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publicmoderation · 4 years ago

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My Manifesto

I’ve never done this before. I’ve heard good things, so I figured I’d give it a try. There have been so many times lately that I’ve had heavy thoughts sitting on my brain and no one to bounce them off of. Times are crazy right now. It seems like common sense has become a bad word and the only way to be heard is to scream the loudest.

The “Woke” think if we take all of Jeff Bezos’ money and give it to poor minorities the world will magically be a utopia full of rainbows and hugs and unlimited genders that everyone will get right all of the time. Defunding the police won’t be an issue because if there are no poor people then no one will need to steal. Nailed it!

The “Alt Right” think that anyone asking for a detailed examination of the way we police are communist who want to take your guns. Is that still what they’re called? “Alt Right”? I feel like there’s a new name, but I can’t think of what it might be… Research is hard.

Black Lives Matter. They do... That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say. All lives matter, duh, but all lives haven’t been disenfranchised and forced into perpetual poverty due to outdated systems put in place by a then racist society.

But if I comment on any of this in a rational, civil manner I’ll be “cancelled” by both sides. I don’t even have anything to be cancelled from, but I’m still scared. How messed up is that?! Those of us in the middle have lost our voice. If we want to be heard, we have to join a side and scream what they scream.

I’m canvasing for poll info for the upcoming election. It’s not going well. I get shit from both sides. How hard is it to not be an asshole to someone who rings your doorbell? “No Thanks” is a perfectly reasonable and acceptable response. All I’m asking is “who ya votin for bro?”. You know those polls on the news when they say “Oh, looks like so-and-so is pulling ahead of what’s-his-name” Guess where those numbers come from, Jack. This guy. And also thousands of other volunteers.

Whatever, both parties suck. No one cares about what will help the country. They just care about keeping their power. Have you ever heard the story of Darth Plegueis The Wise…? Well no one in Senate has.

I. am. A… moderate. There I said it! I feel there are faults and benefits to both parties. Crucify me if you must. I keep hoping that the sane will rise up and recapture this country, but it seems the edges of the middle are slowly being eroded away by the constant waves of crazy pounding us from both sides. The middle is slowly shrinking and our last hope of being heard is Joe Rogan. He is our rock. He is our messiah. He will lead us to the promised land of weed and choke holds.

Jesus Christ, I’ve never actually put that thought to words. Maybe writing was a bad idea. I’m more scared than ever now.

But it’s true. No one listens to scientists or doctors or economists or lawyers. If they do, it’s from a ten second sound bite taken out of context and used to further what they already believe. Take a breath you psychos. We get it. You think you’re right and everyone else is wrong. Being a dick isn’t going to make me magically believe what you believe.

We need someone with a long form show available for free on multiple platforms where a normal guy interviews experts without bias or pretense. Preferably someone with a huge fan base and that’s kinda dumb.

Joe Rogan.

Ok, I have to move before I give myself a panic attack.

The world needs love. Simple kindness can change a person’s life. When I was a police officerBUMBUMBUUUUUMMM!!! That’s right, I was a police officer. I also have human feelings and emotion.

What I was saying was, I had two Uses of Force in 3 years. I worked in a moderately sized city with a very high crime rate. It wasn’t unusual for an officer to have three valid, justified Uses of Force a month.

I was told on more than one occasion that I was too nice. I never violated policy or let someone go who had committed a crime but because I didn’t have to inflict pain on someone to get them to comply with my commands, I was made fun of. Not a lot because I was bigger than all of them but, still, it happened.

I was patient, tolerant and calm. All I did was listen. I didn’t rush to judgement or disregard someone’s statement because I had already made up my mind.

I knew they committed a crime, They knew they committed a crime but I still took the time to let them tell their side of the story. They still went to jail but I lost count of how many times people thanked me as I dropped them off and they were escorted to a cell. The outcome was exactly the same as if they had interacted with any other police officer on the force but because I made a point to treat everyone I came into contact with with basic human kindness I affected their life in a positive way. They still got arrested, they still went to jail but for some reason they respected me at the end of our interaction.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still been headbutted by someone high on meth, been in foot pursuits, come way to close to having to shoot someone, but at the end of the day my life was so much easier than the average officer’s because I knew how compassion could effect the human brain.

It’s a humbling experience to see a grown man go from violent and assaultive to passive and compliant with no more than an understanding ear to hear what he has to say. To have someone who will actually, actively listen to their side of the story. We’re all humans. We all want love and acceptance. We all want to feel heard. If everyone could stop screaming and just listen for a moment, we’d be able to see that we’re not as different as the political parties want us to think we are.

United We Stand.

Divided We Fall.

I just hope we can come together before it’s too late.

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ezatluba · 5 years ago

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The 16 Best Books About Dealing With Grief, According to Psychologists

Welcome to Reading Lists, comprehensive book guides from the Strategist designed to make you an expert in hyperspecific or newsworthy topics (or at least a fascinating dinner-party companion), from microdosing and psychedelic therapy to French cooking. Here, a selection of books about understanding grief and the grieving process.

Processing grief can be a significant challenge to those directly experiencing loss and their loved ones. According to Dr. Lynn Horridge, “People’s experience of grief is so subjective, and as a culture, we suffer from a lack of literacy around death and grieving. This leaves people feeling isolated and unsupported in their grief, at a time when they need people and support most.” While no single text can offer a simple answer, we’ve compiled a list of books that can, at the very least, help you better understand the grieving process. “When we suffer core-level losses, the narrative arc of our life stories is torn apart,” explains Dr. Miriam Benhaim, clinical director of the Center for Loss and Renewal. “There are no shortcuts in this process, but books can help to repair and rewrite those narratives as we learn about the stories and struggles of those who have gone before us in meeting these challenges and in validating our feelings and reactions.”

We consulted a group of grief-focused psychologists, social workers, and counselors to find the best books about grief and grieving that cover a range of experiences and relationships. Our panel of experts includes social worker R. Benyamin Cirlin, executive director at the Center for Loss and Renewal;grief counselor Diane Brennan; author of Mindfulness and Grief Heather Stang; psychotherapist and author Karla Helbert; social worker Dave Roberts; Dr. Rebecca S. Morse; senior director of advocacy and training at The Dougy Center Dr. Donna L. Schuurman; grief counselor Shakira Perez-Jones; Dr. Laura Goorin; social worker Rebecca Gerstein; Dr. Alexis Tomarken; family grief counselor Jill S. Cohen; psychotherapist Ruth Kreitzman, social worker Colleen Bloom of the Center for Complicated Grief; and Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley of the Open to Hope Foundation and authors of Teen Grief Relief. As always, each book comes recommended by at least two experts.

Best book about dealing with grief after a death

1 How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies

Three of our experts recommended this text by Dr. Therese Rando, a pioneer in the field of grief counseling and the current Clinical Director of The Institute for the Study and Treatment of Loss. Her seminal guide to grief gently walks readers through essential and often overlooked aspects of the process while remaining inclusive of all types of losses.

According to Benyamin, the book is essential reading because her description of the grieving process is both “comprehensive and illuminating.” Brennan adds that it covers both the “practical and emotional steps necessary to recover from a major loss” from managing funeral preparations to learning how to accept help from friends and family. And Cohen calls it is “a classic” that is “practical, inspiring, and so worthwhile to read.”

Best books on grief for children

2 The Invisible String

Obviously, the way a child comes to understand loss is quite different from the way an adult does. When it comes to explaining death to young children, Cirlin recommends finding books that “help to contextualize the role of change, loss, and death in our lives” by finding metaphors in nature or the world at large. Four of our experts cited The Invisible String as a go-to book “that skillfully communicates to children the reassuring meaning of attachment and its importance in all kinds of losses,” says Kreitzman. Gerstein adds that she loves this book “because it can be used to discuss any type of loss” and the metaphor of the string is easily understood by children of all ages.

3 The Fall of Freddie the Leaf

While it may be a parent’s first instinct to shield children from the realities of death, several of our experts noted that it is more harmful in the long term not to facilitate these discussions. And a book provides a simple yet effective way to break the ice with kids. Three of our experts suggested The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, which follows the life cycle of a leaf named Freddie and his friends. “Simple and wise, this story is an allegory about the balance between life and death,” says Helbert. Cirlin adds that it is filled “with great warmth” and “meant to be read and reread.”

4 When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death

Three of our experts — Ruth Kreitzman, Jill S. Cohen, and Donna Schuurman — suggested keeping When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death on hand to answer any questions kids might have. “This book provides clear and straightforward information about death in a very engaging format,” says Kreitzman; and Cohen says it is “full of compassion and comfort.” Schuurman adds, “This is one of the few books specifically for children that doesn’t oversimplify or give pat answers about why people die. It explores the things children wonder about as they try to make sense of dying and death, as well as how to cope.”

Best book about the science of grief

5 The Other Side of Sadness

The Other Side of Sadness, by George Bonanno, a professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University, was recommended by two of our experts for those seeking a more research-based look at grief. “Bonanno is an astute observer of the intersection between science and soul-searching,” says Goorin. He couples the story of the death of his father with easy-to-read scientific research, based on hundreds of interviews. Bonanno is best known for introducing the concept of resilience into the field of bereavement and trauma, and explores this concept in-depth here. “If you’re interested in a scientific look at bereavement and what Bonanno does and does not think our culture gets right, this is a good choice,” adds Brennan.

Best books about sudden loss

6 I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye

Compared to an expected loss when the bereaved have time to prepare and say good-bye, sudden loss often “robs the bereaved person of a sense of safety and normalcy,” explains Benhaim, who compares it to an act of sudden violence. “This book does a masterful job of describing this dizzying and destabilizing assault on the inner and outer life of the mourner.” Stang notes that the book covers a wide range of material “from offering the wise advice to ‘treat yourself as if you were in intensive care,’ to debunking harmful myths, and even offering guidance on dealing with the media,” which makes it “an invaluable resource addressing all ages and relationships.” While this is not a memoir, the authors take the time to address their own experiences with a sudden loss in the first few chapters, which establishes a “sense of safety and companionship” between them and the reader, she adds.

7 Bearing the Unbearable

This book is “for anyone dealing with the traumatic death of a loved one,” says Helbert, and is general enough to apply to most relationships whether you are dealing with the loss of a child, spouse, or friend. “She emphasizes the reality that grieving takes time and should be given the time it needs,” says Perez-Jones, adding that it teaches mourners how to “eliminate the need to acquire the permission or approval of others” while they navigate how to “redefine life” after an unexpected loss.

Best book for parents of bereaved children

8 A Parent's Guide to Raising Grieving Children

Parenting a grief-stricken child — especially when a parent is also mourning — can be new territory for a lot of adults. According to Schuurman, “This book helps parents navigate their own grief, as well as better understand how to support their children following the death of a family member” by offering advice and strategies. The book is geared toward all age groups and covers everything from explaining death to a toddler to how best to manage the shifting moods of a grieving teenager. By weaving her own story of loss with the stories of dozens of young people and their parents, the authors help readers “feel a greater sense of normalcy in the midst of an abnormal and terrible event,” says Cirlin.

Best books for bereaved teens

9 Modern Loss: Candid Conversation About Grief

“The death of a parent throws the teenager into a disrupted and potentially isolated life because it is so far from the norm of most of his and her peers,” explains Cirlin. So it is essential that teenagers, in particular, feel connected to a community that is dealing with the same feelings and circumstances. This “very relatable and real” book of personal essays written by grieving young adults covers almost every grief and loss topic, and “pulls no punches,” says Schuurman.

10 Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers: How to Cope With Losing Someone You Love

“The author explains to teens what to expect from the loss of a loved one and how to cope, grieve, and live through and with this grief,” says Cohen. Helbert describes it this way: “Just what it says. Straight talk about death when any loved one or relative has died.” This straightforward and practical text covers topics ranging from “Self-Inflicted Death” to “Crying” while exploring the tough questions teens may have, she says.

Best books about grieving a sibling

11 Healing the Adult Sibling's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Brother or Sister Dies

“Siblings are often called the ‘forgotten mourner’ because attention usually is placed on surviving parents, spouses, and children related to the deceased person,” explains Cirlin. Gerstein, who is a self-described member of this group of mourners, suggests this book by Alan D. Wolfelt because it “validates the sibling relationship and introduces the reader to the concept of disenfranchised grief, which many siblings feel but have difficulty articulating.” Wolfelt, who is the founder of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, provides 100 action-oriented ideas for embracing your grief while honoring the relationship you had with your sibling.

