#did i just waste my break time doing this
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jkl-fff · 21 hours ago
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Leia: Wait, you originally trained in the Imperial Academy to be a *hairdresser*? Not a pilot?
Han: Yep. Each of those Star Destroyers is basically a flying town. Each one needs at least *two* accredited hairdressers according to imp regs. Seemed like good, steady work.
Leia: How could you possibly have gotten court martialed as a hairdresser?
Han: Too many instances of insubordination. First, an officer wanted me to give him dreadlocks.
Leia: What's the big deal with--
Han: A *white* officer.
Leia: Ah. I see.
Han: Yep. That was my first demerit. The second one was when another wanted me to give him one of those ugly undercut-fades. Y'know, the style that sorta makes it look like the guy is wearing a wig that's too small for his head? I refused as an artiste, and he submitted a very strongly worded complaint.
Leia: And the third demerit? Didn't involve Chewie somehow--something about you saving his life?
Han: Yep. Chewie was a slave aboard ship at the time who tried to break free. The captain ordered me to shave him.
Leia, gasping: Shave a *Wookie*?!
Han: Yep. Would've been kinder just to kill him, according to Wookie conceptions of honor connected to their hair. Plus, what a waste, right? Chewie's hair is *gorgeous*. I just couldnt' do it. So I freed him, we stole a ship, and ran.
Leia: But then ... why go into smuggling? Why not open a salon somewhere as a hairdresser?
Han, sighing: The kriffing Empire revoked my license, and nobody wants to go to an unlicensed hairdresser. What choice did I have but to run drugs for the Hutts?
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han solo? best damn braider in the galaxy. he once braided an entire wookie in twelve [improper units of measurement]
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spicyspiders · 2 days ago
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Professor Howlett
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logan howlett x male reader smut
3.7k words
cw: power imbalance (logan is the reader's professor), age difference, rimming, virginity kink, thigh fucking, size kink, and spit as lube.
“This is utterly disappointing,” Professor Howlett tosses your paper down onto his desk with a thwap. The sound makes you jump, but you quickly steel yourself before he can look up and see how your calm expression is beginning to break.
You have to clear your throat before responding, though it does little to stop the lump you feel forming in your throat, ”I tried my best, professor,” you respond, keeping your eyes locked on the paper littered with red pen marks.
“Did you?” Professor Howlett questions angrily, making you jump once more at the tone, “because this sure as hell doesn’t read like it!”
“Professor, I-” you try to explain, but he cuts you off. 
“The first paper you wrote got the highest grade in the class, and then you go on to write this?” He asks, waving the red pen he used to mark up your paper angrily in the air as he speaks. If you weren’t biting your lip hard enough that at any second you thought it would bleed, you would laugh at the display. 
He looked at you expectantly, and with how angry he looked, you didn’t think any explanation that you could give would be enough. You had to try and do so anyway, knowing the sooner you spoke, the sooner you could leave his office and contemplate dropping his class or dropping out of college in general. 
You suck in a shaky breath before you respond, “I’m sorry, professor,” and when his angry expression doesn’t falter, you continue, “I knew I didn’t give myself enough time and knew I just had to take the hit to my grade and do better on the next paper.”
The man in front of you lets out a bitter laugh, “so you waste my time?”
“That wasn’t my intention, sir,” you respond, slouching down into the chair, trying to make yourself look as small as possible. You look up at the man across from you after a few moments of awkward silence, meeting his eyes as you try to calm your racing heart. 
He lets out a long sigh before he speaks again, “I must have set my expectations for the rest of your assignments too high,” he passes the paper across the desk until it sets in front of you, “I apologize.”
You can feel anger welling up in your body at his words. It was one bad assignment, it’s not like you were now some lost cause. “I can still write a paper just as good as the first one,” you snap before snatching the paper off the desk. “I told you,” you huff, angrily unzipping your book backpack to put the paper inside, “I didn’t give myself enough time, which won’t happen again,” you stand up in a flash, the chair shooting out from behind you fast enough you’re surprised it didn’t tip over, “I apologize, professor.”
“Hey hey hey,” Logan says, racing around the desk to grab your shoulder. He turns you around slowly from where you were about to stop out of his office and slam the door behind you, “I don’t want this to impact your grade.”
”It already is,” you spit, not angry at him, but angry at yourself. You remember getting the notification this morning that your professor had posted the grade, the number immediately turning your mood sour. 
“It’s okay,” Professor Howlett says, running a soothing hand down your shoulder, “I’ll give you a week to rewrite the paper and give you full credit back.”
“I’m not rewriting the paper,” you say with a bitter laugh that sounds a lot like Professor Howlett’s did earlier. 
“I know you can do better than this,” Professor Howlett responds, crossing his arms along his broad chest. 
“As you’ve already said,” you say, rolling your eyes, “I’m not writing an extra paper,” too tired to even think after you stayed up all night bullshitting the paper you had turned into Professor Howlett, you put the decision in his hands: “so what do you want to do, professor?” You ask tiredly.
You stare into Professor Howlett’s eyes, waiting for the man to make his decision. He looks back at you, observing you closely with his dark eyes. You are on the edge of feeling uncomfortable by the time he’s made up his mind, a look that you’re unable to pinpoint settling over his face. 
“Take off your bag and put it in the chair,” he commands, the lone tone of his voice making you shiver. 
“Okay,” you respond shakily, now back in front of him with your bag resting in the chair, “now wh-”
Your back collides with the door, and then a second later, his lips collide with yours. You gasp in surprise against his mouth and feel his tongue enter the opening, the appendage sliding wetly against yours. 
Too caught off guard to respond to the kiss, Logan moans against your unresponsive lips, one of his hands going to your chin to angle your head so his tongue can move deeper. His other hand you can hear beside you fiddling with the lock, and when the knob finally clicks, you can barely hear it over the sound of Professor Howlett’s breathing after he pulls away from the kiss. 
“Professor-” you begin, placing your hands on his broad shoulders, your mind too confused on whether you should push him away or pull him closer. You’ve already crossed the line you never thought you would cross. Sure, you had your fantasies dating back to the first day you walked into class, but you thought those would just stay in your head, only coming out in breaths of the professor’s name when your mind would wonder when you touched yourself.
“Logan.”
“Logan,” you correct yourself, trying to bite back a moan when Professor- Logan pushes his thigh between your legs, “I don’t think-”
He cuts you off with yet another kiss, but this time, you crane your neck to pull away from the kiss, trying your hardest to ignore the weight of your cock chubbing up in your pants. 
The second kiss ending abruptly does nothing to discourage Logan, instead, it gives his lips a new area to map out. “You drive me insane,” Logan moans against the column of your neck, his stubble digging into the sensitive skin. “So smart,” he says kissing down until he reaches the collar of your shirt, “so beautiful,” he whispers, moving to press his forehead to yours, “yet you barely talk in class,” he says, pressing his lips to yours once more, but this one much softer than the last. 
There wasn’t a participation grade outlined in the syllabus for Logan’s class like it was for some of your other professors, meaning you weren’t going to talk if you didn’t have to. Sometimes you did, feeling bad when he would ask a question and no one would respond immediately, hating the awkward silence. And now that you think about it, those were usually the nights your mind would think of him while your fingers were wrapped around your cock. Good job or good answer Logan would say, the praise lighting a coil of pleasure deep in your belly. 
“It’s only for me to see, is it?” Logan asks, his hands moving to hold your hips possessively, “only I get to see how smart you are,” he says in a low, gravelly voice, seemingly answering his own question. His lips go to the racing pulse point on the side of your neck, his teeth sinking into the skin. 
The bite burns, making your mouth fall open with a whimper, the sound a mix of pain and pleasure. Logan’s hot tongue runs over the mark, trying to soothe the pain with warmth. You give way to the feeling, letting your head fall back onto the wooden door, giving Logan more room to work. 
You bury a hand in his dark hair, running your fingers through the dark locks. Logan pulls away at the feel of your fingers in his hair, his eyes now darker than they once were, his pupils dilated in lust. You stare at each other once more before, taking in Logan’s already disheveled appearance with his dark eyes, messy hair, and crooked tie.       
You respond to the next kiss Logan initiates. It’s softer than you expect, at least, it is at the start. It begins to heat up when you tighten the hand in Logan’s hair to change the angle. You both moan when your tongues meet once more, spit mixing together. 
Logan wraps an arm around your lower back so you can stumble your way to the couch that sits against one of the walls of his office. Your lips break for air when you feel the back of your legs meet the cushions, your chest heaving as you suck in lungfuls of air.
Logan pushes you down onto the couch before one of his hands yanks at his tie, pulling it through the neckline of his sweater, and then he throws the garment away as if it has offended him.  Next comes the black sweater, leaving him with dark slacks and a button-up shirt. 
You feel your cock throb in your pants as you watch Logan lower himself onto his knees. He pushes his way between your legs, his hands going to your hips to get your pants down in a pool between your ankles. 
Your breath comes out in a stutter when Logan leans down, his nose coming into contact with the bulge in your underwear. He runs his nose along the length of your cock, then his tongue runs along the same path, paying extra attention to the wet spot on the cloth that rests over the head of your cock.
You slap a hand over your mouth to muffle your moan when Logan gets your underwear out of the way and swallows your cock. Logan takes it deep enough for you to feel, the hot, wet, constriction of his throat, his hand finding balance on your thighs. 
Logan’s breath puffs wetly against the head of your cock when he pulls away, his spit hardly having the chance to cool and dry as Logan runs his tongue up the length of your cock. He doesn’t take it as deep when he sucks it back inside his mouth, instead, he focuses on the suction. The hot suction of his mouth pulls a glob of precum from the head of your cock onto Logan’s tongue, the older man groaning at the taste.
