#do you think it'll stay as good???
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Moving (무빙) K-drama ep 1-15, thoughts
[ SPOILER FREE ]
I'm not the kind of person who likes superhero stuff because I find that it follows a formula that doesn't focus very much on my favorite thing: Character Development. AND it is about as far away from my favorite genre: Slice-of-life that it can get.
But Moving (무빙) is different!
First a side note: A while back there was a tumblr post about how much it would be fun to make a show/fic about captain america getting a new dog (or something like that) and I remember thinking "WOW if superhero movies/dramas were more like this, I'd be 100% game." (if you know that post, send it to me??)
The creators of Moving took NOTES y'all.
Yes, it's gritty, has a lot of violent action scenes (I'm a fast forwarder don't @ me ;-) and an over-arching villain plot but it's so much more than that!
Moving focuses on the humanity of dealing with super powers, growing up with them, having to hide your talents while not being 100% isolated from friends and family. The Trauma, The Comfort Healing. It's freakin' TOUCHING ok? I'm in love with literally every couple, and every person on their own has things to overcome and room to grow. There's so much softness and love and friendship-- I just haven't seen a drama recently that has me caring about every single person??
Now, we are at episode 15 tho.
This is where I get nervous because if a kdrama is going to make a left turn off a cliff, it happens right about now. The last quarter is where the writers decide we need way more action and villain than we need all of the things that make Moving special (think about how many dramas you've seen where all of a sudden there is a stalker plotline, or a murder, or a kidnapping at the very end for no reason at all?).
I'm just anxious that my 10/10 drama is going to fall apart even though so far it's like, perfect? But fingers crossed!!
Moving: FIGHTING! (but like in a slice-of-life way, not in an actual fighting way :P )
#moving kdrama#kdrama#moving#kdrama thoughts#bong seok#guwon#bestest babies#do you think it'll stay as good???#i like to overthink#which is why we are here lol#if you're not watching cause you don't like super hero stuff#watch it!#yell at me if i'm wrong :)
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5 Underrated Things or Tactics That May Aid Bell's Hells to Victory
Spoilers up to Campaign 3 Episode 116 below
Well Critters, it all comes down to this.
Vox Machina dismantled the Malleus Keep, killed Ozo (the Bozo) Kruft, and freed the Champion of Ravens which removed the tidal lock on Ruidus, and now the Mighty Nein have disintegrated the Weave Mind, completing essentially a full dismantling of the Kreviris Imperium, all of which quicker than I anticipated. All that's left is the Hallowed Cage, where Ludinus Da'leth and his inner circle are using his harness to try and fully destroy Liliana Temult. Bell's Hells begin a race against time to save her, but also a race to defeat Ludinus before he unleashes his intentions unto Exandria and its Pantheon with Predathos, and then decide for themselves what they do with the God Eater.
Suffice to say, and I dunno about everyone else but, I am terrified. I believe they can win but Ludinus is not to be underestimated, this second harness means he may be stronger - and he was already the strongest wizard alive - and have access to more powers compared to his simulacra, plus Predathos may come during or after this battle, which can put the Hells in a weakened state. Matt has likely prepared his best and worst for this final battle too, but the Hells aren't Lv. 20 combatants like the other groups; there's no 9th level spells, no Divine Intervention, and the group lost their cleric ~20 episodes back, so even though VM and the Nein were ultimately successful within 1-2 episodes having to use both of their auto-succeed Divine Interventions from their two clerics in the process, this is the battle. And with that is a ridiculous amount of tension for Ludinus and for what comes after. For all we know, the cast may've already recorded ahead enough to have finished the final fight, maybe even finished the campaign (though I hope not, partly because I don't want it to end yet but also I feel like the dawn of the new era should be explored regardless of what choice the Hells make, plus some characters could use a bit more resolution after the big fight and the pressure of stakes and time sensitivity have been alleviated) but for us it's a nervous wait, and a wonder of what can be done to win and what choice will be made to determine the future of Exandria, Ruidus, their faith and their people. So, this is my indulging into that first part, 5 lower-key things or tactics that might not have been initially thought of that could make things easier to defeat Ludinus.
