#do i feel a little sick ?? yes
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You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
#im feverish feeling (not a real fever just malaise that i have no other way to describe) from the IBS (which can affect you like that#)#and i don't actually want to do ANYTHING#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier#at the very least i wouldn't have had to clean the microwave earlier which is hard because my arms are like the size of a meerkat's#and i can only reach the back with my fingertips#where is my BF in all this?#WORKING FULL TIME WITH BACK PAIN#yes i AM going to want him to have to do as little as possible when he comes home#he's neurodivergent too and struggles with the same shit#it's all a mess#we are doing way better i didn't realize how deep a drain three very sick cats were#but there's still only two of us#if you are disabled physically OR MENTALLY you should at least get in-home household help once a week or so#there's places that do that but the limitations are usually severe and always rule me out#because im not single im not an elder im not a veteran and im not physically disabled#if we have to ration that sort of thing i can see how on the whole it is more caring to allocate those resources to for example elders#but the fact that i celebrate what help there is doesn't mean i don't get mad that more people can't access it#is2g if i was functional enough snd physically sound enough i would start a charity that did intervention cleaning for people like us#who have fallen behind and can't catch up but can MAINTAIN#and who helped people clean for a few months during and after an illness pregnancy trauma major loss etc. so they could stay on their feet
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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eli moskowitz - "am i making you feel sick?"
#blu edits#cobra kai#eli hawk moskowitz#demetri alexopoulos#hawkmetri#binary boyfriends#binary brothers#sorry randomly got bonkers about their dynamic in my head again#i love when demetri is spiteful give him edge give him that streak of pettiness he's always been secretly proud of#hes 17 his only sources of true joy are schadenfreude and free food#he humiliated eli at that party and he enjoyed it and yea they make up but he gets his licks now bc he's owed and eli lets him bc he's owed#and eli's approach to redemption is all roll over puppy eyes im sorry i'll do anything 'just tell me im yours' like thatll make it better#like thats productive. but he cant build demetri a sparring deck out of this so if demetri says jump... if demetri says join my dojo...#and so demetri will run him through his paces ragged for penance but it doesnt make it better and he looks at hawk and still feels sick#(and yes he loves him ofc he loves eli but that just adds to his turning stomach every time he sees those eyes looking up at him like that)#(its worse bc its eli making him feel this. not hawk doing something evil but eli trying to do something good and demetri still feels sick)#(because who does that shit and then comes back belly up like letting demetri claw his guts out makes them even)#(because who can claim to love someone and still get a kick of satisfaction out of making eli bleed <- verbally emotionally metaphorically)#(not physically. never physically. obviously. that's eli's thing. and so demetri's a leg up on him.)#^ im promise im a fan of interpreting them where theyre happy too#this derailed from the edit#if ur for some reason reading this then however you first interpreted this is prolly correct. i went a little rogue here in the tags
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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
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sorry this is the ONLY discourse ill allow myself to participate in post finale of agatha all along (or i fear i will lose my mind entirely), but DAMN some people out here rn after the finale being like “i’m sorry you didn’t get the agathario smut you wanted” BITCH!!!! I WASNT ASKING FOR THEM TO FUCK ON SCREEN!!!! i didn’t even need them to get together or even get any semblance of a happy ending!!! i didn’t expect a happy ending in the least tbh!!!!! but you know what i did expect? a final ending. a wrap up. a satisfying and complete finale. a conclusion that actually answers any one of my remaining questions or gave us more context for scenes that we’ve been missing context on the entire time. and i’m sorry but this finale didn’t do that at all. and it’s obviously not bury your gays but jesus christ it wasn’t a good conclusion either. at best it’s honestly a cheap set up for a season two or further content with billy that will prob include bits and pieces of agatha
#i am. beyond words#i was already feeling pretty ick about the ending for a few reasons#but scrolling on the aaa tag is making me so much grouchier#bc some of you bitches are acting like everyone else is dumb and ungrateful just because we’re not kissing the floors jac schaeffer walks o#like PLEASE i love jac i LOVE HER i had so much hope and faith in her and that’s why im upset!!#bc it feels like she didn’t wrap up HER OWN STORY properly#it’s not because she killed off agatha or didn’t get agathario together again#it’s fuckin because i watched the ending and felt just so empty bc of how … incomplete it was??#and then it’s like. well maybe it’s incomplete bc they’re gonna make a s2 or some kind of#elaboration#but that just pisses me off more bc that’s fucking CAPATALISM and CORPORATE GREED controlling it AGAIN#bc yknow what? ten years ago??? this finale would’ve been the half season finale#and we would’ve had twelve+ more episodes to wrap up this season#and to contextualize it#and to even give it filler!!#bring back filler episodes#i’m so sick of back to back action plot packed episodes bro……. what are we even doing#im a little drunk prob gonna delete later#is this unintentionally kind of a subtweet at another post i saw on here? yes? sorry bestie but i am nonconfrontational#and didn’t wanna comment on anybody’s post seeming like i’m trying to fight bc i don’t want to 😭 i just completely fucking disagree#with some of these takes#(ahem hope disney is paying some of you for all that bootlicking)#sorry i am not sober#silas speaks#agatha all along#agathario