The vibration through your cock makes your hips jump, sending your cock back deep into Logan’s throat. The movement catches Logan off guard, causing the man to gag around your cock, his throat convulsing wetly around the hard length of your cock. 
You pull the hand over your mouth and put it into Logan’s hair, trying to run your fingers through the strands soothingly. “Sorry,” you gasp, swiping your thumb under Logan’s eyes to wipe away the tears that fell. 
Logan surges up to pull you into a wet, messy kiss. His tongue is immediately in your mouth, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. 
“M’sorry,” you repeat. 
Logan chuckles softly, “it’s okay, baby,” he murmurs, pressing soft kisses on your cheeks.
Your stomach tightens at the pet name, affection coursing through your body. You place your hands on Logan’s belt buckle, already knowing how much you’re going to struggle trying to get his pants undone and out of the way. 
It takes you longer than you want to get his belt undone and his pants unbuttoned, and Logan doesn’t make it any easier when he presses, chaste, soft kisses to your mouth. Once open, Logan stands to get his pants down and off, the large bulge of his cock trapped behind his underwear. 
Just the sight of the bulge has you feeling intimidated, while at the same time making your mouth water. Anticipation joins the mix of lust and intimidation in your gut, which all combine into a feeling of pleasure that has your cock throbbing in the air. 
You place your hands on his waistband, Logan’s hands coming to rest atop yours a second later. With Logan’s help, you push his underwear down slowly, watching second by second as his cock is revealed to you.   
Your fantasies did not measure the actual size of his cock in all of its long and thick glory. It hangs heavy in front of your face, a bead of precum already glistening at the tip. Past the length of Logan’s cock, his balls hang heavy and full. This up close, you can also smell his musk: heady and all Logan.
A broad palm cupping your cheek draws your attention away, turning it instead to Logan’s face. A wave of heat washes over your body when you realize that in the moments where you were taking in the appearance of Logan’s cock, the man had pulled the rest of his clothes off. The button-up now lays in the pile with the rest of his clothes, giving you a full view of his broad, muscular chest. 
“I’ve never seen you so distracted,” Logan says with a smirk, his thumb running along your cheekbone. 
“What?” You question back, your voice breathy. 
Logan’s smirk broadens into a full smile, “I asked if you wanted to take that off.”
At a loss for words, you can barely think of a response, “oh,” you decide. 
Logan chuckles softly, his other hand running along the slit of his cock. When he pulls it away, a strand of precum follows the pad of his finger. Logan pushes his finger past your lips, still open in the shape of the soft oh you just let out. 
You suck at his finger when it touches your tongue, the salty taste lighting up your tastebuds. You hear Logan groan when you suck harder, wanting to get to the flavor underneath and see what Logan himself tastes like. 
Logan’s finger comes free with a slick pop, “let’s get the rest of this off,” he says. 
You only had your shirt and shoes to get off, and what should have been an easy, less than a minute process, felt like a lifetime. Logan tenderly pulled your shoes and socks off, one and then the other. Your shirt was next, coming off slowly with two broad palms sneaking up your shirt. Logan’s lips followed the path his hands made, all the way up to your lips that he kissed after your shirt was tossed away. 
Logan got back into the familiar position he was just in, but instead of sucking your cock, his mouth went lower. He bit into the meat of your thighs, and though you couldn’t see the one on your neck, you were sure that it matched the new ones he was making. 
“Roll over,” Logan commands, pressing a kiss to the mark he just made on your left thigh. Logan maneuvers your body into the position he wants, leaving your body pressed to the front of the couch, and your feet hanging over the cushions in front of Logan.
You press your forehead into the wall in front of you, feeling the puffs of Logan’s breath along your back, “do you have lube?” He asks in a low voice, his lips running across your skin. 
“No,” you reply, your body tense as you try not to shake in anticipation. 
“Fuck,” Logan breathes, his head coming to rest against your shoulder, “that’s okay,” he says, and you feel your body relax, “I can get you wet enough,” With how big his cock was, you doubt it, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. 
Logan’s first step to getting you to be what he says is wet enough is with his tongue. He starts with soft swipes of his tongue, letting you get accustomed to it. It wasn’t like it was hard, especially with the combination of the rough stubble on his face, which only added to the pleasure. 
The next step is spit, which, really you could say goes with the first. You already feel as if there’s enough of it already there from Logan’s tongue, a large extent due to when Logan kept pushing his tongue as far as it could go. It left you clenching down on the wet muscle, clawing your fingers into the couch as it massaged your walls. 
Logan didn’t let up and moved to spit a glob of spit onto your hole when it relaxed after pulling his tongue free. Caught off guard, you jerked forward, your cock coming into contact with the cushion of the couch. The friction had you gritting your teeth trying to stay quiet, hoping that because it was nearly five in the afternoon on Friday, most of the people in the building were already gone. 
Logan was quick to press the spit into your hole with a thick finger, all the way down until you were clenching down on all of it. “There we go,” Logan whispers from behind you, the wet heat of his breath on your shoulder. 
You turn your neck to face him, gasping into the kiss he presses to your lips. Logan swallows the moan that’s punched from your chest when his finger finds your prostate, the older man groaning as you clench down on his finger. 
Logan pulls away from the kiss at the same time his finger is pulled free. You feel the couch shift as Logan moves, the man making his way back down face-to-face with your hole. You’re proud of yourself for not jumping as hard when Logan spits on your hole a second time, the glob going deeper than the first after opening your hole just with one finger.    
“Does it burn, baby?” Logan asks, now that he’s using two fingers to chase after the spit instead of one.
”A little,” you whine around the burn as he scissors them apart. Almost like Logan can read your mind, he brushes his fingers along your prostate when the burn feels like it’s becoming too much. You feel precum leak from your cock, staining the upholstery. 
”That’s normal for your first time,” Logan says, pressing kisses along the shell of your ear. 
”I’ve done this before,” you respond, pushing back into Logan’s fingers. 
”Someone’s fucked you?” Logan asks, his arm coming to wrap around your stomach, right above your hard cock.
”Just my fingers,” you respond quietly. 
“How many?” Logan asks, his fingers coming to a stop. 
“Four,” you grit out, clenching down on his fingers like you’re wordlessly trying to get him to continue. 
Logan lets out a dark chuckle. He lays his hand on top of yours, his big hand bigger than your own. He stretches his fingers out, showing you how they compare in size. “That’s nearly your whole fist,” he says, his fingers starting to move again. 
“Need more,” you whine, clenching down on his fingers. 
“Shh,” Logan coos, “I know,” he lets out a warm breath at the back of your neck, “I can’t fuck you,” he says, pulling his fingers free slowly, “not like this.”
”Please,” you whine, louder than the one before. 
“Don’t wanna hurt you,” he responds, pressing soft kisses to the back of your neck. You feel his weight on the couch shift once more as he spreads your thighs apart. It’s a tight squeeze trying to fit the both of you on the couch, but Logan makes it work. 
He pushes his cock between your thighs, right below your balls, already tight against your cock. He grips your hips tightly before he begins thrusting, only taking a few jerks of his hips before you push your thighs together around his cock. 
The sound of Logan’s groan behind you travels from his chest to your back, letting you feel how good you’re making him feel. ”Does that mean I was the first?” He asks, one of his hands moving to wrap around your cock. 
“What?” You asked, confused, your mind cloudy from the pleasure. 
“Am I the first to touch you like this?” Logan questions, his voice a low growl. His fingers are slick around your cock, gliding along the length. 
You nod quickly, too close to the edge and overtaken with pleasure to even say a single word. You cum to the feel of Logan’s hand around your cock, his teeth biting possessively into the skin of your shoulder, and his cock nudging your balls. Ropes of cum shoot from your cock, staining the couch in his office. You probably won’t be able to look at couches ever the same again. 
Logan’s hand shoots up to your mouth, covering your lips as you moan, overtaken by the pleasure of your orgasm. You rest against his palm, falling forward while at the same time tightening the slick valley of your thighs.
Logan muffles his moan in the crook of your sweaty neck when he cums. It nearly burns, making a bigger mess in your thighs and on the couch. 
In a blur, Logan gets you onto his chest, his back now resting on the couch, “you okay?” He questions, his hand running softly along the sweaty expanse of your back. 
“I don’t think I can move,” you respond, still riding the high of probably one of the best orgasms you’ve had. 
Logan laughs loud enough that your head shakes against his chest. Moments later, when you’re nearly lulled to sleep by the ticking of the clock in his office, Logan speaks, “I’m sorry for getting so frustrated with you,” he says softly. 
“What do you mean?” You question, craning your head to look up at the man.
“I see how smart you are,” he answers, his voice a low rumble, “it made me frustrated to see you not working up to your potential.”
“I said I was sorry,” you immediately respond, not sure if you should pout or roll your eyes.   
“I know, baby,” he says with a smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling, “I know,” he leans down to press your lips together softly, “I just wanted to explain myself.”
This time you did roll your eyes, too fucked-out to try and control your expression, “I’ll write a better paper next time,” you grumble, moving to lay your head down once more over his chest.  
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arixella · 2 days ago
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Unspoken Words
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╰┈➤ pairing: Shanks x female! reader
a/n: send request if you have any <3
summary: After a long and unexpected reunion with Shanks, the two of you share a quiet, intimate moment on the deck of the Red-Haired Pirates' ship, where Shanks finally confesses that, despite all the years and distance, he’s never stopped loving you.
wc: 900
contains: fluff, tiny angst
The sun had begun its descent, painting the sky with hues of orange and pink as the sea lapped gently against the hull of the Red-Haired Pirates' ship. The sounds of the crew bustled in the background, but up on the deck, away from the ruckus, the air felt still, like the world had paused just for you two.
