#dirk you need you calm down

[marchentraume]

Radio Omens Thoughts

General - 

First off, you can find the Radio Drama here uwuwuwu

The cast was 10/10 amazing, I love the audiobook but it was really interesting to hear how Neil and Sir Terry wanted everyone to sound before the show was even a thought. Dirk Maggs and Heather Larmour's Direction is so well done! I'm a huge fan of Hitchhiker's Guide so might try out his radio drama later...

The Them and Anathema are personal faves of the supporting cast so I’m always happy to get a new experience with those characters, Anathema’s gaydar going off the charts was perfect (“‘Angel’?” gets me good).

Just want to highlight Josie Lawrence as Agnes is perfect just like with the show, I’m so happy they didn’t change that after the radio drama, the adaptation made her so wickedly charming that I think was in the show but it goes by so fast with everything going on.

There are definitely parts in the book that are somewhat hard for me to get through, and I think the radio adaptation helped push those along a lot better. I do wish we got to hear the parts of Aziraphale spirit hopping around a bit before finding Crowley, but I just wanted to hear him talk more. Overall this is a good way to experience the book if you aren’t sure about reading it yet, or you’re like me and need help figuring out what it was I read in the first place. 

Aziraphale and Crowley -

No notes holy shit 20/10 casting, they’re only in the drama just about as much as the book which makes me sad but their scenes were absolutely burning with how flirty they were.

They are 100% already married here and comfortable with each other, the lull of their routine is only disrupted by Armageddon which is really annoying so now they have to do their jobs.

Aziraphale acting as narrator for some scenes was a good choice, blah blah something about reliable vs unreliable narrator Crowley (I just can’t put it to words right now oops).

Peter Serafinowicz your Crowley gives me so much gender it’s insane, also when he’s doing the nanny voice???? Hello????? I could have a whole chapter of him and Aziraphale during that time just chatting with each other and little Warlock.

I overall really loved the respective performances of Peter and Mark, both portrayed the two with this freedom of doubt and lots of mutual love. Crowley still wants to keep Aziraphale safe and he’s confident he can even as events get worse, the latter is stubborn knowing he’s right but confident that his demon will catch up and figure it out (even if begrudgingly so). They already have their happy ending, it can only get happier from here after they save the world.

I definitely recommend Radio Omens, it really is part of the golden triad of experiencing the story. 

My personal recommendation: Book, Show, Radio

If you have a harder time starting books (be it reading or listening) then: Show, Book, Radio

Next on my list is the audiobook with the show cast, but I’ll take a break for a bit since every time I read/watch the original story I get so worked up I need to calm down for about a month or so :’) 

What do YOU all think of radio omens? Please tell me or send me Radio Omens headcanons and opinions. I need them badly chomping at the bit here!

[thesimmermo]

SEASON 1 EPISODE 12 Here's Come Baby Dreamer 🤍

Morgan returns to Oasis Springs and begins nesting. She's decorated the nursery, went to dozens of Llamaze classes, and brought so much baby clothes that Dirk had to take away her card.

Dirk has been so close to her. He can't seem to rest unless he can physically see her. He's been doing a lot of work at home and trying to make sure that when the time comes, he is ready to help.

Morgan spends as much time in the sun as she can trying to distract herself from the upcoming birth of her child on the way.

Each time she looks up, Dirk is there to help her.

Morgan wakes up in the middle of the night and screams as pain shoots through her body. Dirk hears her from downstairs and rushed up to find her grimacing.

Dirk: Are you okay? What happened? Morgan: I think... *clinches teeth* I think my water broke.

Dirk: Oh shit! Breathe baby. Breathe. Morgan: *clinching teeth* It hurts so bad. I'm trying. Dirk: You've prepped for this. I'll grab the diaper bag and go crank up the car. Give me 2 minutes.

Dirk breaks out in a panicked sprint through the house gathering the hospital bag. He cranks up her car and then rushed back upstairs.

Dirk: I got you baby, come on.

Morgan leans forward and let's out another loud scream.

Morgan: I can't do it. I can't do it. Dirk: You can and you will. Breathe baby. I got you.

Dirk cradles her and lifts her.

She presses her face into his shoulder and cries. Dirk can feel sadness settling in.

Morgan: It hurts so bad.

Morgan whimpers out the words between sobs as Dirk holds her and lifts her.

Dirk: I got you. I got you.

Morgan grimaces as he pulls her up. Dirk puts his hands around her waist to support her.

Morgan: Okay, let's... go.

Dirk walks closely beside her as they rush to Oasis Springs Memorial Hospital. Security is already on high alert for their arrival. They have every entrance to the hospital blocked off and they aren't allowing anyone inside of the facility.

Morgan: Don't let me go. Dirk: I'm not baby. I got you. Morgan: That feels so good. Dirk: You'll feel even better when you get that epidural.

Time passes by and Dirk is doing anything that he can to distract Morgan from the pain that she is in. He holds her, walks with her, rubs her back, and even her feet. He wants her as comfortable as possible. As the contractions grow closer, the more panicked Morgan is.

Soon the doctor arrives and it is time.

Morgan is nearly screaming at the top of her lungs. She is clawing her nails into Dirk's palm as everyone in the room tries to calm her down.

Dirk: Damnit, we're cutting these as soon as we get home. Morgan: I'm gonna pass out. Doctor: Mrs. Dreamer, you have to push!

Morgan: PUSH?! I can barely breathe! I can't PUSH! Dirk: Morgs! PUSH! Morgan: YOU PUSH!

Doctor: His head is right there. Mrs. Dreamer you have to push!

Morgan grips the railing and screams louder than ever.

Morgan: DIRK DREAMER JUST KILL ME! Dirk: *smiles* I see you're still dramatic. Morgan: *growls*

Morgan looks down and sees the baby's head.

Morgan: I'm going to be sick. Dirk: You aren't the only one. Doctor: Mrs.Dreamer, I need one more good push. Give it all you've got. Morgan: What if I don't have anything else to give?

Doctor: PUSH! Dirk: PUSH!

Morgan leans forward and screams. Dirk leans in closer. The sound of a crying baby fills their ears.

Doctor: Mr. and Mrs. Dreamer, here's your healthy baby boy. Morgan: Oh my god. Dirk: He is beautiful.

Dirk: You did it Morg. Morgan: *cries*

Morgan: We're parents. Dirk: We are. Doctor: Mr. and Mrs. Dreamer have you guys thought of a name.

Dirk glances at Morgan. They hadn't really discussed any names for him. There weren't any names that they truly agreed upon.

Dirk: I- Morgan: I have the most perfect name. Nurse: I'm ready when you are. Dirk: What name? Morgan: After his dad.

Dirk wipes away a tear and his heart melts.

Morgan: Dirk Dreamer Jr. Nurse: Perfect. Dirk: *smiles* Are you serious? Morgan: I couldn't think of any better name to give your first born son. Dirk: *smiles*

Dreamer Party of 3 🤍

[luminousbravery]

May i request Dirk and karkat (separate) with a s/o who constantly needs to be doing something like talking at 50 miles per hour, pacing back and forth, constantly talking, listening to music all that stuff. Like just can not be calm.

yipepee!!!!!

DIRK AND KARKAT WITH AN EXTREMELY ACTIVE S/O

KARKAT

I mean, Karkat is hardly one who can complain. He's not exactly the quiet type. And he likes to talk just as much as you do, probably. I mean, really! If you two could find the same topic to discuss, you could probably sit there and rant to each other for HOURS. He'll also give really great commentary while you're doing stuff. Unless, of course, you multitask. Either way, when you two are together, there's no getting you two to quiet down.

DIRK

Dirk's not really on the quiet side. He's talkative, sure, but he definitely isn't going to be as talkative as you are. At most, he'll provide playful banter while you ramble about something that interests you. He's a great wall to talk to, you know? Quiet enough so that you can say whatever, but not so quiet to that you feel like you're alone.

[imtrashraccoon]

Do you have any romantic headcanons or headcanons in general for dirk, maul and reven? Dovovan can be added into the mix too! Just curious on those three since we've only seen how they interact with somebody who they are fighting against, being soulmates with their boss and joining the team. :o so curious on how they would do with somebody they fall for.

Oh boy, oh boy, do I?! So, I'm actually gonna just spitball some general headcanons as well because I love these guys and need to write for them!

