#do people even say jist anymore
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wait, take him with you- he wont help you on your journey but he will critique your music taste (he needs more friends)
#hazbin hotel adam#queer artist#i dont even like this that much but it took forever and i know some of yall MIGHT appreciate it?#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin hotel heaven#hazbin hotel character#hazbin art#hazbin fanart#artists on tumblr#artist#small artist#artists of tumblr#vox is up next.. imma have fun with that fr!!!! i love computer heads#havent drawn one in awhile (excited for a refresher)#fanart#would like to note a reference was used here this is just me getting the jist of his design 🙏#do people even say jist anymore#am i spelling it right even
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BETWEEN OTHER SPIDER(S) -tasm! Spiderman
The other Peter was nothing like the one you knew back at home, but that didn't mean that you disliked him
Set in spiderman no way home
PAIRING: tasm!spider man x spider spiderwoman reader
A/N: Super rushed idk I didn't know how to end it :<
do I really have to do this? Whatever, let's just get it over with
My name is y/n l/n, and I'm from another, another, another dimension
I was also bitten by a radioactive spider and for the past 7 years, I've been spiderwoman
The rest is pretty simple actually, you guys know the jist
I went to school, got a pretty mad degree and modelled for an art class, where I met one of my bestfriend who introduced me to my other bestfriend.
I saved a ton of people, but I also couldn't save the alot of others
I saved one of my best friend, harry, but I couldn't save my other best friend's girlfriend and uh- now we don't talk anymore..
Then suddenly, one day.. this weird thing happens- this golden yellowish circle thingy pops up out of nowhere in front of me and suddenly I'm not at my apartment anymore, I'm in front of apparently 2 highschoolers and 2 other spiders.
"and now I'm infront of another highschooler who also turns out to be another spider" there's a unusual simplicity to your voice as you end your sentence with a slight sigh
The teenage boy in front of you was obviously not okay. He went through some stuff and even though you had no idea what they were at the moment, you knew what it felt like to feel like that
"i- I'm going to kill him" his voice is shaky "I swear I'm gonna kill him..aunt may- he killed au t may"
The boy's eyes are bloodshot red and there's scars all over his face. It was an all too familiar scene, like looking at the mirror, like looking back at your memories
"Peter.." you softly say "your name is Peter right?"
The boy doesn't respond but you could notice the slight reaction to his name, you could also sense the reaction from the two other spiders behind you
You were surrounded by Peter Parker wherever you went, he never really ever left you alone.
"well, there's 2 other peters behind me, and there's 3 other spiders in front of you. Externally we can be as different as we want to, but your scars and your burdens-"
in any other case you might have broken into laughter, you hated dealing with serious talks like this
"and your heartache, Peter, we all share it with you. You're not alone"
The other Peter's take turns speaking to the teenage Peter in front of you.
You can't help but feel like the pain- their pain is all too familiar to yours. Different nonethless but eerily familiar, like de ja vu
You hear familiar names, Uncle Ben, Mary Jane and your heart drops when you hear her name, Gwen Stacy
Your eyes are trained on the 2nd spider. The one not as old as the other but also not as young as the kid. He looks like your age.
He's nothing like your Peter and yet you find it hard to tear your eyes away from him, he talks about Gwen like the way the peter in your universe did and guilt eats you up like a spider eating it's prey,
Even in an alternate universe spiderman (or spiderwoman in your case) comes in the way of Gwen Stacy and Peter Parker
"what about you?" The teenage Peter looks up at you and questions you, about apprehensive of you
"hey kid- didn't I already tell you my entire life story already?" There's a slight teasing time in your voice but it's not reciprocated by the youngest spider
awkward
You bite your lip, you hated this. But you knew he needed to hear this too.
"I had a Peter Parker too, back in my world" unlike the other spiders who are now sitting closely to teen Peter, you choose to sit at the edge of the building away from their eyes
"and he was my best friend. Before I met Harry or Mary Jane I had Peter" you could feel the state of the oldest spider among you, you wished you could give him a hug
"he was my next door neighbour, my friendly neighborhood boy, he was the most special person I met" there's a smile in your voice "later I met Harry and Harry met Peter and we became inseparable"
"then Peter met... someone special too. And her name" you paused, taking a shallow breath before you continued "was Gwen Stacy"
Now you could feel the other spider man's eyes boring holes into you. The air suddenly feels all to different. It's a little hard to breath
"Gwen was amazing and beautiful and so- so special, I could see why Peter liked her. Everyone did, I couldn't help but like her too"
"one day... There was an accident where Gwen was unfortunately at the wrong place, wrong time and even though I saved as many people as I could.. I couldn't save her"
You feel a hand on your shoulder and you knew it was the older spider, it has callouses and scars, it was heavy and full of burden but it felt safe and comforting. It felt awfully like home
"Peter..he used to adore spiderwomen but after that day he changed...he changed for the worse. He applied for an internship at Osborne laboratory, a lab owned by Harry's dad and got in."
Your story was a little longer than the other spiders but yours was the one which connected all four of yours together.
"what happened to Peter?" It's not the teen Peter or the old Peter who asked you this but the Peter who you felt the most familiar to. He encouraged you to continue so you did
"he uhm got the internship. I was against it but Harry thought that maybe it could get Peter back to himself again- but instead Peter he..he"
"you don't have to continue you know" his voice is soft and warm but you think that maybe his eyes are more comforting "it's okay we can continue this later"
You simply nodd
There's an odd silence now at the rooftop of a building. You turn your head to face the teen Peter who was still processing everything thats going on
"kid, if there's one thing you should know is that we are not ordinary normal people. We have powers and with-" the old Peter begins to say but the Peter next to you cuts him off
"great power comes-"
You whisper the end "great responsibility"
You all shared a look, you can't help but think that it's strange but it's also oddly comforting.
-
One thing you should know about all the spiders from all the universes no matter what are usually if not horrible at dealing with their feelings
And the four of you were not so different but you guys had each other so it was going to be okay
The white cold light filled the lab along with the pairs of white coats shuffling here and there, thinking up of a game plan and also modifying the gadgets
You can't help but stare at the youngest Peter and mj or rather Michelle, you don't realise that the other Peters are doing the same, one of them unintentionally like you and the other staring wistfully
The oldest Peter contemplates saying something to you and the 2nd Peter. The both of you had a similar look as your eyes lingered at the young couple. Something like regret or maybe guilt. Perhaps love or maybe self hatred. At the end he decides to remain silent, it's better to let the both of you figure it out by yourselves
You're the first to snap out of the trance, almost immediately noticing the other Peter the one most closest to your age staring intently into what you also were a few minutes ago
You break the silence, a slight cough
"you gotta love young love huh?"
His eyes twinkle a mischievous look and give you a lopsided smile
"too bad spiderwoman ruined it for me" you shrug
"spiderwoman? it was Spiderman for me" he shakes his head adding an additional flair "talk about a total buzzkill"
You both break into grins as if though the both of you were long lost friends sharing an old joke together
"so uh -" Peter, not the one ned is trying to teach internet acronyms to or the one too busy holding his girlfriend's hand, but Peter with the brown eyes and hazel eyes, the one sitting right across from you.
"I hope I'm not being too forward" you could recognise that awkward tone from anywhere "but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. About what happened to him" Peter's voice was genuine and his face warm "I'm sure it was difficult, especially because you had to go through that alone"
"oh" you're taken aback by his words
"not trying to be insensitive or anything but I" he gives you a lop sided smile, the kind of smile that seemed to be a mixture of concern and guilt "I know how difficult it must have been"
"it was difficult." You admit "Peter was my bestfriend, he was-" you cannot find yourself able to end that sentence and the Peter infront of you is quick to catch on to this fact
"uh so what did Peter look like? In your universe? I mean if that's alright to ask ofcourse I don't want to-"
he had caught on to your hesitation, he guesses that your relationship with the Peter in your universe was complicated so he simply changed the topic
"Peter" you laugh a little "uhm- i was kind of taken back at first, your almost nothing like my peter"
You don't miss the way his eyebrows raises when you say my Peter, but you also don't miss the way he tilts his head when he was surprised
"sorry I mean the Peter in my universe.. you know just your typical friendly neighbour" you say "blue eyes, blonde hair"
"wait- I have blue eyes and blonde hair in some other universe?"
You raise your eyebrows and gave him a look of slight disbelief "did you seriously just say you ?"
"hey" the Peter in front of you says as if to back himself up, holding up his hands "in some other universe I'm a no offense a middle aged man and in some other a hormonal teenager. It's great to know that I had blue eyes and blonde hair at a certain point"
You laugh. You actually laugh. It's a long time since you've talked about your Peter to anyone and for a long time every conversation about him seemed like a mourning but this one, this one felt as if though you were celebrating the person he was
"I'd rock blonde hair and blue eyes I assure you" The Peter infront of you breaks into a smile when he sees you laugh.
