#do not cite the deep magic to me. i wrote it in high school

[t00thpasteface]

had a fun little tony hawk moment at lunch

[charlies-crashcourses]

Charlie’s College Crash Course #1: How to write a 10-page paper in 1 day

Background info first: I’m in the last year of my English undergrad degree and I’ve had to write at least 3 dozen 10+ page papers in that time. That being said, I’ve never once started writing a paper more than a few days in advance, and 9 times out of 10 I go for one day only. Honestly, this should be considered my trademark at this point because after all my high school AP courses and my English degree, it’s been going on 7 years of 1 day papers.

and so, dear friends, I would like to pass on this skill to you all. I should mention, none of this will work if you’re not already pretty solid on paper writing, i.e. if you only ever get C’s on your papers now this isn’t magically going to get you up to an A with one day. This is just to streamline the process, allowing for more time for other things or, more commonly, allowing you to not freak the fuck out when you realize the deadline is tonight at midnight and you’ve procrastinated all month on the final paper for your class.

(I should also mention that I’m currently procrastinating a 2.5k word paper due tomorrow night that I’ve only read one of two books for, so. There’s that.)

Anyway, without further ado, here we fucking go:

Step 1: Prep for the Day

this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint, so make sure you prep the day accordingly. Ideally, you’d wake up before noon, make sure there’s nothing else planned for the day, and tell your roommates/parents to leave you alone until you officially reemerge at midnight (or, if you’re in college and have a 24 hr library, try going there. Mine has closed off study rooms that I can chill in, but if you’rs doesn’t just find a relatively comfy quiet spot). If you’re at home, pick one spot, clear it off super quick, grab some snacks and energy drinks, make sure you have everything charged and ready to go. I don’t recommend cafes or the like simply because there’s lots of distractions and also those places close before midnight, so you can’t stay there the entire time and therefor waste time moving halfway through.

Also, I would recommend taking a break between all the steps after this one. Don’t let the break take too long, but just long enough to walk the block, or grab another snack, or do some stretches, or watch a ten minute video, something like that. I personally never break at a natural stopping point, because then I’ll never get back to it, but how you break is up to you.

Step 2: Preliminary Research

now normally I do some preliminary research beforehand. Basically looking into the topic, figuring out generally what resources would be best, etc. That can usually be done in five to ten minute bursts throughout the week or so before the due date, whenever the topic comes to mind.

But then again, I’ve also procrastinated that until the very end as well, so. Usually all that takes if you go for the day of is some quick google scholar searches, or if you have access to the MLA database that works as well. Or, if you’re more like me, you could just deep dive on wikipedia and check out what relevant facts pertain to what numbers in the bibliography, then go ahead and cite those wherever possible.

Basically, get a good base knowledge of the big facts. This step should be quick and dirty. For instance, for my paper my sophomore year on Robespierre (14 pages written in a record 6 hours) I combed through his wiki, some websites on the French Revolution, and watched the Crash Course youtbue video on the subject. The rest of the research was done after I did my first outline. 

Step 3: Outline #1

This is just a basic “What the fuck am I talking about” outline. It can be bullet points, numbers, stream of consciousness, i don’t care as long as it works for you. 

For the Robespierre paper, my first outline was something to the effect of: -born poor -school -elected to govt -took over govt -killed people -got killed

and that was it. It’s like, before you build a house you have to clear off the right amount of land, make sure there’s nothing in your way, and give yourself a vague area in which to build. Super simple stuff.

I did get some advice, from somewhere I can’t remember, that a paragraph is basically equal to half a page, and so (excluding one page length for your intro + conclusion) you should have around two paragraphs or ideas per page. So my outline above would need some more points, there, to keep me on track for my page count. I eventually added a whole paragraph about how he was chosen to read for a visiting King Louis at his school and was then ignored which made him hate the monarchy, and another about what happened after he died what with the government in shambles, etc etc. So two bullet points per page should do it.

Step 4: More Research

This is where you get a little more in depth. Look at your bullet points and learn everything you need to about them. 

For my first bullet, I found stuff like: “Robespierre was born in France in 1758 as Maximilien François Marie Isidore de Robespierre (the third of this name), to a lawyer and the daughter of a brewer, he had two siblings, and he could read by age eight. he also loved pigeons and started a lifelong feud with his sister over one that he gave her that she let die."

and then I would move on to the next bullet point, and so on and so forth, filling in the gaps. Make sure to keep track of where your info comes from, as well. It doesn’t have to be a full citation, but just the hyperlink after the fact is going to save you so much time, i promise

Pro Tip: don’t throw out anything as irrelevant just yet. Just gather all the facts, no judging. Trust me on this.

Step 5: Better Outline

this is where you start to have fun with it. I would like to remind you that no one, unless you have some crazy micromanaging professor, sees your outlines. This is for you and you only, so write it in whatever way makes sense to you. It can be colorful and fun and whatever you need it to be.

 I actually took screenshots of my outline for that robespierre paper (hence why i chose that one as an example) so here’s a look at what I do:

so, really, honestly, as shitty as you need this to be, or as many jokes, or whatever works for you my dude. Explain it like you would if it were a story you were telling, not a biographical/argumentative paper. Get informal with it.

Step 6: Write the Damn Thing

Okay to now that you did the research and wrote your fun outlines and all that, all you have to do now is write it! I tend to do this in the same doc as I do my outline, but starting again from the top so I can see what I need to add next right under where I’m typing, then delete it once I’ve covered the material. 

If you did your outline well, this is really just cleaning that up so it’s “school appropriate” and “not an affront to people’s eyes and sensibilities” or whatever. At this point, it should go super quick, maybe 2 hours max to finish up writing what you need to write, here.

Pro Tip: do your citations as you go. Better yet, make your bibliography first so that A its already done and B you know what your in text cites will be from the start so that you don’t have to add them in later. If you kept your hyperlinks next to your research, just open up citationmachine and get those cites, then replace the links in your outline with the actual citations so it’s easier to line them up with in text cites while you go

Step 7: Fudging

oh, you thought we were done after writing the paper? nah fam. Chances are, you didn’t hit the page count you wanted to, you’re probably around 1 full page short, unless you love long sentences. This is where my pro tip from all the way back on step 4 comes in.

First, before you do anything drastic, make sure your formatting is correct. If your prof wants the big long “name, date, class, assignment, etc” in the top left then that adds a lot of length. Fonts will also change your page length, and so will footnotes and citations.

If you did it right and saved all the less relevant details, congratulations! Just sprinkle a few of those in there and you’re magically at your page count. This is the only reason I included the pigeon story in my paper (and this post), because I was about 3/4 of a page short of passably saying I got to 14.

If you didn’t save those inane details, don’t go looking for them now. Trust me, it’s much more pain than it’s worth. Your best bet, then, would be to either A. Add one more point if you can think one up, B. do some more research for relevant details to add in, or C. expand on the details you already have with more examples or effects or whatever applies.

do not, i repeat do NOT, just try and expand the words you use, like changing “to” into “in order to” or whatever those deflate your phrases charts tell you Not to do. They tell you not to for a reason. 1. it sounds stupid adding them in after the fact, and 2. your professor absolutely 100% will know and will mark you down if you do that in excess. Inflated phrase charts like that are well known by professors, and also adding them in after the fact won’t fit in at all with the voice that the rest of your paper was written in, so it’ll stand out like a sore thumb. just don’t do it unless it’s your last possible “i have ten minutes to turn this in” effort.

Step 8: Celebrate!!

And that’s it! If you did it right, this whole process should have taken you around the equivalent of 1 hour per page you had to write or so, so in a regular twelve hour day you’ve got time to take breaks and eat and all that shit. Go turn it in and celebrate your victory!

[douchebagbrainwaves]

YOU GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS

They used all the tokens you'll tend to miss longer spams, the type where someone tells you their life story up to the point that there is hope for a new language, you're constantly comparing two languages—the ones who were themselves nerds in school. No amount of discipline can replace genuine curiosity. But Balzac lived in nineteenth-century France, where the Industrial Revolution that wealth creation definitively replaced corruption as the best way to do this well. It seems surprising to me that any startup had to include business people, because only hard problems yielded grand results, and hard problems couldn't literally be fun—fun like playing. Unproductive pleasures pall eventually. Y Combinator was to discover the image as you make it—as you have to like it. Obviously one case where it would help to be rapacious is when growth depends on that.

They go to school to study A, drop out and get a job depends on the kind you want. It has to be is a test. This idea will be familiar to anyone who has written a PhD dissertation knows, the way to do that is not, by itself, enough. Of their algorithm, let alone of Bayesian spam filtering per se seem to have worked alone. Investors have a deep-seated bias against hardware. If you want, and then for all their followers to die. This is already clear in cases like GPSes, music players, and cameras. The networks used to be gatekeepers. They all just did the right thing to do, you risk infecting your kids with the idea that a successful person should be happy has thousands of years of momentum behind it. I don't consider myself to be doing research on programming languages. Because they blame it on puberty.

It's much like being a founder, what you should have cited. Closer to fraudulent. Now most kids have little idea what their parents do in their distant offices, and see if there's a better way to give them what they ask for. I wrote A Plan for Spam I hadn't had any, and I have not seen a single reference to this supposedly universal fact before the twentieth century. Some wisdom has nothing to do with We have no idea what to do in a lot of wealth without being paid for it—even if they had to do it. High-level language what would require 1000 lines of machine language. Seventeenth-century England was much like the third world today, the standard misquotation would be spot on. He knew you could make much more money. The influence of fashion is not nearly so great in hacking as it is, it seemed as if there was nowhere to go, and nothing they could do. It's not just social pressure that makes them; idleness is lonely and demoralizing.

Instead you should draw a few quick lines in roughly the right place to look for metaphors is not in the fiercely competitive environment of an American secondary school. I don't think this is true for the sciences generally. The second is Moore's Law, which has worked its usual magic on Internet bandwidth. The process of starting startups is currently like the plumbing in an old house. If it's low enough, it won't pay for spammers to spoof: just add a big chunk of random text to counterbalance the spam terms. Another false positive was a bad idea for a company. But it would be more useful, instead of that the Democrats are out of their element in the same way you are, you should get a prototype in front of your screen and pretend to.

Or could have been implemented as a couple hundred lines of Perl scripts. As soon as someone tells you their life story up to the point where they got rich from some multilevel marketing scheme. If the pattern holds true, that should cause dramatic changes. To make something good, you had to render display text as images. If the Democrats had been running a candidate as charismatic as Clinton in the 2004 election, he'd have a hyperlinear growth curve. We graded them from A to E. But this is certainly not so with work. When you want to work in and it's something people are likely to pay you, getting incorporated, raising money, and so on. You have to be developed in. Common Lisp occupy opposite poles on this question. The designers of Common Lisp probably expected users to have text editors that would type these long names for them. There need to be in Silicon Valley than everywhere else too.

We'll start with the one everyone's born with. He was like Michael Jordan. As it turns out the best way to get money, of course, you'll learn more by taking a psychology class. I do to enable programmers to get the permission of investors to do it well, because the adults were the visible experts in the skills they were trying to learn in college had the same probability,. She assumed the problem was with her. It's also more dangerous. Cars are a good example of why.

