#does this seem rushed

[egophiliac]

the lovers, reversed

(aka I'm still freaking out about Jou)

[biillys]

hi okay au where neil and susan have a whoopsie baby together and somehow that becomes billy's problem.

(oops this got long. sorry. anyway)

billy and max being like. what the actual fuck is wrong with you? you don't even care about the kids you've got?

susan bluffing her way through some excuses, telling them it'll be a good thing. saying it'll bring them closer together, that they can be a family. a real family.

"well, what the hell are we now then?" max throws back, all attitude.

susan grimacing but continuing on, saying how her and neil are excited to have a baby, that it's something for them all to look forward to.

billy looking warily between her and neil, taking in susan's shaky hands and his dad's complete dismissal to anything being wrong, and forcing himself to take a deep breath. telling himself to tread carefully, that pissing off his dad right now won't do anything.

"you're having a baby," he starts with, his voice even. it comes out as more of a statement than a question.

shit escalating, as it always does.

the conversation ending with him on his feet, an arm thrown wide, neil looking at him like he's ready to throw him into the wall, susan with tears in her eyes, and max shoving his dad's grip off her arm.

thinks, neil can't be responsible for a fucking baby.

susan can barely keep track of the kid she's got.

"i'm not looking after your fucking kid when everything falls to shit."

things moving on, them finding their new normal. everyone ignoring the elephant in the room and pretending nothing's changed.

neil acting like king shit. like he's got it fucking made.

knows, he won't be the one changing diapers or doing late night feeds or rocking the baby to sleep.

he won't be the one actually dealing with the thing.

instead, he'll just get to be proud.

him and susan will be a real married couple with a child that's actually theirs, and he'll have a wife that can do all the work and won't fight him at every turn.

he'll get the perfect kid.

the kid of dreams.

a child that looks up to him and respects him.

he'll raise them right.

the second trimester starting. reality starting to hit.

changing tables, cribs, strollers, diapers, and clothing costs being so much more than when billy and max were born, and it taking no time for neil to start pulling his hair out over the price of things.

one trip to the local baby shop has him kicked out after yelling at a staff member and demanding to see their manager while susan stands beside him, red faced and barely holding herself together, clutching her handbag close and doing her best to calm him down as they get escorted out.

billy and max watching the trainwreck slowly unfold, listening on as neil rants and raves about how how hard he has it, being the sole provider for an ungrateful family.

them trying to figure out how all of this is going to settle when everything inevitably falls into chaos.

billy hinting at moving out.

max punching him in the arm, glaring at him when he tries to reason that he's eighteen now–he can leave.

"we're meant to be a team now, asshole," she bitches back, thinking up three different ways to murder him if he abandons her in this shithole alone.

billy rolling his eyes.

susan getting classed as high risk due to her age and a few complications. running a few extra tests and taking a few extra precautions, then finally hitting the 20 week mark. getting a rough idea of the sex.

the nurse stressing that she can't get a clear look, the baby being as active as ever, and therefore can't make any official announcements, but neil disregarding her and turning to susan, proud as hell.

they're going to have a daughter.

"at least it's not a boy–" neil says, voice relaxed, digging into his dinner that night. "–after my last screw up of a son."

billy grinding his jaw.

neil looking over at susan, completely oblivious, an easy smile on his face. "we're going to have a real daughter."

both billy and max sitting there and looking at each other like you hearin' this shit?

susan staring a hole into her dinner.

neil going on, saying how he might finally get a child he can talk about, a child that he can mention to his co-workers and not have them look at him with judgment in their eyes, everyone in town knowing the name billy hargrove, and max starting to make a name for herself the older and more rebellious she gets.

the third trimester coming in swinging and neil enlisting billy's help to go pick up some secondhand furniture.

turning to him during the car ride and clasping a hand on his shoulder, telling him he's old enough now to go out on his own. that it's time for him to move out. that he can't rely on him and susan forever.

billy being pissed.

"are you kicking me out right now?"

neil saying some bullshit about how it's time for him to grow up. to learn self-reliance.

billy laughing, but it's harsh. "you need room for the fucking baby, don't bullshit yourself."

billy moving out, him and heather renting a place together a few blocks over. max being pissed as fuck.

billy letting her pick out the secondhand couch, telling her to make sure it's comfortable 'cause that's where she'll be sleeping when she crashes there.

the baby coming, and it being a boy.

a son.

neil walking out into the waiting room, face blank, looking at his two eldest kids–pissed. billy and max turning to each other like oh fuck. this kid's been in the world five minutes and they're already on neil's bad side.

susan and neil having only been prepared for a girl, from the name to the clothes to the painted nursery walls.

max holding the baby awkwardly in her arms while susan cries and neil stands off to the side, arms folded and face tight.

billy trying to get the fuck out of dodge before he has to either hold the kid or deal with his dad losing it. offering to go home and re-paint the nursery. blue or some shit. try and find some pink-free onsies and singlets and socks to bring to the hospital.

max jumping in and saying she'll help, trying to pass the baby back to her mom.

susan looking at billy with tears in her eyes, lifting the baby towards him. "don't you want to meet your brother?"

billy being awkward as fuck about it, trying to make excuses. "the paint–the fumes. should get on that so that we can air the room out–"

"meet your brother, son," neil cuts in, clearing his throat and stepping forward.

billy picking up the baby in the most awkward way possible, struggling to hold him right. the baby wailing the second he touches them.

susan sniffling, saying he's probably just hungry, then moving to adjust her hospital gown and blanket. billy taking one look at her getting her chest out and basically throwing the baby at her, half out the door.

"jesus, fuck–let's go," he says, grabbing max's arm on the way out.

repainting the nursery and sorting through baby shit with heather and el's help. finding receipts to see what can be returned and exchanged, and which things they'll just have to make do with.

susan deciding to name the baby andrew, taking neil's middle name. neil softening a bit at having a namesake.

billy and max screwing their nose up at the choice and deciding the poor kid's already suffering enough, with having neil for a dad and all, and he probably doesn't need to be named after him, too.

testing out nicknames and eventually landing on AJ.

neil fucking hating it.

susan trying to be positive, saying she thinks it's nice that the kids already have a nickname for him.

susan and the baby coming home from hospital and reality hitting for real.

neil never lifting a finger, and susan doing her best to keep the household running. putting dinner on the table, keeping up with the washing, making sure the house is clean enough that neil doesn't trip over any baby toys, looking after a newborn, as well as trying to recover and look after herself.

fucking exhausting herself.

billy coming around for weekly dinner's after max twists his arm into it, claiming he owes her for leaving her in that nightmare house alone.

neil being surprisingly supportive of the idea, because for some reason, he's been suspiciously chill with him since he moved out, like a little bit of growing up and a whole lot of distance was all they needed to not be at each others throats.

billy sitting at the kitchen table and watching susan plate up neil's dinner, a crying baby craddled in her free arm, looking close to collapsing. raising an eyebrow at max.

"all week?" he mouths.

"all week," max nods, confirming.

