#did something similar but more fucked up happen to meredith?

[atopvisenyashill]

one thing i remain baffled by is how they decided to portray jace's visit to winterfell. they made cregan's voiceover the opening sequence of the entire season yet gave us next to nothing to explain why he gets so involved later on. it's almost like they treated the north's appearance as fan service. i understand them deciding that the accounts we have are inaccurate or biased, but if none of that was cregan's motivation then what WAS? any ideas where they're going with him???

okay a few things

yes objectively they're just treating the entire northern plot and i would argue the bulk of the riverlands arc as fan service. i think this is bad writing that came about due to the short seasons - they've talked a bunch about how hotd is more "intimate" it's about this One Family but that's just like,,,,, not true! For one thing, there's THREE different families here lmao (Targaryens, Velaryons, Hightowers) but for another even despite some of the annoying fixation on Only Targaryen Kings that F&B has, every section is about that king's COURT not JUST about the Targaryens in it and the dance specifically is about a LOT of different people. but they just prioritized the king's landing/dragonstone story lines over everything else to the detriment of every other story line so now the north and riverlands, which is INTEGRAL to the ending of the dance, is reduced to like, that unnamed prince of dorne cameo equivalent in got s8 instead of being an entire story arc in and of itself.

i think even more specifically, this season likely WAS supposed to be the same amount of eps (10) as last season but then the strike happened. they could see it was about to happen and figured they had eight scripts mostly finished so they prioritized those and are going to tack the last two eps onto the front end of season 3. this is a wildly different show but grey's anatomy did something similar with seasons one and two - they had scripts for 16 episodes of the first season but the network said they're only getting 13 episodes, so they tacked the last three onto the front of season two, so season two was like 27 episodes. the thing about that is that the "finale" of season one is still REALLY good as ending point (that "meredith i'm so sorry" "you must be the woman that's fucking my husband" is just an amazing goddamn ending to a season) so it really worked as the finale ( i honestly didn't realize it wasn't meant to be the finale until a few years later). vs this is so clearly not the finale they were gearing up to and i would bet real money on the first two eps of next season being FULL of action and ep 2 being very obviously the finale we were meant to get, and probably features the winter wolves.

beyond strike/production interference which i do think is the main issue...........the hater's take is that this is a self fulfilling prophecy wherein the main show refused to prioritize the Stark storylines (completely changing and utterly destroying both Sansa and Bran's arcs, forgetting about Rickon for years on end, turning Arya and Jon into standard Action Heroes instead of a conversation on the harm being forced to be The Action Hero takes on a person's psyche, stealing Catelyn's entire arc and giving it to Robb then cutting them both off at the knees anyway) because they thought the Lannisters and Dany were cooler, getting that sweet sweet merch money because the Lannisers and Dany have name brand recognition, then prioritizing them more in the story because that's what the fans want, then justifying it because its what the fans want, but the reason the fans want it is because they cut the Starks to begin with, etc etc. Vicious cycle here until we get the poor Cregan actor doing his best Kit Harington impression and nothing else. They obviously aren't the only people to get that treatment (see DORNE see GREYJOYS) but it's like...this is one of the main three families in this series, reduced to nothing because they're "boring." They're only boring because these bitches cut every single aspect of their story out of the goddamn show! "north story is boring" sorry but if you think the winter wolves are boring and claim you like asoiaf because it's "real and gritty" i think maybe you don't actually like the "real and gritty" parts of the story at all, i think you just want to see a hot person with a shitty blond wig kill people on a dragon. unfortunately, d&d did only want to see that lmao and that's the world we're stuck in now.

[kamryn1963]

So Long, London- Chapter 2

Surprise, I guess? Somehow this what was going to be a oneshot, evolved and now I have the next three chapters planned and I know it will be longer.

No idea how many chapters yet or how often I'll post, ideally every couple days, but my motivation to write anything has been pretty inconsistent lately so will see. A current project usually motivates me so who knows.

Anyhow enjoy!

It had been a few weeks since that night. The night Al called it quits and left, ending up at Trudy’s. 

Since then a few things have changed. 

Al and Meredith had started the divorce process. They had a long and emotional conversation the day after Al left, and had come to the same conclusion that whatever they once had was gone. Al had talked a bit with Lexi, but she had been too emotional to talk more and Al eventually left. 

He’d been staying with Trudy since then and it was going good. They would have breakfast together, head to work and then order in or make something for dinner. 

Most of the time Al cooked. Trudy was already doing him a big favor and letting him stay so the least Al thought he could do was make dinner. 

“You do know that I can cook too”. Trudy said one night as Al started cooking the pasta for the chicken parmesan he was making. 

“I do. But you're letting me stay here for free and won’t let me give you some money. The least I can do is cook”. Al replied and Trudy sighed. 

“I don’t need your money, Olinsky. I’m just helping you the same you helped me”. 

He thought about that time years ago when Trudy was with her then fiance Marcus who cheated on her a week before their wedding. Trudy had rightfully been a wreck after that and Al and Meredith had offered their spare room to her which she accepted. 

Lexi had only been around five at the time and didn’t really understand, but loved having her Aunt Trudy around. Trudy had stayed for a few weeks before getting back on her feet and finding her own place. 

Al knew what he was going through now was similar to then and he should just accept Trudy’s help but he couldn’t help but feel like he had to pay her back. That he was burdening her no matter how many times she told him he wasn’t. That he was a bother and should’ve gone somewhere else. 

That he shouldn’t have burdened Trudy with his own marriage problems. Especially when he knew she was in a new good relationship with that firefighter, Randall, Al thought his name was. 

Her life was going well and he was happy for her. He shouldn’t be ruining that with his fucked up life. 

“Alvin, I can hear your thoughts from here. You're not a burden and never have been”. Trudy said suddenly, her voice surprisingly gentle as she rested her hands on his shoulders. 

“I’m sorry”. Al didn’t know what else to say other than an apology. 

“Don’t be. Why don’t I call Hank? You’ve made enough food for us three and we can eat and drink like the old days?” Trudy suggested and Al couldn’t even find it in him to argue. 

He knew he’d probably be questioned on how he was feeling and his emotional state, but for once he didn’t care to stop what was going to happen anyway. 

Trudy nodded and once she thought he was calm enough, headed to the living room to call Hank while Al finished dinner up. 

Hank was there twenty minutes later just as Al and Trudy were plating their food. Hank joined him silently and soon they all settled down on Trudy’s couch.

Hank, unsurprisingly, was the one who broke the silence. “So Al, how’s things going with the divorce?” 

Al nodded as he took a sip of his drink and turned to Hank. “Good, just settling things between us like the house and what not”. Al really didn’t feel like going into more detail on that right now. 

He still wasn’t sure if this was the right decision. Sure everybody, including Meredith, did but some part of Al felt like he should’ve tried harder to fix his marriage. That he should’ve been a better man. A better husband. 

“Well that’s good. Do you need some time off? I’m happy to give you a couple days”. Hank offered and Al didn’t say anything at first. 

He had thought about asking already. Lexi had agreed yesterday to meet with him to finally talk in the next couple days, so he wanted to take the day off for that and he and Meredith were settling their bigger affairs in the following few days which was going to take time. 

“You should, Alvin”. Trudy replied and he nodded. 

“Alright, just let me know when you’ll be back. You have plenty of personal days though”. Hank responded and Al was extremely grateful for his friends unwavering and unconditional support. 

An hour later found them talking over a few beers. The conversation was light and Al had missed this. It had been a long time, probably before Hank was arrested, before Camille died that this had happened. 

The four of them, Al, Trudy, Hank and Camille, used to get together a lot after the kids went to bed and just talk and drink. 

Al had missed that, he missed Camille and he knew he always would. He reminded himself to stop by her grave soon. 

“It’ll be okay, man”. Al was snapped out of his thoughts by Hank’s slightly slurred words. 

“What?” Al asked as he shook his head and looked between Hank and Trudy. 

“I said it’s going to be okay”. Hank repeated. 

“Yeah”. Al said hesitantly really not wanting to talk about his fucked up life anymore that night. 

“Alvin it is. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now and I can imagine it’s hard to think about but everything is going to be okay. Maybe not today or maybe no even next month, but eventually it will be. You’ll be okay, happy”. Trudy added and maybe it was the alcohol talking but Al wanted to cry. 

Al didn’t say anything, since he was pretty sure he would’ve started crying if he did, but he just nodded. God, he loved them. 

“I love you guys”. Al said and Hank reached out grabbing his hand and squeezing it. 

“We know”. Hank replied and Al laughed as he leaned his head against Hank’s shoulder. 

“Glad to know it didn’t get to your head yet”. Al replied as Trudy smirked from where she sat on the armchair across from them. 

Yeah, Al had missed this a lot. 

The rest of the night was just as nice. Al was thankful it was the weekend as they were up drinking and talking later than Al would like to admit. Eventually around two, Hank crashed on the couch and Al and Trudy made it to their respectable rooms for the night. 

Al knew he was going to be so hungover in the morning, but knew he didn’t regret it. He needed this and he knew Hank and Trudy had known that.

[fazedlight]

More Girls on the Bus thoughts from 1x03 under the cut (this is very similar to my twitter thread if you already saw that, though this is a little longer):

I feel ROBBED that we didn't get more of this scene. Sadie eats half of a THC chocolate bar, and all we see is her talking to Hunter S. Thompson and being a bit dizzy?

I really wasn't expecting her to go out in public again - and when she did, I thought something hilarious was going to happen. Or she'd end up in her hotel room lying down on the floor handing on for dear life. Really wanted more in this scene!

THIS SHIP IS EVERYTHING!!! I love Lola and Josie 😭 They have decent chemistry, and I really just love seeing butches on TV, since it feels relatively rare to see that aspect of myself represented.

Really hoping Josie sticks around!

I love how Lola genuinely doesn't think helping Sadie is a big deal. They're competitors! In a very cutthroat field! But they're also forming this friendship - Sadie was helping Lola with terminology earlier - and Lola is happy for this sort of mutual help.

Women helping women 💪

Scott Foley had to have had a blast filming this 🤣

Sadie better not fucking sleep with him.

PLEASE SADIE.

PLEASE.

I know I know, we're all Sadie/Saskia shippers at heart now.

But Sadie/Malcolm is really growing on me! I wasn't sure how I felt about Malcolm in the first two episodes, but their chemistry is really cute, and I'm getting the same sort of vibes I got from Meredith/Derek back in my Grey's Anatomy days.

It feels almost like a modernized take on that (I already commented before that Sadie herself feels like "Kara if she were on Grey's Anatomy", so I guess I'm going with that). Like, Grey's Anatomy wouldn't work today - Derek's persistent pursuit would be (rightfully) considered sexual harassment rather than cute - but this specific vibe of "we slept together, we shouldn't have, but we didn't know it at the time, but we still want to" feels like a successor of that dynamic to me.

Given that Sadie doesn't seem like the type for a committed relationship, I'm not sure where this is going to go, guess we'll see!

DAMN YOU AND YOUR CLIFFHANGERS 😭

I'm not feeling great about Grace's plot and I'm feeling sort of meh about Kimberlyn's plot, so I haven't really talked about them here. Otherwise, though, I'm very much enjoying this show ❤️

Looking forward to learning exactly why all of them end up arrested!

[drakonovisny]

to go further on this speculation (which is based on nothing tbh), if she is intending to resurrect andraste, how would that be possible if andraste's body was burned? they'd probably need a shitton of blood for the ritual and her ashes, but could her soul (spirit?) take a body that wasn't originally hers? could meredith be planning for andraste to possess her own body, or rather whatever's left of it?

i wonder what tf meredith is planning to use the circulum for. does she think it will bring her body back to normal? or is she planning to do something insane like trying to resurrect andraste?

[creatureblorg]

thoughts on dragon age absolution (spoilers ahead):

-qwyndion, roland, locklan, and miriam are all precious and i love them so fucking much. i want to give them all the hug that they so desperately need.

-i hope we get to see a little more focus on qwyndion, locklan and roland in the future. once they save the world they all deserve a fucking peaceful vacation. especially miriam, maker's breath. 😭

-"maker's tits" - qwyndion

-i love roland and locklan's chemistry theyre so fucking cute.

-the way hira sells miriam back to her fucking slave master?! she deserves nothing short of a painful death.

-the way that they wrote rezaren is so so disgustingly good. the entitlement, the smarmy confidence, the unfettered ambition, the disregard for human life. the way he couldnt understand that just bc he labelled neb and miriam as family didnt disregard the position of power and control he had over them. the way he flipped the script when his "kindness" was rejected clearly seen through. the way he disregarded everything miriam did with her freedom. yeah grade a villain, he sucks, thank you, i hate him.

-it was incredibly satisfying to watch neb outright ignore that fucker and get some final words with miriam.

-the circulum is an ouroboros. i wonder if that has any meaning outside of the symbolism of the cycle of abuse.

-whats gonna happen with tassia?? i think that a redemption arc is a possibility, although i kind of think it would be more interesting if they went full villain with her, let her faith in systems and institutions, and her blind rage lead her to do more and more challenging things to her moral compass while on the path to destroy the circulum, no matter the collateral damge. not to mention how messy the chain of command could get with how hira claims theres templars in tevinter already being corrupted by the crimson knight!! but i think its far more likely that theyll go down the route of "enemy of my enemy is my ally" having her eventually team up with team miriam to destroy the circulum. i guess its not out of the question that we get a little bit of the villain arc > redemption??

-meredith is "alive". we've seen something similar to this happen with red lyrium before. but damn, lemme tell you her voice actor is so damn impactful. like, i had to google merediths name bc i couldnt remember it, but i recognized that voice immediately conjured an image meredith in my head as she spoke. thats some damn good acting.

anyways, im absolutely feral for more immediately right now pls.

[justagirlsearchingforamuse]

Since you guys enjoyed my male cyberpunk romance options post, I decided to finally get to work on the female/non-binary ones. So first of all, let's start it off with our main girls, Judy and Panam. I plan on doing a part 2 and currently working on the part 2 for the boys.

1st. Judy Alvarez:

I enjoyed her romance quite a bit and love her as a character and I believe since we don't have any lore for her or anything that convinces me otherwise that she should be bi. I think she should be strictly for female/non-binary V with and more feminine features.

I feel that she should've had her own ending and not one that ties into Panam's, one where you decide to leave Night City with her, and or I would've enjoyed it if you could've taken any one of your serious romance options out of town. I feel that an ending with V deciding to call up Judy and there is an option to pack up your things, at least your weapons and clothes and just leave to the next city over. It ends up with you helping Judy and packing up your things in her van, Judy decides to drive and asks you where do you plan on going, you can choose from 3 options. 

The first choice you can say anywhere and that you don't care, you just want to live your final moments with Judy. The second choice should be something like Atlanta to see your family and or to wherever Judy used to live in the past. The last choice you can choose to give Judy some money to leave town and say to wait for her in the next town over so it can lead to you choosing whether to go with Hanako's plans or Johnny's. I can imagine the last ending resulting in Judy being seen,   arguing years later to keep your stuff when she's selling some of her old things. She ends up fighting to keep the necklace that V is always seen with and she wears it, it ends with Judy entering her van and promising to never forget you.

Also, I believe that she and most of the serious romance options should have at least one quest where you can go on a date with your partner, I believe hers would be you helping her with Clouds. Though it's not much of a date, you insisted on helping her fix things, and you guys spend most of your time trying to protect Clouds from The Tyger Claws who end up trying to attack again. It ends with Judy losing hope in Clouds, almost wanting to give up on the place but you can choose to convince her to keep fighting for Clouds. Or to give up and just sell the place and let all the hard work you guys did go to waste. If you choose the first, it leads to Judy promising to come up with more things and saying how she'll make some calls to some more people. The first choice ends with you both making out and you falling asleep at her place after she orders pizza and watches a few movies with you.

The second choice ends with Judy being hopeless and asking to be alone for the moment, ruining the date almost and putting a small dent in your relationship.