Liliana, the Inner Circle, and the Arcane Battery Provided that the Hells make it in time to stop Liliana from being totally destroyed by the harness (which is very possible since Laudna does have that tracking spell on him since Aeor, it's all about speed and not running into enemies) she will still be without her magic to fight. Ludinus' inner circle holding her down is comprised of Reilorans but also other Ruidusborns, and that's something the Hells can expose. Liliana cannot fight, but Ruidusborns can take spell slots from each other, so Liliana and any KO'd Ruidusborns from the inner circle can be used as spell slot fuel for Imogen and Fearne. Ludinus also gave a 9-slot fully-charged Arcane Battery to the Hells in order to trigger Delilah within Laudna for his escape, the battery can help recharge Laudna's slots too which makes this tactic handy for the witches of the group.
Dunamancy One of Ludinus' most important tools for his plan has been Luxon Beacons, a device able to unravel even divine magic, but much like the Harness it can prove his undoing. Dunamancy hasn't been touched upon as much as early C3 hinted it could have, but for lack of a better phrase, the possibilities are still endless. The Hells have multiple Potions of Possibility at their disposal to aid with rolls, but they also were given a Sphere of Dunamantic Restoration by the Kryn, which will trigger the effects of a Short Rest and a health and spell slot recharge - which can be handy in a pinch and to reuse some once per short rest abilities. Ashton is the key factor though, I've mentioned it a few times already but we don't know if these items will behave differently with them, via their own internal dunamancy abilities. Given the unknown factor, that's why it's not deemed as much of a tactic as it is a Hail Mary, but it is one that could lead to Ludinus' own magic unraveling, and maybe even Predathos' too
The Whirling Dervish & Conditional Advantages In Vassalheim, Dorian received his family sword: Gambolcleft, the Vortex Blade. One of its yet to be used abilities involves a once a day repetitive use of striking an enemy, similar to how Ozo killed Vex, provided that they attack with Disadvantage. Dorian is already looking at a high attack roll given Gambolcleft's +3 to attack and hit rolls, and Master's Flourish means he doesn't have to use a Bardic Inspiration to stack a Blade Flourish (Defensive Flourish is probably best, the damage is also doubled by Gambolcleft), the only quibble is the disadvantage. Fortunately, most of the Hells have skills that can force Ludinus into conditions where attacks would do advantage on him: stunning and rendering him prone being most likely, but paralysis is possible if a Hold Person is successful. It would of course require his Legendary Resistances to be used up first, but if Ludinus gets stunned or knocked prone within Dorian's range, Gambolcleft could easily carve its way through him with continual hits, stacked potentially by Bless and Mark of the Messy End, for perpetual damage and make Dorian himself impossible to hit on his next turn. Stunning or Proning Ludinus also leaves Ludinus at the vicious mercy of the martial players, especially for conditions that auto-crit when hit.
The Hole (or the Bag of Holding) Occam's Razor. An old but gold tactic of the Hells could very easily be used against Ludinus too. The portable hole or the bag of holding are devoid of air, left in one long enough with it sealed would mean suffocation as have been the fate of many of the Hells' past opponents that they didn't have time to deal with. The Hole's downside is that a Strength check can lead to a creature forcing their way out, but the Hells do have plenty of skills that can impose disadvantage on Strength rolls and the aforementioned conditions could help that, Ashton's Hammer may also make it more difficult to unfold the Hole if its Immovable Rod is propped atop of it - but that'd be down to Matt's discretion. The Bag of Holding doesn't have the strength save, but it is smaller so it may not be able to fit him in it. I'm not sure if Ludinus can use Gate to escape either, dunno if that leads to the whole extradimensional rip thing that happens if you open one while in the other, but if he does it's a concentration spell so the Hells could just keep knocking him back from the other side, a bigger group of enemies in either also reduces the time needed before they suffocate.
