#sorry this post is SO LONG

[dracula-enthusiast]

obviously i enjoy cute happy cathartic chainshipping stuff but personally. to me. one of the reasons its so compelling is that they are two deeply incompatible people, trying to cling to each other anyway.

Lawrence, with his need for control and order, who was devoted enough to his family he was willing to cut off his own foot to try and save them, and Adam, who seemingly has no real direction in life, who cut off his parents for an unknown reason and who, in the original script anyway, was shown to be passively suicidal. a surgeon who has friends that are lawyers, and a freelance photographer who has friends like fucking Scott Tibbs.

they cannot be more different from each other. they're like puzzle pieces that don't fit, but by god are they going to try and force them together anyway because if they don't they'll lose the only other person in the world who understands what happened to them in that bathroom. and they can't afford to lose that they need that. they need the reassurance that what happened to them was real and that they made the right decisions and that they're okay now.

they would be messy and they would argue all the time and they would piss each other off to no end but they would be so incredibly dependent on each other that they would put in the effort to be together anyway. do u get it do u see my vision

[voidedaurora]

Now just to preface before her fans go crazy at me, I don't have a account in her server and I'm not specifically telling anyone to go out of their way to send me these things (aswell I do just get sent stuff in asks so there's that) DO NOT HARASS ANYONE MENTIONED/SHOWN IN SCREENSHOTS, I DO NOT CONDONE ANY AGRESSIVE, SPITEFUL, HATEFUL, OR OTHERWISE MALICIOUS BEHAVIOR!

Edit: I actually forgot to include a rlly important screenshot (her announcement about all of this)

Alot of her fans groveled at her knees after this announcement despite it basically being "yea I might make sexual jokes but sorry YOU interpreted it that way" She doesn't actually take any accountability in this? "I genuinely did not mean for any of it to be deemed as grooming" that's not even denying its grooming or apologizing for anything, it's literally just saying "I didn't want you to think about it like that" Aswell with the last part I have underlined, what evidence? how are you going to disprove you're grooming khai after everything stacked up, your current visible actions will always speak louder than your words in a screenshot with something like this. Honestly do better mel, cut this shit out, and stop being weird with people significantly younger, and set BOUNDARIES. [you can have a best friend without being sexual around them, foreign concept I know!] Whether you like it or not you're growing up, you're not a little kid just making animation memes anymore, you're nearly 19 years old and need to wake up and be responsible about this and own up to what you've done instead of your ego getting to you. Not to mention you havent addressed literally any of the other things you've been called out for because you genuinely do not care apparently.

Altogether, bad response you didn't take any accountability and blamed everyone else for "seeing it that way". end of edit:

Anyway I wanted to touch on part of the convos that've been going on in her server and clear up (once again) my side on why this is an issue since people in her server seem to exist on a different dimensional plane, ignoring everything I've said only to make up their own incorrect interpretations of my feelings/why I've done what I have here on tumblr. The SS i'll be speaking on first:

I'd like to state again for the record that while the fact she's 15 in a 16+ server is an issue (especially because its out of special treatment) It's not the main problem at hand here. The main problem with her being let in is the fact Mel allowed her to LIE about her age to get in and the fact that apparently she was also going to make an exception for another 15 yr old to be in from what I've been told? Coupled with her other recent behaviors it makes it all the more concerning. With Khai specifically/s past [that being lying to get into adult spaces to erp, draw/exchange nsfw, and a whole lot of other unsavory/inappropriate things] which again, Mel was and is 100% aware of, It's not okay for her to be letting this behavior slide and even encouraging it at this point. Khai has been lying about her age for years now and the fact she's being enabled and allowed to continue said behaviors is just not okay period, she already gets away with it but it's teaching her she can continue to do that without consequence having mel make an exception specifically just for her.