I believe that Judy is pretty well developed for a love interest and as a character, she stands strong on her own and is an interesting character who fits well with V. I enjoy their relationship as I do with most of the relationships which are very adult in the way that V tries not to rush things and doesn't promise their love interests the world. The love interests have their own lives and don't act like a bunch of teens or young adults, trying to make drama out of something small. They respect V, they add more to V and give V another reason to keep fighting, another reason to want to live, to get the damned chip out of their head.

Also, I want more Johnny and Judy interactions in the sense that I want to hear more of his thoughts on Judy and hear how he feels about V and them being together. He doesn't seem to hate her and maybe even would like to see that if you romanced Judy and did the Temperance ending he tells only her or your romance interest that you're gone. Well, he does it vaguely or sends your romance interest an anonymous email, vaguely stating that V is gone and that they disappeared/passed. Judy I feel would react in confusion as well as emotionally, she's nearly crying in the voicemails and is talking about the email or voicemail Johnny sent and is asking where are you.

2nd. Panam Palmer:

I like Panam Palmer as a character and I feel that her quests do explore a lot of the nomad lifestyle, her quests explore more about the people of the nomad lifestyle. I feel that she should've been bi and I was hoping that she and Evelyn were the 2 bi options because literally in my first playthrough was worried I was gonna romance her. Cause she was flirting a lot from what I saw and thought that you'd be able to romance her during the sandstorm. I feel she should've been bisexual or pansexual along with Evelyn.

I feel she should be able to be easily romanced by male/non-binary V with a more masculine appearance and she should've been a little harder to get with by a female V/non-binary V with a more feminine appearance. Also, is it just me but I wasn't a big fan of her sex scene, imo I feel they should've changed the sex scene to possibly happening during the sandstorm or after V confesses to dying. Or even them making out in the big ass tower before being interrupted by Saul. Also, wouldn't have minded learning more about Panam in terms of hobbies, like I would've loved it if she was a singer or was a decent guitar player. I also would've enjoyed scenes where we actually just chill with the Aldecaldos and like chill by the campfire or help out with some of their everyday problems, etc.

I like her but I didn't feel a seriously deep connection to her like I did with the other 3 romance options, I wish they added more depth to her and more of a serious tone to her. I do like the more serious tone towards the end and how her path explored being a nomad, what it means to have family, etc.

I do wish everyone in terms of romances had as many quests, depth, and just effort put into but her path is decent just not my favorite personally.

I feel she and Evelyn should've been the main bi options, she should've been easier to get with a male' V but also should've been able to date fem' V. The paths should've been similar or even show Panam having fem' V be her first-ever official girlfriend, show a new side to Panam with fem' V. I would've seeing Panam being a little shy and or a bit reserved around fem' V, I would've enjoyed seeing her hesitate a bit first before having her first kiss with V. I would've also enjoyed love scenes for bi characters being kinda different in the sense that I would've enjoyed Panam and male' V's love scenes to be raw, a bit filthy, and Panam is not holding back. Maybe it's just me but I disliked her love scene with all the green and all the switching really turned me off tbh. I would imagine Panam and fem' V have a love scene either being in a tent or during a quest in which fem' V and her share some beers, look at the stars, and relax.

Her love scene with fem' V would show a more gentle, natural, and aesthetic kind of scene, a lot of kissing, Panam going down on you, you kissing/nibbling on Panam's ear whilst you slip your hand in between her legs. It ending with Panam's arm wrapped around you and you wake up to the morning sun above you.

I feel another quest she should've had was you and V (Doesn't matter what gender) could've gone out on a road trip all around the badlands and you guys just have a good time together. Blasting music and making fun of each other's music, drinking beers, turning up to some music, and you both kissing in the backseat much to Johnny's annoyance. 

3rd. Evelyn Parker:

So I feel she should've been the main female bi romance option and she should've held a much bigger part in the story, becoming either a replacement for T-Bug if she dies in your playthrough or just finding out about her. She at first could be bitter towards you considering how you treated her in the beginning or she can come off as distant and wanting nothing to do with you at first. She wants to run from you and talks about leaving Night City with Judy, how she needs a fresh start. Similar to Judy, she stays because of how close she's grown to you, because of how it's hard to leave you to your inevitable death all alone, she finds it hard to leave you after I'd say her first 3 or 4 quests. She'd be one of the mysterious and harder romances to get, considering that at first, V thinks Evelyn wants someone who can help her and help her solve her problems. But in reality, she wants someone who will have her back, someone she can trust, someone who will make her life worth living.

I'd imagine she'd have about 3 to 5 quests and 2 of those quests lead to a romance, her quests would be about finding The Woodsman, getting rid of him, taking care of T-Bug, etc. I'd imagine that her romance starts in her second or third quest, she doesn't quite trust you yet but she's finding herself falling you all the time.

One of her missions would probably be her either taking you out to a really expensive bar or something where it ends with a love scene that progresses to the car if you're male' V. But if you're fem' V I feel the love scene would progress to her apartment, Evelyn pegs me as being kinda kinky but nothing like Meredith who broke the kinky scale. I'd imagine in the love scene with fem' V she'd be choking you a little bit, caressing your face and she's in control this time, you eat her out, she fingers you right before you come before fucking you from behind with her fingers. She's also making you suck on her fingers. It ends with fem' V waking up to Evelyn rushing out of the door, saying she has business to take care of and that she enjoyed last night and would later text you asking to meet up at her apartment. She asks if you want something serious and you can choose what you want your relationship to be, if you choose something more serious she ends up giving you a key to her apartment. 

Male' V love scene would have Evelyn being more submissive but more like a power bottom, she gives male V' oral which leads to you fucking in the backseat of her car in the missionary position. Leads to her riding you until you both come. She'd be pulling on your hair, she'd grab your hand and make you choke her for a little bit, she's kissing on your neck a lot, etc. It'd end with Evelyn lighting up a cigarette and asking if you'd take her home, you take her home and it ends with you kissing her before she goes home and asks you to call her in the morning. This leads to her calling to ask you if you want something more serious or something less than serious with the first option ending up with you getting a key to her apartment.

She'd play a decent role in the game, actively working towards getting the chip out and getting things back to the way they were. I imagine in one of the endings specifically The Temperance ending, she'd be one of the few to know that Johnny took over and it ends with her begging Johnny to give her a response, to tell her something. I'd imagine Johnny is fine with her at least after a while but at first, he's not gonna be too nice to her.

4th. Meredith Stout:

She could remain simply a one-night stand but what I would enjoy is being able to initiate either phone sex or be able to meet up with these one night stands again. But she also could have a few more quests, maybe some that revolve around her missions she can't get done without you and it leads to V wanting to romance her and wanting something more serious. Call me a bitch but I personally can't see Meredith wanting or feeling as though a relationship would be right at this point in her life. To me, Meredith from our first interactions come off as kinda manipulative and a bit unhinged when things don't go her way, maybe V helps kick her entitled and stuck up habits. Makes her realize how she sees people who don't have as much as beneath her is a terrible way to see people and a terrible way to think.

Or you could just screw around with her and help each other with whatever missions and shit like I'd imagine that she'd be apart of the endings or plays a similar role to Alt being able to help you take down Arasaka. I'd imagine if you romanced her or made a big impact on her she'll agree but if you are just fuck-buddies and or haven't completed all of her quests then she'll hang up or say she can't. If you do she manages to get militech and what not to help as reinforcements to help you in some way so you can get to Mikoshi in one piece or at least help you most of the way. But the endings still are the same but in the credits, she talks about how she hasn't heard from you and how she just wants to know if she's alive. She says she respects if you just want to be gone off the face of the earth.

Sorry Meredith stans but I can't see her being too serious with you if so then she's gonna spend time bettering herself before she delves into a serious relationship with you. But I'd imagine if you did have an impact on her, in The Sun ending/Path Of Glory she'll be in your bed and she'll be a bit kinder towards you and you'll have relationship problems.

5th. Misty Olszewski:

I love her as a character and how sweet she is, I feel that she could've had a deeper relationship with V, and them becoming best friends could've also been a good thing. She gives me pansexual vibes very much and will be willing to date all V's just treat her with love and respect. But I do feel that if you were able to romance her, the relationship would happen almost like a one night stand or something, maybe you both get drunk and sex happens. I feel Misty would feel as though she's betraying Jackie and being with you, which makes things complicated and weird. If anything I feel she'd be included in DLC as a more serious romance option, any DLC where Misty has time to process Jackie's death and has time to grieve. Any DLC that is later on or caters to an ending such as maybe the Nomad ending or The Sun ending perhaps.

First of all, she'd have like 3 or 4 quests where you just try and grieve with each other and or just be good friends, I'd imagine that one of the quests would be you suggesting teaching her how to swim or something because something tells me she wouldn't know how. Misty comes off as shy but open to try it if you give her enough encouragement and make her feel like things will be fine. You both go hang out somewhere out of town and end up going swimming and you teach her, but maybe something happens similar to Judy with the relic where you end up fainting or passing out. She ends up saving you miraculously and expresses how she feels like she's losing you and how she feels you're withering away from Night City. It results in Misty taking you back to your apartment, insisting you rest and try and get some sleep but you can insist on her staying and if she does, she ends up sleeping in bed with you and a kiss happens. She ends up pushing you away or the night after and saying how it's not fair to Jackie. How she enjoys your company but things feel better with you guys being friends, insisting that it was wrong to have a romantic relationship just sometime after Jackie passed.

I imagine things with her can end up being weird and awkward for a little bit afterward but she remains your good friend and she genuinely worries for you a lot, she won't play too big of a role in the game. But would play a similar role to Judy, I'd imagine that if you didn't romance anyone but her or if you romanced Judy, you'd be able to pick her to take along with you in the Nomad ending.

She'd be apart of the small list of romance options/good friends you'd be able to take with you in the Nomad ending.

She's really sweet though and you learn about her insecurities, learn more about her relationship with Jackie and how he planned on teaching her how to swim, he planned on getting her a beagle or finding her a dog. You learn a lot about Jackie and her and she's a really good friend of yours who wants to take things slow and make sure things are great when you start a more serious romantic relationship.

6th. Claire Russell:

She should've been a romance option or at the very least a ons, she might be straight but I'd say she gives off strong bi or pansexual vibes, she'd date any kind of V regardless of gender. I'd imagine that sometime after you murder the corpo cunt who killed her husband, she calls you up asking for a drink or asks you to meet up at her garage. She expresses how she thought she'd feel better after hearing he's dead but she feels the same, you both get a bit drunk and talk about past relationships and struggles. You both end up dancing to some music and it leads to you both slow dancing and if you play your cards right then you'll end up being able to kiss her. Claire and you both end up on the couch in her living room and you both have a grand time, I imagine she kisses you a lot, gives you plenty of praise in between sex, and she gave you some oral.

Afterward, I can imagine she wants to be with you but she needs a little more time to just enjoy being alone, dealing with Dean's death and such. Also, she talks about cars a lot and you can find her at her garage fixing up Beast and you can talk with her about fixing up your cars and anything like that. She doesn't play a huge role but she'll call you and you can call her before the final mission, similar to River you don't tell her what's up and you tell her how you'll always be her biggest fan. How you want her to keep racing and keep living her best life, she gets a little suspicious but can't put her finger on why you're saying all this. In the credits, she keeps saying how you won't answer and how she just wants to get a text or something, saying how you disappeared and how she really wants to see you.

Also, she gives me very much into working out and homegirl stopped working out a while ago because she had little to no motivation to do so. But when meeting you, she'll text you pics of her at the gym, her muscles, and saying how she has better muscles so she can cuddle you better.

I'd imagine that she'd be apart of The Sun ending and you both have a decent relationship with her, she expresses how she'd follow you anywhere and to let her know if things are wrong.

In the suicide ending, just as she's calling to find out what happened to you she gets a knock at the door and drops the phone, you can hear Misty and Viktor tell Claire of your death and it ends with her breaking down in tears before she pitches her phone at the wall.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 15x17 “Unity”

i’m a whole entire emotion

-

07:40pm

did i forget about this for two days? you bet

in my defense i was busy planning and hosting an online dance party for the sid city social club and had a very good time but was then entirely exhausted

still haven’t cleaned the craft table i used to make my costume wings but it’s on my to do list for this evening~ (my costume for the second of two parties: https://photos.app.goo.gl/NJYSa8CuKT7eywD88)

-

07:46pm

HOKAY LET’S GO

i did read some spoilers, so i know a few things but not all

-

07:50

i really enjoyed this opening scene with the falling stars!

especially that shot of amara’s eye

-

07:52

SAM DO NOT LICK YOUR HAND

clearly this was still filmed pre-plague

jesus christ

-

amara: “my brother has returned”

jack: “that means it’s time”

somehow i just realised this show is ending and whatever happens next is the last big thing that’s gonna go down

i’d bet anything part of the reason i’m watching these episodes late is because i have this personal habit of stopping watching shows a few episodes before the end so they never end

i have no idea how the original x files ended, for one thing

do i think this show needs to end? yeah. do i want it to? not really

i’m just afraid of disappointment and if i never watch it then it doesn’t happen

-

07:57

amara vanishes like cas used to, the shots are similar, and i can’t help but think it’s intentional

-

07:59

dean: jack’s not family

EX C U S E ME

????

i mean i know the spoiler so i knew this was coming and why. but Y I K E

-

08:01

i love the soft guitar music over this scene where cas shows up and picks up a book

making me emotional

nice cas-is-family feeling at last, even if it’s painful

-

ooo are we gonna have an alternate perspective thing

-

08:08

i really enjoy amara and how she’s written here

brb gonna go eat

-

08:52

i have consumed nourishment AND cleaned up the craft table

success

-

08:54

oooooooo i like the storefront design for jim’s gems

omg tumblr hasn’t let me add screenshots to my posts in well over a year

THANK U TUMBLR

-

09:00

i was just thinking “huh... these characters are interesting.............. i wonder who wrote this one”

of COURSE it was meredith glynn

-

“their existence makes them divine, because god is in everything”

that might be the single most beautiful thing ever said on this show

i’m a sucker for stories of fate and everything leading to one moment the whole time. (tis why good omens is my favourite novel)

-

09:06

adam’s rib? which i assume means something about eve, right?

-

09:13

BUNKER TREASURE HUNT TIME

-

09:16

i’m really glad we get some sam and cas interaction here

i know jared and misha are a nightmare together but still

-

09:30

sam: “my entire life, you’ve protected me”

i am going to cry

-

09:34

nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUU WHY DID IT END THERE

god this episode was so fucking well written

meredith glynn why are you so amazing??

i’m AAAAAA

hey maybe i’ll actually remember to watch next week’s episode

10/10 

good shit

still enjoying the fact billie is just SO NEUTRAL and set on restoring order, even though technically that makes her a villain in the storyline. the most true neutral character i’ve ever seen

i hope amara overpowers chuck. i’m rooting for her

I LOVE THAT EVERYTHING’S KINDA COMING FULL CIRCLE. NOTHING I LOVE MORE IN A STORY THAN THAT except maybe destiel

[kagetsukai]

Character ask: Fairbanks in Inquisition, Cullen in DA2, and, hmmm. Anora in Origins?

Fairbanks

I honestly have no real opinions on this character. I barely registered his existence, though I remember that I concealed his nobility *shrug* Sorry!

Cullen in DA2

How I feel about this character

Largely frustrated. I want to feel bad for him because of his past trauma, but dear GOD, he behaved like a little bitch. It’s really annoying that we had to be at the very end of the game, when everything was LITERALLY ON FIRE, for him to do anything about the Meredith problem.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Oh, I’m going to get so much shit for this, but.... Bethany Hawke. In my personal headcanon, Bethany was sick and tired of being a target for her family, so she actually turned herself in. And Cullen was the Templar she went to, which was why HE was the one to pick her up from the house. I figure that since Cullen is SUPER straight-laced (and Bethany can be a little shy about those things), it would have taken them YEARS to even get to a single smooch. That being said, DAI happened and Cullen moved on to be a romance option in the Inquisition. And I generally ship Bethany with Varric these days :P

I also imagine Cullen having a low-key crush on Carver, if he was the one to join the Templars. Did you know they’re the same age?

