#do you vibe do you understand what im saying
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what I wouldn't pay to see mac punch holes into the walls of the suburbs house as he's tasked with fixing something he doesn't know how to fix and meanwhile the only constant in his mind is how much he misses dennis
#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#always sunny#mac mcdonald#do you vibe do you understand what im saying#those holes covering the walls of the living room speak to me deeply because he looks so calm in the episode. in fact it's dennis that -#gets the freakouts. but the wall is covered of mac's ones. we just don't see them. he didn't go to school for it.#and so they're hiding all the trash in a room and all the mac n cheese in the closet to not deal with it. and mac's still kicking the#monkey under the counter to not deal with it. hide and deny. he Doesn't know how to fix things. he wants to. he tries. he can't#no one notices the fire starting in his room until you open the door#i feel guilty all the time for my thoughts and urges#everything i do i do for you#to the point of complete self destruction that drags BOTH down#analysis
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Since (haven’t read CC yet) 3 Maasverse main characters thus far are artists in one way or another (something I love in fandoms and especially these/Maasverse)
With:
Aelin the musician (composer/piano forte player) & appreciator of the arts. Fashionista. & semi-ballerina.
Nesta the dancer (a lil lovely scene tidbit I thought was freeing and mostly fun)
And of course Feyre THE Artist (& best example as this is crucial to how she sees the world).
Especially with the latter 2 in ACOTAR & our Archerons; even their father was a wood carver/sculptor… (let’s stick with the latter phrase… cause it’s too soon for carver to be heard as anything other than CREEPY “bone carver”😅) … so that leaves us with one; Elain.
Random HC here but: what if Elain’s a singer?
Specifically thought of this because of a certain other “singer in the series” ;-) *psst* Azriel the “shadowsinger” cause while I know that’s not what they meant, it sounds fun to me :-)
#head canon#Elain Archeron#Azriel Shadowsinger#Maasverse#Archeron sisters#Feyre Archeron#Nesta Archeron#ACOTAR#hc#elriel#the Seer#ACOMAF#ACOFAS#ACOSF#Archerons#ACOWAR#ACOTAR series#and I can’t remember right now if they ever say if she can or can’t sing maybe they do and it’s terrible but she has a singing & baking vibe#never know what’s headcanon hc or canon or canon… I think I did this right? canon is legit im 99% sure#fanon is either me mishearing words or purely fan based like a crackpost#and headcanon is a fan theory but these can become so popular they almost become real or on rare occasion do get canonized#random mini rambling#just thinking#fangirl thoughts#having a squirrel brain kinda day#if you understand that Up! reference / I made it right cause I’m so tired yall lol#as I type more on tumblr#she’s also kinda a florist#and anyways I just love their hobbies#Aelin Sardothien
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i'm trying to watch a trans guy critique some video game trans rep bc i'm interested in hearing more trans ppl talk about it. but he's very. i'm paraphrasing here but "why would anyone ever in a million years want their rpg character to have top surgery scars. isnt that a constant reminder to you and everyone around you about how you were born" and "you don't work on transitioning. you just need hormone treatment and possibly some--"
#i get that some trans men need to fight themselves and everyone around them to feel ''man enough'' in like a semi toxic masculinity way#but its kinda tiring to hear ngl. im sorry you feel that way and i know not having been born cis sucks and i understand your emotions but d#you have to make them my problem. like idk i feel like my transition DID take work and#personally for me my top surgery scars are a positive reminder of how far ive gotten#when i pay them any attention. which is not very often#man im just existing not analyzing every part of my body at all times#yknow. some ppl sound like they watched a bit too much of a certain youtuber who was rancid about other trans men and talked about stuff li#like how theres a mens and womens way to flip your middle finger and stuff.#sight thats so besides the point#anyways i am open to hearing opinions that differ from mine and i want to do that but some people you just dont vibe with#leevi talks#obvs no hate to this creator btw. he speaks about stuff very well but some little word choices here and there rub me the wrong way#and he has good points so far i am intrigued of what he has to say i just needed a break to bitch so i can continue#edit: no this video isnt even good. like i dont agree with bioware but he sounds like hes just on purpose misunderstanding everything#so he has more stuff to get mad about for his video#is it ragebait
