#did this bc I have things to do and I don’t wanna
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Keeping Up With The Sainzes- Silverstone Sub Part 2
DISCLAIMER: Please don’t copy my work onto any other sites, translate it and more or less steal it without asking for permission first. Thanks guys :)
Also massive shoutout to @maelashifts for helping me write this bc without you girl we wouldn’t have a chapter
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Warnings: SMUT
“Come on baby aren’t you gonna make me feel good?” He asked with that smirk that drove her mad.
“Baby…” she smiled to herself, not letting his usual act deter her. “We all know I’m the dom in this relationship…you want your little celebration? Get on your knees and be a good boy.”
Lando paused before gulping. “What did you call me?”
AJ smirked.
“Baby…come on you know I don’t ask twice…but because you won today I will…”
He knew he was in for it now.
“Get on your knees baby…and be a good boy.”
“Yes ma’m.”
AJ couldn’t help but feel a pang of desire as he looked up at her, fluttering his eyelashes. For someone who was so dominating on the track and so ruthless at times he melted under the slightest attention given to him.
“Look up baby. Look me in the eye.”
He looked up at her, his eyes hungry and desperate.
“Please…” he panted.
“Please what baby? Speak up…come on.”
“Please touch me.”
“Lan. Come on. Use your words.”
AJ took a look over to the clock. 4:00. This was going to be a long night.
4:20
“That’s a good boy.”
AJ’s hands were practically glued to Lando’s hair as she moved the boy to wherever she wanted him.
He could only moan in reply to her words.
“Come on baby…that’s it…that’s the spot…”
Lando let out a whine of appreciation as AJ tugged harder, subtly telling him he was doing a good job.
He smiled softly to himself and dug his tongue deeper in.
4:50
“AJ…right there please…god you’re gorgeous on your knees…”
AJ smirked back up at him and lead his hands to her hair. She pulled out suddenly with a pop leaving him to whine from the cold.
“Keep your hands there…or you don’t cum.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“That’s a good boy.”
And she gingerly ducked her head down and slowly licked a stripe.
“Fuck me dead…”
“That’s the plan sweetheart.”
5:08
“So pretty like this baby…”
Lando whined his legs close to giving out as he leaned against the wall, his head lolling back.
AJ lifted the shirt over his head- having initially deciding to leave it on as they were both so desperate to get his trousers off.
She smirked as she looked at the chain dangling below his neck.
“Forgot to tell me about this hm baby?”
He looked up with a guilty expression as she tugged it a bit harder than usual.
“A-AJ!” He cried out, gasping for air.
“That’s not my name right now baby…”
“Ma’am…”
“Good boy…now be quiet and I’ll show you exactly how this chain is meant to be used.”
5:25
AJ watched a mixture of his and her cum leak out of her. The sight made her moan.
Lando whimpered thinking they were going for another round and slowly started moving his hips again.
“No…no no baby-“
“No…wanna…wanna make you feel good…”
“You’re such a good boy Lan but you know you can be done…”
He kept sloppily thrusting upwards before he suddenly stopped. He battered his eyelashes innocently- a thing that could’ve made AJ laugh because of the state he had gotten himself in- and she knew he wanted something.
“Ride me baby?”
“With those pretty eyes how on earth could I say no?”
5:40
“Come on baby I gotta get you cleaned up…”
“Nooooo…” Lando slurred with a sniffle.
“Baby come on im gonna hurt you soon.”
“Save a horse ride a cowboy…” he sang with a smirk.
“I’m sending you to sleep baby. Come on I’ll get you all cleaned up.”
“If-if I win Austin…and I bring the McLaren cowboy hat to the hotel room will you fuck-fuck me in it and ride me like a cowboy?”
“You gotta win first…” AJ cooed.
“You know I will.”
But before they could drift off to sleep a knock- no a slamming on their hotel room door interrupted them.
AJ opened the door.
Shit.
Carlos.
“Well…I had no idea you had it in you,” he quipped without letting his sister get a word in.
“Thank you-“
“No. No not you. I meant Lando?”
“Que?”
“I had no idea Lando’s voice could get that high.”