My non-romantic OTP for this character

In DA2?? None. That boy did NOT have friends while he was jacked up on lyrium and Meredith’s hatred for mages.

My unpopular opinion about this character

As per usual, his redemption arc is nowhere near good enough. Not sure if that’s unpopular or not, though. It’s like we see him scream about mages not being people in Act I and then he’s arresting Meredith in Act III, but we don’t really get to see a lot of in-between throughout the game? He only side-eyes you a lot if you choose to talk to him at the Gallows.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

More character development! I mean, I understand that he was supposed to be a relatively minor character, but it was still not enough. I’m pretty sure I covered a lot of these points in the previous question.

Anora Mac Tir/Theirin

How I feel about this character

I used to absolutely hate her, because I was all “That bitch betrayed me!”, and it wasn’t until I joined the fandom that I finally understood her point of view. Being a woman in politics is an extremely challenging thing to do and trying to navigate monarchy must be even harder. I no longer blame her for ‘betraying’ me, either. I feel like she’s a hard-ass and a good woman, despite what Arl Eamon might say on the contrary.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

You know, I didn’t really have one person in mind for her. That being said, I’ve always felt like Anora was absolutely not straight. It did NOT feel like she felt much for Cailan beyond duty and friendly love, and she was in that marriage mostly due to duty. That being said, my brain just supplied me with a crack!ship and I think I’m dying a little. How about....

Cassandra/Anora?

Two women, working side by side, learning about each other in more ways than one? I will die on the hill of “Cass is NOT straight”, btw. What if the two of them aren’t aware of their attraction to women until they meet each other? Or maybe it’s one of those “I wasn’t into women until I met *you*”? ACK! I don’t need more fic ideas!!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I feel like Anora and f!Cousland probably would have grown up together? Or at least in similar circles. I think that after the Blight is over, they’d reconnect and become much closer friends than they were before. There’d be some adult conversations about duty and fighting for what you feel is right.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Being a bitch in politics is NOT A BAD THING! Ugh. At the time of DAO Anora is what, 25? Something like that. And yet, she’s already basically ruled Ferelden for about 5 years and people LOVE her. If a male ruler is an asshole, that’s just him being strict. If a female ruler is an asshole, she’s a bitch and needs to be hated. No thank you. Fuck that noise.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

With all the nuance DAO had provided, I wish we had gotten more of Anora’s point of view of things. I wish the game didn’t predispose us to hating her.

[sasskarian]

I know you're not exactly a DA blog anymore... But... I just finished DA2 for the very first time and, and. I got myself Inquisition with all DLCs. I need to know what happens. I want the poor baby Cullen to be happy :(

Nonnie, I am still at my heart very much a DA blog (and Mass Effect; I just tend to smear new obsessions everywhere. Like finger painting). I curate my experience as much as I can due to the fandom being shit, but my love for DA is strong and steady. 

The best thing I can say is, play through the game and DLCs. (Tho suggested order is Jaws > Descent > Trespasser) I promise you, Cullen has the option of being happy. I wouldn’t write about it if I didn’t see those paths, and at least some of them are canon. 

I know what you mean, tho. Cullen is, to some of my friends’ dismay, near and dear to my heart. He’s my canon quiz’s romance, for many reasons. The truth is, I struggle with the fandoms’ interpretations of him and was just talking about this with my DA/FO/ME bestie @asaara-writes the other day. I think a lot of Cullen’s trauma is easily missed or overlooked in favor of louder plots (like Fenris’s, who doesn’t get hated on nearly so much for his hatred and distrust of mages, or Anders who hates Templars and is lauded for it. If I see another ANDERS WAS RIGHT banner, I’m gonna overclock somebody’s capacitors)

(Pardon me, I’ll throw this under a cut because wall of text, but I have some got-damn Opinions on Cullen and how the fandom treats him)

But for me, I’m neither in the “Cullen is poor bab who never did anything wrong uwu” or the “Cullen is a horrible bastard and should be set afire” camp. I walk a more moderate line, and here’s why:

I have a Cullen. 

My fiance, he’s... so much like Cullen that it breaks my heart. Military vet, disillusioned with his desire to do good in the world and the realities of corruption and power abuse. Substance abuse issues, and recovery from addiction. Said some bad things/had bad opinions when he was younger due to abuse by certain groups of people, and has since reformed and is trying to continue changing. Abuse survivor. Blood on his hands from his career. Trying his best to find his way in a world that he doesn’t understand. So I see the similarities, and I live with the reality of what that kind of history and life is like. 

Cullen was a fresh-faced 18 year old in the Kinloch Circle (however old his in-game image looks, he was canon 18-20). Which, by canon, was one of the less problematic, more lenient Circles (though you have to have Mage origin to find that stuff out). I don’t think he’d been a Templar long at that point. And he joined the Templars out of a desire to do good in the world. His examples of Templar behavior were those stationed in a small village, who had more leniency and less lawkeeping duties. Honnleath was tiny, and quiet. I’m going on assumption here, on my own history of small towns vs larger cities, that there wasn’t much evidence of power hunger and abuse an eight year old would notice.

Note that he remains kind and even remorseful at some of his duties (for instance, having to attend Harrowings) even under a hateful man like Greagoir.

When Uldred takes over the Circle and kills everyone, Cullen is the last left. He watches possessed mages and demons run wild in his home, killing and torturing his friends. If you’re a mage origin, he talks about how the demons used his feelings and affection for you, inappropriate though they were, to torment him. It’s implied through dialogue that at least some of those demons sexually abused him. 

Yes, in his panic and fresh trauma, he begs the Warden to kill any mages found left in the Circle. I wonder why. Tumblr at large acts like the only way for PTSD and trauma to be exhibited is through cowering and nightmares, but it’s well known among people who have PTSD (including myself) that outrage, hair trigger tempers, and anger issues are as common as crying jags and insomnia. 

After the resolution of Broken Circle, Cullen is reassigned to Kirkwall. Arguably, this is the worst possible Circle he could have been sent to in the entirety of the goddamn world. Not only is Kirkwall famous for increased blood mage activity (both due to history and also due to Templar behavior), which is one of his trauma-groups, but Meredith hates mages, and rules over them with an iron fist. She is fucking crazy, and whether her past makes her a sympathetic villain or not (ymmv), she downright encouraged the abuse of mages and as she loses her mind, we see her start accusing everyone of blood magic. 

Canon states that there are Templars in Kirkwall who sexually abuse mages, who torture them, and who kill them at will, and these are never dealt with. Meredith has no desire to change the way the Gallows is run, and it’s said or implied that before her reign as the overseer, the Gallows-- while still not great-- was not this bad. 

So, freshly traumatized and young Templar is sent to the worst possible place in Thedas, under the command of a crazed mage hater, surrounded by the very thing that will trigger him nigh constantly. I see a lot of the fandom say “well why didn’t he quit/leave?” And I wonder if those fans understand what indoctrination can do. Specifically, military indoctrination. You’re told that the ranks are your home, your family, the only ones who can or will ever understand you. You’re told this for so long that it becomes a life raft. It becomes your world truth. That’s the nature of emotional abuse that fosters codependency: it literally reshapes your world. 

Added to that, Templars are controlled by the Chantry through lyrium, an addictive drug that quitting is difficult and surviving the withdrawal of is often fatal. (that’s another rant entirely that can be summed up as tl;dr fuck the fucking Chantry)

The Templars were the only thing he knew. After that kind of soul-shaking trauma, do you leave behind everything you ever knew? (Remember, he was 13 when he joined into this kind of brainwashing.) No. You cleave to what you can, to what keeps you getting through the day. 

Cullen spent a further ten years in Kirkwall, watching the city fall apart under Qunari, blood magic, and Meredith’s increasing insanity. There was no reprieve for his PTSD: everywhere he turned, there was Something. And yet, we hear in Inquisition (depending on player choices, ofc) Samson say that Cullen tried to continue to be kind. He didn’t abuse mages, he tried to protect them where and how he could. 

[Samson: He arrived after the trouble at the ferelden circle. Cullen jumped at his shadow in those days, always on the watch for abominations and demons. Did right by the mages, though, never played rough with them. Not like Meredith.]

Was it limited? Yes. Was it hampered by circumstance? Yes. Should he have tried harder? Yes. 

But he still tried. 

Does he say regrettable things? Yes. Does he regret those things later? Yes. 

I had a friend, who I am no longer friends with for various reasons, tell me that “If Cullen was a good person, he wouldn’t need a redemption arc.” And... no, No, that’s not how redemption arcs work. Everyone does problematic things. Everyone who grows up brainwashed has to unlearn shit, and atone for shit. 

Cullen still struggles with mages. He still has a deep fear of them. Partly this is the Templar in him talking, partly this is trauma. And, here’s where we break from canon and go deep into psychology land: I think partly because he’s projecting. Cullen cannot imagine forgiveness for what he’s done. I wonder if part of him fears mages because he expects-- perhaps even some part of him desires-- retribution from them for his actions and past. 

And there’s things that have been retconned or that were misleading in previous games. For example, the rumor that Cullen escaped after Broken Circle and went on a mage murdering spree. That was nothing but a rumor, but the fandom levies it against him as if it happened.

But if Cullen “hated” mages, you wouldn’t be able to romance him as a mage. And honestly, that mage romance in DAI? Is one of the sweetest, most tender things I’ve seen in DA. As a mage, you can choose to help him past his fears, help him with his lyrium addiction. Help him grow as a person, and watch as he becomes a better person. As he learns that mages are more than their magic, and that Templars are so often wrong and awful in their treatment of them. 

I find Cullen to be well written. And believable as hell. The portrayal of him-- from the mood swings, to the trauma, to the shaky but steadying growth-- feels real, and I can back that up with my fiance’s own similar path. 

So. To wrap up because hoooooo, Opinions, play through the game. There’s a lot of gems there. <3 

[bishopsbelova]

We Make The Rules

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy  Characters: Jo Wilson, Alex Karev, Meredith Grey  Pairings: Jolex, Merjo and Merlex friendship  Summary: All that mattered was that they loved each other and they would do anything for the other.They made the rules in their life. Not anyone else. * Can also be read on ffn

“Has Alex said anything to you?” 

Meredith glanced up from her table to glance at Jo. She knew, technically, that it could have been slightly overbearing going to Meredith; but she was tired of Alex being weird. It seemed like no matter what she did; Alex refused to open up to her about whatever he was dealing with. 

Really all she wanted to know was if her husband was okay. And if the only thing she could do to  figure that out was go to his person, then that’s what she was going to do. 

Meredith sighed. “He hasn’t said anything to me, either. Which, mind you, is totally not like him.” 

Jo slumped against the nurse’s station and stuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Well that wasn’t helpful.

Meredith placed the tablet on the nurse’s station and turned to face her. “Okay, what’s going on in your head?”

Jo just raised an eyebrow as she glanced at Meredith. 

“And don’t try to say nothing. What’s running through your head, right now.” Meredith said, gently as if she didn’t want to run Jo off. Which truthfully might have happened if Jo had been the same person she was a few months ago. 

“I’m scared,” Jo admitted, her voice nothing more than a whisper. She felt a weight leave her shoulders saying that out loud. 

Meredith didn’t respond, just stood there, allowing Jo the space and time to continue if she wanted to. 

Jo took a deep breath to steel herself. Before she knew it, she was opening up to Meredith about the patient she just had. She opened up about all her feelings and fears and everything in between. 

“It’s stupid, though,” she added at the end, trying and failing to brush it off. Something she was always used to doing with Paul, who always made her feel like her emotions, feelings and fears never mattered. 

Meredith shook her head. “No it’s not. It’s completely valid.” Meredith placed her hands and either of Jo’s shoulders. “Your feelings are valid. Never forget that.” 

“And if you want,” Meredith added, stepping away. “I can kick his ass.” 

“No, you don't’ have to,” Jo laughed, but she thought for a moment. “Unless you absolutely want to, then I won’t stop you.”

///////////

“Talk to your wife!” Meredith yelled through the phone as soon as Alex picked it up. He was definitely taken aback because he sure wasn’t expecting that. 

Alex blinked and then remembered that Meredith couldn’t see him. “What?” he said instead. 

“You’re being weird and Jo is realizing it,” Meredith responded. “She thinks something’s up. And she’s scared, Alex. So get your head out of your ass and talk to your wife about whatever is going on with you.”

Alex felt like he was punched in the gut as he finished the call with Meredith. He had been avoiding talking about what Izzie told him, instead choosing to push it away so he could focus on Pac North and his other side project he’d been working on.

At least for the time being, anyway. 

Alex knew he had to think about it eventually, he had to talk about it eventually. But he was so gobsmacked about finding out he had kids; he didn’t even know how to form actual sentences about it. Let alone allow himself to think about it. 

Besides that, he had so much to do at the hospital, he was actively turning it around and he felt good about it. Alex Karev, former demon spawn, was actually making a damn difference. 

It felt great. 

Alex hadn’t even realized that of course Jo would have picked up on something. She wasn’t blind after all. 

Shit…

He was now realizing his actions were similar to her depressive episode and he was mentally kicking himself. He was a fucking ass. 

Alex really needed to talk to her, and soon. 

///////

Jo sat at the kitchen island with a glass of wine, wondering if she was going to see Alex at a decent time tonight. She was also wondering if he was even going to come home while she was awake. Within the past few weeks, he’d been coming home after she’d already gone to bed and had left before she woke. 

Her own thoughts were answered by the loft door sliding open. She turned her head to see Alex stepping through the doorway. He was definitely struggling with the amount of things he was carrying, or more so, trying to. 

Jo took pity on him. She sat her glass down and walked over to help him with the door. He mumbled a thanks as he made his way over to the couch, dropping some of the bags on the cushion before making his way to the kitchen. 

“Alex, what the hell is going on?” 

Alex had a sheepish grin on his face as he sat more bags on the counter, which Jo finally realized were filled with take out containers. 

“I got Thai food on my way home,” he said, gesturing to the containers he was placing on the counter. “And I got your favorite wine, along with some other stuff,” he pointed at the bags on the couch. “I know this doesn’t even begin to make up for the complete ass I’ve been lately; but hopefully it’s a start.” 

Jo crossed her arms over her chest as she walked towards the kitchen. “We still need to talk.” 

“And we will...we are...over dinner.” 

Jo relented, closing the rest of the distance. She helped Alex dish out the take out onto plates from the cabinet. Once the two of them were seated at the table and Jo had grabbed her wine glass, Jo steeled herself for whatever was coming. 

Though in retrospective, she felt like if Alex was leaving her, he wouldn’t pull out all the stops to do so. There wouldn’t be a need to put on a show, or go through the motions of a dinner from her favorite Thai place. 

“Alex ---” 

“Jo --.”

They both share an awkward chuckle and Jo hated it. Things had never been this awkward between them, unless you counted that period of time in her depressive state. Jo motioned for Alex to go ahead. 

“I don’t know how to say this. Hell, I’m having a damn hard time wrapping my own head around it,” Alex said. 

Jo took a bite from her food as she stared at Alex, wondering where he was going with this. 

“Ihavekids!” he blurted out. 

Jo stopped mid chew, shocked at the words she thought she heard. Because there was no way that Alex had actually said that he had kids. 

“I have kids,” Alex repeated, slower this time, running a hand over his face. “Twins, actually.” 

Jo finished chewing and swallowed, her eyes widening. “Yeah, that’s a lot to take in and it explains why you’ve been weird lately.” 

Alex stopped with his glass halfway to his mouth. “I’ve been a complete jackass to you, you can admit it. Mer all but said it anyway...I just.” he took a sip. “I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to get my head on straight about it. And I didn’t even know who to talk to about it while I sorted everything before I came to you.” 

“You could have just come to me,” Jo said, softly. “You know at first I thought this was just payback for what I did to you.” 