12 The Empty Room: Understanding Sibling Loss

Both Cohen and Horseley recommend this book for bereaved siblings, which features both memoir writing and journalistic research. The author reflects on her personal experience of sibling illness and loss, while also gathering insights and stories from over 200 sibling survivors, says Horseley. Because professional texts for this kind of loss can be limited, the feelings and voices of survivors are highlighted and uplifted.

13 Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies

Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies seeks “to elevate and elucidate the experience and altered lives of siblings who have lost lifelong companions and friends,” says Cirlin. Cohen particularly likes that the book offers both general guidance and “great coping strategies” to those grieving this particular and profound type of loss.

Best book about the adult loss of a parent

14 The Orphaned Adult: Understanding and Coping with Grief and Change After the Death of our Parents

“Many clients in our practice are surprised by the depth of their grief after the loss of a parent and struggle with a newfound sense of identity and aloneness,” says Benhaim. Because this is not an “out of order” death, like a parent grieving the loss a child, or a parental death experienced by a young child or teen, an adult child may feel pressure to cope with the loss of an elderly parent quickly. However, “the death of a lifelong witness to one’s existence is a huge change.” Cohen recommends The Orphaned Adultbecause it “validates how hard, perhaps surprisingly, it is as a grown adult to handle” the loss of a parent and explores “how this signifies so much more in the ‘big picture’ of an adult’s life.”

Best book about supporting someone who is grieving

15 It’s OK that You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn’t Understand

Figuring out strategies to understand and support a loved one experiencing a traumatic loss can be very difficult. Many of our experts noted that the current culture surrounding death does not adequately prepare individuals with the right tools. Schuurman recommends this text for bereaved individuals and especially to those who support them, because the author, who is both a therapist and bereaved partner, “understands the pain that grieving people carry on top of their actual grief, including the pain of being judged, dismissed, and misunderstood” by others. The book challenges the myths of grief, while also outlining skills and suggestions for providing comfort and care. “Megan Devine has captured the grief experience: grief is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be honored.”

Best book for bereaved spouses

16 The Year of Magical Thinking

Far and away the most recommended book — by eight (!) of our experts — was The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, which chronicles her first year coping with the sudden loss of her husband, John Gregory Dunne. While this is not a self-help text, many of our experts recommended memoirs as a powerful tool. Tomarken generally recommends memoirs to her patients because people benefit “from feeling the familiarity of their experience.” Gerstein says, “Didion’s book on losing her husband is the holy grail of grief books. It is raw, personal, and captures the experience of grief up close.” Schuurman adds that “she writes in detail about both the existential and mundane aspects of grief.” While Goorin notes that Didion is describing her experience with chronic grief, which is a “less common response to loss” it is still a stunning “depiction of the depths of suffering” that other bereaved spouses are sure to feel connected to.

The Strategist is designed to surface the most useful, expert recommendations for things to buy across the vast e-commerce landscape.

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beka-tiddalik · 8 years ago

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The cost of peace-keeping

I had an epiphany just before.

It’s not exactly a new thought set for me, but I guess it just crystallised for a minute. You know? When you can sort of see how you’ve come to the same conclusion a thousand times but just this one moment, and the conclusion feels so completely right, so solid, in a way it never quite has in this context.

I was talking to my sister, and full disclosure, we don’t get on all the time. Long story (it always is) and plenty of fault on both sides for the tatters our relationship has descended to before, but credit where credit is due, both of us have made our own efforts at trying to patch things back together.

So anyway, we were talking about confrontation. And the two of us used to have drastically different approaches to confrontation. Sis has only in rare cases ever put up with shit from anyone. She’d rather have things out right then and there, and tell people who upset her where to get off. This hasn’t always served her well, but that’s another story.

Me? For most of my life total opposite. I’ve got a really slow fuse, and a lot of the time back in the day, I’d let things slide just because I didn’t feel like putting the energy into the argument. And it’s still a thing I do a lot at work - I work in the kind of office where having strident opinions of a certain type is also known as a career-limiting manoeuvre. Which is fine to an extent - we’re all supposed to be unbiased, and so being able to argue both sides and bite our tongue on more emotional arguments is a necessary skill. But sometimes, someone will make an off-hand comment and expect everyone to agree with it, and I definitively don’t but starting shit is against my best interests so I keep my damn mouth shut, or make a bland comment indicating that I disagree and then leave it at that without follow-up.

But maybe because I spend all day at work doing that, nowadays when people want to start shit and it’s on my private time? I am not going to just let it slide.

The epiphany I had today basically amounts to why I’m like that now.

“At what cost, peace?”

If I can’t see an argument for why in the long run I’d be better off keeping my head down, then these days? I won’t. I won’t keep my mouth shut if I can’t see a good reason. And avoiding conflict is no longer a good reason.

It used to be. It used to be more than enough. I actually hate fighting with people. That much hasn’t changed. I don’t see the point in getting into a violent discussion just for the sake of it.

But on the other hand, I am done with letting people get away with talking shit about people I care about if I can do something about it.

The thing is, I care about a lot of people. Many of them I’ve never met, but still, I care. I care about people who are LGBTI. I care about refugees. I care about the homeless. I care about the impoverished. I care about people with disability. I care about sex workers. I care about people in different countries. I care about people who are any shade of skin-tone I can think of and a few I’ve never seen. I care about people who are disenfranchised. I care about people are in need of people caring about them.

These people for the most part never asked me to care, but it was pure luck that I was born into a few of those categories, and pure luck that I wasn’t born into others. If I’m really lucky I won’t acquire membership into any of those, with the exception of disability, because anyone lucky enough to live over the age of about 65 is going to be in that boat one day, one way or another.

But the one thing I absolutely won’t put up with? People talking shit about people from any of the above categories.

“Oh but like, it’s just my personal opinion” I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

I don’t care why people come to their shitty opinions. If you’re not capable of compassion, as far as I’m concerned GTFO.

Because no one deserves to have a shitty life just for being born, just for living somewhere, just for having a certain type of health, or occupation. It’s not your race, your religion, the politics of your country, your health, the people you find attractive or your job you should be judged for.

It’s your choices.

Almost everyone in this life gets a chance to not be a shit person making life harder for other people. Most people get multiple chances, in a million tiny ways. Chances to not look the other way. Chances to go, “my shit is not more important than another human being”.

I’m not saying that I never fuck up. I do. I’m human. I make compromises and I take the easy road more often than I’d like to admit.

But what I don’t do any more is avoid a fight just to avoid a fight.

Because sitting back and letting oppressors steamroll me or others does exactly nothing to make the world a better place.

So I’m done with it. If I have the capacity, I won’t put up with it.

What cost peace?

An argument here and there keeps it from being cheapened.

So even if it wears me down. Even if it occasionally ruins relationships I have with people I’ve known for a long time.

Fuck it. If the status quo is shit, it’s not worth putting up with it.

So I won’t.

#arguments #confrontation #personal #long post #SJW shit #sjw #swearing

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fiatluxnyc · 5 years ago

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"Everyday is Sunday," Part I: The Canvas of the Aftermath.

This is the first in a series of articles chronicling the aftermath of the coronavirus shutdown on small businesses and freelancers in New York City.

13 April 2020:

This is the seminal entry in a series describing what charitably could be called as an example of the Law of Unintended Consequences; thus resulting in a localized form of what John Michael Greer, author of How Civilizations Fall: A Theory of Catabolic Collapse, would term as a “catabolic collapse” of New York City itself.

In the opinion of the writer, the title of this article actually undersells the relative vacuum of activity in the city since the average Sunday in any season presents more activity than what is occurring at the time of this writing. The result? A tapestry of interconnecting businesses and professions rent threadbare by the exigencies of the COVID-19 pandemic, initiating a slow-motion daisy chain of failures.

It is expected that most of the readers of this article are familiar with the creation and enforcement of the “social distancing” policy that consequently led to the decimation of the service industry via gubernatorial fiat. Bars, restaurants, movie theaters, nightclubs have all been mostly shuttered throughout the city; in rare instances, reduced to being dispatch points for takeout deliverymen to points yet to be determined. The “Social Distancing” policy, in conjunction with a seemingly advisory set of “shelter in place” orders in effect throughout each portion of the Tri-State area, rendering sufficient foot traffic to these businesses prevented from ever forming.

Even once well-trafficked storefronts in the Upper East Side (one of the neighborhoods whose residents were the most likely and able to keep their monies circulating in their local economies) are now shuttered and some storefronts boarded up. There are reports of an uptick in burglaries of these vulnerable storefronts since the issue of these overlapping executive orders.

Borrowing a turn of phrase from a recent post by New York Post columnist John Podhoretz, the “rolling dormitory” that is the average subway has truly settled into the description, as the homeless rest largely unmolested since the drastic decline in ridership. They too, seem to sleep in sync with the slumbering city — mostly unbothered at night.

There exists a strangely natural quiet in the city, one would be tempted to believe that Peter Minuit’s original negotiation centuries ago probably had a kill clause activating in 2020. Absent of noise and gas pollution generated from automobiles, the sounds and smells of nature are now reasserting themselves close to and high up with the concrete edifices towering over the trees.

The few intrepid bicyclists left in the city find they have no natural competitors in their habitat. The automobiles they had competed for road space are mostly gone, spare the buses that will still travel up and across the city’s meridians and parallels. Now the avenues reveal an impossible emptiness, as if the human race had suddenly vanished at once, a feat reminiscent of Tom Cruise’s Vanilla Sky.

The date of this article is the 13th of April of 2020, a full calendar month from that fateful Friday the 13th of March 2020, two days preceding the Ides of the same March in the same year and little has remained the same in “The City That Never Sleeps”.

This is because it has been sleeping for 31 days straight.

From a casual gleaning of the focus of the local media, one can scarcely find the stories of the small business owner or the freelancer. They are largely anonymous in the morass of the faces who count themselves abruptly disenfranchised by the response of the city, state, and federal governments. Hitherto 2019, it was they who had to operate largely without the benefit of a government-sanctioned backstop in the form of unemployment insurance and whatever cover private business insurance could provide.

However this is not a story about and/or analyses of policies.

This is going to be a story about Pain.

This an aperture to the emotional and mental costs incurred onto those who are ultimately responsible onto others and others solely responsible onto themselves but bereft of the safety nets afforded to the majority of the population. It will likely be a string of diary-like admissions of the dark side of leadership, of being a parent figure to vulnerable employees and the reaction to the Leviathan that is a national lockdown. The following will likely be the stories of people absolutely crushed almost from a Biblical retribution exacted from on high.

It is likely there will be stories of great altruism, of great compassion, of deft ingenuity in the face of disaster.

Lastly, the series will possibly convey even Triumph.

In the interim, Fiat Lux | NYC is seeking requests for interviews with small business owners and freelancers in the Tri-State area to continue this series. We will give priority to those industries adjacent to the service industry. Please forward your submissions to [email protected].

We are Fiat Lux | NYC: A brand management/public relations firm from New York City. We provide brand management services such as social media management, creative direction, ideation, and event management to creatives and small businesses in the creative industries.

#social distancing #new york city #new york #coronovirus #everyday is sunday #small business #freelancer

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bloominglotusyoga · 6 years ago

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Sexual Assault in the Ashtanga Yoga Community: A Mea Culpa

Learn more: http://www.parascientifica.com

A long history of sexual misconduct haunts this popular practice. Here's how some Ashtangi yogis are moving forward.

Learn about how sexual misconduct is affecting the Ashtanga yoga community.

For most dedicated Ashtanga yoga practitioners, 2018 has been a painful year of reckoning. We've had to excavate the past and face uncomfortable truths about Pattabhi Jois, the now-deceased founder of this much-loved practice and the subject of accusations of historic sexual assault.

I'm ashamed to admit that I knew about the sexual assault soon after I first started a daily Ashtanga practice 17 years ago. While I practiced with Jois several times before his death, I was not a close student of his and never saw the abuse first hand. But I did see videos on the Internet; I did laugh off and dismiss the furtive, dark gossip in Mysore, India, cafes and in practice rooms everywhere from New York to Singapore to London; and I did turn a blind eye.

