#domestic abuse discussion

[astralfandoms]

rambling about chris and craig let's fucking gooo

just as a general warning: i'm gonna discuss a fair amount of transphobia, because it HEAVILY ties into why both of them got divorced in the first place so just letting you know right out the gate!! also there's mentions of domestic abuse just as a warning!!

anyway let's go!!

so with Chris, ironically enough, it's pretty straightforward: he realized that he was a trans man while married to a guy and the guy was like "um. no you're not a man you're my wife" and so Chris was like "oh okay then! ...if i'm not your husband i'm not your wife either bye~!" and so ended up divorcing him.

and he still has a fair amount of issues lingering from that divorce, most pressingly the fact that he is super paranoid about people finding out that he's a trans man because he's convinced that if other people end up finding out about it, that they'll think that he's not qualified for his job or worse, ask for him to be removed from his position as C.F.O

Craig on the other hand, is a little more complicated. Because even before he realized that he was a man, he was in a loveless marriage of convenience where his husband thought that he could do anything because "well you're my wife and you should do everything that i want you to do".

This was made worse when they manufactured a child together, who his husband didn't even want to name because "there's no point naming a female child", leading Craig to essentially name and raise the child, Alice, alone.

And everything reached it's boiling point when he realized that he was a man, and realized that he and his daughter could not be safe with his husband around, due to the domestic abuse as well as the attitude of "you're my wife, and it's a delusion that you're anything else". so, he ended up not only divorcing him but ended up filing a restraining order that covered both the safety of him and Alice.

The aftermath was very bad; with a lot of paranoia being built up of his ex suddenly coming back and hurting Alice, mixed with a healthy (/s) dose of him gaslighting himself about whether or not he was actually in the right for divorcing him. There was some other things, such as when the abuse from his husband started, he ended up forming a new alter, Ellen, to help make sure that their daughter stayed as oblivious to the abuse/domestic issues between her parents as they could.

And now this leads to Chris and Craig's situationship.

What happens when you have two suits who have severe trust issues and have emotional attachment issues because of previous marriages that ended in disaster?

Well, you have a lot of denial of them even having feelings for each other, saying that it's just because they're good business partners, a lot of expecting the other shoe to drop whenever the other does something remotely nice to each other, and a fair share of pretending that the intimate moments between them don't mean anything.

Eventually, yeah, they do end up figuring out how to properly tell how the fuck their relationship is going, but it does take a good chunk of time.

Anyway that's all!!

If you got this far, please reblog because i spent a lot of time working on these headcanon ramble thing and I would appreciate it being seen by more people!! :3

[timkontheunsure]

Stolas' immortality

I don't think Stolas has believed since he was a kid that he'd out live anyone he knows.

Blitz still pretty much thinks Stolas is all powerful, and going to live forever.

But Stolas doesn't even think he'll see his kid grow up.

He's on antidepressants and was forced to have a precautionary aire.

Which sounds like a threat. Making him expendable to the family any time he steps out of line.

Between the enforced marriage to a domestic abuser that was meant to be for all eternity, and the depressed; I don't think Stolas thought he'd get out of it alive.

He doesn't even seem that surprised by the assassination attempt.

I don't know, I've just seen alot of people taking about how he's going to live forever; and it being a being a massive gap that Blitz won't.

And that definitely Blitz view, but I don't think that's where Stolas' heads at.

They're the same age, and he's been shown very thoroughly that he could easily be killed.

Think that's one of the reasons Blitz teaching he he can choose something for himself is so important. Because that marriage was killing him by inches.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

there are a lot of reasons i'm really, really impressed by how well sdmi portrayed the dynamic of an abusive relationship with pericles and ricky, and one of the big ones is how accurately they show what it looks like when abuse starts to escalate.

the extent of that is yet another thing that'll take a longpost of its own to go into, because it spans like.... the entire arc of their relationship in the show. but one thing that stands out to me in particular is their portrayal of the massive red flag that is a partner trotting out bigoted behavior against a group you're in. especially insults, and especially directed right at you.

this show has a LOT of fatphobia, jesus christ does it ever, and there are certainly some fatphobic tropes going on with ricky; but i've always been surprised and impressed by how many of the nastier ones they avoided, especially considering his role in the story and what his arc is about.

he is a major, nuanced character whose trauma is treated with full weight and sincerity. it's implied that his body type changed the way it did due to the trauma he went through when he was younger, and the ensuing mental illness, which is a pretty realistic experience for a lot of people. the things that happen to him are played for full tragedy and horror, when it would have been so, so easy for them to make light of it because Tee Hee Fat Guy and Tee Hee Male Abuse Victims Funnee. despite how his whole thing involves corporate greed, they don't go the route of portraying him as Gluttonous and Hedonistic; if anything he is very obviously not using all that money for even basic physical self-care, and the only time we ever see him eating anything it's when he's drinking wine grape juice with pericles. which, like, there's issues to be unpacked with that too, but jesus christ it's an improvement over what usually happens with characters like him.

he's a fat queer man who isn't degendered or made feminine in a mocking and/or predatory way. (there's nothing wrong with feminine fat queer men and they need more non-shitty rep, please and thank you god, but there is a lot of nastiness in the tropes they're often used for in mainstream media, and one of those tropes is when people consider 'fat queer man' and 'masc' to be oxymorons.) no one ever once calls him ugly; if anything multiple people in his life think he's attractive and desirable, for better or for worse. no one body-shames him. and no one ever mentions his weight.

except pericles.