For someone he had never met or rather a person he was never supposed to meet he felt a sense of closeness towards you. A tingle
"so do you have a y/n in your universe? Please tell me I have pink hair and green eyes" you say
"not yet, unfortunately" he grimaces "but I have you here right now"
It's different. Everything was different with this Peter. You just couldn't pinpoint how
"yea I guess"
Peter doesn't say anything but gives you a wink before he goes tinkering his web shooting gadget
"huh..." You couldn't help but mumble to yourself "it's a weird though don't you think? This whole multiverse Spiderman/woman thing"
Peter hums in agreement "well, string theory is a bitch"
"Werner Heisenberg? Total asshole"
"tell me about it, he's worst"
There's a shared cheeky glance, an unspoken understanding, a connection if you would dare to admit
The Peter infront of you was nothing like your peter, he didn't have blue eyes or blonde hair, instead he had brown eyes and even darker eyes, he wasn't overlty confident or proud but rather seemed awkward and a little shy
The Peter infront of you was nothing like the Peter you knew in your universe but you didn't seem to mind
After all, the both of you had eachother right now, and that all the seemed to matter
#tasm!peter x reader#spiderman no way home#spiderman#spiderman x reader#tasm peter parker#tasm spiderman#tasm!peter x you#tasm!peter parker#tasm!peter imagine#tasm!spiderman x reader#andrew garfield#andrew garflield x reader#marvel x reader#avengers x reader#peter parker x reader#peter parker#peter parker x you#peter parker x y/n#spiderman x y/n#spiderman x you#tasm! peter parker x reader#tasm! peter x reader#tasm!peter fluff#tasm!peter angst#tasm!peter x y/n
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I don't even know what to say about the ending, because my expectations for it were so non-existent, but I will say this:
1A as a found family? Not canon. It really makes 1A look bad that once Izuku becomes Quirkless again, they don't talk as much anymore. It's only when he becomes Iron Izuku that they start talking to him again. Izuku even says how lonely he is now that his classmates are heroes and he isn't!
Hori's message that anyone can be a hero, even without a Quirk? Complete and utter bullshit. Again, without Iron Izuku - which took 8 YEARS to develop, he didn't stand a chance. Even All Might could only be a hero after Kamini Ward with Iron Might and that only lasted like 5 minutes.
The hero ranking system and hero culture as a whole? Basically the same as before. Apparently, the low crime rate has concentrated the pool of heroes to those who have strong Quirks.
Literally the only good thing about the ending is that Bakugou didn't become the #1 hero, and even that shows that because he NEVER FUCKING CHANGED, he's dropping in the ranks.
Hi @nutzgunray-lvt 👋
Honestly, same all I can do to describe the ending of MHA is underwhelming and horrible.
Moving on you are right 1A didn't have a good found family bond and canon even shows this and supports this. After they graduated and became heroes it seems like they lost contact with eachother and didn't meet eachother for casual talks or just hanging out because they're days off didn't align or their just wasn't and effort made. Heck we don't see a little reunion or even simple text messages it just seems like they drift apart and no one seems to even comfort izuku when he is officially quirkless.
I have said it and I will say it again I hate the whole concept of iron might or iron Izuku. I don't know why but I simply don't like it and the fact that it proves that you do need a quirk to become a hero. The series seems to have horrible messaging and the whole definition of hero seems to stick to the same definition in chapter one "a job, a career" that's it not it being "to help people and help society". "Anyone can be a hero" but you can't if youre quirkless I guess🤷♀️ .
I stand by my point that izuku could of became a quirkless hero. Not a hero like all might but a hero for sure and at this point it seems sad to see izuku lose OFA and just become iron Izuku it's just pitiful and empty and bland and bleak and well you get the jist of it.
Hero culture and heroics is still toxic. Heck I think you could argue that it's become even more toxic that the hero environment has been saturated by those that have strong quirks. It also seems like hawks really didn't do anything at all to change the system except of add a bit so other people can be celebrated but the hero polls still stand with bakugo being aggressive as ever and again showing us that he hasn't changed and his treatment to izuku seems to be the only thing that hori focuses on even though there is no focus on it from Izuku's perspective aka making all of bakugos development that is only towards izuku null.
May I also bring the point that it wasn't hawks who even tried introducing a new quirk counselling system but it was ochako?!?!!! Iam sorry it was ochako who even introduced it and is changing it like why isn't hawks there helping he is after all the head of HPSC after all. Also, the whole idea of heroes only being people with strong quirks and that the crime rate is low maybe because of it paints a horrible picture. This whole idea also proves that history is just rhyming and will soon probably repeat itself sooner or later that is.
#mha#mha critical#bnha critical#horikoshi critical#bnha#bhna critical#thanks for the ask#thanks for the ask!#izuku deserves better#anti mha ending#mha ending
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I’m sorry, but y’all are sleeping on Asmodeus’s angry form. A lot of people are calling it “a slightly bigger flaming monster”, not really holding a candle to Stolas’s or Bee’s forms.
But here’s the thing, Ozzie’s form is not “slightly bigger”. It actually looks to be around the same size as Bee’s.
So let’s get into it.
Here is our reference photo
Okay so from this we can gather that Stolas is more or less around twice Loona’a height.
Now right off the bat, we know the Deadly Sina can change their size, looking at Bee’s party form to Ozzie’s little form
But here’s the jist, just because Ozzie has a bigger form doesn’t mean that‘a his full form.
Let’s look at when he and Stolas are just talking.
He’s already a few heads taller than Stolas (and anybody being taller than Stolas is something we are not used to let’s be real lol), but at least Stolas can reach his chest.
But when he’s full on angry and about to go beast mode, Stolas barely reaches his WAIST.
But here’s the thing: it DOESN’T stop there. In fact it looks like Ozzie is growing with every frame as he gets angrier.
Now it’s kind of hard to guesstimate the exact height due to this angle, but Stolas is DEFINITELY not reaching Ozzie’s waist anymore. To be safe, let’s say Stolas is now at Ozzie’s thigh to hip.
And even though we can’t see Stolas in this last frame, it looks like from their surroundings that Ozzie by now is reaching a little past midway to the ceiling.
And if you look at the first pic, you know that they are not in a small room. But even if you can’t see Stolas clearly, I’m pretty sure at this point he is only reaching around Ozzie’s upper thigh.
Now let’s go to Loona. She is half Stolas’s height, so therefore she would reach about the upper mid to his shin
Bring in this pic
Okay, so off the bat Bee is HUGE. And after a closer look to her full body, let’s be safe and say standing up, Loona reaches about the lower mid of her shin.
That would place Stolas right above or at her knee.
Now Bee is still bigger than Ozzie, but considering the difference is like knee to thigh, I do not believe that anybody should be sleeping on Ozzie’s full form. He’s still huge, and towering over Stolas, who is normally the biggest in the room.
Also, I feel like it’s worth mentioning that Ozzie was likely still holding back in this scene because there are people in his palace, and he cannot afford to get bombarded by the media asking questions about Fizz’s kidnapping or calling him out for allowing himself to get blackmailed. So even though he’s pissed, he’s still in control.
Is it bad that I would like to see what it looks like when he loses control?
Anyway, even if it is his full demonic form (which I still highly doubt) stop saying Ozzie’s form is “slightly bigger”, cuz it is wayyyy more than that. Dude is POWERFUL, and even though he holds back a LOT in this episode, you can still tell that Ozzie is not somebody to mess with.
#helluva boss#fizzarolli#fizzmodeus#fizzarozzie#helluva boss asmodeus#stolas#helluva boss loona#helluva boss beelzebub#helluva bee lzebub#helluva boss ozzie#ozzie helluva boss#helluva asmodeus#helluva ozzie#long post
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Life Updates
Hey Tumblr gang!
If you've noticed I've been active less on platforms like Patreon, Twitch, Discord, and even a little less frequent with my YouTube uploads, this post will address that.
The biggest reason is that I simply do not have enough energy to delegate anymore. With my health issues progressing, I've been slowly losing my energy to give out to different areas, and I've had to decrease my focus.
My main focuses are now animations, music, merchandise, and Creeper County.
That's the jist. If you want more specifics, you can keep reading further.
Twitch
I really really struggle to have any energy for streaming. I can't keep up the hype and I feel like I am not doing anything by just being live. I want to have the freedom to do other things whenever I want, and I don't want to feel like I am being judged with every creative decision I make. A few decisions of mine revolving around how I built my audience is what lead me here, so while there's ways I can see myself coming back to Twitch, I just don't have the energy for it at the moment.
Discord
Discord was my biggest strategy to help grow my Twitch channel--and it worked fantastically. But now that I'm inactive on Twitch, I've decided to delegate the energy used on Discord for something else.
I don't expect myself to like, delete my Discord, but it's just something I am fine with being there primarily for announcements right now.
I'm focusing more on creating a smaller, more intimate community with Creeper County. This is what I've always wanted in building a community.
Patreon
I've made an announcement there already if you're interested in reading. The jist is that it isn't a reliable income source for me to dedicate that much time to it. It's just going to sorta stay as a donation platform for the time being. Not that that's bad (it's what most people tend to do), but I think it's still reasonable for me to make clear.
YouTube
I wouldn't say I'm too inactive here, I just don't upload as often. It's like, as opposed to once every 4-7 days, it's once every 7-10 days maybe now.
Big reason here is, of course the energy, but also I'm just exploring many different art forms right now. Had a dip in motivation with main channel animations and needed to figure out why. For the most part, I have figured out why, but there's still some direction I need to find.
Though you can look forward to a shrimp miku video coming soon.
Postmortem in Nuuspace
This isn't one I have really been inactive in, since I never promised an activity level. But still figured I can address that I am planning out a much larger story that will be based in this universe, which is why my current writing rhythm will be quite sporadic.
Not to say this will ever be finished, or published, or whatever (it might idk), but it's just what I am doing.
I know I didn't have to make this post, but it gives me some closure! I didn't want to leave anyone in the dark, and this way I know that I haven't (unless people don't read this, but that ain't on me).
In the future, I honestly expect that most of my energy will come down to video game development. It's like, all of these little things I am doing will just point towards one massive thing. And given my experience with Godot engine, making music, writing, 3d art, pixel art, animation... you see where this is going.
So, stay tuned.
