#don't expect this kind of thing super often but if people like it I'd be down to post more

[alexanderwales]

@queenlua

(this is sort of a tangent so feel free to ignore me ENTIRELY but: who exactly is the audience for litRPG stuff? my first time hearing of it was at a sf/f writer's workshop, and when it was described to me i was like "wouldn't these people simply read webfiction" but then i was informed of The Sales Numbers Around LitRPG People I Had Never Heard Of and was like What The Hell, but i was clearly the only Extremely Online person in the room so figured i wouldn't get any further context from present company lol)

For some reason I thought I had answered this, and maybe I did somewhere and can't find it, so sorry if this is a restatement of something you've already read, but ...

There are a few fundamental fantasies being fulfilled by the modern litRPG.

First, there's the power fantasy, the idea that you can have control and be agenty and make decisions. I don't think there's anything wrong with power fantasy per se, and I expect that the desire for power fantasy will grow when people feel more and more powerless. litRPG does not offer anything much different from e.g. superhero stories, at least as far as power fantasy goes.

Second, there's the progression. This is part of the power fantasy, the getting stronger over time angle, powering up, getting better. litRPG promises that, it's in the nature of the RPG elements, and fundamental to the appeal. This is something that e.g. superhero stories usually don't have. (There is a whole genre, progression fantasy, that focuses on this, and litRPGs are usually a subset of that depending on who you ask.)

Third, the litRPG offers legibility. It is clear what the powers are, what they do, what choices are to be made. Everything is clearly laid out and easy to conceptualize, at least most of the time. And because this is the case, it's good as a platform for the imagination, especially for analytical readers. It's something for people to daydream about, argue over, etc. Legibility is super important, IMO, or at least the appearance of legibility, the illusion that the author has a Concrete Plan with Hard Numbers. Armchair psychoanalysis is that a desire for this relates to a lack of legibility (and by proxy "fairness") in real life.

Fourth, the litRPG naturally speaks the language of videogames, and a lot of the readers are super into videogames, so there's some element of "thing that I like" in there which I don't think can actually add to any analysis, but also some of the things that people like about video games are power fantasy, progression, and legibility, so ...

There's also a lot of overlap between webfic and litRPG. I don't know that I'd say it's the most popular form of webfic right now, but ... probably it is? The overall market is young men for both. [Edit: I should probably clarify that I don't know what the hell goes on over at Wattpad. AO3 is also webfic, but that's fanfic, and female dominated last I checked. I'm talking more RoyalRoad, SB/SV, QQ, etc. I am not a market expert, terms and conditions may apply.]

Here are some other reasons I've heard from people when I've asked:

it's hard to screw up, so you're guaranteed a quality baseline

the writing is often simple popcorn that's easy to digest

the writing is often bad in a way that makes it less predictable

there's often no romance or introspection

the numbers are going up, and I like that consistent dopamine drip feed

the characters are simple

the main character is just like me

I think some of these are just wild to think about, and others are not really about the genre, just the kinds of people who write within it and the stories that make up the bulk of what people are reading.

LitRPG where the protagonist's game system is very clearly from a game with a 20-minute day-night cycle, and whose gamification of hunger, thirst, and sleep just wreaks havoc on his personal and professional life.

Just kidding, litRPG protagonists don't have personal or professional lives.

[nonhumanresources-retired]

Wrote a silly Vaporeon TF at like 4 am the other night so here it is after a bit of editing \o/

___

Hot water sprays against your back, mist hanging in the air around you. Showering always did bring a sense of comfort. Something about the force of the water, the heat, the disconnected pocket of your home that almost feels like stepping into another reality, hidden behind a glass door. Showers were solace. 

Of course, they're not all ephemeral relaxation. The new body wash you bought is popped open and squeezed into your hands, viscous soap a brilliant blue in color. It apparently had some kind of "hydrating bead" technology, which was probably nonscientific mumbo jumbo, but it was worth a shot with how dry your skin has been lately. It rubs on and lathers just fine, even though it gets that blue color everywhere. Hopefully it doesn't stain, you think. That would be a pain to clean up. 

The first thing you notice is the sound. The loud gush of water and splash across your back is well known to you, but something about it… shifts. Suddenly, it's quieter, less explosive, as if it’s slipping around you rather than bouncing off.

The second thing you notice is the webbing. You try to run your fingers through your hair, but it's impossible to push through. You lower them to look and discover transparent membranes stretched between all your fingers. Not only that, your whole hand is blue–in fact, looking down, all of you is blue.

A tail thrusting out and knocking you forward into the wall is more than enough to alert you to the full scope of the issue. You appear to be becoming quite animalistic quite fast, and panic has frozen you. Your tail slides against tile walls as you try to keep it out of the way, hairy skin becoming fuzzy cornflower blue fur, then flattening to smooth, azure skin. Your toes have claws that catch at the grout between tiles when their pads slide across the floor. In front of your face, a black smudge that is presumably your nose has begun to block more and more of your vision. It's not until you process that you can see over the top of the shower door through the steam vent that you realize that you may even still be miscalculating the situation.

You were most definitely growing. Your more-than-adequate knowledge of a certain franchise means you can easily identify yourself as a Pokemon—more specifically, a Vaporeon. You can feel your now-permeable skin soaking up the water. It’s almost like it’s passing *through* you. The weight settles across curves of your body, hips widening, hind paws splayed out. It's exceptionally disorienting as you attempt to get used to the new body, water-filled proportions force it to alter its course even as the strange transformation continues.

With all this going on, you can’t remember to do the one important thing: turn off the shower. Vaporeons were almost entirely water, and the stream from the shower head was very quickly adding itself to your body. Your tail grows longer across the floor; your head, then shoulders bang into the ceiling; you probably can’t even fit straight through the door anymore. There’s no way to stop it from continuing to make your body grow, swelling you bigger and bigger inside of this suddenly claustrophobic box of a room. 

The door nearly bursts off its hinges, and you pop out of the shower, smooth skin sliding straight off the walls and firing you out like a greased cork. There’s a single moment, hanging in the air, that you spot yourself in the mirror. A snout dominates your face, white frill beneath it wreathing your neck, and your eyes have become an iridescent, almost solid black. The moment ends when you slap against the floor like a wet fish, coil after coil of tail piling out after you and landing in a heap on top of your back and legs. Fortunately, being mostly water, the impact doesn’t hurt, but it still stuns you. Behind, the shower continues to run, finned tail brushing through the flowing water and signaling more inconveniences to come.

Perhaps you shouldn't have tried the extra strength pet wash on yourself, after all…

[zivazivc]

Sorry if this has already been asked before but why did the band break up? And did they break up on decent terms? Do they still talk to each other sometime?

It has been asked before, I just never answered jshfbdjcbh I'm still piecing everything together and stuff is changing or getting tweaked all the time, so I'm always super hesitant about answering these types of questions, afraid that people will take whatever I say as the final answer. So basically what I'm going to answer now will already contradict what I told some people already. And maybe in the future the story might go a little differently too (although I'm pretty satisfied with the current events)

Uhhh, get ready for a long info dump. I didn't expect I'd write this much...

Floyd basically stayed with the band for 8 years (from 14 till 22) and got pretty messed up in the process. The rest of the guys are all quite older than him so I guess I could say they were more responsible, or at least had a better understanding of their own limits (also they grew up in this kind of environment or grew up aware of it, while Floyd was oblivious and naive about all of it) and while they do get drunk and do drugs often, none of them are really dependent on them. They are also pretty good judges of character and know how to avoid trouble. Floyd on the other hand drove in with no breaks and constantly got himself in trouble that the rest (mostly Les) had to drag him out of. He also developed bipolar during this time (in my story Floyd constantly fluctuates between being saturated and being desaturated because of this) and his manic and depressive episodes started getting out of hand after his teenage years. (None of them are aware it's a mental disorder that's making him act so out of character.)

Floyd was becoming miserable because of this and all of his problems pilling up, and started blaming Les for the way he was. Les never argued this which only fueled Floyd to blame him more. In the end he was getting so frustrated and irritable that Floyd constantly tried starting arguments with him, even putting him down and getting aggressive at times because Les gets very unresponsive and closed off during personal conversations (guy is a giant onion of suppressed trauma that Floyd is hellbent on peeling open).