'The Horrible Herd' and 'The Devouring' are two halves of a whole here, re: escalation of abuse. 'Devouring' is when the abuser goes full mask off and shit hits the fan; 'Horrible Herd' is the wind-up before the punch. HH is when ricky realizes things are getting Bad and he needs to put a stop to this now, and Devouring shows what happens when he tries, because by the point where it's gotten bad enough to give him a wakeup call it's already too late. it's how abusive relationships tend to go, and it's chillingly accurate.

and what's one of the things pericles says during Horrible Herd when that punch is winding up? something no one's ever said before now, including him? 'you pudding-faced dummkopf.'

he body-shames him. he insults his weight, and that's a major turning point. bigotry is something that's often there to some degree from the start, but not always, because some abusers are good at hiding things like that until they're confident they've got you where they want you. the message with ricky and pericles is loud and clear: when this happens, the walls are dripping blood. get out.

(if you can. and be careful when you try.)

when this show is good, it is really, truly good. god damn.

[kiarabanetmi]

“Poison” and how it speaks to all types of abuse

Hi there! I’m posting again. This is a small analysis/commentary on how the song Poison from Hazbin Hotel describes not just sexual and drug abuse, but other types of abuse as well. If you haven’t seen Hazbin Hotel or haven’t heard the song, I’ve put a link to the song below. Even if you don’t watch the show the song is amazing and I highly recommend it. Note: this is not the official episode music video, which is triggering to people, this is the before episode release version.

I also made another post earlier on my opinions on episode 4 of Hazbin Hotel. Give it a read!

Ok, so I’m going to cover some very specific lines and moments in the song. The majority of my analysis focuses on verse two and the the final verse.

This song at its core is about abuse. Angel Dust’s type of abuse is a combination of largely S/A along with physical and verbal Abuse by his pimp Valentino. But if you analyze these lyrics, this song speaks to all types of abuse and abuse victims and/or survivors, except for a few lines that are highly specific depending on situations. I’m going to focus on how this song can speak to domestic abuse victims, myself specifically. If you do not feel comfortable hearing about the following triggers then please scroll on and have a good day. You have been warned.

So context before I get into this: I was raised with a mentally ill parent as well as victim of my other parent’s former Fiance who also verbally and emotionally abused but the two of us. My mentally ill parent suffers from untreated unconventional borderline personality disorder, known as BPD. My other parent’s ex Fiance suffers from grandiose narcissistic personality disorder, known as NPD. I am no longer in contact with the ex Fiance and have no plans to see them ever again. However, I am still suffering from my parent with BPD, specifically over the holiday. We had a major fight because they believe my other parent is truly the abuser in their reality and by taking their side, I was starting to abuse them as well. This has caused me to (at least temporarily) cut off the unhealthy parent and live with the other one full time. And the unhealthy parent is a master at verbal, emotional and psychological manipulation.

Now getting onto the actual song:

Whenever I listen to the back half of verse 1 into the first chorus, I really relate to the lyrics through personal experience. It starts at the following line:

“I shoulda known that this would happen,

“I shoulda known it when I looked into your red-hot eyes

“Spewin’ all your red hot lies”

Now let’s go back to the lyrics and how it relates to me. As part of their BPD, this is especially true, and true for those who are involved with family/spouses/loved ones who are verbally and emotionally abusive. I believe any person who has different under an abuser will relate to this simple like. At some point we know the pattern, we know the signs for when we “fucked up” as it were. And we know at some point, consciously or unconsciously, that our abuser is lying.

“What’s the worst part of this hell?

“I can only blame myself.”

This line can be relatable depending on the type abuse you suffer from. In Angel’s case, he signed his soul away (literally) to his abuser. In a way I do that with my abuser every time I choose to go see them and enter that unhealthy environment. The problem for me personally is that BPD does have patterns but I find myself surprised and shocked by them. Know that now I am doing research to try and learn how to properly deal with family members with BPD, but that personality disorder does not excuse the abuse I suffer from t I’ll his parent. Mental illness is NOT an excuse for inflicting abuse, even if it’s as complex or rarely treated like BPD. But every time I go back into that environment I can only blame myself for entering that hell willingly again. Because despite the pain I know they will inflict upon me at some point, I still love my abuser. I imagine this is a similar mindset to what other victims of domestic abuse feel as well. We walk back to our abusers, usually choosing to because we still love our abuser and hope they’ll change and this time they’re telling the truth.

But that’s usually not the case.

“Cause I know you’re poison,

“You’re feeding me poison

“Addicted to this feeling I can’t help but swallow up your poison

“I made my choice and

“Every night I’m living like there’s no tomorrow.”

In my situation I relate to this line INCREDIBLY hard. It’s not just my unstable parent who is abusive. That side of my family has a long cycle of generational abuse that I am trying to break away from. But because I grew up in that situation, despite now knowing how bad and unhealthy it is, it’s what I’m used to. And unfortunately, I am used to or addicted to that chaos. For the past few months I have lived with my healthier parent and during that time, I have developed a non-chaotic, healthy lifestyle. Growing up everything was constantly shifting and changing based on the needs/wants of my unhealthy parent, since I was predominantly in their custody in my youth. Because of this, I grew up used to that chaos, considering it normal and fine, until I was shown another alternative by my other parent when they filed for custody and finally got rid of their own abusive fiancé. But because of the way I grew up, I became used to the chaos, and every time I go back to visit my abusive parent, I run the risk of falling under their spell. And unfortunately, more often than not, I do fall for it. And when I do fall for it, I fall into survival mode once again. This means that in a sense I’m “living like there’s no tomorrow”, like Angel. I don’t think about the consequences of anything other than escalating the situation, of making sure I make it out of there without some sort of fight or confrontation.