You hadn't expected to be here—on this ship, with him.
It had been years. Years of wondering, waiting, and hoping that one day you’d see him again. Shanks. The man who had left without a word, disappearing into the vast world, only to reappear like a distant memory brought to life. You had kept the promise you'd made to yourself: to move on. Life had taken you down its own winding roads, yet deep down, a part of you had always carried him with you.
Now, you stood beside him once more. Your heart ached with emotions you couldn’t quite sort out. His fiery red hair caught the light of the fading sun, and that trademark grin played across his lips, but there was something in his eyes—something softer—that made you wonder just how much time had really passed.
"You’re quieter than I remember," Shanks chuckled, turning his gaze toward you.
You blinked, breaking from your thoughts. "I guess I’m still processing this whole... reunion."
He tilted his head, eyes sparkling with mischief, but there was a hint of vulnerability hidden beneath. "I didn't expect you to be speechless. Was I that bad of a captain to make you nervous?"
The teasing tone didn’t reach his eyes, though. His grin faltered for a brief second, and you noticed the subtle way his fingers tightened around the railing. He’d always worn that easygoing facade, but the longer you looked at him, the more it became clear—there was something on his mind. Something he hadn't told you all these years.
You took a small step closer, letting the warm evening breeze sweep through your hair. “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.”
Shanks laughed softly, a sound you had missed so much. "I know," he admitted. "But... it’s been so long, I wasn’t sure where to start."
You gave him a small, wry smile, your gaze steady on him. "Start with the most important part," you said quietly. "Why did you leave without a word? We didn’t even get a proper goodbye."
His expression shifted, and for a moment, he was silent. He turned his gaze to the horizon, the fiery orange sun reflecting in his eyes. “I wanted to come back. God, I wanted to. But... I didn’t think it was right. I thought you’d be better off without me, that I’d just get in the way of your future."
You were silent, processing his words. “So you left because you thought it was for the best?” you asked, your voice a mix of frustration and sadness.
Shanks nodded, his shoulders tense. "I’ve always been a man who lives in the moment. But I’ve never been good at thinking ahead. Back then, I couldn’t offer you anything solid. I didn’t want to drag you along with my reckless lifestyle... And I hated the idea of you waiting for me, wasting your life on someone who couldn’t promise you anything."
The weight of his words hung between you, but as you watched him—this man who had always been larger than life, full of energy and joy—you saw something that you hadn’t expected: regret.
"I spent all these years thinking about you," he continued, his voice softer now, tinged with something you couldn’t quite place. "Wondering if you hated me, or if you had moved on with someone else. I tried to convince myself that it was better this way. But it’s been... hard. Every damn day, harder than the last."
Your heart clenched as you took a step forward, your fingers brushing lightly against his arm. "Shanks, you don't have to apologize. You did what you thought was best... but I wish you’d known I would've waited for you."
He turned to face you then, his gaze locking onto yours. The playful spark was gone, replaced by an intensity that made your breath hitch. "I didn’t know," he murmured, his voice low. "But I do now."
For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of the sea and the faint creak of the ship’s wooden planks. Shanks shifted, closing the distance between you, and before you knew it, his hand gently cupped your face. His thumb brushed over your cheek, a simple touch, but it sent a jolt of warmth through your chest.
“You’ve always been a part of me, Y/N,” Shanks whispered, his forehead resting against yours. “Even when I was a thousand miles away, I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped loving you.”
The words hung in the air, as if they were both a confession and a release. A truth he’d kept hidden for far too long. You stared at him, your heart racing, and a bittersweet smile curled on your lips.
"I don’t know what to say," you murmured, your voice trembling slightly.
"You don’t have to say anything," he replied, his grin returning but this time it held a tenderness that hadn’t been there before. "I just wanted you to know... I never stopped loving you."
Your heart swelled, and without another thought, you leaned in, closing the gap between you. His lips were warm and gentle against yours, like a long-awaited reunion, and for a moment, the world melted away. The past, the years of separation, the pain—it all faded into the background as you kissed him, letting the emotions that had been hidden for so long wash over you both.
When you pulled back, breathless and with your forehead resting against his, you whispered, “I missed you, Shanks.”
He grinned, his eyes still soft but filled with that familiar spark. "I’m not going anywhere this time."
And for the first time in years, you believed him.
The sun dipped below the horizon, but the warmth between you both remained—quiet, unspoken, and enough to carry you both through whatever the future held.
♡♡♡
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honeyhour · 22 hours ago
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“yeah, you’re right. there was definitely a lot going on back then that i could’ve handled better. turns out newborns aren’t the easiest, especially when it’s your first and you basically have no idea what you’re doing. i knew it would be difficult, but god.” a long breath is exhaled, head shaking at the memory of countless sleepless nights and bodily changes she’d gone through. it’s the most exhausted she’s ever felt in her life and it did nothing to help her already dwindling supply of patience. “we don’t have all that stuff to contend with right now, so that’s good, i think… although, i probably could’ve used it to my advantage somehow. you have to allow a pregnant woman to win all the arguments, it’s only fair.” thankfully, no matter how strong of a competitive streak he’s able to bring out in lily, she’s not quite desperate enough to take things that far just to beat him. she’ll find other ways. “oh.” the smile she'd been trying to hold back soon wins the fight and breaks onto her face, hopeful and affectionate. she’d been so convinced that she’d sealed her fate when they first parted and while it’s still far too soon to know how it’ll end this time, she’s not going to waste the second chance. “we’re both so stupid, aren’t we? maybe we really do deserve each other.”
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being in a serious pit for too long has never been a strong suit for bash, even when he knows it's good for him. it often makes his skin crawl and feel a bit itchy, like he's not meant to stay in the room to just sit down and push through it. in the past, it's directly led to conflict — she would yell, he would leave as a result so as to not hear more. he endeavors not to do that anymore if he can help it, accepting her hand and giving her palm a tender kiss. "we can all work on being better. and we will fight. and get annoyed or tired. it's not going to be perfect. but god, we know exactly what not to do now so maybe that'll help." and it's not like he was unaware the last time either but last time, he didn't realize how great of a loss it would be without her. "domesticity is why i have grey hairs," bash corrects her but the lilt in his voice is a great indication that he doesn't mind them. if aging on him looks good to lily then it certainly feels good to bash. "we'll see what you have to say about that whenever she starts eating more than just glue." the joke doesn't, for even a second, take away how meaningful those words are to him though. the pad of his thumb brushes over the backs of her knuckles and he averts his gaze, shaking his head as a tender smile finds its way onto his lips. "you're right, there's nothing to worry about. because nothing's changed in that regard on my end either."
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dustcrumbs · 3 days ago
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I hope you guys know that I am aware that Dust/Murder sans eyelights are not constantly red/cyan. I am aware. I know when he isn't using his magic. It's just white.
I wanna give you my reasoning why I don't draw him like that
1. He's never feels safe.
That's it.
He always tensed. He's never been relaxed enough to let go of his magic.
Why would he want to anyway? He needs to constantly burn it anyway. Right?
Actually, constantly using his magic is the reason why he needs to burn it out so much.
If he has it constantly activated, it'll continuously produce magic to restore what is lost. This leads to the overabundance of magic in his system. He's not always wasting it, but he's always using it. His body and mind THINKS he needs the magic. So it's rapidly replenishing what it thinks is needed for an emergency. If he just let it go, it'd build up slowly rather than rapidly pouring magic into his little body. It's also why he's so irritated. He's always tensed and on the verge of snapping at someone.
It's like leaving your phone on when your on an application. It starts to heat up. Unless you turn it off, it won't cool.
Dust is so paranoid that he thinks everyone is out to get him, even when he sleeps.
The only time he ever let go of his magic is with Killer. And god, he's never doing that again. Especially after what he did. Everyone's just proving his point. Being vulnerable is a ticket to death. As much as he'd want to die, he would rather die in his home. Not these disgusting replicas or twisting worlds that taunt him as he scrambles out of them.
Dust just can't catch a break. No matter where he is or who he's with. He rather die then be caught vulnerable and fragile in someone else's arms.
I guess that's why he conflicts with Horror so much. Horror wants to attend to and affirm. He doesn't mind vulnerability or weakness. It's a sign of trust. And Dust despises that idea. Because every time Horror lets Dust point a gun to his chin, there is no struggle. And Dust worries that one day, he won't stop himself from puling the trigger. Horror trusts him, even if it'd be the death of him.
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darkredsugarcookie · 17 hours ago
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"The Pressure of His Lips" - ex!Bucky Barnes x Reader
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Hi! Like three (3) people have asked me to start posting fics on here, so here we go. I'm new to posting on tumblr, but I'm a wattpad and ao3 veteran, so be nice. I'm still trying to figure out the formatting and everything for this place :P
Summary: After breaking up due to your secret relationship being brought to the surface, you are not handling the separation well. Too much vodka and lonely nights end with you accidentally Bucky from the bathroom floor.
Warnings: Alcohol use, heavy intoxication, mentions of smoking weed, slight hint at SA history upon the reader, angst, alpine mention!!!! let me know if I missed any!
DISCLAIMER: This is an excerpt from a bigger fic I've been writing in which the self-insert has a history of SA. It is hinted at for one sentence in this specific blurb.
By all means, I should’ve been the one that managed to keep my head above water. Dad hit rock bottom when he was my age— after my grandparents died. He was no stranger to tell me about it. It was always an example of what not to do. Even Mom had her struggles after she lost her brother. 
I had every picture perfect reason to stay away from anything that could drag me down like a weight in still water. Which is why I couldn’t tell you how I ended up at the bottom of a bottle on a Monday night in uptown Manhattan. 
