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undiscovered-horizon · 2 years ago

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"Four Crow Investigation II: Lovebirds' Outfox" - Kaz Brekker x Reader

[Four Crow Investigation]

☽ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ☾

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SUMMARY: Nina and the rest of "crow-vestigators" are not as inconspicuous as they think. Being a little too spiteful for your own good, Kaz and you string them along. What the amateur detectives consider "evidence" of an affair is actually a well-thought-out scenario.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 2.1k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<

You stare with amusement as Wylan, Jesper, Inej and Nina are sitting around the table in a hardly inconspicuous manner. They’re leaning so close to each other, their bodies are covering their faces but you don’t need to read their lips or expressions to know exactly what they’re talking about. Meaningful glances, small nudges, animated whispering - none of that escaped your attention.

Then, you feel Kaz squeezing your hand in an attempt to shift your focus from the gossiping friends back to him. His eyebrows are slightly raised in a silent question.

"Do you think they know that we know that they know?" you ask, cringing at the word salad filled with repetitions.

"No," Kaz answers without hesitation. "Considering how long it took them to notice something so obvious, their observation skills are more underwhelming than I had originally thought."

The two of you glance towards your friends once more, left to only guess what tall tales they were making up. Observation skills, Kaz’s voice resounds in your head. Yes, they are good at noticing things they are desperately looking for, so, maybe, if they are looking for crumbs…

"Actually, I have an idea,” you begin in a hushed tone. Kaz turns to look at you, his expression hardens the moment he notices your mischievous grin. “Up for a bit of roleplay?"

It’s been a wild week for the four Crows. They sat down at a corner table, across the club from you and Kaz talking about something by the bar counter. Absorbed by the conversation, you’re pouring a drink in a record-long time. Your hand hovers above the rum bottle as you’re closely listening to Kaz saying something. Then, to the surprise of the gossip club, you erupt in laughter.

Jesper frowns. “I’m telling you, there’s two of them. She gets the nice Kaz, we get the mean one.”

“No, the mean Kaz is still inside,” Inej refutes. “The nice one is making an effort to bury him but he’s definitely in there. Saw it myself.”

He turns back towards the group. Jesper puts his finger up in a warning gesture and speaks slowly: “Do not tell me Kaz Brekker is a knight in shining armour because there is no way I’m treating that as anything but a bad joke. I’m barely believing the stuff I’ve seen with my own two eyes.”

“N-no, there is some truth to that,” Wylan interjects. “I didn’t see him get angry,” he quickly adds, ”just… strangely protective.”

“So we can agree,” Nina says with expected giddiness, “there is passion in the perpetually grim Kaz Brekker.”

Jesper squints his eyes with suspicion. “I hate the fact that you used passion and Kaz in the same sentence but at the same time I’m curious why.”

“Oh, you’re going to love it!” She taps the table excitedly. “I’ll go first.”

╚ Nina’s Evidence ╝

You’re pacing around the office, jumping from one leg to another, shaking and fidgeting as much as you can without making much noise. While preparing to fool the Heartrender’s power, you’re ensuring that you look the part:

“Is this obscene enough?” you ask unbuttoning your shirt further. Tugging at your clothing, you’re making yourself look even more disheveled. Even the smallest sound outside the office door makes you jump as you’re impatiently waiting for a certain creek of one of the steps.

Kaz doesn’t answer. His watchful eyes are following your movements as he’s focusing on keeping his attention on the task at hand. That bright mind of his, however, fights relentlessly to memorize your unkempt look instead.

Not hearing him respond to your question, you turn around to look at Kaz. Leaning against the desk, he’s just staring at you with a quite inexplicable intensity. His unspoken passion is only making the voice in the back of your head louder: what if it was Him undoing my shirt?

But you stifle this thought. It’s not the time for this. Searching for distraction, you look at Kaz’s collar - the first two buttons are undone but they make him appear more sleepy rather than caught red handed at a moment of weakness.

“May I?” you ask, gesturing towards his garment.

“Go ahead,” he quietly answers. There’s a lot of trust in his lack of movement and calmness about your closeness.

Carefully, you grab the hem of his collar and open his shirt further, while making sure your fingers do not even graze the bare skin underneath, despite the urge sitting deep inside your abdomen. Then, you take a step back, examining his general state and whether it sets a believable scene. A proud smile creeps onto your face.

“You’re really enjoying this,” Kaz states.

“Actually,” you say as you lean against the table, fairly unaware that because of your disheveled clothing your cleavage is significantly more visible, “I’d be enjoying this little scheme a lot more if we were in fact being scandalous.”

Whether that was your objective or not, Kaz’s heartbeat picks up noticeably, his rogue mind flashing explicit images before his eyes.

A creek of stairs.

You and Kaz give each other a meaningful glance and you push the paperweight off the desk, knowing that Nina can hear it. The door swings open and you’re immediately in character, looking away with the most embarrassed expression you could muster.

Kaz clears his throat. “Is there a reason why you’re barging in?”

Nina looks a bit lost, still piecing together what she might have just interrupted. “I… uhm… I talked with Lizzie Hardy. She’s in, we can count on her.”

“Understood,” he says in a low, firm voice. “Now go. And learn to knock.”