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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i hate that society really treats most young passions and interests that don't have the easiest careers to get into, as hobbies for you to have when you're older bc they 'aren't good enough' as jobs. or maybe its just me idk </3
#camera talks#or even as things you will have to move on from and forget about if they aren't viable hobbies#this Is about the fact that i would die to be a professional lighting tech in theater#i mean seriously. i love tech and the lighting system so so so much if i could go into that as a career i fucking would#but i feel like it was treated with such hobby vibes for so long that i Never considered it to be something i could actually do#which sucks. because i love theater and tech so fucking much#not to say im not happy with the career im pursuing tho. i do believe that the career im pursuing (at least rn)#Is something i'd like to do#its just that i would probably drop everything in a heartbeat to be able to do lights professionally and as a job going to be honest#(realistically i understand i could probably switch career paths now but also i feel pretty suck in This one yk.)#anyways. fucking hell i cannot believe i will be going to college next year. gah. what the hell
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sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you
#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often#bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off'#but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting#bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her#like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around#like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life#but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met#and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM#like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him#but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years#& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite#he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs#he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house#he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent#or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one'#and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company#i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon#and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it#bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people#who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight#i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now#why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough#hella goes home#my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag
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there is no way the ikevamp guys are being such assholes in jean's route i must be dreaming
#auburn talks ikevamp <3#like idk dont take it from me but first sebastian lies to her about there being vampires#then they lie to her AGAIN saying the mansion is on fire just so they can get her out of her room#jean fucking BIT HER and comte did NOTHING to ensure her safety#MOZART gives her sass and then shoves her so hard into jean's room that she lands on her hands and knees#and then pulls out the “i wont let my friend be so misunderstood.” LIKE HE DIDNT FUCKING BITE HER#let me tell you if i played jean first i would have hated EVERY SINGLE PERSON in this FUCKING MANSION aside from isaac#comte. get me a new residence immediately please. i do not want to live with you and your ASSHOLE SONS#why are they treating the absolute WORST in jean's route is what i want to understand. like you are quite literally pushing her-#-around as you lie to her. she is nothing but a punching bag for you.#AND MAY I REMIND YOU she is a WOMAN in a mansion full of MEN.#and there is not even a SHRED of sympathy for her situation from these fucking idiots.#jean's route is just. ugh. it's not vibing with me. i hate it so far. stop treating this poor girl like she's nothing but garbage-#-under your shoe. have some human compassion you absolute barbarians. im disappointed in all of you.
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Wait omg..... Jessica Cruz probably did rifle... my specialized sports knowledge coming in CLUTCH
Okay so I barely practiced and made it to regionals like once so im NOT the expert here but uh headcanoning that Jess did air rifle when she was a teen. Like idk if it would be as part of a team like with a high school (what I'm familiar with) vs like an individual thing vs like a travel/competitive team (it depends on the sitch in her area growing up) but she definitely went to some national matches (probably including JOs/JO quals like i think she was GOOD). I think she probably would have quit competitively following a bad shot at nationals (relatable) along with anxiety about competition (ALSO relatable) but still kept up with shooting casually for fun and relaxation and to hang out with friends etc.
