#does this make ANY sense?? lol
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something about s1-3 zane is just. oh this guy is so silly and friend-shaped. look at his friendly boy swag. like????? how could you ever hate him. the ultimate silly
not to hate on his titanium era because frankly it is very cool. but the essence of s1-3 zane is unique and uncapturable. he is just a little guy you can put in your pocket. his default facial expression is so inherently funny. there are no thoughts behind these eyes. i would trust him with my life.
#its almost 3am and i cant sleep HELP ME#ninjago#lego ninjago#zane julien#ninjago zane#my post#does this make sense? i am so fond of him like platonically let me just state this isnt any funny business. i just think hes neat#all the ninja have been my favourite at one point or another in my life (its now cole) but this era of zane i will forever be biased for#again im not being a hater of the new state of the show lol most of the characters are way better but zane is the exception imo#you can't improve upon perfection i guess x#AMELIA GO TO BED ITS 3AM#me: hmmmm why is my sleep schedule so screwed? why do i keep waking up at midday?#and then this is the shit i do at 3am#average amelia antics#amelia isn't funny
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There's an aspect of Original!Elias Bouchard that makes me so sad to think about in a weird kind of "meta" way.
And that's the fact that he has to be labelled as the "OG" not as Elias.
Technically speaking Elias has been dead for years. It's Jonah that's taken over - literally having his eyes removed and replacing them with his own and living as him (he even seemingly keeps his "old fashioned haircut" on Elias' hair).
And yet we as the audience don't often call that form of Jonah "JONAH". Instead it's Elias, cause he's been Elias for 4 series at this point.
"Elias started the apocalypse", "Elias beat that old man to death with a metal pipe" when it was never really Elias in the first place.
He's been so robbed of his own identity that not even death can spare him; all of Jonah's actions in his body are recognised as him.
(Btw this isn't me saying you can't call Jonah!Elias straight up Elias, I do that regularly ofc. I'm just being emo rn lol)
#I'm tired out of my mind so i hope this makes sense lol#og!elias was such a dick but he does make me very sad#any legacy or reputation he could have had positive or negative is taken away by force and tarnished by Jonah#og!elias#og!elias bouchard#elias bouchard#original elias bouchard#jonah magnus#the magnus archives#tma#tma spoilers#?#idk at what point that tag can be dropped lol
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a Gemtaur thing I didn't like from many months ago
#was very unsure about it so I didnt do anything more with it#I wanted the hops to look more deer-like but at the same time them looking heavier makes sense given the size of this gal#and then she does little tippy tap hooves at the end but it doesnt look good at all and I got frustrated at trying to correct it lol#in any case good practise though! Uh I love animation but I never fucking do it grrrrrrrr#geminitay#tubby art
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i am not an animator but the few animations i have made it really does feel like magic when it comes together. i used to think the way disney (especially older disney) talked about their animation as magical that they were being cheesy and sentimental but after actually trying it myself i totally get it. seeing all the pictures you drew come to life at the end it feels like it has its own soul or something
#esp for traditional animation (not that im experienced enough in either but esp digital to rly judge)#but editing together scans of physical drawings and seeing them come to life and move is so incredible#like i can hold the physical drawings of all the frames and see them in this totally different form on screen#like a seperate entity its crazy#does any of this make sense#mad respect to animators lol#also what makes traditional animation (the way I’ve done it at least) so satisfying#is that I don’t scan each frame once it’s done I do them all at the end#(I do this with the rough sketch animation frames first to make sure it moves normal)#so I only get to see it in motion at the end
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Black Sails (2014-2017)
#does this make any sense lol#they're all gay you get it#black sails#blacksailsedit#james flint#james mcgraw#thomas hamilton#anne bonny#max black sails#eleanor guthrie#maxanne#flinthamilton#maxeleanor
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My favorite ship dynamic? People who constantly make fun of each other but will rip out the throat of anyone else who says something even remotely mean about the other
#does this make sense#hoffstrahm#lawrusso#klance#percabeth#coffinshipping#fluffybird#though im pretty sure if one of them heard yellow say something bad about the other theyd just agree so that#i cant think of any others lol#ronance#maybe?? idk#feel free to add more#reddie#johnlock#merthur#gallavich