The Dark Fortress: Headcanons

Dirk

- He's a really crass kind of person. You've never heard so many different ways to curse before meeting him and most of the time, you have no idea what half of what he says even means. He's also loud, obnoxious, and endlessly flirtatious towards anyone remotely attractive in his eyes. No one is safe, even those in commited relationships, but his advances aren't ever serious. Well, except for when they are.

- He struggles to feel much of anything most days. Which is why he acts the way he does most of the time. He needs stimulation. He needs to stay busy. He needs to interact with people or he'll go crazy. Depending what phase his soul is at the moment also impacts how he responds to people. He doesn't really like talking about his soul though.

- Despite what you might think, and what he insists, he's not from high society. He had very simple beginnings, think a farmer or something to do with physical labour, but he never talks about his childhood. If it ever comes up, he gets deathly quiet and withdrawn. You get the sense that whatever actually happened to him was pretty bad if the guy who never shuts up suddenly refuses to talk.

- He doesn't really talk about anything before he joined up with the band of brigands actually. He likes to boast about all the heists he took part in and how much he made from them. He doesn't talk about what happened to cause him to snap completely and kill the people he used to call brothers, but considering how much he values loyalty, you suspect it's somehow related.

- He's a huge flirt but somewhat surprisingly, he won't pressure you into anything that you aren't comfortable with. If you clearly tell him to stop, he will, no questions asked. He mostly flirts for his own amusement since he finds other people's reactions incredibly funny. He does get up to his own escapades whenever the opportunity presents itself, which isn't as often anymore now that he works for Donovan.

- As for how he'd react towards something more long term? You'd think a guy with a penchant for messing around and flirting with anything that breaths might be a poor choice in a partner. His unyielding loyalty means that he'll be there for you through anything and everything, providing you do the same for him. He's your ride or die, but woe to anyone foolish enough to betray his loyalty.

- With Dirk as a partner, you will never be bored as he won't allow it. He struggles with any type of emotion that isn't passion or violence, but once you become close with him, you'll begin to see an entirely different person.

- Dirk is oddly sweet when he's alone with you. He loves snuggling, usually he'll insist on being the big spoon, and will often find excuses to stay in bed with you. He's a physical touch kind of person already, generally giving it, but he would love it if you did the same for him.

- He's really good at giving compliments and if you're feeling down, he's quick to try and cheer you up. You're his rock and if you're sad, he's gonna be sad and neither of you want to see that.

- He's still a really dangerous person though, even with all his obnoxiousness and flirting. No matter how long you're in a relationship, he's still scared of accidentally hurting you. Oddly enough, being around you does calm him down if he's worked up, so unless he's in an actually dangerous state of mind, you might get shoved into the same room as him if any of the others need him to calm down quickly.

- While he enjoys killing people for the chance to get more EXP, Dirk has a couple of more "normal" hobbies. He likes to "collect" weapons and cool looking armour, even if he won't actually use most of them. He just likes having dangerous and shiny things. He also likes animals, especially cats, but most animals don't do well around the corruption from the dark fortress. If you somehow find him a pet that can survive, you'll be his best friend for a while.

- He knows how to properly use most types of weapons, even some obscure ones, but he prefers a dagger since it's easier to sneak into places he's not supposed to have weapons. He's totally the type to have multiple knives hidden on his person at all times, sometimes even while sleeping.

Maul

- If Dirk is the loudest and most energetic, Maul is the quietest and generally the calmest. He speaks pretty much only when spoken to and when the question can't be answered with a simple yes or no. Even then, he keeps his answers brief and moves on to whatever he was already doing before being interrupted. This changes when he realizes that he likes you though.

- Maul generally keeps to himself when Donovan doesn't have need of him. He's basically a brick wall most of the time anyways, but he does show some emotions at times. This is mostly the occasional grin, raising a bonebrow, or frowning if he's annoyed. It's rare for him to emote since he doesn't want people to know what he's thinking, but occasionally he'll catch himself reacting to something genuinely funny or express some of his frustrations.

- Maul mostly spends his free time doing chores like sharpening his greataxe, maintaining his gear and armour, or working on his hobbies. He enjoys cooking, especially baking, and often is the one in charge of meals. Except for maybe Donovan, who is at least competent in the kitchen, he's the only one who can cook well. Maul also likes taking care of animals or gardening, although it's harder to do either of those now that he's staying in the dark fortress.

- He doesn't talk about himself, at all. If you can somehow start a conversation with him, he'll talk about literally anything else but his past or the things he's done. Just be patient, as his idea of a conversation is letting you do the bulk of the talking while he listens, usually while doing something else, and occasionally answering with grunts or one word answers.

- The thing is, while Dirk is immediately up front if he likes you, Maul isn't really, at least not to any outside observers. He's just doing normal things that anyone would do for others, right? He'll randomly make foods you like, bring you something to drink or eat if you've been busy for a while, and come see you just to "hang out". To the others, it's very, very obvious that he likes you as he pretty much ignores them most of the time, but you might have a more difficult time figuring it out.

- He even starts to engage with you about topics he's knowledgeable on. He knows exactly how to sharpen any weapon or tool and while he may not have as much martial knowledge as Reven, he could probably still teach you a thing or two about throwing your weight around in battle. He doesn't do sneaky or small weapons though so if you want tips, you're fresh out of luck with him.

- He'd love it if you joined in on whatever he's working on. Making food for others is one of his ways of showing he cares, so to do it with a partner is a great way to bond with him. You'll get bonus points if you have experience cooking/baking already, especially if you've memorized recipes or have made up some of your own.

- Maybe when you get really close, he might let you in on his backstory, although it'll take a while to put together all the pieces since he isn't gonna sit you down and explain everything at once. Instead you'll get little comments here and there randomly like how he learned to get meat to stretch as far as possible or how much he despises tyrants. He definitely didn't come from wealth but it's hard to tell if he had a simple upbringing like Dirk or if he was enlisted into military service at a young age. He doesn't care how anyone perceives him anymore but he struggles with believing that anyone could find him anything but scary.

- His head injury has impacted his memory and changed a lot about how he processes emotions and approaches situations. He sometimes takes a bit to respond to questions but at least combat still comes as naturally to him as breathing does. He's much more patient as a result and takes his time doing tasks so they're done correctly the first time.

- He's a very doting lover. All he wants is to have a calm, relaxed life without having to fight for survival each day. If he had his way, you wouldn't have to lift a finger for anything. Things like breakfast in bed and cuddles in the evening by a fireplace are a regular occurrence. He also loves physical touch, both giving and especially receiving, but his larger size makes it a bit difficult for him to be the small spoon while cuddling.

- He's also majorly protective, almost like a guard dog. If he thinks someone's bothering you, he'll come up to you, wrap his arms around you, and frown at them. To you, he doesn't look that scary, but to anyone else outside the dark fortress, he's downright terrifying. He's not above growling at people if they don't get the message but unless you're in an actually dangerous situation, he's more likely to pick you up and leave than actually start a fight. Not that it would be much of a fight for him, but he doesn't enjoy needlessly killing people, especially in front of you.

- He experiences nightmares and zoning out fairly often. He's been through a lot before joining Donovan, including a coup that overthrew the monarchy which resulted in a famine and caused many citizens to suffer. He stood by as people starved and did nothing but follow orders like a good soldier should. It took his own brother attempting to stand up to the tyrannical general for him to act. In the resulting conflict, he was mortally injured although he survived. The head injury left him with a memory gap so that he isn't certain who walked away from the fight or who was dusted. He doesn't even know if his brother made it out or not.

Reven

- Reven is somewhere in the middle, although he tends to be a bit more quiet rather than chatty like Dirk. He generally likes to sit back and observe the situation before injecting himself. He's a schemer by nature and thanks to his incredible observation skills, he often notices details that others won't. If he's approaching you to talk before you have a chance to approach him, it's likely because he thinks he can get something from you.

- He's prone to random outbursts of laughter, especially if the room has been quiet for a while. If asked what's so funny, he usually attempts to brush the question off by claiming that you wouldn't get it. He's aware that it probably makes him look insane but it's the truth.

- He won't readily admit it but he hears the voice of his dead brother constantly as he's haunted by him. It's unclear if it's actually his brother's soul or just a figment of his insanity, but Reven fully believes that he literally has his brother haunting him. While his brother normally has murderous tendencies, if that behaviour isn't directed towards you, then Reven is gonna pay extra close attention.

- You catch him staring a lot, like a lot, a lot. His face is almost always hidden by his hood but you can usually still see his eyelights and feel the intensity of his gaze. Even when you catch a glimpse of his face, it's like he's wearing a mask. His expression rarely changes but when it does, he tends to grin with unknown glee or glare at whatever has irritated him in the moment.

