#developing a complex about how every time i post something he's one of the first people to see it

[born-to-lose]

Today was beautiful, I got whiskey, vodka, bacardi razz, 4 coffees, tarot cards and attention on my selfie from the right people

[ketchuppee]

During the 2008 recession, my aunt lost her job. Her, her partner, and my three cousins moved across the country to stay with us while they got back on their feet. My house turned from a family of four to a family of nine overnight, complete with three dogs and five cats between us.

It took a few years for them to get a place of their own, but after a few rentals and apartments, they now own a split level ranch in a town nearby. I’ve lost track of how many coworkers and friends have stayed with them when they were in a tight spot. A mother and son getting out of an abusive relationship, a divorcee trying to stay local for his kids while they work out a custody agreement, you name it. My aunt and uncle knew first hand what that kindness meant, and always find space for someone who needed it, the way my parents had for them.

That same aunt and uncle visited me in [redacted] city last year. They are prolific drinkers, so we spent most of the day bar hopping. As we wandered the city, any time we passed a homeless person, my uncle would pull out a fresh cigarette and ask them if they had a light. Regardless of if they had a lighter on hand or not, he offered them a few bucks in exchange, which he explained to me after was because he felt it would be easier for them to accept in exchange for a service, no matter how small.

I work for a company that produces a lot of fabric waste. Every few weeks, I bring two big black trash bags full of discarded material over to a woman who works down the hall. She distributes them to local churches, quilting clubs, and teachers who can use them for crafts. She’s currently in the process of working with our building to set up a recycling program for the smaller pieces of fabric that are harder to find use for.

One of my best friends gives monthly donations to four or five local organizations. She’s fortunate enough to have a tech job that gives her a good salary, and she knows that a recurring donation is more valuable to a non-profit because they can rely on that money month after month, and can plan ways to stretch that dollar for maximum impact. One of those organizations is a native plant trust, and once she’s out of her apartment complex and in a home with a yard, she has plans to convert it into a haven of local flora.

My partner works for a company that is working to help regulate crypto and hold the current bad actors in the space accountable for their actions. We unfortunately live in a time where technology develops far too fast for bureaucracy to keep up with, but just because people use a technology for ill gain doesn’t mean the technology itself is bad. The blockchain is something that she finds fascinating and powerful, and she is using her degree and her expertise to turn it into a tool for good.

I knew someone who always had a bag of treats in their purse, on the odd chance they came across a stray cat or dog, they had something to offer them.

I follow artists who post about every local election they know of, because they know their platform gives them more reach than the average person, and that they can leverage that platform to encourage people to vote in elections that get less attention, but in many ways have more impact on the direction our country is going to go.

All of this to say, there’s more than one way to do good in the world. Social media leads us to believe that the loudest, the most vocal, the most prolific poster is the most virtuous, but they are only a piece of the puzzle. (And if virtue for virtues sake is your end goal, you’ve already lost, but that’s a different post). Community is built of people leveraging their privileges to help those without them. We need people doing all of those things and more, because no individual can or should do all of it. You would be stretched too thin, your efforts valiant, but less effective in your ambition.

None of this is to encourage inaction. Identify your unique strengths, skills, and privileges, and put them to use. Determine what causes are important to you, and commit to doing what you can to help them. Collective action is how change is made, but don’t forget that we need diversity in actions taken.

[happypopcornprincess]

Chapter 1 || I Can See You

Pairings - Joaquin Torres X fem!Reader

Premise - At a glamorous gala, Y/N's life intertwines with Joaquin's. A pact ensues, while a dangerous mission looms.

Word Count - 4.5K

Warnings: SMUT, Angst, Mentions of blood, domestic violence

a/n - This story is based between the events of Endgame and Brave New World. In this AU, Tony Stark survived and the New characters of the MCU are on the way to be the new recruits of the Avengers. Hope you guys like this <3

Series Masterlist || Chapter 2 >>

Avengers Compound, Post Endgame

If it wasn’t for Pepper to quite literally threaten you to attend her Annual Charity Gala, you wouldn’t even be here. The atmosphere around you was straight out of some high society drama. The grey walls of the newly reconstructed avengers compound were covered in silver tones, a huge silver chandelier hanging in the middle of the hall, there was laughter in the air, and everyone was dressed to the nines. 

Just how a party was supposed to be… when the host was the one and only Pepper Potts. Tony was there too, even though his hand was still recovering from the snap, but he was cheery and loud as always.

You sipped your champagne in silence, standing far away from the dance floor. 

You were chosen by Sam from MIT to help the Avengers. You had trained with the new recruits, Kate, Peter… They were good kids. Training with them was… well, it was something. Sam was great, and helped you all adjust. Honestly, the Avengers? They were intimidating. superhuman intimidating. But you had your strengths. Sharpshooting was always your thing. And you threw yourself into the training, every single bit of it. They told you it was for intel missions, to keep you out of direct harm's way. But that wasn't enough. You wanted more. Because you were not aiming for 'safe.' 

You were aiming to be an Avenger.

Your job was to figure out how Kingpin just vanished into thin air after Christmas. The task has taken over your daily routine after you met Kate Bishop. It’s been months of interviewing eyewitnesses, going on the streets undercover, nights of no sleep with a shit ton of coffee, and just when you think you’re about to solve it… you meet a dead end.

“Trying to hide behind the curtains again are we y/n?” Bucky’s voice made you look to your right, and there he was. Standing next to you wearing a sharp three-piece black suit, his hair slicked back.

You finally understood what Steve meant when he would say girls back then would throw themselves at Bucky.

He turned to you in disgust, “Are you checking me out?”

“You wish, asshole.” You mutter in your glass.

You and Bucky had developed an unlikely friendship after the blip bought him back. He was pardoned, and moved into a quaint apartment complex deep in the city, unknown to the fact that you lived right next to his place.

On a stormy night after the nightmares won’t let you both sleep, sharing one bottle of whiskey between you was all it took for you to spill your life to him. You have turned into each other’s best friends and occasional love life advisor, although it was kind of a package deal.

Which is why you knew the reason he was so dressed up for the first time since you met.

“You see Sam anywhere?” he asks you nonchalantly.

You give him a sly smirk, “Why? Can’t wait to shove your tongue down his throat?”

Bucky gives you a sideward glance, and goes back to looking at the crowd.

He was still figuring out his feelings towards both men and women, especially towards one man.

Returning from the Flag Smashers situation, he would not shut up how ‘annoying’ and ‘frustratingly righteous’ Sam Wilson is, how his smirk makes him want to ‘strangle’ him.

You asked him one evening if he was having a ‘full-on-bi-panic’ and he threw a pillow at your face.

“y/n! there you are!” Sam bellows as he walks towards the two of you, wearing a crisp grey suit over a white button up, looking as dapper as always.

“Sam!” you laugh, giving him a tight hug. He was your mentor, someone you looked up to. And hopefully your bestie’s future boyfriend.

“You look absolutely gorgeous!” he threw you one of his classic smiles as he retreated.

You look down to the pastel pink knee length dress you were wearing.

Hustling the life of an avenger straight out of MIT, it was the only dress you owned. And after paying for it out of your own pocket you realize fancy dresses cost a hand and a leg, and you refuse to part from it.

“Thank you Sam I-” you were about to thank him but stopped once you noticed him absolutely gawking at Bucky.

“Hey Bucky.” He smiled.

“Hey Sam.” Bucky gave him a nod.

You almost roll your eyes at the exchange, wondering when they will move on from the weird talking phase.

“Hello.”

An angelic voice interrupted your train of thoughts. Looking away your eyes meet a pair of the warmest brown eyes. He was standing behind Sam. A tall, tan-skinned man, wearing a crisp black suit stood in front of you. His curls fell on his forehead, and his smile was intoxicating.

He looked like a high surf tide; calling out for you to test the waters.

You extend your right hand, smiling at him. “Hey, I’m y/n”

He held it with his right, it made your heart race when he brought your hand up to his lips and kissed your knuckles, his hands warm and his lips soft, sending a jolt through your body.

Oh, he’s mischief alright!

You were left speechless when he straightened, a smirk thrown out your way as Sam spoke up, “This is the guy I told y’all about! Lt. Joaquin Torres.” He slapped a hand on Joaquin’s back, smiling with pride.

“And this is y/n y/l/n, fresh transfer from MIT. She’s our tech genius, and a walking journal on film recommendations.”

Laughter followed as your eyes couldn’t help but stay trained on Joaquin. Thinking back on the time when Sam told the team about the new Falcon joining them after a while, you somehow manage to speak up at that moment, “Welcome to the circus.” You take a deliberately long sip of your float, never breaking eye contact.

He gulped nervously, eyes wide, clearly startled by you flirting. 

“You haven’t had a drink yet Lieutenant? Let’s get you something.” you smile involuntarily.

He stands back for you to lead the way, “Sure. And it’s just Joaquin, please.” he laughs just after, his honey laced voice paired with your tad bit hazy mind doing wonders to your imagination.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/--/-

“Wait a minute…” you smiled, “you cannot possibly think Love Actually is better than The Holiday?”

They keep watchful eyes on us

So it's best that we move fast and keep quiet

You won't believe half the things I see inside my head

Wait 'til you see half the things that haven’t happened yet

“It’s the perfect rom com!” Joaquin laughs, “it covered basically every rom com trope under the sun.”

“But, listen to me, but…” you say, your slightly tipsy self leaning on the wall behind you, as Joaquin stood in front of you, holding his own glass of whiskey, “Quantity never matters in front of quality. All characters in The Holiday are well written with meaningful backgrounds and great character redemption arcs. And it’s got Jude Law.”

Joaquin raises his hands, “Jude Law.”

“Jude Law.” you laugh, at how he was mocking a defeated pose.

“When Sam told me I can’t lose a movie debate with you, I couldn’t believe him.”

You try to curtsey, “thank you.”

“Wanna get out of here?” Joaquin blurted out abruptly.

It took you a while to gain your consciousness, and a laugh left your lips at what he just said. You saw his eyes traveling to your lips, and how his breath fastened as you took a deliberately long sip of your drink.

You smirked, “sure.”

—/—/—

You find yourself sneaking through the backdoor and upstairs towards the living quarters of the Avengers compound as you drag Joaquin by his coat as you slip into an unassigned room. The furniture was still uncovered, but there was a couch in a corner right next to the opened windows where moonlight pooled in.

Perfect.

The alcohol surging through your system gives you newfound courage, and seconds later Joaquin was being thrown on the couch by you. His pupils dilated, his gaze trained on you and his scent lingering in the air, you straddled him without hesitation.

 “Are you good?” His breathy voice went straight to your core, and without a word you crashed your lips on his.

He’s gonna be the death of me.

The taste of expensive champagne hit your mouth, Joaquin’s tongue slipping in your mouth sliding in with fervor. Your gasp is swallowed by his lips, his hands travelling south towards the zipper of your dress.

Your hands fumble with his coat, taking it off of him and raising his shirt just enough to slide your hands underneath. Warm, toned muscles met your hands, and the way he sucked your lips made you forget everything. You couldn’t breathe, but couldn’t move away from him either, entirely lost in taking him in.

Joaquin jerked back all of a sudden, making you whine.

“Wait, wait…” He breathed out, his breath cooling your skin.

“Just kiss me.” You exhaled, grabbing his tie to pull him in, but he leaned back.

Joaquin gently held your wrists, “y/n… hey, look at me,” he breathlessly said, “look at me for a second.”

You do, at his messy hair, puffy lips, and blown out pupils.

He holds out his hand, “how many fingers am I holding up.”

You scrunch your brows in confusion, eyes drifting to his fingers in front of your face. You get the tunnel vision every time you’ve had a bit too much whiskey, you see double.

Concentrating hard on your answer, you slur out, “four?”

Joaquin closes his eyes, looking up and huffing out a breath, “you’re very drunk.” You feel his hands on your waist, and he carefully sits you down on the couch next to him.

You whine at the loss of his touch as he gets up from the couch. He returns a minute later with a bottle of water, sitting next to you and making you drink the entire thing.

“Can we go back to the part where you kiss me until I forget my name?” you breathe out.

Joaquin laughs out, settling down next to you and leaning back on the couch. You straighten your dress, and sit with your shoulders touching. You steal a glance his way.

His coat was gone, his tie hung loose on his neck, his white button shirt straining on his arms…

Someone works out…

The faint moonlight hitting from behind him made the outline of the veins on his neck visible.

I want to lick it...

You scrunch your eyes as soon as you hear that inside your head.

Wow, he’s right, I am drunk.

“As much as I’d like to do that,” he looks your way, “I can’t. You’re very drunk.”

A smile itches on your face, and you ask, “so what should we do then?”

“Talk?” he suggests, turning to you, resting his head on the backrest and looking you right in your eyes. “I know nothing about you. You know nothing about me. Let’s talk.”

You laugh out loud, “okay,” the smile refusing to leave your face, “what do you want to know?”

“Anything.” he says with a warm smile on his face.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

You wake up in an unfamiliar room and a blinding headache, on a mattress too soft for your liking, the sunlight hitting your face with full force.

Grunting, you sit up, rubbing your forehead.

Something slips off your body, and you look down and find someone has covered you with a black suit coat while you slept.

The man with the warm eyes and gentle touch.

You laugh, rubbing your head at the absurdity of the situation.

You wear it over your dress and walk out of the room, after last night’s party everybody would be sleeping in. You can sneak out unnoticed.

You swiftly call an uber, and shove your hands inside the pockets of Joaquin’s coat.

The feel of rough paper makes you stop in your tracks, you take it out of the pocket to see a torn piece of labeling paper inside, a note greeting you.

-/-/-/-/-/-

9546-555-6783

See you soon, I guess?

(Take care of my coat till then? It’s my favorite suit.)

-         Joaquin

Joaquin joined the team a week later. He chose to stay on the compound, and soon blended in with the new avengers. Peter and Kate grew especially fond of him. When Shang-Chi joined the ranks, he, too, was welcomed into your close-knit circle.

You brush past me in the hallway

And you don't think I, I, I can see ya, do ya?

I’ve been watchin' you for ages

And I spend my time tryin' not to feel it

You spared during training, made breakfast together, had constant debates on cinema and stories. He loved the classics, and you had a nick for science fiction. You should have cancelled out each other, but your differences only made your bond stronger. The differences weren't a barrier; they were a bridge. You shared tech skills learned during your time at  MIT, revealing the details of coding and circuits. In return, he shared practical knowledge from his air force background; survival techniques and tactical strategies.

Your apartment, though smaller than the compound's common areas, became the gathering spot for your group. Lazy weekends of your teams were spent at your place, you'd watch old movies, host game nights, and then collapse on any available surface.

Peter had a habit of entering your apartment through your window, and Kate never got used to it. Takeout was a foreign concept with your friends. Instead, Shang-Chi and Joaquin would take over the kitchen, making a mouth watering combination of asian food and mexican food, that could best possibly win them masterchef if they ever could.

These people, this band of young individuals navigating life… they became your chosen family. They were your support system, your confidantes, your partners in crime.

No one seemed to notice the stolen glances, the lingering touches, the quiet conversations that stretched late into the night. Or perhaps they did notice, and simply didn't care. 

-/-/-/-/-/-

Clouds grumbled above, as angry raindrops splattered on your apartment window. You were sitting on your couch with three devices settled in front of you: a laptop and two tablets running algorithms and analytics for locating kingpin. Kate had gathered intel that he still had someone in the states giving him updates and keeping him safe. But where?