The Harness and the One-Chance Polymorph Right now Ludinus is using a harness to destroy Liliana, comparing it to the one in Moleasmyr it'll potentially take about an hour to finish the process providing that this factor wasn't improved upon. However, removing magic within a being for a whole day only required a minute of contact in the Hells' one and maybe Ludinus', thus his creation and reason for long life and power can also be the key to his downfall. Holding Ludinus down for a minute is of course not as easy as it sounds but that's where Polymorph can come in. Polymorph lasts at most an hour, so as long as Ludinus is changed into a creature that can easily be restrained they can use the harness on it and remove Ludinus of his entire arsenal in order to finish him off without the risk of his high level spells. The tricky part is getting Polymorph to succeed; Wisdom is after all a Wizard's bread and butter, but there is a single gambit that could make it work. It requires all Legendary Resistances to be gone of course, and for Laudna and Braius to be conscious; Braius has a once per long rest ability to change a Wisdom saving throw to a Charisma one, which he used to allow Dorian to succeed in making the Dominox dance in the live show, Laudna's Void Puppet can force disadvantage on saves to those within 5ft of it, which will negate his magical resistance to just a clean roll. Orym can also use Hex to impose a disadvantage, which may be able to stack, but this would also hinge on Ludinus' charisma not being super high and if the Polymorph fails once it will likely not be able to be tried again.
The fight won't be easy, but there are avenues that can make it less dangerous, a strategy is very much required for such a foe. All the while my strategy remains keeping up the prayer circle. Deep breaths everyone.
#critical role#c3 spoilers#campaign 3#bells hells#c3#c3e116#cr spoilers#cr speculation#ruidus#ludinus da'leth#liliana temult#cr meta#also reminder Imogen/Ashton need to plant that brood pit for the All Minds Burn somewhere on Ruidus#can you tell I'm panicked because I'm panicked I just want them all to be safe#VM and the Nein were successful and that's great but also it feels like they succeeded too well...Matt and his machinations are waiting#I'd love for Ludie to get the Zathuda treatment but he is likely the final boss if Predathos isn't so it's gotta be big and tense and such#and the after part is terrifying to me too because I do not think that thing should be let out - it can't stay on Ruidus either though#gods can quit being gods without Predathos as an excuse#Many gods helped in the VM and M9 fights too that should be acknowledged - the dynamic has to change but maybe not via death or exile#risking our own for them is not gonna work - Matron won't leave and new gods not on the menu like Artie will take their place if they die#I'd say they must see that but since they're all winging it we can only know in the decisive moment - it'll likely fall to Imogen's choice#I guess it's good storytelling that it can all go either way but it's very difficult to function when I'm picturing 100 different scenarios#you all are welcome to join me in the prayer circle#added notes: titan powers aren't on the list but I'm hoping to see more stuff because Matt did give them a piece of paper full of abilities#really hope the cast just quickly looked through their characters' skills items and abilities before the big upcoming fight#never know what will come in clutch
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A lot of early concept stuff was expression/pose brainstorming - there’s the classic six Webkinz emotions (which, I learned have been largely pared down to just four after a point! Since they got rid of Dr. Quack’s role, there’s no more ��sick” expression and most ‘Kinz’ tired and sad expressions are the same! >:0 What’s the point of having an easily editable puppet with the spaghetti code intact that you have to put an image there AnyWay and not make a slightly different expression!! H’f) as well as the main Sakura poses - so if I’m already making up expressions, why no go a little further! :D
One of the expressions I definitely needed up top was Mischievous - working with a cat, that’s the only logical conclusion really. I think it’s funny that she swerves the compliment only to pay it right back as well lol
The ticklish expression is one I’m still going back and forth on! I’m half tempted to have it be somewhere between happy and angry - maybe a mood gradient, starting out just positive and slowly moving into “Hey stop! >:0″ if it’s too many times in a row? It’s a thought haha
Similarly so, messing with her ears - bothering your pets is a very important element of socialization (lol)