It's all genuinely so weird and just eugh, I'm extremely disappointed to see mel giving such special treatment to a whole kid just because they're besties now, especially with how she used to feel about/talk about khai before she became a wide eyed fan that looked up to her, genuinely what is up with her befriending the most parasocial fans ever. Aswell, whether you're best friends or not you shouldn't be letting/encouraging a friends bad behavior, this goes for both mels and khais actions respectively, from what I can tell they just gas eachother up and let eachother do bad shit just because, obviously khai cant really do anything to stop mels bad behaviors since she's a kid and that's not her job, but its still worth mentioning. Mel NEEDS to set boundaries if she insists on being best friends with fans/people significantly younger than her, she needs to learn what is appropriate and what is not, It's not hard to act normal around younger friends. [Imo someone 18+ honestly shouldn't be having 15 yr old best friends but that's just a personal opinion and my own morals]

And just to mention once again, I'd appreciate if the people in her server wouldn't just blatantly talk shit about me and especially would stop theorizing and prying into my mental health/BPD. I absolutely do not appreciate my disorder being used to push the idea that I just want to bring her down, just because I'm hurt from her actions doesn't make me speaking out on her blatantly terrible behavior any less valid, I can be hurt and truthfully talk about everything that's gone on simultaneously despite what a lot of people seem to believe. You've all made it quite clear you do not care about victims and would rather use "well I was (blank) and-" statements to discredit everything I or anyone else have to say about this, aswell as the whole "this should've been private!" argument as if I didn't try to handle this privately. Just because you've had an experience that went a certain way doesn't mean you have any higher ground to speak on when its about SOMEONE ELSES situation, sure you have input to give yes, but using your own experience to bring down someone else just because the one in the wrong just happens to be your #1 idol animation meme youtuber is disgusting and really makes where your priorities are at clear. Obviously everyone will believe what they're gonna believe, mels always gonna have her parasocial yesmen and there's nothing I can do to change their minds. Though I'd like so say, what has mel done to disprove any of this? Has she provided any evidence, has she given any meaningful statements?, has she properly addressed anything? the answer is no unsurprisingly. Take what she's said (or the lack of what she's said) into consideration before throwing yourself at anyone to defend her. And Fyi, Her essentially saying "nuh uh I'm not grooming anyone and I know I shouldn't be weird around friends but its a joke lol!" doesn't actually disprove anything, her actions have spoken way louder than her words ever have/will Here's a few notable screenshots/my takes on em bc auhh some of these are worded pretty rudely but I'd like to be transparent and honest.

[I originally did not censor names but I've decided to because I don't wasn't anyone getting ideas and harassing people]

Also just to add on a bit, I really hope this doesn't actually happen because why is a whole adult having a 15-16 yr old fly out to see her, and a better question would be why would her guardians allow that??

I don't think I have the full screenshot of this but reminder that mel actually was the one who refused to communicate like ever? I'd tried really hard to get mel to talk to me so we could have a private conversation about everything (her admitting to only sleeping with clover to be with me + a handful of other things) but she avoids talking things out like the plague, I gave her around 3 months before saying ANYTHING and there wasn't a single word until she'd got her friend to come up to me, only to refuse talking unless it was in a group which I absolutely was not comfortable doing (why would I ever feel comfortable having that conversation about sexual shit + personal stuff with other people around, let alone the same people who'd lied to cover for her before along with other things??) I'd like to note that I still don't have her blocked on anything so there's never been anything stopping her from reaching out other than her own ego/thoughts. same person sadly, they've got some interesting takes to say the least

Just because someone says "I'm not being groomed" or says they aren't a victim doesn't mean they actually aren't a victim, Its extremely common for a victim to be unaware they are one or even go as far as defending the abuser. I myself even struggle seeing myself as a victim sometimes and need alot of reminders (my input isn't too important but I thought I'd mention that </3)

Also khai, Idk what chronically online wording this is but I do not care about your "vrchat culture", cuddling and all that with someone significantly younger than you is weird regardless, does that "culture" also include being weird with minors in the handbook or is that just something mels added on? /gen

With this, you can be a victim and a bad person khai, in my opinion you are both. I can wish you well in one situation and not like you because of another, just because you've done terrible shit doesn't mean I want terrible shit to happen to you

Not much to say other than a 15 yr old shouldn't be "sleeping in the same bed" as an adult, let alone CUDDLING??