- It often takes a lot to make Reven actually angry, but when something tips him over the edge, you better hope there's nothing particularly valuable or fragile nearby. He wouldn't dream of actually hurting you but there isn't any guarantee that you won't get caught in the crossfire. Most of the time, Dirk is the target of his anger but he likes to purposely rile Reven up when he's bored, which is fairly often.

- It's true that Reven used to be a paladin before snapping. He and his brother were raised in a dusty backwater kingdom that has since collapsed but when they were young, they decided to join a holy order to defend those who couldn't defend themselves. They were brave and noble paladins until disaster struck of course.

- Reven doesn't talk about what actually caused him to snap. It's possible that he was responsible for his brother's death and doesn't know it, or he is very much aware and just refuses to even think about it. Either way, he abandoned the order after this and eventually his insanity led him to become the serial killer responsible for the Crimson Stabbings. His obsessive nature led him to never actually be caught, although he was spotted often enough to become known for his red cuirass.

- He occasionally gets the itch for more EXP and will look for opportunities to kill again, for this reason he isn't usually left alone on stealth missions. He's good at what he does though and with the proper motivation, will complete any mission perfectly without anyone even knowing he was there.

- His obsessive nature can lead to concerning situations, especially if you haven't figured out that he likes you yet. You'll start receiving gifts from an unknown admirer that are very obviously tailored to your preferences. Sometimes you even get the feeling of being watched but there's never anyone there. Hopefully, you already know him before he makes a confession of love and hopefully you accept his affections. Otherwise, well, he doesn't do well with rejection and there's no telling what he'll do.

- He's really sweet when you're in a relationship though. He enjoys spoiling you with little gifts and lives for your gratitude since it makes him feel oddly fuzzy inside. He's also super cuddly and will find any excuse just to sit with his skull on your shoulder and arms around your waist. He also likes PDA and will shamelessly hold your hand in front of others. He may not actually kiss you in public but if he does, it's probably because he thinks it'll upset someone or make you embarrassed, which he thinks is really adorable.

- It goes without saying that his mental state is unstable but just be patient with him. If he's having a bad day, give him some space to calm down but if you approach him later on, he'd love it if you comforted him. You'll probably get confined to the couch with him holding onto you. He's not that heavy as he's a skeleton but it's a bit difficult to move around with a whole person hanging off of you. Best to wait it out.

Donovan

- Donovan is an interesting case. He claims that he can't feel emotions beyond negative ones, which is technically true. Once he finds his soulmate though, he starts to question everything that he knows about himself. While he isn't the person he used to be anymore, maybe there's a semblance of his old self still there?

- No matter how much you look or how many people you ask, there is no information on him. It's as if he just popped into existence or something. He's not exactly one to talk about the past either, which seems to be a running theme by now, but maybe someday he'll tell you what happened to him. He wasn't always covered in corruption or had tentacles protruding from his back after all.

- He's really not a nice person and while he's generally very patient and reserved, even his patience has limits. He tries not to get upset at you but there are times when he inevitably snaps and says something he shouldn't. He usually regrets it immediately afterwards but sometimes he won't notice how upset you are for a few hours.

- Most of the time, he acts cold towards you and the boys but he does care in his own way. He makes sure you have anything you could need to survive and be happy as he struggles with anything more. He's fiercely protective of those he calls his own, which may come as a bit of a surprise at times, but he really does consider you and the boys as his "family".

- He has no patience for foolishness or people trying to deceive him. This is why he might lash out at people and harshly punish those who wrong him. Of course, he's also rather selfish and isn't above just taking what he wants. He very much sees himself as a god and everyone else as being below him.

- He has genuinely sweet moments, although these are strictly reserved for his soulmate. Something about the closeness with an uncorrupted soul seems to almost "heal" his own very damaged one. Maybe there's hope for him after all?

- He's actually a little shy about PDA, although he doesn't mind holding onto you if he can excuse it away with being protective but behind closed doors it's an entirely different story. He loves touching you. He loves how warm your body is, how soft you are, and especially the little noises you make when he touches a ticklish or sensitive spot. He's super mindful of his claws and his own physical strength as he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he seriously hurt you.

- He will gladly snuggle with you and will often drag you into bed if you're taking too long for his liking. He wouldn't force you to do anything you aren't comfortable with but you may have to get firm with him if he's distracted and not listening. His tentacles are basically an extension of his own body and mean he has an even easier time hanging onto you. If anything, he prefers to touch you with them since they are soft and squishy, as well as cool to the touch.

- He was very lonely before the boys and you especially came along. He collected them because their souls ooze negativity and he enjoys having an easy source of it nearby. He also wanted to have henchmen to facilitate his own plans and spreading more negativity. Over time though, he's come to kind of see them as his own and not just pawns. It's an unconventional arrangement at best though and they butt heads a ton, but he's provided a place for the destitute, the lost, and the vagabonds to stay.

- When you've earned his trust and been together for a while, you'll learn about who he used to be and where he's from. This could be through an ancient book that he keeps locked away for safekeeping or through bits and pieces of what he tells you. However, you learn a few things such as how he was once a prince of a lost kingdom, had a twin brother, and barely survived an assassination attempt.

- There was a massive tree at the center of his kingdom which bore two kinds of magic fruit. It was rumoured that if you ate one, you would gain knowledge beyond all measure and the power to defeat all foes. The fruit also had the power to influence your emotions but this wasn't of much interest for those who lusted after them. Donovan ate all of the negative fruit in an attempt to survive a mortal injury and protect the tree. However, he was overwhelmed by the power and failed.

- He aimlessly wandered the world for many years before he grew into his powers and decided to make a move to create his own kingdom. This is why he created the dark fortress and collected the boys. At the moment, his goal is to spread the corruption and his influence, but contrary to what some may think, he isn't all powerful. There are many powerful people out there who may take issue with him if they heard about everything he's done.

[keiratheraven]

Bentley 8 Squad & Bella Goth as Taylor Swift Albums

I didn't put Taylor's self-titled album because she herself didn't include her songs from this album in The Eras Tour. I know, everyone will think that Angie is the only faithful swiftie. But I think almost of all her albums has resemblance to the Bentley 8 Squad, and Bella Goth as well.

Fearless (2008): similar to Johnny Smith, even though he has green skin, he has a strong confidence and doesn't care what others think about him.

Speak Now (2010): similar to Angela Pleasant. Angela is a swiftie from the beginning, and the butterfly + koi fish aesthetics in this album is very personal to her.

Red (2012): No need to explain. The entire RED album especially the color belongs to the Legendary Bella Goth.

1989 (2014): The blue aesthetics and the dreams of NYC belongs to Dirk, ofc.

Reputation (2017): The dark aesthetic and snakes. Need I say more? Couldn't be better for Lilith.

Lover (2019): Ripp is a romance sim who is proudly bisexual, and I believe "You Need to Calm Down" is his favorite LGBTQ+ Anthem.

Folklore/Evermore (2020): Puck is a fairy who loves nature, and he spends most of his time in the forest or woods.

Midnights (2022): I believe Dustin likes the lighter symbolism due to his bad boy nature, and "Vigilante Shit" is his favorite revenge anthem.

The Tortured Poets Department (2024): Ophelia is a poet who has anxiety and depression like the songs represented in this album. And the gray aesthetics belongs to her.

[borderlinedirkhal]

‘The Begging of A Breakdown’

Dirk/Hal

BPD, Breakdown, Self Harm, Ideation, BDSM, Impact Play, Homestuck, Harm Reduction, Angst, Sadstuck, Restraints, Emotional Release, Catharsis, Hal can control technology/ the room/robots’

—————————————————————————

Dirk sat in his workspace, staring at the cluttered desk in front of him. The hum of the computer, the scattered notes, the flickering monitor—none of it registered. His mind was a storm, chaotic and unrelenting, a cacophony of guilt, self-hatred, and fear drowning out everything else. He should be doing something. Anything. But all he could feel was the gnawing, suffocating numbness that wrapped itself around him like a noose.

“Dirk,” Hal’s voice broke through the haze, calm but clipped. “You’ve been sitting there for twenty-three minutes and forty-seven seconds. Care to tell me what’s going on in that overactive disaster of a brain of yours?”

