#don’t mind me reminiscing like a little bitch

[care666bear]

you know, I could be the angriest, saddest little human and that little playlist named “mommas love” will never fail to make me feel like the 5 to 15 year old who would scream, cry & break shit for hours until my mom would wrestle me to the ground and just hold me a while. Her hugs, they always felt like the world would stop & oceans were calm. Especially when I was raging out, I can sit more calm with myself as I get older but somehow, bottling them feels worse than ripping apart my entire bedroom I’ll be so real. Anywho the point of this was that her playlist feels like that kinda “holding me” & boy am I blessed 4 that if everything else sucks

[rizsu]

food for thought, except it’s unwanted jujutsu kaisen : fem-reader.

have you ever wondered about a scenario so much that you must ask? well that’s exactly the last thing they’d wish to answer.

+ love ‘su: gojo, geto, itadori + ‘live, laugh, love’ hater final boss ( sukuna )

gojo satoru ﾉ refuses to answer.

“do you ever think about how it’d be if we never met?”

“ha— no. don’t even go there.”

satoru stops you there. he doesn’t wish to hear another word from you— especially if it extends your former question. he thinks about it— daily, in fact. it's a scenario that crosses his mind whenever he finds himself drunk on the temporary love he receives from you.

you’ve sung the lyric ‘i’ll love you until there’s no more left’ almost every week for him, silently begging that he gets the concept of genuine love through his head.

“why not? imagine if my friends didn’t make that bet where i either hit on you or pay for the night.” you reminisced, remembering the very night you lost the last touch of shame.

he hums, drumming his fingers on your thigh.

“bet or not, we’d still be fated to meet. next question!”

“anddd what makes you so confident?” you threw another question at him. this time, it's lighthearted.

“mind you, i’m the second coming of an angel. i predetermined this since three years ago.”

glances were exchanged, an expression of a grinning fool met the expression of a glaring responsible person who’s the said fool’s other romantic half.

you should've been familiar with satoru’s ways. it’s your fault for expecting a deep-dive conversation with satoru. not quite his cup of tea!

geto suguru ﾉ expects it and tries to escape.

suguru's home was no new, unexplored area to you. you knew his home's blueprint like the back of your hand. if needed, you'd walk through his home blindfolded and still end up in the room you want to be in.

this isn't a good thing to suguru. there are days where the feeling of confusion as to who he is piles up on him, leading him to isolate himself.. until he forgets there's a spare key of his isolation cube in your hold so now the plan goes awry.

that is exactly what’s happening. after he sent the text ‘k bye’ and silenced his notifications, he felt an impending doom. the reason was unknown by then but he should've guessed it was you.

you marched into his home, readying yourself with suguru-loneliness-begone techniques and, of course, the question that's been wandering your mind since you woke up from a dream.

“babe, what if—”

“fuck,” he curses under his breath, too exhausted to put a hand over your mouth.

“what if we were the last persons on earth? would you recreate humanity with me or kill yourself?”

there it is: your special ‘what if’ questions that know no bounds when it comes to absurdity.

“when would that ever happen? please, stop this,” he groans, pleading with his eyes for you to stop.

“that's the thing— you never know! so, what option is it?”

“i'd kill myself a long time ago if possible.”

“so it's the second one?”

“i'm... not cut out to be a good father.”

“i hate an indecisive bitch, my goodness,” it's your turn to complain, a little let down at his grey answers.

suguru's equally offended. you're the one who jumped him with such a question— who even thinks about that?!

“(y/n), baby, has it ever crossed your mind that your thinking skills aren't quite normal?”

“are you calling me stupid?!”

itadori yuuji ﾉ just as stupid.

it's mango season— yuuji's most anticipated season of the year. mangoes are to yuuji what your lipbalm is to you. a necessity, a survival item, a lifesaver, an important part of his lore, something he worships.

peeling mangoes and slicing them to equal pieces has never brought him such satisfaction before. it immediately brightens his mood. this must be how his grandfather felt whenever he took a walk around the neighbourhood.

now you appear, yuuji's second most anticipated person. you to yuuji is what mangoes are to him. this causes yuuji's current happiness level to reach its peak today. such a great level of happiness can defeat any evil being with just being in its area.

“say, yuu,” you begin, stabbing one of the mangoe slices with a fork.

he nods, signalling that he's listening but still focused on his current activity. a true mulit-tasker.

“if one of your limbs happen to detach from your body, do you feel the pain or does the pain go with it?”

he stops, allowing the question to sink in. he's never been asked such a.. divine question before. what's the answer? does the pain go with the limb or does it stay?

“oh... i gotta ask nobara this, she'd know,” he suggests, placing the knife down. a question that'll haunt him if he doesn't act quick for the answer.

“yes, yes!!” you encourage his actions, mindlessly enjoying the mango slices. mangoes are truly a blessing.

sukuna ryomen ﾉ no. nice try, though! A+ for effort.

“ryo, have you ever wondered if—”

“no, i never.”

“you didn't even let—”

“i haven't learnt since two-thousand years ago.”

“you old fuck, let me finish—”

“it's truly been a while since i've wondered.”

“DAMN, BITCH!”

you threw the remote at him, ultimately fed up with him cutting you off before the peak of the sentence. it could've been the question of the year and he'd still dodge it.

sukuna invited himself over since he ran out of entertainment options and you're always there for him. unfortunately, you do not find him as entertainin. he's annoying, arrogant, and attractive so it cancels out the negatives about him.

of course, sukuna caught the remote. his athletic capabilities are its prime despite him being dormant for centuries. it'd be a white lie to say he's not interested in your question, however it is way more benefitting to push your buttons.

he throws the remote back onto your bed, drying his hands with your hand-towel before making his merry way to you.

“your bed's small.”

“well no shit. it's for ME.”

“you mad? you look mad.” his hand holds your chin, turning your head side-to-side to observe your expression.

you rolled your eyes, “i don't get mad that easily.”

“is this how people felt when i told them an obvious lie? i should repent.”

[sfehvn]

home

Description: Astarion left twenty years earlier, after defeating the elder brain, in search of a cure for his vampiric condition. Tav has not been coping well. A/N: A little angsty, alcohol abuse and Tav being overly-sexual in hopes of feeling some comfort in Astarion's absence; if you aren't comfortable with that you may want to skip this one! Also eludes to Tav being a sorcerer elf, but nothing is explicitly stated. Enjoy! :) Rating: M (18+ minors DNI) Word count: 2,438 Characters: Astarion x Tav

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  The gnawing sensation that remained deep-seated in your gut had all but dwindled. Nights filled with booze and meaningless sex did little to appease the hunger that twisted your insides viscerally. That damned vampire had only been in your life for but the slightest fraction. Somehow, he utterly rewired your brain's chemistry in such a minuscule time frame.

  “So that’s it then? You’re leaving after everything we’ve been through. Just like that?” The bitterness that dripped from every syllable was palpable as you spoke. An air of disgust and heartbreak hung between you and Astarion.

  He remained silent, the cogs of his mind turning while his face remained unreadable. “I will return for you, Tav. I swear it. I must do this alone.”

  The scene dissipates into the back of your otherwise empty mind. You had waited. Waited patiently for the return of your lover; spent years willfully ignorant to the fact that he had wholly left you. Two decades came and went before the realization sunk into the essence of your being. He was just gone. The many conquests that filled your bed were always reminiscent of him in at least one way, though you were never able to quench that desire. A white-haired man sits before you, telling fantastical stories, no doubt with the intention of bedding you. You would let him, of course. As he speaks, hands moving with a pristine emphasis of his tales, you can only discern the differences from your once-lover. His locks share the same silver hue but are much too short compared to Astarion’s. Soft tufts of curls are nowhere in sight; the stranger’s hair is pin-straight. The longer you listen to him speak, the more you coin him a prick. The ego wasn’t far from your lover’s, but it was without the redeeming charm you had grown to love.

  Despite all of this, you would still follow him to bed, or perhaps a latrine is more this man’s prerogative. Either way, you hoped you could squint your eyes just enough to forget the differences and see a glimpse of Astarion instead. 

  “Riveting as this conversation is,” You cut the stranger off, and your hand sits on his arm seductively. “I speculate we may get on better in private. Naked.” The pungent scent of alcohol is unmistakable. If it were a decent man before you, he may have chivalrously rejected your advances for fear of taking advantage. This was no decent man, though; he proves it by taking your hand in his and standing from the bar. You had been right about the latrine. He props you against the wall in the outhouse and has his wicked way with you. Your mind is numb as he pounds mindlessly into your mound. You squeeze your eyes shut, and try as you might, your lover is not present in the moment. Instead, you feel dirty, used, and ashamed. 

  You allow the man to finish, as it only took him a measly two minutes. You had counted. You didn’t bother faking your own orgasm. This one didn’t care. You adjusted your dress until its hem fell to your ankles. “When can I see you again?” He asks. You brush past him wordlessly. His shameless contention is not lost on you as a distasteful ‘bitch’ elicits from his mouth. You pay your tab and start your trek back home. 