Tagssss: @maelashifts @sadiemack9
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#f1#lando norris#smau#formula one#lando norris x reader#carlos sainz#f1 x female oc#f1 x oc#f1smau#sainz family#f1 smut#Lando Norris smut#sub Lando Norris#sub lando Norris x reader
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When the doctor won’t give you your testosterone so you sacrifice yourself to the sludge
#ai coleman#i love that emo kid#dorohedoro#drhdr#doodle from class#did this bc I have things to do and I don’t wanna
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I don’t understand it when people say that Carrie was also the problem bc she was anxiously attached bc like …. maybe she had a moment or two but for the most part it was absolutely Big being such a selfish prick and then justifying it w “ohhh I have commitment issues bc my last marriage fell through” umm ur a 45 year old BABY actually
#and like at every turn Big was so awful to her and she would justify it w “I’m also the problem”#Girl no#like when he refused to show her in public for the longest time#Or when he literally dropped a bomb that he was going to Paris out of NOWHERE#Refusing to meet her friends#Talking to her on his schedule and his schedule only#Being like “I wanna do things at my own pace” okay but that’s not how a relationship comprising two ppl works#And then marrying a brown eyed brunette socialite#The antithesis of Carrie#Was a transparently bad Big moment in the show but still#The show treads around in circles w regards to how to view Big#Bc they obviously wanna paint him as an unhealthy avoidant and also downright selfish asshole#But they also wanna be like “he’s j too scared to give her the keys to his house bc of his other relationships”#Like he literally played her like a FIDDLE#only to have them end up together ????? I will never understand that ending#I think it’s such weak writing#In real life avoidant men who also don’t want u that much won’t end up w u I fear#I don’t really understand the narrative weighing Carrie w the responsibility of adjusting to Big’s “trauma” and fixing him#He did that for her maybe once in the show but even when he’s being affectionate to her it comes from#A selfish place#Like he wants her attention or wants sex or whatevs like it’s never bc he’s truly in love w Carrie
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. I’m sure I’m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/what’s been confirmed. On the table of contents there’s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I don’t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the “bad” devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makima’s relationship with them? She’s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, she’s Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and she’s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesn’t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanity’s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makima’s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isn’t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel there’s an itch to every devil, and for Makima it’s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why she’s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (it’s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humans’ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peaceful— Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encourages— There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makima’s success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. It’s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devil’s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because it’d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, she’d have been part of that —his— order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conqueror’s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devil— All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friend’s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way it’s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows what’s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldn’t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then it’s back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely that’s the extra edge they must be missing to be content— like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogs…….. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because they’re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. It’s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because it’s pretty direct and she’s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. She’s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. They’re her personal life— something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and she’s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denji’s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human body… There’s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fill… Outside influence they’re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Aki’s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out of… Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. It’s Angel Devil’s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being feared— we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting others’ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denji’s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neither— part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devil’s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry it’s her feeling empty when she’s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean it’s something that they like nor that it’s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe it’s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe it’s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay remembered— feared, powerful, known— hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, it’s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can be— a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such a…. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call i’ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If it’s a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drum… Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and she’s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makima’s biggest tool, similarly capitalism’s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be that’s what they’ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesn’t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at best— how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, it’s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that aren’t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesn’t live and breathe purely for the mission she’s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way she’ll have decided for people— and that’s the thing isn’t it, like with War, it’s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and it’s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b merciful….#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I don’t want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog 😭#This’d be a different topic but. I don’t think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so i’d say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even then….. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God i’m fine. I’m so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesn’t align with ours obvi but#‘Someone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?’ What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc they’re undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood 🤔 or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ‘but every demon likes to drink blood’ power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesn’t belong as a devil??? bc he’s suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought that’s all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#There’s a lot more i’d have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and i’ve seen a take that the ‘my friend at a farm’ thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. It’s a perfect allegory but it can be both
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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.
#the other day i complained how most of my irl friends didn’t send me a single message about liam#and how it made me feel alone and not important#today one of them finally send me something#he said he didn’t know if he should bc he doesn’t know what to say#and that if i want to talk he’s there for me#but honestly? the only thing i wanna answer him is ‘fuck you’#I’m mad#you don’t have to say much to show you care#just a ‘hey how you doing?’ just shows it#‘oh but he did send something’#well yeah but it’s not the same now#it just isn’t#idk if I’m way too petty but i just can’t feel mad#personal
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So I just finished reading the first two volumes of VM origins, and like. I love this group of disasters so much. I especially love when the future-couples meet for the first time
(Minor spoilers under cut)
Keyleth: hi!
Vax, realizing that he is, in fact, not hallucinating due to blood loss, and this random half-elf girl is real and just saved his life:
Scanlan: I should probably talk to them, you know, since we’re both gnomes and all
Pike: hi!