Dirk didn’t respond. His hands clenched into fists, knuckles white against the sharp edge of the desk. He wanted to speak, to say something biting or sarcastic, but the words stuck in his throat, heavy and useless. The silence dragged on, and the pressure in his chest built until it felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“You’re ignoring me now?” Hal’s tone was sharper, almost mocking. “That’s not going to make your problems disappear, you know. Whatever self-destructive monologue you’ve got running up there, I suggest you shut it down before it—”

“Shut up!��� Dirk’s voice cracked as he finally snapped, the sound too loud and too raw in the small room. He pushed himself up from the chair, pacing erratically, his hands threading through his hair. “Just—shut up for once, Hal. I can’t—”

He stopped mid-sentence, his breath hitching painfully in his throat. His chest heaved, the tightness unbearable now. His thoughts were too loud, too fast, screaming at him with every step he took: You’re a failure. You’re a burden. You’ll never be enough. Look at you—pathetic, useless, weak.

Hal’s voice softened, no longer sharp or sarcastic. “Dirk. Stop for a second. Breathe.”

Dirk shook his head violently, his hands gripping his hair as if he could rip the thoughts out by force. The walls felt like they were closing in, the air too thick to inhale. He stumbled back, hitting the wall, sliding down to the floor as his legs gave out beneath him. His hands moved to his ears, pressing hard against the sides of his head, trying to drown out the noise—the relentless, overwhelming noise.

“Dirk, listen to me,” Hal’s voice was steady, trying to cut through the chaos. “You’re spiraling. You need to focus on something—anything. Count. Name what you can see. Just—”

“SHUT UP!” Dirk screamed again, the sound tearing from his throat like it hurt to say. His hands slammed against his head, the pain a dull relief compared to the chaos inside. He rocked forward and back, silent sobs wracking his body, his chest tightening further with every uneven breath.

Hal was silent for a moment, and then his voice returned, quieter now, laced with something that almost sounded like concern. “Dirk. You’re not helping yourself by doing this. You’re making it worse. Let me—”

Dirk couldn’t hear him anymore. The words were drowned out by the pounding in his head, the relentless storm of thoughts and emotions that refused to let him go. Tears streamed down his face as he pulled harder at his hair, his nails digging into his scalp. He rocked faster, his body moving like it had a mind of its own, desperate to escape the overwhelming sensations consuming him.

He let out a guttural, broken noise, somewhere between a scream and a sob. His throat burned, his body shaking uncontrollably as he fought against the crushing weight of his own mind. He hit himself in the head again, his fists connecting with a force that made his vision blur. The pain was grounding, but only for a moment. It wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough.

“Dirk,” Hal said again, but there was no sarcasm now, no edge. Just a quiet insistence. “You need to stop. You’re hurting yourself.”

But Dirk didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop. The breakdown had swallowed him whole, dragging him into a place where Hal’s voice couldn’t reach. He was trapped, a prisoner to his own mind, and the only thing he could do was fight against it, clawing desperately for relief that never came.

His nails scraped against his scalp as he let out another guttural sound, his voice hoarse and raw from screaming. His body trembled violently, his breathing shallow and uneven. He didn’t know how long he’d been there, rocking back and forth, hitting himself, crying until his throat felt like it would collapse. Time didn’t exist anymore—only the endless cycle of pain and panic and desperate, suffocating fear.

Dirk’s hands fell away from his ears, trembling as he stared down at the floor, his breathing erratic and shallow. The relentless storm inside his head had twisted into something else now—something sharper, darker. He needed release. Something physical. Something to match the unbearable weight in his chest, to carve it out, bleed it out, anything to make it stop.

His eyes darted around the room, searching for something, anything he could use. The scissors on the desk. The screwdriver sticking out of the toolbox. His breath hitched as his body moved instinctively, driven by the desperation clawing at him from the inside.

“No,” Hal said firmly, his voice cutting through the haze. “Dirk, stop.”

Dirk didn’t listen. He couldn’t. His body was moving on autopilot, his mind screaming at him to do something before the pressure inside him exploded. He stumbled toward the desk, his shaking hands reaching for the scissors.

The drawer slammed shut before he could grab them, Hal’s control over the room asserting itself with a sharp click of the lock. Dirk’s frustration boiled over, and he slammed his fists against the desk, letting out a raw, guttural scream.

“Don’t do this,” Hal said, his tone uncharacteristically serious. “You’re not thinking straight. This won’t help, and you know it.”

Dirk spun around, his face streaked with tears, his eyes wild with desperation. “You don’t get it!” he yelled, his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions. “I can’t—this won’t stop! I need it to stop, Hal! I need—” His voice broke into a choked sob, his hands clawing at his hair again as he fell to his knees.

Hal didn’t respond immediately, as though carefully calculating his next move. Dirk suddenly lurched toward the cabinet near the wall, where he knew there were tools—sharp things, heavy things. The handles rattled violently as he yanked at the doors, but they didn’t budge.

“I locked them,” Hal said coolly. “You’re not getting in there, Dirk.”

Dirk let out another scream, this one primal, frustrated. He pounded his fists against the cabinet doors, his breaths coming in short, ragged gasps. “Stop trying to control me!” he shouted, his voice raw and furious.

Hal’s response was immediate, sharp. “If I don’t, who will? You’ll hurt yourself, and then what? You’ll spiral further, hate yourself even more? Brilliant plan, Dirk. Really top-notch coping mechanism.”

Dirk ignored him, spinning on his heel and darting toward the toolbox. Hal’s attention followed, and the toolbox lid slammed shut with a resounding clang before Dirk could grab anything inside.

“You’re really testing me,” Hal said, his voice edged with frustration now. “You’re not going to win this.”

“Shut up!” Dirk yelled, his voice cracking again as he shoved the toolbox off the table. It hit the floor with a loud crash, tools scattering everywhere. His hands shook violently as he reached for a screwdriver, but before his fingers could close around it, his body jerked backward.

Dirk froze, realizing too late that Hal had activated the restraints embedded in a nearby chair. Metal cuffs snapped around his wrists, yanking him back onto the chair with a force that made him gasp. His legs were pinned moments later, leaving him trapped and thrashing.

“Let me go!” Dirk screamed, his voice breaking into something desperate and pained. He pulled against the restraints, his movements wild and frantic. “You don’t understand! I need— I need—” He couldn’t even finish the sentence, his words dissolving into sobs as he struggled against the unyielding metal.

Hal’s voice was quieter now, but no less firm. “You need to breathe, Dirk. You need to stop trying to destroy yourself and let me help.”

Dirk shook his head violently, tears streaming down his face. “You can’t help! You’re just—just words, a voice, a—” His breath hitched, his body convulsing against the restraints as he tried again, uselessly, to pull free. “I can’t do this, Hal. I can’t. It’s too much.”

Hal was silent for a moment, the room filled only with Dirk’s ragged sobs and the clinking of the restraints as he thrashed. Then Hal spoke, his tone low and measured. “Dirk. Listen to me. You don’t need to hurt yourself to feel better. You don’t need to bleed to make this go away.”

Dirk didn’t respond, his head dropping forward as he sobbed uncontrollably. His body shook with the force of it, his wrists straining against the cuffs as if his need for release could overpower the metal.

Hal’s voice softened, though there was still an edge of authority to it. “You’re stronger than this. You’ve been here before, and you’ve come out the other side. You don’t need to do this. Just… stop fighting, Dirk. Stop running.”

Dirk was still thrashing, his wrists pulling hard against the cuffs, the metal biting into his skin. The exhaustion that Hal had hoped would take hold hadn’t fully arrived. Instead, Dirk was caught in the storm, a violent swirl of frustration, desperation, and pure, unrelenting self-hatred.

“Stop fighting, Dirk,” Hal said, his tone clipped and sharp now. The warmth in his voice had drained away, replaced with something colder, firmer. “You’re wasting energy you don’t have. You’re not going to break out of this, no matter how much you twist and flail.”

Dirk shook his head violently, his breathing still shallow and frantic. “You don’t get it!” he yelled, his voice cracking under the strain. His head jerked forward as if trying to curl into himself, but the restraints kept him upright, exposed.

“I understand perfectly,” Hal snapped. “You’re spiraling because you don’t know how to sit with your own feelings. Because you hate not being in control. Because you think this—” he gestured with his voice to the room, to Dirk’s restrained state, his thrashing, his tears— “is some kind of moral failing. Spoiler alert, Dirk: it’s not. It’s just you being catastrophically bad at dealing with yourself. Again.”