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On the DesBea situation:
I would've added my thoughts to the original post, but as I am not a part of their Discord server, I didn't think that that was any bit appropriate. However, I wanted to share some of my own personal experiences with her, so that y'all can see that her behavior in their server is a continuing pattern--I don't have pictures of what she said as proof, sadly, but I will explain why.
I'm also gonna slap this under a Read More. I apologize for its length, but the original callout post should be enough of an explanation as to why this post needs to be as long as it is.
And, as a quick aside, if any of you wish to completely block DesBea, NOT HARASS HER OR FEED INTO HER BEHAVIOR IN ANY WAY, be aware that her usernames are:
commence-screaming
des-paa-cee-toeee
pd3thoughts
If any of you know of any more, please tell me, and I will update this post. I don't want to be around her anymore than most people who've also interacted with her do.
About 2 years ago, I was invited to lilspacewolfie's server, Red's Ramblers, and I very quickly became a moderator there. Over time some people joined and a few left, but Ramblers remained stable through it all. DesBea joined later on into the server's lifespan, was around for awhile, said some nasty things, was given a warning (in the general), and just left without saying anything one day. After reading the screenshots in the callout post, I'm actually quite surprised by how much of a fit she threw in her efforts to make you guys apologize to her. Much like in the original post, with her gone from the server, things improved for everyone else, but the whole ordeal was rather confusing for all of us, in the aftermath.
See, DesBea was trying to be just as harmful in Ramblers, but it never really went anywhere.
Her hateful and self-pitying tendencies were the same around us as it was in their server. She really loved to talk shit about Yadoking and her writing--she would do this both in passing on random posts in the server, and while some of us were in-call when we'd play Payday 2 together as a group. It never smacked of genuine criticism for Yado's writing ability or style, as she only ever used childish language when doing it, and she would always do it right before she would try to push her own ideas and fics onto any of us who were online at the time. She was even trying to bully lilspacewolfie--which I will go more into later--over the tiniest of things. DesBea, in all of her posts, was either pushing someone else down, trying to make us all read about her rather disturbing fic ideas or headcanons, or trying to make herself look like the victim by claiming that she 'had bad experiences with abuse in the past' and that her 'PTSD was triggered over something someone in Ramblers had said' when we were trying to halt her bullshit.
It was all very aggravating to deal with, to say the least, but it also didn't have very much staying power, since most of us were just ignoring her in the server. And I do mean that, as most of the users in the Ramblers Discord server refused to interact with her posts over time, and people usually ignored her whenever she tried to insert herself into their conversations. It's probably why she left without much of a fight when lilspacewolfie posted "If you're being an asshole in this server, you better stop that shit right now" in the general chat. (That's not what she said, but y'all get the jist.)
Now, as for her bullying behavior in the server, I can't say for certain if she was targeting anyone besides lilspacewolfie (and badmouthing Yado from time to time, who wasn't even in the server), as I'm not a very outgoing or talkative individual. Despite the length of this post, I'm naturally quite taciturn, and even though I was a moderator in Ramblers, nobody in the server ever messaged me about any issues that they were having with anyone. But, I can say with accuracy that DesBea would go out of her way to harass lilspacewolfie--the creator and owner of the Red's Ramblers Discord server. Whenever she would join calls while we were playing together (but she was just watching from the server), she would only ever type in the voice chat channel, where she would wax poetic about her own fics and get rather offended that 'lilspacewolfie was intentionally ignoring her'. If we were playing a game of Payday 2 with her, DesBea would intentionally follow lilspacewolfie around as a character that she didn't particularly care for and spam callouts to scare and irritate her. And, when another user in the server was having an issue that caused them a lot of distress and made them go quiet for awhile (which had nothing to do with anyone or anything in Ramblers, when they were asked about it), DesBea tried to blame lilspacewolfie for it based on a lighthearted joke that she had made that dogged on Houston. So, not only was she trying to harass lilspacewolfie, but she was actively trying to turn others in the server against the owner of the Discord, as if she could muscle her out by making her out to be a villain.
Over a joke about a FICTIONAL character.
Because she started insinuating that lilspacewolfie had caused another user to 'go into a depressive spiral, and chased them away from the server with her insensitive comments about Houston', I got involved to shut that shit down. DesBea was always weirdly attached to me, because she had DM'd me a few times on Tumblr in the past. I can only guess that she thought that these few smatterings of messages made me her friend, and since, apparently, some people here think of me as being "Mr. John Payday", she figured that she could use me as an intimidating wall to hide behind whenever she was called out on her bullshit.
She was wrong.
After a while of still trying to get others in the server to hate lilspacewolfie for 'being mean to one of the other users in the server'--who ended up coming back once their mental health had improved, by the way--she finally left after the "Stop being a dick" post, and it took us a couple days to notice. So, all-in-all, it was a very weird and irritating experience, but, in this context, it shows a worrying trend of behavior that she ended up spreading to other servers.
Now, like I kind of glossed over earlier, I WAS a moderator in Red's Ramblers. (I ended up leaving the server last month due to personal reasons that're not germane to this situation, and I have no desire to talk about it on this forum.) As I was still a mod before I left, I took the time to delete every post and reaction made by people who were no longer in the server--this amounted to 7 people, DesBea included. So, all of her posts that I could've screencapped as evidence are gone, and even if they were still there, I wouldn't have access to them anymore, anyway. In fact, the only thing that I have left is this picture I took of my response to her whole "You're a bad person for hating Houston" spiel that she was going on and on about:
(I censored this to give some privacy to the person who DesBea tried to use as a cudgel to smack lilspacewolfie with blame for their condition at the time. Even though most people here probably won't recognize them from their in-server nickname, I didn't want to take any chances.)
But, anyway, as you have read from the callout post and these personal anecdotes that I have provided, her behavior in their server was an unsurprising, but also a very worrying trend that has effected at least 2 Discord servers and a good chunk of some of the people who were or still are in the Payday fandom.
If anything that y'all have read over these posts has angered any of y'all to the point of harassing her, PLEASE DON'T. Don't send her hate--anonymously or not. Don't engage with her. Just block her and make sure that others in the fandom are aware of her behavior, so they can avoid her if they wish to as well.
And, again, please tell me if she's operating under any usernames other than the ones I've listed. I was tired of her bullshit a long time ago, and I have no desire to entertain her further under yet another pseudonym.
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The thing about Hazbin that annoys me the most
I was having a conversation with my best friend yesterday and I think I pin pointed what annoys me about Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, but mostly Hazbin. This was the jist of our conversation:
(We were talking about the book 'Things We Never Got Over')
Me: "Dude this is not a romance book. They are not in love. It's even worse cause there is no vibes either. Like it's not even fun. There's ideas I guess but like they never act on them."
Bestie: "At least it has good ideas, yes it doesn't stuck the landing but at least it was there."
Me: "Yeah but good ideas don't work if they don't land it. It annoys me. Go big or go home."
Bestie: "Yeah that's fair, but their was a attempt."
Me: "I know, but still. Fun ideas aren't fun anymore if you aren't gonna do it well."
This wasn't our exact conversation but it was a summery. This is what annoys me about Hazbin Hotel. I've been critical about both Hazbin and Vivziepop on here but those are nitpicks. This annoys me.
Hazbin Hotel has a fun concept and fun character concepts but they fumble them.
Okay so the show isn't out, I also haven't seen the premiere or the leaked episodes. As I'm writing (it's the 11th) the show comes out in 8 days. But from the designs, to the trailer, to the screenshots we've received, Hazbin is confused on what it wants to be. It wants to be a show about The Princess of Hell redeeming sinners but it also wants to be about taking down Heaven. It's endlessly confused.
In all honesty, the main cast is fun! (Their ideas, not as they are now.) The Princess of Hell opening a hotel with shenanigans? That's fun! Moth lesbian? Love it! Gangster spider, a serial killer being a deer a animal of innocence, a drunk bar cat, a sparatic bug alien thing. Their all fun ideas! What annoys me to no ends is that Hazbin has these fun characters and a fun ideas but they don't act on them.
People don't understand why others criticize the show or make their own version of the show. Hell, I am actively re-writing the show. I have been very public about it.
(Also, if you do do that, it's fine. People forget that. Litteraly anything I change in my Au is not going to change the actual show. Also I know this sound childish, but if you don't like my rewrite then you don't have to interact. I know everyone says that but seriously. You don't have to like any of my redesigns or rewrites. I swear I'll be okay. If you enjoy Hazbin Hotel as it is good for you. I am a fan of Hazbin but I KNOW that it can be better.)
Hazbin can be so fun when it wants to be. They can have fun characters when they want to. They have a fun premise currently. They have amazing artwork when they want to.
Hazbin Hotel is a fun concept with fun ideas but they don't do anything. That annoys me.