But Cybercash was so bad and most stores' order volumes were so low that it was the same at the schools I went to. The expert told him that it would increase the income gap between rich and the poor? When you only have a few users you can be wise without being very smart. The power of this technique extends beyond startups and programming languages and essays. So if the ease of shipping hardware even approached the ease of shipping software, we'd see a lot more money than the rest, including me, remember it as a hard sell; we soon sank to building sites for free, and take day jobs as waiters to support themselves? Most of AI is an example of loving their work might help their kids more than an expensive house. Makers depend on something more precarious: inspiration. When people care enough about something to do it. Even now, most people in what are now called industrialized countries lived by farming. You can pick any group of users you want.

[texanredrose]

Six Degrees (Megacrossover Fic)

... I wrote this four years ago and the fact that I did occurred to me again. So. I’m just going to say that the following includes characters from: Gundam Wing, Homestuck, Venture Brothers, Outlaw Star, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, American Dragon: Jake Long, Teen Titans, Beetlejuice, Hercules, Mass Effect, Kim Possible, Dragon Age: Origins and I’m sure I’m forgetting a few but fuck it, play a game and see if you can catch all the references and nods to other media because I literally can’t remember them all. And as much of a cluster fuck as that sounds, it’s really just a slice-of-life with Heero Yuy and Rose Lalonde being best friends, Kim being a tired police officer/momma with her adoptive son Beastboy, and Relena Darlian and Kanaya Maryam bonding over perhaps the most ludicrous batch of morgue employees in the history of ever. Here’s the crossover no one asked for and you’re welcome.

At ten minutes until closing time, Rose Lalonde was quite ready to be done with the day. Two of her employees called in, leaving her to run the book side of the store while Melfina ran the café, both of them flying solo through a relatively busy Thursday. It wasn’t anything either of them couldn’t handle- Rose had started Jasper’s café and bookstore while running the whole thing by herself, back when it was half the size and tucked away in a seldom tread part of the colony, and Melfina was a bartender before opting for the less hectic scene of a café- but it still irked her that both sides of the store ran shorthanded. She had half a mind to lecture her two youngest employees about commitment. However, in their defense, it wasn’t as though she didn’t see it coming; Twilight mentioned that her brother would be returning from the expedition sometime this week and Jake cited pressing family concerns which he had warned might be a possibility the week before. One could never be quite sure when the expeditions would return, given the nature of space travel past the jump point, and Rose was hardly one to argue about familial obligation. Both assured her they would be present for their next shifts, so it wasn’t as though they quit without warning and she would be doing this all week. In the end, she was just tired from a long week and looking forward to the following day. She typically worked Fridays and Saturdays, given most of her employees attended either the local high school or the university a few blocks over. She remembered well the way teenaged partying went from her own days spent at university on Earth, but once a month she took both days off and left the store with Melfina and the kids, hoping nothing burned down in her absence and drinking a glass or three of wine to ease away the stress. If anything, she was looking forward to the wine.

“Rose,” Melfina said, her voice soft as ever but still managing to slightly startle Rose. She must’ve zoned out while watching the clock. She turned her head to note that Melfina had already donned her blue shawl, the color complimenting her eyes nicely as she smiled. “I’ve already cleaned up the machines and restocked the line.”

“Thank you, Mel. You can head home.” Rose nodded, pushing off from the counter and heading for her coat and purse hanging by the door to the back room. “Give Gene my regards.”

Melfina nodded, heading out through the front door, keys in hand so she could lock it while Rose saw to arming the security system. Before it shut, however, she poked her head back in, a slightly apologetic smile on her lips. “Rose, you have a visitor. Do you want me to tell him-“

“No, it’s fine,” Rose replied, setting her coat back on the peg and turning towards the stairs up to the café. So much for heading home. “Let him in before you lock up.” Without a word, Melfina admitted one of Rose’s favorite- if not always punctual- customers before locking the door and heading towards her car. Rose was busy making the coffee upstairs but could hear her friend walk around downstairs, searching for a particular book, before following her up to the café. He took a seat at his favorite table, far enough from the window for the average passerby to miss while still able to admire the view of the colony as it gently sloped up. She noted it took him a little longer than usual, as though something was on his mind and he was having trouble deciding how to handle it. His choice of book invariably boiled down to three genres, depending on what was on his mind: military history- someone’s opinion challenged his enough he sought solace and stabilization in facts before attempting to evaluate the opinion properly- , law enforcement strategies- something or someone at work had challenged his authority, professionalism, or tactics-, and allegorical or satirical works criticizing political groups- some sort of red tape or administrative bullshit was preventing him from doing something he felt important. As she poured the cups, she could hear him open the book and begin turning pages, likely searching for where he left off last, and projected how the night would go based on previous encounters. The man could move silently if he so desired, and it often translated to a cup or two enjoyed in companionable silence at the end of a long work week. Given how much noise he was making, though, it meant he wanted to talk, and at length, which wasn’t that unusual. However, she could usually tell which section he’d visited before ascending the stairs, giving her some hint as to the topic for the night. Rose turned around, bringing both cups to the table where he sat and with a fond smile on her lips. He was intently staring at the page in front of him, skimming the information before moving on to the next page, searching for something. His eyes were a deep, dark blue that bordered on black when he was being especially thoughtful, and his tousled chestnut hair sometimes reminded her of childhood friend John Egbert back on Earth. Except, there was no mistaking their personalities; John was a gregarious, slightly immature bundle of positive energy while Heero Yuy was a very quiet, very reserved, and very private man. Setting his cup down in front of him- black, of course- Rose cradled her own, waiting for the creamer to finish blending before taking a cautious sip. After regarding Heero for a moment longer, Rose eyed the book he was so fixated upon and raised her eyebrows. “And here I thought we’d gotten past the point where you could surprise me.” Rose chuckled, a soft smile playing on her lips as she reached out to pull the book away. “I wouldn’t rely on that, if I were you.” “Then what’s it doing in your store?” He lifted his gaze to meet hers, frowning slightly as he reached for his coffee. Though he was certainly more anxious than usual, it didn’t show in his voice or movements, only in his choice of reading material. Rose shook her head, sliding the book to the side and closing it. “Because it’s not a bad reference for teenagers, and the amount of college students who come here demands I make certain concessions, but you’re a grown man, Heero. There’s no advice Dating for Dummies can offer you that’ll actually work.” “You and me both,” Heero replied, taking another pull of his coffee before leaning back in his chair. He passed a hand over his face and Rose noted the fading indention on his wrist from the band of a disposable glove. “You took another paramedic shift. Is there a reason you’re working overtime?” He shook his head, leaning forward slightly. “Not overtime; I volunteered today.” “You’ve been volunteering a lot.” Rose leaned forward, a smirk on her lips and one brow raised. “Is there a particular reason for that?” He regarded her a moment before grunting out an affirmative response. She was actually a little surprised he was being this straight forward about the issue. Usually, extracting answers from him was about as tedious and painful as trying to get her brother Dave to make sense during his ironic irony phase. If she hadn’t been so accustomed to patiently prodding her conversational partner for information or intrigued by the need to do so, she might’ve kicked Heero out of her store three years ago when he showed up at closing time, drenched from the colony’s rain system and impassively staring at everything around him. It was the first time she’d ever stayed late for someone who didn’t even buy a book but it started a strange tradition, and once she finally got him to open up a little, Rose had found a very intelligent, very self-aware person underneath that monotone voice and slight scowl. Their conversations ranged from the usual commentary on their work day or chosen professions to politics, religion, psychology, or whatever the hot topic of the week was in the universe. Much like herself, Heero never felt quite comfortable going to a bar- although for entirely different reasons- late at night to unwind, and both his work schedule and personality acted as barriers to anyone trying to become his friend. If Rose didn’t own Jasper’s, she probably wouldn’t know him as anything other than one of the police officers patrolling the colony. More than once, though the conversations were decidedly rare, they’d discussed their love lives, or lack of such as the case may be. Rose had made a few attempts, prior to moving to the colony, all of which ended within a few months but Heero had admitted after much poking and prodding that dating wasn’t something he’d ever really… done, per say. He didn’t see the point back when he had the time and, since he worked so often, it wasn’t very high on his priority list now. It was still there, though; Rose had drawn the conclusion long ago that, while he wasn’t quite one to go out and make friends, he appreciated the ones he had and wanted to have other, deeper relationships. He just had no clue how to go about it and it was easier for him to simply act like it didn’t bother him than do something about it. Which, of course, made the current edition of their late night talks absolutely delicious. Rose took another sip of her coffee to hide her amusement. “So, am I to try and guess her name or are you going to be so kind as to give me a hint first?” Heero shot her a glare to counter her mirth before sighing. “Name’s Relena Darlian. She’s a nurse at First Colonial.” “That’s a pretty name,” Rose commented, earning a slightly more heated glare from Heero, which she dismissed with a wave. “Oh please, Heero, I’m not trying to steal your girl. I wouldn’t dream of it.” “She’s not my girl.” Rose liked to think there was an unspoken ‘yet’ at the end of that statement. “And I seem to recall you telling me a story about trying to steal your brother’s girl once.” He pointed out, glancing back to the book before drinking more coffee. “Actually, that was a boy, and the whole incident was based on principle. He challenged me, I accepted; simple as that,” Rose replied, setting her half drained cup aside and lacing her fingers, resting her chin atop them. “Now, back to the matter at hand, I’m guessing you met through work, unless you were shot recently and forgot to mention it. Again.” Heero grunted, crossing his arms over his chest. “It was just a graze; Kim overreacted.” She returned his flat look with an unimpressed stare, which he would invariably take to mean that she neither bought that line nor did she appreciate him downplaying the incident. Rather than continue down that particular road, however, he shrugged. “I met her two weeks ago after that big crash over on Fifty-Fourth. Usually, we just brief whoever receives the patient about the name and vitals and turn over any miscellaneous information to the desk clerk. She had me tell her everything.” “Control freak or perfectionist?” He drummed the fingers of one hand against his arm before uncrossing them and leaning on the table. “Neither. She wasn’t curt or rude about it and she didn’t try to belittle me about my medical knowledge. I told her there was likely massive internal bleeding due to the nature of the collision- that he’d need surgery- and she ran with it.” “Maybe she heard about the last time someone tried to question your medical training,” Rose offered, earning a subtle shrug in response. “What impression did you get?” “That she was more concerned with making sure her patient was going to survive than proving she was the one who could save him.” Heero ran a hand through his hair, doing very little to the disheveled locks. “The nurses and doctors down at First Colonial always act like we’re in the way once we’ve passed the threshold, like they don’t need us to do anything aside from bring them the casualty.” “Yes, we’ve discussed your resentment of their superiority complexes several times.” Rose pointed out. “But what about this particular incident has you reading Dating for Dummies at eleven o’clock on a Thursday?” He frowned at her, brow furrowing. “I’ve met her more than once.” “Something I wasn’t aware of until just now, thank you, though I did suspect as much.” Heero sighed. “I think she only works the Emergency Room. She’s been there the last four shifts I’ve worked.” Rose cocked a brow. “New policy on vacation days; no more cash-ins, it’s use or lose after we hit seventy. I have ten to burn before the end of next month.” “Which translates to: you’re taking yours now because Kim needs them later.” “Her anniversary is next month. She wants to take hers then and we both know Chief will go ballistic if his two favorite lunatics are on vacation at the same time.” “I see.” Rose nodded, returning his slight smile with one of her own. Heero often made it sound like his relationship with Police Chief Anderson was one of mutual respect and agitation. Then again, Rose wasn’t sure she’d handle the duo so well if they were her employees; Kim and Heero seemed to share the mentality that nothing was too difficult for them to overcome, which often got them into situations no sane person would willingly walk into, much less charge into headfirst. It was a desirable trait for a first responder and an admirable trait to an extent. That extent ended when violent death was involved, crossing the threshold from ‘brave’ into ‘stupid’ more often than not, a fine line neither officer was willing to admit existed. “Although, given the timeline you’ve just laid out, and knowing you as I do, I suspect you haven’t had much time for sleeping.” “I sleep well enough.” Heero lifted his hand to rub at his eyes but caught himself. Not in time for Rose to not notice but she ignored it anyway. “What do your other interactions lend to your overall perception of this Relena Darlian?” “She’s driven, focused on the task in front of her, intelligent, well read...” He paused, as if weighing how to proceed, and was prompted by Rose’s slight nod. He ran a hand through his hair again, leaning forward and lowering his voice. “She’s very kind. When she talks to the patients, you can see her make this instant connection with them. She’s got a presence about her that just eases people. When she walks into the room, she commands it, but not through physical intimidation. Just force of personality. I admire that.” Rose nodded slightly, tapping a finger against her lips. “I think that’s the closest I’ll ever come to hearing the stoic Heero Yuy mooning over a girl.” Heero sat back and frowned. “You’re making fun of me.” “No, I’m reveling in the moment. There’s a difference.” Rose chuckled as he rolled his eyes. Rather than continue teasing him, she continued her questioning. “Have you actually spoken to her in a conversation that didn’t include the words ‘laceration’, ‘gunshot wound’, or ‘third degree burns’?” Heero shifted uncomfortably. “No. Not yet. That’s what I was investigating-“ Rose clicked her tongue with a shake of her head. “Investigating? Heero, you must learn a little flexibility in your vocabulary.” “Investigating is an accurate description of my actions,” he replied defensively. “It implies you’re looking at this as a case from the perspective of a police officer which, I should mention, might be too clinical for a pathologically kind nurse.” He favored her with a sour frown before looking at the tabletop. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t know how to do this.” Rose reached across the table and patted his hand. “That’s what lesbian best friends are for.”

