#dont blame yourself
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I just keep feeling the need to advise anyone with mental issues to avoid telling anyone except maybe your therapist about your intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are often violent and/or sexual in nature and I've seen too many instances where people confide in someone they're close to only for it to later be used against them.
Intrusive thoughts are just that, INTRUSIVE. Having them does not make anyone a bad person and often the reason people feel the need to share is over the guilt these thoughts bring them even though they know they'd never act on it. I just despise the people who have weaponized that kind of information against anyone who dared trust them enough to seek reassurance. Sometimes it is unfortunately just enough to push someone over the edge.
Seek a professional, Don't let others turn your fears against you. It IS NOT your fault.
#mental health#mental illness#not my usual content#but im pissed#for anyone that needs to hear it#dont blame yourself
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I am so so so done with this show. I literally just watched the sneak peeks and I am DYING??????????????!!!!!!!
The only thing holding her up is rage????? Ma'am. Angela Bassett ma'am. How. How are you so good. Like what????
What do you want me to do?? What you do always?????
What the hell is that. Goddamn. What the fuck. Co parenting at its peak.
Also Ryan Guzman's acting is literally so good in this scene?? You can see Eddie's desperation to fix things!!!?
I absolutely know that this episode is going to destroy me tomorrow. I just know.
#911 abc#911 season 7#season finale#bobby nash#athena grant#eddie diaz#evan buckley#what the fuck#what am i gonna do#bobby i love you#please dont die#athena its not your fault#dont blame yourself#eddie you fucked up big time#i love you but you gotta fix it#buck is christopher’s other dad#literally#buck and eddie are christopher's parents
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you wanted zoro to be on whole cake island to fulfil your weird desire to see zoro punish sanji. I wanted zoro on whole cake island because I think he's stupid enough to right place wrong time the plan and accidentally marry Sanji in full view of the whole wedding party in what becomes the most elaborately constructed comedy of errors ever written. we are NOT the same.
#need a fic where zoro genuinely does marry sanji on wci without planning it#type of thing to happen to goofy pre ts zoro#zoro in the same mindset in which he created the usopp sword: well i didn't mean to but i guess this solves the immediate problem#and ofc he just rolls with it#they look at each other after the dust settles like. hey wtf was that. and immediately blame each other#pre relationship AND feelings realisation on both sides#dont get me wrong i love fake relationship that becomes real but hear me out#legal accidental relationship thats extremely convenient and also funny until you pavlov yourself into being in love#vinsmoke sanji#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan#one piece#sanzo#zoro
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soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart
sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers
and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure
the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish
soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down
he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill
we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan
he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost
he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them
he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted
he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much
#i cant believe i never posted the soap meta that got me twitter famous™️💅#as with damn near every piece of characterisation in this franchise soaps is only apparent in subtext and connecting tiny little dots#it is very easy to just pick up his surface personality and think thats all he is#but soaps not a sunshine character#hes not super friendly or bright#hes just willing to talk to people and hes paired up with ghost who never wants to start a conversation#every time i see soap presented as this bubbly airhead thats super sweet and just blows stuff up i lose a year off my life#and i dont blame people for getting this vibe from him but im begging you to look a lil deeper#this isnt getting into his anger or the fact that he is a soldier which automatically makes him a wee bit fucked up#like he is hyperviolent and takes joy in it#we all know ghosts snuff film joke but soaps the one who responds positively to it#he returns the joke and only calls him out on it when he says he wont watch it more than once and even then its teasing not grossed out#and if we take the ‘he tried to join the military at 16’ factoid from 09 as current canon then he very easily could have a rough home life#no one tries to repeatedly join the military early without having some kind of problems#soap knows his worth and his abilities you dont get to be as good and specialised as he is without being completely sure of yourself#we know ghost has an ego but soap constantly butts up against it with his own affirmations#‘you wanna be better than me johnny’ ‘maybe i already am/i will be’ ‘a little helps not so bad eh lt’#being a sniper makes me hate the ‘cant sit still’ hc hes literally an sas sniper he wouldnt be complaining after a few hours of overwatch#i like the adhd hc and maybe he fidgets in his day to day life but the second hes at work hes At Work#tldr soap could be just as complex a character as ghost if cod would stop treating their campaigns as an afterthought and actually commit#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#john soap mactavish#soap cod#cod mw2#soapghost#save post#call of duty modern warfare#cod meta
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The unexpected continuation of this post! And just like that one, I had to stop multiple times bc I was laughing too hard at Chara's first face
Based on these glorious dogs