“I got so good at being untrue,

“I got so good at telling you what you want to hear,

“I disassociate disappear”

When I enter this survival mode, as I’m sure many other abuse victims and survivors do, I tend to lose myself for a time. I become someone else in order to be who my abuser wants me to be. In my personal case, I end up regressing to a smaller helpless child (not literally, but my body language does, as an unhealthy form of self soothing, being untrue and becoming who they want me to be: someone they control. I tell them what they want to hear, usually that they are right or that their pain is valid and nothing is their fault because they are the victim (which in my parent’s case of BPD is a reality that they ACTUALLY believe). Half the time when my abuser parent is tearing into me or trying to make me feel guilty or into he the bad guy (with depressingly frequent success rates), I tend to enter a sort of humble stage. I disassociate until it’s my turn to speak. I disappear for a while until it’s safe to come back out and say or do something. And when I do disassociate it’s awful. I lose small chunks of time. This has not happened yet outside of these instances of interaction with my abuser, thank goodness, but it is still dangerous to disassociate too often. I’m sure survivors of all types of abuse have disassociated at least once in their time with their abuser.

“So far beyond difficult to resist another gulp.”

Since I grew up so used to this behavior and pattern, it is like fighting my own nature to try to stand up and not fall for the lies. It’s so hard because I still love my abuser but because of their illness and their refusal to acknowledge it or seek real treatment this pattern is unending. It’s hard to resist swallowing down the poison they force in my face and flood me with. In my case, unlike Angel, my form of poison is in a pool, slowly raising towards my mouth, and I struggle not to get it not. And I imaging that’s what most other victims of abuse also feel like. That physical, emotional, sexual, psychological abuse is a poison that if left unchecked or stayed near to long will eventually kill us, either minor abuser’s action or our own.(Note, at the end of this post I have posted links the contact information of various services to help people in these situations, at least for those in the United States). Angel’s situation is also like that too, but he’s also drugged and forced to take poison by Valentino.

“My story’s going to end with me dead from your poison.”

This line hit me hardest out of everything in the song. During the latest fight with my parent, they tore into me overall and so brutally that for the first time in my life, I truly contemplated suicide as a better alternative. The verbal and mental poison they fed me for so long overwhelmed me and I felt myself wanting to die from it. I am not suicidal now, but it was an overwhelming feeling of pain, hopelessness, feeling trapped with no escape (at one point literally when I threatened to go drinking and they blocked the door, which is a tricky situation). If I hadn’t gotten out of then not already had the support system in place that I spend years setting up and learning to build, I may not be making this post right now. And there’s thousands of others like me who are still stuck in that pool of poison, but have already choked too much and succumbed to it. Never forget them.

“Poison, I’m sick of the poison,

“Im filling up my glass but it’s always hollow

“Full of poison, I’m sick of the poison,

“Wish I had something to live for tomorrow.”

And like Angel here, I’m sick of the poison as well, and every other abuse victim of any type can relate to this. At some point nothing helps anymore when you are stuck in the situation long enough. There’s no escape, and everything is hollow. There was a time when I was like this as well. My abuser had isolated me from nearly everyone else in my life save for my healthy parent, and it nearly broke me. But I found a reason to live for tomorrow at the time.

And I hope you can too. If you are reading this and relate to my story, or you heard this song and related to it in some way, then please know you are not alone. This song is not just a bop, it’s a real look at the kind of a severely abused victim that we don’t always see.

If you or your loved one are being by abused in some way, you are not alone. Here are some resources if you are in danger and need to call for help:

The Suicide Hotline: 988

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline:

The National Sexual Assault Hotline:

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Parents

[stellewriites]

just had a fucking banger of a session at work with some teens,, i feel like it’s such a breakthrough like this is so rewarding omg

[insurged]

considering the amount of questions i get about it, i want to clarify my interpretation and stance on hawks and endeavor's relationship, specifically on hawks supporting endeavor even after it becomes public of how badly endeavor treated his family, as i think it's very important to my portrayal of the birb.

both of hawks' parents were abusive: physically, mentally and verbally. his father was a murderer on the run and his mother harbored him. hawks' conception was unintentional and happened while both of them were under extreme stress of hiding from the authorities all the time. this manifests into them projecting their irritation, anger, and even hatred of each other and is directed at hawks instead. his dad hated his guts until endeavor put the trash in jail and hawks' mother basically sold him to the hero commission and later on, again, sold out his son's personal information to dabi and left like a coward. couldn't even apologize to his face either, just left a "goodbye" note.

hawks admires endeavor, not just because he was saved by him but because endeavor realizes that his abusive actions were wrong, apologizes to his family to their faces, admits it in public to everyone, and instead of running away, faces the consequences of his actions head on. endeavor isn't asking for forgiveness, he is trying to make amends, fully accepting that he doesn't deserve any. he is taking responsibility to make up for the damage he's caused. period. he's not running away like hawks' mother did. he realized his wrongs unlike hawks' father who never even got to the point of even realizing what he had done was wrong. that, to hawks, is inspiring and instills a lot of hope in him.

while he doesn't know exactly what the todoroki family went through, hawks has a good idea. he lived under that too. but endeavor - despite how flawed and terrible he was - came to. that realization point is what hawks finds amazing because his parents will never get to that point and therefore, he knows that it's not easy to get there. hawks wants to support that. he is not condoning or supporting abuse.

[imfinereallyy]

when you said I scared you, well I guess you scared me too

Steve looks over the pamphlet in his hands. The smooth surface shouldn’t feel so rough on his hands. He supposes that’s because of the scars and callouses over his fingers. Nothing is able to be soft for him anymore.