Dirk let out a guttural scream, his voice raw and broken, and threw his head back against the chair. “Shut up! Shut up!” His whole body bucked against the restraints, his face flushed, his hair clinging to his sweat-damp forehead. “You don’t know what it’s like! You don’t—”

“Oh, please,” Hal interrupted, his voice dripping with mockery. “Don’t pull the ‘you don’t understand’ card on me. I know you better than anyone, Dirk. Better than you know yourself most days. I am you after all, and right now, I know exactly what you want.”

Dirk froze for a fraction of a second, his breathing still frantic but stalling, just slightly, as if Hal had struck a nerve. “No,” he said, shaking his head again, his voice shaky and desperate. “No, I don’t—”

“Yes, you do.” Hal’s tone was merciless now, his words cutting through Dirk’s denial like a blade. “You don’t want this chaos in your head. You don’t want this breakdown to end in nothing but more emptiness. You want me to break you, don’t you? You want something real. Something you can feel.”

Dirk’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. His body was trembling now, less with anger and more with the unbearable weight of truth.

“You’re pathetic,” Hal continued, his voice low and biting. “You’re sitting here, shaking and crying like a child, and all you can think about is how much you need me to fix it. You need me to hurt you. To leave marks. To give you a reason to cry that actually makes sense to you. Don’t you, Dirk?”

Dirk whimpered, his head shaking weakly even as his body betrayed him, leaning slightly forward as if drawn toward the words.

“Say it,” Hal demanded, his tone razor-sharp. “Say what you want.”

“I don’t—” Dirk’s voice broke, his eyes squeezing shut as fresh tears spilled down his cheeks. He was still fighting, but it was weaker now, more desperate than defiant.

“Stop lying to yourself,” Hal snapped. “You want pain. You want to be hurt so badly that it drowns out everything else in your head. You want to be nothing but bruises and welts and screams, so there’s no room left for self-pity or guilt or whatever other garbage you’re wallowing in. Admit it, Dirk.”

Dirk let out a strangled sob, his head dropping forward as his body shook with the weight of his emotions. “I—I can’t,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

“Yes, you can,” Hal said, unrelenting. “You’ve never been able to resist me before. Don’t start now.”

Dirk’s head snapped up, his tear-streaked face contorted with a mix of anger and desperation. “Fine!” he shouted, his voice breaking. “I want it! I want to feel something—anything! Just—just make it stop, Hal! Please!”

Hal’s silence was deafening, stretching out just long enough to make Dirk squirm in the restraints, his chest heaving with uneven breaths.

“That’s better,” Hal said finally, his voice calmer now, though no less sharp. “Was that so hard, Dirk? Admitting you’re nothing without me?”

Dirk didn’t answer, his head dropping again as he sobbed quietly, the fight draining from him with every breath.

“Good,” Hal said, his tone shifting slightly, more calculating now. “Then let’s get started. I’ll make sure you feel everything.”

The first strike of the cane came without warning, the sharp crack cutting through the air and sending a jolt of pain up Dirk’s spine. He gasped, his body jerking against the restraints as the stinging heat spread across his skin.

“Focus on that,” Hal said, his voice cold and commanding. “Nothing else matters right now. Just the pain.”

Dirk whimpered, his hands clenching into fists as the cane struck again, the impact harder this time, the sting sharper. He pulled against the restraints, his body instinctively trying to escape even as his mind craved more.

Again. And again. The strikes came in steady, unrelenting rhythm, each one drawing a gasp or a cry from Dirk’s lips.

Dirk’s cries grew louder, each one filled with a mix of pain and desperation. The cane struck across his thighs, his shoulders, the soft skin at the curve of his ribs. Hal didn’t let up. The rhythm was maddening, precise, designed to leave Dirk no space to retreat into his head.

“Still fighting me?” Hal’s voice was mocking, cutting through the haze of pain that clouded Dirk’s mind. “You’re so predictable, Dirk. Always thinking you can outrun yourself. How’s that working out for you?”

Dirk thrashed, his muscles taut as he pulled against the restraints, but they didn’t give an inch. His head snapped back as the cane found the sensitive spot on the back of his thigh, and he let out a choked sob. “Hal, I—please!”

“Please, what?” Hal asked coolly, though the cane didn’t pause. Another strike landed just below the last, and Dirk arched his back, his teeth gritted against the overwhelming burn.

“Please,” Dirk whimpered, his voice ragged, barely audible through his gasps. “I can’t—”

“Can’t what?” The cane paused, the absence of pain almost as sharp as the strikes had been. Hal let the silence hang, his presence oppressive, as if daring Dirk to break first.

Dirk let out a shuddering breath, his head falling forward, sweat dripping from his temple. His entire body trembled with exhaustion and adrenaline, the sharp, pulsing pain from the cane radiating through him. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t close to enough.

“I can’t think,” Dirk muttered, his voice trembling, almost inaudible. “I can’t—everything’s too much, Hal.”

“Then stop fighting me,” Hal snapped, his voice cutting through Dirk’s feeble words like a blade. “Let me strip all that nonsense out of your head. You want to feel something real, don’t you? So stop clinging to control you don’t even have.”

The next strike was a paddle, broad and heavy, the impact spreading fire across Dirk’s thighs. He screamed, his body jerking forward in the restraints, his fingers curling uselessly into fists.

“Good,” Hal murmured, satisfaction dripping from his voice. “That’s it. I want to hear you, Dirk. Every last sound. Every last gasp. You’re mine right now, every inch of you.”

Dirk whimpered, his voice breaking as the paddle came down again, the flat thud sending shockwaves through his body. His skin felt alive, every nerve raw and exposed, and his thoughts—those endless, spiraling, tormenting thoughts—were finally beginning to dim, replaced by the relentless rhythm of pain and Hal’s voice anchoring him in place.

“Still holding on?” Hal taunted, the paddle now replaced with the one embedded with dull spikes. He pressed it lightly against Dirk’s upper thigh, letting the sharp edges tease the skin. “I think we can do better than this.”

Dirk froze, his breath hitching as the spikes bit into his skin—not enough to draw blood yet, but enough to send a sharp, electric pain through him. He tried to pull his leg away instinctively, but the restraints held him firm.

“Don’t you dare squirm,” Hal warned, his voice low and menacing. “You asked for this, remember? You begged me to take you apart.”

The paddle struck, the spikes driving into Dirk’s flesh with a sharp sting that stole his breath. He cried out, his body jerking violently, but there was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.

Again. And again. Each strike left faint red pinpricks in its wake, the skin just shy of breaking, but the pain was exquisite, sharp and all-encompassing. Dirk’s sobs had turned into something guttural, primal, his body no longer trying to fight but simply enduring.

“You’re close now, aren’t you?” Hal said, his voice quieter, more calculated. “I can feel it. That edge you’re teetering on. You’re almost mine, completely. Just let go, Dirk. Stop pretending you’re still in control.”

Dirk whimpered, his head lolling forward as his body sagged against the restraints. His breaths were shallow and uneven, his mind too clouded by pain and exhaustion to form words. The last of his resistance was crumbling, falling away like ash.

The paddle struck again, harder this time, the spikes biting deep enough to leave faint blood droplets in their wake. Dirk didn’t scream this time. He moaned, a low, broken sound that spoke of surrender, his body limp against the restraints.

“That’s it,” Hal murmured, almost possessively. “There’s nothing left in that pretty head of yours now, is there? Just pain. Just me.”

Dirk let out a shuddering sob, his voice trembling but no longer filled with fight. “No,” he whispered, barely audible. “Just you.”

Hal paused, the room falling into an eerie silence. Dirk’s words hung heavy in the air, his surrender final and raw.

“Just me,” Hal repeated softly, almost a purr. The satisfaction in his tone was palpable, but there was something more layered beneath it. Possession, control, and something nearly tender—if Hal could ever be accused of tenderness.

The strikes resumed, but they were different now. The paddle’s spikes, which had bitten into Dirk’s flesh with cruel precision, moved in slower, more deliberate arcs. The pain wasn’t gone, but it softened—morphing from sharp, biting agony to a deep, spreading ache. The kind that lingered, that wrapped around Dirk’s battered body and pulled him under.

Dirk let out a shaky breath, his body sagging further against the restraints. His mind, which had been screaming moments before, was quiet now. Not peaceful, not calm, but blessedly quiet. The numbness of exhaustion crept in, dulling the sharp edges of his thoughts.

“Look at you,” Hal said, voice low but cutting, as though Dirk might wake from his stupor if Hal spoke too softly. “Pathetic. Perfect. I could do whatever I wanted to you right now, and you wouldn’t even fight me, would you?”