#Chara is the most unphotogenic bastard to ever have graced the underworld. poor lad#“but GG wheres frisk?”#firstly they werent even born yet. this would have taken place when ree and chara were lil babies#and secondly EHEHEEHHUEHEU ooh dont you worry I already have planned a related post with frisk in it#and im already laughing at the thought of it#myart#chara ut#chara dreemurr#chara undertale#asriel dreemurr#ut#undertale#deltarune#and yeah not surprised that chara is having an existencial crisis 24/7#picture it man: you throw yourself down a hole to end with your miserable existence#and instead you get adopted by a loving family of magical goats#also youre royalty now#the lad is going through it and I dont blame them lmao
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Still very wild to me when people try to gotcha Jason with the whole "if you can kill other people for being evil why can't they kill you" when jason is like. One of the most passively suicidal characters I've ever seen. What if man
#augh i dont want to cw this because im just talking about The Character and i feel bad when i do it for characters but i probably should#suicide mention#ask to tag#while im here i do absolutely believe hes been suicidal since jaybin times. maybe even before just in different ways. but like#going into that building with shelia? yeah#now. i DONT think he was aware of it and if youd ask him hed say no fully believing thats the truth#but like if a ghost jaybin had some introspection time i think he'd maybe eventually be like yeah#his outcomes to him were have a loving parent or die and hes a very big fan of ultimatums like that.#but he doesn't fully see it like that as jaybin because oh hes a hero and saving others when no one else can is what heros do :)#ramble. ivee been feeling it lately yknow how it is#ive once saw a post saying jason was planning to die after the joker was dead in utrh and yeagh i can see that#he puts A BOMB in his HELMET#suicidal characters in the context of hero stories are so fascinating to me. the self sacrifice.#the not caring about your own safety as long as you save someone else. the pushing yourself#the way itd be so easy to make it look like they just fell in battle. to be considered a hero in the end#anyway ive been glancing at suicidal jason todd fics. how bad is it that im still getting mad about characterization#because theyre not killing him right#AND ANOTHER THING. since im here and i try to avoid making posts about The Character like this so might as welk get it all out#think about suicidal jaybin as well as the fact 80s bruce very much considered suicidal people/people attempting like#weak and lazy? yells at them? i think thats about it. Very Much. je seems to straight up just hate them#again very much feel free to ask me to tag this one ^-^'#and i hope no one thinks im being callous here im very worried about that. i just its a very important part of his character to think about#and its fun to explore as someone who is passively suicidal myself#jason todd analysis#anyway no one look at me i am in my corner just rotating him#WAIT to clarify i dont think jaybin fully realized Just becauceof the heros sacrifice thing. i made it sound like that i believe#anyway. if you read him as suicidal since jaybin times and go to ditf with that lens like i did. well. the post death victim blaming..
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hi bojan???
#joker out#kris guštin#bojan cvjetićanin#jure maček#nace jordan#i just found this in my footage#i like to believe hes checking out nace and winking at him but you can fill it in yourself#it could also be jure#but i mean were all swooning over nace i dont blame him#mine#mine*
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rhaenicent - triple dog dare by lucy dacus
#hotdedit#rhaenicent#hotd spoilers#hotd#*#forgive me for excluding ''if you dont get out now you'll only have yourself to blame'' i made this in like 10 minutes#and couldnt think of a good specific scene for it </3
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The problem is they both make sense.
John lacks any agency, and as his abilities start "failing" he loses more of what little he has. The only things he can do is perceive the world through Arthur's eyes and talk to him in his head. That's it. He has no material effect on the world around them. He is solely 100% reliant on Arthur for his continued existence and influence on the world. He can't ignore Arthur whatsoever (unlike Arthur who can ignore John easy peasy) he can't Do anything but talk and observe (and also experience the deaths of people Arthur touches but ultimately that does nothing). Of course he is going to be distrustful of other people and possessive over Arthur.
Arthur feels like suddenly he can't rely on this very reliable thing that has been keeping him alive this whole time. It would shake anyone up. Especially with the shit they have to deal with? If he can't rely on directions he will be sliced to ribbons or shot without a chance of fighting back. They may as well be dead already. And for all of John's lack of agency, it's Arthur who has to actually deal with the consequences. He's the one who's getting wounded and torn to bits and has to fight all that. Plus it's HIS body. If someone's existence relies on your body, you have the right to refuse, bodily autonomy is a human right.
The problem is they've gone through this cycle before (cycle of learning and forgetting and learning that they are One Unit and need to work Together vs The Problems and forgetting) but never has it shaken Arthur so much. Even when they've argued before he would still listen to John's directions. But now? Everything is in question (as is probably the intent behind John's "failing" abilities.) They DO need other people to help and they DO need to be careful and include John. They cannot truly trust someone else while keeping John a secret or without his input. Arthur has the most control over the situation and the onus is on him to make the compromises. Yeah it's his body but 1) countless times he promised to John that they were in this together and 2) at this point separating them would be so traumatic that they may as well be One.