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Ah, childhood memories (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Gaster#Having such clear external-view memories of what happened when they were young would probably give Sans a lot of ammunition lol#Not that they'd know any different - their poor memories honestly :( - but having such clear memories in places would have to be weird#Most people have childhood amnesia to an extent! Tho it's hard to say when that would've applied to them anyway with their sped-up growth#Not to mention the trauma#And it's possible that doesn't apply to Monsters to begin with lol - but it's all a moot point anyway since these are their only memories!#It's sad to think of how much of themselves are missing forever since Gaster didn't experience them :(#This is what happens when you get behind on your work >:0#I really wonder what their lack of memories/restoration of memories would do for their like/dislike of certain things!#Like how Papyrus says that sitting with Sans in his lap makes a lot of sense as to why it was so familiar and comforting#But also that knowing makes it sad as well :( Knowing recolours their understanding and interpretation!#Knowing Why makes things make sense but does it actually Help? It's a tough question - certainly it hurts in the moment#The little things Gaster has infected for them and for himself ♥ Like taking notes! Like chess and sweets and spaghetti and lab coats#And dark sweaters and cigarette smoke and hugs and intelligence - how many pieces of all of them have A Feeling attached#How many more have A Memory - and even more than that A Memory Lost and unrecoverable ughhh ♥#But the little things they can hold on to hehe <3 Like pinging Gaster for what they all know and remember#Why does he even keep coming over if he knows the reception he'll get? Lol#Feels particularly self-loathing and goes to get bullied as penance pfft
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Was thinking about how much of a normo I come across as irl, how I’ve felt a lil odd person out at their shows bc of being a bit older (29) and looking so aggressively normal, how generally confused people in my life would be if they knew about my d&p obsession, how thoroughly i mask weirder traits and essentially codeswitch to suit the mainstream, etc.
i feel kind of fish out of water when I imagine how all the people that populate my tumblr phandom ecosystem are likely presenting to the world irl (I.e. more visibly queer, counterculture, and so on). But then I think maybe the most visible phannies are the ones with the most curated, alt, deliberate daytoday lewks/style? So maybe what I’m picturing is off base? But then I’m also basing this off of what audiences look like in audience footage, m&gs, etc.
Sooooooo i would like to know… do you guys feel like you present as someone who may be Deeply Online and obsessed with two gay nerds from the internet? Or do you hide it and fly under the radar, masking as a total normy and living a double life?
(To clarify I don’t mean you’re like out and about wearing the fringes boob sweatshirt lol I more mean vibes and overall lewk yk?)
#does this make any sense?#not to say we’re all abnormal freaks over here but also…. we lowkey are freaks lol#like this is not typical behavior#obvs when I say dressing alt and counterculture I’m aware phannies aren’t like a predominantly goth community or some extreme aesthetic#or what have you#I just mean that this is obviously not a super mainstream interest nor are they mainstream creators anymore#(arguably they never were. they were big but not mainstream. I think people entrenched in internet#and YouTube and phandom can become a bit tunnelvisioned and#and forget that even at their peak Dan and Phil were still#a niche interest and an unconventional one#but i digress)#basically I’m trying to figure out how many of us are also living double lives on here#I hope no one comes for my over this or it doesn’t get misconstrued#I just have like SUCH a normal job and so many people I know would be DEEPLY confused if they learned about this whole thing#and obviously there isn’t a clear binary of like normal vs. internet dwelling weirdo#and that we contain multitudes#and all things can be true simultaneously#I know I know I know you know that I know right?? but you also know what I mean right??#me yapping#dan and phil#phan
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let’s not.
pairing: mickey henry x curvy!reader
warnings: 18+ only. smut. feelings. happy ending. not edited. maybe a little ooc- i haven’t watched monday in a minute and i am currently heavy in my feelings so apologies if he is.
words: 1.7k
notes: just a drabble of another fic idea i can’t commit to fully fleshing out and writing. enjoy 🩵
You hiss as your hips slam against the edge of the table. Hard. Over and over again.