But what would you do if I went to touch you now?

What would you do if they never found us out?

What would you do if we never made a sound?

That was a question you were determined to get answers to. Which is why you had made it your mission to get to the base of this.

Amidst the thunderous rain outside, you hear a knock on the door, and from the corner of your eye you witness Joaquin enter, carrying takeout containers.

“You’ll have to use the fork for the noodles, I just ran out of chopsticks!” you shout, without even looking at his direction.

“Y/n” Joaquin huffed out in frustration, “please tell me you didn’t ‘sense’ Thai food from me.”

“I did.” you laugh, looking at the bewildered Joaquin standing in your kitchen. He had jeans and a sleeveless gym shirt on. Involuntarily your eyes went to his toned arms, and you did a quick diversion of your thoughts to the TV.

”I come bearing sustenance. Chow Mein and Thai green curry, extra spicy, just how you like it.” he says, followed by the scrunching of the takeout container.

You sit up straighter with a smile itching on your lips, your favorite food just when you were low on inspiration. “You're a lifesaver, these logistics are killing me.”

Joaquin sets the containers on the coffee table. He sits next to you, close enough that your thighs brush. He huffs out, “Tell me about it. Sam's been drilling us on contingency plans all day. I swear, he's got a backup plan for the backup plan.”

You laugh, “That's Sam for you. Always prepared.”

You open the containers, the aroma of the curry filling the room, and digging into the food in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

“You got something on your…” Joaquin speaks, and you look at him with a particularly big bite in your mouth. 

“Hmm?” you mutter.”

He reaches out and gently wipes a bit of sauce from the corner of your mouth. The gesture is intimate, lingering a moment too long. If you don’t count your sparring training, this was the closest you had been since ‘that’ night at the charity gala. Your hands grab his arm on their own.

It feels… good. Too good. It's been so long since anyone touched you like this. Desired you. Like you mattered. Like you weren't just… a disappointment. You… you want this. You want him. 

But what if you mess it up? What if you push him away, like you did with… 

Your heart almost leapt out of your chest as he gently cupped your face in his hands, your gaze locked on his warm brown eyes. He leaned in towards your lips, a silent question in his expression. You paused, a flicker of hesitation crossing your face, and gently pulled back.

He too leaned back, respecting your space. The tension remained, but now it carried a hint of gentle inquiry.

Looking down, you fidgeted with your hands, "It's not that I don't… I just… we need to be sure about this." You huffed out in frustration, trying to articulate your tangled thoughts.

"I want you," he stated, his voice low and sincere. You looked up at him instantly, his pupils dilated, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths. "I want you in ways you can't imagine, y/n. And I will walk out of here right now if you don't want this. We can forget this ever happened."

Thunder roared in the skies above, and lightning illuminated his face through the window as he paused, his expression open and honest. "But," he gulped, his eyes searching yours, "if you do want this… then…"

He left the rest unsaid, giving you the space to make your own choice.

Your internal conflict finally tipped towards action.

Oh, fuck this… 

His words were lost as soon as you crashed your lips on his.

—/—/—

You stumbled into your room, Joaquin’s lips didn’t leave yours as he threw the two of you on the bed. Pulling you under him, his hands were everywhere. Your mind could only catch up with a few, as it was too busy taking in all of him.

Joaquin made you feel like your entire body was on fire. Your hands flew straight to his hair, a moan leaving his lips. You did quick work on his clothes, leaving him in his boxers as he got busy removing yours.

No words were exchanged as he moved low, kissing and sucking your skin in all the places that made your vision hazy. You could only whine and gasp as he grabbed your legs and rested them on his shoulders.

And then he stopped.

You look down to see a mischievous grin plastered on his face, his pupils blown wide.

“Joaquin…” you breathe out, “stop teasing me.”

His eyes darken as he let out a low murmur against your skin and without warning dived in, a loud moan leaving your lips as pleasure rushed through your body.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

“So… what is this?” you ask, lying next to him covered in sweat, panting. You rolled away next to him, completely exhausted from your acts that lasted three blissful hours.

And I could see you being my addiction

You can see me as a secret mission

“You’re asking this now?” he mutters, eyes fixed at the ceiling. “I’m pretty sure fraternizing between teammates is not allowed here.” He groans.

You close your eyes, trying to think about if that rule existed among the Avengers. As far as you knew nobody was involved with each other here. “We can be friends.” You suggest.

“What!” you feel the mattress shift and open your eyes to him leaning over you.

 “No, just… think about it.” You shift to lean on the headboard, gathering the sheets to cover your chest, “you’re new to the team.”

Joaquin takes a pillow to cover himself and sits cross-legged in front of you, “okay.”

You stop for a second, staring at his abs.

Y/n stop it! Focus!

“We can’t just go ahead and announce that we’re sleeping together, or dating. They will never let us live this down. Especially Bucky. And Kate. Maybe Sam…” You state, matter of factly.

“Wait, wait! Stop!” he gestures, eyebrows scrunched, “You want to date me?”

“No! I don’t like you like that!” almost scream out, “do you wanna date me?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Then I don’t see a problem with… this!” You throw out your hands.

“What is this exactly?” Joaquin pointed between you two.

You groan, “ugh, you’re as thick as it gets!” You adjust the sheets around your body to free your hands, “what did you think of me the first time you saw me?”

“At the gala? Huh…” he thinks, “That you have the prettiest smile.” he shocks you with the last part, but then he adds on, “also you looked hot in that pink dress.”

There we go.

“Well, I thought you had a great voice, and your eyes were really pretty.” You truthfully admit, “also you looked like trouble… and I have a thing for bad boys.”

“I’m twenty-five.”

“Whatever.”

“You swear you don’t want anything other than sex with me?” he asks you.

You nod, “Yeah. You?”

“I don’t.”

“Okay.”

“Okay!”

Joaquin gets up from his place, picking up his boxers and putting them on, “So just to be clear… we’re friends.”

“Yep!” you catch your sweatshirt that he throws your way.

He puts on his shirt next, “With benefits.”

“Absolutely.” You say, debating whether you should get up the bed or not, exhaustion rolling over your senses.

“And you promise you won’t fall in love with me.” He points to you.

“Oh please, if anything you’ll be falling first.” You say through a yawn.

Joaquin laughs putting on his pants, “well, I’m gonna go get something to eat. You want something?”

“Do you mind if I take a nap? I’m tired.” You grimace.

He smiles at you, “Go ahead.”

You fall back on the bed, as you hear his footsteps going away… the sweet embrace of sleep following you next.

—/—/—

Few weeks later

Your place or mine?

Your screen lit up with the message from Joaquin. You smirked

Yours? In an hour? You press send, and let out a laugh as you see the blue tick instantly.

Done.

Before you could ask him the reason he got so worked up, you hear F.R.I.D.A.Y’s automated voice - Scan. Complete.

A low hum filled the operations center as you meticulously analyzed the fragmented data streams scanned by F.R.I.D.A.Y. Dozens of photographs presented infront of you but your eyes instantly locked in on one in particular. Your focus narrowed on a grainy image emerging from the static. 

Broad shoulders, crisply pressed suit, gold rings on the fingers… could it be…

“Y/n!” Kate and Peter shout in unison as you slapped a stack of files on the kitchen table. Sam, Bucky, Shang Chi, Joaquin, all who were just about to eat, whipped their heads towards the commotion.

“I think I've found him,” you announced, pointing to the figure.

Sam and Bucky shared a look, and rushed towards you as you opened up a holographic display on your tab. Joaquin and you share a look, he was amused, a small smile on his face letting you know he was excited for what you found out, you smirked and quickly look away trying to focus on the scene infront of you.

“All this time I was searching for him here… but…” Cross-referencing facial recognition, thermal readings, and satellite data, you enlarged a section of the display, revealing a stark desert landscape. “The terrain, the temperature… it all points to one place... Mexico.”

A collective sense of surprise filled the room. 

'Mexico?' Peter questioned, 'What's he doing down there?' 

You zoomed in on a satellite image, enhanced thermal readings revealing a network of hidden structures. 'I don’t know, but he's planning something,' you stated, a sense of urgency creeping into your voice. 'Something big.' The implications hung heavy in the air. 

“This changes everything.” You nodded, your gaze fixed on the display. 'We need to move fast.”

Series Masterlist || Chapter 2 >>

A/N - Thank you everyone for sticking with me till the end of this fic! if you liked it please let me know through the asks and the comments. Next Chapter will be up soon... Love y'all, Take Care!

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[yeopoet]

MEET ME IN THE HALLWAY

`౨ৎ~ pairing: ateez x gn!reader genre: forbidden romance, fluff, kinda suggestive if you read between the lines ౿ ׂ ִ warnings: kissing (?) word count: 2k.

author's note: highly inspired by this post. ps: the divider does not belong to me.

﹒ ◠ ✩ hongjoong ⊹ ﹒

Two powerful families competing fiercely in the construction industry, locked in a never-ending battle over urban development projects: his family prioritizes large, luxurious complexes, while yours is dedicated to eco-friendly, sustainable initiatives. The differences between you go beyond business, turning what should have remained professional into something personal and deeply entrenched. Your parents have made it clear—they never want you anywhere near the Kims, and his parents share the same sentiment. But Hongjoong couldn’t care less about the rules. He sneaks to your bedroom window in the dead of night, not with malice, but driven by an irresistible urge to explore what he’s been told is forbidden. You’ve tried pushing him away, again and again, but nothing works. He’s relentless, and despite all the barriers that should keep you apart, to him, you’re the only thing that matters.

“You can’t just show up here like it’s no big deal,” you whisper-yell as you open your window. “They’ll find out, and that’ll be the end of both of us.”

“I’ve tried to forget about you, but it’s impossible.” Hongjoong exhales deeply, slipping through the window with ease, like sneaking into your room is something he’s mastered. “I missed our midnight talks.”

You raise an eyebrow, crossing your arms, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “What? Are you in love with me or something?”

He smiles, stepping closer until he’s near enough that you can feel his warm breath on your face. “And what if I am? Would that be so bad?”

﹒ ◠ ✩ seonghwa ⊹ ﹒

Someone born into a life of luxury, with a future carved out by endless wealth, isn’t supposed to waste his time with people of "lower status." As the heir to a well-established hospital chain, Seonghwa has never had to worry about anything—not even the clothes on his back. His sole purpose in life, as dictated by his family, is to follow the path toward taking his father’s place. But with dreams of his own, he somehow ended up in your studio, signing up for a beginner's sewing class. It wasn’t exactly the best first encounter, especially since your classes weren’t designed for heirs of empires, but over time, Seonghwa managed to capture your attention. He now pays for private lessons, driven by his passion to become a fashion designer. He shares sketches of outfits with you, designs he’s never dared to show anyone else. What was supposed to be a professional relationship between teacher and student gradually became something more. And honestly, how could he not fall for you?

“I know I shouldn’t be here, but I couldn’t stay away.” His words spill out the moment you open the door, sadness pouring at your feet. “Please, just give me a chance to fix all of this.”

“You’ve already caused enough damage.” You take a deep breath, holding back tears. Watching him beg for something you both know he can’t change feels like a knife to the heart, and if you’re not careful, you might cave. He steps closer, and you know this is the moment to slam the door in his face—before his father shows up again, threatening to destroy everything you've built if you don’t leave Seonghwa alone. But your heart wavers, seeing the redness in his eyes. “Don’t make this harder than it already is, Hwa. We can’t be together. If anyone sees us, it’ll be the end for both of-”

“Just one last time.” He’s crying now, his hand gently cradling the back of your neck like he's afraid you’ll disappear. “Let me be with you one last time.”

﹒ ◠ ✩ yunho ⊹ ﹒

It’s not easy having parents who watch your every move as if you’re incapable of taking care of yourself. But if it weren’t for their overbearing protectiveness, you never would’ve met Jeong Yunho, your bodyguard—the one who pulled you out of your monotonous life and gave you a taste of freedom. He sneaks you out for daring, late-night adventures, always careful not to push things too far and jeopardize both your lives. Yunho tried to keep his distance; he was never the kind of employee to cross the line. But avoiding his inevitable downfall with you was impossible.

“They warned me about you,” he says softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his hand gently cradling one side of your face. “But I didn’t listen.”

“And I’m glad you didn’t.” You smile openly, wrapping your arms around his waist before pressing your lips to his with intensity.

﹒ ◠ ✩ yeosang ⊹ ﹒

When the extravagance of your world becomes overwhelming, you find yourself seeking a place to breathe. Conveniently, that place always ends up being in the arms of Yeosang, the butler of your household. You've known each other since childhood, long before he took over his father’s role and before you were promised to marry someone you don’t love. The quiet meetings behind the tallest hedges in the garden offer you a peace you’ve never experienced around your family. The love that has never faded grows more painful as your wedding day draws near, and no matter how much you both long to escape, you know you've been condemned since the day you were born.

“This is the last time,” you whisper, casting a sorrowful glance at the man lying beside you. “We can’t keep doing this.”

Yeosang doesn’t respond right away but holds your gaze with a quiet tenderness. Then, after a few torturous seconds of silence, he presses a kiss to the back of your hand. “We said the same thing the last time we met,” he murmurs, leaning in to kiss you slowly, lingering. “The truth is, I’d have to move to another continent to ever be able to stay away from you.”

﹒ ◠ ✩ san ⊹ ﹒

He fought hard to get where he is. It wasn’t easy landing a job at one of the most prestigious networks in the country, and once inside, he quickly realized why the selection process was so difficult. His bosses are strict; they don’t tolerate irresponsibility and push him to the brink of exhaustion. Still, the salary makes it all worth it. San is building his life, shaping his dream career as a reporter, doing everything he can to avoid trouble. That is, until you, the boss’s daughter, showed up and threw all his plans into chaos. It wasn’t your intention to disrupt anyone. You’ve always kept a distance from the company’s employees, taking your duties as an heiress seriously. But who could have predicted that at a party with over 100 people, you’d end up kissing the newest intern?

“No one can know about this, promise me,” he whispers, gripping your elbow as he keeps the two of you dangerously close. “That was a mistake, and it won’t happen again.”

“As if I wanted it to,” you fire back, your breath mingling with his as your gaze locks onto his—eyes that are saying something completely different. “But if you keep pulling me into closed-off spaces out of nowhere, people are going to get suspicious, and it won’t be my fault.”

“Right, we should keep our distance,” he says, yet doesn’t move an inch. “I just wanted to make things clear.”

“I got the message loud and clear.” With every passing second, your faces inch closer. San tightens his grip on your arm, though not enough to hurt. He tilts his head, muttering a soft “good” against your lips before making the mistake of kissing you again.

﹒ ◠ ✩ mingi ⊹ ﹒

A friendship that has lasted for years could never be shaken by something trivial—or so you thought. But could your feelings for her brother be enough to ruin everything? She’s always made it clear that Mingi is off-limits. He constantly breaks her friends’ hearts, and they always end up drifting away. So, to keep the friendship intact, she put up a wall between the two of you. Too bad it only makes things more exciting from his perspective. You try your best to resist Mingi’s advances, but he makes it nearly impossible when he walks around the house shirtless after training, or when he finds lame excuses to touch you at random moments—like holding your waist to squeeze past you when there’s clearly plenty of space. It’s ridiculous.

