#don't worry I fix him

[vaguely-concerned]

the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)

after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)

the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol

lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him

[clowndensation]

pov you're roman roy, and you have a body that has reactions you can't control, and those reactions are pathetic and freakish and prove just how much you've gotten it wrong. you can't laugh, you can't talk, you can't even cry at your father's funeral without everyone seeing what a failure made flesh you are.

[somegrumpynerd]

Hc that if something or someone wakes Dream from a deep sleep, he summons and fires his bow on instinct

[a2zillustration]

Someone was being a little diva because he was hungry (for brain worms)

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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]

[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]

[agrodo1ce]

Yehhh so about this new game

[danwhobrowses]

It shouldn't need to be said but I'm seeing a lot of vitriol towards Ashton about their actions and I have to say I don't agree with them.

At the clock tower Fearne brought up the shard, stated that in her opinion Ashton should take the shard because she didn't want it. Ashton decided then as a result they'd take it, but because it was an extreme risk made very aware to them all they knew the other Hells wouldn't allow them to go through with it. Ashton asked Fearne if she was okay with both of them going together alone with the plan, reiterating that they didn't want to put this on Fearne, that if they died Fearne would not be to blame, and that they have no intention of dying, and Fearne said yes.

Fearne having second thoughts at the Ziggurat was just worry, because she cares deeply for Ashton, Ashton kissing her was not manipulation either; it was letting go of fear, having no regret with the person they also care deeply for and taking the risk. And yeah, it was frightening, 10 rounds of perpetual fiery near-death situations and one actual death situation; Laura is fuming, Ashley cannot look, Liam is playing Mad World on loop in his mind, even Matt is completely on edge, but they survived. Accusations that Ashton manipulated Fearne to selfishly take the shard seem to misinterpret the shard saga as well as Fearne and Ashton's characters, they will get a very intense amount of chastising for sure, but it will be out of love, out of the fear that they were going to lose them, not because they thought Ash was manipulative.

[varpusvaras]

There are enough similarities with how the life was before and during the war, and how it is now, so that Seventeen doesn't lose his mind instantly.

He still gets up early. That was the easiest similarity to keep. He was told that he needs more sleep, so he gives himself until five thirty instead of his regular five sharp. It's acceptable. He still has enough time to get himself ready and then try to make food.

There the similarities end when it comes to the morning. The clothes aren't right. They are soft and while good for moving around, they are not tactical in the slightest. He feels like he is missing a layer of skin with them on. It grates on him, and it doesn't make the fact that he has no idea how to cook any better.

Not that he is giving it any more voluntary thought than he has to. Any of it. It's just clothes. It's just cooking. He has learnt to repair weapons, ships, armor. He has learnt how to fight, how to kill, and how not to be killed. He has made through all of it and has now ended up in a small kitchen of all places. This is not going to end him either.

He reads all the manuals for every single kitchenware they have. He reads of the nutritional values of every single item of food there is in the cupboards and in the cooler. He studies the diet plan he had been given enough time so he remembers every word. He downloads a cook book. He watches tutorials from the holonet.

Fifteen minutes after 6 in the morning, he has made caf, tea, toast and five other things that goes with the toast. It all tastes how the book and the tutorials describe them to taste like.

Then he cleans. He does the dishes. He looks through the kitchen again. He makes a list of things they need more of. He gathers every single item on all of the counters and puts them back in their place. He goes back to the bedroom. He makes the bed. He goes back into the kitchen. He dries the dishes. It's a repeating task, like cleaning a weapon. Take a plate. Turn it around in the cloth. Put it away. Take a plate. Turn it around in the cloth. Put it away.

He goes through all the plates like that, then the cutlery, then the glasses. He puts them away in the same order in their correct places inside the cabinets and drawers.

Then he goes into the living room and stands in the middle of it and stares at the wall for fifteen minutes.

After the fifteen minutes is over, he thinks about his therapist, who had told him to pick up a relaxing hobby that he can do with his hands but that gives him enough to think about. Something that is a little bit more removed from his life so far. Something softer had been the implication.

Seventeen doesn't want to do anything softer, but he still picks up the needles he had got for himself, despite it having felt like he was giving up, finds another tutorial, watches it, and starts learning how to put the thread through itself.

It's just past eight in the morning when he makes his first row of stitches. He stares at it for a minute, and then throws it at the same wall he had spent fifteen minutes staring at before.

His legs hurt. They do that a lot, these days. Seventeen thinks it's because they hate him just as much as he hates them.

He gets up. Takes the first dose of his allotted painkillers and tries not to feel like the biggest failure in the entire Galaxy, because it's thirteen minutes before he usually takes them, and then gets angry at himself for a moment for being stupid. Because the thing is, Seventeen does not care about anything.

