#don't get me started on the religion
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Okay but HOW did the South all fall to the Blight anyways? I get that Ghilan'nain altered it to be more vicious but the world of Thedas has survived Blights more than a century long with no knowledge of how to 'safely' combat them (the First Blight lasted 192 years) and though yes parts of the Anderfels remained Blighted for centuries, they managed to repel it well enough that other parts of the region remained habitable. By contrast, modern Thedas has survived five Blights, each of which was combatted more efficiently the last. Even the disastrous Fourth Blight which resulted in the near extinction of the griffons was managed. You're telling me that two of the world's biggest powers (Ferelden and Orlais) just rolled over and died in the span of what must be no longer than a few months??? The latter Empire which did not even 'recently' suffer a Blight and may well have both absorbed the forces of the Inquisition and had the aid of the entire Southern division of Wardens after they defect from Weisshaupt.) Or Ferelden which has a good chance of being ruled by a former warden who may be getting on in years but is deeply aware of the threat of the Blight and likely to be quick to mobilise?
This is why we needed a proper worldstate system. Because it would only (VERY BARELY) make any sense that Orlais and Ferelden fall so easily if you completely ruined both kingdoms' political relations with each other, they fought a war that depleted both countries' resources, AND all the Southern wardens were killed or exiled to Weisshaupt. Which sure, COULD be the canon. But instead we get nothing at all. Except a convenient wiping clear of the board as if none of those places and people ever existed. And we can't say or do anything about it despite the Eluvian network almost certainly reaching those locations as well.
Ghilly isn't even PRESENT in the South at any point according to the Inquisitor's letters, so the presence of the Evanuris speeding the spread/voracity of the Blight (which is implied through D'Meta's Crossing and the Blighting of Minrathous and Treviso) doesn't even apply there. There's no direction for a darkspawn hoard in the South - no Archdemon or Evanuris. And we're told repeatedly that the Blight is dangerous (in comparison to the general darkspawn presence) because their leadership makes them smart. They are organised and fight well against martial resistance. The new darkspawn are clearly less intelligent and do not work together using tactics, but rather swarm or do their own individual things. And yet no one can organise a meaningful resistance against them such that two ENTIRE COUNTRIES WORTH OF LAND aren't completely annihilated? Nah. This will always be the biggest plot hole contrivance nonsense to me.
#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age critical#veilguard critical#datv#datv spoilers#dragon age spoilers#veilguard spoilers#i trust my southern brethren way more than the writers do#also like??? nevarra borders the marches? as does antiva?#how are they just fine when Kirkwall is overrun casually?#i mean I know Treviso is occupied and the Necropolis is being infiltrated by Venatori#but be fr what is happening in the rest of these countries?#are they not aiding their southern allies#ALSO WHERE IS THE ARCHON?????#i know its implied he's killed if Minrathous isn't saved but BEFORE THAT?#nah nah the political situation in thedas is so empty when it categorically shouldn't be#don't get me started on the religion
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Expecting a man to ask conversation-carrying questions is futile. It will never happen. So instead I've been acting like a podcast host interviewing a guest, and dang. Those conversations get kinda deep.
#i've had three separate men begin WILLINGLY TO TALK ABOUT RELIGION#usually they will listen to me talk about my faith and say nothing about their own aside from the obligatory 'i'm not really religious'#but as soon as i started asking interview-style questions suddenly they want to talk about all of it#'i used to be christian and now i don't really know what i believe'#'i can't reconcile what i used to believe with the reality of the world i live in every day and i feel so empty'#'i believe in something but i have no idea what this isn't all there is'#ouch#this makes me realize how little i listen to people to hear from them and more just want to get to the part i want to talk about#and i guess mocking people for not being interested in keeping a fairly boring conversation going is not the way#because letting them speak and listening has always taken the conversation to a more interesting place than if I'd said my bit
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speaking as a textbook atheist who has never believed in a higher power of any sort, some of you really need to be normal about religious people.