The only thing keeping you from dropping to the ground is his hold on you. His large hands gripping your soft waist so tightly you can feel the bruises no doubt forming already.
You let your head hang as you remain pliant to him, low breathy sighs leaving you in between your soft moans every time he hits that one specific spot.
Oh, this was so not how tonight was supposed to go…but it feels too good to care about that right now.
You’re on that very delicate edge, overwhelmed by the pain and pleasure of the way he completely controls you; the way he touches you, the filthy words and sickly sweet praises he groans in your ear as he pushes you both closer and closer to your ends.
Your walls squeeze his cock as your voice peaks. His hand flexes on your waist as he feels your imminent release.
“That’s it,” he breathes heavily against your skin as he leans further into you, his thrusts hitting harder as he chases his high. “Feels good, doesn’t it. Ah, fuck. Come for me, baby. Come on my cock,” he growls. “Let me feel you.”
You wouldn’t be able to hold on any longer if you’d wanted to as your orgasm hits you hard; your muscles tensing, your hand gripping his arm and your eyes scrunching shut as you feel entirely electric before wave after wave of pleasure rolls over you as you succumb to the feeling. To him.
It takes only a moment to realize your eyes are stinging with tears, but it’s not until you slowly start to come down that you realize why.
More like remember why.
He grunts and moans as he reaches his own peak, coming inside you but making sure to keep his hold on you as he works himself through his release.
God, here you are again. Different night, same fucking story. Over and over again.
You feel like a fucking idiot.
You are a fucking idiot.
He slowly pulls out of you, backs up for a second and then keeping his hand on your waist, he pulls your body back into him, hugging you from behind as you frown at the apparent show of affection.
You push his hand off of you and escape his hold before you can allow yourself sink into it, walking gingerly around the table to bend and grab your sweater off the floor - the unflattering one that you had chosen specifically to avoid ending up in this situation again.
That worked well.
You pull it on as he follows behind you, watching you with an intensity you don't want to notice, brows slightly furrowed and his icy blue eyes set on you.
“What, one and done tonight? You alright, sweetheart?” He asks, making a move closer to you, reaching out before you stop him with your response.
“God, can you just stop with the pet names,” you snap, turning to face him, “please.”
It’s like he doesn’t remember the fifteen minutes of conversation you had before he got your clothes off - easy as ever. You don’t think he means to, but the second you start to show your emotions, the second you start to cry, it’s like he can’t help but to try and comfort you. Unfortunately, his idea of comfort always seems to be this.
And even more unfortunate, you always let it happen.
It’s pathetic.
It helps for the time it lasts and then everything hits all over again.
“This is exactly what I was talking about, Mickey,” you’re exasperated already, “you act like you care and y-you give me hope that this might actually be…something more, but,” you shake your head, “all it is to you is sex.” He doesn't move from where he stands, but he drops his hand that was outstretched to you.
You can’t hold his eye for very long, it’s already hurting too much. You drop your gaze but it’s only for a moment before you force yourself to look back up at him. You have to ask the question you really don’t want to know the answer to…
“Isn’t it?”
It’s two simple words, a very simple question, but as your eyes are stinging, pleading for the truth, you know it’s anything but.
He blinks, opens his mouth to speak as he shakes his head, but ultimately says nothing before he takes a deep breath, looking away from you and down to the floor. He licks his lips, nervous habit, before he frames his hips with his hands.
“Should put pants on,” he mutters before walking away, down the hall to his bedroom.
You stand there in a perpetual limbo, listening as he opens a dresser drawer and riffles through the clothes for a second before you hear the drawer close again. It’s not long after that he emerges from his room, pulling a pair of sweats the rest of the way up his legs.
He comes back to stand before you as you lean lightly on the table, desperate not to fall and embarrass yourself any further. You know what comes next.
The inevitable.
The end.
You know how this started, and you’ve known from the beginning how it would end. You just weren’t expecting to get so caught up in him. You weren’t expecting to feel so much with him. For him
It’s your own fault. You couldn’t blame him if you wanted to. It just hurts so much more knowing it was all so one sided, that he didn’t - doesn’t - feel the same way… when you let yourself think too much about it, it doesn’t seem possible actually. As hard as you tried to ignore your feelings for him when they first started growing, it just wasn’t possible. Whatever it is - was - between you two…how could it have been so one sided? How could he not have noticed what you noticed, felt what you felt?
