#do I make these about all the aftg characters bc I have many thoughts

[vannyinthestars]

Songs Jeremy Knox unironically enjoys (that fit the canon timeline), a collection:

- Note that I headcanon these as his guilty pleasure songs. Personally think he listens to more rock most of the time like Nickelback (it was 2006…)

[hourafterhour]

hmmm actually i'd be so interested in hearing about why you hated tsc? i personally didn't hate it but thought it was very flawed and would love to hear your critiques <3

very long below!

starting more generally, i thought the structure of it was bizarre, especially the choice to start it where she did. rehashing the end of TKM in very minute detail from a new pov did nothing for me, and i don't think it's where this part of jean's story "starts" if that makes sense. i found a lot of parts really ham-fisted and poorly written, esp very sloppy/lazy/straight up bad characterization (jeremy giving the homeless man a gift card, lmao); and her reliance on very high drama plot points (surprise secret sister - that was when i could not believe what i was forcing myself to keep reading; also reacher showing up, other parts i've forgotten). i think this approach works so well in aftg, where the melodrama is crucial, but it fails here, and i got the impression that she didn't feel like she was telling (what should have been) a fundamentally different type of story in content and structure than aftg. using any of the very compelling interpersonal dynamics wrt jean in her original trilogy to build drama in a subtler way would have been so much more rewarding imo. "can jean make a life outside the nest” is the built in stakes of the story. can he survive what has happened and what comes next. no need to make it any more dramatic than that - those are pretty high dramatic stakes to me. to give a more specific example, i thought the scene abt jean having to relearn how to check because the way the ravens do it is dangerous was excellent, especially when jeremy explicitly tells him “you’re hurting me” and it’s still unclear if that will be enough to make jean resort to a style of gameplay that’s less effective. this is more along the lines of what i’d hope we’d get from this book — subtle moments that arise from this being a sports narrative and a recovery narrative, and the unique situation of jean being forced into intimacy with a new team (again, a situation that is already so dramatically rich!) 

but my main issue is that I think aftg is a pretty exceptional (and exceptionally unique) trauma narrative, and i think jean’s trauma was poorly written here from start to finish, and pretty unimaginative/cliche. my overwhelming thought while reading it is that it was a really poorly researched book. writing the perspective of a character IMMEDIATELY after release from years of captivity is an extraordinarily difficult task, and the way she tried to account for what his patterns of thinking would have adapted to under those conditions was paltry to me: “I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. I will endure.” — i was literally rolling my eyes. just a really depressing lack of depth of interiority wrt an experience that was already so rich and subtle in canon. the single line in tkm when abby says he's already tried to escape back to the nest twice was more complex and worth more to me than all of tsc

to give another specific example bc this is one part i remember well, i was so annoyed at the scene when jean offers his racquet to rhemann for punishment. like it's so lazy!!! it's so lazy. jean is not stupid, and i could have believed it if it was written as jean being confused/getting where he was and who he was with mixed up, but a crucial part of the ideology of the nest was that this was not like other teams, and their lifestyle is not ordinary, and this is necessary to make them better than everyone else. jean would be well aware that other people on most other teams do not get physically abused by their coaches, in front of the rest of their teammates, as a matter of course. like maybe that seems nitpicky, but this actually seems so essential to me. and there were so many other moments where it just didn't seem like any meaningful or interesting thought had been paid to how jean would have interpreted his own life, and i hated how she had to make him do things like this to make certain things about his past visible because she couldn't do it in more skillful ways

i was kind of withholding judgement through the first little bit, but the first scene with kevin really solidified that i would not enjoy this book. jean is, what, a few days removed from the nest? i just do not believe (or want to be asked to believe) that he and kevin would be able to articulate any of that by that point, or have the words to discuss these things openly like that already. this was baffling to me because, once again, this is handled really well and compellingly in the original trilogy!!! hence my 40k two months of madness!!!! jean and kevin literally cannot even speak to each other when they see each other at the banquet, to the point where andrew intervenes just to get them to stop watching each other. iirc there was a part in the EC where nora said they don’t have a real conversation till a year (or multiple years?) out of the nest which felt extremely true to me. laila, cat, and jeremy constantly pressing him to express what happened, as if being able to narrativize a traumatic experience is not actively one of the hardest things about recovery, again just felt like lazy writing. everything has to be spoken out loud for it to work here, because she didn’t build conflict in any other way. i actively disliked laila and cat by the end of the book because she had to use them in such annoying and blunt ways to drive the story forward.  

OKAY there is my quota of "joyless hater" for the day... i appreciate you wanting to hear my thoughts!! if you have any thoughts on any of this i'd love to hear them as well. and if you're interested, i'll take the opportunity to rec an academic text on some of these dynamics, Alexandra Stein’s book “Terror, Love, and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems"

[hypnostouched]

i forever have dnd brainrot so,,, aftg dnd vibes

Neil is, of course, a rogue. lock picking, quick, lying sneaky lil bastard. In particular I would make him a Mastermind rogue as it comes with disguise profienecy , boosts so lying and vibes of a manipulator. I'd also build him into a wood elf - for the mechanical speed and hide buffs; but id flavour him as a half elf. The Hatford family would be elven and Mary is the one who trained Neil to hide and run. Other than some small things, he would look almost identical to his human father.

Now the Ravens in dnd, to me, are a Paladin order that is a lot more of a defined cult. They'd be a mix of Oath of Glory Paladins (one of their channel divinities is literally called Peerless Athlete) and Oath of Conquest Paladins (Kevin was Glory, Riko is Conquest) Paladins are physical builds with good Charisma and you can think whatever you like about the Ravens, they are charismatic (also to note, intimidation is a charisma skill in dnd)

now Oathbreaker has a very specific vibe but what I will focus on is the feeling of emptiness and darkness that come with it. Kevin is an oathbreaker when he leaves the Ravens, but he won't remain as one indefinitely. He would retake his Oath of Glory when it could mean something different to him (which would align with canon Kevin gtting his new tattoo). For him, being an Oathbreaker is connected to his fear and depression rather than any form of evil (High CHA Kevin is so funny to me bc its canon and i love a CHA build who generally doesnt seem charismatic until they turn it on) Kevin is a high elf seemingly in every way. He took after his mother almost entirely.

As said, Riko is a Conquest Paladin - I would also consider giving him a few levels in Shadow Sorcerer; as something he just is inherently rather than something he's trained to be like Paladin. Riko is also a half elf; most of the Moriyama family are High Elves but his mother was human. Riko can't claim that his family doesnt like him because of this, because Ichirou is also a half elf.

Returning to the foxes--

Andrew is a fighter. Human fighter, a v basic build lmao. he is a champion fighter; he's just a fucking threat.

Nicky is absolutely a bard (glamour). I would love to pitch Nicky as a Satyr because of their interest in freedom, revelry and enjoyment.

(can i just say its so hard to do dnd thoughts when so many characters are related and youre autistic so you have to factor all of that in)

Renee is a Barbarian/Cleric multiclass in the way that she used to be a barbarian and now mostly ignores those abilities to focus on her cleric shit. Light domain cleric. Also she is an air genasi and the colours in her hair are natural and look like the colours of sunset or sunrise on clouds

Dan is also a human fighter but she's a banneret fighter; which has a focus on inspiring allies. Still a threat, just also an inspirational one.

Aaron is a ranger; gloomstalker as he lurks around a lot. Mechanically he wouldn't be as high a level as Andrew. Neil is his favoured enemy.

Matt is a sun soul monk, taught to him by his mother. Bright and also quite scary when he's trying to kill you.