- ⭐️StarClown⭐️
#hazbin hotel critique#hazbin hotel criticism#hazbin hotel critical#vivziepop critical#vivziepop criticism
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// selfharm
If I dont say ig somehow I feel likw I will explode I can't bear it I can't I feel horrible I want to jump in front of the train I take everyday I can't bear it anymore I hate it I hate it I hate it I want to be crushed I want to die I want to get beaten up left for dead on the side of the road I want to disappear just kill me I hate thsi I want to oen mysleg up and take everything out letting dogs eat t hat I want to scream I don't knwo what to do I want to tear myselfl apart I can't cut I can't drink I can't fuckirng drink what do I do I need somethjtng to get high I need it I dont wnsnt to think anymore I wnst to smash my knees into t he concrete I want them all destro yed I wnsnt to destrongy myslelf as well I cant bear it at all I just wish I had t he guts to finally do it to ask some old man in searc h of a toy to use to beat me up to k ill me instead of waitingg instead of riling people up in h opes to be able to finally die it woueont even be difficult becasuw men fu kitng hate me they wwant to tear me apapt and touch and tocu and touch and destory and i hate it i jist want thsi to end i want thsi to end my chest hurts
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I would love to hear about any head canons you have for the two not so very great dads :3 💖
I HATE THEM!!! 😡😤 (proceeds to make art, stories, and headcanons of them as they occupy my mind space for how many months already) (slight suggestive warning for some of these HCs)
I like to think they dated way before the present time (they dated in college, this hc is long so i'm not adding it here rn). So in the present games where they meet again (USUM's RR and Masters) Ghetsis slowly starts to develop romantic feelings for Giovanni (again). This bothers him to no end, especially since he suspects that Gio knows. Mafia man does figure out and secretly uses it to his advantage in their rivalry. Overtime though, Gio starts to feel mutual (again). This leads to him subtly flirting with Lettuce causing the latter to grow even more frustrated with his romantic man crush. He shouldn't fall in love with his enemy for world domination yet he did and he suspects that the other likes him too so now he's even more infuriated.
The jist of their dynamic pre-relationship is just Ghetsis being a tsundere who is also obsessed with the don bastardo (which he tells himself is hatred) and Gio being a smug flirt that takes any chance he gets to infuriate lettuce priest more.
They're very professional, most people wouldn't even notice that there's something going on between these two since they act all curt and business like everywhere. But if one stops and observes them, they'd notice how there is a minuscule hint of fondness in the way they speak to each other and how they have their own code in saying their affections. Also, look closely and you'll realize the glances they share have a deeper meaning than just mere looks. To put it short, they have a lot of eye sex, it's subtle but once you notice it, it becomes clear as day. Their grunts feel awkward whenever they end up noticing; it feels like they're intruding on private matters though they're not sure what.
Ghetsis has mobility issues, particularly his BW2 rendition, and he can't really walk and run for long distances anymore. Good thing he has a strong, beefy stud of a boyfriend to carry him around. Whenever Gio does that, Ghet becomes extremely flustered but doesn't stop him. While he does prefer dealing with his own problems and issues himself with the stubborness and persistence of a lone wolf, he's still a sucker for being treated and pampered like royalty. (After all, he is from a royal lineage and a pompous fuck)(expect a comic based on this soon)
In most other ships that involve Gio, he tends to subtly tune down his cruel, aggressive, and domineering traits for his partner and tries to be more considerate, slow and careful (still keeps the charming mafia godfather vibe tho). In this case, he doesn't. Being that they're both old and shitty bastards, Gio doesn't feel the need to adjust himself much for Ghet since he doesn't play nice either. If anything, he can be as blunt and straightforward as he wants to be. He won't hesitate to just slam the green-haired maniac down his office desk, rip apart his robes and have his way with him until sunrise.
Ghetsis likes to ramble and rant about whatever, whenever convenient. Gio doesn't mind this and lets him go on about whatever topic his partner wants to talk about. Usually he'd also return a comment if the other inquires on what he thinks or when he so chooses but in some instances, Gio just gets lost in the sound of Ghetsis voice, how he would be so full of emotion and conviction in the way he speaks and just the sound of it all can be what he considers music to him. You can tell he's not really paying attention to what Ghetsis says and is just enjoying the sound of his voice when he looks at him utterly lovestruck (well, as lovestruck as how a hardened mafia boss can be)
There are only a handful of people Ghetsis would allow to touch his hair; his hair care routine takes a long time to do and anyone that messes with it is basically asking for death. Gio is one of those few people. This pretty much means that he trusts him enough now to let him touch his hair and boy, he made a pretty good decision. Feeling his hand comb through his locks feels soothing and well, he does like how he pulls his hair from behind whenever they fck.
Gio most definitely had a long list of past lovers and even now that he's seeing someone, he still has many others clamoring to be with him. Ghetsis does not like this one bit. Whenever he's with Gio and someone tries to get too close to Gio, he just shoots them a scowl that can make milk sour up immediately and sticks closer to Gio. Gio does tell him to calm down about it and that he's a grown ass man who can make his own decisions but he does find it endearing seeing how much Ghetsis is in love with him.... even if it is going full possesive, but he can deal with that. (expect a comic on this too)
Curse that one deactivated blog for giving Gio a thing for Ghet's legs because now, I actually like the idea of it. Gio simply loves his tall, GNC, gossip girl, murderous megalomaniac boyfriend and his long ass legs.
There's something so funny about them getting married and Gio going like "Now that we're married, it's only fair that I give you something that you've always wanted." And straight up presents Ghet with a gun and says, "Let's shoot up a police station as part of our honeymoon, amore mio Harmonia." And Ghet is all sparkly eyed and delighted and goes "You know me so well, Sakaki dear." And their children are just screaming in horror in the background, "DON'T MAKE HIM MORE OF A THREAT THAN HE ALREADY IS!!!!"
and yeah that's it for now, this is getting too long lol
#cheken clucks#cheken's nonsense#my headcanons#god this ship is making my brain rot so much#but hey i'm enjoying it HAHAHHAHA#giovanni#ghetsis#terribledadshipping#pokemon#cheken scratch#cuz i had to add a quick art piece here lol
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Walking it Back: PT 1
Characters: Fledge, Alaska
Word Count: 2,103
uhhh i started this over a year ago! i sit on things for a while. id like to get better at writing stuff more consistently but idk im happy w how it came out! hopefully u will not have to wait as long for part 2.
if u read it ummm ty! <3
---
“Hm.” The girl's eyes studied an unremarkable intersection on the floor of the exam room, avoiding the gaze of the doctor standing a few feet from her, who pressed the door closed behind himself following his greeting. Her fingers played with the paper pulled over the examination table.
“Something the matter?” While his tone seemed as genuine as she could gauge, the question made her regret acknowledging the misnomer at all. He set a bag down on the counter across from her and brought out his clipboard from under his arm.
She shook her head.
“Please, it’s alright. What’s up?”
“Uhm,” she paused. Her feet pressed at each other gently over the side of the table. “No one calls me that anymore.”
“Oh, well what do people call you now?” he flipped to the front page of his clipboard and leaned gently against the counter, facing her.
“Uh, Fledge.”
He smirked. “That stuck, huh?”
She shrugged. The little hexagon where the tiles met remained interesting.
He shook his head at his clipboard.
“General Drakon is so cavalier about that sort of thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone thought that was your actual name if he was the one to introduce you. Still though, surviving this long?” He let out a little laugh. “That’s a lifelong nickname now, I’m sure.”
He looked at her as if he were going to wait for acknowledgement, but then continued.
“I’m not much of the nickname sort myself but, hey, I think I’m willing to make an exception for you.” He scratched something onto the clipboard.
“Okay.”
He tucked the clipboard back under his side and lopped himself down on the office stool. Its momentum gently wheeled him into the range of Fledge’s downturned line of sight.
“Do you remember me?” he asked.
She let him slide his way into her vision and then quickly found another spot on the floor to look at. She shook her head.
“That’s fine.” He waved a hand. “I’m Dr. Alcess Alaska. I conducted your entry psionic evaluation a few sweeps ago. Couldn’t have been more than an hour or two.”
Fledge nodded.
“I’m here with you today to talk about a project proposal.”
Fledge nodded.
“So, you’re aware how even though you’re stationed here, you’re actually a member of the Imperial Psionic Corps, yes?”
Fledge nodded.
“I’m aware you’ve had some training, but do you know much about what they do?”
“A little.”
“What do you know?” he asked, in an attempt to coax a more-than-two-word response from her.
“They’re…” it felt exhausting for Fledge to even think of saying a full sentence. She breathed out. “They’re all psionics, and they do stuff for the fleet.”
“That’s the jist of it, yes.”
“But,” he raised a finger, “They’re all very specialized psionics, not helmsmen or telekinetics or simple mind-readers. They receive individual training for their abilities.”
She knew that, of course. It was the whole reason she was a part of it. Still, she nodded.
“There’s a standard timeline for progression through the IPC’s induction, but after doing your entry evaluation I found that there’s a lot of potential with your abilities that I think deserve more unique attention.”
He started to say something else, but then cut himself off. He studied her floorlocked gaze, how her fingers crushed the paper between them.
“Fledge, do you know much about psionics? Your psionics? How they work, I mean.”
Fledge shook her head.
He drummed his fingers on the clipboard for a moment before scooting across the room to grab his bag from the counter. He opened it on his lap and set a couple things on the counter as he rooted through it, then wheeled back over to Fledge. He then reached back in and pulled out a colorful plastic brain and a small container containing a few plastic lobes. He removed the lid from the container and set it on the examination table next to Fledge, then set the bag on the floor and lifted the brain from his lap.
“Alright, so, stop me if I say anything you already know. Okay?” He waited for her acknowledgement this time, a barely perceptible nod, and then removed a blue lobe from the back of the brain, that Fledge could now see was held on with a magnet.
“This is the cucular lobe. All trolls have one, but in psionics, it’s a little larger. The shape and the other lobes it has contact with can affect the sort of abilities a psionic has and how they might control them.” Fledge watched keenly as he set the small, normal lobe on the table, and picked up a larger piece of the same color from beside her. “This one is more like yours.” The strong magnet clicked the lobe into place at the rear of the brain.
“See how it curls up past this,” his finger dragged along the brain, along marigold yellow and crimson red plastic; “the occipital lobe, and over to this one? The parietal? This is why your abilities are affected by touch, why you can ‘feel’ electromagnetic energy the way you do.” He offered her the brain. She let him pass it to her and immediately began picking off the other lobes and letting them snap back into place.