All I have to say with this is that yes! you are a child khai and I'm not going to give you special treatment like mel does, I genuinely do wish the best for you and that you get out of this situation though, truly. And I'll share as much as NEEDED to prove what I've said because none of it is false [if ANYTHING, there could be misunderstandings, but none of what I've said is made up, bullshit because I'm "hurt", stuff just trying to make mel look bad, etc.] , I have nothing to hide unlike mel (who's proven/disproven nothing?) Reminder I wouldn't have had to share anything if she'd handled things in private like i'd tried to, but it's a little too late for that. Best thing she can do is admit her wrongs and make some sort of response HERSELF.

Additionally

Its the way she just doesn't care and is more focused on her animation memes and her birthday coming up, don't do bad things if you cant handle consequences, or just don't do terrible stuff period?

I'll state again DO NOT HARASS ANYONE MENTIONED/SHOWN IN SCREENSHOTS, I DO NOT CONDONE ANY AGRESSIVE, SPITEFUL, HATEFUL, OR OTHERWISE MALICIOUS BEHAVIOR! Sorry if this isn't worded correctly/comes off as aggressive at all, I definitely missed some stuff aswell but I don't want this post to be too crazy long (I am upset so it definitely shows through a bit, I apologize for that, my kindness with all of this has been stretched pretty thin, especially knowing how much shit her fans are talkin about me simply because I spoke out </3)

[garzzum]

My Nerevarine, Galsri :)

[naribomnikkis]

This was kind of a remix of this outfit...

...which was a remix of this outfit!

[psalm22-6]

The International Distribution of Henri Fescourt’s Les Misérables: Universal Pictures, the Carl Laemmle-Victor Hugo Scholarship, and a surprise appearance by William Hays

Sometimes it happens that two movie versions of Les Miserables are made and released at the same time. It happened first in 1909, when both the Edison Manufacturing Company and the Vitagraph Company of America released versions. It happened again in the 30s, when Raymond Bernard released a version in France, at the same time that Richard Boleslawski made his version in America. And apparently it had almost happened in the 1920s. In 1925, Henri Fescourt released his version of Les Miserables. The movie is notable for being in four parts and close to six hours long. Meanwhile in America, Universal Pictures founder Carl Laemmle was apparently thinking of doing the same thing. In 1923 he had huge success with an adaptation of Notre Dame de Paris, starring Lon Chaney. "Some months ago I had in mind making into a photoplay, Hugo's great classic, Les Miserables,” Laemmle said. “When I learned that the Societé des Cineromans were already engaged in the production of this work, I investigated and found to my great satisfaction that it was being done most admirably. Having in mind our mutual desire to share the better of European productions with our American patronage, I arranged to distribute the picture in England and America.” (the Universal Weekly, 11 December 1926) At the Regent Theatre in Portsmouth, England Fescourt's Les Miserables was recut and shown in two parts: “The Soul of Humanity” and “The Barricades.” It was reportedly very successful: 18,000 and 19,000 people were said to have seen the first and second parts, respectively. And that’s despite 80-degree weather and competition from a carnival, a regatta, and the start of the football season. People were apparently lining up 2 and a half hours before the show in order to get in. At the Rialto Theatre in London, 14,200 people came to see it in its first week. (the Universal Weekly, 2 October 1926). In the US, the movie was initially shown in three theaters: to the Associated Advertising Clubs of the World at the Forrest Theatre, in Philadelphia, to the National Press Club at the Poli's Theatre in Washington and finally at Carnegie Hall in New York City. Some sources say that the film was shown in full (18 reels), some say that it was cut (to 14 reels). The Philadelphia and Washington showings were attended by the French ambassador. (The Moving Picture World, 10 July 1926). In attendance at the Washington showing were First Lady Grace Coolidge, Herbert Hoover (then Secretary of Commerce) and MANY other people whose names you can find here.

