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miracleandplagueau · 2 years ago

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What are your thoughts on the season 5 finale?

INHALE (S5 finale spoilers, duh)

Before I start, disclaimer, I didn't watch most of the season 5 episodes in full. I mosty watched the important lore things and completely gave up on filler. That being said I didn't need to apparently, so let's just get on with it.

✦ PART I. What the actual fuck just happened.

The entire episode felt like some kind of fever dream, like it was written by a 10 year old just starting their journey with original characters, power systems and stories on general and had little idea how to tie the plots together in a satisfying way. Unless we count the mass reunion of everyone from the past whereas I hoped that the NYC and Shanghai specials were just ""fun episodes"" in the vaccum.

The whole plot of both episodes is basically Marinette is badass for 1.5 episode, but fails at recognizing that Gabriel (cough cough THE Monarch) is way beyond redemption and fucks up the entire world (not really, will be explained later)

I'll say it right now, I hate how miraculous went from a magic-focused story to ending on so many science involving plotlines. I mean, come on. He suddenly got himself a laser to turn the miraculouses to rings, created brand new jewelry with floating displays. It sucks, I hate it all over.

✦ PART II. Gabriel and his shenanigans

Personally, I hate the one-wish quota. No matter what happens, I've always seen it boil down to two outcomes - either the villain is stopped from making the wish and he has to be dealt with in a regular way or he succeeds in making the wish and faces no consequences in the end because the world has changed so much

It's the latter with Gabriel, but at the same time not exactly. He succeeded in making the wish, bailed on everyone and get this - he not only got what he wanted, he also got away with it scot free. No, I don't care If he was trying to do the "good" thing by bringing back his dead wife because he loved her. He did horrible, horrible things to get to that. I'll tackle the lack of consequences a bit later on.

✦ PART III. After-wish consequences

HA what the fuck am I saying, CONSEQUENCES? IN MIRACULOUS LADYBUG? That's fucking hilarious. Apparently, not only Marinette doesn't have to worry about being called out, because Gabriel put n the earrings and suddenly he's the most lucky bastard in the universe. Spoiler alert: that's not how it works.

During the scenes that showcased how Emily and Nathalie are alive, how his house is no longer grim and is instead filled with life and roses and bushes. It was nice, It really was.... visually. It's one to look at it and think "yeah, that's a nice finale" and other to look at it while knowing the context.

Oh and by the way, Emilie. So happy we got to see her.... for 5 seconds without counting the video. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOTIVATION FOR GABRIEL TO REWRITE REALITY?!? I'll forever be salty about that.

Going back to the wish for a second and the outcome of making the wish,,, are you fucking serious. I thought the world was supposed to be rewritten when the wish is made, not fixed? What kind of wish did the fucker make, because clearly he brought back TWO people and nothing else seems to have changed. And do not get me with the "Oh but he sacrificed his life for the wish!!--" BULLSHIT. HE WAS AN HOUR AWAY FROM TURNING INTO DUST SMARTASS, THAT IS NOT A WORTHY SACRIFICE OF BRINGING SOMEONE FROM THE DEAD AND HEALING SOMEONE.

I'd at least enjoy it a little If he vanished. Like went poof, gone, no more Gabriel, because then the sacrifice would hold some weight. He gave up his existence so that Adrien is happy, but nooo motherfucker got a STATUE IN HIS HONOR.

Nobody took the blame for the Hawk Moth/Monarch situation either. To people of Paris he just appeared, caused chaos and destruction before fading away after GABRIEL AGRESTE SUDDENLY HAD THE POWER TO GIVE CIVILIANS WITH HIS NEW RINGS POWERS OF A HERO. Nobody found it weird? No? Just me? Okay.

✦ PART IV. Marinette more like Marynette Sue

Marinette was especially unbearable this finale. The fact that she was the only one who fought Monarch, that she's the only one that knows his identity, that she just casually got two most powerful miraculouses all for herself. It just. hurt me physically.

She thought she can be steven universe fr

✦ PART V. Can Adrien stop being a plot device FOR TWO EPISODES

I'm sorry, is this too much to ask for? Is it too much to ask for Adrien to have a part in anything here. During my watch, I can confidently say that I forgot that Adrien existed and yes I know that he's closed off in a padded room, because Gabriel wants to "keep him safe", but come ON at least give us a take away back to him seeing Gabriel on the screen, struggling with the nightmare or considering taking the whole Miraculer deal. It shouldn't be like that in the first place where the secondary main character, the second hero is left to rot while the strong female lead do everything seamlessly.

In the end, the only thing he did is kiss Marinette and take Gabriel's rings. He didn't even find out about his father being the literal Monarch, It felt so cheaped out I dunno. It could've worked If he had a bit more part in the actual fight.

✦ PART VI. Oh yeah, and about Lila's cliffhanger (and season 6 and 7)

WHO THOUGHT OF THIS BRIGHT IDEA?! (I know damn well who did)

I hate the fact that Miraculous will actually continue with Lila as the new butterfly holder. I hate the fact that she got what she wanted and that she will continue to BE there. I do not give a single fuck about Lila and I will not be watching beyond season 5 because for me, the show of Miraculous: Adventures of Ladybug and Chat Noir has ended and it has ended horrendously at that.

✦ PART VII. The little positives the finale had

I liked Bug Noir's design. VISUAL DESIGN. and the animation in Agreste's garden.

I also actually really enjoyed Tikki and Plagg's true forms and Gimmi's fun attitude. They really gave them that great look where you go "Oh yeah, these guys aren't JUST bugs and are actually something greater than a human being" and I like that a whole lot..

PART IX. Finally, final thoughts

There are so many things I still have to say about the finale like the Adrienette, other characters like Luka, Nathalie, Kagami's mother also getting away scot free (for now) and blah blah blah but I am TIRED. I'll likely talk about it in the future or just hopefully forget that it exists.

This one is rough as fuck I know but I'm just writing it as I go

In short, man, am I glad this is over. Am I glad this is over.

Thomas, get your fucking shit together, because middle schoolers write better and more consistent stories. Bringing in all your half-assly written characters to just fight a distraction of sort and having your main character face the villain all alone because she's a strong female lead is not good writing thank you for coming to my ted talk

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous lb #miraculous fanworks #miraculous #miraculous ladybug au #answered #miraculous season 5 #miraculous s5 spoilers #mlb s5 spoilers #ml season 5 finale #mlb recreation #miraculous spoilers #ml recreation spoilers #ml salt #ml writers salt #miraculous salt #thomas astruc salt

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jennastarkhasaheart · 6 months ago

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jessica jones rewatch review

so, ive just finished rewatching jessica jones because my disney+ access has ended. this will contain spoilers for the entire show.

disclaimer: i last watched it a few years ago with my mom and loved it back then, and my memory of it post season 1 was kind of blurry except for some central plot elements, and that i really disliked hogarth and trish towards the end.

so. season 1 was the best in terms of overall plot, character development, vibe, and consistency in my opinion. the best story and definitley also the best villain, kilgrave fucking slaps as a bad guy.

jessica in general is an awesome character, and has never really left my top three. i love her development, her personality, and her writing most of the time. she tries to live her life and take care of herself, but also helps the little guy when its not a wasted effort, and when she makes mistakes and ends up hurting people the reason is human error, not maliciousness or disinterest in other people, and she generally takes responsibility for her actions.

that said, sometimes her writing is lazy or just bad in order for the plot to happen, but unfortunately thats always a problem that exists.

after that, i have some thoughts. in general, i dont really see the narrative point of many of the side stories in the last two seasons. they only barely had anything to do with the main story (especially hogarths arcs), so that was kind of just exhausting to watch, because i genuinely dislike hogarth and, as i said, there kind of was no point to her scenes most of the time for the main narrative, which didnt make it better. the same is true for the sheer amount of sex scenes. in general i dont have a problem with those, but here they were just redundant in terms of plot most of the time, there were way too many of them especially with that in mind, and because of that there was no value added to the show by them. it felt more like filler, or trying to achieve the rating of the show.

what annoyed me the most was how almost every single main character on the show, with the exception of jessica, became so goddamn unlikeable. the side characters were mostly fine (costa, griffin, oscar, etc.), but trish, hogarth, and malcolm were hard to tolerate later on. thats partially due to the genre of the show and what themes are explored there, but its difficult to sympathize with the characters enough to keep watching for 13 episodes per season, when all they do is manipulate and screw each other over constantly, with almost no redeeming qualities or real consequences for their actions, and im not sure whether id call that a good writing decision. that whole situation is a toxic mess and i really hope jessica found some better people after the show ended.

beyond that obviously the female characters were all deep and complicated people, which is one of my favourite things about this show, but i also really wish that some of them werent written as assholes past season 1.

so yeah, those are my thoughts. still one of my favourite shows of all time, but man do i wish the writing had been kinder in season 2 and 3. really hope jessica will be back in daredevil born again or a future show/movie.

Edit: also im mad that oscar and the potential of a genuinely positive relationship with a good person for jessica, that was built up the entire second season, was immediatley taken away at the start of the third season.