As seen above, I’d reallyyy like to figure a way to have a dual-visual mood system - both the ‘Kinz body language/expression/emotion and a more exact stat bar. I’m still chewing on this idea a bit, no pun intended lol. That and click-and-drag with an actual image you can drag around your screen, hm and hm! Much to think about. Her face here turned out cute and funny haha, helped me push the expression more comedic
Much better :) Webkinz already has some well-known food dialogue, my favourite is probably “Mmm to the mmmax!” haha
Each low-mood would have their own emotion tied to it, but what about somewhere in the middle? I like the idea of the ‘Kinz getting bored if they’re left alone for too long! And little paw taps, showing off her embroidered paw pad haha ♪
#Doodles#Webkinz#Diamond#Ghostkinz#Ukadevlog#Diamond makes for an excellent concept art model#But y'already knew that haha she's featured a few times now! Plush or digital she's so cute#Of course these were made before her vectors! Had to start traditionally first and foremost!#All the bluesky stage so let's! see! what makes it to coding it lol#Some of these I even know how to do! :D The rest uhh we'll see :)#For now it's just the fun of Ideas >:3c Strong creative ideas cannot be fettered by realism! Lol#It'll be fun to see what makes it all the way to final! Heck I don't even know how much of what Actually Currently Finished will stay haha#I considered having the extra doodles under a cut but ehhh it's a cheat week it's fiiine it's not a big deal#How are we feeling on these mostly-unedited doodles haha - they're not too bad I think :)#The little intro in the first one haha - I went with my current in-game name even tho I use ''Willian'' for all my Ghosts this one included#It's a WillPlays but also not?? It's fine don't worry about it lol#Since pets are so centrally featured I gotta make sure they're good ahh#Smol actually came up with a great idea for face-clicks that aren't punches :3c So I'm gonna try that out sometime hehehe#It doesn't feel right to punch a 'Kinz! :'0 Bothering them is fine tho lol#So far I've thought up some ways to intentionally drop Happiness and Energy but I think Hunger would just have to be a waiting game#Maybe an activity of some kind? Not sure hmm#Anyway don't intentionally try to make your 'Kinz sick just to see the cute/sad blinking animations! That's mean!#(Do it I made the blinking animation soooo hard so every time they blink it's like she's struggling to keep them open ahhh)#I had the idea to have a run-away system if they're mistreated but hmmm dunno yet not sure#It really is fun to think of a more in-depth pet system ♪ I really like the many many features Webkinz Classic has!#The wide selection of pets and items and the room and clothes customization and games and like - there's a lot on offer!!#But it does really feel like the Interactions With Your Online/Plush Pet have fallen wayyy to the wayside :(#There's only extremely sparse locations you can even talk /to/ your pet anymore :( Not just as them like an avatar#I remember chatting with Sugar every time I logged on - I have to join a specific timed event just to wish Embroidery good luck anymore#Getting to chat is a big big reason I'm excited for this <3 It's /fun/ to chat with your plush! It makes them more real <3
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AU where instead of Mario and Luigi being in the killing game it’s Wario and Waluigi
Waluigi still solves all the murders but with more morally questionable methods and loopholes to cheat the killing game (like the lying thing from DRV3 I forgot what the game specifically called it there) Miku finds this both annoying and a fun little teaching moment in case she ever does more killing games.
Ok that does sound like a hilarious AU idea. Not just in terms of two chaotic fellas, but could you imagine how awkward it'll be for Wario when he realises one of his employees (cough cough Ashley) is in the same killing game as him. Oh and him also butting heads with Krabs would be funny too.
As for what you said, Waluigi committing perjuries during trials would certainly be in character for him, and to use them to his advantage would provide him with a pretty cool skill. It makes me wonder if he'd be able to catch a liar from a mile away (takes'a one to know'a one).
#all we need now is a scene where Waluigi completely destroys everyone else at a game of tennis#I don't think Miku would find him much of a threat but more of the opposite in making the killing game more entertaining to watch#does this mean Waluigi good arc or does he stay devious with a bit of justice#or is it more of a selfish 'I'm doing it for myself and it just so happens that it'll save you too' sort of thing cuz I likey that too
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I have finally FINALLY got up to the dream scene at the start of the last mabelcorn in kmky and everything is flowing nicely finally, and the scenes and characterisation all are smooth and make sense and I am no longer going over the same establishing scenes like a pedant trying to make them perfect. SUCCESS!