Scanlan:
And then there’s Vex, who’s like “who is this human we don’t have a human on our team gods dammit Keyleth stop picking up strays oh my gods”, and then she sees that Percy is actually not useless, and so she goes “I’m okay with this actually”
And don’t get me started on Grog and Nahla. Bro literally went up to her and went “me grog. You pretty girl” and she was like “alright” and literally gave him her heart. It’s so ridiculous I love it
#critical role#vox machina#vox machina origins#pikelan#vaxleth#percahlia#I love these disasters omg#especially the scene where Scanlan meets pike#bro literally short-circuited omg#god I wanna relisten to campaign 1 bc I miss these guys so much#but if I do then that means I’ll be putting off campaign 3 even more than I have been#and I know that’s what the cartoon is for but like.#it’s not the same :(#also Percy being a smug bastard I love it#and I know he was also a smug bastard in the campaign#but also I don’t remember ANYTHING from campaign 1#like my brain did that thing where it dumps out everything I have ever learned the moment I finished c1#maybe I should relisten to c1#but like on YouTube this time#at least then I’d have visuals#mostly
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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I’ve never been so obsessed with a character so bad that I literally can’t do anything else I’m like the squidward meme watching SpongeBob frolic outside the window stretching a hand out to all the pretty paintings and animations and comics I see in my head but being unable to feel any motivation for it . If only i could use the energy spent to create 20 kon doodles to sit down and concentrate on a single finished full piece I used to be able to make like 5 page comics what happened to me
#sighs yes before anyone says anything IK it’s probably adhd related 😭#BUT ITS GOTTEN SO BAD I CAN FEEL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY BRAIN HOW DID IT GET WORSE#it’s probably a mix of burnout too but I don’t get tired of drawing ?#it feels like when u get dizzy or change glasses or so#and it’s either everything is wayyy too in focus and you can see literally everything clearly that it hurts ur brain#which doesn’t help given how saturated w information the world is always#and simultaneously somehow everything is blurry or out of focus and I physically have to strain myself to hone in on one thing#I JUST WANNA READ COMICS AND FINISH A DRAWING AND HANDLE WORK AND SCHOOL AND TALK TO MY FRIENDS#ALL IN OME DAY#BUT MY BRAIN IS LIKE. TODAY IS ONLY FOR COMICS. YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ESLE#😫🫶 I’m deleting this later I’m just ranting LMAO#I’m highschool it’s crazy bc I did okay and then honestly i just think my ability to concentrate has deteriorated as the years have gone by#free me!!!#either way I want to lessen my social media and just pick One bc girl I have an Instagram a tumblr and a twitter this is horrible for me .#honestly I’ll probably pick instagram and just post on tumblr when I have art#I already do that#I mean when I have Good art.#IM RAMBLING IDK
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my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:
#in other news… wORK IS OVER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#man. i’m s o tired. i can’t believe i survived almost 2 whole years at this job…#huh. come to think of it… i started tling idol sengen before i even got this job lol. and i’m only 3/5 of the way through it…#can’t believe the idol sengen grind->hiatus->grind(?) outlives my time at [withheld] company…#i did end up spending a cool 20 mins cleaning out my work locker though. i found so many treasures i didn’t even know i had in there#like. there was an unopened 3-pack of wet tissues a n d an unopened box of pens that i don’t recall buying#and ofc the 3 random sponges i ‘liberated’ from the lab. don’t tell my boss lmao#w a i t now that i think about it i should’ve taken at least 1 vial of (allegedly) carcinogenic sand for the memories. dammit.#oh well. what’s done is done i suppose. i did receive way more chocolate than i could ever eat though…#y. yeah. i guess i’ll miss my coworkers (a little). they were fun to annoy every day. except for the new guy bc i don’t like him at all lol#i have never met someone who lacked as much common sense as he. i think he’s gonna get canned before he’s able to resign on his own terms#dude could be spoonfed through every single step of the testing process and *still* mess up somewhere smh#but no. this isn’t about him. even though he is the final straw that led to my decision to resign#hm. looking back on it now. i think i was pretty good at my job for the most part when it came to the things i could do#or maybe i was too good at it. like. to the point where even more experienced analysts were coming to me in search of help#prolly gonna miss being one of the very best (out of like a grand total of 10 people at the lab) at doing ftir-related tests#ehehehehehehe i wonder if that workstation will continue to stay as organised as it is now that i’m gone#a n d i wonder what my coworkers will do now that they can’t ask me for ms excel help for the smallest of things lol#sometimes i just wanna tell them to g o g o o g l e i t ! ! ! when they call me over for it. but alas.#can’t believe these guys know how to use c h a t g p t and not ms excel (despite having it on their resume) smh#omg wow this got long and incoherent sorry guys i think i need some sleep lol. idol sengen next week..#…maybe…? no promises though!!!!!