She definitely would have shot smallbore competitively too but I never did that bc I was lazy so idk to much abt it competitively
#and by bad shot i mean a 0#it hurts me to even think abt doing that during a match actually esp at fucking JOs#a girl on my team did that and im sure it was devastating (we never let her live it down after too) but like dang. i feel that pain#im just saying she would vibe sooooooo hard with rifle. like canonically they just said she did it but im talking air in particular#also in the panel they said six which first off. humphries bro thats TOO young ik youre trying to be impressive but youre talking abt rifle#here. if someones let their kid have a gun at 6 theres actually smth wrong with them. and not even a bb or smth wtf#ANYWAYS you guys haveeeee to understand this. jess would go so hard for rifle she would fit right in w every competitive shooter ive ever#met istg-#she would be out there on the porch 35° weather in full gear mid match crying w the rest of us it would be great#wait wait shoutout to the time i had to get smth from my car and there were like 4 ppl out there crying during the middle of standing#like i literally FEEL THAT SO HARD (weve all been there) but also like... awkwarddddddd#4 is an unusually large amount though. normally its like 2 ppl at a time first relay. with more 1st relay ppl crying after than during#gosh rifle omg this is making me miss it#<<<<freshman/sophomore me would kill me for saying this btw. i HATED practicing so bad then omg#OH and Jess would be a kneeling girlie. fave position. why ? bc i said so shut up#no but bc its my favorite position (yes i know its the worst okay. im aware of all the reasons kneelings sucks and why everyone hates it.#but you know what? kneeling hates everyone equally and i respect that) no but uh yeah ✌️✌️✌️✌️#top 10 posts that are 80% jargon and only i care about 😘#anyways this is canon to me now actually#like idc what you say she was down in the trenches (the range) w the rest of us#also ik she almost certainly would have shot paper but in my mind she practices mainly w electronic bc thats what i used (even if its super#uncommon and is only used at the nice ranges) if she was super competitive she would probably have driven to shoot electronic. lets just say#there was a paper nearby and an electronic scoring range a bit farther or smth#anyways yeah#WAIT OMG SHE DEFINITELY MET HER FRIENDS FROM HER BACKSTORY THROUGH RIFLE#and the dating drama too omg rifle drama was INSANE. like i was almost always out of the loop bc i never practiced and didnt have snapchat#but like the drama was INSANE. fucking wild. at least to my nerdy ass self. so her relationship drama makes total sense now okay babe fr#jessica cruz#blah
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dudes ive hit a point with The Horrors:tm: where im unable to convince myself that any of my friends actually like me
#vent#it's like. i think im a pretty solid guy#my negative traits dont define my view of myself etc#i understand that if someone doesnt ike me it doesnt mean im horible etc#but like. i am unable to believe that anyone wants to be around me#even if someone explicitly says they want to talk to me/want to hang out/enjoy my presence#im like hmm. well. sounds fake.#and again it's not like i think im an unlovable piece of shit or something#i just dont think anyone is being honest with me#like i rarely notice hints or subtext or passive aggression when people talk to me#but im simultaneously excessively sensitive and will be like 'wait do they hate me now' if someone sends like an all lowercase one word tex#because it's like. oh no what if they actually ARE hinting that they dont like me. etc#most of the time when i get 'god shut the fuck up' vibes theres not actually anything wrong#BUT because theres been so many times that i MISSED the 'god shut the fuck up' vibes#i automatically assume everyone is mad at me/doesnt like me/doesnt want t talk.#even trying to say 'usually im wrong about people being mad' is extremely difficult#bc im like. fully convinced ive been right every time#and that everyone has just been lying t me#this has been a thing since like. age 14+ for me#but lately it's gotten worse#and like im scared to even dm a friend a meme because they might be mad (they literally sent me a song rec earlier. i have no reason to#assume theyre mad. except when i got the messages i was like 'oh no what if this has a hidden meaning')#it's one of those things where like. my anxiety medication works really well#but this is the flavor of anxiety thats inspired by past experiences#s even if i try to tell myself there arent any signs that theyre mad/annoyed/whatever#i immediately think 'but ive been wrong before.'#and then that same loop stops me from asking. because asking either annoys people or they lie to me about it#idk idk idk im tired#even if i did ask i wouldnt believe any answer other than 'yes im mad/annoyed/whatever'#including if they add 'i just need to be alone right now' or 'yes but not at you' or 'yes and i need to cool off'
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killing myselg for real this time
#turtledove is not vibing#Joking but also it would be so nice if my parents could understand Thag when I say I can’t go out tonight I mean it#like yeah girl it’s not a ‘is there something we can do to make it so you can?’#I CANNOT be in hot weather in close quarters with people right now I will get VIOLENT#Like why is it always ‘Understand yourself and your needs’ until my needs mean I need to stay in quiet areas with my own space#Like yeah girl. What the fuck did you think was going to happen.#’Im prone to lashing out when overwhelmed so I would prefer not to go into this x y z environment at the moment for everyone’s safety’#‘But why not?’ Are you fucking stupid.