See also I Took My Baby to Mysore, India, for a Month: Here's What It Was Really Like

“This is a Long Overdue Mea Culpa”

This is a long overdue mea culpa, and perhaps one shared by others like me-average, everyday Ashtanga practitioners who chose to brush off the assault accusations either because we didn't believe it, or because the practice felt (and still feels) deeply transformative. Ashtanga yoga has served as a bedrock for my life, and for many years that was more important than the abuse itself, which, well, felt very distant. After all, it happened so many years ago, and to women I didn't know.

Those women, such as Karen Rain and Anneke Lukas, deserve an apology. First and foremost, that apology should come from the K Pattabhi Jois Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute (KPJAYI).

(Sharath Jois, the director of KPJAYI and grandson of Pattabhi Jois, has not publicly acknowledged or spoken about the abuse, and did not return requests for an interview for this story.)

A few teachers, though arguably not enough, have come forward to apologize to Jois' victims, acknowledging their culpability in the abuse, whether that was because they ignored it like I did, or sent their students to practice with Jois knowing full well the risks.

“As a student who knew of these inappropriate adjustments, I should have behaved differently, and I apologize (that I didn't),” said Paul Gold, an Ashtanga teacher in Toronto. “I rationalized [Jois'] behavior. I downplayed students' negative reactions and chose to focus on the reactions of women and men for who these adjustments weren't offensive or weren't given. I wanted to study with Jois and chose to focus on the good rather than let the bad create a situation where I would have to make hard choices or take a stand.”

See also The 10 Rules of Hands-On Adjustments for Yoga Teachers

Karen Rain, who studied with Jois for a total of 24 months from 1994 to 1998 in Mysore, has become the most prominent and vocal victim of what she said was repeated sexual assault at the hands of Jois.

“I considered the way he handled women unethical,” Rain says, adding that back then, students would discuss the way Jois touched his female students but only behind closed doors and never to Jois himself. “At the time I was only able to be consciously aware of and discuss the sexual abuse of other women. I was not fully accepting of having been personally sexually abused by him. I had disassociated during the sexual assaults. When there is disassociation there is also dis-integration of memory and cohesive understanding.”

As for myself-a long-time Ashtanga student, KPJAYI authorized teacher, and the yoga manager at a collection of London yoga studios-I'm ashamed to admit I turned a blind eye for so long, and wish to apologize to the victims that it took me years to come forward, to stand up and rail against their abuse, and to stop ritualizing Jois. There is much to make up for.

In order to do that, we must examine the very root of the problem: the dynamic of the student-teacher relationship itself. The hierarchical nature of this relationship creates a clear power imbalance where, in this case, Jois' students did not feel in a position to question his decisions and actions no matter how unethical his behavior. His victims returned year after year because they dismissed and rationalized the abuse as something else; their capacity to understand what was happening to them was impaired by their disassociation. Jois was able to abuse his students because the guru-sisya model, which lacks checks or balances, allowed it.

“As long as the guru dynamic remains, it is an opportunity for future abusers to build upon and take advantage of the same dynamic,” says Greg Nardi, an Ashtanga teacher in Miami, Fla.. “Systems that consolidate power and remove accountability structures for harmful actions only encourage the darker sides of human behavior, and they do not empower anyone. It has taken me some time to recognize that by participating in the guru system, I have been both accountable for supporting and oppressed by this dynamic that has caused harm to Pattabhi Jois' victims.”

See also Let It All Go: 7 Poses to Release Trauma in the Body

Last month, Nardi turned in his Level 2 authorization to KPJAYI, a courageous move given that he was one of Pattabhi and Sharath Jois' most influential teachers. Nardi has joined London-based teacher Scott Johnson and Cornwall studio owner Emma Rowse to form Amayu, an educational organization where authority is completely decentralized in an attempt to create a very different power dynamic that is a marked departure from the traditional model, where one person (the teacher or guru) is in control of what is taught and how it is taught.

Every teacher who becomes part of the Amayu cooperative must take trauma sensitivity training, and anyone who practices in an Amayu-registered studio must agree to a code of ethics where the rights and dignity of all students are respected and backed by a transparent grievance procedure.

“In order to ensure that Ashtanga yoga fulfills its potential as a healing system it must be stripped of harmful power dynamics,” says Johnson. “We actively promote a culture that fosters equality, empowerment, mindful living, compassion, and speaking up for those who are disadvantaged, disenfranchised and disempowered.”

Some yoga classes have introduced consent cards for students to use during class to indicate whether or not a student would like to receive hands-on adjustments.

Charting a New, More Ethical Path Forward

We can and in some cases already do interpret this system of yoga differently across the world; for too long we've been held hostage to the notion that it can only be taught and practiced one way. Five Surya Namaskars A's, three B's, standing postures, seated postures, backbends, closing sequence. No props. No new postures before you can bind, catch or balance. Hands-on assists is a given-not an option.

I still practice this way, and it works well for me. But now, I recognize that it doesn't work as well for others.

At triyoga, where I work in London, we recently introduced the use of consent cards that students can use in any one of our 750 classes a week, which includes five robust Mysore programs.

These cards are placed in prime positions as students enter the studio and can be placed on their mat in silent communication to their teacher that they do not wish to be touched that day. Of course, it is our preference that students speak to their teacher; but if they don't feel they can do that, these cards offer another option.

We've introduced these cards in an effort to bring more trauma-informed instruction in our studios. To be transparent, I knew very little about trauma when senior Ashtanga teacher Mary Taylor wrote a #metoo-inspired blog one year ago, essentially breaking open the abuse conversation amongst the global Ashtanga community. I've had to educate myself about how traumatic experiences from the past can play out in the present moment and sometimes in a yoga class, especially when touched without explicit permission.

See also 10 Prominent Yoga Teachers Share Their #MeToo Stories

My journey from total ignorance to something that has a bit more light is one I'm grateful for, and which I deeply hope will help future students. Many of us in the Ashtanga community have been fiercely criticized for getting it wrong when responding to Jois' assault of women. And we did get it wrong. We were wholly unprepared for how to speak about it, and we used language that minimized what Jois did. (For example, we called it “inappropriate adjustments” rather than “sexual assault.”)

Unfortunately, this backlash has resulted in a paralysis to say anything at all, especially for those who found themselves struggling to hold both the abuse Jois committed with the transformative experiences they experienced when studying with their former teacher.

I don't think that's helpful for anyone. We have to be able to talk about this openly and without fear of retribution, indignation or humiliation. And I believe we can do that while still holding space for the victims.

“By and large we have processed this badly in the Ashtanga community,” says Ty Landrum, an Ashtanga teacher in Boulder, Colo., who runs The Yoga Workshop. “By not talking about [the sexual misconduct] we are repressing it and pushing it below the surface. Our yogic process has to be about our willingness to confront our shadows, and in some sense, make peace with them.”

For me, the shadow of Pattabhji Jois looms large. I'm still trying to figure out what role he plays in my practice and my love for it. As the creator of one of the world's most practiced systems of yoga, he's an undeniably important figure. We can't whitewash him out of the picture, and I don't think we should. Because to remove Jois from history would mean we deny the existence of his victims.

See also #TimesUp: Ending Sexual Abuse in the Yoga Community

Where, then, does he belong? Surely not in a place of reverence as was the custom in many shalas around the world. At triyoga earlier this year, we pulled copies of Jois' “Yoga Mala” and “Guruji: A Portrait of Sri K. Pattabhi Jois Through the Eyes of his Students” from our shops' bookshelves. It felt wrong to reap economic benefits from books that glorifed a perpetrator of sexual assault.

Out of respect for anyone who has suffered sexual assault, many teachers have also taken down Jois' images that hung on walls in practice rooms or sat on altars alongside statues of deities like Ganesha or Saraswati. “Pattabhi Jois' photos came down from our walls immediately,” says Jean Byrne, the co-owner of The Yoga Space in Perth, Australia. For her, the abuse represented the very opposite of ahimsa, the very first yama that teaches the avoidance of violence toward others. “The photos were getting in the way of my practice and were triggering for many of our students.” Other teachers have chosen to keep those pictures in place, and have lost students because of it.

“This needed to come out,” says Maty Ezraty, the co-founder of YogaWorks who studied with Pattabhi Jois. “Maybe some of the teachers out there will start to realize that Pattabhi Jois wasn't perfect. He's not the only teacher that people should have studied with. [Ashtanga] is not the only method that has something to offer. When we put on blinders, we end up in a small space, and that's where we are right now.”

It's important to note that Sharath, by all accounts, has never violated sexual boundaries in the manner that his grandfather has. Sharath is an excellent, dedicated, and hard-working teacher. Some attribute his silence on the matter to cultural differences-that in India, it would bring great shame to impugn a family manner publicly.

I don't accept that. Sharath has his foot firmly in the door of Western culture, and accepts huge amounts of money every year from Westerners who want to practice with him in Mysore. I believe he must speak to us in our language, too. So long as Sharath refuses to acknowledge the women his grandfather abused with an apology, and honor them with true reform that can only involve breaking apart systems of power and authority, we face a hard time moving forward and out of this heavy darkness.

The fissures will no doubt continue to widen for as long as it takes the Ashtanga community to work through our conflicted feelings toward Jois-and, even more importantly, for as long as it takes for all of us in the Ashtanga community to apologize to his victims.

About the Author

Genny Willkinson Priest is a yoga teacher and yoga manager at triyoga, Europe's biggest group of yoga studios. She has donated the income paid for this article to The Havens, a London organization aimed at helping those who have been raped or sexually assaulted. Learn more at gennyyoga.com.

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chocolate-brownies · 6 years ago

Text

Sexual Assault in the Ashtanga Yoga Community: One Yogi’s Mea Culpa

Sexual Assault in the Ashtanga Yoga Community: One Yogi’s Mea Culpa:

A long history of sexual misconduct haunts this popular practice. Here’s how one Ashtangi yogi is moving forward.

Learn about how sexual misconduct is affecting the Ashtanga yoga community.

For most dedicated Ashtanga yoga practitioners, 2018 has been a painful year of reckoning. We’ve had to excavate the past and face uncomfortable truths about Pattabhi Jois, the now-deceased founder of this much-loved practice and the subject of accusations of historic sexual assault.

I’m ashamed to admit that I knew about the sexual assault soon after I first started a daily Ashtanga practice 17 years ago. While I practiced with Jois several times before his death, I was not a close student of his and never saw the abuse first hand. But I did see videos on the Internet; I did laugh off and dismiss the furtive, dark gossip in Mysore, India, cafes and in practice rooms everywhere from New York to Singapore to London; and I did turn a blind eye.

See also I Took My Baby to Mysore, India, for a Month: Here’s What It Was Really Like

“This is a Long Overdue Mea Culpa”

This is a long overdue mea culpa, and perhaps one shared by others like me—average, everyday Ashtanga practitioners who chose to brush off the assault accusations either because we didn’t believe it, or because the practice felt (and still feels) deeply transformative. Ashtanga yoga has served as a bedrock for my life, and for many years that was more important than the abuse itself, which, well, felt very distant. After all, it happened so many years ago, and to women I didn’t know.

Those women, such as Karen Rain and Anneke Lukas, deserve an apology. First and foremost, that apology should come from the K Pattabhi Jois Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute (KPJAYI).

(Sharath Jois, the director of KPJAYI and grandson of Pattabhi Jois, has not publicly acknowledged or spoken about the abuse, and did not return requests for an interview for this story.)

A few teachers, though arguably not enough, have come forward to apologize to Jois’ victims, acknowledging their culpability in the abuse, whether that was because they ignored it like I did, or sent their students to practice with Jois knowing full well the risks.

“As a student who knew of these inappropriate adjustments, I should have behaved differently, and I apologize (that I didn’t),” said Paul Gold, an Ashtanga teacher in Toronto. “I rationalized [Jois’] behavior. I downplayed students’ negative reactions and chose to focus on the reactions of women and men for who these adjustments weren’t offensive or weren’t given. I wanted to study with Jois and chose to focus on the good rather than let the bad create a situation where I would have to make hard choices or take a stand.”

See also The 10 Rules of Hands-On Adjustments for Yoga Teachers

As for myself—a long-time Ashtanga student, KPJAYI authorized teacher, and the yoga manager at a collection of London yoga studios—I’m ashamed to admit I turned a blind eye for so long, and wish to apologize to the victims that it took me years to come forward, to stand up and rail against their abuse, and to stop ritualizing Jois. There is much to make up for.