“You really need to stop doing that,” you say, crossing your arms like you’re throwing a tantrum. Mingi looks at you, eyebrows raised, with that same clueless expression that drives you insane. “I’m serious, Mingi.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he shrugs, leaning forward to reach something in the back of the fridge.

“There are literally two other ways to get to the fridge, and you chose the tightest spot—right where I’m standing.” You stomp your foot. “And not only that, you—”

Your sentence is cut off by the sound of the fridge door closing. Mingi steps closer, and you hold your breath. “And I what?” he asks, leaning against the counter without breaking eye contact. “Last I checked, this is my house, and I can walk wherever I want.”

“You know exactly what I mean,” you mutter, avoiding his gaze and staring at your toes. Mingi gently lifts your chin, forcing you to look at him again.

“I thought you liked it when I touched you.” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his hand slowly trailing down your shoulder, along your arm, until his fingers entwine with yours.

“We shouldn’t…” your voice falters. “Yena is—”

“I know, but I can’t help it sometimes.”

﹒ ◠ ✩ wooyoung ⊹ ﹒

He’s never been the type of guy to care about his friend’s girlfriend. It’s one of the most disloyal things you could do to a friendship. But when it comes to you, Wooyoung loses every last shred of honesty within himself. Falling for you was never part of his plan, and he tried everything he could to push those feelings away. If he had known that taking care of you when his friend messed up would spark such a dangerous affection, he would have let you handle your problems on your own. You, on the other hand, are deeply grateful for the countless times Wooyoung has saved you, and for showing you that love isn’t what you thought it was. All the lingering hugs, unfinished sentences, and the longing to give in to something forbidden have made you both question how much you're willing to sacrifice for each other.

“Every time I see you, I have to remind myself that you’re not mine,” he says, standing just far enough away to keep himself from giving in to his darker desires. He’s held back all this time, never crossing the line—but here you are, at his doorstep on a Saturday night, minutes after his best friend just left your house.

“So please, don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“And you think it’s easy for me?!” you explode, pushing his chest hard enough to make him stumble back a couple of steps. “You decide one night that you’re going to cut me out of your life, and you expect me not to react?”

Wooyoung grabs your arms, stopping you from hitting him again. “I’m trying to make things easier,” his eyes fill with tears, or maybe it’s yours—both of you just staring at each other, struggling not to sob out loud. You finally weaken, collapsing against his chest, muffling the sound of your pain as Wooyoung holds you tight, the way he always does.

“There’s no easy way out of this. No matter what we decide, someone’s going to end up hurt.”

﹒ ◠ ✩ jongho ⊹ ﹒

The life of a celebrity isn’t always glamorous. The fear of appearing in the tabloids caught in a dating scandal can feel more terrifying than the fear of death itself. After appearing on a variety show with you, Jongho developed a silly crush that, over time—fueled by risky texts during award shows and innocent meetups while everyone else was asleep—grew into something much bigger. To keep things discreet, you both decided to act indifferent toward each other, even though it’s become nearly impossible for him.

“Every moment we spend together is a risk, but I just can’t stay away,” Jongho says as he plants a flurry of kisses across your face. He made sure to clear out everyone from the dressing room just to have a few minutes alone with you before the show.

You laugh, trying to pull away from his eager touch to keep him from messing up your appearance. “Jongho! I have a performance in half an hour. You can’t mess up my makeup!”

He immediately steps back, placing his hands behind his back in an exaggerated effort to keep them off you. “You’re right. Sorry.”

“We’ll see each other later, okay?” You give him a playful, reassuring smile.

“Okay, I’ll try not to die until then.”

© yeopoet.

[dross-the-fish]

A follower tagged me on a post that was talking about how Edward isn't actually a bad guy but rather he's misunderstood and I'm not going to reply to that post because I don't want to start drama on someone else's blog but I've seen the sentiment brought up a few times so I'm going to make a blanket post about the topic rather than single anyone out. The post I was tagged in mentions the trampling of the child and seems to frame it like an accident so I'll start there and I'll let Henry himself tell you how he views that incident. "An act of cruelty to a child aroused against me the anger of a passer by," He outright says it, it's an act of cruelty. He doesn't deny that. And that's what I hate about fanon Hyde. A lot of interps seem to forget that Hyde is a middle aged man struggling with a repressed sadistic streak and not a social awkward teenager. I think the most concrete evidence we have of Jekyll/Hyde's nature is in Jekyll's letter and how he describes himself and his relationship to Hyde. “To cast in my lot with Jekyll, was to die to those appetites which I had long secretly indulged and had of late begun to pamper. To cast it in with Hyde, was to die to a thousand interests and aspirations, and to become, at a blow and forever, despised and friendless. The bargain might appear unequal; but there was still another consideration in the scales; for while Jekyll would suffer smartingly in the fires of abstinence, Hyde would be not even conscious of all that he had lost.” As afraid as he is of losing the life he's built for himself there's so much LONGING to be Hyde despite the evils Hyde has done. He wants to indulge in his appetites and he knows if he embraces Edward he won't even grieve his losses. I find it interesting that he notes that becoming Edward would cost him his "aspirations and interests," because he would be losing everything to his vice, choosing pleasure and indulgence over his own goals and ambitions. "If I am the chief of sinners, I am the chief of sufferers also," Henry Jekyll is a complex and repressed but also very selfish man and here's where the interpretation of Edward as a metaphor for addiction comes most strongly into play. Jekyll shows textbook signs of a drug user: experimentation, denial or minimization of the harmful effects, attempts to quit, withdrawal when he goes too long without being Edward and eventually he develops a dependency and falls into a spiral. The fact that he's taking a potion just drives the imagery that much harder. Even the description of the effects of the potion itself mirror drug use. "something indescribably new and, from its very novelty, incredibly sweet. I felt younger, lighter, happier in body ; within I was conscious of a heady recklessness, a current of disordered sensual images running like a mill race in my fancy, a solution of the bonds of obligation, an unknown but not an innocent freedom of the soul. I knew myself, at the first breath of this new life, to be more wicked, tenfold more wicked" It's agony at first but once the "high" hits and he becomes Edward he feels good and his inhibitions are gone. He can indulge every depraved and twisted act his heart desires without having to take the hit to his reputation or the responsibility. “since then I had been obliged on more than one occasion to double, and once, with infinite risk of death, to treble the amount” - Jekyll risks an overdose because he keeps taking more of the serum. This illustrates his dependency on Hyde and his inability to quit. One thing I've noticed about Hyde interps that favor the lighter, softer, readings of the character is that they almost always neglect the characterization of Henry Jekyll. Either depicting Jekyll as the good half or all but erasing them from their fanon version of Hyde and that's something you can't really do because it misses the point of Jekyll and Hyde. Which is about Henry Jekyll and his repression and his eventual turn to a destructive outlet.

"The pleasures which I made haste to seek in my disguise were, as I have said, undignified; I would scarce use a harder term. But in the hands of Edward Hyde, they soon began to turn towards the monstrous. When I would come back from these excursions, I was often plunged into a kind of wonder at my vicarious depravity. This familiar that I called out of my own soul, and sent forth alone to do his good pleasure, was a being inherently malign and villainous; his every act and thought centered on self; drinking pleasure with bestial avidity from any degree of torture to another, relentless like a man of stone. Henry Jekyll stood at times aghast before the acts of Edward Hyde." once the leash is off Jekyll is shocked by what he's capable of, what Hyde is capable of. The words used by Stevenson paint a lurid picture, Depravity, bestial, torture, villainous. He can't outright say what Hyde is doing but it's pretty clear he has a sadistic streak. He also lets slip at one point by using "My" instead of referring to Edward as separate. "My vicarious depravity." He's aware, he is complicit and he enjoys himself. You cannot separate Jekyll from Hyde therefore any interpretation of Hyde as being soft, innocent, unaware or merely mischievous is not only incorrect but it directly contradicts the purpose of the story and strips Jekyll of his complexity. If you can't like this character as he is written then you don't like this character. There are some things you can leave up to interpretation but Hyde's sadism and Jekyll's addiction to Hyde are both very clear cut and Jekyll's confession spells everything out in a way that you'd have to reach pretty far to claim that Edward is being misrepresented by Utterson throughout the bulk of the novel.

[sysmedsaresexist]

I've seen this question going around a fair bit to blogs that don't really give a good answer and I don't really want to interact with, SO

Let's talk 📣

Headspaces

Did you know that there was a point in time when inner worlds were largely confined to discussions of polyfragmentation and complex MPD?

I've posted before about the experiences of older systems before the internet, and this topic falls into that same boat-- back before maladaptive daydreaming was even a named concept (Eli Somer first wrote about MaDD in 2002).

So, to anyone worried:

Not having an inner world is NORMAL

In fact, for the longest time, it was the norm.

As such, there were techniques used to HELP clients develop an inner world in an attempt to learn to communicate with their alters.

And I'd like to share one of those with you! This technique could be useful to ANYONE still struggling to speak with system members, and gives you a basis from which to build an inner world.

The Round Table Communication Exercise

When I first started my journey, I had no communication with my system. We experienced heavy emotional intrusion from each other, maybe a whisper here or there, but that was it.

My therapist taught me this technique to use during our sessions and while I was going to sleep.

Essentially, you're meditating. Find a quiet place to relax (when going to bed it perfect), close your eyes, and imagine a table.

Start simple, nothing intense. Hold the image of the table in your mind. What is it made from? How many legs does it have? What colour is it? Is there anything on it? Etch this table into your mind. Every inch of it. Commit it to memory.

And now, set chairs at the table. How many are there? Are they the same material as the table? Are they comfortable or hard? Tall backs? Arms? Can you sit in the chair and lean your forearms on the table? Is it comfortable?

Invite others to come sit with you.

Maybe they won't show up the first day, but continue to invite them, continue to imagine that table and the chairs. Note any changes that occur to the table.

Once you're comfortable with the table, familiar with it, slowly look around the room. How many walls? What colour? Is there anything on the walls? What kind of vibe is the room giving you? Is it welcoming and relaxing? If it's not, imagine yourself changing the room. Straighten pictures, paint the walls.

Continue to visit this room and invite others to come talk.

Eventually, someone came to sit at the table with me. As we sat and spoke, I could start to envision his face, his hair, his voice, his clothes, I could hear him telling me his name.

And over time, more people joined us. More chairs appeared, knickknacks were scattered around the room and across the table, doors appeared along the walls.

We created a couch and a TV, to simulate fronting and imagine our interactions together.

Because that's all an inner world is-- an imaginary recreation to represent internal interactions.

There isn't some small pocket in your brain where everyone lives, you're not born with an inner world, it doesn't come free with your first alter's Xbox. An inner world can be as simple as being able to visualize an interaction, or an entire immersive daydream city.

One of my alters is very emotionally reactive, and when he's frustrated, he "flips the table." This visualization is something everyone in the system can see, it's the same feeling each time, and the reactions of each alter can be perfectly visualized as this table flips-- exhausted groans, facepalms, shooshpaps as he's whisked away to his room through one of the doors.

When we're fighting for front, we can see ourselves sitting on the couch in front of the television, fighting over the remote, or if we're co-con we can imagine ourselves sitting together on the couch. Maybe we're cuddled and happy, or maybe we're sitting there awkwardly, a solid inch between us where we refuse to brush arms.

Over time, the couch became bigger, and more of us could sit together, everyone aware of and watching the images on the screen of our life happening in real time. We could talk to each other about choices we were making.

Eventually, we could visualize ourselves talking it out rather than fighting. We were able to slam our hands down on the table before it could be flipped.

These visualizations are our basis of communication.

This is an inner world, even if it's nothing more than a room that I created myself.

I hope this exercise can help others.

Good luck, and happy daydreaming.

[arcsparkasriel]

Introducing Lofitale (part 1)

LOFITALE ASRIEL DREEMURR

My AU Lofitale is an idealistic Post Pacifist AU that adds in the Deltarune characters as little kids. How they actually were in Undertale! Susie and Noelle, according to the unreleased Alarm Clock app, were called Suzy and Noel. It also serves as a medium to advertise my streaming persona of Lofitale Asriel Dreemurr, who I Vtube as! It takes place on the Surface in the city you see at the end of the game, which I aptly named New Ebott City! Here, monsters and humans are learning to co-exist in harmony.

The main character of this story and who I play as on Twitch, YouTube, Twitter, and Tumblr. Prince Asriel Dreemurr! During the final confrontation, Frisk and Ralsei constructed a new soul for Asriel from small pieces of all seven human souls, including Frisk's own, to fill in what was left of his own fragmented soul. What resulted was retaining the adolescent form he attained in his Angel of Hyperdeath form. The resulting reunion with his family was long awaited and bittersweet. It took a long time and help from his extended family to get him through the darkness of his memories. Asriel developed something of a guilt complex and a short temper, but he's still the same golden child of goodness that he once was. Henow works three jobs to support his family in their lavish apartment in New Ebott City. One of them is a professional streamer from the comfort of his own room. Oftentimes, with his little brother Ralsei.

LOFITALE RALSEI DREEMURR

Ralsei, in Lofitale, is Asriel's first blood brother. Born in the Ruins eight months after Toriel first leaves Asgore. So he is also a prince in this world too. He's born with albinism which would explain his poor eyesight, pink eyes, pink horns, and pink claws. Ralsei was more reserved and shy than his brother before him. He would come to know each and every one of the six fallen humans who would ultimately be harvested and break his heart even further. Unbeknownst to him, his big brother was still alive, watching over him from the shadows as the soulless Flowey. When Frisk arrived, Ralsei developed a strong bond with him and stuck close throughout the whole journey through the Underground. He would come to finally meet his big brother Asriel, and to this day, they are inseparable. Ralsei is with Asriel every time he streams on Twitch.

LOFITALE SUZY DREEMURR

Suzy in Lofitale is an orphaned little girl who lost her parents to Alphys' original determination experiments. Unlike the later trst subjects who became amalgamates, her parents fell down on the spot. Forcing her to live alone for some time. Surviving off of whatever scraps she could find. Sometimes, resorting to stealing or eating inedible objects. Susie was malnourished and sickly when Frisk first met her in the passageways of Waterfall. Being the gutter rat she was, Suzy developed her own survival at any costs mindset. She was suspicious and hostile at first, but she quickly warmed up to Frisk and Ralsei. All three of them would form a bond stronger than they realized. Toriel would adopt her alongside Frisk when they all return to the surface. She currently goes to Seaside Elementary with her new brothers, Frisk and Ralsei.

LOFITALE FRISK DREEMURR

The Hero of the Underground. The Seventh Fallen Human. The Most Determined. You all know Frisk. You all know the story of the Undertale and Frisk's journey through the Underground. Frisk would be introduced to Ralsei when he first arrived in the Underground. Much like Asriel and Chara before them, Ralsei would bring Frisk to his mother. Unlike the other six fallen humans, something special about Frisk stood out to Ralsei. Ralsei would follow Frisk through the whole journey and learn about everything. In Waterfall, Frisk would meet the street urchin Suzy and develop a kinship with her. On the surface, after helping Asriel free monsterkind, Frisk is living his best life with his new family.

[wallflowerimagines]

Howdy dowdy, Partner. It's me, ya boi, Skinny Penis.

How would the Lords react to a selectively mute S/O? Especially their reaction to them talking to them for the first time.