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not so simp on main but
claude looking at me while trying to decide which part of my face to kiss but i suddenly go "you have pretty eyes" and he loses it. he cant do it. how dare i attack him like that. the king of almyra himself. meanwhile helios seeing him look away and take a step back like ??? "did you just see a spider or something????"
#lmao cutting the text just because sharing these embarrasses me#i would remind all the golden deer of how dear they are to me yet i would have the hardest time reading claude'a reaction to it#we are complex you neednt understand idc#maybe i should specify that we are unlabeled in my f/o list uhhhhh#helios and him would get to a point where they recognise each other's feelings but it's nothing 'typical' to call it like that so why would#they need to get into any kind of relationship because of that just bc 'people do that'#i dont believe so lmao they are just gonna continue vibing but acknowledging that part of themselves and that's it#that's kind of the thought process behind them being unlabeled#if you ask them they are just gonna say they're great friends!!!!#also because the golden deer family is very close to my heart so i believe all of us would prioritise each other as friends no matter what#other kind of bonds/feelings/relationships could develop within the group#idk it may be hard to explain but i love them and im putting the aspec spice on everyone idc idc#f/o community#self ship community#all i write is about you#self shipping#self ship#f/o#selfship#safeship#safeshipping
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S9E1 Castiel being freshly human, not understanding a thing of what's going on, fully aware that a.lot. of angels would very much like to kill him just.because meets a random angel on the street (Hael) and he's like: LET'S GO SEE THE GRAND CANYON TOGETHER, WOO-HOOO!
#do you understand what i mean?#i haven't really explained anything. just describing#but im looking fir people who understand my vision based on vibes alone#castiel#character of all time#spn s9#supernatural#spn angels#that frigging angel. im not gonna say he's the cause for heaven's eventual demise because angels do have a penchant for killing each others#but i love how he would not hesitate to kill his siblings and still asking/wanting to be one of them#and it's not a contradiction because: angels.but it does show how his connection to the heavenly host is not just about grace#when in s15 he tells dean that he and sam have each other. well. that line is fucking sad#because cas' family is the ultimate “family is hell” dysfunctional family#and i'm not 100% sure he's able to heal this trauma before he dies if i'm gonna be honest#like. who broke the connection? yes and no. more like: is the connection really broken?#cause it doesn't look like it. there's still a sort of spark of hope in castiel when it comes to angels#like he KNOWS there's nothing for him there but he still feels a tiny bit of longing that never goes away#it's heartbreaking really#i really wish the show had developed the “my grace is fading. dean” storyline#it came from nowhere and went to nowhere. it was just there to signal castiel's final self-actualization#but i mean did he really? mmmmmmh not sure about that#first and onlt thing we know is that he went back to heaven and reorganized the place. I MEAN. COME ON.#the relationship between that angel and heaven keeps me awake at night. i love it.#spn s9 is complicated
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2023 reads // twitter thread
The Surviving Sky
adult scifi/fantasy about a fracturing married couple who live with the last of humanity on a floating city powered by arcane science
Iravan is a privileged and powerful architect, who keeps them afloat with his plant magic
Ahilya has no magic - and is deeply interested in studying the magical megafauna which are the only thing that can survive the cataclysmic jungle on the ground