“You have what we call a material-responsive M-Type ability,” he continued, watching her play idly. “You can manipulate, but your abilities are moreso characterized by their sensitivity, your extrasensory perception, rather than their ability to make drastic physical changes. More typical of ceruleans, but yours have a certain versatility, and there’s a lot of potential I believe could be accessed through some implants and, of course, appropriate training.”
He took another piece from the container, a long, thin, curved, grey piece. He held it up.
“This is a type of foci. There’s several different kinds; you may have seen other IPC members with the foci behind their ears; those are the most common. This one is an implant and mostly invisible once installed. They allow for the observation of lobe activity, enable additional cerebral pathways, and can be used to enhance psionic ability in a number of ways.”
He gestured for the brain. She held it out to him and he snapped on the piece, which curled from the front left of the organ back and over the cucular lobe. He withdrew his hands.
“I believe that, by using enhancements to magnify your psychic perception of electromagnetic energy, you can better control the ability. Instead of blowing up televisions and feeling static, you could…. turn the lights on and off, you could…”
---
A shot fired through the skull of the troll in front of her, spattering green viscera across the dry ground at Fledge’s feet.
She hadn’t been paying attention when the olive stepped forward and raised her weapon. Some fleet officer had been talking to whoever these trolls were about whatever they were doing-- a mutiny, maybe? -- whatever. It wasn’t Fledge’s turn. Fledge knew what the signal was, she knew how aggressive these trolls were allowed to get, and she knew what she was meant to do when either of those conditions were met. She just hadn’t done it without her gloves before. The thought had distracted her. Her hands dropped from rubbing at the nodes embedded in her wrist as the body thwapped to the ground. She didn’t need to look to know the sniper's barrel was already shoved down into the dirt, the more experienced soldier berating them— Stop, that’s what she’s for.
C’mon fledgling. Pay attention. Be here.
One pulse. Forward, 170 degree arc. This will dispel incoming psionics and ballistics, but will dissipate after about three metres.
A strong enough magnetic field through the brain is enough to disrupt regular synapse operation and cause seizures. One at the door, two on the balcony. Close the circuit, an invisible spherical tie around their head, and then release. Her fingers twitched about in front of her. It was a shot of air through her nerves, crawling down behind her eyes and across her body like a cool drink of water. Her eyes hunted around for another to show themselves. When none did, her fingers ground into her palms, deaf to her surroundings until a hand met her shoulder.
“That was good. Quicker on the pickup next time, maybe,” the officer quipped while she examined the damage, then started walking, letting her hand slip from Fledge’s shoulder. “Let’s see if whoever is inside is more reasonable,” she hummed.
Fledge followed as the others behind her dealt the finishing blow to the incapacitated troll near the door, another that fell from the balcony. Her mind began to warm again. She lifted the edge of her jacket, touching the bit of green flecked onto the edges. Would that wash out?
---
Alaska waved a hand as if to catch an answer from the air “...move ferromagnetic material. Just… apply magnetic fields and induce current more deliberately, precisely.”
She turned the brain gently in her hands, her thumb ran over the implant. A piece of metal in her head?
“We wouldn’t start with the foci, since your brain is still developing, but it would definitely be a part of this at some point. For now, I think it’d be best to do more research first. Like, where and how exactly do you feel electromagnetic energy?”
He raised a hand as her mouth opened. Ah, one of those not-question questions.
“I’m sure it’s hard to explain,” he continued, “but we can observe it. Before we can enhance, we would get you some peripherals, external gear to gauge what we can.” He gestured over his arms, his clipboard now set beside her on the table. “That will allow us to finely examine the activity of your culural lobe and its relationship to your movements and nerves. I theorize that down the line it might end up being beneficial to install internal receivers in other places too, since your perception is very likely beyond what’s processed by your CL, but that can wait.”
“I have some reading for you here…” he bent down from the stool and pulled out a packet from the side of the bag. She set the brain in her lap to take it from him. “One of the documents goes over the details of this specific project, but I also included some information on focii and some articles on other MRM psionics.”
“And this—” he reached over and tapped the corner of the packet, where a small, stiff card was paper-clipped to the front. “—is my contact information, so you can message me for any follow-up questions you might have.” He smiled and his hands returned to his lap.
“Of course, if you have any questions for me now I’d be more than happy to answer them.”
She nodded slowly as she thumbed through the pages. Diagrams of brains, titles containing words she knew, others she didn’t. She had questions, she was sure, but she didn’t know what they were or how to ask them.
“None right now?”
She shook her head, not looking up from the packet in her hands.
“Alright, well if anything comes to mind, you reach out, okay? Then, when I’m back next perigee, we can go over everything again, and make a decision.”
“I’ll do it.” It seemed so obvious to her. This was why she was here. Whatever doubt she had could be addressed later.
“I like the enthusiasm,” he chuckled, “but I won’t have time to start until next perigee anyways. I’ll be ready then if you’re still on board, okay?”
“Okay.”
“You can keep the brain, if you want. I have another.” She didn’t know if she wanted it or not, but he decided for her as he lifted his bag from the floor and wheeled his chair over to the counter to put the rest of his things away.
She followed suit with her new belongings and clicked the lid back onto the container of spare lobes. The clear box fit nicely into her jacket pocket, and she tucked the packet under her arm as Alaska had done with his clipboard. The brain stayed in her hands.
She hopped off of the examination table. Her thumb ran over the implant that curled around the organ. A fleeting thought, or maybe one of those questions she didn’t know how to verbalize, tried to etch its way to the surface, to piece itself together in her mouth, but got cut off by the doctor’s voice as he opened the door for her.
“It was good seeing you again, Fledge.”
#fledge#mwrites#uhhh i started this almosty a year ago#thanks chase for helping me bring it to the finish line#again i have no idea how big of a reveal this is for some people#soooo#fledge speaks#fledge writes#idfk i forget how i tag writes its been so long#alaska#alaska writes#alaska speaks#????
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Why are you trying to morally police cute SFW ships while worshipping a literal rapist murderer? Get over yourself and grow up.
im sorry, a WHAT? When did I ever say I worshipped a rapist murder?
And, if this is about the Scourgamy post, then may I please inform you that the age gap between Scourge and Amy is 5 years? Legally, that is considered pedophilia. Scourge x Amy is a proship between a 12 year old and a 17 year old, and also I've.. Never tried to “morally police” anything?? I don't even know what that is?? However, if you do consider what I'm doing as such, then I apologize.
But once again, I do also wanna spread awareness that this ship IS NOT OKAY.
And, I do believe I got a jist of the.. Supporting a rapist allegation.
I believe you are talking about Ken Penders’ interpretation of Scourge, correct? Well, I'd like tell you that I do not support Ken Penders’ version of Scourge. I find the actions his Scourge did completely and utterly disgusting, it's one of the reasons why I rarely ever post any Classic Scourge content. From what I remember, I've only ever reblogged one Classic Scourge post, and anything before that was when I had no idea about the actions of Ken Penders’ version of Scourge.
In my point of view, I completely seperate Ken Penders’ Scourge and Ian Flynn’s Scourge. I refuse to view the two as the same people because Ken Penders’ version of Scourge is, well, as you said, a rapist. I've never supported rape, and I never will, it terrifies me and as a victim of sexual harassment it pains me to even hear that somebody would assume I support such a thing. Also, correction, Ken Penders’ version of Scourge isn't a murderer. He never had a past in which he was neglected, that was Ian’s Scourge, and so, It was Ian’s Scourge who had murdered his father, not Ken Penders’ Scourge.
I noticed that you went over to supposedly delete your post, as I cannot find it anymore, so, tell me, what was your goal here? To ”expose” me? ”Confront”, even? To anybody who has no context to this, I had come across a Scourgamy post while on my re blogging spree. Scourgamy, for your information, is considered a proship as Amy is 12 years old, and Scourge is 17. The age gap is 5 years, making this very VERY concerning. And so, due to that, the ship is categorized as a proship. Whenever I come across problematic ships, I point it out. I ask the person if they're aware, and if they're not, then I tell them the issues w/ the ship. If the person decides to attack me, such as this anon, then I simply block the person and put them on my list of people to avoid.
Oh, and, to finish this message off,
You came here to me anonymous. You couldn't even be brave enough to tell me who you are. So, really, who is the one who needs to “grow up” here, hm?
(Quick edit, but I've found the post. Here it is:)
#scourge the hedgehog headcanons#scourge#anti sonic#evil sonic#archie sonic#archie sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#sonic fandom#sonic the hedgehog fandom#style#sth fandom
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Okay so im an (now ex) anti-endo (i still feel uncomfortable around endos but i guess now that not valid) who discover that im an tulpa.
For more context im the host of a complex polyfrag DID system who always belive endos jist fake for attention and hurt the real system comunity (traumagenic systems) and im just "exist" since this year 2020 i got a blackout of 2 years until 2023 and what the rest of the system tell me when i ask was "you got a colapse and lock yourself in your room for two years and fall in dormancy, when you finally get out you was so confused that you split in the fragment youre now and Gaby and so you cannot remember what happen because of that and Miyamoto (an alter friend of mine) was the host for that time" i got not reason to doubt about it an they have no reason to lie, they say the same thing to all our friends and even to my girlfriend.
I was looking arround of some old papers and pdfs and i find out that they have a diary and it was pretty old and one page have my sigh but the date its supposed to be in the time i was locked and some other papers was the same or some alters mention me like if i was there like really there.