Just have to knock out these next few bits then it's onto unicorn beatdowns, funny hats, pizza parties and loophole heists!
#i am so relieved#i feel a lot happier writing now that im happy with those establishing scenes#they didnt pan out how i originally planned but i think theyre better for it#i kept wanting to make bill and py fight but thats just not what they want to do#and das flavor pups have downgraded themselves from terrifying imposition to mild annoyance with potential for drama down the line#but these things will make everything else make better sense so i dont mind the bits i scrapped#now im cackling to myself writing out the dream scene and yes it will diverge slightly from how it panned out in the show!#because why the hell not#i also have been inundated with ideas for a sequel so im steadily noting down dialogue lines and ideas i want to see#and hopefully i stay on task and don't get too distracted by sequel daydreams#it'll be good tho when it gets there i promise you that#a true healing narrative that doesnt rely on punitive justice and creates a positive outcome without repeating codependant patterns#that we see so often in billford#yes love redeems but love for yourself is important in redeption arcs too and knowing that you can make something good with your own hands#is just the game changer i want to bring to the billford fandom#but anyway thats for later for now im back in action and hopefully on track for finishing the chapter by the end of the month#fingers crossed buds#I'm doing my best so all the folks needing a pick me up after world events get something fun to look forward to#kmky#knowing me knowing you
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it's hackathon week next week and there are so many things i need to do (passport renewal, accommodation stuff, dental appointments, packing for flight, chores, etc), so i apologize if i'm kind of inactive or off in this blog or discord!!
#rin rambles#cw vent#tw vent#i'm ngl i'm starting to stress out haha#eating is such a pain sometimes i wish they invent a pill you can just take and it'll give you all the exact nutrients you need ugh#i keep forgetting to have dinner for the past 4 days n haven't had the energy to wash my hair for 3 days now#but it's fine we good we're chugging on#i'll hopefully have some time to breathe on the weekend since monday is a ph#but my god i'm dreading the hackathon sm haha#mostly bc i have never talked to the people assigned into the team with me AND everyone is in US timezone#so i have to stay up late from night to morning to collab with them#and i really don't like that haha but what can you do when it's work :))))#and then there's the new landlady's shenanigans...... i dont want to think about it.............#lets try not to get your paranoia make you break down again meirin#anyway#that got venty real fast i better put a warning#sorry for the negativity lately i'm just so tired#venty............. venti......... hey guys what do you call it when venti vents- /smacked#there now that wasnt all negative hahah
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plane scene is so funny cause why is mine a sleeper agent that wakes up whenever daigo is mentioned
can’t wait to see it in dragon engine :3
mine has been the winner for Funniest Character Imaginable for 15 consecutive years and i have yet to see anyone come close i fear
#snap chats#originally i wrote 'funniest character alive' and then remembered. HAH im so funny //throws up//#all my fave charas know how to do is get crazy on planes over men they love its disgusting#utterly hilarious cause after making the last post i went on twitter and they mentioned ANOTHER plane scene i throw up over#diff franchise so not important it is just SIMPLY funny how coincidences work and further confirming I Have A Type#BUT NO BACK TO MINE IT'S STILL SO FUCKIN FUNNY I HAVE TO REWATCH IT#i have to replay it .... all of y3 ...#if anyone remembers my friend from college and how we used to stream she asked me if we could stream#and i was like 'girl i havent streamed in Fuck Ever huh' and yk what maybe i'll stream y3 with her#at the very least ill stream y3 for myself ... legend mode .....#ive beaten y3 legend mode one (1) time and it was the worst experience of my life because if its not shadow the hedgehog#i am not good at the game i am playing !!!!!!!!!!! it'll be funny tho#i remember wanting to do a y3 drinking run but i told myself id stop drinking so i simply think. i will substitute drinking for hot sauce#its an idea im ironing out and i also have to like. properly set up a twitch- or maybe ill stream through youtube#ive always liked youtube streaming more ... at least as a viewer#these are all details for plans i will not be enacting literally any time soon can i stay on topic#the topic being i love mine. i love that plane scene forever the casual Whats Goin On Here :)#and he is the embodiment of :) in that scene casue :] is gen friendly but :) has an underlying aura of Im Going To Kill You#thats him in that scene. and i love him. for the third time. im ending this post now forever and always stan mine#if and whenever y3k comes out i cant wait to see !! but i personally believe that's well and away from us at this point#not impossible since they did mention it but yk. i dont think itll happen within the next year or two#maybe next five or ten realistically. if that jVLAEKJVLAEKJ ok bye fr now
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FIGHTING STYLE ANALYSIS.