However the showing I would most like to have attended was the one at Carnegie Hall, which was presented with a special pre-show portion: an actor portraying Victor Hugo appeared on the stage, and then pretended to fall asleep, at which point actors dressed as characters from Les Miserables emerged from a giant copy of the book. “The Hugo speech and the resurrection of his characters were part of the Universal presentation given Les Miserables by James V. Bryson and Joe Weil,” reported the Moving Picture World. “The idea was taken from the original prologue in the picture itself and made an effective opening for this really fine production.”   For the film's wider release, Laemmle proposed to conduct a survey to see how people would prefer to see it: in its entirety or in an abridged form. Apparently he distributed a questionnaire via the Saturday Evening Post, Liberty, and Photoplay Magazine. Overwhelmingly people reported that they would like to see the movie unabridged, and that they would be willing to go to the theater multiple times to see the multiple installments.  Wagner's Ring Cycle was cited as an example of a story successfully told in parts. People felt very strongly about wanting to see the entire thing. As one journalist, who had seen the screening in Philadelphia put it: “It would be, it seems to us, a pity to subject this picture to the sort of ruthless cutting that would be necessary to bring it down to the length of a single feature. Great length usually consists of unnecessary padding, in a large measure, but not in this instance.” (the Motion Picture News, 10 July, 1926) In the Universal Weekly (a trade publication for theater owners) one ad reads:

Thousands gave the overwhelming answer [to the question of whether it should be cut]: “DON’T touch Victor Hugo; don’t rob us of a single scene of pathos, beauty, or magnificence; give us the immortal Jean Valjean as he lived, suffered, loved, and triumphed.” So “Les Miserables” will come to you in two distinct stories, for showing on successive days, or weeks, as you see fit. First, “The Soul of Humanity;” second, “The Barricades.” Each picture so big it ranks as a screen achievement; together — Victor Hugo as Victor Hugo would want to see his work on the screen. A radical step! Yes — and it is the RADICAL that is SHOWMANSHIP!” (the Universal Weekly, 2 October 1926)

However despite this declaration that the film should and would be seen in full, Universal ultimately decided to release an 11 reel cut. As the Moving Picture World reported: “At first the two-part proposition was voted so strongly that Mr. Laemmle was on the point of ordering the print cut that way and a campaign looking toward this distribution of the picture started. But later advisors won the day. He reconsidered at the last moment. The picture has been cut to eleven reels and Carl Laemmle now announces that it will be distributed to theatres next season as a single super-special.” But Laemmle wasn’t done. He had plans for another way of exciting the public’s attention: the Carl Laemmle-Victor Hugo Scholarship. It seems that originally Laemmle had intended the contest to be for college students, as he had purportedly reached out to over 700 universities to ask if they would participate. But ultimately it was decided that the contest would be open to high school students in the United States and Canada, with prize money intended to be used in furthering their education. A similar contest was to be held in the UK, where prize money could be used for university or an apprenticeship.  Students were invited to submit a 500 word essay answering the question:  "What ideals for life do you find in 'Les Miserables?'" To prove that the author was in high school, the essay needed to be accompanied by a letter from their school principal. A reporter for Universal Weekly opined: “The choice of this subject is regarded as a happy one in that it gives a present day aspect to the characters and motivations of Hugo's romance. It is said to be excellent also for its scope, and not of such a nature as to hamper students from certain sections of the country or from certain walks of life.”