#The Surviving Sky#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#ok concept; vibes; immaculate#(also they're yaksha not megafauna but. for context that's not an innacurate description)#it didn't Quite go in ways i wanted in some ways#me at the dudes first POV: bro what are you ON ABOUT#fr tho the description of how the plant magic works is super interesting. it's all like. idk reaching into the quantam universe and changing#the way things Exist. or something. it all sounds very complicated#one thing that kinda bugged me is how it seems to be like. there is no (non-plant) life on earth at all and im like???#there’s no way there’s NO life on earth???? ya heard of bugs????? the concept of a jungle existing with nothing survivng except megafauna#doesn’t make sense to me… i mean it is all very magical plants and tbh them saying there's nothing else doesn't mean that's true#however i couldn't stop thinking about it#I do feel like it keeps having the dude do something terrible that she should leave him before. and then explaining why it wasn’t that bad /#he had no choice….when she doesn't really do anything bad to him back........idk. i mean we're aware he's pretty shitty but also?#DIVORCE HIMMMMMMM#i understand the plot couldn;t have gone in the way it did if she did but also DIVORCE HIMMMMM#regardless i do think the concept and worldbuilding is all very cool and im sure i'll pick up the next one
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people will go all "just be yourself and love yourself! :)" and then go "if you don't act the way i want, you gotta reprogram your entire way of thinking then reach into the very core of who you are and what makes you you, discard it, and replace it with this better, friendlier, more empathetic version that's coincidentally far more convenient for me to deal with than any other possible compromise we can make that you can do for me but doesn't stretch your mind to nothing but thin bands of what you'd consider 'You' :))))))"
#mine.txt#just thinking about all those 'think positively!' and 'romanticize your life!' posts#like on one hand i can see their merit cause self-hatred though instinctual is ultimately detrimental to your mental health#but on the other hand...some of them (a lot of them) are really just unashamedly asking other people to completely change themselves huh#all in the guise of ''positive thinking'' ''self-love'' and ''betterment'' no less#i suppose i shouldnt be surprised considering most people can barely grasp the concept of someone who Genuinely has muted emotions#as a natural state instead of a depressive symptom#not to mention the human quality of escalating things#so ofc tumblr which seems to currently be in its mental health recovery phase would naturally lean in so hard towards ''radical happiness''#but man sometimes i really do just wanna shake the person from behind the screen and say#'no! dont you understand! this is just how i am! stop implying that everybody who doesnt feel joy at simply waking up is a miserable hag!'#sometimes they dont even imply it they just straight up say it 💀#im honestly fine (as in idc) with seeing them but they remind me so much of those toxic positivity bitches that sell you random hoaxes#and tell you that youre ''ruining their vibes'' when youre not just beaming like the sun every waking second#well idc most of the time that is#sometimes they just trigger my szpd (and my dpd weirdly enough)#with the szpd obviously i dont like being told what to do and what to feel and having some rando assume things about me#but with the dpd its like#oh i must be doing something wrong ofc this stranger on the internet knows more about emotions and feelings than me#cause im a dumbass who doesnt Feel things therefore i must do what they say even to my own detriment#this mainly applies to those guilt-trippy ones so ive learned to steer clear of them#possibly even block the op
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Trying? Trying??? By learning. By succeeding!