Allison is a bard/fighter multiclass. Similar to Renee, her Bard levels come from before her life with the foxes but she doesn't ignore them like Renee does. Eloquence Bard, champion fighter

[dayurno]

sorryyyy for bringing some type of discourse to your inbox but I just giggle whenever anyone brings up the fact that nora soad andrews a misogynist and their only argument is the fact that he's friends with renee and dating neil who said women are the strongest ppl i know, like i don't personally think he's a misogynist, but i feel like there has to be better arguments for it😭

maybe it's bc the fandom gets on my nerves so I'm more sensitive to any attempts a defanging and making characters more palatable bc I'm not a fan of the widespread fanon versions of the characters also it's sad I feel like the fandom made some sort of progress where discussions were being had about the problems in the series and now after tsc came out it feels like we're back to where the author can do no wrong and it's hard to criticise anything

what do you think about tsc being a triology, I feel like two books can hopefully give Jeremy the depth he needs i remember you found him a bit flat as well when you read the book, I see a lot of people saying he needs to have a mean side or a traumatic past but I feel like a kind, nice character can be interesting without those things and not every kind character needs to have this secret mean side anyway, personally I groaned out loud when I found out it was a triology bc that would mean the fandom would be alive for longer and it's so crazy out of any book fandom I've ever been in for some reason the aftg fandom feels the most obnoxious maybe it's bc the books deal with heavier topics close to the heart so there's more feelings involved🤔the only book fandom who has pissed me off a comparable amount would be asoiaf but that's a whole different thing

I really do try and be happy I'm not even in the fandom anymore and I've never followed aftg twitter accounts and I don't even check the tags I just go on certain blogs but i still see things it's horrible💔like I can't believeeee we're still discussing if Kevins a coward or not and how selfish he is for leaving the nest like we've already argued about this to death on tumblr back in like 2016 now it's the same thing again💔

LOL i understand honestly so many of these discussions are repackaged wide-spread 2015 opinions which don’t reflect the original text that it’s hard to do anything except use the we have this thread every week comrade image and let it go. andrew being misogynistic is not even hard to come to terms with considering it’s not an interpretation or a headcanon it’s the author’s own words and will for the character incorporated into canon. there are things to disagree with nora sakavic for, but ultimately there is a difference between disagreeing with the author and willfully ignoring the intention with which a character was written

& i didn’t really care much for the news, i think the lack of planning and the rushed way the books are coming along are grating on both the author and the fandom, but i don’t blame her for wanting to get this done and over with. it will show more insight on jeremy hopefully, but unfortunately i already don’t care 😭 i think the route tsc took was in general uninteresting and pedestrian enough to not warrant a second thought, and i’m not particularly interested in any plotline beyond what pertains to kevin and the ravens. what surprised me really is the total lack of impact tsc had on the fandom, which is to say, i think it was so in line with the same 3-5 headcanons passed around the last 10 years that it has genuinely done nothing for anyone aside from the people who were already very invested in jean and/or jeremy. it feels like a different fandom from aftg altogether, which i’m happy about if only because it keeps us all locked in different cages, but it still baffles me to see people dedicate so much thought to a book whose characters bar jean are, as of now, the very definition of Nothing burger. all in all the answer to that question and most questions pertaining to tsc is Who cares. because literally who cares

LMFAO staying away from aftg twt is really good for you & honestly all of us. it’s still so funny to me that not even nora sakavic herself wanted to touch that mess. mentally ill white suburbanite teenage shut-in echo chamber ass fandom

[bloody-wonder]

omg im the tsc anon, i literally sent it cause i knew from the past aftg opinions you shared - you'd likely feel similarly to the way i did about tsc

neil outshines jean to such a shocking degree when he only has a handful of scenes... neil is a fantastic protagonist so ofc it's hard to live up to, but come on 😭 jean has such a weaker personality imo? he does/says less interesting things, but also has a less interesting perspective on things. his lack of standing up for himself when the trojans badgered him constantly and talked behind his back bothered me to. can u imagine neils reaction if the foxes had been sharing his secrets over a group chat?

but just in general. tsc felt like a sanitised version of aftg, if that makes sense? scrubbed clean of the controversial and unconventional aspects. and it's those aspects that, in my opinion, played a huge part in what made aftg so good. noras a very talented writer, but i can not comprehend the decision to make tsc... all that it was, yknow? it feels almost like it was written for the 'andreil say ily' part of the fandom...

neil really saved this book for me icl. outsider pov of him is fascinating. and while andrew barely said/did anything even when he was there, i actually kinda liked that? it puts into perspective how ig off-putting andrew can appear to those who don't put in the effort with him. 'creepy little goalkeeper' is so funny and so accurate, he IS a creepy little goalkeeper and i love that for him.

idk, some things i had anticipated - the trojans being who they are were never going to match the foxes. jeremy x jean was never going to match andreil (and ive seen ppl comparing them already... the blasphemy.) but there were things i was surprised weren't there. i had expected kevin and jeans relationship to be a lot more tense ig? i had thought jean would harbor a MUCH deeper resentment towards kevin, but i suppose its just not his character? but when i was reading, i couldn't help asking what would the fan reaction had been if that had been the case? if kevin and jeans past relationship, and places in a cult hierarchy, had shown through in a much uglier and uncomfortable way? i can see why she didn't do that, i don't even necessarily want that, i think i was just desperate for this book to have some sort of deep conflict between the characters.

on the subject, kevin felt quite different from how he was in aftg. but i can't quite put my finger on why.

anyway, it is nice to see someone else have mixed feelings towards the book. i enjoyed it, but i was shocked how many people seemed to really love it. not because it was bad. but because, to me, it was so fundamentally different from aftg.

thank you for sharing your thoughts! i suspected you might have written me bc i used to be the resident notorious contrarian of the fandom lol

yeah neil is a textbook example of a protag who drives the plot forward, he has that main character energy which jean totally lacks which makes sense since jean was originally a minor side character. at the same time the differences in their characterization make complete sense in universe due to the different ways they were brought up and the different trauma they faced. so it all comes down to each reader's personal preference: for me, neil's arc is a self-indulgent power fantasy. i think i have a strong sense of self and when i can't achieve something it's due to circumstances so far out of my control it's impossible to overcome them. it's therefore very satisfying to read about neil facing impossible odds and winning thanks to the sheer force of his personality, whereas jean's way of dealing with trauma feels less fun by comparison. but other readers can relate to him more and all the power to them. i do however think tsc does a disservice to its new characters by opening with a rather lengthy recap of how cool the foxes were in the last act of tkm and closing on a chapter where neil comes along and reminds us who the real hero of this story is🤷‍♀️

i don't think tsc has been entirely scrubbed clean of controversial aspects - i saw plenty of reviews complaining about the amount of dark content (in book 4 of a series known for its dark content, le gasp) - but i do think the handling of certain things was less nuanced than in aftg. for instance, both stories have a plot bit about someone unknowingly exposing a character to their abuser which leads to them being retraumatized (jean himself comments on the similarities between drake and grayson). in aftg that someone is nicky - a person andrew knows and trusts, a person the readers grew to care about (lol not me but certainly some other readers) - so his role in the tragic sequence of events is that much more upsetting. rape and abuse is terrible but the fact that a person who means well can exacerbate the issues bc they don't have the framework to understand the other person - that hits so much harder for me personally. so in the end drake is just an evil rapist but nicky is a much more nuanced character bc through him nora questions whether being nice and having good intentions is enough, whose feelings should be centered on in such a complex situation, whose emotional needs should be prioritized etc. by contrast, in tsc that person is lucas - someone we basically just met, who is nothing more than an antagonistic stranger to jean and who we therefore don't care about. which is why when he leads grayson to jean it's like, first of all, duhh. but secondly, bc it happens against the backdrop of the other ("good") trojans' cheerfully patronizing attitude it doesn't come so much as a shocking twist that puts the ways how we deal with complex trauma into an unconventional perspective than as a culmination of everyone disrespecting jean's boundaries all the time - which is likely what nora intended but the overall constellation feels much less interesting to me.

ig this ties into your point about the book lacking the kind of deep conflict aftg had - but maybe that was intentional too, maybe it's supposed to be aftg light in that sense, sort of a post canon character study fic. which i am not opposed to, not everything has to be high plot and tension and grey morality, but unfortunately the emotional core the story relies on in the absence of the plot just didn't work for me. i can accept jean's "weaker" personality, i can understand him not being able to stand up for himself even tho i can't admire it, but i draw the line at how forced his friendship with jeremy and the girls ended up feeling. like, i still can't get over cat's sex toy joke right on the heels of jean being badgered into admitting he had been sexually abused - the info which jeremy promptly spilled to the girls. if something like that happened to me i would never be able to trust these people again, much less call them friends so soon. it's such a bizarre contrast between how neil joining the monsters in tfc despite their problematic initiation rituals feels valid bc the narrative earned it both plot-wise (we're now facing a bigger enemy together) and character-wise (neil pushing back, talking about why they did it, nicky apologizing) on the one hand - and how jean accepting jeremy, cat and laila as his new friends feels rushed and artificial despite them being so very nice and domestic and wholesome on the other hand. idk maybe it's bc i'm inherently skeptical about disingenuous cozy/hopepunk subgenres in modern lit bc they usually have a darker underbelly people are loath to confront but ngl the words sanitized and conventional did come to mind while reading and so did the idea that tsc will especially appeal to a certain subset of fans which found the (at times uncomfortable) complexity of the original trilogy too much to handle. well, i hope they're enjoying their fantasy of healing a survivor of cptsd by cooking and shopping and hugs - i certainly got to enjoy mine in aftg, there's plenty to go around lol

besides, tsc being so different/separate from aftg makes it really easy to just not engage with the fan content and discussions if it starts feeling like they veer into the annoying territory too much. tbh my primary concern when tsc was announced was that it could contain some retcons about andreil and aftg which i wouldn't agree with - and that didn't happen, my boys are still very much in character, so i can just retreat to my enclosure and leave tsc to jean stans who are its main target audience in any case.