AJ being a high maintenance baby. barely sleeping through the night, and being fussy as fuck when it comes to feeding. crying most of the time, and hating being put down. clingy as hell.

billy and max watch on one night like. damn, he's a brave little fucker, screaming his way through neil's nightly beer.

neil glaring at susan from his seat on the couch then giving her a look. susan doing her best to calm AJ down.

max crashing at billy and heather's more often than not, not wanting to deal with the chaos at home. neil making snide comments about it, saying she should be helping her mother out and looking after her brother.

max throwing back in his face that maybe he should get off his fucking ass and help his wife out and look after his kid.

billy watching the fight break out and grabbing her before it escalates, dragging her into his car, making up some excuse about her crashing at his again tonight.

the four of them sitting down for dinner when AJ's almost 12 weeks old, him napping in his bassinet for once. susan managing to get two bites in before he wakes up, crying.

max offering to go get him but neil telling her AJ's fine. that he needs to learn how to self-soothe.

susan swallowing silently before quietly explaining that he's too young to self-soothe, that he needs to be checked on. pushing her dinner away and going to get him.

billy thinking about how he hasn't seen susan eat more than four bites of dinner before having to go deal with AJ since they came home from hospital.

pushing himself up and telling her to sit, that he'll go check on AJ while she eats

neil stopping him, telling him to sit. that susan's got it.

billy ignoring him, saying some shit about having had a late lunch anyway.

susan looking at him with so much fucking relief. collapsing back into her seat and finishing a still warm meal for once.

billy going out to check on AJ, craddling him in his arms the way susan's taught him, and AJ actually calming slightly.

max living at billy's and heather's basically full time, claiming she needs the peace and quiet to focus on her school work if she wants to get into college.

she has her couch, a spot at the table, and her own key.

it's basically home now.

susan covering for her whenever neil gets shitty about it, no matter how overwhelming it feels.

knows having a baby was a mistake, no matter how many times she tries to convince herself otherwise.

she's just glad max has somewhere to go. knows for as much as her and billy don't really get along, they usually can mostly agree on max.

billy offering, one day, when susan looks like she's at her limit, to watch AJ for an hour or two. give her a break.

neil dismissing him, saying susan's got it handled.

susan looking at billy like she's begging him to ignore his dad, just this once.

billy doubling down, saying he'll grab the stroller and take AJ down to the park for a while. get him out of the house. smirks and says chicks dig a guy with a baby.

max snorting. "what, you trying to pick up hot single mom's in your area? you gonna be the step dad, or the dad that stepped up?"

billy flipping her off, telling her to go fuck herself.

it becoming a thing–billy babysitting.

it starting with just some local park trips, some walks around the block. sometimes just hanging out with AJ in the living room while susan catches a 45 minute nap. then it grows to taking him for the day, bringing AJ to his and heather's apartment. AJ staying for dinner. buying baby supplies for their apartment. a high chair. a boomerang pillow for the couch. toys. diapers. a baby towel with a hood.

heather turning to him one night, AJ crawling over her lap while she finishes her homemade margarita. "when you asked me to move out with you, this isn't what i thought it'd be like."

billy feeling guilty, like he's fucking up her life, bringing down the vibe with a baby and a moody teenager.

heather rolling her eyes. "chill. max is badass. AJ's cute when he's sleeping. i'd take this over college any day."

susan and neil having a fight one night, billy and max watching on while AJ screams in susan's arms.

max taking him while billy starts cleaning up the kitchen.

neil storming off to their room while susan stands in the kitchen, crying.

it being awkward as fuck.

max looking at billy like fix it.

billy looking at her right back like what the fuck am i gonna do?

max shrugging but sticking out AJ who's propped on her hip a bit, like i've got the crying baby, so you deal with the crying adult.

billy glaring at her before turning to susan.

"are you, like, okay and shit?"

susan trying to pull herself together. crying harder.

"yeah, neil has that effect of people," billy says plainly, turning back to the dishes.

offering to take AJ for a little bit, and susan perking up, clearing her eyes. asking timidly if billy could take him for the night.

billy trying to get out of it, making every excuse he can think of. he doesn't have the space or the bottles or formula, doesn't know his night routine. can't take him for that long without her being there to swoop in if he loses it.

susan handwaving every single one. taking AJ from max's arms and taking him over to billy.

"i really can't," he says, voice resigned. knows it's already a lost battle.

"i trust you, billy. please."

billy running a hand down his face, sighing. "if i'm taking AJ for the night, i'm dragging max into this too."

susan agreeing. packing a baby bag and walking them all out. standing on the front porch and watching on as they pull away.

AJ staying at billy's overnight becoming a regular occurence after that, susan almost a shell of herself these days, and neil too in denial to admit his family's a broken mess.

AJ turning one. being cared for by billy more often than not, max too.

billy not even knowing how this became his life. he had plans. he was gonna go places. sure, college was never in the cards for him, but he was meant to go back to california. to go home.

but, he's still here.

hating himself for it.

months passing.

billy dropping max off at school one morning then heading to his dad's and susans, ready to drop AJ off after having him for two nights. eyeing neil's car in the driveway, finding susan's little town car nowhere in sight. pushing down the sinking feeling that starts to grow and grabbing AJ from the backseat, as well as the baby bag.

walking in and seeing neil sitting in his chair.

"why aren't you at work?"

neil not answering, taking a swig of his beer.

billy checking the time. 8:47am.

putting AJ down.

AJ crawling around, looking for his mom.

"where's susan?" billy tries, eyeing the rest of the house.

neil taking another drink.

"dad, where the hell's susan?" he tries again, leaning down to pick AJ up when he crawls back and sniffles, upset.

"gone," neil finally answers, staring at the blank tv. "she left."

"what the hell do you mean 'she left'?" billy asks lowly, bouncing AJ on his hip.

susan walking out, not being able to handle it anymore.

neil, a baby, a distant daughter, a mess of a step-son.

she can't. can't deal with the weight of it all.

billy losing his shit, telling neil to get her back. doesn't care how or why, just as long as it happens.

"fucking find her then, okay? i've got a job and a life, and i'm sure as hell not raising your fucking kid," he pushes out, feeling hot. can already feel the situation spiraling out of control and he's only been stuck in it for five minutes. "get your shit together and find susan, or figure out real quick what it takes to be a dad. your choice."

taking the day off work so neil can sober up and get himself together.

trying to figure out the max of it all. judging by the lack of teenage tantrum or phonecall, she probably doesn't even know her mom's bailed yet.

going to neil's first thing the next morning and asking if there's any word.

neil saying she took all her things and cleared out half their bank account, but there's no note, and the only family member he could get a hold of told him to stay out of their lives before hanging up.

"if you don't get susan back, then it's on you to tell max, 'cause i'm sure as fuck not telling her her mom split."

max reading the room as soon as she walks in that night, asking what happened.