Ad in the Saturday Evening Post. For the US & Canada contest, it was announced that there would be ten $500 scholarships and one $1000 grand prize, for a total of $6,000 in scholarships (that’s over $100,000 today). The number of scholarships available was increased when Jean Sapene, of the Society of Cineromans also made a contribution of $3,000 (The New York Times, 14 Aug 1927.) According to Laemmle, the contest was not “any form of blatant advertising” (source) and yet…it was definitely an advertisement.  Though technically entrants didn’t need to see the movie to submit an essay, the contest was great advertising for the movie and additionally, it elevated the profile of the movie by branding it as educational, salutary even, not simply entertaining. In “City of Dreams: The Making and Remaking of Universal Pictures,” Bernard F. Dick writes that Laemmle wanted to be known as “a defender of the values derived from a liberal arts educations” but that “those values did not exist in the abstract; they had to be present in a film Universal was releasing. [In creating the scholarship] Carl was not especially interested in Victor Hugo’s novel Les Miserables but in Henri Fescourt’s 1925 film version that Universal was releasing.” “Much thought and discussion with my associates convinced me that an admirable way to [increase the general appreciation for Victor Hugo’s creative genius] would be through a student’s essay competition,” stated Laemmle. “This would entertain on the part of the entrants something more than a casual reading of the book and impress them with the value of character as exemplified by the life of the novel’s hero" (Niagara Falls Gazette, 18 October 1927.) The scholarships would be awarded by Dr. John J. Tigert, United States Commissioner of Education; Dr. Ernst Crandall, Director of Visual Education of New York City; Dr. Thomas Finnigan, Chairman of Visual Education of the National Education Association; and Octavus Roy Cohen, an author of “ethnic comedies” (and yes that's as bad as it sounds.) The head of the awards committee was Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler, president of Columbia University (Butler would later win the Nobel peace prize but is remembered today for his notable silence in the face of the growing Nazi movement). The letter from Butler accepting the role of judge was published. Here is an excerpt: 

My friend, Mr. Will Hays, has sent me your letter to him of November 9th with its kind suggestion that I should act as one of the judges in the interesting and highly useful competition that you propose for high school students. I have written Mr. Hays that it will give me great pleasure to accept your suggestion and to serve your cause to the best of my ability.

If you didn’t catch that, that’s William Hays, who the Hays code is named after.... So while I most strongly associate the 1935 American film version of Les Misérables with the movement to sanitize films and remarket them as educational, we can see that Hays and others were laying the ground work for that with this 1927 release, the scholarship contest, and an advertising campaign that sought to involve educators and students. In cities across the United States, special screenings were held for students and teachers, sometimes at a reduced price, supposedly due to the educational merits of the film (and definitely not in an attempt to sell tickets). Libraries and bookstores handed out hundreds of thousands of bookmarks (designed by the Cleveland Public Library) advertising the film, in addition to entry forms for the contest. In Charleston, South Carolina the high school superintendent wrote an article in the newspaper about the movie. (The Motion Picture News 28 January 1928). In Buffalo, New York school officials endorsed the movie and the superintendent distributed information about the scholarship. (The Motion Picture News 25 November 1927). In Boston the premiere was attended by the Governor, as well as 18 school superintendents (Motion Picture News, 18 November 1927). And in Houston, Texas students in the French and literature classes were given extra credit if they attended the movie (Moving Picture World, 31 December 1927).

The bookmark in question (Moving Picture World, 24 December 1927.) So who won the contest? One of the $500 prizes was awarded to Alfred Hollander, a student of  Emmerich Manual Training high school in Indianapolis, Indiana. He came in 5th place. 

(The Indianapolis Times, 23 April 1929) And the first place winner was 14 year old Edwin M. Snell, a student at Central High School in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

(Exhibitors Herald World, 11 May 1929) But the real winner was Universal Pictures, which surely made buckets of money. And that’s all I have to say on the subject for now, except for to thank @mabeuf5 and @l832​ for reigniting my interest in this topic and that I’m sure we will be hearing more about this from the two of you soon. 