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me after editing the aau prologue for the bajillionth time
#First chapter I changed the opening bc I always thought it felt off/abrupt and wanted to have it be prince pov from the start#I wanna get in his head more ok sue me#Beyond that tho it was just some wording edits#Specifically with the internal dialogue moments I helped them flow more/feel more like thoughts#Also mj gets a bit more of their usual edge/pessimism bc the prologue they always felt a bit too “ówò sad poor smol bean” or whatever#That’s it tho chapter 4 I didn’t change bc it’s peak#Did add some teases to later things tho like snatch senses mjs soul at the end of his chap but doesn’t realize it#Or like I added the Not Now running thing in the earlier chapters bc it was more of a chapter 4 thing so I wanted 2 set it up more so boom#I think that’s all the notable edits ig like I said just description additions the only actual new thing is the opener for chap 1 👍#Also also I got to include a hc that I have that I neglected to do before but I hc a!prince used plural internal dialogue#Because lol we love dramatic irony in this house#Grace post#this reminds me tho one of these days I should look through heart strings chapter one to look for editing things#Bc I think I did that recently but I don’t remember it much tho#Mostly just when the Hat stuff starts that was the parts I never directly rewrote I just edited them so they feel out of place in my brain#Also I’d wanna edit her dialogue bc it *was* in character (after rereading her diary’s to confirm) but I wanna have her be a bit more snark#Hat is Hard bc i Need the balance of cute little kid and also smug little shit (affectionate) like she is a pain to write man cries#This is just me rambling lol ignore it I just wanted to spam aau thoughts#In other news I made shapes redesigns but I’m on the fence on posting them bc idk if I wanna spoil or not hhhhhhhhh#Nowadays I’m more chill w spoiling things than I used to be#But there are a handful of things I’ve kept shut about (ex being princes name or mjs species stuff etc)#So I’m not sure if this thing with shapes i should keep secret or just post bc I used to spoil it but idk now#Shrugs#maybe I’ll do a poll later I dunno#Ok yapping over byeeeeee
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me: “i think men should kiss more often”
him: “i agree.”
him: “i think i should do that more often”
💥💥💥⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ i volunteer hello hi 👋
(ps rambling in the tags don’t. don’t even look at me)
#my demolition lover <3#🌀#this is so stupid bc we are dating and have been for a while but i am still all nervous about the idea of kissing#we’ve never talked about it before so i don’t know if that’s something she’s comfortable with yk cuz we aren’t romantic and kissing is#sometimes romantic but we both have said we don’t see it that way so it’s probably fine#but also like neither of us have done that before so it’s like new and scary#and i’d assume it’s a mutual feeling bc we both make jokes about kissing boys or whatever#and we r monogamous yk so who else would it be with#but i don’t want to make him uncomfy by suggesting it#and also if we did talk about it i doubt i’d get the courage to do the darn thing bc i get so nervous and i can barely ask to hold her hand#but i (THINK i) rlly want to but also idk yk???#i rlly hope he doesn’t see this she doesn’t look at this blog like ever not anymore at least#but that’d be embarrassing#tldr i wanna express to him that i lowkey (highkey) wanna give him a little smooch but i don’t want to make him uncomfortable lol#i’m a boykisser in theory but not in practice
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Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:
Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#lok malina#still feel like that’s too vague of a tag but I can’t come up with anything better for now#and yeah. she has completely stolen by heart and I don’t know how to feel about that#don’t think I ever was this attracted to my own art before#to be fair the design isn’t mine. it’s very heavily based on something nina drew back in 2021#because I did not have the energy or creativity to come up with my own thing#but the art is all mine and I genuinely adore it. super proud of myself which is a rare occurrence#anyways. kat and I spent three days digging this niche lower and lower and now have a he#*hell of a lot of lore about this basically nonexistent character#for lore about a lady from the North Pole a lot of it is rather hot… to the point my cheeks are burning non stop#I would say I’d let her do anything she wants to me but in my very specific aroace-adjacent case it’s more like#I’d let her tell me to do anything she wants to her#if that makes any sense and I have not completely lost my goddamn mind yet#okay. enough yapping. back to the art itself#lazy background because I suck at those and am not currently attempting to learn them. I’ll probably do that over the summer#about time anyway. my characters have been placed against an off-white background for far. far too long#this is the first piece in just over a year that isn’t tagged with sotrl. which is kinda weird tbh#I’ve been drawing my OCs almost exclusively for nearly 5 years so it is genuinely surprise I’m branching out#*surprising#less branching out and more diving from one hole into another but y’know#anyway. in my personal and very correct opinion she turned out absolutely gorgeous#her servants are way too lucky and unalaq is way too much of an idiot. no offence to vaatu but he could never beat out this#and I also have Kat’s personal and very correct opinion to back up my own. two against the void. once again we’re winning#I wanna draw her a lot more bc she has completely possessed my brain. I just wish character interactions were easier to draw 😭#I’ll figure it out. just need to fight my visualisation issues for a proper idea. brb#okay I’m almost at the tag limit so. in summary:#she 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