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I just don't understand people who don't do a COVID test when they get sick
#like yes of course for some people thats not affordable#but for the vast majority money isnt the issue#i picked up a sore throat and congestion over the weekend and figured it was allergies#i was pretty damn sure but i coughed last night and thats unusual#so i bit the bullet and at 7 fucking am this morning i went and found a covid test before work#good thing too because by the time i got to work the test was positive#because of that im within the window for paxlovid#and i havent really exposed that many people#my brother in christ this shit kills people#its not the common cold#the responsible thing to do is to test when youre fucking sick#and isolate if you know its covid#i have no idea on what criteria i qualified for paxlovid but im guessing it was asthma#heres hoping my mcas doesnt throw a tantrum about this#its entirely possible i caught this from my coworker#who did not test at all and stopped wearing a mask after a day or two#they know about my health issues and i cant help but feel hurt about how little they cared about the possible consequences to me#i should be fine btw im not even feeling particularly sick#salt baby talks#disability#chronic illness
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me when true blue is literally our song
#do i feel a little sick ?? yes#but also yay boygenius#.txt#.mp3#boygenius#the record#true blue#phoebe bridgers#lucy dacus#julien baker
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Thoughts when I saw this part because oh my god:
•The fact Caitlyn chose to gunhilt Vi in the crotch before she even got to touch her pussy 💀
•The fact that Jinx's last words to Vi before the fight were, "I know you're sweet on her. I hope you get to...you know. Before..." And then Caitlyn goes and does this lmfao 💀
•Jinx still causing Caitvi division ✨
Like that's crazy bro I don't know how caitvi are gonna come back from this fr
And next arc Jinx is gonna be the one watching over Vi when she's at her lowest after Caitlyn gunhilted her to the crotch and then dropped her like~
Vijinxes stay winning ✨🩵🩷
#also as someone who's been kicked in the crotch a couple times i know this shit hurt#like it hurts just the same for women#all the pain shooting up through you and sickness and feeling like you wanna vom#and the fact that she brings up Another hand to nurse herself when she's on the ground poor baby#yes i am just brushing over the fact that vijinx just had a full on fight to the near death prior to this;;#like this is Worse okay trust me lolol#and Vi's little breathy miserable moans and sighs after like ugh 💔#(also I do still like caitvi this isn't that serious I always just found shipping wars quite cute and funny so lol)#just in case any caitvis are unfortunate enough to click on my page#hopefully not#vijinx
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au where there's like a paperwork error and sasuke ends up on team eight. but no one else's placement changes. so kakashi has to deal with just naruto and sakura, who isn't filtering herself at all. or better yet, sasuke gets swapped with kiba, so kakashi has to deal with three loudmouth hotheads, one of whom can just track him down whenever he's late.
meanwhile kurenai's first lesson is homicide 101 and sasuke thinks he just hit the team jackpot
#naruto#team seven#team eight#uchiha sasuke#yuuhi kurenai#kurenai: ok kids now that we've all introduced each other i'm giving you a test to see if you're really ready to be genin#kurenai: the test is murder btw. afterwards we'll go over better and more creative ways to do murder#sasuke: this is the best possible thing that could have happened to me#meanwhile kakashi has a massive headache bc the only person on his team with any kind of volume control is akamaru#kakashi: ur the only one i can trust buddy#akamaru: bork#kakashi's ninken absolutely adore akamaru#sakura gets a headstart on medic-ing bc hana shows up to meet her lil bro's new team#also sasuke feels weird without someone challenging him to a fight every 20 minutes so he starts hoping one of his teammates will#shino gets sick of sasuke's incredibly awkward attempts at egging him on and persuades hinata to make sasuke her rival#yes they bond over their obsession with naruto what about it#hinata is. not good at being a rival#but she's trying#hinata: um sasuke-kun i bet. i bet. um i bet i can get to the top of this tree f-faster than you...#hinata: um but only by a little bit actually y-you'll be right behind me in fact you'll probably do it better but um.#sasuke: we can just start hitting each other if that's easier for you#hinata: oh cool just like my home life. yeah i can do that#shino: i'm a genius
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karma's gotta come for all of us
i just hope she comes for you first
#the ignacio varga and lalo salamanca thesis. yes i will be taking questions at this time#they make me sick!!!#bcs#nacho varga#ignacio varga#lalo salamanca#better call saul#edit#my edits#te vas a morir. i like it when you're pissed off fucked up in the head it makes me feel a little less crazy. don't think i don't see you.#i see you. i do. everyone is bad. so why are you a pacifist? to sleep. and those who need it. to sleep. i'm living in a horror film.#i'm gonna break you down. slow like mold in the vents in the walls. ignacio varga. eres un chingon. just like a stray animal.#you keep feeding me scraps. nachito come over here eh don't be shy! ignacio it's your call. everyone is a bad guy.#do you want me to take care of it? i'm at the foot of your bed. waiting for you to throw a fist. to sleep. te vas a morir.#they've been making me sick for TWO YEARS.