“I would never throw that back in your face,” Alex said immediately.

“I know.” 

They lapsed into a silence, the only sound in the space their forks gliding across their plates. Jo was giving Alex the opportunity to go at his own pace, like he once allowed her. 

“I reached out to Izzie when I reached out to everyone else about Mer’s case,” Alex continued, setting down his fork. “That’s all it was supposed to be, but then I heard kids in the background and damn it if I didn’t ask.” 

“She used the embryos; which was in her right, I said she could do whatever she wanted with them once we got divorced...twins though, Eli and Alexis; they’re five. They live on a fricking farm in Kansas and Izzie’s an surgical oncologist out there and she’s married to a fricking farmer. Apparently they’ve been together the past two years.” 

Jo let out a breath, the married part lifting a weight she didn’t realize had settled on her shoulders. Though just a little, there was still the demon in the back of her mind, whispering, taunting her that Alex could still leave. 

“Do...do you,” Jo tilted her head. “You are going to meet them, right?”

“I don’t know Jo,” he admitted, leaning back against his chair. “I mean, yeah I’m their biological father; but they have a dad. But they’re still my kids.” 

“Even though they have a dad; they deserve to at least know their biological father. They don’t deserve to grow up wondering who he is or making up stories in their heads of the man he was.” 

“I have some personal time saved up...I guess I can take some days and fly out there, leave Pac North in Webber’s hands. He shouldn’t screw it up too bad.” Alex reached across the table then and grasped her hand. He looked directly in her eyes as he spoke. “This doesn’t mean anything. I’m not going to leave you, I’m never going to leave you. I’m a better man with you. I’m with you. You’re the love of my life and the only thing in my life that’s ever made any sense. All I want in life is to be your husband and the father of your kids.” 

Jo used her free hand to swipe away the tears that had escaped her eyes. She just nodded, not trusting herself to speak without her voice cracking. 

“Which brings me to my next point…” 

Jo blinked away the tears. “There’s more?”

“I want to start a life, a family with you, eventually if that’s what you want. I know we haven’t really talked about it too much; but I want that to be a part of the future for us. So, I may have also been looking into the house market….I know it’s even more to take in and you don’t have to agree to anything now but --”

Jo cut him off. “No, Alex. I’ll-- We’ll look into the listings.” 

Alex lit up. “Really?”

“Well if we’re going to eventually start a family together, we should probably have a bigger space,” Jo glanced around at the loft and smiled. “Yeah, this place was our home for a while and it’s been fricking great; but with kids, I’d want a yard so that they could run and play and maybe a porch swing.” 

“We can have whatever you want.” 

Jo reached for her fork to scoop up another bite. “You really have been busy.” 

Alex just shrugged. “I had some free time.” 

“With running an entire hospital? Really?”

“Multitasking.” 

Jo snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure.” 

They lapsed into easy going conversation for the rest of their meal. Alex informing her about all the changes he was hoping to do at Pac North, how he was loving having this change to really put the hospital on the map, to actually make a difference. Jo shared some of her latest ridiculous patients, especially the bachelor party guy. 

“Wait, they literally swallowed fish?” Alex said on a scoff when they were cleaning and putting away the dishes. 

Jo nodded. “Yup.” 

Alex just shook his head as he closed the cabinet door. He shuffled over to his bag to grab his tablet, while Jo grabbed the bottle of wine and two glasses. “About those houses though.”

Alex held up the tablet and motioned towards the couch. “Right here.” 

It was nice, sitting on their couch, drinking wine, looking at houses, actively planning their future. Despite all the anxiety and nerves she’d been under for the past few weeks, the distrust she was feeling, she couldn’t help but smile. 

Alex really was the one, had been the only one to truly see her. It didn’t matter what life threw at them, what tried to force them apart, if they didn’t make sense, nothing mattered. All that mattered was that they loved each other and they would do anything for the other. 

They made the rules in their life. Not anyone else. 

“Let’s make a promise,” she said and Alex glanced at her.

“What?”

“That from this moment on, we’ll always communicate to each other. No more dodging, no more slinking away into our heads or our own little bubbles. We won’t hide from each other, we’ll just talk. Even if at first it’s just a ‘hey, i’m going through something right now, but I need time to process - just wanted to let you know’ or something similar. So that we don’t freak out.” 

Alex nodded. “It’s a pact, right here, right now.” He held up a fist with his pinkie raised. 

Jo raised an eyebrow. “A pinkie promise, what are you, five?”

“A pinkie promise is very serious,” Alex defended with a shrug. 

Jo just smiled and hooked her own pinkie finger to his. “You’re ridiculous, you know, but I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

[readbetweenthelineslove]

Thoughts While Watching SK Homecoming

I was literally smiling and laughing like an idiot while watching these wonderful amazing people and thinking of all of the memories from years of enjoying their musicals. I am so glad I bought the digital download because they deserve all of the love and support. Just a word of warning I will be spoiling what happens throughout the show so if you haven’t seen it yet and/or you don’t want to have anything spoiled for you, I would not proceed any further. You have been warned. Also, as the show is over two hours long, buckle in cause this is gonna be a doozy and I have a lot of feeling about this wonderful show.

Disclaimer: these are just my own personal thoughts and opinions as a long time fan of Starkid, please don’t come at me.

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1. Darren is so cute with how he encourages and interacts with the crowd, you can tell how much he loves Starkid and loves the fans

2. we stan a founding knucklehead of Starkid

3. I am so proud of the musical daddies as they conduct a literal orchestra!! how far they have come!!! also, hearing all of the songs with the orchestra is such a treat.

4. I am living for Jeff Blims outfit! the eyeliner, the necklace, the vest!! honestly, iconic.

5. It is so funny to me that they had to edit out fuck from their songs, i.e. “i mean what the what”; “tiger lover”; “he porked a tiger”.

6. Did they change the octave that they were singing, because Jeff seems to be struggling?

7. I love how Jon Matteson looks the same as he did TGWDLM, he is Paul.

8. I don’t know why but the TGWDLM medley is increasing my appreciation for Jeff, previously who wasn’t really on my radar in terms of my favorite starkids, but I love his little dance moves and funny things he does

9. Robert Manion fucking performs the hell out of show stopping number and I am here for it every single time. I feel like he can’t help it and you can tell he’s into it because he can’t help but make the Hidgins face and wiggle his hips. Also, THE BODY ROLLS I AM LIVING FOR THEM !!! (@9:10)

10. Both Mariah and Jon are confirmed working boys and I love them for it. I love that Corey brought Mariah in at the end to make sure she was included.

11. Okay but Lauren Lopez knows how to perform like she knows how to work and engage a live audience. I so enjoy watching performances like this where there isn’t a wall between performer and audience because I think that that’s when she shines. I also feel like the same applies to Rob, Joey, and Darren, they are just so fun to watch.

12. How are all of these people so attractive!! I especially love Lauren’s outfit, but that’s probably just cause I love her so much.

13. I don’t know why but Brian’s “I still don't know!!” at 12:08 gets me every time.

14. Joey’s look behind him for his shadow at 12:24 while he bops kills me.

15. The orchestral swell at 13:05 with “this is the dawn” is so beautiful.

16. Lauren's arms are unbelievable, but we already knew that

17. 14:43 where Joey and Lauren walk and then turn back is so funny to me.

18. The second naked in a lake kicked in at 17:05, I got so hype. also, love that Corey took off his jacket during the song.

19. All the different faces and actions during the “fasters” at 19:54 are so good.

20. I never realized how tall and gangly Clark was until the Ani section, the boy's limbs are too long for his own good and I love it. His voice is so beautiful though!!

21. Joe calling Twisted the first-ever live-action Disney remake is iconic and no one can tell me otherwise.

22. I was legitimately afraid for the buttons on Joe’s shirt at 27:43.

23. Britney Coleman and Carlos Valdez singing 1001 Nights was a wonderful surprise and literally so beautiful, also their exit as Dylan started singing was so cute.

24. I’m kind of sad that they didn’t actually sing Twisted in the medley cause that was one of my favorite songs, but I understand that they had time constraints.

25. After 32:38, I feel like I need to watch the Lego Batman movie to see how similar it is to HMB.

26. Semi-disappointed that they didn’t do the usual choreography for the “I want to be your friend forever” part, but I respect that the handheld mics restricted them.

27. The bass or guitar or whatever in the background at 36:30 was so groovy, I was a fan of that.

28. Tbh, I didn’t really get Denise’s whole bit about how Starship is a show only for dreamers, it just felt a little off to me.

29. I’m a little bummed that Joey didn’t sing Status Quo, but I like that they gave it to Mariah and Alex who both have lovely voices. I appreciate that they had a moment to shine when they might not have because they are newer members/ only had a small role.

30. Brian and Jaime’s eye contact with the camera at 40:48 is so powerful and I’m here for it.

31. Joey mouthing the lyrics at 41:21 is so funny and I love it.

32. AJ’s little jump in the background at 43:02 is so cute.

33. Their constant need to have to avoid saying dick throughout the whole MAMD section is so good and hilarious, with so many expertly timed entrances from AJ Holmes and Joe Walker.

34. Joey saying no to the different microphones at 44:00 is absolutely artistic and fucking hysterical. It gave me similar vibes to Bo Burnham’s bit about seeing the most beautiful penis at a urinal.

35. 45:40, AJ Holmes is a delight of a man, need I say more.

36. “Do I smell?” “Pretty bad.” 45:07

37. Seeing Meredith and Brian standing next to each other at 48:49 makes my heart so happy cause this is what brought them together and now they are married and it’s amazing.

38. “We’ve written on all of the Starkid shows” 50:46, what a powerful statement.

39. I had no clue that the Starkid movie (1997) was a thing and I love that Nick just straight-up roasted it.

40. The subtitles at 52:56, dramatical instrumental music. I am here for it, I love this revamped version

41. Darren is so extra singing Goin back to Hogwarts and I am here for it. Our boy has grown so much! 

42. Pulling out the glasses at 54:03 is a power move.

43. I’m not sure about how I feel about people singing along to the songs during this. I know it is supposed to be for the fans but don’t people want to just sit back and listen to how amazing these people are and just enjoy. Maybe that’s just cause I only am viewing it through a computer and if I had been there I might have felt different, but who knows.

44. 56:05, AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! It’s Bonnie!!! She looks amazing and I’m so happy that she’s here!!!

45. Joey trying to the clap in the ear with mic at 58:04.

46. 58:16, I love how Darren always hypes up the crowd for Lauren’s entrances as Draco, he’s done this a number of times and it makes my heart so happy how he supports his friends.

47. I love Lauren so much the way she moves across the stage at 58:57, the power stance at 59:05...absolutely incredible.

48. I love seeing Rob in the chorus cause he was a fan, he loves AVPM just as much as we do and now we get to see him up there performing one of the most iconic songs. It honestly just makes my heart so happy.

49. 1:00:12, Dylan emerging from the audience is honestly so funny to me and I love him for it. Also, I love the ongoing trope of the “welcome” getting progressively longer each time they perform the song. Bless Dylan’s lungs and abilities to sustain that note.

50. 1:03:45 Jim little butt taps are so good.

51. The saxophone at 1:04:19 is so enjoyable.

52. I like how the slowed things down for Home at 1:06:10 with Darren sitting on the stage just having a personal moment with the audience, it was really nice.

53. Darren’s hops at 1:08:45 are so adorable and I love them.

54. I know that AVPM songs are iconic and everyone loves them, but I would have liked to see them so some more songs from AVPS and AVPSY, especially since they had some time rehearse them and there would be no mic issues.

55. Yay for a Bonnie and Meredith duet, both women are wonderful and have done an amazing job as Hermione and I love them both.

56. “Art imitates life a little bit on that one”, it’s okay we love you Darren with your silly guitar.

57. I didn’t think watching this would be educational, but I now know what a litmus test is and what slant rhymes (aka really pushing it rhymes) are thanks to Darren and google, so there’s that.

58. This may be a bit controversial but I feel as though this was one of the weaker performances of Granger Danger, usually Joey and Lauren have fun with it and I love it when they do, but this time they seemed to be more going through the motions. There were good moments (i.e. Joey’s hips, Lauren sliding down the mic stand, the back and forth head turns) but overall it was just kind of eh.

59. Darren’s twirl at 1:28:36 is delightful.

60. I firmly believe that AJ has permanently memorized the fantasy monologue and I refuse to let anyone tell me otherwise, 1:31:10. Also, I’m curious if it was planned because someone in the audience calls out for it, but that might have been a plant so who knows.

61. I just realized at 1:32:20, where he’s talking about mouse wives and concubines that would be bestiality. He only shrunk his size down, he would still technically be a human...

62. Tyler Brunsman singing Guys like Potter is now kind of funny considering AVPSY and Cedric ending up with Lily in the afterlife.

63. Joe Moses face at 1:38:57 is classic Snape and I am here for it.

64. Another yay for Sidekick, this is one of my fav AVPSY songs and Joey kills it every time.

65. 1:43:19, goddamn that man can hit a high note.

66. I love the addition of Rob to Everything Ends, what a pretty song and Rob’s voice works wonderfully with it.

67. 1:44:58, Rob struggling with the mic is hilarious.

68. Classic Snape speech at 1:46:30, simply inspiring.

69. I love Jaime and we all know her voice is incredible, but something seemed off during Not Alone and at times it sounded like she was struggling.

70. 1:51:56, I don’t know if I just don’t know much about music but Joey’s make was a little off, but on another note, I think it would have been really sweet if they had let Lauren sing too so that Draco could finally add to that harmony.

71. That sick piano rift at 1:54:33, hell yeah!

72. Even though they always use Days of Summer as the closing song, I love it every time, it’s just so fun and gets me so emotional.

73. That key change at 1:56:50 tho.

74. Yay for enthusiastic but sometimes questionable fanart ;)

75. Brian and Joe recreating the ending scene of AVPM is absolutely beautiful and I am here for it.

76. The matching jackets at the end speaks to the fact that Starkid at its essence is just a bunch of friends who were theatre nerds and wanted to create something fun together and I think that's wonderful.

In conclusion: Props to whoever made it to the end of this ridiculously long post summarizing the different thoughts I had while watching Homecoming. I truly think it was something for the fans and I love them for it. I am so proud of Starkid and all they have accomplished since 2009.

I want to encourage others to continue to support Starkid in the future, maybe even by purchasing Homecoming for themselves, I would definitely recommend giving it a watch. Also, feel free to respond and let me know your own thoughts on Homecoming, I’m sure there’s lots I missed and I would love to hear what others thoughts. 

[stiles-o-dylan24]

Was it difficult to write IABY? Is there anything you found hard or you struggled with?

I’m loving all these questions! Thank you to everyone for sending them in💛  Shocker I rambled so there’s the answer and SPOILERS to those that are currently reading it below the cut!

hmmm I don’t think it was hard per se, I mean it was definitely challenging only because of the schedule I wanted to keep with updating frequently-- which with my work schedule at the time made for the struggle to get things done as often as I wanted. 

I updated twice a week for a good majority of the series minus January because it was so crazy in my personal life, and that was actually pretty insane looking back on the first few seasons where there weren’t a lot of scenes that Addy wasn’t in so I was basically rewriting the entire episode.

Once I was in a creative writing flow though it was a breeze. There were definitely certain scenes or episodes that I remember really took longer for me to figure out the best way to rework them to fit in Addy and the story I wanted to tell. 

Keeping organized with main points of what I already wrote and ones I needed to pave the way for in future episodes really helped me in keeping that not a struggle for me. I also researched a lot of things I added in with wounds and injuries so I added my own stress with wanting everything to be as accurate as I could make it even then I’m sure I dropped the ball somewhere

Party Guessed was the first episode I really remember face palming at how to have Addy react to the wolfsbane and what to create for her hallucination. I ended up going for more of a shock factor and I’m not sure how I feel about it now.