A half-grin enters her face as she gets rid of any doubts as to what the two of you had been presumably occupied with before she entered. With a skip to her step, Nina throws a “You bet I will!” before leaving the office. She’s quite sure no one will have a better gossip than her.

╚ Wylan’s Evidence ╝

Wylan is startled by your yelp of pain, almost dropping the delicate vial in his hands. His focus immediately shifts to you, who is now frowning with your hand raised slightly above your head. A string of curses leaves your mouth as you check the wound again - yes, still there and still bleeding.

Right, bleeding.

“Are you okay?” he asks in a worried tone. Part of you feels guilty for fooling Wylan because of the sheepiness he wears most of the time but, on the other hand, he is part of the gossip girl club. This little scheme is just a consequence of his choice.

“Yeah, no problem. I’m a big girl, I’ll just wrap this and I’ll be fine,” you answer casually.

Pretending to look for something that can work as a bandage, you’re praying that Wylan can’t smell the cranberry preserve slowly dripping down your forearm. There’s an urge deep inside you to lick the jam, almost tasting the sweet and sour fruit in your imagination.

Kaz, who was waiting for the well-played-out yelp, rushes into the room with a grim expression. The moment he’s supposed to notice your injury, he makes a show of dropping his shoulders. He’s not saying anything, only giving short sighs and annoyed grunts as he reaches for a random rag laying around.

“I’d advise against cutting off your fingers,” he says loud enough for Wylan to hear as he’s tightening the wrapped rag around your palm. "You need to be more ca-" Kaz cuts himself off, suddenly realizing he was about to use an off-limits word. "You need to pay attention to what you're doing."

Looking over Kaz’s shoulder, you see Wylan nervously glancing at the two of you out of the corner of his eyes. Jesper is going to hear world-shattering news in the next hour - on that you can safely bet any number of limbs.

╚ Jesper’s Evidence ╝

Too busy retelling what he had learned while following Lizzie Hardy, Jesper doesn’t notice the tiny signal you give Kaz while the three of you are walking through the streets of Ketterdam.

Air, cobblestone, a lost dog - it doesn’t matter. You stumble over something but ever watchful Kaz manages to grab you by the waist, preventing you from falling. To be honest, until this moment you weren’t completely sure this is going to work out because you never practiced this with Kaz. Well, you did, once, but the two of you got significantly distracted early on. So the plan to outfox Nosy Jesper was a leap of faith - literally and figuratively.

Jesper, the man in question, halted his story as he’s watching the unbelievable occurrence of Kaz having a caring reflex. For a moment he considers whether this wasn’t some kind of miraculous coincidence but on the other hand, the movement looked so natural and purposeful that it simply had to be deliberate.

Standing on your own, you look towards Jesper, who’s still staring at you and Kaz with furrowed eyebrows and his mouth slightly agape. “You were saying?” you coax him to continue as though nothing happened.

“Yes, right, the thing,” he stutters out as he’s trying to remember what he was talking about before seeing something so strange he’s questioning his own sanity.

╚ Inej’s Evidence ╝

Due to the late hour, or rather an hour so late it can be considered early, the club is deserted except for you and Kaz sitting by the bar. He’s silently watching your profile as you’re applying another layer of theatrical paint and makeup.

“Does it look realistic?” you ask for the hundredth time while examining the bruise in a small hand-held mirror.

“It’s good enough.”

You set down the mirror and look at him. To a degree, you know he won’t agree to your proposition but you try anyway, just to make sure:

“Maybe you could hit me?” you suggest. His expression grows colder. “Just for good measure. To really sell this,” you add in your own defense, as though there is a possibility of him retaliating for such a ridiculous proposition. Even when furious beyond imagination, you’ve heard him yell exactly once out of anger.

He leans closer towards you. Paradoxically, it’s you who is uncomfortable with the sudden intimacy but maybe the uneasiness is not due to the proximity but the chilling tension that has sprouted between the two of you. Kaz studies your expression for a moment, his jaw relaxes and clenches over and over again as he’s clearly pondering the earthiest way he can put his thoughts into words.

“I will never raise my hand against you,” his voice is quiet and wavering with emotions, “even if my life depends on it. So don’t ask again. Ever.”

Suddenly, you feel strangely small next to him as though Kaz is but a shadow that quickly grows larger as candlelight dims. “Right, sorry,” you answer awkwardly.

The door to the club opens with a creek and the nervous conversation has to be cut short. You cover your face with hands, having rubbed some chili seeds into your palms earlier. As the capsaicin reaches your nostrils and eyes, forcing yourself to cry is easier than ever. Pretending to be agonizing over something, you keep reminding yourself not to actually touch your eyes or nose.

You can’t see her face but you’re sure Inej is wearing a worried or confused expression and you’re quite correct in your guess - she walks towards you and Kaz with apprehension as though she’s still wondering whether she wants to intrude. Inej momentarily grows anxious, noticing the vibrant bruise on the side of your face.

Then, in a truly dramatic fashion, Kaz gets up from the bar stool and storms out of the club as you had agreed beforehand. While he’s passing Inej, she calls out to him:

“Kaz-”

But he’s quick to cut her off in a harsh voice:

“Not now, Inej.”