  “Why, though? We’re a team! I told you I’d help you find a cure, Astarion. Please don’t leave me.” Painful tears sting at your eyes, once filled with so much sunshine and radiance. There had even been a touch of naivety to you at that time in your life.

  “I don’t want you to.” Astarion was sharp, pointed with his words. “You deserve a break. Months of leading a group of brain-wormed buffoons; you need it. It won’t take me long, and I will be back. I’ll always come back for you.” He reiterates.

  The possibility of death was not unfounded. The bitter truth was brutal to swallow but did not subdue your anger. If death were his fate, you could have saved him as you had many times before. It was entirely preventable if the case; he was just too stubborn to see it. Radiance of wealth exuded from your residence; nothing but the best for the hero of Baldur’s Gate. You scoffed. How trivial these things were when you did not have a soul to share it with. Your friends had all gone their separate ways, aside from Wyll and Karlach, who had come to find a happy union together among their time spent so closely in Avernus. Gale had forged a family with a lovely lady from Rivington and now had two children barely into adulthood, himself somewhat up there in age. Lae’Zel wasn’t the best at keeping in touch, but last you had heard, she was off kicking ass like always. Surprisingly, Shadowheart visited you as regularly as she could, but that was still seldom.

  All of your old traveling companions had gone on to do great things in their own ways. You were happy for them, you really were, but it’d be a lie if you didn’t admit there was some part of you that envied them. Envied the fulfillment they found within themselves, in the love they discovered in other people. All you had to show for yourself was a house too big for you alone to maintain and, admittedly, a bit of a drinking problem. You grumble as you fight to get the key into the lock of the front door, eager to wash the escapades from earlier off your body. 

  You slink into the tub's warm water, allowing the liquid to engulf you as you stare at the wall absently. What would you be today if Astarion was at your side? It was a question you had asked yourself a million times over. Probably not the calloused person you became. Not living off of any alcohol you could get your hands on, certainly. Recalling the abandonment made a lump rise in your throat, and you quickly choked it down. No, you would not spill another tear for the man who had left. You would not.

  You couldn’t.

  You stare at the nearly empty whiskey bottle across the room, but you are sure there is at least enough for a little glass left in it. You refrain from pulling out of the tub with the sole purpose of pouring that glass and instead scrub your body clean. Relief floods over you once you’ve successfully washed off the remnants of the stranger. His seed had stuck to your stomach like a paste when he pulled out, and the way it dried and tightened over your skin had made you want to vomit. You only exit the round tub once you’ve washed your hair. With your silk robe tied loosely around your body, chest exposed, you make a beeline for the whiskey glass that had been teasing you from across the room. A sigh of contempt leaves your mouth when a single drop drips out into your glass. You recap it and debate tossing it, but decide that will be a problem for future you. You take the candle that lit the washroom and shuffle into the hall, holding it far enough in front of you to provide adequate light through the long, dark corridor. The sound of creaking floorboards halts you in your tracks. The sound did not come from beneath your feet, but instead downstairs. Your ears strain in an attempt to make out any other noises. Another creak this time closer to the bottom of your stairs. 

  You blow out the candle and a quiet incantation for darkvision leaves your lips. There was no fear, whatever sorry bastard chose your home to break into would surely change their tune once they’re at the other end of one of your spells. Suddenly more alert and prepared for whoever emerged, you felt yourself sober as the adrenaline coursed your veins. As quickly as you’re able to make out a faint silhouette bounding up the stairs, another hymn leaves your lips. 

  “Ignis.” 

  A firebolt protrudes from the palm of your outstretched hand, bounding quicker for the stranger than they can respond. A searing sounds as it bores straight through the uninvited guest’s clothing, sizzling with now charred flesh. They groan in agony, the silhouette clutching at their injured chest. “You’re quite lucky I like a good chat, or you’d be dead already. Who are you and why are you in my home?” Your voice was unwavering and void of any emotion other than conviction. 

  “Well, I’d be lying if I say I’m surprised. I do suppose I set myself up for this one, darling. Always the sharp-shooter, you are.” The man attempts a laugh, but it’s lost under the pain in his voice. That voice.

  His voice.

  Forgotten under a sea of other voices, but you place his cadence immediately. You want to run to him, feel the way his arms fit so naturally around your body, let your lips fall upon his. Your first instincts are quickly replaced with anger. Betrayal. You wanted to hurl another firebolt at him; hells, a fireball would’ve been better but you bite it back. You were angry, but becoming homeless after burning your home down was not something you were prepared to deal with. With a small flick of your wrist, you light the sconces that line the hall and you’re met with the illuminated sight of Astarion. He looks not a day older from the last time you had seen him, dare you say he looked even better.

  There’s a tinge of color to his flesh, like he’d been kissed by the morning sun many days over. There was a pink hugh to his skin, reminiscent of fresh blood pumping from a beating heart. Your own skips a beat at the picture of him before you. He was alive. Alive alive. Gone are the ruby-red eyes you had grown to love, replaced with eyes as golden as fresh honey shimmering in the light. You chew the inside of your cheek in an attempt to fight back your tears. Your face remains unchanged despite the flurry of emotions assaulting your brain and heart. “Why are you in my home?” You repeat, as if you had no recollection of the man before you. 

  Astarion’s features reflect the hurt that he feels from your reaction but quickly he masks it. “Not exactly the welcome-home I was imagining, if I’m telling the truth. This is quite the place you’ve got. I’m pleasantly shocked at how well of a job you did decorating, dear. Though I will probably have to make a few adjustments-”

  “Twenty years.” You whisper incredulously, cutting Astarion from his rambling stupor.

  “I’m sorry?” 

  “Twenty years, Astarion!” You shout. You’re no longer able to hold back the floodgates in your eyes. They prick unforgivingly, threatening to pool over onto flushed cheeks. “Twenty years you were gone! And here you are, acting like nothing happened; acting like not a day has passed since we’ve last spoke!” You wipe the tears from your face, angrily laughing that your emotions had betrayed you so. “You don’t even know who I am anymore and you think for a second I’ll allow you in a position to hurt me again?” 

  Astarion is taken aback by the furious passion that laces your every word. The wound he had been nursing with his hand is abandoned as he attempts to step closer, but you take a swift step back. “It had to be done, Tav. The journey to get where I am today was an arduous one. One that I was not willing to ask you to take with me.”

  Your jaw clenches, and there’s no time to collect yourself before you respond. “You didn’t have to ask. I told you I would have followed you through the hells if it meant being with you.” You practically spit the words. 

  “I wouldn’t allow that.”

  “Gods, Astarion! Are you so dense that you don’t see it wasn’t your decision to make regarding what is best for me?” The venom is thick in your tone. “Maybe I would be some semblance of the same person you abandoned all those years ago if I had at least gotten to say goodbye. Perhaps if you had sent a letter I’d be a little more forthcoming with you right now.” 

  “It was not my intention to abandon you.” He quips back, but sees it was the wrong thing to say as the fire burns brighter behind your eyes. “Against my better judgement I guess that is what I did. Only because I couldn’t fathom saying goodbye to you. I-” He pauses for a beat. “I thought it may make things easier on you, too.”

  The laugh that leaves your mouth was a chortle, filled with malice and sarcasm. You grasped for anyway to hurt him in the way he hurt you, “Well you ruined me, Astarion.”

  “I did not, you look-”

  “Looks are deceiving. I would figure you know that by now. For example, just by looking at me you probably can’t tell I drank my weight in whiskey today. Or yesterday. Or the day before.” You purse your lips. “You probably can’t tell that I allowed a bastard of a man to open my legs and fuck me simply because he shared your hair color just earlier in the evening. Or that a tenday ago I fucked another man who’s laugh almost made me believe you were there. Only for a moment, of course.” There was shame in your words and you wanted to cry harder as you voiced all of the ways you had failed to care for yourself. The desire to make him feel what you felt was too great. You wanted him to hate you the way you had grown to despise him.

  His arms pulled you firmly against him, his head ducking to bury his face into your wet hair. You soften under his touch, allowing yourself to go limp as he holds you. Guilt eats at Astarion’s subconscious as you cry into his shirt. It didn’t matter if you tried to push him away. It didn’t matter what you had done to cope with his absence. He was home and he was going to prove to you that he was not going anywhere ever again. Everything he had gone through in the past twenty years, he had powered through with the thought of making it home.

  You were his home.

[mxiaogod]

— 13. [TERCEIRA] MIKASA ACKERMAN AU X FEM! AFAB READER

Warnings : OLDER MIKASA! Infidelity, lap dance, masturbation, gun play, drinking, NSFW (DNI IF YOU AREN’T 18+)

A/N: I'd fist fight that bitch eren for this mf.

