#not confident in this post at all really...

[sugoroo]

ʚɞ warnings: fem!reader, reader plays volleyball, masturbation, oral (f receiving), obsessive behaviour, boobjob, penetration (p in v), 18+ minors dni.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who decides you're going to be his the very first time he sees you playing volleyball on the beach with your teammates wearing those pitiful scraps of material that can hardly be classified as a bikini.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who makes sure to pick up any and every extra shift he can just so he can figure out exactly what times you come down to the shore to practise.

pervy lifeguard!gojo whose new favourite pastime is just to sit in his lookout post, barely paying attention to the water to keep an eye on anybody who may be in potential danger — no, lately, his gaze always seems to be fixed squarely upon you.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who can't help but push his sunglasses up to rest in his hair so he can get a clearer view of you as you move around the sand, the way your scantily-clad body moves whenever you jump to hit the ball over the net just hypnotizing the poor man.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who has to disregard his duties completely to duck into a nearby beach hut when it becomes too much to just watch you, furiously fisting his leaking cock to the delicious mental image of your ass bouncing as you played.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who emerges from the hut looking like an utter mess, snowy locks dishevelled and swimming trunks hanging low on his hips as he stumbles back over to his lookout post. his strange behavior even grants him a few curious look from nearby beachgoers, but he couldn't care less.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who finds his hands clenching into tight fists by his sides when he observes one of the boys from the opposing volleyball team shaking your hand after a match. it's just a sign of mutual respect between players —  he knows that.

but that doesn't mean it irritates him any less.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who finally gathers the confidence to actually approach you later that afternoon while you're packing up your things, idly scratching the back of his undercut while he tries to think of a normal way to start a conversation.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who doesn't have to speak at all in the end, because you say the first words for him, greeting him with that pretty little smile of yours that he's only been able to see from afar up until now and outstretching a hand for him to shake.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who can't help but let a pleased grin spread across his lips while he returns the gesture, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction rising in his chest that his own touch on your palm has erased that previous guy's.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who falls even harder for you (if that's possible) during the few minutes he talks with you. it's nothing more than a friendly interaction between two regular beachgoers, but to him, it's one of many more to come.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who feels like he could do an embarrassing victory dance on the sand right then and there when you casually mention an upcoming volleyball competition that you'll be playing in. so you want him to be there, huh?

he nonchalantly responds that he might just be able pop by and watch some of it during his break — as if he isn't already planning on completely abandoning his post in favour of spectating the entire match instead.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who is so full of excitement during the week leading up to the tournament that he just can't keep quiet about it for even a single second. his poor bestfriend lifeguard!geto is beginning to feel like he's the one with the giant, pathetic crush on you at this point.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who would most likely be fired if his boss was to see him right now, sprawled across a bench and watching you compete at volleyball instead of looking out for drowning children in the waves.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who is sporting a not-so-subtle tent in his swimming trunks as he sits there, which he tries in vain to hide by crossing his legs over his lap. i mean, can you really blame him? just look at the way those doughy tits of yours jiggle in that downright sinful bikini top!

pervy lifeguard!gojo who has to clench his jaw to stop from snapping various profanities at the nearby beachgoers who have stopped in their tracks just to witness the match — he's not oblivious, he can see them checking you out just as he is.

but it's different when he does it. why? because you're going to be his soon enough. don't they understand that?

pervy lifeguard!gojo who isn't surprised in the slightest when your team easily triumphs over the other. after all, the opposing team doesn't have you on it. and although he knows little to nothing about volleyball, he can easily declare that you must be the best at it.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who would ideally like to run up to you and gush about how well you performed, but due to the very visible... problem in his trunks, ends up darting into the nearest beach hut for the second time this month to relieve himself because of you.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who is halfway through sloppily jerking his hips up into his closed fist when sunlight suddenly starts to flit through the gap in the door — shit, he was so worked up he forgot to even close it.

rookie mistake, satoru.

pervy lifeguard!gojo whose eyes widen to the size of saucers when he realizes it's you who just walked in through the doorway, shutting it gently behind you. he's about to start furiously apologizing for what you stumbled in on when he notices you don't seem nearly as shocked as you probably should be.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who can only watch in stunned silence as you slowly saunter closer to him, your hands hidden behind your back as they easily untie the strings of your bikini top before letting it fall to the floor.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who releases what can only be described as a pornographic moan at the sight of your freed breasts, his neglected cock twitching beneath his hand as he ogles you without shame. if he had any self-awareness left, he might've been embarrassed of the small trickle of drool oozing from his slackened mouth.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who feels his cheeks flush a shade of red brighter than the leaking tip of his bobbing cock when you purr to him... "do you really think i haven't noticed you checking me out for these past few weeks, mr lifeguard?"

pervy lifeguard!gojo who somehow finds himself living out a scenario lewder than the wildest of wet dreams he's had about you, his jittery hips thrusting erratically between your tits as you keep them pressed together for him with your hands.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who reaches what is undoubtably the fastest orgasm of his life, his sunglasses toppling from his head as it falls back in bliss, messy white locks stuck to his forehead with sweat as he releases a series of broken groans and whimpers.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who immediately joins you on your knees once he's come down from his euphoric high, long pink tongue lolling out to lap up every drop of sticky cum he split on your pretty tits, sucking and nipping at every inch of supple skin within reach.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who just can't stop yapping, going on and on about how perfect you are, how you've been on his mind for what feels like forever, how sexy you look when you're hitting around that volleyball.

it seems the only way to actually shut pervy lifeguard!gojo up is to shove his beautiful face between your legs, the only sounds leaving him now being mewls of enjoyment as he mouths at your saccharine taste through your bikini bottoms.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who is already too lost in you to properly remove the material keeping him from your pussy, instead lazily yanking it to the side with a single finger so he can dive nose-deep into your sweet cunt like he's been dreaming about doing for weeks.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who is just so messy with it, practically making out with your dripping hole as he rapidly delves his tongue in and out, moaning so shamelessly you'd think he was the one getting eaten out and not you.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who makes you cum using only his sloppy mouth so many times neither of you even know just how long you've been cooped up in this beach hut where there's a real possibility that someone could walk in at any given moment.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who can't hold himself back from fucking you anymore — he's waited long enough already, after all. so he's effortlessly manhandling you onto your back as he pushes in, eyes locked onto the sight of your tits still glistening with his saliva and cum from earlier.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who buries his face between the valley of your breasts as he ruts into you like a rabid animal, word after word of slurred praise failing from his lips as he looks up you with those wide, lovestruck cerulean eyes.

god, he's so fucking obsessed with you. getting to finally feel you like this was just the final nail in the coffin.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who somehow cums even harder than his previous climax, the overwhelming sensation of the tight, spongy walls of your cunt pulling him back in over and over again just unravelling his hazy mind with ease.

pervy lifeguard!gojo who has to psychically stop himself from letting out a choked whisper of 'i love you' as he spills his milky seed right into your womb where his cockhead is lodged, seemingly having enough awareness left to know that it's much too soon for that.

instead, pervy lifeguard!gojo settles for fixing you with a dopy grin so wide that both rows of his glinting pearly whites are on full display, murmuring a cheeky... "what do you say we make this a routine after every competition, pretty baby?"

© 2024 SUGOROO. please don't copy or translate any of my works without my explicit permission. all rights are reserved to me.

LIKES AND REBLOGS APPRECIATED!

pervy yoga instructor!geto <- PREVIOUS PART.

[chrissturnsfav]

𝒾𝓃𝓈𝑒𝒸𝓊𝓇𝒾𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓈 | 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘰

as you scroll through your phone looking at pictures of perfect skinny girls, you can't help but compare your curvy body to theirs and wish you were as beautiful as them. but your boyfriend knows exactly how to make you feel like the prettiest girl in the world.

ᰔᩚ requested from @littlestella2010: Can you write a Matt x fem reader and she is chubby and I don’t know you write smut I prefer smut but you don’t do smut fics can you do fluff

ᰔᩚ bf!matt, soft!matt x chubby!reader, fluff, body image issues, smut, unprotected p in v (wrap it b4 you tap it), creampie, praise kink

ᰔᩚ w.c. 1,684

you scroll through your instagram feed, the bright, curated photos of skinny, effortlessly beautiful girls filling your screen. they pose in trendy outfits, smiles wide and radiant, their confidence practically glowing through the photos. as you swipe, a familiar feeling settles in—an ache of insecurity that wraps around your heart like a heavy blanket.

you glance down at yourself, feeling the snugness of your clothes. the way they hug your body, the tiny rolls that spill over the waistband of your jeans. it’s hard not to compare, especially when every post seems to scream perfection. your mind races with thoughts that echo too loudly: “why can’t i look like that?” “what are they doing that i’m not?”

you take a deep breath, trying to push the feelings aside as you put your phone down beside you, but they linger. the laughter in the photos, the vibrant energy—it all feels so far removed from how you see yourself in the mirror. you wish you could feel that same confidence, that same ease, but instead, you feel like you’re living in a shadow, just out of reach.

as you lean back against the soft sheets of matt's bed, you can feel the warmth radiating from his body beside you. the dim light casts a gentle glow, making his room feel intimate. you catch him stealing glances at you, a small smile playing on his lips.

“hey,” he says softly, a hint of concern in his gentle voice as he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. “you okay?”

you nod, but there’s still a flutter of insecurity in your stomach.

he senses it, the slight shift in your mood. "something seems wrong, what's up baby, talk to me," he asks gently, shifting on the bed to sit directly in front of you.

you shrug, staring down in your lap as your eyes move along the small curves of your stomach, "just...there's so many pretty girls on instagram. and they're always skinny. i wish i looked like them..." you express softly.

you pick up your phone again, handing it to matt to look at some of the instagram posts of the perfect looking girl you were stalking.

he holds your phone in his hands, swiping through the pictures. “i see. those girls are pretty skinny,” he says, his tone gentle. “but you know that doesn’t mean anything, right?”

you shrug, feeling a lump form in your throat. “they look...they just look perfect, and here i am looking so much heavier than them. it just sucks, makes me feel...ugly," you mumble.

matt’s expression shifts to something more serious, gently gripping your chin and lifting it so your eyes are on him. “no, listen to me,” he says, taking your hand in his free one and squeezing it firmly. “you are not ugly, you're beautiful. and i mean it. your curves are perfect baby, you don't have to be skinny to be pretty."

you meet his gaze, searching for sincerity, and find it there—deep and unwavering. “really?” you ask, a mix of hope and disbelief in your voice.

he scoffs, “of course,” he replies, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “i love everything about you. its not all about looks, baby. the way you're so kind to everyone, the way you laugh, all that other shit. that's what matters to me most."

his words wrap around you like a warm hug, and you can feel the tension in your chest begin to ease. “but those girls…they look so perfect.”

matt shakes his head, leaning in closer. “what’s real is so much better. you’re real, and that’s what I love. and you're still beautiful on top of it. trust me, you don’t need to change a thing. i wouldn't lie to you and you know that. i'm not saying this to just try and make you feel better, i'm being 100% honest with you."

with his reassurance, the weight of your insecurities starts to lift. you lean into him, resting your head on his shoulder, feeling grateful for his presence. “thank you,” you say softly.

matt's arms move around you, pulling you closer to him like a koala bear as his fingers toy with the hem of your shirt comfortingly, "don't thank me, i'm just telling you the truth."

you pull away from his embrace, your arms still around his shoulders as you gaze into his eyes and take in the pools of blue. matt smiles softly at you, "want me to show you how perfect you really are?" he asks, a hint of lust in his gentle tone.

you nod with a hint of pink creeping on your cheeks, a bashful smile on your lips as you feel desire slowly running through you. matt smirks softly as his hand slides to your waist, fingers tracing the curve.

as he leans in closer, you can feel the heat between you, the tension crackling in the air. his lips brush against yours, soft and inviting, and you melt into the kiss, feeling cherished and adored.

“you deserve to feel amazing,” he murmurs against your lips. “and i'm gonna show you just how pretty you are.”

with every gentle caress and reassuring kiss, he makes you forget your worries completely, allowing you to embrace the moment fully. in his arms, you feel desired and gorgeous—just as you are.

the kisses grow a bit more hungry, his tongue massaging your own as his fingers creep below your top and they slowly run over your now hardened nipple.

he leans further into you, not breaking the kiss as he mumbles against your lips, "lay down for me."

you oblige immediately, letting your body fall against his bed as he hovers over you. his lips are soft against yours as his hands rest on your tits, brushing over your nipples that make you shiver beneath him.

he pulls your shirt over your head before pressing his lips lustfully against yours again. one of his hands move to unbutton your jeans and tug down the zipper as your thighs burn with need for him.

his lips move down to your jawline to leave wet kisses along it, then moving down to your neck. your hands are behind his neck, gently toying with the brunette strands as your eyes flutter shut, tiny whimpers escaping your needy lips.

"you're perfect," matt murmurs softly against your collarbone, his fingers tracing the curves on your stomach as his other hand pulls your sticky panties down.

his lips move down to the valley between your tits, his hand caressing one of them while his other remains on your waist.

your body is aching with desire, fingers now tugging softly at his hair and he smirks against your skin, "your curves are so pretty," he mumbles, fingers tracing your underboob.

his lips then move to your stomach, kissing every curve there is as he whispers, "wish you saw yourself how i see you."

moments later, matt's jeans and boxers are discarded somewhere on the floor. your thick thighs rest on his shoulders as he moves gently, but quickly into you. you pant, moaning softly at the ecstasy as he watches above you with a soft smirk.

his hands grip your hips tightly, watching his hardened dick move and out of your sopping pussy as small grunts leave his lips, "see, so pretty," he groans lowly, your hands resting behind his neck as you moan.

"so curvy 'n perfect, i love you," he pants as his pace quickens, watching your fucked out face twist in pleasure.

"i-i love you," you respond in a whimper, your half lidded eyes opening to look at him through blurry vision.

matt smiles softly at you as he breathes heavily, "just as beautiful as those other girls," he grunts deeply, moving his face in the crook of your neck as he kisses it deeply.

you moan softly, his breath on your neck making you feel weak while you grow closer with each movement he makes.

one of his hands move to your thigh on his shoulder, picking his head up and leaving sloppy kisses against the skin, "such thick thighs my girl's got," he murmurs in a grunt.

his praising words only make you grow closer to the edge, your moans squeaky in pleasure and euphoria, "f-feels so good," you breathe out.

matt smirks softly against your thigh, "yeah, it does, right?" he mumbles in a breathy moan. "wanna make my curvy girl feel beautiful."

your thighs begin to burn, your orgasm seconds away as your hands move to cup his face, turning it to look out at your twisted expression, "i-i'm...m'gonna cum," you say in a choked out moan.

"mhm, go ahead pretty girl, make a pretty mess on me," he mumbles in a deep grunt, feeling his own high approaches as well.

your jaw falls open, legs shaking on his shoulders as he grips your thighs with a smirk at your expression. your high pitched moans are like music to his ears, his climax moments away at the sight of you cumming so pretty for him.

"look so pretty when you're cumming for me, m'so close," he pants, his actions growing messy and quicker leaving you moaning softly as you come down from your high.

your thumbs brush against his cheeks, watching him get closer and closer as he grunts deeply, fingers digging into the soft skin on your thighs.

"shit," he hisses deeply, thrusting one last time into you as his eyes roll back and he releases his thick load inside of you. he pants as he pulls out, watching his seed drip out of you with a soft smirk.

he looks back up at you, all messy and tired from the events that just transpired, "you okay?" he asks softly, leaning his face close to yours, his breath fanning against your face.

"yeah," you breathe out, "you make me feel so pretty," you smile, your hands still cupping his face.

matt smiles in awe at your words, pecking your lips lovingly, "good, that's what i wanted to hear," he mumbles against your lips.

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: this was such an adorable request! i hope you all liked it, wanted to get it up before halloweekend bc i will most likely be very inactive and getting plastered LMAO.

thank you for reading!! <3

@chrissturnsfav ™

[the-tarot-witch22]

Your life purpose - Pick a pile

Pile 1/ Pile 2/ Pile 3

My Paid Readings | My insta | My year goal post | Give away

Liked my blog or readings? Tip me!

Hello everyone ! This is my another pick a pile or pac reading so please be kind and leave comment or reblog, and let me know if it resonated with you!

Note : This is a general reading or collective reading. It may or may not resonate with you. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. And it's totally okay if our energies aren't aligned!

How to pick : Take a deep breath and choose a pile which you feel most connected to! You can choose more than one pile, it just means both pile have messages for you!

I worked really hard on this pile please show some love by leaving comments, likes and reblogs!

Pile 1:

(The cards I got for you - 8 of wands, ace of pentacles, and the moon)

Okay so the very first thing I feel and heard is you guys are meant to experience new things in your life, to travel the world, or new places, many of you might be travellers or even, if you haven't travelled, then you guys might love to travel or foreign culture might attract you a lot, I also feel this pile has good intuition like they know thigs, sort of psychic or even Deja vu, might happen with you guys, I also feel in this life time, you might and tend to rush things, like you don't like to stay at one place longer than few hours, you need to keep moving or even feel productive, I also feel, in this life time you are meant to be your own person like many of you even have most independent issues, I also feel you are supposed to be financially secure, and if things don't go your way then it will, it just means there are things that needs to be better or you need to be better before you get the result you want, I also feel you are mean to help people, or grow yourself personally and professionally everything i feel for this pile is definitely related to your self, I also wanted to clarify more, but I got the feeling that as you grow, age wise, experience wise , you will figure it out yourself, and i also heard "don't be discourage, with time you will get the things you deserve", when i said people i meant emotionally and financially not like give everything at your own expense but simply means help a little if you can, it will do you good, ifykwim,I also sense a Capricorn , taurus and Sagittarius energy here, sun, moon and rising, anyhow I also feel in this life time you are meant to go through numerous transformations, and find your own path as you move on, i also feel there might be few or many lessons you could have gotten in friendships or if you ever were in relationship, or even your homelife might have taught you a lot. Some of you i need to say might get anxious too, like little things worries you so i have been called to say, just know be calm and be confident, and know that it's not you, it's them. and if it's you then you will get better, and by that i mean problems you might have or had.

Alright pile 1, that's all i got for you, all i wanna say is you guys are going on right path, and believe in yourself a little more!

Pile 2:

(The cards I got for you - The lovers, King of swords, 9 of wands)

Okay so the very first thing i felt and heard is you guys might love, love. or be in love, sort of hopeless romantic i might add lol. But anyhow , let's dive deeper, you know the funniest thing? I feel this group is meant to find their other half in this life time, not saying that's your only purpose, but meeting your person is one of them and really a priority I feel in past life, you might have promised them to meet you again, and i felt goosebumps all over my body, totally unrelated but needed to be said. anyhow i also feel this pile are meant to find themselves, but not as much as their person, i feel there might be a urge of finding someone, and it's not because you are desperate it's because you have promised your person in your previous lifetime, and that is why you feel restless, like a fear of them not fulfilling their promise or you who could not be able to fulfill their promise, and that's a fear i see you feel. I also feel, there might be confusion in taking or making new decision you tend to overanalyse things, don't do that, if you feel your gut is right? go with it! no need to be too scared and live in "what if's", I also feel this group is academically intelligent or if academically average i might say you guys could be very witty, like you always have words ready to say, and god forbid if someone gets on your wrong side, you either cut them off, or show them who they actually messed with. anyways! I also feel you guys are meant to face some transformation in your adult life. There might have had some delays in good things, because universe prepares you first, I also feel check out pile 1 , there might be some messages for you there, I also feel you are meant to balance yourself, emotionally and in your personal life, I also feel one of your purpose is you need to stand up for yourself, to finally know your worth and what you were made for, I also feel there might be some of you who is confused for their career, like you might not like traditional things, do things your way or unconventional, I also feel you are meant to break generational curses, new things or bloodline starts with you, new purpose too!

Alright pile 2, that's all i feel for you guys, but i might say, your future person is coming soon, not gonna lie, they just kept giving me messages me lmao, they do miss you! so don't worry things will work out for you guys~

Pile 3:

(The cards I got for you - 8 of cups, 9 of cups, and the world)

Okay so the very first thing I feel and heard is, you are meant to complete karmic cycles in your life. Let's dive deeper! I also feel this group might have felt and experienced betrayal a lot, like in your friendships or even relationships, it's specific for few of you, but i am getting someone cheated on you? like which gave you lots of trust issues. But anyhow! I feel this group is meant to love themselves and learn how to be alone like not too co dependent or having your happiness and anything dependent on anyone but you, I also feel, this group might isolate themselves a lot, if something hurts them, and they tend to take a lot to recover, I also feel in this life time, you are meant to grow on your own, universe means to tell you that you have everything in your heart , that you find in some place else, so embrace that, even with help of therapy or if not, taking it easy and one at times, I also feel this group is very emotional like, very sensitive, I also heard "heart of gold", so you people are meant to find that purpose on your own and not to take people's harsh words to heart, I also feel you are meant to feel happiness, if you haven't had many happy moments, the i see in future there is so much more for you, i also "heard keep going", "being alone is not a curse but a blessing", right person knows that, I also feel you are meant to use your skills, for good, many of you might be super creative or have good communication skills, but anyhow you are meant to express yourself your voice, not bottle up, let people know how special you are, I also feel you guys are supposed to go through hard time, or have gone through hard times, but don't be scared i feel it's just a small debt you had from past life, and in future you would be much more happier you have ever been!

