agalmatophiilia

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'Be Quiet and Drive'. Mark Thompson. 2023.

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"My heart has been twisted and turned ugly by the people I can't even blame, it is too hurt to love and to be loved."

- Pfarr

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Mark Hess my baby •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀

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Seth's take on his Project#4 OCs

` PFARR ; He was the first character to be made in this story, also the main protagonist — so obviously I love him so very much. I still wish he could have taken a different path in life (Even tho I'm literally the one who made his ending). However, I definitely think that his ending was inescapable, it was written all over him that he wouldn't get the ending he really wanted. Upon reading my initial drafts, I noticed how much I've changed in writing style, but I also realized how many similarities we both have (lmao), AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I felt most connected to his character so it was painful writing his character.

` GORAN ; Second made character, I thought of him as a bit sinister at first but he eventually grew on me and became more human. His character was inspired by my closest friend and my now boyfriend (If you ever see this, ily). I think both Pfarr and Goran are likely to be misunderstood by people if ever I had a fandom in this story (lol), but Goran is possibly the character who'll be misunderstood because of how he was mainly the reason for Pfarr's disintegration. Overall, I felt more comfortable in writing his character than the rest. He's basically a comfort oc XD.

' RIO ; My robot baby. He's a character me and @atlachilles made, mostly has my friend's characteristics in him. I think he's a really great symbol of humans who have experienced trauma growing up, being deprived of the concept of their humanity that convinces them that they're not human enough to live a normal life — when in reality, they have the same essence of 'humans' inside of them. Rio was made for the purpose of becoming a scientist in some Area 51 location, but little did he know that his creator actually wanted a child so he then made Rio, out of love and yearning for a family. He's probably the second character after Pfarr that hurts me the most. LIVE LAUGH LOVE RIO!

— PFARR's ALTERS

' MM (not putting his full name cuz it's corny) ; A manifestation of Pfarr's loneliness and desire of having a protector after losing Goran, who played a big role in being his support system. Very intense, manipulative and #1 self-indulgent asshole. His main purpose is to protect Pfarr but can become rebellious and end up doing things out of his own desire (often leading to harming Pfarr). Manifested last, in short; he's the youngest alter. Of course, the youngest are always the most unbearable shits/hj. I personally think he's definitely the most fucked asshole out of all of them, literally abused Rio for his own pleasure even tho both Pfarr and Father disagreed on further harming the boy. Although he's the youngest, he was the first alter I ever made for Pfarr. I definitely had the most fun in writing his chaotic character.

' Father ; The acting guardian parent for Pfarr. He was first an imaginary friend of Pfarr but he then became manifested as an alternate personality from the time Pfarr lost the trust he had for his parents. Strict and a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to the rules he had built but can't seem to take control of MM because of MM's stubborn and stronger personality. Spends a lot more with Pfarr the most. I literally just had a better idea of his character just a while ago but I'm already fond of him. I had the biggest urge to make an e1 character the other day and so I've decided that instead of making a new one — I'll have an old character instead to put my urges on heh.

[ names and events will probably change in the course of time i make this story but I'll prolly just edit it out if ever ]

Old Arts

First two doodles are my first designs of Pfarr's twisted pov of himself (pumpkin head to the far left), Goran (square head), and MM (big bulky thing at the far right).

Then this last one is a design of Pfarr after being influenced by MM.

Wholesome au art of DarkMach (Pfarr x Goran) I did around the summer (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)

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... not me falling in love with every enneagram

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What is it really that you desire? Why do you do what you do?

For the reassurance that I actually exist. That I'm actually here, recognized by people.

Haha

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Seth's Diary ..

|| The man at the back seems troubled. Perhaps with his own pride? His face, enshrouded with distraught.

'Why does it feel like someone else is living inside of this body—I call mine—devouring my brain.

Sometimes I can't recognize a soul.'

'A soul that I should be more familiar with. Sometimes I feel like a mere concept, a character, nonexistent. With only love and envy towards others who can live as someone.

Oh I'm someone, alright.'

|| Just that man who stands ambiguously in the back. A man you will never understand. His mind you could never comprehend, what makes it run. He stares at you with indifference. Is he any different from you?

|| He laughs at the thought,

'You are a ludicrous joke compared to me. You are just like the rest, aren't you?'

|| Sighing in relief; he was glad that he needn't to be jealous of the other. For the other is merely a body he despises.

'I would have made a better you if only you gave me your body.'

|| There was no 'you', it was only him. The man at the back, who cannot take notice that he is in fact at the front, not the back. That he was still him. There was no one else residing in his body, only him. Pitiful, oh pitiful man.

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Maddie being introduced as this literal ray of sunshine and then being the first to beat along to Piltovers turn to martial law. Her interactions with Vi mystifying her as “one of the good ones.” One of the good Zaunites. She was always discriminatory toward Zaunites, they just didn’t make it overt at her introduction. The turn to fascism and discrimination can start with anyone. Including a literal ray of sunshine.

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WHO REALLY CARES

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Who goes there

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• Kaidou Shun + Headcanons (long post)

This is how I imagine Kaidou to look like irl¿ Kinda.

