#detective asshole

[fairandfatalasfair]

"Edwin can help" says Charles.

Crystal raises an eyebrow at him. He smiles sunnily.

"Edwin would sell me to Satan for one corn chip," she says.

Edwin, from his spot at the desk, lowers his book enough to give her a longsuffering look. "This feels like one of your obscure internet references," he says. He still says "internet" like the word doesn't belong in his mouth.

Crystal gives him a bland smile. "The internet isn't obscure," she says. "You just don't know anything about it because you're a million years old."

"One hundred twenty four," he says, because he's a pedantic little shit.

Charles is chuckling in the corner, because he has low tastes and thinks Edwin being a pedantic little shit is hilarious.

"At any rate," says Edwin crisply, "As a fugitive from hell, negotiating with Satan would hardly be in my best interests. Also, as a fugitive from hell, I have no interest in seeing anyone sent there unjustly, much less someone I have grown... attached to."

She feels her smile warm a little at that, and turns her head so that Edwin won't see. Love you too, Edwin.

"Finally," he concludes, "I am dead, with no need to eat, and therefor have no use for corn chips. This accusation does not make sense."

Crystal chokes at the affronted dignity in his voice, but pulls her expression back under control, only turning back to Edwin when she's sure she can look disdainful without her lips twitching. Charles dying of laughter in the corner isn't helping, but she manages.

"It's a meme," she says loftily.

Edwin's longsuffering expression turns pained. "Half the time, I am sure you are making these things up to aggravate me," he informs her.

She isn't, but only because the reality aggravates him plenty without any embellishment.

"Is it working?" she asks, and finally lets herself laugh when he picks up his book again and glares daggers at her over the top of it.

[soulfulsam42]

I feel so seen by Charles in this moment.

As a grown child of abuse, sometimes I'll tell a story that, to me, is just a story about everyday life as I lived it. They're often stories that I'll even find kind of funny. And then when the reaction I get is something like, "WTF? Are you alright?" I'm like, 'oh no, I've done it again, haven't I?'

Look at Charles' face in the top pane when he's telling his story. To him, it's a funny story: "Oh man, I was so annoying about how much I liked this song that I played it until my dad smashed the tape with a hammer. Hilarious, right?" And then the bottom pane: "Oh man, I've done it again, haven't I?"

This feeling can be so isolating because large portions of your life are basically too disturbing for other people to want to hear. I love that Dead Boy Detectives made this a part of Charles' character and highlighted it here.

[lutheban]

None of them are equivalent to eachother but you get the point

[starry-bi-sky]

Blood Blossom Au: Baby's First Commissioner Meeting :)

TL:DR This Post: Danny (orphan) gets poisoned with blood blossom extract by Vlad. He runs away from him and ends up under the care of one Pre-Robin Battinson Batman! Starry is loudly pushing her batdad agenda.

(Also known as "Late At Night, When The Nightingale Sings" on my ao3!)

This was a fun rough idea I've been sitting on for weeks, thinking about how Commissioner Gordon and Nightingale's first meeting might go.

---------------

Commissioner Gordon likes to think that he's adjusting to the new normal of Gotham very well, -- the new normal being grown men running around dressed like bats, in military-grade strength body armor, committing acts of vigilantism, -- and slowly, little by little, he was no longer being surprised when this new normal pops up out of the shadows like the world's most terrifying daisy. His shaving lifespan thanks him for it.

....

The kid is a surprise though.

Granted, he seemed to be a surprise to the Bat too.

There's been a string of murders lately, -- which, in Gotham, is kind of like saying there's been another storm during monsoon season. And there's just been another; in some dilapidated building down in south Gotham, with the broken, boarded-up windows and mildew-crawling walls to match. The victim is a man in his thirties, multiple gunshot wounds to the chest, left in the center of the room for the blood to pool out around him.

The place is already secured when he arrives, the building swarmed with officers and the forensic detectives. The Bat emerges shortly after he does -- or, he might've been here the whole time, hiding someplace dark and shadowy. For his own sanity, Gordon doesn't think about it too hard.

The kid is a surprise, and he appears like a bolt of lightning.

He shows up in the middle of a conversation Gordon is having with the Bat.

A whistle, sharp and loud, slicing through the air, meant for open air rather than a confined space. Gordon's ears pierce and protest the sound, and the solemn, murmured chatter floating through the room abruptly cuts off like the swing of a gavel. As he turns towards the sound -- as they all do -- he swears, up and down, that he sees Batman's shoulders jump, just slightly.

At the source, perched on the window, is a boy. A boy in a gray-blue scarf and an oversized black hoodie, one that hangs off his frame and has ace bandages wrapped around the wrists in some attempt to cinch the sleeves. The hood is up, big like the rest of it, and threatens to swallow the upper half of the boy's face whole in the fabric. What upper half Gordon can see, is smeared with some kind of opaque, black face paint. He's holding onto the side of the frame with one hand, on his hip is a grappling hook. A familiar grappling hook.

Gordon has multiple questions, and his officers tense up.

Martinez puffs up, brows furrowing as his face shapes into a frown. Shoulders rolling back. "You can't be here, kid--"

The reaction is immediate, like a spark to gunpowder, the boy yanks his fingers from his mouth and his mouth twists into a scowl. Head snapping over to Officer Martinez, his hood manages to stay on but Gordon swears that as he bares his teeth, the glint makes them look sharper than they should be. His voice is rasp and quiet and harsh; snappish in its hissing; "Put a fuckin sock in it, Martinez. I'm not stayin."