[rikomoriyama01]

okay anon from that one ask you reblogged i think i might have worded that a little wrong. its less about prettying him up or making fun content of him and more of a lot of people with few select exceptions either ignoring riko as a character because hes a bad person (majority) or ignoring rikos actions (which i have seen, though not often at all). i personally love your riko content, youre like one of the only people in the aftg fandom not afraid to do anything with him and explore his character. and this is not an attack on you or how you see riko but i wish more people took the time to analyze him. i have so many thoughts about riko that i’m afraid to say in case of backlash, but i really wish there was more content only how other people see him too. i mean i get it hes a bad person and people dont like him but hes also a character. he isnt real riko moriyama will not jump you if you talk about him. sorry if that doesnt make sense when i sent that ask it was not about you at all

hi! please do not take my messages as some attempt at discourse i just believe that topics like this should not be left vague because different people put different amount of attachment to details [me for example due to my history in this fandom i do get pretty sensitive when vague things are said this way so i might have taken the general conversation personally but hey i am defensive of my little menace! someone has to! ] I'm glad you enjoy my stuff! > i have so many thoughts about riko that i’m afraid to say in case of backlash Feel free to spam my inbox or i can add you on discord dm? i love talking about the lil bitch!!!! >or ignoring riko's actions (which i have seen, though not often at all) see this is the thing i am interested in because i OBSESSIVELY follow riko content , i spend DAYS brushing riko moriyama tag and digging up bunch of old abandoned blogs and i just never saw someone make claims like this! (id know i woudl def try to make friend with them lmao) I'm sorry if my approach to this case is dismissive maybe i really missed it but it kind of just feels like generalization of people saying ,, he did nothing wrong" as a meme , nobody who can read would actually genuinely believe this But please let me just say up front - i like talking about things and having discussion its not argument drama or discourse okay? no hard feelings anywhere , i really really am happy to be proved wrong (bc this means there is riko content somewhere out there i had not found yet GIVE ME )

[futureseaempress]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

hi so my sweetheart tagged me in this @hypnostheory so thank u bb

1. How many works do you have in Ao3?

27 (teehee that's my fave number) (i also have like two more on a google drive that are wips,,, some princes don't become kings & first date which is called nastygum in like all my notes)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 163,308 which is like longer than twilight i think

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Homestuck, AFTG, SK8 the Infinity, TMA, Stardew Valley, RWRB, and uhhh law and order svu

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

honey, why're you calling me so late? (matchablossom)

about to bloom (matchablossom)

baby kiss it better (first prince)

i only want what i can't have (first prince)

as certain dark things are to be loved (jonmartin)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i would love to but sometimes i just don't have anything to say

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhhhh i don't think any of my fics have super angsty endings-- fanning the flame was supposed to end with a super sad chapter about agnes and jack but i never wrote it lmao maybe i'll get back to her in november

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ummmm i try to end everything on a loving/happy note bc that's what i like to read most

i think asking you to stay has like the cheesiest last line

8. Do you get hate on fics?

uh not yet thank goodness. i used to back in my wattpad days though and i did have someone say something kinda off color to me in a writing exchange but that worked itself out

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

because it's most of what i read i try to include like a horny scene in most if not all of my stuff but i like anything rlly i sort by ship, explicit, and go from there I think "Coming In Pants" is a frequent flyer.

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s your craziest one?

Nope. Not my cup of tea. OH MY GOD ACTUALLY I'M A LIAR IN 2012 I HAD A ONE DIRECTION RPF TWILIGHT FANFIC? THAT I NEVER POSTED AND SOLELY EXISTED IN MY NOTES APP THAT MY FRIEND AND I WOULD LIKE ROLEPLAY???? seventh grade was wild for me

11. Have you ever had your fic stolen?

YEP! both my current fanfic and my older stuff like i had a terrible homestuck fanfic on wattpad that someone reposted saying mine was too smutty and then on ao3 there is a fic,,, that,,, very heavily seems to draw from baby kiss it better but idk maybe henry wearing alex's white t shirt and a taylor swift cardigan while sick before alex blows him is just reaaally common

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

so other than some garbage i was writing in middle school no, but i do for sure like let my partner beta everything and we run ideas by each other all the time and like work out how to block stuff and what seems interesting they keep me from going to melodramatic and i help them know what sex sounds fun

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

oh god i can't choose. i love davekat, but i love alex and henry a lot. like a lot. like wow i loved the book last year and the movie has given me brain worms and there's other karkat ships i rlly like. hmmm okay i have two hands and i hold my sons Crabapple and Firstprince.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably never will?

so many davekat wips

the sweet home alabama fic for sure.

the nanny au. uh the other davekat band au that's just a draft... probably fanning the flame. there's also a coda for more silver paint that haunts me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

uhhhhh i think i'm good at banter? (see echoed through my mind) i think i'm good at like making stuff fit into canon and comply with it in fun ways (see this hope is). i think i'm good at writing characters having break downs (see chapter 3 of silver paint or going with the flow)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I SUCK SO BAD AT FINISHING THINGS AND I GET STUCK ON MY PORN EVERY TIME

also commas

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

bafhehasdk so like it's kinda a pet peeve a lot of the times i feel like spanish especially ends up reading kind of like Law and Order dialogue like "he trabajo'ed here last week" but i eat that shit up in theory. like people would probs do better throwing random french in shit bc my ass would be like SOUNDS RIGHT TO ME. it's also like cultural references get lost and i know just enough spanish to know when something is "off" so i prefer like "This is a line of dialogue," they said in Spanish.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Homestuck! on wattpad! in 2012! it was bad mpreg! i was 13!!

TMA on ao3! in like 2020

but i did once write a one direction rpf with my friend that we posted on instagram in 2011

20. Favorite fic that you’ve written?

oh god i don't know. i think it's gotta be glory just bc i spent so long with it and i'm hoping to finish it during november (i do nanowrimo in a crazy bass ackwards way) but tire trouble is like the one everyone else loves best??? and i have a sequel in the works for it im just super into rwrb rn

I’m tagging @wardenhawke bc i feel like you might like talking about your ocs at least and i like u

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[roxannc]

❝ Girls like her were born in a storm. They have lightning in their souls. Thunder in their hearts. And chaos in their bones. ❞ AISHA DEE? No, that’s actually ROXANNE WEASLEY. A SIXTH YEAR student, this RAVENCLAW student is sided with MCGONAGALL’S ARMY. SHE identifies as CIS-WOMAN and is a HALFBLOOD who is known to be DRAMATIC, HAUGHTY, and TEMPERAMENTAL but also PASSIONATE, SOCIABLE, and OPENMINDED.