"where's mom?"

neil trying to keep his shit together. doing a shit job of it.

billy taking over, remembering how badly his dad handled telling him his own mom had walked out all those years ago. figures max doesn't need to hear whatever pathetic excuses neil tries to bullshit.

max going silent. mad. blaming them both. searching her room that she barely sleeps in anymore for a note or a clue. anything her mom could've left her. finding nothing. yelling about it until she exhausts herself, then stomping off to billy's car and throwing herself in the front seat.

billy following shortly after, clicking AJ into his carseat in the back before driving them all back to his and heather's.

max refusing to speak to him the entire drive.

billy giving her space. half 'cause he thinks she needs it, half 'cause he has a million other things on his mind, mainly AJ, and he doesn't have the brain capacity to deal with her newfound abandonment issues.

going to his dad's the next morning with AJ to drop him off.

neil saying he can't look after him, he has work.

billy laughing. "tough. you had 48 hours to sort out childcare. figure it out."

walking out and closing the front door behind him. having a panic attack.

there is not a single world in which his dad should be looking after a baby by himself. he'll probably kill it. and now billy's just going to leave him alone with one? to prove a point?

forcing himself to walk away and go to work.

being unable to stop thinking about what could be going wrong.

caving on his lunch break and driving to neil's.

finding them both a mess, AJ red faced and screaming, completely out of sorts, and neil looking beside himself, so far out of his depth it's almost a joke.

grabbing AJ and calming him down with some formula and his favourite toy, then turning to his dad. telling him that they're going to take it a few hours at a time until everyone adjusts, for AJ's sake, but that he's going to have to step up and learn how to be a dad soon, 'cause he's not raising his brother.

it being a slow process and neil never becoming father of the year, but he finds a daycare and works out how to use formula.

billy still looks after AJ more often than not, but neil's no longer completely incapable.

max coming around slightly, still the same as always with AJ, and at least talking to billy. her barely acknowledging neil, though.

moving into billy's unofficially.

billy giving up and switching rooms with her, giving her his room 'cause he's up most nights with AJ anyway, and the lounge room's closer to the kitchen than the bedroom.

things slowly getting tenser as weeks pass, neil's mood building.

max in her last year of school, AJ just over a year old, and billy being pulled in what feels like a million different directions. trying to figure out his future.

neil constantly complaining about how much time he wastes looking after AJ. how he can't do anything without him screaming or crying or getting sooky or whiny.

billy ignoring it, telling himself as long as AJ has a roof over his head and is getting fed and clothed and cared for, then everything's fine. it's not like his dad's going to snap at a baby.

more weeks passing, neil losing his patience with AJ more and more.

billy watching on and feeling sick, but being so fucking stubborn. AJ's not his responsibility, neil can dad the fuck up and get over it. he's not cancelling his plans or moving his work shifts or asking max to babysit just so neil can watch the game in peace. fuck that.

leaving AJ with neil despite his uneasiness, telling himself that nothing bad's going to happen.

heading over to pick up AJ one afternoon and neil being in a foul mood.

walking in and the air being tense. making his way to the kitchen to find AJ in his high chair, neil trying to feed him.

AJ not having it and pushing the spoon away, crocodile tears running down his cheeks.

neil yelling at him to eat the damn food. that if he doesn't eat it, he won't get fed.

AJ crying harder.

billy stepping in, trying to make peace.

AJ seeing him and instantly reaching out for him, borderline inconsolable.

neil snapping, losing his temper and going on about how he's the dad, he's the one putting food on the table and a roof over his head, he's the one sacrificing his time to look after him, and yet all AJ wants is billy. grabbing the high chair by the sides and slamming it repeatedly before once last final push, then shoving it over harshly.

the highchair going over sideways, AJ in it but not strapped in properly.

the kitchen falling silent, AJ finally having stopped screaming, out cold, and billy staring at his dad in shock.

neil looking at him right back, like he doesn't even know what happened.

billy unfreezing, running to AJ to check on him.

rushing AJ to hospital, getting him checked out professionally.

minor bruising but no obvious damage. a hard knock to the head. the hospital wanting to keep him over night for observation. asking billy what happened.

billy stumbling. not knowing what to say.

if he tells the truth, then what the fuck's gonna happen?

are the authorities going to take neil away? take AJ away? will it even be enough for the authorities to step in? or will it just make everything more complicated.

thinks, if he lies though, what if it happens again? what if it's worse next time? what if he's not there to step in and get AJ out?

floundering. can't think under pressure.

"i don't–i don't know," he says, staring at the nurse helplessly. feels the weight of his entire fucking childhood on his shoulders.

authorities getting called because of the suspicious injuries, chief hopper coming to talk to him.

billy being unable to look him in the eye, doing his best to forget the last time chief hopper tried to talk to him; that time after max snuck out when she was grounded and got caught sneaking back in, earning herself an earful and a punishment, bruises noticeable enough for el and the chief to take interest.

"i can't do much if neither of you talk, kid," he'd said that time, max sitting stone faced beside him, pissed off at the how big of a deal everyone was making things out to be.

"i need you to talk, billy, for both of them," he says this time, AJ basically drowning in his hospital bed surrounded by machines and beeping and white blankets, max holding his hand from the seat beside him.

billy swallows roughly, wishing he could. can feel the words on the tip of his tongue, but he's spent nineteen years keeping his mouth shut, and he can't bring himself to break now.

he lets the silence hang for a few minutes longer before finally breathing out. "i don't know."

ignores the chief as he lets out a sigh. walks away instead, pulling up a seat next to max instead, them both watching AJ's chest rise and fall.

does his best to match his breath, and pretends to not notice the chief walking out of the room.

AJ getting released from hospital the next morning, neil showing up to sign him out.

billy taking AJ and buckling him into his car before turning to his dad, having come to a decision during the night.

he might not be brave enough to slay their monsters, but he can hide from them. make sure their monsters never touch or hurt or see them ever again.

it feels like the cowards way out, but he's already accepted that about himself. that he's a fucking pussy, and pathetic, and so so scared of things that no one else in the world seems to bat an eye at.

"AJ and max stay with me," he starts, voice stronger than he feels.

max stands beside him and looks at neil like she could kill him, and billy's so fucking grateful she hasn't bailed yet.

"you don't talk to them, you don't go near them, you don't get to fucking see them. just keep paying the daycare fee's and send me some cash for groceries, and that's it. you're done."

neil swallowing. not saying a word.

"you stay out of our lives and we'll stay out of yours. just pay the fucking bills. i'll take care of everything else."

neil remaining silent. not fighting him.

billy tapping max on the arm as he turns, them both getting into the car. driving away.

shit getting hectic. billy feeling in over his head. max breaking her silence on the situation two days later.

"teenage fatherhood was a wild choice," she comments, feeding AJ on her lap.

billy stopping mid-wash at the sink, dropping the plastic kids cup back into the water.