Eventually there was one fight too many, terrible things were said, some objects flew through the air, and Floyd walked out (or Hed kicked him out, I haven't decided yet) with the promise of going home and never seeing them again.

So, yeah, it was very messy and Floyd was the primary asshole, even though he's not really to blame either...

But Floyd didn't make it home (was too scared to sneak through Bergen Town to get to the tree (i don't think i can judge him for that either)) and he just returned to the reckless lifestyle, this time without anyone being there to keep him safe. So if he was messed up before, this is the time period where he got absolutely fucked up. This is also when he got heavily addicted to sour worms. And when he chronically slept around (half the time just to get offered free worms or have somewhere to sleep, other times because he was having manic episodes and was feeling hypersexual). (This is also potentially the period when he had the two eggs with that techno troll, but I'm still thinking if I want that to be canon to the story or not.) During this time he also grew to become very anxious and his self-confidence went to shit when he was being himself.

Then after about three years of that, he bumped into Les at some party. He wanted to dodge him out of shame but Les grabbed his arm and manhandled him outside to talk. Floyd felt like shit about the way they had split up and tried apologizing for all the stuff he had said and done to Les, but Les wasn't having any of that because he wasn't angry at Floyd, he was just worried about him. Les is also insanely empathetic like Floyd, and he knew that Floyd never really meant any of it, and that he was just looking for an outlet when he was hurting. Also he does think he is to blame for the way Floyd ended up.

Les wanted to know why he didn't go home like he had said (because that was the only reason Les had even let him walk out in the first place). A few exchanged words later and Floyd broke down telling him all the awful things he'd done, and Les promised to help him, feeling insanely guilty. Floyd wondered if he was allowed back in the band but Les made it clear that the band wasn't good for him and that he was never taking him back. Instead Les helped him go though rehab. I don't think trolls have those institutions (or at least not many are aware of them or how they work (I'm sorry but I refuse to believe the Trolls world has internet and cellphones, Mountrageons can keep that for themselves lol)), so it was more or less just Les finding Floyd a job and his own place to stay in the middle of bumfuck nowhere where he had no option but to detox, and constantly checking up on him to make sure he was doing okay. During this time they grew pretty close again. Or maybe the better term would be that Les slowly started putting his walls down again.

Hed needed a while to warm up to Floyd again. He's almost as protective of Les as Les is of him, and he resented Floyd for the way he had treated him.

Flea is pretty phlegmatic when it comes to any sort of arguing or drama. He was casual about seeing Floyd again, they were never super close anyway.

And Liv, she left the band when she and Hed broke up (haven't decided if that happened before or after Floyd left), so Floyd didn't get to see her again after bumping into Les at the party. And I haven't thought yet if they'd ever meet again somewhere later in life. But if they did, I think they'd both be happy to see each other.

Anyway...

Floyd managed to detox and successfully kept the job for about a year, but then he became manic again and messed it all up. After that he returned to his nomadic lifestyle, but he never fell as hard as those three years again. In my story Floyd's life is a constant cycle of getting his life together and fucking it up and booking to the next place. And he and Les are trapped in a never-ending cat and mouse game where they're both trying to fix each other.

So, uh, Les and Floyd are still very close and see each other somewhat often...

(sometimes monthly, sometimes yearly)

Yeah...

I am so fucking obsessed with them I'm gonna hurl. Please take this song before I combust:

[nukaberries]

Heyo! If it's not too much trouble, could I get the FO4 companions reacting to a Sole who's super good with wild animals? Like the animal friend and wasteland whisperer perks but they're out here cuddling wild molerats and are able to pet Deathclaws. If that's not too much to ask, thank you muchly. Love your stuff!

I don't play around with Animal Friend and Wasteland Whisperer as much as I'd like to. I did once befriend a Deathclaw in Fallout 3, who died about five seconds later. He was great while he lasted though. Anyways, I'm glad you're enjoying the requests, thank you so much! I hope this one lives up to your expectations!

//

Companions React to an Animal Loving Sole (Includes: Cait, Codsworth, Curie, Danse, Deacon, Hancock, MacCready, Nick, Piper, Preston and X6-88)

Cait She'll immediately assume that Sole has some kind of death wish the first time she sees them carelessly approaching a wild Molerat with their hand held out. It's only when Sole doesn't lose a limb to the creature that Cait finds herself somewhat impressed, although, she makes a comment about how they'll probably catch all sorts of diseases from 'that rodent'. She doesn't think too much of it afterwards, that is until she finds Sole coming back into Sanctuary with a Deathclaw in tow, it's at that point that Cait will start to question Sole's sanity. Eventually, she gets used to finding Sole hanging out with Radscorpions, as though they aren't known for killing people without hesitation. She still finds it weird and she still isn't happy about that one time she woke up to a Radroach casually jumping around her head, but it becomes one of those things about Sole that she just accepts.

Codsworth Having known Sole for as long as he has, Codsworth is no stranger to his old friend's affinity for all different kinds of animals. He can still recall the amount of stray dogs and cats that Sole had brought into their home before the war, despite their spouse worrying that one might jump up at Shaun one day. If anything, Codsworth actually likes that this is something that hasn't changed about Sole - there's a lot of bad in the Wasteland and Codsworth knows better than any of the other companions how much this new world has changed Sole, so he finds it comforting to see some aspects of him are still the same. Of course, Codsworth is still sure to keep his distance from the creatures that Sole befriends; sure, they may like Sole, but who's to say they'll feel the same way about his robot companion?

Curie She loves having the opportunity to see the creatures of the Commonwealth up close and if Sole's happy to befriend every Mirelurk in sight, then Curie is more than happy to join him. Once Sole gets an animal to settle down, they usually tend to warm up to Curie immediately after - there was an incident with a Radstag kicking her over once, Curie doesn't like to talk about it. She also finds it interesting to see how the different animals in the wasteland have adapted and mutated to their environment and is more than happy to discuss it with Sole, if they're willing to listen.

Paladin Danse Initially, he thinks that stopping to pet every abomination that they come across is a waste of both their time and he makes this very clear to Sole. He tries to shut down Sole's attempts to befriend these animals as often as he can, although sometimes he can't help but find it quite mesmerising to watch a Deathclaw peacefully wander about right before his eyes. Still, it's only when Sole manages to tame a whole pack of rabid molerats that Danse wonders if their odd love for animals isn't so bad after all, not that he'd ever swallow his pride for long enough to admit that to Sole.

Deacon He does try to get used to the idea that Sole is going to pet every dangerous, man-eating creature that they come across, but it just freaks him out way too much. The stray mongrels following them around and wanting to play fetch are cute, even he can't deny that, although he'd prefer Dogmeat over them any day, but there's no way he'll ever get used to turning around and seeing a Deathclaw following after them like a big puppy. All Deacon asks is that Sole doesn't take it personal if he leaves them to fend for themselves when it comes to dealing with animals, he'd just prefer not to give a Molerat head scratches if he can help it.

Hancock Considering Sole chose to take him on their travels, he doesn't find it all that surprising that they'd want to pick up every other ugly stray they come across too. Admittedly, it's probably one of his favourite things about travelling with Sole, he'll never warm up to any of the bugs - Mirelurks are a firm no for him - that somehow become docile in Sole's presence, but he's got a soft spot for the Molerats. He'd love to bring one back home with him, for the sake of having some company and a mascot for Goodneighbor, but he gets the feeling nobody else in town would approve of that, so for now, it stays a simple daydream for him.

MacCready Once he gets over the shock of a pack of friendly Yaoi Guais swarming him and Sole, he's immediately jealous of this strange talent his friend has and wants to know how they do it. He refuses to take Sole not knowing for an answer and makes it his life goal to befriend at least one animal out in the Wasteland, of course, this ends with a dog bite on his arm and a bruised ego, especially when Sole manages to calm down the dog that had just attacked him. After that, he figures it's best for his own safety if he leaves the animal befriending to Sole, but he does ask for his own pet Deathclaw more times than he can count - not that it'd be very practical to have around Duncan, but a man can dream.

Nick Valentine There's not a lot left in the Commonwealth that can shock Nick Valentine, he's near enough seen it all and so, although Sole is expecting a much bigger reaction from the synth detective, he just accepts it. Besides, he once came across a girl roaming Boston Commons with a Sentry Bot for a best friend, a Mirelurk Queen isn't exactly that big of a surprise in comparison. That doesn't mean he won't go out of his way to pet any animals that Sole manages to tam on their travels, his favourite was probably the Radroach that Sole taught to roll over.