#jessica jones #rewatch #review #jeryn hogarth #malcolm ducasse #trish walker #jj meta #jj critical

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realbeefman · 1 year ago

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Angus loyal follower here I love your posts I actually started reading hilson fic because of you even though I’ve never seen the show and I never will because once I heard Hugh lauries voice in a fancam and it was so unsexy also they filmed a lot of b roll at my school anyway Seeing your destiel post was so surprising to me please tell me more about your spn opinions I’m so curious I love discourse <3

very long answer so i’ve hidden it under a readmore for the sanity of casual dash scrollers and people who dont care

first off his american voice or his british voice? this is kind of controversial and may seem wild considering i spend a solid chunk of time thinking about what house would be like during sex but i ACTUALLY find him deeply unattractive. i’d love to have his face and wear his skin but never in my life would i consider him a sexual being. he’s too british for it. the only way british people can be sexy is if they are women this is my most political belief on foreign policy. however i do think hugh laurie’s AMERICAN voice is actually very normal and makes him very endearing to me. hilson fic is awesome but honestly!!! most hilson fic for me just does not hit the same unless u can visualize the creepiness with which house looks at wilson. it’s genuinely sickening. he talks about wilson in the softest voice. so many of the most iconic lines in the show just dont HIT the same if u dont listen to the way they’re delivered.

that is SO cool that they shot b roll at ur school though!!! honestly seems like a dream. if i knew i had walked the same halls the house film team had i think i would die. the camerawork on that show is just fucking PHENOMENAL. i could write entire essays fangirling over how they shoot certain scenes but i fear that would be chronically desperately boring

oh man my supernatural opinions… first off disclaimer i have not seen supernatural recently because i am a deeply paranoid individual and prone to delusions and when i first watched the show i genuinely convinced myself that the monsters were real so. i think my most controversial spn opinion would have to be that it’s a PSYCHOLOGICAL THREAT. have you ever met a normal supernatural fan? NOBODY HAS. BECAUSE THE SHOW DRIVES PEOPLE NUTS

other than that my opinions are pretty normal i thiunk. i actually dont have anything at all against destiel even though i am solidly on the wincestie side of fandom. i dont care for the ship and i think it sucks but OBJECTIVELY its a good ship and has strong canon support. i think my hatred comes because i have read SO many destiel fics and have yet to come across a genuinely good one that accurately portrays the characters. i dont understand why an objectively reasonable ship with strong canon support has created some of the middest fic ive ever read in my life. genuinely fascinating. it’s not even that the fic itself is not good or entertaining it just doesn’t feel anything like the actual canon dean and castiel! i have read like two genuinely entertaining destiel fics that felt realistic and BOTH were from authors who primarily write samdean so!!

other controversial spn opinions i have. the “chuck is god” stuff is by far the most entertaining late seasons retcon. objectively ridiculous but so goddamn amusing. i think season 8 and the leviathans was the peak of supernatural. by far the best season in my opinion. plotwise it was not the most believable but i strongly believe that what makes a story good is not it’s logical soundness nor it’s objective value but whether it is ENTERTAINING and COMPELLING and by god the leviathans were both of those things. what a season. also benny and dean were having sex. i loved castiel going insane. OH and i think endverse spn is overhyped both as an episode and in fanon! i did not understand what endverse referred to for so long because i couldnt comprehend that SO MANY PEOPLE could possibly by THAT fanatic over a very mid episode.

not a controversial opinion but rowena is hot. she should've been in every episode for this reason alone. last semester i set up an office meeting with my professor who looked JUST like her to shoot my shot and she literally died before the meeting could happen. i've always felt in my heart that these are related.

#ty for the ask dearest!! much to chew on and think about #house md #supernatural #ask #cw incest mention

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crehador · 1 year ago

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ive looked through your 2023 watched stuff but ive been wondering if youve said anywhere what your favourite animes of all time are ? just curious cus i want more reccs

ooh good question! i am so indecisive and so full of love for so many series that it's always been a bit of a struggle to pick out just a few absolute faves, but here are the first few that come to mind

(i'll try to keep to shorter series here)

and standard disclaimer that everything here is my opinion and my opinion only

best anime of all time: shouwa genroku rakugo shinjuu, and for me nothing even comes close

the story is told over the course of two seasons (the second being shouwa genroku rakugo shinjuu: sukeroku futabi-hen; 25 episodes total) and it is imo just an absolute masterpiece. it's a somber tale, but executed in such a masterful way. the show is centered around rakugo and rakugo performers, and felt to me like not only an incredible story but an incredible performance of the art of storytelling

i don't rewatch this one very often because it makes me so sad, but i think it's a beautiful and worthwhile sort of sadness to experience

best sports anime of all time: kaze ga tsuyoku fuiteiru (23 episodes), and once again nothing even comes close. which means a lot coming from me because i love sports anime i will watch any sports anime i love good ones i love bad ones i love them unconditionally i'm like sports anime georg so 'best sports anime' is maybe even a more significant crown than 'best anime' coming from me lmao

ahem anyway in terms of objective quality there's just nothing that beats kazetsuyo, and i highly recommend it even as a character-centric piece for people who aren't generally into sports anime. it's just that good

side note 1: while i would call kazetsuyo the 'best' sports anime, my personal favorite is eternally kurobas (though it is on the longer side)

side note 2: honorary mention to megalo box, another of my all-time favorites. it's sports + sci-fi so i typically don't count it solely as a sports anime, but i love it to bits. there is a second season that i haven't even seen yet! i've always heard the second season is even better than the first, so i've been saving it for a special day (also i'm a bit scared of it because i was so happy with the ending of the first season that i'm kinda like resistant to change lol)

best anime i can't tell you anything about: so generally i'm of the belief that spoilers don't ruin much for me, if something is done well then it's done well even if i know it's coming. that said, there are a handful of series where i am so glad i went in knowing nothing, so that every twist and turn caught me completely unawares

and the top two i would recommend in this category are samurai flamenco (22 episodes) and sarazanmai (11 episodes)

definitely do look up trigger warnings if you've a need for them! but otherwise, going in knowing nothing really heightened the experience of these for me

they are... strange, and amazing

this is getting long so i'll just dump a bunch of favorites in a list below (some are Great, some are decidedly Not Great but Very Fun and beloved to me lol, and all are 25 episodes or less)

feel free to ask for details if you'd like to hear more about any of these, or if you'd like recs in any specific genres!

acca: 13-ku kansatsu-ka, appare-ranman!, baccano!, barakamon, cool doji danshi, dorohedoro, fantasy bishoujo juniku oji-san to, gankutsuou, gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun, houseki no kuni, ikebukuro west gate park, kimi to boku, kuragehime, paripi koumei, sabikui bisco, tiger & bunny (and its distant cousin double decker! doug & kirill), uchouten kazoku, wotaku ni koi wa muzukashii, yojuhan shinwa taikei, yuru camp

side note 3: just realized tiger & bunny is actually no longer under 25 episodes because we got a second season after like ten years lmao BUT i couldn't bring myself to remove it because it is phenomenal

#asks #long post #sorry this got super rambly lmao #i am always talking too much about anime orz #tried to keep to shorter series here but for longer ones (over 25 eps) some favorites are:#natsume yuujinchou; 3-gatsu no lion; psycho-pass; kurobas; boueibu; jjba; gintama; idolish7; and probably more that i'm forgetting lol #basically the tl;dr of what i would rec is 1) rakugo 2) kazetsuyo 3) depends on what genres you're interested in #thank you for the ask!!

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youllneverseemerelax · 2 years ago

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not to jump in here with genuine analysis or anything (i only watched like i think two seasons of SPN like a decade ago but they were the Castiel intro seasons) but i can probably give you the acting logic behind this

disclaimer ive never seen any interviews with these dudes and dunno if they ever talked about their personal reasoning

Misha Collins was (at least at first) speaking pretty much with his “natural” voice when he was playing the human guy whose body Castiel was possessing

so the rationale for Castiel himself was almost certainly, oh, this is a noncorporeal being playing on someone else’s vocal cords, so it should sound different, possibly bizarre, and key you into something being off

theoretically this makes sense. the execution is uhhh another conversation + probably not an interesting one for anyone except actors. on a practical level tho it wasn’t a good idea, bc like you mentioned if youre going to be playing this role in a long format like a tv show you have to take into consideration how sustainable it is, both healthwise and how consistent you can be (such as not slowly becoming more and more a parody of yourself) when factoring in your own level of vocal skill

professional actors do a lot more vocal work —ie “doing voices”—than people realize, but you have to approach it in a way thats appropriate for the medium and not like, distracting

as for Ackles, he’s just not a good actor

Misha did a fake growly voice for SPN and it evolved a bit over the seasons, his real voice is pretty much what you hear in the society video

they really did just set these men loose on a set and let them do whatever huh

#supernatural for ts

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red-bat-arse · 8 years ago

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So, in the future Eliot gets old just like anyone, moves town less and less, helped along by the CIA level hacker who set up his fake IDs. One day comes a knock at the door, and it turns out to be Molly Connell, the girl he watched over during a job way back when. Molly emulated Eliot after he left, and eventually gets into a line of work similar to his. It was hard not to when she got in deep enough and actually found out who he was; when all her hard work pays off and she finds out where he is, of course she’s going to visit him. I also saw a fic where a few kids the team helped ended up becoming the next gen of Leverage Inc and Molly was the hitter, so that too.

#leverage #eliot spencer #disclaimer ive only watched two seasons #this is NOT implying romance no nope never in a million years #hes like a big bro or an uncle and thats it full stop #molly connell

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streamafterlaughter · 2 years ago

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Fundamental Differing

Chapter III: Bleed the Freak

masterlist | playlist | chapter II

summary: you continue getting used to your circumstances, staying strong willed in the fight against the one thing you want.

tags/warnings: adult themes, excessive drinking, angst, rockstar!eddie x rockstar!reader, gnc!reader, slow burn, heartbreak

a/n: am i destroying your lives with how sad these two idiots are yet? hopefully ch IV will be out much sooner, im already writing it. this one is a lot of filler but y’all need to learn what happened in the time gap somehow! Disclaimer: I do not give permission to have my work reposted on other sites. Reblogs are more than welcome, but please inform me if you find my work elsewhere unless otherwise stated. reblog to support the author!

June 1986

“Tada!” Eddie gestures to your new bed frame, shoved against the wall of a brand new trailer in Forrest Hills.

“You sure you want this? We’ve only been together for six months. What if we hate each other? What if-“

“Sh, sh. Babe, if I didn’t want this, I wouldn’t have done it. C’mon, now.” Eddie grabs your mattress from against the wall. “Help me move this?”

You grab the other corners of the mattress, heaving it onto your new frame. “Wanna try it out?” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows at you, and you make a show of rolling your eyes before shoving him onto the mattress, still without any sheets.

Present Day

Your POV

“So-“ “Um-“ You both speak at the same time.

“You can-“ “You go-“

You both laugh dryly, then fall to an awkward silence. You break it first, “Look, you shouldn’t feel like you have to talk to me, I don’t know what Steve said, but-“

“Y/n, if I didn’t want to talk, I wouldn’t.”

You nod, a little embarrassed.

“How’re you doing?” You ask him finally.

He raises an eyebrow at you, genuine confusion written on his features. “How am I doing? That’s a stupid question.” You roll your eyes. This is the most you’ve spoken to him in years, and none of it is substantial. You squirm under his glare, suddenly very aware of your shoes.