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eldest daughter syndrome really do be kicking my ass tbh
#i just find it like so unfair yknow#im the only one who works in myhouse and full time#but i come home and the house isnt clean and i tidy up and sort everything out and tidy the kitchen anf living room after dinner and put#my sister to bed and yk if there was no one else to do these things id understand but#i have 5 brothers all of whom are adults and they dont lift a finger#its not as if any of them work bec they dont and neither does my dad#and im so so so exhausted yk? bec not everything is my job or responsibility#and i keep blaming other things for me getting sick but yknow what maybe i just dont rest enough#and the other day i was upset bec i'd had a tough day at work and i felt unwell and i cleaned up everything after dinner and my brother#said i didnt have a right to be upset bec i “chose” this. like as if i chose to work full time nd do all the chores for a family of 9#and it just really upsets me bec no one sees an issue with it and im so mad at my mom at rhe same time#constant therapy sessions w her bec shes mad at my dad and wants someone to vent at and then he does the same abt her and my brothers#and im so tired yknow just sososos tired bec she'll complain abt how they dont do anything but then she wont ensure they do either#its just empty complaints whereas she thrust responsibility on me when i was 9 and yet my brothers are 18+ - all but one that is and they#cant even do their own laundry bec she just..... did everything for them all the time but now is mad that they cant do anything.#like yes i know my dad is a failure of a husband and a father i expected that i'll never be a good enough daughter for him and that the onl#thing he has to say about me is that im bringing shame on our family despite everything ive done but come on#im just tired and upset#its hard not to see yourself as a robot or machine when theres little room to be anything else.#and even on a day like today when i dont feel well it never stops and i just keep doing#im sad i want a hug from my gangster bf#oh god i am sorry pls do not perceive me for this#and yk what#thats why i cant stand when people are nice to me bec all i can think of is#i havent done anything to deserve this? i should have to give something in return#or if not#theres something this person must want because why else would they be nice to me when i havent done anything for them#i cannot fathom the concept that someone just wants me because its me#its literally just not possible why would anyone fo that for me
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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being in pain is so isolating nd alienating lol >.<
#bc the thing is nobody cares abt your pain. like that's simply human psychology#so even if that's how the human mind is built nd it's understandable. it still sucks to receive so little sympathy nd understanding#like i mean ppl get sick nd tired of u when u talk abt the pain nd just want u to stop complaining nd be positive#nd they're rlly unsympathetic nd just want u to shut up nd do the things you're supposed to do without whining#so yes idk having to shut up abt it makes me feel like im stuck all alone inside this miserable bubble#either way im getting better nd better at not talking abt it!!!!! even on here i dont say like 80% of what i wanna vent abt sksksks#ppl always treat me as if im exaggarating or just anxious nd worried nd that i need to relax nd that everythings fine#so i've gotten way better at keeping it inside nd not bothering anyone w it!!! thats good#i mean it hurts nd makes me feel isolated buuut it's better than being a burden nd a bother nd making ppl roll their eyes nd sigh at me#but it's also so hard for me to seek medical attention for anything bc i feel like im just being dramatic nd annoying#idk... anyway so many things i wanna complain abt rn pain wise but im doing so good at shutting up abt them i need a gold star ⭐️#hand in hand w this im getting better at just shutting up nd doing what ppl want me to do nd think im supposed to do even if im in pain
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can my job PLEASE hire more people oh my godddd i'm so tired of them calling me asking me to come in early, or calling me asking me to come in on my days off 🧍♀️like why even make a schedule then‼️‼️‼️
#i get that people call in sick sometimes but this has happened i think every week since i've been hired...#usually i say yes when they ask me to come in early but. not today. i literally picked up a shift on my day off yesterday leave me alone 😭#i could tell theyre upset but like. YOU SAID 5. SO MAYBE I HAVE PLANS UNTIL 5. (if working on selfship stuff counts as plans then i do)#i don't hate it there (still makes me feel stupid a lot but it's manageable) but it's just exhausting as an introvert. even part time...#and being employed does NOT!!!! help with my nihilism and depression like i thought it would 💀 in fact it has become much worse 😀👍#i guess my socializing is getting a little better at least. but also idrgaf about that 💀#vent tw#caitiechat