— Your phone rings for the third time, buzzing on your pillow beside your head as you watch your husband get ready for work, you catch a glimpse of the caller ID, Mikasa, sending a pleasurable zap down the length of your spine. Your husband was an influential person, and bodyguards were not new to you, you had gone through a lot of them before your husband deemed you were relevant enough to assign you one of the Ackermans, the finest in their league.

"Who's calling you? " He inquires, and you respond, "Book club, I was scheduled to go today but I'm feeling under the weather," with a sickeningly sweet grin. You weren’t supposed to be in contact with her, you both signed an NCA, your husband was the only one who got to make calls.

You answer the phone on the third ring, "It's your day off today," you say low, your voice tinged with feigned displeasure. You turn your back on your spouse, facing the other side of the room, enough to allow you privacy for your conversation. "I'm aware," she responded.

“Why do you keep calling?” You hushed, “Hm, why do you keep answering?” She retorted with a low laugh and you blanked.

“Come on, are you really going to put me off again? You get like this every time.” She said, her voice strained and annoyed. “We both know you’re going to cave in for me, every fucking time.” She adds.

“Stop-” Before you could process a response, she spoke again. “Your husband is in the room with you, isn’t he?”

"Yes." You kept your response brief. "I'm guessing you told him it was book club? " She chuckled at your revelation, before you heard shuffling around, and she said, "I'll do the talking then? I feel like reminiscing today, shall we? " You didn't get the chance to disagree because she continued speaking.

"Do you realize how much I miss you? " She stops and takes a deep breath. "I'll never forget the third day of working for you, baby." You sat up on the bed, phone buried between your ears and shoulders.

You hum as a response as you pick the scab on your nails. “It happened so fast, don't you remember? You snuck off on me, went to a club and I found you, I always will.”

“After I found you, you looked so- carefree, so I sat down with you and played three rounds of black jack with you, I kept winning and in exchange you gave me a lap dance.” You hear ice clink against a glass, she’s drinking, you figured. “The most unforgettable and expensive lap dance of my life.” You remembered, vividly even, she was going to take it easy on you and make you win, but after you had tipsily offered her a lap dance as a joke, she made it her life goal to win against you.

"Do you want a lap dance from me? " You mumbled tipsily, giggling like a schoolgirl. Mikasa glanced at you, resting on the velvet sofa of the vip area, you thanked your husband for the ridiculous panty dropper uniforms your body guards wore, tailored suits and ties, her combat boots seeming mismatched against the red carpeted flooring of the club, inked skin protruding out of her unbuttoned dress shirt and rolled up sleeves.

"Sure" she played off, pretending she was cool but on the inside, she never realized winning black jack by card counting could feel so rewarding.

You placed your pointer finger on the side of your lips, thinking. “Oh! But it’s going to cost you.” you exclaimed, and she scoffed, a smirk painting her lips.

“I don’t know sweet girl, seems a little unfair to me, considering you owe me 500 dollars after losing.”

“But I’ll take your offer.” She said, lithe fingers loosening her tie, her short dark hair messily framing her face after losing her mind searching for you. Pouty lips so kissable as she wets them with her tongue, silver glinting against the mundane lights.

The already sensual music helped you figure the flow of your body, a satin dress a tad bit short for your milky thighs tested Mikasa’s self control. She was a very patient woman, but you, you were her doom, her divinity.

You grinded on her lap, kissed her neck even and pulled away taking a lungful of oxygen away from her. You swayed your body along to the music that made Mikasa snap. You were so beautiful, the epitome of her downfall.

She lost three grand that night, all because you were so demanding, but she was willing to give you any money you wanted for your dance to last as long as she wanted before giving in to her desires.

You were bare, laying on the cold glass center table in no time, pierced tongue flicking against your clit, the cold ball enhancing the pleasure of her pointed tongue bringing tears to your eyes. Dulcet moans bouncing against the velvet walls, your warm palm clutching a bundle of her hair, the pull making her hiss. 

She stands up, running her gaze from your face, before dropping her head down and sucking your nipples until they’re so swollen and drenched with her saliva, your lip is caught between your teeth, red and inviting.

She untucks the gun from her waistband, before placing the cold barrel on the under of your jaw and your eyes immediately widen.

“No fingers for you yeah? Only my gun, this is for running away from me, bad girls don’t deserve my fingers.” The cold barrel dragging along the center of your body, to your sternum down to your navel, before making contact with your swollen clit. 

Drenched in your own fluid, the contrast of the cold barrel and the searing pleasure on your clit made you gasp, and pull away, but Mikasa’s free arm was wrapped around the plush of your thigh, preventing you from running away.

“Shh” She cooes, as she lubricates the muzzle with your wetness, dripping down and webbing on your skin, onto the glass table.

“Gonna fuck this pussy until s’ the shape of my gun.”

She retells the entire ordeal exactly how it went down, from the scent you were wearing, down to  the brand of your clothing and heels.

You'd already transferred to the guest room, swiftly sliding your chemise up your breast and shoving your hand down your lace underwear, fingers feverishly pressing on your clit, but it was pointless; Mikasa was the only one who could do it, not even your husband.

It was as if she had branded you, as if she owned you. You were untouchable while under Mikasa Ackerman's care, and that made you feel privileged and treasured.

Your tiny gasps engulfs Mikasa’s ears as she takes a long drag of her cigarette, “Aw baby, are you touching yourself? Let me hear it.” She urges, and you let your moans escape freely, it’s like she can feel your hot pants of breaths ghosting the shell of her ears.

“Come on love, you can do it, yeah? Make yourself come for me.” And you circle your clit even faster, one finger entering the warmth of your pussy. Mikasa swore she could get to you in three minutes tops despite being far away from you, the squelches of your pussy resounding against the speaker of her phone was like a piece of meat on a stick, taunting her.

“Du klingst so schön.” She mutters, voice raspy and low, it sends pleasure straight down your clit making you bite down on the lace hem of your chemise, back arching as you cum, making your brain fuzzy and warm, toes digging on the linen of the bed.

“Good girl, there we go.”

“The thought of your body makes my brain blank, meine Liebe. No thoughts, only desire and the pain of waiting.”

You gasp, chest caving in and out you can almost feel it collapsing from the euphoria. You loved the thrill of the rush with Mikasa, it makes you feel at liberty, so unfettered.

“I’ll see you again, on Wednesday, until then, use one of your bitch girls to pleasure you or something." You pant out, voice barely above whisper despite your moans earlier, your cheeks painted crimson by the act you had just committed. 

"Or something" she breaths.

"'None of them are you, so none of them matters." She whispers under her breath, your heart thudding, you hold a hand out to it, as if it's going to stop it from beating too fast and loud until Mikasa could hear it.

You digress.

“And stop calling me, we’re going to get caught, if you do, I’ll block you, and change numbers.” you follow up. “Are you threatening me?” She asks, humor intertwining with her raspy voice. 

“That isn’t a threat, it’s a promise, Ackerman.” You reply, fighting back a smile on your face, you knew you were too boneless to do that to her.

“Don’t bother blocking my number princess.”

She pauses for a minute, silence deafening, replacing the sound of her voice with ringing against your ear.

“We both know you’ll always answer on the third ring.” Terceira.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

i’m sorry but why was i supposed to find out that the apothecary diaries (2023) are an absolute banger on my own???

it’s very reminiscent of sugar apple fairy tale (2023) for some reason, but the roles are reversed - the main male love interest is golden-retriever incarnated and the main protagonist is the CEO of bad bitches™️

(Challe fen Challe, my beloved, you have never done nothing wrong in your fkn life and i think about you literally every single day)

(Anne Halford, would you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wifey~)

A N Y W A Y

i’m on episodes 6-9 atm and i’m fucking ROLLING

i’d jump in front a bullet for Xiaomao, i’d squish her cheeks and give her all the love and delicious food she deserves for her hard fucking work

Xiao Mao is such a cute nickname btw

Master of turning unfortunate circumstances (uhm, fkn kidnapping for example) into her bitch

this girl is the CEO of if you touch me without my consent and i will castrate you second time around™️

also CEO of I’ll get what I want & it’s just a matter of time™️, master of tactics & negotiations, she plays 4D chess with everyone in the palace

MAOMAO WHY YOU GOBBLE ALL THE POISON LIKE IT’S FOREPLAY- STOP-

this bitch doesn’t fuck around

WHY IS SHE GOBBLING THE FOOD AGAIN, SOMEONE STOP HER-

why do you think jinshin is fooling around boy, i mean we don’t mind but GIRL HAVE YOU SEEN HOW THIS MAN GAWKS AT YOU-

JINSHIN MY MAN 🙏🏻

please pray with me in his name, this masochist clearly needs it

his masochism makes my eyes widen in shock, someone slap this clueless puppy out of it, SOMEONE GIVE HIM A FUCKING CLUE CUZ HE LOST ALL HIS MARBLES

NO SERIOUSLY YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND-

this man hadn’t had a single thought penetrate that thick handsome skull ever in his life and he’s so real for that

this man is the CEO of no thoughts head empty™️ and he carries all the himbo energy on his back alone

his head is so empty he’s one of the rare competitors for the king of thoughtless idiots™️, Howl Pendragon himself

if Xiaomao and Jinshin won’t form a fucking power couple i might commit tax evasion or sue the studio

LIHAKU, YOU DESERVE THE WORLD-

(side characters earn 10/10 rating, i actually didn’t expect the concubines being so nice and interesting)

I highly recommend this anime. It doesn’t follow shoujo tropes to the dot, but the romance is ✨brewing ✨. The plot is overarching, but each episode has its small little mystery than you can try to solve along (girl, the theories I came up with and was deadass wrong-). I’m watching the dubbed version since I’m working on the side and I SWEAR IT’S SO FUCKING GREAT. I caught myself cackling on occasions.