Piper Wright She genuinely thinks that she's having some kind of fever dream that first time she sees it, there's no way Sole would actually be sat at their campfire with a Mutant Hound sat on their lap peacefully. After pinching herself a few times and accepting the reality in front of her, Piper doesn't hesitate to dub Sole "The Wasteland Whisperer." If anything, she likes the bonus of not having to worry about fighting off any creatures whilst they're out on their travels, she just wishes that at least someone back in Diamond City would believe her when she told them about her Vault Dweller friend who can tame even the most vicious of creatures; even Nat thinks she's full of it.

Preston Garvey The first time that Preston saw Sole tame an animal was the Deathclaw back in Concord and for a moment, he was convinced that he was already dead and he just hadn't realised yet. At first, he wasn't sure how to bring it up to Sole to question it and so he decided not to question their odd talent at all, that was until he started travelling with them and they came across a Radroach nest. Preston still can't quite believe that there's someone out there that can befriend any animal they come across no matter what, but he finds it remarkable and he really doesn't mind when Sole brings animals back to Sanctuary. He's actually rather fond of the Yaoi Guai Sole brought back after going to clear out a settlement, he just hopes that they stay friendly, for everyone's sake.

X6-88 He doesn't see the point in befriending any of the creatures out in the Wasteland, it's far better to simply put them out of their misery after the generations of mutation they've had to endure. He makes this known to Sole immediately, which seems to offend his travelling companion, after that, he decides not to comment on it at all, aside from a few eye rolls and scoffs here and there. Of course, he doesn't complain too much when it comes to having the extra back up of a Deathclaw during a fight with raiders or Super Mutants.

[littleeyesofpallas]

Hi,

would you make meta stuff about Mayuri's way of speaking? I mean guy speaks strange way compared to other characters and me with friend don't speak japanese and would like to know more about it.

Thank you! 💜

So, i do want to remind anyone reading my blog but please remember i'm not at all fluent in Japanese. I understand the grammar on a textbook level, and with enough dictionary resources I can poke around and sus out nuances of some word choices (particularly stuff like fictional names of people and swords and attacks and stuff, as those kinds of creative choices are very overt*), especially in irregular usage, but when it comes down to things like dialect, slangs, vernacular or phraseology, or more subtle tone indicators I'm pretty blind.

*(sorry to further clarify: when it's stuff like fantasy jargon it's stuff no one would ever actually say, and so the choices made in crafting those words or names from scratch are all reliably very deliberate. But when looking at more casual speech a lot of character voice just kind of defaults to what "sounds" right, and so the distinction between choosing one common word over another isn't always meaningful or readily apparent, both in general and to someone not fully fluent like me.)

Like if someone talks in a stilted overly technical or dry way I might be able to tell that much, but I'd totally miss more structural things like whether it makes them sound more like a mad scientist -vs- a tryhard edgelord fake intellectual -vs- a man out of time -vs- a stuffy rich person --or what the differences i'd even be looking for between all those would be-- I really can't tell outside of what i might be able to glean from things like narrative context more than the dialog itself.

With the exception of some very tropey, and thus easier to identify things like, movie-esque yakuza slang, or melodramatic historical feudal drama formal titles --and even then those are things i might more readily catch when actually spoken than when written on the page-- i'm just as lost as the next person.

That all being said, there are still a few little things i can sort of pick at without feeling totally out of my depth...

I think it's been brought up on some random post of mine before that Mayuri does notably use a "more feminine" 1st person pronoun, watashi[私] which is a pretty common pronoun, although its usage feels weird to explain in English?

Like... it is considered "gender neutral" in that there are other pronouns that are more specifically feminine or masculine and it's not one of them. But then in practice, you'd basically expect men to opt for one of the more overtly masculine pronouns, which just sort of leaves women with watashi as a default?

So it's not that it explicitly makes him sound ""feminine"" so much as it makes him sound less masculine; which suits his intellectual, non physical inclined, and at times cowardly or at least scheming demeanor. But like, it's also considered a little stuffy and sort of overly formal, or technical which is also appropriate to him.

Oh right and it's a formal pronoun as opposed to informal, but there's also a level of very formal pronouns, and it's not one of those, so that doesn't so much triangulate a position as it just leave in vaguely in the middle of the road...

Does that all make sense? it feels like super overexplaining for what is an extremely commonly used pronoun with mostly very neutral implications.

He occasionally ends sentences with a single katakana syllable rather than hiragana, indicating... not quite an "accent".. but like a sort of emphasis. Like a punctuating lilt in tone. Actually Nakao Ryuusei does this really noticeably in the anime and I don't know for sure if I heard it that way in my head and he just nailed it, or if i heard him first and it's just always colored my reading since.

A lot of the rhetorical NE[ネ] which begs confirmation, often translated into English as "...right?" (It's part of that desu ne[ですね] that you hear a lot in anime, where the desu[です] is just the verb to be, so together they tend to translate as "isn't it?")

YO[ヨ] which is again a sort of rhetorical thing that usually gets translated as something like, "...you know?"

and E?[エ?] which isn't even a word or part of speech so much as it's just like, an interrogative noise? Quite literally just "eh?"

But see this is one of those things were like... I can tell it's different from a sort of default neutral mode of speech, but I don't know what that indicates as, like, a point of characterization... Is it specifically condescending? Is it there to sound mechanical or stilted? Is it somehow old fashioned or polite/formal? I have no clue as to these sorts of specifics.

[edit]: I want to reiterate this is a rhetorical device, he's not literally asking a question and waiting for a response. If anything it's functionally the exact opposite, he's saying it to emphasize that he's stating things meant to be taken as facts, it actively closes the dialog off from further questioning.

He also says HOU[ホウ] a lot, which also isn't really a word so much as a sound, but given the pattern in speech above I feel like it's kind of inquisitive, or at least contemplative, which is (i think) how I remember Nakao delivering those lines too. Like a sort of, "Oh?" or "Huh..." or "Hmm..."

And given how close the camera gets to his face most times he says it, it gives an impression of being, not "quiet" exactly, but like you had to be close to hear it, so like, almost under his breath? Like it's clearly a noise he makes to himself, it's not like a thing or expression he's making to the other people int he scene.

FUU[フウ] or alternatively HUU, and I think once or twice FUN'/HUN'[フン] as a sort of grunt? not quite as guttural as that, but not quite a sigh? Like a "hmpf."

He also does your classic YARE YARE[ヤレヤレ] which definitely isn't unusual or unique to him but it has this kind "tut tut" or "tch"/"tsk" tone to it and tends to translated very loosely like, "oh my" or "good grief", but I think of it more like a "well, well, well..." but like kind of implicitly more exasperated than that sounds in english?

I don't know where to start trying to qualify, like... what kind of character says yare yare a lot, but it's definitely something that suits some characters more than others, and Mayuri it definitely fits.

He tends to laugh like ...KU KU...[...クク...] which is a kind of sharp snigger, sneer, or scoff. He really doesn't guffaw or cackle or have much of a more typical dramatic villain laugh, it's very understated.

Although in his fight with Pernida he does let out a full on maniacal FUHAHAHA[フハハハ] laugh for the first time in the whole series

I do love the fonts Kubo uses for a lot of Mayuri's dialog. At a certain point he starts to lean intothe same basic font as everyone else, but particualrly at the beginning he switches between a few unusual ones that are specific to Mayuri.

One's got that rough kind of pseudo handwritten quality to it. It reads to me as kind of scratchy, like a sharp pen nib on thick matte paper, with a kind of clotty ink flow that starts thick and wet but sorta tapers out too fast, leaving the lines spotty and rough.

But he also alternated with a thicker rounder font that has these subtle curls to them that I don't see other character use often.

and then he's got a second font choice that basically has all the same tones as the first one, except maybe a bit, like, louder(?) implicitly just based on context? It tends to be used in creepy action scenes where as the thinner one is more for creepy conversation?

In his very first appearance he chastises Gin, and he changes font between sentences, giving a very distinct sense that it's a change in tone. It reads to me like a low heavy hiss, almost like his voice is normally shallow or throaty, but when the font changes he suddenly drops his voice into a chestier range and speaks almost more smoothly?