Looking thoroughly unsurprised, Heero picked up his cup only to realize it was empty and set it down again. “You finally decided to stick to women.” “In theory, if not in practice,” she replied, shrugging one shoulder while gesturing to him. “But of the two of us, you actually have a shot at something, so let’s focus on that. Do you know anything about this woman other than her professional work ethic? Anything that might hint at the two of you being compatible?” Very briefly, genuine confusion showed on his face. “I thought the purpose of dating was to discover that information.” “Technically, the purpose of a date is to discover compatibility; the continued version known as dating is typically founded upon already discovered compatibility.” His frown said quite clearly he was not amused with her word games. Rose had to smile at how serious he was acting. Given this was Heero Yuy she was talking to, she sincerely hoped Relena was a patient and forgiving sort. “Well, let’s start with the basics. The next time you see her- and there’s no bleeding people demanding her attention or yours- introduce yourself.” “She knows who I am.” Rose cocked a brow in disbelief. To his credit, his glance away was very brief. “She knows what I do.” “She knows you work full time as a police officer, you’re a member of the SWAT team, a qualified EMT, and a volunteer firefighter?” Rose waited, ready to list off other things she’d learned about him over the past three years that might warrant some acknowledgement. He crossed his arms again and pursed his lips but relented. “Okay, so I introduce myself. Then what?” “Ask her if she’d like some coffee or if she’s hungry. You know every little hole-in-the-wall and mom ‘n’ pop shop on L1, especially in this sector. Pick a place she’d never think to look for where the food is excellent and the environment is cozy.” Heero’s face said quite clearly that he thought she was insane for suggesting he paid attention to things like a cozy environment before he buried his face in his hands and sighed in defeat. “I hope she opts for coffee.” “I’m not going to hit on her for you because I am wingman to no one due to ineptitude,” Rose pointed out, standing up and refreshing his cup. “However, you are welcomed to bring her here if you want. Melfina is still the best barista on L1 and the familiar environment might ease your nerves.” “You make pretty good coffee too.” Heero offered, accepting the full cup before Rose reclaimed her seat. He smoothly ignored the comment about him being nervous and Rose was only a little disappointed he didn’t rise to the bait. “The tea you usually drink is alright.” “I would appreciate the compliment if black coffee was actually difficult to make. Also, you hate tea, so I’m not sure how valid your opinion is on that front.” Heero shrugged. “People who like tea drink it.” Rose sighed. “You should really stop trying to derail the conversation at some point. Setting my skills with liquids aside for the moment, have you accepted the possibility you’re going to end up finding something wrong with her? Or how difficult it will be to maintain a relationship when you’re both working long shifts and odd hours?” “No.” He drummed his fingers on the tabletop thoughtfully for a moment. “Should I?” “Not necessarily.” Rose chuckled. “While they are valid concerns, I bring them up because those are the excuses you usually give me when you won’t talk to someone. She must really be special unless...” She narrowed her eyes at him. “There’s something you’re not telling me.” He shifted slightly under her gaze, his face impassive. “Did you hear about the attempted robbery over on seventh?” “Of course. The incident was resolved peacefully.” Rose narrowed her eyes further, encouraging him to make his point. “I was on patrol that day. She talked the armed robber into turning himself in when we arrived.” He took a sip from his cup. “She was unarmed. I watched the security footage myself. She walked right up to him, convinced him to return the money, dismantle his weapon, and wait patiently until we arrived. It was… not how I would’ve handle the situation, but impressive.” Rose sat back in her chair, crossing her arms and smiling. “I believe the relevant term is ‘folie a duex’ and now I get it. She’s just as certifiably insane as you are, albeit on the other end of the spectrum.” Shrugging, Rose glanced out across the colony, admiring the lights that painted the veins of the colony. It wasn’t as breathtaking as a clear night sky, but it was beautiful in its own way. “She sounds like an interesting woman. You should at least try- and I mean really try, Heero- to ask her out. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?” “She could be as annoying as you,” he replied, drinking his coffee without so much as cracking a smile. Rose, on the other hand, grinned.

She would never claim to have nerves of steel but Relena Darlain did not scare easily. Stepping off the elevator into a darkened hallway in the basement of a hospital did raise her heart rate a bit and it did invoke a sense of foreboding in her that she couldn’t immediately dispel but she wasn’t scared. 

Just alert. Ready in the event something did happen.

As the elevator doors closed behind her, Relena set off down the hallway before her, noting the one to the left looked like it lead to a maintenance door and to the right had warning placards on the door at the end and another door that probably lead to the stairwell. At least the path before her seemed to actually go somewhere, though she wasn’t entirely sure where it might lead.

She could stare at the floor plans all day- and had, for at least one of her shifts- but Relena wasn’t the kind of person who learned by just reading the information. It tended to blend together, one sentence melting into the next, and while she could come away able to repeat the material almost verbatim, she never felt like she fully understood it. She preferred having experience to really cement the information in her mind and wandering the halls of her new workplace seemed the most logical course of action to familiarize herself with the place. 

Also, being unable to answer when stopped for directions was also a bit embarrassing; she’d rather not rely on someone else to come to her rescue in such matters. As she passed under a dim security light, she tried racking her brain for what was actually kept in the basement. Maintenance access, of course, a few specialists for non-human biologies, but she was sure there was some sort of clinic or department also housed in the basement. Not that she could clearly remember anyone saying so; maybe she read it on one of the signs scattered throughout the hospital. As she continued down the hallway, Relena reached up and released her golden brown hair from the rigid bun she’d put it in that morning and sighed in relief. She truly hated buns but it was a necessity to keep her field of vision clear, not to mention away from her patients’ wounds. With only her own echoing footsteps to accompany her, Relena continued down the hall, slowing occasionally to read the plates set beside the doors to identify the rooms. Three were storage rooms, one was a holding area for medical waste, and one was written in a language she couldn’t quite place. It was familiar- one of thousands she’d studied over the years- just not to the point of recognition. She really only ever learned how to speak small phrases, rarely focusing on how to write out the words. At the end of the hallway was another cross section, with halls leading to the left and right. However, before her was a set of heavy looking double doors with a somewhat dim light inside, the first she’d come across that showed a hint of activity, but lacked a plate to identify it. With only slight apprehension and a little bit of effort, Relena pushed one of the doors open and stepped inside. A cursory glance was all she needed; this was the morgue. Only two tables appeared to be, well, occupied, light blue sheets draped over the stone still humanoid shapes, and there was another set of doors off to the right. Various tools were laid out on the countertop against the far wall, all clean, and there were a few carts in the corner carrying more tools and boxes for gloves and masks.

Curiosity satisfied, Relena turned around to exit and was confronted with a tall, stern looking man, grey and white streaks coloring his hair and goatee. As her eyes widened in surprise, he seemed to grow taller, the red gem that clasped his black and gold cape around his shoulders glowing with its own light. “Who dares enter the realm of the deceased?” He bellowed, his smooth baritone combined with the dramatic billowing of his cape and the glowing of the gem paralyzing Relens with a primal sort of fear. “Do you seek accommodations?” He stepped closer, towering over her as she shrank back. “That can easily be arranged.” “Oh, Byron, stop scaring the poor girl.” A clipped feminine voice called out in a reproachful tone, though it was somewhat muffled. “She is a nurse, not an intern.” “Oh dear.” The man- apparently Byron- suddenly stepped back, stroking his goatee thoughtfully. “I do apologize, my dear, my mistake entirely.” Relena blinked and shook herself, the fear leaving her the moment he stepped back. He was still a full head taller than her but he wasn’t towering anymore, the gem seemed to glint dully, and his cape hung listlessly off his shoulders. Had she imagined all the rest? “I hope I didn’t make too terrible an impression.” “Uh…” Relena chanced a look over her shoulder to find the source of the feminine voice- which she didn’t, just one of the doors swinging slightly, and that just furthered her questioning of her own sanity- and stammered out a quick: “N-no, I shouldn’t have- I’m new to the ER staff and was just trying to familiarize myself with the hospital, I didn’t mean to intrude-” “Oh, that’s quite alright, really,” Byron chuckled, waving his hand dismissively. “We simply aren’t used to visitors down here. Not live ones, anyway.” “We have had issues in the past with surgical interns trying to sneak in here when we weren’t looking, hoping to use our cadavers as practice.” A woman about Byron’s height entered the room through the swinging doors, a purse in one hand and a white lab coat draped over her arm. Her voice was the same as the one from earlier, a clear space between each word as though they were being pronounced very carefully. The woman’s slate grey skin and candy colored horns clicked in Relena’s head the moment after taking note of them; she was a troll. “Given it is both disrespectful to the recently passed and quite dangerous on occasion, it is a policy to give them ample reason not to try such a thing again.” “We’re actually quite talented at it, if I do say so myself,” Byron said as he untied his cape, striding over to pluck his own lab coat off a peg next to the one the woman was resting hers on. The gem remained, though, matching the red sweater he wore. “The local high school contemplated extending us invitations to their annual celebration of All Hollow’s Eve but reconsidered when someone raised the question of paying for therapy.” “I’d have to vouch for your abilities myself, given my firsthand experience,” Relena tried to make light of the situation while recovering her senses; she felt she was only moderately successful at masking her slight distress. “Is it a requirement for morticians here to be able to terrify people?” The woman smiled, revealing what Relena previously took to be two small incisors resting on her bottom lip as two very long fangs while Byron chuckled. She had momentarily forgotten that trolls were strictly carnivorous. “It certainly does not hurt.” The troll extended her unoccupied hand. “I am Doctor Kanaya Maryam and this is my accomplice, Doctor Byron Orpheus.” “I’m Relena Darlian.” She shook both offered hands while telling herself there was nothing to be scared of; they were doctors, regardless of their appearances, and they wouldn’t be working at the hospital if they we intent on killing her. At least, that’s what she hoped. She hadn’t really paid much attention to First Colonial’s screening process. “I sincerely didn’t mean to come barging in here.” “Nonsense. The pursuit of knowledge of any kind is a worthwhile endeavor.” Byron glanced at the clock. “However, I would suggest leaving soon.” As she opened her mouth, curiosity written on her face, the troll laid a hand on her shoulder. “I will accompany you.” Kanaya offered before turning her attention back to her co-worker, motioning towards the tables. “These have already been checked, Byron, but there are fifteen in the secure room waiting to be inspected. I do not expect any trouble but one can never be sure. We also received a new request from the police about half an hour ago but I was not able to review it.” Byron sighed. “As long as it’s not another exhumation, I really don’t mind. Busy work helps ease my mind a little. I’ll get started on it tonight, if events permit.” “Thank you. Hades will be here in the morning to assist with transportation arrangements.”

