#disability sex

[lookingfornoonat2pm]

Ecstasy and Epilepsis

From the E Conze translation of the Heart Sutra.

"Therefore, O Sariputra,

in emptiness there is no form nor feeling, nor perception, nor impulse, nor consciousness ;

No eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, mind ; No forms, sounds, smells, tastes, touchables or objects of mind ; No sight-organ element, and so forth, until we come to :

No mind-consciousness element ; There is no ignorance, no extinction of ignorance, and so forth, until we come to : There is no decay and death, no extinction of decay and death. There is no suffering, no origination, no stopping, no path.

There is no cognition, no attainment and no non-attainment."

From "Raving" by McKenzie Wark

"I was texting my friend Eva Hayward about it all morning. 1 don't know if some of these lines are hers or mine. A good conversation is also a rave that way, the blending, edgeless dance. It goes and then stops.

Problem with being human these days is that our subjectivity never adds up. The subject is always split, always divided, feels it lacks. You can spend years in therapy working through that. Or become a raver. Get out of your head, merge into k-time. Take some hard lefts. Drives go off in at least three directions: ravespace, xeno-euphoria, enlustment.

Maybe there's still more kinds of dissociation one can prac-tice. Practice, like an art. Maybe dissociation could be its own aesthetic category.' Not specifically a trans thing but something at which we're virtuosos."(p.48)

"From the autofictional writing of perceptions, then, to an autotheoretical writing of concepts. But with the general proviso that the auto that writes doesn't add up. It will be a mix, some part auto and some part allo, other, and more interestingly, part xeno-invitingly strange: xeno-flesh. Just fluctuating bundles of feelings and thoughts. And with the rave-situational proviso that what the auto needs most of all is moments when it can dissipate itself, not be there, pare down to a moving part or floating notion."(p.50)

I'm in Koyasan, Wakayama, Japan, reading the sutras sacred to Shingon alongside "Raving" by McKenzie Wark, a book about raves, bodies, and ketamine. Reminds me of reading Dada along with Rumi, some 14 years ago. Radically different routes to administer analogous wisdoms.

The thing with me and with epilepsy and with control is this: Almost every route "out of my head" requires crossing the feelings of dissociation I most closely associate with my seizure aura. It is almost impossible to find a way to "let go" that doesn't feel like I am about to just die. This isn't that special or specific to epileptics, I'm sure (in fact, I'm not sure how many epileptics actually experience the kind of dissociative experience I do as part of their auras). Either way, by 2024, it is practically mundane to mention that letting go, and "embracing life" or whatever requires crossing an abyss of some kind.

I was joking recently that, sooner or later, I will make the switch that so many cis men in the BDSM world do: domination becomes finally boring and completely redundant, so submission is the last and most important taboo to violate... there are other formulations of it, but the index of pleasure and control is the abstraction that resonates most with me (thanks, Wark). But I'm not sure if it isn't just a joke. I can understand the boredom, but I don't know if I will ever, ever, ever, ever overcome the terror that is entailed in letting go. Even framing it that way feels too cis, too masculine. I can't say seriously that I expect to ever trust a person enough to think that that loss of control will not result in death--irrational or not, I can't ignore this bodily wisdom.

On the way to Koyasan, I met a couple of German backpackers who were looking for the best vegan food Japan has to offer. When I said I planned to stay almost a week, "Wolfy" said, "Going to find yourself?" And I said, "Something like that." It might be more accurate to say I'm trying to lose myself.

I don't much care for ketamine, and nitrous oxide is fine, but mostly pretty much more addicting than it is transcending. Cannabis has helped me dissociate time and again, but it feels more proper to say that it helps me associate strictly: associate strictly with pleasure, associate strictly with the moment I'm in, or associate narrowly with the movie or video game or rock show I'm enjoying. Paranoia settles in too easily, though, so it's far from a reliable route.

I continue to flirt with Buddhism, and with esoteric and ecstatic traditions (NOT to be confused with one another), mainly because of its promise of nothingness. I come back to Vajrayana again and again because of the promise that compassion--an experience I only barely ever get out of, mainly temporarily, through sadism--will bring me unity with everything. The ecstatics promise a machinic dance upon which you can trust a safe return to presence. The esoterics promise instantaneous transformation of consciousness, without having to cross the abyss.