bold what often, or always applies to your character. italicize things that they will sometimes do. and strike out options that they never do. repost, don't reblog.
• fights honorably / fights dirty
• prefers close - quarters / prefers range
• chats during / goes silent
• low pain tolerance / high pain tolerance
• attacks in bursts / attacks steadily
• goes for the kill / aims to disarm / fights defensively / strikes first
• is provoked easily / provokes their opponent / teases
• gets visibly frustrated / shouts while attacking
• uses strategy / focuses on the battle / experiences conflicting thoughts during battle
• rushes in recklessly / tries to read their opponent before engaging
• fights wildly / fights calmly / fights apathetically / fights with anger / fights with excitement / fights with delight
• fights because they have to / fights because they want to
• fights without regard to wounds / runs away when wounded / hides wounds / takes a blow to protect another
• prefers a blade / prefers a gun / prefers hand to hand combat / prefers a bow / prefers a shield / prefers a personalised weapon / prefers magic, alchemy or spells
• their greatest weakness is physical / their greatest weakness is mental / their greatest weakness is emotional
• transforms for battle / fights as they appear
• relies on strength / doubts their strength / relies on speed
• uses everything they have / proceeds with caution / hides their full potential
• exhausts quickly / has high stamina
• behaves arrogantly / brags after landing a hit / belittles their abilities
• uses psychological tactics / uses brute strength
• tries to avoid civilians / strikes down civilians
• damages surroundings / avoids damaging surroundings
• signature fighting style / makes it up as they go
• mastered skill - set / learning their skill - set
• fancy footwork / sloppy footwork
• messy fighter / elegant fighter
• accepts defeat / refuses defeat / begs for mercy
• compliments their opponent / insults their opponent
• uses unnecessary movements / moves efficiently / barely moves
• prefers to dodge / prefers to block
• defends their blindside / has no blindside / leaves blindsides vulnerable
• uses all available advantages / strictly uses one main method
• plays around / holds back / fights ruthlessly / shows mercy
• waits for an opponent to be ready / strikes when opponent isn’t ready
• fears death / fears pain / fears killing
• has ptsd / avoids fighting
• has lost a fight / has won a fight
• has killed / refuses to kill / enjoys killing
• wants to die standing / would succumb slowly
tagged by: i stole this from one of my other accounts tehe.
tagging: anyone who wishes to do it and saw this, say i tagged you!
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#rp memes.#AHH yeah so you may or may not have noticed a pattern amongst my muses and that is that they all fight dirty LOL#but i meannn whenever you're in a fight especially a street one you kind of have to fight at least a little dirty bc your opponet is NOT-#going to show you kindness most of the time i don't think (': so yeahhh and another important thing to note specifically with blamore is-#that it IS a boxer and also practices muay thai so stand-up striking / sweeps as well as clinches are thing's that it'll commonly-#implement into a fight with someone + he's got strong legs and a good sense of balance due to his boxing experience. HOWEVER#i know that boxing personally is a pretty demanding sport that makes it so that you have to be in tip-top shape to practice it most of the-#time so yeah. maintaining strength in the trunk in particular is something you need and this means training constantly which blamore-#may not be able to do sometimes due to its nerve pain but it definitely tries to stay in good shape. BUT other than that-#i could also picture him using his time in gymnastics to help him to win fights and stuff since it requires a LOT of flexibility / strength#to do those exercises as well.