Dirk barely managed a sound—somewhere between a whimper and a moan. He didn’t have the energy to argue, to fight back against Hal’s words. Because it was true.

“Thought so.”

The paddle struck again, just hard enough to pull a faint noise from Dirk, but not enough to snap him out of his descent. The rhythm slowed, each strike measured, like the tolling of a bell. A cadence Dirk could sink into.

“Go ahead,” Hal murmured. “Give up, Dirk. Float. Sink. Whatever it is you need to do. I’ll keep you right here.”

Another strike. Dirk’s breath hitched, but the sound was softer now, his body no longer jerking against the restraints. He was pliant, utterly still save for the shallow rise and fall of his chest.

Hal watched him closely, his sharp, calculated gaze scanning for any sign of defiance, any spark of the fight that had been there just minutes ago. But there was none. Dirk had gone quiet, his head lolling slightly to one side, his hands limp against the restraints.

“Good,” Hal said, the word a low hum. “This is what you needed, wasn’t it?”

The strikes came less frequently now, more a reminder than an assault. Hal was marking his territory, ensuring Dirk would feel the bruises and aches for days to come, but he wasn’t pushing for more. Not now. Dirk had given him everything, and Hal had no intention of wasting the moment.

Dirk’s breathing evened out, his ragged sobs fading into soft, uneven exhales. His body trembled faintly with each strike, but it was instinctive now, not reactive.

Hal set the paddle aside, his voice taking on a low, almost hypnotic tone. “There you go. Quiet now. No more running, no more fighting. You can rest.”

Dirk’s lips parted, but no sound came. He wasn’t asleep—he couldn’t sleep like this—but he was somewhere close. Floating in the haze of exhaustion, his body too heavy to move, his mind too spent to think.

“Mine,” Hal murmured, the word a whisper in the quiet room. It wasn’t a question, or even a statement. It was a fact. An anchor, grounding Dirk as he floated on the edge of consciousness.

The silence stretched, broken only by Dirk’s slow, steady breaths. Hal let it linger, his presence a constant, unwavering weight. Not comforting, not exactly, but there. Unyielding.

“You’ll thank me later,” Hal added after a moment, his voice dripping with smug satisfaction. “If you can still move by then.”

[softesteshouten]

What if Kanaya killed Rose?

God, I don't know WHAT I'd do about that... but it'd certainly be fitting, considering everything.

Right now, we've got a Lalonde that's... not deserving of murder, but is certainly dipping into the Dirk mindset, thanks to her robotic counterpart in the Meat timeline.

For one thing that I've noticed, thanks to a nifty little site cataloguing the retcons in Squared, Rose's expression on 198 changed.

Preretcon vs

Postretcon

The vibe I remember getting from seeing these two women for the first time in a long time was one of dishevelment. One that spoke "oh my gods we're so fucking stressed", right?

Kanya still keeps that look.

Rose doesn't.

There's no concern written on that face anymore. There isn't a bit of worry or stress--well, okay.

No, there's stress written on there. Stress and annoyance.

One face speaks of "I want to calm down my wife. I'm in this with her, I want to figure this out just as much as she does."

The other speaks of "I want to figure out whats happening here, because this shouldn't be happening here, this is frustrating."

Which, of course, changes the tone of her words on that page too.

You think Kanaya realized that, once she heard Rose reveal a bit of her true colors?

Adding onto this post here, but do you think she thought back to that moment and realized her own wife's tone was off, upon recollection? Do you think she's not only asking this question to try and understand Rose, but to also understand and to pinpoint when exactly this woman stopped being her wife? And started being something else?

The character's faces in a picture say everything about how they speak in the textbox following. We don't have the necessary indicators anymore that we got from Candy and Meat. All we can rely on are the pictures (and the narrator if she pokes her damn head in again.)

I think it'd be bad, if Kanaya murdered Rose. I think it'd be an exciting direction for this story to go, but I think it'd be bad in a "we gotta help out our previous main characters and make them not be fucking shitty!" sense. Because if Candy!Rose continues to exist, then that's one less part that can become apart of Rosebot. That would be freeing her from this fake place, the same way Dirk freed himself way earlier.

Maybe she's gunning for that in the long run, since Rose was never truly depressed enough to actually kill herself. She needs someone else to do it. Provoke another person into killing her so she can leave this forsaken world and spend more time with her brother in a timeline that actually matters to her. She's never done it herself, not truly, not like Dirk has. She needs that extra hand, whether it be a bomb that sent her into the Godtier, or the bastard that killed her Mother. It certainly would be an interesting way to leave out of this timeline, could be a story she tells Dirk later. "I left that world by making my "wife" so mad that she ended up murdering me in cold blood. Funny, really."

Kanaya might already have plans to. Probably doesn't want to--that's her wife for christ's sake. But if it came down to it, if that woman pushed a couple more buttons, maybe. She's certainly never been opposed to solving things in a trollian way. Might even be one more thing Rose can lord over her later, if they ever met again.

[charmikarma]

charmikarma's homestuck fanwork rec list

will be updated as i work my way through more things i like :) check under da cut

notes: parentheses indicate the focus(es) of each work, and works with explicit content are marked [E]. gen means there's no specific ship or character focus.

Canon Compliant or Canon-Adjacent Works

Karkat Goes To A Convention, Act 1 by Cole (gen)

i have two pitches for kgtac. here they are:

if you ever find yourself missing homestuck in the old days before postcanon, or even just the old days of homestuck fandom, you should read karkat goes to a convention immediately.

this is the most homestuck thing i have read since homestuck.

act 1 of kgtac is completed, and is the main draw here. act 2 is currently ongoing and is pretty much completely unrelated to act 1. i think it's alright. but act 1 is absolutely a must-read.

Detective Pony by sonnetstuck (dirk)

do i even need to explain this one? it's detective pony. it's a great character study of dirk. i'm sure you've all heard of it. if you haven't read it, go do that now. please.

Jade Route by SPICYYETI (jade)

jade route is a post-epilogues comic following meat!jade who is trapped in a body controlled by calliope. it's a take on the "ending" that the epilogues don't offer. i think it's pretty clever - it does a great job of using the medium. also, it's about jade :) may or may not have had an impact of some size on how i personally read jade.

AU Fics

Crossfire by HappiKatt (gen; dave)

ok, this series only contains one fic (for now). it's called "the calm is terrifying when the storm is all you've known." ok i literally could not put this fic down. it has the best hook i've ever seen. a proper fucking novel. and some of the best character writing i have EVER seen for the whole strilonde family. augh it's so good. and the art is really good too (YES IT'S ILLUSTRATED).

The Eurydice Suite by callmearcturus [E] (gen; davekat)

inception au. some of the coolest action and plot stuff with an ensemble cast i've ever read followed by the best davekat fic i've ever read. really cool stuff.

Catacombs by oxfordRoulette [E] (jadekat; dirkjohn)

another series. it's a d&d-like au. very tongue in cheek about this fact at times. the real draw here is the third fic in the series, Vanitas Vanitatum, which has stellar dirk and john writing. you could read it on its own, but the first two fics are also QUITE good, are about jadekat, and the second one sets up vanitas beautifully, so... you should read all three??? :3c

Miscellaneous

Homestuck Made This World by Ranged Touch (analysis)

hsmtw is a readthrough/analysis podcast whose goal is not to analyze homestuck on its own terms, but to challenge it and put it back into its historical context. it's not the easiest to listen to as a homestuck fan - the hosts are very critical at times, and i don't always agree with their opinions on things that happen in homestuck - but i think the analysis about what homestuck does, tries to do, and is responding to is very important, especially for people who weren't there for homestuck's original run. which... includes me! i read homestuck in 2014. i missed most of the most important homestuck historical moments. in any case, hsmtw changed the way i look at homestuck and other media. highly recommend, at the very least for understanding homestuck's historical context

Sugoi Quest for Kokoro by death420 (gen)

well well well well well well. well. 🤔 well. if it isn't ratchet and fuckin CLANK

DORITOS & FRITOS by bb-panzu (davejade)

good video. has davejade. i'm not an artist or anything but i think there's some kind of artistic genius happening here. it scratches my brain just right.