The door closes behind him with a slam and considering the state of the two of you, she prefers not to ask questions. It will be easier to sleep at night.

“They’re staring,” you inform Kaz while pouring him a drink.

“As far as I know, they have a reason to,” he answers, taking a sip of the beverage. His eyes are boring into you like his trying to look past your skin and bones, into your mind if not your very soul.

A wide smile brightens your face. You lean on the counter, face close to Kaz’s. Although it’s been some time, it still makes your heart flutter that he doesn’t move away. Perhaps it’s just his unreadable expression or maybe he really is unbothered by the proximity.

“To be honest, I enjoyed our little theatrics.” Smiling at him, your teeth glisten in the dim light inside the club.

“You make an impressive con artist, I have to admit.”

“Ah, forget the con part,” you wave your hand in dismissal. “It was entertaining, alright, but the best part was just spending time with you.”

Kaz almost chokes on his drink.

____ @moonstruckpoet @shara-ne @queenkalico

#kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker fanfiction #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x fem!reader #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone #six of crows fanfiction #six of crows imagine #six of crows x reader #six of crows #six of crows fanfic #six of crows x you

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gardenveela · 8 months ago

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the brains

dead boy detectives x six of crows crossover

#dead boy detectives #dead boy detective agency #edwin payne #shadow and bone show #six of crows #kaz brekker #wylan van eck #fanart #crossover #au #art

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rubysunnday · 2 years ago

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when it's cold, i'd like to die

summary: they all fell victim to the datura meloxia that night, they all saw something - yet y/n's nightmare is unescapable, despite kaz's best efforts

a/n: haha, lol, i'm alive

Kaz pulled apart the doors, gradually revealing the room behind them. Y/N stood behind him, taking it all in. It was a beautiful building - the walls decorated with intricately patterned wallpaper and wooden panels.

“Spread out,” Kaz ordered, his rough voice loud in the quiet of the room.

Y/N stepped around him and into the room, taking slow, careful steps. Things were going a bit too well to her liking - they had yet to run into their usual chaos.

“I can hear another heartbeat,” Tolya said softly, walking further into the room.

“I thought it was empty,” Jesper muttered, passing Y/N.

“So did I,” she replied, glancing at him.

“It’s fainter,” Tolya explained, “further in the house.”

Tolya took a step forward, almost reaching the other door that led further into the house. The floorboards under his foot sunk suddenly and something, somewhere within the walls, released and the doors on either side of the room slid shut with a resounding bang.

Y/N ran back to the door they’d come through and tried to prise it back open. Her finger nails dug into the wood and she groaned, struggling to pull them at all, even with Jesper’s help.

Inej unsheathed one of her knives and stabbed the patterned screen. The knife bounced off it, leaving nothing behind. She tried again and still, nothing. “It’s impenetrable,” she said, stepping back. “Great.”

Kaz knocked on the wooden panelling with the head of his cane. His face dropped in realisation as, instead of a hollow wooden sound, there was a metal clang. “The frames are made of metal.”

Jesper pressed a hand against the frame, leaning his head in. “They’re Durast made.”

Y/N tilted her head back and looked around the room. It wasn’t big - it was smaller than what had been Kaz’s office back at the old Crow Club. But given that the frames were Durast made, and that Tolya had detected another heartbeat at the back of the grounds, there was more to the small room than it was letting on.

From somewhere within the roof, something metal clanked against something else, causing a ticking sound. Y/N’s eyes scanned the perimeter of the roof until they stopped on one of the small lanterns hanging on the wall. As she watched it, a red mist began to spray out of the floral shape above, spreading out into the air.

“There’s something in the air,” Tolya said, looking up at the lantern too.

It was, sort of, stating the obvious. They’d all noticed the red vapour by then and Y/N could feel her chest growing tight, the ability to breathe getting harder. She fell back, hitting the wall behind her, the room spinning around her like a spinning top she so often saw in the Ketterdam markets.

Y/N felt someone looking at her and she had enough awareness left to turn her head, finding Kaz staring at her, his own face utterly impassive. Yet his eyes gave everything away - the slight widening showing the panic that had taken over the usual stoicism.

Because whilst he may plan for things to go catastrophically wrong, Kaz Brekker couldn’t plan a way to cheat death when it came for them.

Jesper went first, falling to the floor and falling still. Inej lasted a little longer - leaning back against the walls, struggling to stay awake. But even she fell, landing quietly and carefully even as she was dying.

Y/N felt her knees go weak and she braced herself against the wall behind her. She tried to keep her head up, to keep looking at Kaz. But it soon became impossible. Her vision blurred as her head pounded and her chest got tighter. Kaz became a black blur and Y/N fell sideways, the room spinning around her.

She didn’t feel herself hit the floor. One second she was suffocating, unable to breathe or think and the next she was standing in the middle of the Barrel, the sea spray from the harbour hitting her skin.

“Y/N!”

Kaz stood at the other end of the street, a black shadow against the white lights of the street lamps. She could his cane, the metal crow’s head glinting in the hazy light. Y/N took a single step forward and as she did so, the building next to Kaz exploded.