LINKS: stats, pinboard, character tag. CHARACTER PARALLELS: donna pinciotti (that 70s show), amy pond (doctor who), amy santiago (brooklyn 99), dan wilds (aftg) HELLO just a quick note from me mar, some of this is for sure up for change, mostly regarding the wotters and family in general!! besides that, here we finally Go

history

roxanne voice: i was born in an iconic family because it was my destiny to be iconic! but --- in all honesty --- she is right. roxanne is born to george & angelina one hot summer morning, waking up the whole damn hospital with her crying and huge lungs. she has a brother --- fred, who’s officially her half brother, but that’s not something that makes him anything less than her brother. and then there’s heaps of cousins, almost too many of them, and uncles and aunts and other people to call family, and from day one, it’s all good.

roxanne was a chaotic kid, growing up. a cheerful and energetic and exciting one, but a chaotic one. dirty walls and destruction followed her wherever she went. a bit of a hurricane of a girl, even then. roxanne discovered her love for quidditch at a young age, too, and how couldn’t she? it was in her blood and all around her and there was something bloody magical about flying.

a love for people and laughter and loving people was also discovered. roxanne grew up in a warm environment and had plenty of reasons to love the people she loved, even if she needed none. there was, of course, tragedy in her blood too, an awareness that there’s horrible things in this world --- an awareness that she buried as soon as she was able to.

upon arrival at hogwarts, the hat took a while to decide between gryffindor and ravenclaw but went with the latter, in the end. was roxanne disappointed? a bit, maybe. she would have liked to be sorted into the same house as her parents and brother and a lot of her family but the hat had made some solid points and heck, she wouldnt be roxanne if she looked at ravenclaw as a challenge.

was eventually sorted in ravenclaw because her mind, in the end, is her motivator. she might be a very physically active and present person, but she thinks. a lot. about everything. ( with an exception for moments where she acts on impulse. ) roxanne is a very bright individual, to be honest --- she’s able to be booksmart and she likes learning. she likes challenging herself. above all, she just has a Very open mind and is always looking to broaden it.

is a whirlwind. roxanne joined and dropped clubs like no other, switched favourite subject every month, delved into odd sections of the library to become an expert on rare subjects ... it was a lot. her grades suffered under it, too --- roxanne might be a loyal person, but she’s damn flighty. there were, of course, passions that she stuck with. quidditch, of course, but also justice. roxanne, as a queer woman of colour, has always felt very passionately for human rights issues and knows shit about it too. always down for a debate over lunch. getting on the quidditch team was one of the best days of her damn life. getting the quidditch badge later on was an even better day. roxanne loves the sport so much, wants to go pro once she’s graduated, is crazy competitive. she’s a gay jock. another cliché character by mar learned eventually how to focus and keep her grades up, but she does have trouble motivating herself for things that dont interest her. she’s just not an academic. she likes learning, loves it actually --- but hates the way she has to do it at school. hates it. she’s still working hard to get good grades, of course, because she gets that that’s part of life but she just really... wishes it wasnt. [ death, murder tw  so life was going pretty good and then her uncle was murdered and everything went to shit like that. and--- here’s roxanne’s question: how in the living hell do you deal with that? she doesn’t know, that’s for sure. she knows that she’s angry. that she’s absolutely livid and not sure what to do with the grief in her chest because damn it, that’s not her thing, not at all. she’s sickened with worry. she mostly is enraged at the world and that this is happening and that people can be like this. end of tw ]

so joining the DA was something roxanne didn’t even think about. she just did it. her studies, once again, have taken a backseat while she pushes all her energy into the DA and the team, as that functions as something ... as close as therapeutic as she can get, i suppose. leading her team, searching that snitch, hoping to win, win, win --- all things that in the grand scheme of things dont matter but do make it easier to deal.

roxanne ... she’s a lot. she’s a fucking lot. she’s a mess. 

personality & rambling

roxanne does NOTHING half heartedly; she either commits fully or doesn’t do something at all. she doesn’t do half-assing, doesn’t believe in it — this got her in a fair amount of trouble at hogwarts (handing in 10/10 homework or ,,, not doing it or barely doing it) and she knows it’s a bad attitude to have, deep down. not that she’s admitted that to herself yet, though. things have been put in perspective now, though. it’s clear that there’s no room for just doing what she wants to do and what she feels like, so she’s ... improving ( and yet completely abandoning her studies lmao )

when roxanne is passionate about something, she goes on about it for a long time. loves ranting about topics that drive her, is very vocal of her views and thoughts and hardly shuts up about it. can be condescending, at times; roxanne believes she’s always right, has little humility to her — she often doesn’t try to put herself in other people’s shoes, thinks that anyone who disagrees is simply wrong. it’s a thinking pattern she’s trying to shake, but alas; it’s easier said than done.

this is also a way for her to cope with her insecurities, tbh; she puts others down in her head so she can lift herself up. unhealthy!!! yikes! it’s something she’s pretty unaware of.

i mean, roxanne is, deep down, very fucking insecure. she has this surname that’s got a bit of fame to it and she has such high ideals for everyone around her including herself. especially for herself. her confidence is not completely feigned, i think part of it is definitely real, but part of it is definitely a mask

roxanne LOVES music. she’s into everything that either is a jam, old classic rock or has a damn good message. she’s v passionate abt it. her spotify? gold. she’s also a good singer! this video is literally roxanne im sorry aisha dee move over! honestly if she had mroe time she would try and get into music bc she would love that but yeno quidditch is the name of the game (someone show her hsm and show her that u can do both)

she’s so competitive someone please stop her from fighting everyone over quidditch

uh she’s just very... much. she’s outgoing and loud and dramatic and her emotions are like! all over the place! and change very easily! she thinks she’s a lot herself too tbh she’s constantly exhausted from herself which i think is valid and relatable on a personal lvl for me. 

possible plots

friendos roxanne loves ppl and loving ppl so let’s go and have some FRIENDS up in this building. couldve met through family things, in the library, on the pitch, in dueling club, in any other club that roxanne was in for a short amount of time, etc etc etc. roxanne is fairly easy to place at hogwarts bc she’s everywhere

quidditch competition just give me all the plots if you have a fellow quidditch pal because roxanne is ready to fight to the death for that cup!!

dumbledore’s army bros people that roxanne got to know better through the da would be v interesting because it’s a ??? weird base for a friendship or dynamic ( i mean, a tough one. like ... we’re buds because we’re fighting for a cause whihc we shouldnt even be fighting for bc the world shouldnt be like this )

idk roxanne is literally so all over the place, if your character is at hogwarts im sure we can plot something??? enemies, shenanigan pals, exes, study buddies, etc etc etc

[lolainslackss]

tagged by @jsteneil & @annawrites <3

Rules: Go to your works page, expand all the filters, and answer all of the following questions!

1. What’s your first and second most common work ratings? ◦Teen And Up (17) ◦General (5)

2. What’s your most common archive warning? Least common? Do you consider yourself an adventurous writer? ◦No Archive Warnings Apply (22) is the most common ◦Major Character Death (1) is the least common

I try to experiment with style/genre so ehhhh I guess? I tend to overthink what i’m creating/posting tho, so maybe that curbs how adventurous I am

3. How many fics have you written in each relationship category? Is this more accidental, or do you have preferences? ◦M/M (26) ◦Gen (8) ◦F/F (2) ◦F/M (1)

like anna said, I think this is just bc my current OTP is m/m. before writing for aftg, I wrote for a fandom where all my fics were f/m. just depends what i’m drawn to, I guess!

4. What are your top 4 fandoms by numbers? Are you still active in any of them, and do you tend to migrate a lot? ◦All For The Game - Nora Sakavic (27)

lmao any other fandoms I've written for i’m no longer active in and the fics are attached to one of my three ff.net accounts

5. What are your top 4 character tags? Does this match how you feel about the characters, or are you puzzled? ◦Nicky Hemmick (10) ◦Kevin Day (8) ◦Aaron Minyard (7) ◦Neil Josten (5)

hahaha again, like anna said, this is v. misleading bc i usually don’t tag characters if i’ve already tagged the relationship. this kinda makes sense since I like to write andreil + the monsters. I thought Allison would maybe make the cut bc apart from nicky, she’s my fave to write.

Bonus, top 4 relationships tagged: ◦Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard (26) ◦Neil Josten/Jean Moreau (2) ◦Kevin Day & Neil Josten (2) ◦then a buuuunch @ one (1) fic each, including renison, nerik, katelyn/aaron, etc

andreil is life

6. What are your top 2 most used additional tags, and your bottom 2? What would happen if you combined all 4 of these into a fic?

top two are: ◦Post-Canon (9) ◦Canon-Typical Violence (5)

& bottom two are: ◦Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence (3) ◦Porn with Feelings (3)

and these would make a terrible combo?!