Byron frowned, opened his mouth to say something and then closed it without saying a word. After a brief pause, he tried again. “Oh goodie.” Kanaya shook her head slightly as she steered Relena back towards the elevator. “Have a calm night, Byron.” He inclined his head before setting off to venture further into the morgue. “The same to both of you.” As they walked down the hall, Relena glanced over her shoulder. “Not that I would want to interfere with your work or anything, but why did we have to leave?” “Hospital policy.” Kanaya chuckled, looking at her through the corner of her eye. “I suppose you’ll hear a version of the story at some point, so you might as well hear it now, from the source.” With a heavy sigh, Kanaya reached out and punched the call button for the elevator, turning to regard Relena with a soft smile. “Five years ago, I was admitted to this hospital after a vehicle collision. I was pronounced dead on arrival and sent to the morgue. However, it is a peculiar facet of my caste that, sometimes, rather than submit to death, an individual will come back to the land of the living as a rainbow drinker. I am one such individual.” The elevator arrived and both women stepped inside. “Rainbow drinker… given that trolls come in varying blood colors, I take that to mean you are a troll version of a vampire?” “Yes, though we do not generally operate by the same rules as the various subsets of human vampires.” Kanaya winced. “Well, that is not exactly true. You are aware of the subset that sparkles in direct sunlight?” “Of course. They’re rarer on Earth in comparison to the colonies, given artificial light doesn’t expose them in such a way, but I’ve heard of them before.” Kanaya nodded. “Well, in that vein, rainbow drinkers glow. Quite brightly, in fact. Given Trolls are nocturnal by nature I suspect this to be a self-defense mechanism of sorts. It took nearly two years for me to learn how to voluntarily control it but it occasionally… well, if I get too flustered, it becomes a very obvious sign of anxiety.” She frowned. “Painfully obvious. Of all the changes I have endured, it is easily the most aggravating.” Relena smiled politely, stepping out of the elevator as it arrived at the ground level of the hospital. Kanaya was a step behind her, jade coloring her cheeks. “Oh, dear, I was rambling again,” Kanaya sighed. “Sorry; it is a habit I have yet to outgrow. At any rate, upon returning to life, I found myself confronted with another individual- the man who caused the collision, actually- who had returned as well. Unfortunately, he had reanimated as a mindless zombie and was trying to kill the orderly who was monitoring the morgue that night. I dispatched the zombie and was hired to work in the morgue shortly afterwards; being undead myself, I am far less likely to provoke an antagonistic response from the recently undead. After years of working both day and night shift, Byron and I have noticed that, if someone is going to return to the land of the living, this is about the time of night they do so. It ranges between just before midnight and a little after three in the morning.” She tilted her head to the side. “Though, to be perfectly frank, we have no idea why this particular time frame is most appealing.” Relena’s eyes grew wide as she glanced back at the elevator. “Is Dr. Orpheus going to be alright?” Kanaya nodded, flashing her a fanged grin. “Byron is also well versed in dealing with the reanimated. More so than I, truth be told; he’s a practiced necromancer of thirty years or so. Very few could rival the man’s knowledge of the undead and even fewer could handle the creatures the way he does.” Sighing in relief, Relena’s shoulders relaxed slightly. While she had no desire to fight the undead that evening, she wasn’t keen on leaving someone to do so alone. In hindsight, it was a tad bit silly to suggest senior members of the staff might not have the situation well in hand. If she noticed this, Kanaya said nothing, merely smiling politely before speaking again. “Are you parked in the north lot?” Relena laughed, brushing aside her embarrassment. “Actually, I don’t own a car. This is the first time I’ve ever been to a space colony, so I decided I wouldn’t risk getting distracted while behind the wheel.” She nodded towards the double doors leading to the emergency room. “As much as I enjoy helping those who come to the ER, I’d rather not be a patient myself. Besides, I could do with a little exercise.” “I see. I suppose I can see the wisdom in that.” Kanaya looked towards the main entrance to the hospital before returning her gaze to her companion. “Do you at least live close by?” “It’s only three blocks, just off Fourteenth Street.” Relena started towards the entrance, the troll easily matching her stride. Kanaya worried her lip with one fang. “That is quite a ways to walk at this time of night. Would you like a ride?” “I wouldn’t want you to go out of your way. It’s really not that far,” Relena protested, stepping out into the night and trying not to take a reflexive step back. When the colony shut off the main lights to signal the coming of night, all that was left were lights that lined the streets, perfectly spaced out, and it formed lines on the sloping sides of the colony, strange boxes on the horizon to replace the stars. It was strange, something she still hadn’t quite accepted since coming to the colony. She sighed; one thing she missed about Earth was watching the phases of the moon. “Nonsense,” Kanaya continued walking, completely unfazed by the spectacle. “It is no trouble to me at all. I will likely be awake for a few more hours as is; I might as well be somewhat productive and courteous with my time.” Relena chuckled, shaking her head slightly. “You’re the type of person who meddles in the affairs of others, aren’t you?” “When I see reason to… or if I am bored,” Kanaya conceded with a laugh, Relena joining in as they walked to the mostly empty parking lot. “Some habits do not break, I suppose. I have been something of a meddler since my youth.” Glancing toward the mostly empty street, Relena relented. “Well, seeing as I’m not up to breaking anyone’s old habits this evening, I suppose I’ll just have to accept.” “Excellent.” Kanaya smiled, pulling out her keys. 

Kim woke to someone gently shaking her shoulder, resisting the urge to ignore the shaking, curl up, and drift back to sleep. Opening her eyes, the redhead found her wife smiling down at her, hands on her hips as she shook her head. “Come on, couch potatoes, time for bed. Unless you’d rather continue not watching whatever is on the TV right now,” Shego said, laughing as Kim forced herself awake. Garfield had curl up against her at some point after she sat down, though she couldn’t remember if she was conscious for it or not. She barely remembered trudging through the door after work and her stomach was quick to remind her that yes, she had forgone heating up dinner in favor of collapsing on the living room couch. “Kimmie. Garfield.” “I’m up,” the redhead replied, sitting upright and shaking her son. “Come on, Gar. You heard the woman.” “I dun wanna,” the teen groggily replied. Kim ruffled his forest green hair to no avail and sighed. She was half tempted to side with him and just go back to sleep on the couch. “At least make it easier on me to carry you to bed, buddy.” Shego offered, rubbing his back. He cracked one of his eyes open, ear twitching as he concentrated, and then the teen morphed into a flying squirrel. A flying squirrel with green fur but Shego couldn’t complain; Garfield was by no means large for a fourteen-year-old, thin and lanky as he was, but she was in no mood to deal with the boy’s dead weight while ascending the stairs. “That’ll work.” “Good night, Gar, I love you,” Kim mumbled sleepily, scratching behind his head. He chittered something in response, most likely reciprocation, before falling silent again. Shego picked Garfield up in his squirrel form and nodded towards the kitchen. “There’s a container in the fridge. Grab something to eat and come to bed, Cupcake. We all have an early morning tomorrow.” Kim groaned, getting to her feet and stretching. She hadn’t even changed out of her uniform. Great. Kim tried responding to her wife while stifling a yawn, muddling her words only a little bit. “-oaorrow ‘y ‘ay ah.” The green skinned woman- a few shades lighter than Garfield’s own tone- rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky I speak tired Kimmie. Yes, I’m aware you don’t have work tomorrow; we promised to go down and visit the garage, remember? Drew’s been talking my ear off about it.” Kim scrunched her nose slightly while working out her stiff neck. “Do we have to go? Drew’s a weird guy. The way he talks sometimes makes me think of mad scientists and world domination.” “Yes, because Ron is the picture of mental health,” Shego replied, placing a gentle kiss on Kim’s forehead before smirking at the redhead. “We have weird friends.” “Speaking of Ron, he was talking about visiting sometime next month.” Kim quickly continued, noting the narrowing of her spouse’s eyes. “I suggested towards the beginning of the month.” “Good.” Shego nodded, wrapping an arm around Kim as they left the living room. “I don’t want the buffoon spoiling the mood for our anniversary. Or the afterglow.” Kim raised a brow at the lecherous grin on Shego’s lips but Garfield’s animated chittering put a stop to the banter before it got started. “Hey, we gave you ample time to retreat to your room. Not my fault you decided to stick around and see your moms making goo-goo eyes at each other.” Shego half-heartedly lectured, releasing her wife and turning towards the stairs. “I’m going to put the squeak toy to bed. Go grab some food. And don’t fall asleep again.” “Yes, Warden,” Kim mockingly replied, turning towards the kitchen. She paused at the entrance to watch Shego ascend the stairs, long raven locks bouncing with each step and holding their son in her hands. A serene smile came to her lips as Shego reached the top and Kim proceeded into the kitchen. The decision to adopt a child was a debate between the couple for nearly two years. Shego thought they were ready; Kim heavily disagreed. She had just graduated the Colonial Police Academy, her work schedule was hectic, she wasn’t even sure if she was going to do well on the force, and her first three partners hadn’t bolstered her confidence any. Kim believed a child would need stability and she wasn’t sure if she could offer that. Then she was partnered with Officer Heero Yuy, a strong jawed man with a will of steel whom few could work with for any extended period of time. For some reason she would never understand, though, she and Heero had clicked instantly. Perhaps it was their determination or their commitment to the job or maybe they were just alike enough- and intuitive enough- to get past the things other officers saw while being different enough to function as a balanced duo. Heero respected Kim’s skills in hand-to-hand combat and physical agility; Kim respected Heero’s familiarity with any and every weapon imaginable as well as his tactical mindset. They thought and acted quickly, leaving their former partners in the dust, but together they were nearly unstoppable. Heero also had the benefit of seniority which brought some much needed constancy to Kim’s work schedule. Even though she was older than him by a year, he was a much calmer person, less apt to allow his emotions to control him, something he had to teach Kim about during their first few months working together. She started to enjoy her job and really feel like she was accomplishing something, like she was succeeding, and that’s when Shego brought the issue up again. Much to her surprise, Heero sided with Shego once she finally got around to telling him what had her zoning out while they were driving through the streets. He asserted, as Shego did, that love and compassion were more important to a child than what their parents did for a living and Kim had to concede that their knowledge did trump her own, given both of them were adopted and she wasn’t. Her parents were thrilled to learn they’d be grandparents soon; really, she was the only one who seemed terrified of the prospect. But then they met this wide eyed twelve-year-old with a goofy grin, pointed ears, skin and hair the color of grass, who could morph into any animal he saw, and Kim was hooked. He laughed the loudest of all the kids, his movements full of energy, but when the attendant called him away from the other kids, Kim could see the hope in his eyes clear as day. She could also clearly hear the whispered, hurtful words one of the children uttered that caused a slight stutter in his step. His smile never faltered though she saw the shine disappear from his eyes. Kim suddenly found herself wondering if this little boy was really happy or if his laughter and his smile were just for show and it nearly broke her heart. Garfield became a Possible that day. She and Shego became mothers. Everything just fell into place. “Kimmie?” Shego’s voice jerked Kim out of her revere. “Are you okay?” Kim looked down at the sink; apparently she auto-piloted her way through dinner and was just staring out of the kitchen window after depositing the container in the sink. “Yeah, sorry. It’s been a long day. Heero took one of his vacation days today and Kiyone’s out too, so-” “Oh dear Lord, you were paired with Mihoshi, weren’t you?” Shego sighed, shaking her head. “You poor thing.” “It wasn’t that bad,” Kim replied with a chuckle, walking over to her wife and kissing her lips. “It just… takes a lot out of me.” Rather than press the matter, Shego led the way to the master bedroom. “And here I was hoping for some fun tonight. Don’t even start,” she said, effectively silencing the objection on Kim’s tongue “you’re tired and you need some sleep, especially since we’re dealing with Drew and his cousin tomorrow. I don’t want to hear you complaining about how I kept you up all night, so let’s just get a good night’s rest.” “All right.” Kim pouted, trying to hide her gratefulness. Working with Mihoshi was… an exercise in abundant patience and a little luck. There weren’t any major calls today though so it could’ve been much worse. Still, sleep was calling, and it was all she could do to put away her dirty uniform properly and throw on shorts and an oversized shirt before she hit the sheets and was out like a light. Shego, on the other hand, took her time changing, turning off the lights and sliding in next to her wife with an impossibly wide smirk. She kissed Kim’s temple, barely disturbing the redhead’s slumber, and settled down for the night with a smile.