The force of the explosion threw Y/N backwards, the heat of the flames burning her face and her arms. She landed on the wet cobblestones, the force of the impact rippling throughout her entire body.

For a while, there was just blackness. Y/N could see nothing. She could hear nothing. Then, gradually, her senses came back. First, she tasted blood in her mouth, then the pain ripping through her body and then the sound of the flames, of the rubble still falling.

Y/N forced her eyes open, even as the smoke stung them. The street lamps had gone out around them - the fires burning within the rubble the only light available for the smoke had covered the moon. She coughed, her lungs burning, her breath getting caught in her throat.

Rubble rolled off her and onto the ground and she struggled to get up, her legs bending, refusing to hold her weight. Y/N fell against a pile of rubble and pushed herself upwards, grazing her hands against the exposed masonry.

As her mind finally caught up, the shock fading away, the panic set in.

“Kaz!” Y/N screamed, coughing as the smoke invaded her throat. “Kaz!”

Her foot tripped over something and Y/N landed on the ground again, her face barely avoiding smacking the stones. She groaned, coughing weakly, her shoulders shaking.

“Y/N.”

Y/N rolled over and she came face to face with Kaz. He looked fine - as if he hadn’t just been blown up and thrown aside. She inhaled as his bare hand looped under her arm, his fingers pressing into her skin, and he pulled her up.

“Kaz, what -”

“It’s ok,” Kaz said, his voice rough. “Just an experiment gone wrong.”

His other hand pressed gently against her side and Y/N’s body tightened at the unfamiliar yet all too familiar sensation. She leant into him, her stomach brushing against his waistcoat.

“We’re ok.”

“Kaz!”

Kaz gasped and sat up abruptly, his hands flying out in front of him. Someone caught his wrist and he fought against them, wrenching his hand free.

“Saints, Kaz, it’s just me,” Jesper said, ducking to avoid Kaz’s blind punch.

Kaz blinked and the water, and Jordie’s face looming over him, fade away, replaced by Jesper and the room they’d been locked in. Jesper looked down at him, vague concern on his face as he watched him.

“What -”

“Wylan said the butterflies are the antidote,” Jesper explained, grimacing slightly. “I had to… well.”

Kaz swallowed, his mouth dry and tasting of something not very nice. He stumbled to his feet, batting away Jesper’s offered hand, and all but slamming his cane into the ground. “Poison?”

“Yeah, some fancy sounding name,” Jesper replied. “Wylan -”

“ - knows, I’ve got it,” Kaz said.

He looked around the room, his eyes surveying the walls and the state of his crew. Kaz’s eyes widened a fraction as his gaze stopped on Inej leaning over an unconscious Y/N, a hand over her mouth.

Inej, noticing that Kaz was staring at her, lifted her head and looked back at him. Her eyes were filled with fear. “She won’t wake up. I’m trying, Kaz -”

Wylan’s voice came from the other side of the door. “Something’s holding her in the nightmare.”

“Her heartbeat is slowing,” Tolya added. He was knelt beside Inej, a hand wrapped around Y/N’s wrist, his fingers pressed against her pulse point.

“Kaz,” Jesper muttered. “It’s gotta be you.”

Kaz didn’t need Jesper to tell him that. He knew. He just didn’t want to acknowledge it. Because acknowledging Y/N’s need for him, meant acknowledging his need for her. His inability to live without her.

“Inej, here,” Wylan said, sticking his hand through the hole in the wall, “another butterfly. But she can’t have more than two otherwise it becomes poisonous in itself.”

Inej stood and took the butterfly from Wylan’s outstretched hand and turned to Kaz. She held it out to him, her eyes locking to his. “Kaz, it has to be you.”

Kaz clenched his jaw, a muscle jumping in the corner. His leather gloves creaked as he gripped the head of his cane.

“Kaz!” Jesper yelled. “If you let her die, I will kill you myself.”

The butterfly twitched pathetically in Inej’s hand. Kaz dropped his cane and limped over, gingerly taking the blue butterfly between his fingers.

“What do I do?” He asked, his voice a mere rasp.

“Put it in her mouth and force her to eat it,” Inej said, taking a step back. “Cover her mouth, pinch her nose - do whatever you have to do to get her to eat it.”

Kaz exhaled and knelt down on Y/N’s right side, wincing as his leg twinged in pain. Tolya shuffled back slightly but stayed on her other side, his hand still on her wrist.

His argument was with his inner demons. Kaz would do anything for Y/N - and he had. He’d brought her out the White Lotus, he’d taken her into the Crows, he’d saved her life in Ravka on the skiff in the Fold - he’d told her more than he’d told anyone else. His demons had let him go that far, so why wouldn’t they let him go any further?

Kaz could feel the squishy skin of the dead bodies as his leg brushed against Y/N’s. He could taste the salt water of the harbour. Jordie was still in his mind.

With one hand he prised Y/N’s mouth open, slightly startled at how easy it was. As gently as he could, he gripped it open and put the butterfly inside. Blue tinged her lips from the previous attempt. Kaz closed Y/N’s mouth and then put his hand over her lips, fighting the urge to let go and throw up.

“Come on, Y/N, please,” he whispered, too quiet for anyone else to hear.

