#dont ask what happened along the way
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cowabunga, my dudes! 💙❤️💜🧡
#heyyyy so i wanted to give these goofy guys and their silly shapes a go#dont ask what happened along the way#overall im pretty pleased#this is the first art ive managed since [redacted]#its been a while#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rottmnt raph#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt mikey#fable draws
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Damn, Spam, did the cake taste that bad? - bad joke. Sorry you're havin' a rough day. We're here if you need to talk, or if you just need a distraction.
#his mascara streaks lmfao sighhh#that is THE FIRST TIME of 61 ASKS he has said thank you. by the way.#yeah the 60th ask was him bawling his eyes out what about it#wooo 40 till 100#god /pos#you guys have done really well and have been really kind to him so I think its finally deserved#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#this is probably so bizarre to people just starting to follow ygm#like i cant imagine what its like to happen upon some of the gnarlier ones#in the 'your tags' tab LMAOO LIKE DAMN#sometimes i forget how many people follow me (not including those who dont follow my blog but follow ygm) and liikkke... yowie.. and then i#forget because i cant really comprehend that#i always forget about that to be honest im just being silly and i never realize how many people choose to stick along huh wuh#THERES LIKE 700 PEOPLE WHAT THATS SO MANY#like as a big number i cant conceptualize that in like#visually. in a crowd. so i cant really fully understand how many that is.#but thats a lot i know that much. hiiii. 700 bugs. 700 insects crawling around in here!!!#me when i ramble in the tags accidentally aha#your treat
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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Fought 'til you tethered me, swept under surfaces, never enough of it...
#911#buddie#911edit#buddieedit#911 on fox#911 fox#911 abc#evanbuckleyedit#eddiediazedit#my edit#otp: you don't need to pretend with me#usercam#at this point i should have a cemetery tag lol#flashing tw#i need a gracie tag dont I?#die on their watch.#so i was thinking earlier and if youve been around here any length of time you know i think about that cemetery scene a lot#because narratively its very interesting scene because i changes the tone of their relationship in comparison to the rest of the show reall#and its a fascinating choice. even the whole point that of the conversation happening at a cemetery where theyre visiting someone who didn'#but i have a tendency to look at that scene from eddies eyes#because when you look at it along with all of eddies reactions surrounding bucks death and the reactions eddie was having to bucks words#that feels like a breakup. if feels like were watching eddies heart break in real time yk?#BUT buck is very purposeful in this scene too. he's basically daring eddie to say something but eddie just thinks that he needs to agree#and if you look at it that way and think about it as buck asking for a reaction you can argue buck feels rejected here too#even tho eddie thinks hes being supportive#they are saying things and they are being misinterpreted. both of them leave that talk with different views of what happened#and thats VERY interesting with how strongly the show pushed buck eddie and chris as a family unity in the episodes before#and well i dont really know how the show plans to recover from that. if they plan on doing it at all. but like#that was a breakup. but if its a breakup where both of them think they got broken up with. how do you come back?#eddie diaz
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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📖 for kinnporsche the series? your ideas are just so good!
thank u nonny!! 😭❣
this one took me a while to type because it is my weird whacky fic child who i love very dearly but struggle to explain. so, uh.
✨ Necromancy AU ✨
Big dies in the warehouse. Porsche gets Arm to get his body out, gets Kinn to delay the cremation, and gets Chay to reanimate Big.
(because reanimating the dead is just something Chay can do, because he figured it'd be a good skill to learn and he's my most specialest boy.)
Kinn (who's at the morgue for Porsche) is flabbergasted, Khun (who's at the morgue by a miracle) is stunned silent, and Kim (who's here because Khun texted him but didn't say Chay would be here) is more shocked by Big than Chay's abilities.
(Kim is the only person other than Porsche to just accept necromancy as A Reasonable Thing For Chay To Know. this is why they're Chay's favorites.)
anyways so Big is now awake and surrounded by this family. this is hell. not just for him, his sudden undead status is causing a lot of problems:
Porsche just had Chay bring Big back, he didn't like...tell anyone what was happening or make a plan for what to do with him.
Kinn just figured out his new guard roster, and now he has to redo it to accommodate one very grumpy and very loyal Big who now doesn't need trivial things like sleep or food.
there's the looming specter of Khun's upcoming dry cleaning bill because he won't. stop. poking. Big.