Steve moves his gaze from the pamphlet to the door, to the pamphlet and the door once again. It shouldn’t be so scary. It is a community center door, similar to the ones they have in Hawkins. It’s made of beat-up wood and foggy glass. Steve’s sure if—no when, he pushes the door open, it’ll squeak. Rusting hinges that need replacing long ago, reminding him of his worn-out limbs.

Steve knows he shouldn’t feel so achy at 25, but when facing his own mortality year after year for so long, he knows a few aches is probably the bottom of the barrel of problems he has.

Steve lets out a breath. Circles his thumb around the edge of the pages and gives himself a paper cut. He doesn’t flinch; he knows it will happen. He isn’t sure if he could look someone in the eye and tell them he didn’t do it on purpose. He probably would tell the truth instead; he has many vices, but lying isn’t one of them. The truth being he just wants a reminder that he is alive.

That this is real.

“Okay.” Steve breathes again. He can do this. He promised Robin he is going to try. Even after all this time, he can’t say no to her. Can’t break her heart. So even though they move to a new city, even though Steve has already been sober for two months, she thinks this will be good for him.

Narcotics Anonymous: 6pm-8pm, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Fucking N.A. Steve thinks. He doesn’t want to do it. It is already hard enough trying to avoid all of the Upside Down stuff, a major contributor to his problem. But the other big part, the abuse part, the queer part, isn’t always safe to talk about. No matter how anonymous it says, it is. Steve isn’t stupid. Sure, there were other things he could talk about. His neglectful parents. His struggles with depression. The countless head injuries. How one of his best friends hasn’t spoken to him in over five years. How he is pretty sure he is dead. How the other friends of his he met when they were 13, and he is nearly 18.

All really good stuff to work out.

But Steve knows he won’t be able to move on unless he can talk about everything honestly. Well, everything that isn’t signed away in an NDA.

“Isn’t the point to be able to heal?” Steve tells Robin when they are unpacking boxes. “It’s either this or therapy dingus, and this is free,” Robin says while wrapping bubble wrap around his head.

She does the research, of course, because she’s Robin. She finds the one group in all of Chicago that is considered “friendly to all groups around.” She even admits to having Dustin help her, and Robin doesn’t ask anyone outside of Steve for help, let alone admit it. So Steve knows she is serious.

Steve groans loudly. His voice echoing throughout the hallway. Using the pamphlet as a barrier between the wood and his palm, Steve pushes through the door.

As usual, Steve underestimates himself, and the door slams against the wall, echoing throughout the room. Everyone in the room turns away from the podium to look behind their seats at Steve.

Steve glances at his watch. 6:04 pm. Shit. He supposes punctuality is supposed to help with recovery. “Sorry,” Steve says to the room with a grimace and a little finger wave.

“It’s okay.” The man at the podium states. He has salt-and-pepper hair and round-frame glasses. He isn’t particularly old, though. He’s handsome, and well-aged. Like a fine wine that Steve knows he can’t touch anymore. “You actually arrived a little early for a first-timer. Please have a seat; we just started.” The man laughs lightly, waving to the empty back row.

Steve rushes to his seat. Thankful that most people here have the humanity to face back to the front. He brings a little relief to Steve, knowing these people can sense when not to push.

Well most people.

See, while everyone else turns back around, one head stays perfectly on Steve. He can feel the eyes boring into him so furiously that Steve can’t help but turn in their direction.

Steve expects an older gentleman who is fed up with young people's disrespect of punctuality. Or a younger person, wanting to move addictions from drugs to sex. Which Steve isn’t looking for right now. He even thinks that maybe it’s a family member someone brought with them today who doesn’t understand the etiquette of N.A.

What Steve doesn’t expect is to turn and see the very best friend he hasn’t seen in five years. A man he thought to be dead. A man whose last words to Steve were that he rather would be.

Because there, staring at Steve with wide eye curiosity and sorrow is Eddie Munson.

And he is even more beautiful than the last time Steve saw him.

***

just an idea I had bouncing around….

part 2? Maybe if people are interested, cause I have so much I could write on this. Either way I think this interesting on its own. Also I’ve dealt with addiction close hand with loved ones, but I am not an addict myself so if I get anything wrong please feel free to correct me. I want to handle this with care.

The title is from “Joey” by concrete blonde. An amazing song, everyone should listen to.

[july-19th-club]

it's all fun and games getting letters from watson until you make it to the three gables . what's interesting to me though is not the question of 'did doyle write this one' - i think it's sort of a fan's cop-out to suggest that because this story is so casually racist, it *can't* have been written by doyle. i think it's more worthwhile to look at the number of years between 'the yellow face' (the titular face refers to a blank mask worn by a little girl) - a very sympathetic and respectful, for its day, story, and 'gables' - 'face' was published in 1893 and 'gables' was published 33 years later, in 1926. and this is well into doyle's weirder years, after he's been into spiritualism and wwi has happened and he's old and strange. some of his stories from these years are very fun, and others are...less so. even saying 'sometimes people change and get worse as they age' isn't really it, because there's ugly things in the earlier stories too, just to a lesser degree and without such an obvious degree of humor taken in them. those you might be able to describe as 'a product of their time', an unconscious bias that is not appropriate but also not meant with a serious degree of ill will beyond cultural bigotry. gables is so racist it almost feels out of character, but saying that also feels like an excuse in a way that doesn't sit right with me. so there is no excuse for gables. no grander conspiracy. no justifiable explanation. it's not just unfortunate and distasteful. it's a shame.

[markiafc]

there is a hierarchy of traumas as well, some are more accepted than others. everyone seems to understand bullying, domestic abuse, war, and so on. but not rape or sexual abuse. some things are more secret than others.

[peachyykira]

.