He closed his eyes, swallowing thickly as he felt his nightmare fighting back. Kaz placed his other hand against the side of her face, his thumb trailing up and down her cheek, a feeble attempt to ground himself but to also tell Y/N that he was there.

It had been a few seconds since Kaz had put the butterfly inside her mouth, but it felt agonisingly long - and nothing was happening.

“Y/N!” Kaz yelled, shaking her shoulders.

Apparently aggression worked because Y/N inhaled sharply and sat up, her hands flying out to grip onto anything - anyone. One hand gripped onto Tolya’s arm, her nails digging into his skin. Her other gripped Kaz’s sleeve, her knuckles brushing against the skin of his inner wrist.

She coughed, chewing on the butterfly in her mouth. “Urgh, what the fuck is this,” she muttered, grimacing.

Tolya patted her on the back, laughing. “You don’t want to know.”

He ruffled her hair and stood up, stepping back and turning to talk to Inej. Everyone had conveniently found something else to do as Kaz and Y/N stared at one another. Her hand was still gripping his coat sleeve.

“Are you ok?” She asked, her voice quivering slightly.

Kaz nodded once. “Fine.”

Y/N looked at him - properly looked at him. “I’m fine, too.”

“Everyone’s lost their minds.”

Y/N snorted softly, glancing back over her shoulder as Wylan and Jesper continued to kiss one another. “I think we all did,” she said softly, turning back.

Kaz turned as well, looking at her as her own gaze caught his. They looked at one another as they walked, neither saying a word.

“Maybe…” Kaz paused, elegantly stepping over a rock, “I did see something… through the haze of the poison.”

Y/N nodded once in acknowledgment. Kaz stopped and Y/N did too, turning to face him. His eyes were full of so many different emotions and thoughts - but they were focused on her and her alone

“There are those who drown us,” Kaz said softly, “and those who pull us out.”

The early morning sun was beginning to rise behind Kaz - his black coat absorbing all the light. Y/N shifted slightly, using his head to block the sun from her eyes so that she could still see him.

“What did your toxin trip reveal to you?” Kaz asked.

Y/N bit her lip gently, shuddering slightly as her mind went back. To Kaz lying lifelessly at her side to him suddenly being in one piece and knocking her out the way of Pekka’s bullet. Nightmares turned into dreams were weird. One moment she’s screaming and the next she’s in his arms, feeling his heart beating. Y/N knew that would never happen and that simply hoping for it was dangerous.

Hoping for something that she could never have.

“Hope is dangerous,” she said quietly, resisting the temptation to avert her eyes from Kaz’s. “It clouds your judgement and makes you believe unrealistic things.”

Kaz’s face cracked slightly, his true emotion coming through for just a moment before it vanished behind the wall again. For just that second, Y/N saw the pain - the desire. But the it was gone.

“Y/N!” Nina yelled. “You coming?”

Y/N’s head turned sharply, looking over at Nina where she stood expectantly waiting with Zoya and Tolya. “Yeah,” Y/N replied. “Just coming.”

She turned back to look at Kaz but he’d walked away, heading backwards and to Inej. Y/N ignored the flash of pain that gripped at her heart and took a step forward, away from Kaz and everything she hoped for.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x reader #six of crows #six of crows imagine #six of crows x reader #kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #fic #fanfic #six of crows fic #shadow and bone fic

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jahayla-parker · 1 year ago

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Stuck : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 3.3k wc, y/n plans to stick it out with Kaz no matter how many times or how hard he tries to push her away. Hurt-comfort, slight angst-fluff, fluff

Warnings: typical SoC topics and warnings, including but not limited to; thievery, risk/danger, potential attack, touch-phobias, trauma, drinking, etc.

Y/n yawned and stretched her legs underneath the bar countertop. She rested her head on her palm with her elbow propped up on the counter. She desperately needed some sleep. The Crows’ latest heist didn’t go well; they hadn’t been able to get their hands on the item they were trying to steal. In addition, they’d also almost been captured after being discovered. As such, it has been a long night already. Not to mention, Kaz had been in a foul mood ever since.

Jesper ordered another drink from the bartender as he drunkenly placed his arm around y/n’s hunched shoulders. “I don’t get it,” he muttered, lazily shaking his head at her.

“Oh yeah? And what’s that, Jes?” Y/n questioned with slight amusement. Drunken Jesper always had thoughts that he just had to get off his chest. Usually they were incoherent, illogical, or simply hilarious. Despite her exhaustion, Y/n was therefore curious as to what the sharpshooter was going to say tonight.

“Why you put up with the Basssstard,” Jesper slurred.

Y/n squinted at Jesper in confusion. Sure, her boyfriend Kaz could be difficult at times, but that was true about everybody. She also didn’t understand why Jesper was bringing that up currently. It wasn’t Kaz’s fault the heist went sideways. So why was he commenting on Kaz?

Nina laughed affectionately. She was seated on y/n’s other side. She had noticed the confused expression on her friend’s face and decided to explain the reason behind Jesper’s drunk questioning. “You’ve been looking over at him to check on him since we got back,” Nina teased as she playfully rolled her eyes. “Even as you’re about to pass out on the bar top”.