Then there's just the perfectly regular fonts he uses sometimes, basically any/every other character uses these same fonts at some point or another.

and he has a neat thin wispy font that he only uses the one time when he liquefies himself. Along with the voice bubbles used, it gives a super distinct impression of his voice barely being audible.

He also one time speaks enthusiastically in an italic version of the more standard font when he arrives in Hueco Mundo.

And then in the Hell Jaw one shot he just has a completely different standard font because Kubo probably didn't keep track of what fonts he'd been using from like 8 years ago

There's also a subtly funky sort of font he uses briefly in the tbtp sidestory? I dunno what to say about this honestly. It gives me these vague 60s-70s vibes that I can't quite place? (I feel like I know i've seen it before but on what? A bowling alley sign? A little back alley cafe? a jazz album cover??)

I have no idea that the take away from that is supposed to be though.

And I guess that's it. I dunno how I thought I was gonna end this. It didn't really reveal any new facets to his character that weren't pretty apparent from the rest of his whole design and demeanor. Plus Nakao's performance in the anime basically nails all of this and i think makes it pretty apparent in tone even if you don't know much about Japanese.

[fallenrain40]

gosh, figuring out i am aplspec (greyplatonic) and loveless is so amazing honestly, cause it helps me finally understand why certain phrases always bothered me so much. specfically, when aroaces would defensively say "I'm not loveless!" or "I'm not heartless!" like, yeah I get why they say those things. you wouldn't want to be seen as loveless or heartless if you aren't, especially not in a world where those things are often seen as literal insults. but yet, it still bothered me. why did they feel the need to emphasize so much that they "can still feel SOME things!!" ? why would it be an issue if they DIDN'T feel those things? why would it be an issue if they were loveless or heartless? just becuase you don't feel love for someone does NOT automatically mean you feel hatred for them, right? it doesn't even mean you dislike them. you can reject someone simply becuase you don't see them romantically, but you can still like them. why is it suddenly different when it comes to all feelings? sure, i don't feel much for others, but that doesn't mean i want harm to come upon them! why would i? i just don't feel anything. and, I do still CARE about people in GENERAL, like yeah i don't want people to get hurt because. that is wrong? but that doesn't mean i LOVE them. i really don't get how that's so difficult to understand. and there's a lot of other feelings besides love. there's respect, admiration, and care. there's so much... why is the focus always placed on love? and just moving your focus on love down a notch from romantic to platonic, isn't helping anything. i mean yeah, platonic love is pretty cool, friendships are cool, but we don't need to act like it's the sole meaning of life. you are still implying you need to love someone to live. you are still implying that everyone feels some form of love, which is so not true. srry this got kind of rambly haha. tbh i just think it's super cool that aplatonic and loveless are actual words and are things that other people can actually understand and relate to. i'm just like... there's other people who feel like i do?? really?? i always expected that if i told others "i don't really... feel much for other people. i dont care about them the way i think i'm supposed to." that i'd be called a bad person. it's just really really cool that there are accpeting people out there that WONT call be a bad person for this aspect of myself, and WONT try to make me change it (cause like. i cant change it. i cant make myself feel a feeling that i DONT HAVE). i just wish that the majority were more accepting of people like us.

[shiraishi--kanade]

I keep seeing people being surprised/shocked about Touya starting piano lessons at 3 years old, and can I just say... Yeah, that's super common in classical music. My guess was actually 4 years old, 5 if we're being generous; 3 is still on an earlier side, but it's sadly extremely common.

Chloe Chua started at piano at 2 and a half years old, started violin at 4. Ray Chen, started violin at age of 4. Hilary Hahn, 3 years 11 months, violin. Joshua Bell, 4, violin. Leia Zhu, 3, violin. These are all just people I can list from the top of my head - and all of them are still playing and genuinely love classical music.

I'm not saying that's a good thing. Honestly, the ethical debate on this can go on and on, so feel free to cast your own judgement; but classical music industry is practically built on child abuse, and it's extremely rampant in it. But you also can't deem an early start as something that's inherently child abuse, because often it's just not. It's a complicated topic on which jumping to conclusions is something I'd advise against. In Touya's case, we know it was abusive because of the... "Methods" Harumichi used, but we don't have that kind of privilege or knowledge to judge real people's situations.

Anyway, yeah, I did fully expect something like that from Touya's story. I can't say it's not upsetting, but is it surprising? Not at all.

[genericpuff]

Idk if my addition will matter.

I've been following Hanza since back when they were making my deepest secret, so I've seen the development of the guy upstairs first hand and how hanza writes it. Even back in the concept stages, it was so blatantly clear that it was supposed to be a thriller/cat mouse vibe where Adam (killer) was horrible and not to be rooted for. They've compared him to irl serial killers and how those guys will often use women as shields to hide their true selves from the public and how that's messed up and bad to do.

They've shown Adam as a horrible irredeemable person and honestly there's little to no nuance with how they handle it, but that makes sense because how else can you handle an audience like what they've gotten without beating them over the head with the facts. How many ways can you outright show your main character despising and wanting to yank their best friend out of the jaws of a murderer before the audience realizes its not foreplay.

I think them going from an actual romance to a fully thriller non romantic story meant that the residual audience expected some kind of messy toxic romance, but Rozy to me has always explicitly read as Queer so idk why people aren't getting the hint.

I get their frustration and it seems like they might be shifting into a potiential issekai romance about a grandad and a middle aged woman who got reincarnated as his grandson's fiance (hard to explain but its hilarious if you want to check it out) without any thriller elements from their recent non comic posts. Whatever they do I hope they can find something to be passionate about again.

your addition VERY MUCH MATTERS actually because I don't read TGU and have very little context to the situation as a whole aside from what I've seen people talking about, which makes me reluctant to speak on it because I don't wanna go spreading misinformation in any regard. So I appreciate you taking the time to lay it all out for me, thank you!!! <3

And yeah, I've seen posts shared in the /r/webtoons sub from other blogs claiming that Hanza was being an awful person for "taking people's money" and "baiting them" into reading a dark romance story when that's very obviously not what it is? Even one excerpt that was literally like-

And I just... since when is any romance plotline that ISN'T abusive and problematic at its core (such as between a serial killer and a victim) considered "super conservative" and "pure"? It's really baffling to me how people have gone so far in the opposite direction of "purity culture" that they've started arguing on behalf of legitimately harmful and toxic relationships. It's extremely concerning especially when you know the majority of people saying this shit are between the ages of 16-21. IDK what the fuck we're doing anymore when it comes to the romance genre (and TGU isn't even a romance ffs).

Aaaand yeah in relation to where the Hanza topic came up, that's really why I'm moving away from WT as an audience and why I don't consider it a "loss" to not use WT anymore. Once upon a time I wished for Time Gate to be a contracted series, for it to have thousands of readers and be my job. But seeing what's going on with Hanza's work just informs me that I'd be dealing with a lot of the same shit - people expecting Uzuki and Mitsuhiro to be the endgame of the romance when they're literally NOT good for each other, which is the POINT. Like sure, unlike the main duo in TGU, they actually are a couple with a 'relationship' but it's not meant to be healthy and the last thing I need are 15 year olds thinking they're "couple goals". If you ship them in fanfic or w/e the fuck that's fine but please don't get mad at me when they don't wind up being the endgame couple, they're both terrible people and make each other worse when they're around each other (・_・;)

Either way yeah, I don't blame Hanza in the slightest for getting so frustrated with it all that they'd rather just be done with it. It sucks for the more loyal and sane part of their audience that the series is gonna be ripped out from under them like that, but at the end of the day if the creator is being harassed and decide they're done as a result of it... why should they have to keep putting up with bullshit just for a comic? I don't even blame Rachel if she was ending LO by choice due to the noise of the fandom, and unlike Rachel, I don't have anything in the slightest against Hanza or their work LOL But I also don't have the full picture on it all so maybe my opinion will change if I find out more about it. I just don't think any of this shit is worth directly harassing a human being over.

That said, can't get any better than someone who's read their work since before TGU, so again, thank you !