7. How many WIPs do you have currently running on AO3? Any you don’t plan on finishing?

one actively - the HP AU. it’s not abandoned but i’m not working on it either. I've left crush lowkey open for more bc i could potentially write more, but it’s not exactly a wip.

8. Tag people!

i tag @cosyblack & @hi-raethia & @fuzzballsheltiepants & @petalplate & anyone else who wants to

[straight-as-my-spine]

I posted 1,165 times in 2021

47 posts created (4%)

1118 posts reblogged (96%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 23.8 posts.

I added 69 tags in 2021

#reading - 15 posts

#books - 8 posts

#podcast related - 8 posts

#new episode - 6 posts

#podcast - 6 posts

#ya books - 6 posts

#atla - 5 posts

#aftg - 5 posts

#xialing - 5 posts

#one last stop - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#i watched x-men recently and the only scene i ever quote is making the gurgling noises when the senator pulls a wicked witch of the west

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

so I just watched the percy jackson movie and WHAT THE FUCK??? I had been warned by many on how bad it was but I wasn't expecting the absolute trainwreck that it was

- the stupid clicky pen is a safety hazard do you know how many times percy would have started like clicking it and stabbed himself by accident because that's what I would have done - why the fuck do all the gods look so stupid - their hair should be longer and cooler - i saw no orange t-shirts - SEAN BEAN AS ZEUS???? - THEY FUCKING CARRIED AROUND UMA THURMAN'S HEAD FOR THE WHOLE MOVIE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK - how did the hydra see through the wall of flame it was shooting to see uma thurman's decapitated head and turn to stone it couldn't fucking see her - why can they drive - they're all like 12 how did they not get arrested - clearly the mist didn't exist bc people could see the uma thurman head and didn't think it was like a basketball or something - how the fuck did annabeth survive that with her hair down the whole time - that shit would have gotten burned off or tangled so fucking fast - OH MY GOD I FORGOT PERCY'S CABIN - AND THEY ALL ARE LIKE "OH YEAH THIS KID IS FROM POSIEDON" AND HE DOESN'T EVEN GET CLAIMED DURING CAPTURE THE FLAG - WHERE WAS CLARISSE I WANTED TO SEE PERCY GET HAZED - the stupid flying shoes battle at the end was so weird

there are more thoughts but i don't feel like writing them all out. and if i hadn't read the books and seen this movie i would have been so fucking confused

13 notes • Posted 2021-10-30 13:49:12 GMT

#4

girl help im experiencing intense wanderlust and longing for adventure and there is nowhere for it to go

18 notes • Posted 2021-10-11 01:10:46 GMT

#3

THE NEW OWL HOUSE EPISODE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AMITY DYED HER HAIR PURPLE SO MUCH MUTUAL BLUSHING AND THE FUCKING PECK ON THE CHEEK AT THE END I THINK I'M GONNA EXPLODE FROM THE GAY

18 notes • Posted 2021-07-10 14:41:09 GMT

#2

does anybody else think *my chemical youtube* whenever they see mcyt or is that just me???

21 notes • Posted 2021-06-14 19:11:35 GMT

#1

I just finished reading When Villains Rise by Rebecca Schaeffer, and I am just wowed because that was a fucking good book, and I will probably do an episode on my thoughts on the whole Market of Monsters series because I have many thoughts that I need to get out.

(and if you want to read these if you haven't yet, trigger warnings for copious amounts of graphic violence and all the fun stuff you'd get in a book about selling body parts on the internet)

38 notes • Posted 2021-06-16 22:05:06 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[deadmanzp]

aftg asks; questions by triquetrine

these are so interesting so i did all of them.. i want to come back after a year and see if id still answer the same! 

op is the post before this or also tagged “misc” 

neil josten: favorite/most iconic line?

first one that comes to mind I’m not sure is a favorite or iconic line? but it’s a line i think about a lot and it always hurts to read. it’s when they're at the cabin in TKM. 

“He didn’t care how much it hurt so long as he could pull Andrew closer, and he let Andrew take him apart until he couldn’t think anymore.”

that comes at the very end of Chapter 14 and gosh just the paragraph that line comes from and the paragraph before…. the fact neil thinks andrew doesnt care about him the way he cares/feels about andrew is like….. CMON MAN but also i just love the pining angst of it. i like this line especially because the line right before it mentions neil working his “bandaged fingers into Andrew’s hair”. so the “he didnt care how much it hurt” to me always carried a double meaning of 1. the physical pain he felt bc of his injuries but also 2. the pain of unfamiliarity abt his feelings towards andrew and thinking it was unreciprocal AND THAT HED HAVE TO “WARN” ANDREW like the implication.. of neil thinking abt their “relationship” possibly ending bc andrew doesnt feel the same and maybe wouldnt want to be entangled in whatever neil was feeling …… IM LIKE neil knows andrew so well and him being so sure abt this but hes like …. WRONG …. e

nathaniel wesninski: one thing you would change about the books? (plot, characters, etc)

there is very little id change about the books if at all. mainly bc while i know there are upsetting things that happen/the charas do, i think all of those things make the series really interesting to analyze and talk about. i will say a moment i hated was when neil touches andrews scars when andrew makes it clear he doesn't want neil to pry about them. i know neil offers his scars in turn when he's trying to convince andrew to let neil look over kevin but that was controlled. he let andrew touch them and find out about them of his own volition. neil touches something directly related to the trauma andrew had just experienced again when he had 0 permission to do so. while i always get mad at neil for this when i read it i still dont think id change it or get rid of it. im not really sure how id change it anyways and i think andrews relationship with his scars (and himself in general) is probably what allows him to brush it off(?)/never bring this up (plus maybe neil offering his scars was enough for andrew) but i havent thought too hard about this. but ya i remember i got rlly angry w neil the first time i read this scene and i still get mad abt it when i reread.

andrew minyard: if you could be friends with one of the characters, who would you pick?

i mean realistically i wouldnt be friends w jocks ILL BE REAL LOL and i think as much as i love the monsters, theres no way id be friends w them haha uhm but prob dan would be most realistic! maybe even katelyn tbh.. 

kevin day: if you played exy, what would your position be?

oh i think dealer! in sports i liked being able to do both defense and offense bc it made me feel i had more control over the field, like i could always do something if there were any holes

dan wilds: favorite moment/scene?

definitely the hotel reunion scene. theres so much to it; it drives me nuts!!!!! but honestly there are probably a lot of really good moments im forgetting. to me the whole series is really enjoyable and every scene has something i could say about it haha

matt boyd: song you would love to see in a live-action adaptation?

Oggghh this is so hard… esp since it takes place in 2007???? Idk.. iconic artists then i suppose ghfgkjhf BUT i think general vibes i think itd be so cool if paramore (time relevant), ptv (also time relevant), and mitski were on the soundtrack……. Ya…….. 

nicky hemmick: which made you more emotional, neil at evermore or neil in baltimore?

neil in baltimore for sure… neil at evermore i can't remember what i felt the first time i read it (maybe pain LOL bc he was doing it for andrew and i felt like riko wouldnt keep his promise) but in my latest reread i was unimpressed by it (mostly bc i think riko is boring and unimpressive). i think i mightve said evermore in the past though….. maybe... neil in baltimore is like … GOD neils emotions are so strong during all of that its really juicy haha. i think like him being angry bc he was on the cusp of having everything he couldve ever dreamed of; the desperation of wanting to fight back and get away; even just the fear of being in the same room as his father for the first time in so long... all really juicy 

aaron minyard: a character you will defend to your death?

defend…. im not sure is the word i would use and i dont think i really believe in defending any of these charas “to death” bc of how flawed and complex they are; id like to acknowledge when they did wrong. i think id “defend” any of the characters if i saw anyone misinterpreting or misunderstanding them.. theyre all really interesting even if they didnt get too much spotlight. except maybe riko. hes incredibly boring to me. and also nathan ig and any of his crew just bc there is Nothing abt them rlly...

katelyn: which minor character do you wish you could see more of?