I have this mental image of Heisenberg's S/O saying something really casually (while they're relaxing or something), and he just whips around to look at them and he just shouts "hoLY FUCK!"

Saw the first line of this ask and then it was followed by a cute prompt????---

Warnings: swearing, my typical brand of silly

Alcina Dimitrescu

She's so used to your quiet demeanor it's to the point where she COMPLETELY forgot that your silence is a choice.

Alcina quite honestly never expected you to speak to her, and she was mentally planning for the rest of your relationship to be this way -- all of the servants are learning to sign, just in case, and she has pens and paper in every room if you prefer to write as your form of communication.

When you do finally speak up, she's frozen. What.

Oh. You can. You...can speak?

It's one of the times you've ever seen Alcina baffled, because honestly? She has no idea what to do.

However, you can bet she IMMEDIATELY analyses the situation in order to make sure she can get you to keep talking to her. Whatever made this happen needs to be repeated as much as possible -- Now that she knows you can be made comfortable enough to speak, she needs to hear you speak again.

(It might not have been your intention, but you hit her right in the superiority complex. Her partner spoke to HER. JUST her. Exclusively. Alcina is going to be riding this high for decades)

The Lady Dimitrescu is a big believer in positive reinforcement with her loved ones, so you better believe that every time you speak she is extra affectionate, because she does like to hear your voice!💞

Essentially, you have prompted constant affection DO NOT RESIST---

Donna Beneviento

I mentioned this in my other Donna x Mute reader post, but Donna is able to relate to a mute s/o a lot.

She's pretty nonverbal herself, so often you two have moments of quiet peace, where the two of you are doing your own thing together in the same room, taking breaks only to hold hands, cuddle, and kiss each other sweetly.

Truly dreamy💕💕💕

The first time you speak to her though, she's sewing a new outfit for one of her dolls, while you're reading in the setee beside her.

You peak over her shoulder, clear your throat and say: "You're really talented, Donna".

She drops a stitch.

Her face is burning underneath her veil. The first thing you say to her is a complement??? About a skill she is actually proud of??? That's already enough to get her heart stuttering, but you said her name.

It feels like such a small thing, but it sends Donna into a tizzy. Your lips formed the syllables of her name, and she can't get over it. You said a compliment and her name in the same sentence.

She's swooning. Smitten. Overcome.

Expect some flustered giggling and a compliment in return.

Salvatore Moreau

Salvatore has no chill whatsoever.

He literally drops everything and scuttles across the room to stand in front of you, flitting his hands around you in excitement, not quite touching you but close.

He's! So! Excited!

He didn't process what you even said-- you SPOKE TO HIM!!!! Fireworks are going off in his brain, Kool and the Gang are celebrating the good times, life is beautiful and love is in the air....

Moreau is delighted by this development. You feel safe enough around him a monster to vocalize your thoughts. You trust him. He already knew you did, but this is confirmation he didn't even know he wanted. Moreau almost starts crying he's so relieved.

Meanwhile you're repeatedly trying to warn him about the disaster occurring on the stove.

"... Salvatore, honey, the pancakes are burning."

Honey???? HONEY??? Are you TRYING to kill him????

Salvatore staggers on his feet, unintentionally the most dramatic you've ever seen him.

Sighing, you hide a smile behind your palm and give him a little smooch on the cheek before you go rescue your breakfast.

Moreau flatlines. Better give him some mouth to mouth 💗.

Karl Heisenberg

Absolutely shocked the first time you speak.

He's working on a soldat, fully used to the silence as he solders body parts together to make a deadly monster worthy of murdering Mother Miranda.

"You missed a spot--"

jESUS FUCK

Very softly, you speak up again. "At the shoulder. It's not... It's not fully connected."

Heisenberg whips around to just...stare??? At you for a bit?? His face is totally expressionless, but make no mistake his brain is reeling.

What is he supposed to do here? You feel comfortable enough to talk with him--this is a big deal, right? Is he supposed to comfort you? Praise you?

Still, it's not in Heisenberg's nature to make a big deal of things, and he doesn't want to spook you.

Eventually he nods, grunts in acknowledgement, and gets back to work.

Still, your words ring in his ears. Your voice fits you so well? He never really thought about what you sounded like before, but honestly now it's all he can think about.

Much later, when you almost forget about the whole thing, he'll offhandedly say he's proud of you for finally speaking up for yourself.

It's kinda condescending? But you know Heisenberg pretty well, and the fact he refuses to meet your eyes let's you know he's just being his normal, socially stunted self.

Thank him for the "compliment" and you'll get a pleased grin back, as well as a teasing hair ruffle. He's...happy you're comfortable with him.

It just makes your relationship feel even more right. ❤️

[weaselandfriends]

do you know of anything with a similar "clockwork storytelling" style of plot development that you used to described act 5 in hymnstokes?

I'm glad you asked this, because this is a concept I've kept in my mind for a long time.

The most obvious well-known examples of clockwork storytelling that come to mind are the films of Edgar Wright, with Hot Fuzz in particular standing out. Edgar Wright's style is that every detail and line of dialogue, no matter how seemingly inconsequential, comes back later to mean something more than it initially seemed. There is no wasted space, nothing extraneous or unneeded. It is all extremely tight and extremely satisfying to see play out.

Film in general, having significant restraints in terms of length, is often subject to this style, though at differing levels of complexity. What is so exciting about Act 5 of Homestuck is that it manages this style while juggling a zillion different characters and plot threads, so when the pieces all slot together it has the sprawling sense of a symphony with hundreds of individual performers working together at once. But I would argue that even something like, say, most Pixar films follow an ethos of extremely tight plotting with minimal extraneous elements. Pixar operates at a smaller scale, so it doesn't overwhelm with magnitude the way Homestuck does, but it still creates that feeling of satisfaction via structural perfection.

Another good example is Rick & Morty. Dan Harmon is an Edgar Wrightian who has his own personal "hero cycle"-style plot structure he likes to stick to, and that level of plotting is on display in most episodes of the first few seasons of the show. What makes R&M an interesting example, though, is the intrusion of Justin Roiland's influence. Roiland is like, a dumbass stoner whose storytelling ethos seems to be to adlib goofy noises into a mic, which is completely at odds with Harmon, but it complicates the otherwise simplistic story template and wound up creating some of the show's most quotable moments (wubba lubba dub dub).

I like works that fuse intricate and satisfying plotting with bizarre and difficult-to-grasp or even contradictory aesthetic decisions like that. My two favorite anime, Puella Magi Madoka Magica and Blood-C, both fall into that camp, and both times it's due to the utterly opposite aesthetic dispositions of the show's respective directors and writers. Madoka, for instance, balances Gen Urobuchi's tight, almost mathematical plotting (the show has a major plot development nearly every 3 episodes on the dot) with Akiyuki Shinbo's surreal and eccentric visual style. The visuals wind up complicating what would otherwise be a perfectly-composed but possibly quite dry narrative. Blood-C, a less well-known show, similarly combines a rather simple narrative by CLAMP -- where every event and line of dialogue gestures toward a major twist revealed at the end of the show -- with a manic, sleazy gorefiendery from Tsutomu Mizushima, the director of Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan.

When it comes to clockwork narratives at the scale of Homestuck, it's harder to find examples. Of course, Homestuck is itself faking being a clockwork narrative, which I think I talked about in my old Hymnstoke posts. Homestuck's style is to simply toss out so many details that even by calling back to only a third of them it creates the impression via volume alone that it was all planned out and deliberate. A great example is John's toy chest. It contains some items like the Sassacre book that have a recurring purpose in the narrative, some items like the trick handcuffs that have one notable callback use (when John's Dad escapes captivity using them), and some items that only briefly reappear in the background of later panels. It also contains one item, the fake blood capsules, that never show up again (at least John's fake blood capsules don't; there are some fake blood capsules used by Dave's Bro during the whole puppet Saw misadventure). Hussie has only really meaningfully called back to a few of these details, but has created the impression he has called back to a lot of them, because there are simply so many.

In reality, Homestuck, even Act 5 Homestuck, is laden with extraneous and useless details. Most of the trolls are useless, which is why so many of them are glibly killed off. I used to think the only truly important troll to the narrative was Vriska, and by extension any troll that was important to Vriska, such as Terezi. Now, though, I realize that Vriska's breaking-the-game-for-personal-satisfaction shtick was hijacking Rose's whole bit. Rose was constantly seeking ways to break the game or exploit its boundaries. This ultimately culminates in nothing. Rose goes "grimdark," a completely meaningless state that causes her to be goth for a scene or two, and then that's over with and she becomes an essentially ancillary character for the rest of the story, useful only for a few bits of exposition. Even if we ignore the Act 6 part of that, it's a completely pointless set up with no payoff. Rose questioning the game and trying to break it leads nowhere. All the important game breaking is done by Vriska.

I think you could easily do a troll-less rewrite of Homestuck where the only major difference is that Rose is the one who creates Bec Noir instead of Vriska. It's true that the trolls frequently give the kids exposition that guides their actions, but the story has so many sources of exposition -- the sprites, random writing on their planets, Doc Scratch, their own future selves -- that you could easily fill the gaps they leave. That's the other way Hussie fakes a deliberate and satisfying clockwork narrative: redundancy. Hussie can have 100 characters who all "feel" like that have a role because many characters are all basically doing the same thing. I think I once said, in a spiel about database-driven storytelling, that Hussie wrote similar to how he coded. If you ever looked at the HTML of the old MSPA site, I might have been more right than I knew...

This all probably sounds quite harsh on Homestuck, but I think even creating this illusion of unity at such a large scale is impressive. Compare to a lot of the long-running shounen, which accumulate hundreds of characters who are relevant for their introductory arc and then become part of an increasingly gigantic crowd of tagalongs who are lucky if they even get to say a line now and then to remind the audience they exist. Hussie used the (at the time) brand new concept of the "meme" to accomplish a lot of this aesthetic clockworkery. The most common callbacks in Homestuck, after all, are repeated lines from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. The redundancy in characters and details helped the work's internal meme language because memes tend to disperse by being templatized and reused in a variety of similar-but-different contexts. In a normal story, you might see stairs several times, and not think anything of it. But in Homestuck, the concept of "stairs" is memetically meaningful. If stairs show up, you better be sure you'll soon get a memetic callback. A bunny? There's a bunny? Oh shit. You better put it back in the box. In this paradigm, a character being similar to another character, almost to the point of redundancy (i.e. Dave and Davesprite and Dirk), is aesthetically unifying, rather than pointlessly promulgating.

[sunderwight]

Not to theorize on Arcane with only three episodes left to go or anything, but I do think that there's a reason why the scenes we get of Viktor where he's actually acting like his old self, with Sky also acting reasonably human, are in some kind of theater of the mind/magical space/etc, rather than just Viktor in-person talking to Hallucination Sky in his shimmer dome or something.

Like, think about it. The first few scenes we have of Viktor post-cocoon, he sees Sky as a hallucination in physical reality, and it's disjointed and an obvious sign that something has gone Wrong. It's creepy, and weird. He's got one foot in physical reality and one somewhere else (and it's styled very differently from Jinx's hallucinations, too, which handily indicates that this is not the same sort of thing).

But then, after Jayce returns and we see that Viktor has established his cult, his personality seems to be entirely contained within this otherworldly space. He can perceive reality, but it's no longer overlapping. He has become somewhat quarantined from himself, with Sky there as well, acting way more like "herself" than she did as a hallucination before but also essentially chaperoning Viktor's consciousness. Like a golden retriever put in with a zoo cheetah to keep it calm.

What's interesting is that, internal Viktor is pretty much the usual Viktor he's been since S1, more or less. Like, that's definitely Viktor, who worries about Jayce and focuses on complex problems and wants to help people. But in-person Viktor is weirder. He's not a completely different guy by any means, but he doesn't emote the way that the internal Viktor does, and he says more weird shit in weird tones. Based on the decisions he ultimately makes, I think the internal Viktor is still calling the shots -- but I also think that he's increasingly on his way out.

He's been disconnected from his own physical reality by several degrees, observing it more than interacting with it. And though he sees that there's another influence on Jayce, there are heavy hints (such as Sky appearing right when he says that) that he's in the same boat. But because the process is happening gradually, and is happening within him, he can't recognize it. Every time he tries to, he is presented with a new distraction, or discussion, or there is a reassuring concession that seems to validate that he's still in control. Plus it's probably just difficult to perceive because it does seem to be basing a lot of its outlook on things off of his own. How do you discern the "wrongness" in something when it's the same flavor of wrong that you yourself tend to be?

It's difficult from the outside to definitively say whether this is just Viktor undergoing some funky character development, or if Viktor's another victim of something else. Maybe Viktor's just sequestering his own humanity a bit? Maybe it's all just intended to depict how he navigates through magical energy?

But I think another big indication that it's not just Viktor, is Salo. When Jayce comes back and asks if Salo's still in there after Viktor talks through him, Salo just calmly reasserts himself, and acts as if the idea that he's being forcefully subjugated is absurd. He's not being attacked or imprisoned, he's just engaged in a willing partnership with a benevolent power. If we didn't know what he was like before, or if the old Salo had been a very calm and altruistic individual to being with, it might even be convincing. But the disconnect is way more obvious here because the character we met in past episodes is way further removed from the serene cultist we see Jayce smash with his big hammer. We know that even a grateful Salo is not the kind of person who is going to put on a beige tunic, forgo his many vices and fancy parties, and join a commune just to thank his benefactor. No matter how happy he was to have his legs back, it would only be because it got him his life back -- he wouldn't want to regain his mobility just to up and abandon that life.

Outwardly it would seem that the thing that has subverted Salo's will is Viktor. But if Viktor is also being gradually quarantined, if the same thing is happening to him, then that further implies that another will is at play. One that is disguising itself as Viktor, or if you will as an evolution of Viktor.

Okay and now to actually theorized I guess -- I think that this might be where Singed's assertions about Warwick/Vander being a necessary component of Viktor's evolution will come into play. Because Viktor himself is not going to sacrifice a man to achieve that, but whatever else is part of Viktor does want to evolve. And then it just so happens that Jayce comes out of nowhere, ostensibly being controlled or influenced by something else, and shoots Viktor dead. At which point it seems like the human part of Viktor goes out, and the Machine Evolution guy fully supplants him.

Yeah, I kind of think that Jayce did do a bad thing, but that the twist will be that when he touched the arcane, "Viktor" showed him a vision or gave him some kind of time travel-y experience that convinced him he had to go back and destroy him, so that Jayce would unwittingly kill the only thing holding it back before Viktor finished helping Vander, probably ran out of juice and died in the process, and quietly took this thing out with him. It would, unfortunately, be very on-brand for Jayce to take a decisive and violent action to try and prevent catastrophe, only to unintentionally make it worse. This show on the whole has stuck to the idea that shooting your big flashy magic weapon at a thing is a great way to make a complicated problem much much worse.

I'm not sure they'd break the pattern for this one.

[oliviasroses19]

Just thinking about how happy I am that we got a more complex, deeper friendship with show!polin. I did enjoy the book, don’t get me wrong. But at the start, book!polin was pretty one sided on Penelope’s part. We know she loves Colin literally from the first page, but Penelope was what feels like an afterthought for Colin. It’s only when he returns from his tour and spends more time with her that he starts seeing her as a friend. He said it himself, they were acquaintances, and only more recently does he consider them being friends. He went from liking her company to Colin “my wife” Bridgerton real quick (this form of Colin exists in both bridgerton universes, thank GOD). Their story feels more like acquaintances to lovers in my opinion.