[velvetvexations]

I think it's also worth it to note in so far as trans stéréotypes exist (and there's, ime, some basis in truth sometimes but it's as broad and individual as real gendered patterns which are at best broad trends that have more to do with what is pushed upon people based on assumed gender etc etc but also stéréotypes rarely appear out of thin air) they tend to be associated with the assigned genders, I guess you could say outcast version? Like the male dominated field often associated with transfems isn't like finance or sports (outside of fear mongering) it's coding and video games which are (or were as culture shifts) kind of like the counterculture version of masculinity? The place for people who didn't fit into the standards of extreme patriarchal masculine expectations.

And the same with trans mascs. Not necessarily for like crafting per se (but there is still something to be said for that)but for things like certain fandom spaces and the like that tended to be female dominated but not by women who tender to live up to patriarchal standards and such.

There's something to be said about permitted spaces that allowed a reprieve of sorts from some of the gendered pressures and expectations without quite being hostile or forbidden. When, esp as a younger person, the types of people you can or are encouraged to be friends with are all one gender it's harder to break away from sharing interests with them (for example, I only got into shojou anime cause the one other person in my grade into anime was a girl who was super into shojou and the interest in romance stories has stuck)

And of course some scenes that appeal to all kinds like emo/scene, kink, etc. Is it any wonder that people who don't fit into gendered expectations end up in communities that defy normative social culture

This is a really good point! Thank you for pointing this out, very galaxy brained, I'd not have thought of it like that.

[allwormdiet]

Insinuation 2.7

Finally, some good fucking interpersonal developments

They cheer when she joins the team? That's outrageously cute, stop that right now

Also yeah Taylor you're faking companionship for personal gain of course you feel bad, that's been like 10% of the torment you specifically have been subjected to (I'm not supposed to know about Julia's shit yet but whatever)

Again, very clever ideas made less clever by the ensuing practicalities of the situation. The thing with the spider silk all over again, but now the stakes are higher, and that's probably gonna be a recurring thing

God but it kills me how low Taylor's self-esteem is, poor girl. Emma and the others have done such heinous fucking damage. Someone rizz this girl up or something (am I using "rizz" right), let her feel like she can be attractive

Jesus how touch-starved is Taylor at this point in her life

How often does anyone just go for casual physical closeness with her

Does her dad even hug her that much anymore? Does she let him, or does she bristle at the vulnerability and push him away?

...I wonder if Lisa knows this and is taking it into account.

God, finally, a normal view of the Docks. I cannot begin to describe my relief at the fact that the narration here was like, fine, actually. Thank you for lightening up on them Taylor, please let this last

The Undersiders' hangout sounds about like what I'd expect, although the whole "abandoned factory beneath the loft" part I think escaped me before. Very Lost Boys of them

...I have to imagine it smells at least a little rank in there. Two teenage boys, plus dog smell, and I can't imagine Rachel is super observant of her hygiene, and I don't know enough about Tattletale to say whether she's bad about cleanliness but even if she was that's one against, I dunno, six if you count the dogs. Maybe they invest part of the team budget into Febreze or something

This is... sweet, actually. From both sides. They're making accommodations for Taylor, and Taylor is accepting those accommodations to do them all a favor

Insane that a Ward like, is actively trying to murder someone. What kind of beef does Sophi Shadow Stalker even have with Brian?

I feel some kind of sadness at how young Brian is and how much he acts like an adult. There's almost never a happy story behind kids or teenagers who act that way. It'd be nice if he got more opportunities to relax and act his age, buuuut I don't think this is that kind of story

What a cool power though, honestly. I know the migraines are a motherfucker and I'd probably be a huge baby about that if I had to deal with it, but just shortcutting so much guesswork about like, everything with people and things

Also it's great to see Taylor realize how bad she might have fucked up in trying to infiltrate this team

Heh, yeah, exactly

I wonder what Lisa's reading off of all this. She must have remarkable self-discipline to not be cackling evilly rn

Ruh roh Raggy

Current Thoughts

I love these kiiiiiiiids

It pains me to know they've all had a shit enough time in their lives to all trigger as parahumans, especially being spoiled on Alec's deal as a spawn of Heartbreaker and Lisa's borderline prison sentence under Coil and Brian's struggle with his family. Idk if we ever get more insight into Rachel's path, I'd like to hear it even though I don't think she'd be quick to talk about herself, but I'm gonna guess it's about as sad as the others

I want them all to be happy, and keep being friends without the pressure from Coil to all do crime shit

I know I don't get what I want

so I'll just enjoy the time spent with them best I can

...Anyway I wonder if Taylor's gonna get a mild fear of dogs after this or what

[joanofexys]

tell me about cult shit (every time I read your cult posts I feel super enlightened I think it’s great that you’re sharing your experience because I feel like it teaches so many others including me) specifically about things cults do to normalize their actions? idk if that makes sense but I was thinking about how jean thought that what he went through was something he deserved and like normal punishments etc

yay cult shit!

warning: this got long and i think i veered off topic and a lot of it is incoherent. To sum it up, there's a lot of ways that cults manage to normalize things. And a lot of it boils down to your brain not wanting to admit you're trapped and that it's worse than you thought.

A lot of it is subtle integration. If you're not learning it from birth and they're trying to convert you they're obviously not going to hit you with the worst of the worst right off the bat.

This is a rough comparison because it is comparing two forms of abuse and two traumas but it's the best I can think of right now. It's kind of similar to how domestic abuse in relationships can work. A man hits his girlfriend for the first time. He swears it won't happen again. She accepts that. It obviously happens again. And grows more frequent over time.

A lot of cults don't function off of physical abuse. At least not as their foundation. A lot of cult members are physically abused, are more likely to end up in relationships where they will be abuse victims, and in many husband/wife relationships or parent/child relationships there can be physical abuse present. But that's often not what a cult sustains itself on. But it is does to a similar thing to physical abuse where it eases into things and as people are manipulated and get in too deep then the abuse becomes more obvious or more frequent.

With the way I grew up it was largely that I came to associate unnatural punish/consequence as natural consequences. A child drops a plate. Natural consequence: they clean up the mess (with help, if needed). Unnatural consequence: some form of corporal punishment. This is a specific example that we still see very frequently. Many kids who grrew up being hit or spanked do still believe that it is a natural thing/natural consequence. Your child misbehaves and therefore the "natural" consequence is that you spank them. Obviously we have evidence and psychological studies that contradict this. But that doesn't change the fact that based on the way many people were raised they still believe that to be a natural punishment.

Cults work similarly. Growing up if I messed up there wasn't often a natural or connected punishment. The obvious answer, or the consequences for my actions, were often based in religious/cult related things. It erases the sense of the natural consequences and replaces them with things ingrained in the cult. Until it seems natural.

I'd honestly assume the ravens work similarly. You mess up a drill and instead of re-running it you get hit and then you do it again. It adds the factor of physical abuse into the process until it becomes a regular and expected part of it. Until it seems like the obvious thing.

There's also the aspect of fear and fear mongering. I thought I deserved certain things because I had sinned. Because I was going to hell and that was something I feared greatly. Anything that comes from a higher power is deserved. Whether that's a god or a cult leader or anyone else above you. And a huge part of that probably factors into Jean's abuse and his sense of deserving. He has never held a position of power over Riko in any form. Not in name, not on the court, not anywhere. Riko has always been above him. And even when Jean fought back that was something that still existed. There's a huge power play involved there and your mind and body can only put up that fight for so long before fear wins out.

When there's no clear out you will eventually succumb to it and normalize it. To put it in very simple terms. Jean could never get up and walk out. And there was only so much abuse and torment that his mind and body could withstand before he learned to give in. Before he learned that Riko, and Tetsuji, were things to be afraid of.

You don't just get up and walk out of a cult. Maybe in the early days, but they don't show you the worst of it early on. But once you're in it becomes normal because there's no way to leave. So you have to rationlize it. Justify it. Find a reason why it's the way it is. Obviously for Jean it was abusive from the get go. And that was because he has absolutely no out. For the other Ravens they could, in theory, drop out at any point. But that's not how cults work. Even if it seems like there's a way to leave, most cult members can't see it. You never know you're in a cult till you leave it. Why would you be looking for the exit?

[anundyingfidelity]

I feel Adam would have some culture shock going from living in the ways of the Sovereign that his mother taught him and then joining the Gaurdians, could I request some headcanons on how he would adjust to his new life? (angst or fluff would be great!)

Absolutely anon, I liked this a lot! It's a little bit long, but here you go.