Okay pile 3 - this is all i got for you, but you know guys you are doing amazing! Take it easy~

Thank you for stopping by! Take care and remember you are loved <3

[oldbutchdaniel]

really into the idea of armand and daniel sort of orbiting each other naturally somehow post daniel’s turning. like maybe when all the akasha stuff starts they’re forced to interact when they haven’t since daniel’s turning. anyway it doesn’t matter how it happens just walk with me here. anyway daniel is still kind of a party boy and he moves confidently and effortlessly and he’s smart and powerful and friends with lestat and other vampires are impressed by him and every time daniel gets the chance he leans up close to armand in a slutty little outfit and is like “hey you want me right?” and every single time armand vehemently but quietly insists he doesn’t want daniel and he doesn’t care and they have more important business than this and he wishes daniel would just leave him alone. and when daniel leaves he can’t unclench his fists and he’s shaking with barely restrained lust and his eyes are bright bright red

[kyu-piddy]

Ranking (some) twst love triangles on how messy they are

An: This is a very informal ranking and very informal type of writing. They’re just little overviews of how I personally think these love triangles would function. Hope you enjoy it. :)

Ps: This is the first time I publish something that features my favorite character! Hopefully I didn’t favor him too much.

Gn reader x Trey, Cater, Azul, Jade, Jamil, Kalim, Silver, Lilia

Trigger warnings: Swearing

2.1k words

Tiers:

S tier- The love triangle of doom. Messiest love triangles, where it’s all too melodramatic and/or complicated.

A- Not as messy as the above, but still a delicate bomb to diffuse.

B- Standard love triangle. They aren’t at each other's throat constantly, but leave them alone long enough and they will start fighting.

C- Chill love triangle. Either because they’re really good friends, or just because they’re that confident in their victory.

D- Is this even a love triangle? There are indeed two people who like you, but one has dropped out of the race for one reason or the other.

Trey vs Cater

Do you know those times where you and a stranger are both trying to get through a door in opposite directions, and while trying to let the other pass you just keep getting in front of each other, in a sort of embarrassing dance of polite smiles while internally cursing the other person? Well, that is basically the Trey x Reader x Cater love triangle.

Cater and Trey are both really perceptive of their own feelings and of others, so they would be aware of the others' crush.

They’re also some of the fakest motherfuckers in the cast (only behind Azul, Jade and Jamil) so they would not even think of confronting each other.

Initially they’d put this veneer of pseudo politeness, throwing some double entendres to each other and not making any moves on you.

But as time progresses they’re definitely becoming little shits to each other.

Trey is exploiting his baking talent and his unique magic to the max, making your favorite foods and serving them to you and Cater, making sure you see how Cater gags as he tries it, the food's flavor being imposed with a horrid one like old socks.

Trey is also using his dependable and mature reputation to give you advice that subtly favors him and subtly makes Cater look like a dunce.

Man is full on telling you every embarrassing story of Caters disguised as going down on a trip to memory lane, but always while you’re with more people around, so they can tell you how Trey swept in and saved the day.

Cater on the other hand, is making sure to seduce you with his tech savviness and social media knowledge.

He’s taking you to the hottest places in town and taking pictures of you both, posting them on his magicam with suspicious captions that make a ton of your friends start asking about your “boyfriend”.

Cater is also loudly proclaiming to everyone who will listen in the Heartslabyul common room the plans he had that day with you.

He used to also proclaim the ones he would have in the future, but stopped after Trey crashed one of his cafe hopping dates with you, creating the most bizarre outing of your life, balancing the polite shit talking of these two.

If Cater didn’t live with Trey he’d probably dox him on the twisted wonderland equivalent of Twitter. Trey would do the same if he knew how to use Twitter.

The worst part is that neither of them will back off or give the finishing blow of confessing.

They're stuck in this loop of ruining the others momentum that their friendship is close to breaking, so either you notice and step up, or someone else notices and gives them a stern talking to.

Out of their dorm, the only one besides them I see figuring it out, is Ace, but Ace is no match for Trey and Cater.

They’re denying it to his face and making Ace feel like a complete idiot.

When you finally notice the mess that these two have made, if you don’t confront them, they’re still going to be in denial.

You have to be firm! Tell them head on who you want, before they make the whole of Heartslabyul collapse.

In terms of the messiness of this love triangle, I give it a B.

It’s annoying and messy, since they’re both so evasive and a little lacking in the making substantial moves department, but they’re still chill on how they treat you and the uninvolved parties (most of the time at least).

Azul vs Jade

Azul and Jade are both conniving and scheming master mind wannabes, but they also tend to rely on each other for support, so pairing them up against each other will lead to some sort of 4d intergalactic chess competition between them, while you are playing checkers and surprisingly still winning.

They’re the kind of smart that turns back around into being kind of stupid.

Jade is like a weird kid in a horror movie, all weird phrases and sinister smiles, but Azul isn’t much better with his mob boss vibe.

You can try running from them, but these fuckers must have put some sort of tracking gps on you because they always appear at the worst time.

Neither of them really knows how to even be romantic to win you over.

Azul is following some sort of guide like “How to make her fall for you in a fortnight”, taking notes and everything.

But he does tend to exaggerate with his gestures, not as much as Kalim would, but just enough to seem sorta of fake.

He’d even try to offer you suspiciously good deals, like “Go on a date with me and I’ll give you a study guide for alchemy”.

He only added one teensy eensy hidden clause that if he didn’t enjoy the date enough, you’d have to accept to go on another one.

But Jade is there to rain on his parade and tell you exactly what line and page you should search for suspicious activity.

Unlike Azul, Jade doesn’t try to conform to the human way of courting.

He is going to share his mushroom collection with you and also scare the shit out of you with ominous warnings of their specific properties.

He’d probably even make stuff up or embellish it to sound worse just to see your reaction.

Azul is definitely trying to end any time you have with Jade, giving him tasks right as the eel is spending time with you.

But it tends to go bad for Zuzu, as Jade just brings you along or purposefully half asses the task.

They’re also snipping each other with pointed comments that sound more like thinly veiled threats of violence.

Well, Jade’s threats are more violence oriented, while Azul’s are more of the mansplain manipulate malewife variety.

But what neither of them was prepared for was Floyd’s fourth wheeling.

Initially, Floyd thought it was pretty funny to see the other two beefing, but he gets bored fast.

He’s going to start taking you away from the other two so he can watch them fume in anger.

If he’s in the mood, he might even try to play matchmaker with one of them, or start shit talking both of them. The latter is more likely.

This is another pair of fools who won’t confess. They pride themselves so much as always being thirty steps ahead that they will try their hardest to create a situation where you have to choose one of them.

But it might all be for nothing because Floyd might just feel like telling you and then there goes any sense of mysteriousness down the drain.

I’ll give this love triangle an A. It’s definitely messy as hell, but it could always be worse.

Kalim vs Jalim

Oh boy. This is the love triangle from hell. Nuclear fallout levels of toxicity, and you’re the bomb.

This is a type of love triangle that no one even knows is a love triangle.

Kalim is the most obvious person on the planet with his crush.

He's showering you with expensive gifts, buttering you up like you’re a particularly tasty muffin and following you around like a lost puppy.

Even though he’s doing all that, homeboy will not use his brain cell to deduce he has a crush on you immediately.

As soon as he does figure it out (which bless his heart, might take a bit) he will be dead set on confessing to you, only being stopped by Jamil.

Jamil is putting the brakes on Kalims stunts, but not out of the kindness of his heart.

He knows he can’t directly stop Kalim, so instead he’s going to try to slow him down, and win you over behind everyone’s back.

Jamil is actually good at the art of romancing.

He’ll offer you tasty meals (disguised as leftovers of the things he made for Kalim), to braid your hair.

He’ll even offer really solid advice.

The two problems with all of this are that 1) Kalim will most definitely barge in at every given opportunity and cockblock the hell out of Jamil, and 2) You can very easily misinterpret this as friendly or even as part of his duties.

You and everyone else, that is.

I can’t see anyone figuring out Jamil’s crush on you. He’s one of the most discreet people on campus with his feelings.

And with the added grief of sharing them with Kalim, he’s keeping it under lock and key.

Kalim is going to confess. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.

He’s strangely serious about the whole thing, bringing a 24 karat ring, with a red diamond bigger than your finger to prove his love to you.

Jamil is fuming. It’s like a kick to the nuts, and what I see it making him step up his game and basically confess to you as well.

He’d confess in a very roundabout way, the kind of confessing that leaves you wondering if you’re reading too much in between the lines. But remember, this is Jamil! Reading inbetween the lines is a required skill to actually understand this man.

This is such a messy love triangle honestly. If you choose Kalim, it’s going straight to Jamil’s mind chamber of repressed trauma. If you don’t choose Kalim, you’re going to have to deal with Al-Asim tears (he ain’t used to being told no in any capacity), which makes Jamil’s duties more stressful.

For all these reasons, I put this love triangle at S tier. Good luck to you, and my condolences. You aren’t leaving this mess unscathed.

Silver vs Lilia

This one is mostly just sad.

Silver is slow in matters of love. He’d be his normal gentlemanly self, barely changing how he behaves towards you, but to others he becomes lowkey really annoying.

Doing his homework? He's mentioning how he saw you through the window during that class. Sword training? He’s reminiscing on how you complimented his technique. Drinking water? You did say you needed to drink more water, maybe he should remind you.

This would most likely lead to Sebek flipping the fuck out and screaming at Silver to either do something about his crush or shut up.

Silver.exe is loading.

And then he just… nods his head and agrees that he should do something about it.

He’s going to get advice from Lilia, who isn’t exactly a master of seduction but at least has more experience under his belt.

Lilia already knew of Silver's crush, and sadly he also already knew of his own crush on you, but bat dad is dropping all of his potential feelings in favor of his son’s.

He’s telling Silver to bring you flowers, to take you out to dinner, to treat you with kindness and respect, the whole shabang.

And Lilia is always staying in the back, watching his little boy grow up. It does hurt him, but not exactly because of his feelings, more because he feels bad about sharing the object of his affections with his son. He’d never want to hurt his boy nor you.

Only Malleus would know of Lilia’s feelings, although Silver has an inkling that something isn’t right.

Lilia would never tell him, and Silver doesn’t know exactly what’s going on in his dad’s mind, but he definitely suspects that something is going on.

If Silver knew of his fathers feelings for you, he’d immediately stop pursuing you, so bat dad is making sure his son never knows what’s actually bothering him.

Malleus on the other hand knows that Lilia has some sort of feelings for you, but is also keeping it under lock and key at the request of Lilia.

Sebek is the only one fully out of the loop, which leads him to comment things that are really hurtful to Lilia.

Seeing as Lilia is emotionally constipated, he’d bottle it all up and proceed like normal.

When Silver confesses, Lilia feels bittersweet. He’s genuinely happy for his son, but pangs of sadness reverberate through his heart.

He’s downplaying his feelings even to himself.

In terms of rating, this is a D. Lilia just carries Silver on his shoulders and then dumps him in the finish line. It’s not even a proper race.

It’s very depressing, seeing as you will never even know about Lilia’s feelings, while Silver will always have an inkling that there’s something going on with his dad.

[faustandfurious]

Regarding the post about smalltalk in nursing and the dipshit reblogging it with “hurr durr medical professionals can’t have much empathy if they need a manual on smalltalk”, I just wanted to add that smalltalk, and communication in general, in a clinical setting is so different from the kind of talking you normally do. First of all, as a medical professional you meet people at their most vulnerable. Very often you’ll know details of their medical history and previous traumatic experience that they wouldn’t share with a stranger in any other context. Very often they’ll take the fact that you’re a medical professional as permission to talk about things they haven’t shared with anyone else. Very often you’ll see them naked, scared, angry, grieving. Often you’re the one giving them bad news when they’re already scared. Quite often you walk into someone’s room knowing that they’re going through hell, that they’re not going to get better, that a good number of the standard polite phrases you use when interacting with people in public are simply inadequate to the situation. How can you wish someone a good day when they’re dying of cancer, or when they’re in constant pain? Do you really think that’s going to be a good day for them.

So communication training in medical school (and presumably nursing school) aims to increase awareness of what words and phrases you use, how body language affects your message, how the sentence that’s just a filler phrase for you can undermine a patient’s confidence in the treatment they’re getting, how easily misunderstandings can happen when you simply rely on the kind of everyday, imprecise, communication you’re used to. And it aims to give you a toolkit for acknowledging someone’s pain in a way that communicates respect and empathy, for checking for misunderstandings and clearing them up, and for making patients feel seen and heard even on the days when you’re on a tight schedule and someone’s dying in the next room.

[amazinglyashy]

hi! First of all - i love the way u write omg😭 i basically went through all your posts last evening and today hahah (procrastinating at it’s finest😌) Second - i wanna request a prompt, but i dunno if it’s too close to the one where ‘reader tells the lads boys that she’s too heavy for them’? if so, just ignore this!🫡💗

If not - could you write something about the boys finding out that reader/mc used to have bulimia(/or unspecified ed) and that she’s quietly struggling again, but not telling them? Maybe something angsty/comforting?

Trigger warning - This involves talk about eating disorders. Please use discretion when reading! Oh my gosh, thank you so much!! That means so much, because I used to write a lot years ago but stopped for a long time. I only got back into it recently, so the love I've been receiving has really done a positive number to my confidence. Thank you, lovely <3 I don't think it's possible for me to NOT write this request, because I'm a long time ED sufferer, and I am currently experiencing a harsh relapse unfortunately... You read me like a book, because 'Too Heavy' was a direct reference to that. It's hard, because it's such an invisible problem that oftentimes you suffer alone. Thank you for the request, hopefully I did it some justice, and for you or anyone who may relate to this post. (Also wrote this while listening to Lullaby - Jhameel on repeat. Give it a listen!)

Love and Deepspace Li's find out about your ED (and your current struggle)

Zayne -

The moment he finds out you live with an ED, he's down at the library finding any books he can, and researching as much as possible throughout the hospital and his old college's database.

He's also finding patient testimonials that have been released, so he can find the most compassionate approach that would help you without causing you any more harm than you already are experiencing at the hands of your own mind.

"I found a new restaurant I want to try. Apparently, they make a certain dish really well, I think we should try it together while we go over the latest mission you wished to tell me about."

He knows what you like, so it makes it easy for him to order things to share together places and ensure you're eating.

He will go out to eat every single day if he needs to, that's not any issue to him. Neither is sharing foods or cooking meals that he knows you love, even if they're not particularly his favorite.

He tries not to talk to you much about it, but does his best to be encouraging and nothing more whenever the subject of professional help comes up.

When you start opening up even more to him, he's all ears, and he's exceedingly careful about his choices of words, like he always is, but even more so now. The last thing he wants is to speak a trigger, especially when he's so focused on helping you get better.

He knows it never truly goes away, your disorder. But that's not an issue. It's more... a fact of being with you. And just like you take his problems and disabilities, he will take every single one of yours as well.

In stride, and with love.

Xavier -

He caught on, mostly because he found it strange that one moment you had eaten every single snack in the cupboard, and the next he heard, you hadn't eaten anything all day. He was wondering if it was something he was just unaware of, but-

Quickly finds out what exactly is going on after a few times of this happening. He was worried it was some strange habit, and now he's even more worried finding out it's been something you've been dealing with for quite a while.

He's upset, to say the least. But he'll keep that to himself.

He just wants to help you now.

He'll ask if there's anything that you feel like sharing with him on how to best help you, and there's definitely a note somewhere on his phone with a list of things you told him. If he can do any of them daily, he will. Anything else is always on his mind.

He doesn't let it get in the way of your day to day, though. You still play games together like normal, read together, and go the arcade whenever you both have the opportunity to win some more plushies for your hoards. He's always conscious about his own comments and behavior, but he doesn't ever let it seem like he's keeping an eye on you or trying to supervise you.

The tightrope of trusting you and helping you deal with your disorder is a thin one, and Xavier dances along it with grace.

No matter what, being around him is a comfort. Whether you're having a good day, or a bad day.

Sylus -

He's pretty internally frustrated when he first find out about it, but he doesn't let it show.

It has nothing to do with you or anything you did. He's just used to... having everything under control. For every problem to have a solution solved easily with money, force, or some compassion.

This is something he can't control.

And he hates it.

Aside from that, Sylus is like a light in the dark.

He had a list of trusted professionals to help you, should you want, and multiple of them at that- just in case you don't feel comfortable with the first one or three.

Any food you genuinely like to eat is available at all times, it does not matter if it is three in the morning. Are you wanting it? Nice, it's right there on your plate.

The frequency of which you see him increases, including the twins, despite both situations being... vastly different.

Where he takes you out for dinners at new and gorgeous restaurants, including ones feature in your favorite media or having special events for a game you like- the twins are throwing bags of snacks at you and yelling at you to throw pieces into their mouths and so they can do the same to you.

You will learn Sylus did not ask them to do this, in fact he explicitly told them not to do that.

It's pretty obvious though, they were worried about Sylus. And not just him, but you too.

Probably because of how much Sylus has been concerned about you, even if just in secret.

He doesn't want his feelings to make you feel anything but loved, so prepare for a speech the second you feel any kind of guilty. You're not getting out of this one.

Not until you know how much he cares about you, no matter what.

Rafayel -

The way he treats it is extremely encompassing. The way he sees it, is if you're sad or not doing too hot mentally, it's going to affect every part of your brain, including the parts that make you feel the way you do with your ED.

Driving you somewhere? He's playing upbeat music pounding out of the speakers of his sports car, singing along goofily or making up new words. You haven't eaten in a long time? Too bad, suddenly he's hungry and wants a snack. In fact, he wants a snack every couple of hours. If you binged and feel like dying, he'll be offering you water and any distraction he can to get your mind off of your appearance or the guilt of your binge.

He will spend more of his own free time at the gym if he needs to to work off any extra weight he gains just to help you eat, if eating with him is what helps you and he doesn't want you to see him change and feel guilty over it. He doesn't care.

Constant, constant praise with him. It is not about your appearance, unless it's something you can change. Clothing you picked out, the way your makeup looks today, a hairstyle you did to yourself, etc. So many compliments on your achievements or work, all with a sweet smile across his face.

If it's really bad, he'll paint you gorgeous works in different sizes, that are conveniently perfectly sized to display directly over any mirrors in your apartment.

Whatever you need, he's on it.

He'll be there for you no matter your highs or your lows.

[akutasoda]

do you like scary movies?

synopsis - taking an acting job may end up with you discovering alot more about the esteemed director than you wished you would've known

includes - mr reca

warnings - gn!reader, fluff??, mentions of murder, minor character death, wc - 1.5k

a/n: this possessed me yesterday... i dont like it that much but here you go! happy halloween to those who celebrate :) shouts to @mitsvriii (reca kisser in denial) + @theother-victoria / @https-sourlimes (my fellow ceos of the reca fanclub) for proofreading!! and victoria has kind of enticed me to make a part two...

“it's a bit insensitive, don't you think?” another of actor whispered to you

mere moments ago, you had all been handed the newest script for the highly esteemed mr reca's new film. you had always wanted to have a part in one of his films and so when you saw a post about auditions on paperfolds university notice board, you jumped at the opportunity, to say the audition was nerve-wracking would be a massive underestimate. for one of your first auditions, going for a role in mr reca's film was certainly ambitious.

but by some stroke if luck, you landed a part. and the lead role at that - you swore you nearly ascended to aeonhood when you received the news. the nerves never really went away however, now you felt an immense pressure to do well. mr reca himself had chosen you to play a lead role in his new film. you couldn't let him down.

on the initial audition post, it detailed how it was for roles in a horror film, nothing else. he could be quite secretive like that. so as soon as all roles had been chosen the scripts were handed out in complete confidence and you were all informed of when you needed each part memorized.