“Look, I’m not happy about it either, seeing you has brought up a lot of unwanted memories.”

“Unwanted?” You almost think he sounds hurt.

You nod, your lips pressed together. Icing Eddie out is the only way you see yourself making it through the season. “You think I wanna drag up all our dirty laundry on my first big tour? It’s not like we ended things too amicably. This shouldn’t be at the forefront of my mind right now.”

Eddie shrugs, his arms crossed over his chest. “I didn’t know you still felt so strongly.” You can’t tell if he’s putting on an act, or if he’s finally over you.

“Well, how do you feel?” You shouldn’t care. You should stop talking to him right now, actually.

He shrugs again. “Album cover kinda threw me for a loop.” He chuckles nervously.

“I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.”

Eddie snorts, but he doesn’t look amused. “How’d you imagine me finding out, then?”

“You wouldn’t have been anywhere close to me, for one. I dunno, I pictured you watching MTV or something, or seeing it at a record store and falling to your knees.” You try to joke, but he doesn’t laugh. “Something less immediate, I guess.”

“So you’ve been thinking about me?”

You groan, “I didn’t really have a choice, considering the subject matter.” Eddie looks at you, worry carved into his forehead. “You haven’t listened to it yet, huh?”

“Should I be concerned?”

It’s your turn to shrug. “Depends on how you receive it, I guess.”

“That’s not reassuring.”

You take a sip of your drink, willing it to get you drunker. “I’m not trying to reassure you. I don’t need your feelings on my conscience.” It comes out harsher than you intend, and Eddie winces at your words. You don’t take them back though. The further you can push Eddie away, the better both your chances for a good tour are, you’re convinced.

“Right, well, I’m gonna go.”

You nod. “I think that’s a good idea.”

He turns, throws the door open, and saunters out of the green room. It takes everything in you not to break down.

Eddie’s POV

Ouch. Eddie isn’t sure what he expected, but he can feel his hopes crash down. His heart sinks to his stomach as he wills himself back into the crowd. No one’s around to guard him, and he lets the fans swarm like locusts, ready to eat him alive.

“Hey, HEY! Back up, move aside!” Steve comes galloping from the far side of the room, wiggling his lanky limbs between sweaty bodies as they fight to reach the tips of Eddie’s fingers, or the ends of his hair. “Eddie, man, what the fuck are you doing?! You need to tell a guard, or me, when you do this shit!” Steve’s shrieking over the screaming girls surrounding him. Eddie ignores his protests, snatching markers to sign tickets, posters, and any pieces of skin offered to him. It doesn’t fill the void in his chest, the one you’d left when you ripped his heart out, but it’s a welcome distraction. It feels good to mean something to these strangers without having to give a shit about them in return.

Just as Eddie’s thoughts are about to pull him under, Steve yanks his wrist out of the mob of people, and into a seat at the bar. “Nope, no, Eddie’s not signing things right now, you gotta go.” Steve shoos the remaining kids away, while Eddie waves at the few that catch his eyes. “Are you suicidal?” Steve sits back into his own stool. Eddie avoids the question, biting his bottom lip until he tastes blood. “Oh my god, are you suicidal? What happened?”

Instead of answering right away, Eddie waves the bartender down, and orders his fourth whiskey of the evening. The room is only slightly spinning, Eddie knows how to hold his liquor. He’d rather face the consequences tomorrow than have his mind stuck on you all night, the words that flew from your tongue and right into his heart, somehow breaking it all over again.

When she returns with his drink, Eddie hands the bartender a five, sending the busty brunette a wink. She giggles at him pathetically, leaning into Eddie to whisper in his ear. He nods his response, whispering back to her before she skips away, a shit eating grin on her face.

Steve can’t help but sit there, mouth agape, eyes wide. “What?” Eddie asks, almost innocently.

“What the hell was that?”

“She told me when she gets off, I told her she could help me get off.” Eddie shrugs. When she returns, she slides him a piece of paper with her number scribbled on it. “Thanks, darlin’. I’ll be sure to call.” He’s grown used to the attention from people, fans of not. It’s easy to get into bed with someone when there aren’t strings attached. Eddie hasn’t let himself love since losing you. On tour he chooses to fill his spare time with meaningless sex, trying his best not to picture you on top of him instead. But he’d never say that out loud, even to Steve.

Steve can read Eddie like a book, though. “That shit isn’t healthy, man. It’s not my business as your friend what you do or who you do it with, but as your Record Label Assigned Babysitter for this tour, it’s the first thing I need to watch out for.” He tries getting Eddie to look at him, but his eyes are behind him, already signaling the bartender to bring him a fifth drink. “Alright, that’s it. I’m cutting you off.” Steve yanks Eddie’s free arm as hard as he can, managing to bring him to his feet.

“C’mon, big boy, let me play a little longer.” Eddie whines, making a scene of grabbing for the counter.

Steve only rolls his eyes before tossing another three dollars onto the bar, and begins dragging Eddie back towards the dressing rooms while shielding him as best he can from the crowd.

You POV

It’s 3AM when you and Robin finally swing your hotel room door open. “That wasn’t so bad!” Robin exclaims, ripping her tight t-shirt over her head in favor of a much baggier one. You do the same, ripping your dress from your body like you’re unwrapping a christmas present. Once you’ve pulled up your shorts, you climb into your bed, facing Robin as she mirrors your position.

“It was kinda bad.” You mumble, avoiding her gaze.

Her eyes widen. “Do tell?”

You sigh, knowing this will probably all reach Steve by lunch tomorrow whether Eddie tells him or Robin. You decide there’s nothing worth dancing around it. “I talked to Eddie.” Robin’s mouth falls open, but she doesn’t interrupt. “Not for long, not really about anything. I think I might’ve been a bit mean. I told him I didn’t care how he felt about the album.”

Robin’s quiet for a second, hopefully not completely judging your character. “I think you do care. Immensely.” There’s no hint of sarcasm in her voice, she’s simply telling it like it is. And of course, she’s right. “You told me yourself, when we were writing Decay With Me, you didn’t want to hold him back from his dreams, right? So you never told him about us getting signed to Sub Pop.” It rips you apart hearing Robin’s gentle voice give you such a harsh reality check.

“I know, and I still stand by that decision. I’m sure he’s grateful for it.” It hurts to speak the words out loud, but you mean them. Eddie deserves to be the rockstar he was born to be, and you were only ever holding him back. Getting signed was an excuse to leave, but telling him that would have had him trying to make it work between you two. If you were being honest with yourself, you wanted the space from him, too. You’d wanted to find who you were outside of Eddie, beyond your relationship with him, and all you’d discovered was that you’d made a huge mistake.

Eddie’s POV

He hunches over the toilet of his hotel room, making noises he’d previously only heard in horror movies. He can usually hold his liquor, but all the whiskey combined with his conversation with you has left him drained and sick. Luckily, he has the hotel room to himself, and plans to use that to his advantage. He pulls the bartender’s number out of his pocket. When he can’t read the numbers, he tosses it in the trash.

When the room stops spinning, Eddie rises from his spot on the floor, heaving himself to his feet. He barely makes it to the bed, where he flops down onto the mattress, still fully clothed. He lands on something sharp, and rummages around in his jacket until he pulls the CD out of his pocket. Eddie inspects it again, willing himself to open it. Instead he flips it over, and reads the track list.

Decay With Me

Choke On It

Underneath Hell

Pretty Boy

Indiana

Broken Brain

Tighten Up

Skin Deep

Smell Her On You

Tinnitus

Going Home

He reads them over and over again, theorizing what they could be about before he plays the album. He’s not even sure he wants to listen, if he’s ready for the words you could’ve written about him. He’s written his own, about you, masking his feelings in analogy and imagery, but you’ve always been unafraid of saying exactly what you mean. He knows it will be the reality check he needs to really get over you, but he wants to keep his grip on the false hope for as long as he can. He shoves the album into his suitcase, willing his brain to forget about it for now.

“Up and at ‘em, big guy!” Steve barges into Eddie’s hotel room early, rousing him from another dream about you, or nightmare about the Upside Down, immediately making him aware of the intense pounding in his head. He throws his pillow over his face and groans as Steve busies opening the shades. “C’mon, man,” He yanks the comforter off of Eddie, pulling another frustrated growl from him. “You have press all day today, or did you forget that when you were drowning yourself in liquor?”

“Just give me five minutes and another whiskey, I’ll be good as new!” Eddie whines into the pillow. Steve exhales as Eddie rolls over, hands resting on his hips as he makes sure Eddie commits to standing up.

“Are you able to function?” Steve’s tone is stern, and guilt settles deeply into Eddie’s chest.

“Yeah, man. I’m good.”

“What the hell happened last night?”

“You walked me to my fuckin’ death is what happened.” Eddie spits as he enters the bathroom to splash water on his tired face.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/n wanted nothing to do with me. Told me they don’t care about,” he air quotes, “‘my feelings.’”

Steve looks at Eddie with genuine sympathy. “I’m sorry, man. They’re gonna be a lot harder to break than I thought. Just know they didn’t mean that.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I should’ve known better than to listen to you.”

“You can cry about how I’m the devil on our way to the interview, let’s go!”

“The devil would let me have another drink.” Eddie mumbles, gathering his clothes from the previous night.

“Not gonna happen!”

Your POV

The shoot for Spin Magazine is hectic, with stylists and makeup artists bustling around you like a glamorous pit crew. Right now, you’re in clothes you’d wear everyday; an oversized flannel, a Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt, a long black skirt, and big, thick boots. Despite the comfort of familiarity, the outfit is still purposefully exaggerated, but it’s nothing compared to the dress waiting for you on the rack.

You try your best not to squirm while Harley does your makeup. She’s the one friend you hadn’t lost touch with from Boston. She’d made a point of insisting on being your personal makeup artist “when you make it big.” Though you’d snorted at her words only a decade ago, you kept your promise.

Harley moves on to Robin, patting dark red eyeshadow on her eyelids. You inspect yourself in the vanity, the mirror streaked and dusty. Something turns in your stomach as your thoughts escape you. Death Dance is still a relatively small name in your scene, even since getting signed. Having all of this attention on you is something you still can’t fathom. You wanted this, you do want this, but you’re not so sure you can handle the pressure. People are constantly watching you, some even waiting for you to fail.