For a long time, I refused to drink more than once in heavy social settings after what happened when I was seventeen. But this? I didn’t care anymore. I needed whatever would keep him and my parents and the team out of my head. 
The problem I was running into, however, was that by the time I was cross-faded in a mass of bodies in a bar uptown, he was the only thing I had the ability to think about. 
Everything I wouldn’t confront during the day when I was sober chased me down until I was curled up in the corner of a bathroom stall. 
The smell of weed clouded my senses as the cold tile floor hit the backs of my thighs. The vodka still on my tongue made me dizzy and I could feel my heart beating like a drum in my head.
Every memory axed its way into my head like a migraine I couldn’t shake. I could spend every night like this, I could dance with strangers I didn’t care about, I could swear off men to my best friend and demand that I was completely fine, but I would always end up like this. Thinking about how I could still feel the pressure of his lips on my skin and if I tried hard enough, the temperature of the bathroom tiles almost felt like that of his arm under my fingers whenever we were curled up together. 
I couldn’t keep a straight thought. It all flashed through my head in images I couldn’t shake. 
My phone was vibrating. 
I fumbled for it, where it was tucked into the front of my dress, and I didn’t even check who was calling when I  tapped the screen and held it to my ear. I sniffled, wiping my nose. My cheeks were wet. 
I was crying. That seemed to be pretty normal for me these days. 
“Hello?” 
I blinked. Great, now I was hallucinating voices. I’d never reached that point of being wasted. “Nat,” I said, rubbing my eyes. I probably just ruined my makeup already. “What’s up?” I did my best to sound sober. Probably didn’t work.
There was a heavy sigh. “You didn’t mean to call me,” he said. 
“You called me,” I replied. 
“No, I did not. Are you… Are you okay?” 
“I am fine,” I said. “I’m not… supposed to talk to you.” “I know, angel.” Another sigh, a shuffle of something. Maybe blankets. It couldn’t have been that late. 
“Are you sleeping?”
“It’s almost four in the morning.”
My head was pounding, swimming… I couldn’t quite breathe right. “You don’t really sleep…”
“No, I don’t. Less now. Where are you?” 
“Why?” I felt defensive all of a sudden. No matter the fact I didn’t think I could get up off this floor if the building was on fire. 
“Because you’re drunk, sweetheart. And you’re alone. It’s not safe.”
“You don’t know that I’m- if I’m alone.”
A brief pause. “Yes, I do. Do you know where you are?” 
I was picking at a loose thread on the hem of my dress. “I’m…” I squeezed my eyes shut. That string wrapped around my finger twice. “I’m in the bathroom.”
“Okay, hold on—” I heard a door shut. It was quiet for a second. “I know where you are. You stay in the bathroom, okay? I’ll come get you.”
“But you—”
“No, you stay where you are.” I shrank a little. “Hear me?” 
“Yeah…” “Good. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
I think I fell asleep after that, because the next thing I remember was hearing a commotion of voices— only one of which I recognized. 
Then it got so bright as the stall door was pushed open and I swear it felt like my heart that had dropped dead almost a month ago was beating again. 
Bucky’s face was a mix of emotions as he touched my cheek. “Sweetheart…” He said, letting out a breath. 
“Why are you here?” I asked, blinking a few times to try and see clearly. If he was here, I wanted to feel it, see it. All of it. 
“I’m here for you, doll.”
“But you hate me.”
He looked at me like I was crazy. “No, I don’t, baby. I don’t hate you. But we need to get you home, come on.”
Without waiting for me to say anything, he lifted me to my feet. “Where are your shoes?” he asked. I just shrugged. 
As I limped my way to the bathroom exit, one of the other girls stopped him, demanding that he either explain how he knew me, or set me down. If I was sober, I might have hugged her for that. “He’s…” I started. 
She cast a worried glance from me, to the man holding me up. Bucky sighed and pulled out his phone, showing her the screen. “She’s mine, promise.” I barely caught a glimpse of the wallpaper. It was a picture Avery had taken of us when we were in Atlanta, we were in the kitchen, not even aware she was watching. 
Once we were past the crowds, he shoved the door open and helped me outside. The chilly air shocked me a little back into my senses, but not much. 
He pulled the car door open and helped me into the passenger seat before rounding the hood and climbing in. “I feel like lecturing you on how dangerous this is might be pointless because I don’t think you’re gonna remember any of it.”
I sniffled, wiping my cheeks. “I thought I was… fine.” “I’m sure you did,” he said, pulling onto the street. “Avery would have a heart attack if she knew about this, you know?” 
“Yeah… It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” he sighed, shoving a hand through his hair. “This isn’t like you.”
“Sure it is,” I replied as I looked out the window. “It’s in my genes.” Bucky glanced at me, but didn’t say anything. When we pulled up outside my apartment building, I paused. “How do you—”
“I had a feeling something like this would happen. I got it from Nat.” 
“She gave it to you?” 
“I had to ask. Beg, actually.”
“That isn’t like you,” I said, quoting his own words. He cast me that same look he always gave me when I said something annoying, but valid. I smiled a little, tipping my head against the headrest of the car as I watched him climb out. 
When he got to my side and pulled the door open, he didn’t give me an option. Next thing I knew, he was scooping me into his arms and I didn’t have it in me to fight. I leaned closer, letting my body relax for the first time in weeks. I could scold myself for this in the morning. 
“What’s the door code?” he asked me. 
“My birthday,” I replied in more of a mumble than anything. “It’s—”
“I know your birthday, angel.” 
I sighed and nodded as we stepped into the warmth of the lobby. I didn’t question him as he held me the whole way to my apartment, his fingers occasionally brushing against my body as if it was muscle memory. 
He pressed the same code into my door keypad and shoved the door open. 
“Don’t let the cat out,” I muttered. 
“The what— Oh my god.” I heard my little white kitten meow up at him. “That’s Snowball,” I said. “Or Alpine. I can’t choose.”
He sighed, a small smile on his face. “I like Alpine.”
Bucky carried me to the master bedroom and set me on the bed. I rubbed my eyes, the ache behind them starting to grow. He disappeared for a second and when he came back, he put a glass of water in my hand. “Drink this,” he said, setting my shoes in my closet. I wondered briefly where he found them before he returned from the closet with the Avengers Compound sweatshirt that used to be his, but I had reclaimed. “You can’t sleep in that dress,” he said. “Or that makeup.” 
“I’ll be fine—” I started. 
“No. You’re gonna change. I’ll give you a—”
“I can’t get the zipper myself,” I said quietly. “It’s not- It’s not a ploy… Promise.” 
He helped me to my feet and turned me around before tugging at the zipper. I felt the air hit my back a second before his hand landed at my waist. “Are you gonna remember anything from tonight?” 
“I hope so,” I said softly. Other words for definitely not. 
Bucky sighed and dropped his head to my shoulder. “I miss you,” he breathed, lips brushing against my skin. “More than I’ve ever missed anyone.” 
A pain lodged itself in my chest. It was so deep that in this moment I genuinely didn’t think it’d ever leave me. And if it did, it might just leave a hole where it sat. “Bucky…” 
“Get changed. I’ll be right back.”
When I felt his body heat disappear from me, I dropped my dress to the ground and tugged on the sweatshirt he’d set on the bed. I didn’t bother with shorts, just left my underwear on. 
I dropped onto the edge of the bed, finished my water, held my hands in my lap. 
Bucky came from the bathroom and clicked on the lamp beside my bed. He took my face in his hand and with the warm rag in his hand, wiped it gently along my face. “Close your eyes,” he said softly. 
I did as I was told. It wasn’t as in depth as I could’ve myself, but it was enough to keep my eyes from hurting in the morning.
He tossed the rag in the hamper and guided me into bed. “You need to sleep,” he said softly. 
“I’m not used to sleeping alone,” I mumbled against my pillow. 
“I know, sweetheart,” he replied, fingers combing through my hair. “Me either. But you’re gonna be okay.” 
I felt exhaustion coming for me like a thief in the night. “You think so?” 
“I know so. Sleep, baby.” 
A breath escaped me. I didn’t have the energy to speak anymore.
As sleep pulled me away, I felt his kiss against my head. Then the light clicked off and it was gone like a dream. 
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ttheggrimrreaper · 2 days ago
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Haii I love your writing and I was wondering if you could do a NSFW with gagamaru needing you so bad he sneaks into your window in the middle of the night (he's all out of breath and sweating lol) and fem!reader is really sweet about it please and thank you!!
Thank you so much!!!! Sure I can!
Masterlist
Needy
Gagamaru x Fem!reader
MDNI
NSFW under the cut
Think of it like this: In a Au where instead of Blue lock happening while our characters are minors, they are aged up and adults. But the same things happen, just with them as adults. You can assume this is the case with all NSFW works I make.
Gagamaru wasn't a needy person. He didn't stress about his partner talking to other men, most of the time. But after spending so long at Blue lock.. with nothing but his fist and other sweaty men. Gagamaru didn't waste a second before breaking in and getting what he waited so long for.
Warnings: Missionary, Breaking and entering (not so much breaking), no protection, P in V, mentions of fingering.
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You yawned as re watched the game, well more so a reel someone put together of Gagamaru being goalie. Not a lot, only 10 minutes worth of footage that was eye catching enough, but it was enough to please you. You were so proud of him, sure it wasn't exactly what he wanted to be, but he looked happy to be in a game, to be in the starting line up.
Turning off the TV, wrapping yourself in your blanket as you passed by a taxidermy fowl. A gift Gagamaru had given to your guardian.. and when you suggested getting rid of it because it was creepy and Gagamaru had given them yet another one. They promptly yelled at you, it was the first gift Gagamaru gave to them and they were never gonna just give it away! Your lovely guardian now rested in the other half of the house... too old to be able to take care of themselves. You chuckled as you patted the birds head, going to your room to get a good night's rest, maybe, If you're lucky, Blue lock will let your mountain boy have his phone.