“i mean sort of? but people make documentaries all the time…” another one actor whispered before they were quickly shut down by the former who angrily whispered back,

“yeah but those are documentaries! and normally they have eyewitness testimonies!! not some actors acting out stories around it!!”

your slightly scrunched your eyebrows as you re-read the script. you could definitely see it as being somewhat insensitive. it was very evident that the director had taken some inspiration from the current serial killings that were plaguing penacony and outside the dreamscape.

there had been multiple instances of various penacony goers suddenly becoming unresponsive in the dreamscape and then later found dead in their hotel rooms in the real world. it had taken penacony by storm and multiple messages from the family had been issued to try and calm the masses.

although the family's noticeable lack of actual action was what caused most of the panic, they only addressed it and told people to stay safe. not taking any proper action like they should be doing.

this was probably why mr reca began directing a horror film now, with everyone's eyes on the news about this masked killer horror was all the rage - it would be weird if not even one director didn't capitalize of this event as morbid as that may seem.

but some days, penacony was the emptiest it had ever been due to the constant fear of becoming the serial killer's next victim. apparently, however, mr reca didn't seem to be phased by such fads. as written in the scripts were detail for detail deaths that perfectly resemble their real life counterparts.

each one even had a perfect example for how the kill was carried out which, admittedly, sent a shiver down your spine. it wasn't exactly unknown that reca used some real life scenarios to model parts of his films, but this did seem excessive. but you weren't really in a position to argue against him.

so while your fellow actors bickered about the script, you bit your tongue and held your thoughts in - despite the constant unease that plagued the back of your mind. you were an actor, this was a film. all you had to do was memorize your lines and prove to mr reca that he chose the right person to play the main character.

the first few days of filming had gone well, so far your character had yet to encounter the killer and was living up to the overused “plot armor” character. from what you had read in the script, your character was meant to live until the end, losing all your friends along the way and narrowly escaping death more times than you could count. typical horror movie protagonist.

you had to admit, mr reca certainly was… out there when it came to the creative liberty he had taken about the backstories of how the kills were carried out. you could almost imagine that he was there with how well thought out it was - especially paired with how accurately detailed the kills were… even though the family kept most of the details secret…

he probably had a way of getting those. probably best not to dwell on it.

everything went rather smoothly until the last couple scenes. your character was meant to encounter the killer face to face for the first time after seeing your best friend be killed - in the same manner as the last victim that lost their life a couple days before filming to the real serial killer - and then you'd run away and survive. pretty standard acting in your eyes.

but when you entered the studio, the first thing you noticed was the lack of other actors or crew. the only other person you had seen so far was the other actor who was meant to be playing the role of “your best friend” but they were leaving as you entered.

then you encountered mr reca himself, standing in the middle of the set half dressed in the exact same outfit as the real masked killer detailed by the family to watch out for. he was really making this authentic huh?

“mr reca, sir, i didn't know you were playing a role in your own film?” you poised, you knew he'd be there with his assistant but that was to oversee the filming but you hadn't expected him to take up a role himself.

he hummed “yes. normally i don't but i deemed my original choice unfit and it's too late for replacements” the costume certainly fit him too well for a last minute replacement.. did he have it made recently?

he took a couple steps over to a table that was on set, looking over it before picking up a knife that seemed a bit too real to be a prop, “plus, i had an idea. a change in scenes you may say and i wanted to personally try out my new idea”

panic flooded your body at the idea of not going by the original script you memorized, but you swallowed any hesitancy and agreed, you could handle an impromptu scene change right? you shakily agreed and sensing your nerves, reca continued

“don't worry, i don't expect you to get it right on the first try, i did drop this on you. i may need to act it out a couple times to decide myself” this time, he stalked over to you and gave you a smirk that set off your fight or flight “i haven't quite decided which kill i prefer yet”

the filming certainly took longer than you anticipated, mr reca kept changing the scenario and you always tried to keep up with his ideas but you were wearing thin. it appeared as though his main change was making your character become the final victim. you knew it was all acting and he was trying to find the perfect end but there was something about how passionate he was about each scenario that unnerved you more and more.

each scenario was so perfectly planned out. you could take a guess that they could all be carried out without a hitch or even a suspect if the current serial killer were to perform them. even halfway through, on one of your breaks, you made a joke about it to him.

“you know, mr reca” he turned to look at you “your scenarios are always really planned out! it's like your a natural at this” you let out a small awkward chuckle as you trailed off

he smiled “a good director must know about what he's directing, that's how a film feels authentic” a small pause as he looked down at the “prop” in his hand, turning it a few times “and even get some hands on experience…”

you couldn't quite catch his last few words so you asked him to repeat but he made a small vague dismissive gesture with his empty hand

“dont worry about it, what's more important is that i think i figured out what i want for the scene” he beamed and so you agreed to wrap up filming for that day.

the next day, for your own piece of mind, you decided to ignore the latest death that occured last night being carried out the exact same way that you acted out with him that previous night.

and you didn't look into the fact that he personally asked you to act again in his next horror film as the main character again. it was all a coincidence right? mr reca wouldn't hurt you if it wasn't though… right?

taglist - @little-miss-chaoss, @frankiesteinn

[paperclip-skz]

Happy Halloween OT8

a/n: So this is my "apology" for not doing Kinktober. I think this is what I'll do (if it gets good feedback) for special holidays/events, that sort of thing... I don't know. This is the first time I've done this sort of thing, and I'll be honest—I'm very nervous. I hope you'll like it. and ....yea

p.s: this is gonna be my "sat" post as well.

fem reader x ot8

*WARNING*

CONTAINS Pnv, praising, teasing, kissing, oral (m and F receiving), make-out, mentions of insecurities, the reader is VERY insecure, be mentally healthy, fluff, riding, grinding, creampie (don't), spanking, voyeurism, rough, I'll be honest I didn't fully proof read this cause I kinda rushed; I'm sure I missed something...

WC: 7k

Synopsis: Your SKZ's manager finds out you're not so confident in yourself. Now, they are determined to show you how truly special you are.

********************

It's a normal Thursday afternoon. You're pulling a small trolley filled with small containers labeled with names. You push the trolley into the practice studio, where you see Minho leading the rest of the group. 

“Come and get it!” you shout, leading the trolley to the side. 

The boys sprint in your direction, saying their “thank yous” and each taking a container with their name on it until there are only two left—one labeled Chan and the other blank. Chan walks up to you with his warm smile and endearing eyes as he takes his labeled lunch, “Thank you, Y/N.”

“No problem, Chan, it's my job,” you smile. 

 You take yours and take your spot in the small circle the boys created in the middle of the studio. They all murmur amongst themselves as they eat their lunch until something Seungmin says that makes your ears perk. 

“All I’m saying is that it's easy to thirst over you, Felix Hyung, because you have abs. I don’t.” his voice is small, and it makes your heart shatter into tiny pieces at his words. 

"Minnie, you really shouldn't have to worry about any of that. In fact, none of you need to. Each and every one of you is not just attractive but truly stunning. You're all hot, and even then, people don’t love you just because you're beautiful but because you all love each other and your fans." Your words spill out in a rush, but you don't mind. It's important that they understand just how amazing they are.

Chan's smile is warm from your words but doesn’t reach his eyes. “Thank you Y/N. Sometimes it's just hard.” 

You understand him, but they can’t possibly believe they are any less extraordinary than they already are. You can’t explain why you say your next words or why they make your blood turn, but….you can’t help it. “Than who would you rather look like? Me?” you scoff. 

Stuffing the last bit of lunch into your mouth. Everyone freezes. Minho and Seungmin stare dead at you, Binnie looks like he is about to cry, and Jisung and Hyunjin freeze, holding a fork mid-bite.

Chan also freezes. Staring at you with hurt in his eyes, his look almost makes you think you directed your comment at him if it wasn't for his following words. “What do you mean by that Y/N?”

Panic surges within you. Well, now what? You weren’t one to share your insecurities out loud, and you definitely weren’t one to challenge them either. You were somewhat confident with how you looked and how people saw you, but that didn’t mean you wished you could change things. “I just mean….” there's no getting out of this now. “I’m not like any of you guys,” you laugh awkwardly. “I don’t have strong arms, toned abs, or even the equivalent…. I’m just… me.” You look down at your hands in your lap.

“I’m sorry, I’m still confused. Angel, are you saying you don’t like your body?” Hyunjin looks at you, dropping his fork into the remains of his lunch.

You look up at him. “I—well-...yea…yea I—” you say, but the sound of your phone ringing cuts you off. You quickly grab and answer your phone, apologizing for leaving the room and silently thanking whatever higher power got you out of that in your head. 

******

A few minutes later, you hang up the phone. Now, you're debating whether you want to return to the studio. You turn on your heel, deciding against walking into whatever awkward silence situation awaits you. But before you could even walk down the hallway, someone grabbed your wrist. As you turn your head, you lock eyes with a person whose gaze is tainted by the remnants of spilled coffee. Their eyes mirror what you can only describe as sorrow, causing a sharp pang in your chest. 

“Wait, Y/N, can I talk to you for a second?” Chan whispers. 

“Yeah, what's up?” you perk, trying to smile your way out of awkwardness. 

“What you said back there? Were you serious?” 

You steer clear of making eye contact. “I mean, yeah,” you throw your arms up in defense, still unwilling to meet his defeated eyes. “I would pretty much give anything to look even remotely close to any of you guys. I’m not—" Your words fail when you do look up to see his face. 

He looks more than defeated; he looks hurt. “Chan… it's okay. It's not like I’m not confident with what I have; I make it work.” You laugh through your words, trying to lighten the mood. 

Your phone rings in your hand again, and you know you need to get back to work. "Hey, I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah," Chan smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes, and you know from seeing him genuinely smile that he has something on his mind. But you decide not to address it and leave to get back to the rest of the day. 

*****

‘Can I see you after work?’ Chan texts. 

‘Sure! Is everything okay?’ A hint of concern seeps into your head, and you bite your lip, hoping nothing has gone wrong.

 ‘Yeah, everything’s fine. I just want to talk a bit more, if that’s cool with you.’ he responds

‘Of course. I’ll be done in a bit,’ you reply, feeling a flutter of anticipation in your stomach. 

As the workday drags on, your mind frequently wanders back to Chan's request. The way he looked at you yesterday, the weight in his gaze—there was something urgent behind those soft brown eyes. The clock seems to mock you as each minute ticks by, and when it finally strikes the end of the day, you practically sprint to the exit.

Outside, the evening air is filled with a cool breeze, sending shivers down your spine. You spot Chan leaning casually against a wall, his trademark smile lighting up his features. There’s a warmth in how he stands, a confidence that makes you feel at ease despite the gravity of your earlier conversation.

“Hey!” he calls out as you approach, his smile widening, igniting a warmth in your chest. 

“Hey!” you reply, unable to suppress your grin, but the playful atmosphere doesn’t fully mask the anxious flutter of your heart.

“Let’s take a walk?” he suggests, and you nod, matching your pace with his as you stroll down the sidewalk. The fading sunlight paints the sky in hues of pink and gold, wrapping you both in a serene ambiance.

After a moment of comfortable silence, Chan turns to you, his expression shifting to something more serious. “About what you said yesterday… I really want you to know that I think you’re beautiful just the way you are.”

You stop walking, caught off guard by his words. “Chan, I—”

“No, let me finish.” He takes a deep breath, his brows furrowing slightly in concentration. “I get it. We all have insecurities, but you have this light that just… shines. The way you support us, how you care—it’s more than just looks. You’re a big part of our family.”

Your heart swells at his words, the sincerity in his voice washing over you like a warm wave. “I appreciate that, really. It’s just hard sometimes.”

“It is,” he agrees, stepping closer, his voice barely more than a whisper. “But I want you to be kinder to yourself. You deserve that.”

His gaze remains fixed on yours, and it feels like time has stopped. The world around you fades, leaving just the two of you in this moment, filled with unspoken understanding and connection.

“Thank you, Chan,” you finally say, feeling vulnerable yet cherished.

You smile, feeling the warmth spread through you.

“This actually reminds me. I needed to show you something, but it's back at the dorm,” Chan says, rubbing the back of his neck.

Your smile widens. What in the world is going on? “Um, sure, but can I ask what it’s for?” 

“I wanted to discuss something about work with you, but it’s on my home computer, not my laptop,” Chan explains.

Your curiosity peaks. He never comes unprepared; nevertheless, it's Chan. You've always trusted his judgment, especially when it comes to work.

“Okay, I suppose,” you shrug, not thinking much of it.

That leaves you standing in front of 3 Racha's and Hyunjin’s apartment.

Chan opens the door and steps inside first, blocking your view. “So, what did you want to show me?” you ask, your smile bright.

“It’s right in here.” He steps aside, allowing you to walk into the apartment.

Your eyes widen when you see the rest of the guys crowded into the small living room. Okay, what is going on? “Chan?” you question, but he’s already closed and locked the door behind you.

“Sorry, doll. We knew this was the only way we could get you here,” Hyunjin says, dragging your attention back to the group of men in the room.

“So I’m assuming I’m not here for work reasons?”

Chan suddenly steps into your line of sight, his figure blocking out the chaos around you. You observe every detail: the way his shoulders are tense, the subtle clenching of his fists at his sides, and the tight lines of his mouth. He stands silently, an impenetrable wall of unexpressed emotions, deliberately avoiding your gaze as if the weight of his thoughts is too heavy to share. 

A churning confusion fills your mind; you can’t shake the questions racing through you. What is he thinking? Why are you here, caught in this surreal moment? The air feels thick and electric, amplifying your unease as you ponder the mystery of the situation. Will someone please just say something?

Chan joins the rest of the guys in the living room, still keeping his head down. Finally, Felix answers for the group: “No Angel, sorry. We just want to talk.” His voice is so soft, almost like he’s scared, you’ll run away. 

“About what?” You ask. 

“About what you said earlier.” This time, it's Binnie who speaks. 

You groan, “This again, seriously guys, it’s fine.” 

“No, it's not, doll,” Hyunjin says, stepping before everyone. We know what it's like—” words die in his throat. You can see the wheels of his mind turning, a visible storm brewing beneath the surface. His brow creases in concentration, and his lips curl into a grimace that speaks of inner turmoil. The flicker of pain in his eyes is almost palpable as if each thought pierces through him like a shard of glass. Watching him grapple with this internal conflict sends a slow, painful ache deep within you, evoking a powerful sense of need to hold him, to vanquish any negative thoughts he might have. 

Jisung comes up behind him, squeezing his shoulder. “We just want to remind you how beautiful you are,” Jisung smiles at you. 

“This is all sweet, guys, but I can't change my opinion of myself just because you say some nice things about me,” you say, feeling bashful and uneasy. Your emotions well up at the idea of your friends attempting to cheer you up, but you know it's not that simple.

“You're right,” Chan pipes, his sudden voice booming off the walls, “It won’t change your mind, but maybe showing you will.” he strides across the room and suddenly grasps your jaw, angling you forward into his embrace and sealing your lips with his. His kiss is demanding and hungry, begging for entrance into your mouth, and with a gasp, you let him in. It is a wave of emotions: shock, anger, embarrassment, and above all else, lust. 

Your hands, resting on Chan’s chest to push him away, steadily creep up into his hair, pulling at his roots, which release a low rumble from his chest. Your tongue dances with a secret rhythm, finding each other's warmth. You both pause, feeling the need to catch your breath after the intense moment, and you find yourselves gazing deeply into each other's eyes. Time seems to stand still as you're locked in this powerful and captivating gaze until the moment is interrupted by Minho's cough, demanding your attention.

Suddenly, that same steaming lust is replaced by heating embarrassment. Your cheeks radiate heat, and you can already tell your face is as red as a tomato. 

Oh. My. God

You take two steps backward, only to fall into Seungmin’s arm. “Hey pup,” he whispers, sending chills down your spine. “Can I show you as well?” 

He takes your shocked expression as hidden permission and tilts your head to meet his lips. His kiss is a beautiful contrast to Chan's - gentle and deliberate. He savors each movement of your lips, his touch sending tingles down to your core, and your longing for the kiss to deepen grows with each passing moment. The way his hand cradles your face, the warmth of his breath against your skin, and the soft brush of his lips against yours make your insides coil. 

It's not long before you're guided away from Seungmin's lips and directed to another pair. Jisung gently pulls you forward to connect his lips with your own. 

You're completely hypnotized by Jisung’s kiss and the way Seungmin presses the full weight of his body to your backside. Different pairs of hands skim your body, coating your skin with goosebumps. You feel multiple pairs of lips wet your exposed skin, what little there is, until you feel a pair of hands gripping the slim fabric and trying to pull it off your body. 

You pull away from Jisung to find Minho trying to pry off your clothes. “Can we, kitten? Can we show you just how beautiful you are?”

Your head nods faster than you can think about what's happening around you, but that's all Minho needs. He grabs your wrists, pulls you away from the rest of the group, and guides you to a nearby bedroom. 

Everyone follows behind, prowling like your their prey. Minho makes you stand in the center of the room, presenting you like a main course. He comes face to face with you, staring at you for one last sign of permission. You allowed your hand to guide you, resting it on his cheek. Instinctively, he leaned into your touch, closing his eyes and releasing a soft purr at the sensation.

Not a moment later, his hands find your waist, squeezing and tugging you closer to him. You let your body fall into his warmth and let your lips collide with his. He’s lost in the way you taste, the way your tongues demand dominance with one another. His hands travel to the band of your pants, unbuttoning them and dragging them down along with himself. He ends up on his knees, kissing your now exposed legs. His smirk is devilish, shining with a hidden mischief. 

He places a soft kiss on your clothed pussy, his eyes staring at the small wet patch you’ve stained. He smirks up at you, “Someone keep her occupied while I’m busy down here.” 

Minho hooks his fingers into the band of your panties and pulls them down. You watch his head dip to your now-exposed sex. He darts his tongue out to place kitten licks across your folds, but soon, the taste of you takes over any sense of control he has left in him. He dives his head between your legs, struggling to get his tongue across your entire pussy; all the while, your shaking legs get weak, and you have no choice but to grab hold of his hair for balance. 

Whimpers fill the room, your eyes shut tight, and your insides begin to turn. Everyone in the room has held their breath to watch you shake under Minho’s influence. 

Finally, Jeongin emerges from the small group of guys in the room. He strides toward you with an effortless grace, each movement deliberate and fluid. His shoulders are back, exuding a calm, hidden confidence that draws your attention. There’s a glint in his eyes, and the subtle curve of his lips makes you buzz with excitement. As he closes the distance, the air around him almost crackles with unspoken energy. Your eyes are blown with lust, and your body trembles with how small you appear under his intense gaze. 

His hand cradles your jaw, compelling you to meet his gaze. His iron-like grip makes you fold under his touch, “you look so pretty like this,” he says softly. The sounds Minho is dragging out of your throbbing cunt echo throughout the room. You lean into Jeongins touch, and your eyes inevitably dart to where the rest of the guys are groping their hard-ons. Felix and Jisung already have their dicks out, their hand pumping slowly while they watch the scene unfold. Chan stands silently in the corner, his hands crossed as he studies your eyes. 

“Look at me, baby,” Jeongin demands, his grip on your jaw pulling you back. Minho begins to swirl his tongue along your sensitive nub, which makes you whimper. Jeongin’s gaze grows darker, and he sucks in a breath, “we need to quiet the pretty mouth of yours,” he says…” suck on my fingers.”

Your eyes are drawn to him, fixating on the way his face glimmers in the light, the sinister smile spreading across his lips like a shadow creeping over the sun, but before you can answer or protest, he’s shoving two fingers past your lips to suck on. 

You hum around his fingers, twirling your tongue around the digit, savoring the sweet-salty taste. You initially believed that you would despise the experience, yet surprisingly, you find yourself relishing the sensation. It envelops you like a warmth you didn’t anticipate, awakening feelings you didn't expect to enjoy. His other hand steadily sneaks to grab hold of your clothed breast, squeezing the soft flesh; it makes you buck under his touch, grinding on Minho’s face. 

Minho breaks away from your cunt, your arousal dripping down his chin. “Fuck, you taste so good” You gasp away from Jeongin’s fingers from the loss of Minho’s tongue and look down at his blown-out eyes. He looks high, high off the taste of you, and it's clear he isn’t done. 

“I want a taste dammit!” Jisung whines. 

“Well then, come get it, crybaby.” Minho stands and walks confidently over to Jisung. He stands tall, his chest rising slowly in front of him. He can see the temptation in his eyes, and you can sense Jisung’s mind turning with need, debating right from wrong. He stands tall, his chest rising and falling with each measured breath as if trying to steady himself amidst the swirling emotions. The temptation glimmers in his eyes, a mixture of desire and uncertainty. You can almost feel the weight of Jisung's internal struggle; his mind races with conflicting thoughts, torn between the allure of what he wants and the moral compass guiding him toward what is right. Each moment seems to stretch as he grapples with his impulses, caught in a delicate dance between longing and restraint.

Soon, Minho becomes impatient with Jisung’s uncertainty and takes matters into his own hands. He grasps the back of Jisung’s neck, pulling him flat against his own lips. You can see your own arousal mixed with how their lips dance, and it sends a newfound tingle straight to your core. 

“You like that babydoll?” Changbin speaks, coming forward next to Jeongin. You nod your head, slightly mesmerized by how Jisung and Minho have entwined themselves.

 “Then keep watching,” Changbin whispers in your ear as his hand slowly sneaks down to your core, toying with your folds. He rubs your clit for only a little while, swirling what’s left of your wetness around your entrance until, finally, he dips one of his fingers into you. He sinks deep inside you, almost making you fall backward onto the bed. 