“Y/n?!”

“Yeah, hi, what?” You’re snapped out of your spiral before you get too stuck, knowing it’s a breakdown you’ll return to later.

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for like five minutes!” Robin waves her hand in front of your face, and you don’t even blink. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I'm great! Let’s get this show on the road!” You shrug your shoulders, shaking off the weight stuck on your back. Sylvie comes up behind you, clasping their hands on your shoulders, and you relax at their touch.

“You got this. Let’s go look sexy!”

The rest of your bandmates agree with piercing cheers, and you join them.

Eddie’s POV

“So, on your new album Freak Show, there’s a song titled Sweetheart. It’s far different from the rest of the tracks, a calming break before the climax of Severed Thumb and Wiped Clean. What influenced this mood change?”

The interviewer is a young girl, probably in college. She’s wearing a light blue blouse, buttoned all the way to the top, and a pair of white jeans. She sits across from Eddie in their dressing room, as he waits for CC to be called for their shoot. Eddie bounces his leg nervously, jonesing for a cigarette.

“Uh, well,” he laughs timidly, “Sweetheart is about someone that was once very close to me. It’s about love and loss, and a whole shit ton of heartbreak, and the one person that never made me feel like, the freak, y’know?”

The girl nods, scribbling something on her notepad. “Do you still talk to this person?” She’s not prying for explicit information, unlike plenty of interviewers Eddie’s experienced.

“That’s um, it’s complicated.” No. It isn’t. He doesn’t talk to you anymore, not on purpose. Beyond the failed conversation last night, Eddie doesn’t know if he’ll ever get to speak to you again outside of shop talk.

She moves on. “Who would you consider to be Corroded Coffin’s influences? Biggest inspirations?”

Eddie hates this question. He doesn’t try to make his music sound like anyone else’s, but originality is dead in the eyes of art, he’s learned. He humors her. “We’re all really big Metallica fans. Master of Puppets has a huge spot in my heart. Bands like Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails, and Alice in Chains were also on frequent rotation during the early stages of writing. Bleed the Freak is a masterpiece of a song.”

The interview continues, with Eddie trying his best to stay focused. He spots you walking down the hallway, past his room, dressed in a long tattered dress, your bandmates in suits of the same condition. He wonders how you must feel, being in the spotlight for real for the first time.

“Eddie, wrap it up, your turn for makeup.” Steve snaps him back to reality. Eddie sends Steve a thumbs up, and the interviewer says her goodbyes before shuffling out of the dressing room. As soon as the door closes, Eddie sends a shot of whiskey down his throat, and wills himself to continue the day.

chapter IV

taglist: @children-of-the-grave @five-bi-five @wiildflower-xxx @beebeerockknot @champagne-glamour @xxgothwhorexx @therensistance @chonkzombie @brxkenartt @sidthedollface2 @bibieddiesgf @gaysludge @eddiesguitarskills | send a message to be added🫶

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hopecorps · 2 years ago

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it's 5am and im up for no reason time for everyones favorite segment: ryan's bad opinion corner

todays episode: stranger things fandom and ficdom pet peeves and things i find silly

disclaimer: it's 5am i'm grumpy and none of these things are worth getting angry about. i don't actually get mad at people who do this stuff or write these things. in fact i love torturing myself but more than that i like to read and sometimes people take these things and make it fun or dramatic and i love drama. most of these are just silly little things. we all have them snd i know for a fact that some people's pet peeve is just like. everything ive ever written

people who can't talk about mike wheeler without making it obvious how much they hate him irrationally. especially in fic. why are you making him so antagonistic towards everyone he is so desperate to be liked. have u seen that kid. have u watched the last four seasons of stranger things

people who can't be normal about billy. real bad opinion corner type shit but like. i wish people could write or talk about him without either excusing how shitty he is OR absolving him of all that. if you make him a cartoon villain you're kind of diminishing how fucked up and racist he was in canon, like that isn't enough to make him a shitty guy and an antagonist on his own. let people explore his character without forcing them to pick between "needs to be tortured to death for his crimes on screen Or Else you're a billy apologist" and "needs to be forgiven by everyone and kiss steve at the end"

not a pet peeve just kind of a thing that makes me tilt my head a bit bc i think it's kind of silly. future fics where dustin and suzie get married... like they met before high school i love suzie so bad but like what is the chance that every single one of the kids in the show is going to be with their middle school sweetheart their entire lives. this opinion does not extend to lucas and max i hope they get married.

when people imply that eddie or robin are biphobic. biphobia exists and is complicated and can be explored in fic or whatever but when i see gay characters who are massively biphobic and only the gay characters who are massively biphobic it sure rubs me the wrong way. gay people are not biphobic by default. ESPECIALLY IF ITS LIKE

fic where steve is literally fucking eddie and eddie's like "man i cant believe hes fucking me and he's straight and doesn't like men at all" like thats not even biphobic at that point like eddie you need to be punched in the head with a blunt object you are just stupid and not in a cute way. i can't read several thousand words of that. no one would act like that even if they were biphobic

when nancy isn't annoying. make her annoying. make her abrasive and judgmental and kind of mean. but also like. don't forget that she's like very smart and helpful and caring and full of guilt and love. you think she can't be good and amazing and also a bitch? god forbid women do anything.

******* just in general but i don't want to be crucified ive already made two deeply inflammatory statements

when people don't love lucas enough. love him more. you are silly.

when you're mad about popular fanon and write an angry fic basically using the characters to make your point for you. and i totally get it. if u hate that trope u can also say hit da bricks. but i can tell how pissed off u were about this while writing and it does not make me agree with u more. in fact it's an interesting enough thought experiment that it can stand on its own and having the argument in the fic where you're basically mad at the fandom makes me less inclined to agree with you or want to keep reading. this is mainly because fic is something that is enjoyable to me when it's written out of love for an idea rather than frustration. you can always tell when the writer is annoyed and it makes it wayyy less enjoyable to read

i feel like that last one was kinda mean (or it was before i took out the particular context bc even though it's unlikely anyone will read this i dont want the person who wrote the thing im talking about to catch wind of it) so im going back to sleep i love you

last one

people who go out of their way to tell an author that their headcanon is unrealistic or their writing pisses them off or they didn't like how something played out or how someone was characterized. get over it please if you didn't like it, it wasn't for you. complain to your friends if you must, not the artist. don't make people feel like shit i'll cut off the roof of your house like wile e coyote and i AM serious about this one

#ryans bad opinion corner

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shortnotsweet · 4 years ago

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Bakudeku: A Non-Comprehensive Dissection of the Exploitation of Working Bodies, the Murder of Annoying Children, and a Rivals-to-Lovers Complex

I. Bakudeku in Canon, And Why Anti’s Need to Calm the Fuck Down

II. Power is Power: the Brain-Melting Process of Normalization and Toxic Masculinity

III. How to Kill Middle Schoolers, and Why We Should

IV. Parallels in Abuse, EnemiesRivals-to-Lovers, and the Necessity of Redemption ft. ATLA’s Zuko

V. Give it to Me Straight. It’s Homophobic.

VI. Love in Perspective, from the East v. West

VII. Stuck in the Sludge, the Past, and Season One

Disclaimer

It needs to be said that there is definitely a place for disagreement, discourse, debate, and analysis: that is a sign of an active fandom that’s heavily invested, and not inherently a bad thing at all. Considering the amount of source material we do have (from the manga, to the anime, to the movies, to the light novels, to the official art), there are going to be warring interpretations, and that’s inevitable.

I started watching and reading MHA pretty recently, and just got into the fandom. I was weary for a reason, and honestly, based on what I’ve seen, I’m still weary now. I’ve seen a lot of anti posts, and these are basically my thoughts. This entire thing is in no way comprehensive, and it’s my own opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. If I wanted to be thorough about this, I would’ve included manga panels, excerpts from the light novel, shots from the anime, links to other posts/essays/metas that have inspired this, etc. but I’m tired and not about that life right now, so, this is what it is. This is poorly organized, but maybe I’ll return to fix it.

Let’s begin.

Bakudeku in Canon, And Why Anti’s Need to Calm the Fuck Down

There are a lot of different reasons, that can be trivial as you like, to ship or not to ship two (or more) characters. It could be based purely off of character design, proximity, aversion to another ship, or hypotheticals. And I do think that it’s totally valid if someone dislikes the ship or can’t get on board with his character because to them, it does come across as abuse, and the implications make them uncomfortable or, or it just feels unhealthy. If that is your takeaway, and you are going to stick to your guns, the more power to you.

But Bakudeku’s relationship has canonically progressed to the point where it’s not the emotionally (or physically) abusive clusterfuck some people portray it to be, and it’s cheap to assume that it would be, based off of their characterizations as middle schoolers. Izuku intentionally opens the story as a naive little kid who views the lens of the Hero society through rose colored glasses and arguably wants nothing more than assimilation into that society; Bakugou is a privileged little snot who embodies the worst and most hypocritical beliefs of this system. Both of them are intentionally proven wrong. Both are brainwashed, as many little children are, by the propaganda and societal norms that they are exposed to. Both of their arcs include unlearning crucial aspects of the Hero ideology in order to become true heroes.

I will personally never simp for Bakugou because for the longest time, I couldn't help but think of him as a little kid on the playground screaming at the top of his lungs because someone else is on the swingset. He’s red in the face, there are probably veins popping out of his neck, he’s losing it. It’s easy to see why people would prefer Tododeku to Bakudeku.

Even now, seeing him differently, I still personally wouldn’t date Bakugou, especially if I had other options. Why? I probably wouldn’t want to date any of the guys who bullied me, especially because I think that schoolyard bullying, even in middle school, affected me largely in a negative way and created a lot of complexes I’m still trying to work through. I haven’t built a better relationship with them, and I’m not obligated to. Still, I associate them with the kind of soft trauma that they inflicted upon me, and while to them it was probably impersonal, to me, it was an intimate sort of attack that still affects me. That being said, that is me. Those are my personal experiences, and while they could undoubtedly influence how I interpret relationships, I do not want to project and hinder my own interpretation of Deku.