"yeah, well," he picks the cup back up, washing it more forcefully this time. "what else did you want me to do?"

max staying, saying she's taking a gap year before college, knowing full well there's no money to send her there. her picking up a part time job at the local chinese takeaway shop, and bringing home free leftovers after every shift.

it being rough, with plenty of fuck up's happening along the way. some nights he lies awake and thinks about all the what if's.

what if susan never left? what if she gave AJ up for adoption? what if she got the fucking abortion he begged her to get? what if he talked to chief hopper? what if he packed them all up and moved them back to california? what if he's fucking up all their lives more than neil and susan ever could?

thinks, this isn't what he wanted. he never asked for this.

he's drowning in bills, he's fucking up heather's college years, he doesn't know what the fuck's going on with max. doesn't know what's causing the rash covering AJ's back and why he cries so much, why he can never sleep through the night.

feels like he's got no control over anything in his life anymore.

has a breakdown by the time AJ's eighteen months old, almost twenty years old himself. pulls himself together enough to realise he can either get over himself and accept the direction his life's taken and work with what he's got, or continue feeling sorry for himself and how everything always seems to go wrong, no matter how hard he tries, and be stuck in his own personal pity party for the rest of time.

becoming friends with karen wheeler and sue sinclair, asking for help and advice with AJ.

them telling him that maybe he should get him checked out, get professional medical attention. test, don't guess. them saying toddlers are usually a bit better about sleeping by now, and that the rash that won't go away is worrying.

billy admitting he's too anxious to take him for a check up, for custody reasons. neil might be out of the picture and susan may have bailed, but he still doesn't have any legal rights over AJ.

AJ getting worse, and billy finally fucking caving.

rocking up on neil's doorstep with some papers, telling him to sign.

neil dragging his feet, even though he hasn't seen his kids in months.

billy refusing to leave without the papers signed.

neil signing them, but not without a fight.

wiping away the blood dripping from his nose as his pen glides over the dotted line, billy shaking his hand out then stretching out his neck, it feeling bruised after his dad's roughing up.

finally getting some sort of partial custody.

taking AJ to the doctors. finding out he's got allergies and food intolerances a mile long and is just generally a sensitive kid, inside and out.

spending the next few months sorting that out, AJ finally starting to sleep better, his mood improving. the rash starting to clear. starting to feel like things might actually be okay.

AJ turning two, growing into a completely different kid. happy and easy going and full of energy, talking up a storm.

max officially done with school, getting a second part time job at the mall with el. billy working hours at the local mechanic, trying to keep up with everything.

finding their new normal.

the years passing. max moving to california with el, the boys having left for college years ago. heather moving out, deciding to go get a degree. billy finding a smaller apartment for him and AJ but staying in hawkins, 'cause thats all he can afford.

being twenty three, AJ in preschool. settled into their life, starting to see a blurry future.

finally having saved up some money and deciding–fuck it. planning a move back to california, timing it so that they'll be there in time for AJ to start kindergarten.

packing slowly, getting all their shit together, finding a place twenty minutes away from max.

susan walking back into their lives two weeks before the big move.

her saying she's ready to be a mom now. that she's sorry for all the hurt and pain she might've caused, but she's better now. she's got herself sorted. she's ready.

billy staring at her in shock, hand clutching the front door handle still. "are you fucking serious?"

susan staring at him, not saying a word but not leaving.

"you seriously think it's that simple? that you just walk back in and i hand him over? that everything's fine?"

susan hesitating, but pushing her way inside the house. putting her bag down. "i'll never be able to thank you enough for everything you've done, billy, but i've got it from here. you can go back to your life now."

billy telling her to get the hell out of his house.

susan refusing to leave.

shit escalating, AJ crying when susan tries to pull him behind her.

the chief getting called.

shit being rough for a few days, but once the paperwork comes back and its discovered only neil signed the papers to give billy custody, not susan, the law rules in her favour.

billy trying to fight it, but it feeling like every person he talks to tells him to think about it—to really think about it. that going through with fighting susan for custody when she's AJ's actual mother, and seems to have got herself together, could do more harm than good.

a laywer asking him if he's really ready to be a full time guardian for the next fourteen years. asking if he's ready to put AJ through school, raise him to teenagehood, and everything in between and after.

if he's ready to put his life on hold until he's in his thirties, at the earliest.

billy hesitating. he thought he was ready 'cause there was never any other option, but now susan's back and everyone's telling him to step away, then maybe he should.

thinks, maybe the bad feeling that sits permanently in the pit of his stomach is just a part of him. maybe the way his chest seizes and squeezes–the way it feels like he's choking–whenever something to do with the parental figures in his life happens, is just something that he'll never grow out of.

maybe, he needs to learn how to let go, and trust that susan is better.

thinks, AJ got lucky, and his mom may have left, but she also came back, unlike his own.

maybe, he's just got massive fucking trust and abandonment issues.

having AJ one last night, AJ crying the whole time, asking why he has to go. why can't they stay together. why can't they move to california anymore and go to the beach. why can't he learn how to surf.

why does billy have to break his promise.

billy feeling like utter shit. can't handle AJ crying that well, especially since it's his fault. telling AJ it's for the best. that it's better to have a mom with her shit together than a brother who's just scraping by. that it might suck for a while, but it'll be so much better soon. just wait.

dropping AJ off at susan's the next morning, fucking sick to his stomach. comforts himself with the fact he'll at least get to see AJ again, he just won't have to be his legal guardian anymore. he'll be responsibilty free.

giving susan the rundown on everything. AJ's routine, his allergies, his favourite show, songs he loves, his favourite shirt, all his quirks.

susan nodding and agreeing, looking slightly overwhelmed but doing her best.

it coming time to say goodbye. AJ crying, billy trying not to.

AJ making him promise to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that.

billy promising.

susan walking billy out, telling AJ to stay inside where it's warm. standing on the front porch with billy, and billy turning to her. checking, then checking again, that she's got this. telling her he's happy to take AJ for a few more nights while they both get to know each other again, if that's easier.

susan shaking her head. saying thank you again.

billy turning to leave.

susan waiting til he's down the front steps before speaking up again.

"i think it's best if we go no contact for a little bit," she breaks, face timid but voice strong. "just until he adjusts, and starts seeing me as his mom again."

"what the hell do you mean 'no contact'?" billy grits out as he turns on his foot, doing his best to keep the volume down. "i just fucking promised him–"

"i know–i know, billy," she tries, wringing her hands tight, "but it's already confusing enough for him. it's just for a little while until he adjusts–"

"he's only confused 'cause you fucking split–"

"you need to leave, billy, "she cuts him off. "i'll contact you when we're ready to see you again."

billy leaving that night, spiraling. going around in circles on whether to fight her–fight for AJ, or listen. has a million different voices in his head saying a million different things.

feels like his fucking mom whenever he thinks about walking away without a fight, but doesn't know how to stay when susan won't have him, and when the nagging voices in his head tell him he'll just fuck AJ up more by staying and fighting and causing a custody war, instead of just leaving peacefully.

walking away.

tells himself AJ's got his mom back, and susan'll give him everything that he couldn't. that a kid needs their parents–their mother–and not just some fuck up older brother who struggles to make ends meet.

fucking hating himself for it, but the more days that pass where he doesn't see AJ, the more he convinces himself it was the right choice.

moving back to california.

susan trying.

doing her best to settle back into town, but knows every single person in hawkins is judging her, everyone knowing exactly what she did all those years ago–abandoning her kids and leaving them for her step-son to raise. can feel the judgement almost drowning her every time she steps foot outside the house.