Y/n’s eyes flickered down to the counter bashfully. “Oh,” she whispered shyly. She hadn’t realized she was doing that. Much less that she was doing it to the extent others noticed.

“Soooooo,” Jesper butted in, tugging y/n by her shoulder to his side.

Y/n bit her lip and shook her head at Jesper softly. “I'm with him. For better or for worse,” she declared tenderly. Her eyes floated over to Kaz after her whispered comment. She sighed as she watched him leave the club, anger still radiating off of him.

"It'll probably be worse,” Nina replied, earning a head nod from Jesper in agreement.

Y/n shrugged as she pushed herself up from the counter. She slipped out from under Jesper’s embrace. "I knew that the day I met him,” y/n shrugged. She knew Kaz had his struggles and that being with him wouldn’t be nearly as easy as a relationship with anyone else would be; but she didn’t care. Her heart belonged to The Bastard of the Barrel. And she wouldn’t change that for anything.

Y/n stifled another yawn as she slowly made her way out of The Crow Club and to The Slat. Though she wasn’t traveling far, she knew showing any kind of weakness, even so much as a yawn, could make her a target. It would show her tiredness which someone might mistake as a vulnerability that would make her easy prey. As such, when she felt the presence of someone near by, she halted in the middle of the dark street. She turned sharply on her heels to face the direction she’d sensed someone. As y/n’s eyes located The Wraith a few feet back, she sighed in relief. A kind smile formed on her lips as she took a few steps back towards The Crow Club in order to greet her friend.

Inej had been on the hunt for intel per Kaz’s request order after their unsuccessful heist. As such, she and y/n hadn’t seen each other since before things had gone wrong. Inej ignored the slight frustration at how Y/n had once again been able to detect her presence. She and Kaz were the only two who could somehow do that, and neither one would tell Inej how. Regardless of the slight irritation she felt, Inej was overwhelmingly pleased to see her friend.

Inej and Y/n shared a short embrace as they stepped to the side of the street so there weren’t stopped in the middle. “Headed home?” Inej asked, nodding towards The Slat.

Y/n nodded and placed a hand over her mouth, turning her head towards the brick wall beside her as she fought off another yawn. “How was intel?” She whispered as she turned back to Inej. Y/n chose to ignore the way Inej’s amused expression told her that Inej had caught onto her yawning.

“It was just a fluke,” Inej simplified.

Y/n sighed. “Lovely,” she responded sarcastically.

Inej nodded, “yeah, Kaz wasn’t pleased to hear that discovery.”

Y/n hummed quietly. “Understandable,” she whispered. She knew Kaz was already blaming himself for not seeing the chaos of tonight coming. Now that he’d been told there was no way to see it coming, one would think he’d relax some. But, y/n knew better. She knew it was only going to make Kaz more frustrated as he felt there was always a way to be prepared for things like this but hadn’t determined where the oversight was for tonight.

Inej nodded her head towards The Slat again in question. “Ready?”

“You headed there too?” Y/n asked.

“Yeah,” Inej smiled softly. “I just finished checking on the others, so now I can go rest”.

Y/n smiled and nodded. “And, by checked on.., you mean stared at them from out of sight as they encouraged Jesper to keep up his drunken antics?” She teased.

Inej laughed loudly, quickly covering her mouth with her hand as her laughter echoed in the street. She bashfully nodded with a casual shrug.

Y/n smiled at the Wraith’s admission. But, the grin left her face as she recalled Jesper’s insulting question his drunken episode had caused him to ask.

“What’d he do tonight?” Inej asked. It wasn’t hard for her to catch onto the shift in y/n’s emotions; she knew her friend too well by now.

Y/n sighed and shook her head. She silently resumed walking to The Slat. She wasn’t intending to complain about Jesper, it just frustrated her to think of his insinuations behind the question.

“You know I can find out for myself,” Inej smirked. She softly nudged Y/n as they walked away from The Crow Club.

Y/n chuckled lightly at Inej’s soft threat. She hummed as she nodded her head in acceptance. She sighed softly. “He was just annoyed with Kaz again,” she said vaguely.

Inej hummed. “And said something insulting, or something you found to be insulting at least?” She guessed

Y/n sighed and nodded.

Inej let y/n remain silent as to not push if she was not wanting to talk about it any more. After a few moments, she elected to offer a general statement of support. “You know, they’re like brothers, he likely didn’t mean whatever he said”.

Y/n shook her head. “He didn’t say anything,” she explained. “He was questioning me.”

“You?” Inej gasped lightly. “Over what?“ she asked protectively. As the girls stepped into The Slat, the Dregs paused and looked their way. Once the Dregs realized it was just them and not anyone from a rival gang, they resumed their conversations and rambunctious behaviors.

Y/n gazed up the stairs as a way of signaling towards Kaz’s room and office. She looked back at Inej to see if she’d caught on.

Inej sighed sympathetically and nodded. “He wonders why you chose him,” she interpreted vaguely so if any Dregs were listening they wouldn’t understand who the girls were talking about.