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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i learned the grade for my phd thesis today (it's v good! i'm v happy!) & my supervisor took that as occasion to sit down with me and talk about The Future for a bit, and she clearly cares and i'm thankful for her, but the sheer ivory tower out-of-touch-ness of academics will never stop baffling me. like they'll ask you about your new job (admin & public service), and you tell them you're enjoying it and loving all the mental space it's freed up, and they'll be like cool! but you are looking for something better, right?
and it's like. no. i'm really super not. i understand that professors look down on this kind of work, which is one thing, they're snobs, i can't change that. but to not take someone's word for it when they say they find their job fulfilling and rewarding is kind of. ungenerous? not to mention condescending? like please don't call a less mentally taxing job a "waste of potential" when it was working in academia that stopped me from producing literally any writing i cared about or felt proud of for nearly four years
#if there IS any potential still to be reached i'm not reaching it in limited contracts worrying about whether i'll have a job next year lol#anyway i'm here to say if you're on the fence about whether to stay in academia.#do not do it. it really doesn't get easier from here on out in fact it'll probably get harder#and i know it feels good to be encouraged. and you want to do right by people who have faith in you. but god#i'm so tired of wealthy tenured profs who have 2 years to retirement thinking they can give advice without understanding our realities#ma'am no one is funding the humanities anymore. ma'am my friend recently applied for a postdoc position with 200+ applicants. ma'am
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finally started to read Red Hood: The Hill and DANA!!!
I love her so much already im scared what DC gonna do to her 😭
#im torn between shipping her with jason and letting stay platonic#like both are so good#also jason getting it yes boy that girl is gorgeous#which is also why i think platonic jaydana is good because dana was like you need to get laid and helped#but like jaydana would be such a fire couple too!!#i dunno whats their ship name but im assuming its jaydana lol#now i wanna add dana in the shayverse and i have no clue how do so 😭#better not think too much about it or it'll drive me mad lol
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tuinkign ablout. Hanahaki Disease adn how we aplareentlt have a similar thing in our system. those Effected dont cough up flowers (... often) but instead find that certain flowers sprout off of them at random. it's not painful until it Is (#yearning and all) and Yes the members mainly effected by this are our bpd holders . and then daisy but whatever the fuck is going on with daisy is like. idk he's an outlier adn should not be counted
#pk;m curly🩹#suffice to say im finding it hard to sleep with all this lavender everywhere#i. well . Y'KNOW. <2#usually the lavender sprouts from our heads. just behind our ears. at random mind you. or maybe there's correlation#maybe it's whenever you're on our mind. which is... often‚ yes‚ but‚#fhfhdhdhdjfn#sometimes the love gets. painful to feel. it overflows and that's when the flowers start sprouting inside our chests i think#and that's not like. a death wish or anything it doesn't kill us. it's like a minor nuisance that'll ease up in a few hours#but usually the flowers appear behind our ears. a symbol to show how much you mean to us.#in my case specifically they sprout all through the gaps in my bandages. Alllll over my head. i dont exactly have ears anymore for#the flowers to sprout behind. dhdhdhfbfdj#and right now i feel one lodged in my chest. it'll dissipate in a lil bit but for now... mm.#it... hurts. in a good way.#if i remember I'll tell you to your face but whenever you read this i want you to know that loving you is not hard at all.#easiest thing in the world‚ really#you mean the world to us and I'm glad we met you. I'm glad we stayed alive long enough for our paths to cross#... i do have an art idea based off this but it leans more into the horror of hanahaki but i think it'll be fun#@🗡️#this. go.t rambly sorry
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God why is my mother such a terrible human being