Maybe he just doesn’t want all that with you. Maybe he’s just not ready? Whatever it is, you know you can’t keep waiting for something to give.
You’ve finally come out with it, told him in no uncertain terms how you feel about him, about this…arrangement? relationship that’s not really a relationship?… and so, now he knows. Having sex with you after you confessed your feelings for him, well that was a choice, but you don’t think you’re all too upset about it actually. If this is it, it’s a memorable goodbye.
You’re conscious of your lack of bottoms as you stare at his clothed legs, waiting for the words you’re sure he’s gathering in his mind. He’ll let you down gently, you bet. He’s sweet, and he hates to see you cry. At least you know he’ll be nice about it.
He takes a cautious step closer to you and reaches out a hand to yours, finding your eye to make sure it’s okay first.
When you don’t object or look away, he gingerly takes your hand in his and pulls you closer to him. You swallow the lump in your throat as a tear spills over the edge and slips down your cheek, turning your head to avoid his concerned gaze.
His hand finds your cheek and he turns your face back to him, taking a step closer into you. His hand holds yours as his other holds your face, his thumb gently swiping away at the tear. He takes another step closer, and you’re so close you could just collapse into him completely, chest to chest.
“No,” he whispers, his voice low, sounding deeper than you’ve ever heard it as he looks into your eyes. Your brows furrow as you hear him.
One simple word. A very simple answer. But it’s really anything but. Because what the hell does that mean?
He sees the question in your eyes before you can voice it.
“It was supposed to be. For both of us, I thought,” he adds, reminding you again of how this whole thing started. Just sex. It was supposed to be just sex. He still holds your cheek as you look down, your free hand reaching up to touch his forearm. “But no. It’s not.”
He makes you meet his eye again as he walks into you, your bottom against the table at your back as he lets go of your hand and slips it under the hem of your sweater. His warm palm gliding up and smoothing over your skin, almost tickling you up and down, feeling you, caressing you gently before once again he settles it on his favorite spot, holding your waist delicately. He leans in, his nose brushing yours.
“It’s so much more than that,” his soft lips brush lightly against yours as you take a shaky breath, your body searching for him without you even realizing it before he kisses you again. Firmer, deeper, and with a fervency you’ve never felt before from him; like he’s been holding himself back all this time. Your free hand reaches up to frame his head, your fingers splaying in his hair as you kiss him back just as desperately. You almost feel like you’re in a dream as you lose yourself to him.
He moves you both as you continue your kissing, you following his lead until he turns you and you find yourself falling onto his couch. You catch your breath as you look up at him before he follows you down, pushing you to relax as he lays down next to you. He maneuvers you both so he’s holding you again. You tilt your head up to him, and he readily accepts the invitation, kissing you softly before speaking against your lips. “You don’t know how relieved I was the second you said something,” he titters, like you were the one who was missing the obvious this entire time. He takes your face softly in his hands.
“You’re so much more than that.”
You smile softly back, trying to hold back a sniffle at the clear sincerity in his eyes that has your nose tingling.
“So, you…” you trail off, hands idly ghosting along his chest as you try to think of how you want to ask him.
“Feel the same way,” he finishes for you in affirmation. “There’s something here. And it’s definitely not just sex. ‘D be crazy to try to ignore that. So let’s not.”
You nod, holding his bright blue gaze, a small smile tugging on both of your lips as you look into each other’s eyes; unconsciously leaning closer to one another.
“Let’s not.”