In order to do that, we must examine the very root of the problem: the dynamic of the student-teacher relationship itself. The hierarchical nature of this relationship creates a clear power imbalance where, in this case, Jois’ students did not feel in a position to question his decisions and actions no matter how unethical his behavior. His victims returned year after year because they dismissed and rationalized the abuse as something else; their capacity to understand what was happening to them was impaired by their disassociation. Jois was able to abuse his students because the guru-sisya model, which lacks checks or balances, allowed it.

See also Let It All Go: 7 Poses to Release Trauma in the Body

Last month, Nardi turned in his Level 2 authorization to KPJAYI, a courageous move given that he was one of Pattabhi and Sharath Jois’ most influential teachers. Nardi has joined London-based teacher Scott Johnson and Cornwall studio owner Emma Rowse to form Amayu, an educational organization where authority is completely decentralized in an attempt to create a very different power dynamic that is a marked departure from the traditional model, where one person (the teacher or guru) is in control of what is taught and how it is taught.

Some yoga classes have introduced consent cards for students to use during class to indicate whether or not a student would like to receive hands-on adjustments.

Charting a New, More Ethical Path Forward

We can and in some cases already do interpret this system of yoga differently across the world; for too long we’ve been held hostage to the notion that it can only be taught and practiced one way. Five Surya Namaskars A’s, three B’s, standing postures, seated postures, backbends, closing sequence. No props. No new postures before you can bind, catch or balance. Hands-on assists is a given—not an option.

I still practice this way, and it works well for me. But now, I recognize that it doesn’t work as well for others.

At triyoga, where I work in London, we recently introduced the use of consent cards that students can use in any one of our 750 classes a week, which includes five robust Mysore programs.

These cards are placed in prime positions as students enter the studio and can be placed on their mat in silent communication to their teacher that they do not wish to be touched that day. Of course, it is our preference that students speak to their teacher; but if they don’t feel they can do that, these cards offer another option.

We’ve introduced these cards in an effort to bring more trauma-informed instruction in our studios. To be transparent, I knew very little about trauma when senior Ashtanga teacher Mary Taylor wrote a #metoo-inspired blog one year ago, essentially breaking open the abuse conversation amongst the global Ashtanga community. I’ve had to educate myself about how traumatic experiences from the past can play out in the present moment and sometimes in a yoga class, especially when touched without explicit permission.

See also 10 Prominent Yoga Teachers Share Their #MeToo Stories

My journey from total ignorance to something that has a bit more light is one I’m grateful for, and which I deeply hope will help future students. Many of us in the Ashtanga community have been fiercely criticized for getting it wrong when responding to Jois’ assault of women. And we did get it wrong. We were wholly unprepared for how to speak about it, and we used language that minimized what Jois did. (For example, we called it “inappropriate adjustments” rather than “sexual assault.”)

I don’t think that’s helpful for anyone. We have to be able to talk about this openly and without fear of retribution, indignation or humiliation. And I believe we can do that while still holding space for the victims.

For me, the shadow of Pattabhji Jois looms large. I’m still trying to figure out what role he plays in my practice and my love for it. As the creator of one of the world’s most practiced systems of yoga, he’s an undeniably important figure. We can’t whitewash him out of the picture, and I don’t think we should. Because to remove Jois from history would mean we deny the existence of his victims.

See also #TimesUp: Ending Sexual Abuse in the Yoga Community

Where, then, does he belong? Surely not in a place of reverence as was the custom in many shalas around the world. At triyoga earlier this year, we pulled copies of Jois’ “Yoga Mala” and “Guruji: A Portrait of Sri K. Pattabhi Jois Through the Eyes of his Students” from our shops’ bookshelves. It felt wrong to reap economic benefits from books that glorifed a perpetrator of sexual assault.

Out of respect for anyone who has suffered sexual assault, many teachers have also taken down Jois’ images that hung on walls in practice rooms or sat on altars alongside statues of deities like Ganesha or Saraswati. “Pattabhi Jois’ photos came down from our walls immediately,” says Jean Byrne, the co-owner of The Yoga Space in Perth, Australia. For her, the abuse represented the very opposite of ahimsa, the very first yama that teaches the avoidance of violence toward others. “The photos were getting in the way of my practice and were triggering for many of our students.”

The fissures will no doubt continue to widen for as long as it takes the Ashtanga community to work through our conflicted feelings toward Jois—and, even more importantly, for as long as it takes for all of us in the Ashtanga community to apologize to his victims.

About the Author

Genny Willkinson Priest is a yoga teacher and yoga manager at triyoga, Europe’s biggest group of yoga studios. She has donated the income paid for this article to The Havens, a London organization aimed at helping those who have been raped or sexually assaulted. Learn more at gennyyoga.com.

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krisiunicornio · 6 years ago

Link

A long history of sexual misconduct haunts this popular practice. Here’s how one Ashtangi yogi is moving forward.

Learn about how sexual misconduct is affecting the Ashtanga yoga community.

See also I Took My Baby to Mysore, India, for a Month: Here’s What It Was Really Like

“This is a Long Overdue Mea Culpa”

Those women, such as Karen Rain and Anneke Lukas, deserve an apology. First and foremost, that apology should come from the K Pattabhi Jois Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute (KPJAYI).

(Sharath Jois, the director of KPJAYI and grandson of Pattabhi Jois, has not publicly acknowledged or spoken about the abuse, and did not return requests for an interview for this story.)

See also The 10 Rules of Hands-On Adjustments for Yoga Teachers

In order to do that, we must examine the very root of the problem: the dynamic of the student-teacher relationship itself. The hierarchical nature of this relationship creates a clear power imbalance where, in this case, Jois’ students did not feel in a position to question his decisions and actions no matter how unethical his behavior. His victims returned year after year because they dismissed and rationalized the abuse as something else; their capacity to understand what was happening to them was impaired by their disassociation. Jois was able to abuse his students because the guru-sisya model, which lacks checks or balances, allowed it.

See also Let It All Go: 7 Poses to Release Trauma in the Body

Some yoga classes have introduced consent cards for students to use during class to indicate whether or not a student would like to receive hands-on adjustments.

Charting a New, More Ethical Path Forward

I still practice this way, and it works well for me. But now, I recognize that it doesn’t work as well for others.

At triyoga, where I work in London, we recently introduced the use of consent cards that students can use in any one of our 750 classes a week, which includes five robust Mysore programs.

These cards are placed in prime positions as students enter the studio and can be placed on their mat in silent communication to their teacher that they do not wish to be touched that day. Of course, it is our preference that students speak to their teacher; but if they don’t feel they can do that, these cards offer another option.

See also 10 Prominent Yoga Teachers Share Their #MeToo Stories

See also #TimesUp: Ending Sexual Abuse in the Yoga Community

About the Author

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

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remedialmassage · 6 years ago

Text

Sexual Assault in the Ashtanga Yoga Community: One Yogi’s Mea Culpa

A long history of sexual misconduct haunts this popular practice. Here’s how one Ashtangi yogi is moving forward.

Learn about how sexual misconduct is affecting the Ashtanga yoga community.

See also I Took My Baby to Mysore, India, for a Month: Here’s What It Was Really Like

“This is a Long Overdue Mea Culpa”

Those women, such as Karen Rain and Anneke Lukas, deserve an apology. First and foremost, that apology should come from the K Pattabhi Jois Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute (KPJAYI).

(Sharath Jois, the director of KPJAYI and grandson of Pattabhi Jois, has not publicly acknowledged or spoken about the abuse, and did not return requests for an interview for this story.)

See also The 10 Rules of Hands-On Adjustments for Yoga Teachers

In order to do that, we must examine the very root of the problem: the dynamic of the student-teacher relationship itself. The hierarchical nature of this relationship creates a clear power imbalance where, in this case, Jois’ students did not feel in a position to question his decisions and actions no matter how unethical his behavior. His victims returned year after year because they dismissed and rationalized the abuse as something else; their capacity to understand what was happening to them was impaired by their disassociation. Jois was able to abuse his students because the guru-sisya model, which lacks checks or balances, allowed it.

See also Let It All Go: 7 Poses to Release Trauma in the Body

Some yoga classes have introduced consent cards for students to use during class to indicate whether or not a student would like to receive hands-on adjustments.

Charting a New, More Ethical Path Forward

I still practice this way, and it works well for me. But now, I recognize that it doesn’t work as well for others.

At triyoga, where I work in London, we recently introduced the use of consent cards that students can use in any one of our 750 classes a week, which includes five robust Mysore programs.

These cards are placed in prime positions as students enter the studio and can be placed on their mat in silent communication to their teacher that they do not wish to be touched that day. Of course, it is our preference that students speak to their teacher; but if they don’t feel they can do that, these cards offer another option.

See also 10 Prominent Yoga Teachers Share Their #MeToo Stories

See also #TimesUp: Ending Sexual Abuse in the Yoga Community

About the Author

from Yoga Journal https://ift.tt/2OJNvpA

#Yoga Journal

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no-ns-en-si-ca-l · 6 years ago