[crazyk-imagine]

Wade Wants to Reminisce

Pairing: James “Bucky” Buchanon Barnes x Plus size!Super!reader, Wade “Deadpool” Wilson x Super!reader (platonic) Characters: Plus size!Super!reader, Wade “Deadpool” Wilson, James “Bucky” Buchanon Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Tony Stark Warnings: Wade things, the avengers coming to save the reader, Bucky and the reader share a past, Nat and Wade are trying to get their friends laid, this is totally not inspired by a bunch of Bucky and Soldier Boy fics I read all weekend (don’t judge me), the deadpool gif is literally the reader and wade, this 100% does not make sense, I was bored and wanted some deadpool content, I also may have gone down a Bucky rabbit hole and here we are Word Count: 971

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He wouldn't tell you anything about his plans [I didn't want my plans to get ruined]

He'd make sure nothing bad would happen to you (nothing too major at least) [I wouldn't let them murder you or charge you with a B and E, chill]

Reenactment flashback 

You were fine until he set off an alarm [I didn't do that. It was Fabio. *Wade points to the intern* 

The poor guy starts shaking- 

The real reenactment

"Wade," you pinch the bridge of your nose. "Did we break into a building we shouldn't have?" 

"Yo soy no hablo Español." 

"You're hablo-ing Español right now!" 

"Fine! You caught me. I'm trying to help you suppress your kitty urges." 

"Wade!" 

"What?" He shrugs, eating a chimichango. "You kept whining to me how lonely you are and I know there's a lot of- ow, hot." He licks his fingers before trying to hold his chimichanga. "What was I saying? Oh right, there's a lot of fine men here for you to pounce on." 

"I'm going to kill you."

"You know you can't. I'm just doing my friendly duty."

"You're a problem for society." 

"That hurts." He places his hand over his heart. 

"I hope it fucking does you crackwhore." 

"Woah," he raises his hands. "There's no need to bring Blind AL into this." 

"We both know it's you I'm talking about."

"Uh- hey," Tony waves his hands. "I don't mean to interrupt whatever the hell this is but you two just broke into the Avenger headquarters so we're gonna need to detain you for a couple of hours." 

"Detain him." You point to Wade before raising your hands up in defense. "I had nothing to do with this." 

"You bitch," he replies, extending the words. 

"Slut."

"Whore."

"Old avocado."

"Dick sucker."

"At least my partner is satisfied."

He gasps, placing a hand over his chest. "What'd she tell you?"

"Nothing I didn't already know." 

"Doll?" 

You spin around with furrowed brows and then your jaw drops. "James?" 

"Wait- you two know each other?!" Tony and Steve shout. 

"She's your coffee date?" Natasha asks him with her hands on her hips. 

"You've been getting laid and I didn't know?" 

You pinch the bridge of your nose again. "I'm going to kill you. I swear on all that is holy Wade. I'm going to grab that hammer and smash you with it." 

"That's not the kind of hammering I planned on doing today." 

You purse your lips and pounce. 

James stepped closer to you just in time. "Hey, hey. Calm down." 

"Not until he's mush." 

"Doll." 

"But-"

"No." 

"Bucky," you whine. "Just a little?"

"Not a chance." 

"Would you two mind explaining how you met?" Natasha asks. 

"Coffee shop." 

Sam walks into the room, taking a second to see what's going on and then he sees you. "Oh, hey." 

You turn and smile at him. "Sammy." 

"Why does he get such a nice greeting?" Wade whines. 

"He's not you." 

"I take major offense to that." 

"You should." 

"Rude." 

"I'm still stuck on the fact that Tinman went to a coffee shop and got a date. He doesn't even like coffee," Tony complains. 

"I like a certain type of coffee." 

"From a cute girl?" 

"No." 

"Yes. Man, you thought she was cute and bought her coffee," Sam rats James out. 

You spin around in his arms. "You did?" 

Usually he likes to think of himself as someone who doesn't get embarrassed but right now, he's plotting ways to get back at Sam. He doesn't look up at you. "Uh- I- I did."

"Well aren't you sweet," you smile up at him. 

"I need to call Vanessa." 

The smile is wiped from your face. "Go home, Wade!" 

"But then I wouldn't get some memories I can play on repeat with my unicorn or Vanessa later." 

"For fucks sake- Wade, get back here."

James lifts you over his shoulder and walks towards his room, locking the door behind him. "This makes things a lot easier." He sets you down. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah, I planned on calling you and asking if you wanted to go out." 

"If I say yes," you trace shapes on his chest, before staring at him through your lashes. "Can we stay here for the rest of the day?" 

"If I say yes, will you stop using those eyes on me? You're killing me, doll. You know I'd say yes without that look." 

You smile up at him and practically bounce as you walk away and aim for his bed. 

A voice can be heard through the airvents. "So, does this mean you'd rather get ducked down than hangout with me?" 

"100%"

"Cool. Just checking. Text me the details. I want to know how big." 

"Wade!"

"I'm curious to see if he's a queen or a king." 

"Liar."

"You've caught me but I already know."

"Go home."

"Bye kids. Use protection, unless you're into that." [And you all know what I'm talking about. Don't act like your Tumblr isn't full of those fics. Yes, I know about them too. Who do you think will write some about me?] 

Wade closes the laptop he stole (from you) and sighs. “This was nice.” 

You throw your boyfriend's alarm clock at him. 

“Ow!” 

“Go home, Wade. We’re trying to sleep.”

“Doll, what’s tumblr?” 

“Wade you’re dead!” 

Wade’s screaming alerts the rest of the compound. 

“Why is your friend screaming?” Steve asks you. 

“He taught James something he shouldn’t have, and he knows it. GET BACK HERE, WILSON!” 

“Never!” 

“I hope you’re proud,” Natasha pats James’ back. 

“Why are you saying it like that?” 

“Your girlfriend brought home a parasite.” 

“It could be worse.” 

“It could be worse!?” Sam screeches.

“It could be so much worse, Sammy.” 

“That’s my nickname for him. You don’t get to steal it.” 

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

yippie!!

ok so one day i was hangin out and thinking about how jinx and murie are both my favourite little sad wet guys in my two fave medias of all ever *And* at the same time SO far apart on the spectrum personalitywise

and it took me listening to this to flip the switch on the Autism Blender and want to just fucking mash them together like a coked up toddler making Slime out of fish guts and hayao miyazakis mothers ashes because thats what i do thats my job💅👌so theeeen it comes out pretty reminiscent of my first muriel au that also sprung up from a song i like, just- a bit to the left? like, moving along on the scale from The OG not liking violence and being involved in it whatsoever, to AU 1 where i pictured him going "yeah ok fuck it this is what i do i guess" and revengy motives to his whole thing that i now connected with him more thru the song lmao it just made me realize the vision of like. jinxies "murderingmurderinmurdering 💕fun✨" aspect + his potential desire to still do good things despite being doomed to be a machine made for destruction (ignore the fact of that desire being nonexistent in his canon form because of how he perceives himself as a thing unable to achieve performing any good ever under any circumstance) (but still refusing to actively cause harm as he isolates himself to prevent any situations arising that would lead him to do so) (ignore all that) (were yassifying him a little were allowed its fine ive already lost the plot here anyway were wildin) so a vigilanty type beat and also ~my axe is my buddy🥰 we both cry with the trees😔✊ /me & my axe will bring the devil to his knees (✿◕‿◕ )~ goes hard as phUCK

so then all that led to This new V.3 mutation where hed be actually having fun with it........ so I kinda start turning him over in my brain some more, forgetting about jink by now and at first I go Huh this is kinda. him but lucioey a lil bit. and THEN i go hm. Well this ground is awful soft n ready to dig

so with all that out of the way i can now present!: Brand New Vague Shadow of a Concept of an Idea that ill Never Do Anything with

and I really don’t know how to verbalize this very well at all mmjfdh but like. Ok bulletpoints activate

Muriel:

From a badass warrior tribe

Didn’t get booted out cuz theyre fine this time oopsie no genocide

Hes in there way chillin way awesome way good at fighting everybody loves him

Hes like. Way himboey in this one. SO jock. Smiles a lot <3 <3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Like okay if i was actually serious about writing this I think id need a fucking lucio consultant because I really know zilch about that bitch but like okay you know how lucios kinda all scary n cunty and cunning and fancy and seems like hes got shit figured out. Until he *starts talking*? Muriel here is like that but hes just really fucking scary until he starts talking BUT not like normally where hes adorable just has resting bitch face, its just like. that part of him that came thru in the reversed ending at the very end, yknow. but make it less depressing ihjhsrfbjs hes like full letterman jacket highschool bully core total kurt & ram vibe, like ok youd see him on a battlefield ABsolutely WRECKIng some fools into a pulp with his bare bear hands and immediately after that he turns around like WOOOOOOO THAT’S what im TALKIN ABOUT LETS GO GUYS WHO WANTS A BEER *cut to him chugging an entire keg over his head with da boys around losing their minds* like think college frat but they raid villages for fun and profit. Pretty orc coded. Kinda thor coded. Actually exactly thorcoded wow that really is what I was going for. I was wondering why I couldn’t help imagining him with a australian accent, I guess that’s a mystery solved. anyway

Maybe his parents got killed in some other battle im not sure how to weave around that in detail yet BUT- ok so check this I thought ill have to give him some motive to wanna reach the devil somehow for,,.,,… something right. to make him fill an antagonist role So this might be stupid a lil I just thought of this and it needs to cook for sure but what if he just rolled up into vesuvia as the magic capital or something whtver, to figure out how to get to talk to the devil, cuz he just like, really wants his parents back cuz they got valhallad in some glorious combat, and they were cool and he misses them and they could fight some more cool fights together and pillage n chill jhbsfvjgzdc beCAUsE hear me out im rolling with the swap inversions opposites motive here right, so the thing that popped up in my head was- Lucio had the “I wanna kill my parents bcause I hate them and so I can rule and get what I want” thing goin at the start right, like that is basically what started it off he got his dad he didnt get morgha SO what IF I gave murie a “i wanna conquer this place and use it to get my parents back. cuz I missem :(” like fully turned it around idk IDK IT SEEMS MESSY IDK IS IT CUTE IS IT DUMB IT MAKES ME FEEL DUMB BUT IN THAT WAY THAT MIGHT MEAN THAT ITS ACTUALLY WORKING BUT I DONT KNOW *screaming with no air*

But overall yeah hes khal drogo but more noticeably himboey but not in a likeable way cuz were switching them so I cant make him likeable for myself hnjdgfgb leaning into popular dumb jock trope

UnLESSSS i DID combo it with murdermuriel au 1.0 some more and made their tribe like. Not murdery somehow like what would be the opposite of the og scourge roaming around ruining shit. well that was the og kokhuri but now I gotta do some fucking triple axels here to make it make sense so how the fuck do I make this version of kokhuri more warriory in culture than the original but still nice like robinhoody style jhbfsvhjbs this is falling tf apart might need to scrap it bc on lucios end itd be even harder wouldn’t it. Spartan cunts but they don’t kill people that’s a nono lmao

now im thinking some more about the aspect of lucio being, you know. a pretty shitty leader right, and how to incorporate that here, because i have no idea if im following an actual set rule here regarding whats swapped and how even, theres barely a theme im straight up just

but yeah so now i figure it could be murie tryna get his folks back because they were the actual defacto leaders of their tribe, he was just kinda still following along and doin his chores in being the uhh the face, the charisma, the one to kinda like. get the people on board easier with whatever decision they made for them and hyping it up as the best possible choice anyone could ever make and maybe even actually believing it too cuz theyre actually that tightknit and he trusts them with anything aw. is this too onedimensional or can i give my boy some good nice facking family relations at least in an alternate life ghhkjkfdh hes their pride n joy and can do no wrong but yeah the point is he himself hasnt actually made any decisions without them before, isnt very good at actually leading and strategizing and planning and knowing how everything complicated works and he knows it, so he sees his only solution in bringing them back to not let everything fall apart

SEE I BROUGHT IT AROUND I CLEANED UP NICE WITH OG LUCIO SETTING OFF FROM THE POINT OF FEELING LIKE HES THE BEST AT EVERYTHING AND SHOULD B RECOGNIZED AS SUCH AND TRYING TO GET RID OF HIS PARENTS TO GET IT AND MY BOY HERE ENDING UP EXACTLY OPPOSITE. GO SHAWTY GO SHAWTY IM SO SMART am i fucking up lulus backstory i feel like i am cuz im like wait what the fuck did he kill his dad for again. demonheart. deal. thing. whatd he wish. like he wasnt already running for count n shit yet he did want to climb up the ladder in his own tribe right i have no idea yell at me in comments thank you

I also don’t know if the first (last) scourge battle wouldve happened or nah

Lucio/Montag

Oh my fucking god what if I figured out an alternative L moniker for murie so theyd get to switch letters in their namesssssssss like lucio is a made up name he made it up so like UAGHASHG L.,,,...,, Lion ofthe,... south NO he HAS to be bEAR CODED AAFYFFHG BUT LUCIO HAD LEOPARD IMAGERY N SHIT RAAHAHHGH IM FITIN FOR MY LIFE HERE

Anyway he lives in a forest somewhere cuz his tribe threw him out fully voluntarily bc he sucks ass (or at least for their standards cuz I guess he would be way younger than 18 here for this) (Like a spartan type deal ur too weak we don’t want you *drops you off a cliff*  *but theres 4 feet of snow under it so he survives*  *that’s so fucking goofy hjbsfbj kinda suits him*) so uhhhhhh i don’t know where hed be currently chilling for an mc to meet him ever but yeah hes kinda Floki Vikings™ type of vibe at least visually that’s what came to mind first to picture him lol

look at this little blond rat bastard. adorable. becoming increasingly obsessed. picturing lucio with this exact hairline. moving on

and his thing is hes still insecure as fuck but worse at ignoring it and hiding it and hes a lil nervous bundle of sticks and always talking bc of it, kinda Bruno Madrigalesque type vibe julian but a pitch more pathetic who knew it could be done yknow? opposite of The OG The Mountain The Stone Cold Silent The Muriel The Scourge The Kokhuri The Third and also me when writing and not stopped in time

oh oh what if he was totes in denial that his tribe kicked him out and in his view hes on some super intense convoluted secret mission (lasting from. age 7 to now apparently) and as soon as hes done they’ll totally come back for him kdfsgjffd I thought it could either be his own copium or he took it from some last interaction with someone who took pity on him as a kid and wanted to give him some comfort, or something he misunderstood entirely

hm. They both have canid familiars idk what to do with that. muriel with two wolves tho. thats hot shit righ there if i do say so myself

oh now im toying with the idea of taking away muriels SUPPOSED YET UNCONFIRMED AS MY VERY CONTROLLED ACADEMIC STUDY HAS SHOWN COUGHCOUGHJHBSRGJBHF talking to animals buff, i dont wanna just take it and give it to lucio tho, but like. what the fuck else do i give him. astral projecting to tie into his ghost era? sounds dope actually alright lets do that lmao

ok its 1 30 am i hope this is comprehensible to anybody anywhere im zonking out now khbsfhbfk love u

@tetsuooooooooooo I've missed your essays, this was such a treat to log in to!!!

And WOW, thorcoded Muriel is not something I ever would have thought of on my own but oddly enough I feel like the AU you're coming up with could really work, goodness me. And the way you've inverted Lucio's character too!! I'd love to see how their interaction dynamics invert as well!

Always good to hear from you friend, hope you're doing well!

[pinkmandias]

i was sifting through a bunch of jesse hate (for an edit not bc i’m obsessed😭) and the gist of what i got was just. a willful misunderstanding of his character, his trauma, and his naivety/innocence in regards to his age/the power imbalance present within his relationship with walt and like. almost everyone else on the show.

obviously all of the people that loathe him and have paragraphs upon paragraphs of misinterpretations & simplifications of his arc to spew online are all people that love & identify with walter (surprise surprise), but i feel like it’s also so very reminiscent of the shit i noticed these last two years with certain media where a large portion of audience is both too stupid to recognize nuances present in writing & leans heavily on their confirmation bias.

and on that note, what was not shocking to me was how many of these complaints could be boiled down to him getting in walt’s way, making things more difficult for walt, or subverting walt’s authority. it’s incredibly similar to the hatred for skyler that has only recently begun to taper off (or at least take different forms or been redirected to other characters - like jane). jesse shares significantly more similarities with female characters in brba than any male character, and i think it’s only because he is not a woman (whereas skyler is) that jesse hate was not more prevalent while the show was airing/i see more of it now than ever.