Taking "religion" to mean Christianity and "Christianity" to mean whatever specific branch and church where you were traumatized by old White people as a child is inaccurate and self-centered. I firmly believe that religious trauma is real and serious and that no one who suffers from it should have to engage in triggering discussions of religion, but that is a personal right and has nothing to do with the morality of religion as a concept. Yes, people do horrible things in the name of religion, just like they do in the name of science and patriotism and many other ideals. Yes, religion (especially institutionalized religion) deserves a lot of criticism, but it deserves criticism based on the real-world harm it causes and not gut reactions of disgust.
For instance, I know plenty of scummy Christians who use their beliefs to justify terrible actions, but I know far more Christians who are vehemently feminist and anti-racist and supportive of LGBTQ+ rights, who respect both modern science and the natural world, and who I know have my back whenever I need help. It's important to criticize institutions of power, but please don't fall back on the same kind of awful, sweeping generalizations about religious people that like, TERFs make about men and masculinity, for example. You don't have to follow it or even like it, but you do have to treat your fellow humans as the infinitely complex and inherently worthy beings they are, no matter what labels they choose to use.
#ramblings#cw religion#discourse#I'm gonna lose followers over this post#I feel like both my religious and non-religious followers are gonna hate this#and I am open to discussion and learning! but I think this is important#I'm taking a course on indigenous religious traditions rn and it's really brought this topic to the front of my mind#anyway have you seen how much people jab at HOMESCHOOLING because of hate for “religion”?#it's so silly. I was homeschooled and it was never for religious reasons. like way to punch sideways#also don't get me started on how people equate christianity with whiteness
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Who gives a fuck what you feel as if you don't despise arabs and islam.
ah, you got me there anon 😔 you're right, I'm an Islamophobic Arabophobic asshole because I view them as people capable of thinking and making rational decisions instead of what we all know they ACTUALLY are: quirky desert people who drink sand and wear funny clothes and have to kill Israelis because they simply don't know any better!!!/s
in all seriousness I assume you're talking about me condemning Hamas because I literally haven't said anything against Palestinian civilians or civilians of any other Arab country (nor am I here). I'm not against Islam, I'm not against Arabs, I'm against an extremist terrorist group who wants me and my family dead. and it just so happens that this group is Muslim and Arab! You know how ProPals always insist criticism of the Israeli government isn't antisemitic (a true statement I wish they'd actually deliver on)? you're basically applying the opposite of that logic here. criticism of Hamas is Islamophobic because, well, they're Muslims! and not treating every Muslim as perfect human being capable of doing no wrong is Islamophobic, actually. istg the way you people talk about Muslims and Arabs is so utterly dehumanising. ever heard of the noble savage trope?
#don't even get me started on when people go “well hating jews is part of their religion it's part of their cultureee you have to respect it”#y'all will excuse anything problematic under islam because they're just that primitive in your eyes#i criticise muslims as i criticise people from any other religion. cry about it.#oh and btw anon off coward#noble savage trope#leftist antisemitism#hate ask adventures#hila answers asks
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y'know I don't think Colin is ever magically cured of his various mental illnesses/phobias (at least in the scant appearances I've read writers don't address them)...does he still panic at the sight of Batman? Like, he knows Batman saved his life, giving him an adult figure he trusts for the first time in his life, but still its Batman. Does Colin have to mentally prepare himself when he talks to Batman? Is the snark and tough "street smart" attitude a conversational shield? Is being Abuse (the big guy, the monster) a sort of protection from the world for him?
Maybe Colin still lives in fear of the world. He's a boy abandoned, a boy mistreated, a boy hospitalized and experimented on. An adult, one who's a dark mirror to himself, used him as a weapon against his fear (a bat, a batman). And though he was terrified and the venom took that fear and converted it into rage, and Batman stopped him, theres still the irrational psyche - a child's paranoia - that will always tell him Batman isn't safe.