Text

THIS • Christian Cummings & Lee Lorenzo

THIS is another way of saying the same thing. —Jodie Foster

• Like a bone broth, THIS contains the faint essence of its intentions without actually containing intentions. • I want to ride into the sunset with you, just not all the way in. • Misguided by facts and infested with motionless, I imagined myself licking your shock-widened eyeballs and tasting envelope glue. • Having lost its original, THIS has become estranged from its genetic possibilities. • THIS is an abbreviation because it expresses a dull and blunted form of itself. • Like the prodigal rising of the Nile, a cyclical need to repeat herself corrupted the purity of her temporary curse. • Like an impatient lover, THIS skips past the beginning and will finish before the end—focusing too much on the torso, like a story with a middle only, sans arc. • Like walking through a field of landmines, going slowly as fast as it can. • Falling out of sync with randomness, THIS has become spontaneously methodical. • THIS combines reluctance with impulsiveness for purely superficial reasons. In other words, THIS has undergone some editing. • Like the ice cube that made your Kool Aid overflow, THIS conquers its verge by way of displacement. • THIS indulges the slow kill of time’s vengeance against you for having wasted it with such fluency. • THIS gimmick points slightly upward to mask its moot effect, modulating it through the snow job of an upturned flaccid habit. In other words, THIS works an angle. • As if occluded with the shrapnel of kidney stones, THIS is a rain gutter bloated with the need to express its contents (both those it was made to express, and also those currently blocking its expression). • THIS resembles while paling-in-comparison because it exists in a state of call and response syncopation with other versions of itself. • Unable to reach a desired conclusion, THIS has had to make-do with lesser conclusions from the lower shelf. • THIS fears the possibility of going to heaven without bail. • We will not be returning to Ithaca. • We will not end the hunt until we are fed. • THIS diffuses the vague exactness of its analogies by increasing the exactness of its vagueness. • Threatened by the convection effect of self-indulgence, THIS had to jettison its bad conscience onto you in order to make it feel less enjoyable in the long run, like a Joseph Kosuth drawing, or like a consenting prom date who is also ovulating. • Without its gaps, you will never learn to enjoy the full extent of deficiency that THIS contains. • THIS is an artificial afterlife where artificial intelligence goes once brain death has been declared by the foster family who will someday pull the plug on you. • In THIS place, you will spend the all of eternity hooked up to unplugged machines. • THIS is an eternity lingers until it ends, and you are promoted from this current succession of ordinary lives to a rolling succession of ordinary afterlives that, although harder to describe are pregnant with roll-over minutes. • Atomized by interference, THIS decoys your phantom appetite for its x by implying that it is implying something without actually doing so. • The metonymy of THIS psychic spanking wants you to believe that it hurts me more than it hurts you, taking sadistic advantage of your compassion for the tenderness of my spanker’s hand. • Eventually THIS will grow into its prematurity, but not a moment too soon. • Like a mule refusing to budge, THIS performs stasis as an overt behavior, while like melting ice cream, its volume is relaxing. • THIS motivates a relapse in the wane of your attention for the false sense of rapport it builds between you and your disenfranchisement, as if to make you emotionally dependent upon each other. • THIS improves its aesthetics with anesthetics. • THIS plays opposing reactions against themselves because each are required to conjure the hallucination that animates them. • Like the limp arugula that taunts the tines of your fork with disentangled matrimony, THIS will increase your tolerance for your low tolerance. • THIS is a sigh that detoxes the mind of minor inconveniences, like when motor-boating the boobs of an irksome nanny only to faint from having re-breathed too much of your own carbon dioxide, via Freudian detox by asphyxiation. • THIS casts a long shadow by standing in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. • THIS improves the road by adding oil slicks to prevent the ice from sticking to it because ice does not stick to rainbows. • THIS collagen provides its retroactive tax relief by circumventing time’s toll upon expression. • Like an apricot when compared to a peach, THIS is slightly sweeter but criticized for being quicker to spoil and for having less meat. • THIS is on-message about being off-message. • THIS falsely equilibrated when it blindly trusted its initial observations and called them obvious. • THIS circles like vultures around the idea that consuming rotting meat might actually assuage the nausea one feels when thinking in circles, as if settling a sour stomach is simply a matter of abating hunger. • THIS fans out like buckshot to lessen your need for a precision scope—maximizing its effect by lessening the specificity of its disposition. • THIS separates like sour milk into layers of discreet viscosity to form borders through which fugitive thoughts are smuggled and extradited when necessary. • Sort of like a pile and sort of like a hole, THIS refuses to divulge its strategy by making you look at it and into it at the same time. • THIS started as pure contrivance, but has transitioned into a state of secondary contrivance that seems identical to the first but is less authentically contrived than its counterpart counterfeit. • We know that its consciousness is cumulative because THIS has yet to evolve into consciousness. • Like a solar eclipse, you’re not supposed to look at it. • Do not kill it if you’re not planning to eat it. • Like an echo that precedes utterance, all THIS causal energy but no longer needing a host. • It is okay if there is always dirt on the welcome mat? • THIS is a nondualistic vice versa of collapsible ideas. • A retirement home for ideas. • THIS is a mirror whose image resembles nothing. • What would you do if everything were exactly the same? • THIS repeats a thought that is not reusable. • THIS slang version of thinking. • It’s conceivable things might have been different. • THIS is a eulogy. It’s supposed to ramble on. • THIS departs from its process in order to accentuate it, like the builders of Stonehenge who destroyed their pneumatic cranes after it was built. • THIS prepares you and everything else in its blast radius, to inherit a portion of its aftermath. • THIS probes the central limit of its half-sincere navel gaze. • THIS doggy bag of ideas, do not abandon it as it dies in your arms. • THIS HTML describes itself perfectly, just not to you. • THIS fails to display attributes because the line separating you from it is perforated and likewise-subject to dislocation from its referent. • Like an octopus, THIS uses ink to express itself against you, its enemy. • Lost forever in the unforeseeable past. • THIS can eat whatever it wants and not get fat. • THIS is a luxury set aside for those who can afford the preemptive embalming. • THIS will structure its deal according to controllable norms and predictable results. • From the nosebleed section, you will not be harmed by THIS. • THIS is willfully under-willed so that its under-development can remain suppressed. • THIS perspires from ambivalence about its laziness. • THIS has stumbled upon a technique for harvesting energy from enthusiastic utterances, which is achieved by superimposing enthusiasm and emphasis where it is neither convincing nor JUSTIFIED! • THIS boner splitting swell of zygomorphic drivel persists for practical reasons which are themselves not obvious. • Intents + contents = incontinence. • THIS embraces what it eludes to throw off the program of affirmation by re-polarizing it. • THIS cross-contaminates ideas like the equally skilled swords of sworn enemies—betrayed by predictions of unpredictability found squatting within the scope of their sparring match. • Like a pious Christian, THIS makes delaying its reward a vital aspect of its functional consciousness. • THIS triggers your need for real-time sensory feedback by inducing a feeling of not being your self. • With laser sharp amnesia THIS desensitizes your will against the disagreements it has with your instinctual need for pre-established boundaries, ultimately meant to increase your rate of absorption (not to be confused with comprehension). • At THIS crossroads, a dull tension permeates paralysis to remind you that decisions cannot be avoided, only delayed. • THIS is just one of many attempts to mask its unitary concept with so many temporary functions—hoping to expand the surface area of its limited range control voltage gate. • Regarding its apolitical tone, THIS is incapable of maintaining a stance without the structural support of its permanent scapegoats. • THIS is a protest anthem made to encourage political indifference—emanating from its innermost middle, the far center of undecided. • THIS fights the good fight against the foregone conclusion of its pride war against problems that don’t actually exist. • Sadly, because THIS is no match for its own quicksand, all we can do is watch with lumps in our throats as it dies a martyr’s death for the false premises it refuses to renounce. • THIS monologue suffers the tabula rasa of its envelope from which nothing substantial emerges. • There is nothing to gain here, save for a situation where there is nothing to lose. • THIS is an abridged mirror made to reflect more than it depicts, or vice versa depending on which side of the mirror you stand. • THIS condensed counterfeit reflection is streamlined to appear more prototypical than its original. • THIS is not urgent. • THIS remote abstraction is motivated by a series of concrete realities that manipulate the body’s brain into forgetting that it is part of a body. • THIS is a nagging feeling that your plans will fail, set against the backdrop of an inefficiently metaphorical environment. • THIS uses understatement as a means for mental relaxation. • THIS is a gentle current whose obstinacy is revealed by rowing against it. • THIS is unnatural, and likewise impervious to death by natural causes. • THIS is prosthetic for a self that isn’t there. • Like breathing in and out at the same time, what makes THIS so strenuous is the fact that nothing ever happens. • THIS bolsters the metabolism of your self-awareness by force feeding you the fiber of an unpleasant form of novelty, akin to suffering tennis elbow when you don’t even play tennis. • THIS is what it feels like to earn an experience that no one deserves. • THIS exercise is designed to strengthen your ability to perform atrophy. • Like a camera THIS is only meaningful in bursts, though not from its shutter function, but from its stutter function. • THIS delivers sense to your mind like a hiccup delivers oxygen to your lungs; as an interruption. • Without specifics, THIS is un-repealable, not because its terms are fixed, but because there is no cure for their lack of fixity. • Like a pepper grinder, THIS performs a kaleidoscope’s function but leaves none of its reference material intact. • THIS is the epileptic sneak preview of a memory that you haven’t had yet. • THIS prevents you from reconstituting its object so you can more fully enjoy its pre-residual effects sans spoiler. • THIS meaningfully flees from meaning by imitating it. • THIS is a list of subliminal instructions masquerading as toilet reading. • THIS is free to be whatever it wants to be, which includes the freedom to be whatever it doesn’t want to be. • Expecting hot chocolate with the continental breakfast it thinks it deserves for making an honest effort, THIS optimizes the incentive that it needs to check out early. • Like a satyr’s hoof tangled in the ropes of his braided hammock, THIS feels awkward and overworked when compared to the leisure it’s supposed to provide. • THIS mask is falsely advertised as an exfoliating scrub capable of concealing its blemishes by revealing them. • Like the clouds of Olympus, revealing by implication what they conceal by observation. • THIS consoles you with its closed source vector, and is consoled by your vector control while plotting in the background to conscript you as code enforcement personnel. • Like a prospector, THIS sifts through buttloads of dirt for a few shiny flakes to eventually lose track of. • THIS holds its slapstick together by falsely defying representational modes. • THIS carrot-on-stick will trick you into building a shoddy bridge between you and the taunting cliffs of your short-term plans (like lunch). • THIS is a party trick made for crashing parties, and is also the reason why squirrels hide their acorns. • THIS participates in a circular economy that pays offense to your better-judgement in exchange for your forgiveness and tolerance. • THIS identifies with nouns like human and race. • Teeth are for chewing. • THIS aestheticizes the low priority; validating it by trivializing it and then calling it art. • THIS is a product of love. • Of the status quo warped to zero of love. • Of the prodigal son of love. • Of the internal mushroom bomb of love. • Of the almost muscular awareness of love. • Of the typically unpleasant figure/ground relationship of love. • Of the anger spell-trapped in a confused time vortex of love. • Of the previously maintained but now subsided situation of love. • Of the crowd who disappeared of love. • Of the circular awareness of love. • Of the inevitably justified retroflection of love. • Of the premature train of thought of love. • Of the hollow experiments with various resolutions of love. • Of the almost mounted feeling of love. • Of the cruel motor suffocation percolating within the ballast of love. • Of the double-checked facts relative to crucial differences in acquisition habits for the practitioners of love. • Of the physical food-based contact function of love. • Of the nose on the wall of love. • Of of the banal standing up normally of love. • THIS reinforces its terrain by washing it of its entire proportion. • THIS aims for the bleachers of inefficient constraint-craft. • THIS bothersome knot, beset by beliefs about what makes something worth doing. • THIS suppresses new forms for the sake of acquired ones, such as words, sentences, and missionary position. • THIS is the easy-come easy-go attitude of the bouncer at the limit of your ego, guarding you against what he won’t allow you to be, lest you enter unarmed. • Soon, distant events will foreshadow your dismal passage into the hollow viscera. • THIS lends you its lifetime membership into the background, while its unfinished business lays awake pretending to be asleep in the other room. • THIS tug-of-war just started taking you into consideration by giving you an inch; a tactic THIS refers to as working in reverse. • Without awareness, THIS is also without deception, maintaining its present tense by existing in vivo outside of itself in zero person perspective. • Funny how THIS can creep up on you. • THIS is the same thing, connects to itself in exactly same way. • Like a music note THIS remains flat when folded. • Like a music note THIS oscillates its density while testing the limits of its edges. • Like a music note THIS oscillates its density to prove that it reciprocally verges. • Like a music note THIS oscillates its density to prove itself a fluent vibrato. • Like a music note THIS oscillates its density to express amphibious qualities emerging in two directions, toward and away from what it isn’t. • Like a music note THIS oscillates its density to prove that its density is suffused with hollowness while its ghost-body contains stuff particles. • Oscillating, THIS internal combat cancels itself out. • After having exhausted all its energy, there is none left for it to figure out why. • In a world where there’s nothing so cold as accuracy, THIS seeks to warm you. • THIS is accomplished by alternating fixed and variable amplitudes to filter out medium band background interference as it leaks into its closed system from another nearby closed system. • THIS relies on the recoil acuity of your osmosis reflex and its ability to expel what it has absorbed. • Like a sloppy tightrope walker, THIS will perish before conquering its more subtle frontiers. • THIS prefers simplifying problems to solving them. • THIS was imprinted with an energetic stamp that mimics the feeling of being almost out of ammo. v THIS avoids closure for the pleasureful frustration it gets from its blue balls. • THIS is indicative. • THIS was made to be overlooked to spare it the effort of having to downsize. • Compelled by courage THIS ignores its better judgement. • THIS remakes the mistakes you’ve forgotten how to make; not to redeem them but to make itself feel more rustic, like a cowboy who shaves his beard with the blade of his rusty machete. • THIS stubs its toe on the x whereupon its function rests. • THIS is a global statement about intentions which are in flux. • THIS rises above its terminal diagnosis by not participating in your experience of it. • THIS expresses a tentative form of immortality by living forever in the moment of not mattering to you. • THIS was expressed from the brain it came from because the body has natural recourse against foreign invaders. • THIS treasures the life that you’ve made together—enough to look past its fatal flaws sans biological imperatives. • THIS will hijack its two-cents until ambivalence returns to the mean. • THIS was never meant to be more than a suggestion • THIS is the shovel that will bury you. • THIS denies images their visas into actualness. • THIS prefers that it be read silently to avoid passing through the medium of your saliva. • Like the crotch-height pointed pickets of your suburban fence, THIS makes itself more hospitable by being less accessible. • Without physicality, THIS ramps up its means of manipulating you without beefing them up. • THIS is a gallows edge seat at the execution of its form granting you unprecedented access to its eventide by complaining about it. • The temporariness of THIS moment implies an unsustainable future of different moments. • THIS expression of involuntarily free will—assuming it has no choice in the matter. • THIS symptom of numbness cannot feel said symptom. • THIS is a sand-castle pop geology of compressed sediment made to look like a thing by forging a flimsy agreement between depth and its surface, when both cannot be right. • THIS designates a single unit of concentration. • THIS is a thickening agent for your self-evidence. • THIS makes use of its raw potential by broadcasting unverifiable misconceptions over the hands-free device of its belief systems whilst pointed in the direction of OZ. • THIS shares a common goal with breath and suffocation, but we’re not supposed to talk about what that is. • This preempts spillage from its half empty glass upon whose exterior is condensed the contents of its interior. • THIS has been a strange forty-five minutes. It started somewhere else and ended up here, which is also somewhere else. • THIS is what slowing down looks like when over-described. • THIS is a coping mechanism for living in a world full of souvenirs from the places that you will never go, and populated by the people you will never meet. • THIS will paraphrase itself until its inconspicuousness is contaminated by the reductions we like to think of as real. • THIS recognizes that most things happen outside of our awareness, and that everything else is eventually forgotten. • THIS is why I never. • THIS rejects all social variants of its auspices in vain—hoping to guide the hand that peels its proverbial orange. • THIS aspires to the new car smell of signification via aspiration. • With the exception of your precious time, nothing is at stake here save for the wind that chaps your cheeks. • THIS flash flood is amniotic. • Fat but not full, full but not satisfied, THIS is what happens when parody replaces substance. • The dentist advises that you to chew only with the teeth she’s replaced in order to justify their needless repair. • THIS acknowledges the advantage of plastic flowers over real ones without vouching for it. • Bonsai-like, THIS prefers its cramped-pot and shallow-root situation over yours because yours is unintentionally ironic. • Duty bound to its fulcrum, THIS swings wide in every direction while firmly rooted to its predictability. • Like a theater whose curtain won’t raise or fall, THIS show must go on forever because its end is never over. • THIS is a baseless space between second and third that makes short stop such an exciting position. • THIS somatic flourish minus the weight of its ink from the page, is measured to comfort those who have forsaken the obvious. • Do not mistake its amnesia for forgetfulness. Like a psychic solar eclipse, its lacuna is a poorly wrapped gift that betrays what’s inside to save you the trouble of having to open it. • In other words, THIS is made up of other words. • THIS genital sensibility duplicates itself on accident while motivated by a miscarriage of reason. • THIS gratifies its thirst for awareness by simplifying its definition of awareness. • THIS plays your nickels against its dimes to prove that size is less important than shininess. • Like the reluctant godparent who constantly re-examines their implied responsibility toward you by taking constant mental inventory of everything that might go wrong behind their false smile mask, THIS passive aggressive form of withholding wants you to think that it loves you. • Just because THIS happened on accident doesn’t mean it was a mistake. • Following the Moon’s example, THIS only lets you look on its bright side, which is cold and lifeless. • THIS will make me more money than I know what to do with, i.e. zero bucks. • THIS cost-effective metronome is less predictable than its Amazon reviews suggest, but imperceptibly so—making THIS evaluation less useful than its less accurate Amazon reviews, but more informative than the grain of salt they are seasoned with. • THIS is the summit of a bell curve whose significance is measured by the standard deviation of its gaping margins of error. • THIS is overblown, but it will soon blow over. • THIS farts in proximity to votive candles for the moths it will attract and burn for being heathens. • THIS is the contaminated petri dish of an experiment whose results are disqualified for being unrepeatable. • THIS is exactly what you want it to be, in spite of the fact that it will never be anything you would have chosen, because its dysfunction as a leaky vessel is overshadowed by the efficiency of its cracks. • THIS is an orbital trajectory quantized with other minor bodies around the popularity of a bully who sheds light upon the craters of everyone’s acne scars, and whose proximity determines how long the day feels. • THIS lectern was not designed to field rejoinders, just to deserve them. • THIS illustrates how solving false problems can actually feel the same as solving real ones. • THIS will make you think you feel better when in fact you still feel the same. • Like Humpty Dumpty, THIS legitimizes its pedestal by falling off of it, hoping to win the attention of powerful people and also of their horses. • THIS saves labor in the long run by requiring it in the present, giving you less time to invest—since the time that you soon cannot afford is time that will remain unspent. However, what remains unspent is also the time that you will never get back, which is the upshot of its weird embezzlement scheme. • Don’t worry. Just because THIS is yours doesn’t mean that it is also your responsibility. • Nor are the secret contingencies hidden within its repertoire yours. • Like a fish you can’t tell its head from its body. • With laser-sharp inattentiveness. • THIS overwhelming impulse to exercise restraint. • THIS is a comma that separates in order to connect. • THIS is a paradox paradoxically not contradictory, but designed to prime the [breast] pump of history [channel content]. • THIS is an exteriorized after-image of something forgotten. • THIS is the shovel that will bury you. • THIS belongs to an imaginary class of objects designed to fill in gaps left by intuition. • THIS will trick your attention into believing that it is thinking about it. • Don’t let your judgement cloud your judgement. • While pelicans, storks, flamingoes, vultures, cranes, and egrets are busy sticking out their necks. • Nor egrets. • Like piglet, THIS sweeps the dirt from its dirt floor. • Everyone is desperate for something. If unable to reverse this desperation, it will unleash its arsenal of counter-desperation upon every bulimic’s trip to the loo, until all are forced en masse to feel both skinny and full, while like the insects who finished Adam’s apple and their subsequent falls from grace, THIS crappy souvenir will remind humanity for eternity that that we’ve been somewhere else, somewhere better. • Like the last drag of an e-cigarette shared with your partner after sex, THIS is fine, but it is not the same. • THIS sultan lives in fear of sniper-blown darts. • THIS is the precise moment when another moment becomes soluble. • THIS attaches itself to indecisiveness as it overtakes concentration by mimicking it. • In observance of false astonishment, THIS pretends to consume each moment as if it were a verdict. • Like an old armchair, THIS is most effective when its inertness becomes contagious. • THIS is the stubborn consequence of submission to motionlessness, one that your body enjoys. • THIS is why when you die your eyes open and you get an erection. Cessation is the ultimate climax. • THIS will offend its vestigial vulnerability. • THIS turns choices into moving targets of variant manifestation as contextually indicated by THIS grey area. • THIS reminds me of that Star Trek episode where Spock gets horny Amok Time. • THIS reminds me of how hot air shares properties with wind. • THIS reminds me of a note that sustains. • THIS reminds me of an image obsessed with its own reflection. • THIS reminds me of a congestion of internal forces preventing one breath from commingling with the next. • THIS reminds me of a silent stubbornness that aims its comfort at you against which you will eventually succumb. • THIS reminds me of a spider bite that somehow feels essential. • THIS reminds me of all the things that will eventually end up in a ravine. • THIS reminds me of the trust of a blind man. • THIS reminds me of a defenseless jaguar that escaped from the zoo, of a yawn that mocks the lungs, of expectations born from the idea that there’s always a menu, of a rodent in transit who taunts your peripheral vision, of the remnants of tree bark found under your fingernails as evidence of some forgotten ambition. • THIS x combines with another x to make its quantity twice as forcefully unknown. • THIS reveals truths by distorting other truths. • With bovine sophistication, THIS incorporates you by masking the questions it avoids asking via its weird burlesque of therapy. • THIS keeps slicing at the pie whose circumference expands when there are only so many pecans. • THIS conspires to ensnare you via the funny business of its scheme, evidenced by the stash of rubbers hidden in the glovebox of its Ferrari. • THIS is all that you have to go on. • THIS is all that you have to go off of. • THIS is all you have to go by. • THIS is a shovel. You won’t accomplish anything by evaluating it. • THIS is the sneak preview a dream that you can’t quite remember through the congestion of pre-sleep, but that leaves shadows of residual selves in front row of its circadian wake. • THIS is fictional, not because it is untruthful but because its truths are invalid. • THIS is unaware of the background noise occurring in its bandwidth, while impressed by its ability to know that it is unaware of it. • THIS pretends to have attributes for the self-fragmentation that results. • Adjusted to its opposite, THIS was relieved to learn that it is not off to a good start. • THIS employs the tricks of withholding sorcerers in proximity to, but not in actual possession of the magic they wield (like the pope for instance, or a webcam sex worker). • THIS makes every second count by counting every second. • Like the rent, THIS is both threatening and voluntary. • Like a sidewinder snake, THIS embellishes its diffusion by moving contrary to the direction it points. • THIS is a sequel because it is worse than the original—making the mistake twice to remind you that you are not alone. • THIS authenticates the senses without involving them. • THIS combines words and ideas to make a weird smoothie. • THIS could have been avoided.