I also have to say this is based on GotG vol 3 Adam ^^

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

Headcanons about Adam adjusting to his new life

The Sovereign are known to be arrogant people, so Adam would have this running on his veins. So please expect to get his feet on the ground, mostly by Rocket or you.

And this is very difficult because he has been created to be strong without any kind of measure, foolish, and a super powerful god-like being. Everything about him is (almost) perfect. That's where you come in, to show him the beauty of errors and human life, that not everything has to be black or white, you can have a mix of both sometimes.

To Adam, you look like a free soul. Someone who leads your own path in life and he is amazed by it and how carefree you are.

He surely will have a lot more of cultural shocks, like taking a lot of things quite literally, which will make him and Drax a dangerous but kinda funny duo.

At first, Adam might also get offended easily, so it will be your task to explain this topic to him. You will be repeating "don't take anything personally" often, until he is able to understand.

Adam had short time with his mother, but he knows what loyalty is about thanks to her. He becomes a very loyal guardian, specially with Rocket. Learning about Rocket's story was hard for him, he didn't completely understand why he was sent behind the raccoon, and now that he does he has nothing but respect and admiration for the captain.

His mother is another difficult topic for Adam. He still has strong feelings about her and wondered what could have been, so he leans a lot on you and Rocket for that. At first he avoids talking about his own personal short life, however he knows you will not judge what he has to tell and will listen to him even if that means you'll stay up the whole night.

When he also cries for the first time, you'll try to explain to him what is this feeling about and that it's not wrong. You become very close after that, Adam will trusts you many things about his life and his feelings, something he is trying very hard to understand.

So Blurp, his new little pet. He makes sure to give all his love to Blurp and to give everything, if not more. You know how much he loves this fluffy, F'saki creature, so if Adam has to leave for some long time and you're free, you would take care of Blurp as much as needed.

Nebula is kind of special towards Adam though, she is also getting used to the new addition to the team and a long journey had to start so she could get along with him eventually.

And Groot, well, he is Groot and if Rocket welcomed the golden boy to the family, so will he. When Adam and Groot are working to help the new children and animals they make an amazing team together.

I'd say Adam finds a whole new purpose of serving others with his strenght and with his powers. Besides being a Guardian, he is a good citizen and a good friend, thanks to you.

[loganswdc]

Hi! I just read through your post defending Logan (I reblogged it with a kinda-long addition haha) and I just wanted to say thank you for putting that out there. I hadn't done all the research or known any of the specifics, I just knew about his insane ability and potential. I love that you said you'd defend him with your life, because I feel the exact same way. I feel like there's so much power in your post, if that makes sense... it's one thing to see reblogs of logan videos with captions saying "how could you hate him 😢" and stuff (which no hate to anyone who does, I'm guilty of doing this too and I don't think there's anything wrong with it!!) But I just think it's so special and so important that you actually went out of your way to do the research, learn the info, and share and demonstrate just how remarkable he really is.

I'm sorry this ended up being so long!! All this to say, truly thank you so much for defending him, and honestly I'd love to be your friend because you seem like such an amazing person and I need more LS2 defender friends 😅

I hope you have a great day 🫶🏻

hi !! thank you so much for your kind words , this was so lovely to read in response to my logan post 🥹 i genuinely did not expect it to gain as much traction as it did , i was just upset one day and decided i needed to write that post about him so that others can gain some perspective on him and his situation . and i fully agree about what you said concerning reblogs of logan videos !! yes i agree , there's nothing wrong with reblogging videos / photos of him and captioning them "how could you hate him :(" because i , too , have done the same ! but not everything knows the full scope and extent of his career and talent capabilities , hence the need for further explanation on why we could never hate him . logan haters see posts about logan with captions like "how could you hate him :(" and don't get an explanation for why he's better than everyone thinks . often times , they end up thinking we just love him because he's cute and has a good personality -- which he does , and i love that about him !! but there's more to him than just those things , and understanding WHY he's a good driver and WHY we love him outside of the surface level version of him we've seen thus far in f1 is so so so important .

and it becomes especially important when logan haters only see his career in f1 so far and don't see the little wins he's had along the way . they focus solely on his crashes , the "destructor's championship" , and how alex is doing in comparison to him . they seem to forget that alex has been in formula 1 longer than logan . they seem to forget the hardships that alex had -- must i remind us of his redbull years ?? they seem to forget that alex has had more time to develop his skill and become a better driver than logan . and it's such a frustrating thing , because logan is then immediately credited as a "bad driver" when he's nothing of the sort !! he just needs support from his team , the proper amount of experience before getting into f1 (though by now that's a little too late because of how quickly williams jumped him up to f1) , and he needs to be getting the same upgrades as his teammate ???? it's genuinely ridiculous that they're having him drive a car that's heavier and has outdated (2023 !!!) parts and expect him to do as well as his teammate who has a MUCH lighter car and new parts .

and no worries about your message being long !! i'm sorry that my response ended up being super long , too , haha -- i am just so so passionate about people knowing drivers' past before they jump to conclusions and hate on them . the drivers in f1 are there for a reason and they're the top 20 in the world . they were chosen for a reason . that means that logan sargeant was chosen for a reason , and they're treating him like crap currently . williams needs to shape up so that logan can start showing the most of his potential and show how good of a driver he is , rather than constantly being pushed out of a moving car onto the highway -- aka what they're doing to him now !!!

i would love to be your friend , too !! i love making new friends who love logan the same way i do , and who have the same interest in formula 1 as me !! just send me a dm :))

you have a wonderful day, too !! <3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "gossiping" about a coworker?

I (27m) work in a liquor store and am quite genuinely the most competent employee despite having been until very recently the newest. Other than the owner, there are 2 who've worked there longer than me and both of them (I'll call em C (31m) and M(39f) have made much less effort to learn about liquor or even, quite frankly, people skills than I have. And lemme tell you, I started out very socially anxious. I'm a regular socialite now.

So C, at least, has a really good work ethic. He's not super socially adept with customers but he makes up for it by going above and beyond, like taking initiative to do a lot of the relatively "shit" work that the rest of us don't wanna do. I'd also say I get along with him very well bc he's pretty intelligent and open-minded.

M, meanwhile, is genuinely the most simple-minded person I've ever known in my life. The good thing is that she seems to be kind of self-aware of not being very smart and able to be a good sport about it (ngl it helps that I'm gay and she's the type to want a sassy gbf so i can kinda get away with being mean as a joke) - and she is also often just as self-aware about the fact that she doesn't do shit at work. Like she'll literally pause deliveries just bc she doesn't feel like driving, she never takes out trash, she's basically always late, she mentally shuts down at the prospect of any math despite working with money, she has little to no decision-making skills either, she spends half her shift in the bathroom and the other half literally playing solitaire, she isn't able to help customers with shit bc she's never made an effort to learn about anything we sell, etc. But she's nice, and we really don't need her help that much with anything other than just having people behind the counter.

And that's more or less what I told the newest hire, S(25F). It was in the context of explaining exactly how incredibly easy this job is - that basically almost nothing was gonna be expected of her. As examples I told her how M does the least here by far after being here for over 2 years and is at no risk of being fired. I really didn't think much of it bc my intentions were purely to point out that this is a chill job.

But a few weeks later, seemingly at random, M kinda blew up at me for being "disrespectful" about something entirely unrelated. In short it was a matter of me getting a little too comfortable joking about her incompetence in front of a customer, and I hadn't realized in this particular instance it would be upsetting but I understood after the fact and I apologized. She responded literally ONLY by saying "you're not gonna disrespect me, I'm grown" and went on to literally just leave for the day. I was baffled, but when I saw her next I basically immediately gave another apology. She explained then that the reason she was upset was that the new girl S told her that I said she was the laziest one here, saying "I thought we were friends."

I obviously tried to apologize profusely, promising her that it wasn't a "talking shit" sort of thing and trying to explain the context of that, etc. But also I think it's pretty fucking rich and kinda insane of her to be so upset that I said she was lazy. She says so herself, all the time. Also the fact that S would tell M about this conversation and clearly either leave out the context or just do nothing to dissuade M from being upset about it.... Basically idk if I should feel bad about this. In the future I won't be talking shit to S just pragmatically speaking but WAS i wrong to do it at all? AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[captainsophiestark]

Crisis of Conscience

Grant Ward x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Grant and his girlfriend met after being recruited to Hydra, and have spent the past decade or so in love as double agents at SHIELD. When they both join Coulson's team and Y/N has a crisis of conscience, however, it might put everything at risk.