Your eyes roll to the back of your skull, and Changbin only smirks. Jeongin stares at your fucked out expression, mesmerized by how your body reacts to different touches. “We should lay her down so everyone can have a turn.” Felix’s voice makes you jump, which evidently makes you roll on Changbins finger. You moan loudly as he finds that secret gummy spot within you. “Lix is right,” Hyunjin pipes. 

“Fine by me.” Changbin slowly guides you to lay your back on the bed, his finger never leaving you. 

Changbins finger slowly start to pump within your walls and you moan at the feeling of his girthy finger twirling inside you. You're not entirely sure how, but somehow, someone removed your flimsy shirt, revealing your breasts practically spilling out of your bra. 

Hyunjin gawks at them, drooling at the sight. Changbin leans by your side, watching you thrive under his manipulation, and then you feel him add another finger. You're too distracted by Changbins skilled fingers to tell Hyunjin he can have his fill if he wants to; the only sounds leaving your lips are small moans. So, instead of speaking, you grab Hyunjins jaw and slowly guide him to your chest. He takes the hint right away and shines a pretty boy smile. He starts placing small kisses along your bra before diligently reaching under you to unclasp your bra, leaving you bare before the eight men in the room. 

Hyunjin lets out a small “fuck” at the sight, but soon he’s attaching his lips to a hardened nipple and sucking on the bud like his life depends on it. The sensation of both Changbin’s and Hyunjin’s efforts makes your body arch into them, and you start to feel the coil in your lower belly begin to break.

Your moans are louder, Changbin’s hand pumps faster, and the air in the room is so thick your breath quickens. “I- I’m gonna-” 

“We know, sweetheart, let go,” Felix whispers in your ear. When the hell did he get here? 

Changbin can feel you clenching around his fingers, but he decides to add to your pleasure by pressing his tongue flat against your clit. You scream loudly as your first orgasm washes over you. Changbin only slowly his finger and keeps his tongue pressed against you, letting you ride the waves of your pleasure. Hyunjin stays where he is, switching from one nipple to the other, clearly content. 

 Felix cradles you between his legs, making you more comfortable in his arms as he caresses your hair. “You did so well for us, sweets.” You can barely keep your eyes open, but a deeper part of you knows you are not done, that they aren’t done. 

“You taste so sweet, angel.” Hyunjin lifts his head from one of your nipples. 

“Come ooon, your hoggin her!” Seungmin starts. Hyunjin disappears from your line of sight, his hand disappearing between his legs.  

Jisung and Minho have separated from each other to observe the scene. Your head feels heavy, resting against Felix’s thigh. You loll your head back and forth across his thigh until you come face to face with Felix’s red mushroom tip. It already leaks precum, which makes your mouth water with need. 

Your tongue pokes out to lick a small strip up Felix’s waiting dick. He hisses at the contact. The salty, bitter taste tastes so sweet on your tongue that it makes your mouth loll out to take his whole length down your throat. His hand comes over to push your hair out of your face; it's not the most comfortable position - Your body still between Felix’s legs while your neck is at an angle where you can reach his swollen member. The rest of the guys watch your struggle, your legs still twitching from your orgasm. 

“Thats it” Seungmin marches over to your body. You momentarily separate yourself from Felix’s cock, only so Seungmin can flip you over on your stomach. You reattach your lips onto Felix’s member while Seungmin plays with the flesh of your ass, squeezing and massaging. 

You can’t see him, but you can just imagine what he must look like. His body bare to the world, his leaking cock begging to be swallowed whole until you feel two of his digits delicately rubbing against your folds. He plays with you for a moment, watching you moan around Felix’s cock from the overstimulation. 

The vibrations of your moan send shivers down Felix’s spine. His hand comes back down to hold your head; you can feel his restraint, not wanting to cross any hidden barriers. 

Seungmin spreads your legs as wide as they can, and he sneaks his way between them, letting his cock rub up and down your waiting folds. The idea of finally being full, finally getting the sensation you’ve been craving, especially without the barrier of a condom, makes your whole body buzz. 

“You ready, pup? Condom or not, you better tell me now,” Seungmin says. 

Without answering, you push your ass against him. You're on birth control, and you know the risks, but you simply can’t find it in yourself to care; you’re so full of need, and lust simmers off your skin. 

“Fuuuuuck,” he groans and pushes only the tip past your walls. You are still halfway past Felix’s cock, enjoying the initial stretch. “Pussy so warm and tight,” he moans, pushing further into you. You let out a muffled whine; he’s isn’t as girthy as you expected, but he long. He hits all the right places, curving upward, every ridge and vein, making it impossible not to roll your eyes at the feeling. 

Your eyes are screwed tight while your lips are occupied. Seungmin finally pushes his full length inside you; in doing so, he pushes you further down Felix’s cock. Seungming’s hips collide with your ass cheeks, and your lips meet with Felix’s groin. You feel so full, so stretched, and oh so good. 

You coke a little on Felix, and he immediately removes his hand from the back of your head. “Shit, Y/N, are you okay?” he rushes with his words. He takes you off his cock, watching your face for any signs, but all you do is smirk. With Seungmin inside you and squeezing your hips, you're so lust-driven that you don’t care if your throat burns a little. So, you guide his hand back to the back of your head and lower your lips back to his dripping member. He lets out a guttural groan as your tongue presses flat against his length. 

Seungmin watches Felix lose himself in your mouth, “Jesus fucking Christ,” he whispers out, and with that, he starts to move his hip. He starts slow, letting his cock drag against your walls. 

Felix’s hand guides your head up and down his length, your spit spilling down your chin and Seungmins cock picking up pace. He has no need to be fast or brutal, but you can feel he wants to be embedded in you; he wants you to remember how deep he is. So he keeps his steady pace, not too fast but pressing deep into your stomach. 

Like Seungmin before, you don’t see him, but Hyunjin appears at your side, letting his hands roam your body. His rough fingertips make the sensation of Seungmin’s cock heighten. “Look at you, you're beautiful,” Hyunjin praises. 

Your body feels warm from his praise, but it is quickly replaced with a sharp pain from the smack Seungmin lets out on your left ass cheek. He lets it form a pretty pink mark before slapping another to your right cheek, matching it well. Your moans are muffled by your focus on Felix’s cock, but you can feel the swell of your tears forming. 

Felix’s eyes have never been so focused on you or so dark. You dare to make eye contact with him, letting him see the tears form and one fall across your cheek. 

He flushes at the sight. Your mouth is stuffed full of HIS cock, and your teary eyes overflowing; your cheeks are flushed pink, and your hands grip his thighs like you don’t want to be pulled away from him. 

There are so many hands, so many touches, and so many feelings that you are so overwhelmed with sensations and emotions that you can’t tell when one starts or when one ends. 

Seungmin releases a loud moan when he feels you clenching around his member…and he snaps. Letting pure instinct take control. His hands hold your hips, and he starts railing into your pussy like never before. “Fuck, fuck, fuck” he lets out with each pound he makes into you. 

At this point, you don’t have to lift your head. You let Seungmin push and pull your pack, making a perfect rhythm on Felix’s dick. 

That familiar coil in your stomach builds quicker than before. “Fuck I can feel you clenching,” Sungmin moans, “are you gonna cum again, pup?” 

You moan around Felix, which makes his head fall back. “Fucking cum on my cock” Seungmin makes his last few thrust prominent, making sure you never forget the feeling of his dick inside you. He shoots white spurts of cum into your cunt. You don’t know if it was the feeling of being full or the fact that you haven't had a dick inside you for the better part of 2 years, but you cum again. You spasm around his dick like crazy, legs shaking, eyes rolling to the back of your head. 

Felix visibly shakes from your orgasm, and it makes him shoot his load straight down your throat. You hold your head still, letting your mouth take the full capacity of his load, not letting a single drop slip. Once you lift your head, you make a dramatic show out of swallowing down his load and opening your mouth to him as proof. 

Seungmin releases your hips, and your legs flop like jello as you roll over onto your back. “I’m sorry, bunny, but I need you” All you can muster is a small moan before Changbin pulls your body to the end of the bed aligning his cock along your throbbing entrance. He wastes no time shoving his needy cock all the way into you, kissing your bruised cervix. You make a weak attempt to squirm away, your over-sensitive walls making your whole body burn. 

He grabs hold of your hips, making a low growl. “Fuck how are you still so tight.” His cock pulls in and out of your hole, and your legs weakly wrap around his waist. He pistons his hips in and out of you. Sounds that can only be described as pornographic bounce throughout the room, leaving the rest of the men to watch the scene unfold before them. 

“Hey kitten, remember me?” he whispers. Minho comes into view above you. 

Changbin doesn’t let up from his pace, hitting your gummy walls perfectly every time. You crane your head up to look at Minho, staring down at you. He looks lethal from here, his body coated in a sheer sheet of sweat, his bare chest in clear view, and his devilish smirk shining brightly. 

Your whole body shakes from how rough Changbin is being with you, but you don’t mind. You love the slight pain he inflicts on your used cunt, you love the way they look at you, like your food, and they are starved. 

“Is our little binnie treating you well?” Minho leans down to ghost your ear. 

His voice makes your body clench, “fuck yes, bunny, keep doing that,” Changbin growls. 

“Does it feel good?” Minho's voice grows impossibly lower. Your face crunches up tight in pleasure. 

His hands dig bruises into your hips, “so good for us. Look at how well you take Binnie.” Minho sneaks his hand across your body, inching down to where you and Changbin connect. He finds your overly sensitive nub in no time and starts rubbing circles. Your body squirms, but both Changbin and Minho hold you still. 

“You can do it, baby” Minho whispers in your ear. You didn’t notice your orgasm building because your whole body hums with aftershocks. 

“I can’t- please, I can’t.”Your voice comes out as a strangled cry, tears in your eyes. But deep down, you know you can handle what they’re doing; in fact, you crave their dominance, their control—you crave them.

“Oh yes, you can, kitten,” his voice grows wild. In fact, you're gonna do it now,” his finger presses flat against your nub. 

You come undone with a scream, shaking a spasaming out of control. It's not until you realize Changbin has finished his thrusts in you that you see your arousal dripping down his chest. 

“Look at that pretty, you squirted all over Binnie” Hyunjin smiles that big teethy smile. 

Changbin pulls out of you with a gutted groan, while Minho moves his hands so he can rub delicate circles along your hips. 

You think you might pass out with how heavy your body feels. Jisung’s eager body comes jumping into view. 

You can barely lift your eyelids, until you feel the softness of Jisungs lips connect with yours. You lean in, heart racing, trying your best to kiss him back. Every inch of you longs for this moment to stretch into eternity. Yet, despite your desire, your body feels heavy and immobile, like a weighted blanket draped over the soft sheets. You feel the warmth of his lips against yours, but the sensation of the mattress pulling you down makes it difficult to fully engage in the kiss. 

Jisung pulls away for a brief moment, his warm brown eyes glinting in the soft light. A gentle smile spreads across his face as he leans closer. “It’s okay, pretty,” he murmurs, his voice soothing and tender. As he reaches up, his hand gently pats your head in a comforting gesture. “Next time,” he promises, his expression filled with sincerity, assuring you that this won’t be the end. 

Jisung nods to Minho as they both help you to sit up. Thick drips of cum slide down your legs, and the warmth of it makes you clench, sending more down your thighs. 

Both Minho and Jisung stare at it, watching it slowly run down. You look down, noticing only Jisung has a thumping red tip leaking precum, but Minho's pretty cock lays limp. “Was Felix not enough for you kitten?” Minho answer your hidden thoughts. 

You lick your lips at his words. He smirks, “Why don’t you take care of Jisungie? I’m all good.” He nods to the small wet patch glistening on his lower stomach. 

You bite your lip at the thought of Minho getting off at all the dirty scenes that unfolded. You look back to Jisung’s pleading eyes, and you can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. 

You lower your head, sticking your tongue out to tease him, only giving him small kitten licks. You feel his hands across your head patting it, until he grips your hair tightly. He forces you to look up at him, giving him a perfect show of how your neck stretches. “What do you do if it's too much?” he says. 

You bite your lip, “squeeze two times to stop, once to slow down”

“Good girl” he calls and then he aligns your lips back down to his cock, slowly pushing it into your mouth. 

Your sole focus is keeping your lips tightly around his member and lolling your tongue so it drags along his bass. Jisung moans at the feeling of your warm wet mouth coating his cock, and soon he's slowly thrusting his hips into your throat. You don’t need to move your head at all, you just keep your head steady as Jisung does all the work. His tip hit the back of your throat making you gag around his cock, his hips stutter for a moment, but your lips keep their hold. 

Jisung groans and picks his pace back up again, thrusting his hips into your throat. It's not long after he’s shooting his cum down said throat and your humming from the sweet salty taste. 

*****

After everything you went through your body still tingles. You can feel Binnie’s cum still dripping down your legs, and your throat is sore from how Jisung used it, but still, you couldn’t be happier. Chan carries you to the tub where they’ve runned you a bath. They thought of everything, from the bath bomb to the water temperature. 

You can hear the rumble of Chan’s giggles when he sees your blissed face. 

He carefully lets you rest your back to the edge of the bathtub, letting your body soak in the warm water. He pulls his arm from underneath you and kisses your head. " Let me know when you're ready,” he whispers and attempts to leave, but you grab hold of his arm.

“No,” you let out, unable to produce many words. His warmth was so comforting when he carried you, and you were surrounded by so much warmth the last thing you wanted was the warmth to walk away, especially his. 

“Huh,” he looks at you, worried written all over his face. 

“Don’t go,” you whine, your pouty lips beckoning him back. 

He lets out a small laugh and nods his head forward. You lean forward, allowing him to slip his body into the tub and behind you.  

You rest against his back, basking in his and the warmth of the water. You cuddle close to him…until you feel…it. 

Your eyes pop at his hard member poking your side. And thats when you realize Chan didn’t really have a proper chance at you. You angle your head to look up at him, seeing that he’s staring back down at you. He’s silent, with a smile that stretches to his eyes. 

You realize that this probably wouldn't have happened if it weren’t for him. A warm smile spreads across your face as you vividly recall the memory that sparked this whole chain of events, and you can’t help but notice how your entire body reacts - each heartbeat a little stronger, each thought a little bit more confident than the last. 

You move slightly to where you're straddling his lap, his member only a slight shift of your hips away from entering your already spent hole. 

“Wha-what are you doing, babygirl?” 

Instead of finding the right words, you draw closer and press your lips against his. You kiss him with the same passion you once showed him and with a new confidence. You can’t find the words to thank him, so you try to show it.

You can feel the soft brush of his lips and the familiar scent of him enveloping you, creating a cocoon of intimacy. In this moment, gratitude fills you to the brim, but the words elude your tongue. Instead of speaking, you pour all your unspoken thanks into the kiss, hoping he senses the depth of your feelings—the joy, the longing, and the overwhelming passion you have for him. 

You roll your hips slightly, his cock sliding along your entrance; you both sigh at the feeling. “But-wait-” but again, you don’t let him finish; you're already lifting your hips so his length slides into your waiting hole. 

Chan lets out a low growl when he bottoms out inside you, kissing your cervix. You hiss at the stretch; it's painful, especially since your walls are bruised and swollen. He takes his time, letting you get used to the added stretch of his length. You bite your lip as the pain quickly subsides into a throbbing pleasure. 

Thankfully, when Chan starts to rock his groin into you, he starts slow, knowing you're sore and worn out - still, you can’t help the whimpers that escape your lips, “I know babygirl, just hold on tight to me,” he calls. 

You grip his shoulder like a vice as he slowly uses your cunt. You see his face scrunch up in pleasure; you can tell he suppressing the urge to abuse your cunt; you can feel it in the way his hands squeeze your side, almost leaving indents in your hips. You lean your head against his shoulder, your hips trying to match his pace. 

You want him to have his way, to let go. “Why are you being so gentle with me?” you finally ask. You could feel the goosebumps coating his skin as you spoke those words. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, you're already-” you cut him off with your lips pressed to his. Of course, he would think about you before himself, that was always him…but not tonight. 

“I want more, please Chan” You lean back so you can lock his eyes, knowing the one thing to make his control snap, “Please d-daddy, give me more” 

His whole body stills. For a second you think you went too far, that you read him wrong, but his eyes turn dark and his grip turns knuckle white. 

“Okay baby” he breathes, “just relax for me Daddy will make it feel good”

The night ended with Chan’s cum mixed with Seungmin’s and Binnies, you were spent and tired, but happy, oh so happy. 

Your voice was horse, your body numb and satisfied. That night, you slept in Chan’s arms, wrapped in a cozy blanket, and the sounds of his steady breathing were all you needed for that last push to sleep. 

****

In the days that followed, a palpable tension hung in the air, punctuated by stolen glances and fleeting moments that seemed to stretch the boundaries of time. Each shared smile felt electric, igniting a spark that lingered in the spaces between you. You were always aware that if you ever experienced any moments of doubt or uncertainty, they would be right there to remind you just how truly extraordinary and remarkable you are. 

[amethystarachnid]

OPPOSITES - part I

⤷ JAMES B. “BUCKY” BARNES

ᯓ★ Pairing: James B. “Bucky” Barnes x fem!reader

ᯓ★ Genre: romance, fluff, tiny bit of angst

ᯓ★ Request from: MARVEL multiverse

ᯓ★ Story type: short fanfic

ᯓ★ Part II

ᯓ★ Word count: 6.5k

ᯓ★ Summary: you were raised with strict rules, never once dared to break one of them but the mysterious man you meet at the bar maybe deserves a few rules break.

ᯓ★ TW(s): mentions of alcohol

ᯓ★ AU: 1920s Gangstares

ᯓ★ Request: plz i neeeeeeeed the 1920s one i’ve been binging peaky blinders ( @one-lengthiness36 )

ᯓ★ Since request didn't spicy reader's gender I'll write it as a fem!reader, as I've said in the post

ᯓ★ Comment if you want to be added to the taglist (specify if you want the everything taglist or for a specific character)

ᯓ★ Songs & Superheroes tales - The Game (to make a request, follow the rules on the link!)

ᯓ★ MARVEL Bingo (requests open)

ᯓ★ Masterlist

ᯓ★ If you are a Charles Xavier fan click on this link!

ᯓ★ English isn’t my first language and this isn’t proof read

The Jazz Club pulses with life on a humid Friday night, filled with the muted glint of candle-lit chandeliers and shadows that dance to the lively notes of a trumpet solo. The place is alive, but you feel like you’re not quite part of it, like you’re watching through glass. You smooth the soft folds of your dress—borrowed from your friend Anna, who insists that it’s the only suitable thing to wear in a place like this—and tuck a stray curl behind your ear, feeling more out of place than you ever have. The excitement and energy around you only seem to emphasize your own nerves.

When Anna and Lucy had insisted on bringing you here tonight, the “exclusive bar everyone’s talking about,” you’d hesitated. You’d been raised on rules, boundaries, and curfews. Late nights and smokey speakeasies had never been on the approved list. But the moment you’d stepped in here, breathing in the heady scent of bourbon, old wood, and something vaguely illicit, a part of you couldn’t deny the thrill that’s begun to buzz under your skin. You’re in a different world here, and your friends seem to thrive in it.

The club, “The Silver Swan,” has a reputation, and you’d heard the whispers about its owner: a shadowy figure with connections that aren’t exactly above board. Rumors say he’s dangerous, a man who rose through the ranks with a rough, unbreakable resolve. And yet, something about those stories only makes this place more thrilling, as if the Silver Swan is something of a forbidden fruit.

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror behind the bar, looking wide-eyed and uncertain, the fabric of your dress reflecting the dim light in a way that makes you look more like a stranger than yourself. The low, smoky lights give everyone a sort of glamour, making the crowd seem less like people and more like characters from some gripping novel. A soft laugh tumbles from Anna’s lips, and she nudges you, arching an eyebrow.

“See, aren’t you glad you came?” she teases, her voice barely audible over the music. She’s right—you do feel a strange, exhilarating freedom here, your usual reservations fading into the back of your mind.

But then you feel it—eyes on you, unmistakable and intense. A shiver runs down your spine, and you glance around, suddenly alert. Your gaze lands on a man sitting at the edge of the room, half-hidden in the shadows. His eyes are piercing, almost predatory, watching you with a focus that makes you want to look away and stare back all at once.

The man is handsome in a way that’s almost unfair, with dark hair swept back neatly, a sharply cut jaw, and broad shoulders beneath a crisp suit. He’s lounging in a seat like it belongs to him, exuding a confidence that makes your heart stammer. Something about him is familiar, but you really can't seem to remember where you already saw him.

And right now, he’s looking at you like you’re the only person in the room.