The reality is that Deku himself has an innate understanding of Bakugou that no one else does; I mention later that he seems to understand his language, implicitly, and I do stand by that. He understands what it is he’s actually trying to say, often why he’s saying it, and while others may see him as wimpy or unable to stand up for himself, that’s simply not true. Part of Deku’s characterization is that he is uncommonly observant and empathetic; I’m not denying that Bakugou caused harm or inflicted damage, but infantilizing Deku and preaching about trauma that’s not backed by canon and then assuming random people online excuse abuse is just...the leap of leaps, and an actual toxic thing to do. I’ve read fan works where Bakugou is a bully, and that’s all, and has caused an intimate degree of emotional, mental, and physical insecurity from their middle school years that prevents their relationship from changing, and that’s for the better. I’m not going to argue and say that it’s not an interesting take, or not valid, or has no basis, because it does. Its basis is the character that Bakugou was in middle school, and the person he was when he entered UA.

Not only is Bakugou — the current Bakugou, the one who has accumulated memories and experiences and development — not the same person he was at the beginning of the story, but Deku is not the same person, either. Maybe who they are fundamentally, at their core, stays the same, but at the beginning and end of any story, or even their arcs within the story, the point is that characters will undergo change, and that the reader will gain perspective.

“You wanna be a hero so bad? I’ve got a time-saving idea for you. If you think you’ll have a quirk in your next life...go take a swan dive off the roof!”

Yes. That is a horrible thing to tell someone, even if you are a child, even if you don’t understand the implications, even if you don’t mean what it is you are saying. Had someone told me that in middle school, especially given our history and the context of our interactions, I don’t know if I would ever have forgiven them.

Here’s the thing: I’m not Deku. Neither is anyone reading this. Deku is a fictional character, and everyone we know about him is extrapolated from source material, and his response to this event follows:

“Idiot! If I really jumped, you’d be charged with bullying me into suicide! Think before you speak!”

I think it’s unfair to apply our own projections as a universal rather than an interpersonal interpretation; that’s not to say that the interpretation of Bakudeku being abusive or having unbalanced power dynamics isn’t valid, or unfounded, but rather it’s not a universal interpretation, and it’s not canon. Deku is much more of a verbal thinker; in comparison, Bakugou is a visual one, at least in the format of the manga, and as such, we get various panels demonstrating his guilt, and how deep it runs. His dialogue and rapport with Deku has undeniably shifted, and it’s very clear that the way they treat each other has changed from when they were younger. Part of Bakugou’s growth is him gaining self awareness, and eventually, the strength to wield that. He knows what a fucked up little kid he was, and he carries the weight of that.

“At that moment, there were no thoughts in my head. My body just moved on its own.”

There’s a part of me that really, really disliked Bakugou going into it, partially because of what I’d seen and what I’d heard from a limited, outside perspective. I felt like Bakugou embodied the toxic masculinity (and to an extent, I still believe that) and if he won in some way, that felt like the patriarchy winning, so I couldn't help but want to muzzle and leash him before releasing him into the wild.

The reality, however, of his character in canon is that it isn’t very accurate to assume that he would be an abusive partner in the future, or that Midoryia has not forgiven him to some extent already, that the two do not care about each other or are singularly important, that they respect each other, or that the narrative has forgotten any of this.

Don’t mistake me for a Bakugou simp or apologist. I’m not, but while I definitely could also see Tododeku (and I have a soft spot for them, too, their dynamic is totally different and unique, and Todoroki is arguably treated as the tritagonist) and I’m ambivalent about Izuocha (which is written as cannoncially romantic) I do believe that canonically, Bakugou and Deku are framed as soulmates/character foils, Sasuke + Naruto, Kageyama + Hinata style. Their relationship is arguably the focus of the series. That’s not to undermine the importance or impact of Deku’s relationships with other characters, and theirs with him, but in terms of which one takes priority, and which one this all hinges on?

The manga is about a lot of things, yes, but if it were to be distilled into one relationship, buckle up, because it’s the Bakudeku show.

Power is Power: the Brain-Melting Process of Normalization and Toxic Masculinity

One of the ways in which the biopolitical prioritization of Quirks is exemplified within Hero society is through Quirk marriages. Endeavor partially rationalizes the abuse of his family through the creation of a child with the perfect quirk, a child who can be molded into the perfect Hero. People with powerful, or useful abilities, are ranked high on the hierarchy of power and privilege, and with a powerful ability, the more opportunities and avenues for success are available to them.

For the most part, Bakugou is a super spoiled, privileged little rich kid who is born talented but is enabled for his aggressive behavior and, as a child, cannot move past his many internalized complexes, treats his peers like shit, and gets away with it because the hero society he lives in either has this “boys will be boys” mentality, or it’s an example of the way that power, or Power, is systematically prioritized in this society. The hero system enables and fosters abusers, people who want power and publicity, and people who are genetically predisposed to have advantages over others. There are plenty of good people who believe in and participate in this system, who want to be good, and who do good, but that doesn’t change the way that the hero society is structured, the ethical ambiguity of the Hero Commission, and the way that Heroes are but pawns, idols with machine guns, used to sell merch to the public, to install faith in the government, or the current status quo, and reinforce capitalist propaganda. Even All Might, the epitome of everything a Hero should be, is drained over the years, and exists as a concept or idea, when in reality he is a hollow shell with an entire person inside, struggling to survive. Hero society is functionally dependent on illusion.

In Marxist terms: There is no truth, there is only power.

Although Bakugou does change, and I think that while he regrets his actions, what is long overdue is him verbally expressing his remorse, both to himself and Deku. One might argue that he’s tried to do it in ways that are compatible with his limited emotional range of expression, and Deku seems to understand this language implicitly.

I am of the opinion that the narrative is building up to a verbal acknowledgement, confrontation, and subsequent apology that only speaks what has gone unspoken.

That being said, Bakugou is a great example of the way that figures of authority (parents, teachers, adults) and institutions both in the real world and this fictional universe reward violent behavior while also leaving mental and emotional health — both his own and of the people Bakugou hurts — unchecked, and part of the way he lashes out at others is because he was never taught otherwise.

And by that, I’m referring to the ways that are to me, genuinely disturbing. For example, yelling at his friends is chill. But telling someone to kill themselves, even casually and without intent and then misinterpreting everything they do as a ploy to make you feel weak because you're projecting? And having no teachers stop and intervene, either because they are afraid of you or because they value the weight that your Quirk can benefit society over the safety of children? That, to me, is both real and disturbing.

Not only that, but his parents (at least, Mitsuki), respond to his outbursts with more outbursts, and while this is likely the culture of their home and I hesitate to call it abusive, I do think that it contributed to the way that he approaches things. Bakugou as a character is very complex, but I think that he is primarily an example of the way that the Hero System fails people.

I don’t think we can write off the things he’s done, especially using the line of reasoning that “He didn’t mean it that way”, because in real life, children who hurt others rarely mean it like that either, but that doesn’t change the effect it has on the people who are victimized, but to be absolutely fair, I don’t think that the majority of Bakudeku shippers, at least now, do use that line of reasoning. Most of them seem to have a handle on exactly how fucked up the Hero society is, and exactly why it fucks up the people embedded within that society.

The characters are positioned in this way for a reason, and the discoveries made and the development that these characters undergo are meant to reveal more about the fictional world — and, perhaps, our world — as the narrative progresses.

The world of the Hero society is dependent, to some degree, on biopolitics. I don’t think we have enough evidence to suggest that people with Quirks or Quirkless people place enough identity or placement within society to become equivalent to marginalized groups, exactly, but we can draw parallels to the way that Deku and by extent Quirkless people are viewed as weak, a deviation, or disabled in some way. Deviants, or non-productive bodies, are shunned for their inability to perform ideal labor. While it is suggested to Deku that he could become a police officer or pursue some other occupation to help people, he believes that he can do the most positive good as a Hero. In order to be a Hero, however, in the sense of a career, one needs to have Power.

Deviation from the norm will be punished or policed unless it is exploitable; in order to become integrated into society, a deviant must undergo a process of normalization and become a working, exploitable body. It is only through gaining power from All Might that Deku is allowed to assimilate from the margins and into the upper ranks of society; the manga and the anime give the reader enough perspective, context, and examples to allow us to critique and deconstruct the society that is solely reliant on power.

Through his societal privileges, interpersonal biases, internalized complexes, and his subsequent unlearning of these ideologies, Bakugou provides examples of the way that the system simultaneously fails and indoctrinates those who are targeted, neglected, enabled by, believe in, and participate within the system.

Bakudeku are two sides of the same coin. We are shown visually that the crucial turning point and fracture in their relationship is when Bakugou refuses to take Deku’s outstretched hand; the idea of Deku offering him help messes with his adolescent perspective in that Power creates a hierarchy that must be obeyed, and to be helped is to be weak is to be made a loser.

Largely, their character flaws in terms of understanding the hero society are defined and entangled within the concept of power. Bakugou has power, or privilege, but does not have the moral character to use it as a hero, and believes that Power, or winning, is the only way in which to view life. Izuku has a much better grasp on the way in which heroes wield power (their ideologies can, at first, be differentiated as winning vs. saving), and is a worthy successor because of this understanding, and of circumstance. However, in order to become a Hero, our hero must first gain the Power that he lacks, and learn to wield it.

As the characters change, they bridge the gaps of their character deficiencies, and are brought closer together through character parallelism.

Two sides of the same coin, an outstretched hand.

They are better together.

How to Kill Middle Schoolers, and Why We Should

I think it’s fitting that in the manga, a critical part of Bakugou’s arc explicitly alludes to killing the middle school version of himself in order to progress into a young adult. In the alternative covers Horikoshi released, one of them was a close up of Bakugou in his middle school uniform, being stabbed/impaled, with blood rolling out of his mouth. Clearly this references the scene in which he sacrifices himself to save Deku, on a near-instinctual level.

To me, this only cements Horikoshi’s intent that middle school Bakugou must be debunked, killed, discarded, or destroyed in order for Bakugou the hero to emerge, which is why people who do actually excuse his actions or believe that those actions define him into young adulthood don’t really understand the necessity for change, because they seem to imply that he doesn’t need/cannot reach further growth, and there doesn’t need to be a separation between the Bakugou who is, at heart, volatile and repressed the angry, and the Bakugou who sacrifices himself, a hero who saves people.