uhhhmmmmmmmm hmmmmmm….. idk maybe… jeremy…. gjfjgkdngmdghs just bc him and kevin r so funny.. i was thinking maybe jean too but…… idk a diff kind of kevin relationship lol (yikes) (pain) but really im satisfied w jeans screen time. i think ichirou is interesting but again i think he didn't rlly need more. maybe erik actually. im interested to know what nicky is like with him :0

allison reynolds: favorite headcanon about the foxes?

actually something i recently thought abt was neil and photography. iirc? andrew gives neil a camera in the ec and i also imagine kevin eventually gets another camera too (i loved that detail when we saw his room at the nest) so i thought abt neil and kevin sharing/trading pics they take of (mainly) scenery. i imagine neil takes pics of anything he wants to remember/keep while kevin is more prone to taking pics of subjects related to some nerd history stuff (lol) so thats why they trade scenery pics mainly. but i like this small connection bc i want more to their relationship than their exy obsession and i imagine they have room for more now that riko is gone and i just like this other commonality btwn them. i think maybe they mail the developed pics to each other maybe w small descripts/notes but thats it. and i also imagine it kind of just is something that started happening.. neil and andrew r on a roadtrip and some building reminds neil of kevin so he snaps a pic and eventually sends it to kevin w some note. kevin replies 1. either a text being like that is nothing. > neil: shrugs brushes it off but figures he is welcome to send more when kevin sends his own picture back or 2. kevin simply replies back similarly w his own photo. i dont know.. maybe this goes beyond what their actual relationship would be like but i do like the idea of them just bein like… dude friends u know so i want them to have more than just exy and a traumatizing experience between them. 

as for common headcanons within the fanbase…. i do like the allison + neil haircuts thing.. although im not sure if i imagine it the same as most haha i feel neil would know how to cut his own hair from his life on the run (though theyre not Good or bad just like ok u know like passable generic w/e) i think hed definitely be tense the first couple times but he has experience w allison being close from needing to be covered up w make up after winter break so i think she would be allowed. 

renee walker: favorite non-canonical ship? (renison, jerejean, etc)

uhmm to be honest none really… im way too attached to canon to be able to dismiss any established relationships. i think kevemy (??? is that the name) is rlly amusing but i dont want them together necessarily haha i used to rlly like renison mainly bc im a lesbian and i want “main” chara wlw relationships lol but i recently read something abt how bi allison doesnt rlly sit well w some bc she outs andrew and neil during the hotel scene.. i also agree this is kinda :/ if she was bi Mainly bc i feel a lot of ppl (or at least this is what i gather from renison stuff ive seen) portray allison already being established bi? if this makes sense. i think if renison/allison realizing shes bi is a later development id feel better abt it but usually renison is already established so ya her outing them does bother me…. BUT aside from this, thinking about them as characters and what their partners (would) look like… im not sure if theyd rlly choose each other.. but i still enjoy seeing them together in art and in fic bc in the end…. im a sucker for women lol….

seth gordon: most underrated dynamic? (matt & neil, wymack & andrew, etc)

my first thought was wymack and andrew bc i rlllllyy like their dynamic especially after reading their ec stuff. i loved their first meeting (andrews terrible sandwich??!?fhdhfjd) and when andrew breaks into wymacks apartment BUT i think ppl mention them enough its not underrated. i Actually think renee and andrews dynamic/friendship is rlly underrated/overlooked!!! especially after reading the son nefes ec i love their dynamic a lot… 

some son nefes moments of them i liked:  tw // rape

renee convincing andrew to go with her to see matt after his trip to edens

how many knives do u carry / one more than u IS SO FUNNY and just andrews persistence abt fighting renee is also rlly funny to me

tw // rape : the moment when andrew asks renee if she killed her rapist/abuser that whole convo was good… 

their convo in the rain w their tea

i cant remember when this happens or rlly exaclty what was said but renee offers andrew something (some help??) and he says i dont need (w/e it was) and she says something along the lines of  i know but it wouldnt do any harm or SOMETHING like that.. i like this bc she acknowledges their abilities while showing shed still like to offer some help. im p sure she does this another time too (w neil???? or someone i cant remember maybe it was andrew again) and i remember liking it too. she has a way w words and talking (also seen in her convincing andrew to see matt)

BUT regardless of ec stuff i think their relationship/dynamic seen in the books is rlly good too. theres def enough to be intrigued by them and i always have been? so i'm reeeaallly happy son nefes exists i loved reading it..

david wymack: which ncaa team would you play for?

oh to be honest i dont rlly remember many of them but of the Three (ravens, foxes, trojans) prob trojans. i remember i even got them in a uquiz once… 

abby winfield: which character was the most realistically written?

first that came to mind was aaron actually.. i remember before when i didnt rlly like him or care abt him it was actually bc he was too “boring” to me. i always thought he had the most realistic reactions to things which is what made him boring to me amidst the ridiculousness of, well, everything in aftg lol… i still think he is really realistically written but now i dont think hes boring haha

besty dobson: how many times have you read the series?

fully i think…. only 3 times… i wish this were a higher count but i actually feel guilty everytime i try to reread it.

riko moriyama: coolest exy moment? (kevin’s last-minute point against the ravens, andrew shutting down the goal, etc)

uhhmm uhmm i def think kevin during the final game against the ravens…. hes so cool haha but i KNOW there were a lot of game moments that i thought were really cool so i cant rlly say…. oh also i love neil being defense in that game too rlly juicy wish i could pull up obscure moments bc i know i rlly enjoyed reading the games but terrible memory...

jeremy knox: which do you like reading more, domestic!foxes or chaotic!foxes?

uh i guess chaotic? not rlly sure exactly what that could entail but i do like… their chaos.. when they have fights and squabbles and stuff… this includes the high tension moments. ALTHOUGH i do like the tiny lines in the books when we see the monsters just doing like random basic everyday life stuff like playing video games or whatever. i like…. imagining them... fhdjfjshfjs… as for fic def chaos. i feel domestic is usually too softened….. 

jean moreau: favorite friendship?

oh i think this goes back to andrew and renee. but other than them… i do like neil and matts friendship.. though probably not the same as its typically portrayed 

[foxesrefuge]

your were tagged ;D What do you think of Riko as a character inside the books? (no HCs) / Any fave HCs you want to share? / Any pairings/ships you like with him? / fic recs? / art recs? / Kevin&Riko - do they have/had feelings for each other? / Thoughts on his finale scene? / Did you read Nora's extra content? // tag other bloggers you think have something interesting to say about him! (maybe someone we don't know yet??) #Thoughts on Riko Moriyama

HOO boi XD here comes the trainwreck.First of..all thank you @c-valentino for tagging me and…. making me uh ..work and think on my own (sobs) haha *nervous laughter (noreally tho, thank you, целую!!)I probably won’tcome up with super new or hyper interesting stuff and… actually, Icould just link CVal’s whole post here……………………but okay here wego, then!!Ugh, I guess I have to out myself now real quickbefore we dive in: I was always kinda very interested in the ‘BadGuys’. No matter what, I’d try to find out more about them, try tofigure out how their twisted brains work and why their Morales werealways a bit questionable, which doesn’t necessarily mean I’m okaywith whatever they’re doing or understand and support their actions(hell fucking nooo).I’m just finding it super interesting tothink and sometimes even talk about.

Now, since that’s settled:I think Riko is justas interesting as our MC’s, if not one of the most interestingcharacters, and maybe also one of the most tragic ones (imo). I don’treally think you get this impression after reading the series for thefirst time, though. He seems super flat and not interesting enough inthe books. I wouldn’t have given him a second thought if I didn’t getthe chance to read the extra content.