(about this and my text under the cut)
this is very nice actually thank you so much <3 <3 and like, i probably do need to give myself more credit in general but also i am still very much learning and stumbling and figuring digital art out (and for the most part it is so fun)
I’m gonna ramble about this a bit so bear with me and also i apologize lol, but that art was done after a month of getting increasingly more frustrated with everything turning out so badly and eventually realizing that I was trying to 1. copy a certain look/style that i’ve internalized is what fanart and digital art should look like and is very far away from my style/comfort zone 2. i was trying to do everything digital allows without being comfortable with it or understanding it
so (and this took me a month to realize ? ??) i did what i already knew from doing acrylic and oil painting in the past and could somewhat easily transfer to digital without having to know more than the basics, like i didn’t use a lot of the things digital provides or allows for. i used layers for my own peace of mind but without actually needing them and did some color adjusting (honestly, the color adjusting digital lets you do is such a blessing to me) but the only fancy way i really utilized the medium was making it a gif (which is so fun and a lot easier than i would have thought, like honestly watch me make any future art into gifs too) but there are so many things you can do with the medium with settings/effects, different brushes, tools to use in the process etc that i just do not understand what they are or how to implement them so i am very slowly learning digital art as a whole new medium rather than just being able to use it to adapt what i already know
#sorry you just wanted to say a quick thing and i went on a whole rant (welcome to my blog tbh)#like i'll watch tutorials and they'll be like 'and i just did an overlay and then a multiply layer in a good color (:' and im like ??? wdym#'a good color' what color is a good color? like i can put those effects on my work but that's just me clicking a button without knowing wha#will happen really and like i watch speed paints and see them do stuff and im just ? HUH? what was that and why?#i also do not understand a lot of these concepts with traditional art tbh like people will talk about under paintings and im like yeah sure#i hear you however i also do not- i just place a color where it should be and that's that which i know is why my colors often don't feel#cohesive which is also something i need to learn which is blah- im basically just saying i actually do not know any theory or technique#even with traditional it is all just vibes and hoping for the best which in the long run just makes me very confused about what i am#actually doing and not confident at all i'll be able to do it again so u know#we're out here literally just raw dogging art without any thought#but it's also just i do not need to do all those fancy things but i would like to understand them and i am excited to see my progress now#i just really had a shitty month of making ugly things up until now okay so i was a little fragile when i posted that#but people have been so so nice about it and ive been crying for two days straight#also people have been so lovely about the colors and colors are deadass the hardest part about digital like with paint you often buy a set#that already match and then mix them if needed and they'll look nice together but with digital you're just on your own- no training wheels#ask#anon
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its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.
anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.
She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them. It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock. She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning. One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time. “You have my heart.”
yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.
all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.
#NOT TOH FANFIC#see this is why i write fanfic. to enact some gay ass shit like this.#the fucking STICKY NOTE WITH A DRAWING OF A HUMAN HEART AND SAYING “YOU HAVE MY HEART” I AM ON THE FLOOR.#*sighs* sucks i cant reuse it on lumity though.#my friend making me realize i actually have rizz but am just too much of a disaster to actually understand cues with people#its a MESS. im just all over the place. i literally ranted to THE SAME FRIEND yesterday (or the day before??) abt some girl jesus.#anyway i remember writing A LOT OF POETRY back in hs about this one girl and then the same girl i got to talk to--#--my first actual conversation with her i blurted out that i wanted to shave my head. she was like.... oooooo god i was A MESS#still slid into her school dms during covid and was like “haha guess what i actually mf did???” anyway all that to say underlying dysphoria#they're nonbinary now too and i kinda ghosted them like a complete idiot :(. its been two years or so but i still think of them... a lot...#actually i have more lore about this person and its like istg they actually really liked me but i could not pick it up.#we had such SUCH good chemistry and vibes. n they were really pretty. ughhhhhh.#anyway yeah idk crushes are weird sometimes. the universe knows how unstoppable id be with a partner#i feel like i was the reason they were able to find themself and their identity because when we were talking i always encouraged them#and told them to do what felt right. im glad they did. i think sometimes that brings me peace. like i served a purpose.#STILL showed them toh. STILL SHOWED THEM TOH.#we were talking about amity LMAO “this green haired girl seems interesting” SHE SO WAS.#...yeah i wish i could text them but i kinda probably fucked it up.#shitposting shit#idk what this post is i just wanted to talk about this dumb sticky note thing because im rotating it in my brain and remembering how#mentally ill i was back in 2020#talking into the void yk how it isssss
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