What makes show!Polin so magical, and I’m sure is the true reason for the choke hold they have on us, is the fact that we got to see their history as childhood friends develop to best friends and then to lovers. We can see the love Pen has for Colin from the start, and while he hasn’t come to his senses yet, he clearly adores her in the beginning as well.

Then we have the letters. My dear, sweet, completely inappropriate letters (only in regard to the lack of propriety). Yet another contrast between show and book Polin. Their letters truly fortify their friendship to the viewer and add even more magic to their story. Penelope is eager to talk to the man she loves and she is elated that he wants to talk to her too. And Colin gets the space to be himself in these letters. Penelope has never once made him feel silly for his rambling about the places he’s visiting while his family doesn’t shy away from brushing him off or chastising him for talking about his travels. He knows that there is at least one person back home that is excited to hear from him. His heartache confusion over not hearing from her on his second tour only solidifies how dear her letters and friendship are to him. Penelope plays such a large part in his life, he spirals when he thinks he lost her friendship. “Is there something wrong, Pen? Between us, I mean” gets me every time 😭.

We see the yearning from Pen for two seasons, see her protect and love Colin in secret, and heartbreakingly see her give up hope that he will ever love her in that way. We also get to see Colin look for her at every social assembly, protect Pen multiple times, and when he FINALLY realizes his feelings aren’t completely platonic, we see his own yearning. This makes the entire journey all the more gratifying for the viewer.

I can’t believe it sometimes that we finally made it. We got our Polin endgame. It’s been a long few years but those years just made the reward all the more incredible. The boost of serotonin I get watching them finally end up together is truly unmatched and hasn’t diminished no matter the amount of rewatches/GIFs/fan edits I see.

It’s been 6 months and not a day has gone by that i haven’t thought about my babies finally getting their happily ever after. I cannot, will not, do not want to give up the choke hold these two have on me.

——————————————

This post ran away from me but are we really surprised? Thanks for letting me dump out the contents of my brain, y’all are real ones.

[yaseraphine]

RANT ABOUT THERAPY AND WHY IT'S NOT MY CUP OF TEA 🤡

+ trying to guess the therapist's rising and our synastry and ranting about it cause I am tired man (and too sensitive lol)

Really messy post btw just a disclaimer lol

(Update 23/11/24 : I might have slightly overreacted 🤡😀😁 lol plus maybe the therapist was actually a Taurus rising lol idk man I am confused as fuck about everything bye 😝🤪🫡)

Just had my first therapist appointment since 2021 and what can I say....it was REALLY awkward. I don't know how people are able to spill their deepest traumas like that bro she just sat down and told me to talk 💀 like what I thought she would interview me or start the first appointment with pre-made questions to make a profile, regarding my background, family relationships,etc .. It was really messy and I was so confused throughout the whole thing.

I understand it's a privilege to afford therapy (it was 60euros for 45 minutes lol of course it is) but it is much more complex than just spilling your guts to a random with a degree.

Something about me is that I always thought i didn't really need therapy, no matter how painful a situation was for me. And it wasn't only therapy, it was also opening up to my own friends 💀 i could take care of myself like i always did anyways so whats the point of paying for it ? I understood people who needed it and felt helped by it. But it just wasn't for me. I have realizations on my own consistantly thanks to my self-awareness and trained and developped intuition.

What pushed me to go back to therapy even though i was , and still am, very skeptical in its effectiveness on me, is that this year, I realized asking for help won't actually kill me and that i have my limits as a human being.

I fear this appointment just unfortunately kind of validated my initial more negative feelings towards therapy and the idea that I don't really need it.

As a really introspective and painfully self-aware person who has a hard time asking for help (but is actively working on it), I really don't know what kind of therapy could help me, really. I know I probably have a few blind spots, but it's so out of my comfort zone to open up like that. I kind of hate it.

I want to keep an open mind, and probably try another therapist but damn if I don't f*ck with any, it just feels forced .. I trust divine timing for that because I don't really want to put myself in such a situation again.

Right now, I feel dirty knowing a random woman knows about my deepest traumas in a really messy and all over the place way. She has fragments of my soul, and despite me having somewhat giving my consent for it, it was too fast. Maybe it's my 8th house moon conjunct Lilith (1181) in Leo that is speaking but I feel literally violated. Strong words but this how uncomfortable it was for me.

Guessing the therapist's rising sign and ranting about 12th house synastry...

Random but I think the therapist in question had a Virgo or Leo rising... I already said it's the most common rising signs (especially virgo) and I am losing patience. We probably had a 12th house synastry that's why our exchange was really weird and scattered. She kept on making weird faces while I was talking telling me she didn't understand what I was trying to say.... I know it all too well because EVERY single person I knew or had interacted with that had a leo rising, my interactions with them were like this. I was saying stuff and it felt like it went in one ear and got out in the other. Like they could hear me but not listen and understand what i was trying to say. This kind of reminds me of Willy Wonka's relationship with Mike TV or wth his name is, in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Tim Burton's movie. Wonka always said stuff to him whenever he opened his mouth like "I cannot hear a single thing you say because you're speaking gibberish"or whatever. (Me being Mike TV and Leo risings being Willy Wonka).

This is how every single one of my interactions with Leo risings went, no matter their gender or age. It was always like that.

[lachesismoonmist]

JK Drabbles - One Shots #4 - Days Without Incident

Here's a collection of One-Shot stories involving JK. JK as husband, JK as boyfriend, JK as lover.

Some of them are scenes I wrote which didn't make it into my eventual stories,but were such fun to write I wanted to share them.

Each story is saved as an individual chapter.

Enjoy!

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook / Reader Also posted on AO3

MY MASTERLIST

Masterlist for JK Drabbles - One Shots

#1 - Welcome Home #2 - Be My Slave #3 - Wait #4 - Days Without Incident

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!TRIGGER WARNING!: Verbal and emotional abuse of MC by husband. Very harsh and degrading language. If this is disturbing for you, please DO NOT read this chapter.

Also, there are thoughts of cheating. White lies, fake smiles, hidden pain are the norm as our MC struggles in her marriage.

-----------------

Chapter 4: Days Without Incident - JK as love interest

Scold Me

Days without incident: 0.  Every time you reset the counter to zero, you would either be in a state of shock, or felt like you’d just be trampled on. Or, you’d be beating yourself up over having not done something correctly.  You’d questioned yourself whether you made the right choices.  You doubted yourself, ashamed that you could be so thoughtless and inconsiderate.

No, this wasn’t about something happening at the workplace.  You didn’t work in a hazardous working environment, where those signs were put up to remind everyone to be safe.  Seeing the number of days increasing was supposed to motivate everyone to continue to be safe. If an accident took place, or someone got hurt, the counter would reset to zero.

This was about life with your husband. Kim Taehyung. You’d been married for three years.   When you first met, he had been warm, loving, kind.  He’d pursued you relentlessly, first, getting you to out with him, then getting you to marry him.  You admired his determination and go-getter spirit. Being in the performing arts yourself, you admired his creative spirit. His designs were breathtaking. 

Then things slowly changed.  He wasn’t very warm.  He wasn’t very loving.  He wasn’t very kind. 

He was the leading architect in one of the country’s top construction and property developers.  He was heavily involved in not just the planning, but also the construction for his projects.  Two of the buildings that now made up part of the city skyline were designed by him.   He’d won numerous awards for innovative yet stylish designs. 

Two and a half years ago, he took on a regional role, requiring him to travel every two weeks or so.  It was a promotion for him, one he’d worked very hard for.   So now his projects were much bigger, more complex.  A big part of his job required anticipating issues, potential derailers, putting in contingencies.  Best to put all the necessary plans in place to avoid problems, because once a problem surfaced mid-way it would be a whole lot more difficult and expensive to fix.  So, the initial planning was critical.  He had no tolerance for mistakes that could have been avoided with proper planning.  He was very hard on his subordinates for these sorts of hiccups.  You’d heard him shouting at one of them over the phone once.  It was not pleasant.

You, on the other hand, were more of a “go with the flow” kind of person. You did plan of course, but you were a bit less of a control freak.  Hey, shit happens.  Accidents happen.  People slip up.  Just deal with it when the time comes.  Whatever “mistake” made had happened already. No one could turn back time.  Instead, you focused on how to make the best of the situation.  Keep moving forward. 

Your husband wasn’t a very patient man to begin with.  But given the nature of his work, it got worse.  He’d snap at everything.  You taking too long to put on your shoes.  You forgetting to turn off the lights.  You not topping up the milk.  You forgetting that he’d changed his mind about dinner, and cooking the wrong dish.  Once you’d tried to mention that forgetting to turn off the light happened to everyone.  He countered that he’d told you so many times about it already.  He said he was sick of cleaning up after you.  That the reason he got upset was he’d already reminded you multiple times.  Yet you kept forgetting.  It had to be because you didn’t think what he said to you was important, or you just didn’t care.  You reassured him it was neither. You felt bad about it for the whole day.

It didn’t help that your memory was really terrible.  Your phone calendar was littered with entries, not just about events, but also reminders.  Anyone would have laughed at some of your reminders. You even had one to wish your in-laws “Happy Birthday”.  One year, you’d forgotten, which meant Tae also forgot since you were the one who remembered everyone’s birthdays.  What a tongue lashing you got.  Tae had pointed out angrily that you’d never forget your parent’s birthdays, but when it came to his parents, you didn’t care. You almost blurted out, “But they’re YOUR parents,” but you didn’t.  You didn’t want things to blow up even more. You just wanted the incident to be over.  You felt bad about it too, because he had been right when he said you’d never have forgotten your own parents’ birthdays.  What a horrible person you were! 

The worst thing was, you never knew when he’d snap.  It might have seemed like a trivial thing to you, but it would suddenly become a big issue and he’d erupt.  You felt like you were walking on eggshells. 

It wasn’t like that ALL the time.  You don’t think you would have been able to stay married to him if it were.  On days when he was in a very good mood, you could see the old him.  Fun, cheeky, loving.   More forgiving, patient and understanding.   On days like those, you were reminded why you fell in love with him in the first place.

When he was not in a good mood, best to stay away.  When he snapped, he became a whole different person.   If something went wrong, he’d fly off the handle.   Every time your phone lit up with a notification of a text or call from Tae, the first thing you felt was anxiety.  What had you forgotten this time?  Your mind would be racing a mile a minute, going over what you’d done recently to see if there was potentially anything that could have set him off.  You’d let out a little sigh of relief if the text or call wasn’t a tongue lashing. 

It was always your fault.  That fact was that he didn’t lift a finger to help around the house. You did everything. Since he didn’t do anything, that also meant he couldn’t do anything wrongly.  Whereas you, doing everything, had a higher chance of something “fucking something up”.

Because he came at you so aggressively, your first instinct was to defend yourself.  Your brain went into “flight or fight” mode and would get complete scrambled.  You learnt that there was a term for this:  ‘emotional flooding’.   A sudden and intense feeling of being overwhelmed by emotions. It can make it hard to think clearly or act. 

There were times when you’d try to explain why you did something a certain way.  You were often afraid to admit you’d forgotten something, instead, choosing to come up with a reason that could explain your behaviour, hoping he would buy it. 

Sometimes it would work.  Sometimes it didn’t.  When it didn’t, things would go downhill.  Sometimes things even exploded over text.

“You think I’m stupid?   You’re just making excuses.”

“You really need to know when to just shut the fuck up and stop digging a deeper hole for yourself.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“How could you have messed this up? You fucking swine.”

“Are you blind? Or is your head up your ass when you do things?  Your brains don’t work?”

“You make shit decisions.  Don’t you think you should have asked me?”

“Just deal with it yourself. Why do you have to come to me for every little decision?”

“Did you wake up today and ask yourself, ‘How can I fuck up Taehyung’s day today?’”

“This is just asshole behaviour.  You’re an asshole” (finger pointing).  “Get the fuck out of my face. I don’t want to see you.”

Some days you could brush off what he said and the anger he’d directed at you.  Most times he’d feel sorry afterwards, and he’d come to you with puppy dog eyes and say he was sorry.  But some days, you were shell shocked.  You felt horrible for doing whatever it was to him.  You couldn’t believe you had been that inconsiderate.  He had a right to be angry.

So the times when he snapped became incidents for you.  You started keeping track of how many days had passed between incidents.  The highest number you got was 15.

Some days you felt trapped.  Like you couldn’t just be yourself.  You’d dusted off you Kindle and started reading again. You used to be a voracious reader. You liked the quiet at night after having showered, before going to bed.  But Taehyung then complained that you weren’t spending time with him because you’d be reading on the sofa, while he’d gone into the bedroom to watch Netflix.  So, you didn’t read after you shower, sitting on the sofa.  You watched Netflix with him. He’d fall asleep before you did, snoring.  You’d turn on your phone light under your blanket and read for a short while before going to sleep.

Contrary to how everything else was going, the sex was good.  Taehyung was an attentive lover.  He worshiped your body, giving you multiple orgasms before he chased his.  In the last half year or so, he’d been a lot more tired with all the travelling, so sex didn’t happen so often, and didn’t last as long. There was less cuddling. But he always made sure you came first.  One thing you did notice was that you went down on him every time, but he hardly ever went down on you.  The last time had been some months ago, after a big fight.  He’d felt disconnected from you and had desperately wanted to bridge the gap. You were still reeling from the fight, but you let him eat you out.  You didn’t even come, but you made the appropriate noises and faked an orgasm.

Your BFF Jimin knew everything.  You’d confide in him whenever something happened.  He often told you that you didn’t have to live like this. He tried to make you see that this tantamounted to verbal and emotional abuse.  Tae was gaslighting you. You refused to listen. You had been the one to make Taehyung angry.  If you hadn’t done something wrong, he wouldn’t have gotten angry. 

Jimin despaired at ever being able to make you see things differently.  It didn’t help that he was working overseas at the moment, in a totally different time zone from you.

You’d sometimes recall moments when Tae showed affection.  There were so few.  They often happened when you were not alone.  You’d be out with friends, and he’d say things about how well you keep the house, how well you cook, and he’d hook an arm around you and kiss you on the forehead.  Or he’d proudly talk about how successful you were as a dancer, dancing with the National Ballet, but also doing modern dance with a small group of your dance friends.  Your group was getting noticed, and now often performed upon request at big events.  But all these nice things never happened when you were alone.  You’d find yourself thinking, why can’t he be that nice to me when we are alone too?  You felt like you were waiting for little crumbs of affection.  No prizes for guessing who had all the power in the relationship.

Jimin tried again to convince you that this was not how a marriage should work.  No wife should be afraid of getting a scolding from her husband.  No wife should have to accept such awful words thrown at her, albeit in a fit of anger, only to just forgive her husband when he looked contrite and said he was sorry.

So you started keeping a record of what had happened, and the things he had said.    At the back of your mind you agreed with Jimin.  You asked him for the contact of the lawyer who had handled his divorce.  You saved it, but didn’t call her. 

To escape the situation from home, you put in long hours at the dance studio.  Even on days when there was no rehearsal, you’d head in to help out with whatever needed help.  You started giving classes to the kids who wanted to learn ballet.

Not being at home, not being around Taehyung also meant your “Days with Incident” could continue to climb. It made you feel a little less stifled.