Plot twist: there does need to be a difference. Further plot twist: there is a difference.

In sacrificing himself for Deku, Bakugou himself doesn't die, but the injury is fatal in the sense that it could've killed him physically and yet symbolizes the selfish, childish part of him that refused to accept Deku, himself, and the inevitability of change. In killing those selfish remnants, he could actually become the kind of hero that we the reader understand to be the true kind.

That’s why I think that a lot of the people who stress his actions as a child without acknowledging the ways he has changed, grown, and tried to fix what he has broken don’t really get it, because it was always part of his character arc to change and purposely become something different and better. If the effects of his worst and his most childish self stick with you more, and linger despite that, that’s okay. But distilling his character down to the wrong elements doesn’t get you the bare essentials; what it gets you is a skewed and shallow version of a person. If you’re okay with that version, that is also fine.

But you can’t condemn others who aren’t fine with that incomplete version, and to become enraged that others do not see him as you do is childish.

Bakugou’s change and the emphasis on that change is canon.

Parallels in Abuse, EnemiesRivals-to-Lovers, and the Necessity of Redemption ft. ATLA’s Zuko

In real life, the idea that “oh, he must bully you because he likes you” is often used as a way to brush aside or to excuse the action of bullying itself, as if a ‘secret crush’ somehow negates the effects of bullying on the victim or the inability of the bully to properly process and manifest their emotions in certain ways. It doesn’t. It often enables young boys to hurt others, and provides figures of authority to overlook the real source of schoolyard bullying or peer review. The “secret crush”, in real life, is used to undermine abuse, justify toxic masculinity, and is essentially used as a non-solution solution.

A common accusation is that Bakudeku shippers jump on the pairing because they romanticize pairing a bully and a victim together, or believe that the only way for Bakugou to atone for his past would be to date Midoryia in the future. This may be true for some people, in which case, that’s their own preference, but based on my experience and what I’ve witnessed, that’s not the case for most.

The difference being is that as these are characters, we as readers or viewers are meant to analyze them. Not to justify them, or to excuse their actions, but we are given the advantage of the outsider perspective to piece their characters together in context, understand why they are how they are, and witness them change; maybe I just haven’t been exposed to enough of the fandom, but no one (I’ve witnessed) treats the idea that “maybe Bakugou has feelings he can’t process or understand and so they manifest in aggressive and unchecked ways'' as a solution to his inability to communicate or process in a healthy way, rather it is just part of the explanation of his character, something is needs to — and is — working through. The solution to his middle school self is not the revelation of a “teehee, secret crush”, but self-reflection, remorse, and actively working to better oneself, which I do believe is canonically reflected, especially as of recently.

In canon, they are written to be partners, better together than apart, and I genuinely believe that one can like the Bakudeku dynamic not by route of romanticization but by observation.

I do think we are meant to see parallels between him and Endeavor; Endeavor is a high profile abuser who embodies the flaws and hypocrisy of the hero system. Bakugou is a schoolyard bully who emulates and internalizes the flaws of this system as a child, likely due to the structure of the society and the way that children will absorb the propaganda they are exposed to; the idea that Quirks, or power, define the inherent value of the individual, their ability to contribute to society, and subsequently their fundamental human worth. The difference between them is the fact that Endeavor is the literal adult who is fully and knowingly active within a toxic, corrupt system who forces his family to undergo a terrifying amount of trauma and abuse while facing little to no consequences because he knows that his status and the values of their society will protect him from those consequences. In other words, Endeavor is the threat of what Bakugou could have, and would have, become without intervention or genuine change.

Comparisons between characters, as parallels or foils, are tricky in that they imply but cannot confirm sameness. Having parallels with someone does not make them the same, by the way, but can serve to illustrate contrasts, or warnings. Harry Potter, for example, is meant to have obvious parallels with Tom Riddle, with similar abilities, and tragic upbringings. That doesn’t mean Harry grows up to become Lord Voldemort, but rather he helps lead a cross-generational movement to overthrow the facist regime. Harry is offered love, compassion, and friends, and does not embrace the darkness within or around him. As far as moldy old snake men are concerned, they do not deserve a redemption arc because they do not wish for one, and the truest of change only occurs when you actively try to change.

To be frank, either way, Bakugou was probably going to become a good Hero, in the sense that Endeavor is a ‘good’ Hero. Hero capitalized, as in a pro Hero, in the sense that it is a career, an occupation, and a status. Because of his strong Quirk, determination, skill, and work ethic, Bakugou would have made a good Hero. Due to his lack of character, however, he was not on the path to become a hero; defender of the weak, someone who saves people to save people, who is willing to make sacrifices detrimental to themselves, who saves people out of love.

It is necessary for him to undergo both a redemption arc and a symbolic death and rebirth in order for him to follow the path of a hero, having been inspired and prompted by Deku.

I personally don’t really like Endeavor’s little redemption arc, not because I don’t believe that people can change or that they shouldn't at least try to atone for the atrocities they have committed, but because within any narrative, a good redemption arc is important if it matters; what also matters is the context of that arc, and whether or not it was needed. For example, in ATLA, Zuko’s redemption arc is widely regarded as one of the best arcs in television history, something incredible. And it is. That shit fucks. In a good way.

It was confirmed that Azula was also going to get a redemption arc, had Volume 4 gone on as planned, and it was tentatively approached in the comics, which are considered canon. She is an undeniably bad person (who is willing to kill, threaten, exploit, and colonize), but she is also a child, and as viewers, we witness and recognize the factors that contributed to her (debatable) sociopathy, and the way that the system she was raised in failed her. Her family failed her; even Uncle Iroh, the wise mentor who helps guide Zuko to see the light, is willing to give up on her immediately, saying that she’s “crazy” and needs to be “put down”. Yes, it’s comedic, and yes, it’s pragmatic, but Azula is fourteen years old. Her mother is banished, her father is a psychopath, and her older brother, from her perspective, betrayed and abandoned her. She doesn’t have the emotional support that Zuko does; she exploits and controls her friends because it’s all she’s been taught to do; she says herself, her “own mother thought [she] was a monster; she was right, of course, but it still [hurts]”. A parent who does not believe in you, or a parent that uses you and will hurt you, is a genuine indicator of trauma.

The writers understood that both Zuko and Azula deserved redemption arcs. One was arguably further gone than the other, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are both children, products of their environment, who have the time, motive, and reason to change.

In contrast, you know who wouldn’t have deserved a redemption arc? Ozai. That simply would not have been interesting, wouldn’t have served the narrative well, and honestly, is not needed, thematically or otherwise. Am I comparing Ozai to Endeavor? Basically, yes. Fuck those guys. I don’t see a point in Endeavor’s little “I want to be a good dad now” arc, and I think that we don’t need to sympathize with characters in order to understand them or be interested in them. I want Touya/Dabi to expose his abuse, for his career to crumble, and then for him to die.

If they are not challenging the system that we the viewer are meant to question, and there is no thematic relevance to their redemption, is it even needed?

On that note, am I saying that Bakugou is the equivalent to Zuko? No, lmao. Definitely not. They are different characters with different progressions and different pressures. What I am saying is that good redemption arcs shouldn’t be handed out like candy to babies; it is the quality, rather than the quantity, that makes a redemption arc good. In terms of the commentary of the narrative, who needs a redemption arc, who is deserving, and who does it make sense to give one to?

In this case, Bakugou checks those boxes. It was always in the cards for him to change, and he has. In fact, he’s still changing.

Give it to Me Straight. It’s Homophobic.

There does seem to be an urge to obsessively gender either Bakugou or Deku, in making Deku the ultra-feminine, stereotypically hyper-sexualized “woman” of the relationship, with Bakugou becoming similarly sexualized but depicted as the hyper-masculine bodice ripper. On some level, that feels vaguely homophobic if not straight up misogynistic, in that in a gay relationship there’s an urge to compel them to conform under heteronormative stereotypes in order to be interpreted as real or functional. On one hand, I will say that in a lot of cases it feels like more of an expression of a kink, or fetishization and subsequent expression of internalized misogyny, at least, rather than a genuine exploration of the complexity and power imbalances of gender dynamics, expression, and boundaries.

That being said, I don’t think that that problematic aspect of shipping is unique to Bakudeku, or even to the fandom in general. We’ve all read fan work or see fanart of most gay ships in a similiar manner, and I think it’s a broader issue to be addressed than blaming it on a singular ship and calling it a day.

One interpretation of Bakugou’s character is his repression and the way his character functions under toxic masculinity, in a society’s egregious disregard for mental and emotional health (much like in the real world), the horrifying ways in which rage is rationalized or excused due to the concept of masculinity, and the way that characteristics that are associated with femininity — intellect, empathy, anxiety, kindness, hesitation, softness — are seen as stereotypically “weak”, and in men, traditionally emasculating. In terms of the way that the fictional universe is largely about societal priority and power dynamics between individuals and the way that extends to institutions, it’s not a total stretch to guess that gender as a construct is a relevant topic to expand on or at least keep in mind for comparison.

I think that the way in which characters are gendered and the extent to which that is a result of invasive heteronormativity and fetishization is a really important conversation to have, but using it as a case-by-case evolution of a ship used to condemn people isn’t conductive, and at that point, it’s treated as less of a real concern but an issue narrowly weaponised.

Love in Perspective, from the East v. West

Another thing I think could be elaborated on and written about in great detail is the way that the Eastern part of the fandom and the Western part of the fandom have such different perspectives on Bakudeku in particular. I am not going to go in depth with this, and there are many other people who could go into specifics, but just as an overview:

The manga and the anime are created for and targeted at a certain audience; our take on it will differ based on cultural norms, decisions in translation, understanding of the genre, and our own region-specific socialization. This includes the way in which we interpret certain relationships, the way they resonate with us, and what we do and do not find to be acceptable. Of course, this is not a case-by-case basis, and I’m sure there are plenty of people who hold differing beliefs within one area, but speaking generally, there is a reason that Bakudeku is not regarded as nearly as problematic in the East.

