ehhh sorry gang. im a yapper and a worrier it seems

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nexus-nebulae · 9 months ago

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brrrrr (/pos)

#weight talk #<- just in case even though this is pos #but like. okay ive been. SEVERELY underweight all my life #like i looked like a skeleton you could see all my bones it was AWFUL #i just. I've literally always hated looking like that i hated looking like a walking corpse i mean i looked ILL #but recently i started taking remeron for anxiety #partially bc my anxiety keeps causing me to not eat properly bc i feel sick constantly #so i kept ending up in the ER for malnutrition and dehydration and my liver getting messed up #well i started the remeron for the panic attacks bc daily panic attacks suck but the psych mentioned it could increase appetite #and it???? did????? I'm eating on a slightly more regular schedule???? I'm eating more than once a day????#and like. ok I've always weighed like 100lbs #highest i ever got was 111 when i was 16 #and then it dropped 10 #and then dropped 10 more in the span of 3 months while i was in and out of ER #and i was genuinely starting to panic over it bc i could PHYSICALLY FEEL my muscles getting eaten bc i had no fat left #like i was getting drastically weaker by the day my knees still won't stop buckling #but in the about three months I've been taking those meds I've. gained 10 back #I'm actually gaining weight like me and my mother are genuinely SHOCKED this genuinely hasn't happened since i was fucking TWELVE #and just now i took off my shirt and noticed. holy shit. my stomach doesn't go CONCAVE when I'm hungry anymore #like whenever i couldn't tell if i was hungry before i would just look at my stomach and be able to tell if it was too curved inwards #but now!!!!!!! it doesn't do that!!!!!!! and I'm genuinely fucking ecstatic like oh my god i don't look dead anymore #I've always wanted to gain weight i feel like i would be 100% more comfortable in my body as a fat trans man #and i can't talk about that to anyone bc they always say it's either self harm or fetishistic #when no i just genuinely feel more comfortable in my skin thinking of myself that way #and now i have confirmation that i would genuinely be happier that way with this bc the sheer joy i have at not being underweight anymore #i mean I'm still a bit under but at least im gaining SOMETHING like at least i dont look like a drowned street cat #seeing the very slight rolls and folds in my stomach when i move the right way makes me happy

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hellboyyy25 · 2 years ago

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Cis straight people will look you in the face and swear up and down they support you but the moment you even dip a toe out of the surface level "hows the weather today" bullshit conversations suddenly they get uncomfortable and they can't seem to figure out that they obviously have hella homo/trans/queerphobia to unpack.

#acceptance #like the fact that ive helped this friend thru many issues #a family member passing and their relationship problems #and the moment i bring up some minor ass issue that relate to my queer identity #suddenly #they dont wanna talk anymore #and they ignore me?#like okay thanks for letting me know how shallow your for queer people really is #im so sick of this bullshit #like you either accept us fully for who we are #or just FUCK OFF and stop pretending #im so tired of surface level bullshit #also funny how these kinds of people talk about their sexuality all the time without even realizing it #yet when queerfolk do its a problem #they dont even realize how they clearly see us as not the same as them and that they see us as abnormal #and their cisgendered straightness is the normal default in their minds #im just ranting a ton rn but im just fucking tired #tired of the world making me feel like a freak for just living my life #tired of the fakeness these kinds of people display #tired of how is feels like weve made no progress #tired of the fact that ill NEVER get to just live my life without constant worry and fear #obviously not ALL cis straight people who call themselves allies are this way #but wayyyyy too many are hella fake and they dont even realize it

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ironmanstan · 2 years ago

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the dichotomy of man (need to get out of this fuckin house but if i go then i can not see my cats)

#JUST realized this and now i want to kill and explode and throw up #WHAT THE HELL WILL I DO . WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO ABOUT MY FISH ok i can probably take the fish with me #but MAN #thats such a FUCKING HASSLE #ill just stay here this is fine <- tormented by the horrors. ball and chained to familiarity #the gamer speaks uwu #guy who is terminally stressed and sick about change but desperately needs it to live a life #oooo i need to be in a hamster ball everything new can just be out of arms reach and i will be safe and contained forever #no more new experiences and life changes ill cry we should all just die actually so i never have to break out of my shell #sometimes im like im therapized i dont need to go to therapy i am sooo normal and then i say shit like all that n im like nvm #the desperately averse to change braincell is funny like is it the autism. is it the ptsd. probably both #bc i sure did like have a moment of like i should just drop out of school all of this is too much i cant do it anymore #wired in juuust the right way where i can live so much better than i ever have but itll stress me out enough where i still feel the urge #to throw it all away bc it is strange and weird. and then i have to resist that urge constantly bc ill be fully like cidal again if i do th #its so weird actually. oh u have friends? u take meds? u have irls now? strange and unfamiliar and scary get rid of it all <- the insanity #anyway sucks how there isnt a word i can use in place of men/women when im like 'women will x' but for being nonbinary #nonbinary mfs doesnt hit the same . enbies doesnt hit the same either #nonbinaries b like i am free from the horrors and then go down a whole spiral at the very thought of moving out of their nightmare house #vent #i guess oops what did this turn into

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privatelife · 1 year ago

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i feel like killing myself does anyone else feel like killing themselves