Big is trying very, very, very hard to ignore that not only do people know he knew about Porsche and Kinn, but that he loves Kinn so much he died protecting Porsche.
speaking of, Porsche just thanked him for saving Chay and (in a quieter voice) for saving him.
Big is in hell.
despite all that, Big's plans for his new life are to just go back to being Kinn's perfect guard. he is ignoring the awkwardness, none of this is fine, none of this will be fine, but it will be NORMAL.
this is hampered by the fact that whoops, turns out the undead need to hang around their "masters" for at least a few hours every couple of days to "recharge" so to speak, as discovered by Pol when he screamed so loud he set a fire alarm off because he stumbled over Big's body face down in front of Kinn's door at 2am.
this is even further hampered by Korn, who will absolutely not stand for his preferred heir being guarded by someone who might be more loyal to someone other than him. Korn uses the "recharge" issue to force Big out by way of making him Chay's permanent guard.
so now Big, the perfect bodyguard who only got better at his job in death, is now stuck hanging around a high schooler who doesn't get into trouble and just wants to make music with his bitchy boyfriend.
(because oh yeah, mr. the untamed nerd Kim is obviously ridiculously into Chay being able to resurrect the dead and leaks feelings before he can run away and sabotages all future attempts to ghost Chay (insert necromancer joke here). Kim's fears of love and hurting those he loves will cause different problems.)
anyways, Big is suffering. not only is he stuck guarding Porsche's baby brother (who! he's realizing he likes as a person! will the horrors never cease!), Chay keeps being nice and thoughtful and looking out for him as a person and asking after his happiness and shit (the horrors!! are not ceasing!!!!). when Big finally has enough of all this Being Treated Like A Human Being business and asks Chay why he even cares, Chay blurts out "Big, do you even want to be alive?"
because this has been eating at Chay ever since he brought Big back at the morgue. because he never knew Big and never asked if he'd want to be alive again, Chay just did it for Porsche, who wasn't doing it for Big but for his own guilt. and then Big's old life was like an ill-fitting glove, because he and Porsche can't be bitches with Big's sacrifice hanging over them but don't know how to act when they aren't being bitches, Korn won't accept him back because he only sees his own paranoia and none of Big's loyalty, and Kinn might appreciate Big's loyalty but he won't fight for it either, not when he's trying to juggle the rest of Korn's messes coming to fruition. Big's been completely forced out of his old life and any ties he might've kept to the other guards (as few as they were) are ruined by the others' guilt and discomfort, because Big might not have died in the first place if literally anyone had listened to him during the Tawan debacle, which they could ignore when he was dead but can't when he's alive and there in front of them.
and the whole confession draws Big up short because no one's ever asked him what he wants before. Big was just the son of a mafia enforcer who got scooped up young by the main family as a personal guard for Kinn. Big's never even considered that what he wants could be an option. even when he first came back, his main considerations were on the ways he was a better guard for Kinn. Big's chosen more things for himself in his weeks with Chay than he has in his life, and he never stopped to think how he feels about that.
he does now. kinda. this is Big after all. but after both forty-three excruciating minutes and three days, Big finally answers Chay, "i never lived for me before. it's...nice." Chay, who's gotten quite good at reading between the lines after all the exposure from Kim and Big, beams and makes him help him pick his electives for his first semester of university, because Chay's determined to help Big find a hobby and he's overcome far tougher things than emotional constipation.
[[ ask me about fics im not writing ]]
Bonus
small scene snippet from shortly after Big's first brought back to life, right after Kim's walked into screaming, stolen Pol's gun, and shoved Chay behind him for protection, because i love themm
Kim opens and closes his mouth silently before sputtering, “But you— I heard— What…?!”
Chay worms his arms around Kim’s waist to get his attention and his head pops over Kim’s shoulder. “It’s okay, phi,” he says soothingly, “I brought him back.”
Big gets an eye full of Kim’s face flashing through four emotions he recognizes and thirty he doesn’t, which is thirty-four more emotions than Big can deal with. Kim twists around in Chay’s hold, just enough to squint at him from the corner of his eye without letting Big out of his gun’s sight line.
“You know how to resurrect the dead?”