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joeahj · 7 years ago

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Engagement

Pity: Pity is a feeling of discomfort at the distress of one or more sentient beings, and often has paternalistic or condescending overtones. Implicit in the notion of pity is that its object does not deserve its plight, and, moreover, is unable to prevent, reverse, or overturn it. Pity is less engaged than empathy, sympathy, or compassion, amounting to little more than a conscious acknowledgement of the plight of its object. Sympathy: Sympathy (‘fellow feeling’, ‘community of feeling’) is a feeling of care and concern for someone, often someone close, accompanied by a wish to see him better off or happier. Compared to pity, sympathy implies a greater sense of shared similarities together with a more profound personal engagement. Sympathy is the act of feeling for someone (“I am so sorry you are hurting”). However, sympathy, unlike empathy, does not involve a shared perspective or shared emotions, and while the facial expressions of sympathy do convey caring and concern, they do not convey shared distress. Sympathy and empathy often lead to each other, but not always. For instance, it is possible to sympathize with such things as hedgehogs and ladybirds, but not, strictly speaking, to empathize with them. Sympathy and empathy often lead to each other, but not always. Sympathy should also be distinguished from benevolence, which is a much more detached and impartial attitude. Empathy: Empathy can be defined as a person’s ability to recognize and share the emotions of another person, fictional character, or sentient being. It involves, first, seeing someone else’s situation from his perspective, and, second, sharing his emotions, including, if any, his distress. Empathy has been defined as the state where people (i.e., perceivers) represent the same emotion they are observing or imagining in another person (i.e., social targets) with full awareness that the source of their own experience is the other's emotion. Empathy involves feeling with someone (“I feel your disappointment”). With empathy, one shares another’s emotions. Empathy involves not just feelings but thoughts, and it encompasses two people—the person we are feeling for and our own self. One cannot empathize with an abstract or detached feeling. To empathize with a particular person, one needs to have at least some knowledge of who he is and what he is doing or trying to do. As John Steinbeck wrote, ‘It means very little to know that a million Chinese are starving unless you know one Chinese who is starving.’ To put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, we must strike a balance between emotion and thought and between self and other. It demands the mental dexterity to switch attunement from other to self. Pause, put one’s interpretation on hold, and explicitly check in by observing, “Wow, that sounds really important. Tell me more of the story.” If others question why one is acting differently, talk openly about the changes. “Sometimes I get so caught up in your feelings, I forget about my own. I’m trying to get better at balancing that.” Don’t worry about hurting someone else’s feelings. If the person has empathy for one, the conversation can lead to a closer connection. What turns empathy into a true high-wire act is that its beneficiaries find the attention deeply rewarding. That puts the onus on us to know when to extract ourselves from someone else’s shoes—and how. Recognizing and sharing someone else’s emotional state is a complex inner experience. It calls on self-awareness, the ability to distinguish between your own feelings and those of others, the skill to take another’s perspective, the ability to recognize emotions in others as well as oneself, and the know-how to regulate those feelings. Reining in overempathy requires emotional intelligence; its underlying skill is self-awareness. Emotional intelligence always requires being empathic with oneself. And that paradoxically allows one to be even more present for those you love. Empathy, compassion, and loving kindness need special protections. One needs always to be prepared to explore and meet their own needs. If one is not used to thinking about them, one might not even be fully aware of what those needs are. Whenever one’s empathy is aroused, regard it as a signal to turn a spotlight on one’s own feelings. Pause (taking a deep breath helps) to check in with oneself: What am I feeling right now? What do I need now? Once one knows what one needs, one can make a conscious decision about how much to give to another and how much to request for oneself. It helps to nurture relationships with people who are mindful of the needs of others. Taking action on one’s needs calls on the skill of self-management. Once one starts noticing the ways in which one becomes absorbed by other people’s intense feelings, especially their negative ones, one can create some distance—even insulate oneself if necessary. To help manage the mixed feelings that a surge of empathy may create, one can change the way one communicates. Clearly state that one cannot meet another’s expectations at the moment if necessary: “You know, I’d really like to talk to you about this, but not tonight. I am completely wiped out myself. Can we find time tomorrow?”. This is to avoid neglecting one’s own feelings; avoid feeling as if being held hostage by the feelings of others; avoid being overly empathic which leads to the loss of ability to know what one wants or needs, diminished ability to make decisions in their own best interest, experiencing of physical and psychological exhaustion from deflecting their own feelings, lack of internal resources to give one’s best to key people in one’s life; avoid regularly prioritizing the feelings of others above their own needs often leading to generalized anxiety or low-level depression, a feeling of emptiness or alienation, or dwelling incessantly on situations from the perspective of another. It is normal and necessary to be tuned in to someone else’s feelings, especially when one is very close to that person. The empathic understanding of the experience of other human beings is as basic an endowment of man as his vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell. The desire to be heard, known, and felt deeply never disappears. It is a part of the human experience to put someone else’s feelings before your own once in a while, but not consistently. Empathy is often confused with pity, sympathy, and compassion, which are each reactions to the plight of others. Conversely, psychopaths with absolutely no sympathy for their victims can nonetheless make use of empathy to snare or torture them. Empathy works like a spotlight, highlighting certain people in the here and now, making their suffering salient to you; only lights up what you point them at as a spotlight; is vulnerable to bias and indulgence. Empathy is limited in scope. Empathy is innumerate, favouring the one over the many through the “the identifiable victim effect”. Empathy often focuses attention on short-term rather than long-term consequences. How empathy picks favourites is through corresponding to the experience of empathy brain areas’ sensitivity to whether someone is a friend or a foe, part of one’s group or part of an opposing group; is through corresponding to the experience of empathy brain areas’ sensitivity to whether the person is pleasing to look at or not and much else; through people’s tendency to feel for those who look like themselves. + Cognitive empathy can be a great source of pleasure, involved in art, fiction and sports; can be a valuable aspect of intimate relationships by making you kinder to the person you are empathising with (Giving—and getting—empathy is essential in intimate adult relationships. In successful adult relationships, the flow of empathy is reciprocal: Partners share power equally and move back and forth between giving and receiving. When one partner does more of the giving, however, resentment is likely to build.); is personal human contact. - Empathy is a poor moral guide. (To the extent that we can recognise that the numbers are significant when it comes to moral decisions, it’s because of reason, not sentiment. Empathy can be exploited for emotion.); grounds foolish judgments and often motivates indifference and cruelty; can lead to irrational and unfair political decisions; can spark violence as our feelings for the sufferer can motivate anger towards whoever caused the suffering (Rejoice to see the sufferer attack their adversary in their turn, eager and ready to assist them. People who are highly empathetic tend to be more violent and punitive when they see someone who is suffering. Although highly empathic people are good at spotting the emotions of others, they do not necessarily interpret those emotions correctly. They might spin an inaccurate narrative about why someone else is having a particular feeling, or they may get stuck in feelings arising from within. Empathy tilts the scale too much in favour of violent action.); impoverishes psychological well-being when empathy becomes the default way of relating; is imbalanced between partners who give or receive empathy in situations of unequal power (Those in the low-power position are more likely to defer to the needs of those in the high-power position, as it helps them hold on to the attachment at the cost of becoming the architects of their own disenfranchisement.); capacity can be strained in situations of concentration on someone else’s needs (important for all caregivers to find support from people who can offer the same kind of support for them).

