#does it take forever? also maybe
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wanderingmoonmen · 2 years ago
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Leon managed to catch James by surprise and get a picture of him smiling. He definitely uses the picture for all his profile pictures everywhere because he’s a dork.
If you haven’t also seen @fly-rye has started posting some of their writing here and I made a collection that’ll contain all of them here.
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hinamie · 2 months ago
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10 years later
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knockknockitsnickels · 2 months ago
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I think this is one of my favorite lines from the Wraith route because of (imo) how much the meaning changes depending on if you got there via Spectre or Nightmare. For Spectre, it honestly strikes me as a genuine question. Why are you doing this to her? If you're on the Spectre route, you presumably already know the Narrator can't really be trusted, since you had to reject his reward to get here. What are you hoping to gain from continuing to hurt her? For Nightmare, it honestly just makes me sad. As the Shifting Mound describes her, "She desires only companionship, but the only thing she knows is how to hurt." This line feels like a plea from someone who genuinely doesn't understand why you keep rejecting her. She wants to be with you, but she just can't understand how to do that in a way which doesn't hurt you.
#at the risk of getting put on a list there is something tragic & relatable in nightmare#someone who desperately wants to make connections but just can't understand how#anyway wraith is one of my favorite princesses for stuff like this (and bc tragedy aside her route is a riot)#also im sorry if she doesn't say that line if you got there via nightmare#that's how i got her and i could've sworn she did? But i only found footage of her saying it in spectre#slay the princess#stp#stp wraith#the wraith#stp spectre#stp nightmare#side note archetypal/heart#(slash so i don't accidentally tag them)#pointed out on another post of mine that you get wraith via nightmare by killing her and via spectre by leaving her in the basement#in both cases its a rejection of her (rejection being one of wraith's main themes)#which makes me speculate on spectre's ch 3 (which i think we currently have very little info on?)#Trying to run from Nightmare should technically be a 'rejection' as well#but you get MOC from that (and from choosing to stay with her)#imo bc you're just repeating the same inaction which got you into this situation in the first place#you don't want to slay her. you don't want to set her free. So you just leave her there (again)#and so you get MOC where things have only gotten worse and you have no choice left. Because you chose *not* to take action again#So I wonder if spectre 3 will be a similar 'repeating your past mistakes' type of deal#i was skeptical about it coming from stabbing yourself while she possesses you or trying to crush her bones#but it does make sense with that in mind#im curious if it'll parallel MOC#except instead of having no choice but to free the princess you have no choice but to obey the narrator again#maybe you both end up stuck in the cabin forever again?#idk#sorry i probably should've put all of that tag in the post lmao
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sneeb-canons · 3 months ago
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None of HMS have a good sleeping schedule.
Heart sleeps a LOT more than Mind and Soul. He usually naps throughout the day, often being asleep more than awake.
Mind will work himself to death. He has to be made to go to sleep or else he will pass out on his desk.
Soul is the worst. He doesn't sleep at all. The only times he does are when he passes out from too much caffeine intake.
Headcanon #721
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rearranging-deck-chairs · 5 months ago
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago
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Just curious what the average level of personal investment in these sorts of things is. Like, how much do people usually get into silly stuff like this their friends ask of them? etc. etc. Which I know, only surveying a small sample on a very specific website means I'm not getting an exact average idea lol, but.. curious nonetheless .. Maybe reblog for bigger sample size but also this is not very serious at all/not worth a call to action gbhjbhjb
#which I know this could be context dependent like.. maybe you'd normally dress up but on a week that#you feel sick you wouldn't or etc. etc. - but I mean.. GENERALLY. in the most general average scenario#where you have the average amount of health and free time that you always do. etc. just based on your personality#and level of investment in these things - what on AVERAGE are you most inclined to do#also of course assume they communicate with you ahead of time and are not like planning a part last minute#like 'throw together costume in 5 hours and show up tonight randomly' or etc. I would hope that if we're going with the#AVERAGE of things - most people's friends have better communication skills than springing entire parties#on people last minute lol#assume you have like.. a few days-a week or so to prepare. however ealrly people usually start talking about#birthdays. In my experience it's usually one or two weeks ahead of time. Like 'oh next weekend' or 'oh two weeks from now' etc.#ANYWAY.. feeling a little Sick again of course but still trying to get some photos or something posted#AGAIN i promise I am not going to exlcusively post polls and ntohing else forever hgkjgnekj#I just really really love the ability to post polls and have always my whole life been obsessed with surveying people#I used to think I wanted to do that as a career somehow like.. be one of the people that does psychological interviews#or produce interview asessments for a company or etc. etc. I am always the one friend in the group thats giving out custom made#surveys or asking for other simialr stuff (did you ever take an mbti quiz? how about enneagra#m?? oh yeah I know they're not really scientifically valid or antyhing but like... DID you take them?? huh?? did you??please?? ghjj)#I simply cannot resist.. posting a little poll every once in a while.. as a treat#whilst I still fall behind on like actual content and costumes and stuff gbjhbjh#New poll adventure should be not as much of a wait as the last one was though since I already have the writing#for it really. I just have to do the ms paint sketch. hopefully no unexpected other health issues will get in the way#*** *** ***#< (anytime I do these three star patterns it is an ocd compulsion not me bleeping out words or something just ignore it lol)#(it means something secret in my evil brain just pretend you do not see it. significant only to me)#BUT YEAH.. ... poll... what type of costume party atendee are you?#:0c