The Alpha Pact episode and the panic attack kiss was another nail biting induce stressor because of how controversial the kiss is for people who suffer from panic attacks. I chose to ultimately keep the kiss in there because as someone who personally does suffer from panic attacks, something similar to this method has worked for me before. Panic attacks happen to people in a variety of different ways and the type of relationship Staddy has, I wholeheartedly believe that Addy kissing Stiles would have been exactly what he needed to calm down. 

I struggled with the Insatiable episode a lot and figuring out how to make that work with two banshee’s, Void taking one and predicting Allison’s death. I still to this day wonder if I chose the right path because I really wanted Void to take Addy, however how I had Addy in the final draft of that chapter I really loved those scenes she had with Stiles. Also how Meredith helped Addy hear what she needed to hear. I’m still indecisive about it and that was an entire day of my just staring at my computer screen with both ways written out. My sister helped me brainstorm it and we’re both still torn on which one we like the best/which one should have been the final draft.

Dark Moon was one I struggled with for a few days as well. It was the first episode with them as an actual couple so there was that new aspect. It’s also told in an interesting timeline so I had to really think about the best way to rework the episode to flow better since I didn’t have the option of a visual memory like the episode provides with Scott.

Having Theo invade Lydia’s memories over Addy’s was one I didn’t want however Natalie checking Lydia into Eichen was more likely to happen than Melissa checking in Addy-- which is why I did the switcharoo in Eichen with Addy being taken because the Eichen House rescue night HAD to be Addy which how much it was crucial to Stiles and Lydia’s relationship in the show. There’s so much stuff like that that I wasn’t even aware I needed to think about until I was rewatching the episode and even the next few episodes and remembered how crucial certain Stiles/Lydia scenes were and how I had to completely rework those so they weren’t there anymore.

Season 6 was a trying time for sure. There wasn’t a lot of Stiles which meant there wasn’t a lot of interaction from everyone. It really felt like ‘okay I just need to get through these last however many episodes to really end this thing with a bang’. Also why I created the epilogues and I’m so happy that I did because it really felt like the perfect way to say thank you to everyone who stuck with me through it all.

This series was my first ever try at really writing and through all the stress and anxiety to complete it-- I’m so fucking proud of myself for doing it and accomplishing something to this level, no matter how silly that may seem to someone not in our fandom💛

[primatechnosynthpop]

We're back in the heroesposting mine tonight, gays and gamers

This episode is called "Angels and Monsters" so clearly they've gotta reference a) Christian stuff and b) who is and isn't a ~monster~ as many times as humanly possible. That's the law!

During that scene where Nathan was talking to "Linderman" I couldn't remember how it went down and I was highkey expecting Nathan to try and pour milk onto "Linderman" to prove he's not real. And now I'm sad that's not how it goes down because man would it be funny or what if Nathan just poured a bunch of milk onto the floor

Boy howdy does Mohinder ever get lost in the sauce. Whoops! Uh-oh! Oops!

I only very vaguely remembered the vortex guy... man that's fucked up and also I'm trying VERY hard not to reference Miroku from InuYasha right now

But also the stuff with Claire and Noah and Sylar is very cool and compelling... love that complex interpersonal drama!!

"This is my tough guy walk".... Mr. Masahashi I have feelings for you

As much as I love Hiro's fake-stabbing trick (because, like, shenanigans are where it's at) I do find it interesting how well Hiro and Ando are able to act out a bona-fide Top Ten Anime Betrayals (tm). I mean Hiro has probably roleplayed before (whether that be larping, playing a tabletop game, etc.) and I could see him having been a theater kid at some point... but Ando? He strikes me as more of a stage crew type

(And yes I KNOW that the doylist reason for this is that they wanted to fool us into thinking that Hiro had actually done a hit on Ando but I'm concerned with the watsonian explanation!! Thinking about them as kids rehearsing for the play that their class is putting on for the culture fest... doing swordfights with cardboard tubes.... Hiro gently bops Ando over the head and Ando does a dramatic fake death and Hiro cheers for him because, wow, he's perfect for the role! ..... ok I'm getting off track here)

I vaguely remembered Angela getting her shop wrecked in some way but I had misremembered it as being more of a standard coma... being conscious but frozen in place is pretty dang nasty!

(And then meanwhile a similar thing is happening to Meredith, but because of a different guy with different powers... did the writers have a fetish or something??)

I'm sure I've made this perfectly clear already but just so we're all on the same page here: GOD I fucking love Daphne!!!

[lovelylogans]

love light gleams

previous chapter | chapter four | next chapter

part of the wyliwf verse.

the sideshire files | read my other fics | coffee?

warnings: food mentions, complicated parental relationships, teenage emancipation, emotional abuse, mentions of being disowned, mentions of transphobia and homophobia, classism, mentions of past underage drinking, crying, religious content (church, going to confession), remus cameo, mentions of choking/killing someone, something similar to the canon “have you thought about killing your brother?” monologue, please let me know if i’ve missed anything!

pairings: gen 

words: 57,686

notes: uh, this one’s heavy on the crying/angst/hurt comfort, folks, so tread carefully! take care of yourself!!

"you can just point," virgil says to logan, for the fifth time. "it's okay if you just... make any gesture ."

"um," patton says.

"he's going to pick which one it is," virgil says steadily, ignoring the fact that he's the last of the family who are picking a box from their pile. "i'm always last to pick anyway."

"it's true," says silas, "and why didn't i get to pick this year, again?"

"you'll like it, trust us," meredith says.

"yeah, but—"

"si," essie says, and she's the only one that patton's seen so far that gets no rebuttal for shortening his name, " trust us."

silas sighs, grumpy, and slouches over his (pretty sizeable) box.

"just one gesture," virgil wheedles to logan, adjusting him, and logan squalls in protest, throwing his pacifier. which happens to bounce off a purple box.

"you know what?" virgril says to logan, tilting his head. "joke's on you, i'm taking that as a choice, so there."

"i'll take him," patton says, amused, and he picks up logan's pacifier. "i'll meet you all upstairs, i'm just gonna rinse this off really quick."

they all nod, virgil picking up the carrier so that patton won't have to juggle it and an armful of baby, so patton makes a brief detour to the kitchen to wash and rinse off logan's pacifier. really, even with as clean as the diner is, it still touched the floor, so. 

patton ensures it's dry, before he makes an offer of it back to logan. apparently, since he's tossed it, he does not want it anymore, how dare you, and so patton takes a bit of time to walk around and get logan calm before he goes back upstairs, so that a fussy baby won't interrupt anything.

and, thank goodness, it seems like patton doesn't—mark is laughing, showing off one of the new aprons that was in the gift he chose, a mr. good lookin' is cooking one as freddie snorts to herself—so he settles in one of the chairs that's been pushed aside to make room for everyone in the middle of the room, the one next to where virgil's set down the baby carrier.

he carefully lowers logan into the carrier, holding his breath, and logan, thankfully, stays quiet. 

so patton curls up in the armchair and he watches the danes have family time. they open presents in an order that patton doesn't really get—freddie gets the latest book of world records, then essie gets some kitchen tools that make her go "ooh!" so it's not by age or anything—and it looks... really nice, honestly. all of them are clustered together in a messy kind of circle, watching as each person opens their gift of choice. so they go, and go, until—

"last but not least," mark prompts.

"finally," silas says, and begins tearing it open as he's talking. "i get to see why i couldn't pick and everyone else could," he's opening the top of the box, and patton notices everyone in the family grinning, "seriously, this better be..."

he trails off. he stares. his jaw drops, just a little, and patton watches as silas' eyes go wide, and a little shiny, and he seems to just get a little... softer.

"i," he says, falters, looks up and then back down at the present. "i—i don't—how did you even...?"

"well," meredith says, with a kind of benevolent, easy smile, and she reaches over to squeeze silas' arm and mark copies and they are so clearly being comforting or something to him, what is in that box?

and silas smiles, a real, genuine smile. it makes him look nice. it makes him look good. and for the first time all visit, patton notices how little silas has been smiling, or excited, and the glimpse of essie and silas on the mezzanine, and it hits him that... that maybe his problem was never really just with patton at all.

silas unearths it, and patton... well, patton doesn't know what he'd expected, really, but it's not what silas pulls out from the box. 

it's... a lego set. one of those big ones that make up a specific thing—patton can spy the millenium falcon, on the side, before silas wraps an arm around it, obscuring his view, but he's still smiling so much.

"i can't believe you got this for me," silas says.

"well, you begged for this, for years, and—" mark begins

"yeah, i," silas says, "i mean, it was—it was years ago, i never expected you to actually—"

"well, we promised, didn't we?" mark says, and simultaneously, silas ducks his head with a laugh, and patton feels like he's been punched in the stomach—

("—where were you?" patton asks. he's maybe seven, eight at oldest, and he's holding his skirt in his fist, tight, probably crumpling the material that his mother will yell at him for later, as if she has anything to do with the upkeep of their clothes, as if she won't just buy him a new one to dress him up in later.

"hm?" his dad asks, looking up from the papers, and patton clears his throat.

"where were you?" he repeats. "it was the school play today."

"oh," his father says absently. "was it?"

"you and mom promised you'd be there."

and neither of you showed up , he doesn't have to say. christopher's latest nanny dropping him off after a 'playdate' is enough evidence for that.

his father sighs, annoyed, and sets aside his papers. "your mother and i both had meetings, pumpkin, i couldn't very well skip it."

"but," patton says, floundering, unable to find words other than "but you promised."

"yes, well," his father says, "i'm sure there'll be another one. we can try and make the next one, darling, how about that?"

"but—" patton says, voice small, and his father nods, as if the whole situation is settled.

"why don't you run along, now? i have a lot to get finished, you know."

it's not a suggestion.

"okay," patton whispers, before he tries to swallow before he turns and runs out of his father's office, to fling himself upon his bed and sob, for no one to hear—)

a tiny voice in his head, with all the finality and gravity of the two paths of his future stretched out in front of him, says, i want logan to grow up with the kind of family that the danes' are.

and he does. he wants logan to grow up in a warm, loving family, with nicknames for each other, with him looking forward to spending time with his family, with christmas cookies and christmas movies and fights that always seem to get settled and don't leave him heart-achey and hurting for days at a time, with warm, happy time together that feels like it's out of a movie, with the kind of mystical warmth and christmas spirit that's easily within reach, with promises that always get fulfilled.

he wants logan to have that. he wants to be that for him. 

then, the voice continues, you can't get that with the family that you have, and patton can practically see the gilded gates back to his parents' house close, and it's almost anticlimactic, like there's been something in his heart that's known that was how his life was going to go as soon as he'd planted that note in logan's crib, and oh god, oh, god, he's going to be emancipated, he wants to be emancipated, he wants to make his own family and oh god oh god oh god oh god oh fuck—

what kind of person does that make him?!

and with that, as the whole danes family is entrenched in their happy moment with silas, patton stumbles blindly to his feet and staggers for the nearest escape he can manage—the mezzanine.

it's bitingly cold, but that's almost welcome as the wind nips at his cheeks and his nose and patton grabs for the wrought-iron railing so he doesn't fall to his knees, because his legs are shaking and he's shaking, so patton blindly grips tighter at the railing and feels the cold wind steal into him and it's almost welcoming as his stomach twists, full of nausea and self-hatred because what kind of person does that make him, what kind of person is he to throw aside his parents and run away and stay away and want a whole new family, what kind of horrible person is he to think about that on christmas eve, and so patton feels his fingers go numb and his nose get cold and there's tears on his face, he thinks, or maybe it's snowing and the cold is hitting his face and melting, he doesn't know, he just knows that it stings, and he deserves it, he deserves it he hasn't even missed them the closest he's come is to missing the apple tarts, the fucking pastry, patton has been missing pastry more than his own parents and they're never going to want to see him again they're never ever going to want to see him again and he's going to deserve it he deserves to stay out here and freeze and his parents would be right to never ever talk to him again and there's a click and a gust of warm air and a feminine voice saying "wondered where you" before falling off and patton lets out a hitching, terrible noise, and "oh, sweetheart" before the warm air goes away.

"i—all right, honey, is it okay if i touch you?"

patton manages a nod, and shudders as meredith pulls him into a hug; she's warm, and she only flinches a little when patton's cold nose makes contact with her skin, and she wraps him up in one arm, cradling his head with her other hand, and patton rests his head on her chest, forehead resting in the crook of her neck, pulled there, almost like a doll, because he's so busy crying, because it isn't snowing, he's been crying, that he can't really negotiate a hugging position.

"can you try to breathe with me, sweetheart?" she says.

and patton tries, he really, really does, except he can barely take in a breath like she is before it gusts out of him in sobs.

"i'm sorry, i'm s-sorry," he chokes out.

"it's all right, sweetheart, it's all right," she says. "you're trying, that's what matters. you're doing a good job."

he isn't, he's doing the opposite of a good job, he's doing a terrible job—

"okay. in again, here we go."

except patton keeps doing a terrible job, he can't even breathe right, how on earth is he supposed to manage a baby, he's going to emancipate himself and he can't even breathe it's pathetic he's pathetic and a terrible person and overemotional and stupid and too sensitive and he—

"patton," she says, and patton tries to gasp for breath.

"y—you don't have to stay," he sobs, in a sort of shuddering way, and she shushes him even as he continues, "i don't wanna r-ruin your christmas, you don't have—"

she shushes him again, and says, "you aren't ruining anything, sweetheart, you aren't ruining anything at all, we were just all saying goodbye when we noticed you hadn't been there for a while, that's all, you're all right—"

patton sobs again, and she brushes her hand through her hair, still breathing deep for him to try to copy.

another rush of warm air, and "patton," virgil says, hushed, concerned.

"could you make him some tea?" virgil's mother asks him.

"he hates tea," virgil retorts, without thinking, and patton nearly smiles. it's true. he does hate tea. he's kind of surprised that virgil's remembered that, though. nearly no one remembers the kinds of foods and drinks he likes and doesn't like.

"hot chocolate, then," meredith says, and there's a noise, and patton lifts his head, staring.

"logan—"

"i got him," virgil says. "i got him, don't worry, just—"

he leaves, and the door swings shut, and so patton doesn't really have much of a choice but to lie his head back onto meredith's shoulder and try to pull himself back together.

it turns out he gets exhausted more than anything else before he's capable of pulling himself together, meredith continually sweeping her hand through his hair. but he guesses that it must look like he's managed it well enough, because she draws back enough to look at him.

"are you all right?"

"logan," he mumbles, and she lets go of him. 

"we can check on him, if you'd like?"

he does. he really, really does. it's less of a he'd like to check on logan and more like he viscerally needs to check on logan. so she opens up the door for him and patton shuffles into the kitchen, looking around, and virgil glances up at him, logan in his arms.

"is he—?"

"yeah, he's good, just wanted some attention," virgil says. "we've just been kinda chilling. you want—?"

but patton's already reaching out to hold him before virgil can even finish the question, and logan makes an indignant sound of protest before he starts to settle again. patton takes some shaky breaths, holding on tight, staring down at his son.

i hope i'm making the right choice for you, patton thinks. but, again, there's that... there's that something in him. this is going to be hard, yes. this is going to suck a lot, yes. but he thinks... he thinks this is what's going to be best for logan. for them. he wants logan to grow up in this place where affection abounds, and everyone is so ready to reach out and help someone who needs it. he wants logan to grow up around the people in the inn. he wants logan to have a horde of honorary aunts and uncles and godparents. he wants logan to know virgil. he wants logan to know he has a loving family, even if it isn't his biological family, but the family they both choose.

he doesn't want logan to grow up expecting his dad to break promises.

patton leans down to press a kiss to logan's forehead, and logan makes a sleepy, content sound. well. at least one of them was easy to calm down, tonight. maybe they'll just swap off for the rest of time.

logan's forehead's very warm, and patton has a moment of panic, before he realizes that he's probably just freezing. he's spent god knows how long out on a balcony in the middle of winter, after all. 

there's a sound, ceramic against ceramic, and patton turns just a little to see virgil, managing to hold three mugs in his hands, before meredith sighs at him just a little and takes one.