Maybe he gets close to Damian because, well, they're similar aged kids, but also Damian isn't in a bat costume. Damian is Robin. He doesn't represent a fear Colin has the way the Bat does, as the animal and an adult. Damian's a peer, an equal. Maybe he's Colin's Robin. It's something I really want to explore in future fics - that Chris's first experience with Robin was Tim and that forever shades his perception of Damian, that Maya's first experience with Robin was the face and colors of her father's murderer. But Colin's first impression of Robin was the boy who vomited at the sight of the dead bodies of children who Colin knew and vowed revenge. The boy who stood up to Zsasz and brutally won the fight, but heeded Colin's voice and spared the man's life because a scar (a mark of Cain) is more lasting than death. Something about children used to violence and death, who fear the world, and they find each other because of a search for justice and independence.
#colin wilkes#damian wayne#dc#robin represents the promise of safety for kids that the holders weren't able to keep for themselves#and maybe Colin can appreciate that meaning as well as see that Damian tries hard to be Robin even if he isn't trying to be a safe space ye#and still theres the optimism that people can improve versus the lived experience of cyclical natures#idk Colin and Damian make me insane#don't even get me started on Colin's learned Catholic guilt and Damian's god-for-a-grandfather/religion-for-a-home
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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some men are textbook villains fr
#tw religion?#kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on#some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago#liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not#tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much#i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different#things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how#id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet#but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that#and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on#you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding#things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc#life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam#me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you'#AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you'#even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that'#and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone#(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it)#(nothing even ever started you bitchass)#also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it#mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal..#but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared#my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN#'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean#i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective#but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back#and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever#anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol#def gonna delete later#but ty for reading if u did <3
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The Alma Tran arc should have emphasized more on religious trauma and indoctrination. In this essay, I will-
#magi#please do not get me started i will not shut up /serious#magi labyrinth of magic#magi: the labyrinth of magic#for me personally it is a story about fucked up grief#but that's a deeply personal thing i don't care for sharing or expect someone else to relate#magi alma tran#magi alma toran#magi sheba#magi solomon#magi falan#magi manga#magi manga spoilers#i have so many mixed feelings about this arc but it's my bby#includes photo edit#''it isn't against my will'' sheba you are a CHILD that's not a decision a child can consent to#not to mention brainwashing peeps is a fucked up decision on its own#sheba is such an awful gremlin child#cw religion#cw racism#my stuff#resizing manga panels is a bitch#gimme gimme gimme s3 ty
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hate how often "only white privileged westerners are athiests, real progressives love the nuclear family and religion" type posts go around on here. you are either a psyop or a fool chasing a "problem" that only exists within niche leftist discourse. white privileged westerners are overrepresented in athiesm because of being white, privileged and westerners and generally less likely to be targeted or killed for it yea?
i promise you the constant control and abuse from religion and family are bigger problems than feeling like communists and anarchists of all people "reject religion", like yea no shit, it's materialism innit.
#my post#rambles#same type of shit as 'only reactionary white men are athiest' as though women aren't on the front lines#of both patriarchal and religious control and expectations#religious communism is just a worse version of regular communism#don't get me started on leftist wiccans jesus fuck#religion#the people who don't like being told how to act or what to think don't like being told how to act or what to think#'atheism is the religion of the machine' as opposed to the Protestant work ethic👍
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you know i must have been bone-tired when this part of the herb brides lore didn't come to my mind when i discussed how the Kin fundamentally differs from the cultures it is inspired by um There Is The Human Sacrifice part. like it's an important part of pathologic 2 that you are doing human, or anthropomorphic (if you want to see the Herb Brides as closer to spirits, which comes with its own set of problematics regarding how to approach their oppression) sacrifice. it's an important part of pathologic 2 that you kill a woman, as part of the journey and in direct resonance with you ritualistically killing cattle earlier, and she offers herself to you with cultural and religious significance.
human sacrifices have been done across the globe for millennia, but i cannot, for the life of me, find any source at all that mentions the Buryats (since that was the discussion point) partaking in human sacrifices by the turn of the 19th-early 20th century (or even anything past the 16th). every single source mentioning offerings and sacrifices i've read mentions animals, things such as milk and vodka, and often both at once. would love to read anything about these rituals if papers exist, but i'm personally drawing a blank.
the Kin has Obvious and very Visible influences but it also differs from specific (in this discussion's case, the Buryats) or wider (here, turkic/mongolic as a whole) cultures from the area by so many pieces, big and small, that i wouldn't have enough appendages on my whole body to count them all. and sister. i have plenty of appendages.