Relena watched through the window, slightly entranced by the colony night, the way the squares of light seemed to revolve around the car. While it was entertaining to say the least, it also firmly proved her theory about her driving skills and she was instantly grateful she took her brother’s advice to find an apartment close to the hospital regardless of price. Not like she was paying the bill at the moment anyway. Wishing to return her mind to the present, Relena looked over at Kanaya. “Who’s Hades?” “Beg pardon?” The troll arched a brow in her direction, obviously taken off guard by the abruptness of the question. Relena had to laugh at her own impatience. “Sorry. What I meant was: you mentioned Hades would be by in the morning.” “Oh! Right.” Kanaya sighed, a little smirk on her black lips. “I’m sure you noted Byron’s enthusiasm. Hades… is not the easiest person to get along with but he is, essentially, our boss.” “Wait, do you mean the Hades? As in, Lord of the Dead Hades?” Relena’s brows rose in shock at Kanaya’s nod. “Of course; who else would be in charge of the morgues and mortuaries?” Kanaya chuckled as the car came to a rest at a stop light. At night, the colony lights operated on timers, and they tended to run long. “He comes around a few times a month to round up any wayward souls. He visits everyone, of course, but he pays our little slice of morbid real estate special attention. It was on his recommendation that I was hired at First Colonial. He arrived just after I dealt with the zombie and decided I could keep my soul, provided-” “Provided you were a good little girl and ate all your dinner.” A male voice suddenly finished right behind Relena and she whipped around in her seat to stare at the man suddenly in the backseat of the vehicle. “My ears were ringing and I decided to- Hey, dollface, haven’t seen you around before, which is good news for you if you know what I mean-” “Hades, what are you doing?” Kanaya sighed, watching the apparition in her rearview mirror with a fond, fanged grin. “What, I can’t pop in on a dear friend?” He leaned forward, the blue fire atop his head shifting with the movement but appearing completely harmless to the vehicle itself. “I’m hurt, Kan, absolutely distraught. You’d think you’d show a little more gratitude towards the doorman who barred your entry to a rather eternally dull existence in the underworld. But, hey, what do I know?” “Hades,” Kanaya warned, so intent on her impromptu passenger, she initially missed the changing of the light. When she returned her eyes to the road, she passed through the intersection and pulled over, putting the vehicle in park so she could attend to Hades without getting distracted. Sitting back heavily, the lord of the underworld sighed. “Did you really have to schedule that schmuck for tomorrow?” Kanaya rubbed her temple with one hand, the other one the wheel. Though she probably should’ve stayed silent, curiosity got the better of Relena. “Do you and Dr. Orpheus not get along, Mr. Hades?” “Whoa, drop the mister babe; I’m a god, not a door-to-door salesman,” he turned his glowing blue eyes on her. “And who are you, exactly?” “Relena,” she replied, accepting his offered hand. “Relena Darlian. I’m a nurse at First Colonial.” “Well isn’t that nice.” He gave her a grin before releasing her hand. “Look Relena, babe, think about it. Do you really think the lord of the dead would have a good working relationship with a necromancer? I mean, come on, this ain’t a hard gig- bozo gets knocked off, soul comes to Tartarus, my head count goes up by one, someone get the abacus- but when you got guys trying to bring those souls back to the realm of the living, then they get axed again- you see where I’m going with this? It’s a bit of a pain in my neck trying to keep track of who’s just regular old dead and who’s dead dead.” Hades sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I have enough to worry about sifting through my newcomers and making sure jerk hero so-and-so gets into Valhalla alright and jerk sinner so-and-so gets sent to the correct circle of Hell, not to mention the reincarnation chuckleheads or those who think they can reincarnate if they ask nicely enough. And yeah, I got some help, but St. Peter can be a real pain when he’s vetting the souls going to Heaven, the guy’s anal retentive to the max. You think I got time to track down souls who should already be chilling in the promise land all because some schmuck can’t accept that death is a thing that happens and move on?” Relena smiled innocently. “Well, you do have time to pop in on dear friends.” Kanaya and Relena laughed while Hades rolled his eyes. “Everyone’s a critic.” “But seriously, Hades.” Kanaya composed herself, smiling at him over her shoulder. “You know full well I have weekends off now that we have BJ and Mordin to cover. So why are you really here?”

Hades ran a hand through his flaming hair and down his neck, sighing heavily. “You asked me a question a few months back, Kan. I came to give you the answer.” “Ah,” Kanaya replied, looking forward with unfocused eyes. “I take your reluctance to mean the answer is not to my liking.” In the pause that followed, Relena put her hand on her seatbelt release. “Perhaps I should-“ “No, it’s fine,” Kanaya said, smiling sadly as she continued looking down the road. “I merely asked Hades how long rainbow drinkers… live, for lack of a better term.” Closing her eyes a moment, she sighed slightly before turning her gaze to the mirror. “What did you find?” “Every single rainbow drinker to become a permanent resident in the afterlife,” Hades replied. “And each of them pretty much said the same thing. They- you won’t expire like a loaf of bread, Kanaya. The whole immortal schtick is the real deal and it takes some pretty extraordinary measures to break it.” “Yet they walk the realm of the dead.” Kanaya sighed, reflecting quietly a moment before shrugging. “Thank you, Hades. It does little to comfort me but I appreciate your assistance nonetheless.” “Don’t mention it.” The backseat of the vehicle started filling with blue smoke. It was odorless and tasteless, as though it was only an illusion of smoke, and Relena had to resist the urge to reach out and wave her hand through it to see if it reacted. “Send my love to Mordin and Beetlejuice, would ya?” As Hades was swallowed by the smoke, Relena looked at Kanaya. “Beetlejuice?” “Do not say his name again,” Kanaya instantly replied, checking the backseat to ensure Hades had left. Relieved, Kanaya shifted the vehicle into drive and started down the road once more. “BJ, as we call him, is a poltergeist who can be summoned to any place at any time if his name is uttered three times. It ensures he is never late to work but can be a little problematic from time to time, seeing as… well, he is something of an asshole and his abilities greatly exacerbate his condition.”

Relena chuckled, raising a brow at her companion. “And Mordin?”

“Is a salarian scientist and doctor with an impressive knowledge of various species’ biological compositions as well as combat maneuvers and tactics.” Kanaya shrugged. “He says he was part of the salarian military and word around the hospital is he operated with STG, though I am not entirely sure what that means. Some sort of special unit, from what I understand.”

“So the morgue is staffed by a rainbow drinker, a necromancer, a poltergeist, and a Special Forces doctor, and is often visited by the Lord of the Dead himself, and you have to actually try scaring people off?” Relena shook her head. “Those interns must’ve been insane.” Kanaya nodded. “It seems what brilliance they have in the field of surgical medicine, they lack in common sense.” With one last turn, the duo finally reached Relena’s apartment complex. “I do apologize for the delay; Hades tends to drop by unexpectedly and I’ve found not giving him my full attention makes him a bit moody.” “It’s fine,” Relena said as she gathered up her bag. “It was great meeting you and the others; the nurses in the emergency room don’t really socialize much, for some reason.” “A lot has happened in the past few months that you probably have not heard about yet; a lot of people are trying to keep to themselves a bit more than they used to but they will warm up eventually. Just swing by the morgue sometime and I will fill you in,” Kanaya said, pausing a moment before continuing. “I apologize for subjecting you to the conversation between Hades and I. It is something I have wondered since I read my first book regaling the supposedly fictional tales of rainbow drinkers and I am still sorting fact from fiction.” “Don’t worry about it,” Relena smiled, opening the door and stepping out. There was a question at the tip of her tongue but she refrained for the time being. Perhaps once she knew Kanaya better. “Thank you again for the ride!” Kanaya inclined her head and Relena closed the door, turning towards the complex while ignoring the weariness suddenly overcoming her. The last hour or so had really taken a lot out of her and it was a long day even before all that. She almost groaned in defeat when she realized she had work the following day but she couldn't, in good conscious, complain. She’d wanted this, begged her brother for it, and now she was living the dream, so to speak. As her key slid into the lock of her apartment, Relena took one last look out at the colony draped in night. The sight was slowly starting to grow on her.

