#dick jokes and all

[ethan-acfan]

So we all know that the reason their speech in ac1 was so unnatural was because the animus was translating Arabic to English (also, it was over 1000 years ago, so there's that) but I like to imagine that they were a lot more casual when they spoke to each other, like within the context of the language, and they sounded more like a group of guys in military barracks (if you've ever heard a guys in basic training talking to one another, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about). And I always accidentally incorporate this without warning beforehand. So a lot of my ac1 fics read really out of character, but trust, I know what I'm talking about. (My credentials come from being in a military family and growing up around war vets/military personnel)

[hyperblue]

one thing that will always be funny to me about batfam is that jason is forever convinced that dick is bruce's favorite child while all of his siblings know for sure that bruce's favorite child is actually jason

some random reporter: who's your favorite child?

bruce: how DARE YOU imply that i play favorites, i love ALL of my children equally

dick, without missing a bit: oh he absolutely plays favorites, it was jason

tim: rest in peace

[clarisse-doodles]

inspired by this post, in which Damian does not know what Vine is

[nocek]

I watched Deadpool and Wolverine yesterday and I just had to XDDD

beware the SPOILERS! I mean not really but better to be on safe side ;)

[littlefankingdom]

Seeing all those posts and fanfics where the batkids, especially Dick, calls Clark "uncle Clark", made me think.

If Dick calls Clark "uncle Clark", he probably started doing it BEFORE he ever referred to Bruce as his father. After all, another uncle doesn't erase any existing one, but accepting Bruce as his father was erasing John Grayson in Dick's mind, for multiple years. It makes sense for Dick's confused feelings about his situation to call Clark "uncle" before calling Bruce "dad".

So, I present you: Bruce being envious of Clark because Dick refers to him with a family's title but Bruce is just "B".

And in the same continuity: Dick being envious of Jason calling Bruce "dad" so easily.

For Dick, it feels as if the word is stuck in his throat. He can say it to joke around with others ("let's steal dad's car" he tells Jason), but to Bruce's face? He's afraid the world would end.

[were-wolverine]

green lantern (hal jordan): *making fun of the discowing outfit*

nightwing: actually. i based the design off of my dad’s old costume. yknow, my dad that was murdered right in front of me? when i was eight? and i had to watch him fall to his death?

hal jordan: ……..oh.

nightwing: (:

[trashmakerarticle]

Jason: no tim, it’s not the same. I make dead jokes, you make death jokes

Tim: I am failing to see how that’s any different

Jason: I didn’t want to die Tim. I didn’t make plans that would result in my own death, but you do. You plan to die.

[meteortrails]

one thing I will say about dick grayson’s canonically like, potentially Olympic level gymnastic capabilities, is he truly never could’ve pursued either that or being a professional trapeze artist without quitting his vigilante life. like it’s fun to joke about but also if he kept on being nightwing while making athleticism like that his job, especially given the kinds of injuries he gets, it would’ve absolutely destroyed his body so thoroughly even the plausible deniability of comics couldn’t save him. dick can’t even make a living out of one of his passions, one of the things he’s best at, the legacy his parents left him, bc of what being a vigilante demands of him. are you picking up what I’m putting down. the things being a vigilante takes from him, the doors it closes, are so numerous and diffuse that it’s easy to lose track of them all, forget they’re even closed at all, forget the way it shapes him. grabbing your shoulders Do You Get It????

[dudedidujust]

The daily planet runs a front page article calling superman the light of mankind

Cue the batfam launching a counter campaign in support of Signal,  the real Light of Mankind.

It starts as a joke but quickly derails into an all out war.

[docdufresne]

I love Rvb season 7 and I love simmons and donut interactions

[mysterycitrus]

who do you think is daddy dearest's favorite?

i may be biased but i am also right

[dukeofthomas]

Here's my controversial opinion; if you're trying to write Bruce as a non-abusive, good parent, you should also write him respecting his kids' privacy, boundaries, and not stalking&surveying them.

[haveihitanerve]

Somebody: Jasons so angry and aggressive and kills people- hes the most violent batfamily member Bruce-I-would-have-killed-joker-had-fucking-superman-not-stopped-me-and-I-would-do-it-again-if-any-harm-befalls-my-family-also-i-beat-up-people-daily-as-therapy-wayne: what? Dick-i-was-planning-a-mans-murder-at-age-eight-and-would-have-done-it-also-i-didn't-have-superman-so-i-did-kill-joker-Grayson-Wayne: huh? Tim-My-body-count-is-probably-six-digits-by-now-but-it-doesn't-count-if-bruce-doesn't-know-stalker-Drake-Wayne: repeat that? Damian-i-came-with-the-katana-and-a-body-count-at-age-eight-wayne: what did you say about Ahki? Stephanie-i-will-crack-mad-funny-jokes-while-beating-your-face-in-with-a-brick-Brown-Wayne: waht? Barbara-i-wouldn't-but-like-i-could-and-i-know-you-and-your-entire-family-extending-to-your-great-uncle-thirteen-times-removed-Gordon-Wayne: *typing on keyboard* what was that? Duke-I-created-a-cult-about-robin-and-also-i-was-raised-in-gotham: sorry?

[nocek]

Wade doesn't realize how very, very, VERY task oriented Miguel is (and absolutely not jealous about Logan's claws size) ;P

[bookburners]

I’m about to write Batfamily fanfiction starring ONLY the girls, Helena will be there, Babs will be there, Stephanie will be there, Cass will be there, Kate will be there, for the hell of it Dinah will show up.

The batboys you ask

Tim will be in one scene make a joke about zesti then never show up again.

Dick will be the supportive mom who’s serious and down to earth, only appearing when used as a plot device.

Both Jason and Damian will be tagged never show up and you will be lucky if they are even mentioned.

Bruce will be in Hong Kong.

[violent138]

I think Robin and Batgirl frequently accompany Battinson to crime scenes, and the first time they actually manage to draw a laugh out of him in public, the room goes silent. All the cops look more spooked than they have in hours with the dead body on the floor, while Jim tells the other cops to give them some room and seriously asks Batman if he's doing okay.