"dramatic escape to bury myself and pretend that never happened isn't an option, is it," patton says wearily, and virgil huffs out a laugh.

"not really, but couch or kitchen is."

"um. couch, i guess."

patton moves to plunk the carrier on the coffee table, but virgil does it for him, and patton gives him a look before he sets logan down—he's pretty sure virgil's going to have him drink cocoa, so he needs free hands, and he'd probably feed him if it was any other day, but patton's still stuffed full of christmas dinner and three different kinds of pie.

and, true to form, virgil presses the biggest mug of cocoa into his hands, before he shakes out his throw blanket and wraps it around his shoulders. patton looks at him in surprise.

"it's cold," virgil says defensively, as he tucks him into it. 

"i guess," patton mumbles, and shifts where he's sitting, cradling the cocoa in his hands, letting the warmth seep into his palms. he keeps his eyes on it, too—much easier than meeting anyone else's eyes. god, way to make it all about you, patton.

"did we do something?" virgil asks hesitantly, and patton's neck just about cracks from how fast he looks up.

" no," he bursts out. "oh my goodness gracious, no, of course not, you guys have been great, i'm just—"

he chokes up, swallows, and gestures with the mug with a wordless kind of exhalation, and virgil and meredith nod like they understand. they're probably just being nice.

“logan cries all the time.” meredith says, suddenly.

“he’s a baby,” patton says miserably, pressing his fingers under his eyes to try and stop the tears from coming again. “that’s different.”

“is it?” meredith says. “when does he cry?”

something in patton shrinks. a question. and he’s going to get it wrong, because he gets everything wrong, because he’s an idiot, he’ll never be good for anything but—

“it’s not a trick question, i promise,” meredith says. “why does logan cry?”

patton bites at his lip, nervous, before he says timidly, “if he’s hungry.”

“good. when else?”

“um. if he needs to be changed, or—or if his colic’s acting up.”

“right,” meredith says. “babies cry when they need things.”

“are you saying i’m… a baby?”

“i’m saying that grown-up people—or teenage people—don’t change all that much from when they’re babies,” meredith says wryly. “would you get angry at logan for crying for something he needs? of course not.”

“but i shouldn’t,” patton says. “it’s—it’s christmas eve, you shouldn’t have to spend your christmas eve with me because i’m c-crying—”

“people cry, sometimes,” virgil says. 

“except i cry all the time now,” patton says wetly. “i’m s-sorry, this was st-st-stupid, i’m stupid, you sh-shouldn’t have to deal with me when i can’t stop crying, um, i’ll go—”

“ absolutely not,” virgil says, so firmly that it freezes patton from where he’d been about to stand. “this is not stupid, this is you reacting to something that is a seriously huge deal, okay? however you’re reacting, for however long, that is perfectly normal. okay? not bad, not strange, not stupid. ”

but i am , patton would say, but he can only look down at his hands in his lap and take in a shaky breath. 

"do you want to talk about it, sweetheart?" meredith asks, brow creased in concern.

"you don't have to, if you're uncomfortable," virgil says hastily, and he adds, "drink your cocoa, you look like you're freezing."

he takes a sip. unsurprisingly, it's delicious, creamy and rich and good, and so he takes another, deeper sip, and it's like it's warming him from the inside out. huh. turns out he is pretty cold. he ends up drinking about half of the cocoa in one go, then he cradles the mug in his hands again, staring.

well. this isn't when he'd wanted to tell virgil, but it isn't exactly when he'd wanted to have this realization and subsequent breakdown, either, so. patton's gonna have to take what he can get.

"i'm just," he repeats, and he hates how defeated his voice sounds.

"yeah?" virgil prompts softly.

"i—i haven't told you yet, but, um. maria put me in touch with a lawyer to maybe make the whole not-going-back-home thing, like. legal." he swallows. "permanent."

"oh," virgil says.

"yeah."

"i—when?"

"um," patton says, and wearily scrubs a hand across his face. "your birthday? i think that's when i got the—the document, anyway."

"oh," virgil says, and his voice is strange. he's staring at patton, and patton can't read the look on his face, and—

"please don't be angry," patton says, and his voice cracks.

"oh, patton, no, no no no no," virgil says, a tone of panic entering his voice when he notices that patton's started to cry again. "hey, patton, listen, it's okay, i'm not angry, i promise—"

"i'm sorry," patton chokes out, and he scrubs his sweater sleeve under his eyes. “you sh-should be mad at me.”

“well, i’m not, so there,” virgil says, and patton looks down at his cocoa again and tries to breathe deep, to calm himself down, except it comes out hitching and shaky and definitely like he’s still crying—

“aw, buddy,” virgil mutters, and hesitantly shuffles closer to put an arm around patton’s shoulders. patton sniffles, and takes the opportunity to bury his face from their staring, because really this is incredibly embarrassing and he doesn’t deserve comfort, but—

selfish, overemotional creature he is, he’ll take it. he’ll take it for as long as he can get it.

“i’m not gonna be in my family anymore,” patton sobs out.

“hey, that—that’s not true, necessarily,” virgil says. “you’re you, you could work something out—”

“i’m throwing anything nice they’ve ever done for me back in their face and spitting on it—”

“hey, no, no—”

“—because i kept so many secrets for so long and this included, i mean, i didn’t even tell you that i was thinking about being e-emancipated—”

“—which you’re totally allowed to do, if it’s what made you feel comfortable and safe—”

“why are you so nice to me?” patton bawls into his chest. “i’m a terrible person.”

“you’re a good person,” virgil says firmly, rubbing a comforting hand up and down his arm. “you are a good person. you just got dealt a really bad hand, and you’re trying to fix it with the tools you’ve got, okay? wanting some distance from your parents does not make you a bad person.”

“they’re gonna hate me,” patton bawls. “i’m an awful son and an ungrateful idiot and i’m a disaster and—”

virgil says, in an even, comforting voice, “you’re a good son, you are not ungrateful, you definitely aren’t an idiot, and, i mean, who can say they aren’t a disaster, sometimes? and they are not gonna hate you.”

“ i hate me.”

“hey, no, no, no,” virgil says firmly. “you are a good person, okay? you’re just going through a lot right now, and that’s okay. just—just let it out.”

and so patton falls apart, and anytime he thinks he’s close to regaining some kind of composure, he falls apart again, and again, and again, and he really doesn’t know how long he spends tear-staining virgil’s shirt, or how long he spends when meredith eventually moves to sandwich him between her and her son, or how long it takes until finally, at last, he gets dehydrated and cries himself into puffy, red eyes, unable to shed anymore tears even if he’d wanted to. 

at virgil’s gentle urging, he finishes another mug of cocoa (the one he’d had before had long since grown cold) and, as he’s staring at the dregs, he swallows.

“i should go,” he says.

“yeah, uh, no,” virgil says. “there’s no way in hell i’m letting you be alone right now.”

a beat, the sense that meredith glowers at virgil over patton’s head, and then he adds, “um, that, except, like, pretend i was more sensitive about it.”

“you don’t have to—”

“patton,” he says. “i would not let anyone who just cried on my shoulder be alone after, let alone you. i mean, you could stay here, if you want. you could go with my mom, if you want. just—just don’t go back to the poolhouse. or at least, if you’re going, i’m gonna go with you.”

“i—”

“patton,” he says. “it’s christmas eve. just for tonight, i can help look after logan and we can tell him about santa, or we can eat leftover cookies and cocoa, or you can just go to sleep, or whatever, just… don’t be alone. please. ”

patton hesitates. on one hand, he’s kind of embarrassed that he broke down this much in front of virgil and his mom, who patton barely knows, really. on the other hand…

well, on the other hand. he doesn’t want to be alone right now. he really, really doesn’t. and he loves logan, loves him more than he could ever have imagined loving someone, but… well, logan is a baby. he’s not exactly company.

patton chews his lip, before he says, “i don’t have anything to wear.”

“you can borrow some of my old clothes for pajamas, if you want,” virgil says immediately, back straightening up a little, like he’s paying closer attention. “and, um—”

“i can drop by your place to pick up clothes or anything the baby needs and swing by early tomorrow,” meredith says. “mark and i were planning on swinging by early anyway, really, to see if virgil needs any help with breakfast.”

“oh,” patton says. “i—okay. yeah. that works. thank you.”

“do you have a preference? for the clothes i should grab, i mean.”

“oh. i mean, i—i have a box of sweaters? any one of those should work,” patton says. “it should be right by the door. i can just re-wear these pants.”

“box of sweaters, got it,” meredith says. “do you want anything else? water, more cocoa?”

“no thank you.” 

“all right, then,” she says, and gently squeezes his shoulder, rubbing her thumb briefly over his shoulder blade before she rises to her feet and gathers the empty mugs in her hands. “i’ll just drop these off in the kitchen, then.”

she rises to her feet and, with that, logan, patton, and virgil are on their own.

“um,” virgil says. “so, i could. i could grab some stuff for pajamas now, if you want. or we could explain the miracle of christmas to logan. or—”

“pajamas sounds good,” patton says. “i—i kind of just want to go to sleep.”

well, really, it’s less of a i want to go to sleep and more like this was so embarrassing and i really don’t want anyone to look at me right now, but. sure. sleep sounds good too.

“yeah,” virgil says, getting to his feet. “yeah, of course. um—follow me.”

it’s not like patton really needs the direction—this is a one-bedroom apartment, after all—but patton picks up logan’s carrier and obediently plods after him anyway.

virgil’s room is dark, and tiny. there’s a pile of blankets on the bed, messy, which shows patton that virgil doesn’t really make his bed in the morning. there’s a couple discarded clothing items on the ground, like the purple flannel he wore yesterday, and the black hoodie he wore the day before that, but other than that, the room’s pretty tidy, with a few frames dotting the walls, the windowsills, and the top of the dresser, which virgil is now digging around in, so patton can’t see them.

however, he can tell that there are some framed posters on the wall, and patton smiles a little. bands that, a couple weeks ago, he’d been surprised to learn virgil really liked, some art that fits the dark kind of vibe, and—

“disney guy, huh?”

“oh, yeah,” virgil says, and awkwardly smiles at him a little over his shoulder. “um, don’t spill my secrets.”

“cross my heart.” patton says, and does so with the hand that isn’t holding logan’s carrier. 

“okay, so,” virgil says. “um. you know where the bathroom is, here, i’ll take logan so you can get ready for bed. i think i’ve got a spare toothbrush in the cabinet under the sink.”

mostly on autopilot, patton hands over the carrier and accepts the clothes that virgil sets in his arms. he goes into virgil’s bathroom. he closes the door. he plants his hands on the counter, and stares at himself in the mirror.

jesus, he looks awful.

his eyes are red and puffy, his cheeks flushed and patchy, tear-streaked and exhausted. the bags under his eyes are about as deep as they’ve ever been, patton thinks, and that’s just his face and not even going into the rest of his body, which patton has a much more complicated relationship with, and this is not the time to get into this he doesn’t think he could cry again but he doesn’t want to risk it, so. he turns his back to the mirror, and shakes out the clothes that virgil’s grabbed for him.

they. are. massive. they are so big. like, patton knows that virgil’s taller than him—patton thinks he’s almost exactly a foot taller than him—but it’s almost a whole other thing to hold one of virgil’s old shirts up to his body and watch as the hem falls practically to his knees.

okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. but it’s not a huge one.

he keeps his back to the mirror as he changes—honestly, it’s fortunate that he’d worn one of the really comfy nursing bras that are meant for sleeping anyway—and ends up drawing the elastic drawstring of the sweatpants as tight as they’ll go, shoving them high on his hips so they can at least catch on the wider part of his belly, because if he wears them like he wears his normal pants they’ll undoubtedly fall down. and even then, patton has to bend to roll up the hem of the sweatpants, so he won’t trip and fall over them. patton usually wears bigger, baggier clothes (hurrah dysphoria) but this is above and beyond patton’s usual fare.

it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like it, though. he likes it a lot. under this black t-shirt advertising a sideshire winterfest from a few years back, there is only the vaguest suggestion of a body, no telling what gender. the clothes are well-worn and cozy, and patton feels oddly comforted at the sensation of them. (even men’s clothes feel better on him than clothes made for women. he isn’t sure if that’s the sexism or if it’s him being trans, but, honestly. the presence of pockets alone are such a gigantic benefit.)

so, after having splashed some cold water on his face and brushed his teeth with the fresh-from-the-plastic-packaging toothbrush that he’d found tidily tucked away along with enough spare toothpaste, shampoo, and soap to last virgil probably until he’s forty, he emerges back into virgil’s bedroom to see him wrestling with a fitted sheet.

“what are you doing?” patton asks, going to peek briefly at logan’s sleeping face from where he’s safely tucked away in a corner—probably the best place for him, really, if he’d been put on the top of the dresser there was the slightest chance that logan might fall, which is a chance that patton doesn’t want to take, and anywhere else in the room there might be a chance that he’ll get stumbled over, or, god forbid, stepped on, so—

“putting down fresh sheets for you,” virgil says, and scowls at the corner he’d just tucked under, as if ensuring that it’ll stay through willpower and intimidation alone. “sorry, i don’t have very many super clean blankets, but i just washed these last weekend so they should be okay—”

patton frowns. “i’m not kicking you out of your bed.”

“that’s right,” virgil says, “ i’m kicking me out of my bed.”

“virgil—” patton begins in a sigh, but virgil’s already shaking his head.

“think about it logically,” he points out. “you have quickest access to the bathroom from here, which means quickest access to a surface that logan might need to be changed on. if you need water or anything, sink’s right there. if you need some privacy to feed logan, you’ve got it—”

“but—” patton tries.

“patton,” virgil says. “i know for a fact that your ‘bed’ in the poolhouse is just a busted old pull-out bed. please just take the chance to sleep in a real, actual bed for the first time in nearly two months.”

patton hesitates.

“consider it a christmas gift,” virgil says, and patton sighs in defeat.

“all right,” he says. “okay, fine. one night.”

“hey, that’s all i ask,” virgil says, and takes a step back. “okay, i think i managed it fine. if it tries to mummify you just yell for help.”

patton huffs out a laugh and extends his leg, so virgil can see how many times he’d had to roll them up. “if your clothes don’t do that first, you giant.”

“i’m 6’2”, that’s normal enough,” virgil says mildly. “you’re just a shrimp.”

“i am not a shrimp!”

“you’re, what, five foot even?” virgil says, and it’s so clear that he’s been joking to try and get patton to smile, but right now it’s just genuine joking for the sake of joking, not even a little pitying.

“five feet, two inches, and a quarter ,” patton says, and jabs a finger in his direction. “do not discount the quarter.”

“yeah, i guess when you’re that tiny, you take what you can get,” virgil says, and patton huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

“you know,” he says, “i’m not even done growing yet.”

“a common defense.”

“ especially when i get back on t,” patton continues. “i’ll grow more then. i might even grow a whole foot. ”

huh. when i get back on t. not if, not a potential, distant, hazy future thing. when i get back on t. that’s nice to realize, patton thinks. being able to resume transition, that’s something to look forward to in his future, too. so that’s two things on the list. logan, and transitioning.

“that sounds like a whole lot of excuses, for a shrimp,” virgil says. 

okay, three things. logan, transitioning, and gloating to virgil when patton towers over him. 

“i might even be taller than you and then you’ll be sorry.” patton says, shaking his fist up at virgil jokingly. 

“oh, i tremble in fear of the day,” virgil says dryly. “i bet you could team up with the baby, logan might give you some much-needed height.”

“he’s twenty-one inches,” patton says, “so you know what? give us a bit of time, when he’s able to hold up his head reliably i can put him on my shoulders and we can—”

“put on a trench-coat and pretend to be an adult so you can try to buy a ticket to an r-rated movie?” virgil says, and patton weakly punches virgil’s arm even as he laughs, and they settle into comfortable quiet.

until—

“virgil?”

“yeah?”