Y/n groaned and nodded as they reached the stairwell. “It’s not even his business,” she complained as she started up the stairs. She shook her head at her own attitude. “But, like.., it’s not even a choice, you know?” Y/n asked rhetorically as Inej followed one step behind her. “And even if it were, I’d still choose him.” She puffed her cheeks in exasperation. “I don’t know why that’s so hard to comprehend!”

“To be fair, Y/n,” Inej paused. She rested her hand on her friend’s arm. “He’s different with you.”

Y/n shook her head. She’d seen Kaz interact with the others for years before they even started dating. What was Inej talking about? She rolled her eyes and kept going up the stairs. She truly was in need of some sleep and everyone else clearly was as well as they were all talking nonsense. Kaz was rough on the outside, sure. But, he cared about all of his Crows and even his Dregs; more than they’d ever see.

“Y/n,” Inej sighed. She moved up a few steps and grabbed y/n’s hand to stop her. “We’ve both known him a long time,” she acknowledged. “You know him better, but I saw him before you came along,” Inej pointed out tenderly.

Y/n squinted in confusion. Where was this going?

Inej pulled y/n to the side, closer to her so she didn’t have to speak loudly. “When I first met Kaz…” she sighed and shook her head. She took a deep breath as she started again. “Since I met him, he carries more anger and pain than a thousand armies could ever bear. He was betrayed, deceived, hurt.” Inej sighed. “And while we all have been,” she acknowledged. “Believe me when I say he has already crossed Hell.” Inej saw the frustration and protectiveness bubbling up in Y/n. So, she continued. “And, the only time I saw peace in his eves was when he saw you,” Inej concluded.

Y/n faltered. Her mouth was slightly parted as she processed the statement. She knew she was something special to Kaz. But his source of peace? That seemed far fetched. Y/n wanted nothing more than to believe Inej. After all, that’s all she wanted for Kaz; for him to be happy and have some semblance of peace after all he’d gone through and done for others (even if he wouldn’t admit those things was done for that reason).

Inej smiled widely and tsked jokingly. “I don’t know how you don’t see it,” she teased her friend, “but it’s true.” “Regardless of whether we understand your reasoning for being with him, it’s clear that it’s good for him.” She rubbed y/n’s arm sweetly. “The only thing that matters is if it’s good for you too.” Inej already knew it was, but she wanted y/n to think it over.

“It is,” Y/n whispered. It was a hushed response as she was still in shock.

Inej nodded and smiled before marching up to where her room was.

Y/n smiled to herself as she followed Inej the rest of the way up in silence. In a slight daze, she went to her own room and changed into an undershirt and sweatpants instead of her standard tighter clothing she had on. She then smiled at herself in the dirty mirror briefly as Inej’s words of how Y/n benefited Kaz echoed in her mind.

Y/n paused briefly outside of Kaz’s door as she tried to compose her excitement over Inej’s statement. She knew Kaz was likely experiencing the opposite emotions after what had happened tonight. She smiled once more and licked her lips as she put on a stoic look before opening the door.

Kaz’s eyes shot up at Y/n as she entered his room. He watched her silently as she gave him a soft expression in greeting as she walked to the foot of his bed. His heart beat loudly as she casually picked up the stuffed crow Kaz had gotten her a few months ago.

Kaz remembered seeing the stuffed plush animal at the market a few weeks before he’d bought it. Y/n had pointed out how cute it was and joked about it possibly being a mini-Kaz if she got it and made it a small top hat. A few months ago, he sought it out when she was having nightmares and brought it up to his room. It was meant to help her have something to hold since Kaz himself couldn’t offer much solace in that that area. While he knew she cherished the tiny stuffed crow, the sight of it tonight made him angry.

Kaz had overheard Inej and Y/n talking as they made their way up the creaky wooden stairs of The Slat. He knew it was wrong, but that didn’t stop him from focusing in on their conversation as he drowned out the noises of the Dreg’s downstairs. In his defense, he wasn’t expecting to hear what he did. The heist tonight had gone wrong, and his girl and the rest of his Crows had almost been captured as a result. He had to know what Y/n and Inej were saying about it. He suspected he’d hear something he could use to confirm his own self-blame. He hadn’t been expecting to hear Y/n sound upset as she mentioned something about Jesper taking a shot at Kaz. But, it wasn’t too surprising as Kaz knew how undeservingly protective she was over him. What did surprise Dirtyhands, was hearing Inej’s statement of Y/n being his peace and how positive of an influence Y/n was on Kaz/ in his life. Kaz didn’t disagree. But, he hadn’t been ready to disclose such a vulnerability to anyone yet; not even to Y/n herself. Yet, evidently Inej noticed and took it upon herself to do so.

Kaz wasn’t angry that Inej said what she did. While at first, he thought he was, if he was honest with himself that anger was misplaced. He was actually mad at himself. He should’ve been the one to tell Y/n such sentiments. She deserved to hear it from him. Yet, even though she’d already heard it, Kaz knew he still wouldn’t be able to bring himself to say it out loud outright to her even now. He just wasn’t there yet.

The stuffed crow Y/n was presently snuggling as she sat crisscrossed on his bed was another sign of how far Kaz still had to go. Of how little positivity he could bring to y/n’s life. It wasn’t fair. He was taking and not giving. And even when he gave, he couldn’t give the way she deserved. He knew how she felt about him. But right now, that just made him feel like she was stuck with him. That she had to put up with his failures because of her feelings towards him.