#does any of this even make sense? you can tell me if it doesn’t i just don’t have the energy to read it myself atm lol#mickey henry x curvy!reader#mickey henry x reader#mickey henry x female reader#mickey henry smut#mickey henry fluff#mickey henry fanfiction#mickey henry#mickey henry angst#mickey henry fic#sebastian stan characters
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Lawlight Week- Day 1: Firsts
when some guy on TV calls you a little bitch and you start to feel Actual Emotions for the first time in your life
I wanted to kind of leave it ambiguous as to what exactly Light is referring to here, but rest assured, he has never felt anything like it before he came into contact with that scrunkly man lol
#death note#lawlight#light yagami#l lawliet#light x l#this is my first post ever on tumbleweed.com I am shaking rn#please tell me I did this right lmao#reviving my blog to bring you the Toxic Gays for Toxic Gay Week lol#also please tell me if I am making any sense in this post#lawlightweek2024#l x light#fanart#dn fanart#my art#One of the main draws to Lawlight for me is that they make each other feel alive#for Light it's the thrill of being actually challenged by someone#feeling that there is someone out there who is a legitimate threat#It was entirely new for someone who has never had an equal to actually provoke him the way L does#god I hate them so much (affectionate)#lawlightweek
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another really interesting thing in our man bashir to me is that I think this is the point where garak finally mostly relinquishes his self-appointed role as bashir's teacher. he seems to have taken it upon himself early on, for inscrutable but probably partially horny, partially cultivating a promising (and lovely) contact reasons of his own, to imbue julian bashir with some spysmarts and basic bastard thinking literacy skills, in the hopes that he won't go get his bright beautiful excitable ass killed at the first opportunity. there's a lot of mentor/protege undertone there in the early years. (if you want to get into asit stuff, very much in the same vein as palandine and garak's relationship in the beginning.)
but in omb garak really only has one of his little lectures, and it's basically about The thing about being a spy (and a person) that has most shaped his life: That's something else you've yet to learn, Doctor. A real intelligence agent has no ego, no conscience, no remorse. Only a sense of professionalism. There is no joy, no magic, no real delight to this, no winning, no recognition, and most importantly no connection; the reward for work well done is only ever the work itself. You don’t kiss the girl, get the key — you simply get on with turning yourself into nothing as best you can. and julian, who had just been trying to momentarily imagine a world where secrets can be cool and glamorous and for good, meaningful reasons that empower him to help the world rather than shameful and isolating and alienating and like a damocles sword hanging over him and everything he cares about, shoots back with 'well, but what if not that, though? that's the whole point of this game! this is my story not yours, trust me to know it better than you do. (I have more things to teach you too, if you’d just listen. And once he gets shot a little bit, garak does listen.)'
(somewhere beneath all this is almost exactly the same debate they will have explicitly later on -- "Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all"/"If that's true, that's one lesson I never want to learn". Something something the freedom to imagine and play around with different worlds in your head, no matter how cringefail james bond LARP nonsense that world is as long as it brings you hope and joy and new perspectives, kill the part of you that cringes etc. Garak you're allowed to get out of the closet in your head now, Tain is gone, you can imagine different things than what has been and no one will turn it against you. Im… sad)
through most of this episode garak is observing, and when he's not simply bitching about everything from the sidelines (<3), he's tentatively trying to throw in comments to play along, to figure out how the flow goes like he's learning a different language, and he's BAD at it hahaha. he barged in there to put himself in a position to learn something about julian bashir's ~*hidden inner psyche*~, but UH-OH spiritual uno reverse card time he's having to face some shit about his own psyche and the immense barrenness it's been forced to operate under for so long.
The learning between them has of course always been two-way (that’s partially what the whole relationship is built on), but in giving up the more ‘formal’ role — mask — of teacher, garak is also opening up space for realer emotional intimacy, letting one layer of artificiality fall and allowing more realness to shine through. even so he doesn’t let go of control completely until he’s faced with irrefutable (horny) proof that julian’s sentiments and ideals are backed by real conviction — julian knows (possibly better than garak does) what is a game, and what is real, and where he draws the line between frivolous and deeply necessary is different from where garak would and by the end of the ep I think garak trusts julian more, enough to leave the story in julian’s hands without trying to steer or form him even indirectly/sneakily. And to top it all off, the way julian uses his last dramatic speech to signal that he did also listen to what garak told him… augh.