He waits for a moment. The pain goes away. He picks up his needles. The stitches have fallen of off them.

It's nine in the morning. He has made 28 rows of stitches.

Seventeen hates the fact that he had forgotten to hate everything while focusing on doing them.

He doesn't throw the needles this time, though.

[starryeyeddreamer21]

Characters as things I've said/heard people say

Husk: Is your type just red flags?

Angel: nO It was just him :(

[pickletrip]

Did I start watching "For Him" because of the spicy GIFs on my dash? Yes

Is the acting good? Not really, I've seen better uni BLs from Thailand.

So why am I still watching it? BECAUSE NAIL AND HIM ARE WILLING TO TALK TO EACH OTHER AND NOT JUST BRUSH OFF THEIR PROBLEMS.

THEY COMMUNICATE.

My Dear Gangster Oppa could learn about communicating from them.

Look, they are at a restaurant to have a nice meal, Nail sees his ex and is instantly uncomfortable and Him clocks that and asks what's wrong. You know what a regular show would do, Nail would answer " Oh, nothing, it's nothing." But what does Nail do here? He honestly tells Him and Him understands that Nail is still dealing with his past relationship and they leave. Him says it's okay to feel this way and he understands that Nail is still dealing with the shit Jay did to him.

Take another instance from episode 4.

Te is being the usual creepy stalker idiot and tells that Him has done terrible things to Blue. Of course Nail wants to know what's happened so he asks Him without beating around the bush. And Him was honest about why Blue left him. We still don't know all the details but Him says he neglected Blue so Blue left him. He talks about how he needed to get some medical help because of what happened. Do you see how they communicate???! Other shows would have shown Him getting defensive and saying that Nail needn't know these things.

Even after the argument with Jay in the hallway, Him leaves because Nail is clearly upset, they talk over the phone and make up. They don't just leave it for another day and let the bad emotions stew and make each other feel like shit.

This is why I appreciate the show. They communicate. That's the foundation of a good relationship.

[chibifox2002]

I fixed him

[spotaus]

Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.

[raven--stag]

God Buffy is pissing me off!!! Ooooo Spike is so bad oooo a vampire a demon A THING(!!!) I shouldn't want to fuck him mee-mee-mee

Like, bitch?? He's hot, get over it!

Also the fact that at the beginning of season 6 she was all buddy-buddy with him and then randomly started behaving like an asshole makes no! damn! sense!

As a side note: this rant isn't about me being upset on spike's behalf because he bewitched me body and soul in fact it's not about him at all. It's about me not understanding Buffy and her motives because the writing is kind of strange and silly. It doesn’t really match her character development imo? I feel like at this point she should be a bit more mature🤷‍♀️

[hawksheadcanonblog]

Headcanon - Henry Stickmin got into the mess with the timelines in his game because of a time piece falling on his head. He's technically in a time rift going through the motions until Hat Kid fixes the rift, made all the worse by the fact he already had minor rewind powers that the time piece was able to amplify.

[dirtytransmasc]

maybe it's because I'm in the "I'm so obsessed and hyperfocused on my little guys I will make any song seem like it's about them even if it couldn't be any father from actually relating to them at all" stage of my Theon and Asha hyperfixation but like...

I feel like 'I bet on losing dogs' by Mitski is about them.

it's about Asha and her relationship with Theon.

he's her baby brother. the baby brother who looked up at her smiled when she had gone in his room, intent on strangling him to stop his cries. he's her losing dog. the dog she keeps fighting for when no one else will. she never gives up on him, not truly, even when he is so clearly doomed, because she loves him, she won't give up on him.

and Theon is, in so many senses, a dog. he's been passed around from owner to owner, home to home, trained and beaten and domesticated, made to behave how his owner at the time sees fit. he's a good dog, a good beaten dog.

and now, in a way, he's Asha's dog. she doesn't want him to be her dog, she wants him to be her brother, and Theon's trying, he really is trying, she knows he's trying, but part of him will always be doomed to be a dog waiting to be hit, waiting for a command, waiting to be trained.

he's her losing dog, she knows it, knows he's doomed, deep down, there's little hope, he'll die a damned dog, but fuck it she doesn't care, he's her blood, her baby, he will be by her side no matter what. she'll always go back for him, she'll always fight for him, she'll always tell him to stay, she'll always give him a chance, she'll always try.

~~~~

[zlobonessa]

my university finals are starting tomorrow. so it was crucially important for me to do this in the middle of the night.

[maleficore]

Has this line always been here and I just missed it or...