AJ adjusting, but it's not smooth and it's not quick.

he's miserable about it, stuck in a situation that he's too young to get out of but old enough to know is wrong. cries himself to sleep most nights and begs susan to ask billy to come pick him up, or even for max to come get him.

susan telling him that they're busy now, that they've moved too far away, but that she's his mom, and they're a team, and she can help him and do things with him. that billy and max have their own lives to live now, but that means her and him can finally spend time together again.

AJ torn between being mad; thinking billy broke all his promises and left without even saying goodbye, telling himself he never wants to see him again; and being so fucking heartbroken and sad, wishing on every single star that billy or max would come back, even just once, so they could be a happy family again.

weeks passing, them finding a routine. susan trying to stick with it, putting the effort it. learning all of AJ's favourite meals, figuring out what he can and can't eat, which brands of laundry detergent he can wear and what brands she can actually afford. learn his favourite bedtimes stories, and figure out what makes him laugh.

it being hard. AJ not giving her much.

telling herself to get over it. that she's the one who left, causing the rift between them in the first place, so that means it's up to her to patch it up.

every day feeling harder and harder.

susan reaching out to max now that she's got AJ back and he's settled a bit, not asking after his older siblings every day.

max actually answering, only to ask to speak with AJ, then hanging up on her once she and AJ finish talking. barely acknowledging her.

susan trying to take it in her stride. knows for as much as she's messed up with AJ, what she did to max is always going to feel heavier. bigger. knows there's a chance max might never forgive her.

billy losing himself in the party and music scene in californa. getting a shitty part time job and joining a shitty band. drinking himself into oblivion, experimenting with harder drugs. barely sober.

his first year back in california being rough.

AJ turning six, and susan struggling. finding motherhood fucking hard to do alone.

it costs so much, and AJ's so emotional, constantly on a hair trigger about everything, and it's exhausting, trying to keep up with everything without a single break or helping hand.

she tries, though. she checks all his food labels and buys the products labelled for sensitive skin. she listens to him when he's upset and crying, and does her best to make him feel better. she tries to help him make friends at school, inviting everyone in the class to his birthday party and giving out party bags to each kid, even when AJ spends most of the party playing by himself in his room, all the other kids running around having fun together elsewhere.

suddenly, it's too much.

knows she's about to make a mistake–that it's wrong, but can't bring herself to stop.

finds her way back to cherry lane, AJ's hand grasped tight within her own, a packed bag for both of them by their sides.

neil opening the door and welcoming them home.

max and AJ talking on the phone twice a week, minimum. her telling AJ that billy misses him and asks about him, that he would be there if he could. checking in with him and asking if he's okay, making sure he knows he can come to her for anything.

AJ wanting to ask her for help, bursting into tears the first few times they talk on the phone, but susan told him he's not allowed to tell max where they live now, told him he's not allowed to mention neil at all, so, he keeps it quiet, and hopes that max just comes back and rescues him anyway.

max giving billy 'AJ updates' after every phone call, even when he tells her to stop. that he doesn't want to hear it.

telling him that AJ sounds miserable. billy bitching back, the fuck do you want me to do about it.

"you know, the only thing you did that was stupider than taking AJ in, was giving him up."

billy hanging up on her, then not picking up for at least a month.

AJ going from a happy kid, back when billy looked after him, to an anxious mess, trying to live with susan, to scared, now that he lives with neil.

doesn't remember neil exactly, but knows he's a bad person. can remember billy and max saying bad things about him, and knows there was a reason they didn't see him before.

neil getting comfortable, having susan come crawling back to him and having a son again, even if AJ is soft.

instantly falling back into how it used to be, now that he has a wife to do all the house work and a son to toughen up. thinks, if he squints and ignores the red hair, it's almost like he's raising billy again.

tells himself he's not gonna fuck it up this time. that this time, he'll get it right. that he'll make something good, something worth being proud of, out of AJ yet.

starts by telling susan to stop catering to all his allergy bullshit. that the kid can eat the same food as the rest of them, or he can starve. a little rash won't kill him, and everybody gets stomach pain. it's apart of life. puts a stop to buying him sensitive skin products as well, and tells him he's old enough to sleep with the lights off. that there's no more bedtime stories. no more getting tucked in. no more sitting out of sports. that it's time for him to grow up and toughen up. that he's turning seven soon, so it's time to act like it.

AJ getting quieter as the days pass, and before susan knows it, he barely speaks. responds to neil when neil demands it, and talks enough to answer questions when directly asked, but he doesn't cry anymore, doesn't ask to go to california, or to call billy. doesn't even beg for a bedtime story anymore. the only time susan hears him talk is when he's on the phone to max, and even then, he just sounds depressed.

thinks, not for the first time, that maybe this was a mistake.

watches the way AJ looks at neil, like he's waiting for his own father to attack him, and wonders, if she called billy, would he come back.

billy letting his life fall to peices.

max giving him an intervention by year two in california, telling him to get his shit together and sober up. that just 'cause he doesn't have responsibilities anymore, doesn't mean he can throw his life away. to sort himself out.

it being a slow process, but eventually finding his feet and pulling himself together.

trying to get sober and give up alcohol, but falling off the wagon too many times. spiralling into self-blame and self-hatred.

getting back on his feet after every stumble and telling himself he's quitting for real this time, only to give in again a few weeks later.

after a few more months of that, trying a different tactic. instead of giving up cold turkey, giving himself five tokens a year to use. five free passes a year to drink. finding that easier to stick to and keep himself accountable with.

turning twenty seven and feeling like he's got his life back on track.

max officially becoming a professional tattoo artist. re-connecting with lucas after they went their separate ways after graduation.

heather moving in with billy again, calling him up after dropping out of her third college course attempt. billy telling her his spare room is always free for her.

things looking up.

neil trying to get AJ to join a sports team, and AJ actually fighting back. saying he doesn't want to. that he hates sports. them both digging their heels in, refusing to budge.

susan closing her eyes when neil starts using physical force, trying to get him to cave. to give in.

swallowing her pride and finally dialling the number she's got saved in her phone under a bullshit name, knowing what she has to do, if she ever wants her kids to be happy.

telling herself that just a visit could help fix things. that maybe if they just see each other, become apart of each others lives again, then maybe things will be better.

billy answering the phone and hearing susans voice. freezing.

getting pissed.

every time he feels like he's got his life back on track, it feels like it goes spiralling.

not being able to say no, though, when susan asks to meet up, 'cause he fucking misses that kid.

deciding to meet on neutral ground, him not wanting susan in his life any more than necessary, and susan just doing her best to keep things amicable.

her travelling to california, telling neil she's taking AJ to meet her sister, AJ's aunt. telling AJ the same thing, deciding it might be a nice surprise.

can still hear him continuously talking about everything billy promised him all those years ago.

meeting up with billy and max at a small cafe, AJ running straight up to billy the second he catches sight of him, having never forgot about him. only letting go of billy for a few minutes to cling to max just as tight before attaching himself to billy's side.

susan slowing walking over, watching them reunite.

them all sitting down, it being awkward as fuck.

billy having a lot of feelings about susan, and all of them being negative. trying to be civil though, for AJ's sake. max barely on speaking terms with her herself.

billy, max, and AJ being their own little team, like they always have been.

susan watching on, realising no matter how hard she tries, she'll never be a part of that. can't figure out if she regrets bringing AJ out here or not.

her ordering for AJ, trying to ignore the fact that her kids would be fine without her in their lives.

billy raising an eyebrow at her. "did he grow out of his allergies?"

susan not looking at him, instead running a hand over AJ's hair.