#ollie talks.txt#ollie vents.txt#I'm just not getting better while I live here#no matter how hard I try to move past it she's still digging it up#she's still trying to justify hitting a 10 year old child#she still thinks she's the fucking victim here#I think I'd feel safer on a mindfield that I do in a room with her#it's really just gonna fucking be like this isn't it?#abusers who 'get better' never really let go of it. they still think they're in the right. now they're just afraid you cat hurt them back#why do I still love her. my fatal flaw is the fact that I still love her. she made me into a hollow husk of a person who attempted suicide#at 11 and I still love her. she told me I'll die if I ever leave her house and I still love her. she told me I'll die a drug addict on the#street and I still love her. she ripped my favourite clothes apart because I didn't wabt to do my homework and I still loved her#she never let me leave the house until I was 14 and I still love her. she told me I'd be raped and kidnapped if I did like it's a normal#thing to say to a child and I still love her. she told me I'm the only friend she has and I still love her.#how am I supposed to be normal about love after this? is it even love or just complacency? I'm not even sure anymore#just fucking stop. why can't you be normal. why must you dig and dig into my trauma until I lash out and hurt you#yeah I do wish I was never born! but I can't say that to your fucking face because you say you'll slit your throat if I do say it!#who the fuck do you think you are? what gives you the right to do this to me?#you're not trying to be better for my sake you're just haunted by the guilt of what you did and want to be oh such a good parent#guess what you don't get that. you don't get that privilege. not after what you did you have blood on your hands and it'll ALWAYS stay there#you'll die and I'll remember you for the abusive and cruel and violent and hateful person you were to me#I don't fucking care about your child trauma. you can guilt me into feeling sorry for you anymore. feeling sorry for you never made you#change. if you were capable of it you'd done it at this point.#cptsd is truly one hell of a drug. I'll never have children. never
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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1/ this bout of comms almost done and 2. spawndate in 3 days so I have! been fixin up some stuff for the itch store. that'll go live on the 29th! right now there Is a pack of the lineart stuff I did last year for folks who found that agreeable, still free to grab! for practicing coloring, or if you wanna mess around with colors when ur not feelin like doing lineart, or if you wanna try to figure out colors in a drastically different style than what you usually go for. or if u just wanna look at it that's cool too. small announcement that is all see u in a few
#bakuspeech#update on the situation: is mostly contained. it'll take a fair bit to make up for how much it's kicked us in the nuts#but it's doable. just Very annoying and tedious and sudden and overall it just sucks#esp. like right up close to my birthday lmao. like if it happened earlier this year I'd be like alright. sucks shit but par for the course#this year has already been so fucked up. this might as well happen#but since it's happened in december it really brings on the feeling of like. fr bitch?#right in front of my cake? me the birthday boy? the specialest fucking boy?#but well. theres a Thing around here that's ur birthday usually being the unluckiest day#but also we're the kind of folks who track death dates rather than birthdays. like up until very recently#all four of my grandparents have unspecified birthdays. their birth years aren't even correct. on paper they're like#a few years older than they actually are#and my granddad on my dads side was even from a family of some means so it wasnt even a class thing#man. last year Something was happening around this time too. idr what but it also sucked#mmm. well. what is really just is. and I've already taken a hammer to it anyhows#I'll do the same for the birthday thing. it Will be fucking good. I take a hammer to it#I'm very glad I still get some commissions even tho it was practically right up to noel#you guys are very generous. I don't say it as often as I should I think but I'm very very thankful for the support#glad to hang out around here still. glad to have the folks I have here. thank u for chillin with me#please look forward to the itch store update. got a new thing along with the old things ported over. stay tuned
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at what point could you fall asleep to hushed giggles and quiet conversations instead of the usual silence?
(was it when you began to trust them?)
#eca orichird#daily eca#and vaguely#scarlet rose#stickers calvin#i always draw eca awake while the other two are asleep but i dont usually do it the other way around#its nice to think about when eca first accidentally falls asleep around them. hes so used to not trusting others and keeping his guard up#he's always used to waking up in an instant if something makes a sudden sound. he needs to stay alert because hes only got himself.#and at some point subconsciously his brain goes ''oh; chill; that's just stickers and scarlet. you can sleep. you're safe with them.''#he wakes up and berates himself silently. ''idiot. these two are making you go soft. forgetting all your survival instincts.''#but scarlet and stickers smile like the morning sun and tell him hello and oh did you have a good nap and he sighs.#it'll inevitably happen again. (is that so bad?)
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