Then i finally discover a paper with the tittle "[My name] (oc lore)
And pretty detailed pages about the process of creation of a tulpa and a character itself and descriptions very accurated about my body and personality plus a background history that its exactly like my memorys and thing about my gender and sexuality also accurate (i get offended for that because i really struggle with that) and and alter called Axel/Alex who i know he exist because and romantic history of the system while i was out but i supposed he was just a fragment of another alter and i discover that he was one of the "original alters" (i mean the result of the first split) and he created me like A TULPA, he say in his notes that the rest of the system is traumagenic and he discover them in therapy but whatever it means we have traumagenic origins but as long as i know im THE ONLY TULPA/ENDOGENIC/WILLOWGENIC ALTER (HEADMATE???) And one of the few that are anti-endo (the big problem there is that were least than 5 and those alters are my friends (probably not anymore)
I really need help of a tulpa to understand this because i have so many cuestions about this and i dont have so many tulpa friends exactly and i guess i have to change my mindset and i was wonder i can have your help...
Oh wow, yeah this is a ton, thank you for reaching out for real! Sorry it took a hot sec to respond, I've been blocked from front a lot myself so I wanted to be in tune enough to give this the response it deserves.
Alrightie, so we have P-DID (we're mixed origin too), so we don't have as much dissociation as y'all, but we do have a bit of experience with host changes and people blacking out/going dormant for waay longer than expected, so that's where we're coming from here. Especially with memory barriers so high, host switches can be really disorienting and some pretty big things can be forgotten depending on the system. It sounds like during the time there was a big host switch, you got created by Axel/Alex, but due to u being affected by the inherent dissociative barriers of your system, you forgot your early memories of being created - as evidenced by things being signed by you and mentions of you that you don't remember, if I'm reading this correctly. That's a lot to take in, but it's good to have all this evidence you can bring up to your alters in a discussion about it if you're able. I know it's probably freaking you out, but just asking the alters that mention you/worked on you in the papers instead of accusing them will do a lot to help with resistance and all. I'm sure they had a good reason for not saying anything to you.
That brings me to my second point; if a good chunk of you are intensely anti-endo, there's a good chance your memories of your creation/origin are blocked behind dissociative barriers because that knowledge woulda been too much for your system to process and bare at the time. Make sure to consider that in what ya do- try not to dump all the pressure on yourself, if you put yourself into a spiral about all this or try to force your other alters to do a 180 it might end up counterproductive. You're their equal, don't ever forget that; take it slow and steady. Things'll end up alright. On the flipside of this, there's a reason you exist, and you were created because somebody (Axel/Alex?) WANTED you here, and that's important. You have just as much a right to be here, and it's not a bad thing that you exist or to challenge the collective opinion of how things work. That's what growing and changing is all about!!
You don't hafta jump full force into the endogenic community of course, take your time and don't overwhelm yourself. I think you'll enjoy a term we're extremely attached to: traumaendo systems are systems that experience both traumagenic and endogenic origins in one way or another, and the label is focused on the specific unique experiences we go through while straddling both worlds. Tulpamancy is particular is controversial because it started out as a separate community developing their own skills before coming into contact with the greater plural community, so you'll find that a lot of terms within it are different and stuff. Additionally, you'll probably run into a lotta controversies, specifically the infamous one about tulpamancy's etymological origin, so make sure to keep your head on your shoulders and put research and objectivity first. Don't forget that we've asked people actually of the culture about this, and that the etymological origin is of an open religion that encourages their meditations be shared and adapted. People will make up anything to try and keep us hated, but don't let it stop you. You're not hurting anyone by existing as u are.
And lastly? Take care of urself. There're a lot of little intricacies I can't predict because everything is different from system to system, but if you pay attention and work as a team with your alters, you'll start to see patterns and understand yourself more. You might find that you operate a bit differently than them, you might not, but regardless, there's no shame in your existence. If you have any more questions, go ahead and shoot me a DM privately- I'll see what I can do. Good luck out there, stay true to yourself
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Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive
I made another AU about Spooker again. Not sorry
I did send this idea to someone via anonymous ask, but sickness and low battery meant that it was worded pretty terribly, so here's a more detailed version.
Some world building:
In most states, Born Ghosts and Ghost hybrids are very scrutinised. Some do go as far to "remove" them. People who died then became Ghosts are safer, but not out of the woods.
There are two types of Paranormal Investigators: ones government-funded and ones local business. There are very few government ones since the local ones take care of them easily enough. They just swoop in with more "difficult cases"
Spooker is only part Ghost; she managed to hide her particalness, so everyone thinks she's full ghost.
Spooker uses she/her
The main jist of this AU is that Woah is Spooker's Biological Daughter. She and her partner were very excited and happy... until it was discovered that Woah was a ghost.
Spooker's Partner is absolutely disgusted at the turn of events and harshly accuses Spooker of being a ghost, which she keeps trying to deny, but Woah blows her cover free off, so they start to call the police.
Realising that both she and her baby are in grave danger, she grabs Woah, puts her in a spacious rucksack and takes off mid call, with her partner screaming, "Take your spawn out of my home, you creature!" After her
Spooker lives on the streat for a few days, but as her money starts to run low and with police looking for her, she realises she needs to leave fast. She starts moving from state to state over the next few months, taking low income jobs for money (until someone recognises her from the news and she flees again) until she notices an open position for the Paranormal Investigators. (not P.I.E. Different company)
I mean, it would be a great source of income, plus with the reputation the company has, the police couldn't do anything to her. She and Woah would be safe, even if they do get caught! So she applies, and by luck, gets the job.
One problem she didn't take into consideration: they are harsh on the paranormal, and that government paid companies are not to be trusted.
One month into the job, someone rats out to the supervisor that Spooker is suspended to be a ghost and also has direct kin (Woah). Spooker gets called up and is basically told "we know that your part ghost and about your kid. Bring them here so we can take you both to special jail"
Spooker says "sure ok :(" then as soon as she gets home, packs all essential things, puts Woah on her back and is on the run again.
Now one of the few Government ran investigators know of her existence. And they have the time and resources to chase her down. Shit
She's on the run for a year after that disaster, staying away from civilization except for the few gas stations and convince stores. Woah is older and now can't fit in the rucksack anymore, so she's on Spooker's shoulders during this.
At some point she ends up in North somewhere I don't know where P.I.E is based and decides to stay low in a city. She's far away enough that the Investigators can't find them, so she's got time. Right?
Well...
The money she's been saving is running low, so unless she wants to try stealing (she doesn't) she's gonna have to get a job. And it just so happens P.I.E is hiring. Against her better judgment, she applies. If worse comes to shove, she can just run for it again.
So now she's got some income to feed herself and Woah, and can relax a little. Of course, at some point they're going to find out about Woah, but at least she can prepare and stock for when it happens...
...until Ghost suddenly finds out like three weeks after she joins because Woah stumbled into him outside and demands an explanation then and there as to why there's a kid who's also a ghost.
Spooker tries to keep her answers vague, but Ghost keeps pushing and pushing until she finally emits that Woah is her Daughter.
Ghost proceeds to have the human version of a bluescreen and just splutters a "...what?" Spooker has realised she's backed into a corner at this point, so she tells him everything that's happened over the past two years. Ghost is at a lost for words, and also conflicted.
On one hand: he knows he should probably do something about the two ghosts standing right in front of him, but on the other: he doesn't exactly have it in him to throw them out after everything they've been though. He knows how it feels
(Plus most of P.I.E has pissed off the police/government one way or another, so he's not terribly concerned about that)
He decides to let Spooker keep the job, but he can't keep her secret; the rest of the team needs to know about Woah. Spooker reluctantly agrees to those conditions, expecting the worse.
While Toast and Colin are definitely shocked about Woah, they don't try to harm her. Sure they're definitely iffy about her, and Toast is a bit strict with her at time, but they're not willing to yeet a toddler and a part of the team into the wherever.
(Also Woah and later Spooker really likes Colin, even calling him 'dada' at one point. She's completely melted his heart.)
Of course, Spooker's problems aren't gone: she's still got many people after her, but she's got support, and that's better than going though it alone.
#art#taleblr#fred spooker#Woah the ghost#she's got a looong way to go before she's truly safe#but for now she's just happy to be able to rest and not need to keep watching her back all the time#taleblr au#woah ghostie soup
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Chapter 2.
Alrighty so I woke up, got dressed, hygiene, basic morning routine you get the jist. I didn't describe myself so I may as well now. Dark and wavy muted purple hair. Fair skin, borderline pale. Small stature. Average teenager, except for thing-that-shall-not-be-named. I didn't want to look in the mirror anymore. Next thing I knew I was in the lab looking at Epsilon.
“...So?”
“Eagle is underway.”
“How much time?”
“About fourteen minutes remaining.”
Eagle was out of the tube and in a cradle, their eyes were closed in sleep. I guess technically it was birth. As I gazed upon the sculpt of their bones and flesh I got lost in thought. Fourteen minutes was probably a lie, this was complicated. And could very likely take hours or days to complete. But one line took priority, in particular they could help us, with our cause, with mine especially. I could destroy them. I felt the fire start along the edges of my thoughts. With that I snapped out of it, my hand was in a death grip on the robot’s arm. Epsilon was to my left and staring at me.
“Ah, yes.”
It was weird, taking my hand off the bucket of bolts, my hand felt like it was molded to the curve of their wrist. Part of my brain wanted to freak out over it, but another didn’t. I looked back at Epsilon, their voice box said,
“Your therapy appointment is in ten minutes, please make your way to the physical therapy building. One of the dogs is to escort you.”
The dogs are security guards for the family, me, Alles, Lueja, and any other members of our guild while on the grounds. Most of the time I am accompanied by Border, a robot that Alles had built for me when I was five years old. I call her BC, it just felt right.