Spending more time at the studio also meant spending more time with your friends there. You were really close to the ones who were also doing modern dance with you.  There were two other women, Ara and Ji-a.  There were three men, Namjoon, Yoongi and Jungkook.  With them, you felt like your old self. You could just be you.  You didn’t have to tip toe around anyone.  Your friends had asked if it was tough that your husband was away so much.  You smiled and said no.  You knew he was busy, and he’d message or video-call you every day.  The first part was true. The second part was not.  Your friends all quipped that you guys were so lovey-dovey.  Namjoon made kissy faces at Ara, who pushed him away laughing. You’d just laughed along with them, a knot in your chest.

Tell Me

Jungkook had been observing you.  He noticed that there was a tightness in your expression when you talked about Taehyung.  You’d often paired with him for modern dance, so he thought he knew you pretty well. Your eyes would crinkle when you smiled.  Your cute dimples would appear.  If there was something you disliked you’d wrinkle your nose.   He knew what you looked like when you were relaxed and happy.  He’d picked up a slight change in your posture when anyone mentioned your husband.  A slight slouch, like you were trying to make yourself smaller.  A tightness around the shoulders.  Your face, a blank mask.  Eyes dull, instead of your usual animated, bright-eyes expression. He even thought he saw your eyes water once or twice, but he told himself he was imagining things.

Unbeknownst to you, your efforts at hiding your pain were not totally successful.  Jungkook knew something was wrong.  Jungkook had always felt drawn to you.  He remembered learning that you were married when you’d met a year and a half ago.  He’d been so disappointed that you weren’t available.  He liked everything about you.  How warm and caring you were.  How loyal you were to your friends.  You had a dry sense of humour and could be really cheeky.  Even if he didn’t know how nice you were, he’d might have fallen for you just by dancing with you. The love you had for dance and music. The dedication and effort you put into mastering your craft.   The fluid way you moved.  The graceful curve of your neck. The beautiful lines of your arms.  The way your lost yourself in the music and the moment. How your breath hitched just before he lifted you. 

It felt so natural to have you in his arms.  Granted you were only there because the choreography required it.  But he relished the times when he got to hold you. 

He kept his thoughts to himself. Both the ones about you being unhappy, and the ones about him having a crush on you.  He told himself that he found ways to be around you because he enjoyed your company. Nothing more.

One evening, everyone had gone off after a late practice.  He’d gone to take a shower.  He thought he was alone, until he heard someone sniffling.   He followed the sound till reached the studio at the end.  He pushed the door open slowly and stuck his head in.  It was you.  You were sitting on the floor in a corner, sniffling. You were looking at your phone.

He felt an overwhelming need to comfort you.  He pushed the door open.  Your head shot up at the sound and you saw him.  You hastily dashed away your tears and put on a small smile.

“Oh hey, Jungkook.  I didn’t know you were still around.”

“Y/N, what’s wrong” he said, concern written all over his face.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” you gave me another fake smile, looking away nervously.

“Y/N, it’s not nothing,”  he said, sitting down next to you.  He could see you were trying to compose yourself and look calm, but you were gripping your phone really hard.

He decided now was the time to say something.

“Y/N, I know deep down you’re unhappy.  You’re fine most of the time, but I know that when we  mention Taehyung, you’re putting on a front.  You say things are good, but I see the tightness in your posture and the sadness in your eyes.  Your fake smiles are not fooling me.” He paused to put his finger under your chin to make you look at him.

“Tell me,” he said softly.

You wordlessly handed your phone over to him.  Your message app was open.  He read Taehyung’s messages:

“I really don’t know what goes on in that head of yours. Why can’t you think like a normal person?  Are you fucking retarded? No common sense or basic reasoning.  Do I have to draw a fucking map for you? I can't write a playbook of every fucking scenario if you don't use common sense.”

Jungkook’s blood boiled.  Who talks to their wife like that?   He looked at you, and saw you literally crumble in front of him.  You broke down.  You hunched over, sobs wrecking your entire body. You covered your face with your hands.

Jungkook reached out to gather you in his arms.  He pulled you against him.  You collapsed on him. Tears running down your face.  He didn’t say anything. He just held you.  He didn’t know how long you both sat on the floor like this.  It felt like a long time.  Eventually you cried yourself out and calmed down.

You sat up straight and wiped your face with your hand, taking a deep breath.  He reluctantly let you go.

“How long has this been going on?”  Jungkook asked quietly.

“Two years,” you whispered.

“What?!?” he shouted, making you jump.  He calmed himself and took your hand in his. “Tell me what’s going on, Y/N.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.  You related how things had changed between you and your husband over the last two years.  Everything came gushing out.  Things you hadn’t even told Jimin. 

He frowned whenever you said it was your fault, you’d made him angry, you should have been more considerate.  He didn’t want to contradict you, so he kept silent.  The more you spoke, the more you deflated.  You looked so sad and vulnerable his heart broke.

He reached up to hold your face in his hands.  He rubbed him thumbs over your cheekbones, wiping away some of your tears.   “Y/N, there is nothing wrong with you.  So you forget things. Everyone forgets things. That’s no reason to go ballistic.”

His kindness made your tears flow even more.   You didn’t realise how long it had been since your husband had treated you with kindness.  Jungkook looked at you in alarm, not expecting you to cry harder.  He pulled you into his arms again, making soothing noises.  He rubbed your back gently.

Being in Jungkook’s arms felt so comforting.  For the first time in a long time, you felt like someone was really seeing you.  The real you. No pretences. No fake smile.  No lies.  Your arms snaked up around his neck and you moved closer.  You took deep calming breaths.   Jungkook gently shook you.

“Are you awake, Y/N?”

You laughed softly. “Of course I am. Did you think I fell asleep?”

“Well, you went quiet and were breathing deeply.  That was half an hour ago.”

You sat up in surprise. “What?  Half an hour? Oh, I’m so sorry, Jungkook!  I didn’t realise.”   You moved, wanting to stand up.

Jungkook took your face in his hands again, gently. “Y/N, it’s okay.  Don’t apologise.  I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.  Are you okay?” he looked at you, clearly concerned. 

You nodded.  You just realised Jungkook had a small mole under his lower lip.  Why hadn’t you noticed that before?   You looked into his big brown eyes. They were so warm.  Jungkook looked right back at you, but you saw his eyes dip briefly to your lips.  You pulled back, suddenly aware that your faces had been inching closer together.

“I should go,” you said, picking up your bag.  You looked at the clock on the studio wall. “Oh! It’s past midnight.  I can forget about the bus then. Looks like I have to get an Uber.” You said, pulling out your phone.

“No,” Jungkook said, taking your bag from you. “You’re coming with me. I’m driving you home.” His tone broached no argument.  He turned and left the studio, making you trot to keep up with him.

You didn’t talk on the ride home.   But it was not an awkward silence.  It was comfortable one.  Being in Jungkook’s presence was comforting.  You looked at his profile.  He was so handsome.  Those big doe eyes. The floppy hair. Strong jawline.  Muscular body.   He turned and smiled at you. You looked away, embarrassed at having been caught looking at him.  He noticed it.

“Go get some rest, Y/N.  Don’t think about things too much okay?  We can talk more tomorrow.  I’m here if you need anything.  Promise me you’ll get some rest.”

You nodded.  “Thanks, Jungkook,” you turned towards the door to pull the handle, but suddenly turned back and pressed a kiss to Jungkook’s cheek before you scurried out of the car.

Despite his worry for you, that made him smile for the entire drive home.

-----------

You didn’t get a chance to talk to Jungkook.  You had a fever the next morning when you woke up. Your head was killing you, throat was sore, nose blocked.  Great. A flu.  You also had some ankle pain as you’d sprained your ankle quite badly the day before.  That text from Taehyung had made you completely forget about it until the pain got worse overnight.

Jungkook called to ask you if you were okay.  You reassured him that you were fine, and that you’d be back dancing the following week.  He told you not to worry about dancing and to rest so you could recover.

He texted you daily to check up on you.  He sent you funny videos of animals, knowing you liked animals.   His texts always made you smile.

Taehyung was extremely attentive and loving when he got home from his trip.  His wifey was sick.  Wifey had sprained her ankle. He bought you soup. He made sure you ate your meds. 

After you recovered, Taehyung continued to be very nice.  Days without incident, 18.  Maybe things were looking up.

-------------

Now when you went for dance rehearsals, you felt a special bond with Jungkook.  Sometimes, he’d put a hand on your arm and look at you questioningly.  You’d nod at him and smile, assuring him you were okay.

When you danced, you felt so connected to him.  You were more aware now of his body moving around you, moving against you.  You enjoyed being close to him. Now he sent you home almost every day.   You didn’t kiss him on the cheek anymore, but you’d squeeze him arm as you said goodbye.

You started teaching a kid’s ballet class at the studio.  You needed a pianist, and Jungkook had volunteered.  The four-year olds were frightened of him at first, but he soon won them over. He was so good with kids!   Now they loved their “Uncle Kookie” and would make him pick them up and twirl them. After the class you would sometimes play the piano with Jungkook.  You’d taken lessons as well, all the way till you were in your teens.  It was fun.

That’s not to say things were all sunshine and roses.  There were still incidents at home. They weren’t as severe. But your incident counter never went beyond 8. Each time, the first person you texted about the troubles was not Jimin. It was Jungkook.  Once, Jungkook has asked you gently why you hadn’t considered leaving your husband. You said you couldn’t.  You said you knew Tae loved you.  When Jungkook asked if you love Tae, you couldn’t answer.   That gave you sleepless nights.  You didn’t know if you still loved Tae. While at home, you withdrew a little.  You’d smile when things were great.  But you always felt like you were waiting for the other shoe to drop.  You were mentally bracing yourself for the next incident.   It was exhausting. Tae on the other hand, didn’t notice anything amiss.

Your main source of comfort was, no surprise, Jungkook.  He listened to you.  He let you cry on his shoulder.  He held you when you needed a hug.  He went with you to catch the new Chris Hemsworth movie, where you gushed about the hero’s muscular chest and arms and glorious abs.  Jungkook insisted his were glorious as well, going as far as to lift his shirt to show you.  You’d laughed and told him not to flash everyone in the cinema.  But you silently admitted to yourself that Jungkook’s abs were indeed glorious.

Once you’d reached the studio early. Jungkook was alone in one of the studios rehearsing.  You stopped to watch.  He wasn’t wearing a shirt. His graceful dancer’s body moving lithely.  The muscles in his arms and legs prominent as he went through the movements.  His big hand running through his sweat slicked hair when he was done.   He looked up and saw you standing there at the window.  He saw you checking him out.  He smiled and waved at you, enjoying how your face turned red and you looked sheepish.

You’d move away quickly, breathing hard.  You tried to get thoughts of his magnificent body out of your mind. You weren’t very successful.

------------

Stay With Me

Days without incident: 3.  There will still altercations, but they were quite minor.  You continued to reset your incident counter each time and adding on to your record of the incidents.

It still disturbed you that you didn’t know if you still loved Tae.   He was not the first person who came to mind if you read a new book and wanted to gush about it.   When you wanted to try the sushi at the new restaurant that has just opened. When you needed company to watch a horror movie because they scared the bejesus out of you.  You’d camped out on Jungkook’s sofa, hiding under a blanket, only the top of your head and your eyes showing.  You spent more of the movie shrieking and hiding then actually watching it.  Jungkook laughed so hard at you he was tearing.  You’d pounded your fists on his shoulder telling him to stop laughing.  He’d put his arms around you to stop you from beating him.  Your faces were inches apart.  His lips looked so kissable.  His warm breath on your face.  You’d quickly stood up announcing you needed popcorn.  The moment had broken, and things went back to normal.

What was most disturbing of all, was what happened when you and Tae had sex.  Tae was still an attentive lover.  But when you closed your eyes, it wasn’t Tae’s face you saw.  It wasn’t Tae’s lips you wished were kissing your neck.  It was Jungkook’s.  You imagined that those muscular arms holding you were Jungkook’s.  That body that was rubbing against yours was Jungkook’s.  When you came, you made sure not to say any name.  Just in case you said Jungkook’s.

One day after rehearsal the gang had been talking about cheating.  Whether sex had to be involved before it was considered cheating.  There was something called “emotional cheating”.  Ara said a friend of hers had divorced his wife because the wife was cheating on him emotionally with a friend of his.  They hadn’t had sex.  But the wife had admitted that she felt she had more of connection with that friend. If she had raunchy dreams, she dreamt of that friend. Not her husband. Namjoon argued that nothing had happened.  It was only her thoughts and her dreams.

But Ara argued that the emotional connection between two people was one of the foundations of any relationship.   It was way important than sex.  Ara challenged Namjoon by asking him if he felt an emotional connection with every girl he’d slept with.  Namjoon had to concede the point. He’d had one-night stands where there was no emotional connection at all.  It was just sex.

The more you heard, the more disturbed you got.  Were you already emotionally cheating on Tae?   You thought of Jungkook when you were having sex with Tae, for crying out loud.   You didn’t know if you still loved Tae.

You carried on living life in this half-state.  You felt like you were living two lives.  There was your life with Tae.  Filled with anxiety.  Then there was your life with Jungkook.  Filled with adoration, admiration, respect. You wondered how long you could continue like this.

Then things came to a head two months later.   Tae was in between business trips. He was extremely on edge as there was some issue with his latest and biggest project.  You’d just come back from practice.  You hadn’t even put down your things.  He screamed that you hadn’t done something for him, and he flew off the handle.

“How could you be so inconsiderate?!?  How did hell could you have forgotten?!? Now it’s a total mess!! You fucking cunt!!”  He raised his hand, his face red, his blazing, looking as if he was going to strike you.

You flinched.  He stopped himself before his hand reached you.  His eyes widened in shock as he realised what he was about to do.

“Oh my god, Y/N,” he said, visibly shaken. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Honey.  I wasn’t going to hurt you.”

You were backing away slowly from him.  Your eyes wide open in fear.  Your face was white.  He moved forward towards you, reaching out to hold your hand but you flinched again.  Whimpering a little this time.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean to scare you!   I didn’t mean it!”

You shook your head at him, then turn and fled.  You ran.  You ran like your life depended on it.  You left your apartment.  You heard Tae calling out your name. You ran down the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator.  You ran to the park just across from your apartment block.   You hid behind a tall clump of trees, terrified that Tae had followed you.

With shaking hands, you called Jungkook.  You were crying so hard Jungkook almost couldn’t make out you were saying. 

“Where are you? I’ll turn around and come get you.”

“Th…the park … across from my place,” you stuttered. “Hurry, Jungkook.”

Keeping watch on your apartment building, you saw Tae step out, his phone to his ear.  Thankfully he ran off down the street instead of crossing the road to the park.

Your phone rang.  Jungkook’s name appeared. “Y/N, I’m in the carpark. Where are you?” Jungkook sounded frantic.   You told him to stay put, and a few minutes later you were in his car.  You were shaking so hard.  You told Jungkook everything, your words tumbling over one another in your haste to tell him what had happened.

Jungkook’s face was red with anger.  As if the verbal and emotional abused weren’t good enough, Tae had almost added physical abuse into the mix as well. This time you needed no convincing.  You needed to end it.  For your own safety and sanity, you had to leave.