[ask-thearchivists]

Humans do not function under a single world government or belief system, though there is open communication across the planet. [They are very hard to predict, it could be exciting] Due to their differing viewpoints it would likely be impossible to find a single solution that all humans will respond positively to, and because of their communication you wouldn't be able to split them into isolated groups to use multiple different techniques without conflict. I believe "benevolent friendly aliens" would probably be the best route, and if you fix the rapidly deteriorating climate there are many that would probably back you. [there are so many possibilities] Then again, if you wanted to really get the religious ones on your side- they can be feisty and rude- giving a first impression of gods or spirits could be beneficial [I can't stop talking]. I don't know if there would be a surefire way to collect from humanity without part of the population rebelling. [I don't like this] Though if you tried to approach from a purely scientific standpoint-

*the alien clamps one set of hands over their mouth and backs off to sit in a corner, you can still hear muffled mumbling*

Uncle Coor: Oh, a rapidly declining climate? Your assertion feels correct, in that arriving as a group of friendly aliens who will solve their problems in exchange for help with our scientific pursuits seems like the perfect entrance.

Uncle Coor: Oh they would use nuclear weapons on us? Oh ho ho ho! Talk about dinner and a show! Those silly mortals, they would essentially be giving us a tasty little energy boost. If they are so self-destructive then I am quite sure that many would be relieved for us to remove those toys from their possession as we fix their climate.

Uncle Coor: Everything I have been told so far supports the idea that we should resist asserting Godhood to the mortals, though I am sure they will come to see us for what we truly are in due time.

Uncle Coor: Oh, really now? Now that is something worth looking into, and it handily brings me to my final question- is there any way for us to reach this other universe?

The Truthful Captives spell has now expired. You are free to lie and they will believe it as the truth for two more turns.

[lazyleafeon]

this is something i've been thinking about for a while, but if anyone has critiques or suggestions for how i write image descriptions please let me know! i'm open to change the way i currently write them.

something in specific i was wondering about was how i write IDs for comics. for comic dialogue, i've alternated from writing in prose like "he said, "example sentence"" and script formatting like "character: example sentence", and mostly stick with script format for longer comics. If one's preferred over the other, or people would like having both script and prose as an option, I can work that into how i describe stuff.

i also write image descriptions in the post itself instead of alt text because i heard that not all screen readers can read alt text, but if using alt text would be better, or doing something like writing short alt text and going into detail in an image description in the post itself, i can change that for future descriptions.

for reference about how I try to go about writing IDs:

the general format i try to keep with them is: format (like if it's an illustration or comic), character names, series they're from, and then a concise summary that gets across what they're doing. or a brief physical description if they're an OC.

the exceptions to being concise are if there's text in the image, like comic dialogue or notes about what's going on. or if there's something that needs to be described for context, like a visual leadup to a joke's punchline or a detail about a drawing that i reference in the caption.

[gghostiis-shenanigans]

okay literally nobody asked for this but i saw a post about the crews possible zodiac signs (that post can be found here) and went "man, i wonder if these guys have birthdays, even if its just a headcanon"

well guess what, i found nothing. no birthdays as far as im aware. so guess what i just spent the last 45 minutes doing?

thats right, using my finite knowledge of zodiac signs and that zodiac post i saw, i came up with birthdays for the riptide pirates (its like midnight girl help-)

so without further ado, i present to you...

the (very much not canon) birthdays of the riptide pirates!

lets start with chip, who was the easiest: april 20th

the post linked above puts him as a taurus, and having no reason to dispute this claim, i decide to just roll with it (pun intended.) i have a younger sister whos a taurus. i know this sign well.