“um—thanks,” he says, looking at virgil sidelong, and virgil’s looking at him, all quiet and respectful and not even a little pitying, like patton had almost been a little afraid of happening. brown eyes a little shiny, even in the dim light, but steady, and warm. “for—for this.” 

“hey,” virgil says. “what are friends for, right?”

“not just, like, the pajamas, and the bed,” patton continues, “for all of this. the christmas, the food, the helping with logan, and the—the everything. ”

a tiny, special kind of smile quirks virgil’s lip.

“i don’t know how i’ll ever be able to pay you back,” patton continues.

“this isn’t a thing to pay back,” virgil says, “you know that, right? that none of this is anything to pay back? all the stuff people do here—they’re doing it to be nice, not because they’re expecting some kind of retribution. well, i mean, they’re probably expecting you to be nice back, but i don’t think you’ll have much trouble with that, since you’re a nice person, so—”

“yeah, well,” patton says, staring at his bare feet, as the sweatpants he’d so dutifully rolled up are starting to puddle around his ankles. “still. thanks.”

“i mean, hey,” virgil says, even softer. “what are friends for, right?”

⁂

meredith watches as her son cautiously tiptoes out of his bedroom, and from the stillness beneath his hoodie that he’s holding his breath. he eases the door painfully, slowly shut, before he turns to her.

“they’re asleep,” he informs her, barely above a whisper.

“good,” meredith says back, in the same tone. “that’s good. let’s go downstairs, i don’t want to risk waking them.”

virgil nods, taking a moment to drop some of his spare blankets on the couch, before he obediently plods behind her, down the stairs, into the diner that once bore her name. none of the other children are there; mark must have sent them along, back to the inn. 

however, mark glances up at the sound of footsteps, taking a moment to hastily finish his sip of tea before setting aside the mug. meredith’s not a betting woman, but if she were, she’d put her bets on lemon balm; most nights, since freddie was born, he’s had a mug of the stuff to wind down before bed. meredith’s more of a chamomile woman, herself.

which is exactly what’s in the mug he nudges before her, and she smiles at him in thanks. it’s probably a bit strained around the edges. she’s going to need a boatload of chamomile to calm herself down, tonight.

“is everything all right?” mark asks mildly, clearly posing it more to virgil than her, and virgil shifts even as he slides into the booth across from them.

“uh,” virgil says. “so, turns out. patton’s been considering getting emancipated and he just now decided that he’s gonna go through with it.” 

“oh,” mark says, and sets aside the teacup with a definite clinking sound onto the table. “dear me. that’s quite a step further than you mentioned when we talked.”

“yeah, since i didn’t know,” virgil says, and accepts the mug of tea that meredith pushes toward him—boy knows better than to refuse his mother food or drink. it doesn’t help the dejected look on his face. “i didn’t even—i just thought he was having trouble sleeping, how did i not know how un-okay he was?”

“oh, virgil—” mark begins.

“i should have noticed,” virgil says. “he comes here almost every day and i didn’t even notice how upset he was until he was having a breakdown on my balcony—”

“cinnabun,” mark says. “it’s very nice that you’re looking out for this boy, but you aren’t a mind-reader. none of this is your fault.”

“of course it’s not,” meredith says. “virgil knows that. don’t you, virgil?”

he should know that. the ways virgil has been helping that poor teenager and that baby, from what she heard through mark, after they met the poor boy for the first time, and maria, when meredith had wrangled her into coffee, is proof enough for that, let alone all the little day-to-day things that she hasn’t heard, that she knows her son is capable of giving. tough exterior, her virgil, with a soft center. he’s the best of the both of them, meredith thinks, briefly bumping her shoulder against mark’s. all of their children are.

but virgil hesitates for just a moment too long, and mark puts his hand on meredith’s before she demand to know why on earth he thinks that it’s his fault, of course it’s not his fault, didn’t he see how much he was helping?

“some people,” mark says, “are very, very good at hiding when they don’t feel okay. you can’t help someone when they’re hiding it. and it certainly isn’t your fault if you don’t see it, at first. that isn’t your fault. you aren’t the one who hurt him. what matters is that you’re doing what you can.”

“i still didn’t see it,” virgil says. “i mean, you—you always see it. with everyone. ”

“not always,” mark says. “not with you.”

meredith leans a little harder into her husband’s side.

of the two of them, mark’s always been the sensitive one. always, always. she was the one who brought him flowers on the first date, he was the one to swoon and go sappy over romantic gestures, she was the one who had awkwardly mumbled out a response to his first “i love you,” too unequipped to actually respond properly. he was the one who cried during sad movies, to be swayed to adopting some poor unfortunate animal. he was the emotionally adept one. 

he’s the person that people went to advice. he’s the person he’d be the person to quietly intercede and discuss matters with a diner attendant, and she’d come back to someone crying on her husband’s shoulder. it’s like he has a sixth sense. 

so not cottoning on to the fact that so many of virgil’s teenage behavioral issues were rooted in some deep, emotional conflicts? his own son?

mark had taken it hard. they both had, of course, they’d both had their moments in the aftermath of virgil’s diagnosis wondering if there was somewhere they’d gone wrong, relentlessly backtracking their memories to see each and every opportunity they had missed to reach out to virgil and intercede sooner. but for mark, it had been a whole other level. how could i not see him? he’d asked her bleakly, one night. how could i do that to him? how did we not know as soon as he started acting out? how could i have possibly failed him like that?

meredith had, perhaps, seen that her husband had taken it hard, and moved to blame the only outward source she could. oh, of course, in retrospect, she knows that remus duke was only a little older than essie and silas, but…

but.

her husband had been hurting. her husband is the emotional one, the soft one. of the pair, she’s always been the angry one, the defensive one, the fighter. for better or worse.

virgil looks into his cup of tea, and mark’s hand moves to squeeze his wrist.

“i’m not trying to blame you,” he says, quiet but firm. “you were hurting. you did what you thought would help. i didn’t understand. what matters is—and i hope you agree—we did what we could to help you when we did understand.”

“you did,” virgil says.

“and that’s what matters,” meredith says. 

“i hardly think you’re just going to abandon that boy and that baby because he’s just now told you about something that’s bothering him,” mark adds.

“of course not,” virgil says, a little offended.

“well, there you go,” meredith says. “you can’t change the past, you can only keep moving forward.”

“emile says the same thing,” virgil says, and then his eyes widen. “i’m an idiot.”

“what? no, you’re not,” meredith says heatedly. if emile picani has taken a sudden turn to cruelty she’ll march right in there and—

“ emile, ” virgil says, and opens and closes his hand. “someone has to have a pen—”

meredith takes one out of her pocket—waitress hobbies run deep—and virgil scribbles a few times on the corner of a napkin to get the ink flowing. meredith tilts her head in order to read what her son is scrawling.

emile picani, the address, phone number, and he’s my therapist. i know he has experience with emancipation stuff and he does pro-bono confidential stuff for teenagers, if you ever want someone else to talk to about everything. he’s a bit weird (really into cartoons) but he’s a really good guy. 

“just so he has the info,” virgil explains, folding the napkin into a crisp square. “god, i can’t believe i didn’t think of emile until now.”

meredith frowns. “haven’t you been seeing him lately?”

virgil shrugs. “holiday hours, for the both of us,” and, presumably because he can see the pair of them gearing up for a lecture, “i had an appointment in november and i’ve got an appointment sometime in the middle of january, i’m still taking my meds, i’m doing pretty okay on the whole anxiety front, promise.”

“pretty okay?” meredith repeats. she’d sure hope that her son was doing a lot better than pretty okay. she’s really hoping that all of her children are deliriously happy.

“kinda hard to be like yeah, i’m doing real good with anxiety, mom,” he points out, and she cedes the point.

oh, not for forever, of course. she’ll be asking after him whenever she can get him alone. but she’ll cede it for now.

“do you think he’ll go?” mark asks.

“i’ll encourage it, and i’m sure if i mention it to maria, she will too,” virgil says. “i’ll make sure and grab one of his pro-bono cards so that patton knows it won’t be too expensive or anything. so. we’ll see.”

he pauses, before he says, “i think it’d be really good for him to, y’know. talk to someone about everything. having a kid, running away. his parents.”

aaaand that’s what makes meredith snap.

“ parents,” she hisses. 

“mer,” mark begins, with the distinct tone of now, let’s keep our heads, but meredith shakes off any of that, because—

“what kind of parents raised him to think you’d be angry at him for being upset,” meredith snarls. 

“shitty ones,” virgil agrees, scowling, and meredith jabs a finger at him in agreement as mark sighs at him for swearing, before doubling down and saying “real fuckin’ shitty ones.”

“virgil,” mark says, in warning.

“he’s right,” meredith says. “mark, if you’d seen how upset he was—”

well, patton would have gotten calmer a lot faster, probably. mark was always better with crying than her—even back when the kids were all babies. the only surefire way she could calm them down when he couldn’t was when it came to feeding time.

“they are his parents,” mark says.

“which is exactly what he would say,” meredith points out. “what, just because they’re his parents, he should tolerate them treating him badly?”

“of course i’m not saying that,” mark says, placatingly. 

“virgil,” meredith says. “how bad did that boy have it, before he got here?”

virgil hesitates. meredith leans forward.

“i need to know if i should swear to kill them or not,” she says, joking only a little. virgil’s lip quirks, ever so slightly, so she guesses she’s succeeded.

“but, seriously,” she continues, “we’re all thinking the same thing, right? about helping patton give logan a great first christmas, by giving patton a great first christmas away from home?”

virgil nods.

“right then,” meredith says. “is there anything we should know?”

“he hasn’t told me tons,” he cautions them. “and this—y’know. this should be kept quiet. as far as i know, it’s—it’s just maria and me who know this stuff.”

“if you’d be betraying confidences,” mark begins, but virgil huffs out a breath.

“i was kind of planning on going to see emile about it anyway,” and oh, even if the sobbing, near-hysterical teenager hadn’t been a hint, that’s another big one. though this is something that, admittedly, she and virgil might not see eye-to-eye on, virgil’s therapy habits are sound. meredith thinks he should go more frequently; virgil makes appointments sparingly, to discuss things that really weigh on his mind. he tends to rely on other coping mechanisms before he goes to therapy.

planning to go see emile about something was a surefire sign that virgil was, well. anxious.

mark exchanges a look with her—clearly, he’s come to the same conclusion—and meredith takes a sip of her tea, mostly for show. she can barely even taste it.

“so,” meredith says. “patton’s… history.”

virgil sighs, a long, gusting breath, and traces his pinky once, twice, thrice around the rim of his mug, trying to gather his words together.

“patton’s family is rich,” virgil says bluntly. “ really rich. sickeningly rich. i looked up a few of the organizations that patton mentioned his mom was a part of and this one art piece that patton said they had in his house that he hated and they’ve got to be, like. i don’t want to ask patton and pry too deep, but they’ve gotta be multi-millionaires, easy. that might even be the low end of the prediction spectrum.”

“oh,” mark says, and meredith wonders if his mouth has gone as dry as hers has. multi-millionaires. well, you wouldn’t predict that just by looking at patton, with his secondhand sweaters and ill-fitting jeans and also the fact that he lives in a poolhouse . “goodness me.”

“yeah,” virgil says. “so. i dunno what patton’s dad does exactly, he told me but i kind of forgot. i think it’s insurance or banking or something, and his mom is on like a million committees, and they’re old money, i guess, so they pride themselves on contributing to society or whatever. stereotypical snooty rich people. you know the type.”

not personally —it’s not like stereotypical rich people tend to frequent diners—but as a business owner, meredith knew the type, or at least, the kids of those related to the type. convinced that since they were born with a silver spoon in their mouths, their lives were just as hard as the lives of families like meredith’s, who’d had to count pennies and struggled their way to each payday just to barely scrape by. and that they were better than people like her and her family, and that they had one something to deserve their amount of privilege and fortune rather than just hit the lottery in the genetic draw.

“anyway. so. his parents…”

virgil huffs out a breath, and takes another deep one in, and meredith probably shouldn’t be surprised that he looks like he’s fighting to keep calm. usually, he doesn’t take after her in conflicts; that is to say, virgil’s never been very shouty.

“his parents,” meredith repeats, trying to urge him onward. 

who patton wants to separate himself from legally, and felt the need to run away with a newborn , and is willing to give up all those multi-millions of dollars just to get away from them. meredith feels a creeping sense of dread in her stomach.

“i hate them,” virgil spits out, and then an almost-surprised look at his own vitriol that flashes across his face, before he doubles down. “i mean—jesus, i’m twenty-three, and i know that it isn’t a good parenting move to keep telling your kid their life plan that’s detailed down to the very college dorm and expect them to keep at it perfectly despite the fact that he’s his own person, for fuck’s sake,” and he’s off.

it’s evident that an appointment with emile is probably the right call for all of this, because how was virgil supposed to help a sixteen-year-old kid? it’s not like virgil’s in the habit of making friends with sixteen-year-olds, since he’s twenty-three, but patton has so few people on his side, not even his own parents, so virgil’s all in for him and that tiny little baby that are both asleep upstairs.

it’s evident that an appointment with emile is probably the right call for all of this, because virgil had no idea how to strategize how to help this poor homeless kid, who sleeps on an old pull-out couch (maria had said that the latest mattress to get harmed in some way was going straight to patton but how often did an inn guest harm their mattress?!) and won’t let people lend him any money and virgil’s trying as much as he can, giving him a newly-invented family-and-friends discount and inviting him to do some odd jobs at the diner on the weekends just so he could make sure that he’s getting fed and has some money to save and how is he supposed to help when patton was so wary of it?

it’s evident that an appointment with emile is probably the right call for all of this, because how was virgil supposed to help patton transition into learning that being treated with kindness wasn’t a debt to pay and that not everyone has it out to lecture him about every little thing he does wrong.

it’s evident that an appointment with emile is probably the right call for all of this, because meredith’s about ready to take the car and drive into the city to give them a piece of her mind. meredith doesn’t want patton near those people, but if she ever has the opportunity to meet them—

“i’ll kill them,” meredith says, cold and bleak, and virgil meets her eyes.

and, for maybe the first time she’s ever made that threat, she isn’t sure how much she’s kidding.

from the glint in virgil’s eyes, she’s pretty sure that he doesn’t know how much he’s kidding, either.

mark, always the level-headed one, lays his hand over hers.

“hey, now,” he says, and then, “that’s hardly in the christmas spirit, is it?”

“i don’t feel particularly christmassy,” virgil mutters. 

meredith can’t help but agree. christmas is supposed to be about laughing children, the glee of tearing shiny wrapping paper off that gift you weren’t expecting and yet was so perfect that you should have been expecting all along, cuddling with her husband on the couch with a warm mug of (spiked) eggnog in her hands, watching their children play and talk as they bounced around with the boundless energy of youth that only seemed escalated by a christmas morning, the solemn beauty of a congregation singing christmas hymnals, the warm feeling of all of humanity taking a day, just a day, to remember that they’re all in this together and to reflect on what’s important: family, and friends, and kindness, and good will to all.

christmas wasn’t supposed to be heartbroken, abandoned, homeless teenagers. christmas wasn’t supposed to be screaming babies. christmas wasn’t supposed to be about missing something that he should have had to sever himself from. christmas wasn’t breakdown after breakdown. christmas was supposed to be a lot of things, but not sad. never, ever sad. 

and, meredith thinks with a surge of that old, familiar anger, it wasn’t about to be. she wouldn’t let that happen.

she’s on her feet before she even realizes it, and both mark and virgil blink up at her in surprise.

“we all agreed that we invited patton to our family christmas because we wanted him to have a great one,” she says, shrugging on her coat and grabbing her purse. “so, we’re going to give him a great one.”

“uh—i mean, sure, mom, that sounds great,” virgil says. “but it’s nearly midnight on christmas eve. what—how are we going to do that?”

meredith smiles, letting it unfurl on her face.

“oh, god, no, i know what that look means,” mark says, then, slightly more pleading, “meredith, honey, it’s christmas. ”

“what?” virgil says. “what does it mean?”