Chay drops his chin onto Kim’s shoulder with a huff. “Why do people keep asking me that? It seemed like a useful skill to know!”
“Obviously,” Kim scoffs, which is the first original response Big’s heard to that all day. “I meant you can do it? What, we’re you bored and just googled ‘how to make a zombie’ one day after school?!”
Chay rolls his eyes and pokes the undersides of Kim’s ribs. Shockingly, Kim pushes further into his hold, rather than away. “Don’t be silly. You have to be trained by a shaman to make a zombie.”
Kim actually turns to look at him dead on. His gun is still trained on Big.
Chay cocks his head to the side. “What? I just googled ‘how to bring back the dead’ and went from there. It’s basically CPR!”
“That worked?”
Chay looks genuinely baffled. “Why wouldn’t it?”
Kim stares at him incredulously before suddenly going boneless in Chay’s hold, squishing him back against the wall. Chay does not protest being squished between Kim and a hard place. He actually looks delighted by it. Big would like to go throw up now. He doesn’t know if corpses can do that, but he’s willing to make an effort.
“Of course it works, you’re you,” Kim grumbles. He knocks his head against Chay’s and rubs in a move so cute Big will throw up, death be damned. “If life worked for me like that...”
Chay beams and pats his stomach. “I’ll teach you!”
Turns out corpses can't throw up, but they can gag so hard they choke.
#kinnporsche#necromancy AU#i feel like there's so much im leaving out of this lol#if anyone remember cash from my OC list#he's a reoccurring cast member in this one#because necromancy AU isn't named necormancy AU because of the necromancy#it's necromancy AU because of 2 jokes i wont let die#1. pol screaming every time he sees big#(big's starting to think it's personal 😤😤😤😤😤)#2. big's presence fucking up cash's accounting sheets#those are in fact 90% of what i already have written#also i say im not writing this one but i also wrote more while checking my notes to make this outline#maybe the true necromancy was me resurrecting this WIP along the way#ask game: fics im not writing#OH ALSO#everything of mine has patricide obvs obvs#but my story notes are Literally just#''korn gets eaten by a crocodile''#i dont even remember how that happens#but thats apparently how korn dies in this one#no reanimation for him
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i truly do think that 1418 pacrim au could work but like. it's not about drift compatibility to me with them although that could work too, i just believe that fernando, master compartmentalizer with relationships, would not wife a guy who regularly goes inside his head (work wife is one thing..REAL WIFE is another)... it's about dealing with grief together.
fernando as washed up grumpy discharged jaeger pilot who lost his partner in a fight and has to deal with post-war horrors and the sudden calm after, with deceased partner's best friend, who is also grieving. his best friend is the sheltered 'test' pilot who fernando has seen around here and there in the shatterdome, but they don't talk like that. until they're both mourning. what if your dead drift partner's voice is still in your head while you get closer to his best friend and you HATE it, but you need to preserve it, you cant escape the loss. yaoi happens
#the drift partners is estenando#the best friend is lance duh#the thing about pacrim that makes it hard to chew on and gets glossed over in the movie because it isnt a very serious movie in that sense#is the grief#like. someone died. people are dying#every character is fueled by grief#i just think pacrim aus are better when someone is dead but they live on in your head in the drift#along the way yaoi happens#kriti's answered ask on estenando is so spot on#i have been rewatching a lot of movies lately can you tell#if i dont write this at one point in my life whats the point#1418#1431
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WAIT HELP I READ TOO FAST 😭😭
omg but who are your favs in the twdg games... 😳😳😳
OH HFHGFHJ ITS FINE I DO THAT ALL THE TIME TOO BUT YEAH AS YOU KNOW I LOVE THE GAMES AND SHOW AND ALSO THE COMIC!! BUT FOR THE GAMES UHMMM..omg this is SUCH a tough question honestly?? like, i feel very complicated about basically every character in this series so its hard to just pick one fave....
