#disconnected from body

[anthropologistfromentropy]

I'm very grateful I have never become an alcoholic or drug addict like a bunch of my relatives. But I have to admit I'm definitely escaping my life and my body into stories, intellectual pursuits and just mindless scrolling, to an unhealthy degree.

I'm neglecting my basic needs, and it's holding me back, making me less productive. In general disconnected from my body, though at least not as badly as I used to. I think I'm pretty "social engagement and investigating my environment" oriented nowadays, rather than stuck in a Freeze trauma response.

I want to take better care of myself. Just not sure how to actually successfully do it.

Part of the problem is ADHD/autistic hyperfocus, which my meds only worsens. Also my brain being conditioned to be disconnected from my body through years of trauma. Probably gender dysphoria too. And probably schizoid/schizotypal traits (though that's mostly trauma stuff too).

I have tried phone alarms and they help some, but I ignore them a lot too. Especially showering, brushing teeth and exercise I procrastinate/avoid a lot. Lately struggling more with going to sleep at a reasonable time, again.

[everyonethinkstoomuch]

my singular favourite costume detail in iwtv is something bailey bass points out on her youtube channel - claudia wears fake, clip on earrings. it’s such a small detail but it adds so much to her endless physical childhood that she’s mentally outgrown. she couldn’t change it even if she wanted to - the piercings would heal. also, clip-ons hurt. she’s trying to grow up so much it hurts. it’s such a small detail but it shows just how trapped claudia was in her body and in her childhood. she’s so desperate, especially in season one, for the outside to match the inside. she could never truly become herself, she would always be pretending. she is a shadow of what she would have grown into.

[theribbajack]

"Now, the vow will be honoured, and my Lord brother's soul will return."

Radahn stans keep winning, but I personally am in Miyazaki's walls rn

[lambentumbra]

who are you in your head?

[archiepelago]

alternate surface au inspired by a few ive seen around on tumblr :3

[snoopyviktor]

thinking about this parallel .... </3

[humming-fly]

I know I've thought of a good shitpost when the premise is only funny to me and maybe three other people

[danadiadea]

apparently, Severus needs 30 whole seconds to understand that he's on fire

[the-apocalypse-is-upon-us]

are you guys seeing this shit

[randomfansstuff]

i also wanna just mention the probably most obvious metaphor in dark heir and rise. the hair lengths.

sarcean and anharion both being described as having really long hair. hair holding memories. both james and will having short cut hair. james having slightly longer hair than will since he's been aware of his circumstance for longer.

will's hair growing longer in italy, when they're close to the old palace and his past. hair holds memories.

their distance to their past being symbolised by how long their hair it.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Not really sure how to word it but just had the thought so I’ll just say that canonically, killer expressing his emotions or appearing to have any at all seems to be something considered very out of character for him by the other characters around him.

Swap fully believes Killer is “emotionless,” because he heard so from Ink or Dream—one of them—but the difference is that Swap thinks he can make Killer “feel” again and thinks that’ll help or save Killer in anyway.

Not seeming to realize that Killer, even in Stage 2, already does have emotions; he just doesn’t express them often, they’re extremely rarely ever shown outwardly or felt intensely, he’s rarely ever motivated to do anything just because of an emotion besides maybe boredom, curiosity, and fascination (such as him liking Color sm that he’s able to even identify that he does, in fact, like Color, and yet that is not enough to trust Color or the emotions Color inspires from him—potentially feeling so bored he decides to explore this feeling of “like” for Color out of curiosity) and he cannot identify or understand what emotions he’s feeling unless they’re intense enough to be noticeable and it’s happened to him before (liking toriel.)

[serpentface]

Retconned Wardi firearms- a basic handgun, a highly decorative ceremonial handgun (belonging to Faiza), and a lance-gun.

Gun tech has officially been nerfed down to hand cannons (press F) (this has been a long time coming but I'd been fallacy of sunk costs-ing myself out of retconning).

Handguns are held similarly to a shotgun, with the butt pressed into the user's shoulder, one hand gripping under the barrel, and the other free to ignite the gunpowder. These represent the most advanced firearms in contemporary usage, both in make and in their use of uniform iron projectiles built to match the gun's bore for greater range and efficiency. Lance-guns are the more basal form, usually larger and mounted with the pole held over the shoulder, and are most effectively used by two people (one to hold and aim, one to light the gunpowder).

The spread of firearms is currently mostly limited to the Eastern Inner Seaway peoples (with some additional distribution via overland trade), and actual manufacture of hand cannons and gunpowder at Significant scale is limited to the region's core powers.

The reason for this limited spread is partially due to specific elements of the technology's history. Gunpowder was first synthesized by Burri alchemists and considered to be the discovery of the legendary divine weapon + solar fire of the deity Inanariya, and its formula (along with techniques for ideally refining its components) remained a closely guarded state secret. It was used predominantly in priestly contexts to generate flame and explosive sounds (in conjunction with earlier practices of generating multicolored flames with use of other chemicals), then integrated into combustible weaponry in the forms of fire lances, which would eventually develop into early handcannons.