“it means,” meredith says, smiling as wide as she can, “that i’m going to go and raise hell as a special christmas treat for taylor doose.”

[ramblinganthropologist]

Writober 2020 Day 3 - Sculpture

Summary: The cast of Champion have arrived in Kirkwall for filming. Costars Briala and Malcolm decide to explore the city and find some less than impressive statues along the way. At least Malcolm knows how to take pictures.

(That Dragon Age Actor AU, DA2.)

---

There was something about on-location filming that made Briala's heart beat a little faster. Or maybe that was the jet lag?

It was overcast in Kirkwall – it often was. Something about the whole damn place being cursed fucked with the weather patterns. Of course the weather man would never say that, but it was something the locals believed. When Anders sent Elthina to hell, he forever angered the weather gods. Apparently, they were Chantry supporters.

Dumbasses.

“Well, here we are in Kirkwall. It's not raining, this is just the perpetual gloom of the city.”

Briala swirled her phone around to catch the view of the city from where she was standing. Once, they called where she was standing Hightown. It had been pretty much burned down after the mages had broken free of the Gallows, so eventually a lot of set design was going to have to happen. Right then, it just looked like a city.

And she looked like a one-armed punk rocker with a purple mohawk, so she couldn't exactly complain about accuracy.

“No wonder your Shadow Empress' lyricist.”

A voice from above boomed out quietly. Briala didn't aim her phone upward as she broke gaze. By now, she had learned better than to catch Malcolm on camera. He wasn't a big fan of social media to say the least, and she could respect that.

She stuck out her pierced tongue anyway though. “I save my best stuff for the band, you're getting my b grade shit.”

“Well, I'm honored.” Malcolm's Antivan accent probably made all the men weak in the knees, but it was doing nothing for Briala's Ferelden sensibilities. “So, we have time before we have to go where we need.”

They did. She had half expected him to wander off once they had gotten to Kirkwall, but for some reason the giant was sticking by his gremlin. They were definitely getting looks and more than a few whispers from the locals as they walked through the remains of Hightown, picking their way through the bleached rib bones of what had once been the city of chains. It was probably the height difference, given the city's history. Once you saw a pairing like that, there wasn't much else it could be.

Briala shrugged her shoulder as she stowed her phone in her pocket. “Want to check out the Hanged Man? I heard they rebuilt it.”

“Can you handle yourself in-” He stopped. Smart move – she had played in more than a few dive bars since she had started running with Shadow Empress. “No. We'll be there soon enough for shots with Varric anyway.”

Well, boo. Wasn't like she wanted a drink or anything anyway.

Briala fell into step behind Malcolm as they threaded their way through the streets. It certainly didn't feel like they were in Kirkwall, but it wasn't like she knew what it was supposed to be like anyway. Even with the gloom, it just seemed like a regular city. Maybe she had expected abominations or something, or the ghost of Meredith herself to wander the streets at night, still glowing from corrupted lyrium. Kirkwall was supposed to just be... something... and to actually be standing there was kind of a let down.

Ok, maybe she had built it up a little in her mind, but whatever.

“Blooming Rose then?”

“No.”

Briala snickered as she threaded her arm behind her head – the gesture would have been cooler with two, but she didn't exactly have a leg to stand on there. “I was kidding, Malcolm. But since you're shooting me down, how about you make a suggestion?”

“There.”

He had stopped moving, and was pointing a finger towards where the courtyard of the Gallows had once stood. Here, if history served her right, had been where the Hawkes had watched as the Chantry blew sky high on one of Kirkwall's darkest days. Now it was just a plaza, with benches and shit, but there was still the sculptures someone had erected there.

That's when she got the feeling in her gut.

“Yeah... let's go there.”

Together, Briala and Malcolm made their way to the plaza. Here, tourists were gathered with their cameras to take pictures of the statues erected by the city to tell the story of how the Mage Rebellion had gotten its start – you know, besides when Head Enchanter Fiona actually set the whole thing off. Excuse her for being a little sensitive towards elven accomplishments, thank you very much. Still, Anders was important too... though not as much as Fiona was in her mind. Again, see above.

The statues were cast in bronze and stood in battle poses. Each one had a plaque at the base of the podium explaining who they were and why they were so important. The one that represented Meredith was particularly fierce, though Briala half wish they had embedded some LEDs in. The red spotlight was nice, but it would've been better if the damn thing glowed like she had. Still, no doubt it was spooky during Halloween.

“Look, it's you.”

Malcolm was pointing at the second shortest figure in the garden. Briala walked over to it without thinking, stopping at the podium. Cast in bronze and with her sword raised was the likeness of Avery Hawke. Her mouth was open, showing off a pretty impressive fanged grin. That came from the reaver blood, or so the stories said. Her sword should have been glowing too, but apparently bronze wasn't the best medium for that.

They were close to the same height. Maybe the famous hero had a bit more height on her, but everything else was pretty close. If Avery hadn't been wearing her armor, they probably would have had similar builds as well. She had seen plenty of pictures of the woman, but standing next to a sculpture of her was something else altogether.

She brought her phone out without thinking and tossed it to Malcolm. “Can you get our picture?  You just have to hit the button in the middle when you've got it all lined up.”

He caught it – no surprises there – and she got into position. Avery's posture was a little hard, given she had two arms in it. Still, Briala did her best as she mimicked the shot and expression. No doubt with her bright purple mohawk and facial piercings she looked a little silly, but it didn't matter. She was there, that was enough.

Malcolm didn't take long to take the picture. Once he was done, she relaxed and hopped down. At least they hadn't attracted much attention – the tourists were still doing their thing, the locals were giving people the stink eye. All in all, it was a normal day in the former city of chains as people went about their day, no doubt preparing for when traffic was going to be fucked up during filming.

She felt like she should have apologized for that, but it wasn't exactly her fault. She hadn't been the one to decide on on-location filming anyway.

“Thanks, man.” Briala grinned as she inspected the image. “Nice. That one's going on Instagram for sure.”

Honestly, she wasn't sure if he even knew what it was. He was kind of a hipster that way, but she wasn't about to call him out on it. If he wanted to run without social media, that was his choice. Actors were weird like that.

Briala hummed to herself as she fell behind Malcolm – he had said something about a museum to visit. She was working on posting the picture to her social media after doing some mild editing. A few more clicks, and everything was up.

And then she felt the tug on her vest.

There was a tiny hand there, attached to a kid that couldn't have been more than 5. Their little baby horns hadn't even erupted yet – they were just little nubs waiting to become impressive one day if their parent was anything to go by. Either way, they were looking at her with big purple eyes that made her long dead antinatalist heart flutter a little.

“What's up, big guy?”

They let go of her vest and stepped back to a respectful distance. Maybe they were thinking of retreating behind mom's skirt. Said parent had a camera, so they were probably tourists too. What a lovely vacation – come see the city of chains where qunari got their shit rocked by Hawke.

Sounds like the shit her parents would've dragged her to, and that was why they didn't get holiday cards anymore.

“Why aren't you riding on Moses?”

The little one pointed a chubby finger towards Malcolm, his hood still drawn up as he tried to look inconspicuous. The math was floating above Briala's head as she started to put the pieces together. Even she knew she didn't look like Avery just yet, but apparently that didn't matter to the kid. See a tiny gremlin, see a fucking giant human, and presto. You got Hawke.

Well, shit.

Her brain whirred through possible responses as she grinned at them and ruffled their hair. “I gotta stretch my legs, you know. Can't have you outgrowing me before you're 6.”

“I'm 4!” They giggled as she messed with their hair.  “Is there metal in your tongue?”

Briala stuck her tongue out for emphasis. “That's why you don't bite down too hard on your fork when you're eating. The doctor said he could get it out, but I would've had to keep my mouth shut for a couple months and I couldn't even make a day.”

Their eyes went wide as if she had just told them the secret to everlasting life. Mom on the other hand held a chuckle behind her sleeve. Briala mentally sighed in relief at the reaction. For some reason, parents had strange reactions to her tongue piercing.

“Daddy's waiting for us, Adan. Let's leave the nice lady alone.”

The little qunari nodded their big head and turned back to her. “Bye-bye, Hawke!”

They were waving as their mother took their other hand and guided them away. Briala's hand went up without thinking as she also waved goodbye. Then they were gone, and her shoulders slumped in relief. Talk about on the spot acting. Wouldn't Shadow Empress be proud?

“Maybe you should switch to chopsticks.”

Malcolm's deep voice rumbled across the open space as she returned to the fact he was still here. His face was blank, but she knew that tone anywhere. Her smirk gave way to a loud laugh as she fell into step behind him once more.

He had jokes, alright. And that was better than a smart phone any day.

“What, I was working on my feet. Couldn't actually tell the kid I keep fucking beefing it.” The bruises on her ass were proof of that. “Come on, we got museums to look at. First one who finds the best dick pic wins!”

“You're on.”

And then they were off with time still to kill before their next meeting. Briala had a spring in her step as the likes already started to roll in from Instagram, but that was besides the point. Maybe the gloomy city wasn't so bad after all.

She would probably change her mind about that in a few weeks, but hey. Let her live in her delusion a bit longer.

[athenril-of-kirkwall]

Skulduggery prompt for m!hawke/athenril ✨

m!Hawke/Athenril, “Never Have I Ever” (AO3)

“Bullshit,” Varric said, shaking his head as he sat opposite Hudson in the Hanged Man.

“Alright,” Hawke retorted, taking a swig of his ale before demanding, “What’s the most unbelievable thing about that?”

Varric cleared his throat, then said, “Where do I even begin? Breaking into the Viscount’s vault—”

“You don’t think I could do that?”, Hawke asked.

“Not for that purpose!”, Varric objected, “That purpose being, apparently to engage in sexual congress atop a bed of gold coins with your employer!”

“I still don’t see any actual arguments against the notion,” Hudson said, knitting his fingers as he stretched behind his head.

“Have you seen the inside of a bank vault before, Hawke?”, Varric asked pointedly. “Not the storeroom of a lesser noble or a simple warehouse, a legitimate one with thousands of sovereigns of other people’s money in it?”

Hawke dropped his arms then crossed them in front of his broad chest, asking, “What does it matter if I have or haven’t?”

“If you had,” Varric explained, “you’d know that nobody just leaves coins lying all over the place like a dragon’s hoard. How would they move it around? How would they check whether everything’s there when they open up shop?”

“All right, you’ve made your point—”

“On top of that, do you know just how uncomfortable that would be? Or dirty? Gold coins pass through a lot of people’s hands, Hawke.”

Hawke groaned, conceding, “All right, I get it! Maker’s hairy balls, I just wanted something more exciting than ‘In the middle of the Chantry, late at night’ when you asked.”

“Well, that’s completely understandable,” Varric said, taking a drink. “Everyone and their sister’s done that.”

Hawke’s eyebrow twitched. “Everyone?”

“Right behind the statue of Andraste,” Varric said. “Cute little chantry sister had to take ill the next day because she had a limp.”

Hawke paused, before saying, “I have no idea if you’re pulling my leg right now.”

“And that’s what makes me a good storyteller and-slash-or renown writer,” Varric said. “Don’t sweat it, Hawke. I also wanted the whole sex-on-a-bed-of-gold-coins thing in one of my serials before my editor slapped it down.”

“Right,” Hawke said, already drifting, “I guess it couldn’t have happened.”

“Not one bit,” Varric concluded.

-

“Well, Messere Hawke, that does sound ridiculous,” Elegant said, dealing out cards a few nights later in the Blooming Rose, having successfully sneaked out of her husband’s manor for a brief reunion.

Tomwise, having emerged from Darktown in a fresh set of clothes, scooped his hand up, trying not to let his disappointment in his cards show, before agreeing, “It does sound like the sort of thing you’d make up on the spot.”

“Are you saying that I’m a bad liar?”, Hawke asked innocently.

“Well,” Elegant said, sorting through her own hand, “I’ve never seen someone with a more obvious tell. Right now, I reckon you’ve got…at least two knights.”

“I…you…that could just mean you stacked the deck!”, Hawke protested, staring at his cards.

Tomwise gave him a withering look. “I don’t think she actually knew before you admitted it, Hawke.”

Hawke groaned, turning his cards face-down.

“What I don’t understand is why you didn’t tell her the actual most daring place the boss has had you,” Tomwise said, winning the hand with three angels.

“Oh, he’d never believe it,” Hawke said, “And also, I really don’t need the Knight-Commander knowing about this if she’s going to start breathing down my sister’s neck.”

=

About a year earlier, late at night

Knight-Commander’s Office, The Gallows

“Hang on a moment here,” Hawke whispered, casting his gaze on some papers on the table.

Athenril stopped in his doorway. “What is it?”

“It’s the records of all the sales from the stalls in the courtyard, including the profits which our would-be apostates have been skimming off to pay us for their freedom,” he said.

“Take them,” she said. “It’ll be good to know what people come here to buy, so we can sell it to them for half the price and undercut their licensees.”

He shoved some of them into his pockets, then stared at the remainder on the table.

“What is it now?”, the elf hissed.

“There’s no point to holding on to these ones,” Hawke explained. “They’re just ledgers of total amounts going back and forth.”

“Then leave them, or destroy them, Hawke,” she said impatiently. “We don’t have time for this, Hawke.”

“I believe the Knight-Commander is going to be quite detained by her meeting with the Grand Cleric, and I think I know the best way of making them quite unusable,” Hawke said, tearing the loose sheets into quarters and laying out on the Knight-Commander’s chair.

Athenril’s eyes narrowed as she said, “I don’t think so, Hawke. The key—”

Hawke tossed it out the window into the prison courtyard, watching as the thread he’d attached to its loop unspooled and followed it down until the key struck the ground with a soft ‘clink’, the thread’s other end firmly tied around the window grilles so he could retrieve it afterwards.

“I believe our man downstairs can handle that. Now then, don’t tell me you’ve never fantasised about being the most powerful woman in the city, sitting in this very office,” at this, he empathically slapped the back of the Knight-Commander’s chair, “with the viscount’s head shoved between your…”

Interrupting him, she said, “If you think describing Messere Dumar’s alleged sexual prowess is supposed to turn me on, you can stop right now, Hawke. Still, I suppose the two of you look similar from that angle.”

Hawke defensively rubbed his hand along his buzzcut, complaining, “Now there, I cut it short, whilst his hairline lost a long, pained, struggle against the ravages of t—”

Athenril, who had already stripped her trousers off to her smalls, sharply said, “Hawke, shut the fuck up and get down in front of the damned chair. You’d better hope I don’t get any cuts on my ass—or worse—from those receipts or there’ll be hell to pay.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Hawke said, cocking his head.

=

Some years later

“That’s absolute bullshit,” Varric said.

“Oh, and what’s so unbelievable about that?”, Hawke asked, taking another drink in The Herald’s Rest. “Getting paper cuts on the bum? My inability to break into the Gallows when you know it was leakier than a broken sieve? Athenril just dropping everything there and then?”

“Well, I—”, Varric protested.

“Or the fact that I, with the steeliest, calmest, expression in the world, broke up Meredith and Orsino’s argument after the qunari business and ended it with saying that ‘it can’t be easy, sitting in that chair and knowing that while you’re the most powerful woman in Kirkwall you can’t help but feel stuck in everyone else’s affairs’?”

Varric’s eyes practically widened to the size of cheese wheels.

“I have many, many questions,” the dwarf finally asked after regaining his composure, “but first of all, when exactly did you learn to lie convincingly??”

“I don’t know,” Hawke said. “Must be your corrupting influence.”

“Me corrupting you, nothing! You’re the one that ate out the Coterie’s biggest rival right on the Knight-Commander’s seat!”

“More comfortable than a bed of gold, I’ll tell you that,” Hawke said, raising his tankard. “To quote myself that night, bottoms up.”

He finished his drink as he successfully drove Varric into a spluttering fit, finally having had the last word for once.

@dadrunkwriting