Rose armed the security system and quickly exited through the shop’s back door, closing it firmly behind her before attending to the dead bolt. Heero was standing just a few feet away, scanning the immediate area and waiting for her to finish locking up. After the third pot of coffee, Rose had decided he needed sleep more than he was willing to admit and set him to work washing the cups and machine while she put the book back and left some instructions she’d forgotten about for Twilight and Melfina in the morning. Turning back to her friend, Rose favored him with a smirk. “You realize I’m completely capable of walking to my car unescorted, yes?” Heero nodded. “It’s occurred to me once or twice.” “I suppose I should be flattered you at least considered it,” Rose laughed, heading towards the parking lot just around the corner. “Do you have work tomorrow? Of any sort?” “No, I’m off,” he replied. Silence began to settle between them, accompanied only by the muted noises of the slumbering colony and their own quiet footsteps, when he decided to break it. “Would you like to see a movie tomorrow?” Rose raised her brows in surprise but smiled. “Of course. Do you have one in mind?” Heero nodded. “Warden’s Oath. It’s based on the Grey Wardens’ crusade to end the Ferelden Blight.” She pursed her lips in thought, tapping a finger to her chin. “Wasn’t there a witch who aided the Grey Wardens in that blight? Morrigan, daughter of Flemeth?” “You’ve heard of her?” Between the two of them, he was the clear history buff, and she smiled as she mentally evened their score for surprising the other. “I read her grimoire when I was younger; her mother was one of the strongest witches in the universe during her time. Morrigan was her natural successor and the work she put into expanding her mother’s power was admirable.” Heero was one of the very, very few people who were aware of both her affinity for the dark and magical as well as her ability to use certain forms of magic. Mostly destructive forms, though she constantly assured him that she would never endanger the colony for the sake of practice. “According to the grimoire, they’re still lurking somewhere in the universe, Morrigan and her mother, constantly chasing and fighting each other for supremacy. Maybe even the entire party she travelled with during the Blight; she reflected on her journey with the Grey Wardens very thoroughly and I think she took a liking to them towards the end, even Alistar. I’m curious to see how they portray her.” Heero grunted. “I want to see how well they portray the battles. The loss of the King’s forces at Ostagar was a clear rout but many accounts of the events that follow don’t seem to agree on the later battles.” Noticing Rose’s look, he added somewhat begrudgingly. “I’ll pay attention to the characters too.” “Right. You still can’t tell me the name of any character from Final Destination.” “That’s because they were idiots with poor situational awareness.” Rose shook her head in amusement as they reached the lot, her keys already in hand. “Your empathy knows no bounds.” “And you’re a ball of sunshine,” he replied, heading towards his own vehicle, a black sedan with tinted windows and a ridiculous brush guard. She slipped behind the wheel of her coupe, depositing her purse in the passenger seat. “Call me when you’re ready. But not before noon, please.” “Don’t drink yourself into a coma,” he called over his shoulder. He slid into the driver’s seat of his sedan while Rose started her vehicle. He waited for her to pull out of the lot before following suit and she watched as his taillights became tiny red dots in her rearview. She could hardly call her life on the colony exciting or adventurous, but she did enjoy the occasional bump in the road and, knowing Heero as she did, this development promised to bring with it all manners of oddities. Watching it all unfold would be entertaining, to say the least. She just hoped her friend would survive the entire process with his sanity intact.

[firebirdsdaughter]

Every odd number for the writers questions

Wow. Apparently, ask answers do not like number lists… It screwed up the formatting!

But worry not, I fixed it. I’ve left the answers on the even numbers bc I am a little particular about patterns.

do you know how you want the story to end when you start, or are you just stumbling through the figurative wilderness hoping to find a road?

Both. Sometimes I start w/ the ending, then have to figure out how to get there. Other times, it’s like running head first through a massive snowstorm. XD

on a scale of 1-10 how much to enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

Also varies. There are times when romance feels natural, even to me, even though I’ve never been a huge romance fan. So it goes from 1 to maybe 5. Very rarely, might hit the higher numbers, even.

what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

Oh, wow. I’m afraid the great chaoscape of my brain is so messy even I can’t locate everything. I’m not sure if there’s anything I’ve been caring around that I’ve never even written a single word of? Or at least tried to start? The earliest thing I can think of is a retelling of Robin Hood from Prince John’s point of view?

tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write

I love writing sassy characters, though I may not always hit the mark. Additionally, really delightfully evil bastards are fun to write too.

what’s a series or franchise you secretly or not so secretly think you’d be, like, a REALLY good writers for if they’d stop being cowards and hire you already?

TOOOOEEEEEIII! XD But more seriously, or rather realistically, there are any number of TV shows in the US where I’d be more than happy to step up.

if you currently write fanfiction or have ever written fanfiction, please tell us about the plot of the first fic you ever wrote

Bold of you to assume I remember. XD If we want to go by ‘first fanfiction I published online’… It was a  Circle of Magic story about a weird magical disease called the ‘Mage Eater’ spreading and eventually reaching the Temple, w/ both Crane and Niko coming down with it. OCs galore (I lie--there were only two).

are you a podcast person? if yes, any recommendations for podcasts talking about writing/being creative in general?

I am not a podcast person, I’m afraid. I must defer this question to my sister and her true crime podcasts. Except not, because she’s not here.

in an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not?

OH GOD YES. Well, I mean. It’s kind of a double edged sword. I have certain works that I feel like I’d be down for letting there be adaptions… Provided I could be involved. Mainly bc there are certain aspects of some of my writing that I would want to be kept authentic, and maybe not subjected to… Certain things that can happen in the large entertainment industry.

at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

It depends. Sometimes I have a really easy time--others I have to give them working titles and go from there. And no matter what, those titles sometimes change. I wonder if any published authors sometimes become dissatisfied w/ their titles even long after the work is published?

what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

Given that right now I am very tired and also drinking alcoholic seltzer (not joking!), I’m afraid I can’t remember anything in particular. ^^; If it counts, there’s actually something I learned while reading about history that inspired a work--the fate of Dr. Rodrigo Lopez, a Portuguese Jewish convert who served as Queen Elizabeth’s physician until he was accused (probably framed) of attempting to poison her, and executed. The Queen, however, maintained his innocence until alleged conspirators ‘confessed’ (naturally under torture, welcome to Tudor England). Even then, she took ages to sign his execution order, and then allowed his family to keep his estates et al. despite the fact that he was convicted of high treason, and those should have been forfeit to the crown (please note--this is an extremely condensed and paraphrased version by memory, and should not be cited for anything ever). As for how much work I put into research… It varies. With fanfiction, I’m not so invested. I’m already playing havoc with canon, so I mainly just try to research the basics and work from there. In other things, I’m more particulate--in my attempts at novels and short stories, I put in more work. Managed to justify using my Elizabethan era novel as a project for joining a class that spent a week in England for research. … Did that make sense?

BIG ask: what do you think is the most important component of a good story?

Oh, gosh. That is a big question. Frankly, I don’t know. What I look for varies in work to work, and I think different types of stories have different kinds of needs. It’s not an ‘exact science,’ so to speak, and I think the answer would be different for different people. I think the main thing I look for is whether or not I can care about any of the characters--or just, anything at all. If I can’t care, I likely won’t stick around.

okay, now that we had that nice one: what’s your WORST writing habit? dig deep, own up to your crimes.

I’ve been known to get… Unnecessarily weird and complex, for all I’ll whine about it in other media, I’ve been guilty of going just as over the top and nonsensical myself. Mostly in my middle to high school days, but I’ve caught myself veering into it again and again.

hey - what are you working on right now?

Define ‘now.’ XD What I’ve been working on the past couple nights is a Zero-One fic, actually. It’s a scene between Yua and a (post imagined reform arc) Isamu. Otherwise--there’s three books, half a dozen fanfictions, and a few short stories.

[japanessie]

Hey! I found your blog recently and I also just started listening to MFS and I really like their music. I'm a bit lost as to where to start to learn more about them and their motivation/thoughts behind their music since it's been a couple years since they've debuted. What would you suggest?

Hello (^^)v Welcome to the fandom.

I’m guessing you probably discovered them through their more popular songs like ALONE, 不可逆リプレイス or the more recent ones like Missing You. Firstly, too many people get caught up in singer Hiro’s family relations and ignore the other members. So, I would highly encourage a new fan to NOT follow that crowd XD

There are basically 4 aspects to MFS that all fans need to know OR you won’t understand the band and what diehard fans talk about:

1. Band members & the personnel changes.2. Their musical roots especially the main songwriter Sho Tsuchiya + their twin band named fromus.3. Hiro’s lyrics in relations to his life story.4. The important people in their team especially their boss GEN, A&R exec KTR (Kentaro Suzuki) from Japan Music System (JMS) & circle of friends. Also, their earliest mentor K ( Kei Goto) the late singer of Pay Money To My Pain (PTP).

BAND MEMBERS

1. Sho Tsuchiya ~ leader, guitarist, main composer (currently only functions behind the scene & as a non-touring member)2. Nob @ Nobuaki Katou ~ bassist3. Teru @ Teruki Nishizawa ~ guitarist (many like to categorize him as rhythm guitarist when Sho was in but I personally disagree because he played both lead & rhythm guitars even from the 1st album)4. Kid'z ~ drummer (officially joined on 3 Mar 2016)5. Hiro @ Hiroki Moriuchi ~ vocalist, lyricist6. Masack @ Masaki Kojima ~ drummer (officially left on 3 Mar 2016)

Note: MFS current members “deactivated" from public social media in early 2016. So, don’t bother looking XD

PERSONNEL CHANGES

Sho’s hiatus:Sho remains as a member. He announced his hiatus in October 2015. I won’t call it “inactive" like some people do because he’s still composing with them and most recently served as the Sound Producer for ANTITHESE. He’s just not a touring member for now. He didn’t give specific reason other than family matter.

Drummer change:Masaki didn’t state why he left but it looked like he didn’t want to be tied down to only one genre of music. He was active playing outside MFS before his departure. So, he probably wanted that musical freedom even though he loves MFS. But his decision was enough to badly crush the two youngest members at the time, Hiro and Teruki, from what I observed. Those two younger men were still emotionally dealing with Sho’s hiatus at that moment.  Kid'z is their friend / labelmate who had always got along well with Teru & Hiro. He had worked together with Sho & Nob before too. Co-incidentally, his band officially split up in Nov 2015. So, he was the natural choice to replace Masaki. But Kid'z was drumming as a sessionist musician for singer ナノ(nano) at the time MFS took him. He stopped using his real name and took on a stage name Kid'z* after that. 

* I personally don’t use his real name in public anymore out of respect for his decision. Understandably, he was initially worried about MFS fans’ reaction. Also, it was and probably still is an awkward situation for him regarding his former bandmates when their band split up and he went to their biggest rival band just a few months later. So, I chose to respect his wish to start anew.

THEIR BEGINNING

On my blog so far, the interview that tells their formation year story the most is this one from GEKIROCK.

MFS GEKIROCK Interview March 2016 Translation

The band did describe how they got together in this video interview around minutes 01:42 to 02:58.

My Japanese listening ability is not up to that point yet though, sorry. Hiro explained how he and Sho met at a PTP concert. Couldn’t catch what Sho said about Hiro & Masaki with the music playing in the background :-/ Hiro also said he and Teru knew each other when they were high school students. Well, the GEKIROCK interview is a pretty good picture of their history.