Had this been written by a Western creator, marketed primarily to and within the West (for reference, while I am Chinese, but I have lived in the USA for most of my life, so my own perspective is undoubtedly westernized), I would’ve immediately jumped to make comparisons between the Hero System and the American police system, in that a corrupt, or bastardized system is made no less corrupt for the people who do legitimately want to do good and help people, when that system disproportionately values and targets others while relying on propaganda that society must be reliant on that system in order to create safe communities when in reality it perpetuates just as many issues as it appears to solve, not to mention the way it attracts and rewards violent and power-hungry people who are enabled to abuse their power. I think comparisons can still be made, but in terms of analysis, it should be kept in mind that the police system in other parts of the world do not have the same history, place, and context as it does in America, and the police system in Japan, for example, probably wasn’t the basis for the Hero System.

As much as I do believe in the Death of the Author in most cases, the intent of the author does matter when it comes to content like this, if merely on the basis that it provides context that we may be missing as foreign viewers.

As far as the intent of the author goes, Bakugou is on a route of redemption.

He deserves it. It is unavoidable. That, of course, may depend on where you’re reading this.

Stuck in the Sludge, the Past, and Season One

If there’s one thing, to me, that epitomizes middle school Bakugou, it’s him being trapped in a sludge monster, rescued by his Quirkless childhood friend, and unable to believe his eyes. He clings to the ideology he always has, that Quirkless means weak, that there’s no way that Deku could have grown to be strong, or had the capacity to be strong all along. Bakugou is wrong about this, and continuously proven wrong. It is only when he accepts that he is wrong, and that Deku is someone to follow, that he starts his real path to heroics.

If Bakudeku’s relationship does not appeal to someone for whatever reason, there’s nothing wrong with that. They can write all they want about why they don’t ship it, or why it bothers them, or why they think it’s problematic. If it is legitimately triggering to you, then by all means, avoid it, point it out, etc. but do not undermine the reality of abuse simply to point fingers, just because you don’t like a ship. People who intentionally use the anti tag knowing it’ll show up in the main tag, go after people who are literally minding their own business, and accuse people of supporting abuse are the ones looking for a fight, and they’re annoying as hell because they don’t bring anything to the table. No evidence, no analysis, just repeated projection.

To clarify, I’m referring to a specific kind of shipper, not someone who just doesn’t like a ship, but who is so aggressive about it for absolutely no reason. There are plenty of very lovely people in this fandom, who mind their own business, multipship, or just don’t care.

Calling shippers dumb or braindead or toxic (to clarify, this isn’t targeting any one person I’ve seen, but a collective) based on projections and generalizations that come entirely from your own impression of the ship rather than observation is...really biased to me, and comes across as uneducated and trigger happy, rather than constructive or helpful in any way.

I’m not saying someone has to ship anything, or like it, in order to be a ‘good’ participant. But inserting derogatory material into a main tag, and dropping buzzwords with the same tired backing behind it without seeming to understand the implications of those words or acknowledging the development, pacing, and intentional change to the characters within the plot is just...I don’t know, it comes across as redundant, to me at least, and very childish. Aggressive. Toxic. Problematic. Maybe the real toxic shippers were the ones who bitched and moaned along the way. They’re like little kids, stuck in the past, unable to visualize or recognize change, and I think that’s a real shame because it’s preventing them from appreciating the story or its characters as it is, in canon.

But that’s okay, really. To each their own. Interpretations will vary, preferences differ, perspectives are not uniform. There is no one truth. There are five seasons of the show, a feature film, and like, thirty volumes as of this year.

All I’m saying is that if you want to stay stuck in the first season of each character, then that’s what you’re going to get. That’s up to you.

This may be edited or revised.

#bakudeku #meta #my hero academia #boko no hero academia #bnha #mha #bakugou katsuki #izuku midoriya #ok these are just my general thoughts in response to the people who have hang ups about this ship #like y’all need to pls chill tf out ok #this is also not comprehensive and could definitely be elaborated on #but it’s just general thoughts #it’s just addressing general opposition I’ve seen #I never thought I’d ever write this much about this ship wtf

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jamesvanriemsdyk · 4 years ago

Note

Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?

we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play.

(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)

so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does).

david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).

with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.

in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.

what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.

(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)

as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).

(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)

im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.

i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.

joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.

whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.

so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)

#anon #answered #hockey info #wow this took legit like several hours to write between stints of taking care of the baby #ok to rb lmao

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gl211 · 4 years ago

Text

Glory

I feel like I need a disclaimer. I adore/adored McDreamy. There wasn’t a bigger MerDer fan than me. And I love the fact that they brought Patrick back for the dream sequences. BUT, we know they can’t live on the dream island forever. And I really like Hayes. Last season, I finally saw the spark of something that was missing with all of Meredith’s other pairings. Plus, the “I’m here. It’s okay. Don’t worry.” REALLY got me straight in the feelings. So with that, I give you this one-shot.

“Grey. Grey? Can you hear me?”

She felt what could be described as an elephant on her chest as she gasped, opening her eyes slowly.

Where am I?

She was lying on the ground, she knew that. She fully opened her eyes to see Cormac Hayes hovering over her. She couldn’t read his expression behind his mask, but his eyes were screaming.

Derek. Where did Derek go?

She heard Hayes shouting as more people were suddenly around her, an oxygen mask being placed on her face. She tried to sit up, as multiple hands kept her body in place. She felt Hayes’s hands on her face, keeping her head in place.

“It’s okay. Don’t try and move.”

She was dying.

That’s why Derek was there.

This was it.

She’d survived this much and all the impossible scenarios life had thrown at her. And yet, here she was. She was going to die in the hospital parking lot. From a virus that could’ve been prevented.

Her kids. All three of them flashed through her mind, chest feeling ten times heavier as the situation weighed on her.

They didn’t deserve to lose two parents. To be alone.

Her gasp turned into a guttural sob. She felt Cormac’s fingers gently, soothingly stroking her head. He continued to hold her in place, gently reassuring her. She felt herself push against whomever was holding her hands, her hand frantically wrapping around his wrist.

“I’m here. I’m right here.”

She felt tears slip out of her eyes, a heavy breath laboring her breathing. She shut her eyes as she heard the wheels of the gurney screech closer.

“I know. It’s okay. Just stay with me.”

She felt movement as her body was shuffled from the concrete to the stretcher, she felt a backboard sliding under her and a neck brace being placed as the group around her was suddenly running into the hospital. She locked eyes with Hayes, who was shouting, as they ran, his hand moving to nudge Meredith, to keep her awake. Her felt heavy, her eyes involuntarily slipping closed, accepting her unconscious fate.

“I miss you.”

“I know.”

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The next time she opened her eyes, Owen was standing over her in full PPE. Sounds around her were muffled. Oddly, it felt like the time she ruptured her eardrums. Like everything was moving slowly and quietly.

Suddenly her train of thought snapped back into place. She grabbed Owen’s wrist stalling his movement.

“Call Cristina... kids... just in case.”

Owen nodded, knowing what she meant but not before placed his gloved hand over hers and squeezing it.

“I’ll call her. But you’re going to be fine.”

Meredith nodded as she looked around the room, she saw Teddy, Owen, Tom, Jackson. She turned her gaze a bit, her neck brace not allowing her to go much further.

She saw Maggie, Richard and Bailey hovering by the window in full PPE. Further away stood Hayes, his eyes locked on her. Her gaze met his before her eyes fluttered close again.

“ Meredith you deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy.”

“What if I’m not supposed to be happy anymore?”

“Mer. You know that’s not true. Look at who you are. The person you’ve become. An award winning, talented surgeon. An amazing mother. You did all of that on your own.”

“Right. By myself.”

“All I’m saying is that maybe you shouldn’t be alone.”

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Over the course of the next several days, time seemed to blend. They were trying everything on her. Infusions, drugs, anything that has been deemed usable they have tried.

While her breathing was bad, the fever and rigor that followed was worse.

She vaguely remembered Andrew and Maggie in the room on more than one occasion. Bailey had been here, they had talked about DNR’s and her kids.

Jo had sat with her, talking to her, reminding her how many people she had in her corner. Shockingly, she had even called Alex, who called within an hour of being told. She had spoken to him every day via text.

She hadn’t seen Amelia, she was with the kids, but she had FaceTimed with her. The kids hadn’t been told anything, per Meredith’s request. She didn’t want them told until it was absolutely necessary.

Cristina was grounded on the other side of the globe, but she had spoken with her three times.

Cormac Hayes was there. Every time she had opened her eyes, he was there.

He was either at the window outside her room or inside. Barely speaking but watching her intently, like she was going to vanish if he left.

With no concept of time, she still knew he hadn’t left the hospital in days.

She sleepily opened her eyes one day to see him looking at her stats on the monitor. She turned her head.

“Hi.”

His head turned at the sound of her voice. In his full PPE, she could see him without his mask. She saw how tired he looked.

“You should go home, sleep.”

He shook his head as her nasal cannula slipped a bit. He carefully approached the bed and gestured towards her as she nodded. He carefully adjusted it, slipping her mask right below it.

“Your kids. Go home.”

He shook his head staying at the edge of the bed as he adjusted the blanket around her.

“They’re staying with their aunt outside the city for now.”

She nodded as he sat in the chair next to her bed.

“Your levels are up a bit. And the fever is down. That’s a good thing.”

Meredith nodded, clearly not convinced. She smoothed the blanket out in her lap, pulling at the threads.

“I keep seeing Derek. And I know if I keep seeing him, that can’t be a good thing. And part of me wants to give up. Just be done. Stop fighting. Be with Derek.””

It wasn’t something he was used to, seeing Meredith Grey admitting defeat. It wasn’t her. She was tenacious, unapologetic, put 100% into everyone and everything in her life.

“But then I think about my kids. And how much I don’t want them to be alone. And how I don’t want to die. Not like this.”

Her voice broke at the words, tears now freely falling down her face. Within seconds, he could tell her thoughts had shifted drastically to the worst-case scenario. He reached his hand out, gently placing it over hers. Her eyes looked down, her posture crumbling further as everything final hit her.

“I really don’t want to die alone.”

The statement shot him to his core.

“Grey. Hey.”