hmm i will say tho i have ALWAYS loved Lee and Clementine (obviously,who doesnt hehe) i just love them sm 😭the first game just makes me so emotional FRFR in the first game i also loved Ben,Chuck, Omid and Christa and Molly!! id also include Kenny but...i have a sorta love/hate relationship with that guy 😭😭😭😭hes such a good character tho!! in general i think the first game was just so good😌😌
for the other games im less familiar with them since ive only played the other seasons once each so my memory is probably a little off,but i remember really liking Sarah ,Nick,Luke and Jane from the 2nd season,but again i think some of these characters are like. love/hate with me currently,i think s2 is so turbulent that its kinda hard to pick faves really (for me atleast) with the 3rd season i remember LOVING that Tripp guy and also Javier,but its been years since i last played the game so i probably have a bunch of different opinions on everything now😭😭in general i just dont remember too much from that game,i definitely have to replay it eventually..for s4 tho?? hmm honestly,i think i loved like,90% of the cast in that LMAO but i think i liked uhhm AJ the most.and also i think his name was Asim (or aasim) and Ruby,i liked them alot i think,and louis and violet too 😌😌😌also the dog?? does the dog count??? in general i just thought the characters were pretty interesting in that game,but again i think ima just have to replay all of these again to see how i REALLY feel
ANYWAYS THANKS FOR THE QUESTION AURA!!! i would LOVE to know your faves too😈😈😈😈😈😈
#my friend!!!!!!!#cant believe im getting a twd question in our modern year 2024 (thank you. i cannot get enough of this stupid zombie franchise)#maybe the zombies were the friends we made along the way (?)#i think rick grimes said something to that effect in like season 5 or something .sorry#I LOVE THE WALKING DEAD GAMES SOO MUCH#the first game i ever got a platinum trophy on was twd s1 for the ps3#lots of good memories. it scared me so much but i was so infatuated with the world i HAD to do everything in it#i think its funny how i got into this whole series through the games.didnt even know anything abt the show#it came out in like..2012 right?? 2013?? so i was lik 7 or 8 .crazy#yes i still get scared at these games. im stil lscared of fnaf. sue me. yes i still cry at the ending to s1#SUE ME IDC#me when the father figure has to leave.me when the figure who is a father to young girl has to abandon her for reasons they cant control#me when fathers. me when men who father children who arent their own and love them like their own cuz they are kind and good.#clenches fists...oughhh...family..#anyways this is so crazy cuz i was thinking about playing the games again like a week ago#can you read my mind?????????? probably. clown to clown communication. gg fan to gg fan communication#isnt it so crazy that twdg are taking place at like the exact same time that like. the show (or comic i dont remember) is??#like. i dont rlly think abt that enough tbh. its kinda crazy to me#the fact that we had glenn for like 1 (one) chapter in the games is so crazy to me. he was just out there#i also really liked glenn but idk if he counts since he was like.a cameo. he was like a disney channel show cameo idk#anyways sorry for the rants.i just had my vitamins im CRAZY im PSYCHO rn!!#anyone else ever get a lil emotional thinking abt kenny. im sure we all do. but. oughh. s2 kenny and lee comparison makes my brain hurt#anyways. i need to STOP im a MADMAN RN#see this is what happens when you ask me about my interests. leave me alone (joke. pats you on shoulder and smiles softly)
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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controversial opinion of the year is that i dont think barbie was that great bc its message was all over the place and also they didnt realize they had made kens the women in their story so it just seemed bizarrely misogynistic to me
#little anya things#me mid-movie: ahh i see so the kens are women in this lil scenario#the movie: ACTUALLY no we have no idea what we're doing#before u come at me. 1. 'women view each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments#but for the attention of men'#2. the general vibe of condescension towards ken's efforts on beach echoing specific condescension of men towards women's interests#that 'oh u pathetic thing u' vibe was so strong#3. ken being shocked that a woman respected him enough to ask him for the time. an event that HAS NEVER happened to him before#he is so touched by the feeling of respect... 4. nobody knows where the kens even live.#miss representation quote abt how 50% of the population is disinterested in the other half.#5. barbie feels instantly objectified in the real world whereas ken instantly feels respected in a way hed never been#6. they dont even have genitals so ken arent actually men and barbies arent actually women bc thats not how things work in their world#listen the first half of that movie i was like. so kens are women here.#then theres the typical revenge narrative where they start the 'patriarchy' that wasnt rly all that creative but fine#but then they got all confusing and barbies are women and kens are just men who have been rightfully oppressed all along?? even tho#theyve been women-coded this whole time. okay#7. kens go back to having no government representation or right to vote and this is sposed to be funny. i guess?