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did you get banished from bluesky? i was wondering why my timeline was so empty 😭
oh no i’m having like an EPIC mental breakdown and deactivated LMFAO i miss yall so bad but im so all over the place rn that i needed to take a step back. i’ll be back soon i promise i am just trying to deal w mental illness on top of my body actively shutting down lol
#somehow multiple severe personality disorders and pure autonomic failure do NOT go hand in hand#i rlly do miss my bloomfies so fucking bad but i’m just gonna be negative as hell and have no filter rn and yall do Not need my bs#mainly bc i rlly fucking love the lil community i’ve found myself a part of and don’t want to ruin that with having a Moment#most of yall haven’t known me for that long so jsyk december is the hardest time of year for me bc a million traumaversaries#so i kind of lose the plot a little#on top of that something happened at TIT that really shook me and i’m recovering from that still#i don’t know how long that will take tbh or if i’ll ever be in the phandom the way i was BUT i miss my oomfs so ill be back asap#as soon as i can trust myself to not have a full bipolar+bpd combo freakout at nothing i shall engage w socials purely again#until then i listen to hypnotic spells on repeat and live on ao3#hopefully the new year brings better shit than december did x#sorry for any confusion ily guys i am just. not coping . the whole dying thing + What Happened kind of pushed me over the edge#i am managing as best i can i just don’t wanna put that on yall
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EEEEEEEEEEE GETTING A STARDEW TATTOO IN A WEEK⭐️⭐️⭐️
this poll will end in the wee hours of the morning before i get it, reblogs are appreciated !!! ;P
#st0neddew-valley#stardew valley#sdv#stardew valley tattoo#i don’t wanna spoil anything about it but it’s not original at all lmao#that’s ok though#i’m so excited#i sent the sketch outline thing to my artist today and they’re down to do it#gonna blast my inner elbow :’)#jk i’m using numbing cream#bc FUCK being super uncomfortable during a tattoo#ramble:#i used numbing cream on my last tattoo (sternum) and i shit you not i didn’t feel a thing for 3 hours#it was so fucking nice folks#highly recommend if you are super duper nervous about needles#or honestly if you’re worried about it being too painful#PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ASK YOUR ARTIST BEFORE USING ANY NUMBING CREAM#THEY MAY NOT LIKE TO WORK WITH THE SKIN WHEN ITS EFFECTED (read it makes the skin tighter ???? idk)#they also might have really good recommendations#mine sure fucking did :)#ramble: done
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Man not to get depressing about Ken Ishikawa because the man’s legacy has been honored and will likely continued to be but sometimes I think about how it’s sad how Getter is the only works of his that really gets acknowledgment when you compare him to his mentor, Go Nagai, who has at least three main series that come to mind when his name is mentioned. Ishikawa wrote so much in between the second and third arc of getter when toei stopped making an anime for it, his art style and narrative themes changing so much that in a way it shaped the later arcs of where Getter would go, but none of it gets super acknowledged despite the fact the getter OVAs referenced them.
Ryomas iconic appearance from Arma? Stole that fit from Shinichi, main character of Majuu Sensen. The entire time travel arc in new where they get sent to the past and the gods who show up later? All taken out of another one of his works, Kyomu Senki. Majuu Sensen got the luckier side of being translated but Kyomu Senki I hear still hasn’t gotten it, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg for the stuff he’s written that’s been forgotten about.
We were really lucky to get arc anime but will ishikawas other works ever see the light of day getting more adaptations in this day and age when they’re hardly acknowledged outside of his actual diehard fans? Probably not. Which is a god damn shame.
#meg text#ken ishikawa#rants a little disjointed bc it’s late again and Im slightly light headed#but man I think about this occasionally and it’s low key depressing#I don’t wanna think about manga authors who probably have it worse then him#cause being acknowledged for one thing is better than nothing#but the weird case here also is some people think Nagai did getter which *puts hands into head*#It’s not entirely wrong to say Nagai was involved and he owns it now but getter *is* ishikawas baby#Nagai even acknowledges this by not allowing people to do shit with it for years besides spin offs#and the fact he just gets mixed up because of art style even though his style changes later is ugggh#that said I need to eventually peep ishikawas other works but reading is rough for me
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