The treatment of gunpowder as a guarded sacred or semi-sacred substance continued with Wardi adoption, where knowledge of its making is considered a closed rite. It's name (inya tsatsul or just tsatsul, a derived adoption of the Burri iñazatsūya) still reflects a divine solar association (the Burri word means 'sun's thunder', the Wardi 'inya' invokes the sun, 'tsatsul' is an adapted loanword and has no meaning independent of the substance itself), though its priestly use is now predominantly associated with the firearm'ed Odonii (rather than priests of the solar Face Inyamache). The composition of gunpowder can no longer be regarded as a Secret by any means, though efforts to obscure the methods of its creation are still moderately successful and has kept knowledge of gunpowder manufacture more limited than the total sphere of firearm usage itself.

The actual strongest limiting factor of firearm usage is the rarity of natural saltpeter deposits necessary for making gunpowder. The practice of actively producing saltpeter via nitraries has not been developed anywhere in the setting, and all is instead obtained via natural sources. These sources are rare and limited within the current spread of firearm technology, and result in gunpowder being a limited and expensive substance to produce. The weapons themselves are also very expensive to manufacture (a good quality steel SWORD is far too material-cost prohibitive for most people to own), particularly high quality firearms designed for use with standardized ammunition.

These guns are also very basal, and logistical difficulties in their use (weight, very slow loading and firing speed, high visibility, Relatively low reach and accuracy) along with the restrictive cost of production has kept firearms far from rendering conventional weaponry, armor, and projectiles obsolete (even within the societies that have access to them). They are still, however, very devastating in use within their contemporary context, particularly in that high quality guns have a longer range than the best arrow-based projectiles, and utterly negate most contemporary forms of armor at close range.

[willyhoos]

you know for someone who loves metamy so much. i gotta say having it be fully unrequited is honestly fitting with metal's whole arc (or rather his LACK of arc)

he wants what he can't have. he's not anything or anyone, he doesn't deserve it. what would he even do with it?

"i don't think i have anything. i don't think i can have anything. i don't know how to have something." (src: 17776)

whether or not you subscribe to the roboticized metal theory, it doesn't change that metal's goals are not aligned with reality. ironically it's the robot that is unable to logically analyze his situation. he wants to be sonic but it doesn't change the fact that he isn't. he wants to win but it doesn't change the fact that he won't. his desires are narratively and morally unfulfillable because what he wants is wrong (factually and ethically.)

and so if he, in theory, wanted amy rose how could he ever actually have her?

the most she would give him is "you're more like him than i thought."

because he's Not sonic. all he can be is sufficiently Like him (sometimes). whatever metal claims he is (and honestly whatever he ACTUALLY is) is irrelevant because he can't MAKE himself sonic. he can't make himself the version of sonic that amy loves. amy loves sonic for WHAT he is (good) not what he's named. the most she could ever do is passively appreciate the traits of sonic that metal is able to imitate. emulate. simulate. fabricate.

sonic's role (in the meta story and in-universe) is so unique and treasured and irreplaceable. the only way to kick him out would be to, idk, replace him with an identical copy and put the old sonic in a lose-lose situation where he could not possibly be believed or sympathized with. or something.

say he gets "rehabilitated," rebels against eggman... you know those metamy fics. what is he then?

-> another job well done. another good deed for team sonic (y'know, the real one).

because it's not just that he's Not Sonic. (and he isn't. even if you believe he once was, he's not anymore in any way that is relevant to the narrative. the narrative, as you know, is the real sonic's pov.) it's that he's not even really a person anymore.

he's been forcibly depersonalized, dethroned, removed from his role (+ promptly replaced with something canonically better!) and isolated from any semblance of humanization. he doesn't even have a mouth. either it was taken from him or he was never given one. and we are not given any glimpse into his thoughts. (they're not important.)

like. this is a dead end. he is a dead end. there's nowhere to run.

he won't "get the girl" (pardon the term) not because he's evil not because he's not sonic but because he is not a "person" in any sense. not literally not socially not narratively not practically not really

idk. whether metal falls in love with amy genuinely, or if it's just out of jealousy/desire to want what the real sonic has/instinct to emulate the real sonic's emotions... it's doomed. he's just a ghost from a doomed timeline and everything he will ever do is destined to fail. he can't kill sonic. he can't hold amy's hand. he can't do anything but lose.

in that sense, metal "losing" amy to the real sonic (as if metal was ever even a contender, as if he was ever real enough) is just another failure in a long, long string of mostly unpleasant memories of a character who doesn't even get to go by his real name. because someone more important took it already has it.

[gothic-mothic]

how did narr even managed to survive outta there irl world before he found stanley again..? bet was confus- anyways, UR ART IS SO SILLYYY N SKOINKY /pos

CW: Panic attack, overstimulation, depersonalization, eyestrain

Begging tumblr to not send this post to the void again

Anyway, The Narrator wasn’t left alone for as long as Stanley was. He followed a familiar stream of thought to safety shortly after he arrived.

To say he was confused would be an understatement to say the least

Also thank you :]

[ruvviks]

PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.

Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.

anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

[roselade]

Ok the comic I just reblogged made me think of this but I feel like us controlling Kris ends up having at least Some good done for them, so long as ur making kind decisions. Like from what we can tell it seems like Kris isn’t the kind of person to get out of their shell very often and doesn’t have many friends outside of Asriel. They used to be friends with Noelle but they grew apart, but in every interaction we have with her in ch 2 it seems like Kris Would actually like to be friends again, maybe it’s just that they don’t know how. So in a sense having us control them and basically Force them to say and do those things they Would Actually Like To Do isn’t… like… Such a bad thing? Yeah it’s copium but I just don’t want Kris to hate me ahhhh