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sammygender · 6 months ago
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trans headcanons of the winchesters are always extremely fun to play around with and i can see most of them. but one that always rings slightly false to me, despite a love for it due to self-identification and the fact it’s definitely interesting, is transmasculine dean. simply because if you’re going according to canon this would require him to have transitioned at some point prior to johns death, probably much prior, probably as a youngish kid. and i genuinely do not think that ever could’ve happened. he values johns approval too much and is too scared of demanding too much of him.
like even aside from whether john is Actually transphobic (i doubt he’s like Cartoonishly transphobic he probably would be annoyed by it slash not care much, interpret ‘not caring’ however you want) just the whole Thing of coming out where you’re like. “Hey dad im actually a human person who has an internal sense of self and such that doesn’t happen to be You 2.0 and am not the gender you thought i was and i feel emotions to such an extent that i actually like need to transition”…….
no fucking way dean would ever be able to do that to john while he’s still alive. please. teenage transmasculine dean would be like Well yeah sure i want to be a guy but that’s not an option for me whatsofuckingever. and crucially he’d be like that even if he knew entirely about trans people. now this is why transfemme dean works so well. because you just know it would take her at least thirty years to even consider it for a singular second.
on the other hand transmasc sam works so well because you can picture teenage transmasculine sam realising he’s a boy and promptly making it part of the whole entirely justified and very cool and fun teen angst rebellion FUCK YOU DAD thing. he could let spite carry him to the point of coming out. dean? he is burying that shit deep.
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fatedroses · 11 months ago
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Poor Emmanellain sending this relatively new, silent, stoic adventurer off on a delivery only to realize its going to take twice as long as just delivering it himself.
Zenos gets to deal with both the pain of not being able use Aetherytes and being dramatically stubborn of doing a job he was given regardless of it.
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brainman1987 · 13 days ago
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Okay I was going to draw more but like. Can’t hold back. The autism is just too strong. (Small explanation under cut!)
This is a very small modification of the professor Layton games where back in Stansbury is two old gay blokes who teach at the academy. Simon Antebellum is an art teacher notorious for not taking work if „you don’t put enough heart into it“, even if technically the art is exactly what he asked for. In this Modified version of the professor Layton world, Hershel actually takes a liking to art! He’s more into abstract or still lives, but he loves working with pens and ink in general. Simon is very impressed by all his pieces because Hershel uses art as a way to express emotions he can’t put into words. They like to chat about whatever really, and Simon helps him realize much earlier in his life that he is bisexual, and that is perfectly fine! When Hershel is in the academy he’s like in his early thirties as some clarification.
Simon lives with his best friend (husband) Jayus Sparrow, a lively young man who is the assistant for the band teacher! He also helps out with math classes, and is generally just a really cool substitute to have. Jayus takes a liking to Randall for his rambunctious spirit and allows Randall to goof off mostly whenever he substitutes, for as long as he finishes his work at the end of class. Jayus is really into music in general and loves being the substitute for the band as much as he can. It’s a common joke among students to say that Mr. Sparrow is the actual band teacher while their real teacher is just a substitute. If your confident in his eyes Jayus tends to like you more because he thinks that confidence is the most important aspect of becoming a good person.
The two have been sweethearts since they were born as they like to joke, and have been living together for years. I’m trying to decide if they should have a child or not, but I’m thinking they likely have a couple pets or at least give out sweets or small pastries to the kids on their block. They also leave chalk out for kids who want to draw out on the sidewalk. Simon every year paints a big painting of his art classes that year, and Jayus always does his best to give out cupcakes on the last day of school to anyone who wants one. Jayus is a pretty good baker, but his actual specialty is cooking! I could go on but you get the point I think. Anyways I love these old blokes and I hope you do too kasjfadk
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petrichormore · 1 year ago
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Alright time for me to once again defend q!BBH and his paranoia. (Everything following is about the characters, not the CCs)
Um. Yeah the paranoia is warranted.