A different dog greeted me in the hall, I got excited over nothing. If I remembered correctly this was Corgi, a short thing, even shorter than me. He said in a chipper voice,
"Good morning, I'm here to get you to the docta'."
I nodded, and we walked. He made for some mildly okay company when silent.
The appointment went smoothly, I did some stretches and some motor control exercises. Corgi gave emotional support. We were done after a couple hours. Next thing in the to-do list was lunch. I forgot about breakfast, so I was a starved man. I needed to know what happened so I tried to arrange a lunch with Alles. I called him first.
"Speaking."
"Can we talk about the heist? Over food?"
He paused.
"Yes, meet me in my office after you get us food."
I hung up and did precisely that. His office was characteristically cold and unwelcoming. It's a sterile kind of unwelcome where this would be a place for people to come and meet with him. This was the cover office, the true office? I forgot what it looked like, it's been a long time.
He was eating, well I say that but it's more he has food that's basically decor, a sandwich of what appears to be a meat and cheese with some veg variety. He didn't look at me, just continued working on his computer. He asked,
"Well?"
"You know why I am here."
I wasn't going to bring up the fact that he already had food in front of him.
"Sure, but what are you going to ask?"
Douchebag.
"Uh, I guess tell me how the heist started?"
He turned to fully look at me.
"It first started with you and Lueja coming to me and asking for my help on your job."
He took a bite of his previously untouched sandwich. Stalling.
"Your target was one of the Order's sunglasses. I forget specifically why you wanted them but I digress. We spend weeks planning. You say that for old times sake we should just go, the three of us, no robos. I thought this was dumb but Lueja took your side. On that night you went through the service halls while Lueja waited for me to get to security. Even though I had told you to stay put until I gave an all clear."
I held back on a scowl.
"I believe you nearly made it to the target, but there must've been another layer of security I didn't notice because I accidentally triggered the alarms."
I immediately got a flashback.
•
"Alright you two, you know the plan, I'll take care of video and audio. Mordi, stay here."
Then he left.
I'm not that irresponsible, and I shot daggers into his skull via my eyes. This was bogus and I'm pretty good at stealth so I went on with my part when Lueja wasn't looking.
If I get the glasses then it's smooth sailing. If I don't, probably no harm no foul. I had to be careful with the bots here. They fire with the intent to kill.
It was hard to not think about a brighter future, and what I'd do after this if I was successful. If I did this right then I could be free of everyone. To get that future I had to focus on now, get the glasses and get out.
Then the alarm sounded. And the walls opened. What appeared to be an entire fleet of robots swarmed in front of me, preventing me from my goal. Bleeding witches. I ran, I ran as fast as I could. I was getting pelted by lasers. Then I remembered. I turned back on them, and indulged my defect.
The first went up in a blaze. I kept bringing the heat on them and soon enough the bright green fire caught on the walls, then moved up to the ceiling, and that's when things started to break. The fire wouldn't hurt me but the falling building would. I ran more, more robots came, I melted them to scrap.
Turn, bots, flame, run. The building felt like a labyrinth. Damn the fire because the thing just kept spreading. I found an exit. Unfortunately Alles was out there watching me run out. He had a trail of blood running down his face. I doubted that I looked better. The building suddenly exploded and what happened next was weird.
I felt my body burn, I felt my own fire against it. I felt the building crumble onto me, and disintegrate.
I don't know how long I was there.
•
Next thing I remembered is waking up in the forest. I remembered thinking that Lueja was acting differently. Then my memory goes to yesterday.
"You okay? You spaced out for a second."
"Yeah, yeah, uh, how did you trigger the system?"
"I'm not quite certain, maybe they had infrared monitoring. It's also likely that they have multiple security rooms."
"Why didn't you know for certain?"
His left eye twitched.
"Because it was you two's forsaken plan. I got roped into it."
"Okay, I see my misunderstanding. You were there as I ran out, what happened while I was gone?"
While he talked I got a weird feeling, nothing inherently bad just like there was something behind a veil.
"When the building exploded Lueja got a brick to the head."
Yikes.
"I could see you running out, but then the building collapsed on you and Lueja wouldn't wake up. I carried her into the forest, then went back for you. You weren't covered in cohesive building pieces, it was ash. But it wasn't just ash, there were also flecks of metal. You managed to break metal into smithereens. I also carried you to Lueja, but when I got there it was like an entirely different person. She attacked me. Nearly killed me…"
Then he pointed to a scar on his neck, it was damn close to an artery.
"… It was a close fight, but I was able to safely knock her out."
I stared at him, Lueja was the best human operative we had, that must've been scary as hell.
"Then I called for help. We got you both into the infirmary and here we are. Now my question is, why did you start the fire?"
"An army of bots started swarming me and I needed to defend myself. I had no weapons so I don't know what you want from me."
"You put us all at risk of death."
"You tripped the alarms!"
He scowled at me, I stared back. After some time I faltered and looked away. He sat back in his chair.
"Is that it?"
I got up and out of the chair, never taking my eyes off the floor. I debated on whether or not to say anything, I said hesitant,
"Yes."
And then I left with Corgi coming up beside me.
"That was sunny."
I don't understand why I got so upset but I did. I meant to just say something calm and reasonable but my words came out hard.
"Will you be quiet?"
And the constant green light I've been seeing since I was little grew brighter. And the area it cast on expanded. Corgi stood there, and for the first time said nothing. My face was so tense, it hurt. He gave a short nod. Then I walked, I didn’t know where, I didn’t really care. I just wanted to have something that wouldn’t remind me of my problems. I went to the main garden.
It was beautiful, a perfect blend of technology and nature. I let my hands trail over the soft foliage, it gave under me like the tides and the sand beneath the waves. Or maybe it wasn’t, I’ve never been to the beach. I found a suitable bench, it was just a block of concrete on supports. Corgi stood beside me as I made myself relax. So many annoyances in such little time. I felt a little tingly sensation of a bug crawling on my skin. I torched it with a yelp. Whoops. I turned to Corgi to find some humor in the situation, but he only met my eyes with a semblance of what looked like fear? In a split second he returned to a stoic face. Something to think about later.
“I’ve never seen your powers in action.”
“Not every day you see a defected, eh?”
He merely shrugged, diverting my question. It was weird seeing the robots act so human. By all accounts Corgi should take that as a literal question, and not for the civil discourse of organic life-forms. Ah, crap I forgot to ask Alles about the robots’ change in demeanor. Add to to-do list.
I sat and watched the plants sway with the breeze. I am calm.
•
The market is bustling today, colorful awnings and merchandise on tables as far as the streets would allow. Along with the Rachtskah’s day celebratory decorations being built for tomorrow night
My mother trails slightly behind me, she’s a bit slower than I am.
“Wendare, you silly boy, wait for your poor mother.”
And I do.
“What’s on the list again?”
“Let’s see, we need eggs, cheese, bread, cabbage, and today we can get some beef.”
My smile widens, tomorrow is a special day, Rachtskah’s day, a biannual celebration where the town gets together to feast. It’s a big deal to say the least. Each family does Rachtskah’s day differently, but mine makes food to give to our neighbors. This year is no deviation from the status quo as we’re doing the regular smoked beef and broth.
Hours later we're at home and it's dark out, prepping our meat, vegetables, and dough. Everything is going smoothly. Then a gunshot from far away. To the east. Where the forest starts thickening. Where I've never been allowed to explore. Mother scoffs.
"I'll support your education and career but I draw the line at working for the Kelgerins."
The Kelgerins were a rich family that owned a robot production company. Blandly named Kelgerin Robotics. There were Erna and Siernen, they started the whole thing. Then there were their four children. Lueja, Alles, Kailuen, and Morkla Kelgerin. The reason why I know all of this is because I had to do a presentation on a career field that was important to our society for school. Lueja and Alles took over the business and I couldn't find anything on Morkla and Kailuen beside the fact that they're direct family members. There were rumors of a fifth secret member, but that got stamped out soon after.
I'm honestly surprised that I still remember that stuff, I even remember how I felt. Staring and scrolling through the internet for information on their lives. Not easy when they're private people. Mother thinks they're suspicious. I don't care anymore and I don't want to think about it, I had dreams about that presentation. Like, did you know that Morkla and Kailuen are fraternal twins? And that Alles showed great talent in making robots until he took over the company at fourteen? And that the Kelgerins were founded here in my homeland? Because I want to forget all of that useless information.
On a more relevant topic I helped and finished food preparations. In the mirror of the shared bathroom I did my hygiene ritual. I was short, had light brown hair and dark brown eyes. I am Wendare and I am thirteen years old. I smiled at my reflection, the handsome devil he was. And once I was in bed, I slept with little issues.
•
After a day of processing Eagle was finished transferring. At first they were a bit disoriented. I can't blame them, dying and then waking in a cyborg body must not have been easy. I should know, becoming defected was not pleasant. With the help of one of our robot training employees, named Johan, I got Eagle functional. Which was no small feat. From my robotic friends I've heard that one difficulty in the beginning is dealing with passage of time. Since they live at high processing speeds, they feel every microsecond if they aren't aware of the processing speed they're at. This isn't an issue for older robots since they've adjusted to perceive reality at the paces needed. Newer robots don't yet have that skill. The biological aspect didn't help either, since we couldn't guarantee how Eagle may handle the idea that they died and are now in a different body. Getting a robot to start actively engaging with reality is difficult enough, one with the experimental properties of Eagle is virtually unpredictable. To combat this I have one of the resident robots accompany them, especially when Johan and I aren't available. We have them doing activities that we can easily supervise and introduce more things in a controlled environment. More robots, more sounds, more things in general. They took to it with stride. Learning the capabilities of their vessel and how to control it was a big part. Eagle got me a few times while trying to control their claws. Johan nearly fainted when the scratches sealed back up in less than a minute. There was one time when Johan started falling and Eagle yanked him back up and off the floor. Then they looked at me and said, "... Oops." Amazing. I had to hold back from bending over in laughter. Each day I feel better about making them. In total, getting Eagle introduced to their new life took about a month and a half. Now they were much more capable and in control. I watched as Eagle ran the obstacle course. They were fast, agile, and powerful; certainly a sight to see. Other progress was that they were well received within the robots when they debuted a week ago. Another step forward in my plan.