(i feel its at this point that i should mention im not a professional and its very late.)

so now i have a date range, april 20th to may 20th. im looking around for anything that could help me close that gap, and then i discover decans. as far as im aware, decans are ten day periods within zodiacs that have slightly different traits to the overall zodiac. (these decans were very helpful with picking these dates!) well, upon closer inspection, i decide that chip is best described by the 1st decan of taurus, or however you word that, and as such, his birthday would fall between april 20th and april 29th. from there you know what i had to do (it was funny i promise)

lets move on to gillion tidestrider, who was slightly more difficult: december 10th

so at this point since im using chips assigned zodiac, i might as well stick with that theme and go with sagittarius for gill. that gives me a date range of november 22nd to december 21st. originally i was thinking to myself, "oh this man is such a winter solstice child," but upon further review (including decan research,) i settle on the 2nd decan. this shortens my date range to somewhere between december 3rd and december 11th, so winter solstice was out the window. so, completely on a whim, i decide to look up holidays in december. this is when i discover the festival for the souls of dead whales. its on december 10th. the rest is self explanatory.

finally, jay ferin, who i struggled quite a bit more with: june 21st

since im sticking with the zodiac post, jay is a gemini. this gives me a date range of may 21st to june 21st. i turn to the decans and realize that i dont actually know jay well enough to assign her decan. (i love her, dont get me wrong, but for some reason i struggled with this.) after a few minutes of reading over the traits and differences between the decans, i settle on the 3rd decan of gemini. this gives me a range of june 11th to june 21st. from here, i try to copy my strategy for gill and look up fun holidays that might give me a solid date, but i dont really find anything that catches my eye. then, i find out that the 21st of june is - you guessed it - a solstice! this unironically fits jay very well, which is very good for me.

and there you have it folks. i just spent an additional 45 minutes writing this post, and now im going to go to bed. tag me if i missed anything important, please-

[hi-200y]

I can sing/hum Jingle Bells on cue. That’s 19th century 😭

I can also hum They Long to be Close to You by The Carpenters and another Carpenters Song I can hum/sing is Merry Christmas Darling.

When the power of my house went out for nearly three hours a week ago I was singing Santa Baby on the top of my lungs. Yikes! Oh that song falls between the 1940-1959 option of the poll since that song was originally sang by Eartha Kitt in 1953.

Oh, and I can hum The Star Spangled Banner (Early 19th century) and God Save the Queen (or King)/ My Country Tis of Thee too (I think it was written in the 1700s, not so sure).

Yeah, there are a lot of songs I can hum or maybe sing on cue/I can remember that are pretty old but these are the ones I can think at the top of my head.

please do look it up if you dont know the date bc there may be at least an approximate answer and otherwise the last option will completely dominate and this poll will be boring.

and dont be like 'but i cant sing'... just answer the earliest tune you know well enough that you COULD sing it

periods of western classical music provided only for reference

[climbingthefloors]

obsessed with this baby hippo from thailand's khao khew zoo.. she has been so utterly betrayed by the world

[whiteshipnightjar]

Zoozve, my beloved

[fishfingersandscarves]

they've never had sex

[soaked-doors]

happy birthday zoro 🎉🍾

[whoreishghost]

to preface: this is a 100% genuine request for an answer if u have it, if u feel comfortable doing so, send it however u wish, an anon ask, a dm, if u have any of my more personal details there is good too. i promise i will not argue w u, ill probs just say ty and nothing more. u do not have to have an extended conversation about this w me unless u really want to, but i will function under the assumption unless told otherwise that u do not. if u send an anon, unless u say u want me to, i will not publish it. i am really really asking for Anyone at all to give me any kind of indication as to what is going on and i am v happy and willing to hear whatever comes of this. shld u feel comfortable telling me, do not feel the need to spare my feelings.