Which leads me now to my actually toughts on Riko, based  onextra Content and HC’s:The way Riko sees the world isobviously reeeally different from how our MC’s view the world,which is quite,.. understandable, regarding where he comes from, howhe was raised and trained and what he went through (bc hooo boi,that’s not a life I wanna live). This guy knows he’s the son ofExy, obviously The Number One and the actual King of the court. Thereshould be no way anyone could have the power or strength to outpacehim (oh and Riko is going to make sure of that). He is a Moriyama andthinks of his players as his property, he basically gets what hewants and who he wants. Sounds like a pleasant life, right? But Idon’t think he had one. He is living with this pressure form“above’, knowing that he always ‘has to be’ The Best of them all. Hehas to deliver otherwise he would be no use and therefore not worthkeeping in the nest, on the court and alive. I always picturedhim feeling the pressure and weirdly enough people tend to forgetthat Riko is not a robot… because being pressured like that,knowing you have to be THE BEST all the time, no matter what .. thatreally really really fucks with you and your brain. He isprobably under constant stress, giving more than just his best ,whichhe also expects from his players. There is no space for compassion,no place for weakness, nor failure. His live is Exy and there isnothing else than Exy keeping him alive. It’s his past, hispresent and his future for the rest of his life. His mentalbreakdowns always turn into violent outbursts because that boy can’treally cope with the mess in his head (probably not even aware ofthat) He never learned how to control his anger or himself. Why wouldhe? He is King, a Moriyama, he is the one controlling. So yeah, youbasically don’t want to be near him when he’s having his moments. Hisruthlessness makes him go overboard at times. A lot of times.He’salso never at fault. No matter what he does because.. what the hell??Such a concept doesn’t even exist. So how in the world is Rikoa tragic character, when we just settled that he’s nothing but anabsolute ruthless monster with no restrains???!!

Lemme explain ok. Riko was born into this world of Exy, Thesecond son, not the first(!!), growing up and having those insaneexpectations to life up to –  he would be a worthless piecenothing, not needed on the court. He had Kevin, the brother who wasalways by his side, on and off court; his number 2, his property,*his*. Riko doesn’t know how to treat people right though,doesn’t know the concept of actual friendship, It’s always just Exyand Exy and Exy, there is no time for friendship. I also believethat he deep down feared for his life, he just wasn’t aware of thatbecause his brain was too occupied with getting better.One of myHC’s is that: he was super restless the whole damn time, not able tocalm down, constantly under pressure.He basically barely slept.How is there time for sleep, when you can use that precious time ondrills?It wrecks him. The nest destroyed a perfectly fineboy, gave him the chance to basically develop this crazy god complexand also turning him into this Exy monster. And most of the time hewasn’t even aware of his problems because there is just no time andspace for that shit.

Now what happens if one suddenly takes away his Exy? Welp,there’d be nothing left of this fucked up guy. He is a mess, abroken soul, not good enough to be alive.He has nothing, not evenhimself because he was sold to the court and owned by the court.There are many many many demons living in his ribcage, twistinghis brain in the worst ways. I’m not even sure if he’d be able tolive a normal human life outside the nest, without being able to feelanything besides the need to do better and better and better. It madehim mad to the point of no return … so yeah uh .. don’t you thinkthat’s kinda tragic??

Fave HC’s: Mhh, I uh … you know what?

basicallyeverything CVal came up with and mentioned  in her post

…..…..(did u think I was joking, Val?)

Riko with freckles, I dig that!!

Riko playing an instrument.. preferably the piano (ok listen, just the picture of Riko, in a black suit … sitting in front of a piano…no?just me?ok)

Riko being an amazing swimmer

Also some Au’s

Riko and Ichirou → actually interacting with each other (Onii-san,y'all I’m chokiNG ( maybe some kind of Uchiha-Verse or something like that, why not? I dig it))

Fox!Riko ( @bvccvrdi  thank you for this and @shihoran for destroying me and my emotions daily w this)

Pairings/Ships and Feelings:

Riko/Kevin clearly. There is no doubt.

Especially after reading the extra content and old drafts.Thesetwo were boyfriends. Their relationship was hella unhealthy and probsreally violent but  … they just can’t live without each other(I mean can u imagine how obsessed Riko had been with Kev?? He wasHIS, okay? His and ooonly his.He didn’t even touch Kevin’s side of the room after all this time,can u imagine??). They were rivals for sure .. but .. they were alsoabsolutely obsessed w each other.I currently ship them likenothing else. Too invested. Even though I’m more than just conflictedabout this but I just cannot help it.

Thoughts on his final scene:….I have to admit thatI’m super unhappy with how the AFTG series ended. I’m glad to have ahappy end, couldn’t be more great full but everything feels so rushedand off. And I think it’s all due to Riko’s super quick death.Everything happened way too fast, I actually hate that he died, orspecifically how fast and easy that happened. It just didn’t fit atall, in my opinion.

Art Recs:

Give @shihoran a follow and you’ll be well supplied!!

And here are some other amazing pieces:

I ♔

II ♕

III ♖

IV ♗

V ♘

VI ♙

VII ♚

VIII ♛

IX ♜

X ♝

XI ♞

Fic Recs:

 I haven’t really read that many, mainly because I know there aren’t that many. But here are a few I really liked

♥       what if i did    MadHatterNO7

♠      Meant to be mine    shihoran

♣       bvccardi’s Fox!Riko

I also know @c-valentino is working on something reeeeally really nice, y’all. So You better stay tuned, pumped and hyped!!! because I suRE AF AM!!!!

Everyone I’d love to hear from was already tagged, I believe. But whatevs, I’m going to mention y’all again. Feel free to ignore tho:

@shihoran​ @viviena​ @still-waiting-for-godot​ @bvccvrdi​ @ziegenkind​ @mochis-mullet

[bloody-wonder]

just some thoughts on aftg, aspec rep & acephobia

so last weekend i went to my first pride and it’s strange to think that i wouldn’t be here now, identifying as queer and understanding much more about myself, without aftg. i mean, i guess i would’ve found out about the ace spectrum sooner or later but i don’t think i’d have realized i’m on it if i hadn’t met neil and experienced this story through his pov. which is why in this post i want to address the so-called acephobic scenes in aftg and how they factor into aftg as a book with aspec rep.

the scenes in question are basically some casual comments made by aftg characters about neil’s love life (or rather absence thereof), most notably nicky repeatedly refusing to acknowledge that neil doesn’t “swing”. i don’t want to list them all bc i’ve seen other people do it already, and although these fans are doing the lord’s educational work out there, in all the instances when i’ve seen these posts they seem to imply that aftg is acephobic either for featuring these comments in the first place or for not having the characters who made them explicitly called out by the story. this made me think about why i wouldn’t prefer it any other way.

so the first argument i just want to dismiss out of hand bc it’s kinda childish - having x-phobic statements in a book doesn’t automatically make this book x-phobic. besides, nora is aroace and although people can have internalized phobias of their own identites i don’t think that’s the case here. moving on to the second argument which is “you’re only allowed to have x-phobic comments in your book if the narrative explicitly frames them as wrong, for example by having the characters who made them be punished or learn to do better”. i can see where this one is coming from and yet it still reminds me of a first grader picture book storytelling formula. 

when i read aftg for the first time, even without knowing anything about the ace spectrum i still perceived these comments as wrong. during subsequent re-reads, after a bit of research and self-discovery, i undetstood why exactly they seemed wrong to me but i’ve only ever felt good about them being there bc they showcase vividly what it feels like to be subjected to casual acephobia in day-to-day life. and it has never even occured to me that these scenes might be harmful on the meta-level just bc the story doesn’t draw out attention to them and say “kids don’t do this, this is wrong” in a stern voice.

however, i do understant that the purpose of these lines can go over many (most?) readers’ heads or be misconstrued by them - just bc they aren’t in the know about the ace agenda. that’s why i think it’s important to write fandom meta about them. no one can know everything all the time and it’s okay to rely on other more knowledgeable people for additional information. but the question is, should this educational work instead be done by the book itself? is it a moral obligation of authors to put disclaimers before any potentially controversial scene lest some readers think the book normalizes problematic behaviours? does aftg normalize acephobia bc at no point in the story do the foxes learn about asexuality and apologize to neil? i guess you can tell from my tone that i believe the answers are no, no and no. but that’s only bc, for better or for worse, i have faith in human intellect and critical thinking skills.

since i started identifying as aroace, i’ve read several other books with aspec rep. one thing some of them have in common - with each other but not with aftg - is that labels are used on page, typically in conversations where the aspec character has to explain to the others what all of this means using phrases like “oh it’s when you don’t feel sexual attraction to any person of any gender”. and i don’t want to criticize these books or imply in any way that they do aspec rep wrong, to each their own, but i must confess, when i imagine myself from two years ago reading such a book with an ace character who feels more like a wikipedia entry, i just go hmm,, okay ://

by contrast, with neil you don’t know that he’s on the ace spectrum unless you know. neither the characters nor the readers are owed an explanation or a label by him. neil just exists, he lives out his identity, his aceness is in everything he is and does - and you either get it or you don’t. it’s like an inside joke, the kind that would only be spoiled by explaining it. 