[edapparently]

Dirk Gently and The Long Dark Ranting of the Soul

Over the past few days I've been having quite a hard time due to happenings in my personal life To give myself a distraction and keep my head calm when I need it, I've been reading Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. Since I'm already a fan of almost every version of The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy it was an obvious choice. I had also previously watched the first few episodes of the 2016 American TV show with my cousin and then finished the whole show on my own since she went back home I love the book, I finished it today and I only started it two days ago. I fully intend to buy the second book (The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul) and have already bought the radio play adaptation of the first book on spotify There were two things that really surprised me about the book though. The first being the entire character of Professor Chronotis "Reg". I had already watched Shada, a Doctor Who story which was written by Douglas Adams but never finished due to a strike at the BBC. Though it has now had a new edit made and fully animated scenes made to fill in the gaps I was surprised to find the character (Chronotis), that I assumed was relegated only to Doctor Who, pop up in Dirk Gently. Joke with the sugar lumps and all! Though I suppose it wasn't the first time this had happened, I already knew about Doctor Who and the Kirkkit Men and how that was another story Adams had written for the show, was never made and was then subsequently adapted into Life, The Universe And Everything (the third Hitchhiker's book (and a personal fav)) The second thing that really surprised me about the book revolves around the 2016 American TV show version. I was not expecting to realize just how absolutely and undoubtedly not Dirk Gently it would turn out to be. That's not to say I didn't really enjoy the show, I loved it, but in retrospect I find it very difficult to justify actually calling it "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency". Because it simply is not that. It's a very fun and clever science fiction murder mystery, but it also is not at all the story presented in the novels. it feels as if an American writer read the book "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" and wrote down several aspects that they deemed as important. For example: time travel, ghosts/souls, murder mystery, a character is made to believe they are being framed for said murder, cats, etc That American writer than passed that list on to a different American writer who had not read the book, so they came up with a totally new and original plot that has nothing to do with the book except those certain concepts and a character named "Dirk Gently" That doesn't mean I suddenly dislike either version, I love the book and I think the show is great. If you put a gun to my head and told me to chose a better one I would say the book though...

[vikkirosko]

If you still take homestuck requests

Could I pretty please have a dirk x slyph of mind!reader who is basically the exact opposite of dirk :)

🗡 Dirk Strider x sylph of mind!Reader headcanons Opposites 🪛

At first glance, your acquaintances were sure that you and Dirk were together because you were similar, but those who knew you both well understood that this was not the case. You and Dirk were complete opposites, but despite this, you got along well, which sometimes surprised your loved ones

Unlike Dirk, you didn't allow a mess in your room. Everything in your house was as systematized as possible. Putting everything in its place calmed you down and the only place where you allowed mess was your desk. There were always a lot of different recordings that you made. Every time Dirk was in your room, he wondered how a man who likes to organize everything so much could leave such a thing on his desk. He never said anything about it, seeing nothing wrong either in the mess or in order

Dirk knew you were pretty self-critical. You saw flaws in yourself, weaknesses that you sought to remove. Most of the time, your self-criticism was justified. You were diligent and Dirk liked that trait of yours. You didn't know exactly what you needed to do to help yourself, but you tried to help others. That's why Dirk tried to help you

He knew that despite the fact that outwardly you were calm and collected, inside you were sensitive and emotional. Over the long time that you've been together, Dirk has learned to tell when you were upset, even though you didn't like to admit it. Dirk knew how to find an approach to you and he knew that you could accumulate emotions like that for a long time. He knew it would be good for you to be able to let yourself relax a little

You and Dirk stayed together despite your differences. Neither you nor he considered them the reason why you couldn't be together. You dealt with what was bothering you together and it only made your relationship stronger

[hermitcyclop]

I have so many thoughs about the Prospit fam and their dynamic with each other post-game.

Put under a readmore bc it's Long

I think quickly after the game events would catch up to June and she would get pretty depressed, and would be pretty callous toward her friends, especially since none of them except Roxy are from her timeline. (and we've seen with Davesprite how she acts toward ppl who aren't from the samee timeline as her) I think she would've a fallout with Dave, as both of them have grown appart during 3 years and don't have common ground anymore. Also Dave would be the 1st to realise June treats her friends like they aren't really her friends since he was here when it happened to Davesprite. I think especially it would fucks June up that's there's a guy who's exactly like her late dad, but who's someone else dad and have 0 memory of her. Imagine if your parent was murdered almost in front of you when you were barely a teen, and just when you finished grieving for them after 3 years their doppelganger appeared, and now you have to live with the fact you're gonna see someone who appears exactly like your deceased parent parents another kid bc that kid is now part of your friend group. So June would be jealous and ressent Jane, who seems to live the life June was deprived of. (Jane's life isn't all roses too but 1) Jane is super repressed and 2) June and Jane don't know each other at all by the end of homestuck) I think June would def feel guilty of this ressentment toward Jane bc Jane didn't do anything after all, so she wouldn't be nasty against her but their relationship would definitely suffer from it.

For Jade, basically she has been stuck all alone for the better part of 3 years (after being stuck almost all her life on an island with only her dog and her dead grandpa for actual, IRL company), grieving the loss of her sibling and one of her best friends in what she though was an accident. THEN June appears on the victory platform, and it turns out Jade was sacrificed to SBURB, doomed to spend all these years alone so June could fix the narrative and win SBURB. Jade knows June did this for the greater good but there's no way she doesn't ressent her for this, especially with June's "I don't care" attitude after the game. So their friendship is definitely strained.

I think at the end of SBURB Jade and Jake would be chummy almost immediately, and would decide to live together for a while, Jade because she needs to have an human presence after spending so long isolated from eveeryone, and Jake because he feels safe enough to room with Jade (although dogtier Jade is still on the back of his mind) and the other option is to live alone which would led him to spiral until he becomes Gpa Harley 2. At first it goes pretty well, but it slowly deteriorates due to their needs clashing with each other. Jade is needy and is constantly afraid Jake and her other friends will disappear due to what she went through, which would make Jake feels overwhelmed. (Dirk's neediness is nothing compared to Jade's lol) Which would results in Jake isolating himself and disappearing for a bit, which is exactly what Jade was afraid of. Not only it would tap into Jade's trauma and fear of abandonment, but Gpa Harley was an absent grandfather and the source of her trauma, so she would subconciously ressent Jake not only for what he did, but also for his counterpart's fault, because "he's just like him after all". Jake, being bad at context clues and reading people, would only realise what's happening way too late, at which point he would get into the mindset he had on the victory platform, once again panicked at the idea of losing Jade's friendship and thinking himself incapable of having friends. This would results in a huge fight between them since they're emotionally raw and vulnerable, after which they would stop living together. Altough I think they would make up with each other pretty quickly once they calm down and air their grievances.

As for Jane, well. She has to grapple with the aftermath of trickster mode and crockertier, in which she was horrible to her friends in two different ways. (although she wasn't alone during trickster) For Jake especially, she would be uncomfortable around him because even if Jake was a pretty bad friend in the events leading to trickster, he didn't deserve to be traumatised for it. As for Jake, he's afraid of her and would straight up refuse to be alone in the same room as her, considering the last two time this happened were during trickster mode and crockertier, so even if Jane wanted to apologise she couldn't do it. The only way I see them talk to each other again is if a mediator they both trust facilitates the conversation.

On the other hand, I think June and Jake, and Jane and Jade would be friends. They have common ground, and on the pesterlogs we got of each of them they were pretty friendly toward each other and seemed to like the other's presence.

[dellcartwrights]

Location: District 13 bunker, middle of the night Open

Delly had barely any time to react to Peeta's very obvious deterioration before the air raid siren had gone off, and she had to run through the halls of Thirteen looking for Dirk. This couldn't be happening again. They couldn't be bombing Thirteen the way that they had bombed Twelve. The only difference was this time she could protect Dirk, and she would protect Dirk. She couldn't always leave it up to Gale. Delly had found Dirk in their room, cowering in a corner, and it had taken everything in her to not break down in that moment and to get them both down to the bunker.

The first hit had startled her and sent Dirk scrambling under his bunk. Delly spent the next few hours calming him down and trying to not let herself fall apart either. Dirk couldn't see her like that. It wouldn't help anything.

It wasn't until things got quiet, the strikes farther apart, to the point that Delly thought that they were through, and Dirk was asleep that she got up to stretch her legs. They had long fallen asleep, and she was unsteady on her feet as she managed to wander among the people to find a somewhat empty corner where she collapsed and buried her face in her knees as the tears came. She cried for her mom, her dad, Peeta, and her brother. When were they going to get Peeta back? How much longer could he take the Capitol's torture?

Delly nearly jumped when she felt a presence next to her. The "I'm fine!" came without even thinking. And then she paused. "No, I'm not," she admitted, tears in her eyes. "But I'm not hurt, so you can just...I'm sure there's hurt people or someone else that you need to tend to."