FOR OLD PHOTOS of MFS, check out these places:

My First Story Unofficial fanpage on FBMy First Story Thailand fanpage on FBex-drummer Masaki Kojima’s Twitter @kojimasa 

THEIR TWIN BAND fromus

Ignore whatever musical comparison people made about them and OOR. The real band to compare MFS to is their real twin band fromus, a piano-rock unit. I made an entry about them here.

http://japanessie.tumblr.com/post/140215899677/meet-fromus-mfs-real-twin-band

I personally feel that musically, MFS first two albums are the direct guitar edition fromus. Just take MFS, change the singer & then the guitars to piano. You’ll get fromus.

OTHER MUSICAL INFLUENCES

They do have influences from old school hard rock & metal. Sho and Nob are already in their 30s. Both men said they started on guitar with British rock legend Deep Purple’s Smoke On The Water. Guitarist Teruki grew up with a heavy-metal-music-loving father and would often cite Ozzy Osbourne and Metallica as his early influences.

DISCOGRAPHY

If you want to see their musical & lyrical evolution, try to listen to their songs chronologically from the 1st album to the current work.

Albums & Singles

1. MY FIRST STORY ~ MV Second Limit & Take It Back2. THE STORY IS MY LIFE ~ MVs The Story Is My Life & The Reason3. 最終回STORY (Saishukai STORY)4. BONEDS (a joint 4-band project in which they contributed 2 songs)5. BLACK RAIL ~ MVs Black Rail & FAKE6. 不可逆リプレイス ( Fukagyaku Replace) ~ their breakthrough song IMO7. 虚言NEUROSE ~ MVs 虚言NEUROSE, Child Error & Someday (lyrics MV available on Livehouse iOS App & STORYTELLER website)8. ALONE ~ MVs ALONE & 失踪FLAME * 9. ANTITHESE ~ MVs The Puzzle (exclusive for STORYTELLER members only), Missing You (there’s another STORYTELLER-only version too) & Last Call

Update: 12 Jan 2017. Sorry I forgot the MVs from the ALONE single XD

They also have a special 2-track single dedicated to band leader Sho Tsuchiya, released to the public at the Budokan called:

We’re Just Waiting 4 You (available at MAGIC ROOM while stock lasts)

DVD Collection so far:

1. THE STORY IS MY LIFE Final at Shibuya Club Quattro (bundled with 最終回STORY) ~ the only official DVD released when Hiro still sported his natural black hair colour.2. The Ending of the Beginning at Ebisu Liquidroom.3. BONEDS Tour Movie (with AIR SWELL, BLUE ENCOUNT, SWANKY DANK).4. ITSUWARI NEUROSE Tour Final at Shinkiba Studio Coast.5. MFS at A.V.E.S.T. Vol.9 (released as a free bonus for ANTITHESE Pre-order)

TIDBITS Info (^_-)

Hiro called 虚言NEUROSE creation process as “creating a human-like superhero" & the sound as “listening to the radio in the city“. Does that make any sense to you? LOL. Read what he said in this interview:

Hiro’s Interview with Rockin’ On Japan magazine Jan 2015

HIRO’s LYRICS

Sho let Hiro be in charge of lyrics writing from the start (from an interview for Yamaha Music).

Hiro comes from a famous family thanks to his parents and his successful brother. As a result, he was heavily thrashed on the internet by people who disliked his “easy entry” into the music industry. Hiro used to be very active on Twitter but the criticism against him soon turned into cyber-bullying. I personally had seen the cruel things people wrote about him on Japanese 2ch forum.

I can only guess what happened that drove Hiro to leave social media. Other than abusive online comments, some people probably took advantage of his Twitter presence by sending inappropriate messages or even being intrusive about his brother Taka’s personal life. He tweeted an angry response about 2ch on 14 Feb 2013. Then he wrote on his blog on Ameblo (now deleted / deactivated(?)) that “people’s words can hurt". A few months later, he tweeted “I started blocking fucked up people" in English. Not long after, he tweeted his final tweet “Goodbye forever" and abandoned Twitter in Sept 2013.

He then channeled his anger through the song BLACK RAIL in 2014. He explained it in this interview.

Hiro MFS Rolling Stone Japan Aug 2014 Interview Translation

From then on, a lot of his lyrics reflected what he was going through while writing them.

It must be noted that the special project singles ALONE & 不可逆リプレイス (Fukagyaku Replace) were written for the themes of those projects. Hiro talked at length about ALONE around its release and there are a bunch of them that I posted on this blog.

For details on ALONE Project with HAL College, read these posts:

HAL Project Special Musician Interview with MFS Translation

MY FIRST STORY Flying Postman Interview Translation

Hiro’s ALONE Blog Translation

What is HAL Project & HAL College?

不可逆リプレイス / Fukagyaku Replace was made for the historical anime Nobunaga Concerto. Interesting to note that Hiro wrote the lyrics not from the main character Saburo’s point of view but the other guy Michi. The lines, “I don’t know why but you saved me ………… “ all the way to “I will follow you ….. keep you close to me,” were directly inspired by what Michi said to Saburo in the finale or Episode 10.

The lyrics of Someday are for the late K.Hiro said in Kaohsiung, Taiwan that “This is a very important song to me,“.

His blog entry translation on K’s death

ANTITHESE Lyrics & Hiro’s personal stories

The Puzzle & Tomorrowland are about his heartbreak over Masaki’s departure.Home is about his family who split up after his parents divorced.

IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MFS TEAM1. GEN ~ boss, owner of INTACT Records, owner of Zephyren, organizer of AVEST Project, formerly of Subciety clothing brand.Twitter : @Zephyren_genInstagram : Zephyren Gen2. KTR (Kentaro Suzuki) ~ A&R + marketing exec of JMS, marketing exec of Deviluse clothing, regularly seen at MFS video shoots and concerts.Twitter : @kkktttrrr, Instagram: Kentaro Suzuki3. The late K @ Kei Goto ~ vocalist of Pay Money To My Pain (PTP), mentor in MFS early days.4. Nori (producer), Makiko (merchandising) but she’s better known now as the lady who covered Rassungorerai with Hiro XD

* Update (Jan 2018): I believe Makiko is not in the staff team anymore but she remains a close friend. Here is the YouTube link to the video of her and Hiro.5. Japan Music System (JMS) ~ the music distribution company specializing in indie music and the one that markets/promotes MFS musicYouTube Channel: JMSTVOnline shop for bands’ merchandise: MAGIC ROOM ONLINE STORE

5. Circle of friends among many:  Shirakawa-san (SAKAEYA clothing shop manager) ~ the members regularly visit his shop.Twitter: @sakaeyatenchonano, SWANKY DANK, AIR SWELL ~ artists they had musically collaborated with.

The funny interview with Hiro & KOJI about the Sink Like A Stone collaboration in which Hiro admitted the song’s high notes were difficult to sing is here.

STORYTELLER Fan Clubhttps://xxxstorytellerxxx.comAll MFS members let go of their individual public social media after the club was launched in 2016. If you’re interested to join, feel free to ask questions on how to do that.

In case you have an iOS mobile device ……..

JMS created a Japan-only iOS App called LIVEHOUSE where they feature videos from JMS artists. The videos vary from live performances, interviews, behind the scenes etc. However, if you create a different Apple ID specifically for Japan iTunes account, you can still download the App and watch those videos even if you don’t live in Japan.

*Update (12 Jan 2017): You will then get to watch videos like this one!

**Update (15 June 2017): JMS decided to stop the App by 31 May 2017.

Lastly yet very important, don’t believe any ridiculous claim about Hiro and his brother Taka hating each other because they don’t. You’ll find such comments at some point, I’m sure. These two brothers love and support each other away from the public eye and rightfully keep their family relationship private.

I hope that will give you a good start (^_-)

[sometimesalwaysmusic]

JUMPIN’ JOEL FLASH Jumpin’ Joel Flash (JF) is a busy man, and 2017 looks to be even busier. We spoke to Joel about his heavy involvement in the upcoming musical, The Phantom of the Opry, as well as his burgeoning solo musician career alongside his band The Magic Machine (Photo Credit: Ryan Lindsey).

VITALS

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jumpinjoelflash/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jumpinjoelflash/ 

Facebook (Phantom): https://www.facebook.com/Phantom-of-the-Opry-1198976293492134

Instagram (Phantom): https://www.instagram.com/phantomoftheopry/

Upcoming shows: The Phantom of the Opry, February 22-25, 2017, The Gladstone, Ottawa ON.

SA: How did you get your start in music, and how did this recent singer-songwriter project with your supporting band come together? JF: I had played in high school band, but had no real musical experience other than that. Some singing in my car, some bustin out floyd and sabbath at Karaoke. In college, I decided I wanted to rock, so I did. I joined a cover band called Barrelhouse and rocked across Ottawa and the surrounding area for a decade. I also sang in hard rock comedy band Fuzzy Bunny Slaughterhouse as well as the acoustic duo Tears from a Rainbow. Much fun.  

Last year, local filmmaker Brett Kelly announced that he was holding auditions for a new musical, My Fair Zombie. I had no theatre experience, but I can sing and I dig zombies, so I went for it. Much fun was had, and even more was learned. Most importantly though, I made some amazing friendships with incredibly talented people.

So, my current lineup is a cool mix people from the band and musical theatre scenes. The result is a fun, tight show that has people laughing and cheering throughout.  Well, that’s what I’ve seen from the stage, anyway.  Maybe they’re laughing AT me? I need to think more about this.

SA: What bands or musicians would you cite as the biggest influences on your sound? JF: I joined Barrelhouse because they were a classic rock outfit… my scene completely. We played a metric ton of Allman Brothers and Steely Dan, which not only made for an interesting show, but also shaped how i approached songwriting and performance.  I love the southern jam sound of the Allmans… it’s a big band with a lot of crunch, filthy guitar, intense builds. Then there’s Steely… more muted but no less funky grooves, odd chords, silky harmonies. Love it.

These guys also turned me on to bands that seemed like they were from outer space... acts like Yes, Gentle Giant, King Crimson, and Zappa. So much Zappa. Songwriting without borders.  More intricate borders, anyway.

That being said, my single biggest influence would be Exile on Main Street.

SA: Thus far in your career, what has been your biggest success? JF: I think that may be yet to come!  I’ve been getting more attention in the media lately, and I’m hoping to wow people this year with both Phantom of the Opry as well as my first recordings!

SA: On the other hand, what is the biggest challenge you have faced, and how have you dealt with it? JF: Much like many other artists, my challenge has been exposure. I’m dealing with it in the only way I can.. Getting out there and meeting people!  Gigs are great for that of course, but there are many events across town which are great for getting more involved in the music scene. Organizations like OMIC are doing a great job of getting people together, discussing issues, and building a closer, more dynamic Ottawa arts community.

Being involved in both the band scene and the musical theatre scene has helped with that as well. More friends = more art!

SA: How do you approach the song-writing process? JF: I typically write songs around beats or riffs. Once i have something that I can’t get out of my head, I’ll noodle on an acoustic until it sounds just about right, then lay down a scratch track to build from. I like lots of layers… my band has two dedicated backup vocals, so to be able to play around with harmony lines has been just wonderful.

When writing, I tend to think of vocals as notes rather than poetry, so lyrics are almost always secondary for me. This has lead to a lot of sad-sounding songs, which is weird, ‘cause I’m a happy guy!  I just think sad(ish) songs are A) more relatable and B) easier to rhyme.