So you stayed at Jungkook’s.  You didn’t dare to return home.  Jimin tried going to your apartment to get some of your things, but Tae slammed the door in his face when Jimin refused to divulge where you were. 

You told you parents.  They showed up at your place. Tae had no choice but to let them in.  He begged them to tell him where you were. He needed to know you were safe he said.   Your mom reluctantly told him you were staying with a friend.

“Is it Jungkook?” Tae growled. “I knew it!   I knew she was having an affair!”

Tae reeled backwards suddenly after your mom slapped him hard across the face. 

“She is NOT having an affair,” your mom rebuked him.  “Thankfully she has friends who care about her. Now excuse me while I get her things.”  She stalked off to your bedroom.

Tae and your Dad glowered at each other.  Your Dad was keeping his anger in check. What he really wanted to do was pummel Tae to a pulp for treating you so badly.  He felt terrible that you’d been suffering for so long and they were only just finding about it now.

Your mom came back out with two large duffel bags.  She told your Dad to help pick up some boxes from inside the room as well.    She levelled a stern look at Tae. ” You’ll be hearing from her lawyers. And here,” she threw a small red velvet box at Tae.  He caught it, and his breath caught in his throat when he saw what was inside. The 1.5 carat engagement ring he had used to propose to you.  He‘d once jokingly said that if you ever left him, he wanted the ring back.  He never thought it would ever come to pass.

------------

You’d called the lawyer Jimin had recommended.  The paperwork had been filed.  Your also applied for a Personal Protection Order against Tae, just in case. 

You stayed indoors for about a week, not daring to venture out.  Jungkook stayed at home with you whenever he could.   He cooked your favourite food for you.  He let you babble when you need to rant.  He let you cry on his shoulder.  He held you when you had nightmares at night. 

“Jungkook, stay with me,” you’d begged him, crying.  “I don’t want to be alone. Please, Jungkook. Please, stay with me.”   Of course he stayed.  He put his arms around you, his front to your back.  He always waited till you fell asleep before he closed his eyes and settled down.  Sometimes you'd whimper in your sleep.  He'd shush you, stroking your hair.  Once you were having a nightmare. You tried to pry Jungkook's arms off you.  He quickly opened his arms as you thrashed.  Then you rolled towards him and curled up against his chest.  One had gripped his t-shirt. You pushed your face into his neck, breathing deeply.  He wrapped his arms around you, his nose nuzzling your hair.  He stroked your arm slowly. He felt you relax then fall back into a deep sleep.  His hands never wandered.  He respected you too much for that.  His protective instincts were in overdrive.  All he wanted to do was keep you safe.  He always woke up before you.  He had always been an early riser.  The other reason for getting out of bed first was sometimes his body would react to you, or he'd dream of you and wake up with an erection.  He always woke you up to a hearty breakfast and he’d watch you like a hawk to make sure you ate.

The one thing he didn’t let you do was talk to Tae.   Tae had been calling and messaging incessantly.  Jungkook could see you were affected by it, but you did not change your mind that you wanted out. 

On the first day you went back to the studio, Tae was waiting in the parking lot for you.  He looked terrible. Hair dishevelled.  Clothes rumpled, like he’d slept in them. Bags under his eyes. He called out to you, begging you to talk to him. 

When you saw him, all you felt was anger.  You asked yourself why you’d been in hiding for a week when you hadn’t done anything wrong.  You asked yourself why you gave this man so much power over you.  Enough was enough.  You stalked over to him.

Jungkook, startled, followed closely behind you.

“Y/N,” Tae sobbed. “Please, I’m sorry!  Give me another chance!” he begged, falling onto his knees.

“Why should i?” you said in a quiet but angry voice.  “You’ve been using me as punching bag for more than two years.  You made my life a living hell.”

“But Y/N, I love you!  You’re the best thing that ever happened to me!” Tae cried.

“It sure didn’t feel that way when you called me a swine and cunt!  Don’t you remember, Tae?   I didn’t have any fucking common sense.  I made stupid decisions.  I was an asshole, remember?” Your voice was getting louder and louder as your anger increased.

Tae was taken aback at how vicious you looked, eyes blazing.  You were literally spitting his words back at him.  He just knelt there with his mouth open.

“Well, you’re the worst thing that ever happened to me!  Just sign the damn divorce papers.  I never want to see or hear from you ever again, Kim Taehyung!”  You turned and walked away, leaving Tae there with tears streaming down his face.

-------------------

Eight Months Later

Your divorce had been finalised two months ago. You were still living at Jungkook’s.  You’d insisted on paying part of the rent, so that made you roommates. 

Jungkook watched you become more and more at ease each day.  Your smiles were always genuine now.  No more fake smiles plastered on your face.  You played the piano a lot more.  Besides reading, you’d taken to writing your own little, short stories as well. 

Once, Jungkook’s parents had dropped by Jungkook’s apartment. They were in town for business and had decided to surprise Jungkook.  You could see that Jungkook was close to his parents.  He was very respectful and often teased his father.  It was so heartwarming watching them together.  Jungkook’s mom joked that Jungkook would always be her baby.  Jungkook’s older brother was living overseas, so she really only had Jungkook to baby. 

This triggered a memory for you.  You’d once overheard Tae telling his mom off about something.  He told his mom she was being rude, and that he couldn’t believe how uncivilised she was being.  It didn’t strike you then, but looking back, that should have been a red flag.  If he could be that rude and disrespectful to his own mother, he could be rude and disrespectful to other people in his life as well.

Jungkook’s mom had seen the way Jungkook looked at you.  She knew her son had fallen for you.  She could see that you had feelings for him too.  She cornered him in the kitchen as he was preparing dinner.    You were chatting with his Dad in the living room, laughing at something funny your Dad had said.

“So…  when are you going to ask Y/N out, Kooka?”

“Mom!” Jungkook hissed, looking over to see if you were still out of earshot.  “She just got divorced!  I’m not going to push her. She needs her space.”

“Kooka,” his mom said patiently. “I can tell you have feelings for her.  And I can see she has feelings for you too.  I’ve seen the way she looks at you.  You two are so good together!  Have you even admitted to yourself that you have feelings for her?”

“Mooooom,” Jungkook said plaintively. “I know I have feelings for her. She kind, generous, beautiful and loyal. I think,… I think I have fallen in love with her.”

“I can see that Kooka,”  Jungkook’s mom said, patting Jungkook on the cheek.  “You should tell her how you feel.  Life’s too short for us not to be honest with the ones we love.”

“I don’t know, Mom.  Her divorce just got finalised.  I don’t want to pressure her into anything she’s not ready for.  Or she might just want more time for herself.”

“I get it, Kooka.  But I still think you should tell her how you feel.  If she’s not ready, let her tell you.  If she is, well, I think you’d be so happy together.”

“Ok, Mom.  Let me think about it. Thanks Mom,” Jungkook kissed his Mom on her forehead.

Jungkook and his mom didn’t know that you’d approached the kitchen to get more coffee for his Dad.  You were standing right outside the kitchen, mugs in hand and heard the conversation.  Jungkook was in love with you?  Your heart skipped a beat.  Were you ready for something new?  Even though your divorce had only been finalised two months ago, you felt that your marriage had broken down long before that.   Jungkook had been nothing but patient and kind through it all.  You made a plan to do something about it that night.

Jungkook’s parents had left. They were going back to the hotel, then driving back home in the morning.   Everything had been cleaned up and put away.  Jungkook wished you goodnight, hoping that you had a nice time with his parents.  You said you did, and that you had enjoyed spending time with them.

You took a shower, scrubbing your hair extra hard and taking your time to wash your body.  You blew you hair dry.  You knew Jungkook had just finished his shower because you could hear that the water had turned off.  You went to your wardrobe and picked out your shortest, sheerest nightie. It was white.  You hadn’t worn it since, well, since the first few months of your marriage.  You piled your hair into a messy bun, pinning it up.

You stood outside Jungkook’s room, hesitating.  Then you steeled yourself and knocked.

“Come in,” Jungkook called out.  He was shirtless, sitting up in bed with a book.  His mouth fell open when he saw you. His eyes roamed your body, noting that the nightie was short.  Your thighs were bare.  The nightie was sheer.  He could see the shape of your breasts and the pink shade of your nipples.   His eyes moved lower. He couldn’t see any underwear.  Were you bare under that nightie?  He felt his cock start to harden.

He sat there frozen.  You walked over to the bed, holding his heated gaze.  You took the book out of his hands, closed it and placed it on the beside table.   He looked up at you with wide eyes. 

“Jungkook,”  you placed your hand on his cheek.  “Do you want me?”

Jungkook gazed up at you with so much heat in his eyes, it made you shiver. “Yes,” he whispered reverently.  “I’ve always wanted you.  Right from the time when we first met and you split your milkshake on my shirt and….”

He stopped short when you leaned down and kissed him lightly on the lips.   You drew back, looking at him, gauging his reaction.  He grabbed you by the back of your neck and pulled you down to kiss you.  His lips hot and demanding.  He unpinned your hair, which fell in waves down your back.

You yelped when he grabbed you by the shoulders and somehow flipped you onto the bed so that he was on top.  He looked down at you, eyes dark with desire.  He slanted his lips over yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth.   This felt right.  This connection between you two, it hummed with every touch. 

He lay down on his side, his body still half pressing yours as he kissed you.  His hand moved from your shoulders to your collarbone, to the centre of your chest, then to your breasts.  He rubbed them through your nightie, feeling your nipples harden under his touch.  His hand moved lower, over your belly, your lower abs, to your mound. Yes, you weren’t wearing any panties.  He brushed his fingers over your lips.

“Mmm.. smooth,” he murmured in approval, as he trailed kisses along your cheek, down to your neck.   He dragged his fingers up and down your slit, applying pressure on your clit from the outside.  You moaned and rolled your hips, trying to make him go deeper into your core. But he took his fingers away.  He took hold of your nightie, pulling it up.  You shifted to allow him to remove it entirely.  He gazed down at you. He’d dreamed of having you in his bed.  Your hair fanned out over his pillow.  Your body bare, begging to be worshipped. “So beautiful,” he said softly, as he pressed kisses all over you.  Your shoulders, your chest, your breasts.  He took one nipple into his mouth, sucking and twirling his tongue around it.  His other big hand massaged the other breast, squeezing, rubbing, pinching and rolling the nipple.  Your back arched off the bed.

He continued kissing down your body, kissing every inch of you while his big hands continued squeezing your breasts and playing with your nipples.  When he reached your core, he pushed your legs wider apart.  “Hmm, look at that pretty pussy.”  He slid his hand down your inner thighs, spreading you open even more.  “Wanna taste.”  He placed the flat of his tongue and licked up your slit. 

You gasped. “Aaah,…. Kook……”

Jungkook smiled as flicked his tongue against your smooth plump lips. “Want more, Baby?”

“Yes, yes, Kook, more,” you rasped.

He pressed the flat of his tongue against your slit again, licking harder.  Which each pass, he pushed his tongue deeper into your folds.    When he reached your swollen clit, he circled around it with his tongue.  Your hips bucked as you gasped.  He flicked the tip of his tongue rapidly against the nub, holding your hips down with his hands.

“Hmmm, you’re so wet, Baby. Is this all for me?”

“Yes.. for you Kook, all for you,” you panted.

“Mmmmm.”  He continued licking your clit.  He slid one long finger into your hole.

“Aaaah……” you whimpered.

“That feel good, Baby?” he murmured against your hot flesh.  “How about this?”  He slid in another finger and stroked your walls.

His fingers were coated in your arousal.  He slid them in and out, stroking you in just the right way.  Faster. Harder.  He felt your walls start to pulse around his fingers.  You were close.  His fingers continued sliding in and out of you as he sucked on your clit. Lightly at first, then with increasing pressure.  When you peaked, he scraped your clit with his teeth as you mewled.  He slurped up your juices hungrily.

He stripped off his grey sweatpants then climbed up over you, smiling at your blissed-out look.  “I’m not done with you, Baby,” he said darkly.   He kissed you.  You moaned, tasting yourself on his lips and tongue.  You reached for his cock and gripped the hard, velvety length.  Jungkook was huge.  You’d seen a hint of it through the tights he wore while dancing, but you hadn’t dwelled on it, blushing when your thoughts went a bit wild. 

“Hmmm, so hard, Baby.  Is this all for me?” you threw the question back at him, smiling cheekily.  He grinned as he nuzzled your neck.  

“You like?  You like my hard cock?”

“Yeah, I like,” you said as you watched him take his cock and pump it a few times.  The throbbing between your thighs intensifying.

“Want you inside me,” you said, your voice deep with want.   

He leaned over you, positioning the head of his big, hard cock at your entrance. 

“How do you want it Baby?  Soft and slow? Or hard and fast?”  he asked as he rubbed the head of his cock against your clit.

“Hard and fast,” you panted, opening your legs wider.

He drove all the way in.  Your whole body bucked, not expecting him to slide himself into you so quickly and so smoothly.  He paused there for a while, letting you adjust.  He was a big boy after all.

“You okay?” he asked huskily.  You nodded.  He reached up, intertwined his fingers with yours, his other hand braced beside your body and he thrust forward hard.  He slid into you, his body pressing yours into the mattress.  His pelvic bone rubbing against your clit.  He drew back until only the tip of his cock was inside you, then he thrust into you again.  And again.  The sensations were overwhelming.  Whenever he was balls deep in you, the feeling of fullness was exquisite.  The feeling of closeness. Your clutched at his big shoulders, your nails digging into his flesh.   You ran your hands down his muscular back, relishing the feel of him.  You reached down to grip his ass, pulling him against you as he pounded into you.

“Am so close, Kook,” you groaned. Your muscles tensing up.  You could tell he was close too.

He thrust harder, so hard your whole body bounced.  “Come for me, Y/N.”

“Jungkook!” you cried as your orgasm gripped you, pulling you under.  Your body shuddered. Every nerve firing as he continued thrusting a few more times before he came too. “Fuck, Y/N, fuck!”  He spurted warm cum into you.

You continued clutching him, his weight pressing down on you.  You wanted to hold on to the closeness longer.  Him inside you.  Your legs wrapped around his hips.  He leaned down to kiss you, slowly and languidly this time.

He rolled you onto your sides as he kissed your face.  He gazed into your eyes, mesmerised by you.  He pushed your hair off your face.   He softened and slipped out of you.  You whined a little at the loss of feeling him inside you.  He pulled you close, kissing you on the lips. 

“You know, I might have dreamt about making love to you,” he laughed softly.  “You spread out on my bed.  You making the prettiest noises for me.  Gave me such a hard-on.  I had to take a cold shower and cum twice.”

“I might have dreamt of you too, Kook,” you smiled at him. 

“Really?  And what did you do after you’d dreamt of me?” he asked cheekily.

“This,” you said huskily, taking his hand and guiding it to your pussy. “And this” you added, as you squeezed your own breasts, rolling and pinching the nipples.  You threw your head back as you moaned. 

“Mmmm, I like where this is going,” he drawled as he pumped his fingers in and out of you.  “What else?”

“This.” You pushed him so he was lying on his back then scooted downwards, taking him into your mouth. 

“Aah!” he cried, not expecting you to take him all the way in so quickly.  His eyes rolled back at how you were licking the head of his cock. Sucking him hard while playing with his balls.   He came quickly, so turned on by the sight of your lips around his cock, you looking at him through your lashes.  You moaning when his cum filled your mouth and throat.