#i wish i could just live alone lmao #i need to eat regularly but i cant make food for myself after work w/o my little brother asking me to make him something else too #which isnt the worst thing but hes 20 he could use the oven literally anytime but he refuses to even try #and my time before+after work is so limited i dont feel like cooking a bunch of extra food for somebody who couldve done it hours ago #and then when i try to plan meals out for my family either he'd rather go to sleep or my mom (knows im cooking and then) leaves the house #AND they both get mad and offended if i order food just for myself BUT ALSO if i order for me+my brother he refuses to eat anything besides #mcdonalds which i hate like. i cant win and im just so sick of being alive #on the one hand my brother would never eat if i didnt make him food/buy him food but on the other hand at what point does it stop being my #responsibility... i'm tired i just wanna live in a world where i only have to look after myself and not worry abt everyone hating me #regardless nothing is appetizing to me anymore and i never have time to eat anyway not to mention money like im just so sick of being alive #[liza minelli cackle]

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chelleisamazing · 1 year ago

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I decided to read RW&RB after watching the movie and loving it so much, because I just knew the book would be better and honestly, when I finished it I was in shambless.

#As a hopeless romantic- I love this stuff but also it destroys me #i know it's fiction but.. sigh.. knowing I will never get to experience a love like that breaks me #and lately- after some stuff that's happened this year- I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach #makes me sick to think about the whole love/finding a partner in this life aspect of things #because nobody wants to love anymore #and I've realized I want to and im willing to put my all into the right person #but nobody wants to be right nowadays #it's all so superficial #whew! i know this is deep. honestly Im kinda depressed and idk what to do with myself lol #dont get me wrong though I did LOVE the book ♡#I was full on sobbing in several parts towards the end of it #dont know if it was for the characters or for my deep rooted desire for something like that...#im so tired and the day hasnt even started #but ive been tired of everything for months tbh...#maybe im being overly melancholic but that's just how I feel rn #might still be re-reading the book either way #yeah it broke me but it was also really fun to read #specially the emails- fuck ♡#stuff #firstprince

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starbitzi · 1 year ago

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Oh ok yeah it checks out that on the one day I felt the most normal that I can feel myself approaching another panic attack

#i just want to go back to fucking normal so bad #and i cant get help for another week so. im just. stuck like this #i dont know what to do i cant just keep bothering my friends #not when ive been having these horrible episodes of intense dread that have been lasting for hours #it has been the only thing plaguing me its the only thing i talk about #i just feel so alone theres nobody that can help me #i just have these horrible thoughts go through my head and i end up either having a panic attack or emotional breakdown #i just want to be fucking diagnosed and be done with it #i cant take this anymore #everyone at work and home are sick of me #ive had to leave work early on accounts of panic attacks #and at home i do nothing but hole myself up in my room and feel this deep sense of dread paralyse me #im just. so. so scared all of the time #tw // vent

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29121996 · 17 days ago

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anyway i did a BIG fucking release on tuesday n its fucked me up for the last 48hrs. whoop

#it was good . like i could feel So Muxh bwing draines from me it fely GOOOOOD.#but as a conseuwence i was given the Flu so id rest (and i am. bc ik what this means)#i dont Get Sick . and i can tell when ive been forced to get sick from the divine. this was literally one if them Fuck.#mynthroat fucming burns so mhch im kinda .#also being forced to shut up for wtv reason 💜#but whatever. its fine . i just Dont Care abt a lot of shit anymore 💜#i elly have started just . Doing Shit for the sake of myself .#quit my job over email (never done tbat ! i stick out shitty jobs bc im respectful! but . i dont deal w passive aggressiveness)#nor do i deal w fuckers who take shit out of context n twist jt (what half the staff allegedly do)#and my other job has jus gone up in FLAMESSSSS so. hopefully going yo go n see #my coworkers n ask thme wbat the deal n matter is now .#like i yjink my manager did actuslly quit. either she is or she will be.#but idk friday will be interesting tbats for sure.#can i jus say tho: i figured out my right hands for releasing (or i naturally use it as a rwlease)#but to feel the Gunk from my brsin pouring out my hand was kinda wild . like what thebfuck is all of this.#i stilldont know . but i think it was just a big knot.#ive still got one (or two) more to get rid od and im gonna use shrooms to do it sorry.#easiest way ive ever released abything. ill take being sick for two days over cryi g n feeling Bad for the next 3 #like . idk if im going to end up in a xryjng sesh. i might ! bc it is standars for me to cry. but #idk man . i released so much eneefy that wasnt even mine too. like i did it twice.#the first time was clearing out rveryine elses energy that id picked up and hadnt cleansed off properly #bc yes i cleanse and wahtnot but sometimes shits persistent.#bht the 2nd time was my own blockages and bullshit. oh that sucked. i actually felt . emotional stings through that one :(

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tttrashmouth · 22 days ago

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i absolutely HATE being the only person i know who can’t power through being sick. like all of my friends and family can be sick and just keep going, still do cleaning and work while they look over and i, with the same level of sickness, am just dead on the ground

#like my younger sister is like me too but she doesn’t live here anymore #and now i dont want to go to work because i still feel like fucking shit #and i don’t really want to get anyone else sick either #the only thing is i need the fucking money #but it’s just so humiliating because i can FEEL everyone judging me for not just going to work through it #or it feels like i can i guess #i’m just so exhausted and can’t stop coughing and if i stand long enough i get dizzy #i hate it here

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