“Kaz,” y/n mumured softly as she suppressed a gasp. She’d been watching him silently as he stared blankly at her, clearly deep in thought. However, the single tear that escaped his right eye and rolled down his cheek broke her silence.

Y/n’s voice pulled Kaz from his thoughts. He felt the dampness on his cheek and grimaced. He aggressively wiped his eye before looking down at his desk. “I need to work on the next heist,” Kaz stated firmly.

Y/n wanted to talk to Kaz about what was happening. She wanted to know what has caused him to tear up. But, she knew he already was on the defensive and trying to push him to talk wouldn’t get anywhere. “Okay,” y/n accepted, her tone light and casual.

Kaz gripped his pen tightly. “Alone,” he grumbled.

Y/n silently raised her eyebrows as she stared at him. Usually whenever he’d react in a way that was him trying to push her away, a simple look would get him to stop and adjust his behavior.

“Y/n,” Kaz groaned, looking over at her with a sharp expression.

Y/n mentally sighed; it wasn’t working tonight. Yet, despite the sharp expression Kaz donned, she could see the emotions swirling in his eyes. He wasn’t mad, he was deflecting and trying to put up a wall to keep his distance. “Yes?” Y/n questioned, her tone innocent.

Kaz sighed. He looked away, unable to say what he needed to say while looking at y/N’s face. “Go away”.

“No,” y/n replied casually. Her fingers stroked the fuzz on the stuffed animal crow in her hands as she watched Kaz.

“Y/n,” Kaz groaned, looking up from his desk again. “That was an order,” he said, less resistant this time given her unexpected response.

Y/n nodded in acknowledgment. “One which I’m going to ignore.”

“Excuse me?” Kaz squinted narrowly. He loudly set his pen down as he stared at y/n.

Y/n propped the stuffed crow up against the wall beside Kaz’s bed. “Kaz, you can try and push me away all you want, but I’m not going anywhere,” she stated as she turned her gaze back to him. “You’re only doing this because you let yourself be slightly vulnerable just now.”

When Kaz said nothing in response, y/n sighed. “I don’t know the details of why…,” she admitted. “But, there’s nothing wrong with things impacting you, Kaz.”

“I’m fine,” Kaz argued defensively.

Y/n huffed. “You’re keeping something from me,” she rebutted.

“Let it go y/l/n,” Kaz ordered.

Y/n hummed and stood up. She walked slowly over to Kaz’s desk. She set her hands down on the opposite edge of his desk as she stared down at him. “You realize there is nothing in this world that you can tell me, that'll ever make me hate, fear, or leave you,” y/n promised.

Kaz shook his head, his jaw tight.

Y/n sensed Kaz was about to argue, so she shrugged. “Sorry if it pisses you off Brekker,” she mused. “But, you're stuck with me, I’m afraid,” Y/n explained. “It's part of the whole friendship and relationship thing. Whatever you go, I go. So even if you try to push me away, I’m still going to be here."

Kaz groaned and rubbed his gloved hands over his face. “I'm not a good guy.” He sighed, lowering his hands back down to the table. “l'm not saying I don't want...this... us,” Kaz rambled vaguely. “And, no matter how defeated and unworthy I am, l'lI keep trying to get to the point I need to be at, to be the one who deserves you,” he vowed quietly. “But, l'm not there yet.”

“I never asked you to do that,” y/n pointed out, leaning forward on Kaz’s desk. “But, regardless, l'm staying with you throughout that. Even if you’re stuck in the mindset that you need to change, as incorrect and biased as that mindset is, I’m going to be there. You don’t need to push me away while you try to work on yourself.”

“I don't now that I'll ever be able to be perfect,” Kaz confessed. “But I’m willing to-,” he began.

“Perfect's never been my type,” y/n hummed, “I prefer morally gray”. She smirked at Kaz’s uncharacteristic blush. “Unless we’re talking looks, then yes, perfect is my type,” y/n flirted with a wink.

Kaz’s flushed cheeks darkened as his eyes widened slightly.

“Which, by the way,” y/n spoke softly. She wanted Kaz to understand that she was serious. “You've already met that detail,” y/n smirked.

“Zenik would disagree given my haircut,” Kaz joked. His knew his cheeks were still crimson, so he stared bashfully at the papers on his desk.

Y/n rolled her eyes. She knew Nina meant it as a playful insult. But, y/n also knew that Kaz’s trauma and correlated haphephobia were the reason for his haircut. He’d not been able to handle the sensation of someone cutting his hair so he’d do it on his own. “I think it looks great,” y/n reassured him, smiling even Kaz looked up from his desk. “But, if it bothers you, I could always don a pair of gloves and try to help,” She proposed. “If you'd like to try that sometime,” y/n added softly to reinforce it wasn’t something she felt she needed to do and that it was only offered for his own benefit.

“You'd do that?” Kaz questioned. His voice carried its usual gravelly nature but was otherwise light.

Y/n grinned as she sat down in the chair across from Kaz. She nodded. “I told you, you're stuck with me Brekker”.

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