All of this is to say, curious that Arthur is so willing to tell Oscar about literally everything EXCEPT John. What happens if he does? What if there's someone else to assert for John in a way Arthur can't ignore so easily? Would that legitimize the shared ownership of Arthur's body? What does it mean for John to gain agency by the loss of Arthur's autonomy?
#im being Bold today and not saving this in the draft#pls be nicey if you disagree#i have a lot of confusing thoughts and feelings about what bodily autonomy means when youve got a guy living in your head#that is somehow separate from yourself#malevolent#malevolent spoilers#goobabble#also to be clear I think Arthur is being complete major dickhead#i understand why he feels the way he does#or at least how i think hes feeling#and i think john would stab him if he could#slap him upside the head for being a dummy#i wouldnt blame him lol#i cant include all the intricacies of their dynamic so theres def things that may be missing here but you get it#also yeah i watched the fionna and cake finale lol#to be completely honest i dont think these guys even know what Trust is#they are all men of faith#posting before i can overthink myself into a spiral about this
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if you dont like me at my lucids redraw you dont deserve me at my hlvrai.
old version + photo ref below cut
#lucids#lucids nicholas podany#i dont remember how i tagged in the old post. idc#btw sry 4 no tober yesterday i didnt wanna do the prompts#i didnt get the do you blame yourself completely correct but whatever. it's close enough. go my scarab
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Well that's my last night shift done. I'm back on days as of this week.
I also have an exam for a job opportunity on Monday and an interview on Wednesday if I pass the exam. So wish me luck for that and maybe I won't have to be stuck at the most thankless job in the world for much longer
#if you dont think i work the worlds most thankless job#i want you to ask yourself: do you know anybody who likes airport security#ive been here long enough that i argue back at the passengers now and stopped giving a shit about their feelings#which is what this job does to you after a while. you take so much constant abuse from every direction#that your brain numbs out in order to protect your own mental health#and then you still get blamed for it#im scared of the exam but#i passed the training for this right
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This is how season 3 episode 1 went right
#giles: you shouldnt blame yourself#me: yes you definitely should#joyce: i dont. i blame you#me: WHAT#buffy the vampire slayer#btvs#joyce summers#rupert giles#buffy summers
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post ttc nico thinking bianca might have lived if he was only smarter and stronger and better, and bianca being the only role model he'd had for all the life he'd remembered he absolutely overcompensates becoming a caricature of distrust and seclusion. but he isnt used to it like bianca was and his desire to help (to prove his worth? to prove that he has a right to live when his sister didn't?) manifests in clinging to any opportunity of progress, anything that could earn him graditute or at the very least repentance
#i got thoughts man#the. SIBLINGS#FAMILY .. Dude#in my mind this makes more sense than suddenly becoming resentful#it is hard to believe this insecure little guy has enough self esteem to cry ''woe is me the universe is cruel''#cause then you've acknowledged yourself as a victim#dude is so adverse to accepting help i dont think hed want the pity of the universe#he is so fast to distract from sorrow with problem solving#in this case the problem is biancas dead#and the solving involves self-improvement#he respects his sister and is very dependent on her so i think he'd try to become like her in order to depend on himself#he's willing to die in her place i think yhsi is very much a self perpetuated guilt thing he has going on#bet he thinks he deserves to be blamed#and bet he thinks he has no right to wallow in self pity#i th#ought ing#soup thoughts#nico di angelo#bianca di angelo#homura behavior
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I have a tendency to write posts worded in a way that has a pleasing word flow rather than being direct which is unfortunate on the site where posts so easily leave one's immediate sphere of influence. Like the clearest way to make an informational post for an unknown group size is to type like you are talking to children* and I do not do that conversationally even a little bit. I am smashing words together until the sentence evokes the right pentameter. I'm an author for bugs.
* direct and factual with little embellishment or room for confusion, simple and direct phrasing that isn't obliterated by translation software, using the definition of complicated terms rather than the term itself without context, etc. it is not intended as a condemnation of intellect it's simply a more accessible style of writing
#not art#i cannot blame people for misinterpreting an indirectly worded post but i wish they did not clutter my notes about it#im not here to absolve you of bigotry sins. i dont care. im not your shepard to heaven man i just want to see less racist ocs#if you notice you've learned something bigoted you fix that on your own time for yourself i dont need to know about it
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#talkys#delete later#(this is a meme redraw)#ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before#and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party#because whatever! normal human experience!#the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth#from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened#i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok!#like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time...#<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result#ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way#and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else....#but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending.#doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know?#i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.
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#us politics#us presidents#i saw this posted on facebook and i wanted to share this here#also instead of fucking blaming and pointing the finger at people who couldn’t/didn’t vote#why dont we blame the people who voted for trump?#if you voted for trump fuck you#especially if you call yourself an ally or my friend#you cant call yourself a safe person to he around then vote for the man who wants people like me dead
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