You look away quickly, feeling your face flush, but his gaze is unrelenting. It’s like he’s assessing you, taking in every detail. Even from across the room, the heat of his stare is enough to make you feel exposed, vulnerable in a way that has nothing to do with your dress. Your friends are too busy chatting to notice, and part of you wants to tell them, but another part—one you barely recognize—likes the thrill of keeping it to yourself.

Slowly, almost deliberately, Bucky stands up. He moves with a grace that’s startling for a man of his size, all smooth lines and careful steps. The room shifts around him as people notice, some going silent, others nodding in deference. You try to look away, to pretend you haven’t noticed, but it’s impossible not to track his progress. Your heart beats faster with every step he takes in your direction, a drumbeat echoing louder in your ears as he comes closer.

When he finally reaches you, he stops, tilting his head and giving you the kind of smile that should be illegal in a place like this. He has a magnetism that’s undeniable, as if he could pull you in without a word.

“Good evening,” he says, his voice a low rumble that seems to settle over you. The accent’s faint, a New York drawl that somehow makes every word sound like a promise.

You swallow, trying to steady yourself. “Good evening.”

Up close, he’s even more striking. The lines of his face are sharp, softened only by the faintest of smirks that hovers at the corner of his mouth. His eyes, a shade of blue so intense it’s almost unreal, seem to see right through you. But there’s something else in them too, a flicker of curiosity, as if he’s just as intrigued by you as you are by him.

“Bucky Barnes,” he introduces himself, extending a hand. His fingers are gloved, the leather cool and smooth against your palm. “And who might you be, sweetheart?”

The endearment catches you off guard, and you struggle to remember your own name for a second. “Y/N,” you manage, your voice barely above a whisper. “I—um—I don’t usually come to places like this.”

His smile widens slightly, a flash of white teeth that’s as dangerous as it is charming. “That much is obvious,” he says, his gaze dropping briefly to your dress, then back up to meet your eyes. “But I’d say you’re fitting in just fine.”

Your cheeks heat up again, and you find yourself at a loss for words. It’s disconcerting how effortlessly he seems to get under your skin, making you feel as though he knows things about you that you don’t even know yourself. The bar seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you, caught in a bubble of heady tension.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asks, breaking the silence. He gestures to the bartender, who looks over immediately, waiting for Bucky’s order with a kind of nervous deference.

You hesitate, then nod. “Yes, please.”

Without looking away from you, Bucky nods to the bartender. “A glass of champagne for the lady.”

The drink appears almost immediately, and you accept it, your fingers brushing against his gloved hand. The touch is brief, but it sends a jolt through you, making you feel both exhilarated and unnerved. You take a small sip, hoping it’ll calm your nerves, but his presence is overwhelming, making it difficult to think clearly.

“So, Y/N,” he says, leaning a bit closer, his voice a seductive whisper, “what brings you to my little corner of the city?”

His little corner of the city. The way he says it is almost proprietary, as though he truly owns every inch of this place, every beat of the music, every glass of liquor poured.

“My friends,” you say, gesturing vaguely to Anna and Lucy, who are engrossed in conversation with each other. “They… they thought it was time I had a bit of fun.”

He chuckles, a rich, low sound that makes your pulse quicken. “And are you having fun, doll?”

The question catches you off guard, and you meet his gaze again, caught by the intensity of it. The truth is, you are. Despite your nerves, despite the fact that you feel completely out of your element, there’s something exhilarating about being here, talking to him.

“I think so,” you admit, a smile tugging at your lips. “Though I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to be doing.”

Bucky’s eyes light up with amusement, and he leans in a bit closer, his voice a low murmur. “Well, sweetheart, maybe I could help you with that.”

The suggestion hangs in the air between you, charged with a promise that sends your heart racing. You’re not entirely sure what he means, but the thrill of it, the idea of letting him show you something unknown, is intoxicating.

“Would you like to dance?” he asks, and his voice is so soft that it almost feels like a secret.

“Yes,” you reply before you can second-guess yourself.

Bucky leads you onto the dance floor, his hand firm and possessive against your back, and you can feel the curious stares of the other patrons as he holds you close. He’s surprisingly graceful, moving with a practiced ease that makes it easy for you to follow his lead. The world seems to melt away, leaving just the two of you, swaying to the rhythm of the music.

The song is slow, sultry, and Bucky’s hands are warm through the thin fabric of your dress, guiding you effortlessly. He keeps his gaze on you, unwavering, as though he’s studying every reaction, every flicker of emotion on your face.

“Tell me something, Y/N,” he murmurs, his lips close to your ear. “Do you always let strangers sweep you off your feet?”

You can feel his breath against your skin, and it sends a shiver down your spine. “No,” you say softly, meeting his gaze. “I don’t… I don’t usually do things like this.”

He smirks, clearly pleased by your admission. “Good,” he says, his voice a low rumble. “Because I’m not interested in being just anyone to you.”

The words leave you breathless, caught in his intensity. There’s something about him that’s both dangerous and magnetic, and you can feel yourself

being pulled in, the thrill of his attention washing over you.

As the music fades, he doesn’t let go, his gaze darkening as he studies you. “Y/N,” he murmurs, his hand tightening slightly on your waist. “I’d like to see you again.”

You’re not sure if it’s the champagne, the music, or the heady warmth of his gaze, but you find yourself nodding, your heart racing as you meet his gaze. “I’d… I’d like that too.”

He smiles, and there’s something possessive in it, a promise of things you can’t even begin to imagine. As he guides you off the dance floor, you can feel the eyes of the crowd on you, but for the first time, you don’t care. You’re captivated, ensnared, and in that moment, you realize that stepping into this bar has changed everything.

Two nights have passed since you met him, and you can’t shake the memory of the man with the dangerous smile and the piercing blue eyes. It feels almost ridiculous how one night could stick with you like this, lingering in your mind like a melody you can’t quite shake. His voice, low and confident, keeps playing back in your head, making you feel things you barely understand.

It’s just that he was… so different from anyone you’ve ever met. Mysterious, maybe a little bit dangerous, though you can’t say exactly why. He was a stranger, yes, but you can’t help but feel there was something there—something that makes you want to know more.

Tonight, you find yourself standing outside The Silver Swan, the same bar where it all began. Your heart thuds in your chest as you glance at the door, nerves warring with the thrill of seeing him again. You’d told yourself that coming back was silly, that you didn’t even know if he’d be here. But in the end, your curiosity had won out over reason, and here you are, alone this time, without your friends to distract you.

Steeling yourself, you step inside. The place feels both familiar and surreal, as though returning to a dream. The low lights, the smoky haze, the soft murmur of laughter—it’s all just as you remember. Except, this time, you feel different, like you’re here for something specific. Or someone.

Your eyes scan the room, searching. At first, you don’t see him, and a pang of disappointment settles in your chest. But then, across the room, there he is, sitting in that same dark corner, half-obscured by shadows. He’s alone, nursing a drink, his gaze resting on the crowd in a way that seems watchful, attentive. He’s so focused that you almost turn around, almost lose your nerve. But he catches your movement, his gaze locking onto you with an intensity that makes your breath hitch.

And just like the first night, he smiles—a lazy, inviting smile that makes your stomach flip.

You take a steadying breath and walk toward him, feeling as though every step is pulling you deeper into something you don’t entirely understand. When you reach him, he stands, his eyes crinkling with amusement as he looks at you.

“Well, well,” he drawls, his voice every bit as smooth as you remember. “Back again, doll?”

You swallow, trying to keep your voice steady. “I… you didn’t tell me your name. I didn’t know where else to look.”

It’s a flimsy excuse, and you know it. The corners of his mouth twitch as if he’s fighting back a laugh, but he’s too much of a gentleman to let it show.

“Didn’t I?” he asks, feigning surprise. “Must have slipped my mind.”

You raise an eyebrow, catching onto the teasing edge in his tone, and he chuckles softly. It’s a warm sound, richer than you remember, and it puts you a little more at ease.

“James Barnes,” he says finally, extending a gloved hand to you. “Though everyone just calls me Bucky.”

Bucky. You repeat the name in your head, testing it out. Somehow, it suits him perfectly.

“Y/N,” you say, letting him take your hand. His grip is warm and firm, and his gaze remains steady, holding yours with an intensity that feels almost intoxicating.

“I remember,” he murmurs, his voice dropping lower. “Been thinking about you since that night.”

The admission catches you off guard, your cheeks heating as you try to keep your composure. There’s no trace of insincerity in his tone, no hint that he’s merely flattering you. And it does something to you, hearing that he remembers, that he’s been thinking about you, too.

“Can I buy you a drink, sweetheart?” he asks, gesturing to the seat beside him. The offer is simple, but his gaze tells you that he’s waiting for something more than just a drink. It’s a silent invitation, one you find yourself unable to resist.

You sit beside him, nodding as he signals the bartender. Within moments, a glass of champagne is set in front of you, the same as last time. The tiny bubbles rise to the surface, and you take a sip, savoring the taste as you try to steady your nerves. Bucky’s eyes never leave you, tracking every move you make with a quiet intensity that sends a thrill through you.

“So,” he says after a moment, his voice soft, “what brings you back here tonight, Y/N?”

There’s a teasing glint in his eye, and you can tell he already knows the answer. But you can’t bring yourself to say it outright. Instead, you glance down at your glass, letting the bubbles fizz against your lips.

“Maybe I was… curious,” you admit finally. “About you.”

The words hang between you, more honest than you’d intended, but his reaction is worth it. His gaze darkens, and he leans in just slightly, his voice lowering to a murmur.

“Is that so?” he asks, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I don’t suppose you know much about me, do you?”

You shake your head, feeling both embarrassed and exhilarated by the question. “No, not really,” you say. “Just that you’re the owner of this place.”

Bucky chuckles, the sound low and amused. “That’s one way to put it,” he says, his eyes glinting with something you can’t quite place. “But there’s a bit more to it than that.”

He leans back in his seat, watching you with a faint, assessing smile. “And you,” he says, “are a little out of place in a place like this, aren’t you?”

It’s not a question, more of an observation, and he’s not wrong. You feel the flush of heat on your cheeks as you give a small nod.

“My friends wanted to show me something… new,” you say, glancing around at the bar. “And I guess I wanted to see more of it.”

“More of me, you mean,” he says smoothly, the teasing lilt back in his voice.

You try to stifle a laugh, knowing he’s right. “Maybe,” you admit.

He seems pleased by your honesty, his smirk softening into something more genuine. The conversation flows more easily now, and you find yourself telling him things you wouldn’t usually share with a stranger—about your strict upbringing, your sheltered life, how your friends are always telling you to try something new, something daring.

“Sounds like you’ve been living under lock and key,” he says, a hint of sympathy in his voice. “Bet you’ve never even snuck out after curfew.”

You laugh softly, shaking your head. “I haven’t, actually. I don’t even know what it feels like to break the rules.”

His eyes glint with something mischievous, and he leans in just a little closer, his voice a murmur. “Would you like to find out?”

The suggestion sends a thrill down your spine, and you glance around, feeling both nervous and exhilarated. “Maybe,” you say, your voice softer than you intend.

Bucky’s gaze holds yours, his expression one of quiet satisfaction. “How about a little tour of the place, then?” he asks, offering his arm. “You don’t get to see the real Silver Swan from the barstool.”

You bite your lip, hesitating for just a moment before you slip your hand through the crook of his arm. His gaze softens, and you can feel the weight of his attention on you as he leads you away from the bar. The patrons barely look up as you pass, and you wonder if they’re used to seeing Bucky escorting guests through the place.

He leads you down a hallway that seems to stretch on forever, passing doors that look as though they lead to secret places—rooms shrouded in mystery and intrigue. Bucky says nothing, letting the quiet settle between you, and you feel yourself growing more curious, more intrigued by him with every step.

When he finally stops, it’s at a private booth at the very back of the club, tucked away from prying eyes. The lights are low, the shadows casting his face in a way that makes him look almost otherworldly.

“This,” he says softly, “is where I like to sit when I want a break from it all.”

You glance around, taking in the plush seating and the faint scent of leather and bourbon that seems to hang in the air. “It’s… nice,” you say, feeling a little out of breath. “Quiet.”

He nods, watching you closely. “Not many people get to see this side of the club,” he says. “Guess you’re special, Y/N.”

The words are simple, but they make your heart skip a beat. You hold his gaze, feeling that pull again, that magnetic attraction that brought you back here tonight.

“Thank you,” you say, almost whispering.

He leans in, his hand resting on the back of the booth behind you. “It’s my pleasure, doll,” he murmurs, his voice a low, intoxicating murmur. “I meant it when I said I wanted to see you again.”

You feel yourself getting lost in his eyes, the promise in his voice making your heart race. And as you sit there, hidden away from the world, you realize that you don’t care about the consequences or what you’ve always been told.

As the two of you settle into the private booth, Bucky leans back, relaxed, his gaze never straying far from you. The low hum of the club fades into the background, and for the first time, you feel as though you can truly open up. There’s something about him—something magnetic, confident, almost disarming. It’s as though his quiet intensity has created a space where you feel safe, unjudged.

“You know,” he says, after a moment of comfortable silence, “you’re different than most people who come through here.”

“Different?” you echo, taking a sip of champagne to cover the sudden rush of nervousness. “How?”

He smiles, his head tilting thoughtfully. “Most people here, they’ve got something to prove. Or something to hide. They’re running from their lives or getting a break from them. But you? You seem like you’re still figuring out what it is you want. Not in a bad way. It’s…” His voice softens as his eyes sweep over you. “It’s refreshing.”

You can’t help but smile, feeling a flicker of warmth at his words. But that warmth quickly fades into something more bittersweet, a feeling that gnaws at the edges of your happiness. You glance down, fiddling with the stem of your glass as you think of your father, of the tight restrictions he’s kept on you for so long, and the rules you’ve never dared question.

“Maybe that’s because I don’t know what I want,” you murmur, barely loud enough for him to hear. “I don’t think I ever learned how to decide that for myself.”

He studies you in silence, letting the confession linger in the space between you. Bucky doesn’t press, doesn’t pry—just waits, watching you with a quiet patience that feels comforting.

“It’s just…” you continue, hesitating, unsure how to explain the life you’ve led, the one so tightly wrapped in rules and boundaries. “My father has always been very… strict. Growing up, I had a list of things I could do, places I was allowed to go. There were rules about what I could wear, who I could talk to.” You give a short, bitter laugh, almost embarrassed to admit it. “My whole life has been about following those rules.”

Bucky’s expression shifts, his jaw tightening slightly. “He must be real protective of you.”

“Protective? Yes,” you say, nodding slowly. “But it’s more than that. He always said he was trying to keep me safe, but…” You trail off, staring into your glass. “It feels like I was more of a possession than a person sometimes. Like I was something he could control.”

Bucky’s hand rests on the back of the booth, his fingers inching closer to yours as he leans forward. “Must have been lonely,” he says quietly, his voice gentle, understanding.

The truth of it hits you in a way you weren’t expecting. You’ve never been allowed to admit that, not even to yourself, but hearing it said aloud feels oddly freeing. “It was,” you confess, barely above a whisper. “I think that’s why I stayed. I didn’t know any other way to live.”

A quiet moment stretches between you, and then Bucky speaks, his tone warm but filled with a fierceness you hadn’t seen before. “You know, there’s more out there than just following someone else’s rules, Y/N. There’s a whole world waiting to be discovered—by you.”

His words make something tighten in your chest, a thrill mingling with fear. It’s tempting to believe him, to imagine a world where you could make your own choices, live by your own rules. But the thought is daunting, and part of you wonders if you’d even know where to begin.

“I don’t know if I’d know how to live like that,” you admit, your voice wavering slightly. “It sounds… wonderful, but it’s not easy. Not when I’ve been told my whole life what’s right and wrong.”

“Right and wrong?” he repeats, an amused smirk quirking at the edge of his lips. “Who’s deciding that, doll? Your father?”

You hesitate, feeling a swell of defensiveness and something else—guilt, maybe. “I mean, he’s only ever tried to protect me. He says that the world’s dangerous, and that if I’m careful, I’ll stay safe.”

Bucky’s gaze darkens, something unspoken flickering in his eyes. “And what’s that gotten you? Safety? Or just limitations?”

The question hangs heavy between you, and for a moment, you don’t have an answer. You think about your life as it’s been: the curfews, the rules, the carefully monitored friendships, the way you’d once looked forward to every day shrinking into a comfortable, predictable routine. And it hits you that you don’t remember the last time you actually felt alive, felt excited about something. Meeting Bucky, coming back here tonight—these things have pulled you out of the haze that’s been your life, made you realize just how small it had become.

“I don’t know,” you say, feeling that truth in your bones. “I just… I’ve never known any other way.”

Bucky’s gaze softens, his hand moving closer until his fingers brush lightly against yours. “Maybe it’s time to change that,” he murmurs, his voice low, almost a whisper. “To start making choices for yourself.”

His words stir something in you, something you’ve ignored for far too long. Maybe it is time. Maybe there’s more for you out there, more than just the safe life your father has laid out for you. The thought is thrilling and terrifying, a leap into the unknown that you’re not sure you’re ready for.

But sitting here, under Bucky’s intense gaze, you feel a flicker of courage.

“What if… what if I don’t know where to start?” you ask, barely realizing you’ve spoken the thought aloud.

Bucky smiles, a quiet, reassuring smile that makes your heart skip a beat. “Then start with something small,” he says. “Just one little choice that’s all your own.”

The suggestion feels manageable, like a tiny, contained spark in the face of a bonfire. You look down at your hand, still so close to his, and a thought occurs to you, simple and impulsive.

“Then I choose to stay here,” you say, your voice soft but certain. “With you.”

Bucky’s eyes flash with something you can’t quite name, and his fingers close gently over yours. He doesn’t say anything, but the look in his eyes tells you more than words could. It feels as though a silent promise has passed between you, a vow to share this moment and maybe more.

“You made a good choice,” he says, voice low and sincere. “You’ll find it’s not so bad, choosing what you want for yourself.”

And as you sit there, wrapped in the warmth of his presence, you realize that for the first time, you feel free. It’s a small thing, yes, but it’s the beginning of something bigger. It’s a spark, a chance to break away from the life you’ve known, to carve out something that belongs only to you.

“Thank you,” you say softly, meeting his gaze. “For… for making me feel like I could do that.”

Bucky’s grip tightens around your hand, his gaze unwavering. “Sweetheart, you don’t need anyone to give you permission to live your life. But I’ll be here to remind you, as often as you need.”

The weight of his words settles over you, grounding you, anchoring you in this moment. And as the evening stretches on, you find yourself leaning into this new feeling—this strange, exhilarating freedom. You don’t know where this will lead, but for the first time, you’re not afraid of the unknown. For the first time, you feel ready to face it.

The hours seem to slip away as you and Bucky talk, wrapped up in a world that feels like it belongs only to the two of you. Conversation flows easily, and each answer you give, every shared look, every quiet laugh feels like a step further into uncharted territory—a life you never imagined could be yours. With each word, each moment, you feel yourself coming undone, shedding pieces of the careful person you’ve been told to be.

You learn more about him, too, though his answers are sometimes elusive, his stories sketched in broad strokes rather than fine detail. He talks about Brooklyn, about the fast changes sweeping through the city, about what it means to take control of your life and make your own choices, no matter the risk. And there’s a gleam in his eye when he speaks of it, a sort of fierce independence that leaves you breathless.

He notices your rapt attention and smiles knowingly, and just as you start to look away, he reaches over, lifting your chin with a gentle hand. “Don’t go hiding now, doll,” he says softly. “You’ve got that look in your eye, like you’re learning a secret.”

Maybe you are. Maybe tonight is a door opening in your mind, a glimpse into a world beyond everything you’ve been raised to believe. You don’t want to look away. Not now.

The night deepens, the lights around you dimming further as the crowd in the bar begins to thin. You’ve lost track of time, and when you look at him again, you realize you’ve also lost track of everything else—the worry, the rules, the constraints of who you’re supposed to be. All that exists now is the weight of his gaze, steady and warm and laced with a depth you can barely fathom.

“Bucky,” you murmur, his name foreign but sweet on your tongue, “you’re right. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want… more.”

He doesn’t answer right away, but the way he looks at you speaks volumes. The intensity in his eyes softens, a hint of something tender mingling with his usual confidence. You’re close to him now, closer than you’ve ever been to anyone before, and it feels so natural, as though you’re meant to be in this moment, with him.

As if sensing your thoughts, he brushes his hand along your cheek, his thumb tracing a soft line along your skin. “You deserve that,” he whispers, his voice barely audible over the distant hum of music. “You deserve to have everything you want.”

Your heart is racing, but it’s no longer just nerves—it’s excitement, the thrill of something new, something you’ve only read about in books or dreamed of late at night when no one was watching. Bucky’s thumb pauses, just beneath your lips, and you hold your breath, wondering if he can feel the heat rushing to your face, if he knows just how much you want this.

And then, as if time has slowed, he leans in, his lips brushing yours in a featherlight kiss.