[bloody-wonder]

heyyy okay so I just saw a post where people basically called the fandom out for ignoring the fact that Andrew is “abusive as fuck” to the other monsters while still bashing seth and aaron for their homophobia and I just uhhh- I would really like to hear your thoughts on this pls? Cus while I can definitely see how andrews relationship with them is not at all normal or healthy in many ways, I don’t really feel like abusive is the right word for it, is that just me?

firstly, while we’re on this topic i’d like to say a couple of words about the aaron discourse that seems to be back in fashion.

in fandoms we have this interesting desire to rank *problematic* behaviors in order of their graveness and then act as if this ranking is objective for all people everywhere. this is where the “you hate aaron bc he’s homophobic? well your fave actually killed a person so“ argument comes from. while there’s logic to the idea that being murdered is worse than being called a slur, for people who experience homophobia irl on a daily basis a fictional murder will never be as upsetting as fictional homophobia. conversely, other fans who don’t fall into this category but might relate to aaron for different reasons (bc he happens to be a well-rounded character) are confused by how he’s branded as the worst while the other foxes (especially the monsters) are right there and feel the need to make the fandom appreciate him more by writing that kind of posts comparing his flaws and shortcomings to those of the other foxes according to the questionable but binding ranking of all sins. and round and round the discourse goes bc the latter party can’t imagine how for many people homophobia can take the highest rank of Problématique despite being “not as bad as murder” or whatever.

if you’re able-bodied and able-minded it’s likely that all the ableism in aftg went over your head. if you’re not queer and haven’t experienced homophobia it might be easier for you to look past it in aaron’s case and be able to appreciate him as a character despite it. if “asexual spectrum” and “amatonormativity” are terms you don’t give much thought to in your day-to-day life, you probably see nicky in a completely different light than i do. all of these things are objectively wrong but if one is worse than the other is completely subjective for each individual. there will always be people who like aaron and those who dislike him and i’m afraid no amount of discourse will drastically change their opinions.

returning to your question, a lot can be said about andrew and all the bad things he does. a lot has been said. if you’re after some good andrew bashing i feel like there are quite a few blogs out there who can provide. even in our corner of the fandom where we worship and idolize andrew joseph minyard we still discuss his flaws from time to time. the only reason we haven’t done that recently is bc according to our latest decree “andrew hasn’t done anything wrong ever and we love him and in fact he deserves more opportunities to stab people”. so the argument that andrew’s problematic behaviors don’t get discussed enough doesn’t seem true to me. but it’s not really about that, is it? it’s about not enough people liking aaron and seth and too many people liking andrew - according to op. whereas his crimes are higher (or at least as high) in the ranking of crimes - according to op. but here’s the thing - like i said all of this is very subjective, some people just like andrew despite everything and will never like aaron no matter how strong your argument in his favor is. they’re not politicians in an election campaign, they’re imaginary people who we get attached to bc they make us feel better about ourselves. but if they were politicians and the election was held on tumblr andrew would win in a landslide just bc the voters are mostly queer and andrew’s gay and aaron’s homophobic. that’s how it works.

and finally as for the word “abusive”, before i used to get mad at how people use it all too often and dilute its meaning but nowadays i’m just wondering if this is just simple etymological evolution: at first “abusive” was used to designate only the gravest kinds of mistreatment, but then people became aware of its rhetorical effect and now this word seems to mean “acts i personally find unacceptable” - which can range from more to less harmful. for the sake of intelligible discussions it would be helpful to use different words for different acts in that range, but you can’t really generate enough engagement with words like “annoying”, “offensive” or “harmful” and many users don’t really pursue intelligible discussion anyway. i personally like the word “problematic” which suits me well bc it requires futher explanation of why you perceive something as a problem and it doesn’t have the indicator of its graveness built in. however, i can also see how bc it’s been overused in the past to the point where it itself became a meme, some people can’t take it seriously anymore. “problematic” sounds like a joke so people have to call things “abusive” to be taken seriously. “abusive” is the new “problematic”. this is something i perceive as well so i often try to distance myself from the word by writing it in funny ways but i still use it bc i know no better umbrella term for things that i consider “not good” but wouldn’t go as far as to call them “abusive”.

that being said, what exactly you designate as *problematic* matters as well. for example, i would call some of andrew’s behaviors problematic bc, you know, they are a problem, but i wouldn’t call his relationship with the monsters problematic. strained, difficult, lacking communication, even “not a friendship” if you wish, but no, not problematic and certainly not abusive.

[bloody-wonder]

You know I gotta ask now for the top aftg fandom tropes that you hate

the post about fanon neil got very popular overnight and i got a bunch of new followers so let’s scare them away haha

10) when neil goes to therapy. i know he needs to but it’s very important for me that he doesn’t want to and no one forces him. he knows it works for andrew and respects his choices and andrew respects his - yet in so many fics andrew forces neil to go to therapy. it makes me uncomfortable.

9) when the foxes are depicted as way too friendly with each other. the twinyards bicker and wrestle like normal siblings. neil and allison go shopping. neil and katelyn talk about their men over a cup of coffee. like... yeah no.

8) andrew and neil hate kevin. that’s not true, they’re friends - maybe not of the matt & neil variety but still. i’ve written about them in my older posts so i won’t repeat it here but andrew and neil LIKE kevin and they are FRIENDS. i like when they tease him about exy and stuff but there’s a line between casual and vicious teasing and it’s crossed all too often.

7) aaron learns not to be homophobic. in fics where he’s a side character it happens after another argument with nicky, neil or andrew which canon aaron would never start and by the end he apologizes and becomes “redeemed tm”. even the best post canon fic lessons in cartography has this.

6) nora said that they don’t really come out to the public and i like this very much which is why i dislike the coming out trope that is very common in minyard-josten rivalry fics. their relationship and identites are private and they don’t owe anybody any information or clarification. also i think that they wouldn’t want to come out - especially not by kissing on the court after winning a match. also, they don’t go to pride parades.

5) when neil wants to figure out his sexuality and goes to nicky for advice. this is wrong on so many levels. nicky is the last person who you’d want to discuss sex with and also he doesn’t seem like he’d know a single thing about the ace spectrum. i think neil doesn’t bother with labels but if he does then he wouldn’t be comfortable talking about his and andrew’s private stuff to anyone but andrew so if someone informs him about demisexuality it would be him. 

4) when neil tries to change andrew and how he expresses his feelings. stop saying i hate you. stop saying it’s nothing. let’s hold hands in public. let’s cuddle during movie nights. and in the fic andrew does it cause he’d do anything for neil. but i believe the condition is that neil wouldn’t make such conditions so this trope doesn’t make any sense and feels very much like the writer is self-projecting onto neil and wants to turn andrew into their ideal partner. 

3) scenarios in which andreil have to “prove” to the foxes that they’re an item. on the in-universe level it happens through pda which i hate with all my heart and on the meta level it happens through the fic structure in which one of the foxes walks in on andreil being soft and only then do they realize that andreil is legit and they’re good for each other. first of all it has this voyeuristic angle which makes me uncomfortable but secondly it reinforces the idea that a relationship is a performance and it doesn’t exist unless the audience sees it and gives good reviews. also in this scenario the foxes become stand-ins for the fans which judge how andreil is portrayed and often judge them “unhealthy” and “not valid” unless they perform some kind of amatonormative, often heteronormative dynamic. i have many feelings about this and all of them are bad.

2) andrew and neil “heal” and it completely changes their personalities. neil becomes fanon neil. andrew smiles and laughs and uses pet names. they do couples stuff like dates by candle light and pda bcs “they deserve it”. they may have lived through some bad events but it’s all in the past. now they are very normal and healed and soft and everything’s fine. fuck nora.

1) “fuck nora they say ily and marry” - this i can never accept or overlook. it’s basically what’s responsible for me becoming an aftg discourse blogger - if you look at my older posts you’ll see that that’s where my origin lies. and i still stand by everything i said, only back then i thought it’s arophobia but now i know more and think that it doesn’t necessarily have something to do with people being amatonormative - it mostly has to do with people lacking common sense and decency.