The paranoia that his friends are now holding against him is the very same paranoia that has saved lives repeatedly in the past. Nothing about his circumstances have changed enough to warrant being any less paranoid, and it’s not as though his friends didn’t know about his paranoia beforehand. It’s been a consistent part of him, of course he’s not gonna be fully trusting of even his closest friends. Because here’s the thing people don’t seem to understand: he never was.
He never fully trusted Forever. He never fully trusted Baghera. He probably never will. He trusts them as much as he possibly can, but not fully. I see a lot of people criticizing his distrust of them as though he hasn’t already stretched far beyond his comfort zone for them. As if he hasn’t given them access to his base. As if he hasn’t already told them he trusts them, as much as he is able.
Which, by the way, he would be completely in the right to disallow them access to his base - it’s his house. And also, because it’s election season everyone is hiding themselves on the map and distrusting each other - it’s not just him being paranoid.
Especially the hiding-on-the-map thing; I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say it’s wrong of them to hide themselves when it’s ultimately their decision but in doing so they’ve forced Bad into a position where allowing them access to his house is now too much for him. Except he can’t revoke access because he’s scared they’ll react negatively. Which I imagine they will, even if he comes forward and tells them ahead of time which I’ve seen people suggesting. He’s outright stated that the main reasons he’s concerned with people hiding themselves on the map is 1. because if an egg is an danger he won’t be able to find them and 2. (specifically with forever and baghera) they can now enter his house or be around him without him knowing even while he’s online. That’s too much for his paranoia, which is fair.
“Oh, but he’ll lose the support of his friends if he can’t constantly prove he trusts them in a way that they approve of.” He can’t give them something he doesn’t have. Something he’s never had, for as long as they’ve known him. He cares so much about everyone on the island, even people he doesn’t like, and if his friends turn against him just because he won’t let them use his villagers then damn he’ll… probably just keep caring for them anyway. Because that’s just what he does. Bad is a person that cares very much and trusts very little.
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quietlyblooms · 3 months ago
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PREFERENCES — SEXY SUNDAY EDITION. explicit below the cut. feel free to steal & repost for your own muse(s) .
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bold = yes
bold + italics = favorite
italics = maybe or partner dependent
nothing = no strong opinion
striked = never
INTEREST!
submissive / dominant / prefers to top / prefers to bottom ( at the beginning ) / likes to switch / heterosexual / gay / lesbian / bisexual / pansexual / asexual / demisexual / enjoys sex with men / enjoys sex with women / enjoys sex with genderfluid , agender , demigender , or non binary individuals / enjoys sex with all genders regardless of identity / enjoys sex with multiple people at a time ( only if she's in a closed poly relationship ) / enjoys intimacy with women / enjoys intimacy with men / enjoys intimacy with genderfluid, agender, demigender, or non binary individuals / enjoys intimacy with all genders regardless of gender / initiates / waits for partner to initiate / spits / swallows / morning sex / night sex / sex any time / no sex drive / low sex drive / average sex drive / high sex drive / hypersexual / fluctuating sex drive
BODY & APPEARANCE.
slender build / medium build / athletic build / muscular build / curvy build / voluptuous / chubby build / wears boxers / wears boxer briefs / wears lingerie / goes commando / shaves / trims / waxes / goes natural / naturally smooth / cup size a b c / cup size d-f/ 1-5” in length / 6-9” in length / 10” or over in length
SOUNDS.
silent / quiet ( tries to be at first out of shyness ) / loud / grows in volume over time / bites hand / bites partner / bites pillow to muffle self / calls out partners name / curses / fakes / exaggerates / prefers a quiet partner / prefers a loud partner / prefers a partner who grows in volume over time / turned on by dirty talk!!! / turned off by dirty talk
TURN-ONS & KINKS.
having their hands pinned / pinning partner’s hands / having own hair pulled / pulling partner’s hair / being watched ( by their partner ) / being watched ( by a third party ) / watching their partner / receiving oral / giving oral / giving praise / receiving praise / biting or marking / being bitten or marked / spanking / being spanked / teasing / being teased / having toys used on them / using toys on their partner / giving anal / receiving anal / choking / being choked / giving vaginal / receiving vaginal / being tied up / tying partner up / being worshipped / worshipping partner / humiliating / being humiliated / degrading / being degraded / knife play / blood play / being pegged / pegging partner / partner wearing lingerie / wearing lingerie / whipping / being whipped / roleplay ( would depend on the scenario but she'd try ) / titfucking / cockwarming
PLACES.
bedroom / shower / bath / pool / ocean / kitchen / home bathroom / public restroom / car / tent / alleyway / field / forest / university / empty or abandoned building / library / rooftop / terrace / dressing room / elevator / parking lot / museum / cemetery / beach / closet / hospital
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termagax · 3 months ago
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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.