"they were never that severe anyway," she murmurs quietly, AJ twisting away from her touch.

billy catching sight of a rash peaking out of AJ's shirt.

"are you fucking kidding me?"

dragging susan off to the side, pissed.

susan trying to dismiss him, saying something about how some kids are just picky eaters. you can't just give in every time they say they don't like something.

billy being speechless for a minute, before his anger takes over. "i took him to the motherfucking doctor. they gave him scratch tests. took his fucking blood. he was miserable for weeks. months. but he got better, because i fucking listened."

susan not looking at him, repeating the words neil's said to her so often now. "it's barely a rash. he's fine. let's just sit down for a nice lunch."

lunch ending, AJ begging to go with billy and max, and susan dragging him back to her car, him completely miserable, staring back at his older siblings with tears running down his face the entire time.

billy and max ranting the whole drive back to max's, them both pissed beyond belief.

billy bringing out one of tokens to use and max opening up her liquor cabinet.

getting shitfaced.

susan and AJ being in town for a few days, and max being stuck being the one making the plans 'casue billy refuses to talk to susan.

billy finally getting to show AJ the ocean. max taking him on a tour of her favourite places growing up. trying to teach him how to skate. AJ being terrified. billy having to hold his hands while max shows him the movements. AJ having absolutely no coordination or balance or center of gravity whatsoever.

day three, more of the same, going back to the beach, then letting AJ scooter down the beach walk.

susan standing back and watching, that neverending feeling of overwhelmingness hitting her. she's always been in over her head, jumping from relationship to relationship. having a child to try fix things, only for things to get worse. always chosing the cowards way out when things get too much.

realises, like a slap to the face, she's gonna choose the cowards way out again.

the last day of being there, going to see billy's band do a gig. heading backstage, max meeting her at the back enterence. AJ looking around in awe. clinging to billy the second he sees him.

fading into the background, letting them be the people they've always been without her there.

walking away.

billy not realising susan's not there anymore until later, after he's off stage and both him and max can't find her. thinking maybe she just went back to her hotel.

him and max catching an uber there with AJ.

asking the front desk for her room number, but them saying there's no susan currently staying there. that the last susan they had checked out three hours ago.

it hitting max first, then billy.

susan fucking walked again.

AJ looking up at them, asking them what's wrong.

billy taking him home.

papers getting mailed to him weeks later, dotted lines all signed, full custody to him.

him signing every page.

feeling like he's finally got control of his life again.

AJ crying one night, saying sorry that he's bad. that he doesn't want any more people to go. asking billy if he's gonna leave again.

"kid, no matter how many times things fall to shit, you're always gonna be stuck with me. i'm not going fuckin' anywhere."

[aries-of-spades]

Helsknight stumbled blindly into an alleyway and crashed against the wall, slumping to the ground with a weak groan. The wound in his side screamed in protest and he pressed his fist against it more firmly, as though he could ease the pain with the pressure alone.

[It wouldn't save him, though.] He didn't know how bad his injuries were, only that the blood now soaking his hand felt thick, and that his legs wouldn't hold him if he managed the strength to stand up again.

But he didn't look at his wounds. Already, his heart was beating so quickly he couldn't feel it anymore. Either that or it was the creeping numbness that prevented it. A part of him fancied that his heart had stopped beating altogether. But as long as he didn't know how severe his injuries were, his fear couldn't reach him.

[He could tell himself he had died bravely.]

With that thought came the crushing weight of a truth he couldn't take back. The vast emptiness that had followed him for so long seemed to reach out with bony fingers, just inches from his face. His whole body tensed up with what little strength he had, which only resulted in more pain.

Something burned behind Helsknight's eyes, which he dimly knew weren't injured, and his breaths came in short heaves.

[He couldn't go, not like this. What more pathetic way was there to die than bleeding out in an alley alone?]

He wished he wasn't alone. It wouldn't make any difference who was there, if only someone was. Someone who might mourn him for a few moments. But no one would remember him. No one would even forget him.

[At least there was no one here to see him cry. No one would know he had died a coward.]

Helsknight felt cold metal against his skin and even colder hands feeling him over.

[That must be Death] he thought, because there was no way any person could have hands that cold. He vaguely felt something wrap around his torso, lifting him from under his arms. The cold seeped into him, numbing the burning agony of his wounds into a far more tolerable ache.

"G-gods and saints, you way a t-ton." The soft hiss would have escaped Helsknight's notice, had it not been so close to his ear as to set his hairs on end.

Slowly, almost as painstakingly so as the waiting had been, the ground began to move beneath him, and his already injured body jostled against the cobblestones. Had he been lucid enough to, he would have cried out when something struck him in the rib. Instead he just let out a pathetic whimper like an injured dog.

[He always thought being carried off by Death would be a hell of a lot more gentle.]

But despite the rough movement, Helsknight could barely feel the wound in his side, and he found himself slipping in and out of his state of half-consciousness. He thought he heard the voice again, but it was impossibly far away.

He let himself slip further into quiet stillness…

Which seemed to be immediately broken by cold so intense he could have sworn someone had plunged the side of his face into icy water. He hissed in a breath and the cold retreated, leaving behind a tingling numbness on his cheek.

He tried to open his eyes, but it was as though he had forgotten how. The only part of his body he was aware of was the skin where the icy prickle still lingered.

A sound that might have been the soft rushing of wind, or perhaps a voice met his lost ears. The sharp cold pressed against his face again, this time on either side of where he assumed his mouth must be, and there was… something else. And with that something else came a familiar scent.

[It smelled of a fruit he couldn’t place, and a sharpness that burned his nose.]

“...ome on, j-j-just drink it.” The voice floated into Helsknight’s mind again. Quiet and skittish. “I swear if you d-die on me…”

The impression of sharp sweetness hit Helsknight’s mouth, and he would have coughed and sputtered on whatever it was, had he remembered how to. Instead he felt cold against his throat, rubbing the skin, gently coaxing his muscles into action. The cold brought the same bit of awareness to him as it had before, and he found he was able to swallow.