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you have to do a lot to make me actually complete course surveys and log into rate my professor but this fucking professor is actually the worst teacher i’ve ever had 😭 enjoy your 2 on rate my professor (i know this does nothing 💔)
#the way i emailed her asking if it's okay to do something a little different than the assignment says#and she said yes . and then graded me down 10 points for doing that. BITCH????#and usually i’d be like ok it’s obviously a mistake . which i’m sure it is#but this is like the 7th time this has happened and i’m sick of itttttttt#her grading makes no sense and i’ve literally lost points on things that she straight up never asked for#and she just seems like the kind of prof that refuses to give out 100s so just finds something to mark you down for no matter what#she’ll be like ‘you never explained x’ and i’ll go into the assignment and it is literally nowhere to be found#and i’ve had other people look at this bc i feel crazy and like i’m maybe missing something . but they’re like no it’s not here#i cant standddddd this like why are you being difficult#and on top of that her assignments are just dumb as shit and rely solely on having you paraphrase readings and actively marks you down for#doing any sort of analysis. but WHATEVERRRR
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pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I don’t really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah
con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines
#it’s getting better but only now that it’s like. 6pm#as weird as it sounds part of why this sucks is that I volunteered to come into work today cause there’s a concert going on nearby which#usually means we’re at least somewhat busy -> make better tips#and I couldn’t go in because well. you know#I’ve been sick and dying in bed all day unable to move or eat or anything#let alone take the bus and go to work#but. as much as I wish I didn’t go this overboard I don’t totally regret last night cause.#yeah. potential thing going on with cute coworker guy. OH and potential job opportunity at my favorite bar in town#apparently said coworker Also has a job at the bar in addition to where we both work and the bar is hiring barbacks at entry-level#so I have someone to vouch for me and the bartender we were talking to seemed to really want me to apply too#one thing that’s kinda funny to me about all this is that the first two places (a bar then a club) we were at felt really mid because they#were packed with way too many straight people (at a gay bar and a gay club)#but the bar we ended up at (where we ALWAYS end up at. it is the oasis. it is the only thing I can rely on) felt. like. not overwhelmingly#straight? at all? I mean part of it’s just luck in a way with just who happened to be there and all that but it’s also that the staff seem#pretty significantly populated with queer ppl#I complained to the bartender about how the club we were at (one of the biggest gay clubs in the city- if not The biggest) just felt kinda#meh because yeah maybe there were some guys dancing in jockstraps and whatever but the crowd itself like. did not feel largely queer#or at least didn’t have the spirit I’d hope for in a queer space if that makes sense. felt very conventional. not enough wild outfits and#makeup and gender fuckery and so on#and the bartender was like dude I KNOW right? I went off outside there once about the invasion of cishets when this space isn’t FOR them#and so on and so forth. and god that was So real.#so the experience at my beloved bar last night was like. 1) guy comes up behind me just to order a drink but i was saving a seat for my#friend who was in the bathroom and mentioned that in case he was looking to take the seat. chatted a little. ended with him pointing out#that a guy nearby was trying to holla at me.#2) I look over and yes. the dj is. in fact. looking directly at me and mouthing the lyrics to whatever song was playing pointed my way.#it was pretty sweet honestly I think it was partly cause I looked like I was shy and alone#3) whatever gay shit was going on with my coworker and i. amusingly he seems to get more flamboyant when he drinks just like i do.#im not 100% sure what his sexuality is but i Am 100% sure it is Not straight. but yeah. if it hadn’t been so close to closing time ive been#hardcore wondering where that would’ve gone. maybe its for the best that i had to go when i did cause i was pretty drunk and who knows when#I could’ve hit the amount of drunk it takes to like outright say hey just so you know i’d suck your dick right now if you wanted
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