The vegan food is pretty fucking good here.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[sentientsky]

just a friendly reminder that, just because slavery was formally "abolished" in the so-called united states* in 1865, enslavement itself is still ongoing in the form of incarceration, which disproportionately affects Black and Indigenous people

(*i say "so-called" because the US is a settler-colonial construction founded on greed, extraction, and white supremacy) recommended readings/resources:

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

"How the 13th Amendment Kept Slavery Alive: Perspectives From the Prison Where Slavery Never Ended" by Daniele Selby

"So You're Thinking About Becoming an Abolitionist" by Mariame Kaba

"The Case for Prison Abolition: Ruth Wilson Gilmore on COVID-19, Racial Capitalism & Decarceration" from Democracy Now! [VIDEO]

[roboticbuild]

Btw shout-out to disabled people who feel sexual attraction but can't have sex or masturbate. Shout-out to disabled people who can't have sex or masturbate because it hurts. Shout-out to disabled people who can't have sex or masturbate because they're dependant on a caregiver. Shout-out to disabled people who can't have sex or masturbate because they're deemed "too mentally immature". Shout-out to disabled people who can't have sex or masturbate because they would be bedridden for days if not weeks on end. Shout-out to disabled people who can't have sex because they can't get into the right positions. Shout-out to disabled people who can't have sex because once their partner finds out they're disabled they refuse. Shout-out to disabled people who can't have sex because they can't go out to meet people.

Disabled people are not your uwu sexless perfect babies or broken people incapable of sexual pleasure. We deserve to be talked about in all aspects of life and the fact we aren't taught sex ed besides from an able bodied and able mental standpoint is genuinely god awful. No one talks Abt this and we deserve to be seen

[zebulontheplanet]

I think the topic of consent is very important, and I think as an intellectually disabled person, it’s even more important to talk about what I was taught, and what my mom did.

My mom, who was a single woman at the time, explicitly taught me about consent. Why? Because she knew that I, as an intellectually disabled person and autistic person, needed to know it. And it needed to be drilled into my head the importance of consent. Not only did she teach me this, but she taught me how to communicate to trusted people if something happened. She knew that if she didn’t, the chances of me not knowing, or not understanding certain aspects of consent and sex in general, would be profoundly higher than my peers.

She noticed, she did the research, she taught and did what she could. And I am forever grateful for that. Intellectually disabled people, who have a higher rate of things happening to them and being abused, NEED to be taught about sex education, consent, and how to communicate if something were to happen. We are at a much higher rate of being sexually abused than our peers. And it is so so important that these things are taught to us so we are aware and able to protect ourselves and know when it’s time to contact a trusted adult.

[olisix823]

Happy Disabled Pride month!

[pixl-place]

i don’t want to add to the discourse but as much as people wanna argue on here about ace Vik and all that shit it’s honestly been really nice seeing so much fanfic and smut that actually acknowledges disabled conditions and makes accommodations for them like usually disabled characters are cast aside or their disabilities are cast aside and smut is written with them completely fine or they’re just considered unfuckable and that they aren’t dating anyone or they’re labeled as ace (which is a big reason why i don’t like that headcanon for Vik personally i think the claim for the creator comes from an inherent place of homophobia and prejudice) so it’s been really cool to see so much representation and no one ignoring especially Vik’s disabilities but Jayce’s leg as well like yeah put your little gay ship in braces together and then they kiss and fuck nasty !!

[scribefindegil]

When you encounter a person who does not do something that you consider normative, you need to understand that they could be either stating a barrier or expressing a boundary. A barrier is "I would like to partake of the normative activity, but I can't due to other factors." A boundary is "I have made a decision not to participate in the normative activity."

Many people do not believe that boundaries actually exist! This is why it's so common to give a clear "No" on an issue and get inundated with people saying "But have you tried-" They can't conceptualize that anyone might actually want to avoid X thing, so they assume that you totally want to do X and you would love X so much if only they could figure out a way around whatever pesky obstacle is getting in your way. But humanity contains multitudes, and for any given experience you consider vital for happiness I promise there are people who are Just Not Interested.

If someone is stating a boundary, do NOT talk about how sad their life must be, and do NOT try to push them! Just accept that their life experience is very different from your own, and isn't that a beautiful thing?

Barriers are different. Barriers suck. With boundaries, the only problem is other people being dicks. With barriers, the problem is the barrier itself . . . and probably, additionally, people being dicks. There's really not a way to win in the people being dicks department when you don't do something that other people have decided is Necessary For Humaning.

If someone is talking about a barrier they face, still don't talk about how sad their life must be, although it's fine to commiserate with a friend if they're complaining. It's hard! Some barriers are pretty insurmountable; the person might not ever get to do X even though they want to. And a lot of people don't believe that this kind of barrier exists either; we're very much taught that you can do anything if you try hard enough, when that is simply not true. If someone tells you that they can't do something, listen to them and respect that.

The only reason for not doing X that people really acknowledge as real are the surmountable barriers. And these are real, but even in these cases you should always assume that the person knows themself best and not give advice unless they've specifically asked for it. But if they have asked, it's chill to try to brainstorm solutions with them.