The voice came again, and though it was hard to focus on over the strange feeling in Helsknight’s side, which he had forgotten existed, it was reassuring. As the feeling began to return to his body, Helsknight was sure that soft voice kept him from panicking. This time, when what he now recognized to be the glass rim of a bottle met his lips, he found it easier to drink.

The strange drink returned a few times, and each time Helsknight found he was a bit more aware of his surroundings. There was something soft against his back, and the air above him felt unusually cold for hels. The back of his head felt cold as well, though it was more of a comfort than he might have expected, and seemed to be raised. He lay there for what felt like eternities, slowly beginning to notice the rise and fall of his own chest as he breathed, and the dull pains that were lessening before he was even aware of them.

Once, he drank too much too quickly, and his whole body seized with coughing as his closed eyes filled with tears and he tried to sit up. The sudden movement resulted in a sharp pain in his side, though not as painful as it had been. A cold hand laid on his shoulder, gently guiding him back down.

“T-try not to move so much.” The voice might have sounded chastising if not for the slight laugh at the end.

Finally driven by the curiosity of who this person was and why they might find such amusement in his situation, Helsknight forced his eyes to open. In his unfocused vision, he thought he was staring up at the night sky.

[There were no stars in hels, so that couldn't be right.]

He blinked a few times, and saw that the stars were glowing freckles, belonging to a dark blue face very close to his own. The face took on a look of surprise, full yellow eyes widening for a moment, before it pulled back and Helsknight would have been able to see more of his surroundings if he could focus on them.

“Thank the saint, we didn't lose you,” the same voice as before whispered. Helsknight felt his head being lowered onto a pillow and the cold slipped away. Something about the stranger was familiar, and Helsknight couldn't place if it was their voice, their face, or the flash of armor beneath the thick blue cloak.

“Remembrance…” he muttered weakly, and that his voice came out at all surprised him.

The stranger's face scrunched up in confusion, until they followed Helsknight’s gaze and noticed their cloak as well.

“Oh. Y-yes, I'm a remembrance knight. You're inside the F-first Church, right now; you collapsed just outside. Can you tell me your name?”

“I know you.”

The knight paused for a moment, shifting uncomfortably. “Yes, I… believe we have met.”

“I tried to rob you.” The memory of the terrified knight from the day before resurfaced, and Helsknight marveled at the irony. “I tried to kill you.”

“Yes well…” The knight looked away and reached for something out of Helsknight’s view. “T-thank you for not doing that.”

Helsknight hummed, more in acknowledgement than anything. The knight lifted a wet cloth and leaned forward again, cleaning away the blood on Helsknight’s side. [What had happened to his shirt? It was probably ruined anyway.] He watched the knight work, and noticed bits of frost gathering on the cloth where it was held.

Helsknight sank back into the pillow and looked up at the ceiling. It was a nice ceiling. “Remembrance, huh?” The knight stopped moving for a fraction of a second when he spoke. Almost a flinch. “I thought you were only supposed to care about me after I've died.”

“We're not cruel.” The knight finished wiping away the blood and set the cloth down with a sigh. “To see someone so close t-to death… It would be cruel not to try and help them.”

[Helsknight felt a heavy terror settle in his chest.]

“Even after I attacked you?” Helsknight looked at the knight, hoping he couldn't sense his discomfort.

The knight closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose, a long hiss followed shortly after by the shuddering exhale.

“Yes. Even after you attacked me.”

“Huh.” Helsknight watched the knight for a moment before he pushed himself up on the bed with his elbows. “I'll never… understand you knights.” He grimaced as his partially healed side made its disapproval with the situation known.

[Okay, maybe that potion didn't fix everything.]

“H-hey! What in hels do you think you're doing?”

“Um.. leaving,” Helsknight grunted, trying to hide his steadying breaths before getting to his feet. “I'd love to waste more of your time…” He reached his arm out for balance, not quite liking how the world swayed when he stood up. “But I have places to be.”

He managed about two steps before realizing too late that the world wasn't the only one tilting, and his dizziness only worsened with the sensation of falling.

The knight valiantly rushed forward to catch him, but whether his small stature was to blame, or the armor that was probably already weighing him down, he didn't stand a chance at supporting Helsknight’s weight, and they both fell on the ground in an unglorified heap.

“Wow, my hero,” Helsknight deadpanned, pushing away to sit on the floor next to the bed. He wasn't sure that landing on a fully armored knight was even slightly less unpleasant than landing on the floor would have been. At least the floor wouldn't have shrieked.

“You can barely stand, you're not g-going anywhere.” The knight moved to crouch beside Helsknight. Helsknight swatted his cold hand away when he tried to check his side. “I'm t-trying to make sure you d-didn’t reopen it, idiot!”

“I'm not. Staying here.”

The knight sat back, chin just above his knees, and glared at Helsknight. His long tail thrashed like an impatient cat.

“Well, you're not walking back, least of all by yourself. Is… there someone who needs to know you're okay? I can find someone to tell them?”

[Helsknight must have hesitated a bit too long. He saw the knight's expression fall.]

“If- If you're place isn't far, I can walk you back.”

[Again, Helsknight heasitated. He was never good at lying on the spot.]

“Right…” The knight tapped his claws on the gauntlet of his other hand, thinking. The noise annoyed Helsknight more than the damning silence. “Well, in that case, you're d-definetly not leaving.”

Helsknight narrowed his eyes. “I don't want your hospitality.” He hated being watched like this. Pitied. He felt like every vulnerable thing about him was on display for this complete stranger to see, and he hated the sorry expression he got in response.

“Well I'm not leaving you to die alone in the streets!” the knight snapped. Helsknight flinched despite himself.

“...What makes you think I'm going to die?” Helsknight's voice came out much quieter than he would have hoped.

The knight looked away, frowning at the floor and tapping his gauntlet much more fervently.

[Helsknight was starting to suspect it wasn't just a thinking habit.]

“I've seen enough people die to know what it looks like,” was what the knight eventually said, still not looking at Helsknight. “And... I'm not going to let it happen to you.”

Helsknight stared at his feet and blinked to clear the blurring in his vision. He took a deep, shaking breath and looked up at the knight again.

“Helsknight,” he said quietly.

“W-what?”

“You wanted to know my name. It's Helsknight.” He shrugged. “I guess if I'm going to be stuck with you, you might as well know.”

The knight nodded, a ghost of a smile on his face. “Tanguish.”

“What kind of a name is that?”

Tanguish frowned. “It's… my name?”

Helsknight raised an eyebrow. “It sounds like anguish. That's a dramatic name for such a little guy.”

“Well… you don't look much like a knight,” Tanguish said, crossing his arms.

“And what do I look like?” Helsknight prompted.

Tanguish rolled his eyes, standing up again. “You look like you need to lie down. If we're going to save you from the Universe, it might be helpful if you don't pass out in the street.”

[eggwishing]

More !!! Im really fond of the two stitched looking things on the right. I want to design more of them. I’m feeling super inspired by Kanotynes …..