It’s softer than you imagined, gentle and tentative, almost as if he’s waiting to make sure you’re alright with this, as though he’s giving you a moment to pull away if you want to. But pulling away is the last thing on your mind. Instead, you close your eyes, letting yourself melt into the kiss, letting him guide you.

It’s your first kiss, and yet it feels like it’s something you’ve waited your whole life for. His lips are warm, and there’s a softness to him that contrasts with his strong grip as he tilts his head, deepening the kiss just slightly. You feel his hand cradle the back of your neck, anchoring you to him, and it’s like everything you’ve known has been turned upside down, as if your world has narrowed to this single point of contact.

When he pulls back, his forehead resting against yours, he doesn’t let go. His eyes search yours, and there’s something vulnerable there, something that makes your heart ache in the best way.

“You okay?” he asks softly, a faint, tender smile playing on his lips.

You nod, your voice barely a whisper. “Yes,” you manage, feeling breathless. “I didn’t know it could feel like this.”

He chuckles softly, brushing a lock of hair from your face. “Then we’ll take our time,” he murmurs. “No need to rush. Just… let yourself feel it.”

You can feel the warmth of his hand against your skin, his thumb brushing slow, soothing circles on the back of your neck. The kiss has stirred something in you, a hunger for more—more of him, more of this feeling of freedom. It’s a feeling you didn’t know existed, a kind of heady joy mixed with an electric thrill, and you find yourself wanting to savor every second of it.

“I’ve never…” you begin, your cheeks warming as you try to find the words. “This is all so new.”

Bucky smiles, his gaze softening further. “I know, sweetheart. But I’ve got all the time in the world.” There’s a promise in his voice, a quiet reassurance that lets you feel safe, cared for. And in this moment, with him, you believe it.

“Thank you,” you whisper, not sure how to put into words everything you’re feeling. “For… for this. For making me feel like I could do something I’ve always been afraid to.”

He rests a hand on your cheek, his thumb grazing your skin as he studies you, as though he’s memorizing every detail of your face. “You don’t ever have to thank me for that,” he says, his voice rough with sincerity. “If anything, thank yourself. You’re the one taking the chance.”

The world outside this quiet, shadowed booth feels a million miles away, and you realize, for the first time, that you’re not thinking of anyone else—not your father, not the rules, not the life you’d been told to live. Here, with Bucky, you’re allowed to simply be.

As the night wears on, you talk in hushed tones, sharing fragments of dreams, whispered promises, and moments of laughter. And when he kisses you again, it’s no longer tentative or restrained, but warm and inviting, a promise of something more. It’s a gentle pull, a quiet invitation to step further into this new life that’s slowly taking shape before you.

And as you close your eyes, feeling his arms wrap around you, you can’t help but think that this—this feeling, this night, this person—might just be the beginning of everything you’ve been waiting for.

The weeks that follow are filled with secret rendezvous, stolen glances, and a flurry of emotions you’ve never experienced before. Bucky becomes your world, a thrilling, hidden part of your life that you keep safe from prying eyes and questions. You meet him on street corners, take long walks in the early morning hours, and share intimate moments in dimly lit corners of his bar. He shows you parts of the city you never knew existed, places tucked away from the polished streets you grew up on. With every touch, every lingering look, you feel yourself slipping further from the quiet girl your family knows and closer to the woman he’s helped you become.

But Bucky’s expression has grown increasingly serious each time he sees you. One night, after a quiet dinner at his place, he turns to you with a look that makes your heart race for all the wrong reasons.

“Sweetheart, we need to talk.” His voice is calm, steady, but there’s something heavier behind it. The warmth that always seems to light up his gaze is dimmer, a flicker of worry casting shadows over his features.

The unease in his voice sends a shiver through you. You reach for his hand, squeezing it gently. “What is it, Bucky?”

He pauses, his jaw tightening before he speaks. “There’s something I haven’t told you.” He meets your gaze, searching your eyes as though bracing himself. “About who I am. About what I do.”

The words make you stop short, your heart pounding as you try to read his face. But there’s no trace of the softness he usually holds for you; instead, he looks almost haunted, caught between protecting you and confessing something you suspect he’s wanted to share for a long time.

“Alright,” you say softly, not letting go of his hand. “Then tell me.”

Taking a breath, Bucky looks away for a moment, as if gathering himself, before he speaks again. “I… I’m not just the guy who owns that bar, Y/N.” His voice drops to a low murmur. “I’m in charge of a group of men—a group that does things your father would never approve of. People see me as… as someone to be feared. I’m the boss of a gang.”

You stare at him, processing each word slowly, feeling the weight of them sink in. The man you’ve fallen in love with—the man who taught you how to live outside the lines, who showed you how to think for yourself—he’s also a feared figure in the world of crime, someone your father would have you believe is dangerous and immoral. But despite the shock of it, you can’t seem to find fear in your heart. Instead, you feel something different, something even stronger.

“And… and you think that changes something?” you ask, barely louder than a whisper.

Bucky’s eyes widen slightly in surprise, as if he’d expected you to pull away or look at him with horror. “Y/N, this isn’t a small thing. It’s dangerous. You shouldn’t be mixed up in a life like mine. I can’t offer you the same kind of safety you’re used to.”

You shake your head, your hand tightening around his. “But I don’t want safety, Bucky. Not the way my father has defined it. You’ve shown me a different life, one that’s real. I can finally breathe with you, be myself. And if that comes with danger, then so be it.”

He looks at you, the disbelief in his gaze melting into something softer, something filled with a kind of raw gratitude. “You’re sure?” he asks, voice thick with an emotion he doesn’t quite name. “Because once you’re in, sweetheart, there’s no easy way out.”

You lean into him, closing the space between you, your hand resting against his cheek as you meet his gaze with unwavering certainty. “Bucky, being with you has taught me more than anything else in my life. I don’t care about what you do, or who you used to be, or what other people say. You showed me how to stand up for myself. That’s what matters to me.”

A mixture of relief and disbelief flashes across his face, and for a moment, he seems almost lost for words. Then, as if unable to hold back any longer, he pulls you into his arms, his embrace fierce, filled with a desperate kind of gratitude. You can feel his heart pounding against your own, and the depth of his feeling, the strength of his emotion, overwhelms you.

When he finally pulls back, his hands stay on your shoulders, as though to anchor himself to you, his gaze piercing as it holds yours. “I don’t deserve you,” he says, a quiet, honest confession.

You smile, touching a hand to his cheek. “Maybe you do.”

For the first time, he lets out a quiet laugh, a genuine smile breaking through the intensity of his expression. And then, slowly, he leans down, his lips finding yours in a kiss that’s deeper, more intense than any you’ve shared before. This kiss is filled with relief, with unspoken promises and the kind of love that goes beyond the superficial, the kind of love that’s forged in fire.

When he pulls back, he rests his forehead against yours, his voice barely a whisper. “I’ll protect you with everything I have. I promise.”

You nod, understanding the weight of his words. But you also know that you don’t need protecting, not the way you once thought. Because being with him has shown you that you’re stronger than you ever knew.

And as you sit together in the quiet of the night, Bucky holding you close, you know that this life, complicated and messy as it is, is exactly where you’re meant to be.

maybe a part 2 where y/n's family discovers their relationship? If you liked the story don't forget to like, reblog and drop a follow if you want to read more. <3

[redrose10]

Since I’ve been really stressed and anxious and it’s Halloween today I distracted myself by writing this. It’s a continuation of 1800s witch Yoongi from this post. I hope everyone likes it!

Witch Yoongi x Female Reader

Warnings: Swearing, hints of smut, jealous possessive Yoongi

Word Count: 2,703

For the last year you had been living with your boyfriend Yoongi, the two hundred year old witch that you accidentally freed from the Twilight. You experienced lots of ups and downs over the course of your relationship just like any couple would except when mad your boyfriend wouldn’t just storm off but instead would vanish into thin air. You also had a dedicated cabinet in your kitchen full of things you thought only existed in fairytales like eye of newt and a lock of werewolf fur.

For the most part Yoongi was great though. He was kind and thoughtful and made you laugh even if he wasn’t trying.

You always had a warm towel waiting for you after your shower. The dryer was one of his favorite modern appliances according to him.

You woke up to a fresh cup of coffee every morning, usually pumpkin spice flavored. Some mornings he tried to cook you breakfast but the microwave still made him nervous. He said it was unnatural and dangerous and he didn’t trust it.

He carried your purse when it was too heavy and he would rub your feet after a long day.

And the sex…the sex was amazingly incredible. You weren’t sure if it was a witch thing or just a Yoongi thing but he left you speechless Every. Single. Time.

While you knew he wasn’t a man of many words it did hurt a little that after a year together he still hadn’t said he loved you.

You said it. The first time was after dating for five months. It was very cliché and right after an amazing night of sex. Yoongi just nodded and quickly ran off to the shower without saying a word.

The next time was in the morning as you were heading out the door. It just slipped from your mouth. Yoongi smiled and said thank you but that was it.

The third time you said it was on a date night. You were walking along the river holding hands after having a romantic dinner. The moment just felt right. Yoongi however pretended he didn’t hear you and instead pointed at some ducks that were chasing each other around. His cheeks turned a faint shade of pink so you knew he heard you and chose to ignore it.

You didn’t say it any more after that night. And ever since it had gnawed at you little by little.

Maybe he didn’t really want to be with you after all and he just didn’t have anywhere else to go. Maybe he felt like he owed you since you freed him. Maybe he was using you for sex until someone better came along. All these thoughts and feelings started wearing you down. The two of you started arguing more. You tried to distance yourself a little. But no matter what happened you still got out of the shower and had a warm towel every time and you always woke up to a fresh cup of coffee in the morning.

You hadn’t heard from Yoongi all day. Jimin recently got him a job at the campus bookstore. You were glad he could get out of the house a little more and it gave him something to do. You also appreciated him being able to contribute financially.

You decided to stop into the store and say hi.

“Hey Jimin”, you smiled as you walked up to the counter. He looked visibly uncomfortable after seeing you but you chose to ignore it.

“Where’s Yoongi?”, you asked instead.

“Ooohhh he’s around. Is there anything I can help you with?”

He was acting strange. You wanted to question him but really you just wanted to see Yoongi. You could smell his cologne. The comforting familiar cinnamon and vanilla scent was in the air so you knew he was near by. Then you heard a woman’s voice, it was very sultry and confident and also followed by your boyfriends distinct laugh.

Yoongi was standing by some bookshelves talking to a woman. She was gorgeous with thick long black hair down to her hips and eyes so blue they looked inhuman. Yoongi was smiling from ear to ear.

“Who is that?”, you asked to yourself but also intentionally loud enough for Jimin to hear.

Jimin nervously chuckled, “She’s no one. Just a customer.”

“Really? Because it definitely looks like Yoongi knows her pretty well.”

“Yeah well you know Yoongi is a great salesman…Hey Y/N have you read this book? It’s really good. I highly recommend.”

“Jimin, that’s the dictionary... Tell me who she is?”

“Her name is Bellamy. She’s just a person that we’ve known for a while. Not important.”, he said still trying to change the subject, “Look at this cookbook. I bet they have a great chocolate cake recipe but I have a better one. It’s the touch of arsenic. It really gives it that something special.”

“So she’s a witch?”, you questioned.

“Yeah you could say that or she might be like the most powerful witch of all time but who’s keeping track. Like I said she’s not important.”, he coughed afterwards.

“You’re lying to me. Your voice is doing that thing.”

“What thing?”

“That thing where it gets all high pitched when you’re lying. I won’t be mad. Tell me who she is exactly and why is Yoongi touching her arm right now.”

Jimin ran a hand through his freshly dyed hair, “She is umm…She might be…She is kind of Yoongi’s ex who… he…was… goingtomarrybutthenshelefthimatthealter.”

“I’m sorry what?”, you chuckled.

“Oh for fucks sake.”, he huffed, “She is Yoongi’s ex fiancé. They were going to get married but then she walked out on him and then he got sent to the Twilight and now they’re both here.”

“She’s beautiful. He looks like he’s really happy to see her.”, you said feeling a bunch of different emotions.

“Well yeah I mean he said she was the only woman he could ever love.”

You turned to glare at Jimin. He knew about all of your confessions going unanswered. His eyes widened at the realization of what he said.

“Oh would you look at the time.”, he sighed looking at his nonexistent watch, “It is time for my break.”

“You’re not even wearing a watch?”, you questioned.

“Don’t have to. It’s a witch thing.”, he winked before quickly scurrying away.

In that time Yoongi noticed you and excitedly walked over.

“Hi babe, when did you get here?”, he asked trying to give you a kiss which you dodged much to his disappointment.

“Who was that?”, you asked pointing at the woman exiting the store.

“She’s just an old friend. Her name is Bellamy.”

“Mmmhm.”, your annoyance was building especially at how nonchalant he was being about the whole thing.

“Actually I was thinking…we should all go out to dinner tonight. Jimin and his wife, you and me, and Bellamy. We could all catch up. She wanted to go over some witch coven things. I told her I’d only go if you came along too.”

No you didn’t want to go to dinner with your boyfriend and his first and apparently only love. In your mind he was already leaving you. Why wouldn’t he? She was a beautiful powerful witch and you were an average nobody. He was going to pack his stuff and run away with her and leave you alone and longing for him. You couldn’t blame him though. If she was the one he loved, the only woman he ever told that he loved then he should be with her.

“Y/N what do you think?”, he questioned pulling you out of your daydream.

You decided you would let him go if he really wanted to but not without a taste of his own medicine first. That’s just how you were.

“Umm yeah that’s fine. I was actually going to have dinner with an old friend tonight though. Do you think it would be okay if I invited them too or I could just pass and the four of you could go instead?”, you questioned.

“Yeah I guess.”, he stated confused and a little hurt that there was someone else you’d rather spend time with.

“Great.”, you deadpanned.

“Okay well I have to get back to work. I’ll see you at home.”, he said. He gave you a kiss which you wanted to ignore but you gave in and allowed his lips to meet yours.

You and Yoongi arrived at the restaurant where Jimin and his wife were already waiting. Much to your annoyance Bellamy was already there too. She greeted you but you could tell it was forced and that only made you more irritated. Of course Yoongi took the seat next to her with you on his other side. He immediately started conversing with her while you sat in silence. Jimin and his wife were across the table trying to keep to themselves as they could sense the tension in the room.

“Y/N, sorry I’m a bit late. Parking was horrible.”, a man said before taking the seat next to you.

“No worries at all, we just got here too.”, you widely smiled.

Kim Seokjin was often deemed the most handsome man on campus. Women and men would throw themselves at him while begging for a chance and he just so happened to owe you after you covered for him when he got caught hooking up with one of your professors.

And what better way to collect your dues than to have him come out to dinner and be your extremely attractive and flirty classmate/friend/former fling.

Jimin, having worked on campus for so long and being no stranger to gossip, knew what you were up to. He shook his head knowing this wasn’t going to end well.

“Yoongi this is Jin and Jin this is Yoongi.”, you introduced them before also getting around to everyone else.

Yoongi eyed him up and down but returned to his conversation with Bellamy. So you turned on your flirting to a whole new level. Your giggles were extra loud. You touched Jins arm and shoulder multiple times. You used your napkin to wipe away at some sauce that had gotten on his cheek.

You did all this and got no reaction from Yoongi. Nothing other than his hand on your knee underneath the table where no one could even see it.

You wanted to cry because he really truly wasn’t in love with you. He didn’t even care that you were practically all over Jin right in front of him.

You had been thinking it for months now but seeing the way he looked at Bellamy, how he hung onto each word she said. You could see the difference in how he felt towards her compared to you.

So you spent the rest of the dinner in silence other than a few words here or there if directly spoken to. When the meals were over and it was time to leave you gave Jin a hug while secretly thanking him for going along with everything even though you didn’t get the outcome you wanted. You also said your goodbyes to Jimin and his wife and Bellamy who seemed hesitant to let Yoongi go.

The drive home was silent. Yoongi’s hand was still on your knee while you were stuck in your thoughts.

You took a long hot shower once back at your place. The recent stress was really taking a toll on your muscles. When you were ready to exit the shower you pulled back the curtain getting startled by Yoongi. He was standing there folding your towel. He handed it to you with a smile, “Sorry I’m a little behind. That smoke alarm thingy kept beeping again. I couldn’t get it to stop so I just used a spell to cast it away.”

Normally you would be annoyed and would take the time to explain to him that he can’t just make things disappear when they annoyed or scared him, R.I.P. to your poor toaster, but your towel was soft and warm from being fresh out of the dryer and the nice gesture made you cry. You were really going to miss him.

“Hey hey what’s wrong? I’ll buy a new smoke alarm. I’m sorry.”, he said wide eyed and shocked by your tears.

You shook your head unable to really put your thoughts into words so instead he wrapped the warm towel around you and lead you into the bedroom. He handed you a large tshirt to change into before pulling you to sit down next to him on the bed.

Once you were calmed down he grabbed your hand and held onto it, “Y/N please talk to me. What’s going with you lately?”

You sniffled, “Do you love me Yoongi?”

You surprised yourself with your boldness.

“What? Why are you asking me that?”

“See! You can’t even answer with a simple yes.”, you scoffed.

Yoongi licked his lips, “Is this about Bellamy?”

“No!…or yes…maybe a little.”, you whispered.

“Y/N talk to me. I can read your mind if I really want to but I’d rather you tell me what’s bothering you.”

“It’s just…wait you can read minds?!”

He nodded, “Yeah I can Miss Always Thinking About How Good My Butt Looks.”

You could feel your cheeks heat up making him laugh.

“Now please talk to me.”, he calmly said.

“We’ve been together for a year and you’ve never said you loved me. I thought I didn’t care but over time it started bothering me. Then I saw the way you looked at her and Jimin said she was the only woman you could ever love and I guess I just got jealous and even more hurt because I was afraid to loose you.”

“So you invited Jin to dinner tonight to make me jealous?”

“Yeah but it didn’t matter. You didn’t even notice. You were probably hoping he’d take me off your hands and make it easier for you to leave.”

He loudly snorted, “I definitely noticed. I spent the entire dinner trying to remember the spell for turning someone into a wart covered toad. It took everything in me not to turn him into dust the second he said you looked sexy in that dress.”

“What? He never said anything like that.”, you questioned but Yoongi just pointed to his head and you knew he must’ve read Jin’s mind.

“Y/N I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. Bellamy, she’s….she’s an important part of my past but that’s it. She’s my past. We needed to talk about some things but none of it affected you do I didn’t bring it up. Plus, she had her chance with me and blew it. Besides…I kind of already like someone else.”, he smiled seeing the way your eyes lit up.

“You like me?”, you asked.

“Nope”, he teased before kissing your hand, “Y/N I love you. I’m sorry I never said it. I was scared that if I said it out loud then it would make it all too real and there’d be a bigger possibility of loosing everything. I tried to show you in other ways but I guess it wasn’t enough.”

You squeezed his hand feeling bad that you had been so focused on hearing him say it that you didn’t notice every little thing he did to show you that he loved you instead.

“I’m not great with words but I promise I’ll try to tell you more often how much I love you.”

You smiled as his lips tickled your neck.

He pushed you back down onto the bed.

“I love you Y/N” *kiss on on the lips*

“I love you Y/N” *kiss on the neck*

“I love you Y/N” *kiss on your chest*

“I love you Y/N and I’m going to make you forget that Kim Seokjin exists because you’re mine and only mine and don’t you ever think about touching another man like that again.” *kisses started moving lower and lower down your body until your hands were tangled in his long hair.

You were busy giggling as he removed your shirt before quickly going back to peppering your body with more kisses in between declarations of I love you’s. You didn’t think you would ever get tired of hearing those three little words fall from his heavenly magical lips.

[kingofthering]

september-october 2024

ao3

rosquez

Swing State by @tartquez + the rest of the Bicameral series

I know that everyone is probably already onto this but it obviously needs to make the list. Italian Political AU where every single character is so deliciously written, imperfect and fleshed out and so interesting.

road to ruin (we're starting at the end) series by @kingofthecotas

Always love an interesting concept of soulmate AU. Do want to know more.

choke the girl to get her by @le-chevalier-au-lion

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 Hot shit, truly.

Headed Straight for the Concrete by @moonshynecybin

I mean. Do I even have to justify why I'm putting a Callie fic in here. The dialogue before even the physicality of it all. Ugh.

vr46 rosquez pack (other pairings included) by @sammyche

Excellent concept. Beautiful execution. Hot and also a little sweet.

In Tandem by @unluckynr13

A perfect use of that Yamaha and the image of them "working" it together? Yeah.