[astridhobbit]

Not gonna quote it because the whole discussion is messy, but I saw someone make the claim that interpersonal violence is overwhelmingly men hurting women. And I am thinking about where that statement comes from.

I'm thinking about how hard it is for men to admit when they've been hurt. I'm wondering how many people realize that they are manipulative OR that they have been manipulated. I'm thinking about the misogyny in our culture, and how women are so rarely perceived to be stronger than men.

And biggest of all, I'm thinking about crime stats.

I served on a grand jury panel recently and it was an education. For purposes of this post, the salient part is that the DA's office almost never brought us a case unless they thought they had a pretty clear chance of getting an indictment. (It helps that, in this setting, we never saw the defense's side of the story, only the prosecution.) They also were limited by what the cops brought to THEM.

So if you're looking at only crime stats to make the claim that women are more vulnerable to domestic abuse than men, you relying on cops (who are soaking in the "women are almost always weaker than men" culture) and DAs (who rely on evidence the cops bring them and then make decisions about what they think they can convince a handful of randos is true) and I just don't trust that those numbers are all that reliable.

This is not to say that the stats are wrong, necessarily. And there are other avenues to look for data, but those all fall prey to the culture of men not admitting weakness or vulnerability. Like yeah, women's shelters for domestic abuse survivors exist, maybe more than men's. But is that down to men being abused less? Or is it a consequence of men being culturally stigmatized for seeking help, especially for help against a woman, a category of person culturally defined as weaker than men?

If you polled a broad sample of men and asked them about their domestic partners, would they name abuse if you asked them directly? What if you asked them indirectly? Would the numbers change?

The things I think about.

[bonefall]

Thank you for making Squilf a Nasty Sassy Little Lady. You have brought honor to us all

It's soo easy to like... strip away what makes Squilf so meaningful. People trying to say that her mouthing off at someone who's being rude to her or being generally mean when she's stressed out makes her "out of character" and sometimes it feels like... "Do you like Squirrelflight or do you just like the fawning, guilt-ridden version of her during the worst abuse in her life in OotS?"

She's not the "perfect little victim" which ends up being the only rep abuse survivors get; She mouths off at her abuser and gets punished for it, she's forced into situations where she MUST break rules and agonizes when she has to do the inevitable, and she forgives him, agreeing that she needs to take "equal blame" because She Did "Bad" Things Too

Soooo often (and even in warriors because i dont think for a moment this is intentional) in order for society to agree you were abused, you have to be fucking saintly. NEVER bite back when you're being hurt, never get upset and do something stupid or impulsive, can't "push their buttons" because then, whether they phrase it like this or not, they say you're guilty too

And if you're marginalized, it's even fucking worse. If you're getting abused you better not have BPD or NPD because even if you were a BEACON of divinity, your emotional instability gets used to actually, truly gaslight you. Not just lying, gaslighting. Making you doubt your ability to trust your own mind.

"What I did wasn't so bad, and also you have Irrational Person Disorder so you're just being crazy. I wasn't poking you with a stick like a caged bear you're just sensitive, and you hurt me, so, I'm justified getting back at you actually"

Squirrelflight isn't a sad shaking chihuahua and Bramblestar isn't a bellowing, belt-wielding wifebeater and that's why she means SO MUCH to me. She reacts to provocation. He manipulates her so he can be justified in asserting his authority. Her whole family is in this Clan that's being controlled by her abuser. She can't "Just Leave," that OTHER thing that gets splashed at abuse survivors constantly.

She isn't the stereotypical image of a socially agreed-upon abuse victim. That's what MAKES her so much more raw and personal to me. She can't trust, she has to lie, she snaps and argues and always does what she thinks is best for everyone... even if that means a lot of pain.

So like, BB!Squilf is a Nasty Sassy Little Lady and she will be pried from my cold, dead hands

[th3-c0ll3ct3r]

Nah not my college doing a presentation on Domestic Abuse and, like I'm part of the team that authorities important topic and today was meant to be in AI security (Btw I'm not a teacher. Student Council!)

So when I saw the topic I was SHOCKED

Asked afterwards and they were like "Yeah due to recent online events we thought we should address some things"

IM SORRY WHAY-

MY COLLEGE HAS A TWITTER ACCOUNT???

(but seriously I'm so proud of my college ya'll🥹)

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Clone Wars 5.18 ‘The Jedi Who Knew Too Much' Reaction

I always like trying to spot which characters are in the background of big group scenes like this. So far I’ve spotted 3 admirals (Coburn, Yularen and Tarkin), assorted jedi, Master Sinube, Kit Fisto, Bail Organa and I think that’s Mon Mothma as well. 

Oh, hi again Barriss. Fancy seeing you here again! Funny that we keep meeting like this after so long.

I think that’s Ki-Adi-Mundi and Plo next to Barriss.

So, Barriss killed one of her childhood mentors? I’m probably going to collate my thoughts on Barriss at the end of this arc, rather than scattering them across various recaps. But so much of her characterisation here doesn’t make sense and doesn’t feel right, at all.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this in the recaps when Barriss first appeared, but why is she British?

There’s a shot of 6 beams of light going up from the floor so I’m presuming that means 6 Jedi died in the temple bombings, which seems like an awfully large amount. What were 6 Jedi doing in a hanger of the temple? 1 or 2, maybe 3 at a stretch, makes sense, but 6? I’m guessing this is a story telling decision to make it more impactful, rather than for any logical in-universe reason.

I really despise Tarkin.

Oh, so now the deaths of clones are convenient for you Tarkin. “Military matter” my arse.

Who are the military police? Is that not the Coruscant Guard? I know the general fandom take is that the Corries are saddled with having to do everything but is that the case in canon?

Ahsoka’s angry attitude is definitely going to come back and bite her in the arse later.