#i AM reading a paper that mentions the human sacrifices at Mongol burials where people (typically servants or family) would be sacrificed#to accompany the dead; as well as the Shor practice of sacrificing women/girls (replaced apparently quickly by sacrificing ducks)#but those seem pretty old [the Mongol part mentions the 13th century] & like. nothing about the buryats in that time period#i'm like 85% sure i saw in the beginning of being into patho someone saying how equating the Kin; who practice human sacrifices [& others]#to correlate/be meant to represent Real Life ethnicities is insulting because They Don't Do That.#and like. everythingggg that touches upon representation/appreciation/appropriation/theft is subjective and#informed my how much leeway you're willing to give the creators so that's like#bro i'm just reading PDFs#also just found out the discussion of ''The Kin Is Obviously Inspired But Not Meant To Represent [x]'' is over 2yrs old. we're still at it.#as anon said. ''unless you're tolkien; coming up with a whole fictional language is hard''.#anyways appendage time. stuff that differs just out of the top of my head:#everything relating to the religion which is almost a complete inverse of buryat tengrist/shamanic faith + don't get me started on buddhism#the clothes. the homes. the creation myths; beyond the apparition of Clay; which is present in so many cultures on earth#no swan ancestor. no lake worship. no sky/heavens. no tens of named hierarchical deities. NO BURBOT! no hats. no hats (burts into tears)#NO HORSES? ON THE EURASIAN STEPPE?#the belief that earth mustn't be cut is so buryat. i'm sure i've read it. no idea if it is also in other mongolic peoples but buryat it is.#also a bull-ancestor/bull totem. that exists in buryat tribes; but they also have a bunchhhhh of other sacred animals (including. swans.#also horses. there's this [charm?] made out of horse hair there is)#neigh (blabbers)#i'm realizin how crazy i sound repeating shit that has been said 2yrs ago but like someone already mentioned the human sacrifice.#someone already mentioned the clothes. someone already mentioned the yurts/gers. someone already mentioned the religion#like i'm just. repeating stuff. and yet. give it up for year 2
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i have figured out how to put my erotica under a read more! rejoice!
blessed are the meek
#nsft#cherries#religion#hey alperen is getting it consensually this time!#good for him!#this started as a sexy drawing and it still is one#but it slowly started becoming more meaningful to me#a lot of art featuring priests getting naughty is usually accompanied by more demonic imagery#which is super hot don't get me wrong#but i started to think about what if it was divine instead?#what if pleasure was shown as something holy and spiritual#so what started as a very simple full body pin up turned into a bit of a one page spread#im also working towards a style so i dont have to use the straight line tool#i know it looks a bit amateurish right now but i think once i get practice#my drawings will look less stiff overall
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aight ok now that i've watched ep 7 i see some folks are review bombing KTL on MDL bc of the Arab prince storyline,,,,,, what are our thoughts
#tv: king the land#king the land#lee junho#junho 2pm#im yoona#girls generation yoona#yoona snsd#anupam tripathi#kdrama#local gay watches KTL (and gets diabetes in the process).txt#local gay watches k-dramas.txt#as someone who is not Arab but who is currently in an interesting relationship with religion in general (and is incorporating#multiple practices into my daily life by extension/exploring/dabbling in Islam): is it a stereotype? kind of.#but people writing sh*t like 'this is an offense against Saudi Arabia and MBS' etc etc need to calm the f*ck down#first off MBS is a literal murderer and the Saudi government perpetuates human rights abuses but we're not going there today#the prince is not from SA i think someone said he's from the UAE. Dubai to be more specific + Islam wasn't even mentioned at all#and pls. pls don't get me started with the whole#'princes don't go to clubs'. do you know how many clubs there are in Dubai. do you know how many members of the Gulf royal families#have been caught up in drug scandals and affairs and sh*t. the worse person you could hold up as a supposed standard#for Islamic values and then get mad when people point that out are these folks#he's not even getting drunk in public. he's not even drunk at all ffs he's technically abiding by the decorum#that one would have to have if they were drinking in Dubai so as not to get picked up by the authorities.