#im not mad at the movie for being misandrist bc it wasnt. it was just trying too hard to do too many things#that it ended up just seeming misogynistic to me#not to mention it was doing the bare minimum and is just step one in a huge capitalist ploy to start making a bunch of toy-related movies#im genuinely shocked i havent seen any criticism abt it on tumblr when its such a sloppy film throwing out a confused message#in order to make money and sell dolls. what exactly am i supposed to take away from this.... it just seems so bizarrely hypocritical#for mattel to make a movie where they feature as side-antagonists who essentially learn nothing... just for mattel irl to make more money#off of everything they mentioned in the movie. like. what changed.#also america ferrera's character existed just to give that speech and otherwise she and her daughter were not relevant to the plot at all#it was funny and aesthetic and all but the more i think abt it the more im not all that impressed. idk. am i missing smth#i dont think so. i disagree w most ppl's analysis praising it. idk idk
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I've got two family events coming up during term time and I'm trying to decide if the trips are worth the cost by asking if my family is actually going to be attending them and my mum's response was 'I might be able to convince your dad if we know you're going :)' girl I'm not spending nearly £60 just to come down for the weekend only to then find out I'm going by myself
#+Extra#travel tag#one of my cousins has a babyshower coming up in may on a Sunday when i have class on Monday#i already know my mum isnt intending to go to that one and my aunt that lives in between me and them also isnt going so i cant go with them#its the most inconvenient of the two and i have to be home a week after so ive declined that one#but another cousin recently announced an engagement/housing warming party weekend at the end of april#and when my mum told me about it i asked if she was going so i knew whether or not to look into tickets#and she hit me with the 'might go if you do :)' girl im not risking £60 on a maybe especially cus getting there will be a nightmare#its not all the way down south with the rest of my family so its technically closer but if im travelling there i need to know#whether to come early and go all the way home so i can arrive with my family on the day or travel down the day of & get there a little late#in the day in the city where its happening and figure out how to get to the event by myself and sort out getting ready and everything#or like to not bother what so ever and theres no guarantee which day theyll go cus its both Saturday and/or Sunday#ideally id only go Saturday cus i got class first thing monday but i also dont wanna be there by myself#im not close with my cousins and my dad doesnt get along with my mums side of the family so its highly likely id be there by myself#which i absolutely do not want especially if im getting there late cus of relying on public transport#edit: itll cost between £50-£120 to travel o.o depending on how i travel#if i get the train the whole way cus its quicker and times are more convenient itll cost £120 for a return for a 3 hour trip#or i could spend £40ish to get there by train then £10 on an overnight coach back#which is cheaper than the £60ish it would cost to get coaches both ways and the travel times for coaches were ridiculous#but jesus christ 🤦♀️
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the transmasculine trauma of going from being "daddy's little girl" to just... being more or less ignored unless you allow yourself to be misgendered constantly.
i dont wanna be his "baby girl" anymore. but i wish he would fucking show that he loves ME and not just the me he wishes i still was.
#sorry this is too personal#im just... sad.#nothing even happened i just havent had a good relationship with my dad for a long time and#hes one of the biggest reasons im scared to finally come out to the rest of my family#i already came out to him and he just completely ignored that it ever even happened...#and hes a big fox news nut and with the way theyve been spinning the narrarive about trans people i...dont know what he might say about me#i dont have to fear for my safety amd im 60% sure i dont have to fear for my housing situation either but#just knowing what he thinks about other trans people? or what hes at least willing to listen to and put up with despite KNOWING?#it fucking hurts. it hurts so fucking bad every fucking day#i just want my dad to fucking love me. the real me not the one from the past. is that too much to fucking ask?????????#and i dotnwant him to pit up with/go along with me being trans just bc he loves me either. bc he still looks down on everyone else#i hate it i hate it so much
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not to derail but i think the reason why american english is so easy to learn and to speak for a lot of people is exactly because correct enunciation doesn't matter one bit really. as long as you make a noise that has the right vowels and kinda similar consonants people will understand what you're saying 90% of the time. and so i think, other than imperialism of course, this is one of the reasons why english is everyone in the world's "common tongue" now. even with a really thick accent english is still understandable, way more than most other majorly spoken languages. i mean, just fucking take a listen to french! or don't actually unless you want your ears to start bleeding.