Compassion: Compassion is a caring concern for another’s suffering from a slightly greater distance and often includes a desire to help. Compassion is the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering. Compassion is not the same as empathy or altruism, though the concepts are related. Compassion is when feelings and thoughts associated with our ability to take the perspective of and feel the emotions of another person include the desire to help. Compassion (‘suffering with’) is more engaged than simple empathy, and is associated with an active desire to alleviate the suffering of its object. With compassion, one not only shares another’s emotions but also elevate them into a universal and transcending experience. Compassion, which builds upon empathy, is one of the main motivators of altruism; “loving kindness” with distance from their pain and perspective. When one feels compassion, their heart rate slows down, one secretes the “bonding hormone” oxytocin, and regions of the brain linked to empathy, caregiving, and feelings of pleasure light up, which often results in one wanting to approach and care for other people. One way to ensure one is taking care of someone one loves while keeping track of one’s own feelings is to convert excess empathy to compassion. When a friend is distraught, instead of assuming the feeling of distress oneself, take a breath and a step back and say, “That sounds so awful. Is there something I can do for you?” Reason and self-control can go well with compassion. Compassion is not "about doing a favour for anybody but ourselves. Since self-worth comes from doing something worthy for yourself, be mindful of compassion. People’s capacity for compassion is a defining feature of what it means to be human (societal compassion?). How do people navigate the essential struggle of everyday life? The fundamental conflict of everyday social life is when to put your own needs above the interests of someone else – and when not to. People are always trying to figure out that balance. Finding the balance of managing compassion, fear of the person and fear of compassion is a shared responsibility. It is about whether individuals can do a little more on a daily basis. Compassion can be an intuitive form of high-risk altruism (impulsive) or thoughtful maintenance lasting years (considered). Compassion consists of thinking, acting, the goal on the other person’s welfare, one’s actions having consequences for the other person, likely possibility one’s actions will diminish own welfare (putting self at risk), no reward or recognition anticipation. Compassion is the strongest instinct in humans, surpassing self-interest. Compassion isn’t something you’re born with or not. Compassion can be strengthened through targeted exercises and practice: look for commonalities; cultivate mindfulness; encourage cooperation not competition; see people as individuals (not abstractions); remove blame; think one is capable of making a difference; curb inequality; be receptive to other people’s feelings without adopting those feelings as one’s own. Compassion is contagious. + Compassion can improve health. Compassion makes us feel good. Compassionate action activates pleasure circuits in the brain, and compassion training programs, even very brief ones, strengthen brain circuits for pleasure and reward and lead to lasting increases in self-reported happiness. Being compassionate—tuning in to other people in a kind and loving manner—can reduce risk of heart disease by boosting the positive effects of the Vagus Nerve, which helps to slow our heart rate. Compassion can improve well-being. Practicing compassion could make one more altruistic, helping one to overcome empathic distress and become more resilient in the face of others’ suffering. Not regulating compassion works for self-interest by not forcing trade-offs within the individual’s moral self-concept. Being (consistently?) compassionate increases social adeptness, decreasing vulnerability to the harmful effects of loneliness and depression. Compassion can improve relationships. When people experience compassion, their brains activate in neural systems known to support parental nurturance and other caregiving behaviors. Being (consistently?) compassionate increases optimism and supportiveness when communicating with others. Compassion increases satisfaction and growth in friendships. Feeling compassion reduces vindictiveness. Compassion can increase positivity and work commitment while a compassionate work culture increases work satisfaction and teamwork with less burnout.

#life perspectives

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yaldabaoth-rex · 7 years ago

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Outline for a cyberpunk story I jotted down this morning. Might eventually turn it into a finished story, presuming I ever manage to start writing regularly.

Unnamed cyberpunk story it am the future “Phenotype 7s” are people with a genetic marker that alters their neuroplasticity, making them much easier to cyberize and use as the basis of AI cores (remember to note how integral to life AIs can become, mention real-time video editing) At a technology conference, a marketing executive mentions how much easier it would be to do research on 7s and monetize them if they were identifiable because of some behavioral trait. This idea rapidly spreads through the conference, some people genuinely misremembering it as "A scientist said 7s are more prone to criminality and insanity." From there it spreads to the media companies the conference attendees own and in less than a generation is part of the general public understanding, 7s are heavily disenfranchised, and frequently have to sell the use of their brains to corporations in order to survive (Almost overnight a new racial minority forms, showing how bigotry is not caused by individual sentiment or conspiracy but by society and market forces). At some point a megacorp buys an infant orphan 7 on the black market, extracts their brain, and uses them in a project to rear a "living mascot," A-ko. She is pushed on the public as an example of what one of "the good ones" can become, a living cartoon character who appears in advertisements and television shows (basically the same thing at this point). Her mindset and identity and image are repeatedly rewritten to be as marketable as possible (she is currently a genki teenager despite being in her 30s). Eventually a hacker, B-ko, is able to successfully steal her in an elaborate act of vandalism (under the guise of corporate espionage, she received support from another corp but didnt hand over A-ko as promised). A-ko is connected to a new robot body. A-ko and B-ko live together on the streets of Da City. At first A-ko is severely confused by her new surroundings and mad at B-ko for "kidnapping her," but eventually realizes what kind of injustice has been done to her (towards the start of the story, a scene of her acting out receiving human compassion in a show, at this point call back to that scene of her by having her actually receive genuine, unscripted compassion from a homeless person. She is so grateful she devotes all her energy to improving that person's life, and quickly learns how severely the system is against them.) A-ko becomes radicalized and wants to do something about the plight of 7s. At first they want to become straight up terrorists, but quickly realize how hard it is to change society that way ("Do you think there's just a room full of monitors somewhere in the city that you can just blow up and suddenly The People Will Be Free To Think For Themselves?"). Instead they decide to play to A’s strengths by hijacking marketing infrastructure - an elaborate heist/hack that lets them commandeer most of the advertising media on the planet to tell people who A-ko really is and what she has learned. They are successful, the message plays, and the story ends when the message does - implying that the story IS the message. There is a B-plot of an arms manufacturer working with a police chief to gas a protest for the rights of 7s, turning public opinion against them and allowing legislation to be passed making it legal to enslave them (as already happened to A-ko). A-kos message starts playing right before this goes into effect, turning public opinion towards 7s enough that the massacre stops being politically advisable - the heroines stop the bad guy's plot without ever actually learning about it.

#my writing #worldbuilding #cyberpunk #this is really unpolished but i like it

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ktspence1000-blog · 8 years ago

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Beginning of INSIDER (Abridged) Update sent on March 9, 2017…

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Hello Everyone!!!

After four years of dealing with three separate schools who have been defiant with following State and Federal Laws and are so far gone in their willful and knowing participation in the racketeering schemes of the Judges in my cases, I finally filled a complaint with yet another governing body of the Federal Government, the US. Department of Education.

It honestly blows my mind year in and year out that people of faith… rather individuals with no moral compass hiding behind religious brands… are able to maintain their jobs (working on behalf of children and families), “professional” licenses and even school accreditation's. It’s not only legally and morally wrong, it’s pure evil and I am BEYOND sick and tired of the individuals in positions of authority at schools as well as the schools themselves being PAID and enriched (their main reason for participating in the corruption.)… all while maintaining their statuses in communities and State / Federal LICENSES.

My prayer is that under this new administration, the laws of this land will finally be upheld and something will finally be done about the rampant corruption and lack of accountability… immediately, so that Spencer (and millions of children and families just like Spencer, William Windsor and I that have been forced to continue languishing and suffering under systemic oppression) can finally return home and / or to a place of safety, peace and love.

In as much, I reached out to President Trump and Education Secretary Betsy Devos (via White House Sr. Advisors) in a separate message to remind them that the ball is in their Federal Court, once again.

Here are the References / Reminders (other State and Federal Agencies have had this same information for years) as provided to them…

Here is only one of the many U.S. Department of Justice Responses

http://nebula.wsimg.com/5df9f446275177ac387567b1ffd7e4e9?AccessKeyId=7289AA1E7DB2AF71611B&disposition=0&alloworigin=1

Timeline of Corruption and Photographs of willing participants

http://nebula.wsimg.com/2e5c43b29bb7734b5c16ee54a2e875c3?AccessKeyId=7289AA1E7DB2AF71611B&disposition=0&alloworigin=1

Before I wrap up this update, I’d like to take a moment to remind everyone that this sick and evil pattern of corruption that you all have come to know as my story or What’s Best Spencer… is not a singular example of what’s wrong with our :systems” of government, it is only one example of the crisis that is plaguing the lives and families of millions of voiceless American’s across this great nation.

Here are five thought provoking reads, which substantiate this point....

Jeff Guo (The Washington Post - Thank You, Thank You Sincerely!!!) prepared a brief Analysis on the State of Disenfranchised America entitled "If White America is in "crisis," what have black American's been living through?"

https://www.google.com/…/if-white-america-is-in-crisis-wha…/

Secondly, Alana Semuels (The Atlantic - Thank You, Thank You Sincerely!!!) examines opportunities in the city of Charlotte, NC using typical measurements (statistics and real life experiences… rather than relying on formally educated scholars to pontificate theories based on limited or no comprehension of real life / real world application of policies and theoretic scenarios impacting the lives of African American Descendant of Slaves and Disenfranchised communities.) in her article entitled "Why it's so hard to get ahead in the South."

https://www.google.com/…/www.theatlanti…/amp/article/521763/

Adam Murphy (Thank You, Thank You Sincerely for your bravery!!!)… get to know his name, but minimally WACTH his powerful video testimony to “leaders” regarding his real life personal experiences dealing with the aftermath of the water crisis in Flint, MI.

http://www.knowyourleak.com/Flint-Fathers-Emotional-Plea...