jesse is a pussy, he’s a little bitch, he’s weak, he cries too much - because it’s not “manly” for him to feel remorse and to be destroyed by guilt. when he self destructs it’s selfish and when he lashes out he’s ungrateful. never mind the fact that he has been through more than enough to deeply traumatize even the most well adjusted individual by s3, much less at the end of his captivity by s5. with no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to comfort him. he’s neglected time and time again by the man who, from the very beginning, violated & disrespected his boundaries, his belongings, his personal life, his home, his time & has (both intentionally and unintentionally) methodically chipped away at any meaningful relationship jesse had or could have & left him with nothing but Him, nurturing a deadly codependency. he has at least two members of walt’s family being projected onto him as well as the role of a student & business partner. perfect obedience & perfect fulfillment of these roles is expected, but not praised.

would you not also be a little bitchy sometimes? do impulsive & risky things to gain attention or love or some semblance of power in your otherwise powerless life? would you not fall prey to fleeting affection given by a dying man (with the same sickness as your late aunt that you shared a home with and loved so dearly that you spent her remaining time on this earth by her side, taking care of her) when that affection is so heady? when you have nothing and no one else??

it always circles back around to “he knew what he was getting into”, “he deserved xyz”, “he could have stopped at any time”, and “why didn’t he just leave” - just like with skyler. i don’t think i have to explain why those comments are so disturbing & i don’t think it’s difficult at all to understand why he cries or bitches so much…

anyway, i’ll conclude this post with these quotes because i think it says a lot that the only character vince remembers the audience hating so much is skyler -

[vacantgodling]

this year was one of the first years in a long time that i TRULY committed myself to writing any and everything that i thought of and it’s been a really good feeling. so starting from this year, i wanna have a little year in review so i can look back and reminisce on how much i actually did cuz sometimes it’s hard to tell lol.

TOTAL WORDS WRITTEN (january — december 2023)

139,345 (as of 11/30 (google docs only))

i’ve written more probably, but my notes app is harder to keep track of word counts in. this total is also across all pieces of prose and poetry, though poetry isn’t a significant number lol

if this was all in one piece i’d probably have a full novel already lmao 💀

LONGEST SINGLE PIECE

paramour chapter 9 — masquerade, clocking in at 5,894 words

WIP THAT HAS MADE THE MOST HEADWAY BY THE NUMBERS

paramour is sitting pretty at 30k-ish words written overall (including me writing chapter 20 twice lol)

WIP THAT HAS MADE THE MOST HEADWAY BY THE HEART

definitely cage. i’ve had this fanfiction and wip for years and the fact that i’d finished the full outline like last year but didnt start writing it until now and how much headway ive made in such little time… i’m really proud of myself. i can’t wait to actually finish this bitch

TOP PIECES WRITTEN THIS YEAR

Worthless War -> the cherry on top, best thing i’ve written this year and probably in general for a long time.

Come To Bed -> when i lost my mind about buddy daddies earlier this year, this fic really encapsulated everything i felt about the show. i love the narration, i love how it’s fun and playful but also deep, and i remember having so much fun writing it.

Paramour Chapter 20 “Careless Whisper” -> the rewrite of chapter 20 i am UNREASONABLY obsessed with and it’s a shame i can’t post it here without giving so so so much away. i love it so much i am willing to share it with those who don’t care about spoilers lol but its smutty and emotionally charged and everything perfect about amon and hya’s fucked up mess

A Fool’s Errand -> this is in the role swap amon and hya au and tbh this au is So Fun to me. getting to be in amon’s head more often is definitely a treat and the description of the make out is PEAK

Good Feeling -> i will never be normal about hue and jihan and i think i captured their relationship esp in the early days perfectly so i’m just gonna cry about it

Ritual -> i really love this piece and giving life again to some old ocs meant a lot to me. + the smut 🤌🏾🤌🏾

Distraction -> no one knows or cares about these ocs but me and that’s okay i’ll just be feral about them on my own 😭

GOALS FOR NEXT YEAR

reach 150k words written overall

finish cage like it’s GOING to happen i will it

finish the first draft of paramour!!!

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

S03e03- Introduction on Broadway

Corky is weirdly conventionally handsome for one of Bertie’s friends and it honestly threw me a little

Is Jeeves even getting paid extra to write this book? Or is he just so thrilled at being asked that he’s willing to just do it as extra job duties

Cowboy Bertie real?!

Oh, so this is why Cyril Bassington-Bassington is mentioned disproportionately in fanfic! The Brinkley Award for fleshing out a character from the books

Mr. Coneybear is like oh boy more marital drama with these two ooh free hat shift saved

“Moustaches are a leading cause of divorces” Jeeves, how is THAT relevant to the present situation

We’re starting to see Bertie and Jeeves communicate nonverbally! Bertie is developing his book-canon ability to decipher Jeeves’s face! “Jeeves, you’re up to something, I know that look” I want to put them in a blender

Bertie and Jeeves’s identical expressions of horror when they see the painting

Jeeves convincing Aunt Agatha that Corky’s painting is worth something is so reminiscent of the painting subplot in Tally Ho, I feel like the scene in the latter has to be based on it

It also feels like Jeeves is using that trick he described in “Bertie Changes his Mind,” where he tells the headmistress Bertie’s name in a way that implies he’s “Someone” and you’ll look uncultured if you admit you don’t know who he is

“I won’t forget this, Bertie!” “Nor me!”

God, I am LIVING for the glorious new dawn of exasperated!Bertie we’re getting in this show. Yes bitch, let him be the only sane man by default because everyone else including Jeeves is even more deranged!!

“I only kept the bally thing on to show who’s master” “Oh, I trust there was never any doubt about that, sir” this is a kink relationship

Not that that hasn’t been pointed out before but it’s really there in the line delivery

[jesssssssssica]

someone like you ln4

dear lando,

it’s been a long time since we’ve last spoken and seen each other. i’ve of course found myself from time to time, looking at your account and seeing where you’ve ended up. i saw that you’re married and i have to say that i never would’ve guessed that out of the two us of, that little lando norris would be the first to get married! no i’m only joking, she’s beautiful by the way, so beautiful i wonder how you manage to get her to date you, let alone marry you!

i saw that you got world champion as well! i remember when you would chat my ear off about that title when we were together, happy younger. not much has happened on my end apart from the rare night out but it’s never going to top our nights out. do you remember when we got so drunk we kissed each other, cause i do. lando i just want to know why you haven’t reached out, are you ignoring me or are you just being shy? if so then i know something is up, you’re never one to hold back your feelings.

and i know you’re probably reading this in disgust at how strange it is of me to just send a letter and reach out for the first time in years but i haven’t been able to get you out of my mind and no matter how hard i tried to not write this letter, i just couldn’t fight it. and i hate that i know that you’re happy and married and yet i can’t fight it at all. i think this is for closure though, so i know now that you’ve moved on 100% and that there is not a chance in the world that we could ever happen.

but it’s okay, because i will find someone, hopefully someone like you and i will be at peace with the world. at least that way, at night i can still fantasise about what could’ve been, what could’ve happened if i had just tried. but it’s too late and i wish you the best in your future but i want you to remember me, not as a lover not as the bitch that broke your heart, just remember me as your friend.

surely you should know how time flies, and that it feels like just yesterday we were having the time of our lives, partying who knows where under the beaming sun and now look where we are. you married and me working a 9 to 5 job, young us must be laughing at how boring our lives have gotten! of course you’re marriage probably isn’t boring, i can imagine the norris family is having a blast and i’m sure your mum must love her.

i hate that i’m writing this i really am, this is just as out of the blue for you as it is for me but i just felt my words were so passionate that they needed to be wrote down. i think all i need is the reassurance that at least you know.

it’s okay though lando, to not love me back, it really is fine. i know i’m stupid but i know well enough that you probably feel immense guilt for something that was never your fault and i just want you to know that i never expected you to love me back, so don’t force yourself to. just remember me and that’s all i need because sometimes love will last and sometimes it won’t leaving us hurt and that’s okay because at least i was hurting with you,

maybe nothing will ever compare to what we had, but that’s what we had not what we have. we learnt our mistakes and make some regrets with each other but those are just the memories we made and we can always reflect and reminisce those moments.

it’s okay that you moved on, never would i have expected for you to wait for me after all this time and plus you look ten times happier with her than you ever would’ve with me. i will find someone, someone just like you who made me laugh and feel beautiful and i will always check on you, like the good friend i am, just as long as you never forget me.

from your good friend, 

y/n

[fanfoolishness]

Rewatch of the Mandalorian Chapter 21, the Pirate:

Don’t smack talk Greef’s fashion sense!

“He shot first” heheh

aww Greef is starting to get worried

Dammit Nevarro! Just when you were looking more than ever like Los Angeles with those little purple flower things and all the ficus trees!

Nevarran fashion is a lil… medieval? Fancy hats.

I need to download the song for the New Republic bar because it lowkey slaps

It’s this guy! Captain Teva! His casual outfit is pretty cool.

For everyone who has seen Rebels, I wish you a very happy Zeb

Dammit Coruscant. Why do you have a brutalist sector?