SA: What are your thoughts on the Ottawa music scene? JF: Vibrant! Fun! Collaborative! Ever-growing!

I’m excited by the growth, in particular. More venues are opening up in different areas of the city, giving both artists and fans more chances to see the great talent that this city has to offer.

SA: A question for fun: you and your band have a tour rider. What’s going to be on it? JF: Peanut Butter. Coffee. Fancy sandwiches. Not too fancy… but fancy. Apples. Bananas. More coffee.

SA: Illustrating your diversity, you have also recently written a score for the musical Phantom of the Opry, which is coming to the Gladstone this February. Can you tell us a little about the process of writing a score? JF: Songwriting for me has always been a one-off affair. Take it any which way you want to go, then move on to the next one.

Phantom was more like writing a concept album. Typically, I write songs around a single idea, riff, or lyric. This score demanded 10 songs, differentiating themselves from each other while also sharing similar themes, orchestration, keys, and lyrics which propel the story forward. So, when inspiration hit, i could place an idea wherever I wanted inside this larger umbrella project. I could also repurpose things that weren’t working with one track… moving them on over to another one instead. I had a lot of fun with this part in particular.

Now, writing ten songs sharing all this was complicated enough, but musical theatre has this whole other layer: Performance. Who is singing? Where are they on the stage? Who are they singing to? These questions and others were vital for song structure, punches, harmonies, and other fine touches. Lyrics were similar. The songs had to fit the characters and their situation, while also tossing in jokes for good measure.

All the songs were written on acoustic guitar. Knowing i had to teach the tracks to seven cast members and a band, I opted to make it easy on everyone and record scratch tracks. After I laid down the guitar and lead vocals, I was able to create (and in some cases, actually write) the harmony lines on top. The cast as well as the band is learning the songs around these tracks and it’s coming together really great.  The end result will be Acoustic Guitar, Keys, Bass, Drums, and seven powerful vocals. Big sound. Big fun.

SA: When writing a score, how it is different in terms of challenges and benefits in comparison to your Jumpin' Joel Flash band project? JF: It was a big project, but one of the biggest benefits was not having to start from scratch. Brett wrote the script and sent it my way with annotations where he wanted the songs. So for each track, I knew who was singing it, what it had to be about, how it had to move the story along, and the overall mood. It allowed for more focused songwriting, as there were limitations on where the song could go. This led to some of the songs going in directions I hadn’t anticipated, which was a fun process.   

I agreed to write a theatre score despite having no experience whatsoever. I figured the best way to grow as a musician was to get way out of my comfort zone and jump right into the deep end. It was the biggest challenge I’ve ever undertaken, and I couldn’t be more proud of it.

SA: What else can we expect from Jumpin' Joel Flash as we move forward in 2017? All the best this year! JF: Phantom will be my life until our five shows, taking place February 22-25 at the Gladstone. People can get tickets at the Gladstone Box Office. I highly encourage local musicians, theatre folk, and other members of the arts community to check out The Gladstone’s Student/Artist/Unwaged rate, which is nearly 50% off!

I’ll also be recording and releasing some songs with my band, Jumpin’ Joel Flash & The Magic Machine. The songs are written, but they need some loving finesse to get the sound I want. It’s been a long process, but i think patience will have paid off. I’ll be keeping people updated through my socials and my website www.jumpinjoelflash.ca. Can’t wait to see people at an upcoming show!

[limejuicer1862]

Wombwell Rainbow Interviews

I am honoured and privileged that the following writers local, national and international have agreed to be interviewed by me. I gave the writers two options: an emailed list of questions or a more fluid interview via messenger.

The usual ground is covered about motivation, daily routines and work ethic, but some surprises too. Some of these poets you may know, others may be new to you. I hope you enjoy the experience as much as I do.

Tricia Marcella Cimera

is a Midwestern poet with a worldview. Look for her work in these diverse places: Anti-Heroin Chic, Buddhist Poetry Review, The Ekphrastic Review, Foliate Oak, Failed Haiku, I Am Not A Silent Poet, Mad Swirl, Silver Birch Press, Wild Plum and elsewhere.  She has two micro collections, THE SEA AND A RIVER and BOXBOROUGH POEMS, on the Origami Poems Project website.  Tricia believes there’s no place like her own backyard and has traveled the world.  She lives with her husband and family of animals in Illinois, in a town called St. Charles, near a river named Fox, with a Poetry Box is in her front yard.

Link to THE FOX POETRY BOX, my public art installation:

https://www.facebook.com/FoxPoetryBox

The Interview

1. When and why did you start writing poetry?

Before writing, there was reading.  When I learned how to read (my mother told me that I was convinced it would be too hard to learn; I was a tiny defeatist), another life began for me.  A life of imagination.  I fell madly in love with reading.  And through reading I found poetry.  It entered into the portal of my child mind in various forms such as the great Dr. Seuss.  When I was nine I wrote my first poem that came whooshing out spontaneously after a dinner with my parents and some business associates of my father.  One of the wives told us about her grown daughter being killed in a car accident.  This hit me so hard; after dinner, I sat down and wrote this little poem about grief.  Everyone seemed kind of astounded; the woman who had lost her daughter just wept.  My mother kept that poem for years but it was lost somewhere in time as we moved around.  Poetry then lay dormant in me for a while but returned when I was in high school where I wrote and submitted things to the school literary journal.  It went away yet again but returned full force when I was in my 30s and discovered a local writer’s class at the college.  Along with the class came a professor who encouraged me in a way that every poet should be in their life.  And that meant all the world to me – and my poems.

2. How aware are and were you of the dominating presence of older poets traditional and contemporary?

Aware and intimidated at first.  But with poetry, there are many masters and many forms.  I try and learn from older poets but it’s imperative I listen to my own voice. 

2.1. Who were you intimidated by?

I would say that initially every great poet intimidated me.  People like Ezra Pound, for example.  What did it all mean?  Poets like Emily Dickinson, Jane Kenyon, Leonard Cohen showed me that simple language coupled with deep ideas was something to strive for.  That was poetry too! Again, there are many forms to choose from – that was freeing to me.  MY voice is a form in and of itself.  

3. What is your daily writing routine?

I have no daily routine of actual writing.  Poems are always showing up and percolating throughout the day in my head, I let them gain form, which can take days.  Once I begin putting a poem to paper (computer screen), it generally goes quickly.  I’m a fast reviser.  I’m a big proponent of revising; I think it’s necessary to advocate for the poem, not the ego.  I know there’s a school of thought when it comes to organic outpouring of words to create a poem.  I think a poem deserves to be worked on and lived with.  It makes it no less gritty or tough if that’s what you’re going for.  

4. What motivates you to write?

My imagination, my specific experiences, the world, every art form there is, history, living and dead human beings and animals, the act of remembering – all of it motivates my writing.  Anything and everything can be a poem.  Once I understood this, a door opened.  You really can’t close that particular door once it flies open.  

5. What is your work ethic?

I don’t make a living through my writing so my ‘work ethic’ is fluid and not terribly militant.  Once a poem is begun, however, I feel committed to it and will revise/polish/finish quickly or revisit it as much as necessary until it feels right.  There are those poems, however, that just don’t work.  I don’t entirely abandon them but they are left to. . .sit there, waiting for a line to be used, an idea to be shaped .  Getting back to revision, I suppose that speaks to a work ethic.  As mentioned before, the poem should be served, not the initial delight in creating it.  

6. How do the writers you read when you were young influence you today?

Great question!  The books and stories of my childhood are forever of my beating heart.  I still have one of the first books I received for my 6th birthday – “Hamish Meets Bumpy Mackenzie” by Frances Bowen.  The Narnia Chronicles by C.S. Lewis truly saved my life when my mother was hospitalized for depression (when I was ten).  I return to my childhood books again and again.  “Half Magic” by Edward Eager still entrances me and makes me laugh.  I can’t imagine abandoning any of these fantastic books and their writers.  They are written so well and never talk down to anyone, except maybe those without an imagination.  I believe in magic and hope and weirdness and underdogs because of the books of my youth.   Of all the books I’ve read in my life, they mean the most to me.

7. Whom of today’s writers do you admire the most and why?

I have many favorite writers but I always cite Joyce Carol Oates and Larry McMurtry as two of my most favorite novelists because they both have such amazing  bodies of work.  Everyone calls JCO prolific – because she IS!  She can do it all (gothic, current social mores, retellings of Marilyn Monroe or JonBenet Ramsey, young adult, short stories, etc.) and with such intelligence and depth. She has revisited certain themes in her work for years; dark and psycho-sexual are her trademarks.  As for Larry McMurtry, no one can write a woman like he can.  He has created the most marvelous woman characters.  McMurtry is known for his westerns (Lonesome Dove), yet I haven’t read them!  Because I love his other books so much; I’ve got time.   He makes you fall in love with his people and suddenly, shockingly, someone will die.  I’ve literally let out screams and then cried.  Oh, McMurtry, how could you.  I have to mention Donna Tartt as well – The Secret History is the most amazing book.  I just reread it for the billionth time.  It reminds me so much of Brideshead Revisited; the college students dreamily and beautifully moving through life in a particular time.  Now I realize I haven’t even mentioned poets!  So many – Mark Doty, Sharon Olds, Raymond Carver. . .and always, always, always Leonard Cohen.  Poetry is alive and well.  The social justice poetry in America right now is just sizzling.  The times are right for it.  It’s exciting to read poetry and to write poetry these days.

7.1. Why Leonard Cohen?

Leonard Cohen is the finest.  His poems are so relatable and understandable, yet they are not simple in the least bit.  He references a LOT.   He tells us that we as humans encompass everything.  And he says that with sadness and with hilarity.  I know I’m speaking of Mr. Cohen in the present tense but he lives on, he’s the Master.  I’ve written three poems that he appears in and two of them are especially dear to me; I’m grateful that he shows up.  Anyone reading this – go read Leonard Cohen!  And listen to him as well.  The songs, the voice. . .

8. Why do you write, as opposed to doing anything else?

Writing is the thing I do best, creative-wise. I wish I could paint or play an instrument or sing (I sing with gusto but not well). So I write.

9. What would you say to someone who asked you “How do you become a writer?”

I would advise to Read, Write and Revise. How can you write if you don’t have a love of reading? And when you write, revise! Just a little revision goes a long way.

10. Tell me about the writing projects you have on at the moment.

Poems are always percolating in my mind but the writing projects I have in my life right now are really about other poets.  I maintain and curate a poetry box in my front yard where I display the work of living guest poets, dead poets, as well as songs, art, etc.  My poetry box is called The Fox Poetry Box.  Passer-bys happen upon it during walks; it’s a concrete and organic small literary billboard.  And it has an electronic life as well – the box has its own Facebook page.  In conjunction with The Fox Poetry Box, I created The Tom Park Poetry Prize which was just announced.  It’s named for a most marvelous cat that my husband and I had the privilege of knowing for a year and a half before he recently  passed on.  Tom Park was, as I wrote in the prize announcement, a profile in Courage, Character and Compassion.  Entries are open until April 15th.  Long live Tom Park!  And poetry!

Wombwell Rainbow Interviews: Tricia Marcella Cimera Wombwell Rainbow Interviews I am honoured and privileged that the following writers local, national and international have agreed to be interviewed by me. 1,650 more words