so yeah in conclusion i think the reason why english is the language everyone learns and communicates in is because of this specific lack of a need to properly pronounce things, making it so much easier than most other languages for non native speakers. :)
americans be like i’m looking at myself in the meer
#this is absolutely accurate#sometimes we make fun of ourselves for this kind of terrible enunciation with my wife#i think the last one is the best really the way could you becomes coodjyu and what you becomes wotchu#it's so funny#where do the dj and tch sounds come from!! it's a d and a t!!#anyway yeah to speak english you can literally just mumble something that kinda sounds like a word and ppl will get it most of the time#also on a totally different subject i FUCKING HATE french#especially french spoken with an actual french accent#quebecois french is kinda bearable but I wouldn't say i like it#but french french makes me want to commit murder as soon as i hear someone speaking it#it sounds so fucking pretentious and dumb oh my gooood i hate it so much#i don't really know why to be honest it's a purely instinctual reaction of rage that happens when i hear it#also not only does a french french accent sound terrible the expressions they use in france are SO fucking cringe#at one of my previous jobs i had a coworker who had recently immigrated from france and listening to her was TORTURE#she would use the dumbest fucking expressions to say things everytime she did that i wanted to be struck by lightning#like she called work ''le boulot'' instead of ''le travail'' or ''la job''#NO ONE in quebec uses the word boulot!!!!#NO ONE I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT NO ONE CALLS IT THAT#it just sounds so fucking bad when you hear that man i dont know why i hate it so much but i do i just can't stand it#working with her was just non stop stuff like this and my ears were bleeding the entire time#and the cherry on top is that i suspect that it was that coworker specifically who went to snitch and lie about me sending rude texts#about our boss#which is why i got fired despite being good at my job and getting along with all the rest of my coworkers except that manager#who's had it out for me since the first day i stepped into the store#she spent a week deadnaming me for example when everyone else called me by my chosen name from the moment i asked them to#and she seemed to always have a problem with everything i did even when what i was doing was something i had been asked to do#by someone in a position higher than hers lmao#her favorite thing was yelling at me that i wasn't at my register whenever i dared to step further than 3 feet from it#literally she admonished me multiple times for not being at my post when i was at a distance where#i could touch the counter by simply lifting my arm and reaching for it
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⛈️ //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
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#realising today that like . all of This makes me uncomfy bc ive been in a similar position before#2yrs ago and . theres a potentual it could turn out the same way it did last time#and i sont think it will#i dont want it to and i rdguse to ljke go down that path and spiral. but.#anyway my therapist making me actuvely look at my past trauma and dig through memories is so fucking . infuriating even tho ik its the point#like shes not just a soundboars for me to bounxe my thoughts off (which is what 70% of my sessions are tbh)#like its 70% me bitching abt smth and then maybe 10% her Correcting me and 20% trauma Digging and opening uo wounds i still have#anyway. this is so fucked i want to fix it - partly bc i do l*ve h*m and partly bc im such a fucking .#i will not let things Go until im batteres ans bruised in every shape and form#and i hate that this means . dragging him along with it#even tho he has freewill and can iterally just Leave me if he wanted to.#im bitter and uncomfortable and feeling unwanted bc this is just a state of . Confusion and instability#until ive got Answers and until hes . at a level where hes not so pissed at me hes blinded by hurt n rage :/#and logically i should . just leave :( bc as much as i wanna be all *im so gonna do better and get better!!!!! nothing will ever happen*#i have Patterns that are a bitch to break.#trying not to be angrt and act like a xhild is Not my strong point either#my 1st instinct when im hurt is to act like a child and be childish and lash out whicb obviously gets me nowhere half the time.#and i also dont know if this arrangement we have rn . i dont know how to go abt it lime tjeres so mhch uncertainty#and i know it couls just be easily fixed if i communicated and asked questions and got boundaries in place#but im terrified to get yelled at or met with dry answers and no useful info.#im gonna give it an hour and then . see what i can do i need to mull itnover#switched my thinking from spiralling and overthinking to *what the fuck can i do abt it thats positive*#and OH BOY is that a hard thing to be constsntly aware of :(#getting better is so fucking hard i do . get why people just stay sick and mentslly ill and dont do the hard work. bc it is exhausting#i burned myself out and reached a boiling point bc i was doing it incorrectly the 1st time around apparently#i wasnt - but my efforts were NOT recognised and that felt kjke being slapped in the face tbh.