Gagamaru had waited long enough, stuck fucking his fist in the shower and little chance he can get. Searching for some kind of satisfaction. But once his release came, it did little to please his urges. He wanted you, needed you. He couldn't even call you for the entirety of being away at blue lock. He couldn't even see you in the crowd, however he did get to see your face when they watched the replay and the camera man panned to your cheering face as you clung onto your guardian, hand thrown up in the air waving and screaming his name. Unfortunately however, the domestic moment that should have brought blood to his cheeks, went down to his pants.
You were dreaming, your mouth parted as your face was plush against the pillow. The soft flowers that your hands trailed over... White and black with bold yellow middles.
"y/n...." Your name called in the winds, followed by a huff, and a crash which dragged you out of your dream. "Y/n" the voice said again, you sat up... Looked around at the very end of your bed two eyes seemingly glowing.
"OH MY G-"you screamed, launching your pillow at your intruder. He leaped forward and a hand crashed over your mouth. You closed your eyes and squirmed, kicking and hitting his chest as hard as you could.
"hey, don't scream come on-" he huffed out, you paused recognizing the voice, slowly cracking an eye open to meet with Gagamaru, his face red and usually wide eyes full of.. usually nothing was currently hazed over with lust. No doubt your struggling and squirming again his lower half didn't help him in the slightest.
"Maru??.. Gagamaru!!" You leaped on him, the fear from before forgotten as you pressed kisses all over his face. He panted slightly, his arms wrapping around you.
"hey pretty girl" he hummed, catching your lips in a kiss. It was hungry, chasing after you and trying to hold himself back from overpowering you with what little restraint he had left. Pulling away and digging his face into the crook of your neck, his breath hot against it. "Need you" his voice was muffled, occupied with pressing kisses along your neck and collar bone.
As much as you would have liked a domestic greeting.... You had to admit you missed him just as much. His touch, his tongue, the way he would perfectly roll into you. after experiencing his fingers curling and touching all the right places, your smaller ones did little to please you. So many nights spent with your hand between your legs, playing with your pussy only to find that it did nothing to what you craved.
"need you too." You mumbled against his hair. That was all the confirmation he needed, pushing himself up as you straddled his lap, lips clashing together as your hands gently twisted his hair, his grip on your hips bruising. Slowly, his hands etched your shirt off, only parting for a quick minute to pull the fabric over your head. You leaned back, pulling his down with you, his hands carefully gliding over your nipples, teasing them with the pads of his thumbs.
You whimpered under his touch, tugging his hair softly as you had to pull your head back, panting. Gagamaru found a new home for his lips, back on your neck as he left little love bites and kisses. His hands slide down to your hips, fumbling to untie the draw string that kept them on. Pulling them down along with your panties before one hand returning to cup your cheek as the other rubbed soft and slow circles on your clit. Pawing at his shirt collar, he obliged and pulled it off himself, your hands still in his hair as he pulled away. The cold air reaches your core as you shiver, hearing the familiar sound of his belt hitting the floor.
"I love you so much" He rasped out, hands returning to your hips as he lined up.
"Maru no no 'ts to b-!" He caught your scream of pain that slowly plead into pleasure with his lips, swallowing it up as he bottomed out. He was just too damned big and after so long without him, it felt like the first time all over again. Experimentally, he rolled his hips forward, cock dragging perfectly against your walls. You whimpered lifting your hips up as you whined for more. Nails digging into your shoulders.
He started off slowly, gently as he would pull his hips back ever so slightly, and then push himself back on. The lewd sounds filling your ears along with his groans. But with each thrust, and each beg for more you let out, he sped up. Hips slamming against you, he pulled away as he sat up, tucking his arms under your waist as he lifted your hips ever so slightly, but even the slightest difference in elevation allowed him to sink into you deeper.
You moaned his name countless times, begging for more as your hands clawed at the bed sheets. He was too big, in both length and size, on any part of his body. You couldn't reach his shoulders or hair so you had to settle with the sheets. His eyes were shut, face contorted in pleasure. Usually, for Gagamaru to truly feel satisfied, to truly be able to orgasm, he required some crazy position. Full nelson, waterfall, sometimes you would be hung up in the air. But as of right now, he had no attempt to no move you into that. All he simply wanted, was one. One simple, one long awaited, one well deserved, orgasm.
Your heels dug into the small of his back, pulling him impossibly closer. The room full of your moans and the lewd sounds coming from where you two would meet. However, one specific drag in particular had you screaming. The head of his cock harshly dragged against your G-spot causing you to squirm and move your hips around, leading you to further more reach your high.
Your squirming, had ended up working wonders for Gagamaru, a loud groan coming from him as he came, and with one final thrust he bottomed out and allowed himself to bend back down to kiss you, with no intention of pulling out. You whined, shifting around slightly but his hands came to catch your hips and hold you still. "No no don't move.. don't move" he mumbled, the exhaustion from the game, and this long awaited reunion finally catching up to him.
"w-welcome back Maru" you hummed, pressing a kiss to his hair as you panted. Gagamaru nodded softly, head nuzzled in the crook of your neck once more. He finally, was Abel to return home, To you, which to Gagamaru... Wherever you were was home.
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peachhcs · 3 days ago
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Idk if you've ever written about this but when samy and will get back together when do they tell their friends? Do they tell Ryan and Gabe immediately or keep it lowkey for a while? How do they react?
oo i don't think i have written about this before. i always started to and then i never finished my drafts so i'm glad someone asked about it to remind me :)
considering they get back together in san jose when samy's there helping settle will in, it's pretty easy for them to keep it on the down low and i think they definitely do for a bit and not tell ryan and gabe and all of them. of course though, ryan and gabe are dying to know if they did get back together because they were all really hoping the trip would the couple work out the last of their differences and finally get back together
au masterlist
as soon as samy sat down gabe and ryan were on her immediately and dying to know what happened in san jose. samy and will were purposefully not saying much because they wanted to ease back into telling their friends that they were back together, but boy, were those two persistent.
she went to go see them in boston one more time before everything swept them up, and neither of them wasted any time sitting her down on the couch to talk. none of the other guys were home and wouldn’t be for at least two hours, so the three had a lot of time to talk.
“sooo..” ryan began, eager and curious because will wasn’t saying much to them over text.
“you guys were so nosy,” samy teased with a small eye roll.
“it’s not nosy if we wanna know,” gabe said and that made the girl raise her eyebrow because she didn’t even know what that meant.
“come on, just tell us,” ryan urged, quite literally on the edge of his seat.
“yes, we got back together,” the brunette finally said which made both of the boys jump up in joy.
“i knew it! i knew it! i knew you’d get back together!” gabe pointed a finger and reveled in predicting that the trip would fix everything.
“how’d it happen? did he talk you up? did you guys have like..make up sex?” the two boys snickered like they were 12 and sharing secrets. samy rolled her eyes again.
“he just..asked me to dinner and i said yes and then we talked some more and then it kind of led to us..kissing back at his place..and yeah..maybe some..other stuff,” the soccer player flushed a deep crimson.
“aww, look at you two go! i knew it’d all work out,” gabe nudged her arm with a smile that his friends were no longer fighting anymore.
“we’re still..working things out but yeah. it feels nice,” samy agreed.
“well, yeah. it’s gonna take awhile to build back up to where you were, but at least it’s a start. you guys know where you stand with one another. i’m happy for you for you guys,” ryan grinned.
“and if he ever pulls that shit again, we’ll knock some sense into him, don’t worry,” gabe added making the girl giggle.
“it’s like i’m happy and scared at the same time, does that make sense? or is that stupid? i’m happy we’re back together, but i guess i’m still scared it’s gonna all fall apart again,” samy bit her lip as her ruminating set in again. she ruminated the entire plane ride back which definitely wasn’t healthy, but she couldn’t really help the other side of the what ifs.
“it’s not stupid. you’re valid for having fears still. he broke your trust and your heart. that’s not something that can just be like forgotten. it’s gonna be a long road, but will really wants this to work again and i know you do too,” ryan quickly reassured and gabe nodded in agreement.
“the whole distance thing literally sucks because it’s like..we spent freshman year in long distance and the summer we get to finally actually be together we break up and now we’re back to doing long distance without any time to like really be together, you know?” now samy was just rambling at this point.
“long distance is not easy, but i also think it helps you both grow as people outside of one another and the relationship. plus, we’re always here too if you need anything. not in michigan, but boston is a lot closer than california and you know we’d drop everything for you if you did need it,” ryan continued and samy’s heart warmed hearing them say that.
“yeah, we got your back, hughesy, don’t worry. and no we’re not just saying this because you’re will’s girlfriend, like we actually mean it. you’re our friend too and we care about you,” gabe said. the youngest hughes flushed and wondered how she met hockey boys like this.
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rei-ismyname · 2 days ago
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Who do you think has been the best at writing Kurt and what is your favorite stage of the character? Personally, Kurt from Excalibur is my big favorite.
Hey! I don't think I've actually talked about Kurt much, aside from complaining about his NPC status and bizarre priest coding (that was quickly reversed) in From The Ashes
It's hard to argue with Excalibur as a defining run for Kurt's character and his themes. He got to buckle his swash and I really enjoy the relationships built during Excalibur (except Brian. Dude sucks IMO) - even if those relationships and shared experiences have been backgrounded of late. I wasn't aware of different authors when I first read it but looking back Alan Davis if I have to pick.