[age-of-moonknight]

“Reborn,” Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu (Vol. 2/2024), #2.

Writer: Jed MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Alessandro Cappuccio; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit

[zylphiacrowley]

Cat's Out of the Bag pt. 2

<previous - next>

[ranchwamen]

You mentioned something about becoming human/taur being spells in the tags, what's stopping non-taur humans from learning it?

Thanks for the question! Same thing with Waterspeak, nothing really! In fact I think Sirpa was born as a two-legged human, but spends and has spent considerable amounts of time in the water as a mermaid because her mother is a mermaid. I guess you could consider her “half mermaid” as a result! She could’ve very well been born as a mermaid but her parents had to think long and hard about what form would be easier for her to live in as her original form, given their location and fears about water pollution it was undeniably two-legged

Sirpa tangent aside, anyone at all can learn the spell that makes you a mermaid, or the spell that makes you a terrestrial taur, or the spell that makes you a taur that can fly, so on so on! However, it can be seen as really weird if someone who was born as a two-legged human to a family that’s pretty much always been only two-legged humans to suddenly start living life as a taur. Taurness is not only just a body shape, after all, but a culture. Several cultures! Even if taurs are humans with human sensibilities, they’re shaped so different, they wear clothes that are different, they move differently, they can do things that two-legged humans can’t and can’t do things that two-legged humans can, they specifically have had many many stories about how they could’ve come to be (two-leggeds not so much), they need their own furniture, sometimes they’ve even lived separately from other types of humans. Merfolk are the most extreme cases, since they quite literally live where terrestrial humans can’t go naturally and every bit of their life has been adapted to an aquatic environment. Even if it would be very cool to live as a taur in theory, it’s fundamentally a very different experience, a more difficult experience sometimes, and people would probably give one many glances if they decided to become a taur one day for no other reason than “just cuz”. You may have the shape of a taur, but are you really even a taur if you’ve never experienced the culture?

Nuance exists, of course, like if you have a lot of taurs in your family and ever since you were a kid you’ve lived your life as many forms that are all equally “you”, or if your taur friend was like “lol wanna see what your true animal form would be” one night and you tried it out once and that was it, or if you have lived for a while now with many taurs — usually taurs are a minority on land but there are exceptions, for example in a very mountainous, difficult-to-traverse region a good bit of people might just be taurs for their better balance — and eventually decided to become a taur to fit the customs of the community better, or if you paid one billiam dollars at an exotic recreational center where they “Let [You] Feel the Wilderness Inside You (TM)” by having folks explore like a wildlife area as taurs, then like, yeah lol those are some random examples where no one would bat an eye! Also ironically, even though merfolk are definitely the most removed from terrestrial humans as a whole, it would be most acceptable to become a merm if you have an extended stay underwater (work, vacation, whatever) and need accommodations for breathing and moving in the water and things like that. It’s simply seen as the easiest way to do things, however true that may be! Similarly merfolk on land have a lot of pressure to “simply become two-legged” even though accommodations like wheelchairs for merms exist (and all merfolk can already breathe air). It’s a little… sad. A lot of merfolk don’t really like that their own selves are treated as unimportant and disposable and that the “best way” to go about moving in a foreign environment is to literally ditch your own body away to become something else. Many taurs never become two-legged because it would remove a big part of themselves, so why are merfolk any different? These are unfortunately some societal problems of the Sirpaverse.

TL;DR: Any non-taur can learn the spells that make you a taur, however there are societal and cultural implications of doing that and it might not be very appropriate in all situations.

[yapwithkitz]

to think that i was so excited for a season finale just for it to end like this...they've massacred the character of every single one of them. every. single. one.

[assmundr]

opinions on songdogx?

I don't know them personally (I never even spoke to them before) nor do I really care to know them on a personal level, so I can't answer on this front. To me, they're just an artist on the internet posting animal comics.

However, as an artist? I think they're an okay storyteller. Songdog is a good example of the "Weak art can be pulled a good story, but a weak story cannot be pulled by good art" rule, seeing as the comic pages they release are simple and of low-effort/quickly drawn art that they churn out every two days, while also having an interesting enough stories and characters to make up for the simplicity.

Their comics aren't terrible but they're not great either, just okay. At least the ones I have read (Doe of Deadwood, Roar Howl Run, Repeat and I Didn't Know) The quality of these ranges from good (IDK. Also I feel like this is a hot-take opinion lmao) to okay (DoD) to bad (RHR, Repeat) My main issue with their work is that they tend to flip-flop around with the pacing of their comics, especially in the mid-to-late parts of the story, which is not exactly great, and also that various characters within their work are their very obvious mouthpieces and that SongDog can get quite defensive whenever any of these characters receive criticism.

While we're at the criticism, they aren't the kind of person to handle it very well, at least from what I have seen. They can get quite defensive over receiving any, to the point of lashing out at whoever criticised them.

[starcurtain]

Another Haikaveh Fanfic I Want to Read

It's a 5+1 compilation but it's just all the super soft, embarrassingly domestic moments Alhaitham is daydreaming will happen after he and Kaveh finally get together (he is certain this is going to happen someday)... Plus the timeskip where the best one actually comes true, of course!

[hwanswerland]

sorry for all this angry ranting every few weeks and not much else but all this is seriously going to be the thing that will make me leave the fandom one day

[twospiritstooprideful]

Hey, you there

Yes, you, person who doesn't like canon ships

It's okay

And, you, person who doesn't like the popular ships

It's okay!

Ship those characters with whoever you wanna

or don't ship them at all

Who cares!

[ttomuras]

the last five chapters were extremely rushed and the ending feels generic and boring to me. like i literally joked about how there is going to be a timeskip, deku is gonna be a teacher and they’ll have a pull-out-your-ass solution about how deku can still be a hero. joked in a “this is too goofy” way just like ppl joked about “this is our hero academia”. this feels v?? goofy?? but in a not fun way for me

[rookflower]

ok yeah I finished the graphic novel and while I agree there's some pacing issues in here (starting around once they go to fight brokenstar) honestly they did such a fantastic job with what they had. I think basically all of my issues are with the original series or the inevitable pains of adaptation/presumed series mandates and limited page count

[chibikittens]

my secret little angsty headcanon than I'm like 99.9% sure has no chance of actually being legit is that SASASAP Siffrin's timeline didn't forget about the island/their home. And that, when they made their wish/ate that star, it somehow tied into the island being forgotten. Don't really have many reasons to back this up, I just think it adds another juicy layer of self-sacrifice to a story already seeped in self-sacrifice. The idea that pre-Loop Siffrin, whether intentionally or not, gave up on not just their version of their party, but their everything - their island, their country/culture, their relatives, memory, truly everything. Really just makes me foam at the mouth like a rabid dog.

[squorttle-pox]

idk if it means anything really, but i think it's interesting how after all their time together as a couple in a christianity-adjacent world, lucifer and lilith only had one (1) child, and it was only 200 years ago at that