• Facial features:

I feel like Kaidou has a round face, his jaw isn't well pronounced either so he kinda has a little double chin, his cheeks could be round as well.

His nose is hooked and he has a box shaped tip.

And his teeth are slightly crooked and/or broken, fangs included

ref 👇👇👇

Freckles and acne, a lot of acne actually, acne scars and even some pimples. Double eyelid and Thick and short eyebrows

Eyebags.

Red eyes due to lack of melanin.

Wavy hair.

(he's definitely not in the beauty standards but he's charm-looking in his own way, oblivious that people do find him attractive at times)

• canon:

- Libra. (October 3rd)

- Height: 5'3 (159 cm)

- Weight: 99.21 lbs (45 kg)

- Age: 16?? (Tell me if I'm wrong)

• headcanons

Personality

- mbti type: INFP (FiNeSiTe)

- enneagram: social/sexual 4 (4w3)

Style + Music taste.

I feel like his style and aesthetic goes in between emo, larpercore, alternative, Halloween, vampires, goth punk and grunge.

I feel like he'd listen to:

Joy Division

MCR (obviously)

Linkin Park

Evanescence

System of a Down

MASS OF THE FERMENTING DREGS

GAME CENTER

Pierce the veil

Siouxsi and the banshees

Sixth June.

Deftones

Quirks¿ Personality traits?? Kinda.

- He hates being called "adorable, cute, sweet and weak" he doesn't like being seen as feminine and soft.

- He likes to wear smudged eyeliner at the bottom of his eye.

- Likes to be seen as mysterious and deep

- Would like to hold hands with his friends but is afraid to give the wrong image or be seen as weak

- Liked to bite things when he was a kid, that's why he needed brackets and he got some, but didn't work as he didn't like to feel them or how he looked with them

- Needs glasses so he uses red pupils so his natural red eyes don't seem too weird.

- Bites his nails because of anxiety and stress

- Plays with his fingers and fidgets his bandages when he's nervous.

- definitely audhd

- His skin is often cold, cold fingers and likes to press the tip of his fingers on his friends back just to give them chills.

- Used a lot of skincare products and has a skincare routine because of his acne and sensitive skin but it only worsened his skin state and now he's trying new and less toxic products.

- Really good hygiene.

Sexuality and more

I feel like Kaidou is Asexual, he is curious about the topic, yes, he's repressed most of the time because of his mother, yes, but I don't feel like he's ever felt sexual attraction to anyone, he may just be curious about it because his family has thought him sexuality is a taboo.

His romantic orientation is ambiguous, because he may have trouble with differencing platonic and romantic attraction, most of his crushes were romantic with him believing they were platonic, he also finds himself thinking that he admired someone without realizing he may want to date them.

I believe he's demiromantic and pan, doesn't really care about the gender but likes to have a deep bond with someone.

And he's a demiboy, never felt completely related to being a cis male, he found himself having a deeper gender identity.

(A demiboy asexual demi-pan romantic)

The headcanons for today, might edit this if I think about something else ^^

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Team Ghosts as kittens!

I'm so proud of these pics, you can't even imagine

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A note: to F.D.

 “I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea.”                         ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground

I am a sick man, and I’m getting sicker. This sickness grows with pain inside my chest. While growing by its sole intrinsic manner, it gears my brain so strangely from within.

Amusingly it is indeed, and painful. In the odd confluence of these eerie days I feel like a horse that’s wounded by its running, and each step makes my breathing pleasureless.

I go, I leave, I pass, I keep on passing. The glim of shaky lights makes things all right. Same way you read your news in daily mail, and suddenly, you’re expert in this sage.

Yet you’re not laughing – disregard the grief, as laughing may be done in solitude on one condition - act so of free will, not in a small extent with a yellow roof.

Have mentioned I that I am getting sicker? My heart is ill, same may be with my mind. Forsaken Gadfly’s duty was inflicted in a matching manner by the omni-god.

Can one create a single thing from nothing? But some thing one can always nihilate. Despite no ill intention, wrongly stinging, for else’s darkness always simple state.

A splendid age of liberty is given: work in the sweat or stay in sweat to be; pay for your choice: the water or the power; be tolerant, or tolerant to be.

I find this subject painfully amusing (I have had worn you how much sick am I) Same way, as wise men try disputing nature while drinking ancient tea and aging wine.

“We live to think, we ought to think for living, aspire to power or submit to will; endure the pain, neglect its happy limit; confide in truth, but keep the scrupled thrill.”

“I think, therefore indeed I am - I do cognize, am I befooled? What do I choose: a shot or slam? Here only tea in the kitchen cools.”

You can’t unravel? Never mind I fancy I know even lesser Khayyam requested taboo-wine He even seemed to have a pleasure

I claim no sense; you know I’m getting sicker.

I truly hope, you’re getting entertained.

My bills pile up. My debt is growing bigger.

The freaking water’s now so freaking overpriced.

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some of the cutest black noir moments from this sort of obscure video

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He’s so baby 🙁

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^_^ ~