#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean#so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him#a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww#i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now#but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting#so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3#and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that#so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it#anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of#doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes#all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups#(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really#tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze#i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time#but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it#will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy#would be. and i cant do that for him#again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go#'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad#ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not#because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience#to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever#because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it#^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows#idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster#about it and i want it so bad
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defectzim · 1 year ago
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TaTr is real and good. <- have a whole story in its head that would NOT fucking happen in canon.
#show doesnt give us anything my brain fills in the gaps#itd I GUESS be an AU but in my heart and mind its real jus lemme have this#Tenn gets re encoded as a service drone after the incident with the SIR units. tallests would rather put the blame on her than admit fault.#They get sent to moo ping 10 not as a prisoner just to work there (i go back on forth on what her specific job is. BUT its low profile.)#something like a custodian. tenn takes it as best she can but she DOES have a bit of that dramatic i want to get revenge feels.#like they've just lost their mission through no fault of her own. its a difficult time for her as she starts to kinda...question things.#like the way the world (or the only one she knows) works around her. but she also knows there isnt much they can do yk.#eventually she meets Tak there. who IS there as a prisoner.#i think theyd bond over the way theyre both victims of circumstance. and how they couldnt do anything to get where they were when meeting.#but hey. maybe being at your own rock bottom isnt too bad if someone's on the same level.#one thing leads to another they start their own “resistance” BUT really it is just them chilling in space.#theres lots of gaps BUT. but....shhh lemme have this i know its corny and would NOT fucking happen but they make me giggle happy smile.#ZIM SPEAKS#oh also mimi is included too. mimi is their emotional support kitty.#kitty mimi is forever i luv her FOREVER.#also i use they/she for tenn jst so theres no confusion ^_^!
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cinnamon-bunni · 2 months ago
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NOT okay right now im thinking abt pokemon leaving scars on their trainers + everyday, domestic problems.....
#this is abt my top gun au btw <3333 which will forever haunt me even though im less likely to write it everyday </3333#like.....getting thin scars from rowlet as a kid which have now all basically faded to time#(though the ones gained as a teen from dartrix can still be seen)#while in the other hand always having angry red scratches along both arms because hes always holding up rufflet who fights like no tomorrow#(believe me; its better to hold him up and take the damage than put him down and let rufflet pick a fight with someone)#OR like....getting electrical burns because elekid doesnt know how to control its discharge yet. and the scars that stay bc of that#(which tbh is an ash + pikachu thing i would love to see)#or how one accidental poison jab from toxicroak will leave you utterly sick for days#(like serious he should probably go to a hospital or smth) and toxi just has the biggest saddest puppy dog eyes in existence it feels so ba#(its fine this has happened before he'll be fine. probably)#bruisings on your shins bc pawmot punches your legs to grab your attention or to get smth it wants....#rooms always being like ten to twenty degrees colder (or even more) when he has his ice pokemon out for whatever reason...#the reverse of that with fire types..... ough...#having to BEG flygon not to fly rn bc it starts a sandstorm every fucking time and it does it anyway#(PLEASE i took you out of your ball to eat dinner why cant yiu behave this one time)#and then dragonair fixing it to be clear skies again.....the never ending cycle....#any trainer who have pokemon that start sandstorm needing a pair of safety goggles for when they battle#(maybe even bringing a spare just in case or--if theyre kind enough--for their opponent to wear so they can see too)#dont even get me started on mythical pokemon interacting with the tg characters.....#anyway tried to stay as vague as possible for the characters lolol#bergmite is just a lil guy who wants to be carried around like all the other small 'mons....i am so sorry sweetie you are over 200 pounds#you cannot be perched on your trainers shoulder like someone else's rufflet can#having ice burns bc froslass tried to freeze him.....#anyway. can you tell i love pokemon#sorry to anyone who sees this in the pokemon tag </333#delete later#i feel like im begging on my knees for someone to ask abt my au....but also if they did id die of embarrassment from answering it...#the pros and cons of having a dumb little au </3#sigh maybe one day i'll write a fic... (<-keeps saying it but has written nothing for it (yet))