My favourite stage of the character though is Krakoan Age Kurt. I enjoyed him under Hickman's pen (even if the third law was a mistake.) Si Spurrier made some pretty massive missteps in Way of X but I'm glad that his reaction to Krakoa generally and The Crucible specifically was explored. There's a lot of ways to approach 'I need to start a mutant religion' and zooming in on his personal crisis of faith and allying him with Legion really worked for me.
Focusing on people and examining the laws with the background threat of Onslaught was clever, and he reached the only conclusions that makes sense. I do wish it was longer and a deeper dive into the laws, but it'd break the premise a little if The Onslaught Revelation ended and Kurt said out loud that the Krakoan government is corrupt and we need to start from scratch. Everyone nearly died permanently because Xavier has too much power with no means of accountability.
I'd have hated it if he really did start a religion; The Spark was a secular philosophy that addressed his personal crisis and resonated with a certain kind of person. I've seen people call it a religion and it makes me wonder if they read the book. The foray into justice reform in Legion of X is something I loved on a conceptual level - yes he was using his QC position for legitimacy but at its core the Altar and Legionaries was about the little people, the younger folks, those working for redemption. Kurt's pointed and specific refusal to co-operate with Charles Xavier on his authoritarian bs was a great character beat, as was defending Juggernaut's agency and the chance to be better. I do wish the original sin of Sabertooth in the hole was touched on, but Victor LaValle nailed it elsewhere so I can't complain.
Combined with the Quiet Council dissolution in Immortal X-Men I think we'd have seen an upswell of younger, politically engaged mutants eager to reform their home. I digress.
I loved Kurt's time as Spider-Man (or spinnenmann lol) as a kind of back to basics during the worst time for mutants. It's relatable that he'd be overwhelmed by trauma and grief and just want to be 'a whole Kurt Wagner' for a while. Fight some bad guys, have a romance, eat pizza with Spider-Man. I definitely liked the retcons in X-Men Blue: Origins, the follow up in X-Men Forever, but most of all that he was allowed to be angry about it in Uncanny #700. Trust is earned and neither of his bio parents have done that.
As I mentioned, I'm unimpressed with how he's been used in From The Ashes. He's wasted as a background character and I think putting him on the Uncanny team was a mistake. If it was my decision I'd have him as a peacemaker, flitting from team to team and book to book. I especially feel like he'd visit Katschen himself and not be a party to Iceman spying on her. Kurt and Kitty have a much closer relationship. Tom Brevoort has been outspoken about the X-Men killing people in Fall of X - Kurt and Kitty are the perfect lens to explore that through.
I get that he was already taken by Uncanny, but focusing on Logan and Rogue (where their familial relationship 'upgrade' is recent and barely established) to the detriment of other longstanding relationships feels like a waste to me.
It seems I had more thoughts on Kurt than I thought. Thanks for the ask!
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rispwr · 6 hours ago
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Tasty - J.JK - Mini (M) —
Pairings : idol! Jk x nepo baby! Reader
Genre : smut, idolverse
Contents/warnings : making out, unprotected sex(yk what to do), nepo baby! Reader, idol! Jk, tasty in busan reference, model! Reader, missionary, fingering if u squint?, oral(fem recieving), pwp
Note : this was kinda rushed. Please don’t expect too much from this. It’s 1:12 am rn huhu i should sleep i have exams💔💔also ive been watching gossip girls all over again. If you find my new characters in my new fics similar to the characters in gg then i probably got inspired. Hdidhudgs i need to sleeppp. scratch that, study actually. Goodluck to me tomorrow, or later…? I’ll be waking up at 4 anyway
Wc : 2k?
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As someone new to the modelling industry, I’ll admit, I don’t know much about it. Except for the fact that my mom and dad are both in it, and yeah, maybe their names help. Okay, definitely their names help. They’ve gotten me the brands, the deals, the connections I need. But their advice? Practically useless. I get called ‘nepo baby’ often like it’s some big insult, but honestly? I don’t care.
If I was them, I’d wanna be me too.
this time, I want real advice. Not from my parents, or the people who are just dying to kiss up to me, but from people who actually know what they’re talking about. The real seniors.
The problem?
They’re not exactly the kind of people you can just text for advice. Or… are they?
I’m sitting in the director’s chair during one of my “breaks” (which are so not long enough), watching as he barks orders at the photographers and crew. My phone’s in my hand, and I’m scrolling aimlessly until something catches my eye. It’s a video. An old one. And not just anyone’s video. the exact senior I’ve been thinking about.
Hey, maybe advice isn’t the only thing i’d ask for.
I click on it, my lips curling into a smirk.
“What’s tasty in Busan?” someone asks. I think it’s hoseok? one of the guys in their group. He’s holding a microphone, and Jungkook leans over to whisper something in his ear. Hoseok immediately pulls back, laughing like he’s grossed out. “Jungkookie is weird!” he says dramatically.
Then Jimin jumps in, curious. “What did he say? Tell me too!” He laughs, shaking his head, before leaning into the microphone with this smug little grin. “Everyone… Jungkookie has turned into an adult.”
The camera pans to Jungkook, who’s at his desk, grinning that ridiculous bunny smile of his, looking both shy and pleased with himself.
I can’t help but laugh under my breath. What did he even say? It’s like some inside joke in their fanbase, and honestly, some of the comments on the video are gold. Others?…. Nevermind.
“Okay, Y/N! I think I’ve given you enough of a break,” the director calls out, clapping his hands. “Back to your position, please!”
I roll my eyes, shoving my phone back into my bag as I get up. My four inch heels click sharply against the floor as I walk to the set. It’s exhausting, sure, but if the pictures turn out hot? Worth it.
Still, even after the shoot, that video sticks in my mind.
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——
You and your friends, Kayla and Zia, sit at the table, laughing and drinking like it’s the only thing you know how to do. A few hours pass, and predictably, the two of them are completely wasted, while you’re still sitting pretty, your alcohol tolerance saving the night.
“Hey, Y/N and Kay?” Zia slurs out, leaning in way too close and grabbing both your faces in her hands. “Don’t tell Zia I told you guys…” she giggles, already spilling the tea, “but we slept with each other.”
“What??” Kayla suddenly sobers up from the sheer shock, her eyes wide as saucers.
You’re just staring at both of them, blinking in disbelief. “I need more drinks. I don’t have enough brain cells left to process this,” you mutter, grabbing your purse and standing up to head to the bar.
You wobble slightly on your heels? terrible decision for a night like this, but you make it to the counter and sit down on one of the stools, finally giving yourself a moment to breathe.
“Hey, Kook. Truth or dare?” Jimin slurs, clearly a few drinks ahead of Jungkook, who sits there calmly sipping his beer.
“Truth,” Jungkook answers flatly, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Ugh, no fun, man.” Jimin groans dramatically, leaning forward.
“Fine. Dare,” Jungkook sighs, tilting his head in annoyance but accepting the challenge anyway.
Jimin smirks, his eyes darting across the bar. Then he spots you, sitting on the stool, ordering drinks, completely unbothered. “I dare you to go up to that girl and buy her a drink.”
Jungkook scoffs, raising an eyebrow. He glances at the table, half the members are already passed out drunk, while Jimin, Taehyung, and Yoongi look on. With a little smirk, Jungkook sets his drink down and gets up, the air of a challenge written all over him.
“Hey,” a deep voice greets you from beside the bar, nearly making you jump.
You glance up, surprised, and then let your lips curl into a small, amused smirk. “Didn’t think I’d find you here.”
Jungkook stares at you, confused. “I’m sorry?” he asks, tilting his head.
“Where’s your cool guy act now?” you tease, your voice dripping with playful mockery.
Jungkook bites his lip, staring at you for a second before shaking his head with a low laugh. “Let me buy you a drink,” he offers, signaling to the bartender.
“No need,” you say smoothly, already taking the drink you’d just ordered. You lift it slightly to emphasize your point.
“Well then… your number?” he tries again, his smile soft and genuine…. or at least i hope it’s genuine.
You raise an eyebrow, leaning in just enough to keep the game going. “I’m sure we’ll be in touch soon.” you say with a wink before turning on your heel and heading back to your table, leaving him behind.
For the next three weeks, Jungkook came to the same bar, at least twice a week, hoping to bump into you again. He played it cool, but let’s be real, it was obvious.… well this day must be his lucky day then.
A week ago
“Calvin Klein, you say?” you hum, admiring yourself in the mirror as you try on the lingerie you’d just picked up. The fit? Perfect. You smirk at your reflection, loving the way it hugs your curves.
“Yes, ma’am,” the stylist calls from outside the fitting room.
“I’m in,” you say with a final glance at yourself, satisfied.
Back to the present.
You sit in the chair on set, scrolling aimlessly on your phone when one of the stylists walks up to you. “Are you aware you’re shooting with a partner today?” she asks casually.
“Uh… no?” You raise an eyebrow, confused.
“Jeon Jungkook, Ms. He’s your partner for this shoot. Did your agent not tell you?”
You blink. “I think…?” You give her a weak smile, but she just rolls her eyes and mutters under her breath as she walks away, loud enough for you to catch.
“Doesn’t even have to try to get the brands, and she doesn’t even know who she’s working with,” the stylist grumbles.
You roll your eyes.
Irrelevant words from an irrelevant person.
Satisfied, you adjust your posture as someone calls you to get into position.
“Well, looks like it’s your lucky day, Jeon,” you whisper into Jungkook’s ear as the two of you move into position for the first shot.
———
“Think you wanna tell me the answer to the ‘what’s tasty in Busan’ question?” I teased, cocking an eyebrow at Jungkook as he kept kissing along my neck, his lips warm and soft but slightly distracted.
He froze for a moment, then leaned back just enough to look at me with a crooked grin. “Omygod, you saw that?” he asked, his voice dripping with amusement.