“Remember, revenge is not the Jedi way.” says the future DARTH VADER

“Nothing will ever change.” FORESHADOWING KLAXON

Ok, Tarkin is getting very close to being up there with Krell and Nolan. His fucking contemptuous finger waggle at Ahsoka. Ugh.

“I assure you that he [Palps] rarely does anything without a strategy.” Oh, if only you knew Tarkin. Or maybe he does? Hmmm.

Is Barriss a Jedi Knight here or is she still a Padawan? I haven’t seen Luminara anywhere so I’m guessing she’s a Knight by now.

Barriss seems a lot more conflicted and upset than I thought for someone that’s just bombed the Jedi temple and killed a childhood mentor who clearly meant a lot to her. Maybe she’s regretting what she’s done? Hmmm, not sure.

Saleucami! I hope Cut and Suu and the kids are doing ok.

Lmao that ominous brass section was not subtle. FOREBODING KLAXON

Why do they have the Venator shipping yards next to the prison?

That shot of the prison felt very Imperial Empire. All stark architecture, sharp shadows, black and white lighting, red flags and giant symbols everywhere. It’s interesting how Imperial iconography and visuals are starting to creep into Republic locations and situations. Something something visual metaphor about the end approaching.

Why is the memorial to the clones outside the prison? Or is this not the prison and is some other building? Is this the same clone memorial that Crosshair and Cody have their little chat in front of in The Bad Batch?

Corries! Wow, they do all match and have exactly the same armour paint. 

FOX!

That grumpy “Yes?” spoke volumes.

Fox, can you not cross your arms properly? What was that? I’m guessing it was more of a functional animation limitation than Fox not actually being unable to cross his arms. Insert your own fandom theories here about injuries that Palps inflicted on him while torturing him or similar that meant he can't cross his arms. Maybe he's got Force lightning burns across his back and it's painful and pulls when he moves too much.

The scan has Ahsoka standing there with her arms out but then the next shot of her is with her arms crossed? Continuity, hello?

At “Leave your comlink and lightsabers here.” Fox gestures down with his index and middle finger outstretched next to each other and oh boy did my mind go straight to the horny bin.

“Follow me.” Omg Fox did you have to say that in such a low, husky voice? That had a distinct feel of ‘Come with me if you want to live’ about it. If Fox basically whispered that to me it’d be “Sir, yes Sir, immediately Sir, however you want me Sir.”

The reference to the first 4 notes of the Imperial March theme there was pretty damn obvious. I remember reading a really interesting theory that Fox was a prototype for Vader and basically functioned as Palps’ attack dog before he turned Anakin to the Dark Side. I wish I could find it again because it was a fascinating read and might explain the presence of the Imperial March here. The music for the entire scene from when Ahsoka entered the prison was particularly foreboding, which makes sense seeing as it’s a prison. However, I’m not entirely sure who the theme is referencing because I don’t think it’s Ahsoka and Anakin isn’t here. Or perhaps it’s just adding to the general foreboding atmosphere. It’s entirely possible I’m reading too much into this.

Surely there are cameras and microphones recording this information that Letta is telling Ahsoka?

Is Barriss Force choking Letta from outside the prison? If so, then she’s fallen quite a long way to the Dark side because that seems like quite a powerful use of the Force.

That shot from the camera in the cell is definitely going to make it look like Ahsoka is the one choking Letta. And how convenient, the feed from that camera just cut out too.

Lmao Fox didn’t even hesitate. He was ready to fuck shit up. 

Oh hey, Fox also duel wields. 

Hmmm, I’m not sure how I feel about Fox immediately arresting Ahsoka. I think this is another example of the struggle I have with canon Fox vs fanon Fox. I’m going to have to collate my thoughts on that somewhere as well, probably after the chip conspiracy arc *sobs*. I think I’ve come to the realisation that I’m going to have to treat them as completely separate characters. I adore the version of Fox that the fandom has created. And every time I see the tiny bits of canon Fox that we get, it’s almost like a disappointment compared to the depth and layers of fanon Fox, to the point that canon Fox almost feels out of character. I know he doesn’t have any choice in the matter (none of the clones do) and I’m viewing this from an outside perspective looking in. I guess it’s more of an interesting conundrum to be aware of.

That shot of the prison felt even more evil Imperial Empire than the first one.

Great, fucking Tarkin again. Accompanied by hints of the Imperial March while marching down a stark corridor with harsh, ominous lighting. Definitely leaning on the Imperial Empire visuals this episode.

Called it. The footage from the cell is being used to frame Ahsoka as choking Letta. And the sound didn’t work either. How convenient.

Called it again. Tarkin using Ahsoka’s earlier attitude against her. Attitude doesn’t feel like the right word but it’s far too early in the morning and I can’t think of the right one.

Tarkin makes understandable points if this was some kind of detached, impersonal debate about an imaginary situation. But it’s not. He’s just being a deliberately abusive bastard. Definitely getting up there with Krell and Nolan.

Anakin being very Dark Side there when threatening Fox.

Who is helping Ahsoka escape? Is it Barriss? I don’t think it’s Anakin because he arrives after Ahsoka escapes. Plus clones were killed and injured and while we just saw Anakin threaten them and be all very Dark Side about it, I don’t think he’s fallen far enough to that level of Sithliness yet. 

Utterly unnecessary acrobatics but ok.

“If you see the target, shoot to kill.” Oh no, that is some painful foreshadowing right there.

Fucking yes, thank you Rex. Knew we could count on Rex to believe in Ahsoka. 

“Then who did?” Fox asking the question we’re all wondering.