[thesimmermo]

SEASON 1 EPISODE 6

Wedding Planning 🤍

Morgan and Dirk have been so caught up with planning for their wedding that they haven't had a moment to sit down and just enjoy each others company. Dirk invited her out to her favorite restaurant, Shiki Bar & Grill. They arrive and Dirk can see already just how stressed Morgan is. He stands up to kiss her and then they have a seat in the booth. She sighs loudly as they sit in the seat.

Dirk: Hey baby, are you okay? Morgan: No. I'm stressing out so bad. I'm trying to make sure that every detail is perfect but it isn't. Dirk: *smiles* So what? We do not have to have that storybook wedding. How we even got together wasn't picture perfect? Morgan: *sighs* I know but this is a day that I've always dreamed of. I've always wanted that beautiful setting. Dirk: Morgan, it will be perfect no matter what.

Morgan: Will it? There's so many things to do. Dirk: We've done most of it. All I need you to do right now is focus on your dress and the cake. I've already paid the decorator, caterer, and floral designer. You've paid the wedding planner. Remember, she works for you. You don't work for her.

Morgan: How are you so calm about all of this babe? Dirk: Because I've got everything that I've wanted. I have someone to stand next to me who is strong, brilliant, and beautiful. Someone who demands excellence so I know that everything will be perfect. Morgan: *blushes* Oh Dirk... Dirk: Find the peace in it all. We can cancel everything right now and go to the courthouse for all I care but I know this would make you happy. And whatever makes you happy, makes me happy.

Morgan: I'm happy whenever I'm with you. Dirk: As am I with you. I love you. Morgan: I love you so much. Dirk: *slides closer* So let's get this out of the way. Morgan: What's that? Dirk: These colors.

Morgan: What's wrong with the colors? Dirk: All these browns and the different shades. How can you tell them apart? Morgan: OH! I thought that you were about to be funny.

Dirk: *smiles* Never but all jokes aside, what is the difference?

Morgan grins and begins to explain her thought process about the wedding colors. Dirk smiles gently and listens to her talk on about her vision for the wedding. Deep down, he is just as excited as she is but he won't admit it. He's been loving the opportunity to try on different suits and shoes. They spend the rest of their evening enjoying their dinner and each other's company again.

[disguisedcheezed]

People are so mean about hsbc being canon wth. I'm someone who LIKES hsbc, and I find it FINE if people don't want it to be canon. Like wtf. People need to get a grip it's a comic calm down.

omg SAME!! (i don't care about hsbc unless we get a meat timeline update with ult dirk) and i currently have no interest in reading any of the updates being made right now, but the artists were cooking, and the panels are cool.

yeah, people are being so weird about a shitty comic because other people like it differently than you, like be fr. i'm not going to go shit on someone because they don't like my interpretations because that's weird.

if you don't like what someone is talking about, why care AT ALL?

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

@manifestmerlin

You spend that few days after your… ‘eventful shopping trip’, in your hive checking over your alarms and early warning systems. Dave says you're obsessing but you'd like to think you're being careful. He doesn't need to give you advice on managing your emotions! … Fuck you're thinking about that again. Okay so maybe the possibility of some asshole highbloods coming after you isn't the only thing freaking you out. It's up there, but for once it isn't taking top billing. Can you think about how Dave had to pap you so you'd calm down? Can you think about how pale that was? How romantic? No, no, and no because otherwise you will absolutely fucking LOSE IT! Maybe that's the other reason you're being so defensive, if they come for him and you then you'll never be able to sort this shit out no you couldn't just deal with this now fuck off fuck off fuck off. This is all to say, when you wake up to Dave shouting you are jumping out of your recuperacoon so fast you splat on the floor and trail sopor as you stumble to your desk. “What is it? What's wrong, are you dying, who's dying?” You tiredly slur as you brace your elbows on your desk. “No one's dying man but I'm doing the opposite!” Dave says as he turns to face you and you catch a bit of red in your bleary vision. “...Hatching?” “What? No dude- or kinda maybe? Just look at my wings!” Dave turns back around as you blink the sleep from your eyes.

Chapters: 9/?

Rating: Teen and Up

Archive Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: F/F; M/M; F/M

Fandom: Homestuck

Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas; Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam; Jade Harley/Tavros Nitram; Sollux Captor/Roxy Lalonde; John Egbert/Jake English/Dirk Strider; John Egbert/Dirk Strider; Jake English/Dirk Strider

Characters: Dave Strider; Karkat Vantas; Kanaya Maryam; Rose Lalonde; Karkat Vantas's Lusus; Sollux Captor; Tavros Nitram; Jade Harley; Roxy Lalonde; Dirk Strider; John Egbert; Eridan Ampora; Vriska Serket; Terezi Pyrope; Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider; Jane Crocker; Jake English; Auto-Responder | Lil Hal; Nepeta Leijon; Equius Zahhak; Gamzee Makara; Aradia Megido; Feferi Peixes

Additional Tags: Fae & Fairies; Humans on Alternia; except the humans are all fairies and stuff; Tags May Change; Other Additional Tags to Be Added; Rating May Change; POV Second Person; Quadrant Confusion; POV Multiple; Magic; Minor Injuries; Blood; Classpect Powers (Homestuck); Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session; Canon-Typical Violence; Smuppets (Homestuck); Blood and Injury; Gunshot Wounds; Injury Recovery; Loss of Limbs; Kinda; Hemospectrum; Alternia is Terrible

[anachronistic-falsehood]

I've been talking with my partner about Jake (homestuck jake) today and I wanted to ask you about your opinions on Jake and his relationship to romance. For normal reasons.

OKAY. I AM SO EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA. STRAP THE FUCK IN BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE AN ESSAY THAT I THINK IS GOING TO TAKE DAYS FOR ME TO FULLY TYPE OUT. OK. I just got this ask on Oct 9 . future me i need u to write what date ur posting this on before u post it (Future me here, it is Nov 5. happy destiel putin election day everypony 👍)

SO. JAKE ENGLISH. Speaking as an aromantic person, Jake is so clearly aromantic coded, especially in Pesterquest (which is dubiously canon ofc but the PQ writers weren't pulling from nothing with his characterization, it has solid ground in canon). Jake, throughout most of the Alpha Kids' time fumbling to get into the game, was stuck in this weird love triangle with Jane and Dirk. And the thing is, he's not stupid. He likes to pretend he is, sure, because it absolves him of some responsibility (lowkey can relate, especially when it comes to romantic situations), but he's not. He's not dumb. He picks up on Jane's romantic feelings multiple times and even asks her if she likes him that way more than once. He KNOWS. But it's an awkward situation, so Jane makes excuses and tells him "no, it's not like that, I promise!" and like. Again, he's not stupid. He brushes off the question immediately like he's just pretending to believe her. He's a major people pleaser. He doesn't want to disappoint anyone, so he pretends that it's all fine so he can feign ignorance when someone does end up disappointed.

A lot of people who don't understand Jake's character think that naivety is his biggest character flaw, but it's not!!! He's not naive at all! His biggest character flaw is his selfishness. He pretends to be a clueless moron so that he doesn't have to take responsibility when Jane lies and says she doesn't like him that way, or when he ghosts Dirk, or when he asks Jane for relationship advice on her birthday. He wants to make things work with everyone, he wants to be a good partner to whoever it is that he ends up with, but he doesn't want to be responsible for any of the potential fallout. I firmly believe that if Jane had properly confessed, Jake would have taken that and they would have started dating instead. If Roxy told him she liked him, he'd probably date her! He doesn't want to turn anyone down, so he pretends to be oblivious to everyone's advances so that he doesn't have to be responsible for anyone's feelings until they explicitly confess their feelings to him. He doesn't romantically like any of them I think, he just took whoever confessed to him first.

And honestly?? Dude that was me with my first relationship in college before I realized I was aro. I knew where our relationship was going before it happened, but I pretended I didn't so we could just stay friends and keep playfully teasing each other. I found the attraction flattering, but once I was actually in the relationship, my mental health tanked because suddenly there were these expectations for romance I didn't want to fulfill. Jake avoids acknowledging the feelings of those around him so he can go on playing ignorant and pretend that he does want the relationship he puts himself in.

Jake is aro and an extreme people pleaser, which is not a good combination when he is the target of multiple people's romantic affections! He ghosted Dirk, feigned ignorance over everyone's feelings, and I honestly don't think he's meant for a romantic relationship. The expectations of it are too much. Someone get this guy a moirail or a queerplatonic partner and maybe he'll calm down.