As someone who has both things going on, it really sucks that people tend to assume that everything is a) a barrier issue and b) that they personally have the solution to it. Don't do this.

The only way you can tell if something is a boundary or a barrier is to listen to people and believe them.

Example:

If you offer someone a drink and they say, "No thanks . . . I haven't really found anything that I like yet," (barrier, potentially surmountable) it is probably cool to ask them if they're open to trying something new, and if they say yes ask about their tastes to try to find a drink they would enjoy! They might like it or they might not.

If you offer someone a drink and they say, "I can't, it interacts with my meds," (barrier, insurmountable) you can say, "Aw, that sucks!" and offer them something nonalcoholic.

If you offer someone a drink and they say, "I don't drink," (BOUNDARY) you should give them a mocktail and shut the fuck up.

[elysianmadness]

Happy lesbian visibility week/day to every lesbian around the world! I hope you're going to have a wonderful week, wherever you are. Your lesbianism is perfect and needed in the world. In this household, we love and appreciate the diversity of the lesbian experience <3

[swirlygigg]

i love you accommodations for disabled people during sex!

nonverbal signals like tapping or signing

sex toys that don't require you to keep holding them

thigh harnesses

propping up limbs and bodies with pillows

taking breaks whenever necessary

protective covers for easy cleanups

doing positions that make sense for *your* body, not just whatever abled bodies do

clear communication about what's going where

allergy-safe lubes, dental dams, and condoms

knowing your limits with pain

using/not using medication if necessary

being patient about repeating what you said if the other person couldn't hear or understand

being aware of blood sugar, nausea, fainting, etc.

being aware of joints/muscles/bones

other disabled people, add some of your favorites! i wanna hear about them and hopefully learn more that i can incorporate into my safe sex practices!

[zebulontheadult]

As an intellectually disabled person and an aac user, Ive been told many times about what peoples ideas of consent and sex is towards intellectually disabled people. I’ve been told that intellectually disabled people cannot consent, I’ve been told that we can’t have sex, that it’s not something we can do, or even comprehend. This is a very broad statement. No intellectually disabled person is going to be the same. Process the same, know the same, comprehend the same.

I as an intellectually disabled person, can have sex. I can consent to it. I can use my aac to consent. I can use my mouth words to consent. I can use the sign language I know to consent. Multi use of communication is important for me. And I can consent using any method.

Saying that intellectually disabled people cannot consent is not only wrong, but leaves a vast population of intellectually disabled people out of the conversation. Instead, rethink your language. Maybe instead say “some people cannot consent due to this or this” however, you never know. The most disabled person you know could be possible to consent maybe. You never know someone’s comprehension skills. Stop assuming. Unless you know the person really really well, you never know.

Not to mention you never know what that person could be capable of in the future. Have they been taught about sex? Have they been sheltered from it and not told about it? People with ID are notorious for not having been taught about Sex. It’s an important subject that everyone has the right to learn. 

That’s all. Just some late night thoughts.

[wheelchairshop]

[cripple-woe]

Back to post again. Please reblog this if you’re like. Disabled and do, might, are planning to ever have sex. Or just for educational reasons reblog it.

It’s time for:

DISABLED SEX EDUCATION.

So! Let’s get right into it.

We all know that we have a right to know and understand our bodies and how we can have safe, consenting, and pleasant sex. Most schools don’t teach disabled inclusive sex education!

Part One: Sex Toys

By and large, a bafflingly inaccessible market. But still, here’s what you can do.

For limited mobility and dexterity with hands and the like, larger controllers and wireless controllers for toys are good to look into.

If you have movement disorders, a toy that doesn’t need to be moved to stimulate can be helpful.

Also, a pretty universal one is a nice sexy vibrating pillow that you hump. It’s not talked about often because most abled people don’t want that toy when there are more penetrative or intense toys out there, but for cripples like us, it can be very helpful to know it exists, and it’s a good toy.

Part Two: Partner Communication

Whether this partner is your lifetime lover or just a one-night-stand, you need to be communicating properly about your needs and limits, just like abled people, but MORE. Communicate a safe word for if you feel in too much pain, communicate how your disabilities may affect sex with this partner if they aren’t aware, and communicate on the type and level of aftercare you may need. I know for a fact that I would need my partner to take me into the bathroom to pee after sex because I can’t do it of my own accord after that (also, speaking of, PEE AFTER SEX.)

No matter how small it is, communicate. “I’d be more comfortable if I had some pillows under my stomach/back/hips in this position.” “Can we switch positions, this is slightly painful on my hips/back/shoulders.” “I don’t like being pinned like this, because it’s a position I can’t escape from when I want to/it’s causing pressure on my joints/whatever else.”