Why is Anakin telling Rex to call security when Fox, the Commander of the Coruscant Guard, is right there? Surely he is the security?

How does Anakin telling Rex to tell security to search the entire base translate to an all-points bulletin on Ahsoka?

You can really tell from Rex’s voice how much this is affecting him. How he can’t believe that Ahsoka could do this. It was almost like he didn’t want to issue the order that he had to. I’m really glad that someone apart from Anakin believes Ahsoka, and that it’s Rex. Of course we could rely on our king. He can’t actually do anything to help her though. None of the clones can. They’re slaves. They have to follow orders. But at least we actually get to see that Rex doesn’t believe Ahsoka is capable of this and that he believes her, and believes in her. We’ve seen Rex’s belief and trust in Ahsoka crop up a few times now. The most obvious being his defence of her to Tarkin in the Citadel arc. 

Complete switch of tone but Rex, do you ever clean your armour? I know he’s busy fighting a war and all that but I’ve noticed his armour being especially dirty in a number of episodes now. It’s particularly noticeable on his bucket. That’s a lot of gunk and grime across the top of his visor.

Wtf is that giant vehicle and isn’t that just a little bit of overkill for trying to find one Jedi Padawan? I feel like there’s a point about excessive police violence in there somewhere.

So many of the shots of the prison feel very Imperial Empire. They’d barely have to change anything to make the switch from the Republic to the Empire. That’s probably the point too.

Grizzer!

Hound sounded distinctly Aussie there. More funkiness happening with the clones' accents.

Thunder and lightning? That is hilariously on the nose.

Clone troopers shooting like stormtroopers. Fanon Fox would not stand for this lack of accuracy from his Corries. He has standards and he expects them to be met.

Jhc they just used a canon to fire on a child. Fuck me that is far too excessive.

“Set weapons to stun.” The foreshadowing is causing me great, deep pain.

Ahsoka is deflecting stun bolts so I’m guessing the training that happens in episode 5 ‘Practice Makes Perfect’ of Tales of the Jedi has happened already? I wish I could find a resource of where all these episodes happen in the timeline and around which dates they happen as well.

We need to talk about the kama, because I am now utterly befuddled about which clones can get one. 

Hound has a kama, but he’s an ARF (Advanced Recon Force) Scout Trooper. 

The other ARF trooper in the Coruscant Guard also has a kama. 

Fox has a kama and he’s a clone commander and the Commander of the Coruscant Guard but he isn’t listed as having ARC training. 

I think I’ve seen other Corrie Guard commanders with kama’s as well. 

Rex, Fives and Echo (and eventually Jesse) all have kama's and they are ARCs. 

Cody is a clone commander and The Marshal Commander but he doesn’t have a kama and isn’t listed as having ARC training (I cannot believe that The Marshal Commander Cody doesn’t have ARC training but that’s another point for another time). 

Ponds had a kama and was a clone commander but isn’t listed as having ARC training. 

Bly is a Marshal Commander and has ARC training and has a kama. 

Wolffe is a clone commander and has a kama but isn’t listed as having ARC training (I also can’t believe that Wolffe doesn’t have ARC training either but that’s the same point as Cody so for another time). 

Keeli was a captain, not a commander, isn’t listed as having ARC training but did have a kama. 

So what decides whether a clone can have a kama or not? I thought it was an ARC thing but clearly not seeing as other clones that aren’t ARCs can have one.

They’re mobilising a giant rolling tank thing and gunships to hunt down a child? This is definitely beyond excessive. I know at this point Ahsoka is considered armed and dangerous but she’s also A Child. This just feels completely excessive and cruel. And not that far removed from the Empire, which, again, is probably the point.

And now it’s raining. Because of course it is.

“Do not shoot to kill.” I hate all of this foreshadowing. All of it.

What are these pipelines supposed to be for? I’m guessing not petrol seeing as nothing has exploded yet.

That is a lot of skill from Ahsoka to be able to deflect multiple repeated stun bolts while sprinting flat out.

Did you just really fire on a child with a fucking rocket launcher?!

Oddball, what are you doing? I know you’re just following orders but you don’t have to sound so gleeful about it. Also, why is his helmet yellow? Actually that kind of looks like 212th orange. I thought Oddball was in the 501st? A quick google says he’s in the 212th but none of the search results seem particularly definitive or legit. If he is part of the 212th, what is he doing on Coruscant? We saw Obi-Wan on a holocall at the start of the episode talking about going to the Anoat system so presumably the 212th is there, and not on Coruscant?

Is this the first time we see Ahsoka do the move of cutting a hole in the floor with her lightsaber?

Ah, so the pipes are for water. Or at least I think they are.

Anakin is looking particularly conflicted and upset throughout all of this.

TW: Discussion of abuse below. If you want to skip this, it's the section between the three dashes '---'

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That exchange at the end between Ahsoka and Anakin was very interesting. Anakin is making some fairly reasonable and understandable points, which is intriguing given he’s characterised as the opposite of that most of the time. It’s another insight into how complex of a character he is. I think TCW has done a very good job of showing not only the depth and complexity to Anakin’s character but also how much more there was to his fall to the Dark Side. He is undoubtedly aggressive, possessive, abusive, and dangerous. Yet he’s also being groomed by a monster in a position of power that no one even notices or realises before it’s all too late. He was also a slave and had an abusive and traumatic childhood and seems to falling into the pattern of how abusees can often turn into abusers.

Amongst all of this, you can also see how much he cares for those who mean a lot to him. He and Rex are the only ones that believe Ahsoka, but Anakin is the only one in any meaningful position of power with the ability to do something about it. It’s plainly obvious how much he cares for Ahsoka.