with that out the way. what am i doing wrong? i am famously a pushover, a doormat, whatever u want to call it. i dont *typically* say anything if ppl treat me badly or in ways i dont like. this is in part bc i function under a sort of "peoples lives often suck in ways i dont have the full scope or understanding of, and when i do, i am then acutely aware how much it sucks and feel that grace and understading shld be given to ppl in situations where they treat me badly" as well as i dont rlly like or respect myself so im not rlly gna disagree if someone else feels the same. but in terms of the first bit, i am not saying i am perfect or have never been rash in my response to someone, or unreasonable, or unforgiving. i obviously have. i am not infallible. but i hope, i want to think, that for the most part at least, i do afford people this grace and understanding when they are shitty to me. that being said, i do not feel people, generally speaking (obviously this is not universally true), have had this same grace and understanding for me when i act in ways which are disrespectful, mean, etc. bc again, i obviously do and have acted in such ways. i obviously have do and will in the future hurt ppl both unintentionally and even intentionally at times. i am a person. etc. but, even when ppl have the knowledge that i am honestly pretty traumatised in ways i have never addressed or dealt with, autistic, etc. it doesnt matter? i am not worth the time or effort or whatever it is to give me the benefit of the doubt. to just tell me, hey u did a shitty thing to me and i dont want u to do it again. obviously, there are going to be circumstances where i have crossed a line that i shld have been cognisant of, or that is too far for the other person. im not expecting this to be like, a universal and total understanding. however, even accounting for the fact that i am going to at least sometimes cross the line in irreperable ways, i really really feel that ppl are extremely resistant to acknowledging that i am often acting out of a place of trauma or simply not understanding and very very rarely am i doing hurtful things out of malice.

the number of ppl who are and have been in my life from whom i put up w so much from, bc i *knew* that they were hurting and traumatised and probably just didnt realise the extent to which they were upsetting me, is really in the majority by now. and for those ppl who r no longer in my life, often the case was that something that they did happened to be tied to some aspect of my trauma and i acted out of order, and they decided i was not worth the effort/time/patience/etc to continue associating with me. that despite the fact that i had frequently let them slide on things which were extremely hurtful and impactful to me on numerous occassions, having often not that often expressed a negative reaction to my past behaviour and actions, just cut me off.

this isnt even just in cases of ppl who no longer wish to associate with me (which is obviously well within their rights, this post isnt to be like oh woe is me, ppl should just hang out w me even when i upset them and hurt them w no consequence, but rather a genuine question as to why when i afford others grace and understanding others dont seem to do so for me), frequently just expressing that i have been hurt by someones actions in a fairly calm manner most of the time i think (though again, not always), i am often reacted to with being ignored, ppl distancing themselves from me without explanation/clarification that they are upset w me, as well as outright aggression.

as i said, this is very genuine. i do not understand what i am doing wrong. i am obviously the problem as i am the common denominator. i am not trying to skirt responsibility in any way for my actions. i just would really Really like to understand why i allow other ppl to act traumatised, scared, disproportionately, rudely, whatever and ppl do not do this for me? or at least it feels that way. i am not trying to skirt responsibility for my actions. i genuinely really just do not understand what is going on. i do not want to keep ending up in situations where ppl decide they no longer want to associate with me or distance themselves from me for reasons i dont understand.

without devolving into a pity party, i basically no longer talk to anyone other than with ppl i am in some way helping or doing things for. i consistently talk to i think about 2 ppl and one of them is my gf and she lives w me. i dont like living like this and i dont want to continue living like this. its fucking miserable. and obviously, given the problem likely *is* with me, i need to change my behaviour or outlook in some way.

just as a final like, pls dont think im being like oh i am always the victim and have never done anything wrong ever pls pity me. i am well aware that i have do and will hurt ppl. it is inevitable. some of those ppl will not consider it worth their time or worth the pain it caused them, to continue to associate with me. that is a fact of life and i am not going to pretend like i am not the one at fault bc i obviously am. that being said, given the frequency of this happening to me, and given how few ppl are in my life now i am extremely incetivised to do something about this. i dont want to be hurting ppl as much as i can and if there is something i am doing, i would like to be told so i can make an effort to change this.

that being said, from what i can see of these numerous situations, i have consistently been a doormat for however long, been triggered by something the other person has done or expressed what to me is a reasonable upset at someones actions, and then just thats that so i really truly do not understand.

ty in advance if u decide to take the time to tell me what u think is going on / if u r in the know (somehow) about what is going on with this, it is really appreciated.

[kensatou]

studio trigger understood the assignment. i would let her wreck me.

[cirrus-grey]