#and yes i treat SA and the entirety of Europe the same when it comes to the history of abuse and religious extremism#all while claiming to hold up a higher standard. there is hypocrisy in every religious community and they are not excluded#anyway i brought this specific ep up with a friend (Arab Muslim) and they said that the vibe they got from this was Samir and Won#studied together in the UK (obviously) and now he's in Korea and basically having the time of his life teasing Won#but in the end they're meant to reflect each other. he's a more spoiled richer version of Won basically sksksksk#ofc people are getting up in arms bc stereotypes and sh*t and i'm not about to tell you how to feel about it#but don't go spreading misinformation#idk maybe by the end of this feature they'll be best friends. i really hope they will they have such a good frenemy thing going on rn
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I watched knock at the cabin bc the premise sounded cool but God the changes from the book are so blatantly homophobic it's gross? Not to mention the ending validates hyper religious cult mindsets like what the fuck
#Like the whole “okay we're clearly being targeted for being queer” which is true.#Only for them to be like “we weren't targeted for being queer we we targeted for loving each other so much ☺️” stfu#And Andrew's trauma from homophobia was made out to be like it was HIS fault for daring to stick up for himself???? Fuck OFF#Like yeah I'm glad Wen didn't die but wtf#And the book's ending was left purposefully ambiguous#But tbh I think it COULD have been a great show of the lengths homophobes will go to in order to traumatise and kill gay people#If like Eric killed himself but nothing was saved or changed#And the fact that it was so steeped in religion just made it out to be “God's punishment of Gay People” bs#And both gay guys were walking stereotypes don't even get me started on that#This movie sucked don't watch it#Knock at the cabin
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*sprays you with a spritz bottle*
Stop! Equating! Hades! To! Satan!
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religion!! scary!!!!!
#sometimes i get tired of doing the obligatory disclaimer about how i respect everyone's beliefs and religion is not always bad#and if it makes you happy and you don't hurt anyone it's ok and even as an atheist i can find value in religion#im tired and sometimes i just want to say#please please get religion away from me or im gonna start crying!!!!!!!!#rant#rant post#religious guilt#religion#ex fundie#ex christian#ex religious#exvangelical#atheism#christianity#internalized homophobia#lgbt#religious trauma
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look at them.
they haven't learnt how to make statues yet.
they don't have time for it. all their energy is being used to survive in their cruel world where the ground has been burnt centuries ago.
and yet they venerate their gods with a passionate devotion, crawling on their knees in front of the plain wood altars.
despite everything, they're convinced their gods exist. of course they are, they're right. their gods really do exist, and they know that because the gods have shaped their world as it is now and given them the powers that allow them to survive. so of course they're convinced they exist, it couldn't be otherwise.
really? looking at their story, we know their gods exist and ours might not. but they don't have more knowledge about their gods that we have about ours. we, too, have scriptures that tell us how god created and changed the world and how the abilities that make us human come from him.
are we any different from them? are they any different from us? neither of us know the things that we're worshipping.
#okay listen#these are just worldbuilding ramblings#and also an introduction to the story i'll start writing soon#christians please don't get mad at me#writeblr#writing#writers on tumblr#worldbuilding#writing ramblings#religion#fictional religion#yeah the world i'm creating makes me think about religion quite a lot#because i thought “oh their gods gave them powers so they know the gods are real - i have to consider that when writing religious trauma”#but... do they?#also sorry if any of this is phrased weirdly i should probably have mentioned in my intro that english is not my first language
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