Don't go wasting your emotions (lay all your love on me) by CamilleDuDemon

Going to paste the comment I made on this fic because I think it summarizes my feeling well : "I loved this so much. I enjoyed your Valentino a lot, all of him and his defaults and the fuckery in his brain and how mostly aware of all that he was. You could really feel in the scenes with them at all times. Like, I haven’t had an alcohol blackout in so many years but it almost brought me right back. Loved the decision to have the after first and then the before. Perfect way to go in my mind. Might have to be thinking about the to of them on that couch (watching a movie that Marc knew Valentino enjoys) together for a while."

meaning upon motion by @le-chevalier-au-lion

Delightfully in love with the style of this. So many good things and feelings packed in not so many words. The way you could feel Valentino’s hesitancy at times and the way Marc was just trying to understand where this was going. So good.

others

patterns (pecco/vale) by @vanillow

I am a sucker for Vale/the Academy boys (in particular Pecco & Bezz) so this was such a treat.

romantic, dramatic + syphon (pecco/marc) by @vanillow

Vampire AU and blood drinking/vampire feeding, my most beloved.

shades of red series (pecco/marc) by @certainstarfishllama

Alpha Pecco & Omega Marc. Excellent in terms of characterization and the way they're trying to move around each other. Also hot.

Confidence Interval (pecco/luca) by Anonymous

Part of the Bicameral series so obviously I was going to enjoy it but oh boy. Such a good Pecco character study. And I love his relationship with Bezz as well, so much.

hands to yourself! (aleix/dovi) by @vanillow

You know how cool it is when a rare pair hits right? Perfect use of Aleix's natural ability to push people around and make them uncomfortable and make them enjoy it.

warm me up (cele/pecco) by @vanillow

I think they're like my favorite guilty pleasure pair except there is nothing guilty about it, if that makes sense.

tumblr

rosquez

vale & dovi both showing up at marc's door by @matchvedev

cruelty looks good on valentino by @vanillow

dancing in the club by @lastlatebraker

free use by @yekoc

because I know you by @vanillow

others

vale/dovi thing by @lastlatebraker

post aragon 2024 marcnaia by @faster-faster-aster

santi/vale by @lestelledreams

jorge/aleix fridge video by @theboschvroom

open secret dovquez by @lastlatebraker

“What would you do if I turned into a worm?” bezzetti by @highestside

hockey au pedreix by @vanillow

omega au pecco/bezz by @unholytrifecta

free use pecco/bezz/vale by @vanillow

[serv0z]

ignoring the boop war in my activity rn, this is what i REALLY came here to post !!! Clover is obv from Undertale Yellow and Olive is from Undertale Green: Kindness ^-^ More yapping below :3

It's incredibly hard to come up with like 8 designs on the spot and try to add more details to them. Olive is just the first thing I think of when I think of the green soul nkjdsfdnks I might make my own design for them some day !! But not today ^-^ I'm not 100% on the name "Nina" either, but it's the only one I could find or think of at the time so recommendations welcome!!! Little more info, I like to think of Chara as the oldest and so they're currently the tallest. They fell probably around the same age as Frisk did but they!! Lived with the Dreemurrs for a few years before dying! They also have little dimples. Frisk I imagine is pretty adventurous and accident prone and that's how they fell. They always have a box of band aids with them but they lost it in the fall. Blake,, I messed up their height in this but they fell because that wanted a "real challenge" to fight ! The bandaids and bandages are from what they call "training". Alice fell because she had been "exploring" when she was really abandoned up there. They considers their ribbon their "goodluck charm" Nina (name pending), has sectoral heterochromia. They fell on accident while on a trip nd I like to think she's very a confident and bold person. Percy fell on purpose!! They were too curious about monsterkind to let it be which would be their downfall. They've got a deep love for music of all sorts nd they've def killed a monster on accident nd thats how they learned about the dusting,, Nina and Percy aren't the only two who dusted monsters either out of self-defense or on accident, many mistakes were made with several of the fallen. Also a fun little detail to note !! In the Omega Flowey fight in Undertale when you're being attacked by souls and then heal the souls colors change !! And yeah its probably just an invert, i put a little nod to it like how Clover has a fire patch stitched onto their chest pocket and how Blake is covered in bandages and bandaids, etc.

[charbies]

linktober 31 - HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

I thought for the last day I'd write a little retrospective on what this whole thing was like and what I learned. I'm too tired to draw literally anything else I'm due for a break lol

So this was my second time ever attempting a linktober/october drawing challenge, but my first time managing to complete all the days and prompts. I feel super proud of myself and accomplished for pulling it off.

There were a number of things that were surprising and that were challenging for me that I wasn't expecting this month. If anything, I think this challenge really highlighted my flaws and mental blindspots with how I approach making art.

For one thing, I came away from this not liking everything I made. I think I only like about 9 or 10 of the 30 pieces I put out there. When I don't like my art, I tend to get stuck in this mental stalemate of refusing to finish a piece until I like it, but also refusing to retrace my steps and erase/rework what I have so far for fear of losing progress or not being able to replicate the line/angle/color/etc that I liked.

It was surprisingly hard to accept when I didn't like a piece but had to move on for the sake of time and post it anyway. But once I did it a few times, it got easier. I realized prioritizing my standards over my available energy is not gonna promote progress. If I kept sinking myself into one piece and not moving on until it was optimal, I never would have finished anything-- that was the pitfall that ultimately made me bail out 10 days in last year.

I also realized my sunk cost fallacy/"what if I erase this and can never redraw it good again" stems from some real lack of confidence in my knowledge and techniques with art. I'm self-taught, and I think I tend to believe that everything I make is a dumb happy accident, even though I have mental rules when I draw, use tons of references, and have a process lol. There are a few pieces I started over 2-3 times before I got them right, and that's starting to feel liberating instead of like failing to me now, which I never expected to come out of this experience so that's cool.

Another place I had to learn to let go of control in this was with allowing for style variation. I really wanted each and every piece to be coherent and painterly, like they all came from the same book or something. But then I couldn't decide whether I wanted to do all/no lineart, all/no detailed background, all/no heavy rendering, etc. At the end I settled on just keeping the same canvas dimensions and just prioritizing filling up the space. Glad I ended up doing this, because I really would benefit from continuing to chill out and scale back how much I default to making dramatic, high-render pieces. I gotta break out of my comfort zone and make more sketchy little guys!

Sometimes my attachment to the prompts fluctuated; some prompts I thought I would love and then just wanted to get them over with. Some prompts I thought I would hate and subsequently half-ass, then I ended up redoing them and putting more effort & time into and loved the end result!

It was funny to also see how some pieces that I loved straight up did not get a whole lot of notes or attention. Some pieces I was "meh" about did crazy numbers lol. I'm used to posting maybe 5-6 times a year on here, so I'm usually indifferent to getting notes (by which I mean, I'm super grateful for likes & reblogs and the super sweet & funny messages in y'alls tags, but I'm not butthurt when I don't get notes because whatever happens, happens). Churning out 30 pieces in 30 days made me sometimes get bewildered by what did and didn't get notes, but frankly in the end I think it helps reaffirm that I should continue putting whatever I want out there because it! is! not! graded!!!

So would I do Linktober again? Probably not, sorry! it was a lot of time & effort and took me away from fall festivities more than I would have liked. I kinda only managed to pull this off because I was transitioning between jobs this month and had a week off to just draw. But I also completely see the value in taking on a challenge like this and finishing what I started, I'm super glad I did this, I think my art improved from it. I would definitely do future drawing challenges/prompt things that are quicker or have less prompts!

My advice to prospective future linktoberers: pace yourself and be gentle; this is a great chance to do something exciting and new with your art, but above all it's about you having fun. There are no prizes at the end except for what you've learned and how you feel about it, and that's for the best!!

One thing's for sure, I am zelda'd out lmao so I'll be branching out towards some little projects I have lined up for personal art and other fandoms I'm into right now

So anyway thanks to all of you who read this or who gassed me up this whole month, I appreciate you!!!!!!!! ヾ(＾∇＾)

[rotisserory]

Aventurine Is BPD Coded- Some Thoughts

Ahhh welcome back everybody to another installment of 'Rory writes a ridiculously long essay nobody asked for to shine light on characters who exhibit symptoms of borderline personality disorder so that we can learn to recognize symptoms portrayed in media that aren't just 'crazy manipulative abusive ex' and start to treat the disorder with a shred of compassion' !!

A good chunk of you follow me because of my essay I wrote on Reo Mikage from Blue Lock, my beautiful borderline princess, and I am PLEASED to announce that my essay is now the first result when you search 'Reo Mikage BPD' on Google, AND he has since been added to the BPD character database !! Saving the world one baddie at a time, no need to thank me B)

Today, I want to write something out that I've been dying to share. I think Aventurine can be read as a BPD coded character, and I think he would be able to cop a diagnosis should he go see a therapist (which we all know he CLEARLY has not done). I've been puttering around posting this because I've been spending so long on a full, all encompassing analysis of this sick blonde man, but I want to take a quick break and kick my feet over BPD Aventurine, so I invite you to come kick your feet with me!

Some context before I start:

1.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I've got the BPD / CPTSD combo meal, so I'm having TWICE the fun !! But seriously though, it's not easy being viewed as crazy and 'bad' all the time. Trauma disorders are rough enough as it is just to live with / overcome, but it's worse when there are books, forums, blogs, shows, ect. dedicated to hating you and talking about how evil you are. So, I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). Fans, characters, and even Aventurine himself refer to him as 'crazy' 'insane' 'unstable' which only further rang my BPD bells because he's not crazy; he's just traumatized!

2.) I’m not a psych, so I obviously can’t diagnose real people, and don’t use any of this to diagnose yourself (I don't need the scandal!) I do, however, have a masters degree in English and structured the basis of my education and published my thesis on mental health, cluster B personality disorders specifically, so I read and research a LOT. I’m confident enough in my knowledge to diagnose anime characters (lol).

3.) If you're somebody who has a weird hangup about borderlines, feel free to either not read this, or do read it and soak up some useful information! Regardless, I know Aventurine fans can have some really wild takes (/neg) , so believe what you want at the end of the day! This is just my interpretation of what's festering in that sad brain of his. You can disagree all you want to, but what we're not going to do is spread hateful stereotypes or perpetuate negative stigmas about BPD! That's cornball behavior and I will call you out for it ^-^

CW for discussion of death, suicide, self injury, and identity disturbances

Anyways, if you ask me, Aventurine has a case of Beautiful Princess Disorder, and I'd like to explain why <3 So, buckle up! This will be another long one.

First, let me define BPD: it's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. Though it's coined as a 'personality disorder', I urge you to look at it as a trauma disorder. People most often develop it when they are repeatedly traumatized during their formative years. It actually overlaps a TON with complex post traumatic stress disorder, which is why a lot of us baddies end up with both! (On that note, you could definitely view Aventurine as CPTSD-coded as well! I'm a stinky kinnie so I'll just say he's both <3) I won't preach too much on why it's so necessary to treat borderline as a traumatic stress disorder (since hopefully I'll be focusing my own personal academic research on that and I could yap for HOURS about it lol).

But when we look at BPD properly, it's evident that the basis of this disorder is that these people didn't have the opportunity to learn and foster proper emotional reactions. Because of the recurring traumatic events, sections of borderline's brains are underdeveloped as a result. They have a smaller amygdala and they have reduced volume in the prefrontal cortex, as well as other differences in brain development. I've heard it described as 'you were forced to learn some behaviors that helped you survive at one point in your life (for example, maybe fervent efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable emotional reactions, self harming tendencies, lying, mirroring, etc.,) but now you need to unlearn them, because they’re no longer helping you.'  They're trauma responses.

Aventurine shows us a perfect example of the kind of shit that would make someone develop BPD: dude grew up in extreme poverty, was constantly told he was special and he was supposed to bring good luck, watched his entire family and race die in front of him when he was literally still just a kid, was kidnapped and sold into slavery, was forced to murder roughly 34 people while everybody watched him like it was a game, probably went through several other fucked up things while he was enslaved, and then killed his slave owner and was promptly sentenced to death for it. That's...a whole lot of ridiculous trauma that would severely impact somebody's ability to mentally grow and develop correctly. The bulk of his childhood/adolescence was spent with no safety, no security, overwhelming guilt, constant fight or flight reactions, learning how to take on other personas to avoid violence or mistreatment – you get the point. He did not have a normal life and it is absolutely probable that he would develop a trauma disorder from the shit he's been through.

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a Borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

As with my last post, I'm going to organize this based on the 5 immediate traits I think Aventurine exhibits most (you only need 5 out of 9 to receive a diagnosis, so let me cut to the chase and stop wasting your time w my yapping).

Fear of Abandonment:

Aventurine has a habit of wanting relationships and then pushing them away once they get too close. He also clearly has trauma associated with losing people prematurely.

First of all, let's look at Aventurine's tendency to view relationships as transactional. With the expectation that a friendship, partnership – whatever –  is mutually beneficial, that generally implies both parties will leave satisfied once the 'transaction' is complete. That’s his parting line in the game, actually! “Satisfied with our transaction, I trust?” 

That being said, he's already prepared for people to leave when they're done getting what they want from him. In one trailer (and the game) he refers to himself as "another cog in the machine known as the strategic investment department" and then says, "Your humble servant aventurine at your disposal [...] I can also play the role of ‘friend’ – if needed; Go ahead, use me as you wish, even stab me in the back if you see fit."

This is a very strange thing to say upon first meeting someone LMAO. He's speaking of himself like he's an object, rather than a person. Before the other party even says anything, he's basically saying 'hey btw if you end up disappointing me in some way, i'm already prepared for it!' Establishing relationships with the assumption that the other person will betray you/abandon you/hurt you in some way? Borderline behavior. God forbid somebody does try to break down one of these walls, we'll see Aventurine's second habit to avoid abandonment: pushing people away.

Something people don't necessarily consider is that ‘efforts to avoid abandonment’ doesn't always mean the person is on their knees begging you to not to leave them. It can manifest as someone being very flighty and purposefully cutting ties randomly/pushing people away from them so that nobody is able to abandon them. If you leave first, they can’t leave you, right? This is a very common behavior for borderlines to avoid the pain that comes with being abandoned.

The most notable moment of this, in my opinion, is when Aventurine tries to gaslight himself into thinking that Ratio really did stab him in the back during their ploy against Sunday. As we know, their fighting, bickering, and Ratio's 'betrayal' were all part of Aventurine's plan. When they leave Sunday's office, Ratio immediately asks if he's okay and if he needs help, and Aventurine is very dismissive/a little rude in his response. Ratio is confused because Aventurine is talking as if he wasn't the one who MADE this plan and TOLD Ratio what to do:

Aventurine is basically saying, "Hey babe this is not in the script we talked about! Let's stay on track, remember? You hate me, you betrayed me, and now you're leaving me!" And Ratio is like "Yeah okay but are you good? Because you don't seem good,” but Aventurine's heels are so far in the dirt at this point that he is NOT budging at all. When he's in the Trauma Maze, Future Aventurine grills him on this moment:

I get why this part confused some people; why would Aventurine think this when the plan was his idea in the first place? Because, he subconsciously doesn't want to get too attached to the idea that Ratio might ACTUALLY care about him or want to help him. He's forcing himself to think "no, that's not what he was doing, he was planning on actually ratting me out all along, he was only asking about my wellbeing to get in my head."

However, I think it's evident that Aventurine wants relationships/attention just as much as everybody else does, he just won't let himself have it. To further this idea, I think the lyrics to White Night (the Penacony trailer theme song) are worth looking at (these specifically):

I don't wanna be alone tonightOh, lead me with your altered signThere's no one else left for me to loseHeadin' to the other side, other side

I don't wanna be alone tonightI'll bring you to my best disguise'Cause you don't need, don't need to know the truthLet me rave forever in your life

The song is obviously about Aventurine when you look at the lyrics, but these lines in particular just further my point that this man does NOT like the fact that he's alone. He wants relationships, he wants closeness, but he rejects it at the same time out of fear that he might lose somebody prematurely again and doesn't want to experience being abandoned or being rejected for his personality (his real one or his fake one), which leads me to...

Unstable Self-Image; Struggles With Identity or Sense of Self:

The shift from Kakavasha to Aventurine screwed this guy up REAL bad. A MASSIVE part of Aventurine's character, in my opinion, is his struggle with his identity/sense of self. I mean, he literally had to kill off who he used to be in order to live how he's living now, and he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Jade sums it up pretty well when Aventurine is sat before her on trial: 

Aventurine joining the IPC comes with the price of...well, becoming 'Aventurine'. Since I'm clocking him with a BPD diagnosis, the identity disturbance would have probably happened before this moment, and I think it did. I'll bet it started festering after that first massive traumatic event where he watched his family die and tried to rationalize how that was possible with his 'good luck' (since that was really the only consistent idea he had about himself), and it probably only got worse when he became fixated on the fact that whoever tf he is, he's only worth 60 copper coins (did the math – that's about $3). That's gotta cause some massive identity issues. He's coined as this ‘good luck charm’, this ‘blessed child’, a ‘beacon of hope for the Avgins’, and somehow, he ended up in the absolute worst situation possible while simultaneously dooming all of the Avgins (obviously not his fault, but he thinks it's his fault).

When Jade tells him to pick a new identity, ironically he picks one that is everything he probably grew to hate after his childhood/adolescence.

Associating with the wealthy? The rich were the people who paid to brand him and enslave him. The IPC? Promised to help the Avgins but disappeared when the Katicans invaded, then came back and kidnapped him to sell him as a slave. Now he's both wealthy and a part of the IPC, and you have to wonder how he truly feels about it. We'll look into that more later. Regardless, he's not really 'free' now, even if he isn't technically owned by a master anymore. He's chained to the IPC because this is life now; this is his identity. Where else would he even go? What else would he do? (Die, perhaps?) It's not like he can go home, or go live a peaceful life out on the countryside somewhere. He made 'Aventurine' his entire life and his entire personality. On that note, I really like this quote from his third character story:

“The aventurine, that symbol of power and of the future, is about to be officially handed to him — Yet it would have no more allure or value in his eyes as soon he obtains it, even though he had sought it by putting his life on the line.

He returns to his office in a daze. The aventurine stone emits a peculiar glow on his desk, seemingly congratulating and mocking him at the same time."Was luck truly on your side when you wrestled with fate?"”

Did he really luck out with this one? Comparatively, of course, this is better than his life as a slave, but he essentially just traded his rusted chains for golden ones. Becoming Aventurine might wind up bringing him a lot more pain than it was worth. 

Also, the outfit he chose? Covered in gold, fur, and jewels, all materials that somebody who knows nothing about being rich would assume rich people wear in excess. It's evident in his tacky taste (sorry honey I love you so much but the hat is just crazy work you look like a pimp) that he doesn't know anything about how to dress himself. And I bully him for being tacky but it makes sense! He dresses exactly how you'd think an out-of-touch billionaire would dress. Back to his sense of identity: it's very important to establish that Aventurine feels guilty about taking on this persona! That's all 'Aventurine' is: a persona. If he were to die tomorrow, the IPC would dust off that stone and give it to another bozo who would end up being the next 'Aventurine'.

While he didn't initially develop this personality subconsciously and it was a 'choice' to start playing this role (not that he had a plethora of alternative options), the perpetuation is damaging him mentally. He does a good job of keeping up the act, obviously. This theme that his entire personality is just one big act is overarching through the entire Penacony quest, but there's one moment in particular I really liked: when Sparkle is being a jerk and he has this offhand comment about how he's so frivolous, vain, and flashy, and how he'd hate to live anywhere where it rained since his outfit is too expensive to get wet.

Then, we have this interaction in the maze: Future Aventurine brings up the memory of him and his big sister playing dead, floating in bloody water to avoid being killed by the Katicans when they attacked. He mentions that it was his father's shirt, the last one his father left behind before dying, and that it was ruined. Aventurine says it wasn't ruined, and he's always kept it. (I wonder if that's the shirt he wore during his time enslaved?) Future Aventurine grills him and asks ‘why keep it? This new person that you are would never wear something so dirty and old. 'Aventurine' wouldn't want that old rag, it's not worth any money. 'Aventurine' would never splash around in murky water like that; he wouldn't need to.’ Nobody is hunting him, now he's the hunter. Future Aventurine makes the snide comment that he bets Aventurine wouldn't even dare to go outside in the rain, let alone do any of the things Kakavasha had to do, since he's so much more elite now. Aventurine, clearly hurt by the implication, says that even after all this time, he's never changed.

Of course, he hasn't. Deep down, no matter how much he tries to trick himself and everybody around him, he's still the same scared, traumatized boy he always has been. His future self chastises him for having an inferiority complex and mentions that with every gamble he makes, he has his left hand shaking in fear behind his back.

But the constant pull to push Kakavasha down and keep up this act that 'Aventurine' is the real him obviously perpetuated the identity disturbance in him and made it a hundred times worse, to the point where (as Future Aventurine points out) the hole he's dug is basically impossible to climb out of.