However, that care and belief still veers too far into aggression and possession and he continues to cross the line multiple times with unacceptable actions and behaviour. I wonder if he lets Ahsoka go at the end of the episode because he trusts her or because he doesn’t know what to do?

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Ahsoka was also making wholly valid and understandable points, which I think Anakin knew as well, even as he was trying to convince her to come back. Is this the first time we hear Ahsoka call Anakin by his first name? She usually calls him ‘Master’ or ‘Skyguy’ and her use of his first name here feels particularly personal and loaded with meaning. I’m glad Ahsoka knows that at least Anakin trusts and believes her, even when no one else does.

I wanted to include this gif because look at Rex looking like James Bond in the background being framed by the pipe.

Then this gif and the two above made me realise another thing about Anakin.

TW: Discussion of abuse and domestic violence below. If you want to skip this, it's the section between the three dashes '---'

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As much as Anakin cares about Ahsoka and is trying to help her, his possession and controlling is very evident here. The way he said "I would never let anyone hurt you Ahsoka" felt very much like something a domestic abuser would say after hurting their partner. Or what a possessive and controlling domestic abuser would say to their partner. There's a dangerous and desperate edge to it. You can also see Anakin doesn't agree with what Ahsoka is doing and is angry at her for not doing it his way. He thinks his way is the best way to try and fix this and of course he immediately gets pissed as soon as someone doesn't do what he says and follows what he thinks should be done. Anakin is refusing to let Ahsoka go, even while trying to help her. His possession and controlling is still here, even if it isn't as overt as when he's with Padmé.

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The voice acting throughout TCW has been pretty damn excellent and Ahsoka is no different. Ashley Eckstein did a fantastic job. But it felt like it stepped up another level, particularly in that exchange between Ahsoka and Anakin at the end. There was so much emotion and upset and betrayal in Ahsoka’s voice. 

There is the subtlest of hints of the Imperial March after Ahsoka jumps and we get a shot of Anakin, Rex and Fox at the mouth of the tunnel, followed by a shot of Ahsoka falling. It’s very subtle, probably the subtlest I’ve heard throughout the whole series but it’s definitely there. The intervals between the notes of the Imperial March are very distinct. Again, I’m not sure what it’s referencing or emphasising here. Probably Anakin seeing as he does turn into Darth Vader. But like the scene earlier where Ahsoka first enters the prison, it also feels slightly out of place. Usually when the Imperial March turns up, it’s fairly clear that it’s referring to Anakin, like when he killed Merrik in ‘Voyage of Temptation’. It could also be a misdirection to make Ahsoka appear to be falling to the Dark side. Though that doesn’t entirely make sense seeing as we know that she didn’t kill Letta and is being set up. Hmmm. 

I know it’s meant to be a big climactic ending to the episode but couldn’t Anakin just follow Ahsoka and jump down onto the ship that she’s standing on that’s floating down the giant tunnel? And couldn’t Fox just comm some Corries to follow the ship and meet it when it lands? He is the Commander of the Coruscant Guard after all.   

That episode was intense and A Lot. And there’s still 2 episodes of this arc to go. Oof.

[lamourt]

@operahouses said: ❛ fucking hit me already. ❜

The words stop Lestat cold. His nostrils still flare, his jaw is still clenched, but he stills himself completely. The only movement he makes is the heaving of his chest as he tries to rein himself in. Lovers have, perhaps, the greatest capacity to hurt each other. They've proven that. But this... Of course, it pales in comparison to what he has done, but still it pierces into his heart like the finest knife. "I don't take the forgiveness you've given me lightly," he says, voice low, eyes cast away toward the floor. "And I know that I–" his voice begins to waver, and he stops. No, he can't speak it aloud. They both know well enough what he did. "But I don't know how you can say that."

[somebooksbelonginthesinbin]

So I though of something. You know how there is that movie coming out with Blake Lively in it? (It Ends With Us if you don’t know) From what I have seen the promotions have focused on the romance part of the story and not on the most important part which is the abuse that occurs. One of the main themes is domestic violence and people have criticized Blake Lively and the company for not framing the promotions based around DV. They haven’t focused on or talked about it much (except for like one person from what I heard).

My theory on why the dv isn’t focused on much in the promotions for a similar reason to why the movie Sucker Punch was made to look like it was an action movie about girls in sexy outfits saving the world. Zach Snyder who was the SP director wanted to draw in a male crowd believing the movie would be about one thing but it was actually a call out to the way women are sexualized and objectified. This wasn’t shown as well in the theater release as much of the movies plot was cut and later released as part of the movie on dvd (not in all places though from what I remember). I don’t think IEWU is supposed to be a call out but more so about how easy it is to fall into an abusive relation and a cautionary tale of sorts. (Thanks Mike’s Mic for bringing this to my attention, he’s a YouTuber btw and I HIGHLY recommend.)

It’s just made out to be mainly a romance in the hopes that we fall in love with the lead and eventual antagonist and sympathize with the character more. Kind of like in A Court of Thorns and Roses where the main girl falls in love with one guy only for him to become a bad guy and villain. As a reader you fall in love with him as she does and out of love with him as she does as well. You look back and suddenly you see a lot more alarming things you as the reader ignored or looked over just as Feyre did and just as most of us readers did (a smallish group of us were already seeing him for what he was, I was not one of them).

Unfortunately, if I am right and that was the idea and goal, this backfired majorly and the people who read the book kinda ruined it for the new and uninformed movie watchers (I am also now included in this as I am making this post but I needed to write or type this out and share my thoughts with someone). Because now everybody that hasn’t read the book knows how this story is going to play out at least somewhat. They know that the plot wise is that the main guy becomes an abuser. They lost the element of surprise so completely and totally.