“And this,” you smiled evilly, gripping his cock, pumping it slowly till he was hard again.  Then you climbed onto him, straddling his hips.  You reared up on your knees as you moved so the tip of his cock was at your entrance.  Then holding his smouldering gaze, you impaled yourself on his cock.   He gripped your hips in surprise you as you slid down till you bottomed out.  Then you rode him. Hard.  He grabbed your ass, spreading your cheeks so that you could sit more squarely on him.  You reached up and squeezed your bouncing breasts, tugging and pinching your nipples. Your head thrown back in ecstasy.  He’d never seen anything sexier in his life.  When your movements became faster and more frenzied, he pressed a thumb against your clit while his other hand held your hip, hard enough to bruise.  He couldn’t hold back anymore.  Seeing you pleasure yourself on his cock had him coming hard.  You cried out too, sliding up and down him a few more times as you both came down from your highs.

He pulled you down so you were lying on top of him and kissed you deeply. 

“Can I ask you question, Kook?”

“Anything, Baby,” he said, stroking your face.

“Can I sleep here with you?” you asked him with a mischievous grin, making him laugh.

“Like I’m going to let you sleep anywhere else, Baby,” he said, pressing kisses all over your face and tickling you.

“Stop! Stop!” you cried, tears running down your face at laughing so hard.

“Okay, okay,” he conceded. “You can sleep here with me.  But I’m not sure how much sleep we’ll actually be getting,” he said darkly as he rolled you over, pinning you under him.

-------------

Days without incident: 1,095.  Not that you were keeping track anymore.  That all ended that day you left your ex-husband.  Your current husband was putting the finishing touches on a crib.  He’d stubbornly refused to get someone to assemble it, insisting that he had to be the one to build the crib of his firstborn.

It took Jungkook a little longer than he’s expected, but now it was done.  He’d painted it white to match the lavender and white theme of the nursery.  He’d painted big white daisies on one wall.  On the other wall, he’d stuck a decal of a puppy ballerina, complete with white tutu and ballet shoes. It was adorable.  A light purple Jelly-Cat bunny sat in the crib now, waiting for the arrival of your little girl.

You’d made him go wash up and change for dinner at your parent’s place.  Jungkook’s parents had come over for dinner as well. Needless to say, they were all over the moon with excitement that they would be grandparents soon. Jungkook was on the sofa, showing them pictures of the crib he’d assembled and the decoration in the nursery room as they all oohed and aahed over how cute everything looked.  You stood in the kitchen doorway watching, smiling widely.  This was your future. Days without incident. Days filled with happiness.

Previous (#3)

[creativity-deficient]

#3. Most underrated character in your opinion?

So this one, at least for me, definitely depends on what exactly you’d define as “underrated”.

If we’re talking in terms of popularity, one character that definitely comes in mind to me is Tolkien. Not an unpopular character by any means! Just a personal favorite of mine and one I don’t feel like gets enough love, at least in comparison to some of the other boys!

Nichole is another favorite of mine (like as in, literally in my top 3) that I would love to see more of from this fandom! Again, she’s definitely not unpopular, but I do think she deserves more love!

David Rodriguez is one of my favorite minor characters, and I don’t see him get talked about nearly as much as some of the other minor characters!!

HOWEVER-

If you were to ask me who I think is the most underrated in terms of PERSONALITY?? Yall already KNOW my answer to this is Tweek. I know I’ve gone over this very subject multiple times atp, but I truly do think he is SUCH a complex character with a very strong personality, one that is often glossed over imo. Definitely not an underrated character in terms of popularity as he IS a fan favorite, but when it comes to him as an actual CHARACTER, I feel so much of him gets overlooked. I’m really glad I was able to find this community of people who love him and his character just as much as I do! 🥺

#4. Most overrated character in your opinion?

Tbh…none that I can think of? I like most of the characters, or at least can see the appeal in them, and the ones I don’t either aren’t very popular in the first place.

One of the things I love about this show is how memorable all the characters are, I don’t think any of them are “overrated” because I feel like there’s something to enjoy about most, if not all of them.

I know a lot of people consider Tweek and Craig to be overrated, and as someone who absolutely ADORES both characters, I can see where they’re coming from, as there are fans who do tend to treat them like they’re the ONLY characters in this show. However, both are EXTREMELY memorable and well developed characters in my opinion, who I think deserve every bit of love they get tbh. Not to mention, great rep for the gay community as well!!

You’re allowed to have your opinion on them, but I think it’s silly to complain about them getting a lot of love when that love is VERY much deserved!!!

#5. If you could bring ANY one-shot character back in the entire series, who would it be?

THEM!!! MY GIRLS!!!! THEY DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER 😭😭

I always feel SO bad for Tammy in “the ring” omg. Like imagine performing an explicit act on a guy, getting a bunch of hate for it and feeling ashamed because of it, then finally feeling comfortable enough with your new boyfriend to give it another try and then he fucking DIES??

And the fact that we never see her again after that like to I just need to know how my girl is 😭

And Rebecca was such a cute character, it always made me sad that she was reduced to just a “slut” in the end lmaooo, we never see her again after that either so who knows what happened to her after that.

#6. What is your most crack, crack ship- talking a pairing potentially no one has heard of?

Bit of a disappointing answer probably but I don’t think I have one lmaooo

#7. Favorite adult?

I could be missing some, but here’s some that come to mind (in no particular order)!!

#8. Favorite girl?

NICHOLE!!!

As stayed before, she’s definitely in my top three in terms of favorite characters. Shes such a cutie, I love her!!!

#10. Favorite episode?

Probably a bit of a cliche/boring answer lmao, but I personally really love the post covid specials and bigger, longer, uncut!

Tbh though, there’s a LOT of episodes I’d consider favorites of mine, it’s not letting me link it here but I’ve made a whole list of them in a recent post of mine if you scroll a bit back!

#11. Least favorite episode?

Mr Garrison’s fancy new vagina 😭 not only does it skeeve me out, but the transphobic themes are just…eugh 💀

It does have some funny moments to episode though, I will admit.

This part in particular KILLS me 😭😭😭

#16. Least favorite ship? (Keep it respectful)

I mean, unless we’re counting the obvious ones, like anything with incest, pedophilia, etc, there’s none I can really think of? I’m chill with most ships. Even if I don’t ship it myself, I’m not gonna stop people from enjoying what they like, so go ham!!

#17. Least favorite character?

Okay it’s not letting me include a photo of him but the dad from the elementary school musical episode?? I HATED him, he pissed me off sm omg. Whenever I see that man it’s on-SITE 😭😭😭

#20. Hopes for seasons going forward and specific episode tropes you’d like explored?

Honestly? I just hope to see them go back to the old format of episodes, with the boys getting up to their old shenanigans again. I miss that!

I feel like the show has lost a lot of its whimsy overtime. The newer seasons, while not bad, are just way too meta for me?? Sure, South Park has obviously always had SOME degree of meta/political satire to it, but it’s only ever been PART of the equation. Lately however, it’s gotten to the point where it no longer feels like a parody, just real life, and it just feels so…boring to me. The characters don’t even feel like actual characters half the time, just stand ins for when the creators want to make a point about something or to provide exposition. Even the way they interact with each other now can feel so boring and stale. Of course, I say all this pretty loosely as they absolutely do still have their moments, and there are still absolutely episodes and plotlines and character moments that I feel ARE very well written and enjoyable!! Hell, even some of my FAVORITE episodes come from these seasons!! But compared to a lot of other seasons?? I just don’t really care for these ones, for the most part at least.

The end of obesity special did give me high hopes however. I felt like that was the closest we’ve gotten to a really good classic episode in a while, with a few others before that having come pretty close as well!! The season 27 trailer also gives me high hopes! It definitely seems like they’ve been gradually easing back into the old format with time, so I’m excited to see what they’re going to come up with!!

#21. Favorite background or non-main character?

This was a tough one because I feel like it sorta depends on what your definition of “non-main character” would be? So I just went with characters that appear outside of the boys’ friend group and have had limited appearances/episode focus throughout the series!

#22. TFBW or SOT?

Mannn, that’s a TOUGH one! They’re both great! I think I am a little more biased towards tfbw though, as it was one of the first things that got me into the fandom. I also just enjoy the plot line slightly more! (not to mention all the creek moments we get hehe)

I definitely like tsot better in terms of aesthetic though, the character designs/concepts are sm cooler to me in that game!!

#23. If a new game is in the works, what theme would you like to see? Such as fantasy, superhero, futuristic, or so on?

Hmm, perhaps another superhero themed game? Since we got another fantasy themed one with snow day! It would be cool to see them explore other options too though, instead of just sticking to those themes. Perhaps they could make a game based off of any of the cards we see in phone destroyer! I think any of them could be fun, really! :))

@zoot-marimba @panicatthecourtx @justakidnamednick @shroomerr

[odo-apologist]

Red Dwarf 30 Day Challenge: Favorite Dynamic (Non-Romantic)

This was difficult, as I think the dynamics between all of the main crew are really interesting and fun to watch. However, I decided to go with Kryten and Rimmer. I've written a post before touching on their relationship (specifically how I interptet it shifting during Terrorform and Quarantine), which I think is pretty complex. As with every dynamic including Rimmer, it is one that is ambivalent- a love-hate deal with the "hate" part of the equation clearer, even though there is some unacknowledged love, developed over years of prolonged exposure and codependency (the forced family effect, if you will). However, whereas The Cat and Rimmer developed a mutual hostility almost immediately into their relationship, Kryten and Rimmer's dynamic goes through a more gradual change

The very first episode with post-repair Kryten is Backwards, which implies that while together in the backwards universe away from Red Dwarf, the pair get along quite well. They're successful, they're enjoying their time working together, they are, in fact, working together as a duo. It's possible that the apparent lack of hostility is due to the circumstances, but even then, I think that says something about both characters and their interactions: outside of the hierarchy provided by JMC, with no need to enforce any rules or directives, Kryten and Rimmer have a better relationship

That hierarchy of authority is what lies at the crux of their relationship (well, at least in the early series when Kryten was still working on breaking his programming and Rimmer was more rigid and uncompromising- it always feels to me that the crew during the Dave era have mellowed a bit, fondness and familiarity taking the bite out of insults). Before Kryten joined the crew, Rimmer's hologrammatic status didn't mean anything when it came to his level of authority, as Lister and The Cat would treat Rimmer the same as either human or hologram- dead or alive, he's still a smeghead. Kryten, though, does draw attention to the fact he is a hologram and, thus, lesser in the eyes of the Space Corps, lacking more rights than humans. Kryren initially gives Rimmer someone to order around and come to his aid (something which Kryten pushes back against as he breaks further from his programming), but he also in turn serves as a reminder of how little power Rimmer actually has

High Kryten and High Rimmer refer to each other as soul siblings; ideally, the two can find common ground and solidarity in their mechanical status. Alas, the two characters are not, in fact, their ideal selves, but the denial/refusal to accept that solidarity is still interesting

[gwenfr]

Was going through the Brilliant minds tag and seeing that one of the (if not THE) post who have the most notes is one comparing Brilliant minds to House AND people in the notes criticising brilliant minds made me very sad (I know the post had so many notes because of the house MD tag but the notes of people criticising brilliant minds, sometimes really harshly and disgustingly but admitting to never even having watched one episode are yes, wild to me)

So I thought I could resume why Brilliant Minds is good in his own right and not at all comparable to House and why you all should give it a chance : (there will be spoilers)

- Brilliant minds have a main character who is gay and has his coming out story presented in flashback from when he was a teenager/young adult. (And yes he's a nice doctor, I know, shocking...)

- the same gay character have a medical condition who is talked about and accepted by the other characters and he's also very intelligent

- every episode we see the personal past life of the main character through flashbacks and they are so beautifully filmed and play on sound and colours and we really can feel what the main character felt, it's really well written and acted.

- the main characters have some interns, yes like a lot of medical shows. It's pretty normal because it's also like that irl. Anyway, those interns all have a well rich history and BM play on presenting them in the first episode as some stereotypes but then develop the characters and we see they're in fact rich and complex characters. One of them is also a queer woman so yeah this show has more than one main queer characters !

- the main character has a best friend who he's known for decades who is a black woman who is a successful and good psychiatrist.

- this woman has such a good storyline for her during the season. She was cheated on by her husband and they're now separated etc... yes, maybe it's not a new concept etc... but she don't want to forgive the infidelity and the story always say that the husband was 100% at fault, I can't remember the last time I saw a cheating story where the woman cheated on said all that I wanted her to say. And let me tell you, without spoilers, the story goes wild and it's really good to see such a good actress play this storyline.

- the main character works for his mom and let's just say their relationship is interesting to say the last. Like all the other characters, the mom is not just a mom. She's also a successful, intelligent and powerful woman who is in charge of a hospital. Her personal story is wild. Her past love life and how she was as doctor, etc... would want so much more of her, don't want to spoil too much, but her approach of her son, his intelligence, his gayness etc... that we can see in the flashback is so interesting and so well done by the writers but also the different actors and especially the actress playing the mom.

- the show also develops the relationship between the main character and his dad. I know maybe cliche but not how it's written in brilliant minds. It talks about the dad's mental issues, his death/disappearance and how it affected the main character. Frankly I saw a lot of "mom had mental issues but I loved her" in other shows, can't remember the last time it was the dad so that's pretty new and refreshing for me. The actor is really good and we can feel the bond between the main character and his dad really well.

- the main character has a love story with another gay man also doctor in the same hospital and they have adult conversations and resolutions about their relationship, it's just nice to see queer older characters acting and talking about their relationship like adults.

- so now for the different medical cases, yes it's a one case/episode kind of show, not always, sometimes we have two, but yeah like a lot of shows it's like that. But the way the cases are approached, talked about and especially FILMED is something I've never seen before. The cinematography is insane. The show plays with colours and sound and the scene from the cases that explains how and why the patient is sick could be cut and put together and we would have a beautiful short movie. If you like movie's scenes where it tries to recreate wild and weird dreams then you will LOVE Brilliant minds !

- the patients are not miraculously in perfect health at the end of the episodes. Every case explains why and how the patient is going to live with his sickness, the doctors are here to help the patient know their medical condition and help them adjust to it. It's really interesting and also refreshing, I've never seen that in a medical show.

And in 10 episodes, we already had 2 queer patients, even one with an episode centered around his queerness in a way, and how it relates to the main character's own story, so the show really isn't afraid to write queer stories and characters.

Anyway, I'm gonna stop here, hope I didn't forget something but yeah I don't really understand the comparison with House in any way. Because yes, one could say it's an intelligent doctor having patients and interns, but it's literally what is real life. Real Doctors can be intelligent and have patients and interns. It's like if we begin to compare every cop show or every lawyer show ? It's weird to me, yes, house and brilliant minds are both medical shows but brilliant minds have queer characters (and not just one...) and one of them is literally the main character, the show has flashbacks scenes, the show has a diverse cast who each have deep and rich and complex personal history, sometimes I feel like the show is more on the fantasy/science fiction side than the medical side because of how beautifully the cases are filmed. So no I don't think it can compare to House, be it by the characters, the cases or the way the show is filmed.

Be it that you loved House or hated it, for all those points, I really think you should give Brilliant minds a try 😉

(if I made a grammatical error or something else, please don't hesitate to tell me, English is not my first language and this post had some long and difficult words lol)