Martinez reels back, and the boy immediately veers his attention off him. Like a switch, his demeanor drops. Despite half his face being covered, his mouth twists into a cringing, apologetic smile. Slanted and off-beat, embarrassed. It'd be disarming if this wasn't Gotham, and if he didn't just hiss at Martinez like he was about to bite his head off.

"Sorry." He whispers, voice deceptively polite and softer now. Gordon has to strain his ears to hear him. "I was looking for him."

He points his finger towards-- Gordon? No, Gordon follows the direction, and finds himself looking at -- the Bat.

The Bat, who always looks stiff as a pole, now looks even stiffer. Somehow. Well, the explains the grappling hook attached to the boy's waist.

"What are you doing here?" The Bat says, gruff and unable to completely smother the stumble of surprise in his tone.

The boy still holds a sheepish smile, and slips off the window ledge. His feet hit the creaky boards with a near-silent thud, the Batman finds his feet and rapidly begins crossing the room.

Gordon notes the slight tremble in the boy's legs as he straightens. He adjusts his scarf, which droops close to his knees now that he's standing, and slings a backpack -- how long has had that? -- off his shoulders. When the Bat reaches his side, he does as he always does, and looms over the boy like a spectre. A threatening mass of shadows cloaked in all-consuming black. Standing next to him, the boy looks teeny in comparison.

The Bat is a man who terrifies even the most hardened criminals, Gordon has seen grown men shiver in fear at the mention of his name. And yet when the boy looks up at him, he doesn't even flinch.

Instead, his sheepish smile melts away like ice under the sun, holding only traces of his previous embarrassment. It remains as a shadow on his face, a small upturn at the corners of his mouth. The boy pushes his hood back just enough to reveal glinting, ice-flint eyes surrounded in tar-black face paint. He holds the backpack up with one arm. "You forgot this."

[cuneiformkey]

“Literally forever” = 5 months

[whaliiwatching]

gay people judging you

[emi-the-gremlin]

Way to fucking go guys

[western-river]

I'm really pissed of because of a tiktok that included DBDA so here's the rant:

I just saw a tiktok where it showed a bunch of shows where if one decision was made the whole show wouldn't have happend

For example: with heartstopper that charlie gets put next to tao instead of nick, so nick & charlie don't end up talking.

The last slide was for dead boy detectives.. yay DBDA mention!

EXCEPT it was edwin saying hi to simon.

EDWIN DIDN'T OWE SIMON SHIT. THAT WOULD NOT HAVE SAVED HIS LIFE. YOU ASSHOLE. EVEN IF, BIG IF, SIMON WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING WITH IT AND THEY WOULD GET TOGETHER. IT WAS STILL THE 1900s. IT WASN'T JUST SIMON. YOU CAN'T JUST IMPLY THAT EDWIN DIED BECAUSE HE DIDN'T SPEAK TO SIMON. THAT'S VICTIM BLAMING, AGAIN, YOU ASSHOLE.

Mannnnn that pissed me off. Edwin's (after)life could've been a little different, maybe, but simon wasn't the only one who chanted. There were multiple guys that grabbed him. If Simon and Edwin SOMEHOW gotten together, they would probably end up lying on that things side by side while being offered up.

Edwin had no control over his death. It was a hate crime. He is in no way to blame.

You asshole.

[will80sbyers]

sorry but the fact that people need to organize to rewatch shows in hope that they don't get cancelled is so fucked up people don't have that much time during the day and even having to leave it in the background is insane... Boycott the freaking streaming serviceS until they stop this MADNESS !

[agencyboys]

thinking about George listing "girls" as one of Edwin's dislikes...(I believe his friendship with Niko starts to change this) one day Crystal would go off about how misogynistic gay men can be (probably bc of twitter or something). Edwin freaks out because like...he's okay with being a bitch, but he doesn't want to be outright nasty you know? so one day, he frantically asks Charles how to be respectful to women

[donnatroyyyy]

Things I 100% think DC characters have said (pt. 3)

Cyborg: what a woe to be half of two worlds and never fully of one

Robin (half-emo and half-jock): but isn't the most companionable thing about humans our collective loneliness. We are never fully something, we are always a little alone, but we are alone and incomplete together.

Cyborg: I'm complete with you *passes him the redbull* (he has a whole girlfriend and he's never said anything even slightly as romantic to her. Richard is literally his least favorite team member most times (not in a he hates him way but he just gets along with the others better))

******

Dinah: what is love?

Ollie right behind her with a bouquet of lilies (her favorite:

*****

Bruce: I'm gonna kill myself

Clark: keep drinking those energy drinks and you just might

[remnantglow]

okay. okay. prickly antisocial detective + her insufferably cocky and reckless ex-criminal assistant who annoys her to no end. do u see my vision

[a-bisexual-panicking]

summary of the plot of dead boy detectives:

everyone wants to fuck edwin

[numbuh424]

people have pointed this out before but I love how the death note jdrama highlights how needlessly cruel L is capable of being..... calling Light (and the other Kira suspects) early in the investigation to falsely accuse him of being Kira just to see how he'd react, taunting Light relentlessly while he was imprisoned and interrogated, and of course the mock execution. all while knowing no one can really stop him. the jdrama really said "btw don't forget this guy's an ASSHOLE"

[sparklypurplefool]

I’m gonna spam these Netflix bastards to shit to renew, I wanna make these old men cry and rock in a corner regretting every life decision that led up to this one

[deconstructthesoup]

Me: *shaking myself by the shoulders* Why aren't you focusing more on Payneland in the Hadestown AU they're literally why you made it in the first place

Also me: *hugging all of my Crowcat notes to my chest* I've been a fan of Hades and Persephone retellings since third grade what do you want from me