I shrugged, biting my lip to hide my smirk. “You said it so confidently in that video, like you had it all figured out. So? What’s tasty in there, Jeon Jungkook?”
He burst out laughing, his head falling into the crook of my neck as his shoulders shook. “Oh my god, did you actually see that? That was so embarrassing,” he mumbled between his laughs, his ears turning red as he tried to compose himself.
I grinned wider, running my fingers through his dark hair. “Of course, I saw it. It’s the joke of your fans. So wanna tell me?, or better…. Show me?”
Jungkook raised his head, his laughter fading into a playful glare. “Alright,” he said, his voice lower now, a teasing edge to it. “You think you’re funny, huh?”
“I think I’m hilarious,” I shot back, sticking my tongue out at him.
He let out a low chuckle, shaking his head as his hands slid down to my waist. “You wanna know what’s my answer?” he asked, his tone shifting as his grip tightened slightly, pulling me closer.
I blinked up at him, suddenly aware of the heat in his eyes, the way his lips curved into a sly smirk. “Uh… yeah?”
Jungkook leaned in, his nose brushing against mine as he whispered, “I’ll show you instead.”
Before I could process his words, his lips were on mine, soft but firm, moving with a confidence that made my head spin. His hands slid down to grip the backs of my thighs, and with one smooth motion, he lifted me off the floor like I weighed nothing.
“Jungkook!” I squealed, wrapping my arms around his neck as my legs instinctively locked around his waist. “What are you-”
He cut me off with another kiss, deeper this time, his tongue brushing against mine in a way that made me forget whatever I was about to say. “Still wanna know the answer?” he murmured against my lips, his voice dripping with mischief.
“You’re all questions, are you gonna show or tell me?” I muttered, though the breathlessness in my voice ruined the effect.
He just grinned, carrying me to the bed and laying me down gently, his body hovering over mine. “Oh i will,” he said, his hands already sliding up my thighs, pushing up the hem of my skirt. “But do you think you deserve it?
I rolled my eyes, trying to keep up my usual sass even as heat pooled in my stomach. “Im pretty sure i do”
Jungkook’s smirk deepened, and he leaned down to press a kiss just below my jaw, his hands sliding higher up my thighs. “That’s right baby, you do.”
The teasing tone in his voice made my heart race, and when his lips found mine again, any thought of arguing vanished completely.
Jungkook’s lips moved from mine to trail down my neck, his kisses lazy but purposeful, his teeth grazing my skin just enough to make me shiver. His hands were everywhere. firm on my thighs, sliding higher as he pushed my legs apart.
“You’re already quiet,” he teased against my skin, his voice warm and teasing, sending a jolt of heat straight through me. “What happened to all that attitude?”
“I still have it,” I shot back, though my voice was already breathless.
He chuckled, his lips moving lower, pressing kisses down my collarbone and along the curve of my chest. “We’ll see how long that lasts,” he said, tugging at the hem of my shirt.
“Don’t act so cocky,” I said, but the challenge fell flat as he yanked my shirt up and off in one quick motion, leaving me exposed in my lace bra. His eyes flicked down, darkening as his tongue swept across his bottom lip.
“You were saying?” he murmured, his hands sliding under me to unclasp my bra before I could even protest. The garment joined my shirt on the floor, and I swallowed hard as his gaze drank me in.
“You’re staring,” I muttered, trying to sound unaffected, but my body betrayed me as my skin burned under his gaze.
“Of course I’m staring,” he said, his voice low and warm. “You’re fucking gorgeous.”
My retort died on my lips as he leaned down, his mouth closing over one of my nipples, his tongue flicking against the sensitive bud while his hand teased the other. A soft moan escaped me before I could stop it, and I felt his smirk against my skin.
“Still got something to say?” he asked, his voice muffled as he moved to give the same attention to the other side.
I glared down at him, tugging lightly at his hair. “Shut up.”
He laughed softly, lifting his head to look at me. “Make me,” he teased, his hands sliding down to my hips as he tugged at the waistband of my skirt.
I arched an eyebrow, determined not to let him have the upper hand. “What if I don’t want to?”
Jungkook tilted his head, his smirk widening “Then I guess i better take the lead, baby,” he said, his voice dripping with challenge.
He grips my thighs before he yanks my skirt down with one swift motion, his eyes dropping to the soaked lace between my legs.
“Fuck,” he muttered, his voice low, “you’re already dripping, Y/N.”
Before I could snap back, he hooked his fingers into the sides of my panties and dragged them down, tossing them aside like they didn’t matter. His hands spread my thighs wide, and before i knew it, his mouth was on me
The first swipe of his tongue sent my back arching off the bed, a gasp tearing from my lips. He didn’t tease, instead he went straight for my clit, sucking it into his mouth and flicking his tongue against it with maddening precision.
“Jungkook,” I moaned, my hands flying to his hair, tugging at the soft strands as his mouth worked me over.
He groaned against me, the vibration making my legs shake. His tongue slid lower, teasing my entrance before he pushed it inside, fucking me with it while his nose pressed against my clit.
“Oh my god,” I gasped, my hips bucking against his face, but he just tightened his grip on my thighs, holding me down as he ate me like a man starving.
Every flick, every suck, every moan he let out against me drove me closer to the edge. “You taste so fucking good,” he muttered, his lips glistening as he pulled back for a second before diving right back in.
My thighs started to tremble, the tension in my stomach coiling tighter and tighter. “I’m gonna- fuck, Jungkook, don’t stop!” I whimpered, my voice breaking as he sucked my clit hard and slid two fingers into me, curling them perfectly to hit that spot that made me see stars.
“Come for me,” he growled against me, his fingers pounding into me as his mouth stayed relentless on my clit. That was all it took. I shattered, my body shaking as my orgasm crashed over me, his name spilling from my lips in a breathless scream.
He didn’t stop until I was a trembling mess beneath him, my body twitching with aftershocks. When he finally pulled back, his lips and chin were slick, and the look in his eyes was pure sin.
“You good?” he asked, smirking as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
I glared at him, still breathless. “Shut up and fuck me.”
“Thought you’d never ask,” he said, already tugging his pants down.
He then kicks off his jeans and boxers in one quick motion, his cock springing free and standing thick and hard. The sight alone made my mouth water, but he wasn’t giving me time to admire it. He was already climbing back over me, one hand gripping my thigh to hook it around his waist as the other lined himself up at my entrance.
“Ready?” he muttered, his voice low and strained, like he was barely holding himself together.
I rolled my eyes, grabbing his jaw and pulling him down for a messy, heated kiss. “Do I look like I want to wait?” I bit back.
That was all the permission he needed. With one smooth thrust, he buried himself inside me to the hilt, stretching me so perfectly that all I could do was gasp, my nails digging into his shoulders.
“Fuck,” he groaned, his forehead dropping to mine as he stayed there for a moment, letting me adjust. “You’re so tight.”
“Then move,” I breathed out, arching my hips against him, already desperate for more.
Jungkook’s lips curled into a smirk, but he didn’t tease this time. His hips pulled back, and then he drove forward again, setting a deep, steady rhythm that had me clawing at his back, moaning with every snap of his hips.
“God, you feel so fucking good,” he growled, his voice rough as his hands gripped my thighs, holding me in place as he fucked into me harder, deeper, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room.
My body was on fire, every thrust sending a wave of pleasure crashing through me. “Jungkook,” I whimpered, barely able to get the word out as he hit that perfect spot inside me over and over again.
“Say it again,” he demanded, his pace quickening, his teeth scraping against my neck as he kissed and nipped at my skin. “Let me hear you.”
“Jungkook!” I moaned, louder this time, my voice breaking as I felt myself spiraling closer and closer to the edge.
“Good girl,” he muttered, his hand sliding down between us to rub at my clit, the added stimulation sending me into a frenzy. “You gonna come for me again?”
“Yes- omygod!! fuck, yes,” I gasped, my nails digging into his shoulders as my entire body tensed, the pressure building until it exploded, my orgasm crashing over me so hard I saw stars.
Jungkook groaned as I clenched around him, his hips faltering for a second before he buried himself deep, his pace turning rough and erratic. “Fuck, baby, I’m close,” he growled, his voice strained as he chased his own release.
“Come inside me,” I whispered, wrapping my legs tighter around him, pulling him deeper. “I want to feel you.”
That was all it took. With a low, guttural moan, Jungkook’s hips slammed against mine one last time, his body tensing as he spilled into me, filling me with heat. He stayed there for a moment, his forehead resting against mine as we both tried to catch our breath.
“Guess that answers the question,” he finally muttered, a lazy grin spreading across his face.
I frowned up at him. “What question?”
“What you asked me,” he said, smirking as he kissed me again, his lips slow and soft now, as if he didn’t just wrecked me.
“Idiot,” I muttered against his mouth, but I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me.
The next day.
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the comments from my new post….. was surely what i expected.
“Is she a whore?”
“That nepo baby once again”
“New boy of the month?”
“Im leaving this fandom”
Surely i did make alot of fans mad, but what can i say? It was indeed tasty
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theonlymanny · 2 days ago
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Jacob x male reader
Summary: you Bella and Jacob were best friends since diapers. when Bella left, you and Jacob started dating. but a disaster happens when he breaks your heart.
Warning: death. Mentions of suicide.
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—————————————
"hey Jacob what do you think if we go out this Sunday." "I don't know M/n I'm kind of busy" "come on... it's Been centuries since we last hung out." Jacob let out a sigh "listen M/n I am busy and tired. I can't waste my time with something so unnecessary."
You looked down not wanting to show your sadness. "I'm sorry..." "alright... we can go to the theater this Sunday." "really?" "yes.." "alright! pick me up at 3? 4? you decide I don't want to ask Paul. , bye! love you."