Oh THIS BITCH awwww NO Elia Kane you just need to not be here, dude

But Tim Meadows my beloved!!! I had no idea he was in this season! I enjoy his vexation

Elia Kane quit stalking people you freaking creep! I hate her, she’s so good at this.

Love her evil-ass music too. Stop being eeeevil

And then Solas the protocol droid led Greef Karga the Herald to a hidden castle in the wilderness after the fall of Haven/Nevarro — oh wait, no, my Dragon Age feels go over there

Seriously, the Nevarrans look like Catherine, Called B-Wing

… I don’t remember how Carson Teva knew that Din knew Greef, really, but he’s so likable I don’t mind

Who you calling “blue boy”, PAZ???

R5 vindication! And also getting back at Din ahahaha

I cannot help but adore the Mandalorian Talking Hammer, that is so perfect for them

“The foundling in your charge” fuck, Din, you should be saying “MY SON” you fucker

“I’m in no position to ask” he asked, Darksaberwieldingly

“Our children” WELL YOU’RE GETTING CLOSER ANYWAY

I really thought Paz was gonna go off and then he did and I was like “ho shit, Paz character development? All righty then!”

What stake did the Armorer have in this? She didn’t try to sway them one way or the other? Does she have an ulterior motive?

Grogu still comes for every mission, yesss

Love Bo’s speech! All right, while I miss Din tremendously this season, I’m loving the season of Bo on its own merits. Also, how weird is it to see the Armorer in a ship? it’s like when your companion NPC moves from their place on the map and you know a great cutscene is going to begin

Poor lil broken droid :( Mean pirates! And they fucked up the school again :(

It’s the Mandalorian - bitch you thought hahaha

I need more smug motherfucker Din back in my life, I beg you

Wish we had more weird accents among the Mandalorians. Bo’s is pretty Standard, Paz and the Armorer are weird and flat and formal, and Din has some of that as well. But like, if they’re a diaspora, I wanna hear some variation!

One of my favorite tropes is “noncombatant citizen nevertheless rises up to defend their homeland”, and Kowakian monkey-lizards pointing out an ambush was a cheesy lil slice of delight

Paz how are you seriously so LARGE

High Magistrate Greef Karga, you are so cute and I love you

I do really love how Nevarro has been a touchstone for the entire series, and love seeing how it’s evolved over the years. Things like that are some of my favorite things about this show.

The Armorer wishes to speak with you. Here, let me accompany you to this extremely tense and dangerous music, I’m sure everything will be fine

The Armorer is… getting emotional? Reminiscent about Mandalore? I’m scared and so intrigued!!!

The sassy and scary way she asked “Do you respect my station?” And her “Remove your helmet,,.” I am… alarmed and aroused

This music is so calculating! So very Luke, join me!

Wait, Paz isn’t in on this plan? Interesting, I had assumed he was in the Armorer’s pocket.

I am hopeful for Bo because I do think she’d be a great leader? But also frightened because who could trust the Armorer in that moment? (I mean, aside from Bo who 1) I’m sure respects Armorers and 2) doesn’t know her well and 3) is seeking a home… and this is how smart people can get sucked into cults!). It could go either way, I suppose. Are she and Din finally gonna have the epic duel? I can’t see Din’s heart being in it, and I also don’t want that to happen until he’s actually competent with the Darksaber and learns why it’s been fighting him. I just need Din, Din, Din!

But this episode has me much more intrigued and curious about where the season is going, so I’m excited for next week!

[leclercsbf]

hiiiii, i can't even begin to imagine that there's anything more in "wherever i'm with you" because it flows so well and feels so polished already with the build up/slow burn and the reminiscing/nostalgia and the ending is so satisfying so maybe you don't have much more to say for a director's cut per se (but maybe you do??? devastate us some more??) but instead, here's a star (*)(sorry for the uh...low effort star lol) if there's any particular section you want to just talk about?

(as an aside, the line that really took me out was "i've always wondered why i didn't" which idk, was actually when my heart nearly decided to just call it quits)

hello! honestly for wherever i’m with you the majority of my notes just outlined the things i wanted to include in the fic, and if you look through my notes for the hours i lost you’d get a pretty good idea of how i do my outlines (read: overly detailed and way too fucking long at times). i do, however, have some commentary about certain parts of the piece, so thank you for giving me the opportunity to discuss them! more under the cut.

↳ fanfic writers: director’s cut !

going into this fic, my main focus was just to set the tone for a relatively quiet afternoon and to keep it at the same level all throughout. they’re older here, retired, calmer—they’re at a point in their lives where they know who they are as people. they feel secure in the knowledge that they know themselves and what they currently want in life, what they want the rest of their lives to be like. that same certainty applies to carlos’ feelings for charles, and i wanted the atmosphere of the fic to reflect that certainty. this fic isn’t about falling, doesn’t even touch on the whys or the whens or the hows of carlos falling in love with charles—it just tells you that carlos is in love with charles, has been for a while, and that he has long since come to terms with that fact.

aside from certainty, i also wanted to touch on the concept of contentment. carlos is content with what he’s done with his life, the things he’s achieved (though they remain unnamed), but above all he’s content with where he stands with charles. there was a time where he wanted more, and truth be told he still wants more, but he doesn’t mind staying forever just like this. he’s content with what he has if it means he gets to be with charles in some way. it’s a bit like an old fracture, really—it hurt like a bitch when you got it, but over time the pain gradually started to fade, and even though the bone didn’t set quite right it doesn’t really bother you all that much. it acts up here and there, but for the most part it’s easy to live with. this is illustrated in one of my favorite sections of the fic, and i’ll be including bits of it below (i can never keep my answers concise, sorry about that).

Loving Charles Leclerc comes as naturally as breathing, and Carlos realizes belatedly that he’s been in too deep for more than two decades now. He remembers how it used to hurt […] because while Carlos may get to touch him like this, it would never be truly enough, would never fill the gap where Charles had gripped at Carlos’ heart and claimed it as his own. It hurts even now, Carlos notes, the pain ever-present; but over the years it had morphed into a dull, familiar ache.

finally, i wanted the readers to be able to sense that they’ve always been in each other’s orbit, that they’ve always been circling each other in some way. you see this in the little snapshots that were mentioned—the tattoos, the wedding, and eventually bahrain. carlos hides the depth of his feelings for charles, but he doesn’t really hold himself back otherwise. he loves openly, but he doesn’t acknowledge it, doesn’t call himself out—and we soon find out that charles has been doing the same, that there’s this intangible something between them that they refuse to act on simply because they don’t want to end up pushing each other away. once all their cards are laid out, it’s not climactic. there’s no fanfare, no orchestra swelling into a crescendo, no god of thunder hurtling towards an iridescent bridge as led zeppelin blasts in the background—there’s only recognition, a sense of belonging. you are mine and i am yours. we’re finally home.

i absolutely love hearing about which line really captures a reader’s attention, because the answer always differs and i find it extremely interesting how a line that might just seem like a throwaway to some people can end up resonating with others—so thank you so much for that aside, i appreciate it more than you know. in response, here’s my favorite line from the fic.

Carlos feels as if the Earth itself had ceased its turning, raindrops suspended in midair—the rest of the world falling away and leaving nothing but Carlos, Charles, and the warmth that spans between them.

and that’s about it for the director’s cut of this one shot! again, thank you so, so much for sending this in. have a good day or night, anon.

[theharrowing]

Lol I know it’s not your story that triggers this in me but maybe my insecurities

But whenever I read the namgi threesome w mc I just can’t but feel she’s out of place? When Namjoon expresses how badly he wants to fuck her or when Yoongi shows interest during sex… I feel it’s all fake? That lowkey they actually don’t want her and she’s only there to fulfil a role but that they ONLY want each others. Like it’s a chore and obligation to fuck her when in fact they aren’t attracted to her.

I know it’s so sad to think like this but I’ve had far too many poly threesomes where it left me scarred. By people that made it very clear I was unwanted. So I’m sorry but fuck is this story hot. It just I can’t but cry whenever there’s any Namgi-mc scene and reminisce those old bitter days

I’m so sorry I feel so bad

hello, good morning, anon! 😴

i’m a little sleepyhead but i wanted to respond to this right away. this feeling is valid and relatable. i have definitely been in situations where it felt like i didn’t quite fit. or where it seemed like someone else didn’t quite fit. that’s rough, and it’s a feeling that’s not easy to shake.

i actually don’t really do poly irl anymore because i have found it doesn’t work well enough for me to keep trying. sadly, i have seen “trying the lifestyle” as an excuse to do things with others and without the communication and boundaries necessary to make it work, and it has blow up in a lot of faces. and that isn’t to say it’s always this way! i know plenty of folks who make it work and it’s lovely. communication is so, so, so important and sometimes people miss that, or they get too caught up in the moment to unpack their feelings (especially when the situation is more sexual than romantic.) i have too many trust issues to deal with a bitch who communicates poorly lmaooo.