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Hi how are you? If you want, could you tell us what your headcanons would be for what the Sully children's relationship would be like with a human/avatar mother who was mated with Jake and Neytiri? Thank you very much, have a great day!
I can see a lot of possible outcomes for this one! So here ya go! Enjoy!
P.S: Reader will not be given a name in this one, instead she will be called "small mama"
Pinnacle protection
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Pinnacle motherhood
Right off the bat, the whole family loves their third mother, second mate. Jake sully couldn't ask for a better family, and better mates. Especially his little human mate. Neytiri will agree with him, while yes she has her children to hug, her little mate is just what she needs. Something small yet full of love just for her.
Now like any trio, there is a balance between the parents. Jake is the head of the family, the brains with his clever ideas. Neytiri at times can be the brains but most muscle due to her skills in fighting and hunting. And their beloved human is the heart of the family. Keeping everyone together.
And like any child, the sully kids will have favorites. And their favorite is their amazing human mother. She is the most fun, loving parent any child could ever ask for. Are they not getting their way with Jake or neytiri? To mama it is! And mama will always fold by the simple look of her kids.
Another thing about their favorite mama, they all believe she has the power to read their minds. How else would it explain she knows their next move?
Lo’ak and tuk can recall so many instances where they were barely forming an idea only for their mama to say “dont even think about it” or “it is not worth the trouble”.
For neteyam, as he is the oldest he does try to be a good example for his mischievous siblings, along with holding so many responsibilities, but he can always count on his small mama for anything. Small mama consoles him, talking about anything neteyam has his mind about.
Unlike Jake or neytiri who neteyam has to put up a strong warrior face, with a small mama he can revert back to being a baby with her. He feels safe and be a kid again with her. And small mama always called him her “little baby boy”. Neteyam won't admit it but he likes it when she calls him that.
For kiri, she definitely adores her small mama. She is closer to her third parent than she is with neytiri. Not to be mean or anything. But with Jake, Kiri can talk about what odd things happen around her, ask her about her mother and stuff but with her small mama. Well, she can express far more with her, be free to say anything not be judged upon. Kiri can dare say small mama understands her more than anyone in the world.
With tuk, the baby of the family. Why, she loves to be the taller one, it makes her happy. Of course she would never tease her small mama that she is taller, but small mama would call her “tiny tuk”. A name tuk loves and will glady flex it for some reason.
If tuk can't go somewhere with her older siblings, small mama would personally take her anywhere she wants to go. As long as it is safe. With small mama, everything is fun and never boring. Tuk loves the times where her hair is braided or she braids small mama’s hair.
Now, if small mama would use her avatar, nothing much would change. Except that now the kids will demand piggy back rides. Tuk or lo’ak would be front of the line for that.
Hunting would be easier and much more fun with jake and neytiri, running, riding their ikrans, less risk overall.
Even with her avatar, she is still short compared to her two mates. She is smaller than Neytiri by 9 ½ inches. Not something she is super thrilled about. No matter what body, she is still small mama through and through.
Small mama is forever grateful to live her best life with her family, loving them and saying her thanks to Eywa for blessing her to be the best of her two worlds. Through hardships, through trials, small mama has a mighty heart and a roar of an ikran. Yes sometimes she might be stressed or frustrated but life is not perfect. Small mama knows that all too well. But there is nothing better than what she has.
#avatar#avatar the way of water#na'vi x reader#na'vi avatar#avatar 2#na'vi x human#lo'ak#neteyam sully#kiri#jake sully#jake x y/n#jake x reader x neytiri#jake x reader#jake x neytiri#jake x mc#jake sully avatar#jake sully x neytiri#jake sully x reader#jake sully x reader x neytiri#neytiri te tskaha mo'at'ite#neytiri x reader#neytiri sully#neytiri x jake#neytiri avatar#neytiri x human reader#neytiri x you#neytiri x y/n#neteyam x human reader#neteyam x reader#neteyam x you
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