Because of this, I interpret Aventurine to constantly be struggling with his identity, not knowing who really exists under all the masks he wears, not knowing if he or anybody around him will ever figure it out. I imagine he feels very empty and unfulfilled, since as I mentioned in the abandonment section, he doesn't want to be alone. But the higher he climbs on the social ladder, the further he can separate himself from other people. This is a classic issue borderlines face. We masquerade as something we think the people around us will like, someone WE might like, but it always ends up leaving us feeling more empty than before.

(This is just an added bonus to chew on, but I got stuck on this line when I played through Penacony:)

Do you think once he became Aventurine and got the money and the resources, he researched toys that normal kids play with? Fancy ones like building blocks, stuff that he would have never been exposed to as a kid? Obviously baby Kakavasha would not know wtf building toys looked like, and I'm sure teenage Kakavasha didn't have the opportunity to browse toy catalogs. But, he recognizes the toy even though he says he's never played with them before. Maybe he considered buying it but decided against it, since it doesn't fit his new persona. Kakavasha doesn't exist anymore, so there's no reason to nurture that part of him. Anyways, just wanted to hurt y'all a bit more. Speaking of hurting ourselves:

Impulsive or Self-Damaging Behaviors + Suicidal Behavior or Self Injury:

I'm combining these two because my points kept blending together, so bear with me lol.

Aventurine is known for being incredibly reckless and putting himself in the path of danger over and over again. When discussing how he tricked Sunday with the Cornerstones, Future Aventurine asks:

I want to exaggerate how crazy it is (i can say that i'm also a bpd baddie) that he smashed his Cornerstone. I don't think a Stoneheart has ever done that before. Their stone is what makes them a Stoneheart. Ratio mentions that without it, Aventurine would be back to being nobody. Remember: that's what makes him Aventurine. You know, the persona that required him to kill off his former identity? Their Cornerstones are more important than the Stonehearts’ lives, as stated multiple times. But that's just it: Aventurine doesn't GAF about his life. He doesn't mind putting his life on the line to pull off his plan because he has that deep-rooted desire to punish himself for everything he thinks was his fault. He gets called out for gambling with his life multiple times during Penacony, and while most of the time it's reduced to him just being crazy (cough, bpd) or just having a severe gambling problem. Extremely hot take, but I think he gambles literally as another way to hurt himself. I mean, look at what he says when you ask about his hobbies:

"There's no denying it, my fascination is with the game of chance... be it the exhilarating rush of triumph or the extensive emptiness that follows, both are worth savoring, time and time again."

Being impulsive and risky, betting his life over and over –  it makes him feel alive. He knows the end result will hurt, that he'll have to face that 'extensive emptiness' and the extreme guilt he feels regarding his continued good luck, but he does it anyway.

Speaking of betting, his bets are always 'all or nothing', seemingly every time. Future Aventurine calls him out on always risking everything with every gamble, asking:

"Do you truly believe the greater the risk, the greater the reward?"

Or...do you just not care what happens to you? He doesn't need to risk a lot; he's never lost. He could bet the lowest amount and still win every time, and make a lot of money depending on what everybody else bet. In fact, that would actually be a better strategy in gambling (poker/black jack specifically), because it would insinuate that he's not very confident with his hand and prompt the other players to bet higher, assuming that they'll beat him.

I imagine he gets a shred of dopamine betting everything he has knowing that he'll probably win, but hey, who knows? Then after winning and multiplying everything he has, I imagine that 'extensive emptiness' that he refers to is the feeling of 'oh good, more money. More status. More success. A reminder that no matter what I do, I'm stuck here in this role forever.'

For some reason, he also thinks that taking risks makes him appear more confident and secure. He makes a show of always keeping up the big bets and he boasts about how successful he is, while clutching his hand behind his back thinking 'oh god, is this it? will I finally lose this time?' He brings this up when he's speaking with himself and he says, 'How could a weak person take such daring risks?"

Oh, the delicious irony.

That raises the question, though: if he wants to die so badly, why hasn't he yet? It's not like he had an easy life. He fought very hard to stay alive, so why does he act so recklessly now?

I think at his core, he's scared. Dying is scary. His family is there in the afterlife; would they be disappointed in the person he’s become? At the same time, being alive is exhausting. The constant emotional pain this guy probably deals with every day? It's gotta be heavy.

His behaviors around suicide remind of a classic passively suicidal person with BPD: maybe they don't necessarily want to die, but they're tired. They don't have an active plan, but If something is going to kill them, they're not going to move out of the way.

So, carrying out his Penacony plan makes sense. Of course he’s not completely sure what will happen when Acheron kills him, but because he doesn’t have anything to live for, he’s fine gambling with his life. He makes a show of finally throwing out every last chip, too, no longer clutching them under the table in fear. He was fine with smashing the Aventurine stone because it's not like he was planning on using it after his final show; the little bit of power it had left in it was more than enough.

That being said, we do have to address this little number:

Aventurine attempted several times in Penacony, he admits it flat out. The writers even went sofar as to bold this line specifically! I think this does also go hand-in-hand with him being passively suicidal, since he's pretty sure he'll live when he attempts in the dream, but he's gonna try it SEVERAL times just to be sure. Mentally healthy people wouldn't try it... once, Aventurine!

As if we needed more evidence that Aventurine constantly puts himself in danger, you know I HAVE to mention...the light cone:

n case you haven't read the description for this light cone, let me share it with you:

"You don't believe me?"He (Aventurine) provocatively looks at the man (Ratio) before him, then draws out a revolver, empties its cylinder, and leaves a single shot in the chamber.

"Seems like I'll need to get you up to speed on how I do things if our cooperation were to remain amicable."He pushes the gun into his opponent's hand, spins the cylinder, and points the barrel to his own chest.

He pulls the trigger repeatedly, and the smile on his face remains the same after three empty clicks."Life is a grand gamble, and I'll always be the final victor."

Now what the HELL is this? Mind you, this is the first time Ratio has met this man!!! Imagine you meet your new mission partner for the first time and he puts a revolver in your hand and fires it thrice, then leaves. WHO does that? (...a baddie, perhaps!)

I don't think it's a secret to anybody who has spent a reasonable amount of time around Aventurine that there's something off about him, and that there's a really deep sadness running through him. There's some instances where other characters mention his passive desire to die – A few quick examples I can think of:

The instance in Story IV with Opal:

"Maybe luck won't be on your side this time, and the bill for all your past good fortune will come due [...] But isn't that what you've been longing for?"

Opal implies Aventurine wants to fail on Penacony, which, as we've discussed, is an accurate assumption. Jade says something similar after Aventurine's stunt: when Topaz says the light in his stone went out, Jade replies by saying "he got what he wanted."

Also, I’d like to point out that Ratio must have been anticipating that Aventurine would do something rash, since he wrote that note (doctor's advice) long before he started grilling him after the meeting with Sunday.

It's also worth noting the nod to T.S Eliot's "The Waste Land" (a very long poem about life and death). You get the achievement Sibyl, What Do You Want? after playing through the past of Kakavasha's life, and once you defeat boss Aventurine, you get the achievement She Replied, I Want to Die. I don't think that one needs an explanation, but boy does it hurt! (There's other, smaller nods to him being suicidal, like the Waiting for Godot achievement – Google the story if you're unfamiliar. Not as relevant, but I must mention it bc it makes my english major brain go brrrrr)

Also, overspending/gambling/being loose with money is a very common vice for borderlines to indulge in and harm themselves with. It's also implied that he drinks a decent amount. I counted 6 bottles of SoulGlad in his hotel room just from the angles I could see, and he's shown to be passed out at the bar when Ratio goes to get him before they go on their little date-I mean, mission. Aventurine says 'he must have drank too much', and whether or not that was true is irrelevant since it was a believable enough claim that Ratio bought it.

Borderlines are (usually) self-destructive in some capacity, and while some very annoying people assume it's for attention, it's so much more common for it to be because our inner emotions are just so out of whack. Sometimes, matching the inner pain with outer pain is a way to cope. They might also do it to try and combat-

Constant Feelings of Worthlessness or Sadness:

Probably the most nagging, prevalent feeling Aventurine deals with is the constant feeling of worthlessness. One thing about this man? He hates himself. Like, really hates himself. Take a look at the missions during his maze in Penacony. This one is one of my favorites:

It doesn't get much more on-the-nose than him calling himself a selfish, useless loser. He gets stuck on that word, in particular. Loser.

Aventurine, at his core, views himself as a massive loser. Is that ironic because of how much he wins? Not really. Money and materials are just part of the Aventurine persona. He's 'rich' in stuff, but he's not rich in what he actually wants. I think it's obvious that if he had the option to quadruple his wealth or see his sister again just one more time, we all know what he'd be picking.

The only thing he wants is connection – connection with his mother, his father, his sister, anybody at this point – but he can't have it. His family has been dead for a long while, and as I discussed before, his fear of abandonment and his luck scare him away from forming any other relationships. 

This luck, this destiny to be blessed, leads him to reflect on his life a lot and wonder what the hell the point is. He treats himself like some sort of walking curse, because he's convinced that his luck is bound to hurt other people. Every time he wins, somebody else loses. The luck that keeps him safe destroys everybody else around him. As Future Aventurine puts it:

His luck is "built on the pain of someone" else. This perpetuates the constant feeling of guilt, which in turn, makes him feel worthless. Why is it him that's spared every time?

Then, right before you start his boss fight, Aventurine says,

"The architect's flawed stone, of no value at all."

Some people speculate he's talking to the MC when he says this, but I can't help but assume that he's referring to himself. Even if it was directed at the MC, so much of what Aventurine says in his bluffs and boasts are just digs at himself. He's sort of an expert at hating himself, and what do people who hate themselves do if not project? Especially when you consider the fact that aventurine is actually a really cheap, undesired stone. It's like $3 a caret and mostly only used to rip people off and pose as jade. I really don't think it's a coincidence that his character is based around a stone that is, essentially, worthless.

The way that Aventurine is also prone to giving people ridiculous amounts of money/gifts can be read as a frantic effort to keep relationships going and prevent people from leaving him (relating to my points on both his feelings of worthless and his fear of abandonment). He has a skewed view on relationships, since the only value that's ever been associated with him is monetary value and that of his 'luck', which in every context is spoken of as an asset to benefit people he cares about. His sister told him that his luck was 'the most precious wealth' of the Avgins and Jade sees him as an investment that can bring her more wealth because of his luck, but he views it as a massive burden that ends up wrecking everybody around him. So how does he prove to other people that someone as worthless as him should be allowed a seat at the table? Deep down, he thinks that he's still worth 60 red copper pieces, and he's desperate to show other people that he's worth more than that now – even though he doesn't believe it at his core. With all the money he wins now, he can throw it at people and say 'look, look how much money I'm worth now, you want me around because I can buy you anything you want, that's a useful quality in a friend!'

(I did use the 'seat at the table line' as a nod to what his slave master said to him when they were discussing his worth: "Don't forget your place, slave. You're not qualified to be at the table." Which is, painfully, what Aventurine says when you open up chests! He scoffs and says that "it's hardly enough for a seat at the table." :’) )

There is also, of course, Aventurine's overarching struggle with finding purpose in his life. We see a lot of his existentialism during his trauma maze, but at the end of his trauma maze, Future Aventurine finally stops ripping Aventurine a new one and is vulnerable for a second, saying he doesn't understand what he's ever done wrong to have suffered as much as he has.

Then, when he's in the Nihility and he's speaking to Acheron, making the decision on whether or not he even wants to keep going, he asks her:

As I said, he has this conversation with himself in the maze as well, but here he's actually being vulnerable and speaking to somebody else about it: what's the point in being alive if we're just born to suffer? If nothing else, this solidifies the emotional struggle that Aventurine is constantly having. I also think it furthers the idea that he has this nagging sort of emptiness inside of him which is another BPD trait: the feeling that you're empty at your core, and you're constantly trying to fill it with things (friends, money, substances, whatever) but nothing ever works. You worry if anything will ever make you feel 'whole' again, and pair with the the identity disturbance? You're left with a constant feeling of despair.

Other Points:

These are a few other random thoughts I have, inspired by in-game moments but I'm taking them for my own evil fiendish BPD narrative. Take them with a grain of salt.

I think the stigma he gets around 'being crazy' is really BPD-coded. Separate from the ridiculous discrimination he gets for being an Avgin where people assume he's a liar and wolf in sheep's clothing (which can this man catch a SINGLE break jfc), he also has this reputation of being crazy, insane, manipulative, cunning, and someone you want to avoid, which is more rooted in his reckless gambling habit and status with the IPC. Living with this reputation of being insane and unstable for...lowkey no reason at all? Very BPD coded. I think Aventurine leans into that stigma to keep people a certain distance away, but it also just ends up making him hate himself even more.

Also, his entire mantra is "all or nothing", which always rang my BPD bells as well. There's not a lot of gray area with him, which is a key trait in borderlines as we often display very black-and-white thought patterns.

In Conclusion:

I think Aventurine is a borderline princess <3

No but actually though, Aventurine is extremely smart, witty, funny, generous, and very kind-hearted, and he also happens to have a lot of BPD symptoms :^) I don't think it does any harm to view him as BPD-coded; in fact, I think it's great to associate positive, fan-favorite characters like this with BPD because it helps to humanize us. Borderlines are not violent, crazy maniacs, they're people who have been severely traumatized and developed some unhealthy habits because of it. They deserve love, respect, understanding, and communication, just as everybody else does.

If you actually made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope I was able to shed some light on Aventurine and his Symptoms. And, as I do in all of my BPD posts, here’s your reminder to kiss the borderline baddies in your life and tell them they’re important to you :^) Living with BPD is exhausting and I know I speak for all of us when I say that. We try so hard every day to stay positive and regulated, and though rewarding, it's exhausting and very hard work. Nothing makes us smile more than some recognition that we're trying our best !!

Till next time xoxo (and shout out to @roxirinart for helping me edit this monstrosity mwahhh mwah)

[op-sys-chaos]

Inspired by a post by @snakeredbirdbatkatana

Tim couldn’t believe it. He’d been left behind. AGAIN.

His siblings really should’ve learned their lesson at this point. But no, they were too busy paying attention to themselves to think about Tim.

Dick had been exposed to the Morality Virus first. It removed your morality, leaving nothing but emptiness behind. He wouldn’t be held back anymore - now, he could do things like kill the Joker and avenge his brother without guilt. (It also gave you a general disdain for human life, which was a problem, but Dick could manage it. It would be fine. Right?) He was quick to infect Jason, thinking he’d enjoy the freedom. He infected Damian after, knowing Damian would enjoy being able to give into his more feral instincts.

Dick didn’t go after Cass, Duke, or Steph. Cass chose not to kill because she couldn’t stand watching people die, not with her ability. It had nothing to do with morals for her, so there was no point. Duke was too new for the family to know how he’d react to something like this. And Steph had actively chosen to reject her villain father and become a vigilante, partially because of a grudge and partially because of the adrenaline rush of vigilantism. She’s probably just pick being a hero anyway.

So obviously, Dick would go for Tim next, right?

No!

No, he started branching out to heroes outside of Gotham!

Unbelievable.

Tim hacked Dick’s computer, only to see his analysis:

Tim looks up to Bruce too much and would keep following him. Besides, he has a strong sense of morality, and would likely keep operating under it out of habit.

Did Dick really not know Tim that well? How little did his brother care about him to not notice?

Tim followed Bruce’s moral code because he didn’t have one of his own originally. He was very detached from normalcy and therefore morality as a kid. He took up Bruce’s code, following his example (not his words, mind you) down to the last detail, including being willing to leave bad people for dead if needed. But it wasn’t because he looked up to Bruce. It was because Bruce had a strong moral code and therefore was a good person to model his own after. It was convenient and reliable. Not some stupid hero worship bullshit.

Tim was so incredibly offended that his brothers cared so little that they couldn’t even tell this basic thing.

Cass noticed, of course. She read Dick’s note over Tim’s shoulder and gave him a hug.

“He doesn’t get it,” she said. “He can’t imagine why you would do be like this otherwise. He won’t consider other options.”

“He’s just… excluding me. Because he doesn’t understand me. How stupid. Everyone else had thought out reasons for exclusion, and he only wants to turn people who will kill because the virus is driving him to turn as many people as possible to create lots of killers, so those exclusions had valid reasonings. But me? Hero worship?”

“Honestly, I feel like this is a good thing to be excluded from,” Steph commented as she walked in.

“You don’t get it, Steph. It’s not that I want to be dosed-“

“You want to be seen. I get it, Tim. And I see you, but I know you want your whole family to be able to see you.”

Tim nodded.

“So how do you get them to see you, and how do you save them?” she prompted.

“…I get myself infected,” he whispered. “Act like I’m on his side. And deliver the antidote when I’m close.”

“Exactly. Can you do it?”

“Of course,” he replied.

“He will,” Cass chimed in confidently.

And that’s how, a week later, Tim ended up breaking into Dick’s apartment, alone and unarmed.

“Dick.”

“Tim? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to prove a fucking point.”

“And that is?” Dick asked with a frown.

“That you don’t know me half as well as you think,” Tim replied, grabbing a syringe of the virus and jabbing himself with it before Dick could stop him.

“What?” Dick asked in a whisper.

It felt strange, being hit with the virus. All it really did was make him feel cold for a moment, and give him the slight nagging sense that he should start killing people. But he easily shook the feeling off by reminding himself of the code.

“Pay better attention to your siblings, asshole.”

“I… Tim, I don’t understand.”

“I don’t have hero worship for Bruce. And I certainly don’t have a strong sense of morality. I never had morals, Dick. You think I would’ve stalked Batman if I did?”

“Well well well,” Jason said, walking into the room. “Pay up, Dick. Told you you were wrong about him.”

Tim almost jumped in surprise. Of his brothers he was definitely closest with Jason, but he hadn’t realized Jason would know him well enough to bet on this.

“But he…”

“Was raised without morals. It’s obvious. He doesn’t think about moral implications until he’s already 50 clones into trying to bring his clone bestie back.”

Dick choked out a cough. “What?”

“Yeah, not my finest moment,” Tim admitted. “I was not thinking about the ethical implications of cloning, I just missed my friend. Bruce’s code is a strong and simple road map. That’s all.”

“Amazingly, I actually respect you more for that,” Damian told Tim as he entered the room. “It takes a lot of willpower to follow a code that’s not your own.”

Perfect. All of them were here.

“Thanks, Damian.”

“You are welcome. I assume your presence here means you are on our side? We have planned our first escapade.”

“What’s the plan?”

“Lure all of the currently free rogues into one spot, then blow up the building. Immediately after, blow up Arkham. Civilian casualties will be a factor, of course, but a necessary one to rid the city of evil.”

Huh. Even with no morals, they were still heroic. Interesting.

“I can help with that,” Tim said, pulling a device out of his pocket.

“What’s that?” Jason asked.

All three came closer, and Tim pushed the small red button on top. Gas instantly exploded outwards, enveloping the room.

The sounds of coughing surrounded him, and he felt the curse of the virus wash off. He didn’t suddenly gain morals, of course, but his drive to kill was gone, which was a relief.

As the smoke cleared, Tim saw his brothers sitting on the floor.

“What the…” Dick started, before clapping a hand over his mouth in horror. “Oh god, was I really planning to…”

“Yeah,” Tim replied, standing up and leaving the apartment. “Next time, pay better attention to your siblings, asshat. You would’ve known that because I don’t have morality to follow, I would stick to saving you all and saving the city. I thought we were brothers, Dick. But you proved today that I’m just another face in the crowd to you.”

With those words, Tim left. Cass, who had been waiting outside in case it went wrong, gave him a quick hug, and the pair grappled off together.

“That was AWESOME,” Steph said over comms. “You kicked so much ass, Tim. They’ll think twice before dismissing you again.”

“I hope so,” Tim whispered. “I was honestly surprised that Jason at least partially knew that I would act that way.”

“Yeah, well, Dick will think twice about underestimating you again.”

And he did. When Dick came back to the cave that night, he sat down and had a conversation with Tim, telling him about his impressions of Tim and asking him to correct anything he got wrong. To Tim’s surprise, Dick actually saw a lot more than he expected. He even picked up on the fact that Tim’s first male crush had been Kon, even if Tim hadn’t admitted it even to himself. And Dick was the only person who’d ever told Tim that they had figured out that Tim had originally modeled his personality after a book character. Dick wasn’t wrong; Tim had no idea how to act normal as a kid, and modeled himself after his favorite character. His actions changed over time, becoming more natural and more his own, but they’d still originally been based on someone else. Dick had picked up on that, to Tim’s amazement.

It turned out, Dick actually knew Tim better than he ever realized his brother did. Dick just missed the morality piece because Tim had never wavered from the code and had always been so devoted to following Bruce’s code that Dick assumed it was hero worship of the first hero Tim knew.

They vowed to be more open about things in the future and to work on knowing each other better. And Dick vowed never to exclude Tim again unless someone else gave him a very, very good reason to do so (such as the “it’ll make him want to get involved if he knows and his involvement will make this worse” type of stuff typical in their line of duty).