SO ALL THAT BEING SAID, don’t apologize. you have no reason to feel sorry for feeling this way. it’s a trauma that has made a dent in your heart and it is hard to navigate media without feeling the impression of that dent. there’s nothing to be sorry about. we all have that thing. i have so many things haha.

in terms of namjoon and yoongi and mc in the collateral universe…the two of them do care about her and it’s definitely not fake, but they will always love each other the most. and part of mc’s hesitance when topics of love the future comes up (aside from so many things) is that she knows that. it was pretty clear from chapter 10 when Namjoon plops his toothbrush down by hers and she has feelings of, oh……he’s always been at home here and i’m still not. and this is definitely something that will continue to weigh on her mind. but i think, of the two of them, Namjoon is trying the hardest to actually make her feel like a member of that trio, and he’s being genuine. they watched her for a long time before bringing her into the house, so the attraction is there. but she will never be as important to Namjoon as Yoongi is, and……Yoongi’s feelings and priorities are complicated. i can’t say much more than that.

we’ll see how the story plays out! it may not quite go the way you expect it to. but i hope you keep an open mind and know that your feelings are valid, and don’t feel bad about it. 💜💜💜 thanks for sharing your thoughts!!!

[heavyhitterheaux]

It was around 11 pm when you had finally finished doing your hair with the help of Jack. He had seen you earlier starting to take out your knotless braids and asked how he could help the process go by faster. If he don’t help take down my hair, I DONT WANT HIM 🥹

Jack had then slipped your bonnet over top of your braids and the two of you were now laying down in a comfortable silence until you broke it. He helped TAKE IT DOWN, WASH & CONDITION ANDDDDD PUT HER BONNET ON FOR HER. WHEN THE FAWK IS IT MY TURNNNN 😭

"Shiiiit." Jack knew that your hair was probably sore and as bad as he wanted to grab it to pull you closer to him, he decided not to. He’s so coinciderete 🤭🫶🏽

"I am knee deep in my girl's pussy so why the fuck do our phones keep going off when I'm trying to make her cum?! Somebody better be dying with the amount of times you called us." I FORGOT ABT THIS 😭 imagine if it was his mom!! I know he ain’t check caller ID

"Jack, they found out she used to be an exotic dancer and they are tearing her to shreds. I wanted to warn the two of you before either of you saw it. Tell her to call Allison when she gets a chance." I CANNOT FUCKING STAND PEOPLE ON SOCIAL MEDIA!! Why the fuck it y’all business what she used to do? 🤨

"Nothing can break you or us. We've made it this far, right?" HES just so ughhhh 🥹

theshaderoom: Our beloved first black principal dancer of The American Ballet Theater, Y/N Y/L/N Harlow apparently used to be an exotic dancer at Blue Flame in Atlanta before getting her big break! Flip through for more pictures and the post by one of her former co-workers who used to dance with her! The shaderoom is so fucking messy!! MIND YO DAMN FUCKING BUSINESS 🖕🏽

balletislife: this is absolutely disgusting and makes the entire ballet world look like a joke. no one with that type of past should ever be in a position such at the principal dancer I’m sorry, what uh- WHO. THE. FUCK. ARE. YOU?? Bitch bye. Go get a fucking life.

msmelanie: just reminiscing about old times at Blue Flame. still remember how it took us days to practice this and get it right and how no matter how much we tried to give up, Y/N wouldn't let us. and that's probably why she's principal dancer now. so so incredibly proud of her and I knew from the beginning that she was going to make something of herself. it was always me, her, and Alyssa against the world when we stepped through those doors. she went to Julliard, got married to her celebrity crush and is now one of the most sought out dancers in the world. still can't get over it! I miss dancing with all my girls! This whole thing just sounds condescending as fuck! Even is she don’t mean any harm by it. Like bitch why would u put this on social media, if you really missed her why not try & reach out?! You knew what u were doin wit yo hatin ass 😐

Mom- I raised you better than that I- are you serious?? SHE TOOK OF YALL, nearly sacrificed her dream for you & that what u wanna say 🤨 besides IT WAS IN THE PAST, ITS BEEN DONE & OVER WITH, get over it 🙄 also SHES A GROWN ASS WOMAN)

"So, Jack tell me. Is the rumor going around about your wife Y/N true?" IS THIS BITCH FR?? Who tf do they think they are?? Askin outta pocket shit like that. This interview is abt JACK NOT YN! Dipshit

"Your last name is Harlow and I'm going to need for you to act like it. We only have winners in this family and that isn't changing any time soon. Now, you ready to go?" AHHHHH I LOVE THIS MAN WIT MY WHOLE HEART & COOCHIE 🤭

(PART TWO COMING 🙈)

AHHHHHH this was everything and I LIVE for your reactions lol

And yessss gimme a man like this. When is it my turn!?!?

The way he goes hard for her and protects her is top tier 🥺

Yeah and her momma was wrong. Dead wrong. But we shall see how this plays out.

Remember when she was little she was a daddy's girl and not really close to her mom. She really did it for her brothers. It's not that the two of them didn't get along. The relationship was just different.

And whew that interview was outta pocket.

Jack was like

You better not disrespect her in front of him 😤

[sexydreamgirl]

what did you do to perfect your sc so fast omg??

Okay so here’s the highly anticipated explanation of how I, Hera Huxtable, acquired my self concept within 24 hours. It’s a bit of a personal story tied with past association so if you’ve followed me for some time you’ve likely heard of these two and I swear they’re both relevant to my self concept story. I've never explained it to this extent though.

To vaguely discuss the past association I connected this instance of acquiring my self concept to the time I decided I was that bitch out of the blue and persisted in that assumption (I can tell you wholeheartedly that this is the reason why I have never struggled with being insecure physically) but I'll talk a little more about this later.

Moving onto the personal story I discovered the law of assumption around late July/early August right and I kinda sorta knew about the God thing but hadn’t really dived deep into it. This also came to be around the time my best friend and I came to the decision to no longer be friends. When we split I took it quite hard and I made the decision to give myself 24 hours to cry it out be sad about it and move on (it ended up happening within 5 hours by the way) which was a new thing for me because this was way back when I repulsively resonated with the cancer sun title (being an emotional crybaby). And you know what happened when I established that time limit for myself? I snapped. For the first time I simply decided, “you know what? I’m not gonna let myself feel miserable over this any longer and nothing is gonna make me feel this shitty ever again” and with that decision also came “I'm done being a whiny ass victim and I'm done being someone I don't wanna be”. That same week was when I immersed myself in the law of assumption and started learning more by reading Neville’s lectures and like I said I was still relatively new to the God thing and I didn’t know how literal it was, I just knew you could manifest absolutely anything and with that knowledge my peace of mind grew. It was very comforting knowing that I could always get my best friend back if I ever wanted to, which sped up the healing process and I also mentioned that as my self concept increased more and more by the day I eventually lost absolute interest in getting them back and I moved on completely. That same week I also learned about EIYPO and had to come to terms that it was my fault and I was the one who manifested us not being friends anymore all the while it made little to no sense to me because WHY would I want to not have my best friend anymore? But it didn’t matter whether it made sense or not I held myself accountable for it and accepted that I was the root of the issue and the fact that I could also undo it made it less of a big deal to me so it was like ok fine I did it whatever. (You’ll see why I mentioned this bit as well shortly)

That day I decided I had enough of the victim mentality and because of that I have never dealt with spirals, impatience, insecurities or any of that unfavorable stuff. It was just like “yeah I'm that bitch and I always get what I want idc about anything else I'm not accepting shit I don’t want and don’t deserve from here on out”. And of course there were instances that challenged my self concept but I knew better than to let anything from the 3D matter or define me which goes back to that whole confidence angle I mentioned at the beginning because listen I had people that had something to say about my confidence but I never cared and never paid attention so that’s why self concept is so reminiscent of how I picked up my confidence, it was just deciding, persisting and placing myself on a pedestal. You focus on the new version of you that you want to be and you turn your attention away from everything that dares challenge or question that.

If you ever spiral after reading this, I advise you to try a similar approach to my story. Take advantage of all the intense emotions that you’re feeling, decide that it's the last time you will ever feel that way and use it as motivation to sever ties with that old you. See that person spiraling as an image of self that you’ve had enough of. Decide that you will no longer identify with that non serving version of yourself that is quite literally interfering with the version of you that CAN get what they want. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: it always starts with you. You have to be the one to put your foot down and finally decide to stop yourself from continuing to be the source of your own sabotage because there will never be anyone to blame and there will never be anyone to change but self. For once you just need to hold yourself accountable no matter how uncomfortable it may feel because at the end of the day this is something you’re doing for YOURSELF and no one else. Remember that before you make the decision to wallow in the victim mentality once more, my love. I know it can be mildly uncomfortable territory to call yourself out like that especially when you're accustomed to comforting yourself by thinking that the world is the problem instead of you but I promise you that when you choose to make that decision for yourself, you will look back and wonder why you didn't do it sooner. It's one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself and I can assure you it will most definitely be the same for you too ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