Partner communication is a big deal with disabled sex and requires a decent level of trust. I also highly recommend that if you have access, being frank with your carers and occupational therapists for instance, will help you a lot with asking for advice in a safe way.

Part Three: Positioning

Ooh, sexy pose time!

From what I can find, these seem to be the most widely accessible poses for sex.

Modified Missionary.

The limited mobility partner sits on the edge of the bed, the other partner stands facing them, and then can lift their partners legs up so their ankles are on their shoulders. If the standing partner is too tall for this to be comfortable, you can place a chair behind them and have the sitting partner put their ankles there (add a blanket over the back of the chair for comfort on their ankles!)

This position is best used when only one person has a mobility issue. It’s also good for if one or both partners are obese, or if a partner is pregnant.

Facing position.

Aka: face to face. Person one sits in a chair, on the edge of the bed, or even in their wheelchair with arm rests removed if your chair can do that and you want to bang in your chair. Their partner sits on their lap and straddles them. Partner on top braces their feet on a solid surface to be able to move their hips and thrust, and the bottom partner can help by grabbing their partner by the backside and lifting/bouncing.

This position is good for two partners with limited mobility, and people who suffer with fatigue.

Intimate Sitting.

Basically the same as above but both partners are fully on the bed. The partner near the headboard can benefit from being held up with pillows, and then they stretch out their legs. The other partner straddles them, feet on the bed, and bends their knees to lower them down.

This is another position for a limited mobility and unlimited mobility couple, especially those looking for face to face intimacy.

Sexy Spooning.

Get into a spooning cuddle position and get freaky.

This is great for people with lower back pain, chronic pain, and arthritis.

Modified Doggystyle Chair.

Limited mobility person sits in a chair or wheelchair near the edge of the bed, their partner sits in their lap and leans forward to brace themselves on the edge of the bed with their upper body and arms.

Great for hip pain sufferers and of course those with mobility issues, though be aware that the person on the edge of the bed is taking more physical exertion.

Modified Doggystyle Bed.

Or the floor, if that’s more comfortable. Put some pillows on the bed/floor to support the bottom partner, and then the top partner drapes over them chest to back.

If you require more stability as the bottom partner this is for you.

69 Flipped.

One person laid on their side in the spooning position, and the other lays facing them in the same way, but with their head at the opposite end.

This is good for arthritis, or people who have weak hips or hips prone to muscle spasms. Also, unlike media might have you believe, 69 doesn’t have to be oral-oral. You can use toys, your hands, whatever, as long as you and your partner are having fun.

Final notes.

Don’t be afraid to explore each others bodies. Touch, massage, stroke each other and see how you feel. Places like necks, inner thighs, ears and sides can all be turn-on zones due to their extra sensitivity. Just… explore. Don’t try to take it too seriously either, sex is sexy, sure, but it’s also funny and sometimes you make a weird noise (verbally or otherwise!) and you can’t keep fucking for all the giggles you’re having.

Have fun, do it safely, remember that sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener, and PEE AFTER SEX FOR GODS SAKE.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Sex and Disability

This Disability Pride Month, check out our series on Sex and Disability! This isn't meant to be a be-all-end-all guide to sex and disability because a) it's not, and b) there just can't ever be such a thing with any guide to sex. This series, much like your entire sexual life, is a work in progress and an endless, ongoing conversation. We hope this can be a good place for you to get started, and something that starts you on the path of good feelings about sex and your disability. Read the introduction above, or skip to one of the sections below:

Taking Your Body for a Ride: Masturbation and Disability

Disabled Sex: Sex for Two (or More)

Consent Is Sexy: Sexual Autonomy and Disability

Sex on the Brain: Sex and Autism, Mental Illness, and Other Cognitive Diversity

Your Body is Not a Sex Object: Devotees and Disability

Wheelchair, Bound? Kink and Disability

I Beg Your Pardon? Dealing with Rude Nondisableds

(Check out the rest of our disability-focused content here)

[certifiedsexed]

as a disabled person who is pained by any amount of exercise, i find that my arms and hands often hurt after masturbating. using a vibrator helps to minimise the pain, though—but if you do use a vibrator, your hands might still hurt depending on how you hold it, how long you're holding it, and the intensity of the vibrations. still makes masturbation much easier if you are pained easily, like me

Thank you, this is a great suggestion! <33 This post is related to this post for those wondering.

[sunlitmcgee]

say No to the supposed toxic yaoi of shipping a rapist abusive creep with a man who enabled him and was then tortured by him for several months.

Embrace, or at least consider, instead, the nuanced tenderness of a woman and a man, both hurt by the same monster, in a kinder ending, being able to heal their bodies from where he touched them. Regaining parts of themselves. Connecting and apologizing and healing alongside one another, growing into happy people who will live far beyond the events on that awful ship.

And have her peg him