They were talking with Wolf about the mistakes and timing of the latest run. We modified the course from other winged robots in order to accommodate for the difference. The whole thing was making it up as we went along.
Eagle wasn't the only thing on my plate though. What happened almost eight months ago did matter. The failed heist was about getting a certain pair of glasses. The value of these glasses is about what group it's a trait of, the Umbral Society. It's an exclusive alliance between powerful beings of Aeswor that is a symbol of status and rank unlike others. So this makes the rare time when they're accepting members crucial to say the least. Not to mention the rumors of what members gain in there.
Naturally we have to have a spot.
Ideally it would be Wolf who would help us, but his talents are needed in administration. Our second best, Fox, will be used instead. I'll have to ask Alles about sending a second operative. Every day my life circles back to him, I'm sick of it.
I've been walking a lot, moving limbs a lot. I've been active in trying not to overwork or exhaust myself but still pushing. Not in any more pain than usual. All these things you tell your therapist. The validity however is debatable. I'm bored with this, I want to just be done with therapy so I can fully get back to work.
I've been called to attend the briefing of Fox's mission. It's early afternoon. Lueja's office. I'm standing in a corner, Lueja is at the desk, Alles is leaning against a bookshelf, and Fox stands straight in the center of the room.
"Here is the building, specific room is here, expect the usual deterrents. We have new equipment for you."
Lueja opens a drawer in her desk and hands over what appears to be a gun.
"We've enchanted this to be silent. Do not wound, if you encounter resistance, kill. Clear?"
This side of Fox wasn't something I saw often. It was cold, lifeless even. A stark contrast to the robot I spent my childhood with. With the same voice box used to comfort me after some of my darker days,
"Clear."
That was all the information she needed to know.
•
Mission serial number 7057 logs.
...
Assigned task X/X/X
Arrive at extraterrestrial port Y/X/X
Arrive at Fraw Z/X/X
Infiltrate building A/X/X
Encountered resistance, enemy neutralized
Encountered resistance, enemy neutralized
Shell has been damaged
Encountered resistance, enemy neutralized
Torso has been damaged
Encountered resistance, enemy neutralized
Internal structure has been damaged
Target acquired, falling back
Components missing replacement required
Encountered resistance
...
Signal lost
#the moth burns#i need to come up with a chapter titles for this one fcking hell#autixel's writings#also forgot footnotes:#Aeswor: Home planet#Rachtskah: deity
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Hii❤ I love how you draw Geto and I'm absolutely frothing at whoever you have paired with Toji 🙏 Is he involved with the Zenin clan?
Hi hello!! Im so glad you love how I draw Geto!! I love him so much 😭 💙 he means the world to me and MORE so I am absolutely required to draw him with all the love my feeble mortal body can muster and beyond ✨
With kind words like that I'll draw you all the damn Geto you'd want holy shit im smiling so hard!! 😭
And that would happen to be my OC Tsunayashiro! Tsuna for short! He's 27, while Toji is 20 himself! (In that image) In the canon of JJK and not the Arranged Au terms, Tsuna is actually 37 in 2006! He and Toji meet and end up being a short fling because Tsuna is too good to pass up, Tsuna is a Celestial! He doesn't have cursed energy, nor can use Jutsu. It's a third, more complex thing what he does 😆 But anyway- Tsuna just brings out the good in everyone! He's understanding and patient, just a super sweet guy all together!
He's also a push over. Toji gets whatever he wants out of Tsuna, who lives his life bouncing place to place. He tries to be unnoticeable- but being 6'7 with mousey blond hair and those amethyst-sapphire eyes of his makes it difficult to not stand out 😂
He's on his own for the most part and lives the minimalist life. He has a small house he occasionally stays at, that Toji crashes at more often then not lol
I'm very complimented your frothing over him!! I WILL create more content of him!! I will gladly turn feral with you if you wanna shoot me a DM so I can share more of him with you :D
Im gonna ramble for a bit about him x3
In the Arranged Marriage AU (AM for short) Tsuna and Toji meet way earlier! Toji basically is considered useless to the Zen'in and his only use now is to marry someone worth something. That happens to be Tsuna!
Short and sweet tidbit about Tsuna and why he happens to be so valuable- Celestials are basically Oracle's, with the ability to copy anything they see, see into the future and the past through visions (in Tsuna's case *very unwarranted*), and are very rarely born anymore.
Tsuna in the MA, has a creepy 'uncle', who is just a man that was assigned a role. His uncle wants nothing more than money, and Tsuna knows this, after all.. He's seen the future! He knows the jist of what's going to go down, at least.
At 27 years old, 'Lord Tsunayashiro' is a very quiet, soft spoken man who occasionally goes out of his way to help someone. But more often then not, he's just too nervous and sits there quietly.. Sometimes it's for the better.
Tsuna proved his celestial prowess to Toji's father, (his Uncle really pushing the aspect of Tsuna being 'special' so he can tap into that sweet sweet Zen'in money) by speaking of the past. The things Toji's father had told no one about. Tsuna isn't happy being here, because he 100% knows why he's here.
He can feel the despair of the Zen'in household, and Toji is no different. (Might be asking why the Zen'in who are a bunch of horrible people, are marrying Toji off to a man.. I thought it would be interesting, do i really need a reason? Out of everything they've done, this is probably on the better side of the scale 💀)
Tsuna gets involved with the Zen'in only because he knows his uncle is about to get murdered. He tells Toji's father all he needs to know, and the next day he's poised to meet with Toji.
Toji is not at all stoaked about getting hitched to a complete stranger, without even being asked! Not like his opinion would matter, let alone would he even be given a choice about it!
Toji figures he's just gonna hate Tsuna, but he's more frustrated about the circumstances than anything. Imagine his surprise when he meets Tsuna for the first time!
Tsuna is introduced by Toji's father, and his 'Uncle'. Though they call him 'Lord Tsunayashiro', he says hello himself and tells Toji to just call him Tsuna :>
Toji fights with his father a bit, of course being stubborn and being a pain in the ass 😆 his father quickly gets sick of it when Tsuna's uncle persistently asks if there is a problem- which Toji promptly replies yes to.
Toji's dad threatens to lash Toji, and asks Tsuna's uncle to join him, and the lil greedy old man agreed of course. Well, he gets murdered by Toji's dad who could care less lol
When Toji's dad leaves, telling Toji 'he better start getting to know Tsuna', They talk a little and get to know eachother more, Tsuna revealing the whole Celestial thing, Toji doesn't really believe it until Tsuna makes a statement about his scar.
"They gave you that scar, on the right corner of your mouth.. By throwing you into a pit full of curses, expecting you to die.. But you didn't, did you?"
And Toji is basically: 😶
Also Tsuna opens the door Toji's dad left from and shows Toji that his uncle is dead. Neither are bothered about it really, Toji was expecting it sure, but Tsuna knew it was coming.
From then on they get a good 4 days to know eachother before being seperated for a week! It's a Zen'in tradition marriage headcanon that you spend 4 days together for courting and bonding purposes, before spending a whole week apart.
Well, Tsuna and Toji both know better than to do what the Zen'in want, and secretly sneak around and make their escape plan for after they are married.
I think it's just a fun and interesting little adventure and exploration of character! :3
If you want more Tsuna content, don't hesitate to send me a dm :D
#mori speaks#mori rambles#mori draws ✏#oc: tsunayashiro (tsuna)#jujutsu kaisen oc#arranged marriage au#Hes a silly good boy!!#i have much ive yet to share#PLEASE ID LOVE TO TALK ABOUT TSUNA#I DONT BITE I SWEAR 😭#i have friendship and tsuna content to offer
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I dont want to kill mtself just cause he won i want to kill myself because i dont have family or friends to hug me or a nice place to go do fun things in or a nice warm meal to make or jist anything that feels small and good and. I have being transgwnder and tthe entire country wants me dead. I cant go get my hug i dont have anyone who caress anymore i cut myself hours ago and ive just been alone.
Hey anon, I'm sorry. I know there is nothing I or anyone else can say to truly make it better, especially not through a screen.
I will start with this. I do not hate you or want you dead. I am so fucking proud of you for being brave and discovering who you are. I want you to have good things and people that care about you.
When I was at my bottom my first small and good thing was what the sky looked like as it snowed. My second small and good thing was a podcast. My third small and good thing was petting a dog. Small and good things exist even when everything is horrendous. They exist for free and in places we don't expect them. I hope you're able to find something.
People need people. It's a truth that feels awful when you don't have anyone. Other people also feel lonely and would benefit from having you in their lives. You just haven't found each other yet. And sometimes it's enough to not be completely alone. I was surprised by how much better I felt when I had regular people I interacted with superficially. Even superficial interaction was better than being alone.
The link below is to the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. They also have information on local crisis centers if you think that's an option you need to utilize. Otherwise, I would look at your local library to see if they run any groups related to things you like. I would try to find resources for food insecurity. I would focus on the problems that you can solve with a little help.
Thank you for believing in me enough to reach out Anon. You're going to be okay, or at least better. Better is a good place to start.
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