the teacher role, along with the lies (ever his swiss army knife god bless), has helped garak keep a sort of fine-tuned control of the level of emotional intimacy possible between them, stay in control of what narratives are even on the table. and I think finally letting that fade more into the background transforms their relationship in ways that can pay off big time down the line, for all that it leaves things a bit strange and tentative in the meantime. by garak standards he’s being positively transparent in this episode. for the first time he talks about his time in the order without any coy prevarication, he states his hunger for knowing julian better right down to his ~*hidden inner psyche*~ almost pathetically openly (<3<3<3<3). And this is just my headcanon and definitely not what was meant at the time of airing, the unplanned nature of the augment reveal being what it is, but in context of the whole show as it became it feels a lot like garak offering some of his own authenticity to signal that julian could trust him with his. It feels like garak has figured out at least the rough outlines of what julian has uh got going on and tried to make this gambit, having… perhaps underestimated the extent of the defenses julian has internally/psychologically against Being Known, quite aside from the practical real world consequences of his secret getting out. Anyway. Lots in this episode. Many thoughts.
#the our man bashir post that was promised#garashir#star trek#star trek ds9#ds9#elim garak#julian bashir#does this make any sense. perhaps not. but at least it's out of my head lol#ds9 meta#long post
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Galladrabbles: autumn
Thanks, @millennium-time-machine, for this week's prompt. Great first prompt for @galladrabbles! <3
_________________________
His co-worker nudges him sharply, and Ian looks up as his crush approaches the counter.
“Hey, Mickey.” He sounds breathless. “The usual?”
“Hmm, feelin’ bold today. Gimme a venti pumpkin spice latte, eight shots of espresso, five pumps of maple pecan sauce, light foam, extra caramel drizzle, extra autumn sugar topping.”
Ian is stunned stupid. “Are—are you serious?”
Mickey laughs. “Nah, man. Just wanted to see that big orange head of yours explode.”
“Asshole,” he says, fighting back a smile. “So…tall black?”
“Well…did say I was feelin’ bold. How ’bout your number, too?”
Battle lost, Ian beams.
#i know nothing about ordering at starbucks#but neither does mickey!#so if this doesn't make any sense well yes it does#fun fact: mickey spent 15 minutes memorizing that order before walking in#happy pumpkin spice latte season for all who celebrate! lol#coffeeshop au#galladrabbles#gallavich#ian gallager#mickey milkovich#shameless#gallavich fanfic#ian x mickey#autumn
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glad it’s 💃🕺 and no longer 💃🧍♂️
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was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.
and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.
because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"
and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.
and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.
and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.
so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.
and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?
and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr meta#can i even call this one?? well i'm going to anyway lol#yamamoto takeshi#sawada tsunayoshi#i've never been normal about devotion in stories and characters and won't ever be so sorry if this doesn't make sense#also this is not to say the 10th gen loves tsuna any less unconditionally this isn't a competition#it's just me saying the particularities and specificities of the way takeshi specifically does it appeal to me the most#which is one of the reasons why i have such a big soft spot for 8027#and it's not a problem in their relationship either btw that's also not what i'm saying#like tsuna doesn't mind it and absolutely /does/ reciprocate it 100%#he's just careful to keep an eye out so none of them will lose themselves along the way#also this is within the context of me shifting canon slightly to the left in the way where the 10th gen loves tsuna /so much/#they could just as well actually and properly worship him as a god and it still wouldn't make a single difference#and me liking to lean into that fully and taking it to extremes and it inevitably becoming some extent of dark#because considering the environment canon makes them express it (the mafia) it's like. well how else are they meant to keep it alive#and make sure it survives through it without giving it sharp teeth and claws and jagged edges of its own you know?#so if you feel like this is some kind of ooc-ness you're not wrong#but also consider: i'm not wrong either <3#anyway consider also: unconditional devotion running /so/ deep down to your marrow and to your very essence#even in the face of the whole world telling you how wrong it is and how insane and unhinged you are for it and condemning you for it#it still wouldn't so much as make you consider the thought they might have a point#and i genuinely EAT that shit up every time i love to see it <3
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obviously i enjoy cute happy cathartic chainshipping stuff but personally. to me. one of the reasons its so compelling is that they are two deeply incompatible people, trying to cling to each other anyway.