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fist-amidst-the-hands · 2 years ago
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kinda want izzy to absolutely decimate stede at chess and I can't explain why
#ofmd#stizzy#izzy hands#stede bonnet#like... maybe stede is teaching ed because he wants to have someone to play against and ed is trying his best to learn#and brilliant tactician that he is ed of course can understand the game and the rules very well that's not even remotely the issue#it's just that... well the game is about strategy and planning and anticipating your opponent's moves and ultimately overpowering them#and that's quite like pirating now isn't it except these are tiny wooden pieces on the board and ed is just used to this kind of strategic#planning on a much larger and livelier level with higher stakes and with the added element of human unpredictability and never quite#knowing what rules someone else is playing by. so he does learn and he plays okay but tends to lose focus somewhere in the first ten turns#so one day they're trying to get through a full game and izzy is sitting off to the side watching them play and ed is kind of trying but his#mind is already wandering elsewhere and he makes frankly ridiculously bad move and izzy is just like 'wait' then sighs walks over to them#and puts the piece back and makes a different move instead saying 'do this instead' and ed's face is just like ??? confused betrayal because#why and how did he not know izzy could play chess?? and stede's eyes of course fill with excitement at the thrill of a new opponent and also#because he's been taking it easy on ed while he gets the hang of the game but is actually rather skilled at chess and would love to impress#with his skills even if the only person who would truly get the brilliance is izzy (and stede admits to himself that izzy does know what#he's doing given that the move he corrected for ed is exactly what he would have done)#so anyway stede does his whole big eyes hopeful voice *vague gestures* thing and is like 'oh you play? care for a game?' and izzy stares#him down for what feels like forever but is actually about 8 seconds before saying 'one. one game' so they reset the board and it's only#fair for stede to let izzy go first but for izzy's first turn instead of moving a piece he rotates the whole board so the white pieces are#in front of stede and says 'i don't think so. not letting you have the excuse to say i only won because i went first' and stede#is a little taken aback but you know what? challenge accepted. game on#it's about twenty turns in when stede starts getting nervous that izzy does in fact know his shit and another ten turns later when he#realizes he may be in over his head#and while it isn't a carelessly simple defeat izzy does end up beating stede#and isn't there just something so satisfying about being the cause of stede making the displeased but invigorated expression he's wearing#(do i have any clue how izzy became a chess genius? no but we can speculate. maybe he played regularly with someone on a ship growing up bc#it was a good way to pass the downtime in an entertaining way without having to talk much at all. or maybe he learned as a child and was#required to keep strict hours of practice so because really good but kind of resented it so maybe this is the most he's ever enjoyed playing#or maybe he was watching as stede taught ed to play and just picked up on some of stede's strategies and/or snuck one of his chess books out
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talkorsomething · 3 months ago
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I can't sleep again.
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#лёва паспрабуе АДК#it's not about that. i'm just tired.#(stayed up too late for the first time in a while)#well... it compounded the issues.#i look like some guy with my blurry vision and yet its not enough and i dont know WHY#i do know why. have you ever not been seen?#flipped the coin from independence within my grasp to nothing is ever going to get me out of here#not even 'getting out of there' got me out#i can't wait for guard season again but i'm worried it's only going to put me right back into the depression mines#... seasonal depression notwithstanding#i need to make a choice at auditions and its whether i will be out; as me - and hopefully have a better season because of it#or just... stay like this. forever.#... my consult is right before second auditions pretty much. schedule that month is looking full..#anyways its not fair of me to expect anyone to check in on me#especially when one of my housemates seems to ... Also be going through it#and i can tell you now which of us is actually likely to talk about it and its NOT me#i'm not built for this idk. i never should have taken her up on that job offer.#...... i'm thinking about relapsing again. more seriously considering it.#i KNOW it's not good i KNOW it won't help but i dont know what fucking else will!!!!#remember when it felt like i was getting hobbies again?? so much for that..#.. i need to pull life into my *own* control but i need help to get there#and i can't even imagine being fully independent#... even if i'm taking all the right steps to get there#the MOST annoying revelation was that i could Maybe Actually benefit from therapy and the second most was that if i tell her this there is#almost no way any therapist she finds will be queer friendly#going to dig myself out of it. as always. mostly just not pushing myself right now but GOD does it suck.
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