Word Count: 2,824

Category: Angst, Fluff

A/N: Kind of an ambiguous ending that could be read as fluffy or angsty, but in my head they get their happy ending for sure.

Requested by anon! Hope you like it, this idea was super fun to write!

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

Y/N's POV

"I'm just saying, if I went on Chopped, I would've learned not to use the ice cream maker by now. Like I would've watched a single episode before this."

I chuckled, smiling from my spot on the loveseat in the Bus's living room as Skye critiqued the Chopped contestants from the couch. After another successful mission with Coulson's team, the Bus 'kids' had crashed in the living room together to watch Chopped and eat foods that were bad for us. I was tucked under the arm of Grant Ward, my long-time boyfriend and friend, who I'd had to drag in here with us.

"It is kind of wild how often people continue to use it when it almost always goes wrong," I agreed. Skye threw her hands up, pointing one of them at me.

"Thank you!"

"I just want to try to make some of these things now," mused Fitz. "It's made me hungry."

Simmons and I hummed in agreement, and then the group of us fell into comfortable silence as the show came back from its commercial break. I could hear Grant's heartbeat through his chest, and the warm safety and comradery of the room put a warm feeling in my chest. I sighed, looking around at each of my friends while they watched the show.

Suddenly, the warmth in my chest turned to a cold, hard knot.

Soon, I'd be expected to betray these people. Like Grant, I'd been recruited by John Garrett a long, long time ago to be a Hydra agent hidden within SHIELD. Never once had I had a doubt, but sitting here with these people and knowing just how much harm might be on the horizon for them sent my stomach roiling.

"I... think I'm gonna call it a night," I said, standing up abruptly. I didn't bother to keep the discomfort off my face, especially as all my friends turned to me with curious looks.

"Is everything okay?" asked Skye. I gave a little shake of my head.

"I just... feel a little sick to my stomach. Probably it's a tiredness thing. I'm just gonna go lay down, I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning."

"Come see me if you don't," said Simmons, her brow creased in worry. I nodded, promising her and saying hasty goodbyes before turning and heading straight for my bunk. I could feel Grant's eyes following me as I went, but I ignored him.

****************

Over the next few days, the little kernel of doubt that had started in the back of my brain took root. Every time I interacted with any of the team, it grew, leaving me overwhelmed with guilt for the moment I knew was coming, when I'd be asked to betray these people I'd come to love. Especially as we sought the Clairvoyant, the mystical person putting our team at risk, and Grant and I both knew full well that the person in question was John Garrett.

I'd continued to do my job through bullet wounds, freezing temperatures, broken bones, and just about every other hurtle imaginable. But after a few days of fighting through the guilt, I just couldn't stomach it anymore.

"Hey, Grant? Do you have a sec?"

Grant raised an eyebrow, immediately stepping away from the direction he'd been heading to step closer to me, concern written on his face. We knew each other well enough and had been together long enough that he'd definitely noticed something was wrong with me.

"Everything okay?"

"It's just... I don't know Grant, do you ever... wonder if we're doing the right thing? With... uh..."

"You don't have to say it," he said. I bit my lip and nodded, trying to read something in his face. He still looked concerned, mostly for me, which didn't tell me much about how he felt about what I was saying.

"Well... what do you think? I mean, I can't imagine after everything we've been through with this team... just leaving them out to dry."

"I understand how you're feeling," he said, reaching out to take my hand in his. My heart leapt for a second, then dropped all over again as he continued. "But we have to remember what we're doing this for. John Garrett picked us. He pulled us out of terrible situations and gave us the chance nobody else would give us. We owe him. We can't turn on him now."

"Right. Of course, yeah, right." I plastered a shaky smile onto my face and met Grant's eyes. He still didn't look totally convinced, but I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before he could question me. "C'mon, we better get back before they wonder where we went."

"Are you-"

"I'm fine, Grant. Just a little late-game nerves. But I'm fine."

He nodded, looking at least a little more convinced, and we continued through the bowels of the Bus to join our team in the lab. I tried to smile and pretend like everything was normal, but the pit in my stomach had turned into a black hole. For Grant, Garrett had saved his life. He felt loyalty to the man, if not to the cause. But for me? Garrett had recruited me from a less than ideal situation, sure. But he'd sold me on the idea of Hydra, which suddenly looked more like a rotten apple than anything else. I had no personal loyalty to him.

Unfortunately, I did have a lot of personal loyalty to Grant. I spent hours laying awake at night, agonizing over the position I'd gotten myself into, between my boyfriend and best friend and love of my life against every single other person I cared about. I tried to ignore it or push away the worries, to try to convince myself to just ignore the thing telling me to do something, but I just couldn't. Grant clearly wasn't willing to betray Garrett, and I wasn't willing to betray Grant. But I could still do something to warn our team.

Subtly, anonymously, using every skill I'd ever learned as a SHIELD or double agent, I managed to leave enough information with Coulson that he put it together. He didn't waste a single second before telling the rest of the team, and we set up an ambush for Garrett to get him once and for all.

The hardest thing I'd done in my entire life was lying to Grant's face when he pulled me aside, shocked and worried, to try to come up with a plan with me. He'd never asked me if I'd been the one to share the information, because he trusted me. It sent new pangs of horror roiling around in my stomach, but this time I didn't let it get to me. I could tell Grant what I'd done once Garrett was safely in jail, and then we could see if he could forgive me for it.

Unfortunately for me, I never got the chance to have that conversation with Grant. Somehow, Garrett managed to slip through the trap Coulson had laid. His cover was blown, which made him much less of a threat than he'd been before, but he was still out there. The whole team had landed and taken a temporary pause to figure out our next moves when Grant and I got identical texts.

"Garrett's calling us to meet up with him," muttered Grant, sidling up next to me out of earshot of the rest of the team. I nodded.

"What do we do?"

"We have to go to him. He probably needs our help dealing with this mess."

I nodded again, my brain working through all of my possible options. I could just share the text with Coulson, but somehow, that felt like a bigger betrayal than just giving them hints about Garrett. Probably since it would involve Grant, too. And even if he'd never forgive me for what I'd already done, I knew I'd still follow him to the ends of the Earth.

"Should we make up something to tell the team? Or should we just go?" I asked.

We ended up making a quick, somewhat thin excuse to the team, then rushed to where Garrett waited for us. We found him in a beaten-down, empty warehouse, waiting for us with his arms crossed in the back of the space. My heart leapt into my throat, but I kept my face carefully neutral as Grant and I came to a stop before him, side by side.

"Do either of you know why I've called you here?" asked Garrett, not bothering with a hello. His voice had a dangerous edge to it that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up; every instinct I'd honed over the course of years screamed danger.

"To try to deal with SHIELD figuring out who you are," said Grant, with the confidence of somebody who hadn't betrayed the man before us. Garrett scoffed.

"I guess that's technically true. But there was no way for them to find out. There was no way for Coulson and his team to get that information about me, to act with such certainty, as early as they did. At least, there shouldn't have been a way."

His hand wandered to his hip, and he unholstered his gun, holding it lightly in his hand as he considered it for a few moments. He looked back at me and Grant.

"There were only two people with the knowledge and the opportunity to out me. I know it was one of you. So one of you is going to tell me who did it, or I'm just gonna cut my losses and shoot you both."

Like the slow motion part of a movie, I saw Grant turn to me out of the corner of my eye. I took a deep breath before facing him, trying to express just how sorry I was without words. Hurt, shock, betrayal, and disbelief all played out across his face, his brow furrowed, his mouth slightly open. All of it felt like a knife to the heart, a sensation I'd likely experience for real in the next few minutes. I mouthed 'I'm sorry', willing him to believe it, then turned back to face John Garrett.

****************

Grant's POV

My heart stopped as I looked at the woman I loved and realization crashed over me at what she'd done. I knew she hadn't been satisfied after our conversation in the hallway, but I'd convinced myself not to follow up on it. A stupid, stupid decision.

She met my eyes, John still hovering just past us with his gun in hand, and a fear I hadn't felt since I was a kid took root in my stomach. Garrett had warned me, time and time again, and especially when I'd started dating a fellow double agent, that I couldn't trust anybody. My family had proven that from day one, and Garrett had been the only one to consistently be there for me. Now, Y/N had betrayed me like everyone else, and I could see on her face that she was going to do it again.