Lawrence, with his need for control and order, who was devoted enough to his family he was willing to cut off his own foot to try and save them, and Adam, who seemingly has no real direction in life, who cut off his parents for an unknown reason and who, in the original script anyway, was shown to be passively suicidal. a surgeon who has friends that are lawyers, and a freelance photographer who has friends like fucking Scott Tibbs.
they cannot be more different from each other. they're like puzzle pieces that don't fit, but by god are they going to try and force them together anyway because if they don't they'll lose the only other person in the world who understands what happened to them in that bathroom. and they can't afford to lose that they need that. they need the reassurance that what happened to them was real and that they made the right decisions and that they're okay now.
they would be messy and they would argue all the time and they would piss each other off to no end but they would be so incredibly dependent on each other that they would put in the effort to be together anyway. do u get it do u see my vision
#.txt#grabs u by the shoulders does this make any sense#they would not be happy and healthy walk off into the sunset together. AT FIRST. at first anyway.#in my humble gamer opinion anyway.#again thats not to say i dont enjoy them being happy and healthy together bc i do enjoy that i want that for them SO BAD#but i think them rly having to fight their way fucking tooth and nail to that happiness to that sense of normalcy is cool and fun#sorry this post is SO LONG#chainshipping#saw posting#lawrence gordon#adam faulkner#adam stanheight#adam faulkner stanheight#lol.#saw
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sorry sometimes i think about mako and my heart hurts so much. this kid raised himself and his brother on the streets in homelessness and utter poverty from eight through fifteen, promptly after seeing the violent death of his mother and father. he turned to the triple threats because they couldn't survive as a pair of wretched kids without any adult support, and the environment forced him to turn into the exact character that killed his parents in a terrible twist of irony. and after sheer-fucking-luck hits and they aren't homeless anymore, their livelihood wavers on the outcome of what's a literally game to everyone but them; and after things are finally starting to look up and their team is going places and things just might be okay, his gradually stabilizing world unceremoniously expands and everything goes to shit.
and the city that chewed him up and spat him back out, ruined him as a child and took away his ability to stay afloat in a true sense of normalcy as an adult — when it's on the verge of destruction and falling to pieces before his eyes, he gives himself to save it with the full expectation to die. he went from the kid who didn't and couldn't care about anything outside of himself and his brother, to finding redemption for his younger self in his police work despite its injustice against him, to willingly sacrificing himself to a world that had never loved him.
he's a desperate people pleaser, socially and emotionally stunted for the adult he had to be as a kid, unable to navigate interpersonal relationships easily yet still trying his damned hardest. he's intensely and entirely devoted to the things that matter to him and for so long it was only him, bolin, and ensuring their survival — yet by the end, that devotion has expanded to protecting the rest of the world. he starts out entirely self-reliant and ends in trusting the people he cares about to know their own needs, to be able to take care of themselves, to be okay without him despite having spent so much of his life defined by his role in others' well-being.
just. what the fuck i'm such a big fan of this fictional guy and i'm unashamed about it at this point. also let him cry please (if you won't i'll do it i'll let him cry)
#lychee's brain trash#mako lok#mako tlok#sorry for the shitpost i don't do a lot of those i realize#how tf did this guy not had a massive break down in canon at any point#nd like;; he never shows resentment for the unfairness of it all#he doesn't ever use his past to excuse any of his choices/actions that are influenced by it#which is pretty intrinsically linked to his relationship fumbles#he just quietly holds himself accountable and probably mildly despises himself haha#as much as i don't care for the love triangle it really does make complete sense in accordance to his backstory#anyway this is just a roundabout way of me expressing my salt at people writing him off as a malicious asshole lol#i literally cannot articulate the intense complex things his conjured up existence makes me feel#this does not even scratch the surface there is SO MUCH#i need to actually write the fifty fics that exist to my brain otherwise all these thoughts will never see the sun#trust that one day the avatar!mako au will emerge from my drafts;;;#and. you know. that one shot i've had in wip for the past 2.5 years#and the four other oneshots that will probably never be converted into actual words
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