"Love you too..."
"hey, where are you going?" "oh, I am going to the theater with Jake." "I Don't understand what you see in that guy... you deserve someone better." "are you going to bring this again?" "hey I'm just saying!"
After you finished you waited outside for your boyfriend. but he never came. after 1 hour you decided to text him but he never answered. "he wouldn't forget... Right?" after almost two hours it started pouring rain.
"M/n get inside you're going to get sick!" you were so busy crying that you didn't notice Paul carrying you inside. "I thought he remembered..." "he never came... I am so beating his ass!" "Paul wait no! I'm sure he had a-" "a what M/n!? a reason he left you? who knows if he is probably fucking anyone else right now!" "don't say that..." "I know who it was... its that chick named Bella!"
Paul bolted outside the house. "stay here and don't dare to follow me!" "Paul wait!"
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Paul traveled all the way to Jacobs house. only to find Bella and the pack outside talking.
"what did you do to him!"
"Bella calm-" "where is Jacob!?" Everyone turned around to see an angry Paul who looked like he was about to kill someone.
"PAUL!!!! I'm so glad your here. have you met Bella?" "you..." "Why is he looking at me like that?" "Paul... don't do it." Sam warned Paul in a serious way. "You ruined my brother's relationship!" "I don't even know your stupid brother!" Paul started growling and loosing control of himself "Paul calm down... don't do anything you will regret."
Right after your brother shifted you screamed at Bella "Bella RUN!!!" Sam, Jared and Embry turned to face you. "dude what happened?" "I'll tell you later-" Before you could finish Jacob ran towards Bella and also shifted.
Your brother was right... he was with Bella...
"Paul stop!" Paul turned to you and quickly shifted back. "I told you to not follow me!" "I knew you were going to do something after I told you! why are you doing this? were you going to hurt Bella?" Jacob also shifted back and he looked really angry.
After You said sorry to Bella about what happened it was now only you and Jacob. "I'm sorry this happened. I didn't mean this. I'm so sorry this will never happen again I promise." "you're right... it won't happen because we are done."
"what?" "don't act stupid you heard me, WE ARE OVER! I never liked you anyway." "but we been together for almost 4 years... I-I don't understand..." "Well you see I just started dating you because Bella left. YOU DON'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME!" "You're lying... you just-" "listen here I don't want you anywhere near me or Bella. YOU WERE JUST A REPLACEMENT. BECAUSE MY DAD SAID YOU WERE GOOD FOR ME!”
You ran. You ran and didn’t stop, didn’t look back.
—————————————
After almost an hour of non stop moving you ended up lost. “Where… am I?” You were tired, hungry, and heartbroken.
You wanted to end it. There was no other way. Who were you going to leave? Jacob doesn’t love you. Paul will find his imprint and live a happy life. Just like the rest of the pack.
Suddenly you heard a sound, but before you could even react something grabbed you by your neck.
With the pack
Jacob finally arrived after a long 1 hour and 24 minutes
“Where’s M/n?” Bella and Paul asked almost at the same time. Jacob didn’t. Want to tell Bella and the pack that you ran away. “He… I-i don’t know…” “what do you mean you don’t know where he is!?” Paul asked aggressively and pushed Jacob.
“I don’t know! We broke up! I fucked up ok!?” Jacob regretted everything he said to you. How he saw your face scared of him.
“I know how m/n can be, if he ran away an hour ago he is probably not far… we need to catch up.” Almost everyone was surprised that Paul didn’t kill Jacob. But they needed to worry about where you were first.
“Do you have anything we can use to track M/n?” Sam asked Jacob. “He dropped his gloves before we left I was going to give it to him but we left.” Bella gave Sam the old looking gloves that Paul probably gave to you in your birthday.
Everyone shifted and got a sniff of the gloves. Sam growled before he started running. Everyone followed him except Jacob. “Take me with you.” Bella coldly told Jacob. “ I can’t it’s too dang-”. “Just do it dammit!”
Back with M/n
“Let.me.go…” you barely said because you couldn’t breathe.
“Let him go…” a red haired woman said who you could recognize. “Victoria….” The woman that tried to kill Bella when she started dating that weirdo.
“I see you’re one of the mutts brother… and I thought you were only human…” “I’m not a shifter.” You tried to sound intimidating even knowing you were about to shit your pants.
“I thought maybe I could kill you… because well you are Bella’s best friend.” You rolled your eyes at that… you were still afraid of what she was going to do. “Or maybe… I could turn you…” “what?” “Common… I know that your boyfriend left you for Bella. We will both get revenge for what she did…”
Your eyes opened wide at her words. She was right tho… Bella took Jacob from you. But she was still your best friend. “I…” “common I’ll help you go through it. Who knows you’d probably stop being so weak after all… tell you what. You help me defeat the Cullens and you will get your revenge on that mutt… we both win.”
You considered her idea. After all you weren’t going to hurt Bella. And even if you couldn’t hurt Jacob physically you could hurt him mentally… “I’m not sure…” “ you know I could kill you right here and now so you have no option.” “Okay, okay… I’ll help you defeat the Cullens, but! I’m not going to be one of your silly puppets you control. Deal…” you stretched your hand toward Victoria. “Deal… just breathe in… this might hurt a bit.” Before she bit you, you took a deep breath and-
With the pack
“We are close I can feel it…” Paul says to everyone except Bella because well she can talk through her mind. “Paul do you smell that…” everyone could smell that there were vampires around.”what if they caught up to him?” Jared said in a worried tone. “Search the area around, and if you find any leeches… kill them.” Everyone separated into two groups. Sam, Embry, and Jared. And Jacob,Paul and Bella.
“I swear Jacob if something happens to my brother I will rip your spine out of your body.” Jacob didn’t really care about Paul threats now. He just wanted to find you.
But then something that creeped everyone out was a scream. “M/n!” Everyone ran as fast as they could to a bridge nearby. “Please be okay… I promise I will love you forever and that this will never happen again” and Jacob was right… it will never happen again.
Bella wanted to cry right there and now. You weren’t even there. Only a pool of blood and your shirt. Everyone shifted back. “We are late…” Paul dropped to his knees he suddenly threw up. He was out of air. And started crying. “Why…. Why!? This it’s all your fault!”
Jacob couldn’t breathe properly. He knew it was his fault. “No… i didn’t ment this…” Jacob fell to the ground and started crying.
“I’m sorry M/n I failed you…” right next to him was the necklace the he gave to you. The one that Jacob said was worthless and just a piece of trash.
He hugged the necklace so hard that it could almost break. He still had a part of you with him.
—————————————
“AUGHHHHHH! Why does my head hurt so much??” “See it wasn’t that bad.”
“ so what powers do I get?” “You just woke up in a weird place and you only wonder what your powers are?” “Shut up…”. “Don’t worry kid we still have to run away… we are not that far from La push… so get up we gotta go.”
“Ugh… were you always this annoying to the other weirdos?” “Remember you’re a weirdo now! And we still have to work on you not trying to kill everyone you come across to. So let’s get moving.”
“I hope it’s worth…”
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Hey everyone!!!! The reason this story is late it’s because my dumbass forgot to save the end of the story so I had to re write it. That’s why it might get confusing in some parts. Hope you enjoy!
Also a short explanation. That Paul and M/n are not biological brothers that’s why Bella doesn’t know Paul’s brother.
Bye ✌️
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castalianspring · 10 months ago
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curioscurio · 4 months ago
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Just started generic vyvanse and wow. No wonder it changed lives. They say it lasts more than 4 to 6 hours and then it DOES? Most adhd meds I've tried will wear off in 4 or 5 hours, so I'd often have to take another dose later in the day, but this shit keeps me going for a good 10-13 hours!
(This is just my experience! I'm just a guy I'm not a doctor disclaimer so uh don't take my word as law lol)
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tinyfantasminha · 2 months ago
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👍
#i went to sleep at 3am and its 6am now bc i criedmyself to sleep 👍👍#sorry to ventdump my annoying insecurities again#i cant bring myself to do something i really want anymore#been having these thoughts since last year but this year its a lot more apparent#ideas are not scarce but the motivation/time to execute them are#i wish i could take an indefinite break on taking commissions bc by the time im finished with all of them im too burnt out/1#to draw for my blog and by the time it passes my motivation for these ideas also vanishes/2#I cant actually stop now bc im still an unpaid internee working for experience+portfolio so I need the money#I feel like shit whenever i can't get art done at the appropriate timing (ex: thematic holiday/character bday/event etc)#everything passes too fast and its already too late and the hype dies#its so hard to stay relevant and charismatic enough#Looking back I can't say im 100% satisfied with ANY art i posted this year#“was it worthy? is it still relevant? did I waste my time doing this?”#im too overly emotional over this (unfortunately) popular fictional lion beastman#“I want to yume/draw him more often/talk more about him!”#why? hes already popular enough. He has louder and more popular users who do that for him. nobody would care if it's you.#you'd get a swarm of hate. nobody would send you nice asks about it.#you don't get nearly half of the asks you used to receive back then. people just aren't interested in you anymore.#maybe you should delete your blog and start drawing trendy doodles of whatever is being hyped up at the moment.#.#if I can't execute original ideas what's the point of it?#I hate HATE having to do trendy art of whatever unfunny meme is being hyped up at the moment#but sometimes its necessary for the algorithm to boost you and to get some actual crumbs of engagement and new followers#what else can I do? being interesting on your own or having an interesting oc is no easy feat. I envy those who manage.
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la-galaxie-langblr · 3 months ago
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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knifegremliin · 3 months ago
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i changed my mind, moving sucks (<- is in the cleaning up and getting rid of things step in the moving process)
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