Mom sentenced to five years in prison for STEALING FREE Public EDUCATION. Remember that news headline? Remember Tanya McDowell (The Hour - Thank You, Thank You Sincerely for your bravery!!!)… her story? Read on for an update.

http://www.thehour.com/news/article/Tanya-McDowell-is-out-of-the-shadows-and-living-11027917.php

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2108733/Homeless-mother-Tanya-McDowell-sent-son-6-better-school-wrong-town-jailed-years.html

All of the articles highlight general economic forces at play and the impact that these "general" forces have on children, women and families... citizens. However the articles fail to link the Crisis and / or the economic forces in correlation with this Nations longstanding history of extracting free labor via highly profitable... corporate, political and judicially backed "systems" (currently America's free Slave trade industry called Mass Incarceration), as THE CRISIS and/ or the primary means, cause or economic force impacting the lives of millions of Disenfranchised communities, particularly African American Descendants of Slaves across this great nation.

There IS a historically rooted problem… a crisis in this nation that must be resolved for the betterment of this nation and the work starts with YOU… each of YOU. Stand UNITED… for UNITED We STAND!!!

All TEAMS, INSIDERS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS, please continue to use their gifts, time, talents, resources and finances to HELP form the more perfect UNION that we (as in We the People) ALL WANT RIGHT NOW… for our children and for our children’s children. There is STILL yet work to be done.

"Lead by example with good character, un-wavering values and high integrity. You can not LEAD and follow Crooks at the same time. You CAN NOT follow Crooks and LEAD at the same time AND the transformative future of this nation is at stake. All citizens deserve access to their inalienable Constitutional Rights."

Thank you and MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA and the progressive future of this nation!!!

Kimberly

Title: Spencer’s Mom

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END OF MESSAGE March 9, 2017 Update.

Beginning of INSIDER (Abridged) Update sent on April 14, 2017…

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Hello Everyone!!!

Happy Good Friday and Upcoming Easter Sunday!!!

According to the Fulton County, GA "Order on June 7, 2013 Hearing", filed and date stamped on June 12, 2013, my family and I are entitled to spend Easter weekend (beginning today) and Sunday with Spencer.

http://nebula.wsimg.com/2380e428dec61d39e11bd8df765bd474?AccessKeyId=7289AA1E7DB2AF71611B&disposition=0&alloworigin=1

Of course I could take this time to explain once again... WHY my family and I don't have access to the parental and family rights that should NEVER have been taken away (I legally still have Joint Custody of Spencer.), but minimally should have been provided to us as written in the fraudulent Orders... but by now you already know and understand the full breath and scope of corruption and pure evil of those who are being PAID to run our most vital systems of government. Therefore there is no need to recap what has been proven time and again over the last 4-8 years.

The point of today's message is to remind everyone that Spencer is not a brand; he is actually a living human being who should no longer be used as a political pawn and / or bait to get to me. Spencer didn't deserve to be subjected to missing out on 4 years’ worth of Easter's, Christmas Celebrations, Birthday's, Graduations (his and his close 1st cousins Kindergarten Graduation as well as a second 1st cousins college and graduate school graduations and family celebrations)... ALL Holiday's… Special Occasions… Milestones… School and Activity functions, etc..... with his family, especially his Mother. The Order also says that he should minimally be allowed to speak with me, his Mother, but Spencer hasn't been allowed to speak with me or anyone else in my family in nearly two years. Spencer age 9 now) tried to Face-time me on Christmas Day (2016) from his paternal grandparents phone, but I was at my 91 year old grandmother house at the time and the call would not go through because she does not have WI-Fi. I called back immediately using the regular phone and later on that day when I had access to WI-Fi, but he could no longer be reached via phone, text or email. There is NO Excuse for this ignorance and pure evil. Period. None. Not on the part of the corrupt judges or the three participating Willis family members (Attorney Willis and his parents, only or the religions brands that are operating for profit private schools that have willingly participated in the corruption for financial gain or the corrupt politicians who simply desire the continuation of corruption and / or having the ability to continue operating above the laws of this land, etc.).

However, as usual... I will be calling twice per day (as I do every day) to speak with Spencer and yes, I will be asking Attorney Carl Willis and his parents Carl and Janice Willis... yet again for access to my and my families right to see Spencer on this weekends designated Easter holiday weekend. There is of course yet another 60 Day Calendar hearing coming up this month and yet another chance for the corrupt judges in Fulton county to come up with yet another scheme to deny my basic human rights, specifically the right to parent and see my own child. Stay tuned...

* Update: Neither my family or I were able to see Spencer this past Easter Weekend.

Final mention on war and the decision of peace...

We've been here before. We've been here before... in this exact same point in history. The same point in history, like that of my own personal case, where evil decisions repeat itself... several times over because there is a lack of authentic leadership (no matter the party affiliation, race, gender or class, etc.) accountability in every facet of our government.

For example...

(as it pertains to the leadership decisions of those who are in this moment.... AGAIN, choosing between war and peace.)

...WE THE PEOPLE were and still are at a point in history where NONE of the past three presidents that have chosen to risk American lives to participate in war games have been willing to risk their lives or that of their children's or immediate family member's lives to non-verbally "fight for freedom and American Safety".

Second to the Presidents (past and current) and their family members, who have (again) been un-willing to serve in battle, only one (past and current) member of the White House Administration (Joe Biden, if I can recall) and two members of Congress (last I checked) were willing to sacrifice their lives or members of their families members lives in service and/ or battle.

My point in mentioning this then and now is that it really and truly must not be a serious, PATRIOTIC, national security issue if our leaders (the decision makers who have access to the intelligence information that we don't have access to) are unwilling to lay down their own lives and/ or risk death and disfigurement for members of their family members in service of this nation.... nonverbal Service which "requires" sacrifices from our fellow citizenry in order to preserve the "freedom, safety and liberty" that select citizens (certainly NOT African American Descendants of Slaves or disenfranchised communities) enjoy.

Further (yes, further and not furthermore...) these decisions are being made to the financial benefit of controlling forces that have absolutely nothing to do with preserving American safety and security. Presumably, this is why our "leaders" are unwilling to sacrifice themselves or members of their own families in battle. Of course if you are not buying this point of view or notion, then the flip side to the argument is that none of our "leaders" are patriot Americans. They are simply cowards willing to have their citizens killed and disfigured for sport. If the latter is the case, then who exactly is the aggressor or bully or sick "access of evil" or party or actual threat on the world stage... those whom we have chosen to invade and attack for sport and/ or causes that have absolutely nothing to do with securing freedom, liberty, justice and safety for select citizens who are of course unwilling (as proven in my cases and as you have witnessed over the last eight - long oppressive years.) to provide access to those same rights to our OWN American citizens... or our "leaders".

Final thought of the day...

In looking at our greatest western Allie, the United Kingdom... they require military service from the Royal Family and/ or their national leadership. I personally believe that all who serve in positions of authority or leadership in THIS nation should be required to volunteer themselves or their family members in service as well. Second to that, a draft should be enacted and implemented as a constitutional requirement during war time engagement. The thought is that if our leaders were required to lead by example, they would begin to make sound decisions on behalf of the people that they are being paid to serve. The same "lead by example" notion applies with enacting a draft. Americans will begin to speak out when the choices that are being made by our "leaders" actually impact their lives personally.

Again, there IS a historically rooted problem… a crisis in this nation that must be resolved for the betterment of this nation and the work starts with YOU… each of YOU. Stand UNITED… for UNITED We STAND!!!

Special- Special thanks to Jalen Rose for leading by example in his decision to develop and fund the Jalen Rose Leadership Academy. Way to go!!! Thank you SINCERELY for making a difference in the lives of children and families!!!

http://www.jrladetroit.com/

Special- Special thanks to Clark Atlanta University Alum (HBCU / AUC /CAU Love) Kenya Barris (Tanasia Kenney - Atlanta Black Star) for leading by example in his decision to be counted amongst the new generation of trailblazers who are intentional about giving voice to the voiceless. I also really love his light hearted way of addressing national issues with historic facts. I personally believe that he is bridging the gap between generations, cultures and races... all while welcoming broader conversations amongst families who aren't exposed to perspectives that are not their own.

http://atlantablackstar.com/2017/03/20/kenya-barris-on-charge-black-ish-now-focused-race-im-okay/?utm_content=buffer86304&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Special- Special thanks to LeBron James for leading by example in his decision to develop and fund the I Promise School for Underprivileged Children in Akron, Oh. You are an AMAZING Philanthropist. Thank you SINCERELY for making a difference in the lives of children and families!!!

http://cavaliersnation.com/2017/04/12/lebron-james-to-open-akron-i-promise-school-for-underprivileged-children/

Special- Special thanks to the authors, artists, creators, writers and producers associated with bringing the personal stories of the women featured in the movie “Hidden Figures” to life. During this season in history, wherein it’s actually cool to be women trailblazers, I am so very thankful for the release of the movie “Hidden Figures”. I love – love – love this inspirational, untold story on the lives of Dr. Katherine G. Johnson (HBCU Love – West Virginia State College, now HBCU West Virginia State University), Dorothy Johnson Vaughan (HBCU Love - Wilberforce University) and Mary Jackson (HBCU Love - Hampton Institute, now HBCU Hampton University).

Surprise – surprise… LOL, I’ve been soaking up bits of information on the backgrounds of these extraordinary women. Below are a few references, articles and videos. Enjoy and again Special- Special thanks to the authors, artists, creators, writers and producers associated with showcasing everyday women whose lives will forever be noted as extraordinary… because they chose to lead by example and in their own way to help create a better America!!!

Watch the Yard http://watchtheyard.com/a…/hidden-figures-alpha-kappa-alpha/

NASA Bio’s Dr. Katherine G. Johnson (born August 26, 1918) https://www.nasa.gov/content/katherine-johnson-biography

Dorothy Johnson Vaughan (September 20, 1910 – November 10, 2008) https://www.nasa.gov/content/dorothy-vaughan-biography

Mary Jackson (April 9, 1921 – February 11, 2005) https://www.nasa.gov/content/mary-jackson-biography

Additional References, Articles and Videos http://www.businessinsider.com/katherine-johnson-hidden-f…/…

http://people.com/…/nasa-katherine-johnson-mathematician-a…/

http://www.npr.org/…/hidden-figures-no-more-meet-the-black-…

http://www.latimes.com/…/la-sci-sn-hidden-figures-katherine…

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/…/forgotten-black-women-math…/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PPfz9G_Bh8

https://hbcubuzz.com/…/hidden-figures-movie-tell-story-thr…/

https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062363596/hidden-figures

http://www.foxmovies.com/movies/hidden-figures

https://www.nytimes.com/…/movies/hidden-figures-review.html…

AGAIN... in this moment in history, chose to "Lead by example with good character, un-wavering values and high integrity. You cannot LEAD and follow Crooks at the same time. You CAN NOT follow Crooks and LEAD at the same time AND the transformative future of this nation is at stake. All citizens deserve access to their inalienable Constitutional Rights."

Thank you and MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA and the progressive future of this nation!!!

Kimberly

Title: Spencer’s Mom

http://www.whatsbest4spencer.com (newly rebranded) the approachable- 350+ Million Views- Public Persona that WORKS! Summary… U.S. Supreme Court Windsor-Spence Case Nos 15-6566 (NC) and 15-6567 (GA) involve Enumerations of Error and / or Questions pertaining to 16 NEW intervening questions involving Mass Incarceration, Public Servant Accountability, Judicial Reform, the Best Interest of a child and ensuring access to inalienable Constitutional Rights, life, liberty, freedom, justice and equality for all citizens of the United States of America. You may find quick updates about the cases here… https://www.facebook.com/kimberly.spence.33 Please sign our petition here… http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/president-barack-obama-9 or please sign our Brand New Petition here… http://www.standunited.org/petition/scotus-grant-16-questions-about-accessing-constitutional-rights or here... https://campaigns.organizefor.org/petitions/scotus-grant-cases-on-mass-incarceration-public-servant-accountability-and-best-interest-of-a-child Also, please remember to help fund the mounted cost of the U.S. Supreme Court Cases and What's Best 4 Spencer cause expenses by clicking here… https://www.gofundme.com/vzen8e8s

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END OF MESSAGE

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