She mouthed 'I'm sorry' and turned back to John, and I got ready to defend myself after she tried to make me take the fall.

Then, she spoke.

"I did it."

I couldn't believe it. She'd owned up to it, knowing full well Garrett would most likely kill her. She was literally willing to take a bullet for me. A vice tightened in my chest.

****************

Y/N's POV

"I did it."

I spoke the words with a clear confidence I didn't feel at all as I looked Garrett dead in the eye. If I had one thing still guiding my decisions in the wake of everything that had happened and that I'd caused, it was a desire to protect Grant. I loved him, and no matter what else came of this, I didn't want him to take the fall for me.

The silence hung, Garrett staring me down. The hand he held the gun with twitched, and I braced myself to run or fight or I don't know what else, but Grant's voice rang out before Garrett or I could make another move.

"No, I did it."

I whipped around to look at him, and this time it was my turn for wide eyes and a mouth open in shock. Grant didn't look away from Garrett to me, even though I knew he knew I was staring at him.

"Grant, no. You didn't. I did it, and I didn't tell you anything about it."

"No, I-"

He stopped short when Garrett held up a hand, the one without the gun, to stop us both.

"No Ward, you didn't do it. Everyone in this room knows it wasn't you." Garrett strolled the short distance between him and Ward, effectively turning the field so he and Grant stood shoulder to shoulder against me. "But clearly it is a weakness for you."

Grant's eyes widened ever so slightly, and I knew him well enough to recognize it as fear. I shifted on my feet, no idea what to do anymore. Grant seemed to feel the same way as Garrett tapped the gun on Grant's hip.

"Weaknesses have to be weeded out, Ward. Take care of her."

Garrett and Grant both kept their eyes on me, and I could see sweat coming down Grant's face as he slowly reached towards his holster and pulled out his gun. With him and Garrett both armed, I didn't stand much of a chance, even if I was willing to shoot Grant.

As the man I loved raised his weapon, I blocked out Garrett completely. I met his warm brown eyes with my own, silently willing him to ditch Garrett, to choose me like I'd chosen him. My heart pounded in my chest, and in a split second everything changed.

I heard a shot and felt pain explode in my stomach as Grant moved at lightning speed. A moment later, as I sank to the ground, I realized he'd turned to face Garrett. He'd shot his old mentor in the chest, for me, but Garrett had managed to get a shot off before he went down. I brought my hand up to my stomach and touched something warm and wet before the hard concrete of the floor bit into my knees.

"No!" Grant cried, rushing over to me. I screwed my eyes shut and tried to breathe through the pain as he wrapped me in his arms. "Hey, stay with me, alright? Stay with me."

"Grant... you... you shot Garrett."

He grimaced, then tried to fight the expression off his face a moment later. He brushed a strand of hair back out of my face.

"The alternative was shooting you. John may have gotten me out of hell, but you were the first one to make me care about staying here in a long time."

I couldn't quite hold back a choked sob, which sent a flash of panic shooting across Grant's face. Still holding me with one hand, he reached into his pocket with the other and dug out his phone.

"Everything's going to be alright," he said, his voice taking on the calm assuredness we needed for missions. "I'm gonna call Coulson, and when they get here, they're going to help me take care of you. You're going to be alright."

I nodded, turning my head as Grant dialed to look at Garrett. He was splayed out on the floor a few feet away from us, the life clearly gone from his body. I refused to join him.

"They're on their way," Grant announced, setting down his phone once the call ended. "They'll be here soon."

"What did you tell them? About us? What we did?"

"Not a lot, but I'm sure we'll have to explain everything once they get here and you're stabilized."

I nodded. "Grant, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you, for going behind your back, I just couldn't let our friends get hurt-"

"Shh, it's okay. I get it, alright? I do. We'll talk more about it when you're on your feet again."

"I think you should tell them you were part of it," I continued, forcing the breath out. My vision had started getting darker, and I could feel my consciousness slipping, but I didn't want to be saved only to lose Grant after doing so much to try to save everyone else. "Tell the team you helped me tip them off, that we did it together. Make up whatever lie works but... I don't want to lose you..."

He leaned down, planting a soft kiss on my forehead as the last of my consciousness drifted away. The last thing I heard before everything went black was Grant, his voice low and whispered, echoing after me as I went.

"Don't worry. You could never lose me."

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury

Marvel Taglist: @valkyriepirate @luv-ghostie @songbirdcannabe @infinetlyforgotten

[ambrosiagourmet]

Okay, I'm trying to firm up some thoughts about heteronormativity for the world of dunmeshi. We don't see any explicit homophobia (afaik???), and it's a little hard to separate real life heteronormativity from the potential in-universe kind, BUT there are a lot of the markers of gender roles and prejudices that often come with this stuff, and I want to dissect some of them.

DISCLAIMER I am painting with a broad brush here just to summarize what I've observed/what we know. Obviously all these races/cultures are going to have a variety of different subcultures within them and opinions/norms/laws/etc can vary a lot. No group is a monolith etc etc but this is a high level look at stuff.

Also I'd prefer people only reblog this if they are participating in the convo/adding something. This is for my reference and I'd rather it not spread much, at the moment. Thanks for understanding!

So... Laios and Falin had arranged marriages to a girl and boy, respectively, along with there being a slew of other prejudices they grew up around, so that's a glimpse into the tall-men culture in the northern continent.

There are a lot of different cultures in the archipelago but at very least the Nakamoto clan currently works in what looks like a patriarchal structure, though all of Shuro's siblings are male so I guess we don't technically know if women can inherit? Hien kind of assumes that she and Shuro might end up romantically involved in a sort of "well that's how it works" way which is fairly heteronormative so I think its fair to say that on a baseline level that assumption is present there.

Since Otta is judged more for dating short-life races than for dating women, it seems like maybe elven culture is more flexible. HOWEVER they are such a Power Structure TM and the noble houses care so fucking much about lineage and status that I have trouble believing that it's completely free of problems. Probably at least the nobility is expected to fit in heterosexual molds? Idk. They do look more androgenous and overall feminine than the other races, so that could also contribute to more fluidity. Of note here also is that in addition to a canon lesbian in Otta, Lycion also is Extremely Transgender. Though also of note: these people are the criminals in the group. So.

I don't know that there's as much info to work off of for the gnomes, dwarves, and half-foot cultures.

Dwarves have very strong family ties, which COULD lean towards heteronormativity but doesn't necessarily have to. Some dwarven women in dwarven cultures let their facial hair grow out - it's not necessarily super common, but it's much more likely to happen there than in a place like the Island. I lean towards thinking that they are more flexible, and maybe it varies from family to family how much there is an expectation of heterosexuality. Like the elves, they are more androgynous than most of the other races, AND one of our other major mostly canon queer characters (beloved bi Namari) is dwarven.

No idea about gnomes. The most prominent gnomes we see are the married Flokes and Holm. Holm's sister seems to have a bit of a thing for Kabru, so that's a couple of points towards Heterosexual Gnomes, but hardly anything definitive. They also live alongside dwarves so I imagine that if the dwarves are flexible they probably aren't significantly more strict about stuff. Also!! Kiki is the last of what I'd label the Mostly Canon queer characters, and she and Kaka were raised by gnomes! So that does seem to fit the "more overtly queer characters have ties to less heteronormative seeming cultures".

Again, no real idea about half-foot stuff. Chilchuck got married young and was a teen dad. Two of his kids seem very Interested In Men, the third gives big lesbian vibes. All of these things seem like they could be as much just orientation as anything socially enforced. I do think it's notable though that, while Flertem and Puckpatti are explicitly and loudly Into Men, Meijack is just quiet and gives off Vibes.

Ummmm yeah orcs (at least the ones we see) also have hierarchies based around polygyny so that's them.

YEAH that's most of what I can pull together currently? I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on interpreting all this, and if there are any lore details I missed!

Generally speaking I'm inclined to believe that heteronormativity exists as a baseline undercurrent in a lot of regions and cultures, and is more enforced in places that are either A) dominated by hierarchies (eg elven noble families) or B) insular and xenophobic in a variety of ways (eg Laios and Falin's hometown).