He tried to urge her to look at him, his hand gently running over hers. The small gesture was doing nothing, the woman in front of him crumbling by the second.

Her monitors were starting to beep with her irregular breaths, her cries only fueling the piercing noise.

“Meredith.”

That seemed to grab her attention for a moment. He hadn’t ever called her by first name. His Irish brogue hitting all the syllables.

The beeping monitors intensified, they were probably moments away from a team of people appearing if she didn’t calm down.

He stood and walked around towards the other side of her bed. Careful to not disrupt any IV or oxygen lines, he carefully sat down in full PPE on the bed.

Meredith, though bordering on hysterical felt the motion and turned her head slightly. He turned on his side, best as he could to face her.

“No one is dying. And no one is alone.”

She cried harder at his remark, his arm snaking around her, his gloved hand intertwined with hers as she gripped it.

‘I’m not leaving you. I’m right here.”

He lost track of how long he laid there next to her, holding her. Eventually her cries settled, her monitors regulated and the grip on his hand loosened ever so slightly.

Several minutes later, he heard her breathing even out, an indication she had fallen asleep. He could’ve left when she fell asleep, probably should’ve given protocols and exposure. But he was a man of his word, no one was going to be alone.

“I love you Derek. I’m always going to love you.”

“I know I love you too. Which is why you have to go back.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A rough 14 days in the hospital and Meredith was finally testing negative. She was officially on a road to recovery and was able to go home.

“Busting out of here?”

She turned to the door as Cormac entered. Standing next to her bed, she organized the limited belongings she had come in with. She placed the photo Maggie had brought of the kids in her bag, her hand lingering on it for a second.

“Are you driving my getaway car?” she joked.

He flashed her a grin, visible under the PPE. Though Meredith was negative, they were still in a COVID ward.

“Figure out your plans yet? Hotel or home?”

Meredith shrugged as she zipped the small tote bag shut, setting it beside her, pulling her sweater tighter around her pajamas,

“Not sure quite yet. I was living here before getting sick. Probably a hotel for a week, make sure I’m really okay. And then home to my kids. And then I’ll be back when I’m cleared for work.”

“Can’t keep you away from this place?”

“Well the hospital does kind of have my name in it.” she said with a grin.

He laughed, grateful that her spunk was back.

“I should thank you.”

“Me?” he questioned.

“You helped get me over the hump. I don’t think I would’ve made it through without you. So, thank you.”

He shook his head modestly stopping her, his hand going up to wave her off.

She can’t say that when Cormac Hayes arrived in Seattle that he was modest, caring or thoughtful. Quite the opposite, actually.

But beneath the rough exterior of armor he tried to keep up, was a thoughtful, selfless person. Who would do just about anything for anyone. Including her.

“No need to thank me Grey. Anyone would’ve.” he replied.

“Yeah. But you’re not just anyone.”

Her eyes twinkled as he smiled back. He felt this indescribable warmth that had gradually crept into him the more time he spent with Meredith. A feeling he didn’t want to go away.

The buzz of his phone brought him back to reality. He could hear and feel it going off in his scrubs pocket. He was being paged back to peds. Admittedly while no one wanted to see a sick child, it was a well needed break from COVID.

“Never ends, Grey.” he said as he nodded towards her, walking towards the door. “I’ll come back later to see you off.”

“Meredith.” she replied as he got to the door.

“Come again?” he questioned.

“You went back to Grey, but it’s Meredith. You’re going to have call me Meredith. Especially if we’re going to eventually get that drink. Masked and outside of course.”

Her eyes sparkled as he grinned back, nodding in response.

“Very well then. I’ll see you later, Meredith.”

She waved as he left, watching as he walked through the area to dispose of PPE.

It was odd to have these spark like feelings for someone other than Derek. But, somewhere in the middle of her hallucinations and her reality, she realized that moving on with someone wouldn’t take away missing Derek. Derek would always be a part of her, she would always love him.

Moving on meant honoring herself, letting her heart be open to someone wanting to care for it.

Moving on meant showing up for herself.

Her phone chimed as Cristina’s phone call came in. She quickly answered it, pressing it up to hear ear.

“Hi.”

She looked up, meeting Cormac’s gaze, as he waved, signaling he was leaving for now, but would be back.

“How’s everything over there? Yeah, I’m okay. I’m not alone.”

#Meredith Grey #cormac hayes #merhayes #merhayes fanfic

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sapphicambitions · 5 years ago

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hey! hey! why do you hate the television format??

Ah yes, thank you for reminding me

I would like to state for the record before we begin that this is my personal reasons for not enjoying the format of television and not “why television is bad'' because im sure there's many people whose reasoning for liking TV is the same as my reasons for disliking them. please dont get mad at me if you disagree lmao

I feel like the short answer could be: “I have a degree in theatre and i prefer books”

But really i hate the fact that the story is subject to change via outside forces.

In a well written play or book, there is a beginning, middle and end. It is a complete story that has been well thought out and woven together. Every detail is important and makes sense dramaturgically. You have your characters and your plot and nothing about that changes. We’re taught in Theatre School (TM) that the playwright is the first artist, and everything goes back to the playwright’s words. The story cannot change because of outside forces and it will not change over time. Once a book has been published, it is done. And yeah in theatre, a play can be done by many people with multiple interpretations of the story but it always goes back to the playwright’s words as they are the first artist and it is about honoring those words. Yada yada. you get it.

TV is always subject to change. Actors leave because there was drama on set or because they have other projects to work on. Writers change and the tone of the show changes. Or they go to a different network and the show changes. You never know how long the show is actually going to go so it could be cancelled in the middle of an important plot they never got to wrap up or the show could extend past the original plot idea and the seasons get more and more ridiculous as they’re just trying to come up with shit to do so they can keep the show running.

Like supernatural, which went on for far too fucking long and just kept spitting out nonsense when they could have wrapped up in season five.

Like the Vampire Diaries, where the main fucking character Elena Gilbert left the show (which was ridiculous!!) or when her little brother Jeremy was just like written out of the show and then never talked about again like what the hell

Like Timeless, which got cancelled after two seasons and left so many loose ends (they had to like, beg for a movie to wrap everything up)

Like the Magicians, which just, like, sigh. Y’all know. I don’t want to get into it. Y’all know.

Hell, even Parks and Rec, with Ann and Chris leaving the show. If Parks and Rec had been a book Ann would have never left!!! Never!!!

Characters get pregnant because the actors who play them get pregnant and suddenly THAT’s the plot line of the season. (Wynonna Earp, Brooklyn 99, The Office, How I Met Your Mother, Sex and The City, Bones, Friends, The Big Bang Theory, Once Upon A Time, Charmed, The Vampire Diaries, Parks and Rec, Grey’s Anatomy, The X-Files, Yes I Looked Up This List To Prove My Point)

If an actor breaks their foot then the writers have to change the plot. Everything about the story is subject to change due to outside forces and that might be a selling point for some people but i do not vibe with it!!

And also, you’re watching the story unfold over the course of time and something could change halfway through the season and they abandon the really cool plot they were working on to suddenly set up a way for them to kill off the main character of the show. (okay apparently i do want to get into it with the magicians).

Like call me a snob but i like a concise arch! Something that the show is working towards, the story that they’re telling and the thesis of the show, and the end goal they’re working towards. I just honestly don’t like the “stories wrap up in one season and will we get another? Maybe? Okay yes we will so let’s come up with a new big bad for the characters to fight who’s got ideas” or like if you get seven seasons into a show and they’re like “And here’s my long lost sister that ive literally never mentioned before but we needed something exciting for the plot so here she is!” like i hate that shit. I know my old roommate loooooved when TV shows pulled twists like that so im not saying it’s bad writing im saying I personally hate this style of writing.

I just keep throwing in these disclaimers so no one gets pissy at me lmao

I think what caused me to realize and put a name to these feelings was watching the Schitt’s Creek Finale. I love Schitt’s Creek because it feels like one concise story. The characters all grow and develop and have an arch and at the natural conclusion of that arch, the story wrapped up. I loved that shit. It was a game changer for me. Any other show would have kept going and the tone of the show would have been totally different and frankly im glad they wrapped it up when they did and as they did. It was a perfect ending.

I haven’t really watched the Good Place but I’m told similar things about it.

Avatar the Last Airbender which we can all agree is the greatest show ever written had a clear plotline throughout the whole series and a goal they were working towards even if they did have side plots, it was all building up to one endgame. And it was stellar.

I also recently rewatched parks and rec which is one of my favorite shows of all time and i do truly love it but like the whole point of the show originally was that they were gonna build a park and there were times in the show that they just totally forgot about that goal to work on other storylines until they were like ANN’S LEAVING WE GOTTA BREAK GROUND. That’s annoying! And once parks and rec started getting really popular and making more money they were able to be like “let’s send them to england! France! DC! Scotland! San Francisco! Let’s bring in Michelle Obama and Joe Biden and John McCain and Madeleine Albright! Which like all of that was really cool and some of the best parts of the series but also just another example of how the show changed over time as they got more name recognition and money.

Also lmao i just had the thought that it doesn't really matter what community did because the point of that show was to be batshit and they succeeded spectacularly. What a good time. Just had to add that in there.

So yeah that’s why i hate the television format because everything is subject to change from the plot to the tone to the writing to the characters and a lot of times there isn’t a clear narrative arch as they’re just coming up with nonsense to keep the show going and i just don’t vibe with that.

So if i hate the television format why do i still watch it, you ask? You never shut about tv shows on your blog and yet here you are declaring that you hate them. What’s up with that. Well, the answer is simple. I have major FOMO. Also lmao quite honestly i just recently came to these conclusions and put words to these feelings during the quarantine so after 23 years of being pissy at tv shows all the time i honestly probably will watch less of it. I probably wont stop completely tho. Ive already said that im not gonna watch tv shows with queer characters until the show is over and its been confirmed for me that the show treats its queer characters and viewers with respect and dignity and i stand by that. (It’s the only reason why ive started to watch black sails.) im for sure never watching another cw show again. I have literally never finished a CW show because something has happened in it halfway through that pissed me off so much i never finished the series

So that’s my opinion does anyone also feel the same way? I feel like im crazy

#lesbianlaynie #laynie rose answers #laynie's essays #why i hate the television format

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